Dumb People Town - Jo Koy - Smothered in Gin

Episode Date: January 1, 2019

The hilarious Jo Koy visits Dumb  People Town this week! In Story 1,  a boy gets himself into high speed chase because his mother took away his Playstation.  For Story 2, a Belgian robbery is foiled. Story 3 is the tale of a service dog's feces ruining a flight.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population news.

Population coy. Joe Coy, welcome to Dumb People Town. Population News. Population Coy. Joe Coy. Welcome to Dumb People Town. Yes, man. I'm so happy that you're here because I've always felt that you as a comedian and certain bits of yours, signature bits of yours, you have attacked the absolute utter dumbness of humanity in the best possible way. But that's what we do. We study behavior.

Yeah. And we say, what is stupid about this? And what is dumb about a drunk girl peeing very intensely and staring at you while she's doing it? Yeah. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I think when you're going to talk about your son, that's what I do. I look at my son and go, okay, he's doing something stupid. I did it too. I did it too. Why am I going to get mad at my son when go, okay, he's doing something stupid. I did it too. Why am I going to get mad at my son when I did the same shit? He got caught stealing at Macy's. My son has so much money. He has a bank account that people would die for right now. And he stole at Macy's.

He has a debit card that's always got money on it so he can eat when I'm not in town. Got everything. He stole for the thrill of it. He stole in front of the guy that actually does security. Dumb. He took the pajama. Pull a pajama.

Is your son Winona Ryder? My son is fucking stupid. Yeah, exactly. It's part of the fan club. I think it was like some type of thing that he had to do to get into the fan club.

You get into the Winona Ryder fan club by doing that. Stranger things have happened. And he... Stop it. That's funny. Add Sklar Brothers. Send all's funny. Add Sklar Brothers. Send all your complaints

to Add Sklar Brothers. Thank you. So yeah, it's just... Check this out. He puts on the fucking... He goes into the dressing room. No. Does he grab two pairs?

And that's already the dumb thing. First mistake. You gotta let two pair look like one pair. That's how you do it. You try on, you steal, and then you bring the one out and go, oh, he brought it back out. I didn't like these.

He didn't steal anything. I didn't like these. He brought the one pair in, came out with nothing. Where did that pair go? He's a magician. Dan worked at Marshall's. Marshall Fields. Marshall Fields. It's a Macy's now.

It's a Macy's now? His son stole from you, Dan. So check this out. Check this out. They put him in a little jail. Good. This is real talk. Macy's jail.

They take a picture of him, and they ban him from Macy's. Good. He's not allowed in there. Not even a parade. Yeah. So we go shopping, and we walk into Macy's, and he goes, you know I'm not allowed to be in here, right, Dad? That's right.

He likes it. He's a fugitive. He's fucking a fugitive. It's a badge of honor. He goes, you know there's a picture of me in their wall, Dad. They're probably he's a fugitive. He's like a phagom on her. He goes, you know there's a picture of me in their wall, Dad. They're probably looking at me right now. And I go, you son of a bitch. Nobody cares about you that much.

I love Macy's. Why are you taking Macy's away from me? Yeah, why'd you take? They have a polo section. The only pictures you want to be on the walls are dry cleaners and diners. That's it. That's it.

Not Macy's. Dan, why don't you do a show called Dry Cleaners and Dives? Dry Cleaners and Dives. All right, well, let's get into this because we believe that the world is getting dumber as we speak. It's like a dumb way of hitting our world and our country. And the only way to fight back is through comedy. And we have great fans. They send us these amazing stories, Joe.

And Dan gets them. Let's fire one off. Let's fire one off. You ready? Let's jump into one. Here we go. To try and understand the dumbness. Speaking of kids doing dumb shit, sent in by Buckley Wilkinson.

Who just- Buckley Wilkinson. I love that. Yeah. B-H Wilkinson 78. Right. I think it should be Buckley Wilkinson. Can I just say something?

If Dumb People Town were like an animated series, which it is, right? It will be, hopefully. There should be a character named Buckley Wilkinson III. Yes, he works at a library, but he's only allowed to shelve the books. He never suggests books. Hey, Buckley, what's a good

read? This has pictures. Okay, go back, Buckley. Fucking go to the Bible section. Please get to the Bible. This takes place in Brooklyn, Ohio. I did not know that was a place. Wait, what is it about Ohio that just steals other famous city names like Miami, Ohio, Lima, Brooklyn, Lima?

Yeah. All right, let's hear it. Get the fuck out of here. A Cleveland boy led police on his second high-speed chase with police in 13 months. This time, he did it because his mother took away his PlayStation. Okay. Does your son have a PlayStation? He doesn't really like it that much.

He doesn't love it? He gave it to the house cleaner. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen my son do. Just so he could steal it back. He goes, Dad, I don't. And then he stole it. He stole it from Macy's. He actually broke into their house and cleaned it.

God damn it. And then took his fucking machine back. At least he cleaned the house. Yeah, that is true. So his mom took away his PlayStation and he said, I'll show you. I'll get arrested. I'm not going to lead the police on a high speed chase. I mean, Jason, you have a son who loves video games.

He is so into Fortnite. Does he love having it taken away? Wait, I'm sorry. My son is into Fortnite. Fortnite is shit. But it's on an Xbox and he doesn't play that. It's like a social thing. It's like transcended.

That's what it is. It is insane. Dan, you're about to come over to my house and help me set up the Xbox, which is his 10-year birthday present. Oh, that's beautiful. Did you buy it for him already? I did. Because if you don't, I have an extra one.

Oh, why? Yeah. Oh, I'm in the market. I'll give it to you. I'm in the market. I'll buy it. Boom. It's yours. No, I'm not going to sell it. It's yours.

But now that you offered, yeah, fuck it. Talk about dumb people. Hold on. Oh, you're going to give it to me? How about $200? I'm going to negotiate with myself. Exactly. I'm making money. I'm too deep. I'm Donnie Brosco. I'm dumb people. What did this kid do?

The boy was arrested after the crash and is being housed in the Cayuga Hoga. I'm Donnie Brosco. I'm Dumpy Batana. What did this kid do? The boy was arrested after the crash and is being housed in the Cuyahoga. I don't know. Cuyahoga. Cuyahoga. No, they should have just called it Chicago. Chicago, Ohio County, Juvenile Center. Formal charges have not been filed. Here's what happened. The boy stole his mother's

2013 Dodge Durango at about 1045. So this thing's got some muscles. A five-year-old car. Sunday, after they, that's him and his mother, got into an argument about his mother taking away his PlayStation. What are you going to do? I took it away.

Can I ask for the backstory? What did he do last? This is his second time in 13 months. Let's try and figure it out. Let's figure it out. Maybe there's a pattern here. I know. So here's my question.

Your son is 15. Yeah. Your son is 15. Yeah. I'm assuming this kid's 16 because he's driving. Sure. Okay. 16 or 17.

At what point can you not take stuff away from your kids? No, you can take away things until 18. As long as they live there. Legally, you can't take anything away after 18. But I'm saying like his mom had to know, I'm going to take this away and some shit's going to come back at me. No, no, no. But we are at a time in our country where like if you break up with someone, they'll come to your work and shoot you. Like that's where we're at now.

Like you can't fire anyone. You can't break up with anyone. You can't discipline your kids or they're going to steal your car and crash it. Right. It is a messed up time. This is an example of that in my mind. There's nothing funny about that. Maybe he felt like he owned the car.

You can have the PlayStation. Maybe he thought it was a trade. Or maybe he thought he was in a real life Grand Theft Auto and he was like, I'm going to play it for real. I'm going to play Grand Theft Auto for real. Grand Theft Auto Brooklyn, Ohio. Yeah, I love that already. It's a location piece. All Grand Theft Auto Brooklyn, Ohio. Yeah, yeah. I love that already. It's a location piece.

All Grand Theft Autos should take place in Ohio. All of them. And you get more points when you run over people. Brooklyn, Miami, Lima. The mother went to bed. The mother went to bed. Proving don't go to bed angry, even if it's with your kids. Or if you're the mother of a kid who you just took an Xbox away from, don't go to bed.

Yeah, don't go to bed. She later told police that she noticed her keys were missing and later got a call from the boy's father saying he saw the boy driving the SUV on West 117th Street in Memphis Avenue. So mom and dad aren't living together. I know. Obviously. That's obvious. Imagine that.

Be like, oh, you want custody? Okay, fine. Two months later. Hey, I just saw our kid driving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that that was directed at her like she fucked up. Yeah, yeah. For sure.

And you know he did it in a dickish way. Hello? Middle of the night. What are you up to? I'm sleeping. I'm sleeping right now. Oh, so you're not riding in the car with our son who's parading around? Yeah.

You weren't laying down in the backseat of that SUV. I had to fucking buy you. Have you ever used anything that your son's done against the mother? No. No. Never like that. You're not vindictive like that. I'm not, man. Me and her are like really, really best friends.

Because they're a team. We're a really good team. She lives right next to me. I moved her right next to me. That's great. Nice. Yeah. Anyway, sorry.

I didn't mean to say that. No. I like it. I didn't mean to bring it down. No, you're not bringing it down. I just want to make sure I can see all of her moves. The boy's father chased after the boy

and the boy tried to hide by pulling into the former Brooklyn fire station on Memphis Avenue. Add that to the dumb people town walk. That is a pro move, by the way. He pulls into an old fire station and loses his dad. However. By the way, great move.

That's like a movie. That's like Cannonball Run. That's Cannonball Run? I'm going to tell you for the sake of the story, this kid is not 16, just so you know. Oh. So he's like. There's a reason I keep saying boy. Okay.

Okay. We'll get to that later. Oh, God. Oh. Okay. I love it. Cliffhanger, dude. I love it. This is so cool.. Cliffhanger, I love it.

This is so cool. This is so fun. So the boy's father chased after the boy. He tried pulling into a former Brooklyn fire station on Memphis Avenue. If this kid is seven,

I'm going to lose my shit. I'm already losing my shit. A Brooklyn police officer noticed... Hey, I'm from Brooklyn, Ohio. I know where all this shit is. Hey, do you know

where the keys to my mom's Durango is? I'm going to pull this shit. Hey, you chasing me? Watch this Durango is? I'm going to pull this shit. Hey, you chasing me? Watch this, four eyes. I'm going to go into this old fire station. Johnny No PlayStation driving around in a Durango. Hey, I thought this thing had a hammy.

A Brooklyn police officer noticed someone pulling into the fire station and stopped to see if they needed help. Of course. Hey, is there a fire? What's going on? What is this? I bet he's mad about it. What's this knucklehead want? Hey, buddy, I'm trying to enjoy a donut over here.

What do you need help? And then you're just going to pull into some abandoned firehouse? What's going on? I don't see a freaking fire. Get your Dodge Durango ass out of this abandoned firehouse. I'm trying to hide from my dad. I got this fucking guy over here. This fucking guy.

Hey, you're acting like someone took your fucking PlayStation or something. You better have a good reason or this ain't Brooklyn, Ohio. The boy immediately sped off, driving the wrong way on Memphis Avenue, blowing through stoplights, and weaving in and out of traffic. Okay, this is where it gets scary. Memphis Avenue in Ohio? Yeah, Memphis Avenue. Of course Memphis Avenue in Ohio.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Nobody drives the wrong way down here in Memphis, Ohio. Hey, all right now, listen here, man. Listen here, man. You're going to drive a Durango. You're going to have to drive it right. Come on, man. Listen here, man. You're going to drive a Durango. You're going to have to drive it right. Come on, man.

Come on. Slow down. Take it slow. The officer chased him into Cleveland, and the boy turned off the SUV's lights. This is pro. That is a pro fucking move. What? This kid. He hit 87 miles per hour on Pearl Road.

By the way, one more mile per hour and the flux capacitor goes flush. You go to 1984. It goes back in time. They don't even have PlayStation 4s in 1984. Where are you going, kid? You're going to go and fucking get an Atari? Slow down, buttfuck. He was going between 70

and 90 miles per hour throughout the chase, according to reports. The officer lost sight of the SUV after about four miles. So he loses, he's lost his dad. And he's lost the cop. And he's lost the trust of his mother. Is this an episode of Starsky and Hutch? Wait, what'd you say?

He lost the police officer, his father, and the trust of his mother. Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to walk on that. Can we mark that? 12.49, man. Let's cut my fucking walk out there. Who cares?

We're all in the town together. We're all in this together. We all have a steering wheel. Why don't you take me too? Don't tell. There you go. So the officer, after about four miles, he loses the cop. But another Brooklyn officer got on and picked up Chase for another two more miles.

So now he's got another cop chasing him. This is insane. Wow. That officer also lost sight of him. Come on. This kid is baby driver. Yeah. He's baby driver.

This kid has no idea that someone's chasing him. He's just listening to old R&B songs in his iPod. Flying. In his AirPods. Yeah. The officer lost sight of him, but a Parma Heights officer spotted the SUV and chased it for a short time.

So this is his third police officer. Parma Heights called off the chase. So now he just gets them to give up. It's like, get out. About 25 minutes later, the boy crashed into a parked truck on West Schaaf Road in Cleveland's old Brooklyn neighborhood. Oh, the old.

So now if you're keeping track. Hey, old Brooklyn. Hey, old Brooklyn over there. We're from the old Brooklyn. We just come to this country. We don't even know what America's all about yet. Hey, you ran into my fruit cart. This is my mom's vintage, old, original spaghetti recipe.

When we came to Brooklyn, Cleveland, it was before LeBron and James was even here. Hey, LeBron and James, what is he, a black guy? He's the first to time, LeBron and James. LeBron and James, before the indecision. He said, I'm going to take my Italians to South Beach, and now he's back, and then he's gone again. You're crying. I know about the stairs. Why are you crying?

I'm very upset about the body. The SUV flipped over after the crash. But the boy walked out of the SUV and collapsed, according to police reports. He was taken to Metro Health, where he was treated for scraps and cuts to his left. Scraps or scrapes? Scrapes. Scrapes and cuts. Scrapes.

Scrapes and cuts. Scrapes and cuts. Oh, my God. This kid's suffering from. Scrapes. Scrapes and cuts. Scrapes. Scrapes and cuts. Scrapes and cuts. Oh, my God. This kid's suffering from a ton of scraps. Scrapes and cuts to me sounds like the craziest gay night at a bar. Yeah. Or what you feed your dogs. Or what you're like, hey, did you give Roman the scraps and cuts?

Yeah, yeah. Give him the rest of those scraps on the table. I went to the butcher and I got the scraps and cuts for Roman, but nobody gave it to him. Well, he was treated for scrapes and cuts to his left hand and wrist. He was later released from the hospital. That's all that happened to him. That's his masturbating hand. This is what I love.

Just PlayStation. Yeah. The boy told police he wasn't being chased at the time of the crash and that he crashed because he wasn't paying attention. Wow. So he's letting everybody know. No, no, no. I want you guys to know. You guys didn't catch me.

I caught myself. The only thing that was going to stop me was me. I want you to know I'm really good at Mario Kart. Sunday's incident marks the second time the boy stole the mom's car and led police on a lengthy pursuit. The first happened October 26th of 2017. In that case, the boy was waiting for

his sister to take him to school when he stole his mother's car and sped away. The boy's mother jumped in another one of their cars and followed him. She called 911 and told dispatchers she was following her son as he drove west on 117th Street, then on Interstate 90. The state patrol picked up the chase when the boy entered I-80. At one point, I love this, a trooper pulled up next to the boy. This is the previous chase. This is the earlier chase, 13 months earlier.

And motioned for him to stop. The boy looked at the police officer and shook his head before speeding up. Holy shit. This guy doesn't give a shit. Just a good old boy. This is crazy. Never mean no harm. Just the good old boy.

Just the good old boy. Just the good old boy. From all of Brooklyn. The boy drove some 100 miles per hour on I-90. That's dangerous. That's video game stats. Stunned drivers called Westlake police and reported seeing a young boy speeding and his mother tailing him. Imagine that's your commute.

Because this is in the morning while he was supposed to be going to school. No one was injured in the incident. Two weeks before school. No one was injured in the incident. Two weeks before that, the boy took his mother's car and sped on Interstate 90 until three of his tires blew out. Wait a minute. Is this three times? Three times. They don't have a three strikes or you're out in Ohio?

They should. Come on, man. The boy took his mother's car and told the police he did it because he was bored. Oh, shit. We're going to get out of here on this. I'm going to ask you guys, how old is this boy? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price.

Who is going to get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. Okay, now you have, you two have boys. I'm going to really defer to you guys. You are our guest. You can either go. And you already told us he's not 16. He doesn't have a license.

He's not 16. He does not have a license. Now, listen. Three times, 100 miles per hour. You can guess first or between us, which is the TIG spot. Yeah, you want to go first, TIG, or third? In the middle or third. Where do you want to guess?

I want to go in between. Okay, so you're the TIG spot. All right, hold on, hold on, hold on. I got one more question. Now, you said he's not 16 and he doesn't have a license. Does he not have a license and he's older? I will tell you he has not reached

the age of 16. That's what we need to hear. That's what we needed to hear. Jason, you go first, then Joe and then me. Okay. Now, taking everything you know. This is so fun. 100 miles per hour, blew out three tires, maintained control of the car. You know, I'm in my 40s. I'm in my late 40s. I can't hit 100.

I get nervous. I get nervous at 94. Love's PlayStation. Stays up late. 13. Wanted people to know that the only reason he crashed is because he wasn't paying attention, but none of you A-holes can catch fire. 13 years old. The kid's 13 years old.

You're not? I am not. Go ahead. How old do you think he is? Since he's in Ohio, and these kids start driving young, and he's an expert at PS4, he probably drove the whole time going X, triangle, X, triangle. Right trigger, right trigger,

right trigger, X, triangle, X, triangle, right trigger, right trigger, accelerate. I'm triangle, X triangle, right trigger, right trigger. Accelerate. I'm going to say 11. Okay. Wow. Yeah, I'm going to say 11. I think he's 14 years old.

Okay. 14. All right. So Jason says? 13. Joe? 11. 11. Randy?

14. Okay. One of you is exactly right. Okay. Now there's another game within the game. Yes. This game we guess. Who do you think is right? Who do you think is right?

Who do you think is right? I got a feeling. I already know who the winner is. I have a feeling. You want to know who I... And this is based off of your reaction. Okay. The way he reacted when someone responded.

Okay. This is your face. This is why you can never lie. Okay. If the cops were to ask you a question You would fucking tell them the truth By lying Because your face says You ready? And I think you know too

You know who Randy 100% When you said your answer Randy His face went like this He went like this When you said your answer Oh he made an eye lift

The eye lift thing. Joe Coy, for a brief moment, he removed all of the Asian in him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eyes got completely wider. Eyes wide open. I say me, Joe says me. I say me.

13. You know, I'm playing in a poker game tonight and you've given me something. Was I right? Wear your sunglasses. The boy who was mad about his PlayStation being taken away. Come on, man. Was mad at his sister when he was supposed to go to school.

We know all this. Come on. Give us the answer, man. It's the buildup. Got bored and blew out three tires. Avoided his dad. Three cops. Got them to give off.

Wrecked his car. Yeah. He shook off the cop when he said pull over. Get your answers in now, Townies, because the boy is 11 years old. Oh, believe in yourself, Joe Coyne. That's right, sir. You think I don't know how to hold a poker face? You son of a bitch.

You don't think I know how to bluff? You son of a bitch. You were all in and I fell for it, you motherfucker. You bluffed me hard, you fucking asshole. When you looked at Randy, I thought for sure. And he took the bait. And you didn't believe in yourself.

Here's the bait. I had the best hand, man. You did. I had four aces, man. You laid it down. You laid it down. You laid it down. You laid it down.

You laid it down. You laid it down. You laid it down. You laid it down. You laid it down. You laid it down. You laid it down. One story.

You nailed it. All right, there you go. One segment down in the books. Joe Coy is with us. I'm so happy he's here. That was a killer story. Stay with us. We got two more left.

This is Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make us down.. This is Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT. Joe Coy, great follow on Twitter and on Instagram. Tell them what the address exactly is. Joe Coy, J-O-K-O-Y, J-O-K-O-Y. And what's your website so people can come see you live? J-O-K-O-Y.com.

And listen to his podcast. We just did his podcast, which is up now. Amazing, so fun. That was such a joyful romp of an hour that we got to hang with you. You guys are just brilliant. That's all that is. You guys are fun. I love hanging with you and your energy as evidence on that first story.

You are perfectly designed for this right now. Let me just say something real quick. First of all, fashionably, I've always complimented you guys. Always. You're the best. Always. Always.

And you know that. This is not a lie. I'm not kissing your ass. Since day one, since I met you on Chelsea, I always said, who the fuck buys your clothes? And then you guys said,

we do. I thought for sure your wives did. But I will say this. When you said DPT, I already saw a shirt. DPT? Like the coolest shirt. I love it, dude. Make I will say this. When you said DPT, I already saw a shirt. DPT? Like the coolest shirt. I love it, dude. Make a DPT shirt. Right now, a black shirt,

like a nice black sweater, like that brand right there. That style, the vintage look with just like the old, the box letter collegiate letters. You're talking about like sewn on? Sewn on, DPT. Done, bro. I will buy it. Jokoi said it. Let's make it happen. Josh, if you're listening, let's make that happen. Dan, let's get into story number two, bro. I will buy it. Okoi said it. Let's make it happen. Josh, if you're listening, let's make that happen.

Dan, let's get into story number two, brother. I'm going to. I want to remind everybody, if you want to come do this live with us on January 11th, we will be at Sketch Fest. That's just a couple weeks away. So come hang out with us. Ron Funches. 10.30.

It's going to be a blast. The Sklar's birthday that night. Our birthday on the 12th. We turned 47. Here we go. Ready? Sent in by Sean Anderson at Sean70, S-H-A-W-N-E-7-0.

Thank you, buddy. Thank you, Sean. Here we go. A group of would-be thieves were prevented from robbing a store in Belgium Saturday. Good place, by the way.

Right. After the owner said he didn't have enough money in the cash register and asked them to come back later. That is a pro move from that guy. I love it.

Let's schedule this robbing. Let's do this at four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After I do the bank drop. Yeah, just before sunset. A group of would-be thieves. Yeah. To identify your group of people as a group of would-be anythings.

Yeah. Who's running that group? Your son? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a smart group of would-be anythings. Who's running that group? Your son? That's not a smart group of thieves. The owner, who is identified by CNN affiliate RTL as Didier,

D-I-D-I-E-R, Didier, runs an e-cigarette shop on the outskirts of the Belgian city of, I'm sorry, C-H-R-L-E-R-O-I. Charlotte? I don't know. Charlotte. Charlotte, Belgium. I don't know. Charlotte.

He said. Charlotte, man. Charlotte, Belgium. Charlotte, Belgium. The Hornets used to play there. Belgium, Ohio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mugsy Bogues.

The Hornets. The Hornets. The Hornets. The Mugsy Bogues. The Charlet Hornets. Charlet Hornets. Yeah, I'm Belgian. He said six armed individuals walked into his e-cigarette store.

Which, by the way, could mean that they each had six arms. Like, in my mind, I'm imagining, like... Yeah, Spider-Man people. Like, spider people. Yes. By the way, if you own an e-cigarette store in Brussels, expect it to get hit at least once a year. Once a year. Yeah, yeah. You gotta have... You gotta have a plan. Yeah, you gotta have a plan.

They showed up in the middle of the afternoon demanding money. In an attempt to diffuse the situation, Didier told the group to come back at the end of the day when he would have more cash in the till. Great idea. Yes. Come back at the end of the day when I have more cash in here. I'm trying to help you guys out. Let me help you rob me.

Look, I've been looking forward to getting robbed all year. But I want it to be worth it. I want it to be well worth it, man. This is not going to be fun for you because you went through the whole process. I'm embarrassed at what you're taking. I feel like I'm running a bad business here. Listen to me. You're not robbing me.

I'm giving it to you. I don't want the cops going on here and be like, how much did you have? And then I have to say that little money? That's going to embarrass me. This is an advertising opportunity for me when I get this written up in the newspaper. You want to embarrass my business? Come on. How dare you?

If I'm going to tell this story and say that I got robbed, I want to make sure I look like I've been robbed. I can't even go to the insurance company with that. Yeah, that's bullshit. That's ridiculous. The amount, the cost of the paperwork alone at the insurance company is more than what I would need. It's not worth it. DDA said, quote, I told them I told them clearly that 3 p.m. is not the best

time to hold up a store. He's giving these guys notes. Let me teach you guys. Now he's like a parent. How do you think I started this business? I robbed other businesses at 430. What are you guys? A bunch of whoopie idiots? I'm trying to make you guys entrepreneurs. Why don't you guys go across the street to Macy's, stand in front of the

goddamn security guard and try to steal pajamas. Take one pair of boxers in there. They're going to be like this. You got six arms. Come on, man. He says to them, he goes, you'll take a thousand bucks, but if you come back tonight, you might be able to take more. He's like Wayne Brady. Literally.

I love it. Yeah. Let's make a deal. Do you want what's in the box or what's behind door number? That's right. Incredulously, the group left and Didier was able to phone the police. Yes. Duh.

That's what he was planning the whole time. They weren't the brightest, he said, adding that the police didn't think that the criminals would return. So the cops were like, they're not coming back. They're not coming back. We don't have to be there.

We're not idiots, man. They're not falling for that. They're a group of would-be idiots. These are robbing pros. Yes. They know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. They know a setup when they see it.

But at 5.30 p.m. Mother fucker. Guess who came back? With a full tank of gas for the getaway. Ready to go. Here we go. The group did return. I hope when they walked in,

it was like, all right, did you do everything on the list? Show me the list and show me that you checked off everything we talked about. Yeah. Didier once again called their buff

and told the group it was not closing time. You're kidding me. I berated them saying you have to buy a watch. I said it's 530 not 630. I'm selling watches over there. He kicked them out again. Now he's just having fun.

I said come back when I'm closing. By the way, that one was for him. Also though, in his defense without the cops there, he's leading them to believe that he's not going to call the cops. Right. So he's kind of hustling them in that moment. Come on back. The description of these would-be robbers, were they little tiny yellow people?

Were they minions? Yeah. That's the only group of- That's the only group of idiots- That would fuck it up this time. Yeah, that would fuck it up Oh man So they tried to show up at 5.30 He kicked them on the set

The two that come back So they left Yep They left When the group returned a third time Mother fucker Come on You gotta be kidding me

This is the third time These are the dumbest people on the planet Yeah Plainclothes policemen were waiting to apprehend him Five people were arrested Including a minor And a sixth sixth alleged offender ran away.

They had one half smart person in the entire group. I'm by the door. Yeah. That is unbelievable. I told you it was a setup. And he took off. I just love that he came back

two more times. I bet you there was one person that was in that group that went, that's not a real cop car. Yeah. Let's go in. Let's go in. Let's go in.

They were like, guys, Didier's testing us. He's testing us, man. He probably hired some actors and got a real life cop car. We're not falling for it. He said, climb 30. We got bullets for the gun. Let's do this now. Also, I think there is this notion of

I've waited for the bus long. You know how you wait for something? You wait for it, you wait for it, you wait for it. And then after, we gotta see this through. For 45 minutes, you're kind of like, well, I've already wasted this much time. If I walk away now, I lose altogether. But if I stick around, maybe something good's gonna happen.

Didier kind of worked that into it. Like their desire, their loss aversion. What a great idea. That is a smart guy. That's dumb story number two. Dumb story number two.

I love it. Dumb things happening all over the world. I love it. Belgium, by the way, hands down, best what? What do you think they're the best?

Waffles or chocolate? There's something better than both of those. Nope. Canals? You ready? Yeah. Scon than both of those. Nope. Canals? You ready? Yeah. Sconces. French fries.

Oh, the mayonnaise with the mayo in it. But you know how they cooked it? Because we had to ask them. Because everywhere we went, the fries were incredible in Belgium. Why? You want me to tell you? Because we, Chase and I, actually asked them. It's cooking in baby fat.

Duck fat. Just kidding. They pre-cook it first in low oil, take it out, and then when you order it, they flash fry it. Oh, come on. And it's over with, bro. And they roll it in newspaper. They roll it in newspaper. They roll it in newspaper.

It's a cone. Yeah, in a cone. It's a giant cone. Yeah, dude. Fuck those waffles. A dot with a dollop of mayonnaise on top. I'm going to think about that through the break. You guys think about it, too.

Joe Coy is with us. We've got more dumb people to have. One more story. Dan, give us a little tease of what I'm going to think about that through the break. You guys think about it, too. Joe Coy is with us. We've got more Dumb People to have. One more story, Dan. Give us a little tease of what we're going to be seeing in the last. An accident on a plane. Good. What? Oh, boy.

There's a lot of stuff happening. Not a plane accident. An accident on a plane. Which means someone got a car on the plane. I am sick and tired of all these motherfucking accidents on the plane. I'm sick and tired of all these accidents on the motherfucking plane. Joe Coy is with us. It's Dumb People Town.

Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Hello. Final segment.

We've loved having you on this. Once again, I want to remind you, listen to The Coy Pond. That is Joe Coi's fantastic podcast with his two great co-hosts Chase Dershow is a gem of a man he did your podcast Hindsight your other podcast

I just love I just love everybody's energy man you put together a great team where all parts fit together so nicely so I'm going to make another plea to all of our listeners if you want to hear a great podcast of just fun riffage

Koi Pond, check it out. Start with our episode, which is already up. I believe it's like when this thing drops, it will have been up for a couple of weeks. Check that out and then work your way back through people that you love. But he's great. And if you don't know Joe Koi, you will become a fan after this. Let's jump into this last episode. Okay.

Sent in by Patrick Conley at P-G-Conley, C-O-N-L-E-Y. Thank you, Patrick. Thanks, Patty. Yeah, Pat. Delta. I love the name Conley, by the way. I do too. It's a strong name. Conley, at P-G Conley, C-O-N-L-E-Y. Thank you, Patrick. Thanks, Patty. Yeah, Pat. Delta. I love the name Conley, by the way. I do, too. It's a strong name.

Conley. Delta has apologized after a Michigan man, I don't know if that means he's from there or he just went to Michigan. He's a big Michigan fan. Okay. That's what they call people who played sports and the girls, too, right? It's like you're a Michigan man. It doesn't matter.

Michigan man doesn't gender assign? It's like you're a Michigan man. It doesn't matter. Michigan man doesn't gender assign. It's just the name. When Michigan was looking for a new coach, head coach, they're like, he needs to be a Michigan man,

i.e. he went to Michigan. So the Michigan man isn't just that big, white, snowy thing with a bunch of tires? That's the Michelin man. Oh, Michelin man. Who's really good at cooking, right?

No, that's the Michelin stars. Everybody's fucking this up right now. Okay, so the Michelin man isn't from the state of Michelin? No, no. Joe, just tell us how Belgium makes fries again. Sorry about that.

They flash right. They apologize to a Michigan man after he sat in feces left behind by a service dog. Why does this not happen anymore? Okay, I was at Arts Deli here in Los Angeles after hanging with my son. Studio City, you mean? Studio City Arts Deli. Got Los Angeles after hanging with my son.

Studio City, you mean? Studio City, Arts Deli. Got you. Judd Apatow, one of his favorite spots. Not to drop a name. And also our late father, one of his favorite restaurants. Oh, you should have went there first instead of Judd Apatow. Well, I ended with my favorite.

No, Judd's now. Judd is our father. No, Judd is our comedy dad. He was just late to tell us. That's why I meant that way. No, so all right. So I go to the bathroom, and I go to wash my hands. We've just eaten a meal.

And there's a guy in there with his dog. I'm like, wasn't there a time in this country where if you brought a dog in a restaurant, they're like, hey, hey, get it out of here. Yeah, get that thing out of here. We got a B rating. I don't want to drop down to a C. Yeah, we have to wear hairnets. Right?

We have to wash our hands. How's your dog walking? Bring in a walking thing of hair in here. Get out of here. I'm trying to serve pastrami. Bring back smoking before the dog. Yeah, exactly. I want a smoking section.

So there's a thing now where they're getting very loose with who gets to bring their dog onto a plane. Like the idea of a comfort animal being like, just, I understand for some people flying and anxiety. I completely get it. And if a dog is the thing that will get you through that. Like we, we were,

I was just on a flight back to St. Louis with my whole family and next to my wife, two seats down was a woman with a little French bulldog and it was,

and I could tell that the bulldog, the little dog was there to calm her down. Yeah. The entire flight, she reached down and she was like

petting this dog. I'm like, that's what a, that's what a service, not a I'm like, that's what a service not a service dog, but that's what a comfort animal is. This woman who you could tell had anxiety about flying was completely soothed by

the fact that she was petting her dog. That's exactly what it's there for. But I can't believe this doesn't happen more often. You just sit in dog shit. This is what I don't like. I paid a lot of money for my seat and I go to my seat. First of all, you should warn me that there's a service dog because not everybody can sit next to a dog.

And two, it was a German shepherd. Why? That's both seats laying across our feet. His face was on my foot. Now, don't get me wrong. Mid-flight, I fell in love with the dog. But initially when I sat down, I fucking hated this dog

Because now it's in It's in my space that I paid for I paid a lot of money for it No you gotta tell us about that You didn't say I can't wait to get on my flight today So that I can have a dog on my foot Yeah and I'm thinking I gotta wear this nice outfit Cause it's gonna be smothered in dog hair

And just slobber and dog hair. Alright, so what happened? Bay City resident Matthew Meehan had already sat down on his flight from Atlanta to Miami. Matthew Meehan is the name of a guy whose shirts are a little too tight around his neck, so there's a little bit of neck fat coming over.

When he gets drunk and when he gets angry, his face gets really red. You know what else? You know what else? When he takes off his sports coat, you find out that the dress-up shirt was a short-sleeve shirt. It's a short-sleeve shirt with a top.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, you see it, you're like, oh, you're well-dressed. And then he takes off and you're like, oh, this fucking guy.

And he constantly corrects people who call him Matt. Oh, he does. It's Matthew. It's Matthew. Hey, Matty. Hey, Matty. Whoop, whoop, whoop. It's Matthew. Hey, Matty. Whoop.

My uncle called me Matt and I fucking hated it. He had already sat down on his flight from Atlanta to Miami on November 1st when he realized that feces was all over his seat and the surrounding floor. This dog let it ride. Yeah, this dog. What did he do? Did he just shoot it out his ass? And by the way, what did the cleaning crew who cleaned up it, were they just What did he do? Did he just shoot it out his ass? And by the way, what did the cleaning crew who like cleaned

up, were they just like, fuck it? Yeah. What did they do? They definitely did. That was the cleaning crew for sure. Because they go through each aisle. Each aisle. Don't you smell that as you're heading towards the seat? If it's all over the seat and all over the floor. Yeah, that's the cleaning crew.

The cleaning crew was like, fuck it. And you know that this was obviously the last flight of this plane of the day. Who cleaned this plane? That gross. You just, the clean and gross was like, And you know that this was obviously the last flight of this plane of the day. Who cleaned this plane? That flight attendant was like, nope, last flight. I'm not dealing with this. First of all,

who cleaned the plane? Was it like my son? Because that's how my son cleans the room. Like he sees dog shit, he kicks it underneath the bed. No. Yeah, yeah.

I guess it's going to get hard, but stop. That's when I'll get it, dad. It was all over his seat and the surrounding floor. A quote from Matthew Meehan. Five words. I was literally in his seat and the surrounding floor. A quote from Matthew Meehan. Five words. I was literally in it.

Yeah, you were, buddy. Yeah. I was literally in it. It describes so many things. Meehan said he asked flight attendants for help cleaning up. Here's what they provided him. When he asked them if he could get something to clean up the mess. Let's just say the airline

one more time so everyone can understand. Delta. Delta Airlines. They only provided Matthew Meehan two paper towels and a small bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin. Are you kidding me? No. Two paper towels and a little bit of gin.

Smother some gin on that dog shit. Because what are you doing in that moment? You're screwed. It's not like you have extra clothes. You're not a two-year-old. What are you going to do? By the way, that is why, and now listening to this, that is why I'm always going to bring an extra pair of pants.

Well, don't wait. Don't you guys all? In your carry- pants. Yeah. Well, don't wait. Don't you guys all... In your carry-on? Yeah. I don't know about my carry-on, but I always pack two more pairs of underwear than I need.

Oh, yes, you do. I always do that. I'm saying in your carry-on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Q-Matt, like, what if this happens? I feel like this is going to happen more often.

Wait a minute. My carry-on has outfits in it. What are you talking about? What do you carry? What do you have? Books and... Books? What the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Oh, yeah, it's like a minute. My carry-on has outfits in it. What are you talking about? What do you carry? What do you have? Books and computer and stuff. Books? What the fuck are you doing?

What are you doing? He has like a satchel bag. Wait a minute. Hold on. We still travel with merch. No, no, no. Listen to me. This is dumb people town.

This is dumb people town and you are dumb right now. You just said it as if no one put fucking clothes in their overhead carry-on. I'm saying I need to. No, him. No, no, no. He said it matter of fact as if everyone carries books and goddamn computers. Joe has a guy or someone who brings his merch. We bring our own merch, and so that's why we have to take giant suitcases filled with our merch.

So we just established like a stand-up class structure. I'm going to give another airplane caution. He's in a better spot than we are. Whenever, I mean, this is a pro tip. It's bigger bins in first class. Smart. We fly enough that it may have already happened to you, but if you fly as much as we do,

it's definitely going to happen to you. You need to start. There's a pro tip. A lot of people are traveling around the holidays. When you sit down on your seat, touch the floor where your feet are going to be because you never know if somebody has spilled soda, coffee, water.

That is such a good tip. You're about to take your bag. No, you're about to take your shoes off. Yes, and your bag. You put your nice book bag or something like that and you set it. It's going to be sitting there for hours before you even know that it's there.

It happened to me. It happened to me too. Pro move. That pissed me off right there. And I hate wet socks. Oh. You ever put socks on and you walk over like a wet footprint that you came out of the shower in and now you got a wet sock?

You're done. It's the worst. You're done. It's the worst. You cannot come back. It's almost as bad as sitting in dog shit. Well, I don't know if it's that bad. What we're talking about with the bags in socks is way worse.

Probably worse. Way worse. So what the hell did this guy do what did they give him so you get paper towel and gin to not just clean off the seat

it's not like oh there's something on the seat he's got to clean himself and the seat is the gin to shut him up or is that part of the clean is like you need something I've never heard that before

you know when they made Arm and Hammer baking soda they made baking soda for a specific reason baking and then all of a sudden they were like, hey,

you can clean shit with it. And now we market it. Do we do the same thing with this gin? Does the gin go, hey, it'll fuck you up on a Saturday, but you never sit and dog shit. Rub this on there. We got you covered. He cleaned himself

in the seat as best he could. When he spoke to a manager, he said she was dismissive and asked what his problem was. Oh, what the fuck? I would try to not get mad and be like, I'd like to thank you for whatever money I'm going to get based off what you just said.

I want to record you saying this to me. Yeah, yeah. One more time. Can we just say the airlines? Just one more Delta. Look, they are the fucking worst. I swear to God, man. You ask them for help, and they will direct you to that goddamn kiosk section in a heartbeat.

Customer service is not in their goddamn motto at all. But if they want to sponsor Dumb People Town, we will strike this story from back. Hands down, Delta, please. Thank you. Sponsor Dumb People Town. He said, quote, this is Matthew again, I had to step back for a moment

fly delta where we don't give a shit well we do or we do give a shit but we don't give a shit we'll clean up with gin Matthew said quote I had to step back

for a moment and say alright keep your composure you do not want to be one of those people you see in the news getting kicked off a plane meanwhile

I'm covered in feces I love that he had the foresight he's so calm this guy's, take what I thought about him, about his head getting red as a beet anytime he gets angry.

This dude is doing some great critical thinking in the moment. And don't all Matthews talk in the third person? Yes. All of them, right? Matthew McConaughey always does it. Every movie he talks to himself. Matthew Perry.

Matthew Perry for sure. Here's the thing. Clay Matthews. Clay Matthews. Clay Matthews does it. Every play, he talks to himself. Does he not? Every commercial. Every time.

Here's what I'm hoping is that he was... The Dave Matthews bear. Am I right? The Dave Matthews bear. Before they do their set, they always talk to themselves. Before they chop shit out of their butts. Out of their butts. Right before the shit, and then it's smothered in gin.

I hope he just had a clear enough head to be like, the ball's in my court. I got this. So if I freak out, I'm going to send it back to their court, and now I'm the guy who freaked out. Yes. Can I make a suggestion? Go for it.

Don't only just talk to yourself. Get your phone and record the situation. Record your situation and hope it gets on CNN that will buy you a house he and his fellow passengers laid a blanket down on their seats for the remainder of the flight upon arrival the aircraft was taken out of service

to be cleaned and disinfected according to Delta an ill service animal was aboard the previous flight Meehan was offered a full refund and an additional compensation. Yeah. Give them whatever that means. Give them the plane.

Yeah, exactly. The safety and health of our customers and employees are top priority. And we are conducting a full investigation while following up the right teams. So not the wrong ones anymore. To prevent this from happening again. That's the airliner statement in part. This airline thing situation is starting to make me mad where they're acting as if they're not

customer service anymore. We're here to save you guys if anything goes down. That's why we're here. Serving you drinks is just something we want to do to kill time. But enjoy sitting in that dog shit. Go fuck yourself. We paid a ton of money for these seats. Get me a goddamn blanket and a goddamn steam cleaner. Figure it out.

Figure it out. That's what your job is. Or let's go walk up to first class and see if you sold all those tickets. Yeah, if you did sell them. Because I'm guessing usually you didn't. You usually didn't. I want to sit next to Joe Coy. That's just my way of saying it. Yeah, that's where I'm at.

There's never any adoption on those leather seats. All right, that's how we do. Joe Coy. I want everyone to check out the Coy Pond, like we said. Follow him. Go see him live wherever he is. JOKOY.com to check out all of his dates. Like we said, follow him, go see him live wherever he is. Uh, J O K O Y.com to check out all of his dates,

follow him on Twitter, follow him on Instagram. He is great. I'm so happy. You did. I shot another Netflix special. When is that? 2019, man.

I'm excited for this one. You're going to love it. Thank you. Congratulations. Check them out live and then check them out and go back and watch his Netflix specials. Boom. There you go. And,

uh, Oh shit. We're going to get back to work stick around make a sound on your down it's dumb people town it's a good show