Dumb People Town - Judah Friedlander - Champagne Torino

Episode Date: November 14, 2017

This week, Judah Friedlander (30 Rock, Bordertown) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! The group talks about the story behind Judah's new standup special, "America Is The Greatest Country In The United States," before we jump into Story #1, in which a Florida politician purports to have met aliens. In Story #2 brings us a man who slides into the police's DM's. And Story #3 is the tale of a supposedly unlawful sing-along. To wrap up the episode, a voicemail from actor Adam Driver about the new Star Wars trailer!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Van Derk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound. Tunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey, townies.

Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Oh, this one, I've been looking forward to this one, Rand, because we don't get to see this guy that much. I found out he was on the left coast. He's mostly on the east coast. You reached to him. He's busy because he has a new special on Netflix that is hilarious.

Jay and I spent the morning watching it and cracking up and loving it and just loving the new direction of it. We'll get into all that later. Judah Freelander joins us. What's up, buddy? I'm here with smart people. Yeah, it's so good to see you. Great to see you guys. You reached out to me and that was like, it always just makes me smile, man.

It was great. And I'm glad this worked out. I love that we get to get, I mean, we got together and hung out big time at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival a couple years ago. You guys were so damn funny on that. The ping pong special where we- For people who don't know, it's like you guys host this ping pong tournament of- And commentate.

Of mostly horrendous ping pong plays. Yes, yes. And you commentate the whole time. And then after a match, you only interview the loser. Yeah, that's right. That was a conscious choice. Which is one of the brilliant things. You only interview the loser. Yeah, that's right. That was a conscious choice. Which is one of the brilliant things. You never interview the winner.

No one wants to hear from that guy. And so as a result, you never got interviewed. Because you won the damn tournament. Exactly. You were amazing. I was just amazed because I'm like, here's this guy that we know and love. Great at. I mean, we go all the way back to when we started in stand-up.

He just pulled out a ping pong paddle and a couple of balls. I know you travel with it. So we know from the beginning of our stand-up careers, we kind of started around the same time you were maybe a year ahead of us. Actually, I'm older than you guys. But not by much. We're about to turn 46. Okay, I'm 48.

So we're about in the same range. But you started maybe a year or two before us. I started in 89. Okay, so a few more years. In New York? Yeah. In 89? All right, you were there a few years before we were.

But what I remember is, I remember being in your van, listening to Whitesnake, driving around, getting to shows in 95, 96. Yep. 97, zipping around Manhattan, starting out together, rising up together, doing our stuff. And then I remember having you come do Cheap Seats. So funny. Where you played characters on that show. I loved you in Wet Hot American Summer. You were so great in the original movie.

You had a brilliant role in that. Everything you've done, we've been fans of. I've always- 30 Rock? 30 Rock. Anyone? Come on, 30 Rock. I've always loved your standup.

To then watch you just destroy people on the ping pong table was like holy shit i can't believe he has another skill outside of college that he's so good at i was blown away and then to read your book uh if the raindrops united if the raindrops united that amazing book of cartoons uh and drawings that fantastic. And then to now come to this stand-up special, which I think is the culmination of all the comedy stand-up work you've done to this point. You cultivated a brilliant character, the world champion. You've now sort of expanded that and applied it to America as you're repping this country in a Stephen Colbert-esque kind of way. Championing all the shitty things about America. Is that right?

Well, we're basically, we're number one in every category. You don't want to be number one in a bunch of them. Yeah, exactly. But we're number one. Well, that's why it's called America's the greatest country in the United States. Which is one of the jokes from my act. So basically, the world champion kind of started out initially

I don't know, 15 or more years ago as being this sort of idiot kind of bragging kind of guy. And then it started morphing into, oh, these amazing athletic achievements he's talking about, these aren't brags. This is real. Like the world champion became kind of like real, like this real life superhero. And then things, you know, about seven or eight years ago, I started doing shows in Europe.

And you know, if you're ever in a bad relationship, you might not be able to see it, but your friends can see it. Yeah. Like, why are you with that person? They're horrible to you. And you're like, no, they're great. Yeah. You know, and then a couple of years later, you're out of it.

Then you can look back and be like, oh, wow, I see what they were saying. I was a moron. Yeah. So initially when I started like going to England to do shows, I figured, oh, I'm going to be learning more about England. And I did. But what I really started learning more was about my own country sure you can get some perspective and see from a distance totally yeah and I've always and you know when I first started I used to do a lot of like political jokes when I first started and then I stopped for years and

then so I just started talking about and just satirizing the big issues because one thing I know is about this country is and there's another line from my actor, it's like we're so confident where we like everything and it's like a propaganda we're fed from the Democrats and the Republicans that this is the greatest country in the history of the world.

That we have no problems, no issues. Or even if we do, it's someone else's fault that's some kind of a weird glitch. It can't be our fault. We're the greatest. We're good at Yeah, or even if we do, it's someone else's fault that's some kind of a weird glitch. Yeah. It can't be our fault. Right. It can't be our fault. You know, like our country is good. We're the greatest. Yeah, we're good at looking out the window.

We're not good at looking in the mirror. Hell no. Great point. So, such a good lead into this show. So, that's kind of what I satirize in the act is talking about how we're the greatest, but, Art, if you look at what I'm saying, sometimes I'm making fun of other countries, but I'm really kind of saying, hey, look at our country. It's so unique.

I know you made this on your own. It's shot completely at the Comedy Cellar over different nights, shot black and white. It's part stand-up special, part press conference almost. Yeah. Does it feel like that? I run a lot of my act as sort of like a mock town hall. Right. I love that you use that terminology.

Yeah. Because that's what, when we do live versions of this show, we call them dumb people town halls. Okay, great. Yeah. This is why you are perfectly suited for this show. We'll talk more about the special because there's some things I want to talk about in it later.

But I want to jump into a story right away because the world is getting dumber as we speak. As we sit here today, in the time it took you to describe that it's gotten dumber it's like the ocean is rising the temperature is rising the world's getting dumber our only way to combat is through comedy that's your special this show so we get stories sent to us by our dumb dumb ears on the ground they're amazing dan gets stories we don't know the stories no we're with you judo we've never heard i love it so we're gonna we're going to now go into it. Let's get into one.

Let's do it. This was sent by Nick Howell, at Nick Howell is. Okay. Cool. N-I-C-K-H-O-W-E-L-L-I-S. Thanks, Nick. Nice. I'm going to read you the headline.

Yes. So you know where we're going. I love it. Miami politician says aliens took her on a spaceship. Okay. All right. This is an elected official, Judah. Right.

Valid statement. Valid statement. Sure. Why not? Immediately you're believing. I'm in. I'm in. Well, Judah is not questioning.

Always trust your authority. Right. Always trust those in charge. Florida. Maybe she said alien. Maybe she's talking about alien Gonzalez took her in. Maybe she didn't say alien, but it was hard for people to understand. Sure.

It's another Cuba conflict. America took him in. Now he's taking her in. Why is that a problem? Florida has a U.S. senator who once flew aboard the space shuttle, but a congressional candidate for Miami can go one better. Bettina Rodriguez Aguiera. Aguiera.

Says she's been aboard a spaceship too, but this one was crewed by aliens as in extraterrestrials. No way. If that happened to you, even if it happened to you, you have to know that bringing it up is definitely going to put you into a category. Correct? Right.

Well, it's one thing to claim to have seen a UFO. I heard it's a great joke in your ad. You've never seen a UFO. Yeah, yeah. No, I joke in my ad because I ask anyone, and they're like, has anyone ever seen a UFO? And I say, really, I have never seen a UFO because I've always been able to correctly identify

the alien spacecraft that I've come across. Yeah! That's the difference between me and other people. That is. So, but it's one thing I've come across. Yeah! That's the difference between me and other people. That is. But it's one thing to see a UFO. And it's another thing to say you were actually on the ship and that you had the mental capacity

to realize you were being abducted. Sure. And remember. Of course they didn't erase your memory. No. They wanted you to be able to talk about it. To come back and talk about it in the campaign. Three blonde, big-bodied beings. Blonde? Yep.

Two females and one male visited her when she was seven years old and have communicated telepathically with her several times in her life. This is a commentary. It's one thing that she thinks, I'll tell people this. It's another that she's confident that the people are going to be like, yeah, cool. Does she talk more about what they look like or no? Big bodied, blonde

beings. There are some... One time I was working in Florida and I was talking to the waitress there. There's a restaurant I went to a few times. I was filming like a little indie movie down there, so I was down there for a month. And the conversations were always normal, you know, friendly, but just normal.

And at one point, she was like reading a book. And I'm like, what's the book? And it was a book about how many of the people in this planet are actually aliens. And they have lizard skin underneath, but on the outside, there are these very muscular, big, blonde, long-haired men and tall, blonde women with great big features and strong features. It's almost like the guys look like Fabio, and the women look like Brigitte Nielsen.

So yeah, maybe this is... She's on that. I love that Judah just gave a context for this ridiculous story. Yeah, you know, you just basically gave her credence to what she was saying. Why not? Or I'm saying she's a hack. She's a hack. She read this book and is spewing it out.

Bettina, 59 years old, a Republican who is running to replace retiring Miami Republican rep, recounted her experience

with the extraterrestrials during a 2009 television interview. Because they hate aliens. She described going up inside the spaceship the weather

it went into space or just hovered around town was left unclear. Let me tell you they hate illegal aliens. That's right. Exactly. I went in. There were some round seats that were there and some quartz rocks that controlled the ship.

She is a hack. This is my favorite. Round seats? Come on. Woody Allen sleeper? She goes, not like airplanes. She wants everybody to be clear. This is not a Boeing. It's an unidentified flying object. It's a UFO. You go up there.

There are round seats and quartz rocks that control everything. Not like airplanes. And my response would be like, so it's like a Southwest flight. Southwest flight. No, no, no. It's not like airplanes. So it's like a United flight. She's like, let me be clear.

I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy. I need to tell you it's not like airplanes. You don't operate in America. Let me make that distinction so you know that I'm not nuts. Continental flights, they use the full navigation system. You don't use quartz rocks to... Here's some of the more... You swipe your credit card left to right on this.

It's not anything like an irregular flight where you swipe it right to left. You know, I think on Land of the Lost, the live action TV show from the 70s. I watched it with my kids. The Sleest Acts. I think they had courts rocks. Yeah. They did. So she's borrowing from every piece of media. A lot of things. One of them is a total hack. Yeah, she's a total hack.

Back to what Judah wanted to hear. She said the alien beans reminded her of the famous statue in Rio de Janeiro, Christ the Redeemer with arms outstretched. Okay. So I don't know if that's like longer faces. Why can't this woman just see Jesus in a cheese sandwich? No, cheese sandwich.

Maybe a cheesecake factory. Maybe she's trying to say Jesus is an alien. Yeah. That's a much bigger statement. Because now you're fucking with Jesus. Yeah. Here's a list of the things she said she found out from the aliens.

Okay. Cannot wait to hear. There are 30,000 skulls different from humans in a cave in the Mediterranean Island of Malta.

Oh, nice. The world's energy center is in Africa. I would have loved to say if she would have said the world's energy center is in Secaucus, New Jersey. I was going to say or is in Africa. I would have loved to say, if she would have said the World's Energy Center.

Secaucus, New Jersey. I was going to say, or is in my pants. That seems great. That's a good pickup line. Or in Judah Friedlander's beard. The Coral Castle, a limestone tourist attraction in South Miami-Dade, is actually an ancient Egyptian pyramid. Of course. This woman wants to

hold public office. She's doubling down. She wants to govern and lead. By the way, this is not a person who was just picked up pushing a shopping cart like three miles away from a Costco. This is an elected official. Someone is trying to, she hasn't been elected yet. She wants to run for Congress, but she's definitely

she's running in dumb people town. She can run for governor. Can I say something, she's running in dumb people town. Oh, yeah. Well, she can run for governor. Can I say something, too? I know this is going to sound crazy. Like, it's, what she's saying about aliens, to me, is equivalent to someone saying, more guns is the answer. Like, whatever she's saying right now about this being a pyramid actually from Egypt has the same validity to me as someone who's like, we need more guns. That's the answer. Well, she's trying to get the pyramid vote.

Yep. That's what you need. And I actually think that that's an entire scheme. Yeah, it is this pyramid. She said the aliens also taught her that God is a universal energy. Well, that is not so... She's going to get a lot of votes with that. I mean, that's the way many people view God.

There was a part when I was putting this together after seeing your special, Judah, that I was like, a lot of these with that. I mean, that's the way many people view God. There was a part when I was putting this together after seeing your special, Judah, that I was like, a lot of these just sound like shit that you could have, like, thrown at the audience. Yeah, yeah. Look, God, look,

there's a pyramid in Miami that is one of the Egyptian pyramids. You want to argue with me? Argue with me about it. She also said that the aliens had mentioned ISIS, though she didn't clarify

if they meant the terrorist organization or the ancient Egyptian goddess. Oh, ISIS. Or maybe they were saying ICs, like, you know, almost like a slushy. Oh, yeah. I need an IC. I love those. Those are good.

ICs. Give me two ICs. The Miami Herald asked her about her experiences Friday. She responded with a statement that waxed astronomical, but sadly failed to mention close encounters of any kind. Somebody pulled her aside and was like, stop, stop, stop, woman, stop. For years, this is what she said, people, including presidents like Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter and astronauts, have publicly claimed to have seen unidentified flying objects, and scientists like Stephen Hawking and institutions like the Vatican have stated there are billions

of galaxies in the universe, and we are probably not alone. Fine. That is a statement you can make. But they never talked about being abducted. Right, or going on board. Yeah, it's like, yeah, you just listed things that are true that are not directly related to what you said happened. I met an astronaut once.

Did you? Yes. It was a really weird night. Did you date her? No, it was a guy. I think it's Henry Chow or Leroy Chow. I forget. And he has the best business card because it just says astronaut.

Really? Yeah, he used to be the commander of the space station. What? So I got invited to this. I went to a screening. There's a director, a very good director, Bennett Miller. No, well, Jordan Rubin's cousin who did Capote. He also did The Cruise, which was an amazing documentary about Steve the Speed Levitch.

Right. So I actually just ran into him on the street in New York a week ago. Steve the Speed Levitch? Yeah. No way. Yeah. Still crazy? Exactly the same.

Yeah, yeah. So I went to, Bennett was having, his movie Cruise, had already been out, and he was having just like a little screening at it, I think Angelica, in New York. So then he goes, hey, I'm having this little get-together afterwards. He goes, you're going to want to come. It's going to be cool. So I go there. It's some little bar restaurant in the West Village.

Jay-Z is there. What? Two of the guys from Coldplay, Michael Stipe, Courtney Love. What? Two of the guys from Coldplay. Yeah. Michael Stipe, Courtney Love. What? This cinematographer, I'm forgetting his name, cinematographer from The Piano. God.

And then this astronaut. And you. And me. That's right. So me and not the lead singer of Coldplay, but one of the other guys, we spent the whole time just talking to the astronauts. Oh, I would ask him every question under the sun. Yeah, because I remember saying to him, I'm like, you're the only astronaut I've ever met. And then I go to the guy from Coldplay, and you're the only person I've ever met who's also met an astronaut.

So I asked him, I asked the astronaut, I'm like, have you ever seen a UFO or something and you didn't know what it is? And immediately he's like, yes, there were things I saw out there that I had just no idea what it was. Yeah? Yeah. It's not a planet. It's not a star. So maybe this woman is right. I don't know why we're coming down on her so hard.

Because you don't say it. Yeah, you think it. No, I'm going to endorse her. I think she could win, but I... Oh, she could definitely win. She's a dreamer. Oh, wait, we hate dreamers. I'm sorry.

We being Republicans. I just got that. Yeah, the whole being on board and... By the way, that's where Judah draws the line. I love that's where he draws the line. He's like, look, you can see it. Don't tell me you were on board. Don't tell me about round chairs and quartz control.

I wonder if part of her, too, was like, I gotta get... Like, halfway through telling all this crazy shit about skulls and all this of her too was like, I gotta get, I gotta, like halfway through telling all this crazy shit about skulls and all this so she's like, I gotta get my base back. They mentioned ISIS. Yeah. Yeah,

you gotta bring ISIS in. The terrorist group, I'm not too sure about that. I just, guys, it's out there. Good. My Miami attorney,

Rick Yeber, a frequent political commentator in Spanish language media, said Friday night that Rodriguez's account could hurt her congressional campaign. No shit. Really?

You think so? Being a politician to come out and say that, it's odd. She got into details that are not very mainstream. Someone who's running for Congress. On board. See, it's like, I got on board the ship, now get on board with my agenda. Oh, I like that. That should be her.

Yeah, if I can get on board with aliens, you can get on board with me getting on board with aliens. That's right. Someone who's running for Congress, you've got to raise a lot of money. A donor might have second thoughts. Yeah. Not in Dumb People Town.

Nope. In Dumb People Town, they're lining up. In Florida. I mean, this is Florida. I would give her more credit if she was running for something in Pensacola, maybe.

But I think she's, you know, Miami is more of an immersion. This is Miami. We'll get out of here on this. This is what Rick Yeber said. Miami politics are unusual. This one takes it to a new level. Yeah, it's space.

I love that he had to get a dig on Miami politics. Yeah, for sure. Miami politics suck. There's a lot of crazy people there, but this woman. To me, if she can get the endorsement of the Miami Sound Machine, I'm just saying. Gloria Stefan and maybe three of the bongo players. Is the woman of Cuban

heritage? It doesn't say. Probably. Cubans tend to, Cuban Americans tend to lean Republican. Yeah. And believe in aliens. And believe in aliens. Alright. She boarded the ship. She boarded up. So we have a brand new political member

in Dumb People Town. There you go. Yeah. Welcome. She's there. All right. One story down. We got Judah Friedlander here.

He's got a brand new special on Netflix. Watch it. Comment on it. Give it five stars. You should. America is the greatest country in the United States.

Right? Remember that. All right. We'll talk a little bit more about it on the way back after this break. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a a sound there's more don't people town hey guys welcome back to the show uh as we mentioned we got judah freelander here and we

are loving this special so much on netflix it's so worth watching it feels um i mean i'm a comedian and i will say there are moments where i definitely know you were doing stuff off the cuff because there are very specific moments in there and then there were moments where i felt like you people lead you into areas where you had like you had like a nine minute bit about canada about canada and self-esteem and i feel to be... You waited for someone to say, I'm from Canada, and then you had that great reaction to it, but then that opened the door to all this whole room of material that you have on Canada.

Yeah, it wasn't really waiting for them to talk about Canada. It was just, you know, when I do shows sometimes, and I'm doing crowd work, I don't know what people are going to say. Of course not. And then sometimes they'll say something that I've done bits on before so that's kind of how it happened

so with the Canada bit it's initially that bit started with that one was actually initially with a joke because I remember going to you know doing shows up in Canada and I'm like it's so weird

because it's so similar to the U.S., yet it's so different. So different. To me, it reminds me of the United States in the 1970s. They're playing a lot of Rush. There's a lot of open spaces on the road. But it's just so different. And their psyche and mentality of the country is so different. Totally.

Totally. You know, we're, and I do a joke about it, like, we're like the popular kids and they're like the new kids at school that nobody's paying attention to and nobody cares about. The new kid at school that just got to school

but who's been there for like three years. Right, right, right, yeah. But it's like, they, you know, they do so many things better than us, yet we're the popular country.

And so, so anyways, so that bit, like what you're asking about, like in this special, you know, some of the stuff with the audience interaction that I have is completely off the cuff and it happened, you know, that night. In that moment. We could tell for sure. Yeah. And then there are some bits, because I also talk about my, me becoming the next president, my presidential platform. I thought that was such a great way to open it up and make it like a town hall meeting.

Right. That's what I kind of do where like I ask the crowd, ask me any questions about my presidential platform. And I do kind of like a mock town hall. And you have the policies in your brain. You're like, I know these things. For example, like there's a bit in the special about health care that I talk about. So that joke initially was, you know know me just going up there I don't have any jokes about health care someone yells out health care and then I come up with a joke on the spot you know the initial one was someone yells out health care and I say we don't need it we're Americans we're strong and then over you

know so so that question over the next month let's say gets asked maybe seven more times. And then each time I just kind of add on to it and build, not offstage, but onstage. And then after a while, I've got a five-minute bit on healthcare. I mean, what an unbelievable way to write that special. Yeah, so I've always done that because my act has always been very uh it's been very joke heavy you know a lot of one-liners yes and then a lot of like a one-liner and then maybe three or four tags off of that one line that's right and i've always been very

crowd work heavy too so some of these bits are like you said completely off the cuff and then some of them were created off the cuff over a period of time. And then nurtured and developed. And then when I'm doing a show, I don't even know if I'm going to do that bit, because someone may not bring it up. That's right. It's great. It keeps it alive for you.

And then sometimes I just change it a little bit or add new things. That's where I'm at kind of right now, because I'm uh you know i'll still talk about my presidential platform in my show but since the specials out those same subjects are gonna be coming up again health care oh yeah but i'm so i'm working now on new health care sure that's right you know that's right that's that's so interesting and i can imagine i would imagine that i'm hoping this is an international success on Netflix. Yeah, me too. I think this is something you could go tour Australia with. I think this is something you could go to other countries.

Yeah, that's like the broadest appeal. Like when you break down the country, was it like Finland, Denmark? And you like say that personality type of like each one was so good. To me, it reminded me in the best possible way, but of a different kind of version of Russell Peters. Yeah, your version of Russell Peters. Yeah. Your version of Russell Peters. Russell Peters is someone who can go to any country around the world and he kind of gets into their local dialect and the way people talk. Right.

You're someone who can go to every country in the world and kind of define them and then define where you came from in a way that will make them laugh. But also from the perspective of the big, kind of the big dumb American who lumbers in and just kind of knocks shit over. I satirize the confident dumb American. To me, that's why it's brilliant in the Kouai Colbert's character from the

Colbert Report. It's basically satire. Satire. And if you get it... And yet, I bet there'll be people who don't get this. That's what I said. Who will fucking love it. And be like, yeah, man, this is what we are. I just did an interview earlier today. And they're like, so they asked me, so why did you call this special America is the greatest country in the United States?

You're like, this interview is over. They didn't get it at all. Not at all. I had to break it down. So they actually said, why don't you call it America's greatest country in the world? That's not funny. Okay, this is why you do what you do and this is why I do what I do. This is why we do what we do.

Dan, do we have another story? We do. Do it. This was sent in by Christopher Patton at Chris4Hire. Exactly like it sounds. Nice. Christopher Patton at Chris4Hire. Exactly like it sounds.

Nice. Some might call it Community Policing 2.0 or simply letting a wanted man feed off the crowd how Redford Township Police got Michael Zadel into custody. Is this like the Jeremy Piven show? Mm-hmm. Which he just got nailed for. Oh, jeez. All right. Well, let's stick with fun then.

Okay. just got nailed for... Oh, jeez. All right. Well, let's stick with fun, then. Okay. The officers used Facebook and called on virtual friends to land... This is the crowd. Power of the crowd.

Wait, say that again. What happened? The officers used Facebook and called on virtual friends to land Zay Dell, a 21-year-old man who had several outstanding misdemeanor warrants. There you go. Zaydel goaded police with antagonizing comments on the department's Facebook page under his pen name. Ready for this? What's his pen name?

This is what he called himself on Facebook. This is how he sees himself. Champagne Torino. Stop. Shut the hell up. Stop it. Not a bad name, man. Champagne Torino.

Grand Torino is easily one of the worst movies that's ever been, ever made. Really? The worst. What's Gran Torino? Gran Torino was- Racist Clint Eastwood with people who aren't actors. Racist Clint Eastwood trying to say an old guy can intimidate a bunch of young Asian thugs. Yeah.

Who talk like black people. people it was there must have been at minimum 30 different racial asian slurs just on asian people yes and and i can't remember were there any jewish i don't think i don't know i think you stayed away from that because they're like hollywood or something what was crazy about it to me is that it's like you know you watch like a nancy myers film and a nancy myers film is basically like a 63 year old woman's fantasy she's like the guy is gonna get with a younger woman and realize she's dumb and all i want to do is be with the woman who's my age that's what a 65 three-year-old woman wants to see that's wish fulfillment on the film this was old guy like porn old guy porn old guy porn where it's like can't jerk off anymore. You're not trying to bully me,

you dumb, stupid Asians. I'm going to take my finger and pretend it's a gun and get you off my lawn. No. Here's how it works out. Old guy takes finger, tries to get rid of the lawn.

Asian young kids laugh at him with a hip hop accent and then kick the shit out of him. That's right. Break that finger off. But that was like a shocking amount. Shocking amount of rage. Horrible.

Yeah, and sometimes they were going Horrible. Yeah, and sometimes they were going for laughs. Yeah, yeah. And I think they were making up new racial slurs. Yes. I mean, they're stuff I'd never even heard of before. It really gave a lot to the racist community. I was like, wow. That is crazy.

Champagne Torino. Champagne Torino. For example, Champagne Torino wrote, so the cops posted as a lot of police stations or whatever. Yeah, now they're starting to do this. They do stuff where they're like, say, hey, we're looking for this type of person. We had a rash of against. They did a home invasion post, and he just wrote underneath their post, you guys suck.

Champagne Torino is seeking them out. That didn't even have anything to do with him. By the way, who goes on these things to say you guys suck? Champagne Torino. Champagne Torino is like seeking them out. That didn't even have anything to do with him. By the way, who goes on these things to say you guys suck? Champagne Torino. Champagne Torino. Dummy. He also allegedly wrote veiled threats to officers and residents. So police threatened to block him from their Facebook page.

They wrote, this is quote, Michael, given your veiled threats to residents and officers on other threads and your inability to engage in constructive dialogue on this page. They're trying so hard. This is your one warning. If it continues, you'll be blocked. They're like talking to him like a kid. Like he's a rational. Yeah, kid.

Yeah. And by blocked, they mean like batoned in the back of the head for an hour, right? Later. It's a police block. Yeah. Later on Friday, Champagne Torino challenged police

in a private Facebook message which means he started sliding into their DMs. Jesus. He told them that if their next post received a thousand shares, he would come turn himself in

because he's got outstanding warrants. Oh, good. He said he would also bring in a dozen donuts to the station and pick up litter around public schools. Now I'm starting to like the guy. Redford the station and pick up litter around public schools.

Now I'm starting to like the guy. Redford police obliged and made his private message public. This is what he wrote to the cops in a DM. Yeah, I'm not worried about it. If your next post gets a thousand shares, I'll turn myself in along with a dozen donuts. And that's a promise. And I'll pick up every piece of litter around all your public schools. Let's see if you can get those shares.

He lives in this town, but he's saying it's your public schools, which means he doesn't feel like any of those schools are his. They're not his public schools. It also means he probably shouldn't be within 500 yards of those public schools. Yeah, that sounds like a pedophile ploy to get near a school. To get close to a school. Like, I'll pick up the trash near all the schools. I'm just cleaning it, man.

No, no, no. No one said there was a lot of trash near the schools. I'm just a red dot on a map picking up garbage. Oh, so you don't want me to pick up the trash in the schools? He wants trash to be all around the schools. By the way, we don't have a huge trash problem. Okay, fine. We'll just let it blow around the kids.

Next question. Are you the person who also put the trash around these schools? Maybe. Maybe. I might be, but I'll pick it up. But it needs to get picked up. I know that's trash. Can I talk to you over here? Because school's about to let on. I want to talk to you over here. No, no, no.

We're still picking stuff up. So they screenshot his challenge that he put to them in a DM. And they wrote, challenge accepted. Now, remember how I told you earlier, they were like, Michael, this needs to stop. They were doing that thing that teachers do. Michael. This happened to me where I would turn in a paper and they would write, what were you going for here, Dan?

By writing my name, it was just... That somehow makes it worse. Yeah, it's horrible. The extra name is like... I got the message. It's my paper. My name is like three inches away. I know my name.

If someone looks at you and is like, did you understand what I meant, Judah? You're like, fuck you. What do I say is the worst thing that ever my wife can say to me ever, ever, ever. Do you get the emails? Do you get the emails? Because you do get them. Yeah, I get them. Okay, I choose not to read them.

So remember when they were mad at him and said, we're going to block you there. It's like, Michael, you need to stop talking to people like this. Well, now he said, I'm going to come to him and say, I'm going to get serious. So this is how they're now talking about him. Mr. Champagne Torino. They have now leaned in. There's his name. Yeah.

Mr. Champagne Torino has issued a challenge. He issued the RTPD a challenge. As you see below, if we can have this post shared a thousand times, he will turn himself in on his existing warrants, clean up blight on public school property, and bring us a dozen donuts. Then they wrote donuts again with four exclamation points. Because they're cops. Donuts.

I like how he used the word blight. I know. I do cops. Donuts. I like how he used the word blight. I know. I do, too. It's almost like he's trying to out-vocabulary him. Yeah, he's like, you won't know what blight is. He'll have to look up blight. He's going to have to look up blight. He's going to be worried by it and be like, what does this mean?

And then have to look it up. These cops are trying to be comics. Then they say, he promised us donuts. You know how much we love donuts. Okay, all right. Step back. It's the worst. And you probably had to edit some of these out where like you when you do crowd work and the person they want to be funny too and you're like just answer the question it rarely

happens but that's always one of the sadder and lamer things it's so sad you want them let's just shut up it's right because it's for them that you want them to stop right and also even if you're not going to do a joke on it you still want to have a real conversation yes you know yeah because you've opened it up now in such a real way right so i think that was there's a moment i think in the special i think you asked somebody how old they are and they're like oh that was 20 that was so funny and you're like above i can't remember what the guy asked me so general uh yeah the guy asked me. It was so general. Yeah, the guy asked me about the drinking age. That's what I'm doing about the drinking age.

And then I go, how old are you? And he doesn't say anything. And then I go, how old are you? And he goes, old enough. And I go, how old are you? And he goes, 28. And I go, I'm raising it to 29. It was that moment where you're like, just answer. Just get it out so I can do this job.

Yeah, he wasn't trying to be funny. He was just trying to be cool and tough. Yeah, yeah. It's like, old enough. You don't have to hold out information here. Where are you from? West Germany. You forgot the town?

Yeah, yeah. You didn't know that? So they're now asking the town, help us win the challenge from Mr. Champagne Torino. By the way, Champagne Torino to me sounds like Chance the Rapper's side project. Yeah. Champagne Torino. I'm starting to think it's a great name. Yeah.

Because I keep thinking of some little place. I'm thinking of the Oasis song, Champagne Supernova. Now I'm like into that. Champagne Torino. Help us win this challenge. They tried to do it again and they failed, Judah. Help us win this challenge and clean up blight. But they spelled it B-L-G-H-T.

They got a little too far out over their skis. If this was Instagram, you could go back in and edit it. I'm just saying. It's easy as a share of this post. As of Monday. Their post had. I'm going to ask you guys. Do not doubt me. Damn! This is my favorite because we all get to

guess how many shares. How many shares do you think this post got? So he needed 1,000 to get the donut. I'm going to guess 567. 567 from Judah. I'm going to guess 270. 270? So you're saying they failed. Failed.

I'm going to guess 798. 798. And they're really trying to get all their friends to share it some more. As of late Monday, the question is, how many shares did their post get? 1,000. And he would bring them donuts and turn himself in and clean up blight. The shares totaled $4,453. Judah is our closest.

I said $5.60. Randy said $7. Oh, I thought you said $5,000. No. $7.98. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, I thought you said 5,000. No. 798. Wait, wait, wait. So did he turn himself in? On Monday, the alleged misdemeanor turned himself in.

Good. I love that he followed through. They sent it out of the post. This evening at approximately 6.30 p.m., Michael Zadel, Champagne Torino, made good on his promise to turn himself in for outstanding awards. He walked in on his own, and not only did he bring the donuts, he brought one bagel. I don't know why that matters. For the Jewish guy. We would like to express

our gratitude for the support of all who followed this, shared it, and left us positive feedback. Here's a picture of him with either some cop or just like pissed off stepdad walking behind him. He's got a bag of donuts. What an idiot.

He kind of wanted to turn himself in. By the way, if you want to see this picture, go to the Facebook, Dumb People Town Facebook page, join it. Join the community,

become a townie. Yep. Zadel will have a hearing Tuesday morning in the 17th District Court. Gotta love a man of his word, wrote Kirsten Gregory Fiscus on the Facebook page.

I do love a man of his word. Hopefully he'll take a lesson from all this and turn his behavior around so as to avoid further interaction. You gotta give him some positive feedback. You gotta give him positive feedback because if you're a cop

and he agreed to do this and agreed to come in and- But what a great turnaround. You had him making threats and they said, stop, we were gonna block you. So then he's like, fine. I challenge you.

We went from a guy making threats to a dude walking in his own volition with donuts. He's like Alexander fine. I challenge you. We went from a guy making threats to a dude walking in on his own volition with donuts. He's like Alexander Hamilton. He accepted the challenge. He did spit on every single one of those donuts. We know that. He probably did.

You know what he did. Let's not give him too much credit. There's rat poison in every single one of those. Let's not give him too much credit. Don't eat those donuts, guys. Don't eat the donuts. Listen, man. I love it.

There you go. Story two. Down in the books. We have one more story after we come in. Can you tease it, Dan? What do we got in the last one? It's one of the dumbest citations I've ever seen anybody get in Dumb People Town. Thank God we have Judah Friedlander here to help break it down with us.

We'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right, guys. Welcome back to the show. Judah Friedlander on the show. He's a great follow on Twitter.

You are? At Judah World Champ. At Judah World Champ. Follow him on that. Follow Daniel Van Kirk. He's a great follow on Twitter and Instagram as well. Are you on the gram, too? Yeah, Judah World Champ.

Judah World Champ on the gram. Follow him up. Tell you about the special before we get into the last story really quick. I love the way you produced it. Like the saying of like, you know, over a couple of nights. And then you had like those great little segues of like different night. Like there was a, there's an Israel joke. And then you cut to a thing that says same. I'm not saying anything.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But then it says like same situation, different night. And you come back to that. It just felt so organic. You organized it in the way that you're like, this is how I want to present this. Yeah. I filmed this over many different nights. And when it came time for the editing, it was very important to make it not feel like

just a bunch of clips. It didn't. And when I initially made it, I made it as a movie, a stand-up performance film. It was 84 minutes. And then, you know, after I finished it, you know, I shopped around, got the deal with Netflix. And so initially, in one of the opening credits, it says a film by Jeter Friedlander. They said, you have to cut that out. It has to say a Netflix original.

I'm like, okay, but it is a film and i did make it so they're like well you can put directed by at the end but you can't you know so anyways it's kind of weird yeah so um but it's basically you could see that that's what you know but it's basically a stand-up performance film and it's you know it's not meant to it doesn't occur over one night it's not meant to occur over it's more of a of a collage you know but by the way in doing that and you know bamford did that so well in her special i don't know if you saw her special just in terms of different locations in different places in different oh yeah yeah but that's a different vibe totally different but what i loved about it is i

was like oh i haven't really seen that before right right and this is a subtle version of it just is subtly different it's like really nice and subtly different yeah i you know i view stand-up as a very simple art form you know it's really there's a stage if there even is a stage microphone you talk and you get the response people listen right you know and that that's really it. It's very simple. So I was like, I want to film this in a very simple way. I want it to just feel like you're sitting,

and I think a lot of comedy specials are overproduced, and especially in the era that we live in, you know, you look at the, you know, who's in office

and the politicians and just have the news, it's all, you watch the news, it's all this stuff. And I'm like, let's bring it down. Let's do the opposite of that. You know, so. It felt all grandiose. You watch the news. It's all over the place. And I'm like, let's bring it down. Let's do the opposite of that.

It felt like a lo-fi. Yeah, I went for a lo-fi, just like low budget documentary style. I wanted it to look more like a Sex Pistols video from the 70s as opposed to a comedy special. It did. And I'm glad you picked the comedy cellar. That was the perfect location for that. I wanted it to be as real as possible. And I'm like, well, if I'm not touring, I'm in New York.

The Cellar's the place I work at the most. Let's just do it there. I love that. I love that. And I'm encouraging everyone to go check it out. Everyone who listens to this damn thing. Please do it. All right, Dan, we have one more story.

Sent in by Crispin Cott at Stuperfly. I love this guy so much from Brody. He lives in Brooklyn. Great dude. Do you know him? I don't know him. Crispin Cott, just a great comedy fan. He's brought you records. He's brought me great vinyl through the years. Just a sweet, sweet guy. I love him. I'm sorry for saying

this wrong, my friend. Taufik. T-A-O-U-F-I-K. Taufik. Taufik Mawala may have just been letting the rhythm move him. By the way, Mawala is my kid's favorite animated movie. And the guy who did all the music for Hamilton. The guy who did all the music for Hamilton.

You mean Hamilton? But that didn't stop Montreal police from giving the 38-year-old father of two a ticket after pulling him over near his home in Saint Laurent. Oh, Saint Laurent. Moala says he was in his car singing along to his favorite song. Which would be what?

C&C Music Factory's 90s dance classic, Gonna Make You Sweat, parentheses, Everybody Dance Now. Everybody dance now. Remember the controversy around that is that they showed the hot woman right in the video and really it was a different woman who sang the heavy woman oh really woman they have the hot one yeah faith evans i don't know if it was faith evans it was someone who uh i think it was nini leaks yeah he was could be wrong and i found out about that on wiki yeah you did he was singing along to his favorite song cnc music factories everybody dance now aka gonna make you sweat in late september when he suddenly saw police I found out about that on WikiLeaks. Yeah, you did? He was singing along to his favorite song, CNC Music Factories, Everybody Dance Now,

a.k.a. Gonna Make You Sweat, in late September when he suddenly saw police lights behind him. Finally, that is, to me, a really funny cop. Being like, you can't do that! He was pulled over on St. Croix Avenue and four Montreal police officers came up to look into his car. And four Montreal police officers came up to look into his car. This is a song from the 90s.

They asked him what was happening, and Moalat said, nothing. Then the officer asked him. He said, nothing, bitch. But let's be clear with what he said. Okay, fair enough. Did you scream loudly? He replied, no, I was just listening to my favorite song. He then repeated, everybody dance now, Moana. Then I said,

everybody dance now. A few minutes later, Moana says police handed him a ticket for screaming in public. What? Yes. Now, when we were in Montreal, I know you've been to the Montreal Comedy Festival. There was a moment we were like outside eating somewhere, and it was like five. Rush hour traffic.

Rush hour traffic. No honking. Not one person. I think it's really quiet. Well, they do not like you singing TNC either. I don't. Hey. He said he understood.

He's just a squirrel trying to get a nut to move his butt. He said he understood police wanting to check what was happening in the car, but he was really upset by the magnitude of the fine. This is a shitty thing. If they found that everything was okay and there was no danger, they should have told me to continue my money, but not a fine, he said.

Yeah, a fine is ridiculous. I was singing loudly in the car. Is there something that forbids that, or did I really bother anyone? Moalas said he contested the ticket early October, and he's now waiting to hear back on the status of his case. He better win.

I'm going to ask you guys, how much was his ticket? We're talking Canadian money? It's in U.S. dollars. U.S. dollars. U. He better win. I'm going to ask you guys, how much was his ticket? We're talking Canadian money? It's in U.S. dollars. U.S. dollars. U.S. dollars. He's singing TNT Music Factory in his car.

$135. $135 from Judah Friedlander. Is this Canadian dollars? No, it's American dollars. American dollars. $85. $85. I mean, anything over a dollar

to me is way too much for someone like this. I think it's going to be $235. I think they're really going to ding him on this. Okay. I think you made the right call on that. Public yelling? Public yelling. So, Judy has $135.

Jason, you have $85. I say $235. $235. Everybody feel free to play along at home or in your car. Yell it out in your office. The ticket for singing C&C Music Factory is gonna make you sweat everybody dance now

is is $149. Oh! Judah! World champ. Boom, boom. He's not the world champ

for nothing. Oh my God. That is ridiculous because I don't consider I don't consider that guy dumb. I mean, although No, the cop

is giving him this ticket. The song is dumb. The song is dumb. The song is dumb. That's a great song. Had he chosen something from Salt-N-Pepa, something from... I don't know if it was Shoop. I'm going to make you Shoop.

Little Gordon Lightfoot. Guarantee he would not have gotten a ticket. Yeah, yeah. Maybe it wasn't a Canadian band, and so they were... What if he was singing the Canadian We Are The World, Tears Are Not Enough? Remember that song?

Yeah, if it was a Rush song... Rush, Triumph... He would not have gotten a ticket. Glass Tiger, if i'm going anything by brian adams not okay so suddenly he so his his choice of music yeah i just think the cops are dumb you shouldn't wait wait was he a father with the kids in the car with him no they said father of two no so father of two why that detail was put in there to show that he's responsible enough to raise people. I wish listeners could see Judah shaking his head disapprovingly. This is why you hate Canada.

This is why you hate Canada. That's why I hate some cops. That's just cops being dicks. Four cops walk up to his car. Took four to come up. Asked him if he was in trouble. That intimidation bullshit. Did you scream? He goes, no. I was singing my favorite song. They're like, all right. I'm Took four to come up. Four cars. Asked him if he was in trouble. That intimidation bullshit. Did you scream?

He goes, no, I was singing my favorite song. They're like, all right. I'm going to write this up. Who cares if he screamed? Right. Why is that against the law in Montreal? I don't know. Were they stopping him because they were worried for his safety and something happened?

Yeah. It's like, no. Are you all right? Now, if they approached the car and said, hey, man, are you all right? We heard you got in a car that you screamed. Are you okay? Yeah, I was just singing C&C Music Factory. Done.

Great. If I'm a cop and I'm being funny, I'm like, shitty choice of music. Maybe change that. We'll give you a warning. Like, if you're joking around, be like, we'll give you a warning. Next time you start singing C&C Music Factory, we're going to give you a ticket. That's why you're not a cop. Right.

Because I have a sense of humor about that. Let me also say, no one was shot and killed. So before we say, go too far. They're just being d I have a sense of humor about that. Let me also say no one was shot and killed. So before we say go too far. They're just being dicks. Is this one of those things where you guys would be like, I would pay in pennies. Oh yeah. I'd write a check and wipe it through my asshole.

They're going to get $149 worth of pennies in a loose like D'Agostino's bag and and then I just throw it out there. Throw it on the ground. Be like, here's your money, dummies. There you go.

Enjoy it. Pick it up. I mean, yeah. It's all there. Throw it on the floor. There it is. God, I'd be mad at that. I mean, that's-

You've got two kids. You've got enough things to try to- But four cops. That's what- Four cops. That's also one of the annoying facts. Four cops. I thought, what if it was Billy Ocean's Get Out of My Dreams and Get Into My Car?

They took it literally. To me, I always felt like that seemed a little too aggressive. Really telling a woman, get out of here and get into here. If it really is a dream, just dream that. Yeah. That she's in your car. Yeah, dream that she gets into your car. Yeah, man.

Keep it in the dream. That should be the dream. Yes. That's what you're saying. Yeah. I mean, to me, car. Yeah, man. Like, that should be the dream. Yes. That's what you're saying. Yeah. I mean, to me, maybe it's because he didn't realize. That's kind of on you. If she's not in the car, it's your dream.

Maybe it's because he doesn't speak English that well, but like, okay, so he just didn't have to be that aggressive. Like, he could have just said, hey, I wish you weren't in my dreams. I wish you were right now in my car with me. If the cops are like, I'm going to write you a ticket, that's the point I drive away. Like, I may just like resist arrest. get me for this you you this is worth it yeah that's when things sold that's it that's really bad i would say once they're writing that ticket i go so you're giving me a ticket like i'm already in violation of this loud screaming thing yep i'm

like cool and i would start singing that song i I'd turn it up. Work me all night. Ticket with your van. I would. I mean, if that happened to me, it's like you just got to. You got to eat it. Not say anything and just. Write another bit about it. Pray that nothing worse is going to happen.

That's right. That's at that point you pray. You say the world is not being fair with me right now. I hate that stuff. That's me too. That's why I put it out. I was like, this is so dumb. I think why you hate it and I know you, I think, well enough to know is because it's a form of bullying.

That's what it is. Oh, yeah. And you don't know how bad it's going to get. It's like. And there is no record. There's no way. That's like the principle bullying you. There's a few reasons I stopped driving in New York City.

And one of them is I started getting pulled over all the time. Really? For what? That's how you looked? You know, I think their quotas went up because of how I look and because of the quotas. I remember I was doing the Schomburg Improv. It's called the Chicago Improv. Which is right in the suburbs of Chicago. But let's face it, it's

Schomburg. It's 40 miles outside of Chicago. But anyways, so I decided one day, I'm like, I want to get into the city. I want to get into Chicago. So I rented a car. I got a moving violation. Within an hour, I got a moving violation, and then I got profiled at Walmart and followed to my car by Walmart security.

And it's like, because it's like, I don't fit in there. Yeah. It's like, I'm a different kind of white. You know? Like, I really stand out. I got the long, curly hair, dark hair. Jerry Garcia did comedy. You know?

And like, you know, everyone there is like, no one there looks like me. So it's like, I was getting profiled everywhere. I'm like, fuck it. Staying home. Staying in the hotel. Staying in. Return the car. Staying in.

Yeah. Oh, I hate that stuff. It's a shame. All right. Before we get out of here, we got a special guest. You have one new voice message. Hi, Randy and Jason. It's me, Adam Driver, and I'm calling you because I'm not quite sure who else I can turn to.

I'm very upset over the way my character Kylo Ren is being depicted in the most recent trailers for The Last Jedi. He comes across as being very angry and very temperamental, like he is smashing his helmet against the wall. And I just want you to know that the character is much more layered than that. There is much more to Kylo Ren than just getting angry, and when I see that he is being depicted in that way, it just makes me angry. I get very angry. Like, right now, I'm taking a small dog, and I am staring at it very intensely, and I'm taking it to a staring contest and right now I am winning. I've won seven times in a row. Here we go. I'm going to start one more time. Here we

go. Dog. One, two, three, go. I won. It looked away. It looks away after only a few seconds. But that's how angry I am. I normally don't even look dogs in the face because I feel that their faces are too long. But I'm just looking for any sort of help. Anyone who can help me to show that my character has more than just being angry and that he's Han Solo's son. I mean, I love Harrison Ford. He was an absolute pleasure to work with. He and I would often have staring contests on set, and guess who would win those? Harrison Ford, because that man can stare at a wall for much longer than I can. In fact, often, he and I would, instead of having staring contests, he and I would just take turns staring at a wall

and seeing how long we could stare at a wall, and he would always beat me. Oh, now I'm getting even more angry. All right, time to challenge the dog to another staring contest. Here we go. One, two, three. He made it four seconds that time. Okay, please help me in any way. I must change the image of my character.

Kylo Ren. Thank you. All right, that's the show. Thank you to Judah Friedlander for joining us. Please, please watch his special on Netflix. I'm only begging you because I want you to thank me for, yeah, thank us after you watch it for how great it is and what a unique

comedy experience it is and I'm so happy for you so proud of you and psyched for you buddy thanks so much well much love to you guys and you're welcome

in Dumb People Town we won't profile you in Dumb People Town anytime well I do some dumb things well then you're definitely welcome then welcome

you can be so do we you can be the deputy mayor that's good. Guys, come see us live when we do it. We have a bunch of performances coming up. If you're in Houston on October 18th, 17th, 18th. November.

Excuse me, November 17th, 18th. If you're in San Francisco on January 21st at 3 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy Club. We're doing it then as part of Sketch Fest. And then we're doing it at the Bell House in New York City. Oh, great. That's a good venue. In Brooklyn on Sunday, February 25th. And then we're doing it at the Bell House in New York City. Oh, great. That's a good venue. In Brooklyn on Sunday, February 25th.

And we have one show that if it sells out, we're going to add another one. So come check that out. And guys, well, holy shit, we've got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.