Dumb People Town - John Moe - Difficult Air

Episode Date: March 31, 2020

This week John Moe visits town to hear about a Florida man jailed twice in two days for pretending to be a cop. In story 2, unruly passengers cause multiple delays. In story 3, a woman makes a shocking discovery about her house plant.

Skypain's out of here. make this so listen to our podcast with co-host our man Dan don't be a jerk cause when the music hits the funny hits we are gonna take you down stick around make a sound it's Dumb People Town

hey townies welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town population you population Mo John Mo welcome to the show buddy i am so glad to be in town i've uh i've wrapped myself up in a john travolta boy in the plastic bubble bubble and i feel like i'm ready to go and it worked out really well for him it did work out well for john travolta he knows exactly who he is uh and so we are in an effort to try and remain socially conscious and not passing jason and i are somewhat you know we we are in an effort to try and remain socially conscious and not passing.

Jason and I are somewhat, you know, we were in the same womb together. So I feel like we are family in a certain way. Dan is like a comedy brother to us. We know his apartment is sterile. So we're here, but keeping socially distant. And John, you are in St. Paul, Minnesota. We've been a fan of yours for so long, listening to you on NPR. You have this wonderful podcast and a wonderful book coming out that we'll talk about later because it's so relevant for right now.

But my first question to you, and I guess it all dovetails together, is do you think the world is getting dumber? Or is dumber just louder? And does it have more of a microphone? I think dumber has more muscles it can travel faster yeah it's procured vehicles it sees the internet it's uh it's like a junta seizing the radio station that's right i really think you're right that is a new thing we should create dumb strength well that's got dumb strength that's got dumb strength that's got dumb muscle dumb legs right there that's gonna just run for run for days in the world of dumb.

Well, we try to break down dumb behavior in an effort to, A, poke fun at it, and B, try to understand it. Dan, we get amazing stories sent to us by our fantastic fans. You can still do that through the coronavirus. You can still send Dan stories by tagging him, by hashtagging it Dumb People Town and sending it to at Daniel van Kirk on Twitter. And we get a timeline.

So we know who sends it first. We will mention you on the show. Let's jump into a story with John. Oh, John, you ready to jump right in? I'm ready. Lay the dumb people on me.

And John, if we didn't tell you, if the, if anything we talk about makes you think of anything in the world, you just take us there and we'll go. Yeah. All right, here we go.

This was sent in by Sing Blue Silver, which sounds like a 1987 professional wrestler. Sing Blue Silver, or it sounds like a Bollywood star. Or a Dennis Hopper movie. Or a Human League album. There you go. Totally a Human League album. There we go.

Sing Blue Silver at Dartmouth Dogs. Okay. Is that what Dartmouth is? John, did you go to an Ivy League school? I Dartmouth dogs. Okay. Okay. Is that, is that what Dartmouth is? John, did you go to an Ivy league school? I did not. No, I,

but no, I think that's just from the dogs of Dartmouth that they sent that one. Just the dogs themselves. Who let us out? Okay. All right, here we go. I'm going to read you guys the headline.

Cause it's fun. We can get this. The headline alone has legs. Okay. Florida man. Florida man, of course, of course, jailed twice in two days for impersonating cop.

So he learned his lesson. I love that. There are people who have been arrested one time for unrelated, completely unrelated things to being a cop. And they're like, well, I can't be a cop. I've been arrested.

This guy said, I've been arrested for pretending to be a cop. I can pretend to do it again. But that was yesterday. Have you ever been arrested for anything, John? I I've been arrested for pretending to be a cop. I can pretend to do it again. But that was yesterday. Have you ever been arrested for anything, John? I've never been arrested. I've never had the pleasure.

I recently saw an article about like a 99-year-old woman who just wanted to be arrested. But I think this guy just thought, I got so close, but then I got arrested. The problem isn't the idea. The idea is good. It's the execution. I just need to tweak a couple of things. He's Nikolai Tesla of impersonating cops. The idea is sound. Yeah, I can do it. I just

got to sort of work on the technology. Yeah. My name tag shouldn't have said cop. I shouldn't have said that my name was Dave Cop. No, it should have been like Dave Blukowski or something like that. Yeah, that's all I'm missing. You're a cop just if you tell someone that's your name. Dave Blukowski.

What are you, a cop? Thank you for your service, sir. What kind of a cop are you? Appreciate what you guys do out there. Thanks. I don't. Thank you for your service. No, it's just Dave Blukowski.

Right. Okay. Bunnell, Florida. B-U-N-N-E-L-L. I feel like every town should be phonetically spelled in. Bunnell. Bunnell, Florida. A Florida man is back in jail for impersonating

a law enforcement officer just days after he was arrested for the exact same charge, sheriff officials said. Leroy Stottlemyre. Stottlemyre? It could be. S-T-O-T-E-L.

I can tell you this, and I don't know if you feel this way, John, but Stottlemyre is not what I was expecting to hear after Leroy. No, that took a sharp turn into pitching coaches of Major League Baseball. Yes. Great call. Very good. Well, it's interesting. Jay and I one time got into a cab in New York, and there's no way this was his name, but on the, his license is right up on the dashboard. First name, first name, Muhammad,

last name, Larry, not Larry, Muhammad, Larry. There is no way. Was that the guy we got into the cab and started our night. And then six hours later,

we got into another cab and it was him again. Yes. That happened. Mr. Larry's still there. It's like he tried to defraud the DMV but then somebody at the DMV screwed up. Yeah.

A chain of events. Leroy Soto. Leroy? That's Leroy. It's Levon. That was Levon. Levon. I'm going to die on this hill.

Don't clash. It was bad, bad Leroy Stonemaier. Yes. Baddest man in the whole damn Shire. Yes. Baddest man in the, well, if we were in Middle Earth, baddest man in the whole damn Shire. There you go.

There you go. Solid. Nice. I like it. All right. Well, my hope is that he does karaoke andire. There you go. Solid. I like it. Well, my hope is that he does karaoke and changes Lee Vonda Leroy. I'll die on that. Dan, do not die on that hill. We have enough proof. Leroy Stottlemyre

was arrested March 11th after investigators got a tip from a Toll Bridge attendant. That's somebody who's ready to call the cops. Toll Bridge attendant. You got a lot of time. You got a lot of time, you got a lot of time, you got a lot of change. You're searching for clues. The system has worked out well for you in the past.

Why not stick with it? That's right. No toll booths in Missouri or Minnesota, right? St. Paul, no toll roads. Illinois, we can't get enough of them. And every person is mad when you go through them. Although they're starting to obviously automate them all. They're not happy.

They have them in Colorado now. I drove from the Denver airport to Boulder full of tolls. Really? There is a toll road there. You can't pay them. They just have to scan you. There's no one to stop and deal with. In Ohio, on the turnpike, you

get a ticket of when you got on and when you got off. You get a payout. I hate that. Too much yeah i hate that too much work it's too much work too much just let me drive leroy sotomayor was arrested march 11th that investigators got a tip from a toll bridge attendant who showed them video of the man flashing a law enforcement badge i hope that the toll booth attendant was basically was like so i'm basically a cop now because i caught him. You're not a cop either, man. Does that make me a cop?

Should we get a beer now? Then you're the cop. That's the rule. We both work for the state and I figure I'm catching people. Maybe just deputize me. Yellow sunglasses. If I had to, I could come out of this booth and take someone down, right? If I brought my own gun to work, everyone's like, no.

Stotelmeyer is saying like, I'm qualified. I took the time to make this badge. It's not easy. Not everyone can do it. I had to get 10 snips at the hardware store. Okay. So snips didn't,

didn't like, isn't this like the thing that high school kids in like John Hughes movies used to do is flash a badge and then move. So now that was a fun high school prank in the 80s. Yeah, right. And now it's just... Well, I bet. I'm going to assume here, John, correct me if I'm wrong,

I'm the only person on this current podcast reporting that has ever had an official badge. Yeah, Dan had a badge. Yeah, I was a federal agent. So I had a federal badge. And it is true, like certainly in the city of Chicago, you just set it on the table.

You're not getting charged full price for anything. That's amazing. I was 20 years old and I could walk into any bar. Cause they'd be like ID. And I would take out a federal badge. I'm like, just go, just go on in.

It was the, it was, it does give you a lot of power. So he had to make, but at least mine was official. So my guess is, and John, you back me up here is that he showed the badge so that he wouldn to make but at least mine was official so my guess is and john you

back me up here is that he showed the badge so that he wouldn't have to pay the toll i think so i think yeah that's it seems like it would take so much labor and and materials to make that that would outpace the cost of the toll yeah the toll booth attendant showed video of the man flashing law enforcement a badge twice on march 11th to avoid paying a how much dollar toll. Okay, so you can guess. How many dollars was he trying to avoid twice? Did it cost more than the tinfoil he used to make it? Florida, I haven't driven the tolls of Florida, but I'm going to guess because of the cost of what they need to do to their residents on a regular basis.

I'm going two and a quarter, $2.25. $2.25, okay. I'm going to go next. I say $3.90. Okay. He's trying to avoid a $4 toll. $4 toll. Okay.

Okay. Remember, this is not Price is Right, so it was Ever's Closest Wins. Twice, on March 11th, he pretended to be a police officer to avoid paying. Play along townies. We can still do these games no matter where we are, how isolated we feel. You're yelling this into the

into the void with everyone because he tried to avoid paying a $2 toll. Oh, John. Now I will say though, since he tried to do it Where's my Bob Barker now? Since he tried to do it twice, it was a total of $4, which is what I said.

$4 total, but John was right. $2 toll. On-duty officers, you don't usually see that one. You just either see off-duty or police officers. On-duty officers, although it does work contextually, on-d duty officers are allowed to cross free of charge.

So this guy was trying to tap. So he knows some cops and he's heard that, or he's been arrested and he's been in a cop car when a cop car has gone across and they haven't had to pay the true story. I was in, Oh my God. I was in cherry Hill, New Jersey.

I was on tour and Andrew Youngblood and I went to a Chipotle. And now I don't own anything that looks copish. Nothing. If anything, I have a beard. You can't be an undercover cop. You're a bluegrass musician. We go to checkout and the guy goes uh he's like uh took care of it and i go what and he's like just appreciate your service man

and i go what and he's like you're all good he's appreciate your podcast and i go okay thanks and then i look at the bill i was like i didn't even look it was like we both got like i think andrew probably got like three bags of chips and two burrito bowls. Cause that's Andrew. And I got a burrito bowl. And I'm just joking. He got a bowl.

We both, I got a bowl. He might've gotten chips. We probably got a drink. It was like $11. And so I'm like, what? I go, that was really nice. That was really nice. And I couldn't figure it out.

He thought you were cops. I looked on the receipt the next day when I was just adding up expenses and it said officer discount. And I'm like, what did he... On what grounds did he assume? And I still feel bad. Like if I'm ever back in Cherry Hill, I'm going to go back there.

You're going to give him that money. I have to because I didn't really. So Dan, you impersonated a cop unknowingly. No, he assumed I was a cop. Dan, you were impersonating a cop. Involuntary cop impersonation. That's the manslaughter of a cop. Well, but John, if he did not, if he is an undercover cop

and this guy was saying, you're a great undercover cop, you're doing a terrible job as an undercover cop. He's like giving you a little nose tap. I know. I had an acting teacher who said, you know, when you're watching like a great performance, like a Meryl Streep or whomever

in a great performance like a meryl streep or whomever in a wonderful performance you shouldn't say oh she's such a great actress you should say oh my god life or whatever they're portraying it the the the character in the story i hope i never see any performance where i say oh my god life well because to me that would mean i don't want to live it any longer have you not seen manchester by the sea all right yeah or it means you're really digging this terence malick film that's right i actually do love that film that's right here's what i'm what i don't understand yeah the guy got arrested yes and he probably had a badge. Yeah, of course. Either they didn't confiscate the badge, which is poor work by the police officers. The on-duty police officers. He got out of his booking, whether he went to jail or not, went home, got the tin snips out a second time.

Made a second badge. Made a second badge. This is my second badge thing. He had a BUB in his backup badge. This guy was badge. This is my second badge thing. He had a BUB in the back of that. This guy was saying lightning doesn't strike twice. Okay. What are they going to bust me again? What are they going to bust me again for impersonating a cop?

It happens to you once, and then you're good for the rest of your life. That was my time. I was like chicken pox. I get it once, then I'm done. I'm out. I love this tollbooth attendant. You guys are going to too. A tollbooth attendant told investigators that Stottlemyre flashed the silver

badge at him, and he in turn showed the man an article about his arrest for impersonating an officer. This ought to take care of it. Do you want to show me that? I'm going to show you something. Honey, why are you bringing that newspaper clipping to the booth today?

Oh, I just have a hunch. I bet you, like bartenders, toll booth attendants have regulars. Sure. Oh, yeah. They see the same people every day. I wonder if he brings that when he needs to apply for a passport. He needs to provide ID. I think this ought to take care of it.

This ought to. I'm good, right? I'm good for it. The attendant said Stottlemyre then put away the badge and paid the toll. Wow. Sheriff Rick Staley said that Stottlemyre was arrested on March 9th on charges of impersonating an officer and shoplifting.

Little don't mind if I resolve. On March 11th, he was charged with felony violation of pretrial release and impersonating an officer again. He was being held without bond. Quote, this guy clearly has not learned his lesson and has no respect for the law. Sheriff Rick Staley said two days after his release. He does have some respect for the law because he's saying I have respect for the law.

So if I act like I'm the law, then people will have respect for me. True. Right. Yeah. He has a certain level of respect for the law that people will respect. Right. You have to respect valor to steal it. That's right.

Yeah. Right. Two days after his release, he's already up to his old tricks, like an old dog yeah this guy's telling a story by campfire we know already that he thinks he can get out of shoplifting and paying tolls with his fake bench we'll get out of here on this we'll end the first story here how old do you guys believe leroy stottlemeyer is you are our guest again you can go first tig or third it's up to you i'm gonna lead off i i got a It's up to you. I'm going to lead off.

I got a good feeling about this one because I think to be that stubborn, to always have the cop fake be your go-to. It's like asking Yngwie Malmsteen to play rhythm guitar. No, he's a soloist. He's got one thing that he does really well. That's what he does. I'm going to say this gentleman is 59 years old. Wow. The fact that you invoked Inge Malmsteen

on this podcast. It had to bother Joe Satriani for a moment. For a beat. I know Satriani loves this, but God. Jeff Hedges. I'm going to say, God, it's so interesting that you went older.

59 is a great call. First of all, there aren't a lot of people under 25 named Leroy. That I know is a fact. So I'm going to already push him up into his late 20s, early 30s. I'm going to say 46. Or like the song Bad, Bad, Leroy. Levon Brown. No, Leroy Brown.

Stop, Dan. And so I'm going to- Wait, what did you say? I said stop. No, you said 46? 46. I said stop, Dan. Yeah. I'm going to say in that Hilton. I said, stop. No, you said 46, 46. I said, stop Dan.

Yeah. I'm going to say he's 68 years old. Wow. 59. Could have some underlying conditions. 46. Okay. That is like 19.

No, he is not. One of you is one year off. Oh, we're not. You don't get it right. Here we go. Tell me. Ler'm not guessing. Here we go. I'll have you get it right. Here we go. Tell me. Leroy Stottlemyre. Leroy Stottlemyre.

The man who will not be deterred in his pursuit to not pay tolls and be a police officer in his heart only. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on me also. And Leroy Stottlemyre. And Leroy Stottlemyre. We'll close out the first story by telling you that Leroy Stottlemyre is 60 years old. Oh, John! John Moe is just crushing it today.

He came in hot and he has been hot ever since. He's on a streak. When we come back, we're going to hear about his podcast. We're going to hear about his book. It is kind of perfect for the time right now. You're going to want to order it. We're going to hear about his book. It is kind of perfect for the time right now. You're going to want to order it. You can pre-order it now, I believe.

Pre-order it right now, and then you'll get it soon. It's well worth it. It's Dumb People Town. John Moe is our guest. We'll be right back after this break. Stick around. Make it sound. For more Dumb People Town.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. We are going to continue to bring you this podcast throughout this coronavirus. We will find ways. It might not always sound exactly like it sounds in the studio. We apologize for any... But the content in the heart is there. The content in the heart is there. So know that.

Our guest today is someone who we've loved listening to on the radio, on NPR. And he has a great podcast called The Hilarious World of Depression. Is that correct? That's correct. And that is also the name of the new book. Tell us a little bit about both, because I think people who like this show or dig into this will enjoy both. Sure. Yeah, I started the show a few years ago because I noticed so many people in the world of comedy had also dealt with clinical depression, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders, whatever it was. And I was kind of curious about that connection. Like, are they are they made or built? Like, do they get into that because they're depressed or does that exacerbate something? And so I've been

kind of quickly turned to just like the real interesting question was how could they define depression? What were their experiences with it? And so I've had, you know, we're on our fourth season of the show, lots of comedians. You know, we started with our first season paula tompkins and andy richter and baron vaughn maria bamford uh and over the years we found out there's really no shortage of comedy people who've dealt with it we've been we've been adding musicians and writers and actors uh since then and and uh people have really responded to it and so then after i'd been doing that a couple years i was approached to write a book about it. And after interviewing dozens of people about their experiences and kind of trying to find the common threads that a lot of people had and also having a laugh about the shared experience of it.

I compare depression to Groucho Marx in Duck Soup. Yeah. Like Margaret Dumont is your life. Like, you're just trying to have a nice, pleasant state dinner with diplomats. Right. And then Groucho comes in with his brothers and just ruins everything. Yep. Going to screw it all up.

It's going to screw it all up. And it's terrible. It's inarguably funny. It's hilarious. And it's terrible. It's inarguably funny. It's hilarious. It's really funny, but it's essentially disruptive to people who don't deserve it.

Well, the interesting thing is that it's all how you look at it. So if you're looking at it from Dumont's point of view, you're like, this is terrible. You're ruining this dinner. This is the worst thing ever. I've worked so hard for this to make this nice for everybody. But if you're looking at it from the other side, it's like, this is a lovable mess. We got to kind of look at this. These are imperfections.

Yeah, well, if you look at it from their point of view, it's like, we want to destroy everybody because we think that'll be amusing for ourselves. So the book finally tells my story, kind of how I came to be a loud talker for this cause, because I found that if people aren't talking about these issues, they will get worse every time. And if people are having a more open dialogue about them, there's a chance they could get better, at least on an individual basis. So that's what the whole project's been about. That's so cool.

Sounds so cool. The Hilarious World of Depression. Nice. It is. So we're going to check out the podcast and everybody who's listening to this right now, go check that out. And look, we're around.

I know I'm reading more these days. We're stuck. You guys were stuck at home. This is a perfect time to order a book. I cannot wait to dig into this book. I'm going to pre-order it and you guys should too. Yep. Don't write King Lear.

Just stay home and read my book yeah that sounds so great and i'm i appreciate you for writing this book uh as comics we certainly have all dealt with our own feelings i mean i do think comedy is a for a lot of people it's a lonely world for a lot of people it is i don't know a business out there that tests your ability to have confidence in yourself every single night. Yeah. You can be doing it for 30 years and still walk on stage and eat a giant bag of shit. And you, you know,

and you walk off stage. It happened to us the other night. Walk off stage a few weeks ago. I heard about it. We walked in. Jesus, Dan. We had to follow Joe Rogan at the comedy store

at his show, like no host, him to us. The show was running late. You know, he walked off stage and the crowd was done. And then we had to come up and run our Conan set, which, you know, we couldn't really deviate from, not that we would have known what to do, deviate anyway. We just, we had a really hard time. We walked off stage and we're like, can we do this?

Yeah. And then you did the Conan set and crushed and we're like, oh, we're great at this. Right. It's those highs and lows. But if you're predisposed

to depression and doubting yourself and feeling down about yourself, there's plenty of feed to throw to those. I mean, Brody Stevens

is the perfect example of someone we were very close with and, you know, he couldn't, he couldn't handle it. His demons got him. Yeah. I mean, Brody Stevens is the perfect example of someone we were very close with and, you know, he couldn't, he couldn't handle his demons. Got him.

Yeah. I mean, it's a Dana Gould told me once that, uh, the, the life of a standup is perfect for somebody with depression because you get to go on stage and know what you're going to say and nobody else is going to say anything to,

to throw you off. And, uh, then afterwards you can go back to your hotel room and drink vodka alone. Right. So everybody wins. It's perfect. Yeah, everybody wins. By the way, every single person you mentioned that you've had on the show,

Paul F. Tompkins, Maria Bamford, Baron Vaughn, Andy Richter, these are all people who have done our show too. So again, I say to our listeners, you will love this podcast, check it out, and it maybe will spark something inside of you that you can, you can relate to in a cool way. Here's the great thing about our podcast is it makes you feel better about yourself because you're not as dumb as these people. And we've got another story, right, Dan? We've got another story. Let's jump in. All right, you ready? This was sent in by Jake Groney. Jake has been awesome. He's been sending

me a lot of stories during this time. I really appreciate it. Can I suggest that his handle be Groney, Groney Jake Groney. Jake has been awesome. He's been sending me a lot of stories during this time. Groney, Groney, Groney. I really appreciate it. Can I suggest that his handle be Groney, Groney, Groney? My Shagrony. Okay. At Jake Groney. Here we go. Fun headline again. Flight forced to turn around twice after multiple passenger fights.

And this was pre everything getting shut down. This was just a regular Tuesday. This is why you don't put wings. This flight is not going to Las Vegas. I was going to say, this is why you don't put... This flight is not going to Las Vegas. I was going to say, this is why you don't put wings on a Waffle House. That's right. John, we once did a story. I think it was LA to Vegas, and two strangers

who did not know each other started having sex on the plane and then got arrested and kicked off when they landed. And then they got married in Vegas. That's a 45-minute flight. Yeah, that is such a... Yeah, that's a hopper. Yeah, how do you go from zero to... Jay and I saw... We were on a flight,

and we saw a guy get into... Very good-looking people get into an argument with each other, a man and a woman, early in the flight, like as we're boarding the flight, and he was... They were arguing about like... But in the way that you sort of banter argue, in a way of like... About a thing that didn't matter. It wasn't

like, hey, you're putting your stuff on my stuff. It was more like a playful argument. Can a man say this to a woman and he felt like he could and she was like, how dare? No, you can't do that. And it was like, all right, let's tone it down. By the end they were holding hands. They were holding

hands at the end of this and I was like, this... Total moonlighting effect. I'm like, this girl has game. the end of this flight. And I was like, this... Total moonlighting effect. I'm like, this girl has game. Good pull. She has game. I was like, this girl has game. She's got great game.

All she wants to do is get laid. But like, how does it work? Are people who want to fight on a plane like crying babies? Like once one starts crying, and I don't just mean on a plane, babies, once one starts crying, somebody else is like, I'm going to hit this guy if he's hitting him. I think that if people start to

recognize the honesty of the baby on the plane, the whole flight is doomed. Because the baby is just reacting the right way. We're all holding it in. Yeah, and we're all a bunch of liars. And if we embrace the sort of leadership of the baby,

that dooms the flight. So in that way, if a fight breaks out, people are going to be like, all right, we're doing this. What a great idea. This is what I've been waiting for. Where would we get the idea that our leader is a baby?

Under what circumstances would we as Americans relate to him? Here we go. Unruly passengers, disruptions, fights, both physical and verbal. The conduct on airlines is no surprise these days. Dan, this is why I don't fly Spirit Air. Or Frontier. Or Sun, whatever.

Sun Country. Ever since Floyd Mayweather started an airline, I've said it was a bad idea. It was a bad idea. That's right. Here's my thing, though. Isn't it sad, in the world we're in in right now that this tale of people being on flights and fighting with one another seems like simpler times? Yeah, it does.

You're like, oh, remember when we used to be able to get in front of each other's space and elbow someone into the neck? I miss those days where you could reach out and invade someone's personal space. Okay, so, but the latest incident is a bit different for sure. An easy jet plane.

So it's called easy jet. No, I don't want that. But it's not easy jet the way you think it is. It's like easy. I want easy jet. Simmer down jet. Simmer down. Simmer down.

I want to be on an airline called like complicated perfection. They're like, they've put a, there's a lot of thought that went into this. Easy jet is too... Complex luxury. That's an airliner I would fly. Do you ever go to an airport and you see like regional car rental places? Yeah. And it's like they just keep going. It's like Davis.

Davis. Hertz. And then you're like dollar. And you're like, I don't know. And then thrifty. And then you go even lower. And it's like a few quarters. Yeah.

Like lint. Couple of bucks. We'll pay you rent-a-car. We'll pay you rent-a-car. Just drive it somewhere for us. Just push it rental cars. Leave it. Leave it where you want.

Jeff's El Camino rental cars. Exactly. An easy jet plane looking to take off from Manchester, England was forced not once but twice to turn around on the tarmac. They didn't even get off the ground. was forced not once but twice to turn around on the tarmac. They didn't even get off the ground. This is, I will turn this plane around if you don't stop hitting your sister. They never went to grandma's.

No. This is like soccer hooliganism. They're on their way to a match. I hope the pilot did the arm over the car next to him, looked over his shoulders like, do you want me to stop? I will turn this around and go right back to the goal. Beyond that, the arm in the back aimlessly squatting around, yelling at them like, you guys think I'm going to Paris for me? You think

I want to go there? No. I'm happy to stay here tonight with my family. Now nobody goes. You made your mother cry. Look at her. That's what you did. Look at her. Donna, show them your tears. Those are kid tears. Look at her. Look at what you did.

She gave you life. Nice work. She gave you life and you gave her nothing. That's a good one. Ending any sentence with nice work, John. Nice work. I have three kids. You should be proud.

I've been around. You're like, good, good, good, good. Keep doing that. Keep making everyone cry. That's a dad move. You can do that. You'll be like, we were supposed to have fun tonight. Nice work.

We're supposed to have a really good dinner. Nice work. I really was looking forward to today. And then that's the title of the kid's memoir when they grow up. It's called Nice Work. Yeah. Okay.

Where was I? All right. So you turned it around twice on the tarmac. Due to brawling, boozing passengers. The flight was bound for Alicante. Alicante? Alicante? How do you say A-L-I-C-A-N-T-E?

Spain. Alicante. Alicante. Let's do that. Alicante, Spain. On Thursday, according to England's Daily Mirror newspaper, two separate fights erupted on the plane involving two separate groups of passengers.

Groups. Group passengers. Groups. Groups. Groups. Group fight. This is a soccer fight. This is a soccer fight. One time I was flying back from Chicago to LA and the Bears were playing the Rams the next day and the Bears fans that were in mass on this Southwest flight, I'm like, I tweeted

it out. I go, this is the best argument I've ever had for not being a fan of the Bears. And people got all mad at me and I was like, are you on this plane? Because these people are horrible worst. Yeah, they got threatened three times before we even boarded where they're like, if you don't stop yelling and acting the way you're acting, you are not getting on this flight. And so

I just picture these types of people when I totally what happens in your head that you say to yourself. All right, I got to mix it up on this point i i don't care the consequences of of these next actions that i'm going to take my seatmate's behaviors will not stand a moment longer no right if i don't say something who will it's almost like the old i am justice here in 31f that's am justice. Justice in 31F

could easily be a show on Fox or Quibi. Yeah, exactly. At least the Netflix. Okay. Where was I here? There we got it. Okay. They're flying there. Two separate flights break out before they even taxi it off. After the second attempt

at a fight or to stop them, I do not know. I think attempt to leave. Police were called to escort the brawling passengers off the plane back at the gate. The flight was delayed for three hours. An EasyJet spokesperson said some of the passengers had been drinking their own alcohol they brought on the plane. Of course. Yeah. That tracks. Yeah. A cart had not made its way up the plane. Of course. That tracks.

A cart had not made its way up the aisle. No way. They're taxing. When I flew to Hawaii and I ordered soda water and fruit juice, the flight attendant was like, did you bring your own alcohol? I go, no. I 100% brought my own alcohol. I'm like,

I want cocktails as soon as I get on this. I'm going to Hawaii. Yeah. But I'm going to Hawaii. Yeah. But I didn't fight anybody. No, but what is kind of funny to me is if someone made me three hours late because they were fighting, I would start fighting them.

Yeah. That's a chain reaction. If there's two of them, then you get the third for free. That's just maritime law. John, if they made you three hours late for somewhere you had to be, and they were carrying them off or letting them out, you would try and get one shot in. I'd kick someone walking down the aisle.

I'd try and trip them coming out. Oh, I'm sorry. Or just take their carry-on. Like if they've put it where they can't see it. Yeah, be like, I'm going to ruin their day and they'll never know. That's right. Put a magnet on their computer. We can confirm that the flight and the call letters and number for this flight,

it feels like a rap star for EZ1919. It's EZY19. Again, EZ is not the call letters I want for the flight that I want. He's the only 101-year-old rapper still in the game. EZY1919. Again, easy is not the call letters I want for the flight that I'm on. Is the only 101-year-old rapper still in the game? It's easy 1919. We can confirm that flight easy 1919 from Manchester returned to stand on two occasions as a result of two separate groups of passengers on board behaving disruptively. Easy Jet said this in a statement. We are aware that some passengers were drinking their own passengers on board behaving disruptively. EasyJet said this in a statement,

we are aware that some passengers were drinking their own alcohol on board and prior to the flight in the terminal, they brought the party to the plane. How many times has Easy Air had to make this type of an announcement? Well, here we go. Let's go back to the podium. Yeah. Well, I understand they've recently changed their name to Difficult Air.

That's right. That's right. Not so easy. Not a problem. Forced by regulators to change their name. Easy Jets cabin crew are trained to assess and evaluate all situations and act quickly and appropriately to ensure the safety of the flight and other passengers. It's not compromised in any way. This is just a lawyer talking.

If you work for Easy Air, you should also be trained in jujitsu because I'm sure this happens a lot. You should take a kung fu class. While such incidents are rare, we have taken them very seriously and do not tolerate abusive or threatening behavior on board. The safety and well-being of our customers are our highest priority. I'm going to ask you guys just for fun because I was curious. Not that they even

got off the ground. How long do you think it is the flight from Manchester to Alicante? long do you think it is the flight from Manchester to how did we say it? Alicante. What do you think, John? Well, I think the brawlers probably thought it was the Spanish word for alcohol. Yeah, sure.

It's a liquor flight, dude. I'm thinking an hour and a half. I'm thinking it's a short one. I think it's like, yeah, maybe an hour 45. Two hours. It's a two-hour flight. Total flight time, and then we'll go on to our third story,

is two hours, 55 minutes. Wow. Three-hour flight. There's plenty of time to fight. There's plenty of time to fight. Couldn't you wait until you're up in the air? Yeah, that's a full UFC card. The descent is the happy hour.

Yeah. I think the descent was them getting on the plane that was the descent I think their descent happened years ago years ago, this is the end of that alright, that's story number two story number two, fighting on a plane I can't deal with all these mother effing

fighting on the plane John Moe is with us, we have one more story can you give us a little teaser of what we're going to hear it's just sweet and dumb sweet and dumb, We always love that. John Moe, he's got a great podcast called The Hilarious World. Speaking of sweet and dumb, here's John Moe. Here's John Moe.

He's the sweetest, dumbest guy we know. We'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. I want to remind people two things.

Randy and I have started a daily podcast to help you get through this time. It's called Sklarbro Country, the virus edition. We break down the way we're feeling and also try to make you laugh for 30 minutes a day. Daniel Van Kirk has started a daily, a nightly podcast called The Good Night Show. You can listen to our podcast.

We know you, there's a lot of time to fill in your days. So keep your, you guys are on about 30 minutes. All right. 25, 25 minutes. Yeah.

Ours is somewhere between 15, 22. Perfect. Never more than 30. So everything. Listen to us during the day. Listen to Dan at night. It's a daily thing.

It's really fun. And hopefully you guys, we've dropped a couple episodes in the feed. I hope you guys have enjoyed it. It's a blast. You can go to our Instagram at school,lar brothers and see clips of it we post uh post a video of it on youtube again john moe's podcast is called the hilarious world of depression so you definitely want to check that out some great great guests i'm thinking about starting

a podcast that's 20 seconds long just for hand washing yes that's That's pretty good. It should be called John Moe, I Wash My Hands of This. There you go. There we go. Fighting on an easy plane. People should check it. I will also say one little fun thing I've started doing. If you follow me on Instagram on Saturday nights, three songs spaced out throughout the night,

I will be hosting what I call the Saturday 70s show on WDVK. Nice. And I did three songs last Saturday. I'll do three songs this Saturday. And for as long as I do it. Just trying to give you guys stuff to do while we're at home. I mean, come on. We're doing it with that tiger.

If you're not watching. So we are watching Tiger King together, the three of us, because it is like one seven-part Dumb People Town story with just epic things left and right. So we are watching it, and you can watch it whether we're Instagram-living it. And so I think we're going to do two episodes when this drops.

The same day this drops. If you're listening to it in the morning, later on today. Look for Instagram. Check on the Dumb People Town Instagram page. Two today, and then two more Thursday, then we'll wrap it up on the weekend. And we'll do some wrap-up episodes.

If people really dig these and we continue to have the time, maybe we host an Abducted in Plain Sight watch party. Have you seen Abducted in Plain Sight? No. Okay, John, here we go. You can maybe wait to watch it with us if you want. I've been watching Unlikely Animal Friends. I feel like I'm just way behind.

John, you missed the boat. You missed the boat. You missed the easy plane on this one. When you hit an abducted plane sight, it's just one. 22 minutes. When you hit 21 minutes and 40 seconds, I want you to stop, whatever, stop, press pause. Text us. I want you to text us and just tell us what is in your brain the second you watch it. Okay?

21-40. 21-40. That's it. All right. We expect a direct message. We expect a direct message from you. All right, Dan, let's jump into. 2140. That's it. We expect a direct message from you. Let's jump into this last story. Here we go. Woman shocked to discover

plant that she has been taking care of is fake. Okay. Just sweet. This was sent in by Adam Poulton. He's like, I have a green thumb. I'm doing so well with this thing. Doing really well.

Look at how it's maintained its color. She like uses this to win arguments. I'm not fit for this job. I don't get my work done. Look at this plant. Okay, hold on. Let me get this out. Look, you're good at music and I'm good at keeping things alive.

Why is that weird? Sent in by Adam Poulton. That's how I define myself. At Poultski75. Look, you're good at music and I'm good at keeping things alive. Why is that weird? Sent in by Adam Poulton. That's how I define myself. At Poultski75. Poultski, P-O-U-T-L-T-S-K-I. Thanks, Mr. Poultski. 75. Here we go.

This is right here in California. Great. Comes from mystateline.com. Great. Kaylee Wilkes shared a shocking discovery on Facebook after discovering for herself that the plant she'd been taking care of for how long was actually made of plastic. John,

you can go first, Tig, or third. You choose your spot. How long was she taking care of this? How long has she been taking care of this? Before she realized that it was... She's 75 and her name's Kaylee? I did not say she's 75. We don't know how old she is. I thought it was 75 and her name's Kaylee. I did not say she said, I don't know how old she is.

Oh, okay. I thought she was 75. I got lost. Kaylee is a young girl's name. I know. I was going to say, I think Kaylee has been taking care of this thing.

I'm going to say four and a half years. That's sort of conservative, but I'm going to say, yeah, that's good. Kaylee is a young girl's name and taking care of fake plants is an old girl's game. Jay, go fake plants is an old girl's game Jay go ahead

what do you think? I think she has been taking care of this for a decade and it is her point of pride I think she's been taking care of this for a year and a half still feels like a long time Kaylee Wilkes shared that she had been taking care

of this fake plant, this fake succulent, to be more specific. Oh, a succulent. You don't even have to do much with a succulent. A real one, you don't have to water it. She'd been taking care of it for two years. Oh, yes.

You did a year and a half. I think you win that one. This is what she wrote. I've had this beautiful succ. This is what she wrote. Oh, you said four years, yeah. She wrote, I've had this beautiful succulent for about two years now. I'm so proud of this plant. You've had a piece of plastic. That's right.

I'm so proud of this plant. It was full, beautiful coloring, just an overall perfect plant. I had it up in my kitchen window. I had a watering plan for it. If someone else tried to water my succulent, I would get so defensive because I just wanted to keep good care of it. So this caused fights now in her relationship. I absolutely loved my succulent. Her roommate, Resessa Annie.

Yeah, right? Now you're going to tell me my boyfriend's a vibrator? What? What? I have a fake succulent here in my house. You know where I got it? Dave and Buster's. That's how I know it's fake.

I've never checked. That's fake? I guarantee that. Dave and Buster's gardening department. That is fake.ulent here in my house. You know where I got it? Dave and Buster's. That's how I know it's fake. I've never checked. But I guarantee. Dave and Buster's gardening department. Dan, that is fake. Dan, it's fake. Right. Of course it is. You turned in tickets and got a succulent?

Look at how cool it is. You're the opposite of my son. If you take and get a succulent for Dance Dance Revolution, then it is not real. Wilkes, a stay-at-home mom, concluded by saying, she's a mom. You think anybody's told her she has a doll? No. She doesn't even know. She's like, you tilt it back, it goes

to sleep. This is the easiest kid in the world, John. I don't know what all this fuss is about. Yeah, this baby sleeps all night. I take very good care of this kid. Somebody must be changing her because every time I go to change her, she's clean. I've never changed her diapers.

The pediatrician is just an accomplice in the whole thing. He sold her the kid. This is like Windy City heat for plants. You want a baby, you go to the doctor and buy one. I bought this baby with tickets at Dave and Buster's. What's the problem? And I love her. I love her.

For who she is. Wilkes, a stay-at-home mom concluded by saying i feel like these last two years have been a lie i love that she's personally betrayed by her own dumbness i don't know if they've been a lie the whole thing is a lie let's not go overboard here it hurts because i was lying to myself that's right and then i fought other people about it she says i go to pull it from the original plastic container it was purchased with to learn this plant was fake, she wrote. I put so much love into this plant. I washed its leaves, tried my hardest to keep it looking its best.

This could be describing parenting. John, you have three kids. I put so much time and effort into these things to find out that they... You washed their leaves and still they're fake. I hope her husband, if she's married, or wife, if she's married, or wife, if she's married, or just the person, someone who loves her in her life was like, you spent two years on a fake plant.

Nice work. Nice work. Nice work. She says, I washed its leaves, tried my hardest to keep it looking its best, and it's completely plastic. How did I not know this? I pull it from the container. It's sitting on styrofoam with sand glued to the top.

Jesus Christ. You didn't notice that the sand was glued to the time no we'll get out of here on this uh always so i guess this is a lesson in life always pull the plant completely out just to see what you're working just double check as a as a add-on to this i'm going to tell my very short dumb people town story in my own hometown uh federal way washington outside seattle where there was a bank robbery um and the bank robber was maybe 19 20 years old and uh wearing old age makeup left over from his high school theater department you know like when you're in high school and you're playing an old man. A lot of talcum powder. Yeah. And he's like, it's the perfect disguise.

They'll think I'm an old man. Sure. Sure, they'll think you don't look like a young man. So this is probably... You didn't just run a 4-5-40 to get out of here with the money. I love that he was a Scooby-Doo villain, literally dressed up as the old man who's usually the Scooby-Doo villain. Wait, so then he would have gotten away with it

if it weren't for you meddling John Moe. My meddling selves. Your meddling selves. So this woman with the plan, I was trying to figure out what is the analogy in our lives. This is what it feels like to be catfished. Yeah. This is what it feels like.

Two years. You spend two years sending, Manti Teo, all these people who who spend these years, they send the emails back and forth. Do you think that this is what the relationship is? We're having a relationship. It's real. But the self catfishing is

really remarkable. The self catfish, yes. Yeah. Usually it takes two to tango, but she tangos by herself on this. To get catfished by an inanimate object, object yes maybe that's other level you're bringing a lot to the table that's right uh all right we'll get out of here in this how old is kaylee wilkes okay now how old john do you think she is stay at home mom

you know mom two years of the fake plan on the window. Yeah. Um, I mean, I knew, I knew a couple Kaylee's and I'm 51, but those were the outliers of the Kaylee movement. I say this Kaylee is 29 years old. Okay. Randy or Jason. I think she's 33, 33 from Jason.

25, 25. Okay. One of you is one year old Kaylee Wilkes is play along Tannies and we're glad we were able to come hang with you during this time thanks for hanging with us

is 24 years old there you go I knew it I had to get one of them in there well she's had it we all do know this. She had a kid too young. So let's...

I mean, could... Yeah. Yeah. 24 and you're a stay-at-home mom. Yeah. But at least she's married to someone who can bring home the bacon, I guess. Maybe, yeah.

Look, she just wanted to lay down roots. Fake roots. Fake roots. Once they get the cardboard car up and running, everything's going to be different. It's all good. It doesn't run on anything. John Moe, thank you so much. You definitely kept us from being depressed we really appreciate you thank you so much for having me and and it's a lovely town that you have oh

we'll have you back we'll have you back after the virus uh if you're ever in la let us know uh and guys check out his podcast the hilarious world of depression and the new book pre-order the book get it ready, and then we'll see you on our daily podcast, both of us. Guys, thanks so much, and oh shit, dum, dum, dum. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town.