Dumb People Town - Jordan Morris - Days Inn Not Days Out

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

This week Jordan Morris comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. This week's story is EXTREMELY Florida!

Skypains, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Morris. And you and you. Jordan Morris of Jordan Jesse Go of At Midnight Fame. Boy genius. Great person in the comedy community. Just a wonderful person to be here discussing the dumb behavior in the world. How are you sir? Hi I'm great and yes I am from the community that's right. You are. You offer such a wonderful counterpoint to, or just a different energy to Jesse Thorne. I love you on that show.

And of course, loved writing jokes with you on At Midnight whenever we saw you in there as one of our guys to like help just bounce stuff off of. It was always such a glorious time to like create comedy with you. Oh, such a blast. Always so fun when you guys were on that show. Yeah, a joy. One of the great joys of my professional career.

Yeah, it really was fun. I feel like one of the first podcasts Randy and I ever guested on was Jordan and Jesse go in someone's house in Silver Lake. Is that possible? Yeah, I mean, I really, I mean, Jesse and I, we really consider ourselves like the Velvet Underground of podcasts.

And yeah, and you know, like we weren't huge, but everyone who listened to our podcast started a podcast. That's right. It's a very CBGB's vibe. God, does it track that I'm being ironic? I hope it doesn't seem like I am. Oh, you're being 100% serious. We're going to quote this and put it up online.

Quote the Raven. Like, yeah, that guy's so fucking up his own ass. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Wow, he really is. He just says what he feels, man. It's straight from the heart. Well, we believe that the world is getting dumber and we have stories sent to us.

Actually, the best way to do it is just tweet at Daniel Van Kirk, do the link to the story and then hashtag dumb people town. He can tell which order it goes in. So we can give credit to the first person who sent it. Let's do it. Let's jump in right now. I also recently, somebody asked me, how come you just don't search the headline or search the hashtag?

And I go, the at Daniel Van Kirk lets me know it's for me. Do you know how many people are using hashtag Dumb People Town? And for some reason, a lot of them were busy on January 6th. So it keeps me from knowing these are the ones I need to be looking at. These are the other people that shouldn't be on social media. All right, here we go. Ready? Yes, we are. This is like one of the most Florida things to happen in Florida.

I can't wait. There could be a song about this. And in fact... Okay, knowing that that's the intro, that's the ramp up, should we just do a quick round of guesses as to the elements of the story? I'll start and say Jet Ski Fire.

Jet Ski Fire? Ooh, that's good. I'm going to say... Jet Ski Fire, by the way, would be the best name for a band ever. I'm sure it is. Like an 80s cover band, Jet Ski Fire. Barbecued Alligator.

I'm going to throw that next. Jay, what do you got? Children left in a sailboat. But like they left in a sailboat. They like took off. I'm trying to look up. I'm actually

going to look up and see if Jet Ski Fire is the name of a band. Our cousin's in a band called Free Fall. Was in a band called Free Fall Rescue. It is basically the Jet Ski Fire of Florida bands. Our cousin's in a band called Free Fall. Was in a band called Free Fall Rescue. It is basically the jet ski fire of Florida bands. All right, you ready for this headline? Jet ski fire, great rendition of We Built This City. I love it.

100%. Knee deep in the hoopla. There is no jet ski fire. That is not a band. So get on it, indie rockers. Sent in by Kevin Starchville at kevin star 13 i think that's the first time kevin's ever gotten on the show so thanks so much don't go back to starchville doing an rem song okay ready waste a thousand i'm gonna read this headline for you okay let's do it

suspect accused of stealing significant amount of leonard skinner memorabilia id by florida police give me three steps give me three steps but isn't that the most like smell did you smell it florida high stever what was stolen whole bunch of frosted mirrors three t-shirts with the sleeves. They stole the sleeves right off them, man. I bet there are some, and I'm saying this with quotation marks, collector's item, Skinnered pieces of merch, because maybe they have a flag we don't like to use anymore.

For sure. Kitana sword. Orange Park, Florida. I apologize in advance for what you're about to hear. It was a katana sword. Orange Park, Florida. I apologize in advance for what you're about to hear. He's been free as a bird for about a month. Oh! There it is.

There it is. But Lord help him, that may change. But Tuesday, he was gone with the wind. He was just lashing out against a southern man. He's about to have a new sweet home. Do you get that? It was a response song anyway. Yeah, no, that was good. Yeah.

Police in Florida are currently asking for the public's help in locating a man accused of stealing a trailer containing a, quote, significant amount of memorabilia connected to Leonard Skinner. So I watched this. How do you define significant amount? More than four. More than four pieces. That's the question.

It includes the rare Leonard Skinner dental dam. I feel like they only sold it on the one tour. If you put it all into a bed of a truck. Not very popular. If you put it all into the bed of a truck and you have to find a rope to tie it down. That's a significant amount of Leonard Skinner.

Where are my Leonard Skinner yarmulkes? I just can't find them. Well, they're on the truck. They're on the truck. Are they in the trailer? I'm not seeing them. He's accused of stealing a significant amount

of memorabilia connected to Leonard Skinner. By the way, and a significant amount doesn't mean all of it. It means that there was even more in there that he did not.

If you be, he stole all of it. Right. And he stole all of it. He stole a significant amount. Oh, you're saying that he only got some of it. He couldn't. There was so much, Dan, that he could not get more than.

He had to make hard choices. A significant amount. It goes on here to say that Leonard Skinner is a southern rock band whose major hits include Free Bird, Tuesday's Gone, and Sweet Home Alabama. Sweet Home Alabama. The memorabilia, along with the trailer that it was in, had disappeared. So it's a trailer's worth. The trailerabama the memorabilia along with the trailer that it was in had disappeared so it's a trailer's worth the trailer's worth of memory this is also so on brand like where was it stolen from it was stolen from the parking lot at a days in hotel there you go you're gonna leave it

all lining up by the way should i bring my trailer of uh of leonard skinner remember don't leave it at home someone's gonna steal it if they know you're gone. I'll just bring it to the Days Inn. What could happen there? At Days Inn, they have like, they have like customer parking, handicap parking, and Leonard Skinner memorabilia trailer parking.

You have a place for it. Also, it's always Days Inn. Like nobody's like, where are you keeping that memorabilia? Nobody's like the Intercontinental. No. It's at the Four Seasons. We're taking it.

And by the way, it's at the Savoy. But who. It's at the Four Seasons. We're taking it. And by the way, it's at the Savoy. But who is... It may even be in the Loft might be too. It's at the Mandarin Oriental, guys. That's where it is. Viceroy. It's at the Kempton.

So my question is, who was driving around going, that's a trailer full of something I should probably get? Right. Or did they storage wars it and they were just like, I want what's ever in that trailer. There's something in there that's of value. Something in there and I'm gonna get it right um the memorabilia along with the trailer disappeared from the days in parking lot in orange park on april 9th just one day before the items were

intended to be auctioned off at a cancer benefit in middleburg florida boo so these also like had the they were the best intentions memorabilia yeah They're like we're gonna sell this for a good cause Which we're gonna do something that Leonard Skinner never did Right Do something for a good cause The organizers of the Jimmy Van Zandt Cancer Benefit Named for the late musician Jimmy Van Zandt That feels redundant

Who was also a cousin of Leonard Skinner's Donnie Johnny and Ronnie Van Zandt I love Donnie johnny and ronnie van zant somebody's filling a word quota on this johnny johnny and ronnie all right had said that what are your kids names donnie johnny and ronnie i guess you don't care no i do not right we use the same naming convention as pac-man ghosts fourth one clyde you're right you're right right um inky blinky winky and nod inky blinky pinky and Clyde thank you the organizer Sue am I wrong about that maybe that was a miss anyway maybe they're like it needs a female ghost that's right anyway it is maybe look it up look it up researchers he said that some of the stolen memorabilia included musical equipment, autographed photos.

Sure. And I feel like this is probably worth something. The drummer. He's not in there. The drummer is in there. He's been living in the trailer. This is the most expensive memorabilia. And it's kind of a sad thing.

Platinum Records? You know, it's the edition of their album they put out with everybody on it and one of the guys was on fire and then he ended up being the guy who died in the plane who died in the plane crash and so they like reissued the album and if you have one of those original ones that's like worth a shit ton of money i mean it's definitely worth just throwing in the trailer and parking it the day i don't think they had that in there. More or less than the rare Confederate flag butt plugs they stole on that tour. Those were probably less rare.

Those were very gentle on the anus. In Pac-Man, it was Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde. In Ms. Pac-Man, they changed the name of the slowest ghost, Clyde, to Sue. So you were correct, and we were correct. Everybody wins. Everyone was right. Now look, everybody wins. Everybody got were correct and we were correct. Everybody wins. Everyone was right. And it's nice. I just love that

my daughter I don't have a daughter. I love that my daughter can play Pac-Man and see a ghost that looks like her. That's right. It's identity politics. I feel like this is expensive. Can I ask you guys a side question? Sure.

Tuesday's Gone. Was that the end of the party song before Dazed and Confused came out? No, that was the end of the... I feel like Dazed and Confused really put that as the, like, party's over song. Yeah, no, they made that as the party. Like, the cup goes on the keg to tell you that it's over. And you're like... That's pretty good.

Hold on. Rant's got a future here in instrumental vocal work. That's somebody's new ringtone. Sometime around 1994, Closing Time comes on and pops everything up. It's over at that point. I saw them

at concerts. Where? At Loyola University in Chicago. I saw them in concert. Semi-sonic? Yes. Where? At Loyola University in Chicago. I bet they were great. I saw them and you know who else I saw? Spade. David Spade?

Yeah, he played Loyola University in Chicago. Wow. So we used to do a bit in, so one of our old bits was that we found the original first draft of The Devil Went Down to Georgia. The Devil Went Down to Georgia several times, but it wasn't always as successful as the final one that we all know, the Charlie Daniels band. So we got one of the first drafts of The Devil Went Down to Georgia,

and we basically just do the song. We recorded the dun-dun-dun just after each verse, and we just spaced it out for these paragraphs and it was just about the devil down in Georgia and then he's looking for a soul to steal. He was in a bind.

He was way behind. He was willing to make a deal. And then he goes to the front desk of the hotel to try and check in and then there's all these problems. But it's like all the same thing. Like, I just need a thing.

Can you get me a wake-up call at eight in the morning? I need that. And they're like, we can't do that. Do you offer late checkout? We don't. What about the breakfast? When does the continental breakfast start?

Dun, dun, dun. And it just kept going on. And then in the end, he sang, and we had like a verse of closing time in that song. We're like, he pre-knew that years before. Anyway, so stupid. All right. Okay. Brilliant.

Autograph photos. Musical equipment. Okay. Autograph photos. Musical equipment. Sure. Which is not instrument. Equipment. Equipment. So it could literally just be like a mic stand. Yeah.

Right? That's right. It could be a dolly. For all we know. Used to move speakers. A Zinjin speaker. But that's the one I think is expensive. A 1957 Les Paul guitar signed by Greg Allman,

Lita Ford, and many more prominent rock artists. That's real. That's a lot of money and that has nothing to do with Leonard Skinner. Yeah. The trailer also held, now this is I can't wait, soaps, candles, and glassware to be sold at the April

10th benefit. So that butt plug, Jordan, you're not too far off. You're not far off. They were branching out into all sorts of just standard items you might find. Where's my Confederate soap? Right. Where is it?

Where's my Leonard skin cleanser? You'll get my plug when you pry it from my cold, dead butt. That's what it says on the soap. As well as. Did you call it Leonard skin care? Yes. That's what it says on the soap. As well as... Did you call it Leonard Skin Care? Yes, that's correct. Leonard Skin Care. As well as a brand new DW snare drum

that would have been a raffle prize. Hey, what did we learn from alone, Dan? You got to check your snares. You got to be up on your snares. You got to be up on your goddamn snares. Do you watch the show alone, Jordan? You know, they drop people into the Arctic and they have to on their own.

Dan has gotten us hooked on this damn show. God damn you, Dan. It's literally the best show. Have you seen it, Jordan? No, I have not seen it. My passive viewing lately has been Steve Harvey, Family Feud, Shark Tank. I am so into those two shows.

I have not watched any Prestige TV in six months. Alone is not Prestige TV. Can I tell you that basically, I will say this, Steve Harvey's Family Feud is basically Queen's Gambit. So you don't have to see that. You've already seen the same level in artistry when you see Steve Harvey with dead eyes just go around and around on a Segway. Jordan, out of how many episodes do you feel like on Shark Tank you see someone get a really good deal?

You know, honestly, I cannot explain to you why I like Shark Tank because I do not understand the business end of it at all. When they're going back and forth on the numbers and percentages, I know it's dramatic. shark tank because i do not understand the business end of it at all like i don't when they're going back and forth on the numbers and percentages i know it's dramatic do you just like seeing somebody pitch because pitching is a big part of our world too do you enjoy the pitch you have to pitch jokes in a writer's room you gotta pitch tv shows yeah do you think you enjoy the pitch you know i think i like god you know there's there's something, God, you know, there's, there's something about, I like the,

the push pull between like, you like seeing a scrappy person with a great idea, get a deal. But I also love, love, love. And I don't like this part about myself, but I really love watching someone who is full of shit get torn down.

I love it. When like a tech bro is there with talking about blue sky solutioneering and then Mr. Wonderful just tells him he's full of shit. I just love it. You poke a hole in that blue sky and guess what comes down? A little bit of rain.

A little bit of tears. There you go. Tuesday's gone with the rain. Altogether, the benefits organized estimate they lost how much worth of merchandise and memorabilia less paul guitar is a is worth a lot but jordan what do you think a trailer's worth of days in stuff what do you think are we including okay this is an important question are we including the trailer and was the trailer also a leonard skinner trailer which is something i bet they

we are not including the trailer it was not a leonard skinner trailer it was just a simple trailer yeah it was a u-haul because i'm a simple kind of trailer sorry um okay okay i'm gonna guess i'm gonna guess seventy five thousand dollars seventy five i like that i like that really good score i'm gonna say thirty seven thousand dollars thirty seven thousand dollars ninety three thousand ninety three thousand dollars all right all of our patreon townies are uh members of our patreon and because of the level that they're at are watching this live with us on getting get in some of your guesses right now. Get in your guesses. What do we think? Join the chat. Throw it in there.

How much was the worth of merchandise and memorabilia was put in there? We're going to take a quick break. When we come back, we're going to give you guys the answer. And we're going to talk about Jordan Morris' graphic novel, which is about to come out.

You'll pre-order this on the other side of this. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. order this on the other side of this it's dumb people town don't go anywhere stick around hey guys welcome back to dumb people town we got jordan morris who is fantastic on jordan jesse go but you got a graphic novel man talk to us about it and how people can get it, please. Yeah, it is called Bubble. It is a sci-fi comedy. I wrote the script with a

great comedy writer named Sarah Morgan and a great comics artist named Tony Cliff did the drawings and the adaptation. He does the Delilah Dirk series and Natalie Reese did the colors. She does the Dungeon Critters series. Yeah, it's like for grownups

in that it has a lot of sex jokes and gore. It's about this kind of weird future where everybody lives in these bubble cities and it's these roommates who kind of participate in this kind of life and death version of the gig economy where they have to slay all these monsters and destroy all these robots in order to make rent. And yeah, it's coming out July 13th.

But people can preorder it now. And there's some cool preorder goodies that you can get. How can they preorder? Oh, sorry. Go ahead. Where would they go to preorder it? They would go to Amazon, Barnes and Noble or better yet, your local indie bookstore or your local comic book store. Just call them up.

Tell them you're interested in Bubble and they'll get it for you. It's a cool way to support those places who've been having a tough time. Yeah. Hell yeah. Awesome. Oh, I love it. Bubble's so great. And then, of course, Jordan, Jesse, Go!

Fantastic podcast that you do with our good friend, the great Jesse Thorne. Yes. That is up and cracking and doing its thing. Yeah, the first, basically the CBGBs of podcasts. Cracking. Very influential. I mean, if you like influential, like trailblazing podcasts,

then this is for you. If you like trendsetting, then you'll want this podcast. They're like New York Dolls. They're the New York podcast dolls. That's right. If you hate to be possessive of something that is really special,

then just don't tune in. If you love the New York Dolls, but you hate Buster Poindexter, you will love this podcast. You will love this podcast. Yes. I don't think anyone would describe ourter. You will love this podcast. Yes. I don't think anyone would describe our podcast as hot, hot, hot. No.

Buster Poindexter. All right. So let's review before we went to the break. Sure. The benefits organizers estimate they lost how much worth of merchandise and memorabilia? Did people throw guesses up in the old chatteroo? I can't see it. I don't know.

Yep. Okay. Here we go. Yes. All right. Here we go. chatteroo? I can't see it. I don't know. Yep. Okay, here we go. Yes. All right, here we go. Hold on. I can't see any. If we can scroll these. That's all right.

We can't do it. We can't. All right, here we go. We're terrible. I'm sure people got that. Whatever people guessed, you're right. Yeah. Okay.

I said $37,000. Okay. Kayla says $10,000. $10,000. Yes. There we go, Kayla Weeks. I guessed $75,000. Okay.

I'm thinking that's high now. I'm feeling bad about my guess, but I locked it in, so I'm not going back on it. No,000. There we go, Kayla Weeks. I guess $75,000. I'm thinking that's high now. I'm feeling bad about my guess, but I locked it in, so I'm not going back on it. I said $93,000, so I'm even worse than you. Jay, what do you think? $37,000. All right. The total amount of merchandise and memorabilia they estimate they lost

is worth $12,000. Oh, okay. That's probably just the guitar then, right? Probably just the guitar. By the way, Kayla Weeks, $10,000. She was on it. One of our Patreon fans watching live nailed that one.

But it's probably just the guitar. The guitar's probably eight. Right, that's what I'm saying. Eight or nine and the rest. Two thirds of that has to be the guitar. Absolutely. Absolutely. We had large hopes of making great money at the event. However, without much to sell, well, we actually lost money, the charity group wrote on Facebook.

So start a GoFundMe and then see what happens, right? This is one of the things I wonder, though. You, that was the most, I'm not trying to victim blame here. Nope. But if you have something that is entirely crucial to what you're trying to do. You should have it in your hotel room so for example always keep it with you for example when i drove back across the country with my pinball machine dan you i thought to myself

i'm gonna sleep under this thing right with a gun i'm like i could sleep in the hotel what are the odds that somebody's gonna roll up on this truck realize what's in there get the truck but then if they did that's's my one thing. That's the reason you went to get this vintage pinball machine. This person had one job. Get the memorabilia to the charity event. And they were like, who's going to steal a tray? Get him to the lotion in the bathroom.

Get him to the Greek. Yeah, you sleep with all the, take it in the Days Inn or get it its own Days Inn room. That's right. Don't leave it in, it's Days Inn, not Days Out. Am I right, people? Thank you. Thank you. I have the courage

to say that. Harumph. Now police say they've obtained an arrest warrant for William James Walker. That's right. He, to me,

could be in a... BJW. He could be in a... Willie Walker. W-J-W. Willie Walker. Willie J. Walker. Yes.

Willie J. Walker. Who they believe is responsible for the theft. Walker is known to frequent different hotels in the Jacksonville area. I don't even know what that means. Yeah, he's been to all the hotels in the Jacksonville area. Police wrote on Facebook, officials also asked anyone with information of his whereabouts to contact the department. This is what he was doing.

You know the city he lives in and who he is. Yeah, get him. Go get him. Go get him. Now, good news. The people at Jimmy Van Zandt's cancer charity, meanwhile, said on Facebook that the April 10th benefit was still a success thanks to supporters who donated their own time, money, and memorabilia upon hearing of the theft.

I love it. So other Leonard Skinner collectors stepped up. If there's anything we know about Leonard Skinner's music, it's very inclusive. They're like, I have $15,000 worth of Ted Nugent sleeping bags. Does this help? I have 11 Nugent crossbows. I would like to remind everybody that Sweet Home Alabama is ironic.

They are doing that on purpose. I know. Okay. Their next benefit show is being organized for November. According to a recent post, I will get out of that on purpose. I know. Okay. Their next benefit show is being organized for November. According to a recent post, I will get out of here on this. Our Patreon members will be able to hear a dumb story from Jordan afterwards. But to wrap up this mini, how old do you think William James Walker is? W-J-W. Willie Walker.

What do you think? Willie Walker is the Willy Wonka of Florida. His factory is very depressing, very dangerous, very easy to get tetanus at the factory. Come with me and you'll see a world full of memorabilia. The Oompa Loompas are all chained to radiators. Scratch that. Reverse it.

Do you guys remember on Game of Thronesones when all the willie walkers came from the top of the area then the willie walkers came yeah well you know the willie walkers are actually white wall though the willie walkers are actually whiter than white walkers okay so uh jordan how old is willie jay walker god i mean and i think this is This comes up on Dumb People Town a lot. It's either 16 or 60. And I think that's the Dumb People gap, I feel like.

Yeah. We don't know what he is. It's one of the two. I think 60. I'm going to guess this is someone who knows a trailer filled with memorabilia. You said 60. Kayla Weeks says 62.

Jay, what do you think? 46. I'm going to say 57. I think we're all in this range. This is a guy who, if you frequent hotels, you've lived a life. You've lived. Sure. Frequent hotels.

This is a man with a long gray ponytail who always smells like a campfire. Okay, run them back for me, Rand. Jordan 60, I'm 57. I'm 57. I'm sure this is my best angle. Okay, there you go. Okay. Okay, someone said 32. Yep. All right. Who said that?

Shannon said... I said 46. Shannon said 32. 62 from Kayla. 46 from Jay. I said 57. Shannon said 32. 62 from Kayla. 46 from Jay. I said 57. 57. Jordan. 62. 60.

We'll get out of here in this. I love it. William. James. Walker. The third. Is. 38 years old.

Whoa. Shannon. Yeah. Nice. Another one of our Patreon fans. 38, which I feel is right in... He looks 60. Like the dare stage of his life.

Yeah. He was dared. He was dared. 38, man. I'm never going to have a son. Well, hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

Hang on. All right. There you go. Graphic novelist called Bubble. Pre-order it. I feel like all of our fans who read graphic novels, it's so funny. If you love good, tight, funny writing,

you will love this. I'm so excited to read it myself. George Jesse Goh is a podcast. Thanks, guys. George Jesse Goh is a podcast, and oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum. shit. We gotta get back to work.

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