Dumb People Town - Josh Gondelman - CoRATeral Damage

Episode Date: May 19, 2020

Josh Gondleman joins Daniel, Jason and Randy in town to hear three great stories. In story one, a man is forced to quarantine in a ghost town he owns. In story two, the Lucky Devil Lounge in Oregon finds another way to safely bring dancers to an audience. In story three, a man chooses a dangerous way to deal with a rat problem. 

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Gondelman.osh gondolman welcome to the show buddy buddy hey thanks for having me back this is what i i look i do not like the pandemic in any way shape or form okay i don't but this is and you've you've been like that from the you came out you came out early saying that you were you're not a fan of this you were back when people were like maybe it's cool let's see what it wants. No, no.

I said, what are you guys doing? This is going to kill lots of people. Even like mid to end January, I remember you were negative on it then. I literally, and I was the only one saying it. No one was listening to you. I will say this though, it is allowing us to have our friends

from New York on the podcast. So if it reaches out and says, we can do this type of a thing. I dare say that even when we do get our world back, this has proven that there should be no limits to who we have on and when. And that's one of the beautiful things about what we have today. I want to get Jens Leckman on from Sweden.

Love Jens Leckman. But right now, we have the Jens Leckman of comedy. This is one of our favorite comedians. If you listen to this show at all, you know there are very few people we have the Jens Lechmann of comedy. This is one of our favorite comedians. If you listen to this show at all, you know there are very few people we have back on repeated times. And Josh Gondelman is one of those people. And how are you handling things out in New York, buddy? We're doing as well as possible. My wife and dog are a lovely company.

And I almost never go outside. So that's my whole, people ask me, people are like, what's New York like? And I'm like, is that a trick question? I only see 400 feet of it. You're asking me about my apartment. I can tell you what's happening at the bodega across the street from my window. Yeah, exactly. I can, yeah, I can tell, right. I can tell you like which of my bathrooms is more comfortable to sit in and take a phone call. Yeah. I can tell you. Yeah.

I can tell you my dog's favorite places to pee. But other than that, I don't know a lot about the city. Well, here's the deal. We like to stretch our brains out when we can. This is something we can mentally exercise. This is like taking a walk around a dumb block. Right? We're going to take a walk around this stupid block with Josh Gondelman.

It's Dumb People Town. We have great stories. We'll get into his amazing podcast, Top of Segment 2, which you will want to check out. It's one of the best ideas for a game show ever. We'll get to that in a little bit. Hold it. We'll talk about it later. But right now, we've got dumbness to get into.

Josh Gondelman. Dan, let's jump into a story. Here we go. This one was sent in by one of our dear friends in the town, Joe Luttrell, at The Gentleman. Joe. Thanks, Joe. He does a great job of sending me great stories and also letting people know in a...

He's not kind, but he's not mean either. He just abruptly lets people know that was a fake story. That's fake story. He's kind of the police... Gentleman Joe is like the policeman of Dumb People Town, of our townies. He's the bullshit meter.

I agree. You need someone to do that. Always. 100%. You need someone to be like, It's the bullshit meter. I agree. You need someone to do that. 100%. You need someone to be like, that's the onion. That's true. There's another site that... Or somebody to be like, that was a crowd of UCB audience members dancing

to Joe Biden. Right, right, right. Made by the great Brad Evans and Nick Carelli. Love those guys. Okay, here we go. Sent in by Joe Luttrell. I'm going to read you the headline just because, you know, some things in Dumb People Town are like people being dumb,

and then some things are just a result of like, oh yeah, that's what happens in our town. You know what I mean? Yes. So here's one. Man forced to quarantine in ghost town with gruesome past. Have any of you guys heard about this no okay he's forced to quarantine is this like when the brady bunch went to the ghost town

oh there's a deep cut the brady bunch this is not brady bunch getting the rams been a brady bunch fan since the beginning our buddy's dad and grandpa andy schwartz sherwood schwartz and uh lloyd lloyd schwartz whereartz, they were the producers on it. So I have an even more connection to it. Well, Brent Underwood. No relation to Carrie as far as I know. Put it on the Underwoods tab. That's the Underhills.

Underwood Farms? Yes. Yes. Okay. Brent Underwood learned a tough lesson. Don't spend millions of dollars on a ghost town in which you wouldn't want to self-isolate wait he bought the ghost town bought the ghost town and is matt damon in we bought a ghost town it's better than we bought a zoo now after tiger king for christ's sake you look at that movie in

a different light don't you you're like damon don't do it you don't need a zoo in ohio you dumb ass yeah that's you know that's a good way to look at that he was a hero in the movie when that movie came out then after tiger king people were like what a douchebag yeah really really revising that history right yes right well we learned something now the 32 year old marketer which is the lowest key way to say someone has millions of dollars to spend on a town. Yeah. Marketer. I know.

How many people in marketing can spend? He's into self-marketing. I don't know. I love this because this story already sounds like a guy threw a fire fest for just himself. That's right. Yeah. He's like, here we go. And he was simultaneously let down and happy about it.

Ghosts welcome. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. I thought the ghost town was Albany, New York. Folks! The 32-year-old marketer took sheltering in place to the next level when he became trapped

in a California ghost town he recently purchased. I wonder if it's the one on the 395 because there is one as you drive up towards... If you're driving on the 5 to the 14 to the 395 because there is one as you drive up towards, if you're driving on the 5 to the 14 to the 395, this is the way you head up to the Californians. You go to

the 5 and you go to the 14 and you go to the 395. Why are you doing that? What are you doing in this ghost town? So you go up that way and there is a ghost town off to an old western. An old western. I think it's on the 14 town off like an old western an old western i think it's on the 14 that's an old western town what if he bought this maybe it is but if he paid

millions of dollars for this piece of shit the guy clearly knows marketing but not real estate and and don't forget the headline had two words in it we haven't gotten to but we're going to haunted the problem is there's no running water and a snowstorm has him trapped. Oh, he has no plumbing in a ghost town with a gruesome past in a snowstorm. This is the shining. This is it. Shiny, right? Yes, is it?

That's where it says. The next thing here is plus the town may be haunted. Quote. When I first got here, I was in a T-shirt and enjoying myself. That normally that is what you're telling the cops. I mean, no, no, pants sir what are you doing i'm wearing a t-shirt and enjoying myself stop now i'm naked and having a terrible time i don't know where my shirt went right you nothing i've never said this before but i thought it many times if you ever ask the cop what their name is you are already

in the wrong like whatever they're so mad right but i'm saying what's my name what's your name whatever they've stopped you for and as long as it isn't like some sort of social injustice is whatever they've stopped you for if you find yourself saying what's your name then you you're in probably are in trouble you're going down if. If someone's like, hey, sir, where's your shirt? I'm playing strip poker with God. What's your name? Oh, you're playing strip poker with God. Okay. Is she winning? Yeah. Okay.

When I first got here, I was in a t-shirt and enjoying myself. Underwood tells the Post. This comes from the New York Post. Also, he doesn't mention pants. No. That's my point. He's basically like a mascot. He's Donald Duck. Also, I didn't say it, but this comes from the NewYork mention pants. No. Right. So I said only t-shirt. He's basically like a mascot. He's Donald Duck. Also, I didn't say it, but this comes from the NewYorkPost.com.

So the Post is out here just trying to write about anything that isn't serious, keeping up what they do best. And then it snowed for four days straight, and there's no way to get out. So let me say this. One time, did I ever tell you this story? I don't know. I think I told you this story. The only time I ever hitchhiked in my life. Have you guys ever hitchhiked?

Have you? I've tried. And didn't get picked up? No. Have you ever hitchhiked, Josh? No. And by the way, when we were younger in the pouring rain, some weird dude in the middle of Missouri,

like old dude who was like, could have been like Charlie Manson at 60 with a gas can. Our dad, for some reason, pulled over and he sat down in the front seat between my mom and dad and he smelled like alcohol and gasoline. Our mom was like, what the, what are you doing Dick Sklar? But my wife and I went camping up in the San Bernardino mountains and we didn't realize that if you go on the weekend, it's we drove into this camping spot and that was it. And you go to the weekend. And while we were sleeping,

the park ranger didn't see where we were and locked off the exit for where our car could go. And so we were going to like drive around and go to another place. Cause it was snow and it really had snowed and everything. And our car couldn't get out. And we're like, oh, my God, we're trapped in here. And what if they it was a long weekend. It was a holiday weekend.

We're like, oh, my God, we may not be able to get out until Tuesday. We don't have enough stuff for that. How are we going to do this? So and there's no way there's no cell reception. There's no way to call it. So we went out to the main road and my wife and I hitchhiked in this Italian family family that had a kid in the back seat like picked us up i guess because we were like a couple couple it was like less of a deal and we made it out of there and got to like a local bar where we were able to call the park service thomas pain movie it was ridiculous but like i would

never do it it's like what if they forced us to live in a cell under their bed for the next two years they seem nice what if they were ghosts yes well now we're back to the story so now we're back this year so i understand getting snowed in when you didn't think it was going to happen in some the weather kind of stopping you creeping up on so i'm not mad at this guy well he bought uh cero gordo a former silver mining town with a murderous history how How much in the millions do you think he paid? I know you already know it's in the millions, but just as a guess. Josh, what do you think? 8.3.

Jay? 2 million. I think he paid 5 million for it. 1.4 million. Wow. Hefty, but not insane. But by the way, you can't really say millions. Yeah.

If that's the case, right? That's true. It's million million million little over a million by the way 1.4 million dollars gets you a studio apartment in new york city or in brooklyn i'm thinking the same thing or it's like the real estate market in this ghost town i'm ready to move there yeah by the whole town uh he bought it murderous past murderous past affordable present that's right he bought for $1.4 million in 2018. Aside from the monthly visits, Underwood has largely left it in the care of his full-time live-in caretaker of 21 years, who's probably also a ghost.

Is that Scatman Carruthers? Robert Desmarais. By the way, in the movie that thismares He's the first guy to die Oh yeah If you're an undertaker Of a ghost town You are going A caretaker

Caretaker You're gonna die Okay but also the undertaker Remember this You don't need a lot of Undertaker You don't need an undertaker In a ghost town

They're already done They're already gone That's how they got there All his keys are on a giant ring For each of the buildings And he twirls Yes He left it

Whistling Yes And talking to people that only he can see um remember this though full-time live-in caretaker for 21 years robert damaris okay here i have a picture of the two of them we'll get to them in a second when the scope of the coronavirus pandemic became clear underwood agreed to take over the duties of caretaking while demaris checked in on his wife in arizona so that's how much he doesn't want to be in that relationship he's been living there for 21 years he needs to go check on his wife in arizona that's two people either aren't in love or have figured it out yeah they're like yeah it's like the it's like

the episode of uh the episode one of season eight of curb your enthusiasm i just watched it where funk hauser wants to go on the trip and larry's like to his wife at lunch you should go with him to london and he's his face is just like what the fuck are you doing larry she's like i'm gonna go i'm actually gonna go i'm gonna go on this and he's like that was my time to be. I'm actually going to go. I'm going to go on this. And he's like, that was my time to be by myself. Well, he let him go off to see his wife in Arizona. But that was over a month ago. Now he's stuck in a ghost town under five feet of snow.

Damn. In the absolute worst case scenario. Snow is the ghosts of the sky. Right? 100%. And they calm down quietly. Yes. Those are the spirits of rain that have died

sky's a prescriptive sky ghosts precipitous ghosts yes uh this is a quote by nelly frittata by the way i was gonna say precipitous ghost is the member of the wu-tang clan that didn't make it on the album precipitive ghosts this is a a quote from Brent Underwood. In the absolute worst case scenario, there's snowshoes here and the road is seven miles long down a steep hill. Wow. But that will only get him to a 35 person town without a grocery store. And he's found himself out of breath after snowshoeing for just a several yards. The closest town with a grocery store is 26 miles away. He is out there. What is he going to do? Wait, is this a current story that's developing or is this all in the past?

No. This is happening. So how is he communicating this to anyone? They make a reference here in a little bit about satellite communication. He's been melting snow for water. And while he's out of bread and vegetables, he has enough rice and canned tuna to get him through until the snow thaws. Dude. I know.

This is the shining. To every person who said to this guy, don't buy the ghost town. He's like, yeah, it's fine. What's the worst that can happen? What is the worst that can happen to me? I know. He's like, I just made $1.5 million and I am balling out. Right. What can I buy? What can I buy? Well, there's a ghost town for $1.5 million and I am balling out. Right.

What can I buy? What can I buy? Well, there's a ghost town for 1.4 million. I bought it. Bought, sold. He remains in good spirits now. You can feel it coming. But a different type of spirit is giving him trouble.

Brent Underwood says that he's aware of the 22 building town's violent reputation when he bought it, adding that it once had one murder per week. I don't know if that was like in the bylaws of the town or just what they averaged. One of you must go every week. Yeah. Who's it going to be? Who's getting voted off of Earth?

You know how they say- Wait. Go ahead. How many people were in the town? It doesn't say, but they ran through them quick. 29 building or 22 building? 22 buildings in the town 22 buildings like deadwood size right four people per building that means

that means every year on average two people in every building got murdered yes high turnover it was just for a period of time let's not be ridiculous very high turnover only one person was being murdered every week for a period of time there's more turnover in this than buzzfeed entertainment yeah uh a t now remember they always say like less is more we're all writers less is more so sometimes you get less of a detail about something and it scares you more than too many details absolutely so this is all it says a tv show called ghost adventures once investigated the town and found that it was haunted by the ghosts of two children who died after being trapped in a closet. And that's all it says. Is that an R. Kelly reference?

I don't know why they are in the closet or how they died from that. I have no idea, but that is enough to creep me out. Guys, come out of the closet already. Jeez. You ready for this next part? Yes. Remember, there's 22 buildings here's what brennan woods has to say this is where maybe he is dumb quote i stay in the room with the

child ghosts but i have yet to see them what are you doing 22 buildings bro by the way you own the town yes go sleep in the saloon dummy i hope the ghosts are like dude you gotta be in here this is our spot we we've been haunting haunting this for a hundred years and this is your room what if the child ghosts are so dumb that they still are in the closet they don't realize they could just like walk through the door no every time you walk by the closet you hear 47 ready or not um he says he has yet to see the children, but that doesn't mean that spooky things aren't happening in Cerro Gordo during the lockdown.

Quote, this is all from Brent. Things are moving around. I'm seeing curtains move. I'm hearing things in the night, he says. Wind? Animals? There's no draft, but things drop inside of houses. I would start snowshoeing right away

i'm also telling you go ahead inside of houses is a key detail because that means he has tried multiple houses inside of house he's walked in every what was that and then he walked in a house and then something drops also i'm telling you if four of us could probably write this scary movie i know we're all comedy writers but we have a guy trapped in a ghost town that's haunted during the pandemic. People are going to write movies about during this time. This might be it. This is it. Also, it's the New York Post, so I guarantee someone has already hit him up for these life rights.

Oh, yeah. In addition to a general ambiance of otherworldliness. Now I'm thinking of the name of the movie. So get ready, because we're going to have to all come up with the name of this dumb movie. In addition to a general ambiance of otherworldliness, a light in the bunkhouse keeps turning on, and his wallet recently disappeared for two days, only to reappear in the town hotel. So there are only 19 buildings in the movie version, and it's called Ghosted 19. There you go.

That's nice. Oh, that's perfect. That was a bit freaky, he says. He admits, but he believes the spirits are peaceful. For the most part, I leave the ghosts alone, and they leave me alone. Other than the fact that you're sleeping in their room, Hollywood says. I try to respect their space. He's also super woke with ghosts, which you've got to appreciate.

Yeah. Anytime you're in town and expect to see nothing or hear nothing when you do your mind is on heightened alert this is where i think he's getting into the typewriter all work and no play that's right absolutely despite the jitters underwood finds the town beautiful and the prospect of returning to society is not wholly appealing if i don't look he is going crazy yeah yeah he's fully gone i think okay here's my pitch this is about a guy buying a ghost town going on a leaving las vegas style bender oh yeah in in this in this blizzard and it's called the ghost man only drinks once i love it

or ghost man coming there you go ghost man coming uh that has to do with when he's only wearing a t-shirt that's a thing oh god snowman don't do it in the kids room um he says if i don't look at my phone or my computer it's like nothing happened he says when i do look at the news and see how chaotic and terrible things are there's a part of me that isn't in a huge rush to re-enter the world These are the words of a guy who buys a ghost town. You know, because the ghost town has great Wi-Fi computer. He says he also takes strength

from the town's history, knowing it's weathered similar storms. It's been through many pandemics, including the Spanish influenza, he says, and it's still standing. No, it hasn't. I know. No, it isn't. I was going to say like, yeah, dude, buildings can't get sick. The fact that you're saying like, hey, this piece of metal never caught the flu.

Yeah. But the person who lived by it did. If you buy a town for $1.4 million, it is not a thriving town. Right. If you can buy a town at all. Right. Yeah. It's like you're going to get a ghost town or Omaha, Nebraska.

It might have survived the flu, but it didn't survive the interstate nearby. That's right. It got killed. By the way, that's the storyline of Cars 1. You're right. It is. You broke down the story of Cars 1. Underwood is passing the time fixing up and finding artifacts on the property, going on hikes, and remotely managing his five employees in Austin.

I'm sure they love checking in with him. Yeah, great. Who's calling? Just act like we can't get it. Okay, you ready for him? He's going to go deeper. And he's not even talking about how much he's masturbating? I guarantee you that's him.

He's doing this all. He's doing this all. He goes to a man because I jerked off in a closet. He's doing this all... The ghost or man, because I jerked off in a closet. He's doing this all via satellite internet. Here we go. He's getting deeper. All work, no play. He occasionally consults with a pair of crows that Demarius, or Desmarius, whatever, has

named Heckle and Jekyll. So he couldn't even name them original names. No. Yeah. Well, he didn't name them. The old caretaker did. You know what I call that? Heckle and Jekyll. So he couldn't even name them original names. No. Yeah. Well, he didn't name them. The old caretaker did. You know what I call that? Heckle and Jekyll.

There you go. He said, if I'm working through something at work, I'll tell Jekyll about it, he says. I think I talk to myself through the animals. Yeah, dude, you're going nuts. If I'm doing something at work, I think I'll tell Jekyll about it should be the last phrase his friends ever hear from him. He's definitely looking at these birds and being like, you want some? Who wants some? You want some?

He plans to return to... Does he tell the other crow about personal problems? That's what I was wondering, too. You're my work wife, you work you're my personal personal crow you know what's funny is heckles my therapist and that wasn't a good call because on name alone he just seems to make fun of all of my insecurities if dismerius called them uh dismerius by the way is the name of like one of the key and p call yeah buck shank disquarius disquarius mix marius no if dismarius to me i would have loved dismarius so much if he named one of the crows heckle and the other crow

jerry brandon lee yeah or brandon brandon uh uh okay here we go he goes he plans to return to because he's from the perfect city if you're going to be this type of guy, Austin. He's keeping it weird everywhere. Oh, good man. He plans to return to Austin to quarantine when he's able to, but in the meantime, he feels as though he's done a proper job

of secluding himself from humanity and the virus currently wreaking havoc on him. How annoying is this guy going to be in line at Franklin Barbecue when that opens up again? Oh, 100%. It's just like, hey, I lived in a ghost town. How many more hours do we have? We heard you telling those people back

there about it. Pretty cool you're going to UT. I'll tell you what I did during the pandemic. What'd you do? You're 30 years old. You say, what'd you do? And then someone in front of you is like, God damn it. Don't ask him that. Are you from austin

engage with him he's wearing like a shirt that from the town like oh where's that ask me about the ask me about my ghost town ask me about my crow friends he's got a crow on each shoulder when he's back in austin that's perfect for sixth street he's got a bumper sticker that says, my other town is a ghost town. We'll get out of here on this. As the world is trying to isolate themselves, there's not much further isolation you can do

than an abandoned ghost town, and I'm trying to embrace it. You can get a look right here. Somebody can pass it up to Joshua. You can see it'll be on the Facebook page. This is a picture of Brent and the caretaker, Desmaris. They both look like ghosts, but he looks very happy.

Which one is Brent and which one is the caretaker? You've always been the caretaker, Brent. Desmaris, I wish he did not exist. He might not. That's story number one. There you go. Story number one.

Incredible. This guy, Brent, has like crossfit confidence. I don't like him. I don't like him. Yeah, and I don't usually do this, but I will tease story two because we have an update from a story we did recently. Oh, I can't wait. I love it. I love it.

Josh Connellman is with us. We're going to hear about his game show podcast on the other side of this break, so don't go anywhere. It's Dumb People Town. Stick around.'t go anywhere. It's Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make it sound. For more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show.

We got Josh Gondelman, who, if you don't already know, follow him on Twitter. Follow him on Instagram. Amazing follow on Twitter. Hilarious, great observations. Oh, thank you. Instagram. Amazing follow on Twitter. Hilarious, great observations. And one of the things that he periodically would put onto Twitter is, I'm available for a pep talk if you need me right now in five minutes or whatever. And it was, you exude positivity along with hilarious jokes. And that- Most people think comedy writers, and you've written for amazing shows like Last Week

Tonight and Desus and Mero and a number of other things. But most people think they just have to be the darkest, most deadliest people in the world, and you exude positivity. And so that feels like the basis for your new podcast game show, correct? Yeah, thank you. So I have this new show, it's called Make My Day, and we've been doing it a few episodes out already. and it was originally supposed to be like a panel game show in a studio and i we're like literally about to launch and then we had to push the first recording because of like the first kind of like quarantine adjacent activity in new york right and then it just and then it was just like oh people don't meet up places anymore

so the the team i'm working with at radio point was like why don't we try it just over the phone with one guest to start so it is a one-on-one podcast where the contestant always wins yeah they're not against anyone no they're not against anyone and every week i don't know if people have noticed this yet but every week the guest sets the new all-time high score so it just goes like up and up and up every week which is a bit that like only i like until you do it with ken jennings and then it's over no one will yeah then he just goes on a run he has to keep coming back there's nothing you can do he starts living with you and your wife you're like god ken come on i thought we were quarantined yeah i thought you were going to get it what days does it drop what's that oh it's tuesdays tuesdays okay great yeah yeah it's us nice oh wonderful and uh how's

the response how's the response you're getting from fans and stuff do people just it's been really nice i'm like really psyched by how people have have responded to it because it's very silly the games are all like totally subjective nonsense and the whole point is like they cheer me up the contestant cheers me up and it was supposed to be more about the news but the news is so bad that it's just kind of about like the general vibe of the guest and the general vibe of like this era and so it's just like hey let's have a nice time for half an hour oh i love it and you win and thank you who is how do you find the guests are the guest people that you know or are they random it's comedy people so it's

all yeah it's all been comedians um and it's like you know other entertainment people like i i've got some sports writer friends that are gonna come on great and so it's all yeah it's all like friends and and or like friends of friends right and then at the end of the, at the end of every episode, the grand prize is a $100 donation to the charity of the contestant's choice. I love it. It's so fun. So cool, man. Well, we're going to get on board again.

Thank you. Cheer me up. Is that what it is? Make my day. Make my day. Cheer me up also good, but make my day. Cheer me up is good.

Cheer Josh Gondelman up by making his day. Make my day. Thank you. I appreciate it up by making his day. Make my day. Thank you. I appreciate it. And at the end, I give a pep talk to a person or a group out there in the world, and so does the guest. So it's like, yeah, it's just a real silly, fun time. I love it.

Thank you. We need that positivity. And if you're looking for more positivity, Daniel Van Kirk has an unbelievable nightly show, The Good Night Show. It is so good. It is so soothing and fun. And sometimes it's just a straight interview like we did with him. Yeah.

Other times he talks about stories that are going on, positive things, positive impact. Yeah, pop culture, history, things are being entertained. Oh, that's the best. We do like a sex and relationship advice theme one. We do a mystery one. Those kind of rotate.

We had Rene Gauthier last week on the show. So yeah, it's just a fun show. And obviously you guys have the 19 titles and running. It's Sklarbro Country, the virus edition, a.k.a. the panty pods, a.k.a. two Wolverines, one quarantine. A.k.a. two twins for the win. A.k.a. two Jews, no tattoos. We keep coming up with a.k. with aka's for what it is i love

them it's our daily podcast of hey this is what's going on the world this is what makes us laugh and we're trying to make people just enjoy again kind of in the similar vein as all of these things and this is us as people to make them happy yeah it's so it's so nice i'm like not really craving like gritty dark entertainment lately no no i get you yeah yeah it's like give me something to just feel good about for a little while yeah just to turn the brain off for a little bit speaking of you guys ready for something to feel good about do we have an update so many ways this was sent in by will leonard at will the td love you will that's my man out there um here we go lucky devil lounge in oregon and we talked about them before they were doing boober eats in

portland oregon where they would have strippers deliver your i would have i would have gone with i think grub hub still works lucky devil lounge in oregon has come up with yet another innovative fun and sexy idea to keep income and customers coming during the pandemic stop i don't know if they did that on purpose they did that on purpose this is from the huffington post that's too gross yeah yeah i agree that's too gross go ahead of all the things that you like like if you're a strip club right you don't want to advertise that people are coming no no no muffington post you sure it wasn't the muffington post if anything you should say like once you're here leaving will be a hard decision oh yeah that's better uh that's much better thanks

do you want glitter with your chicken breasts everything tastes like vanilla all right vanilla is a stripper that will be delivering it to you okay sean bolden and i didn't ask you guys this the first time when we covered this with them doing boober eats how do you think he spells sean s-h-a-u-n wrong and s-h-a-w-e-n no would you like to take a stab at it? S-C-H-W-A-N. Ooh, I like that style. S-H-O-N. Sean. Yeah, it's like Sean

the guy. Sean. Yeah, Sean Figgins or something like that. Sean Bolden shouldn't be all that busy these days. He owns two strip clubs in Portland, Oregon, both of which were deemed, quote, non-essential in March, along with many other businesses in the state and were ordered to close due to the spread of the virus. But when Huffington Post spoke to him late last week,

he was working overtime to juggle media requests and prepare for another weekend of, here it is, drive-through food to go-go, a drive-through version of his club lucky devil lounge that he recently launched to lines around the block that's amazing this guy is pivoting in the best possible i would call it in and out he pivots more than carmelo anthony this guy he pivots more than kevin mchale in the late 80s this guy if it's more than kevin mchale in the late 80s bolden his club that's right to my heart i'm sorry josh that's right for you uh josh with the 617 number i know that's right for you bolden his clubs and and its employees first made headlines including on this website and including on this show and our podcast in march

when when as a way to stay open and continue to bring in income during the government mandated shelter-in-place order, dancers from the clubs began working as delivery people with security guards serving as drivers. Many orders and one cease and desist later from Uber. Guys, Uber flagged

Uber. Uber was like, Uber's done so much shitty stuff. Do you really need to wade into somebody playing? By the way, they're not picking up other passengers. They're just dropping the food off. So if Uber was like a titty version of I'm driving people around topless, that, okay. Which sounds like a BoJack storyline. It totally does.

Then you can cease and desist on that. Sure. But just because they're, come on. Right. By the way, if I was Uber, I'd say, great, you're using us. That's more like, yeah. That's more market saturation for their name. Yeah.

For sure. It's not called like Titlift or anything like that. Titlift's great. I'm going to do our buddy Doug Fager's joke. Meals on heels. That's great too. Meals on heels. I would have started with Uber Teats. Uber Teats. Uber Teats is great, too. Meals on heels. I would have started with Uber Teats.

Uber Teats. Uber Teats is great, John. Uber Teats. So after a cease and desist from Uber, they've now come up with an even more revved up tactic to keep business going. Quote, since food delivery started, we've had a lot of local businesses showing us support

and wanting to collaborate. Sean, S-H-O-N, said, A local company that sets up stages, tents, and things like that called us up and were like, hey, we're out of business. We're not doing anything. They offered to build us a huge tent with two stages, a DJ booth, and a couple of stripper poles with lights, lasers, fog machines, and we were like, we'll just see how it goes.

I'm going to tell you guys everyone listening i'm gonna tell everyone listening to this right now if you ever find yourself in any place of your life i don't care if it's your backyard or a water slide and someone says to you i can offer you a tent with fogs lights stages stripper poles and lasers and lasers you say yes and sort it out later yes we'll see that person knows that i have a good time also what a gentle blow off of they're like look we want to give you attention stripper bowls we'll see how it goes i know yeah way to way to throw shade on this guy we're fielding a lot of offers right now that's like when you run into someone from your hometown in a supermarket and

they're like hey we should have dinner and you're like oh yeah let's see what my schedule is like right and then you just duck out without giving me your phone i have to ask the boss uh but you're not married i'm gonna show you guys i'm gonna call bruce springsteen everybody's gonna get to look at this picture the idea of what they're doing is exactly what it sounds like even more epic there is a uh scantily clad woman uh looks like she's doing a great job uh and that she works very hard at her profession okay they have been given these people these uh dancers like old people like pick things up off the ground pole so that they can reach tips as somebody like in a honda cube it's a claw it's like the korean claw from like a korean deli you know this is at a deli in new york when they have to like grab something off the top shelf.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those bodega grass birds for like single rows of toilet paper. Right. So our joke about that was that there was this place down in Soho called Veruca. I don't know if it still exists, probably not. But it was like a very hip, like that was, you know, like DiCaprio would be hanging out down there, Veruca. And it was this small place right near the Soho grand hotel,

literally right around the corner from there. And our buddy, Jordan Rubin, great comedian, great writer. He would DJ sometimes DJ. I'm like, how are you getting into DJ there?

But he was like, it's so exclusive that I can't even get in. And then we joke that, yeah, like you had to DJ from outside using the claw. From a Korean market. From a Korean market. Just grab the record and claw it.

And then you're like, you got a claw on the door and you're like. But Jordan's jokes about the excuses that bouncers would give him about why he wasn't allowed in the club was my favorite. Yeah, he's like, sorry. Sorry, man. You can't wear tennis shoes.

No sneakers, man. And then he's like, no. Sorry, man. You can't wear tennis shoes. No sneakers, man. Then he's like, no heads. No heads. You can't have a head. If you have a head, you can't get in. If you have a head, you can't get in. Why is she getting in? Bro.

Bro. Bro. So he says, all right, we'll see how it goes. We can obviously see that it went amazing. Here's how it works. You pay $30 to enter, and you can order any food item off the menu. Once inside the tent, you're treated to a full show from a group of masked, of course, dancers. They do a song or two for each car.

Hold on. Real quick. The Masked Stripper would be such a better show than the Masked Singer. This is incredible. Yes. I am on board. I am. Anderson can host it you still do

ken jong because why not why not and yeah you know here's the deal i love that strippers in a drive-through strip club have more of an appreciation for this pandemic than mike pence yeah exactly absolutely then don trump at a fucking mask factory. This is where we're at, guys. Also, Josh, if you sell the mask stripper, I want to be a part of it. Absolutely. We're all in this. It's going to be incredible. Because it's so funny because the thing about the mask stripper is by the end, right, you're

down to like probably undergarments. And then a mascot. Who is the mask stripper? She takes it off. Lizzo! She'd crush'd crush you kidding me she'd win we wouldn't find out till the end i got my mask on they do a song or two for each car and then send you on your way with food so when you think about it thirty dollars gets you into the quote-unquote strip club you get a song or two but then you start to pay for your food or do you know that's included in the food yeah strip club. You get a song or two. But then you still have to pay for your food.

Or do you know that's included in the food? Yeah, it's included. That's a good deal. That is a great deal. Dinner and a show. I'm happy that they're working right and thriving like through this difficult time. It seems like not. It seems like a time that would be really hard on people in that line of work financially.

And it also it's like, I don't know if it's like this in L.A., but in New York, all these bars are doing like takeaway cocktails now. And everyone goes, I got to support a local business. financially and it also it's like i don't know if it's like this in la but in new york uh all these bars are doing like takeaway cocktails now and everybody goes i gotta support a local business so i'm getting drunk at 4 p.m and that's like what this is it's like well if i don't go to the drive through strip club it's like i don't care about the local economy i mean you do have to turn your car off because you don't want to like have it on the whole time when the car is in the thing and then just see strippers dropping like vita scarily yeah gotta be careful they do get woozy after the towards the end of the show that exhaust off uh there are tip buckets set up inside and the dancers have devices normally

used to collect trash that allow them to collect the claw from a distance just the tip the drive through has proven even more lucrative than the original food delivery program, though they're still providing that service too. They don't pivot away. They pivot in. They're leaning in. We had a nonstop line of cars wrapped around our parking lot Saturday night, Sean said, adding that the new attraction is drawing visitors from beyond just the Portland area.

I love it. You can drive there. We had a carload of girls from Seattle, two and a half hours away, do a road trip down to Portland to drive through just to get some food and see this thing going on. It's crazy, Sean said.

For employees... I love this guy. I mean, this guy is making it work. He's hustling. He's making it work? Go ahead. Sorry, go ahead. I was saying for all the people

complaining about not getting work. For all the people protesting, like you're not letting work. Go ahead. Oh, sorry, go ahead. I was saying for all the people complaining about not getting work. For all the people protesting, you're not letting me do- Why don't you pivot and do this? Be creative, man. Yeah. Don't complain. You're talking about opening up the economy. Innovate.

Disrupt. Yeah. I also am like, this is exactly where my brain goes every time, where I'm just like, well, the strippers have never had more leverage to unionize than in this moment. man if we're gonna open up this economy we gotta open up some legs right um spread the well spread this economy out yes do it for the eagle for the employees food to go go is more than just a way to keep money coming in it's a way to get back to some sense of normalcy and creativity as brody who celebrated her birthday on stage last week explained to the huffington post it feels amazing it's still not enough but it feels good to move i woke up the next day and was actually sore it'd been so long since i danced

i just needed this right now good for her toxic coming up to the main stage also works at lucky devil lounge she told the huffington post it's been a great way to help deal with some of the negative mental effects that self-isolation has caused. Quote, Dude, this guy is doing good. He's doing God's work. What's amazing about Toxic is no tattoos.

That's, to me, so interesting. Toxic is such a Portland stripper name. 100%. Toxic is no tattoos. She's like a 1983 NBA player. She's pissed and droppin'. Toxic is hoping to make it in the steinbrenner yankee yes 1983 nba player like no tattoos and she will punch you if you get in her lane

and will and will smoke on the court yes and she's white and say it was a time out uh it's helped my mood my anxiety and my depression during this entire pandemic because i get to have some type of artistic expression again she said it's great to feel sexy i just feel really invigorated good for her and she said the feeling yeah that's wonderful translates to the crowds of cars showing up in the drive-thru too you can just see our customers smiles uh only from the waist up i'm really happy we have this option for people she said it's even more exciting than the deliveries because those people are getting out of their house and it's really nice food a go-go uh yeah food to go-go you know it's i would call it food to grow grow uh the first strip club i ever went to in portland

and i went there when i did my tour there it was lucky devil so i'm proud to say yes we went there once too remember there was a poker game someone's like you gotta try the steak bites we walk in there's a poker game to the right and you're just like what it didn't even look like it first of all it did not look like a strip club it just looked like a regular bar it was like the casual nature with which all the stuff that would normally be illegal everywhere else was fascinating an amazing physical performance uh on stage like those dancers are unreal how good they are amazing so'm proud to say that I support Lucky Devil Lounge and I'm proud of everybody else who is during this time. That's story number two.

Sean, you are doing the God's work right there and being a beacon of light for other small business owners who are looking a way to do it. Alternative ways to make money. I love it. Daniel, can you give us a teaser now of the third story? You don't need a bomb. That's all I'm going to say.

You never need a bomb. Okay. You don't need a bomb. Even when you think you do, you don't. You don't need a bomb. I've always said that. We've always said that before I go on stage. I'm anti-bomb, guys. Oh, my.

All right. Josh Gondelman is with us. He's got a new game show podcast that is phenomenal. Make my day. Make my day, Josh Gondelman. And we'll be back with one more story as we wrap this thing up. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Daniel, take us home, buddy. I will. Before I do, though, Josh, I want to tell you one other thing that people,

in addition to pep talks, your show shoes are great, dude. I love new show shoes, new show shoes. I try, I'm going to run through them pretty quick. I don't think I'll have enough separate ones to get through the season,

but for, for people that don't know, I, um, try to wear a different pair of sneakers for every Desus and marrow taping. And so I've gotten to, I have too many sneakers so i've gotten to i have too many sneakers and i've gotten to i think today is episode 24 yeah and um and i haven't repeated yet this year

but it's gonna get dicey in the next i'll tell you this man if there's any that you're like i need to bring some in and make space for new ones you should auction off some of the ones you wouldn't mind getting rid of but like these are the oh man uh show shoes show day shoes yeah which uh what's your favorite pair of the whole bunch i know it's your favorite child but i got these when when my book came out in september i got for myself and for my editor and for my literary agent uh custom nike air max ones that are like the pink and black and gray like the cover of my book and they say nike the book is called nice try and that on the back you can monogram them so they say nike try that's awesome yeah i have a pair i really love that yeah andrew youngblood got me

a pair i don't think i've shown to you guys but they say dvk on the back that's so cool yeah that's awesome my daughter wants my daughter won my 12 year old daughter wants the the tar heel jordans she like wants them oh yeah i'm like yeah i don't know if we're gonna pay 700 bucks for a pair of shoes i know those ones that go super high on on resellers so stock x and all that stuff yeah we're going deep i'm too deep in it i just got i just got a pair of yeezys like in quarantine because i've been working full time and i was like okay this will be like a nice which one after like which ones you got i got the desert sage which are like kind of a i get do you have those do you have them

where are they are they close i can go get them they're right um we'll get them after the show but i got them too they're fucking awesome they're like i got them for very little money by the way it was not good that's amazing do it josh were you able to get a pair of those fire reds that came out during episode one of the last dance i like those the fives right yeah yeah yeah yeah i like them but i don't love a five i'm like not a classicist sure with jordan's and so i kind of like let some of those like the the bread 11s that came out, I was like, I like those, but everyone, like every head is going to have them. You know what I mean?

Like everyone who knows is going to have them and that, and then it's going to drive the price up. So I'm like, I just buy a lot. I have like weird, the most recent ones that I just got reset or retail were, um, the,

the undefeated air max nineties, but like the blue and vault and purple colorway, they're amazing. And they're so comfortable. I like weird-ass Air Force Ones. Air Force One Lows are just... Again, my 12-year-old daughter is like, she and Dan have the same shoes. She and Dan are the same person.

My wife is really into Air Force Ones, and whenever I'm just scrolling or whatever, she sees something, and something catches her eye, it's almost always an Air Force One Low. The Air Force Onees and that whenever she like whenever I'm just like scrolling or whatever or like she sees something it's like and something catches her eye it's almost always an Air Force One low. The Air Force One lows are great my wife has a pink one that's really cool. I'm gonna make one recommendation. A rose gold. I have two pairs of these

and I live in these all the time the Adidas 4D the 4D. Oh yeah those look good the ones that are 3D printed they're like the avenger the edge something the those are really cool they're so with the green like stick like kind of bottom rubber bottom they're so comfortable the best you gotta because we're

walking a lot these days so you gotta have good shoes all right you're ready by brad mclaughlin at brad does film thank you br Brad. Brad also does help us by sending that in. Anybody can. Just do at DanielVanKirk. Hashtag Dumb People Town solely on Twitter. DMs, Facebook, Instagram, do not count. That's not where I'll go. All right. East Point, Michigan. An East Point man

built a homemade bomb to try to kill rats at his home. Nope! But instead, that almost like has to be- But instead. Always. I know, right? It's always but instead.

I've disposed of three dead rats in my backyard. But instead, did you need a bomb? No. No. I feel like that's his name, Bud Instead. Bud Instead. Bud Instead. He damaged two houses and got arrested.

Yeah. East Point police were called around 4.15 p.m. Who are you, Wile E. Coyote? Wednesday. Did you order it from the Acme bomb-making company? At the home in the 16,800 block of Veronica Avenue. Just a weird name for that. Well, he was, to be fair, he was mad because the rats had painted a door on the house and he just ran.

This is going to upset him. He's going to go back. Officers said they learned of a significant explosion that had damaged two homes on the block. Investigators said a homeowner found what he believed was a better way to kill rats than using poison. No. No. Some people believe rat poison is dangerous for neighborhood pets. Well, I didn't want to hurt all the pets, so I just thought I'd blow up these houses. No. No. Some people believe rat poison is dangerous for neighborhood pets. Well, I didn't want to hurt all the pets,

so I just thought I'd blow up these houses. Yeah. Jesus. Or he painted a door that was right. He opened it up and walked off a cliff. Yeah. He painted a door. He put just an actual door.

Yeah, an actual door. This is also like somebody who's just like, he's been waiting for an idea, like a quote unquote reason to use a bomb. Yeah. Right? It's not about the rats. Guys, it's never about the rats.

It's never about the rats. No. The homeowner had constructed a homemade bomb and tried to kill the rats, said authorities. Homemade bomb scares the shit out of me. It should. It should scare the shit out of everybody. Homemade bomb is like Boston Strong. Homemade bomb.

That's why we have that now. Homemade bomb is like a failed metal band. Homemade. And bomb is like one of the few things that isn't comforting to hear after homemade. No, never. Oh, did you want some homemade bomb? I've got some extra homemade bomb. Homemade pie.

I'll take that. Of course, man. Are you kidding me? Officers did not find any dead rats on the scene. Of course not. They actually got away. You now drove them farther underground. And you caused more of them to want to get out this is what literally the police wrote officers did not find any dead

rats on the scenes so bombing may be an ineffective way to kill rats maybe you're not gonna roll it out you don't say jokes yeah like don't be sarcastic right and it's illegal and dangerous they wrote even if every rat had died it would still be an ineffective way to kill damage to houses 100 like you can get your kids to listen by punching them open-handed in the mouth but it's not the effective way right that's not what you do you're gonna back up there's too much there's too much carotid roll damage sorry i'm sorry don't apologize don't apologize ever it was beautiful It was beautiful. It was beautiful.

Hey. At Sklar Brothers. You want to play that way? Then play that way. Okay? The man. I'm still crying. How messed up was his right hand? The pointer finger on his right hand.

I know. I know. It's like pointing in another direction. It's a Last Dance reference if anybody's confused. Go watch. The man was arrested for bombing. Police said another person inside the home was arrested for a warrant, which I also love.

They're like, oh, you're here too? Come on. I didn't understand you want to play that way, play that way. I don't understand why that made him cry. Was he saying, and he wasn't, he said, did not make him cry. He said, you don't want to play that way, don't play that way. I thought he said, you want to play that way. No, he said, you don't.

You don't want to play that way, don't play that way. For anybody who needs to get, Jordan was talking about all the people that he had to, by his own words, drag to get them to be what he wanted them to be to play the game and get those championships. Why did that make him cry, though? Because I think he was lamenting. Some say in lamenting the idea that he couldn't be anybody's friend.

He had to sacrifice those relationships. I don't think he is crying because of that, but I think he's crying because he felt like they didn't play at his level. I think he was crying because he wanted to, to him, that's how important it is to win. Yeah. Like, like that's what I still didn't get it. Like, you're not going to have friends, man. You're Michael Jordan and you're not going to have friends because you're playing a coin game where you're flipping it on the edge thing to try and beat your security guard to get his quarter michael jordan uh really proves that you can be like an ultra competitive hyper masculine

maniac and still cry publicly all the time yes you don't have to pick one no no it's like who's gonna get mad at him but if you're to be the best at whatever you do, even if it's bombing rats, but if you're going to be the best at what you do in the world, in the history of the world, I guarantee you don't have a normal relationship with anybody. Does Bob Dylan have a lot of close friends? He's definitely close with Jacob.

No. No, I don't know. I'm making it up. He's definitely probably not close with the band, and they were like his band. Right. So, I mean, you cannot be the greatest of all time and have more than a friend. If you are wholly focused on one thing, you don't have room to give to other people.

And you know what I say to Jordan, to Dylan, and to the man who blew up these rats? Congratulations. Oh, congratulations. Oh, Jesus. Well, get out of here. Those charges are pending against the homeowner and the guy who just happened to have a warrant on him also in the house that didn't get blown up. Oh, wait, there's a guy in the house that had a warrant on him too?

Yeah, they just said they got another guy in the house who had a warrant on him. That's what I love. I said they walked in. They were like, you're here? Come on, you're coming. Dan, it's like when you set a trap for one rat and then you catch another one. Looks like the spider caught themselves a fly buddy

this is like the end of the departed except when a rat walks by the guy's like you motherfucker this whole thing was supposed to get how bad was that cinematic moment the movie is truly so good the movie is so good it is one of the movies that I will watch whenever it's on again. That's how good it is. Yeah. That moment is so bad. That couldn't have been Scorsese. That had to have been the studio. It's all Scorsese. He's goofy.

But to me, it was almost like he was like, let me just ask a nine-year-old what I should do right now. And a nine-year-old was like, put a rat on it. The only way that would make sense is if they had the cameras running and a rat just happened to walk by. And they were like, you know what?

That's pretty funny. We got to leave that. That's like an Easter egg. Then they're like, we're not going to use it in the final print. No, absolutely not. And then someone sent the wrong print, and then it got out, and then it got reviewed, and then they had to leave it in. Maybe that was Scorsese's way of letting everyone know he gets final cut.

Yeah. The rat stays in the picture. Which is a great book. Which is a great Robert Evans book. The rat stays in the picture. By the way, that's the moment where he's like, don't take notes that's it i'll take a note do not it's like richard it's like richard link lighter and everybody wants some i'm gonna make a 20 minute scene about a baseball practice that has nothing to do with the plot i love to do i'm

like he's like i got enough notes in boyhood that i'm gonna now do whatever the hell i wanted everyone's a great film but maybe if we look at it that way, of what we were just saying, that The Rat and The Departed is possibly the greatest flex of all time. That is an incredible flex. An incredible, I mean, you're just taking your pants down and being like, this is what I was given.

No, no, it's- And I bet I'll win an Oscar for it. No, no, to me, it is the equivalent of someone on Top Chef, which by the way, my whole family's way into. The equivalent of someone on Top Chef, which, by the way, my whole family's way into. The equivalent of someone on Top Chef making for the finals an unbelievable seven-course dinner, laying it out in front of the judges,

and then peeing all over it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, now see if you can enjoy it. No, it's like putting that, and the last course, he just unwraps like a ho-ho. Puts it right on there. Or just gets it in front of him and sweeps it off the table right people don't remember this but when he won the oscar they said

uh and the oscar goes to every part of the departed except that one last shot they did they did you have to apologize for it's like the one thing you wish you would have departed from that movie was the final shot all right j, Josh Gondelman, dude. Thank you so much for joining us. Make My Day is the podcast game show that you need to get on board and subscribe to. People should order the book right now while they have time to read. The book is called One More Time.

Nice try. Nice try. Check that out. He's Josh Gondelman, and he's one of our favorites. And oh, shit, we've got to get back to work.