Dumb People Town - Jon Gabrus - Babrus

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

This week Jon Gabrus comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is a policeman's unusual traffic stop. The second story is a car crash mess. The final story is a stolen truck inception.

Skypains Avenue Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Gabrus. John Gabrus. You're on billboards, bro. I love. Population you. Population Gabrus. John Gabrus. You're on billboards, bro. I love it. Thank you. From one dumb person to another.

There we go. You get this show. I mean, the Venn diagram of the show that you and Adam Pelley are doing on TruTV, 101 places to go before I die. Just even in the promo, when you're like, I think you're a good cuss.

To party before I die. Well, hey, you have to go there to party. To party before you die yeah well hey you have to go there to party there so like to party before you choose your own verbs so what give the proper titles 101 places to party before you die there you go we bought the rights to a book called 101 places to get fucked up before you die and then like it truly like that's what you wanted to call it yeah after we got picked up the network's like we can't call it that. And it was in that moment that Adam and I were like, oh, yeah, of course not.

Who are we? What were we thinking? It's like, yeah, no, it has to be called Fucked. And it's on the only cable channel left. We will die of alcohol poisoning on that hill. You obviously are a great comedian

and you're a great actor. So good. But just lives in your, like, me as me. I'm at my most comfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I still get hit up by people, you see it too, who go back before they go to Vegas just to listen to my appearance

on your episode of High and Mighty where we talk about how to party, how to do it right. And you've done so many versions of how to do Vegas this way, how to do it that way. Yeah, yeah. But when I saw this was coming out and then obviously when it premiered as well, I was like, perfect. Absolutely perfect. It feels good.

I have no imposter syndrome activated by this gig for the first time in the entertainment industry. So you're with Adam Pally, who we freaking love. Big fan. He's so talented, so funny. Everything he does, he is amazing amazing and you guys are like a wonderful comedy team that has like i mean you guys coming from like one of the og comedy team guys you guys compliment each other don't remind us we very we very oh uh but uh no but you guys are are great it's like a wonderful so like what are

you know we'll talk about that at the top of the second thing let's get into the because there's dumb stories everywhere and I love when you break them down with us

on our show you're so good top of segment two we'll get way into the show exactly what it is and how people can find it right but for starters let's do the premise

of your show let's do this damn thing ready yeah sent in by Matt Trainer at Matt Trainer T-R-E-A-N-O-R I just bought a pair of

matt trainers he did so good yeah you're happy only you wear you only are allowed to wear him in england and only on welcome mats he wasn't hired as a wrestling coach and it broke his fucking god he was so mad so you don't understand he's like final interview he even like showed him some moves it's like if i wouldn't have broken my collarbone i would have gone to the olympics and his wife is like you shouldn't have worn the singlet to the interview. I don't think you should have worn that. You wore a singlet to a bank interview. Headline is, unusual traffic stop

involving horse and buggy. And this comes from, I've never seen this town before. I'm doing my best, but if they this is how I would pronounce it. Ashtabula, Ohio? Ashtabula. Mentioned in a Bob Dylan song. It is yeah youtube youtube uh what are you dave holmes i i'm trying to think of what it is and i can't remember don't think twice you're

all right video released everybody muscat ask your boy look it up look it up look it up video Look it up Look it up Video released Andy Nasty Bueller Have you seen him I saw him in 2016 And it's horrible

But he's on purpose Here's the thing He's changed the arrangements Of all of his songs So you can't tell What he's singing Now sounds like he looks You know what I mean

Oh yeah yeah He sounds Just shoveled Finally He's one of those guys That saw people Doing impressions of him And was like

I'll just lean into that I'll just change it It's like alright I'm gonna get old He's crazy But those guys that saw people doing impressions of him and was like, I'll just lean into that. It's like, all right, I'm going to get old. He's crazy. But the early, I'd say late Bob Dylan in the late 70s, there's an album called Street. You're going to make me lonesome when you go. You're going to make me lonesome when you go. Astabulia?

That's the line. I don't know exactly what the line is, but I. Booyah. Booyah. Astabulia. RIP Stuart Scott. All right, go ahead. Video released to the Fox 8i team.

I love when small markets have their very hardcore. They saw Spotlight and they were like, that can be us in Cedar Rapids. That could be us. We can unpack the horse and buggy controversy. Video released to the Fox 8i team shows a rather unusual traffic stop and police chase. This one involved a horse and buggy. So here's the line, by the way. I'll look for you in old Honolulu.

Dan will be there on September 8th, 9th, and 10th. Thank you. San Francisco or Ashtabula. There we go. Get in a buggy fight. The three major cities. San Francisco, Honolulu, Ashtabula. Three American icons.

The triumvirate. So this one involves a horse and buggy. Whoa, whoa. Ashtabula. Sheriff Deputy. I'm going to keep doing it. Mike Talbert can be heard saying on his body camera video as he tries to stop a horse and buggy around 2.43 a.m. Sounds exact.

Not around. 2.43 a.m. Saturday in Orwell. Yeah. The deputy tells other officers that the driver of the buggy appears to be asleep. So what we've got here is a hammered Amish guy. Sleeping at the wheel. So usually on a rump springer, you go away from what you do normally as an Amish.

You spring out. But I think you're like, he's drinking. As long as it's not digital alcohol, I think he's okay. He's still under. It's like low tech. Yeah. Did you make that in a bathtub? All right, as long as it's not digital alcohol, I think he's okay. He's still under. Yeah, it's like low tech. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pop-top. Did you make that in a bathtub?

All right, we'll allow it. You drunken bastard. But 2.37 in the morning, you don't have to be drunk to have a hard time staying awake. Agreed. These guys are probably, now I'm stereotyping, up at sunrise working. Yes. There's a barn up early. He's not out late. He's commuting to work. He's just catching extra Z's.

Except for the next thing that Deputy Mike Talbert said. There's a Bud Light can sitting in there and he's passed clean out. By the way, Bud Light is the official beer of the Amish. Yeah, well he can't have Bud Seltzer because that's too high tech. You gotta stay with the light. No gastro Bud Ice.

We got a drunk Amish guy passed out in a buggy. He's calling it in in real time as it's happening. So we got a drunk Amish guy passed out in a buggy, and here he goes. By the way, you can call that over. You could Twitch that thing for hours. Sure. It's live. We're live with the buggy going wild.

Deputies and Orwell police were called to the area by people who called 911 saying the buggy was all over the road. Have you guys ever had to pass an Amish person on a horse? It happens up at the cabin all the time. This is the horse. Jay and I always say this, that the athletes in horse racing are the horses. The jockeys are just kind of like coaches trying to get going. They're the corner men. They're good coaches.

Interrexit coaches trying to get them going. But the horse is the athlete. The horse is sober, so he should not actually get in any trouble. Why is the horse going all over the place? Thank you. Thank you. Maybe the horse isn't sober. Well, he's pulling him by swinging and then directing the horse all over the road.

No, we have not tried to pass it, but is it hard to pass a – It's just – You just don't want to clip him. You can't go too aggressive, so you need way more time because you just want to get so far from the horse. Yeah. Like, it stresses me out

every time I have to do it. It's scarier than a biker. It's wider than a cyclist. Have you had to do it? Yeah. Back in the day, we used to go up to Amish, like in Pennsylvania for vacation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As a matter of fact, my nephews and brother and sister-in-law are currently at like Old Dutch World or whatever. Yeah, in like Pennsylvania. Is that a Long Island to that thing, kind of a thing, or is it? If you're a certain income bracket and live on Long Island, yeah, you can drive to Florida, but that's got to be winter break.

That's right. But on weekends, you can do Sesame Place, Hershey, the Catskills, this Amish country frontier town. Hudson Valley up there. Hudson Valley. You can do that, yeah. You can do all that shit. You can go to Saratoga for a horse race.

You've had a traditional Amish dinner? No, I have not. Oh, my God. Have you? The butter. Churn to perfection. Churn to perfection. Everything is just so fucking fattening and delicious.

Everything's cooked in its own. Oh, my God. If you ever get the chance. Nothing processed, right? No. That's the other thing, too. If you ever get the chance, you'll be like, you can't eat like that once a year. You have to go put a house up.

You have to build a barn. You have to burn it all. Break the calories even. Wait. So what was the Tell's old bit? Oh, it was like, give it to me, Jebediah. Oh, Jebediah, give it to me, Bucky style.

The Tell's great. There was a thing on PBS, this is probably 15, 20 years ago, where it was a reality competition where they took people and essentially made them live like the pioneer frontier life. Oh, yeah, I saw that.

It was like frontier. And there was a family on there, and they're eating like biscuits and everything's cooked in fat, like all this stuff, right? Of course. So the guy, the dad is losing weight nonstop. Yeah. So he finally goes, I'm going to tap out. We're going to go home if you don't let me talk to a doctor.

So they bring in a doctor. From alone. And the guy goes uh mike the medic he goes you're fine yeah i watch alone yeah yeah yeah now the doctor's done that's going to get them started get us going we're gonna have to pull you from the frontier house look how long could you last me yeah i think i would bug out on the first night you really the second it got dark please take this right way. You are physically designed to last 100 days. I mean, your tweet alone

about when you found out you were going to get the option to buy a PS5. Just on that alone. I was like, this dude, he can never make it alone. Look at this. It would be all me just spraying diarrhea, berry diarrhea everywhere. I'd be like, oh, another berry blaster.

Shitting into the river and everyone would be like, we can't even tell the other salmon coming up. Berry Blaster is a drink at Smoothie King. This fall, Rory and I are going together on a survival training camp thing. I can't believe you did that. I just want to learn. That's awesome. I've got a friend who's lined up to do that with me as well because I'm obsessed with this show. Me too.

Randy's bit I love. Randy's bit with his wife of pretending to be. So we watch Alone and then I was watching it with her and we were watching so much Alone that I would pretend to be a Canadian guy who thinks he's pointing out things

that are unique, but it's just things that we're watching. I'll be sitting next to my wife and I'll be like, I should have had that salmon roll, Aime. Didn't look that good. It looked a little weird to me. Don't eat a fish that's sitting on the old beach there.

You got to catch it. You don't know where that came from, Aime. He knows everything. I kept on saying it over and over again. And my wife just wouldn't say anything to me. She's like, that was her thing of like, stop it. And then she realized I wasn't going to stop. So I'd be like, I should have put those snares in a different place

there, Abe. I don't know why I didn't get that Wolverine up higher on that thing. You got to hang your meat a little higher. Don't leave the ladder out when you're making a meat cash, Abe. And she just finally was broken down so much, she was just like, yup. She became the

wife of the person. She had to, yes. She never stopped. She's like the only way out. She had to, yes. It's like a horror movie when the final girl is finally like, all right, I guess I got to seduce the murderer. I got to play it all. I got to go back into the house to get out. I got to dig down and then come back up.

Anyway, whatever. Well, to finish what I was saying, so they bring the doctor for this guy, and he goes, I'm sick. And the guy's like, you're not sick. There's nothing wrong. He goes, there's no way. I'm losing all this weight. I'm eating 8,000 calories a day because they're eating biscuits and gravy and all this stuff.

And the guy goes, yeah. And you're burning 10,000 because you're building a mind. Because you're doing outdoor frontier work. Because you're an IT guy outside of this. Right. It's exactly what it is. Your base metabolic rate has skyrocketed. And he tells you,

he goes, if this were 1870, this would be your weight. You are carrying around, you think you're healthy, you are carrying around so much extra weight that you're now

actually expending what your body, and the guy couldn't process it. Bring him in. Shit, put me on the show. You're just a gravy and you lose weight? I need it.

I know, right? I'm in, I'm in for that. Let's go. Shit, put me on the show. Discussing gravy and you lose weight? I need it. I know. I'm in. I'm in for that. Let's go. So people called in 911 saying, hey, this buggy's all over the road. The cop goes, he just turned eastbound on BOGUE. B-O-G-U-E. I don't know.

And I yelled at the guy and he rode by, Talbert told dispatchers. There's a Bud Light can sitting on the damn buggy and I hit the side of the buggy and hollered at the guy. He's passed clean out. He's slumped over. Slumped over. I love a sheriff being interviewed. Like the kind of guy who's like an Ohio sheriff. Yeah, yeah.

And they're like, well, yeah, I saw the Bud Light in the side and I'm banging on the side of the buggy and this guy's half in the bag. And it's like, it's not a fucking story, man. One question. Answer it. This is podcast fodder exclusively. So, but here's the deal. When there's a car that's being chased, you throw down the

nail strips and that's it. But a bug, like, what are you going to do? You leave an apple out. He's giving a row of apples across the street. They slide them out. This guy's giving this story like he's an uncle talking to his wife about their

drunk nephews in the hotel room next door. I went over there. I banged on the door, Suze. What do you want from me, Suze? That should never be in a newspaper article. So then I says, that phrase should be in there playing beer, ping pong,

or whatever the kids call it. I don't care. Their parents paid for the room. We're not losing a deposit on it. What do you want me to do with these kids? It's the real issue. So what happened? Am I also picturing a chopper hovering above this, like, scaring the shit out of the horse? It's like live, a chase, like in L.A.

Perfect. Imagine the horse who's like, I'm trying, man. I'm trying to get this guy home. You live with this drunk asshole. You're making it harder, officer. He's had one Bud Light. This dude's a lightweight. One Bud Light.

He's a Bud Lightweight. The deputy then pursued the horse and tried to get it to stop. After several minutes, Talbert was able to get his cruiser in front of the horse. This is all quotes from Talbert after he gets his cruiser in front of the horse. I have it stopped. Nope. Disregard. He rammed into my car.

Yeah. Rammed in? The horse was like, get the fuck out of the way. Get the fuck out of here. Also, don't put your car, I don't even understand.

The row of apples is a way better idea than the way you put it. There's a class case. You don't put your car before the horse. There you go. I like when I show up here,

I start acting like you guys. Damn, you really really you fit the show you're in town I'm in the town welcome to town the driver when in dumb people town do as dumb people do

I was in Rome with my family and we were walking by two people and I literally my daughter and I heard someone say when in Rome

and we were like stop it my daughter and I were like this fucking guy are you kidding me they were talking about pegging yeah okay well you want to strap one on in Rome. And we were like, stop it. My daughter and I were like, this fucking guy. Are you kidding me? They were talking about pegging.

Yeah. Okay. Well, you want to strap one on? It's like, when in Rome. Well, Caligula. I don't know if that's a thing here. It's a thing. It's a thing.

It's what they do. When I get her to Rome, I'm going to put the cards on the table. I got the blanking excuse. Put the cards on the table. We're here. Let's do as the Romans did. When in Rome. The driver finally woke up and was able to control the horse.

The driver was arrested on a charge of operating a vehicle while intoxicated. He's due in court Thursday. The driver of the buggy suffered a minor injury. The deputy was not injured and the horse, just because everybody needs to know, especially me, is okay. Because the horse was white. Yeah.

Sheriff William. William Niemi. Not going to work here anymore. Says while these okay because the horse was white yeah yeah sheriff william william namey niemi great spots i'm not gonna work here anymore says while these type of traffic stops are unusual uh he is very proud of his deputy's actions he said he is glad the deputy was able to get the horse to stop without anyone being seriously injured oh my god but just just that to me is crazy and also this is the moment where you call a bunch of backup and just like you want to see a drunk Amish guy just ride his buggy? Just slowly drive alongside him like a funeral procession, watching where he goes. I would have my body cam on for virality.

OJ. Again, said it on Twitch. OJ was going faster. Right. Probably was. All right, that's story number one. There you go. Story one down in the books.

We're going to talk about Gabrus' new show and stuff we have going on. It's all sorts of great stuff. I'm so happy you're here, man. It's Dumb People Town. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT. That stands for Dumb People Town. Can you do my dates, Jay? Yes. Dan, let's do your dates. Jay, can you do his dates?

Because I can do his dates. I already did. Well, this is going on the 23 dates. Jay, can you do his dates? Because I can do his dates. I already did. Well, this is going on the 23rd, I guess. Yeah, so you're in Honolulu for that. No, no, no. Honolulu is September 8th, 9th, and 10th. But he's got the Blue Whale Comedy Festival on the 26th. This Friday on the 26th.

The night before, I've got that private event in Fayetteville. Fayetteville private event in the 25th. Are you plugging private events? Yeah, because I'm going to be there, but I like letting people know you don't get to come see it. Okay, Dan. 27th, he is hosting the Red Bull River Rafting Building Your Thing. Red Bull Rafting. Red Bull Rafting.

People have built their own rafts out of things that can't be rafts and are racing them down, and I get to host the whole thing. So you have found all the gigs. All the gigs. All the gigs. I've officially found them all. I'm in Fayetteville doing like a weird sex work bunch. Once they let me host the soapbox race in Cedar Rapids, which is just people in soapboxes racing down a hill,

I was like, whenever you need me, I'm there. Davis is like, I need to go to that place to party before I die. Yeah. And then the next night? Next night you're in Addison headlining the Addison Improv, which is in Dallas area. Please go see that. And then in October night? Next night, you're in Addison, headlining the Addison Improv, which is in Dallas area. Please go see that. And then in October, we've got three live dates for this show.

We have not been live in years. So we're going to be at the Hutton Hotel in the Analog Room in Nashville on Thursday, the 13th. Our guest is Dusty Slay and Stephen Pultz, a great musician, is playing. The next night, we're in Chicago. Guest TBD will be at the Den. It's actually going to be Jon Voight and Styx. Wow, Jon Voight and Styx. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just going to argue with them.

We're just going to argue with Jon Voight. Great, fair enough. Stanis DeYoung and Tommy Shaw. No, so that's going to be on. We're going to do a stand-up show so that's happening and the podcast at the Den on Friday the 14th and then on the 16th we'll be at the Bell House in Brooklyn.

Andrew Dismukes, Roy Wood Jr., Cutworms the band. We're going to sell that thing out. It's going to be a blast. All those links will be up and live as we put all that together. And then Jay and I have our show, The Nosebleeds, which is like a reboot of our old show, Cheap Seats, which is on UFC Fight Pass. Watch it, people.

First episode is free and available on UFC's YouTube page. Go to our- We got a billboard right around the corner from their billboard. I love it. It happened. It finally happened. Which one of you is shirtless? Don't you know how a show gets made these days?

We have stuff stuck up our nose. By the way, one of the best titles for what your show is and what Chief Seats was, Nosebleeds, is you can't set yourself up. First of all, when Chief Seats was popping off, you're like, hey, someday if we ever spin this off for MMA, we should call it. The fact that it's just the abs, that's so fucking sick. There it is.

That's such an awesome synergy. I'm up here with the Billboard boys right now. With the Billboard boys. Well, speaking of, so you've got a new show that is based on a book. I'm so excited. Yeah, you're pointing out. You look so cool in a Zissou hat and shirtless. Tell me about it.

I have a show called 101 Places to Party Before You Die, co-hosted with my buddy Adam Pally. Thursday nights, 1030 on TruTV. It's the end of August now, so most of our episodes have aired, but we have a couple more out there. You can go back and watch. Yeah, you can go back and watch them with a TruTV login, or some people are crazy enough to pay for it on Amazon, rather than like, because they don't want to wait for the six months until it ends up on discoverybrothers.net or whatever the fuck the final streaming service is. Can I ask you, what was the turnaround between cities?

It was, I'm not going to lie, I am too old to have this job. It was brutal. There's like a whole meta show of surviving it. This is your own version of the love. Yeah. It truly is my own version of Black Mirror where it's like, dream job. We're just going to wait until you're old enough that it hurts. And the final five episodes, we shot three weeks on, one week off, two weeks on.

So we have like a day and a half of downtime or two days of downtime in each city but that was five of six weeks of just getting blasted and eating rich ass food oh my god i was in absolute disarray you can even watch it on the show you can see you declining that's almost a reason i have like bags under my eyes and i'm like visibly fatter than season one. I'm coughing a lot. I think I get COVID maybe on the down low. It's like super size me is basically what's happening to you. We could make a documentary about trying to survive this show.

By the way, you should. We should be shooting that. You guys go to Honolulu, right? We go to Maui. Maui. That was rad as fuck, man. Had you been before? I had been before.

I love Maui. That was the thing I was looking most forward to. But then we also went to a city in Utah called Moab, which I had never even heard of. Been there. Amazing. It's like going to fucking Mars. It's unreal. For an indoor beach kid, it's all red clay and you can do any outdoor.

Everyone there base jumps. Yes. I would say 75% of the servers and bartenders I talk to had base jumps. You're like, is that a good thing? I was like, oh, you've base jumped? They're like, I base jump every weekend. It's my day off. Did you do it?

Did you do it on the show? 15 body fat percentage, like 15% or lower. Eating IPA and elk burgers and pizza and stuff, they're like the Amish. They're putting 10,000 calories on their mountain bikes and kayaks and hiking and shit. They eat like fucking college kids there. I love that you got to see the country in this way, and of course, you and Pally together. So funny.

I want, for our Patreon fans later on the show, not on this show, but if you are joining our Patreon, I want you to think of one crazy-ass story that didn't make it into the show, but is just nuts, nuts, nuts for the show. And you have to pay off the other one. I can pay off the other one, and I have a good off-camera. And also, was it an out clip where you guys were at a –

was that a cutout clip that you posted where you're sitting in a parking lot and somebody comes up to you and is like, you guys got permits for being here? Yeah, that was at the end of the pilot. We're shooting like, oh, this is a cool background, and a dude just – it was a deleted scene. A dude came up and was trying to throw us out. What we was like truly like kind of scary and he was like hills have eyes looking I make the joke that I have to call my dentist like that just reminded me to call my dentist and

We never even show the guy and everyone knows what I mean I could just tell. We heard it. Like our girl with the black teeth on. Well, got black teeth. Yes, you do, lady. All right, well, let's jump into another story that's amazing. We'll get into that other stuff.

This is by At Liz Haggerty. That's the gentleman, Liz Haggerty. Well, she changed it to the new Rosolian Isles, At Liz Haggerty. That's the gentleman, Liz Haggerty. Well, she changed it to the new Rosolian Isles at Liz Haggerty. Liz and Haggerty. Anytime they introduce two names of people, we're always like, they're the new Rosolian Isles. Headline. This is from clickorlando.com. Florida woman accused of crashing into multiple cars.

Jesus. On purpose, you assume, right? I mean, this is like for every ex that did it wrong. Meanwhile, the Amish guy was like, I was not trying to do this at all. In Florida, they're like, line them up. Honestly, if you're going to drive drunk, you should be on a horse. It should be allowed. This is the argument for knives instead of guns.

Right. All right, so you maybe take out one or two people. But this woman's speeding through. And you know she's got a friend in the side seat who, when the cop pulls her over, is like, she's fine. She spilled my drink. She's fine. All the drunk wine. Bitch, she's not fine. She's an alcoholic and you're

an enabler. Martin County, Florida. A woman was arrested after crashing into multiple vehicles and throwing a fake snake at deputies. That's her plan. That's the whole plan. If I get caught, give me the rubber snake. I'm going to throw this.

What if she was just trying to grab peanut brittle and grab the wrong car? You got me. Did you put that in here, officer? She starts crashing into all the cars after the snake thing comes out. It's like Toonsis. It got me.

It done got me. Okay. So she crashed into multiple vehicles and threw a fake snake at deputies in attempt to flee a traffic stop. That really was her

diversion. That's so fucking So that's when you know you're drunk. You're like. Some people have a baseball bat in their car.

She's got a fake snake. Pulls over. She's a cop. Rattlesnake. And just starts taking off. This all happened on Wednesday afternoon.

Sorry officer. I might have been Wednesday afternoon. Sorry, officer. I might have been driving a little erratically. There's a loose snake in my car! Ready for this next? Dawn LaShawn LaPrade. Dawn LaShawn LaPrade. Holy shit. Is she an ancient vampire?

She's an ancient vampire. She's got to be like a thousand years old and lives in a castle. She's so annoyed with Brad Pitt she's annoyed with his fucking emo ass I gotta get home before daylight

okay I got it Don LaShawn LaPrade quick pass me the snake to like her like Renfield familiar that drives with her pass me the snake it's a human police

Don LaShawn Parade Don LaShawn LaPrade Don LaShawn LaPrade to me we had a friend who had a friend in school, or this girl in school, whose name was Anna Maria Savat. Hey. So everyone say that.

Don LaShawn LaParade. Hey. That's it. Yeah. Don LaShawn LaParade. Hey. Faces multiple charges with additional charges possible, including four counts of aggravated assault on a police officer

and fleeing and eluding. Eluding is the tip of the hat. Eluding is bad. Because we got us. If you eluded, if you just fleed, we got you. If you eluded, you were good at it. You were dodging us. We're going to cop to you being not bad at what you tried to do, okay?

It is still a charge. All things fair. She eluded us for a little bit. By the way, this is where I kind of get mad at the cops. I'm like, she threw a rubber snake at you. Did she assault you? That's not assault. Let's get her for the charges she did.

There's like the medical examiners running a test on the snake. If it's a real snake, it's aggravated assault. Cut it open, it's rubber. No, no. It's how real we think it is. So I'm going to let five people come in here, and then we're going to leave it on the table. We're not going to tell them people come in here, and then we're going to leave it on the table. We're not going to tell them.

And if they react, then we're going to give it. The snake could have had fentanyl in it. You've got to be careful. It's up to a second-degree illusion. According to investigators, the chase began when the suspect intentionally hit one of the Martin County Sheriff's Office vehicles as she tried to evade the traffic. She had a cop car. To start. Well, hold on.

That is assault. I'm not going to getade a traffic stop. She had a cop car. To start. Well, hold on. That is assault. I'm not going to get into a full, like it doesn't matter who's truly started it, but if she bumped into a cop car for trying to evade a traffic stop, the cops started it. I'm sorry. The traffic stop is the first, is the move. Right. If he wasn't there.

Yeah, it's the opener. It's the egg before the chicken. She's wrong. She's in the wrong, but she didn't start. She wouldn't be evading a cop car. There is no egg without a chicken is what you're trying to say. You need a chicken to lay the egg. As she hit their car there, you put your car there, that's entrapment.

You see, you know, you put your car there, that's entrapment. And Sean Connery steps out and is like, it's the millennium. And she's like, also, here's this cobra. Come on. And she's like, also, here's this cobra. She fled deputies reaching speeds of up to 100 miles per hour in a city. Dan, but if you told me for real, this is like a scene in the new Fast and the Furious. Of course.

They throw a rubber snake at the cops, and then they go hunting. I'd be like, I will watch this one. It's classic Fast and the Furious, too, because they can't kill the cops because they're supposed to be good guys, so they've got to throw a snake to the cops. And they'd be like, the crooked Brazilian cops, murder away. His tightrope found out that this cop is terrified of snakes. Dan, do not go deep. That's a good him and Luda. Dan, do you know your bit, Dan, where you say, I'm a basic bitch, and then you list all the reasons why, which is one of my favorite bits of all time.

I know secondary characters in the Fast and the Furious series. I'm a basic bitch. That's really good. She fled deputies at reaching speeds of up 100 miles per hour, hitting another patrol car and a civilian truck, injuring three people inside. They're going to be okay. Before ending up on Warfield Boulevard,

which is where this should go down. Meet me at Warfield. Where? At the armory. All right. This is all according to a Facebook post because that's where cops tell everybody everything. Cops and your aunt. While driving, she motioned to the deputies she had a gun.

Now, here's the deal. That's what I'm wondering. No, or is it not even that good? She's like, in the box. What's she saying? There's a box. She says she has gum. I think she says she has gum.

She's doing finger things. She's written on a McDonald's napkin. How do you say I have a gun without showing the gun? Right. She has to be like doing the fake, like reaching into where the holster accounts. written on a McDonald's napkin. How do you say I have a gun without showing the gun? She has to be doing the fake reaching into where the holster constantly. She motioned to deputies she had a gun. Amazing. I love this gal.

You're taking it to work. 100 miles an hour. I have gotten my car, my Volkswagen station wagon up to 100 miles an hour during some night drives. Some highway shit. If you were, up to 100 miles an hour during some night drives, some highway shit, if you were trying to drive 100 miles an hour down like Sunset

or something, you would have a fucking meltdown. You would like a fucking plastic bag could wreck everything. I'm going to tee the Sklars up for their story. They see a police chase happening. The guy is coming through Los Angeles. It was on Santa Monica and then turning up Doheny.

These cars whip by us. Cops are in tow chasing behind him. The guy gets up to Doheny at Santa Monica, turns on his blinker, and goes up. And makes a left. He's like, look, I know I'm being followed by the cops. I don't want to get busted on it. I don't need the points on my license. I don't need a moving violation for not seeing.

And he turns. You know, I respect that dude because that dude was like, this blinker is not for the cops. It's for other people on the road to let them know I'm making a left. I have to make this left. I've got cops on my tail, okay? It's such a fuck you. Sorry.

Sorry. Just rabies. Sorry. Can I go ahead? He was doing the elbow thing out of the window. Up. Also, is he like, you're not going to get me on that? You're not going to say I didn't use my phone.

I'm not going to get another phone. He sees that there's a traffic camera. He's like, I'm going to use this to my advantage. Start building a case. I went on green. Oh, man. Okay, she motions the deputy she has a gun and drove erratically, trying to cause them to crash.

She's gone full Mad Max. She spent the pandemic on Grand Theft Auto. She definitely was just on fucking Sudafed and GTA. When deputies approached the suspect, she threw a fake snake at them, the post continues. This is the greatest. Four people were transported to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries following the crash. According to the sheriff's office, the deputies hit by the woman were also not injured. La Parade was booked into jail and is being held on a $90,000 bond.

We'll get out of here on this. How old is Dawn LaShawn LaParade? Hey. How old is she? Here's the thing. My guesses are either 1,900 years old or like 17. This earthly. Dawn.

Dawn. How old is Dawn? Dawn, earthly. Dawn. Dawn. How old is Dawn? Dawn, stop. Dawn. Dawn, how old are you, sweetheart? Dawn. The guys are asking, how old are you again, sweetheart? You're a.

Don't motion. 1971 years. Don't motion. You got a gun, Dawn. Dawn, I told you you're going to get killed with that snake. Stop fucking around with your toy snake. I tell you all the time, if you put a snake in your car, you're going to use it. It's Chekhov's snake.

If you introduce a snake in the first part of the chase, it comes out by the end. So you say 17, he says 17. You're locking that in? Yeah. You want to go 17? Jay, what do you think? 33. 33?

She's 52. 52? Yep. Duan LeSean LaFererrate is 54 years old. Oh, my God! Damn it! Oh, shit. That's the lady of the night.

I mean, I knew she was white because she pretended to have a gun and survived. She looks like Buddy Hackett in a wig. She looks like Brian Dennehy a little bit. I'm not shaming her. Dennehy, handsome person. Straight Dennehy vibes. She looks like she was in the Apple Dumpling Gang. As a kid.

She's a child actor. Yeah, we should say she's a Florida 55. She's not an LA 55 where if you're 55 in LA, you look like the Sklar brothers. Look at her. where if you're 55 in LA, you look like the Sklar brothers. Look at her. Doesn't she also look like an animatronic from Pirates of the Caribbean? I think she haunts Pee-wee's nightmares.

Tell them Lodge Marge said she's crazy. It scared the hell out of me. It scared the hell out of me. It fucked me up. Because it's not a scary movie. It's not a scary movie, but that moment, it comes out of nowhere

and it scares the hell out of you crazy all right well that's that story too i love it tease story three and patreon fans you're gonna get extra cool content from gabrus oh just a dumb truck thief i love it jump truck thief it'd be great if it was dumb dump truck thief. Dumb like a truck. Truck? Truck. Dumb truck.

What? What? All right, John Gabrus is with us. Let me hear it again! This new show is 101 Places to Party Before You Die. On TruTV. Hey, and it's going to be great. We'll talk.

We've got a Patreon thing after this, and then the final story. We love you. Dump People Town. Don't come. Stick around. Make a sound you. Dump People Town. Go come. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dump People Town. All right, Daniel. Take us home, buddy.

Ready? Here we go. Short little story. Dump, dump truck. Pretty dumb. Dump, dump truck. Man calls... Oh, I got to figure out who sent this in.

I'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Man calls police when truck he stole five days earlier is stolen again. Aha. Aha. That's like, how much of a claim do you have to it? Why are you claiming it at all? Why are you?

In five days, did you forget that it's still not your truck? After the third day, you're like, it's mine. It feels like mine. I'd like to introduce you to a famous court case, Finders versus Keepers. Losers versus Weepers. Sure, fair. Hilliard, Ohio.

We're back in Ohio. Back in Ohio. A lot of shit happens in the heartland. Of course. Like Amish country. A man who reported his truck stolen in Hilliard on Monday was arrested after authorities learned that he stole the truck five days earlier in Delaware County. My God, dude.

If you get a stolen truck stolen, that's a game-recognized game moment, right? Like, you're just supposed to say, like, oh, shit, okay, beat me at my own game. That's like Bruce Lee starting a fight and getting worked. Not to go back to alone, but when you catch something, or you kill it, or you hunt it, and then some other animal comes and takes it from you. You go, well, that's the circle. Yeah. I've seen people on the loan.

They follow squirrels to see where they keep all their stuff and then go into the tree and take all the squirrel shit. There you go. And the squirrels are like, well, someone stole from me. I got to start over again. Touche. Yeah. If you steal trucks and someone steals your trucks, you're like, fuck. Hey, man, the fisher's going to be all up in your snares.

That's all I'm going to say. But not until day 45. Okay. Well, yeah, because ghillie nets are not. You can't use them to the back. You can't use them to the ghillie nets. We all know about the ghillie nets. Got to set them out there.

Contestants must follow the local laws. Also, alone, can I just tell, alone, we get it. They're allowed to keep whatever they find. Sure. We get it. Every episode, they retell you, contestants are allowed to keep the news. They must get so much heat of like, where did Juan Pablo get the nail from? And it's like, relax.

He found it. He found it. Also, doesn't it make you sad? He found this huge bag of jerky. Gamers could play Beko in the Beko store. Doesn't it make you sad when they're in the middle of nowhere and they find litter? Isn't there a part where it's like, even here. Even here, there's a can.

Yeah, there's like rusted paint cans in the middle of Labrador. Sick. Who did this? I know. Okay, so Hillard Police said that Brett Redd. Brett Redd. Brett Redd. He needs more in his last name.

Someone stole that the last half of his life. Just on name alone. Redford. People are like, yeah, he's one of them Redd brothers. Brett Redd is one of the Redd brothers. They've been stealing trucks down in Delaware County. They're running hot trucks from Delaware to Ohio constantly. I never trusted those Red boys.

I never trusted them. Brett Red is so staccato. Brett Red. Brett Red of Columbus. That's a dude who you call Brett Red. Brett Red. You don't call him Brett. You don't call him Brett.

I talk about these people all the time. Two single syllable names that end up being Brett Red for life. So true. You're just Gabrus and there's a lot of people who don't even know that your first name is John. Right. Some people always guess Peter and I think because of Peter Gabriel. People just think that sounds right. Peter Gabrius.

Sometimes I like throwing a Johnny at you. JB? JB. JB. JB. JB. I'm sorry. JB.

Great too. JB. John Babrus. JB is what I meant to say. Babrus is my homie fan. Come on If it isn't It needs to be

Let's go Babris let's set it up Right now Start doing it Give him a live camera Thank you for the Patreon subscribers You are here in the

Fourth act of Babris' OnlyFans And you get a special treat The Babris fans Are coming out Brett Redd Reported his truck Stolen by his

By his passenger From a UDF gas station on Cemetery Road. Oh, my God. The stolen truck was stolen by his accomplice? Yes. By someone who knew it was stolen? Yes. They're like, don't tell me you stole this truck. What are you going to do?

Call the cops? What are you going to do? And he's so dumb. I'll call the fucking cops. It's like, you sure about that, Brett Redd? I'll burn this all down. We're all going to jail, bitch'll call the fucking cops. It's like, you sure about that? I'll burn this all down. We're all going to jail, bitch. I like it there.

You know, you're shooting the gun through you to get to the cops. Yeah, sure. Brett Redd. I know what's going on. Police were able to catch up to the truck on Main Street in Old Hilliard. Old Hilliard. Shit, we're pulling into Old Hilliard. They'll catch us in no time.

The suspect identified as David Harrison Harrison ran from the vehicle, but was arrested in a nearby residential neighborhood. Good. Hilliard told police, Hilliard police later learned that the truck was originally stolen by Red on May 4th. It's a good party. According to an incident report from the Delaware County Sheriff's Office,

the vehicle was taken from a landscaping company in Powell. Yeah. Both men have been charged with receiving stolen property. So you knew the second guy. The second guy caught was like, he stole it first. He immediately threw that guy under the bus. So you can't arrest me for stealing a stolen. I was going to actually bring this back to the landscaping company.

He threw it under the landscaping company. I'm an old Hilliard. I wouldn't go to old Hilliard if I was planning on keeping the dump truck. You don't take a landscape truck to old Hilliard if you don't have a plan. Right. Now, to be fair, a landscape truck could be a dump truck. So we are talking about the dump truck. You don't take a landscape truck to Old Hilliard if you don't have a plan. Right. Now, to be fair, a landscape truck could be a dump truck. So we are talking about a dumb dump truck.

That is very true. True that. I'll ask you this. We'll get out of here this. How old is Brett Redd? Brett Redd is how old? Brett Redd is how old? It's Brett Redd. Steals a truck, gets it stolen from him by a passenger or friend.

He's got experience. He calls the cops saying, hey, my truck got stolen. So dumb. He doesn't think they're going to go, yeah, this truck was reported five days ago. It was reported stolen. This is some heavy 26-year-old bullshit right here. Wow. I'm going to say 38.

I'm going to confirm. I'm going to say 43. Brett Redd's 43. Okay. Brett Redd. Wonderful having you here today, Dan. I love it. I'm so psyched about this show.

The show. The show. 101 Pl places to party before you die When you get a season 2 However many more Like let's say you guys do 8 more cities You should call it 8 more cities to party before you die Rather than be like

Just keep on trickling it in We have 93 more to go baby People should be watching it You're not dead yet You're not dead yet Come on you're not dead yet. You're not dead yet. Come on, you're not dead yet. You're not Brett Red yet. You're not Brett Red yet.

101 places to party before you're Brett Red. What did you say? 26, 38, 43. Brett Red is 36 years old. Oh, Jay. You got it right. Brett Red should know better. Brett Red is mine. There. Brett Redd is mine.

There you go. That is the show. John Gabers, thank you so much. We love you guys so much, townies. And oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum.

Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here, townies. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town.

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