Dumb People Town - Josh Adam Meyers - Under New Management

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

This week Josh Adam Meyers comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a nasty incident at a Panera. The second story involves possibly the worst lawyer. Final story is straight out of "Arachnophobia".

Skypains, out of here. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Adam Myers, as in Josh. Adam Myers. Welcome to the show, brother. How are you? I am good. Not as good as you guys are at that little skadoodle you just did.

That was, you have that shit worked the fuck out. It's so funny because Dan Van Kirk. Hi, Dan. Hi, Dan. Dan just lets us go dan like winds us up lets us go and then lets us run ourselves tired right dan of course you're like my favorite toddlers favorite toddlers who are older than you right here we go you guys are so connected mentally man i mean it's like what is the other one thinking right now randy what is jay thinking

uh jay's thinking why does randy look like he's a cat burglar folks yeah dude what's up with the outfit bro i'm about to i'm about to rob a bank so but but you're not just a regular cat burkle with that mustache you are a french french you're very yeah dude it's like where's the accent man i need to get a little mime in there, too. The French-Canadian. It's very good. You've got to steal the Mona Lisa. So Josh Adam Myers, just so we can let everybody know,

Josh Adam Myers is in New York. We are in Toronto filming a TV show. Dan is in L.A. holding it down in the studio. He's going to be working on a TV show. We can't tell you what the TV shows are now, but we'll tell you what they are when they come out so good stuff on the horizon but Dan the world is still dumb

even though you and me and Jay and Josh we're all in different places we can all say that north of the border it's still dumb the one thing that's uniting us is the dumb of the world I would agree with you guys Josh how about you? Josh you're everywhere you see dumb people everywhere you go

I bet you see people when you're on stage you're everywhere. You see dumb people everywhere you go. I bet you see people when you're on stage and you're like, I'm the only person getting a good look at this dummy. Yeah. Dude, it's idiots. Idiots throughout America and Cancun and everywhere. Dude, New York is a place full of some of the most intellectual people you've ever seen in your life and then some of the dumbest people. I mean, I can't wait for you guys. Is this an L train?

And they're standing like pointing at an L and it's like, damn, motherfucking. Josh, when are you going to have Fran Lebowitz on the goddamn comedy channel? She's coming, dude. She's coming. Her, Annie, Tony, Franny, Annie,

Fawn Lebowitz from Animal House. She'll be there. There you go. Oh,, Fawn Lebowitz from Animal House. She'll be there. There you go. Oh, Fawn, good. Nice deep breath. What a nice deep breath. Thank you. Well, let's jump into a story

because we got the great Josh Adam Myers with us. We'll talk about what he's up to. We'll talk about how you can follow him and support him. See him live. We'll do that later. But first and foremost.

And we've got a crazy dumb story from his life. But first, Dan, story. You ready? Yeah. Okay. This is going to hit a little bit close to home for the Sklar brothers. It doesn't take place in St. Louis, but it is a St. Louis institution. This is sent in

by James Skregman. Skregman. Skreggers. Yeah. What up, Skregelmuts? Some people's name, when you say it, it has to be followed by the words up top. Because it's a basketball. Scragman. Scragman.

Up top. Up top. Scragman. Up top. Pass it. Pass. Scrag. Pass.

Hey, who's a fucking pass? Scrag. Okay. James Scragman. Scragman. S-C-R-A-I-A-I-G-M-A-N. Okay. Panera Bread.

Panera Bread. Panera Bread. St. Louis Bread Company. Panera Bread flooded with stinking water. Wait, hold on a second. Did I just find out that Panera Bread, their home hub is in St. Louis? Yes, because they used to be the St. Louis Bread Company

where they give you that soup in a bread bowl. You ever had that soup in a bread bowl, Dan? The soup's so thick you could eat it with a fork. So get me a Frantega stat. Josh, in St. Louis, it's still called St. Louis Bread Company. All the Paneras

are called St. Louis Bread Company still. That's right. So Panera and St. Louis, it's still called St. Louis Bread Company. All the Paneras are called St. Louis Bread Company still. That's right. Yeah, so Panera and St. Louis kind of bread coat kind of merged. So it filled with stinky water, and they put all the stinky water in a bread bowl. Is that what happened, Dan? The closed dining room probably didn't give drive-thru customers at a North Myrtle Beach Panera Bread much warning of what was going on inside. So you're in Myrtle Beach, North Myrtle Beach Panera Bread, much warning of what was going on inside. So you're in Myrtle Beach. Yes.

North Myrtle Beach, which I don't know, is North Myrtle Beach worse or better than South Myrtle Beach? There's no way of knowing. Have you ever been? Josh, have you ever been to Myrtle Beach? Dude, first place I ever got arrested was Myrtle Beach. Come on. What the hell?

I swear to God. What did you get arrested for? Public intox. I was 18 and I was drinking at a nightclub with Brian, Brian, Brian Mains, who actually ended up ripping me off for 500 bucks. Long story short,

he was 21. He would get me beers and I would just chug the beer when bouncers weren't looking. And then I, I fell asleep after making out with the very, you know, nice know, robust woman. And hickeys all over my neck. They used my head to open the door of the nightclub because I wouldn't wake up.

Threw me into a cop. And this is, I got to say this, dude, because this is funny. I'm like, what are you doing? And they're like, you know, he's like, you know, you're drunk. You're going to jail. And I was like, do you know who my father is my dad's an orcan man like i don't know what he's gonna be able to do you know what i mean and then well maybe you were asking for real like do you know who my father is right now i don't i just got through my head

through a door there spring break 97 most people ask that question. This is the best part. They go, I say, hey, man, I got to use the bathroom. And they're putting me into the paddy wagon. And they put the cuffs on front-wise. And I'm like, I got to use it. I got to pee. And he's like, I don't care. And he throws me in the paddy wagon.

And I get in the paddy wagon. And it's me, a dude that's awake, and a dude that's asleep. Sure. And I look at the dude that's awake. And after like five minutes, I'm like, dude, I got to pee so bad. And he goes, I won't say anything. And so I just like pull him up. Because all I had was umbros on.

No shirt, no nothing. Of course. Umbros and underwear. So I pee in the paddy wagon. And then like 30 seconds later, you hear the cop that threw me in there go, what the fuck? And he opens up the door and he goes, who peed in here? And me and the dude awake both pointed at the guy that's sleeping. He's dead now.

Yeah, he's dead. Josh, what I love, Josh, is a lot of people would ask the cop, do you know who my dad is, hoping that they do know. You ask it hoping that they don't know who your dad is. It's not going to help. Do you know who he is? Please don't tell me. Please don't. So someone peed in the paddy wagon

and someone put water in the panera let's find out so the closed dining room didn't give the drive-thru customers any idea of what was going on inside the incident at the panera bread located at 1296 highway 17 north north myrtle beach began around 2 p.m christopher richards who was the shift supervisor was working in the kitchen when he started to notice that water was bubbling up from the drain below the drink fountain near the drive-thru window. So they've got people ordering from the counter. They have people sitting in there. They've got a drive-thru that's going. It's 2 p.m.

You're getting that late lunch rush. Yep. And he sees it. He sees it, and he's like, I can't reverse this. At first, he got down on his hands and knees and tried to clear out the drain, thinking it was clogged. Then he noticed there was a large chunk of what he said appeared to be feces floating in the drain well.

After how many minutes, after blank minutes, he and his general manager realized the entire kitchen was flooded and so were the bathrooms. So how long do you think they let this keep going before the entire kitchen was flooded and so were the bathrooms? Josh, what do you think? 50 minutes. I'm thinking about 50.

50 minutes. I mean, this is St. Louis, dude. You guys know. We're in Royal Beach. It's just the St. Louis. I'm going to say 30 minutes. 30 minutes of waiting. I'm going to say 20 minutes.

Okay. After 10 minutes. Oh, my God. That's a rush. Hold on. If the kitchen's flooded and the bathrooms are flooded, how? And it only took 10 minutes. Water is pouring out of this drink.

It's pouring, gushing, Dan. And they are still serving people food. They have not closed down anything. They just kept going while the tide rised around them. Someone's just walking in going, I smell a lot of fennel. The entire place smelled like sewage, Richard said, even in the lobby, which remained mostly untouched. So they're back there just putting out fires or floods, I guess. Panera Bread officials said a plumber told them the flood water did not come from sewage.

This is from Chris Richards. Quote, I will probably never forget that smell. It was horrible, especially being bare-armed into it. Our gloves only go so far. Oh, guys. That is how deep this water is getting. They are still serving people food, guys. Dan, at what point do you say,

I'm not making enough per hour to dig my arm beneath the glove in this water also here's my deal once i can hear water when i walk we're closed it's like we're out yeah just even hear it like it's enough to be it's what's that probably like like less than a quarter inch to give you like a like. You're out. We're closing. No. The second the bottom of my pants get wet, I'm lighting a match, throwing it in the grease,

and we're walking out of here. Yeah, dude. It's Goodfellas. Let's burn the place down, dude. Jason's just wadding up balls of aluminum foil and throwing them in microwaves. But also, here's the deal is i mean these are guys are all getting paid like hourly wage they're probably getting minimum wage

and they probably one need the job and then two they probably have a dick for a gm or like a owner or something so it's like they're afraid just like when i was worked at the spearmint rhino they hold our paycheck over you yeah you know what i mean you need that money you need that you need that panera bread quite that you need that spearmint in your rhino asked if the wastewater came into contact with foods with food customers received chris richards said quote oh it's very possible very possible you don't admit by the way you don't admit that no you gotta think so absolutely not as far as i know absolutely not. There are people in there who are like, I would have rather gotten COVID than that shit

water on my food. There are people in there who got COVID more than one time that are like, I would rather have gotten COVID again. Again. The store's general manager shut down the lobby and apologized to the customers who were there and asked them to leave. Just the lobby. We're still at the drive-thru window.

How big is the lobby at a Panera? This isn't like a hotel. This isn't the Waldorf Astoria. It's a fucking Panera Bread. He's like, I need everybody to go into the Panera Bread foyer. Please, please. You can also take a refuge in the coat check room. No, guys, guys, can you please gather under the chandelier?

Yes, next to the Butterfield chairs. Right. Okay. So then, so the GM kicks everybody out of the lobby, right? Because I got too much of a water show literally going on in the literally drive through. However, the store itself didn't close to do that. The general manager needed permission from his district manager

yeah but the district manager wasn't being very responsive and failed to give explicit permission to close the store according to richards and a current employee who corroborated his account so they go hey man now if i'm just a line cook i'm telling you we're done we're done but the manager walk out you walk out no You go right out the back door. I've seen people walk out of an Outback Steakhouse kitchen for less than that. Just running out of romaine lettuce. Like, you motherfuckers ain't never got romaine. I asked y'all to get some more romaine.

I can't do this job no more. Gone. Gone. Gone. That was you. Those were your exact words at an Outback Steakhouse. And you also said that at a Clam Jumper. The shift manager, but not a Jay Alexander's.

The shift manager does not close. He brings in the GM who closed the lobby, will not close down the restaurant, who calls the district manager who will not respond to them at all. Can't be reached. He thinks in his mind, if we close this restaurant, we will all die. We need to keep it open. I'm not giving up that line, whatever it is.

You know that they're like, he's like, well, how bad is it? There's poop. Are we talking full loaves or are we talking like a glisten? Is it glisten? Nutty? Hey, dude, he's not giving up that thin brown line. Full loaves? Or are we talking like a glisten? Is it glisten? Nutty?

Hey, dude. He's not giving up that thin brown line. This is the best Terrence Malick movie. Okay. I was going to say that. I was going to say that. How many hours? Hours!

Did the St. Louis Bread Company, Panera Bread Company stay open? In Myrtle Beach. So this is more of the Soul Louis Bread Company Panera Bread Company stay open? In Myrtle Beach. So this is more of the Soulard Bread Company. How long, how many hours do you guys think it stayed? It started at 2 o'clock. How many hours was it open before they finally shut this whole thing down? All right, Josh, what do you think? Fuck, man.

Full shift, dude. Dude, South Carolina is such a shitty... And Myrtle Beach... Not South Carolina in general, because Charleston's beautiful. It is. But Myrtle Beach is a fucking... It used to be Spring Break Capital, and I think it never reclaimed. It's like, dude, it's like the home of the most amount of, like, three... What is it?

Like, nine-hole, three-par golf courses in the world? Like, that's white trash shit, dude. Well, that and Deadbeat Dads. It owns the record. Deadbeat Dads. nine hole three par golf courses in the world like that's that's white trash well that something like that that and deadbeat dads it owns the record this is it's the home of the most amount of like parrot head jimmy buffett fans for sure i thought you were gonna say i thought you were gonna say it's the most three ways in america probably probably probably It's Myrtle Beach. I think full shift started to fucking Panera closes what? Roughly not even 10 o'clock. 9.30.

Yeah. I would say. So what's that? Seven. I'd say six and a half. Seven and a half hours. Seven and a half hours. She just took it to the limit.

I'm going to say five hours. Five hours. Five hours. They make it all the way to the end of the show. 7 p.m. They hit prime time and they were like, you know what? We gave everybody dinner. So I'm going to say three and a half hours.

And I'm going to say that there were people still in Panera who were mad that they were shutting it down. Come on, man. What? Come on. What are you doing, man? You're telling me you can't get me a bread bowl? Come on, man. I want a refill

on my Mr. Pibb. There's a lot of like, you owe me more refills. I want more ranch. You know what I mean? Yes, it wasn't until after 5 p.m. that they finally shut down the restaurant. Randy nailed it.

I was right. I was right. But our buddy Chris Richards left around 4.40 p.m. having already been working close to 11 hours. They are working, these people. I know. People are like, why is nobody going back to work? This is why.

This is why. Because they're like, oh, because I want to get a good job. going back to work this is why this is why they're like oh because i want to get a good job and went home to shower for a couple hours until he could feel genuinely clean again he said shower you need to shower with he said he stunk so bad to just take a layer of skin off oh yeah a lot of exfoliating until after 5 p.m the restaurant stood in limbo. It hadn't gotten formal permission to close, so the employees kept working. A plumber arrived around 5 p.m. and fixed what he could before advising the general manager that the store itself should close. Around the same time, the district manager arrived and agreed to close the store. Then, the store's employees and general manager proceeded to clean up the restaurant as best they could,

mopping up wastewater and shoveling the floating materials into buckets, wearing makeshift hazmat suits. Attempts by the Sun News to locate the restaurant's district manager were unsuccessful. And Randy, I think it was you, we'll get out of here on this, you called it. The very next day,

Chris Richards went back into Panera and quit because he was like, I can't do this anymore. Dan, how can anyone eat at that? You have to not pay attention to the news, and that has to be the closest place to you. And they're like, I got to eat there. That's it. There's just sometimes we're like, and maybe I'm coming from a place of, you know, I've

worked jobs like this. I know we all have. So maybe I've forgotten or, you know, I don't want to sound like in any way privileged, but you never know when you are. That's part of how it works. It's like there's just some things where you would be like, we're done. Guys, we're done. I don't.

We need to call Michael. He's our district. I go, fuck Michael. We're standing knee deep in water with waste serving food. This literally is the opposite of a restaurant. This is like these people are dumpster diving and they don't even know it. They're threatening literally so many lawsuits. And then the fact that they continue to serve food, if the health department finds out about that, they'll shut them down.

They'll shut them down. They'll shut them down shut them down they'll shut them down but but randy's point of no one can ever walk into that place ever again unless it's like lit on fire you have to like burn it to the studs and do shit in a way that just like human regular cleaning things no no because all they got to do in dumbass Myrtle Beach is put up a sign saying, under new management, people are like, all right. I trust him. I trust him.

All right, he's not shitting people anymore. All right. That's story one, my friends. It's clean now. They probably, they got it.

They probably got it under control at that point. All right, there you go. First story down in the books. When we come back, we're going to talk about what Josh Adam Myers is doing,

where you can catch him in the goddamn comedy jam. If you're in New York, you can catch him story down in the books. When we come back, we're going to talk about what Josh Adam Myers is doing, where you can catch him at the goddamn Comedy Jam in New York. You can catch him doing stand-up sets. He's doing great there. And all sorts of other stuff. The 500 podcast, which we love so much. We did one in Austin. Amazing. All that on the other side of this break.

Josh Adam Myers on Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT, Dumb People Town. Before we get to all the great stuff that Josh Adam Myers is doing, Daniel Van Kirk is doing these great live digital shows. And if you haven't been a part of them, I don't know what you're doing.

They're just fun. It's literally just fun. It's just a good fun. None of them, I think, go less than like doing. They're just fun. They're just fun. It's literally just fun. It's just a good fun. None of them, I think, go less than like 90 minutes. Maybe the movie club goes like an hour, but they're all fun. They're worth the money. And of course, I say that as the person who makes money on them, but you can ask around.

You can ask around, I promise. Yeah, we also raise money for charity. As far as live stuff goes, tour's going to start back up in March, and in December I will be at Largo Saturday, December 18th. So come see me there. I'm going to be doing stand-up. And so is Rory Scovel.

And I'm sure some other great people. And that's not your first time at Largo. No. Obviously, outside of our podcast, right? No, no, no. He did stand-up on Rory's show. Yeah, we did stand-up in October. That's right.

September, maybe? Go see Dan there. Largo's one of the best venues in LA. And then check out DanielVanKirk.com if you are in the Houston area, because I think in the middle of December, I'm going to be doing a one night there as well. So check that out. Love it.

And we are up in Toronto right now. Yeah, you are. That video you guys posted was so funny. As the Canadian. Yeah, it was so good. A lot of people are like, don't talk about it, okay? You know, we're going to do another video about these two guys from Los Angeles.

They're making fun of our Los Angeles accents. They said, if you're against us, then we're going to be against you. They're taking offense to us. So it's been a blast. We're working on a show and we cannot say what it is, I don't think. But we will let you guys know in due time

when you'll get a chance to see it. But it's just been been so much fun we did some comedy at the comedy bar up here josh yeah you did you ever done the comedy bar up here and i haven't i've only been to toronto for jfl 42 so it was like in and out you know i did i did a live 500 and i opened for soda at some theater like some movie theater or something, but I haven't done any of the comedy clubs. So the comedy bar is just this great room that is so good. I did four nights there for JFL

and it was amazing. Damn, it's so much fun. They have a 100-seat room and a 30-seat room and it's just so much fun. So we bounce back and forth doing a bunch of shows there the other night. We may be there Thanksgiving weekend. Thanksgiving weekend, we'll do some shows there then, but shows there the other night. We may be there Thanksgiving weekend.

Thanksgiving weekend. We'll do some shows there then. But superschoolers.com. And you can check out our Patreon. We've got new episodes of Cheap Seats, Cheaper Seats. We just did the Balloon World Cup. That's all I'm going to say about it. It's, I thought it was.

Guys trying to keep a balloon in the air. Yeah. Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, that looks great. It's insane. We did it on Cheap Seats. And then on December 10th through the 12th, we're at the Tempe Improv. That's a huge room. We'd love to have people come out and see us.

Our people come out and see us. And then on New Year's Eve, we said we'd never do another New Year's Eve. And then Aurora, Illinois, the Comedy Shrine came a-calling, and we're going to do it. I can't believe we're doing it. We're going to do it. Why can't you not believe it? Our dates are all on there.

You guys are a great hang. We're talking about Josh Edemeyer's. It's going to be a good time. It's a great party. Oh, I was saying, why would you guys not believe it? Our dates are all on there. You guys are a great hang. We're talking about Josh Edemeyer's. It's going to be a good time. It's a great party. Oh, I was saying, why would you guys not believe it? You guys are a great hang. It's New Year's Eve. I've been to parties you guys have thrown.

You always throw a great party. This should be the number one option for any person in Aurora, and you need to be telling them as such. So let's tell them because we'd love to fill that room with kind, lovely Chicago faces. If you're in rochelle illinois we know what you're doing come down see us in aurora if you're in chicago and you're like what are we gonna do for new year's you're gonna get on 88 and go west and you're gonna go to

aurora come hang out with us do the wayne's world walking tour and then see the scholars yeah i love it well josh you first of all we did that phenomenal jethro Tull episode. I don't know if it's dropped yet, of Aqualung. Oh, my God. You went deep. You went so deep. That's like four more months away, dude. That was a good one. Because it was originally, and DBK, this is what was so dope about it,

was that originally Randy and Jay couldn't do it because they were doing their thing. Yeah. And so it was going to be Big Jay, and Big Jay was like, all right, well, I can do Jethro Tull. And, and cause I was like trying to find something that we could like riff on. That's also good. Sure.

And, and then I mentioned it to you at like the jam the night before you're like, I don't know if we can make it. We'll try. And then we're doing the recording and, and me and J are talking about something. And I go, what is a,

what is Jethro Tull mean? And then from out, coming inside, the back of the theater, you hear, we know what Jethro Tull means. And they came in and it was just with a pan flute. That's awesome. Like fairy creatures. Dude, I would put the two of you on the 500 and you too

dvk because that was so great when you did oh the smile brian wilson yeah yeah the beach boys well brian wilson but yeah that was great are you still doing that way too with your two buddies and they join in as well for the whole thing or how's it going now so it's it's so the guy morty that came on for that episode who was like writing the show yeah writing he was researching and writing he but but i gave too much of the reins to him and and i got busy so it was like working out and then i brought him on for that episode and then he continued on for like or because or he wouldn't continue researching the show and he was great i love morty i'm not shitting on him.

And then he left because it was so much work for him. He's an obsessive person. And he would spend like 30 hours working on each episode. And I was like, dude, work on your music. Do that, blah, blah, blah. And now I've got this other dude that's just pulling up facts. And the show was like, it was crazy. Because when I first started doing with you to Randy J,

cause you did it early at the beginning. Yeah. Each episode was like two and a half hours long. And every song I'd ask you a question about the meaning of this and the, and like, well, how does it relate to your life? And now it's just,

it's just, we just talk wherever it goes is wherever it goes. The 500 big, the greatest albums of all time as told by Rolling Stone from the list of 2010 and now we have the competition from Amazon Amazon's doing basically

not the exact same thing they're doing like seasons of like 5 or 6 episodes but they're like we're launching season 2 and our guests as we break down Let It Be are Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney. And I'm like, okay,

cool. Well, I've got, I've got, I've got a fucking Joel McHale. Is that, is that even, it's good.

No, dude, it's so fun. It's so funny. Cause you know about music and you've, you've gotten in watching you do it over the years. It's, you know,

you've gotten so good at distilling down what are the what are the facts how do i make this funny but also because you make i'm going to transition now because i'm going to say because you make great music and one of the most fun comedy shows that we've ever been a part of that we've ever seen is the comedy jam and it's the best the goddamn comedy jam is just such a fun show at any festival. You've been doing it at the Comedy Store, some in LA, at the Comedy Cellar in New York. When's the next one?

I see, I saw. The next, oh, so we did one last night at the Comedy Store. Okay, gotcha. And the next one in New York will be December 20th. Is that the one with Melissa? And then we'll have a date in uh in la it's just it's fun you know what's crazy about it because right before the pandemic i i was getting to the point

where i was like man i don't know if we're gonna keep doing this just like in la and we'll just do it at festivals and then the pandemic hits and you know the world shuts down and and i think like like all of us we experienced loss for these things that we love and then when we start getting tastes of them you know like we did remember when we did the zoom ones yeah yeah and it was like dude it was we were performing to each other and it was just fun to do it and it made me fall back in love with it and then literally when i was like all right well i'm gonna be bi-coastal and i'm gonna go to new york and i'll come back to la whenever and right when i said that the

comedy store was like dude we want to do the jam here and they love it and it's it sells out super easy there and now i'm excited because last night was the first one we could actually touch people again yeah so i could go back to crowd surfing yes which is then we did cornerstone what you love it's just it's this beautiful thing that that i think that you know if you do have the chance to see it in your city if it's at a festival or if we're on the road with it because i we're gonna have a lot of festivals in 2022 right um come man because it's like dude i've only got a few more years where I look cool doing this I just turned 42 man it's like my body hurts like pretty soon I'm gonna look like fucking you know

like like Judd Hirsch from Independence Day you know it's coming so you better fucking come see this show soon because I don't have health insurance I'm gonna buy your ass a cardigan so you can you can Hirsch it up you can I'm not rapaport all over a bench oh my god what's the one the kaminsky method exactly yeah there you go ordinary people um he plays therapist but uh yeah just so great and and follow follow josh on uh instagram uh it's josh adam meyers on instagram right yeah on everything josh adam meyers on all social media yeah follow him he'll let you know when he's doing stuff. This is one of our brothers in comedy,

and if you don't know the stuff that he's doing, get onto it right now, and with that, let's jump into another story, shall we, Dan? You ready? This was sent in by Susan at ding3r12. I don't know. It's probably some code. We just gave away somebody's password. I have no idea. Okay.

All right, ready? Lawyer who sued his parents loses appeal. An unemployed lawyer who has had his lavish lifestyle entirely funded by his wealthy parents has lost a court bid to force his mother and father to continue to pay his maintenance or allowance, as we would say. Allowance. Yeah. Yeah. Like they just fund it.

Like I guess super uber rich families, like, they just give you money. Yeah. I don't have any idea. I wish I was rich. I wish my parents invented Velcro. Wait, that was our parents. Oh, man. They didn't invent Velcro.

They didn't invent it. He just sold it. Yeah. We're not rich. Man, I wish I had that. Yeah. Faze? Faze?

Siddiqui, I think. phase phase city qui i think he claimed his parents are violating his human rights after they stopped paying for his life in london after he went without a job so yeah this guy is just like he had rich parents who were taking care of everything then they were like we're done with this so he's suing them for violating his human rights and taking away the money that they never needed to have given him in the first place. Do we have details, though, about this family, like how much they're worth? I would assume a lot. If they were paying for his life in London, isn't that one of the most expensive cities in the world? Yeah, so expensive.

You know, the thing that's funny to me is, like, you can't handle it in-house. And I'm sure that family has a trust lawyer that he can talk to can i please talk to can i and i only call him by his last name can i please get on the phone with sullivan i need to get on the phone with sullivan yeah that's not his name it's like dave sullivan i need to get on the phone with sullivan and iron these things out and like for some reason okay fine then i'm gonna sue them like it it got to that point where they're like now i gotta bring in the legal i gotta like bring emotion against my parents and have people laugh at you for even thinking that like phase how entitled he phase graduated from oxford university and he last worked in what year when do you guys think was

the last time he worked how long has his parents been just footing the bill? On the dole. Josh, what do you think? Last year he worked. I would love some details. Do we know how old this guy is? No, this is what we have to gather. Okay, okay.

I would say 2004. Okay. 2004. Yeah, so he hasn't worked for 17 years. I think he graduated in 2015, so he hasn't been working for seven years. Or, yeah, well, six years. Okay. I think he graduated in 1997, and he hasn't been working since 1999.

Okay. Faze, who graduated from Oxford University, last worked in 2011. Oh, Jay, very close. Almost 12 years. Almost 12 years these people have been taking care of this guy. Yeah. Having previously practiced law at prestigious firms. I don't know why this is in.

I mean, maybe if you were in this country. Burgess Salmon. Oh, good. Salmon. And Field Fisher Waterhouse has worked as a tax advisor at a major accountancy firm, EY. While unemployed, he claimed he has been entirely dependent on handouts from his parents, Yaved and Rakhshanda, who live in Dubai.

So that's a lot of money. If they're in Dubai, then they've got some of that Dubai money. Right. The payments amounted... How many times has he said to his parents, will you Dubai me that new apartment, please? These payments amounted to around $2,000 a month while he also lived rent-free in a $1 million apartment in central London.

Oh, my God. Can you imagine what that looked like? Like a $1 million a month apartment in central London? Right. $1 million a month? No, no, no. I think that was just the cost of the apartment. The apartment itself was $1 million.

Wow. And he's living rent-free, and he's still getting $2 thousand dollars a month on top of that right couldn't save it but you guys gotta know with the exchange rate that's only about 1200 bucks that's right no i'm giving you u.s dollars uh he was getting like 1500 pounds a month okay wow oh wow it's the first of its kind in the uk faye sued his parents to make them continue to pay his maintenance while arguing he became dependent on them and the money. The high court originally threw out

the high court originally threw out the case. They're like, screw you. Resulting in Faye's... What are we even doing here? Taking the claim to the court of appeal. In 2018, he also unsuccessfully... Listen. In 2018, Faye's also unsuccessfully, listen, in 2018,

FaZe also unsuccessfully tried to sue Oxford University for over £1 million, claiming that he was prevented from achieving the top honors because of inadequate teachings, which cost him a lucrative career. So he was like, I can't get a good job because you guys didn't teach me well enough, which means I'm losing money because of your bad teaching, so now I'm suing you. I think FaZe needs to start with the man in the mirror. I heard he also sued the St. Louis Bread Company for shutting down early. He didn't like it.

Dan, isn't this what we've been talking about, how no one's ever wrong anymore? No one's ever wrong. It's never anyone's fault. It's never your fault. Yes. It's never anyone's fault. It's never your fault. Yes, it's everybody else's fault. He has been contacted for comment. His lawyer has been contacted for comment

regarding his client. He has not responded. We will get out of here on this. How old do you guys think FaZe Siddiqui is? I mean... You know he hasn't worked since 2011. But he did work for a little while But he did work for a little while. He did work for a little while.

I'm going to say 36. 36 years old from Josh. What do you think he is? I'm going to say he's 40. Yeah, I wanted to go in 40s, man. You can change Josh. All right, 43. Okay. Watch him be 36. yeah i wanted to go in 40s man so change it all right 43 okay i think he's watching me 30s i think he's 51 i think it's 51 okay one of you is only one year off okay so now you all get the option to go up a year or down a year i'm going on a 50 what are are you doing? What did I say? What was the second one? You said 40. 43.

I'm going to say 44. Okay. 41. Okay. Faye Siddiqui, who thinks that it's Oxford University's fault. He's not getting a better job than he hasn't had. It probably is. He hasn't had for 10 years.

He lives in London in a million-dollar apartment, getting over $2,000 a month. Just on that alone, the things I would do creatively, if I didn't have to worry about anything else, I would just be like, I know, I know. And in his mind, he's like, if my parents would just sell those two damn white tigers, I would be able to have so much money.

Right. All right. i would be able to have so much money right uh all right phase is 41 years old oh all the fucking nizzas good way to go way to go jason sclaw all right dan give us a little teaser of what we're going to hear in this final segment a guy tries to clean his home with fire. Always a good idea. We'll do that. For our Patreon fans, Josh Anamires is going to tell us a dumb story that happened to him and we'll turn it into a Dumb People Town story. You have to be a member of Patreon to check that out.

Come on back for this crazy-ass story about cleaning your house using the one thing that you know how to use, and that's fire. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make it sound. Four more. Don't people town. All right, Daniel, take us home.

Last one. All right, ready? This was sent in by Jamie Oberdick at JamieOber8590. I love it. Thank you so much, Jamie, for sending this in. Nice. Okay, here we go. Ready? Yep. Boulder, Colorado.

Great. A Colorado man was arrested after investigators say he set his mother's house on fire while trying to get rid of cobwebs with a blowtorch. No. This is arachnophobia. This is a plotline from arachnophobia, first of all. First of all, I bet it looks cool, but that is not this is arachnophobia this is a plot line from arachnophobia first of all

first of all i bet it looks cool but it's that is not an indoor activity the coolest the coolest use of a blowtorch ever is of course in animal house he's like i thought you were gonna say once upon a time in hollywood i can fix it yeah yeah yeah exactly blowtorch come on and you're like no dan you're right once upon that's a flamethrower i guess that's a flamethrower that's a flamethrower yeah you're right jay flame yeah you're right yeah blowtorch perfect still blowtorch like mask down so no no dan did you see did you hear my reaction when you're reading that he uses the blowtorch to try i'm like no no no i was i was watching a tiktok of a guy get up and walk across a tightrope across two rocks and what looked like the grand canyon and the entire time he's walking across like no

one can see what i'm seeing i'm looking down at my phone and i'm like no no no no no and like he's alive he makes it across but i'm the whole time i'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's what I'm saying right here. This is what I think. This guy probably did it once, and it worked perfectly. Right? Quick blast. And then he was like, oh, I'll just do this throughout the whole house.

And there has to be some sort of alcohol involved as well. You think this is a good idea. The Boulder Daily Camera reports the man was taken into custody after Monday's fire near Longmont. He faces several charges of first-degree arson. No one was injured in the fire. Investigators say...

I bet the Boulder Daily Camera gets delivered to everyone and no one reads it. Oh, 100%. It's a cassette. Yeah. It's on to their lawn and they're like, no, I got to throw this thing away. away literally pick it up drop it in the recycling it's fireplace newspaper that's what it is yes

yeah yes every so often they have the they have the metropolitan all-stars like whoever made like the best field hockey player of the year for sure they have that kind of shit yeah if you only read that episode investigators say the man acknowledged using a blowtorch to clear cobwebs in the crawlspace under the home. What are you doing under there? Under the home. Under the home. Because you know fire goes down. Fire goes down, so you're good.

Heat goes down. And he tried to put out the fire himself for how many minutes before calling emergency crews? So for how many minutes was he emergency crews so for how many minutes was he like i got i got it mom i got it i got it mom mom i love i love what i love the most about this show is this suddenly this is also like a trivia game show why not it's everything the most fun thing is to guess how long things happen how old old they are, all that stuff. I am going to say 30 minutes. 30 minutes from Josh Ademeyer. Yeah, because I think it's fast because the house is going to go up in flames.

So I'm going to say 15 minutes. I mean, how long does it take for water to pool at the bottom of a Panera Bread? 10 minutes? I'm going to say 8 minutes. at the bottom of a Panera Bread, 10 minutes. I would say eight minutes. I'll tell you guys the amount of damages if you want that to affect your answers at all. So you'll get one last chance.

I like flying blind. Okay. Yeah, fly blind. Okay. So lock them in. Josh, what was yours? 30. 30.

I said 15. And I said eight. Okay. He tried to put the fire out by himself, which if you could just watch that i'm sure it was hilarious i mean what's funnier dan him trying to put the fire out by himself or him walking through the cobweb that started all this exactly exactly he tried to put the fire out by himself for 60 minutes before calling.

An hour. We all undershot, dude. Holy shit. An hour. This is epic dumbness. An hour of trying to put out a fire. That's an illness. So much damage.

So much. The blaze caused about $100,000 in damages. I will ask you. We will end our episode here. We will close it out with Josh Edemeyer. How old is the man who set fire to his mother's house trying to clean out cobwebs with a blowtorch? It does not say if they live together,

so I don't know if she was like, you need to go over here and clean out this crawl space, or if he came over and did it. I have no idea. I see him. I see him. I see him 56 years old, 56 years old. Dan,

I also can imagine this being the end of a nagging argument where she's like, go get, you better clean up under my crawl. I don't want to do it. You better do it. Fine. Fine. If I'm going to do it,

I'm going to go get the blowtorch. Fine. Let's see if you do that. And this is like a, well, Jason, you've said this many times. This is a perfect example of while this person was doing this, acting out of anger, they

probably said, tell me what to do. Yeah. Going to tell me how to clean out. Going to tell me how to get rid of a cobweb. So you say 56, Jay. What do you say? God. I was thinking older too.

But I'm going to go against my initial thought and say 29. 29 years old. All right. 41. 41? Yep. The man who caused $100,000 in damages while trying to kill spiders and take out their webs with a blowtorch.

Before I say it, I will remind everybody, follow everything that the Sklars are doing, supersklars.com. If you're in the Northern Illinois, Southern Wisconsin, Chicagoagoland area, you have New Year's Eve plans. It's suspended with those boys. And any chance you get to see Josh and Myers do stand-up comedy or the goddamn Comedy Jam, don't miss it. Josh, when we did Houston together and I did Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, that was so much fun, man.

Speaking of which, I'm in Edmonton December 9th through the 13th, and I'm in St. Louis the weekend after that and then vancouver on new year's eve come go to josh adam meyers.com for all tickets when you're there hit up the squares in st louis vancouver hit up the squares josh when you're there because they will tell you everywhere to go eat do they have dude no they did did. Every time I go there, I get the fucking, the custard, the frozen custard. I get the pizza with the weird...

He took a picture of him eating Ted Drew's and just sent it to me and I was like... It made me happy. And you gotta go to Salt and Smoke. That's the best part. We did go to Salt and Smoke. I went to every place. And then a black comic took me to a black place where they got egg foo young sandwich. Oh.

Have you had that? Nope. I would do that. Yeah, dude. They call that the St. Louis special. Damn, y'all don't even know about that shit. Brown candy, too. That's an amazing spot, too.

All right. The guy who set his mom's house on fire. Also, if you want to come see me, I'll be in Houston, and then I'll be everywhere else. It's all at DanielVanCook.com. It'll make you. All right. The man is 39 years old. Randy's a champ.

I love you guys. Hey, thank you, townies, for bearing with us as we are in disparate places in this Thanksgiving. Let me just say this. We are thankful for you guys this Thanksgiving week and all of our fans. You guys are the best, the absolute best. We love you so much. I'm going to say I'm thankful to Dan Van Kirk, who is the engine who runs this show.

He is brilliant. He is funny. He puts together these playgrounds for all of us to play in every single episode. And I'm thankful for the world of comedy that brings us. Thank you to Aristotle also, Acevedo, our producer. And Lissa, and Lissa Rub us. Thank you to Aristotle also. Yep. And Acevedo, our producer. And Lissa. And Lissa Rubin. And I will say this.

I'm thankful to the comedy community that brings us friends and friendships like Josh Adam Myers. Dude, you're the best. I love you guys. Love you, buddy. And oh, shit. We've got to get back to work. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb