Dumb People Town - Jon Lovett - Dog Scat Bomb

Episode Date: August 13, 2019

John Lovett (Pod Save America, Lovett or Leave It) stops by hear about a man makes a bomb as a prank on his friend. In story two, a woman is arrested for allowing her daughters to have a dangerous pool party. In the third story, a traffic stop reveals a car full of contraband. 

Star Pains, I know. Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Tunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town.

Population to you. Population. Love it. John, love it. We're not just Population U. Population love it. John love it. We're not just saying love it because we do love it. We're saying love it because he's John love it. And Pod Save America. If you listen to Pod Save America like we do and love it or leave it,

I mean, which, by the way, in light of recent events, are you like saying I might need to change the name of that? No. I'm glad you're not. I'm not going to be cowed. Don't be cowed. Don't be cowed. Don't let him take you down. Don't let him take that name away from you,

because it is a great name for a podcast. Loving the experience of you in stereo, bouncing back and forth. Wait till we add a little Van Kirk in the mix. I dance. For sure. How are you, buddy? How are you guys?

Well, we believe, John, that the world is getting dumber. That either it's getting dumber, and I love your opinion on it because I feel like you take a deep dive. By the way, we're not saying dumb has never been around. We're saying dumb maybe coming out of the shadows is no longer a shame to be dumb. Yeah, it's never been more acceptable to be uninformed. Thank you. What do you think? Fight us on it.

Fight us, please. I'm thinking about it. I want to tell you my actual thoughts on it. Here's what my actual gut instinct on this is that no, the world is not getting dumber. What's actually happening is the world's getting closer and we get to see more people of every sort. when you see more people of every sort, not only do you hear from a wider range of really smart people who may have been denied the chance to tell you what they think in the past because they weren't the right color or they were trans or they were gay or what have you.

Now we also get to hear from the full tapestry of American stupidity that previously might not have been visible to us. You're talking about the bottom part of the tapestry that just rubs along the dirt and just is disgusting and kind of wallows. I agree with that. That is the part. That's our state fair blanket. You're like, can't we cut this off?

The part of the tapestry we cut off and use for mud flaps with a naked woman on it. Our potholders. Like, hey, there's stuff spilled on them. We're never going to clean it. Whatever.

See, the problem with that, too, is like dumbness tends to make up for lack of vocabulary or insight with volume. Yeah. Louder. No, we heard you. You don't have to speak louder. You're now not adding to your argument. You're just saying what you said before, but louder. So we feel like the only way to fight back is through comedy.

I mean, really to take things down. And you do such a great job of it on your podcasts. Thank you. Of handling stuff that is happening, especially the stuff that you feel, we feel very powerless at times over. You're like, how do we handle this? So that is what we do.

And our wonderful fans send us these stories. They send them to Dan Van Kirk. And for anyone out there listening, if you don't know, if you're a new listener, if you're a fan of Pod Save America, listen to this show now. This is how you do it. You go to Daniel Van Kirk.

He's at Daniel Van Kirk on Twitter. Send him the story, hashtag dumbpeopletown, and it gives us a timeline as to who sent it. And I can see who sent it in first. So let's jump into one right now. Like the person who sent in this one. Let's jump into one. Sent in by Colonel Mustard ANAs at, I don't know.

Maybe you guys can know what this means. At, this is their handle, C to the Bell. C to the Bell? C to the Bell. Is that some Like It sounds like The member of Salt-N-Pepa That got kicked out

You know what I mean Because she just Didn't get Or like workers Who were striking At the C&C Music Factory I don't know if it was A reference to some

Like famous battle In the Korean War Like C to the bell Rock the bells C to the B-L B-E-L-L C to the bell I don't know

Yeah me either Alright Here we go A Portland man Although I just say Mustard A&A's Sounds amazing E-L-L. D to the bell. I don't know. Yeah, me either. All right. Here we go. A Portland man. Although I just say mustard A&As sounds amazing. I love all mustards. It's Dijon A's. If you mayonnaise a mustard, right?

It's just Dijon A's. It's Dijon A's. It already exists. One of my favorite, favorite rappers. 2019. Dijon A's is my favorite Beyonce album that hasn't come out yet. Capitalism has produced mayonnaise mustard combos. Right?

We got something for it. If you really want to look at what capitalism has done. Let's make mustard great again. Go, Dan. If you really want to look, go to the mustard aisle of your local grocery store and you will see all the options that we don't need. Especially if you have a mustard aisle. Yeah. There are mustard aisles.

Especially if you have a mustard aisle. Yeah, there are mustard aisles. A Portland man now faces felony criminal charges after police say he created a homemade bomb containing dog feces and tricked a former friend into setting it off. Is that the nicest way to describe domestic terrorism? It is, but I want to say, was that guy a friend up until he did it? And then now he's identifying as a former friend for the article? Or was he a former friend that this guy, he's like, I'm so good I can trick my enemies.

Like when they interviewed the victim, they were like, and this guy's your friend? Former. Former friend. Are you friends now? No, now we are friends. How could we be friends now? We've had a falling out.

I blew up shit on him. That right but before today were you guys friends as far as i knew i didn't know he hated dog shit well to me i am fascinated i don't know if you are with like mind control stories like stories of people being able to get other people to do things. Like, again, what do we say? What was the thing? What? The in plain sight. Oh, inducted in plain sight.

Did you watch that show? Have you seen that? Yes. You know, inducted in plain sight was really needed to spend a little bit more time on the parenting. Yeah, yeah. You know what? The parenting needed to spend a little bit more time on the parenting.

Thank you. I had someone tweet at me today because I've been on record numerous times. I go, when you get to minute 22, let me know. Do you know what that is? I do not. When the dad and B go for a ride. Oh, yeah.

And you did not see what was about... You didn't see it coming. Literally, you did not see it coming. But I mean, the idea of somebody having mind control. So to me, I feel like there is maybe an element of mind control in this friendship. Well, let's find out. Right? Rob Alexander Stout.

He's his own brewery and a man. He is the title of a poem in a Shel Silverstein book that is yet to be written. Ron Alexander Stout would not take the garbage out. Rob, sorry, Alexander Stout, placed the bomb into a plastic toolbox and filled the box with dog feces

he'd collected from his dogs and dogs that had defecated around a courtyard. So he's going around saying, guys, I'm just cleaning it up. I'm making my neighborhood more beautiful. Why don't you throw it in that trash can right next to you where you're right where that's so convenient? No,

I'm just going to put it. You know what I'm going to put in this toolbox here? That doesn't make any sense. It's my toolbox. Because there's an open trash can right where. I'm just going to keep it. You're going to keep that? No,

no, I see why. No, I get why I could throw it in right here. I'm opening this trash can that you can throw it right in right here. no, and obviously that's easy, but it's over there and I have it here. I'm just standing right next to it. Well, right in right here. Yeah, no, and obviously that's easy, but it's over there, and I have it here.

I'm just standing right next to it. Well, I'm going to collect a bunch of it. It's a weird thing to keep. I'm going to keep it. It's a weird thing to keep. I think I'm just going to keep it. Okay. In your house?

You know what? Don't worry about it. I just want it, and I'm going to keep it. Okay. It just seems like an odd thing to keep. I also like that in this article they say, from his dog and dogs that defecated around a courtyard. Not his courtyard. Is it a courtyard? It's not the courtyard of the apartment complex. Let me ask this. A Marriott that defecated around a courtyard. Not his courtyard.

Is it a courtyard? It's not the courtyard of the apartment complex. Let me ask a Marriott courtyard. Just think about the moment where he's picking up his own dog's shit and then a shit light bulb goes off over his head. He's like, wait a second. Look what I can do. Wait a second. Wait a second.

Wait a second. You've got a bag full of it in your hand. Hold on a second. Let me work this out. Let me run the numbers. Let me run the numbers. Let what I can do. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. You've got a bag full of it in your hand. Hold on a second. Let me work this out. Let me run the numbers. Let me run the numbers. Let me run the numbers. I'm going to need...

Okay, so this is a good idea. That's right. But I'm going to need a lot more shit. That's right. We're going to need a bigger boat. We're going to need a bigger boat. It's like he's collecting the shit, and in a moment, he stops, and he's like, holy crap, I'm becoming my father.

That's right. Well, that is a realization moment. Shit light bulb is going into the lex that that is a realization shit light bulb is going into the lexicon of this light bulb shit light bulb is what comes on when you have a horrible idea it's a ding and it's just a thing of crap with it's a glowing poop uh he picked it up around a courtyard according to a probable cause affidavit he then set the toolbox up to explode upon opening stout admitted to police that he had set up the device because... If you are a person walking up to

a toolbox that smells like dog shit and saying to yourself, I need to open this, maybe you're getting what you deserve. It reeks of shit. It's ticking. Yeah, that's right. What is this in here? Never open anything that someone asks you to unless you know why

you're doing it. It's a great thing. Like, hey, I need the whatever to cool off. Can you open that for me? Sure. But if you're like, go open that. No, I need more information. If your friend said to you, your friend, John, said to your friend, go open that. You know they're trying to fuck with you in a certain way.

The thing is, here's what you do, though. You get a picture, and you make it really askew. And then you say, hey, pal, do me a favor. Grab a level. So you have to be sneaky with why you ask what they need. You're not really openly asking them to open it. When someone tells me, hey, can you do me a favor? Can you go open up that that comically large uh uh peanut

yeah peanut barrel yes i often get my peanut brittle in can form yeah admitted to police that he had set up the device because he was angry at his former friend for failing to return something of his okay do not say what it was. Love? But do you know? Is it love? Love? Attention? Just a sense of just valuing as a fucking person. I value you. Why won't you return that for me? Tell me I can succeed. Can we guess? You believe in me. Can we guess

though what it was? I mean, we can try. I do not think they say what it was. Beer cozy? But my thing is, don't you... And I call it cozy, not koozy. Weed whacker feels like that rises to the level of wanting to bomb them. Because of the toolbox, I feel like that plays into something you'd find in a garage. Right?

Yeah. Brackets. Well, it's also... Toboggan. It's prank adjacent. It could have been like season four of the Jamie Kennedy experiment. It could have been the X. That's even better.

May he rest in peace. And I know he's not dead. We just wanted to get a good night's sleep. We always say that. He failed. The former friend, he did this because the former friend did not return something of his, according to the affidavit. One of the things he and his friend liked to do together was watch YouTube videos of people pulling pranks, Stout said.

I am from the fucking future. You are from the future. You are ridiculous. I am inside this guy's head. I understand. Get out. I understand the kind of person. John, we're not going to be able to get you back if you stay in there.

Get out. You're essentially in the Dumb People Town version of the cell. Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you walk over that little patch of grass that's not a hole? Yeah. I know it doesn't look like the other grass and it's like sticking up. Or the strings. Don't stand on that blanket in my yard. Hey, can you go pick up that $100 bill

that's not attached to a string? Yeah, grab it. Go. It's fine. So their entire friendship was based on a prank, on watching pranks on YouTube. Right. You've got to expect it. Go. It's fine. So their entire friendship was based on a prank, on watching pranks on YouTube. Right. This is a- You gotta expect it to come. Okay.

Now I'm starting to see the backstory of this thing, which is that the guy who made the shit toolbox bomb- Right. Rob. He definitely was pranked like three times in a row. Little pranks. Little ones that just get under your skin. Because if the pranking world gets out of whack and out of balance if it's not like i got you you got

me i got you you got me yeah if he gets them three times a row then you're gonna get a toolbox full of a shit but my thing is like what did you you're taking something you used to enjoy doing together and now using that to get this person back like How much did he love these pogs that he couldn't get back from this guy? I think you're missing that one of the pranks that was pulled on him, on Rob, was his mother smoking and drinking while she was pregnant. That was a prank. Perpetrated by his now gone absent father. That was that.

He came out of the canal and his mom went, Gotcha. Welcome home, son. That's hilarious. Police contacted Stout after his former friend. That guy kept being like, put former in there. Every time. Every time you mentioned my name.

I'm so nervous about how bad it was. We're joking. We're having a good time. What happened? We wouldn't be in here if it was horrible. No it was. We're joking. We're having a good time. What happened? We wouldn't be in here if it was horrible. No one died. We know that. Police contacted Stout after his former friend called them April 16th to report that someone

had left the toolbox bomb on the back of his Camaro. I mean, that is... Is there any other car it would have been set on ever? That is... I mean... Maybe an IROC. Maybe an IROC. Maybe an IROC. You got toolbox bomb power in the back of this.

That's what she's packing. Someone had left a toolbox bomb on the back of his Camaro. When he opened it, it exploded with such force that it sounded like an M80 going off. And that dog scat was blown out of the toolbox. I've never heard it called dog scat. Dog scat. Dog scat is an early form of... It's what Snoop did originally on the early hours.

It's an early form of jazz, dog scat. He was the brother of the scat man. They had a bitter, bitter legal battle. And it just goes in every direction, dog scat. But wait, so it worked. This prank did work. Like he set it up and the correct guy who was supposed to open it opened it.

Yes. And that's why he's a former friend. So, effective prank. And it also sounds like a delicate balance of amount of force you want. Right. That's the real trick with a shit bomb. That's the real trick. But it wasn't an explosion that took off digits.

No. Right. The next sentence says right here, the man apparently wasn't hurt. Court papers don't describe any injuries, and Stout wasn't even charged with assault. So, it was a perfect poop spray. Or a dog scat. Yeah, a dog scat. Because, you know, worst case scenario,

two worst case scenarios, the real, obviously, you know. But the other one is just a little, and then just sort of, you're like, what? Right. Everyone's furious. There was enough force for it to make the paper. Yeah. Like, this is a story that's being covered. Everyone's furious. There was enough force for it to make the paper. Yeah.

Like this is a story that's being covered. Yes, exactly. Just like his face was covered. Police who investigated determined that the toolbox contained a battery, wiring, switches, and an airbag from a car. So he put it all in the airbag and then the airbag just inflated and then shot the dog shit off of it. Which is kind of a perfect way to do it because there's no actual explosion then hold on a second guys let's just back up yeah let's back up everywhere back up a second is rob a fucking genius i mean he is like he's like like if you

saw a website they're like send your friends and enemies a poop bomb and like guaranteed to not get hurt all it is is a quickly inflating bag that shoots the poop into the person you would hear about this happening you would detest anyone who ever did it but you would hear about let me ask you this if if rob put as much work into his relationships and his jobs as he did into this poop bomb would he be a ceo of a fortune 500 company could he be married and happy with children? If Rob had been smart enough to take a page from those YouTube videos and film this, maybe he wouldn't. He could be, yes. The next Logan Paul.

Stout was booked into jail Thursday, but released after posting bail the same day. So it's not that big of a deal. Yeah, except for then police searched his house and found a sawed-off shotgun and some drugs. Oh, super.

Good, good. But I'm going to ask you this. We will get out of here on this. How old is Rob Alexander Stout? Wow. Knowing what we know, John, about him. Yeah, taking everything you know.

He wants his things brought back to him. He's got a friend with a Camaro. He likes YouTube. He knows how to use YouTube, so he's not 70. Camaro,

I'm moving the age. I'm making him older. Older. YouTube, making him younger. Moving back and forth. Airbag, no impact.

Airbag, no impact, and you are, there's some ingenuity in this thing is what we're saying. What was his middle name again? Alexander.

Alexander Stout. Rass. He was born in 1977. He is 41 years old, turning 42 this summer. Oh, my God. That's the most specific age guess we've ever... That is the best age guess we've ever had. Jason, what do you think?

I think he's 36. 36? 36. He's three years older than Jesus was when he died, and yet he still is on a dog feces messianic trip, and that's where he is. Okay, 36. I think he's a little older.

I think he's 57. 57. I think he's 10 years older than us, and he just, again, I mean, you don't have to be that old to know how to use YouTube. I mean, I just think he's one of those guys. He's hanging on. He's on the down slope.

Okay. All right. So Randy says 56, 41. 41, almost turning 42, 36. Okay. One of you got the right decade. Okay, good. Rob Alexander Stout.

Would not take the garbage out. The man who definitely has a former friend, but also definitely has a perfect design for a poop scat bomb. Right. Never listen to a Rob who says he has a former friend, former friend, former friend, former friend. Get your answers in now, townies, wherever you are. Scream it out in your cubicles.

Yell it in your bad traffic. Because Rob Alexander Stout is 48 years old. Wow. Wait, did you guys split it? You guys split it. Seven. Seven. And what was yours?

56? 57. 57. Oh, nice. I love it when you go. John wins the first one. That's it. Nice.

There we go. Rob, 48. 48. And this is how you're using your time. You should know better. You just should know better. I should know better I mean he's he's really jealous he doesn't have a Camaro

we're almost 48 damn we're almost 48 if he has a family that is a guy who does not want to spend time with his family if he doesn't have a family unless he built it

you know you're looking for some quality time with a son and they did it together right if it was an activity that he did with his kid this should be the new

Pinewood Derby for Boy Scouts usually usually though it's not court ordered yeah yeah uh story one there you go story one down in the books highbrow comedy already out there john lovett is our guest and we'll be back with more dumb people town right after this stick around make us down for more dumb people town people town right after this stick around make us down for more dumb people town all right guys welcome back to the show uh we got john lovin here follow him on twitter follow it right now if you are a dumb people town listener and you are not subscribed to his podcast pod save america love or leave it do it right now just pause this follow those podcasts and then i'm telling you you

feel bet in the same way that people come up to us and talk to us about this show they say i feel better after listening to your show ours is of course pure silliness but at the same time people do walk around dan don't they come up to you and be like oh yeah they're like wait i've done some dumb things in my life or i'm going to make a commitment to doing smarter things in my life like that's okay that's action out of a silly podcast. But people are growing. People are changing. Thank you.

And I think you guys do a great job of making you feel like, all right, I'm better informed. I actually have a roadmap of what I want to try and do. Do you guys have

live dates coming up or anything planned for the rest of this year? We have a bunch of shows. If you go to crooked.com slash events, you can actually,

the next big show, we're doing a big benefit at the Greek. Great. With Jamel Hill is going to be our co-host. Amanda Seals, best host.

That's great. And Maggie Rogers is going to be joining us. Oh, wow. Sweet. Yeah, it's a great show. Do you know the date on that? August 17th.

August 17th at the Greek and all the proceeds. I have to say that the legal way, and proceeds from that show are going to go to helping kind of protect the vote and expand the vote. So every single proceeds. Just kidding. That's awesome. So that's at the Greek on the 17th.

Yes. We should go check that out. Before we did it again, what about you guys? We have dates. If you go to supersclaris.com, we're going to be in Phoenix. Though that, sadly, that date, or else we'd be there that weekend. Counter-programming. Well, it's, hey, we've got to do our part in Phoenix, which is another battleground state.

Hey, Maricopa County, making it real. And then where else? And then we're going to be in JFL. I think this will drop after that. So you just crushed JFL? We have a huge show in Chicago at Tinley Park at the convention center. That is right, my friend. That's right, Daniel.

Grab a double dip to Talions and make your way out to Tinley. Porto sandwiches waiting for us. That's on the 27th of September.

Great. And you? Oh, on the 10th of August, Saturday the 10th, I'll be at the DNA Lounge in Santa Cruz doing two shows. I will be recording those shows for my album. Beautiful. And then on the 29th of August, Saturday the 10th, I'll be at the DNA Lounge in Santa Cruz doing two shows. I will be recording those shows

for my album. And then on the 29th of August, I will be at UCB Franklin running my hour there as well. Go to danielvankirk.com for all those dates and Toronto, I'll see you in September for JFL. Let's jump into another story. We've got John Lovett here. Okay, here we are.

Let's quit fucking around. Sent in by Kyle Andrews. Let's quit fucking around and start fucking around. We've got John Lovett here. Sent in here we are. Sent in. Let's quit fucking around. Sent in by Kyle Andrews. Let's quit fucking around and start fucking around. We got John Lovett here. Sent in by Kyle Andrews at Kyle Andrews 18. 17 other Kyle Andrews before he got to the one he wanted. Or 18 also means double life. Dixon police say a woman is arrested. Nope.

Nope. We're not doing it. Nope. Who got this wrong? She is arrested. Nope. Nope. We're not doing it. Nope. Who got this wrong? She is arrested yesterday. So I says yesterday. Right. Anyone who starts with so I says, I'm like, we got to have a talk.

Right. So you said? You're talking about before when you said something? I like it. I like it because you're in a fucking story and now we're there as it's happening. It's unfolding for us. It's a story in your mind unfolding. Okay, so we have...

So then Abe Lincoln says... So I says, listen... Hey, man, you're at the theater. You better check your bag. Okay, so this is what I propose, okay? You know, there is past tense, there is present tense, there is future tense, there is pluperfect and all that stuff. This should be called, like, folksy past.

Folksy past tense. Folksy past tense. Folksy past tense. So I says... So I says... So she is arrested. Dixon police say a woman is arrested. Maybe that does make sense. By the way, a woman is arrested sounds like... If she's currently still under arrest, isn't she...

She is under arrest. She remains... She is arrested. A woman remains arrested. You are writing an article. She is arrested. If she is arrested, then she remains arrested. She's in the state of arrest. She is arrested. A woman remains arrested. You are writing an article. She is arrested. If she is arrested, then she remains arrested. She's in the state of arrest. Is it more that she was arrested or is in custody? Are we saying that arrested isn't the experience of having been arrested? Right. Maybe it's a long

process. We're not even high. Dixon police say a woman is arrested after she allegedly had her two daughters ride inside of a pool on the roof of her Audi SUV. No. Yes. No.

Yes. There's only one part of that sentence. Audi? Yes. Audi? That I am sort of stuck on. No, it's more just. Oh, that she had an Audi.

The action versus the. That doesn't feel like an Audi move. Yeah. At an Audi. The action versus the- That doesn't feel like an Audi move. Yeah. When I think of a person driving an Audi, I think of somebody who has dotted T's, crossed the I's, on time with their taxes.

Getting in the pool on the roof is not something that someone who's in an Audi- This is what you say if you drive a Dodge Odyssey. Right. I was about to say 1992 Caravan. There we go. You got wood paneling and a pool on the roof. A Mark V conversion. So she put the pool on top of the roof. Filled it.

And I think it was empty. Oh. And had her two daughters ride inside. Police say. Strapped on in any way, shape, or form? I think that's what the kids are. The kids are the straps. The kids are the weights like a paperweight.

I will read this to you. It'll unfold itself. Now, as a parent As a parent You just want your kids to have fun Let's just work from that She wants to be the fun mom She's the fun mom

Kids you want to get on the pool Have fun in the car Maybe they had just seen Teen Wolf And she threw a pool into the mix Look she's the fun mom Oh dad's fun I'm the fucking Your dad's so fun

I'm homework Homework Get in the pool I'll show you some fun I'll show you some fun. I'll show you some fun. You get on the top of that fucking... Get on that car. You're going to have some fun.

Get on the roof of that car. Get on that Q5. You don't want to get on there. You get on there. Get on that fucking roof. You get on that roof. You sit in that pool. We're going to have a great day.

Cotton candy, anybody? Eat it. Eat it. I'm going to drive around while you're up there. Police say that around 3.07 p.m. Around. Around. So there's been some morning drinking, let's be honest. Yeah, we said this. 3 p.m. Around. So there's been some morning drinking,

let's be honest. Yeah, we said this. 3 p.m. is the 6 a.m. What did we say? 6 p.m. is the 3 a.m. of day drinking, so she's at midnight. She's at midnight right now. For day drinking. Police say around 3.07 p.m. they received a call from a concerned citizen

or any person about an Audi Q5 driving north on the Peoria Avenue bridge with kids inside of the pool while the pool was on top of the SUV. They're on a bridge, too. So they don't just, there's a chance they won't just fall off the car, that they will fall off of a bridge. Sheila's like, I'm making a budget. Hey, there's water down there.

That's what I'm saying. The best place for them to fall. It's like, I'm making a budget. Hey, there's water down there. That's the best place for them to fall. Hey, this pool was empty a second ago. Now I'm in a much bigger pool. Kids, if you go off, you're going to want to keep your legs together, toes down. All I'm saying is, if that pool fell off the thing

and down onto the river, greatest ride ever. Ever. It's Temple of Doom. It's a real-life temple. We got a real-life Temple of Doom situation on our hands.

Mama Doom. She calls herself Mama Doom. They were going across the bridge inside of a pool while the pool was on top of an SUV. This kind of sounds like an aristocrat's joke.

Police found the vehicle driving west near Palmyra Road. Put that on driving west near Palmyra Road. Put that on the dumb people. Palmyra. Add that to the dumb people town walking tour. You know that there's some uncle who lives in this town

and whether he's got his nieces in the car or he's by himself, he gets to that stop sign and he goes, Palmyra. And he tries to do the deep voice. And he can't get that. We're dating, John. He doesn't know this song.

I am 36 years old. Okay, so back in the day when we were, again. Have you ever heard this song? Elvira? Oh, yes, I've heard that. If you want to do something that's actually really enjoyable. The Oak Ridge Boys? Go down the rabbit hole of them performing Elvira on a number of different shows.

And at the beginning, they're very excited. They go down YouTube only watching live performances. Dude, I'm telling you. They went through a six-month run on Elvis. You did that Elvis run, but I also did the guy Bob Evans from the, you know, Smoke Sausages. He was a singer. And when he was young, he had this sort of like, he did a song called

Big John. Big John, it should be your theme song, my man. Big John. I know that song. Big John. It's like about a guy who built the railroad. To me, it's like the essence of why we should stop coal and go to a cleaner energy. It's about a guy who goes down into a mine,

he beat everyone up and could kill everyone, but then he goes in the mine and the mine collapses on top of him and then they pull him out. It's a tragic song, but it's like a talk-singy song. Yes. Like a weird, almost like novelty song from the 50s. But it was enormous and he built an entire career on it. And so one time on YouTube, one night on YouTube, I watched him do that song through the years until he was like 80.

One night on YouTube, I watched him do that song through the years until he was 80. And just the anger and the sort of resentment he had towards this thing that gave him success because it was one hit. He's got to do it. He had to do it. They want it. And you stop loving the thing that made you. When you stop loving the thing that made you. And you stop loving altogether.

You stop loving altogether. You forget how to love. That's your book title. When you stop loving the thing that to love. That's your book title. You stop loving the thing that made you. That's my book title. That's everyone's book title. That's this woman's book title. So, no, this is the thing.

You've got to spice up life. You've got to put the pool on top of the Audi and take the kids out for a spin. Guys, we're just going to put the pool on the roof on this one. Hold on. I'm taking a left on Paul Myra. Police pulled the SUV over and spoke to, this is everything you want it to be, Jennifer A. Janice Yeager. J-A-J-Y.

Do you think she's related to the, isn't Yeager, isn't he a famous test pilot? Do you think that they come from a, Chuck Yeager. Chuck, yes. Sorry, first. Yes, Chuck Yeager. It might be Yeager. You need to say Chuck yager like i'm the dumbest fucking astronaut his name is chuck yager you dumb motherfucker you mean charles

guy who created jagermeister i mean come on he was the jagermeister uh jennifer a janice how much does she call herself the jagermeister jan it is jannifer is Janus. J-A-N-U-S. Janus. I mean, I know it's Janus, technically. Not Janice. It'd be Janus if you were in Switzerland. Isn't that like a mythical two-faced beast? A Janus?

A Janus? When she drinks. Yeah. Ain't nothing mythical about it. Jennifer A. Janus Jäger. Jenny A. Jenny A. Janus of Dixon, was driving the SUV. Police say Yeager drove into town to inflate the pool at a friend's house and had her two daughters ride inside of the empty pool to hold it down for the drive home. Also, easily, you could just...

Get a rope? Yeah, or... Like a pace-to-contact commercial? Her inability to hold it down in every area of her life is the story of her life. I've also never, in my life, heard about somebody driving the pool

to the pool pump. That's right. Because it would be so much more difficult to take... That's trying to bring the mountain to Mohammed. Because here's the thing. Let's just think it through. Let's assume the pool was going to end up back where it started.

Sure. So she's going to make one trip. Right. You can drive an uninflated pool, inflate it, and drive it home, or you can not endanger your children. Right. And have no fun. And have no fun at all. I'd rather she left the kids home alone.

Like, that's... She doesn't. Well, but how does the pool stay on top of... Yeah. Jay, you're completely misunderstanding how we... This is all about getting an inflated pool to a pool pump. Also, if you're in any neighborhood in this country, someone has a portable air compressor. Oh, yeah. Put it on your neighborhood app, whatever that is.

You don't have kids. The reason why you have kids. Not that I know of. Okay. The reason why you have children is so that they can be giant paperweights. That is the whole point to having children. Here, hold this down. Hold this down.

Hold this down. Stand on this corner. Sit on this. Sit on that thing so it doesn't blow away. Yep. Lay on your brother so he doesn't fly out. That's right. There's some guy in your neighborhood who's like 50 years old and always in his garage

working on something. He's got two collies that are always walking around the driveway. Very specific. in his garage working on something. He's got two colleagues that are always walking around the driveway. If you hang around him long enough, he will tell you about the divorce. You're like, alright, alright. She didn't get you. She doesn't understand how much you love Morrissey, even though

he's still anti-immigrant. We get it. Did somebody say Jeff? No, nobody said Jeff. I thought somebody called for Jeff. No, we just need to borrow your air compressor. Let me show you what I'm doing with this toolbox. Oh, I'm so glad you guys finally decided to come over. You guys want cheese whiz on some chips?

No, no, no. We just need the air compressor. We messaged you and we said, can we get the air compressor? Come in for a second. We don't have time to come in. Come in for one second. I've got to go get the compressor. Come in.

We'll stand here. Leave it on your porch and we'll come back in a minute. Are you guys good? Do you guys want an ice pop? No. No one wants anything. Get your dog out of our car. Get your dog out of my car.

He has the type of guy that you open the door and both dogs are in. In your car? Both dogs are in your car. You're like, what's going on here? He's out with his collies. There's hair everywhere. You guys want a pudding cup? No, we do not.

That one's open. I'll take a pudding cup. No, no, no. That one's open. You don't want that one. Okay. That's all I got. They're all open.

Why are they all open? All right. Jenny Yeager was arrested for two counts of endangering the life of a child, two counts of reckless conduct, and failed to secure a passenger between 18 and 16. I didn't know that, so I guess in some states it's on them. Over 16, it's on them. Yeah, over 16. The cop gave the ticket to whoever didn't have the seatbelt on, right? Yeah.

If you're riding with me in my car and your seatbelt's on, cop pulls this over, you get the ticket. Driver gets it. Driver gets it. Does driver get it for failing to secure the car? I have to make a grown person put their seatbelt on. Or I don't drive the car. You're not time. Driver gets it. Driver gets it. Does driver get it for failing to secure the car? I have to make a grown person put their seatbelt on. Or I don't drive the car. You're not supposed to drive.

She was taken to the police department and posted bond. We are now going to get to play a game we don't get to play very often. How much was her bond? Whose home state did this happen in? If my research is correct, you are from New York?

Mm-hmm. Okay. Long Island? Are you Long Island? I am from Long Island. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to out that. I am from Long Island.

Yeah, but your pause led me to believe that perhaps I shouldn't have said that out loud. I'll tell you what my pause was. My pause was, do I know where Palmyra is? No. Okay. Okay. So, John, New York. Sklar is Missouri.

Or me. Dan, Illinois. Okay. Now, you are. Okay. Okay, so John, New York. Sklar is Missouri. Or me. Dan, Illinois. Okay, now you are our guest. You have the option to go first, Tig, or third. What position would you like to go in? To guess. Tig is between me and Randy. Okay.

Deal. I'll go second. Okay. Check it out. Jake, go ahead. I think it's not Missouri. I'm going to say it's not Missouri. Okay.

Because they don't buy German cars in Missouri willy-nilly. Yeah. So I'm going to say it's not Missouri. Okay. Because they don't buy German cars in Missouri willy-nilly. I'm going to say this is a Long Island. This is a strong island move. We're honoring our guests. John's shaking his head. John. This took place?

In upstate New York. I think this took place in Illinois. I think it was somewhere in Illinois. Like Decatur, Illinois. All right. Let him get it out. The home state of either the Sklars, John, or myself, New York, Missouri, or Illinois, where a woman took an Audi, correctly predicted Q5.

Q5. All the way. Put a pool on top of it and had her kids hold it down, just like they were probably holding down that marriage. Holding down life. She's just holding it down. She's holding the pool. That happened in Dixon, Illinois.

Oh! Which is my high school's number one rival. There you go, Dan. We play them in every sport all through high school. You got to stick it to them on a podcast. I know. Dixon. And it makes so much sense for Dixon. Oh, it does.

They're our Shelbyville. They are garbage people. But think they're better than you. Yes. I get it. A basket full of deplorables. I'm joking. All right.

Stop it. All right. So that's story number two in the books. Dan, can you tease us a little bit on story number three? We have a story that has been sent to me, if I had to guess, probably over 400 times. Oh, my God. It has way more questions than it does answers. All right, we'll get to that with John Lovett on Dumb People Town right after this.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. John Lovett with us. A pod save America. I hope it saves America.

Dan, we've got one last story. You've saved us. Yes. This has been so fun. Dan, we've got one last story. You've saved us. Yes. This has been so fun. This is a blast. This is just, the motor that generates this thing is insane.

Take a break from the serious and dive into dumb people. Dan, give us our last story. Here we go. Sent in by Kelby W. Davis at Kelby W. Davis. K-A-L-B-Y. The third.

I feel like that's gotta be, even if it's a woman, it's gotta be the third. Sounds like Confederate General Kelby W. Davis. We took down the Kelby W-Y. I feel like that's got to be, even if it's a woman, it's got to be. Sounds like Confederate General Kelby W. Davis. We took down the Kelby W. Davis statue that was out by God. Finally. As I said before the break, a lot of questions

sent to me hundreds of times. Guthrie, Oklahoma. I thought that was the guy's name. Two people were arrested after a traffic stop of a stolen car revealed many things inside their vehicle. Stephen Jennings is charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, transporting an open container of liquor, operating a vehicle with a suspended license, and failure to carry security verification form.

Meaning a driver's license. The traffic stop was made at 11 a.m. in Guthrie neighborhood. A.M. Yep. Because the tag was expired on the car. Dummies. Jennings was in the driver's seat. Rachel Riviera was in the passenger seat.

Rachel Riviera. Rachel Riviera. Rachel Riviera. Hot in high school. You know what I mean? And still. And then just. She's not as good as she once was, but she's as good once.

Where are we? As she ever was. Where are we on the Riviera file? Sounds like a line from the show Burn Notice. And again, I feel like when the cops walked up, they didn't know Jennings at all. But the first thing they said was Rachel. Hey, you know, your mom is right downtown. We just drove past her.

Rachel Riviera. So here's who was in the car. Steven Jennings, Rachel Riviera. So here's who was in the car. Steven Jennings, Rachel Riviera, and in the backseat, a pet timber rattlesnake in a terrarium. Okay. I thought it was just loose. I'm glad it's in something.

About the same time, Jennings told police officers he had a gun in the console. Okay. Makes sense. Police then learned that the Ford they were driving was also stolen okay so now there's a quote from anthony gibbs the guthrie police sergeant so now he's got a rattlesnake a stolen vehicle firearm and somebody under arrest police also found an open bottle of kentucky deluxe next to the gun i i don't know if that's high-grade whiskey or low-grade whiskey.

I have no idea. If you told me it was like mud that makes your face, like gets rid of the wrinkles, I would believe you. Kentucky Deluxe. Kentucky Deluxe. It also, in a pinch, is motor oil. It is. Oh, 100%.

Hey, man, we're out of snake food. John Lovett's out of gas right in front of CNN. Can we put anything in there? We got a bottle of Kentucky Deluxe. It should at least get them to Highland. This is a Mary Poppins bag of shit they got going on here. Rattlesnake, gun, Kentucky Deluxe.

I have a feeling there might be something else in the car. To top it all off, a search for the vehicle then revealed a canister of radioactive powered uranium. Get out of here! First of all, if you were just like Uranium was found in Oklahoma

You'd be like where how what We've got a rattlesnake a gun a stolen car Expired tags Rachel Riviera And uranium Which is the weirdest part Rachel Riviera because there's no way He could have ever been with someone like that That is insane

I know the Trump administration is going to blame this on the Iranians. Iranians? Either one. Iranians. The Iranians. Look, I don't know. What is it? Okay, it's saying it's sitting in a container.

Can we at least try and guess what it's like? To me, I'm thinking of like a Folgers can. So here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that there is, just being honest, it is hard for me to imagine a world in which the lives of the people inside of this vehicle have not in some way touched up against the growing

opioid crisis in America. Absolutely. And therefore, I would imagine that this is somehow involved in medicine, and that in trying to get some kind of whatever, I don't know what gets powered by uranium. I'm not a doctor.

Well, see, that's where dumb people tell fans come in because I wish I remembered who you were. Someone on Twitter said, look at these two motherfucking Back to the Future cosplayers. I was going to say, how are you going to get the flux capacitor fluxing? You need an open container.

They want to go back to high school when Rachel Riviera was hot. Is this vehicle a time machine? We don't know yet. Were they in the process of getting up to 88 miles an hour? Where we're going, we don't need priors. What if Rachel Riviera

went back to when she was in high school and tried to hook up with herself? Rachel, it's not about you. It's about your kids. You can't run into yourself. Sergeant Gibbs says, quote, when that happens, as though this does. Of course, we call in a company that deals with that specifically, and it's taken safely into possession.

Who is that? Orkin? I know there was a long pause where they thought they were done, and Sergeant Gibbs looked at the reporter. This is his last quote. The uranium is the wild card in that situation. Oh, really? Is that the wild card?

Which is crazy because in every other situation, the rattlesnake. Or Rachel Rivera. We're going to close it out on that. The uranium hasn't resulted in charges. What? How? Why are you nodding your head? I'm nodding knowingly.

Because I imagine you need to have, the reason you have a law against something is it comes up. Right. So this is something that slips through the legal cracks. I just think that this is not the first time someone's been pulled over with an illegal snake and firearm.

And a gun. And Rachel Riviera. But it is the first time they have an illegal snake, illegal gun, and uranium. Yeah, exactly. Guthman police are still trying to figure out exactly what the suspects were going to use it for. Uranium, not snake. There are no charges. This is, there are no charges from the rattlesnake either. And we will get out of here on this.

Wait, what? Can we play what is he missing? I gave you everything. What is this guy missing? What is this guy missing? A diploma. A relationship with his father? Yeah.

Or his kids? Quote, we'll leave here. His dignity. It happens to be rattlesnake season at the time. So he can be in possession of this rattlesnake because he, that's Jeffrey. Wait, are they messing up are they using the folksy present tense? Yes, they are.

No, it is not fine, John. No, I think it's good. It happens to be rattlesnake season. Raise your hand if you're a presidential speechwriter. Well, you are. We are not. We wrote jokes for Julian Castro. So then Kennedy says... So I says... So I says, not. We wrote jokes for Julian Castro in the last debate. So then Kennedy says Yeah!

So I says So I says, ask not for what your country can afford. It happens to be rattlesnake season at the time, so he can be in possession of this rattlesnake because Stephen Jennings has a valid lifetime hunting and fishing license. You know he was like, thank God I don't have to get that again.

What do you need to have in your car to get that license revoked? Exactly. Uranium. It says lifetime. So as long as he's alive, what are we supposed to do? Read the card. Yeah, exactly. By the way, also a valid voter ID in the state of Oklahoma.

That's all you need. Those are our stories today, friends. Oh, look at that. Oh, that was fun. That's a valid voter ID there, and yet there are Native Americans who, just because they don't have a street address, can't vote. Yep. All right.

Unreal. That's got to change. All right. We will make a change. Dude, thank you for your wonderful podcast. Thank you for coming on and doing this. And if we ever do it live, we'll maybe slide you into, and we do do it live at Largo every day.

We'd love to. This is a blast. We'll slide you in on that. I had so much fun. Thanks so much. Come on. And, oh, shit, we we gotta get back to work. Stick around.

Make a sound. Longer down. It's Dumb People Town.