Dumb People Town - Justin Martindale - 'Tis The Season

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

Comedian Justin Martindale stops by as Randy describes a man who was arrested after throwing deli meat at police, Jason explains why a man drunkenly stole the thumb off of an ancient Chinese statue, and Daniel warns about trying to travel through time while driving, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Factor and DraftKings Casino! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/dpt50 and use code dpt50 to get 50% off. Download the DraftKings Casino app now and sign up with promo code DPT and play $5 to get $100 in casino credits!

Thank you. Hey, we want to give a hearty thank you to our sponsor, Factor. You can cross meal prepping off your list this holiday season with factor you can skip the meal planning grocery shopping chopping prepping and cleaning up and get factors fresh never frozen meals delivered to your door they're ready in just two minutes so all you have to do is heat them up and enjoy head to factor meals.com slash dpt50 and use the code dpt50 to get 50 off that's code's code DPT50, DPT50 at factormeals.com slash DPT50 and get 50% off. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Martindale. Justin Martindale. Welcome to the show. Good to be back. Good to have you back. Every time we see you at the Comedy Store, I'm like...

Number one, it makes us happy. Same. Number two, hilarious. You're like, I will say this. You know, half of going to clubs, and Dan, you agree with this too. Let's find out. Half of it is doing your set. The other half is hanging out with your friends.

Yes. Yeah, it's the best. There are people who are not a good hang in the green room you know this true you know this to be true let's talk about each one let's get into it let's let's drag them no but then oh are you here to make this horrible yeah yeah oh are you here to make this horrible people town justin martindale in a green room instantly. I'm like, oh, this night is just about having fun and enjoying ourselves. So I just love that.

And I love, we always tell you this. I love what you're doing on stage. How you approach it is so great. I just am like, could not be a bigger fan of your standup. Oh, wow. Thank you. Not so much a fan of you as a person. There we go.

Let's get into the stories. Love you, dude. Happy you. Not so much a fan of you as a person. There we go. There we go. Let's get into the stories. Love you, dude. So happy holidays. Happy holidays. I'm just preparing you for Thanksgiving with your relatives. Love what you do. Don't like it. That just goes across every Thanksgiving. Just check all the boxes while you're here. Doctor, you're an asshole. All right. I'm getting this because the world's getting dumber. We've got to get into it somehow, some way. Our fans sent us stories. This one was sent in by Matthew Friedman, at NotYourAverage, which is AVG. Matt, if you want to follow this guy, he's fantastic.

Here is the headline. Florida man, we're in Florida. Sure. Arrested after throwing a piece of deli meat at police officer. Video shows. We got video evidence. That's a bunch of baloney uh-huh okay come on what i port orange florida have we done stories from here never heard of port orange have you performed in florida recently or no no no port orange the quickness with which

he dispensed i mean i'll get there one day they just need to figure it out sure just port orange florida is like we're just like a barrel of hookers. We'll roll up. Just rolled up on the sea. That's the port where they come from. That's where all the mail order brides come in from. Port Orange, Florida. Yeah.

We got a whole shipment of mail order brides in. They come through Port Orange. From Serbia. It just feels like the Gulf side, right? Yeah. Port Orange? Probably. It sounds like scurvy and citrus.

Right? Yeah, the case of Port Orange. Yeah. Port Orange Police Port Orange. Yeah. The Port Orange Police Department posted a video. Sounds like a shitty wine. It's like port wine, but it has a real strong orange flavor to it. Orange wine. You know how you...

It's like a lost Harry Potter butterbeer flavor. Right, exactly. What's it made from? We let the oranges ferment for seven years. They tell us. And they tell us. All tell all rind every bottle tells us when we should serve it yeah we will sell no rind before it's time okay the the port orange police department posted a video of the incident to facebook of course yeah because the

police department is like your aunt only operating on facebook which shows william bussy b-u-s-i okay bussy boozy bussy he's very bougie uh do you guys know what a bussy is no come on you know what a butthole pussy yeah thank you yeah come on i don't know Tis the season guys Happy holidays Happy holidays It's the most

Wonderful bussy Of the year William Bussy roasting on an open fire Bussy bells Bussy bells Pussy roasting on an open fire. Pussy bells. Pussy bells. Jack Frost nipping at your taint. Become aggravated with an officer before chucking the mystery lunch meat.

You can figure out what it is. Can you? I don't know. If it's a lunchable, there's no way to actually trust. Striking the officer where? So where he strikes the officer will determine who you think overreacted here. In the face? Oh, well, okay.

I'll stick with my guess, but I feel differently now. In the mouth. What do you think? Well, you said face and mouth. I know. And striking. Yeah. I'll? Well, you said face and mouth. I know. And striking. Yeah. I'll go with neck.

Neck. Okay. It's very less. It's like foot. A piece of meat in the chest. Okay, that was close. If you're wearing a bulletproof vest and someone throws a piece of head cheese at your chest, it ricocheted off the Kevlar and it knocked me to my backside.

So in the video, a clerk inside of a smoke shop told the officer she called about a disturbance after a man later identified as bucey visited the store several times and bothered her and the customers she also said the officer uh told the officer the man made her feel uncomfortable and said a lot of vulgar things to her grabbed merchandise and tried to go behind the counter this is a bad person yeah when the officer approached bucey outside or bussy bussy he said uh he was arrested about eight months ago and spent 18 months in prison that's a good way to open a conversation with the that's what he said that's like him saying that's like when you put the parking ticket on your car they already have so they don't give you another one.

Right, right. Before you say anything, here's what I did wrong two years ago. In 18 months in prison. So whatever I did in there, I've already served the time. Yeah. Yeah. That's his. I did my time.

That's your opening. What? I did my time. So Bussey told the officer that he was suing the volusia county sheriff so like that's also what to know about someone when in the first breath of talking to someone they tell you about the lawsuit they're involved with the cops with the cops right he's suing the police department for wrong but he threw the deli meat that comes later this is okay okay this is opening remarks opening remarks is i was already in jail whatever you're gonna tell me in there i was already in

jail i'm already in with you guys i've already sued your ass yeah do you want me to sue you again and i'll do it again i'm gonna add it to the list yeah suing the volusia county sheriff and asked if he sued the port and asked if he sued the Port Orange Police Department for blank. How much money? Whether that would be tax free or not. He said, if I sue you and win and get the money, would that be money tax? So, again, the officer's like, dude, I don't know. Because you're bothering people.

The truth is, what do I need to pay a lawyer if we get into a suit if i sue you because i'm already in with the volusia if i see you like i'm suing them and i and i win because i'm gonna win is that money tax-free that's such a weird flex how much money did he say he was gonna sue them for a million dollars million what do you think fifty thousand dollars i was gonna say 50 as well okay you gotta pick a different one because he picked fifty oh yeah uh fifty one thousand get your answers in town he said if i sued the uh port orange police department for two hundred fifty thousand dollars would that be tax-free listen to this guy bucey the officer said he had no idea to which bussy said he would have to speak he would have to speak to his accountant about that. Oh, okay.

Do you think this guy is? No. No, he does not have an accountant. Okay. When the officer told Busy that the clerk inside the smoke shop called to say that he was bothering customers, he said the clerk. I'm so curious as to how we're going to get from smoke shop to loose meat. Right. He said the clerk told him to be quiet and leave, which he claims to have done.

I did it. I did it. Sure. It's her word against mine. Yeah. The officer told Busey if he goes back in the store, he'd be trespassing, adding he is no longer allowed to go inside. But he didn't like that. He then told the officer the clerk would have to tell me where to go.

He then told the officer the clerk would have to tell me where to go. Okay. So he then told the officer that the clerk would have to put his $2,000 worth of merchandise outside the store, which he claimed she was holding. Can we just set this building on fire? This is the most tedious discussion anyone has ever been in. I'm like, please throw a baloney at my face to get me off. Stop talking. Quote, go ask her. Go ask her right now go ask her you motherfucker and as pussy got angry he threatened the officer to come closer so he could brawl there's nothing worse than an angry pussy right now he said come closer so we can brawl so he could brawl he's like

brawl doesn't get used enough yeah are you Are you in a saloon? What is this? It's like Lizzo talking to her backup dancers. That's right. She's getting very violent very fast. So like Lizzo slammed down her flute and then said whatever she wanted. Let's brawl. Let's brawl. Tell her back her day.

Get closer. This guy slammed down his sandwich on a bench. Why don't you come closer to me so we can brawl. Slammed his sandwich down on a bench. Put up his dukes. That's what it says right here. Oh. Taunting the officer to throw down

and attempted to perform a karate kick. Attempted. Which means he didn't do it. Didn't do it. He tried. He tried. Also, I'm still back on how good a sandwich sounds right now. Just a good deli meat sandwich.

Again, because this guy can't just attempt a karate kick, he has to tell you where he is in the karate pecking order. I got a black belt in karate and a black belt in judo, Bussey said. You're going to be in a world of hurt. Whenever somebody says that, that I have a black belt in karate and judo, like real fast, they don't mean it. So you know who doesn't say they have a black belt in karate and judo? People. People who have black belts in karate and judo. They just kick your ass and like you didn't see it coming see it coming and then

someone else goes you didn't know he has a black belt yeah oh she's a black belt in judo quote yeah when you're good at something you tell everybody when you're great at something they tell you they tell you but see then told the officer he was going to take his gun and walkie talkie before driving off in his patrol car i just like the boldness i'm going to take his gun and walkie talkie before driving off in his patrol car. I just like the boldness. I'm going to take your gun. I'm going to take your walkie talkie. Why? Because I'm a black belt in judo and I'm going to drive off in your car.

This dog attempted a kick after having a few more words with the officers who reminded him that he was trespassing. Busy then reached down in a sandwich and threw a piece of deli meat at the officer, striking him in the chest. Striking is not the right word. No, I would have used tased, like way before we got to this level. Incapacitating.

Yeah, just tased. This is the, if I were writing this article, he then picked up a piece of deli meat and lobbed it towards the officer. Threw it at the police officer and it hilariously stuck to his chest is what I would say. Sure. Go ahead, arrest me, Busy said. So the officer did. Busy was placed

in handcuffs, I'm assuming with no fight whatsoever. Walked over to the police vehicle. On the way, he told the officer he was going to sue the police officer for how much? He gave two amounts here. How much is he going to sue this guy? Sue the cop for arresting him? Adding that he would be out in how much time?

He said, I'm going to sue you for how much? Which one are we guessing? How much is he going to sue him for? Who's he mad at now? You're arresting me. I'm going to sue you for a blank amount of money. Okay. $100,000.

What do you think, Dan? I'll stick with a mil. What do you think? I'm going to say a million on this one. So get your answers in. He said, I'm going'm going to say a million on this one. So get your answers in. He said, I'm going to sue you for a million or 10 million. OK. Or 10 million.

So anyone can do this. Adding, I'll be out in how much time? Two hours. A week. Two weeks. 30 minutes. Damn. This guy's unbelievable.

He's dominoes. When asked why he threw some in the police officer, Busy said because he was pissed off at him and he was acting like a jerk. Bussey also told the officer he was lucky he didn't have his pocket knife on him. This guy. Yeah. Because he would have stabbed the officer to death. Yeah, no shit.

What other reason do we think you would shoot a pocket knife on him? Stop making threats at police officers. Girl, you need Bussey control. Very true, Justin. This is why I want you on every ride along, just to be like the person to make the person feel bad after this. He ultimately was arrested for battery of a law enforcement officer. Battery by throwing the meat?

That's assault, I guess. I mean, it's a salty piece of meat. The Port Orange Police Department shared the video on Facebook giving people a crash course that include behaviors sure to backfire in this city, like disrupting a business and threatening workers, threatening officers. Imagine that you have black belts in karate and judo. You don't have to say imagine. Maybe he does have a going after the sun and hitting officers in the chest with lunch meat. He is arrested. This is he may be one of my favorite characters that we've met at this point.

You've heard of Lunchables. This guy is punchable. Punchable. All right. That's story number one. We come back. We'll tell you what we have going on. Tell you how you can follow Justin Martindale.

See him live. Listen to his amazing podcast, which we will all do at some point. This is Dumb People Town with Justin Martindale. We'll be right back. Boom. Stick around. Make a sound sound there's more hey guys welcome back to the show in the break we were talking about this guy bussy going to prison

and uh you said beware that he becomes a guy whose legend grows in prison yes yeah beware the meat tosser meat thrower meat thrower i think meat tosser because he's hanging out with the salad tosser it is prison gang yeah Yes. Beat you with his meat. Double entendres. Thank you. Before we get into what Justin Martindale has going on, we should tell you what we have going on. Gang, we're in Cleveland on December 1st and 2nd at Hilarities.

I love that club so much. I love that Nick who runs that club is great. And the people come out. This is a great comedy city. Portland. We're only there for one night. January 4th. Yeah.

We're going to be at Helium on January 4th. And on the 5th, we're in Seattle for one night, January 4th. Yeah, we're going to be at Helium on January 4th, and on the 5th we're in Seattle to Crocodile. I love that club too. Beginning of February, we're at Comedy Works South. I love that club. And then we go back to the first club we ever performed and got paid at, Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. Awesome.

At the beginning of March and the beginning of April, we're in Minneapolis at Acme, and then end of April at Moon Tower. More dates to come. It's supersclawyers.com're in Minneapolis at Acme and then end of April at Moon Tower. More dates to come. It's supersclawers.com. Thank you for following us and joining our Patreon where we do episodes

of Cheap Seats and Cheaper Seats. This Patreon where we give you extra stories. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Justin Martindale, you have a fantastic podcast.

Thanks. Just saying. Just saying with Justin Martindale. Just saying. Yep. Comedy store records. Great guests that you have on this. And again, if you love Justin on this podcast, which I'm sure you do. Just saying. Yep. Comedy store records. Great guests that you have on this.

And again, if you love Justin on this podcast, which I'm sure you do, go subscribe to his podcast. And it's a new one for you. If you don't know about it. It's a delight. It's a delight because you're a delight. It's a fun one. Yeah.

That one. And then I will be in Colorado Springs at the Three East Comedy Club. Nice. December 1st and 2nd. Hey, there you go. Colorado. Colorado Springs. I'm a regular on Jeff Lewis Live on Sirius XM.

So you can listen to that. Lucky to have you. Jeff Lewis is lucky to have you. And I'm sure he appreciates you. Yeah, he does. He does. Good. Thank you.

He's a great comedy juice. All right. Let's get into this story. Here we go. Carleen. This was sent in by Carleen McDermott. At SheBeCarleen. A great person who sends stuff in all the time.

I love this. A Delaware man admitted that he drunkenly snapped the thumb off of a ancient Chinese statue and swiped it. And we'll guess how much the statue was worth. I thought Calgon was the ancient Chinese. Was it a statue? Yeah, an old ancient statue. He broke the thumb off. a statue yeah an old let's get into it you know because people feel like if you see something out in the world you can just touch it and destroy it yeah oh that's for me it's this world belongs to

me so i can just i can treat it how i treat my stuff um a delaware man pleaded guilty in pennsylvania court on monday to a federal that's your problem first is a delaware man in pennsylvania those two things don't mix. You're not from around here, are you? You're from Delaware. Alright, misdemeanor charge related to drunkenly breaking off and stealing the thumb of an ancient

Chinese statue worth how much? We're going already into the dust. Ancient Chinese statue? What dynasty? Yeah. No, we don't know? Okay. The Fing dynasty. The Fing dynasty.

Break me off a thumb of that ancient Chinese statue. Ooh, how much is it? I mean, the only... Ancient. I just think of like the ones outside of a P.F. Chang's. So those are like 15 years old. Yeah. That's not that ancient.

I mean, ancient chinese statue of uh what's it worth let's take it for itself five million is that way too much that's way too much it's good no okay i'm gonna say like 750 000 it's a lot of money i'll say i would suck at antique road show right six hundred thousand six hundred thousand all right get your answers gave this to me this ancient chinese statue is with 4.5 million i would be great at antique road show comedy see you later what if this guy ripped the thumb off and tried to take the thumb to the antiques roadshow? Yeah. We know this to be. That's worth quite a bit of money.

Prosecutors first charged Michael Rohana, the Rihanna of ancient Chinese roadshow, Rohana in 2018 with the theft and concealment of an object of cultural heritage from a museum, as well as interstate transportation of stolen property, which could have landed him into prison for how many years? Yeah, you can't take a piece of a thumb across state lines. Up to how many years could he be in prison? 25 years. You say seven, I say seven.

What do you say? 12. How about 30 years? Wow. According to the Washington Post. I actually think that that seems like appropriate. Yeah, I do too. It's not your thumb, bro. It's not your thumb, bro.

It's not your thumb. And it means so much to so many other people. Who's got three thumbs and is a total asshole? This guy. Rohana. Rohana. Oh, but Monday's guilty plea to one misdemeanor count of trafficking in archaeological resources means he now only faces how many years?

Okay. So he pleaded guilty. So now. Oh, yeah. He knocked it down six uh i'm gonna go with his 12 yeah but i was gonna do 12 i'll say uh 15 all right one year in prison 30 down to one wow they just went okay this guy's gonna i mean he definitely should get a thumb up the ass in prison and he probably is gonna get out in three months meanwhile deli thrower is like i could have been out in 30 minutes or less in 2017 rojana was attending an ugly sweater christmas

party at the franklin museum in philadelphia say no more now we know everything right yeah there was rum punch i mean mistakes why did every photo booth also don don't have your Christmas party at a museum. Yeah, no. Don't have an ugly sweater party around. Do you want to go to a museum to look at all the wonderful art? Nope. Do you want to get trashed around expensive things? Yeah, let's do it. What a horrible idea. Is it an open bar? Yeah.

In a museum? What could go wrong? Look at this tapestry. No, I'm going to lay down in it. Do not lay down. When you lean on it, it. Do not lay down. That's from the Ming Dynasty. When you lean on it, it falls apart. It sucks. What's the thread count?

I count four. This place sucks. Rohana snuck away from the party on December 21st and into the Terracotta Warriors. No. Which was closed to party goers, but clearly no one's blocking his way. These stanchions should keep these drunk people out of here. Well, and what museum doesn't have lasers? Okay, number one.

And number two, like the worst thing a museum could ever hear is somebody stumbling into a room saying, hey, what's in here? Yeah, in a Christmas sweater. And a bad one, which was closed to party goers and featured several terracotta sculptures of warriors from the tomb of China's first emperor,

according to the 2018 affidavit filed by the FBI. So old. Art crime team. The sculptures, which are dated from what years? Ooh. I mean, just, I don't, I mean. The 1600s? Oh.

Oh, first emperor. I don't know. Hold on, I'm watching Outlander. Are you? Come on, the 1600s. Oh, Oh, first emperor. I don't know. Hold on. I'm watching outlander. Are you? Come on, get in there.

Go to your outlander history. Justin started going through it. West world season. Okay. Let's get into it. Yes. I'm with you with that. That's what 15,

15, the year 15, 15, 60s. I think the year 600 15 60s i think the year 600 a.d how about 210 to 209 b whoa over 2 200 years old and some drunk guy in a bad christmas sweater just has access to this with his drunk hands no it's like the first chinese emperor that's's right. They were on loan from China and are a priceless

part of the country's cultural heritage. This could start a war. China would start a war over this, Dan. Rohana used his phone's flashlight to make his way around the dimly lit room. No flash photography. And he definitely didn't turn it off after that. No, he left it on

in his pocket and took a selfie with a sculpture in the exhibit space okay that's enough that was nefertiti she she wanted the selfie already the guy is the worst person in the world then he goes according to the affidavit the affidavit said he then broke something off one of the statues and put it in his front pocket citing surveillance footage rojana took the thumb from a statue referred to as the Cavalry Man, which was... I hope he's cursed now. Oh, absolutely. I was going to say that. The curse of the broken thumb?

Yeah, the curse of the broken thumb on Are You Afraid of the Dark. I was going to say, it's like the sisterhood of the traveling thumb. Yeah. It was insured for $4.5 million and brought back to his family's home in Bear, Delaware. When the FBI agent visiting the property in February, 2018, visited the property in 2008, Rohana immediately confessed to swiping the thumb. FBI agent, and you better say it right there. And retrieved it from a desk drawer in his bedroom.

Oh, I love that it's sitting in there with your old checks and a paper. Thank God he kept it though. Yeah. Oh, this thumb? This thumb? Yeah, yeah. I got it right over here. It's like, if you did it when you were so blackout drunk,

you'd be like, wait, what's this in my pocket? How did I get this thumb? Yeah. Then you give it right back. Because if it snapped off, you would think he'd be like, well, you know. But he's like, I'll take this. And he just put it in there, and it's like holding.

It's a junk drawer. All of his rubber bands are around it. God. All right. In April 2019 trial, Rohana told jurors it was a stupid mistake. Yeah. Attorney Catherine C. Hendry told jurors that Rohan wasn't an art thief, merely a drunk kid in a bright green ugly Christmas sweater.

That's his defense. That should go on his tombstone. Sure. Here lies a drunk kid in a bad Christmas sweater. He's not an art thief. He's a drunk guy in a dumb Christmas sweater. an art thief he's a drunk guy in a dumb christmas was he a kid they say he was a kid a jury was unable to reach a decision resulting in the declaration of a mistrial what a retrial was scheduled for february 2020 but it was repeatedly delayed due

to the covet 19 pan wait a minute this is how much people don't care about art in this part of the country and a deterioration in U.S.-China relations. Rohan's sentencing is scheduled for August 17th. You know that there's probably some sentiment in the jury pool. Like, good. Give it to China. Yeah. They gave us COVID.

We'll take your thumb. Got it. A COVID for a thumb. And you gave us TikTok and you're watching us and you're monitoring our every move. We got your thumb. An eye for an eye. A COVID for a thumb. A thumb for a thumb. And you gave us TikTok and you're watching us and you're monitoring our every move. We got your thumb. An eye for an eye, a COVID for a thumb. A thumb for a thumb. Isn't that crazy?

Stumbling around with his iPhone camera on, the light on, and the selfies. But I mean, now it's like I feel like there's these like oil activists now throwing beans on portraits and ketchup and all that. And they're like, we're here to stop this. And it's like, that's just broad daylight're not tuesday right and you're not doing anything you're bringing attention to your cause but it's not it's the worst it's the worst attention ever it's like no one's gonna be like oh man you guys just uh ruined the mona lisa we should really stop killing the whales they're making really good points they're making really good points about the environment it's like don't make me get mad at you when I agree with your

environmental stance. Like, don't now make me against you. Because now it's like, come on. Now you're turning us. Let's take a break. I missed my mouth. Oh, sorry. I missed your mouth drinking. We're going to take a break. Dan's going to send us home with, give me a little taste of what we're going to hear. Oh, we're going to go back in time.

Huey Lewis flux capacitor fluxing. And we'll find out what Dan's got going on. It's Dumb People Town. Justin I love it. Very nice. Capacitor fluxing. And we'll find out what Dan's got going on. It's Dumb People Town. Justin Martindale is our guest. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make it sound.

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Make us down. There's more. Don't people town. Hey gang, welcome back to the show Before we, Dan takes us home on this final fun Quick little third segment story Dan, tell us where people can see you You're touring December 14th, I'm headlining at Cap City in Austin, Texas And you can check out other dates at danielvancourt.com

The Rose Gold tour will continue until the special drops and that will be sometime in the spring so look for dates in the pacific northwest the west coast and all around and then also my movie is out wine club movie um you're the find it wherever you can correct me if i'm wrong but you were the lead in that movie some people say my movie and they've got a scene in it. Dan is in my movie. It's his movie. I am the lead. Wine Club movie. Check it out. I don't know if it's premiered yet.

DanielVanKirk.com. All that information and just follow Dan on Instagram and Threads and TikTok and all that other stuff because he'll let you know where stuff is. Alright. Let's do it. Send it by Jeremy Kendrick at jsk__is__here. Great. I don't think this person yes sent in by jeremy kendrick at jsk underscore is underscore here great jsk i don't think this person is sent in so this is really cool to have a newer person man trying

trying to travel through time smash his car through florida businesses of course yeah wait i have not seen you said get the flux capacitor fluxing that's when you're going 80 and you're like i I should be going. 88, right? Yeah, why are my tires not on fire? How come I'm not transferring to another dimension? Why isn't my mom trying to have sex with me? So you know he definitely got into the store, got out of the car,

and said, is this 1986? Where am I? What year is this? What year is this? Who's the president? You know what's crazy is he does need a time machine to go back in time and undo all the bad decisions. Don't let him think that he would know that he could go through time. He definitely just watched a Back to the Future.

Yeah. When do you realize that, you know, when you think you could go back in time? You know, you're like, I got this. It's a Wednesday. You know what I'm going to do? I got this. Does he have a time machine? Yeah.

What does he have? We're going to dig into it. Okay. Although I do really want to see the musical. I hear it's very, very fun. I heard it's good too. Back to do? I got back in time. Does he have a time machine? Yeah. What does he have? We're going to dig into it. Okay. Although I do really want to see the musical. I hear it's very, very fun. I heard it's good too. Back to the Future, the musical? Yeah.

Ooh. A confused man who thought he was time traveling smashed his car through two businesses, say police, a Dodge Challenger. Already. Already. It's like, I can get up to 88. Dodge Challenger. In this parking lot, I can get up to 88.

Dodge Challenger. Never the parking lot, I can get up to 88. Dodge Challenger. Never the nicest person on the road. Was he smuggling plutonium? We don't know. Dodge Challenger is definitely someone who's like, I'm right and you're wrong a lot. I've never seen a Dodge Challenger slow down to let you merge in front of them. Right. Not once.

They're never the one doing the dumping. I mean, they're fun to drive let's be honest but still the dodge challenger plowed through two businesses in pensacola florida uh a strip mall on sunday morning according to pensacola news journal the driver sped through the intersection of north davis highway and west fearfield drive at approximately what time i'll take a guess oh 10 a.m i I'm going to say it was busy. I'm going to say like 1. 1 p.m. What do you think, Taylor? 4.

One of you is in the right hour. 10.50 a.m. Oh, nice. Someone opened. He's like, look, I got to get back in time. I can't wait all day to get back in time. I'm cleared to the front door of Advanced Tax Services. The car then kept going, which is sort of a commentary on the construction

of the businesses. Wanted to beat the time change. He's taking it as a deductible. Smashing through the wall and into the business next door. Oh, which was a massage parlor and all these children who were being trafficked. I was kind of hoping it was like an old-time photography studio that he would have thought

he went back in time. One of those theme park photo booths. Wouldn't that just be the best? And there's a family just standing there. Just dressed like hookers in a saloon era. Like Dust Bowl era, like poverty. And he's like, I did it. Let's dress up like the olden days.

He's like, I have a ward. I'm in a whorehouse. Or like an escape room, like a themed escape room. Oh yeah, like a dam. i'm in a whorehouse yeah like an escape room like in a themed escape room oh yeah like that would be great like it's like he breaks into like a like an insane asylum from like 1910 guys i'm gonna be honest i'll show you the picture he fucked this car up oh my god yeah yeah he went plowing he did not stop it looked like a bomb went off advanced tax services general manager emmanuel which we can claim as a deduction which is not our fault not an active guy

and we had a great year so this actually balanced everything out nicely police said the unidentified driver told them he was quote trying to travel through time yeah which technically you are doing so and he didn't finish his sentence travel through time so that get her back so she wouldn't break up yeah but do we also get the blood do we get to guess the blood alcohol level when it's in here we always we always do instead he traveled through two present time businesses causing huge amounts of damage that was a not that was a date that was a date i'm sorry it just got a lot darker in here shade got thrown by this article wait dan can we just for one second just that is the type of thing of go back in time to the point in time that she broke up with me and then whatnot i feel like and i I don't want to generalize, but I feel like that is a very heterosexual,

like they hang on to it so much, like too much, that I'm going to go back, I'm going to actually bend the concept of time. I feel like no gay man would be like, just like, whatever, who cares? Let me check Grindr real quick. No, I want to fast forward and get rid of this person. All right, well, that was fun this person all right well that was funny yeah

well that was great well it lasted uh according to the huffington post the man was from nashville okay yeah good and had 1947 and had his seat belt on during the crash and was not safety first he stated that he was driving at high speeds on the interstate in an attempt to enter a time portal okay he saw back to the future, period. 88 miles per hour. There you go. And that he did not leave the time portal until the crash occurred. So he's saying he was coming back out of another time,

except it sent him through a shopping center. Got it. The driver has reportedly been issued a citation for reckless driving, and is also in the hospital being evaluated. Morris said he was mad about the incident, but added, it could have been worse. Eventually, I was happy that no one was hurt. You know, that was my biggest concern, because if anyone was hurt, anybody could have died or whatever. That's the dumbest.

Was this just the guy from Ferris Bueller and Succession? Yeah. Did you hear about that? He just, like, crashed into a pizza place. Who? On Halloween night. Yeah. Yeah, what's his name? He just, like, pizza place. Who? On Halloween night. Yeah. Yeah.

What's his name? What's his name? Alan Ruck. Alan Ruck. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Luckily, no one was inside the two businesses when the time traveler struck.

Stop calling him a time traveler. Just let him have it. It's his moment. You want to just, you know. Oh, my gosh. He identifies as a time traveler. We were about to find out what the place next a time-traveler. I found out. We're about to find out what the place next door, the second business was.

I cannot wait. Allison Bennett. Can we all guess? Yeah. Sure, if you want. Okay. You're not going to get it. It's too great.

It's like a color me mine. That's fun. And all these kids' pottery just got ruined. Wait, what is the question again? What is the second business that he went to the tax office and ended up? Oh, yeah. Okay. So, there's no way you'll guess.

There's no way I'll get it. It's too great. But you guessed for fun. So can someone help me also with this one? Massage Envy. Oh, I understand it, but I don't understand the title. Well, it's like a penis envy. It's, you know, massage.

And you're not there. You're jealous. You're very envious of this massage. But you're there. Yes, but you're there if you're at the place. I have massage envy. It doesn't even sound like penis. That's true.

Like if I had a store that sold peanuts and they called it Peanuts Envy, I'd be like, nah, man. That's funny. All right. You're on massage envy. Do you want to guess? It's better than you're going to guess. What if it's a clock shop that's called Time's Up?

That's pretty great. That would be fun. Or they sell tiny clock towers. Tiny clocks from around the world. Allison Bennett, the co-owner of Pensacola Caskets. No, not Pensacola Caskets. Where are you located? We're over right next to the tax point.

You are dying to buy our product. We'll air the casket. We all do. We'll airbrush a seascape on it. Okay. Located next door to Advanced Tax Services says he has not been able to enter his business, but he too was happy it wasn't worse. If this had happened on a weekday and someone had actually been in one of those cubicles,

it would have been very tragic. Yes, of course. That's exactly what would have happened i mean the truth is that like i think the caskets being like the caskets place it they'd want more people it to be busy because then they'd have more business yes right is that wrong but also now i'm seeing a sight gag of this man crashing through the office flying through the windshield into a casket and then it closing which is which would be that's a rim shot that's it that's like yeah that'd be end

of a Benny Hill thing or Bugs Bunny yeah yes he flies to the windshield into an open casket and it shuts Jason had to step up but we'll get out of here on this how old is the man from Nashville who was time traveling in a Dodge?

I think it was Challenger. Challenger. Yeah. This is challenging. He was coming out of a portal when he drove into tax and cash. I can't control. They should just combine their business. And you know, he definitely said, I can't control where the portal spits me out.

No one can. Why do these two businesses not combine what they are and call it the only things guaranteed death and taxes i would just put that over the two things yes we guarantee everything death and taxes that's a great okay what is your guess how old do you think how old is nashville man is okay all right oh jason has returned to us how old do you think the Nashville man is? Do you want to go first? Yeah. You're a guest.

Where would you like to go? Where would you like to go? I'm going to say 52. Okay. I'm going to say 67. All right, Jason. 28. 28?

We'll get out of here. With the time-traveling Dodge Challenger, death and taxes business destroyer. Is. Is. 40 years old. Wow. Judd Apatow, this is 40.

Was 40. Who knows what time is? Some people's town is a flat circle. That is. There you go. But there's nothing that says what year he thought he came from? No. As the cop, you'd want to get as much information.

Oh, I would want to know so much. What year are you from, sir? Yeah, where were you going? Tell me more about where you're from. I'm from 29, 39. I'm from two months ago. Hey, man who crashed through a tax place into a casket store, tell me what the future's all about.

That'd be the greatest. All right, we'll tell you what the future is. More Dumb People Town. We'll do that, not now, but with future episodes. Justin Martindale, again,

just saying, follow his podcast, listen to it. We'll all be on and it's going to be a blast. And thanks for joining us, dude. Anytime, boys. This is always fun.

And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Bye. Boom. Stick around. Bye. Boom.