Dumb People Town - Justin Martindale - Giant Meat

Episode Date: February 16, 2021

This week Justin Martindale comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a wild night at the best dinner. The second story is about one man's quest to give the fire department something to do. The final story is about the WORST kids tv show.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Martindale. Justin Martindale, welcome to the show. But this is a long time coming. It really is. We have wanted you on this show for so long. After seeing you just destroy it at the goddamn

comedy jam. What did you sing? What did you sing? Tears of people were just crying. I sang George Michael's Freedom 90. Yeah, you did yeah you did call sir you were so sweaty it was that was a sweaty performance yeah it was sweaty it was slutty yeah it was it was it was just a horny time during a pandemic yeah it was more andrew ridgely than uh george mich at points, which was just incredible.

I mean, like you were wafting in and out. I wanted to give that handy in a park bathroom experience. That I just tapped under the stall to give the signal to let you know it's go time. Yes. Like you're all going to watch me give code. There should be, you know how like there was wind talkers that movie where like just it wasn't nicholas cage it was some like native american tribe used code to break military things how great would that be if there was just

handy talk handy talkers like it was just everybody giving the code. We broke the military code for when it's go time. We didn't ask and we didn't tell how we did it. I believe Windtalkers were Navajo and their code never got broken. But still, it's the same. It applies.

But I feel like if you say it that way, we're all just going to get canceled anyways. You can't call it that. You have to come up with something else. We're getting canceled anyway. So let's go out in a blaze of glory. Good, good. You're leading the charge. I'm kidding.

They can't cancel you. Well, I have a question for you because I always love your take on the world, but do you think that we've gotten dumber in this pandemic? Oh, for sure. Is the world dumber now, or are we just seeing more of the dumb? Oh, for sure.

Is the world dumber now, or are we just seeing more of the dumb? I feel like we've hit the pinnacle of stupidity. Yeah. Especially, I think the pinnacle of stupidity was actually the riot at the Capitol. Yes, agreed. And then I think- That was their Coachella. Yes. That was dumb's Coachella.

That was hillbilly Coachella, yeah. That was Dom's Coachella. That was Hillbilly Coachella. That was, that was, that was Cuchella. Yeah. And I think, I think now, um,

we are slowly realizing like, okay, we're, we're fucking stupid. Right. And now we're trying to slowly get out of that but i feel like but don't you as this huh oh i was gonna say like don't you guys feel like for for your adult life every two or three years you would be trying to figure out why you were backed up on some

freeway and so you would turn on like the local traffic and news and you would just every couple of years, you would catch a story about like where American like child education ranks in the rest of the world and you would kind of periphery like, oh, did you hear that? The only thing we lead now is in confidence. We're the dumbest, but we're the most common. This is all of those little tourists. Yes, coming to a head or like those people you heard about in the nineties are twenty five now, like it's all coming to a head. Those people you heard about in the 90s are 25 now. It's all coming to a head. So Dan, I think, and Justin,

I think we as a nation have been holding in our stomach and essentially to appear smarter than we are. Then that happened and we just let it out. This is our purge. Our dumb gut. It's purge, exactly what I was going to say. Instead of violence, it's just idiocracy. I like, Justin, where you were going with it before that

now we're just trying to figure it out. Kind of like the morning after a crazy night of blackout drinking and you're just trying to piece together what happened. Piece it all. Who is this person laying down, face down on the dog's pillow underneath the coffee table? Yeah, when did that person come inside the apartment?

Or, or not again. You know, for some, for some of us. Yeah. You wake up again. You wake up and I don't even remember.

You wake up and just apologize. That's the first. Yes. Need your reactions. I'm sorry. But they won't apologize. And that's, that's where we are.

That's why it's so dumb. So that is the backdrop with which we get awesome stories sent to us and we try and make sense of the world through the stupidity that comes forth and we're so happy that you're with us so let's jump into let's jump into ready you ready this was sent in by roxanne at where are you but the r and u are just the letters of course where are you one, two, three, okay, thank you, roxanne, thank you, anybody could send me a story, just go to twitter at daniel van kirk hashtag dumb people town, no mean the animals, no mean to kids, and if somebody dies, it better be so funny because usually it is not yeah, here we go, it better be weak. Those are

our rules, right? No mental health illness either. Okay, here we go. The action began that this is somebody who writes for a newspaper. This comes from the AJC dot com, the Atlantic Journal Sentinel, the beginning of the article, the action began this is this doesn't. This also sound like the back of like a blurb on a like VHS tape in the

eighties that you might you want to rent this movie is like the action began. So just in like the beginning of a movie trailer's like, the action began. Or like the beginning of a movie trailer. Yes. The action began. So there is a building on the way to LAX airport if you're going on the 105 and it says just, and I know it's like an aviation thing, but it's called

Raytheon. Yes. And to me, nothing says like 1980s Beverly Hills cop evil company more than Raytheon Industries. Like, we got to get to the bottom of this, go out to the shooting range, and then go to Raytheon Industries. That's a good

poll. Thanks. Yeah, I'm serious. You even said that name, and immediately I thought of like an 80s font with like neon color behind it. Yes. Blue with like a glow. Yeah. Raytheon. The real villain of Wonder Woman 84. Yes, blue with like a glow. Yeah, right. The the real villain of Wonder Woman

84. Yeah, thank you. So the action began just at the real villain was the story editor folks. The action began just after we're going to zhuzh it up just after two a.m. Sunday when Sergeant Pablo Rodriguez said

he was outside Sandy's Cafe. I don't know Rodriguez said he was outside Sandy's Cafe. I don't know the Yelp reviews for Sandy's Cafe. It's when we do our stereo shows. We've started going down this road of going down like the Yelp of this type of. I'm imagining like a boozy woman Sandy who like sits at your table

like Cynthia. Do you what are we having Sandy's Cafe still has ashtrays. Yes. With cigarette butts in them. In them from 15 years ago. No, but so Sandy comes around to the table, hits on all the guys, sits down with you.

What are we having? Right. The hours say open 6 a.m., close, question mark. Like they decide when they're done for the day. Hey, we can't stop her. Mm-hmm. Sergeant Pablo Rodriguez said he was outside Sandy's Cafe mark like they decide when they're done. That's right. Hey, we can't. We can't stop her. Sergeant Pablo Rodriguez said he was outside Sandy's Cafe, which is at 1026 White Street when he spotted a Mazda SUV headed south almost strike another car on the road.

Yep. Rodriguez yelled at the Mazda's driver to pull over. Now, I hope that means he literally stuck his head out of his own cruiser and was like, get over! Dan, he was at Sandy's, like having a margarita, even though it's not a Mexican restaurant. And they don't have a liquor license. Right. He put the straw down and

he was drinking a margarita in a cappuccino cup. That's what they do at Sandy's. They put a little margarita. Do you want a tiny margarita in a cappuccino? It's just a shot. That's all they do it. Justin, that's what they do at Sandy's. They put a little margarita. Do you want a tiny margarita in a cabbage? Right? It's just a shot. That's all I go to Sandy's.

You say I'm here for a sip of whatever you follow that with. They know you want alcohol in it. What do you want? I'll have a sip of seven up. You're getting Jim Beam. We're getting putting it in there. Okay, Siri, remind me to go to Sandy bookmarking. So Rodriguez, Pablo Sergeant yelled at the Mazda's driver

to pull over, but heard her say, first of all, how close are they and how slow are they driving? And is it a rule in this town that everybody has to have their windows down because he yells at the Mazda driver to pull over, but heard her say, oh fuck,

because he yells at the monster driver to pull over, but heard her say, oh fuck, as she drove onto Eliza Street toward hoes. I'm sorry, let me take in Horace O'Brant's schools parking lot at eleven oh five Leon Street Horace O'Briant schools parking. I got it right. This is another thing I love in this article. Remember the person who wrote this starting out with the action started or action began yep next one h. O. B's parking lot. They're giving acronyms to businesses. If you live in this town, you know what they're talking about school, right? Yeah, when

i read i was like h. O. B. House of Blues Park, House of Buildings, H. O. B's parking lot has only one way in and one way out and is next door to the Key West Police Department. So Sandy's must be close to the. This is a cop bar. Horace O'Brien School, which is next to the Police Department, and then this person in a Mazda. By the way, can you have a cafe slash bar that is that close to a school? Yeah, you can't. heard so i've been told you guys. It was me all right. I feel like this is the opportunity to do the bit where, like sandy's cafe is definitely a club that stefan is talking about on saturday at live. Yes, and his cafe we've got yeah. You use garbage bags as plates. Okay, so trapped now. This is dramatic to trap the Mazda's trap trapped. Oh, we have a name. Why didn't I say of this in here before? I don't know.

Okay, ready? Here we go. Yeah, trapped. Tell me how you I'm having a try and say I'm going to spell it and you guys all give me your interpretation. Okay. Okay. Z Y Z E. Z. Z. I was saying Zazie. Zazie. Zazie. Zazie.

Zazie. What town are we in? This is the AJC, Atlantic Journal. A constitution. Yeah, the AJC is Atlanta Journal Constitution. So it is definitely in Georgia. We're in

Florida. It's no Atlantic Journal Atlantic Journal Sentinel. So maybe it's like South Carolina, North Carolina. It says Atlanta News Now is what it says on the website. Atlanta News Now, so it could be George, but it says that she's a Florida woman. Uh-huh. Well, she's up in Atlanta,

man. Yeah. Oh, this came out of the I guess this originally came out of the Miami Herald. Okay, fine. Okay, here we go. Z Y Z E. I want to call her Zyzy. Zyzy. Zyzy.

Zyzy is like, I know that might be her name. It is just inherently pejorative. Nobody talks up to Zyzy. You only talk down. Zyzy, no. Zyzy, Zyzy. Zy only talk down. Zyzee, no. Zyzee, Zyzee. Zyzee is the reason your table can't be seated. Because she's not here yet.

Well, we're all here except for Zyzee. God damn it. Can we just order for her? Zyzee is the service animal that shouldn't exist. Guys, she forgot her vest. How many nights out has Zyzee lost her shoes well where's zyzee's left shoe right you gotta go back zyzee left the phone in the uber great great who cares if she left her phone in the uber zyzee think that thinks that guy seemed nice okay trazzy would walk over and

pet a horse like don't zyzee zyzee it could bite you yes trap i feel like i feel't Zyzee. Zyzee, it could bite you. Yes. Trapped. I feel like Zyzee also likes to let everyone know Zyzee is short for something else. Yeah. She's like, it's Zyzee Stacia or something like, but my friends call me Zyzee. I know, it's crazy, right? I mean, that is the- I'd be like, both are crazy. Right. Both are nuts.

Both of what you just said are crazy. Meanwhile, the person she's talking to is like, I just want your drink order. Right. What do you want at this bar? You didn't make it better, and you're also taking up time. I can't figure out which one I want to call you less. Trapped.

Zyzee McClausland, which sounds like Santa Claus in an alias. That's like wit sex Santa Claus. McClausland. McClausland. McCausland. Zyzee McClausland. Okay. I tried. That's like wit sex, Santa Claus, Mick Clausland, Mick Claus, Mick Cosland, Zyzie McCausland. Okay, I tried first tried to wake her passenger in the front seat, but

the person was passed out drunk and couldn't be woken up. So there they've had a night. Yeah, Jesus. She then tried to flee on foot, but Sergeant Pablo Rodriguez caught her to which she told the police several times you'll be sorry oh that's exactly what the cops want to hear that's what they want to hear exactly what they

want you'll be sorry i love the power that she feels like she has you'll be sorry for stopping me from drunk driving um this was according to the rest report accusing her of drunk driving once detained zizi told police. I love this. This is when you're at a drunk level where everything you're doing is fine. Just ask your friend. Yep. She told police to call security at Rick's bar because they would tell the

police not to arrest her. Oh, she's a regular. Yeah, right. Call that regular status. What do you want? What do you want to do? Call Nathan at Rick's bar. He's got that regular status. What do you want? What do you want us to do? Call Nathan at Rick's bar. He's a door guy.

He'll tell you I'm fine to drive. Does he have a specific extension at Rick's bar? I don't know, Rick. So who am I? Later on. I can only be arrested when the sun's down. That's like, That's a rule. Okay, so Zyzee is one of those

people. I can only be arrested if it's a yellow moon. Let me tell you you can't see me. Yellow moon? You don't even know Neil Young. What are you talking about, Zyzee? You can't see me. And then we cut to her like an 80s sitcom. That's Zyzee. That's Zyzee. You can't see me. And then we cut to her like an 80s sitcom. That's

Zyzee. That's Zyzee. Yeah, freeze frame. A Z just cuts right through. Yeah, spray painted. So they said, call Rick's bar, she said, because they would tell you not to arrest me. I love this. I guarantee you if they called Rick's bar, if they

followed her direction, call Rick's bar. Let me talk to the guy who works that front. Do you know? He wouldn't even ask who's calling. This is about Zyzee? Arrest her ass. Arrest her now. Lock her up. It's Zyzee's own landline

phone. When it rings, it's like, oh, the Zyzee phone's ringing. They only gave one number. It goes directly. No. She gives the phone number and then her they dial it and her cell phone rings like what I you guys wait you're going to find out more about it's all on brand for everything. We know it's all real except for her extensions. I see was then taken to jail, where after police told her not to put

anything in her mouth after she said she would take a breath breath alcohol test, she stuffed a large portion of her own shirt into her mouth and began chewing it. I had a nickel. Yeah, Zizi, do not eat your shirt. Again, this is talking down to someone. I see stop eating your shirt come on zize is a i i have a new puppy and this is the way you talk to it zize don't someone go get her she's walking around the corner watch her what's she doing what you do she looks like she's squatting get her go get her get her outside this is our old bit exactly we said this is where it starts turning into that like Is this just alcohol

portion of the story Right There's something more sprinkled in Don't put anything in your mouth because it'll mess up the test To which she heard, if you want to mess up this test Put something in your mouth Put that shirt in your mouth We've said this, puppies are like your drunkest friend

Yep Get them outside Run them around Have her take a walk have her take a walk walk her around yeah just walk her around up she's gonna put the kennel she's gonna poop she's gonna poop you gotta get her outside get her outside no matter how remorseful they are you cannot let them right back she's starting to bite on stuff get her outside get her away from the couch she's wiping her ass on the carpet. Nope. Get her out.

Get her out. Scooting across the carpet on her ass. Checkmate Zyzee, because the next sentence here says, police then canceled the test. Zyzee. One point to Zyzee. She told him. What did she say? She's like, you haven't seen the last

of me. You'll be sorry. You'll be sorry. You'll be sorry. And they are. Dan, she's right. The longer she's in her custody, the more sorry they are. Zyzie, who said she works at an adult

entertainment club on Duval Street. Of course she does. Had to be. We got Zyzie on the main stage. That's right, guys. We got Zazie coming up. Two for one, Yeager Bob's the next 29th.

We've got the Bryant party coming in later on. Those guys are going to be partying all night long. And don't forget, Cheyenne's going to be coming up after. Cheyenne on the main stage,

Zazie on the bar. We should just go to Josh Adam Myers anytime we want to do this bit. I mean, really, you can. Right? Right. He used to be.

He was a strip club DJ. I know. Yes, of course he was. He was a DJ was a strip club. I know yes, of course he was yeah yeah, by the way, Dan do that again with the Josh and my now doing his mom. Come on man, Zizi works at the as a dancer had to be well. She said she works there doesn't say she's a dancer. She might be doing cocktail bartending doubt it had to be

handcuffed and put into a police cruiser against her will sure now not a good feeling. Here's the last thing we have. Police say that Zizi is one age, but jail records say that she is another. Oh my God, would you guys like to try and guess both or have me tell you one and you pick the other? Let's guess both. Okay. I think guessing both will be so much fun.

This is such a fun game, Justin. Okay. Okay. Now, if you want, we could also share a photo. We'll do that after. All right. Let's do it afterwards.

Okay. Okay. According to the jail records, how old do you think they say Zyzee is? Jail records versus the real record, right? Well, versus the cops. The cops. Okay, so what is the jail record?

What do they say she is? Everything you've learned about Zyzee. She eats her shirt. She thinks she can run away. She yells, oh, fuck, when it gets yelled at by the cops. She drives over by a police station. She spends a lot of time at Rick's. Call the bar.

They'll let you know. You'll be sorry. She's got a lot of things established Rick's. Call the bar. They'll let you know. You'll be sorry. She's got a lot of things established. How old is she? How old is she? According to jail records. Then we'll guess police records. I'm going to say she's actually a lot younger than

we think she is. Mm-hmm. Zizi just sounds very modern too it's not like a pearl or like a I'm gonna say I'll go I'll say

33 33 from Justin Martin I want her to be 67 I know that's not right and I know that's not right but And I know that's not right. So, but I'm going to say 28, 28 years old.

Yeah. Justin, you make a lot of sense with just the name itself does not feel like a name that, although it could be Zazie. Yeah, that's Z S A Z S. I think she's come on.

I think she's Dan. I'm not saying it's spelled right. I'm just saying that's how she could be. She said 44. So Jay, you say 27. You say 33 and I say 44. We'll do the police next, but according to jail records,

Zazie is or Zazie is 26. Oh, now, how old do the cops want you to believe that she is? How old do the cops think she is? We've never had...

She's in her 40s if the cops are thinking otherwise. How old do you think she is? I'm going to say 42. Okay, 42. Jason? 36. 36 from Jason Sklar? 31.

I think they're four years off. Okay. One of you is one year off. Okay. Would anyone like to alter their guess? One up or one? I'll go up to 32. Justin, do you want to come down or what do you want to do? I'm good where I'm at.

Okay, fine. 35. Okay, go down one year. Okay. Zizi will get out of story. One on this is is according to the police. Well, jail twenty six police thirty two

just in this year, there's just any letterman. She does have an any look to her a little bit of a scar. Joe too as well, maybe a little bit of high goal thrown in as well. Maybe a little bit of Heigl thrown in there. Yeah, she's got she's like 24 dresses. I can just see her just the entitlement, her just

drunk entitlement. Drunk entitlement. You'll be sorry. You'll be sorry. That's just the last of me. Okay, let's get inside of me. Okay, Zyzee. Okay, Zyzee. You can't see me now. I'm invisible.

Okay, Zyzee, you're barefoot. It's cold out. Let's go. Oh, I know. You're not invisible. All right, so let's take a break. That's First Story Down. Justin Martindale is with us.

I'm so happy he's here. We've got much more funny stuff right after this break. Stick around. Make a sound there's more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show uh we want to remind you if you do not have your tickets yet for jack black and open mic eagle live dumb people town on february 27th nowhere comedy club you can get them through dan's. You can get them through eventbrite.com or Nowhere site. Get your tickets.

This show, we've done it five or six times already live. It is the most fun thing in the world. There's only, I think there are only a couple post-show hang tickets left. The pre-show hang, we're going to be doing a live. I love doing that live. A live Patreon. It's super fun. Because we also take time to say hi to people.

We let people chime in. It's great. It's a lot of fun fun and the show itself is going to be insane i mean jack black it's just the best he doesn't do this stuff he doesn't do this kind of thing so this is an epic show so come on board with that randy and i are doing our first live stand-up show oh yeah full headlining so it's been a while in about a year you guys got some new bits you're going to be new bits that's on march 20th eventbrite.com with some other special things in there like a Q and a within the show and other good guests. So please, that's a big one for me and ran. We don't often tap into this audience and go for that. So we'd like to do that as well. Dan has some cool stuff coming up to bingo as

well as pub trivia night. If you just want to have a good time, maybe donate to some charities as well as win stuff for yourself with good people and good vibes and good music. It's just great daniel van kirk dot com and justin he you know he's doing, which is really kind of cool. Dan did not see a lot of great movies when he was a kid, so he is doing like watch parties with people of where I've seen so many movies, but so many great movies. I've never like I've never seen Casablanca, so I'm watching that watch. Yeah, that's have a discussion. Yeah,

it's a movie club. Just like you do a book club, you do it on your own and then come together and talk about it. It's great because you now have the wisdom of comedy to look back on stuff

and ask, why is this the way that it is? Yeah. So, Justin, by the way, phenomenal follow on Instagram and on Twitter.

It's at Justin Martindale, right? Thank you so much. Hey, we're followers. We're believers. And your own podcast. So good, too.

Let them know so they can get on board, these people. Yeah, my own podcast, Glitter and Garbage, on iTunes and Spotify. Yep, pick that up. I haven't listened to it. Give me a breakdown. What are you doing over there with it? What?

The Glitter and Garbage. What's the show like? I was like at my apartment. What are you doing over there? What's the glitter and garbage what's the show like i was like in my apartment what are you doing what's going on over there you'll be sorry i'm like nothing nothing's happening it's just pretty much it's it's it's me and my co-host justine marino and uh funny comedian and so it's justin and justine and we pretty much just break down um things on uh in pop culture that you know everyone's talking about but we kind of do our own twist on it we talk about things that we're watching on netflix we actually interview some old like not old we interview like

90s uh people who influenced us we had jenny mccarthy on nice we've got in the coming in the coming weeks we have trixie Mattel from Drag Race. One of my friends. Great. We've had Kel Mitchell. We've had all these other people that just really inspired us and stuff. Awesome. All things 90s and pop culture.

I love it. Love it. Get on that. It's super fun. I'm surprised you pulled Jenny McCarthy away from the vaccination line. I would assume that she- Well, I mean, yeah. She had time. Okay, good. All right. She wasn't in the first wave. I get it. I get it. I understand. surprised you pulled jenny mccarthy away from the vaccination line i would assume yeah she she she

had time okay good all right so she wasn't in the first wave i get it i get it i understand i completely understand it yeah she wasn't in the first tier she'll be in the next she'll be the front of the line for the next one okay she survived in the mtv beach house so she's immune yeah she's i mean the shit that float around in that hot tub. Let's be honest. Like you got an iron. You got an iron cooch there at that point. Institution that you just sent me back into a nineties that remember how big MTV spring break was.

Do you MTV spring break was like a television event. If you were a Midwestern kid and it was and it was like and you were anywhere from twelve. We were on MTV in the freaking nineties. We were anywhere from 12 we were on mtv in the freaking 90s we were on in the 90s and we went to the beach house to promote our show down here in verdes and it was redondo beach i thought it was palestine man ed lover just like getting like 19 year old kids hammered down in daytona beach we uh i actually talked to jenny about that and so like i was like what was the mtv beach house

like but that's so funny because your story was way different because as a kid i remember wanting to be on the grind oh man i wanted to be the hot guy on a box yeah man you are you are that hot guy you became that wait i did yes dreams come true Thank you. There were hot guys and hot girls on those box. Oh my God, right. The grind was insane. They're just like, all right, this is what you want is you want hot people dance. I shit you guys not back in our wonderful world that someday we're going to get back to. I was I was with friends at revolver in West Hollywood and and and it literally is just there's like three stations of just the most gorgeous men dancing

on boxes and I'm like I feel like I'm inside the grind. I said that to my cousin. I was like I'm we're inside the grind right now. Yeah, the grind was like I miss it. Yeah, I mean the grind and then it became grinder. Yes, it evolved

not it evolved. Okay, she won't do story two let's do a second story okay here we go sent in by carlene mcdermott she at she carlene someday we will make merch that says dp this is a gal who sends in a lot of stories and she's wonderful i love her twitter handle and her twitter handle is she be carlene which sounds like a show you... SheBeCarleen? SheBeCarleen with an N. Which reminds... Yes. It could be a show that you'd pair up with That's So Raven. Okay. Right? That's So Raven followed by SheBeCarleen.

Okay. I'm going to read you the headline. It's Tiffany Haddish's arch nemesis. SheBeCarleen! Wait, SheBeReady or SheBeCarleen? SheBeCarleen. she be ready or she be carly shit uh i'm gonna read you the headline by the way she be ready was what was the name of helen ready's first album that's right yeah she just couldn't pull that she just couldn't pull it off i am woman um i'm gonna read you the headline it is probably the most fun part of this story but we all need to be on the same page to do it. Let's get I will tell you it comes from. How do you say it ran

Okaloosa County, Florida Okaloosa. Oh yeah, you Florida boy. How do you know? Do you know? I feel like I've heard this enough. Yeah Okaloosa. I was born in Florida. Yes we might have to dig into that when we do our Patreon minute. We

will. Oh my my God, Justin. Florida man. That's the Patreon. Sit tight. Sit tight. Anything can happen there. Patreon is sit tight. Florida man interrupts Patreon.

Okaloosa County, Florida. Here's the headline. Ready? Florida man accused of setting his own truck on fire to give deputies something to do. Oh. Well, that's, you know. This is like the guy at a comedy show who's like participates when you're like, shut up.

I was helping you. Yeah, I love you guys. You were not helping us. You were not. Yeah. You're not helping. Here's who didn't come and pay to see you talk. Everybody else who's right here.

Yeah. He's the county heckler. You know what I mean? Like, oh, the cops needed something to do. So I figured I light my truck on fire. No one asked you to do this. Do you know? Come on.

We're having fun. We're talking. We're not male. Like it? Come on. It's her birthday. It's like, I don't give a shit if it's her birthday.

It's her birthday is like a drunk girl's. It's her birthday. That's her get out of jail free card. We do, we do a bit about drunk people in Austin, like going up to homeless people on the ground. They're like, will you take our picture?

It's her birthday! It's my fucking birthday. Meanwhile, the person on the ground's like, it's my birthday too. Oh, darkness, my own. Did you guys know that we've probably done, if you had to guess,

at least a hundred live shows together? At least, right? I've never seen you have to guess, at least 100 live shows together. At least, right? Oh, my God. I don't think... I've never seen you have to really deal with a heckler, nor have you ever had to tell me a heckler story. Not that you have to do it here, but I don't think... I'll tell you a great... My favorite heckler story came at the...

It was in Florida. It was in Florida. West Palm Beach Improv. That's where I was born! At the Improv? At the Improv? I was born at the West Palm Beach Improv. You were left the improv the improv what's it called it's like city walk or something like that or whatever so it's you know and we had our buddy josh sneed who is such a funny comic we had him feature for us and we couldn't follow him

like we just he's really good he's so good and he like was so in the pocket and what's so great about him as we watch him is we're like, wait, he's doing really specific stuff, but it's totally speaking to this crowd. And we get on stage and we're like, oh, Jesus, our stuff is so complicated and so alt and so weird. I love the layers. So we were having fun, but not doing great.

And it felt like work up there. And I didn't think we were dying, but we were just doing okay. Definitely wasn't great. It wasn't great. This woman in the back's like, y'all suck. And we're like, first of all, she was white. Let me just say that. Y'all suck. And we're like,

excuse me. And she's like, I said y'all suck. And we're like, no, no, we heard you. We're not asking you to say it again. Easy, Zyzy. Easy, Zyzy. So we said, excuse me as if to say, excuse me,, Zyzy. Easy, Zyzy. So we said, excuse me, as if to say, excuse me, shut the fuck up. Right, of course, yeah. And so she goes, y'all suck.

Say something funny. We're like, oh, you want to say something funny? OK, you're like a dog who doesn't know that they just shit on the rug. And now we have to tell you that what you did was wrong. You're a bad dog. Bad dog. And we just went, bad dog. You bad dog.

You sit down. You go over there right there. You sit down. So the crowd's loving it. The crowd is loving it. And then we say to the security guard, all right, guys, we've had our fun. Take this drunk bitch out of here. Get her out.

Get her the fuck out of here. And we're like, you've ruined so much for so many people. You need to leave the room. You suck on so many levels. so they're getting her out of there and people are clapping and then we're like wait wait wait wait she's by the back door we're like we have t-shirts and cds in the lobby if you want to just get

that was our best that was our greatest I mean I can't even imagine a heckler coming stepping to you Justin I mean also I mean I've had my fair shares I've had some great moments yes great great hecklers um do you want to hear can I yeah yeah please I mean, I've had my first years. I've had some great moments. Yes. Great, great hecklers. Do you want to hear?

Can I? Yes. Yeah, please. The one that like really stands out to me is what's his name? Okay. The band, the country group, Big and Rich. Yes. John Rich. John Rich.

The little one, right? Yes. So this is weird. I'm going to set this up real quick. So he was on Celebrity Apprentice and won. And so for some weird reason, my apartment at the time that was on television was him winning. And I was like, oh, I got to go. I got to set up the comedy store.

I got to bounce out of here. So I go to the comedy store and he's in the audience with his cowboy hat and I'm like holy crap I don't know why he's there I guess Trump didn't pay for an after party that's true and he won but Justin

he promised an after party and that's all that matters it's gonna be the greatest gift a party ever I'm freaking out cause I'm like oh oh, man, this guy's going to. And he's drunk. You can tell he's drunk. He just won the Apprentice, right? So I get up on stage and I'm doing my thing.

And he starts heckling me. Oh, my God. Like in a drunk, playful heckle or whatever. And I stopped and I give him that. I was like, hey, I just saw you won Celebrity Apprentice. Congratulations, whatever. And he's like, yeah. And he goes, you know what? Get this guy a shot. And I'm like, oh, I just saw you on Celebrity Apprentice. Congratulations, whatever. And he's like, yeah. And he goes, you know what?

Get this guy a shot. And I'm like, oh, I'm actually OK. I'm good. I'm good. He's like, come on, give him a shot. So I'm continuing my thing. The waitress comes over with a shot of bourbon. And he gives me a cheers.

And he's like, this guy's motherfucking funny. Right? Ain't he funny? And everyone starts clapping. And I'm like, thank you so much. And he goes, now take off your shirt. my and you're like what is my grind fantasy and i stopped and i go take off my shirt and he's like yeah come on don't y'all want to see him take it i'm pretty sure you want to see me

take his picture now after that let's exchange numbers don't you guys want me and him to exchange numbers I was like aren't you supposed to call me a fag and drag me from the back is this a deleted scene from the accused jeez what's happening here I was like hold on let me pick my safe word

real quick LaCroix okay I got it LaC word real quick. LaCroix. Okay, I got it. LaCroix. LaCroix, thank God. LaCroix. Pamplemousse. So weird. So after I gave him head in our... I watched him transform from rich to big. So this is the belly room, huh?

It was so bizarre. I was like, man, those are those. And then there was a homeless woman who came in screaming that I wasn't Richard Pryor. Oh, my God. I mean, she was right. The great thing is you could have looked her in the eye and said, I am and she would have believed you.

Yeah, there's where you're wrong. Okay, here we go. Ready? Yes, I love that truck heckler truck heckler. Okaloosa County, Florida. A Florida man sent his own truck up in flames because he wanted to give deputies quote something to do use that privilege. According to Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office, deputies say they received reports of a loud explosion on Mayor Creek Road. I love

when they just start putting words together to name. Yes, in Florida Creek Road, Mayor Creek Road and Crest view on December eighteenth and found a two thousand and two Chevrolet Silverado, fully engulfed in flames like a rock. Yeah, it's the like a rock. It is like a thousand and two share that that's eighteen years old. That car is yes, a car can vote. A truck can vote. Yes, his grandpa is going to be her papa is going to be pissed too, because 18 years old. That car is old. That car can vote. That truck can vote. Yes. His grandpa's going to be, or Pawpaw's going to be pissed too

because you know that was his truck. Yep. When authorities arrived on scene, Kevin Murphy, which is definitely a cop in a 90s movie that Justin has talked about on his podcast. By the way, we have two friends named Kevin Murphy.

Really? A guy we went to college with who was one of the fun, boy, is he 6'6"? He kind of reminded me of a little Steve Age. He has a little Steve Age energy. A little bit of Steve Age in him. He's super tall, bright red hair. He's six six. He kind of remind me a little Steve Age. He has a little Steve, a little bit of Steve Age in him. He's super tall, bright

red hair. He lives in San Francisco. Now he's really a funny dude and a very thoughtful and creative and smart guy and then Kevin Murphy from Mr. Science Theater, the original Tom Servo. Kevin Murphy is a detective on thin ice. Okay, here we go. I don't know. He's not Kevin

Murphy immediately admitted to starting the fire. I picture the cops pulling up and on the body cam footed you just see it was me. You got the murf, the murf struck again, sorry about that star of the fire. Don't that bit he was placed in handcuffs, and when deputies searched him, they said they found a glass pipe used to smoke meth in his pocket. Police also found a folded up dollar bill. Guys, I'm going to show my drug ignorance to that folded up dollar bill that the switch you

is that what people carry to like carry drugs carry the why is that of any significance? He was about to do magic. No, it's to snort coke, right? That's rolled up, rolled up, but folded up like a little you think he's into origami? You think Kevin Murphy's

out there making little like doves and stuff? Guys, guys. Maybe he forgot his his billfold. Yeah. No, it says here he folded up dollar bill

with traces of meth in his wallet. So he's got origami in his wallet. When I do meth, I do magic. I do origami. It sounds like he didn't

have a Ziploc bag for it. Right. He just kind of kept it there. Folded in a dollar bill. It would be great, though, Jay. You just made me think of this. If him setting his truck on fire, folding up dollar bills in Florida, this is like his version of In and Of Itself.

That is. Have you seen In and Of Itself, Justin? Have I seen what is it? The show In and Of Itself. It? Have I seen what is it? The show In and of Itself. It's on Hulu. Yes, you should. I'm not telling you anything else about it. Everyone listening to this podcast, go watch it right now.

It's pretty damn great. Fascinating, interesting. Don't read about it. Don't research it. I haven't heard anything. It's on Hulu, you said? Yes. In ampersand of itself.

It's live theater and it's phenomenal. Live theater, New York. Very cool. Okay, might be the best produced live for live theater performance. I've seen. Yeah, one of those like Hamilton is amazing on Disney, but like they capture it all and that's all we've done. We've

already told him too much. Okay, now now go burn the truck of evidence. You just got outgayed by three of us. No one was injured by the fire. However, an adjacent vehicle and building suffered minor damage. It's cut to somebody's Nissan Sentra that is fucked up. By the way, Dan, that was a great moment.

Three straight men pressuring a gay man to check out some theater. Yeah, it was like, whoa, that's easy. Guys, you got to see it. The tables have turned. Okay, this is what it feels like. See taste of your own medicine, hair of the dog, the bitch. When questioned, Murphy said that's Kevin quote. He wanted something for the sheriff's office to do, you know, because we're in the middle of a goddamn pandemic and

good cops are just out there trying to defend all the many bad apples that are representing them. Yeah, I mean many that they don't need anything else to do. Let's let's get something for the sheriff's office to do, and he wanted to give himself an early Christmas present. So he set his truck on fire. I sure what does this guy think Christmas is he

thinks if he gets the insurance money for a truck going up? That is a great reasoning. Maybe that's it. You've spent a lot of time in Florida going up. That is a great reasoning. Maybe that's it. You've spent a lot of time in Florida, ran guys. I burned a lot of trucks. I spent a lot of time in Florida.

I burned a lot of two thousand. He's like everything. I learned about insurance and business. I get from the movie. Good fellas. That's it. Burn it. Burn it to the ground.

Okay, we'll get out of here in this fun little short story, which is great because we had all of our other fun stuff. We did. How old do you think Kevin Murphy is? Okay, we know this. He's bored. He likes Christmas. He wants a new truck. His truck is from twenty oh two, which by the

way may not mean that he's been driving for eighteen years. He thinks he's reached some point in his life that he can just give the cop something to do. Yes. How old do you think Kevin Murphy is? You can also go last if you want.

I think he's doing, I think he's young because this is an old car. And I think he's doing meth, which is why he's driving the old car. So I'm going to say I'm going to go young on floor.

Like I'm just giving something to do. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to light my car on fire. I'm helping y'all out. Yeah. Giving you stuff.

I love Christmas. I mean, I'm a Christian. I love, I love Christmas. Justin, the southern dialect that sounds like the person

is also trying to make a bowel movement is my, I'm just trying to make a bowel movement is, I'm just trying to help you. You don't understand me. I think I pooped a little. I'm going to say 26. 26 years old.

Jay, what do you think? 48. 48 from Jason Sklar. So I love, again, I love Justin's reasoning because I think he is definitely trying to upgrade to a newer car. since reasoning because i think he is definitely trying to upgrade to a newer car yeah and and it matters to him because like an older person would be like that's my 2002 chevy silverado so they're excited about being like look at how the great condition that this guy know he's like i gotta get something i gotta get a 2014 for f-150 toyota tacoma to get to get to Nick up. So I was buying me a car. Come on,

come on, man. I just crack. Ain't going to smoke itself. Uh, I would say he's 22, 22 years old, 22,

26 and 48. One of you got pretty close, Kevin Murphy, and we will see his photo and what he did to his truck. By the way, I tell you that he is, I was going to say to all of our fans, if you're not,

if you're not a fan of the dumb people down Facebook page, we post all these pictures on there. So definitely go live on there. Sometimes we go live on headlines and yeah, yeah, so you definitely want to join that up. That's dumb people to have Facebook page. So what is it? Let's see the picture. Kev Murphy is twenty

eight years old and he got that truck a blaze like a rock, a crystal net. Like a rock, I'm gonna smoke. Doesn't that picture of him look like the most modern version of an old-time photo? Yeah, this is like

the worst character that... Like he ran with Billy the Kid. He doesn't open his mouth when he talks. Sam, look at that car, though. Yeah, that's his truck. That's the worst character that James Franco has never played. Yes. Yeah.

Like this is like, he looks like one of those kids. Exactly. Like one of those, those kids from an old spirit, like those haunted children were like, I was in the twin towers. You were born.

They said you were four. He has this, he has the spirit of some other tragedy inside of him. I agree with that. He did fight in the Civil War. Yes. On the wrong side. Yes.

On the wrong side. All right. There we go. All right, Dan, give us a little tease of what we're going to get in this final quick third segment. Oh, the worst children's television ever. All right. Worst kids TV ever.

And if you're a Patreon member, we're going to have a separate discussion. About Florida stories with Justin Martindale. So this is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Daniel, take us home on this. Sent in by John Chataway. It's our final story at Away Chataway. Away Chataway. C-H-A-T-T. Your ways. Chataway, Chataway, Chataway. Are's our final story at away, chat away, away, chat, ch, a, t, t, your ways, chat away, chat away, chat away, you do it. So thank you, John

Chataway at John or at away, chat away. Here we go. Story is this, as I told you, horrible children's television. Here's the head headline. Denmark launches children's TV show about man with giant penis. That's a kids show. Yes, if you are as much of a die hard filling of the scholars as I am, they might have talked about this on on daily dumb people town. I did we did. We did talk about a daily pocket, but comedy and it will all be fun and different. We have justin martin dale here to break this down with us john dillerman ready for this john dillerman. That's the character has an

extraordinary penis. Yeah, so extraordinary. In fact, it can perform rescue operations, etch murals, hoist a flag and even steal ice cream from children. I'm going to show you this photo. If a penis look at the ice cream from a child, look at this photo of this character. Justin, first of all, it's a whip. It is everything you think I just said come to life. Plus, he's pouring lighter fluid on the grill that already has meat on it. Yep. That's almost as offensive as his meat.

It clearly doesn't follow Joe Rogan on Instagram. No, just meat, giant meat, giant meat. Wait, so his penis is it's the center of this children's show yes yes yes why is it like a like his his dick is like a 1980s jump rope it is like that's not flattering i'm like i i feel like if a girl saw that if like i feel like he would brag but i feel like a girl would be like no what would i even do with double dutch dan double dutch this is like triple dutch the danish equivalent of the

bbc dr that's the network has an animated series aimed at four to eight year old about john dillerman the man with the world's longest penis who overcomes hardships and challenges with his record overcomes hardships he actually creates hardships and then he

comes. The truth of matter is this would then he overcomes with that. This is a horrible life. Do you remember Besser's character from the UCB show with a really little Donnie with a gigantic penis? Yeah, I mean it is it. This to me is a curse and fine, but like

why does it have to be his penis in a kid's show yeah I can't so so this is what we were discussing to me why can't you make it like you know an elephant with a really long trunk if you want to make the dick jokes you can why can't you just make it a man with an oversized

foot like if you want people to be like we all have our own part personal challenges okay so make a show about a guy with a huge dick, but make it for adults and have it be hilarious. It'll still be problematic in some ways. But Pinocchio was, and we talked about this, Rand and I, that Pinocchio, when he lied, his nose would grow. So if you kind of go by the world of fetish play, I guess, the lying was exciting to him. And he said to Geppetto,

I just want to be a real boy so that this thing can stop happening because he was led to believe that that was a shameful thing. When I lie, my nose grows and I can't do that. But he just didn't want that anymore. So he had shame around it. But also, where are the million moms outraged for this one

like i feel like there's denmark doesn't care they don't care but also like this to me i would feel what is it four to eight four to eight are they're like are they're like little little boys out there trying to wrap their dicks around gasoline tanks yes and just they're trying to wrap their heads around the guy with a giant dick i mean mean, unsurprisingly, the series has provoked debate about what good children's television should and should not contain. Since premiering on Saturday, opponents have condemned the idea of a man who cannot control his penis. Yes, I would agree as well. That's by the way, most men, by the way, that's this guy. Is this guy a comic or anything?

Is this really the message we want to send to our children while we are in the middle of a huge me too movement exactly wrote danish author and lice that's what's amazing is that the character in the show jorgensen the character on the show ran miramax just for a brief period of time christian grows probably not the great name for this point. An associate professor of gender research at Rosk Guild. I tried university said he believed the program celebration of the power of male genitalia and could only set

equality back. It's perpetrating the standard idea of the patriarchy society and normalizing locker room culture. So Christians against it as well. That's been used that that type of locker room culture has been used to excuse a lot of bad behavior for men. It's meant to be funny. So it is seen as harmless, but it's not. And we're teaching this to our kids. What I'd love to-

Now is not the time for penis empowerment. Right. I'd love to see a woman with a gigantic vagina that kids play hide and seek in. Right. With tons of teeth rows and rows of shark like teeth that can then get extended out and go yeah the show depicts a man who is impulsive and not always in control so you like you've you've said like well what if he

has a big dick like okay i'm listening and then what if he can't control and it makes mistakes and does things wrong all the time like why are you still going down this road? The show depicts a man who's impulsive and not always a good troll who makes mistakes like kids do like that's a comparison, yeah, but crucially they're like we're not having him lay on top of kids. You guys, when you just the four of us, no one said it. When you think the things that we've pitched that people have passed on and this got made right this got made how did this get made well to play our favorite game kids don't

tell your parents yeah this will be the name of the show shouldn't be this will be our little secret. This says here he takes responsibility for his actions when a woman in the show tells him he should keep his penis in his pants. For instance, he listens, which is nice. He's accountable. I would say why did you it's an animated show? Why is his penis even out pants, for instance. He listens, which is nice. He's accountable.

I would say, why did you... It's an animated show. Why is his penis even out? That's right. I mean, I guess people are really looking for animation these days. But... Can I just say, as a member of the gay community, it's not that great of a dick, you know? Okay.

I'm going to go there. I'll go there as well. It's skinny. It's weird. It looks like I got run over by a car or it's like a garden hose that's been like folded too many times because you don't even know if what's supposed to come

out of it is going to get caught in one of the little corners. Erla Heinison hostage, a clinical psychologist who works with families and children said she believed the show's opponents may be overthinking things. John Dillerman talks to children and shares their way of thinking and kids

do find genitals funny. Proving my theory as we've proven through this pandemic, you can find anyone with a doctorate to say any stupid shit you want. That's right. Yeah, she's psychologist. Also, by the way, if you were to pitch a show about an adult who talks to kids, I'd be like, let's do it. Can we dial it back a little bit?

Because then the questions are like, why is he talking to these kids? Is he related to them? No. He's just in a park and he wants to talk to kids. He's impulsive and he makes a lot. He's in a park and he's wearing pajamas. If any adult started talking to my kids and I wasn't around, I'd be like, hey, man, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. What are you doing talking to kids? I'm showing them was right be like hey man what are you doing

showing him what I can do with my Willie probably a lesson to be learned proceed just a proceed for a while then imagine what you've been through also like we're supposed to feel bad about a guy with a massive penis it's like come on it is a curse now now let's

say the man had a very tiny penis and so now you can identify with so now you're teaching kids how to deal with something. They can call him Johnny Mushroom Cat. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And so he's embarrassed by this thing. And then, you know, again, so now we're teaching kids, no matter what you have, no matter who you are, no matter how you look,

you can have value in your life. Well, no, I think if that's the case, then you shouldn't be showing anyone. You should be living in your own personal house. That's right. Don't show children your animals. But this is almost a TV show about the rich guy who felt so bad because he had so much money.

It's like, do we feel bad for this guy? Oh, no, I drove my boat up on an island. a TV show about the rich guy who felt so bad because he had so much money. Right. It's like, do we feel bad for this guy? Oh, no, I drove my boat up on an Island. Oh, I have too many.

I have too much money. I don't know what to buy. Erla said, but this is categorically not a show about sex to pretend. It is projects adult ideas on it, to which I say, I learned a lesson early on in my life that if you keep having to have an argument about what something isn't, it is it is and even if it's not

that thing, the fact that you have to keep defending it should give you a clue to what don't even do it in the first place, right? If somebody says, well, your show is constantly problematic and you keep defending it saying it isn't even if it's not, you shouldn't have done that show anyway. It appears to be right. That's it doesn't matter, but I'm worried. I mean, we need to go check this guy's home because I feel like he's killed a lot of women. Yeah, exactly. This part is a woman

saying, yeah, he hangs him with his penis dr. This will get out of here on this dr. The Danish public service broadcaster responded to the latest criticism by saying it could just as easily have made a program about a woman with no control over her vagina. That would also not be any better better not good and that it might be a little bit haven't seen that before which you can help in your pitch when you're in a room it's this woman's vagina and it's

huge it's enormous like his penis kids go into it and then it's like a portal into enough no it's like a like the sarlacc pit that's's boba. I think they go they go through they go through it and they become john malkovich and that's all canon that star wars canon. We just made it yeah. We'll pitch it. It said it's about we could have made a show about a woman

who can't control a vagina and then ends on this and the most important thing is that children enjoyed john dillerman. That is not the most important. You know what else kids enjoy fireworks. Don't just send them out into the yard with them. I have the title for the woman's vagina show where you here we go. Turner and cooch.

Stop. Oh, I was going to call it the fanny delorean. For some reason, I thought you were just going to go straight up. Rizzoli and Isle. Rizzoli and Isle. Rizzoli and Isles. Exactly.

I love it. There you go. That's a show. That is a show. Justin Martindale, Glitter and Garbage. Check out the podcast. Follow Justin on all social medias. He is so good on Instagram, so good on Twitter.

Thanks, guys. We love you, buddy. Thank you so much for joining us this week. Thank you. This was a lot of fun. And oh, shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound.

Hungry down. It's Dumb People Town. Star Bands Audio. A podcast network