Dumb People Town - Josh Gondelman - Beef & Reef

Episode Date: May 7, 2019

Story 1 is a Greenlee involving surf and turf!In a Stitcher Premium exclusive extended interview, Josh talks about writing for Last Week Tonight, plus a mini story involving a mom who advocates for her son's dating life a bit too much! Story 2 brings us a Valentine's Day attempt for a free meal at an Outback Steakhouse! Story 3 is the sad tale of the demise of a nudist restaurant. 

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Because when the music hits the funny hits, we are going to take you down. Stick around. Make a sound.

Talk your downies. Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population. Gondelman. Joshua Gondelman III. You are here. Are you Joshua Gondelman III? I'm not. That would have been a great pull, though. Population, you? Population, Gondelman. Joshua Gondelman III. You are here.

Are you Joshua Gondelman III? I'm not. That would have been a great pull, though. Josh Gondelman, one of our favorite people in comedy. Just a fantastic stand-up. A great writer. Fantastic follow on the Twitters. Oh, thanks.

A lot of positive energy. So much positive energy. Thank you. I just remember. You got it. I remember seeing you at the Spare Room in Brooklyn. We were doing a show, Comedians You Should Know, I think is what it was. We had like a free week in New York. This was like two years ago, or two summers ago,

and like where we were working during the day, and then we just did all the shows we'd want to do at night, like Littlefield and, you know, not the, what was the other, the place? It was Union Hall. Union Hall, Littlefield. And then we did the Knitting Factory one night and then we did this show there. And you showed up and we were like, are you on the show? And you're like, no, I just came to watch and hang out.

I just came to see you guys. And I was just so freaking happy. And I was like, that's what this guy does, in addition to being super talented, but you bring a level of happiness to the world and to our world and I'm so freaking happy you're here. We'll talk about your new album. We'll talk about how people can buy the book.

Pre-order the book. There's all good stuff to do, but I want your mind right now. I want to use it in a targeted way at the world because we believe the world's getting dumber. Do you feel that in New York City? Yeah. I mean, I feel it. I almost feel like we're...

I do feel living in a bubble a little bit in New York and I read stories and I'm like... But it's getting dumber in New York too. It's also getting dumber in New York. Ridiculous, right? Yeah. It's like when the trash gets piled up so much that you're just like, you know, even the rats are like upset about it in New York. They can't even reach the top of the trash anymore.

I used to be able to get up there. I never thought there'd be such a thing as too much trash. I can't drag this pizza on top of this trash bag. But the idea that like, I think that the dumb is piling up. Oh, yeah, for sure. Like the trash in New York, the dumb is piling up. Well, Dan Van Kirk is here. Hi, Dan.

Hello, how are you, friends? Hey, Dan, great to see you, buddy. It is good to see you, my man. So we have stories sent to us by our fantastic, brilliant fans, our dumb ears on the ground, and they let us know what's going on. We try to break it down. The only way to fight back the dumb tidal wave is with comedy, we think. So, Dan, what do you got?

At least that's how we can fight it. You want to do a story? Let's do one. Let's jump in. Sent in by Catherine Tuck at Catherine Lorna. She's great. She's a friend of the show

and a friend of my heart. Right. We've got a Greenlee. Oh, yes. Let's explain. I know. My favorite moment is introducing a new funny person.

Seeing one of our wonderful guests have that expression on their face when they're like, what the fuck is a Greenlee? That's where I am right now. Will Greenlee is a, and I'm putting this in the largest air quotes ever, journalist. Okay, no. For the TV. No, he broke open.

He broke open that Robert Kraft case. Did he really? He was one of the lead stringers, I guess, reports on that. He's the one who busted that? Yeah, exactly. He busted a nut wide open on that. Will open he's out here shutting down sex trafficking he busted all over the back of that story uh so will greenlee is a journalist in florida he writes for the tc palm regularly although he did that other story for usa today but he writes stories and it is

our theory that will greenlee has a certain number of words he has to submit. Let's say 1,500. Or I've started wondering if he's – we all have times in our life where for one reason or another, that night or maybe that whole career, we were performing for one person. Yeah, sure. We use that word or we say that thing. Do you think he's doing it for us? No, I think there's someone in his life that he knows doesn't understand simple things. Maybe it's his mom.

Maybe it's his younger brother. And they're like, you know what? We're not going to let you near the rabbits, but you can read my article. Or he believes the world is so dumb because he is covering such stuff. He has to over-explain things we already understand. I mean, know your audience.

So he explains in his articles things that you don't need any explanation. And then we get to play a wonderful game where we say, did Will Greenlee write that or is Dan fucking with us? That's incredible. Because I inject dumb explanations. And you will just have to guess. Just to give you a point of reference. It was not me. We have a Greenlee one time where he explained how an anchor works.

Yep. You know how most people are like, what is that? An anchor? The most common metaphor for weighing something down and holding it in place. You let it go. That's how it works. Like the fact that I don't know what an anchor is, is kind of holding me back. It is.

Anchors are like your anchor. Yes, they are. I mean, the idea of an anchor, which I don't really understand, is rooting me in something. Stopping you from just drifting away to a different place. But it's kind of grounding me in a way. I also wanted to give a heads up to everybody listening. I have no idea. We're all gone and traveling so much.

We're doing an amazing job of getting out in front of these. So I have no idea when this episode is going to drop. But I will do my best to not keep talking about Damian Lillard's shot last night. I don't know what will have happened by this point. But it has become a new fulcrum point in my life. I just want you to know I wrote to Ian Carmel, who is, as far as I know, and this is not. And who knows what their series will look like when this drops. This isn't a slam on Ian Carmel.

He's the biggest Portland Trailblazers fan,. This isn't a slam on Ian Carmel. No, they're not. He's the biggest Portland Trailblazers fan, and that's not a joke on his size. I'm just saying. He is the biggest Portland Trailblazers fan. He loves the Trailblazers, supports them endlessly. So I texted him last night. I'm just going to say this.

This is for our non-sports fans. Damian Lillard, who's the wonderful guard, who probably could have left to play for the Lakers or something, but stayed up in Portland because he loves Portland. He hit a shot five years ago that, Dan, you described after he hit the shot, he looked around like he was looking for the father who left him. Yes.

What was his expression? He looked around as though he had just cut ties with the father who left him. That's right. Like he did it this time. That was five years ago. That was five years ago. Last night. Just swish, don't text. That was five years ago. That was five years ago. Last night.

Just swish. Don't text. I'm done with you. I don't want your congratulations. No, you don't understand. I don't even care anymore. Swish. New phone.

Who dis? Hey, Karen. Who's a nerd in middle school now? So last night, it was 115 to 115. He walked it all the way down. Didn't even. All he needs at one point, he could have taken a foul. He could have pushed inside.

He could have gone for a layup. It's at home. And he just stood from about 38, 37 feet. Step back. Step back. And won the game. In Paul George's face. This was contested.

Incredible. So I wrote to Ian Carmel. I wrote, holy shit, Lillard. That's all I wrote. He wrote, I honestly can't believe it. I wrote twice in your lifetime, Dianu, which is a reference to Passover because we're still in Passover. Which is a Hebrew word meaning it would have been enough. Once would have been enough.

Once would have been enough. That was great, Jay. By the way, this is Passover where you sing the song Dianus. Dianus. That's what we're recording. So I said, it almost makes up for the Trump presidency. It's that profound. And then I wrote 50 points.

And he wrote, ha ha ha. And I was like, you're the most devout Blazers fan I know. I couldn't be happier for you. Second round. That's awesome. And that's the joy I felt for him.

Right. So this is, so I will bring it back and say, that is the joy right now that we are feeling for the fact that you will be experiencing a Will Greenlee. I'm so excited. So let's jump into this right now. Fort Pierce. What's not to like about a little surf and turf, some crabs, and steak?

Some crabs? And steak. Like crabs, like the disease you get in your genitals. Here, I'll give more respect to Will Greenlee's comma. What's not to like about a little surf and turf? Some crabs and steak. It's still written weird, Will. I love you to death, man.

Okay, so now I feel like he's explaining what surf and turf is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. We all know what surf and turf is. It's a thing with a definition. You can't assume, Josh. Perhaps. Also, crabs is so specific for me to say. Like, could it be lobster?

I would have done lobster. Lobster is also a surf and turf. Look, I can't afford the lobster. It's crabs and steak. Look, this is a very expensive headline as it is. My question is, wouldn't it just be crab? Oh, do you want to hear the headline? Oh, yeah.

Like, why would some crab? Some crab and steak. Some crabs. Some crabs are the genital disease. If there's an S on it, it's on the genitals. If there's no S, you're in deep sea. Do you want some crab on that salad? They would never say, do you want some crabs?

Would you like some crabs on that salad? You keep your weird dick off my salad. Or I am never coming back to this Long John Silver's this week. Delino, get out here! That is the headline, by the way. Surf and turf leaves bad taste in Fort Pierce. Get your puns in where you can, Greenlee. I don't even know

if this is a pun. Is this just literally a story about food poisoning? Yes! A bad tasting food poisoning. Perhaps the only thing that could sour the taste is if it's stolen. What? That's not a sentence. That's barely a sentence.

Perhaps the only thing that could sour the taste is if it's stolen. Also, if it's stolen, you don't taste it. That's like one of the fundamental tenets of not having something is that it's not in your mouth. Or you figuratively taste it. Yeah, the fact that you got something stolen. Also, sour the taste sounds like a Boz Skaggs lyric from 1981. Sour the Taste. Or it's like a new metal band.

Yeah, Sour the Taste. Or it's like one of the- System of a Down. They opened for System of a Down. Sour the Taste. Are you guys going up before Sour the Taste? No, we're on the fucking side stage. We're on the side stage.

Yeah, Sour the Taste, No, we're on the fucking side stage. We're on the side stage. Yeah, Sour the Taste, dude. They're coming up. Sour the Taste is like, it's in the same vein as like Young the Giant, Portugal the Man. Yes, that's true. Sour the Taste. Right. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

They have violins and shit. Yeah. Like they're one of those metal bands with a cello. Sour the Taste, if it's so on. Something along those lines. Could you be more vague, Will Greenlee? No. Something along those lines. Could you be more vague, Will Greenlee? Something along those lines happened January 28th at a Walmart in Fort Pierce in the 5100 block of Okeechobee Road, according to arrest affidavits. I thought I was going to die on Okeechobee Road. I've said this story many times.

And by the way, I do need to mention that's 16 days after our birthday. January 28th. after our birthday. January 28th. I was. I always reference everything. I was. I was getting gas in Florida and I was gassing up the cars we were going to drive across

and it was just me and I saw three of the scariest methed out dudes I've ever seen in my entire life and I mean, it basically looked like, remember that guy Puck from The Real World?

Yeah. Like, it looked like him on a terrible day. All three of them. So this is the moment you know you're not a racist. Because when, I'm assuming there were three white dudes. Three of the scariest looking dudes I've ever seen. So when

you have that heart racing moment, and you're like, I'm gonna die, there is a moment of relief where you're like, at least I'm not a racist. So I ran inside in the store and actually hid behind a black man. Oh. And I was like, did you see those guys out there? Like, we need to do something about him.

By we, I mean you. Well, Fort Pierce Police jailed Justin Kennedy, 36, of Orlando, and Melissa Simon, 35, of Ormond Beach after the culinary caper. A loss prevention officer reported a man later identified as Kennedy stuffed multiple items into his book bag. A book bag is commonly used for children's school books. No, that's you. You're making that up. I'm calling bullshit.

Hold on. Rather than stolen items. Okay. Who wrote that? Did Dan write that? Or Will Greenlee? It's got to be Dan. Okay.

Jay? That's Will Greenlee. That is Will Greenlee. Okay. The person who wrote the statement, I'll read the whole thing. A loss prevention officer reported a man later identified as Kennedy stuffed multiple items into his book bag. A book bag is commonly used for children's school books rather than stolen items.

That was written by Daniel Van Kerr. Oh! Candleless! Jesus! The government walks in and just lays it down. In Kennedy's book bag was three pillowcases in his jacket. Wait, wait. In his book bag was three pillowcases.

Green, tighten this up. Jeez. Were three pillowcases in his jacket and four steaks and two cans of crab meat. Cans. Cans. I wouldn't even call that surfing turf. No. What do you call that? jacket, and four steaks and two cans of crab meat. Cans. Cans. Cans. I wouldn't even call that surf and turf. No.

What do you call that? It's like bodyboarding and turf. Lake and turf. Water skiing and turf. Hoarding and turf. Wakeboard and turf. Canned crab would also be like what real fancy doomsday preppers have. Yeah. It's like we have 700 cans of crab meat. Doomsday and turf. Canned crab would also be like what real fancy doomsday preppers have. Yeah.

We have 700 cans of crab meat. Doomsday and turf. Yeah. Doomsday and turf. A pairing of seafood and red meat is a classic combination, not unlike peanut butter and jelly, that is referred to as surf and turf. Surf refers to a dish from the ocean. Okay.

While turf means something from the land this can't be him this has to also be you okay i'm gonna lose my fucking mind so you say dan vankirk jay greenlee that's greenlee too okay i think it's greenlee a pairing of seafood i'll tell you at the end i'll read it again a pairing of seafood and red meat is a classic combination not unlike peanut butter and jelly that is referred to as surf and turf. Surf refers to a dish from the ocean, while turf means something from the land. That was written by Will Greenlee. No, no, no. That's in a newspaper in America.

So this is the only thing that I can... In America. So in America, I think, is the key phrase. Here's my hunch, just based on this one. I think he's subtly trying to help people learn English. I think this is part of the TOEFL exam.

It's for recent immigrants. And he's trying to maybe there's hostility to immigrants where he is and he's subtly trying to acclimate to immigrants. It's a spin. That's the Gondelman positivity. I think he thinks people are dumb and he's a spin. It's a spin. It's a spin. That's the Gondelman positivity. I think he thinks

people are dumb and he's like, I gotta just do this. The Gondelman positivity principle is in effect right now. But if he thinks people don't know

what surf and turf is, why premise the whole article on like, here's surf and turf. Because he's like, you might want to read on. Yeah. Here we go.

The seafood usually is lobster, though prawns or crab may be substituted, while the meat is typically a type of steak, such as filet mignon. Surf and turf alternately is known as beef and reef. No, it isn't. Who wrote that?

Oh, God. Me. That's Dan. Or Will Greenlee. Dan. Too much of an add-on to an already Greenlee thing. I think you're right. I don't think beef and

reef is too too far i think it's i think it's greenly okay so you two say dan and i'll read one more time the seafood usually is lobster though prawns or crab notice he did not pluralize it then he uh yes well the first part or crab may be substitute royally yeah while the while the meat is typically is typically a type of steak, such as filet mignon, surf and turf, alternately, is known as beef and reef. The person who wrote all that is Will Greenlee. No! Get out of here.

Stop it. Beef and reef. Beef and reef. That's so crazy because it's like a cat is a four-legged animal, also known as Alf tried to eat them. That's completely unnecessary. It's like so tertiary to the definition. By the way, Beef and Reef is my kid's favorite Nickelodeon show.

Beef and Reef is my favorite band. Beef and Reef. Beef and Reef is also when pirates have disagreements with each other. None of us in this room have heard it called Beef and Reef. Never in my life. Never in my life. Never in my life either. It works out. I'm now going to exclusively, when I talk to even if it's on a menu...

I want you to walk into a place as you pull your pants up and ask if they have Beef and Reef. You guys got Beef and Reef? Y'all got a special on Beef and Reef? Beef and Reef, I think I would say if someone told you that Beef and Reef is when you have to take a shit when you're scuba diving and you just do it down in the ocean. 100%.

I did a quick beef and reef and I'm fine now. Or even lower key, like farting in your scuba suit. It's like, oh, he pulled a beef and reef. Or it's like underwater porn. Yeah. It does sound vaguely sexual. It's done. Or it's like a fight you have with a sponge underwater.

Yes. Yeah, we're beefing on the reef. We're beefing on the reef. Or it's when you're chumming to bring up sharks and you're doing like a fight you have with a sponge underwater. Yes. Yeah, we're beefing on the reef. We're beefing on the reef. Or it's when you're chumming to bring up sharks and you're doing like a boat tour. That's exactly what beefing reef is. Hey, guys, we're beefing the reef, guys. It's a beefing reef. Or it could be a term when you're in a writer's room when people are throwing too many jokes

on something. Guys, no need to beef the reef. Guys, we're beefing the reef. We already have it. We already have it. We've got the joke. It's just going to be another version of this. We all write, we know refrigerator logic.

Let's make beef and reef a script. No. I'm just saying it all sounds like if you're in a speedboat and you show your dick to a guy in another speedboat. He's fucking beefing reef me. He beefing reef me two miles off the coast. Tyler, come and roofed me. He beef and roofed me two miles off the coast. Tyler, come on. Not cool. He beef and roofed me. Dude, I get to punch you now. I beef and roof you so I get to punch you.

No, dude. Tyler. Bring your jet ski over, Ty. Tyler. Come closer so I can hit you. They both die at the end of the story. I'm getting eaten by a shark. I've heard of sea dudes.os, that's a sea-dope. According to arrest reports, Kennedy left the store, Walmart, without paying and went across the street to a Golden Corral, a restaurant better known for chocolate fountains than seafood.

Me or Greenlee? Greenlee. Okay. Dan. Dan. Okay. The person who wrote this, I'll read it again and say, According to arrest records, Kennedy left the store without paying

and went across the street to a Golden Corral, a restaurant better known for chocolate fountains than seafood. That was written by Daniel Van Kirk. Yeah! Nice. It's also they're best known for steak. I was misled. Chocolate fountains is a little specific.

But have you ever had steak dipped in a chocolate fountain? It's unbelievable. Speaking of do's and don'ts, chocolate fountain at Golden Corral is a little specific. But have you ever had steak dipped in a Chocolate Fountain? It's in every commercial. It's unbelievable. Speaking of do's and don'ts, Chocolate Fountain and Golden Corral is a fondant. That was solid. There, he's accused of giving at least some of the goods to Simon, who's accused of trying to make her own fraudulent return. So I guess she waits at the Golden Corral. He goes and steals. She comes back. She brings the merchandise. Then she goes to Walmart and tries to return. He goes and steals. She comes back.

She brings the merchandise. Then she goes to Walmart and tries to return it? That's right. That's right. Okay. Simon and Kennedy were- Golden Corral is like their stash house for steaks, which is insane because they sell steaks there. Right.

It's their diner location from Pulp Fiction. Yeah. Do you guys want anything else? Nope. Nope. Nope. We're going to do a crime today. This is a crime that's never happened before.

Everybody shut the fuck up. This is a beef and reef. Any of you motherfuckers touch my beef and reef and I'm going to shoot every last motherfucking one of you. I need you to hand me my wallet. It's the one that says beefy motherfucker. Beef and reefy motherfucker on it. That's it.

That's what he said about LeBron James coming to Los Angeles so LeBron James coming to Los Angeles is like Samuel L. Jackson doing the Capital One commercials it's like

you're forgetting about the great shit he did back in the day it's like I don't want to hear Samuel L. Jackson say what's in your wallet I want to hear him say go reach in that bag

and pull out my motherfucking wallet the one that says bad motherfucker on it if they could incorporate if they could say bad motherfucker in the Capital One commercial. And just beep it out. It would be fun.

Simon and Kennedy were arrested, each on misdemeanor theft related charge and taken to the St. Lucie County Jail where it is unlikely that surf and turf is on the menu. That's greenly. That's greenly. It is greenly. I'll read you, the fun thing about these is they always have little

more links to other articles. We can just kind of see real quick what's going on. Some of them might have shown up before or maybe some people listed out order. Either way, we have three mores in this article that you could have clicked on. Probably take you right to another Greenlee. If you like this, you will love this.

More. Alligator trespassing at Walmart n this, you will love this. More. Alligator trespassing at Walmart nabbed by PSL cops. Nice. You don't have to say the alligator's trespassing. I know. If it's in the Walmart. Alligator nabbed by cops. Alligator managing Walmart arrested by police.

Alligator perusing the aisles. Alligator on layaway at Walmart. Stop assigning shit to the alligator. Here's one I would love to read. Maybe we did it. I don't even remember. alligator perusing the aisles alligator on layaway stop assigning shit to the alligator maybe we did it I don't even remember hair weave hubble baloo prompts police response I feel like we might have done that

we never did it but I think it was also in another more and the last more and it's got a question mark in it that I love satanic sacrifice threats in Sebastian And the last more, and it's got a question mark in it that I love. Satanic sacrifice threats in Sebastian? We might have done that story.

Is Sebastian a person or a place? From Never Ending Story. If that ends with a question, then no. That's not an article. If you're still asking the question, answer the question, then write the article. I don't want to tell people how journalism works, but there are the six questions you ask at the top of every story. Who, what, where, why, when. There's seven. Who, what, where, why, when, how, and are there satanic things inside of Sebastian?

Yes. Those are the seven. If you go to the Newhouse School of Journalism, you will ask those questions. Or if you go to the University of Missouri. What's the School of Journalism in Northwestern? I don't know. Is it Medill? Oh, yeah.

Medill? Medill School of Journalism. Yes, in Northwestern University. That is what you're going to learn. All right, there you go. First story in the book. You experience your first Greenlee. You will never be the same.

It was incredible. Okay, let's take a break. Josh Gondelman is with us. We're going to hear about his book, which you can pre-order. We're going to tell you how to follow him and his new special. All that stuff right after this. Stick around. Make us down for more

Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I think this comes out and tonight we're at Largo. This is a May 7th situation. Yeah, so I don't know if there are any tickets

left as we're recording this. There are probably about 80 tickets left, but I think it's probably going to sell out. The show is tonight, but you can always check in and see. The live show tonight is Tim Heidecker, John C. Reilly, and Amy Mann's the musical guest. So great. Amazing show.

Live show in Largo, Los Angeles. We love it so much. We were talking about the fact that Randy and I, we may not have met you, but you were at a show that we did at Brandeis University not how many years ago? Oh my gosh. Your freshman orientation. Yeah. So it must have been 15 and a half years ago.

Okay. So you were- It's a really fun show for us. Super fun show for us to do. Our opening joke was- Like Brandeis is our Wakanda as Jews. So we came- We say Brandeis forever

and then just make like a Jewish star. And then instead of a cross, we make a Jewish star. Two triangles. And Kosherneum is the- That's the indestructible mineral. It's dairy-free coffee cake. Exactly. It will not give you a stomachache. It's par of.

We got on stage and our first joke, which we didn't know if we should say this, we looked around and we're like, so, this is everyone who couldn't get into Tufts. A little tag. We had to dig out a hole. It was fun. Fun show. My brother-in-law

was... Who's a huge fan of this show. Yeah, him and his wife. David Zucker. David Zucker and Jordan, they're fantastic. They're big fans. They're dummies. They're dumb people townies. Anyway, they'll be super psyched that you're on this show.

You have a new album out, which is called what? Dancing on a Weeknight. Dancing on a Weeknight. Like nobody's watching. iTunes, people can grab it. iTunes, yeah. Anywhere you can download stuff. It's available on vinyl

through Blonde Medicine I recorded at Bell House in Brooklyn which we will be at the Bell House on October 13th Sunday night yeah

and if we fill that we'll do a second show that is an amazing venue it's so great so good and your jokes your joke writing is fantastic

you're just a fun fun fun person to watch oh thank you do you stand up this is an album you have to get if you're a listener of the show and you enjoy the show just do this pick it up itunes amazon vinyl you said vinyl yeah yeah i love that it's out on vinyl i'm going what's the record label blonde medicine right it's uh yeah yeah he's the greatest that's what i'm doing oh that's awesome he's the best i like can't say enough good things about him

yeah people need to get on the tip of what Blonde Medicine's putting out. Yeah, they're doing some really cool stuff, and he's great. And the book. The book. Yeah, the book comes out in September, but it's available to pre-order now. Now. It's called Nice Try, Stories of Best Intentions and Mixed Results. And these are essays that you write? Yeah, and personal stories.

There's a couple things that maybe I've done as stand-up over the years, but fleshed out as stories, but it's mostly stuff I've never written about or talked about other places. That's awesome. Thank you. Okay, Dan, shall we jump into a second story? Let's do it. We've got Josh Gondelman still here. He still remains.

Still among us. I'm still here. Okay. He's in the wild. Here we are. Twitter user. Who did I say? Who said this one?

Who said this one? I'm getting better at this. Twitter user. I know. If that's the way you identified you haven't done enough in your life. Mouth breather. If that leads your obituary.

That's terrible. Well, no one's at that funeral. Twitter user. Josh Mout at J Mout. I always say this wrong. I'm sorry, Josh. M-O-U-A-T. No one's at the funeral, but the tombstone got 12 likes. I'm just going to say that. But it just has a picture of an egg on it.

The painting event should read you guys the headline or not. I'll read it to you. No, don't read us the headline. Just read the story because I don't want anything to be given out. Twitter user. Twitter user, at Bacon Flavoring. His epitaph was 140 characters. 280, bro.

280, bro. 280, bro. And a picture. You can still include a picture. That's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a link to another funeral. Twitter user, at.

Which says this. This and then fire and a Grim Reaper emoji. And a bizarre picture. Oh, I hope this guy isn't dead in this story. And a bizarre picture of the fire festival. Twitter user, at Bacon Flavoring, thought it would be a good idea to pretend to be stood up at an Outback Steakhouse on Valentine's Day in order to try and get a free meal. That is blooming ridiculous. There you go.

Crikey. He documented his plot to arrive at the Australian-themed, that should be in quotes, Australian-themed chain. Every Outback Steakhouse should have a picture of Will Anderson in it. In fact, all of us should commit that when we're on the road, if we're near Outback, we somewhere put a picture of Will Anderson. I'm talking to Will Anderson right now.

I hope he listens to this or people who are in Australia. Tell him to listen to this. I'm going to tell him to listen to this. He's the Australian Josh Gondelman. He's the best. Will, you need to send us a bunch of headshots. I know. So that whenever we go to an Outback Steakhouse, we will force them to put it above the little.

And we are basically going to spread your comedy throughout Outback We will put it on the wall. Force them to put it above the little, and we are basically going to spread your comedy throughout the house. That's not a headshot. That's not a headshot. It is a headshot. It is a headshot. Giant poster. Based on the apathy of almost all people

who work at chain restaurants, they won't care. No one's going to stop us. They'll probably be like, you put it up. We'll just say that we're from corporate and you have to put this up. Yeah. He documented his plot to arrive at the Australian-themed chain.

Is this why he got busted? Because he documented the plot? Well, he busted himself on February 14th, all dressed up and seemingly excited for a date who would ultimately not show up. Here is the pretty obvious catch. The stunt was all a ruse to score a free dinner, and it worked.

Oh, At-Back. I will not break down this night of this guy. At-Back, you got had. This is such good publicity for Outback Steakhouse. The best thing I've ever heard about Outback Steakhouse is some guy tried to trick them into a free meal. That's right. And they did it. Oh, you'd eat there for free? That's the best compliment I've ever heard paid to actually.

You can trick everybody. The only thing I've heard about Outback Steakhouse is when you have diarrhea, it goes down the drain the other direction. It does. That's amazing.

You know what? I liked it. That's a good one. Quote, if I went to Outback Steakhouse by myself tonight and asked for a table for two, then got progressively sadder

as the night went on alone, do you think they'd give me a steak for free? He first tweeted on Thursday afternoon. In preparation for his scam, he called ahead to the restaurant to say his date was running late and posted

a picture at his table for two. In case you were wondering whether I'm taking this seriously, y'all, I wore a full suit jacket. Wait, wait, wait. A full suit jacket? What, were you going to Cedric the Entertainer and just wear the jacket with no sleeves?

Full suit jacket? So you know I'm serious about this. I'm going Cedric the Entertainer. So you know that I'm committed to entertaining. You would say a sport coat like everybody else. A blazer. I wore a... A sport coat. A suit jacket. I mean, like, you definitely

wouldn't say a full suit jacket. Full suit is like, you definitely wouldn't say a full suit jacket. Full suit is like you wore the pants, too. Or just the sleeves. Just the sleeves. Just the sleeves. I can't. Tank top, suit sleeves. I feel shit, but I can't deceive you guys.

For some reason, I put full in there, and it's not in there. He literally just wrote, I wore a suit jacket. I honestly, for the life of me, thought I saw the word full. That's okay. He even ordered his imaginary date her wine of choice. Quote, well, I remember she said she loves Chardonnay, so why don't we start with a glass of that? That's too broad.

Yeah. Well, I don't know. Do you think Calpack has a Riesling? I remember she said Chardonnay. I'm sure they have a Riesling. You think? Oh, yeah. That's a sweet wine.

It's a dessert wine. People at the Beck's Dados love a Riesling. I guarantee they have a Riesling. You think? Oh, yeah. That's a sweet wine. It's a dessert wine. People at the Beck's Dados love a Riesling. I guarantee they have a Sauv. A Shiraz. There's a lot of Australian Shiraz. That's true. Yes. That's a good call.

If you walked in and said, I would like a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, would they throw you out? I think so. Maybe. Would they throw you out? Maybe. I don't like New Zealand. What the fuck did you say? Hey, hey, man. Hey, hey, hey. you up i think so maybe would they throw you out maybe i don't like the fuck did you say he's just waiting for his day just get it just ease off on a man all right all right all right people in the restaurant started to take notice this is a quote that he wrote uh i just the waiter

just talked to the bartender he updated i'm sitting in a booth at the bar and every single person within eye range has glass has glanced at me at some point during the evening. This is what I enjoy a good bit, but you're making a lot of other people sad for you. Which they'll never know

was a big thing. But Dan, who is going to Outback Steakhouse? A lot of people. On Valentine's Day. A lot of people, Jay. On Valentine's Day. A lot of people. Jay, you're wrong. People went to Waffle House. On Valentine's Day.

Yeah, we didn't do the story, but they did a whole promo at Waffle House of like, come out and people, it's like you have to do reservations. Outback Steakhouse feels like the place you go when you can't get a date on Valentine's Day and you're like, all right, I'm just going to go eat my Felix.

I'm going to eat steak until I die. I'm going to eat a 12,000 calorie blooming onion. I'd like to do your steak challenge. Like, we don't have one. Oh, you do now. You do now. You keep giving me steaks. You do now.

That's the challenge. Until my heart stops. Oh, yeah. We do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do that. Suicide by steak. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We do that. That is actually on the menu. Suicide by steak. Because bits only good if the person eventually knows it was a bit. Right. Otherwise, it's just a lie. It's a ruse. It's a deception.

You have to pay a bit off. Otherwise, it was never a bit. It was a never-ending thing. Cheat. Right. Pranks bum me out. Because, you know, those people felt bad. Right.

Right. I know. You're deceiving innocent people, which is fine. I mean, some pranks are really funny. Yes, that's true. But this is not so harmful. I'm not a- Rory and I on Pen Pals got into a whole thing about pranks.

He loves them or you- Both of us are kind of against them. I kind of am too. I think it's hard. But here's the thing. Somebody in our- who sent us a letter on Pen Pals, a weird- I'm not trying to do a weird backdoor plug, but check it out. They sent us-

It's just called a butt plug. Yeah. A butt plug. Is that a backdoor plug? I'm not trying to do a weird backdoor plug but check it out It's just called a butt plug Thank you Will Greenlee I'm not trying to do a butt plug Actually I'd be the Will Greenlee in that because you were concise Somebody like filled up another guy's car that he worked with with like packing peanuts

his entire car and I said I'm like okay that is funny but me the type of person I am would then feel like I have to help clean it up. You absolutely have to help clean it up. Real prank people do not do that. They leave it to you.

I got you, bro, and I'm going to walk away. The person who he pranked with the peanuts, then the next day, that guy came out to work, who had started the prank for her, and all four of his tires were off. His car was on cinder blocks, and he also had to find the tires.

Great. And I'm like, see, but then how does this ever end? Because it never ends. This is how the Crips in the blood started. That is. Prank war gone wrong.

I believe it. Um, so anyway, he says every person that I arranged has glanced at him at some point during the evening. He even gave his fake date a name and backstory, calling her Catherine, maybe Lorna, and filling his growing fan base in on their love story. They met at a grocery store, hands grazing as they went for the same bag of shredded cheese. That's good detail, actually.

I think, though, because I think you're right that the people at this Outback are going to find this very memorable and they still think they saw a sad guy. Right. I remember on my birthday, which was before Valentine's Day in January, my wife and I went out. When's your birthday? January 15th. Which is only three days after our birthday. And we went to, my wife and I went out and we saw the most unhappy couple we've ever

seen in our lives. And I think about it every day. Sure. The guy was so drunk he couldn't eat. Nope. And the wife, or wife or girlfriend or just like friend who cared a lot.

Caretaker. She was like, audibly went, why don't you just fuck the waitress? And I was like, if this guy can maintain an erection this drunk,

he's going to fuck everybody. That's right. He's a fucked monster. I will get fucked by this. Why don't you just fuck the waitress? You should not have heard that. I shouldn't have heard it. That should not be words that you hear from someone. That'll get fucked by this. Why don't you just fuck the waitress? You should not have heard that. I shouldn't have heard it. That should not be words that you hear

from someone. That'll live with you forever. I think about it all the time because it was like, it was also they must have such a dark history because clearly he was not capable of that. And so for her to jump to that is to be like, oh I just throw up on your plate. Or like, why don't you just fall asleep before dessert

for her to be like, fuck the waitress. Like, how many waitresses has this guy fucked that you assume that's his move? Or she's taunting him. She knows he can't fuck the waitress. And she's like, oh, why don't you just fuck the waitress? Why don't you try to fuck the waitress? Because you can't.

I want you to say that to your wife at another restaurant. Why don't you just fuck the waitress? Because these people next Valentine's Day are going to be like, remember last Valentine's Day? Yeah. You saw that guy. Yes. Like, I can't.

I can't. I feel bad being out again. I don't know if I can go back to that restaurant if it's haunted. Right. I don't want to go out for Valentine's Day, I'm going to be like, remember last Valentine's Day? Yeah. I saw that guy. Yes. Like, I can't. I can't. I feel bad being out again. I don't know if I can go back to that restaurant if it's haunted. Right. I don't want to go out for Valentine's Day anymore. I don't need to see this. Here's a tweet from at Bacon Flavoring. It's 945.

The kitchen closes in 15 minutes. I'm going to wait until the waiter comes by, and I'm going to finish the wine in one swig from the decanter. No glass necessary. Then here's a picture of him that he tweeted out of him. He does look sad. Yeah, but he also looks like he's like a good looking guy.

It's like I don't like him. I don't like a handsome man. I don't like a handsome man. I like a handsome man, but I don't like this guy. If this bit was a full hoax, right? Like if it was one of those things of like, oh, he made up this whole thing. I would like it more, I think.

Because I think the narrative is funny, but it's like making servers stay late on Valentine's Day. They might have their own loved ones. Thank you. Is he trying to ensnare a woman too? Yeah. By the end of the thread, he reported back that the mission was, quote, successful. Oh, good. A couple at the bar had paid for his meal.

No! Not the restaurant? Not Outback? Mm-mm. And if your sadness has reached the bar, everyone knows. The bar is already sad. That's a sad event.

I love the bar. The bar at an Outback, Dan? Fuck, Billy Joel? In my opinion, that's the only place you want to be. Billy Joel won't even touch that with a song. If the Piano Men were playing in an Outback Steakhouse, the song would be called Dead Piano Man. Tugging at my piano strings.

A couple at the bar had paid for his meal. Ultimately, there's a little redemption for that bacon flavoring. I'm legit angry. Ultimately, he donated $50 to the American Civil Liberties Union as a thank you and got his leftovers to go. Okay. So we can look at this story and say the world is nice and there are nice people who – So at least he took probably somewhere near, if not more, of the money they paid for him.

He took that same amount and then donated that. So he's basically – here's my question. This is maybe just the Jew in me. Can they write it off? Right? We did give to charity. And we maybe just the Jew in me. Can they write it off? Right? We did give to charity. Right. And we have receipts here for you via Twitter.

It ultimately made its way to charity. They can write it off. This guy's Twitter account is a 501c3. That's right. I already wrote it off. Bacon flavoring. We'll get out of here on this. The scammer in question was only identified by WBDDJ7news, the eagle.

I don't know. Brandeis. It's an L. As Steven, Steven shall remain a hero or a villain depending on your point of view forever in our hearts.

Question. Hero to whom? Even if you like the bit, you're not like, that guy's a hero. I look up to that dude. You got a first take. Yeah.

My bar for heroism is very low. Yeah. Okay. So, all right. That's story two. Down to the book. Dan got it for steak. Yeah. My bar for heroism is very low. Yeah. Agreed. Okay. So all right. That's story two. Down in the book.

Can you give us a little tease of what we're going to see in segment two? I can. In story number three. Yep. It's a sad day for a nudist restaurant. Oh. Okay. Okay.

Is that In Back Steakhouse? All right. We're back with more. The Back Hair Steakhouse. The Back Hair Steakhouse. Josh Godwin's with us. Stay with us. Don't People Tell. Stick around. Make. We're back with more. The Back Here Steakhouse. The Back Here Steakhouse. Josh Gottlieb is with us. Stay with us. Dumb People Town.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right. Should we read some names? Yes. Let's get some names of people who have joined the Patreon and helped us out. It's patreon.com slash dumb people town.

There's great new content. There's video content that's exclusive only for people on Patreon. They're quick little ones where we bring the stories. Dan gets to riff with us. It's so fun. They're just fun.

And everybody whose name we're about to read knows how much fun it is. And I love when we start with alliteration. Bruce Braden. Bruce Braden. Big man.

How about Chelsea Vance? Hey, it's my brother's name. Chelsea Vance. Chelsea? Vance. Chelsea Vance. Chelsea's a great name too. That's right. I man. How about Chelsea Vance? Hey, it's my brother's name. Chelsea Vance. Chelsea? Vance. Chelsea Vance. Chelsea's a great name, too. That's right.

I agree. Okay, Matt Martingale. Did he host Jokers Wild in the 70s? I think he hosted Wild. Am I wrong? He did host Jokers Wild. Matt Martingale. You ready for this next one, Dan?

All three of these guys? All three of them. You do it. Donald, Todd, Benson. The third. I don't know why. There's certain things that forever will be the perfect amount of syllables to make you start doing a Brody Stevenson.

Donald, Todd, Benson. Yes. You got it. You got it. How about Marcella Johnson? Marcella Johnson. Marcella Johnson. He's rocking it out here as a pillar of the community.

Brian Lankford. I love Brian. Did Michigan State recruit him? He did. Jeff Cutshaw. Jeff Cutshaw. Jeff Cutshaw. Better quarterback than Jay Cutler. I also think Jeff Cutshaw sells like storm doors, right?

Yeah. So get on down here because I'm losing money unless you start buying. I don't have a shirt on my back. I'm Jeff Cutshaw. He doesn't have a shirt on his back, but he's still supporting this podcast. Travis Ray. Stepbrother of Sugar. And Jonah Ray.

Nicole. Nicole. Thank you, Nicole. Keeping it simple. One name, one word. We love you. You know who you are. Now look, this next person probably is very law abiding, but there's something about her

name that sounds like it's in a Dumb People Town story. What's her name? Tammy Trimble. Tammy Trimble. Trimble. Tammy Trimble. Whenever she talks, sounds like she's about to cry. That's right.

And that's what I love about her. Yeah, yeah. I'm not saying she was the perpetrator, but that's a DPT name. Tammy Trimble had something to do with it. How about Dana De La Vega? Oh, my God. If you are not a Cirque du Soleil performer, I cannot help you. If you don't own your own bowling ball, I'm out.

How about Jen Braun? Jen Braun has a very strong handshake. Jen, like unbelievable. What are you doing? She works out with like one of those squeeze things. I love it. Carolyn Cullen. City council member.

Culinary genius. And same name as a great bar in Chicago that I hope is still there called Cullen's. I feel like she is like the CEO of Cullen Industries. That's right. I need two CCs to carry Cullen. It is. Get them. How about Kathy Mashalo? Carolyn Cullen Industries. That's right. I need two CCs at Cary Cullen. That is. Get them. How about Kathy Moshalla?

Cary Cullen. How about Kathy Moshalla? Kathy. Kathy Moshalla. She's one of our most loyal. I love the Kathy Tika Moshalla. Me too. Personally, that's my...

Not spicy. Every time we do a show at Largo, Kathy's there for that meat and cream. Yes! She's our cat. Holding it down in DTLA. Cat girl, you know we love you, and we know we love hanging out with you.

How about Christopher Malkoski? Malkoski. Thanks, Christopher. Christopher Malkoski. He works down at Midway. He's the cap at Midway. Here's the thing about him. The motherfucker was going to go, bro.

He's going to go, bro. And then he blew his knee out because he tried to get in a fist fight with a Chevy S10. With his knee. Off-season injury. Never been right. Well, he tried to get in a fist fight with a Chevy S10. With his knee. Off-season injury. Never been right. Well, he tried to jump it. I don't blame him for trying to jump it, but I'm telling you, the Kobe thing was a joke. He jumped next to the car, and he thought it was real.

How about Nick Leiter? Leiter? Later. Later. Later, bro. Later, bro. All right, so big shout-outs. It might be later.

Kathy Mishala, thank you. Carolyn Cullen, amazing. Marcella Johnson. These are all people who are pillar community or above. And everyone else, thank you so much for being on this list, for supporting this podcast. If you listen to this podcast and you want more content and special things. It's just fun. Go to patreon.com slash don't people time.

Sign up today and let's get it. Merch. We got other items. And there's a new level, by the way. And a dollar from every single person's contributions every month goes to the Jan Flato Fund. We're building it up. The new level is what? The new level is $51.

And that's the highest level that you can be a founding father and mother. You become DPT. And we will take some of your social media and do our own DPT. Breakdown of your life. Breakdown of your life. It'll be really fun. And then you always will have that video. This is your strike.

This is it. All right. Let's get back to some stories. Hey guys, welcome back to DPT, Dumb People Town. We want to remind people, Randy and I

are going to be in Bloomington, Indiana this weekend, coming up. That's right. The 9th through the 11th we'll be in Bloomington at the great Comedy Attic.

We want to see all of it. Have you done that room? It's amazing. You've done that room. I know you've done that room. It's fantastic. It's terrific. And then we're atomington at the great Comedy Attic. We want to see all of it. Have you done that room? It's amazing. You've done that room. I know you've done that room. It's fantastic. It's terrific. And then we're at Wise Guys at the end of the month,

and then San Francisco at the end of Cobbs. We're going to add a date perhaps in the fall in Tinley Park in Chicago at the Convention Center on the 27th, and maybe Ann Arbor that next time, the 28th. Go to superscleros.com. You can see all of our dates. And we're starting to post. You're going to be in Ann Arbor, though, Saturday before Halloween. No, next on the 28th. Go to superscleros.com. You can see all of our dates. And we're starting to post... Wait, you're going to be in Ann Arbor

though Saturday before Halloween. No, that's the 27th of September. We might be in Denver that Saturday before. We're trying to get back to the Comedy Works downtown. Whatever, we'll figure it out. But just go to superscleros.com. And follow us on Instagram.

I'm going to put this out there to the people. We're starting to post a lot of stand-up clips and old cheap seats clips and bits from Back on Top. A lot of content that we've created over the years that kind of lives in different places around the web. We're going to make our Instagram page a page where you can come see all the things we've ever created. And lots of great clips from this podcast. Wonderful. I love it. The other thing you guys should put up is the Time Life Records bit from your album.

Oh, yeah. You should put that up. I love that. With Michaela Watkins and John Ennis. I love it. All right, should we jump into the last story? Here we go. Let's do it.

Sent in by Kate Newins at Kate Newins. Kate's been around for a long time. Oh, yeah. Great contributor. I love that she's a townie. Thank you. The first nudist restaurant in the French capital is being forced to close because it cannot put enough bums in the seat. This is the biggest tragedy to happen in Paris ever.

Oh, come on, Randy. It predates some of the bad things. But, yeah. Oh, natural. Yeah, but how would you do it? It's nacharau. Oh,. But yeah. Oh, natural. Yeah, but how would you do it? It's nacharal. Oh, nacharal. Oh, nacharal.

How are we doing? Are they doing it wrong, Josh? I don't know anything about French. Josh, you know French. No, I don't know anything about French. All right, fine. I was just thinking about angry nudists burning down the Cathedral of Notre Dame. Maybe that's what's happening.

Put clothes on a nudist, they're going to get mad. Cracks in the foundation? Is that the name of the headline for the article? We'll draw the curtain on nude fine dining in Paris. The meat curtains? In February, so we missed it. There we go. After a little over a year, despite rave reviews from diners who shed their clothes to slurp

oysters and feast on snails. You shouldn't be slurping nude. Foie gras and asparagus. Oysters? I know. Are they all just naked foods? That's gross. Can you pass those nuts?

You mean these nuts? That's the name of the restaurant. These nuts. Have any of you guys... Les Nuts. Les Nuts. Have any of you guys... You can say pass.

I don't want anybody to reveal anything. But have any of you guys ever been in a situation where you experienced even personal form of public nudity? Yes. Where you were in a scenario where it's like, oh, everybody here just gets naked? Yes. Oh, yeah. And is it easy to let go?

Yeah. Yes, totally easy. I mean, obviously, I have a cabin up in a lake. I've skinny dipped more times than I can. We ran the nude mile. You did? At Michigan. Oh, wow.

So we went to a party where everyone was supposed to get naked. That didn't happen. People weren't really comfortable with that. But everyone, you had a backpack, walked to the starting line, took off all your clothes. You did it. And ran for a mile through campus. Do you stop thinking about it at some point? There was a point at which there was a crowd of people that came out to watch.

And the line got very narrow and you were running between two lines of people and you're like, this is not good. I remember thinking I'm okay. Cause no one's going to bother me, but I'm like, yeah, exactly. Uh, and then when we made it all the way to the end, we just put our clothes back on, but it felt very freeing and liberate liberating. It was a, basically our freshman year at Michigan when we were there. It was a tradition that the rowing team used to do, but then everyone's like, oh, why are they the only ones who can do it? Like, let's do it.

That was the kind of thing where you'd walk. Does it still happen? Why do only people in shape get to do it? Does it still happen or is it a problem? I'm not sure. It probably doesn't, but this is 92, 93. But a lot of cities have the naked bike rides, right? I know Chicago has it.

Wait, does this still happen in Ann Arbor? No, no more. We're just, our buddy who's going to be our John Bacon, who was on View from the Cheap Seats, he is in Ann Arbor and he says no more. No more. No more for the naked. Josh, you've experienced public nudity? I've been publicly nudity.

I did naked stand up. There was a show that, I don't know if it still runs in Boston. I did that a couple of times. Wasn't there the naked, there was a show that I don't know if it still runs in Boston I did that a couple times wasn't there the naked roast battle Fridson's girlfriend battled Ari Shafir what's her name? Allison

Allison Klemp she battled Ari Shafir she's so funny this was the funniest moment is that she reached into her vagina if I may say so and she pulled out something and everyone didn't know what it was going to be and it was her jokes the funniest moment is that she reached into her vagina, if I may say so, and she pulled out something and everyone didn't know

what it was going to be and it was her jokes written on a little sheet of paper. And she read her jokes. Killer. Genius, killer move. Huge. That's like,

who's the comedian, the guy, big black comedian who would reach into his coat pocket, his jacket pocket, like full suit coat pocket, and pull out a drink.

That was always, it always made me laugh. Like a full tall glass or something. Anyway, gin and tonic. We've done it. But so nude restaurant and they now have to close their legs, so to speak. But to avoid financial embarrassment. You know they're unexpectedly closing because they've been a little over a year and that's not the length of any lease. No, you're right.

But to avoid financial embarrassment, twins Mike and Stéphane Sada said they were having to close. It's now or never, they urged, curious, wanting to experience a last new dinner in Paris before they bring down the shutters on February 16th. Isn't Paris the same place they had the restaurant in the dark? Like, isn't that right? Oh, yeah. Where none of the lights are on and you're not allowed to shoot. Did you just say, isn't Paris that place? That same place?

Isn't the most iconic city in the entire world? It's that place in the dark restaurant. City of lights in the dark restaurant. Also, last new dinner in Paris is my favorite Brando film. It was amazing. You can tell he was kind of phoning it in. Oh, by the way,

fat Brando would have been at that nude restaurant in a second with a Native American. Fat Brando would have gone nude to the restaurant. Most people go in there and take their clothes off

because they're actually being prudent, but he shows up nude. Right. Why don't you just fuck the waitress, Marlon Brando? That's actually what you say at a nude restaurant.

Are the people working there nude? I think everything is nude once you go in there. But you can't cook nude. I hope there's not a lot of sauces. I don't need it sizzling. No. Fajita plates. Everyone just dives under the table.

Do you have to wear two hairnets if you're working? That's right. One on top, one on the bottom. We are counting on you to support us. Well, it's too late for that. They wrote on Facebook, We thank everyone for taking part in this adventure. We will only remember the good moments and the great people we met.

The restaurant... Never all the times we sat in Alfredo's sauce. Please don't toss that. Please don't toss that. No mix-ins. No mix-ins. The restaurant. Dave, can you come back here and toss this salad and then make them a Caesar salad and then make them a Caesar.

The restaurant in the east of Paris opened amid a blaze of publicity in November 2017. Clothes must be left in the cloakroom along with mobile phones to prevent people from sneaking a photo

of other customers is what they said when they started out. I do feel like that makes you really present through dinner, right? No phones? Sure, no phones.

Guys, no phones. Where are you going to put it? I love it. That's what I tell my kids. No phones. Where's my wallet? Where's my wallet? It's like a Dave Chappelle show.

You got to call Mike Damone to come over to Paris. You know what? We don't need to hug goodbye. The state's done. We'll high five. Classic French high five. It gives new meaning to stiffing the waitress. Well, you're really excited for that baked Alaska, Steve.

All right. There we go. Josh Gobelman. Fantastic. One more time. The book you can preorder. All right, there we go. Josh Gommelman, fantastic. One more time, the book you can pre-order. Pre-order it now, yeah. It's called?

Nice Try. Nice Try. Please pre-order that. Definitely get the album Dancing on a Weeknight. Do that, Josh Gommelman. And follow him on Twitter. Your Twitter's amazing because you put stuff out there

and thousands and thousands of people retweet, which I love. Oh, thanks, man. And so deserve it great writer great person and oh shit we gotta get back to work stick around make a sound on your downies. Dumb people town.