Dumb People Town - Karen Kilgariff - Sword Stores

Episode Date: April 10, 2018

This week, Karen Kilgariff (My Favorite Murder) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a samurai sword-wielding girlfriend seeks revenge against her "E-thlete" boyfriend. Story #2 features a Bigfoot Truther who is suing the state of California. In Story #3, a Wisconsin women's restroom is plagued by a serial toilet clogger.

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast, Random, with co-host Armand Dan. Banders, don't be a jerk. Let's spread the music, catch the funny hits, and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, hunger down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Kilgariff. Oh, Karen.

Hi. Oh, Karen. I'm so happy you are here. I'm happy to be here. We're going to put the riff back in Kilgariff. Finally, it's been gone for so long. No, it hasn't. That's the thing.

That's why we love your show. No, it hasn't. I feel like I've been hanging out with you for three days because I'm reading I'll Be Gone in the Dark. And I'm like, oh, this is just every great conversation with Karen. Isn't it the best book? It is. Even the foreword. Oh, my goodness.

It all goes in. Even before the foreword, we're like, here's a map. Yes. Right? It puts you right there. Lord of the Rings, George R.R. Martin books, everything great starts with a map. That's exactly right. Starts with a map.

Here's where all the fucked up shit happens. Ends with an X. Yes. That's exactly right. Starts with a map. Here's where all the fucked up shit happens. Ends with an X. Yes. That's right. This is where it all went down. Well, we're thrilled to have you on this show because you're one of our few return guests. You've been on this before. You understand how it works.

Yes. Your first episode that you and Georgia did here was- Is our most listened to episode. Oh, wow. Yes. It just shows the power of you- Nice. In the best possible way.

And your show has only continued to grow and we're so happy. It just shows the power of you. Nice. In the best possible way. And your show has only continued to grow, and we're so happy. It's very strange. You guys were there in the early days. Yeah. You saw some early shit. We actually got to do the live one with you at Moon Tower last year. I know. How fun was that?

It was the best. It was so fun. We loved it. We were just going around, oh, the flaming pit. We were there, and he murdered some of them. Oh, the skull was right outside the window. Right. That was so weird. That was strange. I was at Disneyland.

I think I sent this to you on Twitter. I ran into two girls wearing Murderino shirts. I was like, can I take your photo? To which they were like, Dan, a six foot bald guy. I'm good at the approach. I was like, girls, I'm going to ask you a question.

I promise by the end of this it'll sound awesome. And they were like, what? His palms were up. Yeah, six feet back. Right,

right, right. And I said, I have to take a photo of your picture. And they were like, really? And I was like, yes,

so I can send it to Karen. And then, I mean, they almost lost their place in line. They didn't give a shit anyway. Dan, you fast passed the shit out of that. I did.

Dan has a fast pass and that is my name and the ability to dm me on twitter you want to get into tower of the guardians that is the way to do it which is what i call that right you call that change tower of terror into guardians of the galaxy why don't you call it towers of the galaxy that would work too i don't know i like guardians is it still as scary when the drop happens yeah and there's like six or seven different versions of the ride when you don't you call it Towers of the Galaxy? That would work too. I don't know. I like Guardians. Is it still as scary when the drop happens? Yeah, and there's like six or seven different versions of the ride when you go on it now. They play different songs

depending. It's fun. I love it. Well, before we get into everything, we just want to mention something huge that dropped for us today.

We do this very rarely. As we're recording this. As we're recording this, the song will come up. Well, it's worth it. I said this on the Facebook page. If you love DPT,

you will love what you guys are about to tell them about. So we don't do this very often. A couple times maybe, a year maybe. But Randy and I just released an audio documentary on audible.com. It's called Sklars and Stripes. We've been talking about it a little bit here and there. The title came from Sashir Zameda.

Thank you so much. She had a great, funny title, which we loved. And it's really, it's Randy and me and Scott Rogowski. And then Dan comes along for a couple episodes. And we go from city to city. We did 10 cities. Each city's a chapter. We give ourselves a challenge.

When the plane lands on Thursday, can we write 10 minutes of material about that town by Saturday night? That works. And it's all about, that works. That's the key. That fits it. I know. If it doesn't work, it's not material. That isn't like wacky

that isn't just cheese in Wisconsin you guys dig in we went deep super deep and it's just one of those things where you know

we've done a lot of things in our career this is I've not been more proud of anything than this this is up there with all the things

this is up there with this podcast for me and we love it it's a year in the making of you guys just going out and talking it's a year in the life it's such a good out and talking to people. It's a year in the life.

It was such a good idea because you kind of naturally do it. But then to... To then actually put a... Force yourself to get out and experience those towns. I mean, it's four documentaries in one. And this is the last thing I'll say.

It was... It started out... This is a year in the life of stand-up for us. So we go to clubs. We go to a couple of festivals. You get to see us hanging out with our friends

at comedy festivals, which is great. We go to these cities. It's what it's like to be in those cities right now in 2017. What are they dealing with? It's the abolition of a joke. How does an idea, something you experience in the field, turn into a funny thought, which turns into a joke, which ultimately turns into a polished bit on stage, and you get to watch it go through? So it's a love letter to how we write comedy.

The last thing is that the very first weekend we did was in San Diego the weekend after the election. So you can imagine the emotion and then our country over the course of the next year got ripped apart

and we went out into the torn country and tried to make people laugh and also we were very affected by what was going on. So it's a year in the life of America in the craziest year

that I think we have experienced. And you fighting off a panic attack. And Dan's a year in the life of america in the craziest year that i think we have experienced so it's me fighting off a panic attack and dan's panic attack in the elevator in the arch in st louis is worth the price of it i just never go up i didn't know i didn't know i didn't know that it was like a bean just saying over and over i know my limits i know my limits i sat down i looked around no i'm good i did the math on how you would get out of here. Found out you wouldn't. No. I'm good.

I know my limits. I'm like, oh, if I had to, I'll just knock that panel off. If I had to. Right. Steven Seagal. You sit into this. Yeah. For Christ's sake.

Totally die hard his way out of that elevator. But they were like, don't get out. I'm like, I know my limits. I'm out. So you actually hear that in the whole dialogue. It was so much fun. And again, in a year where Scott Rogowski just blew up out of nowhere. HQ.

He's our producer. He's our producer, and he's with us on the road, and it just was really cool. You can get it at audible.com. If you sign up for Audible, I think for a free 30-day trial, you get it for free. So just check it out. We're asking our fans and DPT to just engage with this because we're so proud of it and we hope you enjoy it. I feel like the panic attack alone is worth the price. Oh my God, it is.

The realness of something like that is what we're all in it for. I left the elevator. They said I could reuse my ticket to go watch the 1967 movie about how the arch was made. That only scared him more. No, I got to watch a kid get his leg get stuck in the seats and that was that to me was and you're like now you're the one having how do you feel no i mean the the and this last thing i'll say about it is that they uh the woman

who was there said like you know there's a gateway monument it is the gateway to the west it's the gateway arch but i don't think she meant it was the gateway monument. That to us was so funny. We're like, what is it, a gateway to harder monuments? You really ramp it up once you've been there. You wake up naked on the Space Needle, you're like, how did I get here? You're about to scale the face of Mount Rushmore, friends.

You wind up blowing the Washington Monument for a bus fare. Anyway, so it is great. Sklarstens drives. If you've ever wanted to know what it's like to go on the road with a comedian for a year or a comedy team, this is it.

All right. You want to do a story? Well, yeah, because the world's getting dumber, Dan. It is. And it is the only way we can fight it is through comedy

and thank God you have stories. And thank God Karen is here. I held on to this one because it's a little dark. Yeah. Okay, good. See? Karen comes in

and like, this is like dark white It's dark white Literally if you could not write a more perfect Story if you are Mashing up any aspects of My favorite murder in Dumb People Town Because it's funny and dark

This is like my favorite murder in Dumb People Town And just as you hear the story I'd also like you all to consider the Double Decker bus tour we could go on across the nation. I'm ready to do that in a heartless drop. I am ready. Just doubling it up. We just open for you with a DPT.

And it'd just be like, we guarantee you like seven and a half hours of talking in this one theater. Just come and listen with your ass off. I've heard people say on the Facebook page, like, if My Favorite Murder scares me too much, I switch to Dumb People Town. I still get true crime, but I can go to sleep it doesn't have to be so god damn awful okay ready with her boyfriend finally asleep

oh boy Emily Javier when you say with her boyfriend finally asleep part of me is like this is going to be a female empowerment story I was thinking it's going to be a letters to penthouse. But maybe that's just me. She turned on the bubble bath.

I knew we were out of orange juice. With her boyfriend finally asleep, Emily Javier reached for the samurai sword she had secretly taped earlier to the side of the bed. Is this Kill Bill volume three? Okay, who tapes? What kind of tape did she use? A woman with a plan taped a sale of her eyes. Someone who plans

ahead. You can't scotch tape that. There's a lot of premeditation in this. A lot. There's a lot of her facing the other way in the bed with her eyes open. Honey, what do you do? Nothing. And biting her nails in pure excitement. Psychotic excitement. I should say now, this article is written by the Washington Post,

who I feel at this point is so happy to not be writing an article about Trump. Like, the person dug into this was like, I need more time on it.

Like, they just wanted to stay on this story. We're going to do an expose. We're leaning into samurai. As I read the next sentence, you're going to hear the literary prowess. Okay.

This is a well-written article. Okay, Emily Javier, reach for the samurai sword she had secretly taped earlier to the side of the bed. According to the affidavit filed by police, the room was dark, and she sparked her phone to see better, to aim better.

Whoa! Below, snoozed Alex Lovell. He played too many video games Javier would later explain to the police, and now he was cheating on her, she claimed. She knew the signs. Tinder on his phone. Scratches across his back.

A girl's hair in the shower drain. In the weak phone glow, Javier allegedly started hacking. No! Is that enough to think somebody's cheating on you? Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. Not think. To come to the conclusion.

Tinder does make me think. To tape a sandwich? Tinder's not good. Tinder ain't good. There's no reason to have Tinder on your phone. You can't rationalize that and be like, no, I'm actually doing a study about swiping. At least with Bumble, you could have it to the just friends setting. Which, who are those people?

I did a podcast once about online dating, and I found out there's a just friends setting to Bumble. But you could at least have that out. No. There is no scratches across his back. Because of this, you have to now check underneath the bed for monsters, bugs, and taped samurai swords.

That's right. Now that's one thing you have to also check before you go to sleep. Or just don't have Tinder on your phone or women's hair in your shower. And you know what? Stop playing all those video games. Seriously. That kind of did sneak in the back door there. She had plenty of a good

reason. Karen, you are the next to Dan, you are the only woman in here. Sure. I'm happy to be here. Karen, should she have known what she was getting into? It's not like he suddenly discovered video games. He's just starting to play video games. You knew

who you, I don't know if she married, but I knew who you were with. He's a video game loving person. He loved books. He only talked about books. He was my British lit professor. And suddenly someone showed him how to play

suddenly he's ready player one but she said there you go Johnny there's Johnny that's what she told police he played too many

video games and now he was cheating on her as though I can handle if you're going to do both of these things we're going to

samurai town her jump from one to the other I don't want to characterize all video game players, but it does seem odd to be a video game player and then also to be a player. Yes.

That doesn't always go hand in hand. Usually the reason you're one is because you're not the other. Right, right. I'm into video games because reality is... So he is ready player one. Oh, shit. That's right. Double downs.

Double downs. Ask Sklar brothers on that joke level that's Alex he woke to his girlfriend of two years attacking him with a sword police say survival instincts mainly this is what he said his mainly martial arts training and all the kung fu films he had watched then clicked in. Okay, so they do have a value. Thank God one of the games he played was Tekken 2. Now he knows how to

kick someone off of you when you got a samurai style. He could only move laterally then. He could only ever kick and then go backwards. The game he played was Joust. He got onto an ostrich, had a lance, kept going at her. I knew this was going to come in handy.

I kind of wish that if she killed him, if she did kill him at the very end, it would just be like, pew! Or she would say, she was wanting to say game over, bitch, or something like that. She had that. That was locked and loaded in her heart. Taped right next to the samurai sword was that line

The blue index card that said Game over bitch There's some real things wrong In this next sentence I was able to wing chun my way To survival I don't know if that's racist So he had fun tonight

Everybody wing chun I think it's Wang I just pronounced. Everybody Wing Chun tonight. I think it's Wang Chung. They had one hit and then playing off of it. They had two hits. They opened up a wing. Two hits. Then they opened up a wing stop. So he threw a wing at her face.

But if Wang Chung did open up a wing stop, you know everybody have. They would change the lyrics to Everybody have some tonight. I was going to say, Everybody have blue cheese dip tonight. Never enough. Everybody dip some tonight. I was able to wing chun

my way to survival, he told the Oregonian slash Oregon Live in an interview this week over Facebook Messenger. That's how we're getting it done now. Journalism. Hard-hitting journalism. Can you just jump on Facebook

and we'll do this interview real quick? Regular Facebook? No, Messenger. Messenger. It says he was referring to a Chinese martial art, so I assume Wing Chun is real. I'm sure we are joking around

about Wing Chun and it is like a legitimate thing. It is there to stop if someone comes at you and flies you in one side. It is there if your girlfriend tapes a samurai sword under the bed. A lot you can do with Wing Chun.

Super specific training. He eventually wrapped Javier, which is the girl, in case people are forgetting last names. He eventually wrapped Javier in a bear hug. Not a martial art move, to my knowledge.

No, maybe that is the key. Should have done that before. Yeah. Maybe you could have avoided the whole thing before. Stop playing the video. A couple more bear hug. Not a martial art move to my knowledge. No. Maybe that is the key. Should have done that before. Yeah. Maybe you could have avoided Maybe some hugs before. Stop playing the video. A couple more bear hugs. A little cuddling.

Two less swipes. It helped it out. Put the controller down. Put your arms around. Maybe. Give her a nice squeeze. Quote, I saw the look in her eyes

and it scared the living poop out of me, he told the news outlet. Quote, I told her I loved her and she was killing me she needed to call police or i was going to die so now who's the guy who's like you're killing me larry that's a local southern california commercial sleep two brothers how great would it be not great but how

interesting would that ad be if larry was literally hacking him with a samurai sword and he's saying you're killing me Larry only Emily instead yeah and that would be like again it would be like the vision board where he they say it

they say it they say it it happens what is the one I'm sure you've had many episodes but of your podcast

where you're like and then he took a knife and cut her from her vagina up to her throat and George is just like, what the fuck? Yeah.

I think we've had that conversation at least five times. So many times. All right, so she was trying to cut him from balls to chin. She was hacking. And then he gets her in a bear hug, says, you gotta stop,

you're killing me, call 911. Emily broke. Was that you playing it? Was that you playing it? Was that you playing it? Just to prove that you're not making that up. And by the way, all we heard was, Larry! I know.

Larry. Somebody like drove by and yelled. You can't be Larry! I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry. Classic. Emily broke off the attack and made the call, frantically telling a 9-1-1 operator she had stabbed her boyfriend and she thought he was dead. The 911 operator asked, quote, you used a sword, which is what they want to know, right?

You used a sword. I'd be like, where are you? Yeah. Is that a question or a statement? You used a sword. Wait, were they guessing? Was this a 911 operator or like a full-on psychic? Guess how I did it.

You're going to die. With the sword in the room, it's a game of Clue. When police did arrive at the scene on March 3rd, they found Alex Lovell curled up in the blood-spattered bedroom. According to the probable cause affidavit filed by police, I think there's probable cause. There's definitely cause. I'm seeing it.

This was in Camas? It's Camas. Washington's definitely cause. I'm seeing it. This was in Camas. I don't know. It's Camas. Washington State, northeast of Portland. Remarkably, he survived the attack despite serious injuries. Alex Lovell almost lost the index, middle, and ring fingers on his hand. That's his video game playing hand. I know.

But then he can get a robot hand. It's going to be so much better. He robot hands. And then he enters like eSports and they're like, well, you can't do it with a robot hand. That's not fair. He's got a weird advantage. He's like the Def Leppard. And then half the people are like, well, if you went through what he went through.

Yeah. It's then Oscar Pistorius starts writing him letters from jail. From jail. He becomes his guy. And Johnny Depp. But in Edward Robot Hands? Yes. At Sklar Brothers.

But in interviews this week, the competitive gamer sounded happy to be alive. He is an esports athlete. I don't know why we're coming down on him. Athlete is generous. He's a mathlete. Listen, listen. Quote, I was just so proud for beating this samurai wannabe crazy lady with hate in her heart. He's painting a picture.

The 29-year-old told the Oregonian slash Oregon Live, I've been preparing my whole life for something like this. Then you're not a good person. Yeah, then you're not a good person to be in a relationship with. Eventually someone's coming at me with a samurai sword. Then you're a dick. Eventually I'm going to push someone to the edge Yes exactly I'm just going to keep doing whatever the fuck I want

And infuriating those around me And if someone comes at me with a samurai sword I will be ready for it I'm going to Wang Chung the fuck out of them It's Wing Chun Wing Chun Oh Wing Chun Wing Chun

Alex Lovell Known as Biggie In his local gamer scene Is an avid player I already know that. He's very skinny. I want you to know that I started off feeling for this guy getting in touch with a thing. As soon as you said that, I'm like, I'm going to take him with us.

Let me get a couple of hacks in there. Hey, he's prepared for that. Yeah, he'll be ready. He's ready. He's an avid player of Players Unknown Battleground. You guys know what that is? It's a big, massive shooting game. A multiplayer online fighting game, they said.

As he told the, I'm done saying, Oregonian slash Oregon Live. We get it. You're one company. Alex has been recently logging 12 to 13 hours a day playing the game. I'm on her side 100%. Cut it up.

Cut him up. When does he have time to cheat? I bet that comes up. You him up. When does he have time to cheat? I bet that comes up. And my thing is this. If I am in love with somebody and so mad at them and they're doing something for 12 to 13 hours a day and I was done, I'd leave. And then just see how long it takes them to realize I'm gone. I can change him through cutting him. Maybe if I cut him open, he'll be different.

No hands, no games. Right? No hands'll be different. No hands, no games. Right? No hands, no games. No hands, no games. By the way, I want to go back to something he said. He's like, I beat her. I beat this crazy woman. Yeah, he said, I'm so proud for beating the samurai.

You didn't beat anybody. You survived. You survived something you called upon yourself. That's right. You brought it on yourself. And you talked her into calling 911. First of all, you did not call 911. And in this day and age, it's not good to brag about beating a woman at all. No's right. You brought it on yourself. And you talked her into calling 911. But you did not call 911. And in this day and age, it's not good to brag about beating a woman

at all. No. Ever. In any scenario. And then the other thing is, do you have to see everything in terms of a video game? I beat her. I topped her. High score. Got to put my initials in. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. He's been recently logging 12 to 13 hours a day playing the game. The regimen

also required exercises for his hands, wrists, and shoulders. Translation, masturbation. Practicing mouse moves and techniques to maximize performance. Mouse moves. We know what that means. Translation, mousturbation. Mouse moves is my favorite Bob Seger song. Mouse moves.

Working on the mouse moves. Trying to get those softwood teenage moves the interlude would be the best hope last night to the sound of getting cut by a samurais or how far off I didn't have to wonder shoes in the room sitting over me

way up firm and high the best line of all time working on the mouse moves oh that's when the show is fun The best line of all time. Working on the mouse moves. Oh. That's when the show is fun. Way up for it. Lovell told the Argonian slash Oregon Live, we get it, quote, I wasn't a sweaty nerd,

more of a ethlete. Ethlete. That's what you're saying. Ethlete. By the way, this guy, the more he talks, the more he indicts himself. If I'm the cop and he says to me, I wasn't a sweaty dirt, I was more of an eatly, I go, sounds to me like you weren't more of a good boyfriend. That's right. You're sounding like a douche.

You're missing all of the points here, buddy. Not only are you missing all the points. That stands for your character, Sass Cop. Oh, always. Always. Have you seen Sass Cop live? Sass Cop destroys. Only one person has seen him walking away.

You guys be careful. I might show up at Hot Tub doing sass cop. Sass cop. So every cop is sassy for the record. When they ask you those dickish rhetorical questions, do you think driving that fast and dying would have gotten you home? Do you want me to answer that question? No, you're right.

That's right, because I'm sass cop. Right. Sass cop. Sass cop. Where was I? Oh, in an interview with police after the attack, Emily Javier, 30, admitted she was frustrated with her boyfriend

for staying glued to his game. Then, a week before the violent incident, Emily said she had discovered that Alex was unfaithful. According to the affidavit, she told police she discovered Tinder, a dating app on his phone. Who wouldn't know? She also noticed scratches on his back, possibly from a romantic encounter.

She found red hair in the shower train with her own hair is dyed green okay so i'm gonna paint a scenario and you tell me karen if i'm wrong okay wrong two weeks before this whole thing she told a lot of her friends that they were getting engaged like there were she definitely doubled down on how committed they were to each other and then saw this and was like i can't go back there's nothing i can do i gotta get rid of ruined my reputation i have to cut him up but one of the things this is a story that sticks with me from my favorite murder i think about this she taped the samurai sword right and all this stuff there was a point where she went from like never done anything like this i'm not talking

about when she did it never done anything like this to deciding she was gonna do it yeah and like you guys had a story once way back in the day of this woman that like stole this lady's baby like tried to kill the woman and take her baby and that at some point that woman just decided like oh i'm a baby stealer yes well that woman had a history of it that's my that was me retelling

and I survived yes that's what it was Sarah Peters yes it's my favorite I survived because this girl looks like every girl

you went to high school with and she's like and then she came at me with a knife and she was like nine months pregnant it's the craziest story crazy

but I think that maybe the missing element here with what's her name Marie Javier Emily Emily Javier I think story crazy but i think that maybe the missing element here with what's her name marie javier emily emily javier i think we can safely say crystal meth might have gotten introduced two weeks before this happened this is a very extreme reaction extreme what happened a good old-fashioned starting a fight in applebee's about going to you know what i mean that is all the time i mean that is basically along with the pie a la mode.

That is Applebee's greatest export. What it's there for. It's the domestic fight. There's nothing better than having a relationship fight where you're the guy crying and people keep coming up and being like,

do you guys need any more chips? How you doing on this cheese stick? Can I top off that Arnie pie? I have to go on break. So if I leave my check now, you can pay Mark, but... You can cry in front of Mark. He's fine with it. We've all seen this before.

Are you guys splitting this check? Or are you just splitting up? Look at that, Sanergy. My mood! Talking about a mouse mood. She did not confront her boyfriend. In the past, he had just denied such accusations, so this has come up before.

This time, Emily went to the mall and bought a samurai sword. Mall bought samurai swords. Where? At Forever 21? Where do you get a samurai sword at a mall? 579, dude. 579. Actually, Bloomingdale's has these really nice swords.

Do they really? Is it in homewares? I'm going to really guess that all of those sports memorabilia places in malls probably also have samurai swords you have to go back behind it dark curtain it's like uh there's a frame poster of joe montana and then michael jordan in a white socks uniform and then you get just beyond you push through it yeah and then there you go it's just oh it's all all samurai swords uh so she went to the mall bought a samurai sword quote i thought i going to stab him while he was sleeping. The relationship reached a crisis point on March 2nd.

According to police affidavit, Lovell came home but ignored his girlfriend. She allegedly decided to go through with the attack, taping the sword and two knives to the bed. She had two knives, guys. She's like, if he says hi to me, I'm not doing anything. And then he just walks right past her. She's like, he says hi to me i'm not doing anything and then he just walks right past her and she's like well i gotta do it well well i have to do this i made a promise to myself and i if he didn't talk to me i would stab him three times but by the way how okay she did stop to call like he asked her to call the cops this to me shows the compassion of a woman

that he she did stop She really loved him. She loved him. She loved him so much. She's like, I can still change him. I can still change him. I can still change him. He got her to like

check back in at some point. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like he had to like, like when somebody's like in the cartoons like bizarro person,

you're like, it's still me. Yeah. And then later his statement is, yeah, I beat her. That crazy lady. Yeah. Like he got her to calm down and then he tells statement is yeah I beat her, that crazy lady like he got her to calm down

and then he tells everyone he beats her also what, how how did he get into that position going from slashing at someone with a samurai sword to being like, you know what, I'm so sorry wax on, wax off just pure hypnosis

it's like a foot up. He got his foot up on her shoulder, and he just started yanking. But if she taped a sword and two knives, she was ready for a fight. Yeah. Like, if the sword doesn't go well, I know where the knives are. She also told police she hid Lovell's phone so he could not call for help. When he finally went to sleep sleep she reached for the sword. In an interview with the Columbian this week

Alex denied that he was unfaithful. Quote, I barely had time to hang out with my girlfriend let alone another girl. Karen called this I was too busy ignoring her. Where did the red hair come from? I know. It's literally a red hair. It's a red hair.

At Sklar Brothers and at Karen Kilgram. She kind of supported it. She did. She really did. She loved it. She's all over it. I was surprised and excited by it. I didn't see it coming, but it makes sense that this happened.

This is what he said. She obviously didn't want anyone else to have me, so samurai sword. He still, Alex loves himself some Alex. He is turning all of this into a positive for Alex. I know. He's still Alex loves himself some Alex. He is turning all of this into a positive for Alex. He won. He's hot. He's an ethlete. He's like, name one other ethlete that survived a Samurai

Sword fight. I don't think you can. He's constantly showing his scars at eSports championships. You don't know how right you are about this guy. Doctors were able to reattach Lovell's fingers where they were nearly hacked off at the base. He also suffered wounds to his feet, legs, torso, neck, and head. His right arm is in a cast.

Members of the local gaming scene set up a GoFundMe for his medical bills. Jesus. It's not good. I'm going to ask you guys, as of this recording, how much money do you think is in the GoFundMe for Alex Biggie Lovell? Now, considering that gamers aren't all that into women, there's some serious gait problems. 30 grand? 30 grand.

That's a good one. I'm going to say 17 grand. Randy says 17. $86,000. $86,000. She's not messing around.. $86,000. $86,000. She's not messing around. No, no, no. She's not messing around.

She's not raising money. Well, the goal was $10,000, and currently it's at $8,000. Oh! Not a lot of love for Alex. Sounds like Alex lost this one. And you know he's telling everyone it's $8,500. You know what I mean? He's that sort of guy.

Emily Javier remains in custody. Her attorney did not return an email for comment. Maybe try Facebook Live. There it is. We're going to get it out here on this guy. If there was a Samurai Sword store in a mall and it had a punny, shitty name. Here we go. Karen.

I hate puns so much. Me too. Son of Samurai Swords. Son of Sam swords. Son of samurai swords? I'm just laughing because I get the reference. Is that your final answer on that? I don't know. Semi-amorai?

People can hit us up on Facebook. Live by the sword, die by the sword? Something about your muscles being sword? How about sword in a fair? Sword in a affair is good. And thematic. I hope it's also a place where you can get a cell phone and it's called sword and the phone.

All right, here we go. I joined in on you guys. No, that is good. And I set it up myself completely. I built the house and then I lived in it. That's right. Angrily with your arms crossed. Yes.

All right. You have called this guy everything you thought about him to a T. This is where we're going to get out on this story. This is what Alex Lovell boasted this week from the hospital. Quote, the feeling I had when I won the fight with my bare hands is just absolutely the best feeling. I've played all the sports, won big games, landed some decent tricks on my snowboard. This was better. End quotes.

Boo. Alex? I want to take all 8,000 is insane. And just give it to the girl. I feel like. For a new sword and she should be allowed just like an hour in that hospital room. We're going to turn the lights off. Whatever happens, we don't have anything.

And she walks in and goes, round two. That's story one, friends. I don't like, normally, I don't like victim blaming. But I think he's the perfect victim to blame here. He just set himself up perfectly. If ever there was a time to do it, just to get that victim blaming catharsis out of your system, do it now. He needs to be, pardon the pun, cut down to size. And she's the person to do that.

Also, with all of that kind of winning mentality I bet he did figure out a way to cheat on her yeah you know what I mean

where it was just like and then bragged about that yes exactly he snuck out the window somehow it's a samurai sword store and a running shoe store and it's called

Blade Runner alright guys that's first story down in the books when we come back we have two more stories Karen Kilgariff is with us from My Favorite Murder

and all the other great things that she does. We'll be right back. All right, you guys, welcome back to the show. We have Karen Kilgariff. You guys are about to do a crazy tour through Europe. That's right. Do we have European listeners on our show? We most definitely do.

Bonjour. Bonjour. Those shows are probably going to be sold out, but find a way to get tickets to them. Do you know some of the highlights? It starts, I believe, in Manchester, London, Dublin, Glasgow. We're going to Oslo. Nice. I'm going to be in Oslo.

That's so cool. On my birthday. I know. It's very cool. That's awesome. We're going to Amsterdam also. Great. Fantastic.

All those places are good. And where can people, if there are any tickets left, where would they find them? On the My Favorite Murder site? Yeah, just go to myfavoritemurder.com and click on live and then they'll tell you all the things that are, I think Oslo might still be available. Okay, so we have been to and been a part of a live show. It's electric. It is one of the most. So much fun. Your fans are incredible.

They're amazing. It's electric. It is one of the most. So much fun. Your fans are incredible. They're amazing. I love just, first of all, I love listening to the studio ones, but like to hear it live, it is just fan and to be a part of it live, I highly recommend people go out and check It's so fun and it's so much easier than standup.

That's the thing I love so much. I disagree. What's insane is, what's insane, you say that, but I think what's crazy is I sat and watched the whole show, even the one that we were a of and I was like if you just like counted laughs with a stupid little counter in the corner you would have the same if not more laughs in your podcast as a full hour and a half of stand-up oh thank you I think so there were so many big moments throughout the whole thing and it's like riveting in a whole different way it's fascinating so fun it's very It's very cool. It's also very cool, those big crowds, but they seem to have great taste and great senses of humor.

So it doesn't feel... Well, they're all there for you. They're all there for you. You've cultivated that. They get it. Isn't that great? It's amazing. You jokingly said, we jokingly said that this is what you prepared for

when you decided to do this podcast. But in our careers, all of us, I think this is what you prepared for when you decided to do this podcast. But in our careers, all of us, I think this is what we all wanted was for people to appreciate what we do on the level that we hope that it could be appreciated. And it is for you guys. It's kind of, what I like to tell the youngsters is if you just try for 10 years straight,

something good will happen. There you go. It makes me think of us eating those terrible Eggo waffles in that horrible restaurant we went to when we were in Seattle for Bumbershoot. And there were things like that where, you know, sitting at the table where I'm like, will I ever have more than $20 in the bank?

Will I ever, will this matter ever? But, but how much fun did we have there? I mean, like we were so happy there. We were so happy in that moment. But also I will say this

yeah you keep trying for decades and decades and something will happen and it probably won't be the thing that you thought it was gonna well that's the thing i was gonna say is like you invested in you didn't you guys didn't set out to be like oh this will be a big hit podcast it was literally like this is what i like yeah this is what i want to talk about so like don't worry about trying to fit into everybody else's like shade oh you should go into this spot like i'll just keep doing what i love i mean take those opportunities but if you do what you love that's when it's best yeah and very satisfying like i've i've done things i really haven't loved before for a lot of money and it honestly sucked i'm not trying to you know no sound like whatever but's, it is very cool when something that like, I've been obsessed with the idea that people kill other people on purpose since I was like 10 years old.

So it's, it's very cool. Cause lots of other people have that same exact. So that obsession when you were 10 and just kind of whatever, it's just a thing that just fascinates you. You wind up watching everybody. It's a lot of people. It does.

Yeah. Then over time, you develop your talent as a comedian, as someone who's able to take material and then make that funny. And you juxtapose

the darkness of murder, which is as dark as it gets, with your ability to pull the rug out from under it in a comedic way. And to me, that's why the show is genius.

Agreed. I love that I just explained that to Karen tell her why it's good Randy tell her why it's gonna be successful she's unfamiliar

these are the things I'm taking with me in the dark of the night put them in your heart put them in your heart things get bad it's a Weight Watchers slash Samurai Sword

place and it's called Sword Losers alright let's move on to story two don't ever stop. You know I'm going to be keeping coming up with the rest of the show. I'll get a text later tonight, I'm sure.

On the Facebook page, I want everyone to come up with your mall samurai sword store name. I want it. I was trying, like, through the break. I was, like, rushing, and I'm like, I can only think of sore muscles. That's the only thing my brain will say. And it is like a seafood place. God damn it. Samurai sword.

No, no, no. It's a samurai sword that also is an Indiana Jones memorabilia store and it's called Harrison Sword. Damn it. At Sklar Brothers. Harrison Sword is pretty good. I'm sorry. I thought you were going to say, throw me the idol, I'll throw you the sword.

Also great. Are you ready to do one? Yes. Let's do it. Did I not say who sent in that first story? You didn't send in the first one. I don't think I did. Okay.

Who sent it? It was Dan, one way time machine reaser. Thanks. At sow, K-R Dan, S-O-W-K-R-D-A-N. Thanks, Wesley. So many people sent that story to me, and as far as I can tell, he was the first. I came across that story, too. All right, here we go.

I thought of that. This next one was sent in by James at theagent underscore Z. I love all these townies. You guys, some people get on me. I forget to say it sometimes. You can send all these at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people town. I go with the timeline of when I see it came in first. Yep.

Here we go. Woman who swears she saw and videoed Bigfoot is suing the state of California to recognize her sighting. Saskop. What did you say? Saskop. Saskop. Suing the state of California. That's what I was trying to say before. Saskop. Saskop. Is suing the state of California.

That's what I was trying to say before. Saskop. Saskop. To recognize her sighting after National Park officials told her she had seen a bear. So she said, you need to recognize Bigfoot as a real species. They said, ma'am, you saw a bear. She is now suing the state of California. For what?

What is she expecting to gain in the suit? Respect. Okay. Right. Can you put a price tag on that? I mean, yeah. It's like right around $40,000.

$5.3 million. Claudia Ackley sued the California Department of Fish and Wildlife to get it to recognize Bigfoot, the enormous humanoid creature allegedly seen by thousands of eyewitnesses.

She wants it to be recognized as an actual species. So this is a woman who's been pushed too far as well. This is a woman who was like, I should probably just leave it alone. And then I'm sure one person there said like, just, lady, you're crazy. It was the sass ranger. Sass cop. Sass Ranger. Sass Cop. Sass Cop. No, but this is a woman who was like,

I can eat my lunch in the reception area, and she did, and then five people were like, no, you can't. You cannot do that. And they kept telling her, no, I'm sorry. You can't leave your shopping cart over here. You got to move it back. Like all these people were telling her this.

If it were a movie, you'd hear the montage of all the people who were like, ma'am, don't cart over here. You gotta move it back. Like all these people were telling her this is how it's gonna be. If it were a movie you'd hear the montage of all the people who were like, ma'am, don't stand over there. And now I'm sorry. She's finally like, I'm gonna go on vacation. I'm going to the Redwoods. I'm gonna get away. I'm gonna go stand in a field. I may see something. I might not see something.

I'm gonna show you guys a picture of her. It looks like the newspaper asked her for a, like, do you have any photos? And she was like, let me just send you one. Let me just send you a new one. No, the newspaper wants to take a photo. Oh, God. She.

Claudia Ackley. So part of me absolutely loves her. Oh, yeah. I feel like she is. She's standing by what she believes. She's just. Bigfoot. She seems like an interesting gal.

She seems like. She has keen eyes. Yeah. She has those huge keen eye painting, sad child keen eyes. She does. She looks like a high angle like photo to make her look good. We all understand that. High angle selfie.

Gotta do it. She looks like she works at a WeWork space, but doesn't really have a job. She just like hangs out and is like, I'm just going to get coffee here. Like, ma'am, who are you here to see? Can you please sign in on the iPad? Like, ma'am, who are you here to see? Can you please sign in on the iPad? No, to me, the high angle makes me think she wants us to believe that Bigfoot took that picture.

Like, wow, that's from really high up. I mean, who could have taken that? Only one person. Only one animal. Only one species. It's from 12 feet up. Her first court hearing is set for Monday in San Bernardino. This is in the past now, though. However, a spokesman for the department would not comment on ongoing litigation.

Last March, Claudia Ackley was out for a hike with her two daughters near Lake Arrowhead, California. Okay. I love that she's hiking with her kids. This is such a nice thing. Just give this one to her, California. Give it to her. What is your problem, California? Now I'm against California.

She says they were at a trailhead with their dog when one of their daughters saw something that made her freeze in her tracks. Claudia says she saw an alpha male Sasquatch. Now, how do you know? I mean. I'm sure the kid didn't say that. He kept being like, I know the way to go. I'm the one who knows the way.

I'm not asking for directions. Okay, guys, we're going to walk through here. I've got the map. I've already got dinner set up. We're going a place I like. He had a whistle. Come on. He had a whistle.

You guys should have brought your own water. I brought enough water for myself. Alpha male. He's an alpha male Sasquatch looking at her from behind a tree. Apparently, one of her daughters had been taking video at the time. In the video, Claudia Ackley's daughter says, I swear to God, Mom, I'm going to

show you guys this video. It might be the worst video. This link will all be put up on the page. So my kids shouldn't take videos or pictures or anything. Don't trust them. I'm like, I hand the phone to my daughter. This is going to suck. This is going to be horrible.

Are you guys ready for what she claims is Bigfoot? Yeah. And again, this... Are you looking at a watercolor painting? Because that's all I see. I have no idea what that is. There is just... It's nothing. You can't make anything.

This was made with like a first edition Sprint flip phone. I don't even know what is behind that. What is that? It's a bear. It's a bear. Can you even see a bear? No. No, I can barely see a bear.

It looks like someone peeking out from behind there or something. It looks like a bag that's being waved. I can't see anything at all. But I would say that peeking is not a very alpha thing to do. That's true. They don't peep, right? That is very true. Alpha males take a good long gaze.

How did she know it was an alpha male? That's what I said. He was yelling stuff at her. As a parent, I fight this and battle this all the time, is trying to honor your children but don't make them believe that what they say is the law.

You have to say, yeah, I respect what you're saying, but at the same time, when they say some bullshit, you got to call them on it. There's this sort of modern thing in parenting where it's like, well, everything the kid says

should be honored. You don't want to negate their point of view. You don't want to put them down. Yeah, you do. In this instance, you'd be like, that's not Sasquatch. In this instance, you'd be like, that's not Sasquatch.

In this instance, and I think in many instances, you're a child. I say, that'd be so cool if it was. And then you will keep walking. And then you just keep walking. Musical instruments

and katanas. And it's called swords and cords. Oh! He's reading and thinking. I know. That's the key. Claudia, musical instruments? Musical. Musical instruments. Yeah, reading and thinking. I know. That's the key. Claudia.

Musical instruments? Musical. Musical instruments. Yeah, swords and chords. I thought it would be like, yeah. Guitars. Or if it's just recorders, it'd be swords and. Swords and recorders.

Swords and recorders. Claudia Ackley is adamant. Quote, I swear to God, on my life, we ran into a Sasquatch. She believes it, guys. She called the Department of Fish and Wildlife, which sent out an investigator. She showed the video to the investigator who said, ma'am, you saw a bear. Claudia rejected that, saying, my daughters have seen bears. They're not scared by bears.

To which I say, they should be. You're doing the wrong thing. You're doing it wrong. Don't let them in the wilderness. They're not safe. Have you ever seen a bear? Have you ever come close to a bear? No.

In your life? Have you? We were up in the Redwood Forest in Northern California. There's a petrified forest you can stop at and walk through. And we were walking through it. There was tons of people walking through it. And I looked up and there was a baby bear, which meant there was a mother bear.

And I did a whole like, talk about like alpha male. I stopped everyone on the trail. There was like little kids running toward us. And I was like, everybody go back. Because I was like, we're all going to get eaten by this bear. Because they protect those. There's video. I think this was up in Canada.

These people were on a bridge and a baby and the mom came up to one of the ends of the bridge and then the mom somehow got distracted and the baby ran down the bridge and everybody watched it then they all realized when she realized her baby was gone they're now in between her and the baby and you can see them be like

do we run towards the baby away from her which she'll think we're running at your child or do we run towards the mom who thinks we're in between? I jump off the bridge. Yes. I'm like, this is where I die somehow, and I like to decide how I die. You can see they all just kind of, they try to get as far, like take a wide banana around the baby bear and walk slowly without looking around at all.

Nobody was harmed,. Nobody was harmed. So my wife and I, when we were dating, we went up to, like near Saugerties and Woodstock and we were kind of walking along the Hudson Valley

and we were there at an edge, like there was sort of not like a cliff, but it went down to a small river basin and then behind us was a bunch of forest

and stuff. So there's really nowhere to go. There's this big deep drop and we're on the edge just kind of forest and stuff. So there's really nowhere to go. Yeah. There's this big, deep drop. And we're on the edge, just kind of a... And all of a sudden, we saw a massive... And there are black bears up there. We saw a massive tree, a big, tall tree, shake.

And then thawed on the ground, like 500 pounds hitting the ground. Like, okay, or 1,000 pounds hitting the ground. And we're stuck right there, nowhere to go. Like, we can can't outrun this and there is a barrier for us to go and i will say that in that moment you're like we're completely out of control i am so scared right now that we are not going to survive this thing that is what her children should feel at all times yes like the fact that you don't feel that i was in that situation i felt that well my rule too is usually every animal is bigger than you think it's going to be when you see it in real life.

And meaner. Oh, that's huge. And meaner. Yes. And meaner. And they smell. But also, don't you think that's a little bit of an indicator? You know when someone's trying to get their side going?

Yeah. Where it's just kind of like, and they do know. And they're not scared. Okay. It's like, you're fibbing and now you're showing that you're fibbing. Now you're lying. Now you're lying. Yeah.

And my kids aren't scared of bears. Yeah. They've ridden bears. We've ridden bears.'t scared of bears. Yeah. They've ridden bears. We've ridden bears. We're all part bear. So we would have. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true, ma'am.

Claudia says- By the way, this is, you don't work at this WeWork. You need to get out of the building. Please sign in, ma'am. Put the cappuccino down and sign in. I'm about to read you something that to me was the biggest delight of this story and tells you everything you need to know about Claudia Ackley. Let's hear it.

Ackley says this isn't the first time she's seen the creature. Stop it. The first time was in Washington State during a Bigfoot trek arranged as a vacation with her then husband in 2014. She saw what she thought was a small five foot tall Bigfoot in the trees. A little Bigfoot. and locked eyes with it she even made a plaster mold of an alleged footprint there was there they are supposed to be there to protect the public they're not doing their job she said of the wildlife uh conservation park view view, whatever. If I can save one life, it'll be worth it. Now, when asked about her locking eyes with the five-foot-tall Sasquatch,

she said, I realized... It's like a Shetland sketch with Sasquatch. It's the one for like kids' birthday parties. It's a Sasquatch. It's for the queen. It's a lap Sasquatch. It's a Sasqueak. Here it is.

I realized at that point, looking at the creature, that there's so much life that we don't know. Life is so beautiful, and I'm wasting my years, she says. I lost 125 pounds and decided to get a divorce after that. It motivated me to chase my dreams and live my life. I love her. The diverse of reaction here. Karen is like, holy shit,

this woman went through an epiphany, and the two of you are broken. I love her, and I love that she did this, and whether or not she saw a five foot Sasquatch. Do you now see though why this means so much to her? Yes. This is everything.

She has to fight. She has to fight for this. You're telling me my life-changing moment was fake? Yeah. Was a fucking bear? Bullshit. You're telling me

that I should go back and be with my husband again? I left Neil for nothing? You know she's called the park ranger Neil a few times as well. It's Pat. You listen to me, Neil.

It's Pat. Yeah, I'm not Neil. It's Pat. Neil, you never listen to me. She's like, I haven't had a slice of cake in seven years. Cake has nothing to do with whether or not we're going to decide. Neil, you leave it alone. I've given it up for these animals, for these creatures.

Bear or no bear, you don't need cake. I love cake and I miss cake. Ma'am, you cannot file a report about a creature that does not exist. I don't care what you saw up in Washington. It doesn't exist. Just the sentence. I'll sue you. Go ahead.

No, ma'am. Let it out. Let her get out. I want to sue cake. You can't. You can't sue cake. You cannot sue cake against cake in general. I will win.

No, ma'am. Just the words, quote, I lost 125 pounds And decided to get a divorce It motivated me To chase my dreams And live my life First of all God bless her She looks great

She does look great She looks great Second I mean And maybe she could start The Sasquatch diet Which is like You see a Sasquatch

Eye to eye Go to a field Go to a field Eye to eye You will put you In contact with a Sasquatch And it will change your life Can't you see like

An infomercial with a Sasquatch being like, are you in a loveless marriage? Are you ready to make that change in your personal fitness and health? Are you turning to food when you could be turning to me, the most majestic fake creature in all of the forest? Look at me. I'm here. Look at me. Look me in the eye.

Michael Shermer, an author, professor, and publisher, says for Claudia Ackley to win in court, she's going to need more than just eyewitnesses like her daughters. You can't sue the state of California

to protect a species if you can't prove the species exists he said. I wanted to throw in a god damn it at the end there. God damn it.

That applies to everything from a snail to Bigfoot. You can't just throw up a Wait what? Snails are fake. Snails are real things.

You can't just show up at... Wait, what? Snails are fake. Snails are real things. You can't just show up at a conference and say, I saw this incredible thing at 3 a.m. on a camping trip. Can I name it? No. You have to have a body. Which tells me that people have shown up at conferences before and tried to say that. Yeah, he's mad at other people. This is something that's happening and he's getting it out.

This is a guy that's been attacked by raccoons. You can tell that he's seen the shit out there. By the way, I'm not, and I know this is going to seem far-fetched, I think she saw Matt Lauer. Out in the woods? Yes. He's got a button on the tree that just shuts the forest down. He is really short, right?

He's like around five feet tall. I mean, hairy dude? Hairy. As for a Bigfoot, he says, there's no conspiracy. Biologists would love to find another bipedal primate. It would be the find of the century. God damn it. However, Claudia Ackley is determined to prove it's true.

Quote, if you think this, I love this too. This is, we're going to, well, one fun question for you, but this is her last thing. Quote, if you think you intimidate me after being face-to-face with an 800-pound alpha creature... And my own weight. Well, you don't. Well, you don't. Not, you don't know me. Just, well, you don't. You don't intimidate me.

You don't. You simply don't. I love that she's not intimidated by anything. Now, you've seen her. Even the truth. I'm going to ask you guys, how old is Claudia Ackley? At what point in her life was she chasing down Bigfoot, hiking with the girls, getting a divorce, losing 125 pounds? She's got a daughter who can operate a phone. So she's three. Albeit not well.

This is also taking place, though, in Washington State? Yeah. Well, that was her one hike. Or Oregon. Both. I don't know. Let me see. Well, no, she's still in the state of California.

So this most recent one was in California. Oh, that was Lake Arrowhead. That's right. Yes, Lake Arrowhead. But before that, the divorce and the weight loss came from one in Washington. Okay. All right. That's Washington weight loss.

Again, you could attribute it to that. Now, you are our guest, Karen, so you can go first, Tig, or third. It's up to you. Tig's in the middle slot. I'll go third. Okay. Okay. Randy or Jay? Jay? She's third. It's up to you. It's in the middle slot. I'll go third. Okay. Randy or Jay? Jay. You saw her picture. Yeah, she's 38. 38 years old from Jason Sklar.

I think she's 43. 43 years old from Randy Sklar. Karen Kilgareff. How old is Claudia Ackley? Am I allowed to ask? You can ask anything. Since she had a very significant weight loss, do you know if she had any kind of surgeries? It does not say.

No, I've never read of her being. Or like a skin tightening thing. Because she's taught to looking. Like, I want to say. I don't know. So the quote was, life is so beautiful and I'm wasting my years. I lost 125 pounds and decided to get a divorce.

That kind of energy with the eyes made me feel like maybe she did it naturally. I don't know. It could go either way. She still made the decision. She did. I'm going to say Claudia is 41. 41 years old. Jason says

38 and I say 43. We're all in the same general area. Claudia Ackley is get your guesses in at home, townies is We're all in the same general area. Claudia Ackley is, shout out your ham radios. Get your guesses in at home, Tonys, is 46 years old. Oh, she looks great. She looks incredible. Our age.

Wow. We look terrible. I mean, seriously. Also, that was a good angle. A good angle. That's why you got to get those cameras up. Ask the Bigfoot to take it. Eyes wide open.

Eyes look big. Eyes wide open. All right, there you go. Story two in the books. Can you tease a little from story three, Dan? We need the town's help solving a crime in Wisconsin. I love it. Think of another sword store when it's through the break.

We'll be back with more Dumb People's Town. Oh, it's the discount one for people who collect stuff. Sworders and hoarders. All right, Dan, right on it. He's back in it. At Daniel Van Kirk. We're the Sklar Brothers. She's Karen Kogaroff.

We'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Hey, guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. It's a sword store and a Mexican restaurant called South of the Sorter. I like it. It's a sword store that you can get really nice things engraved on the sword. It's just called Swords to Remember. I'll take it. I'll take it.

We're back. One final story. Hey, by the way, our Chicago, I think our podcast is sold out in Chicago. But we have stand-up shows on either side of it with Daniel Van Kirk at North Bar. If you go to Live at North Bar, you can check it out and get those tickets. Those tickets are going, by the way. I think we're up around – There's only a few left, but we will –

If you want to get tickets for the late stand-up show and you got shut out from the podcast – There will be some Dumb People Town fun. We may have a little Dumb People Town fun in the late show, too. Nice. Nice teaser. That's how you do it. That's how we tease it up. And then the next night, I think that link is now live at the cherokee casino in uh west siloam yes that's

may 4th in chicago may 5th in west siloam at the cherokee casino with brian moses have you ever done that yes i believe so is that lacy apple game yes yes the best i fucking love that it is the best show you're treated so well and those fucking cookies they give you. Oh, my God. I love those cookies. And I love when you walk in the hotel and the relief. The giant diorama of the Cherokee Indians in the beginning are kind of life-size, but just maybe two inches smaller. Like a Shetland Sasquatch.

Like a Sasquatch. Not an Alpha. No, they are an Alpha Cherokee. Sorry, that girl's name is Lacey. Not Alpha. Alphas. Not Alphas. No, they aren't Alpha Cherokees. That girl's, sorry, that girl's name is Lacey. Lacey Applegate. She was, treated us,

I mean, she's like the dream booker. Because she loves, for all, here's the one thing that all the great comedy clubs, all the great venues, all the great festivals all have in common.

The people who run it love comedy. Yeah. Passionate about it, get it, understand it then you will have a great time

as a performer so May 5th we heart you Lacey alright here we go yep sent in by Justin P at Plock Hooey Justin P is an old school

he's been around forever thanks Justin sweet dude a Wisconsin police department made a bit of an unusual request to the public on Tuesday after a woman's public

bathroom had been repeatedly clogged over the past year and a half okay someone's going in there and wrecking a women's a public women's but they're flushing things down the toilet that they should not cereal toilet clogger on the loose in sheboygan, Wisconsin That's the headline On the loose Maybe we should Send in Sasquatch Yeah The Sheboygan scanner Police scanner

Is a God damn delight It's the best I mean so much of our feed Can be filled up Facebook or whatever With just Twitter where it's just like

Oh that's a down Oh god You need Some follows like that That you're like Oh god Hashtag Sheboygan shitstorm I mean is that what we're calling this?

Yes. Here we go. The Facebook post from the Sheboygan Police Department, in conjunction with the Department of Public Works, started with a simple request. Please do not place trash or other rubbish into a public toilet. Don't do it. That's not human waste.

Who doesn't get that? Who doesn't understand that? Recognizing the oddity of the statement, police went on to explain that, quote, someone has been clogging the woman's toilet at the Dillon Community Center with a 20-ounce soda bottle. Now, what is that all about?

Who is doing that? Repeatedly, with a 20-ounce soda bottle. That's where they want to put it. Is that those ones that are like this big you'd get at like 7-Eleven? Yeah. It's like plastic. It's bigger than the 60s. Yes. A lot of Mountain Dew bottles.

Essentially, they're like Code Reds. They're like, listen, we know. This is a 12-year-old. This can't be an adult. Right. This cannot be an adult. We know that 16 ounces is probably about four ounces more than you should have. That's why we're going to give you four extra

ounces. Now, the thing is, have you guys all seen Mindhunters? I'm just assuming Karen and I definitely have. Okay. So, so much, and you guys do this in your show. We do it here. Like, what was that person thinking? Like, it's not, even murder, it's not always about sex. Sometimes it's about control. Sometimes it's about fear.

Sometimes it's about embarrassment. Sometimes it's about notoriety. Someone wanting to be recognized yeah like what is the in the person's infatuation with like plugging a hole instead of flushing the person is actually inserting the bottle into the toilet pipes repeatedly over a year and a half does that and the phrase instead of flushing does that mean that they use the toilet and then did that? I don't know. What I do know, and I'm about to share it with you guys, is they commissioned some artwork for this crime. And it is everything you would want the Sheboygan Police Department to create if they've got a problem with people putting bottles in the toilets. Look at this.

Oh my god. That looks like a 1950s ad. First of all, the person, Karen, please describe the guy who is shoving the guy who is in the women's bathroom shoving the bottle. It looks like a cartoon if Beetle Bailey, if they ever featured people that were not in the

army. Like if the Beetle Bailey had a high school principal character. If Beetle Bailey were dishonorably discharged. And then had to go get a job at a sweater store. But the thing that doesn't make sense is it's a man doing it, but they said it's the women's bathroom that it's been happening. I love that they're just like, we're not going to blame women. This is Sheboygan. This has got a man's hands all over it.

There's some cop that wanted to be a cartoonist. Yes. Who drew this. Who had like everything rejected from the New Yorker. And he's like, I got a little bit of a New Yorker toilet

going on there. Do you guys need a sketch? Yeah. No, we don't, Ron. We don't need a sketch. Ron, what would help is if you'd arrest some people and control, you know.

Here's how I can make a very arresting sketch of what's going on. No, Ron, we don't need it. He did the drawing and they were like, you gotta put the fucking sign in there, man. You can put a goddamn Sheboygan badge on there too while you're at on. No, Ron, we don't need it. He did the drawing and they were like, you got to put the fucking sign in there, man.

You can put a goddamn Sheboygan badge on there too while you're at it. Otherwise, it's going to go viral. They're not going to know it's us. I want a Sheboygan police patch. I want that for any of my coats. Sheboygan police. It looks like, remember the, where's the conjunction junction? What's your function?

Oh yeah, Schoolhouse Rock. Looks like a Schoolhouse Rock drawing. Also, I'm going to get the name wrong. The character, he also looks like from Goodfellas, Tommy Two Times or whatever. The guy, going to get the papers, get the papers. He looks exactly like that character. He definitely looks like a guy whose hair is not his. No, in colors.

Colors it. Colors it. Colors it, and it's a rug. It's a just-for-men situation. He colors a rug that should have already been colored. The maneuver has cost thousands of dollars for labor and repair, police said, in addition to the fact that the bathroom was out of service. Quote, why do this?

I do not know. This is what I love about the Midwest. That's an answer. This is what I love about the Midwest. This cop is writing this Facebook post to you, like a menu that says, guess what? You're going to love these chicken strips. A menu that talks to you. That's what this cop's it this cop why do this i don't know but if you help us find the person i will tell you police said this is very strange and gross but that's the reality of life he's getting like

he's like worldview existential strange and gross that's how life happens to you. I don't know how it happens. You need to start facing these things. Stop being such a child. You're 14. Who's 14? He started out the post with, like, you goddamn kids. Listen to me for once. I would love it if he just ended it with, like,

just the whole post is the way that it is, and he just ends it, Lisa. You're like, wait, are you talking to someone? Who are you talking to? And if you have any more questions, ask your mother. I'm going to ask you guys. Yeah.

Since 2016, how many times has the toilet been clogged? Enough to make a draw. You can go first, take a third, wherever you want. On this one,

I'm going to go first. Okay. It's 2018 as far as I know now. Yeah. Almost halfway through it. Okay. So,

it's been going on for two years. We're a third of the way through. I think maybe it's happened 60 times. That's so many times. It was such a strongly worded message.

They've had enough. And they commissioned art. I think 15 times is enough. I think it's happened by monthly experience. I think it's happened once a month and if we're talking 36 months, I think it's happened about 35 times. 35 times from Randy, Jason says

15, 60. 60 from Karen Kilgara. The facility's toilet was clogged since 2016, 2017, and even in 2018, the specifics of which I will redo in a second. But in total, since 2016, the Chapoigan police officers have been trying to catch the toilet clogger who has done this 29 times. Whoa!

Nice! Why? 29 times. Once a month. Why? 29 times. Once a month. 29. You have an infatuation, right? I mean, that's some crazy habitual behavior. By the way, after 10 times,

you put a tiny camera in the ceiling to see who is doing it. Oh, because it's the same bathroom. Put a GoPro in there. Yeah. Is it the same bathroom? You could actually have a toilet camera. Put a goddamn deer camera in there

in wisconsin they light up when motion comes in front of them get that woman's kids to shoot a video of it i'm sure that but you know what like as i'm picturing it with the size of those bottles and then with the hole in a toilet i'm seeing a person who walked in casually, of course has maybe light mental problems, and was finishing the end of their code red, went to pee, and then was like, that hole is this size. And I want to prove it to myself. And then it was so satisfying. You have to keep doing it.

Yeah. Because does it say anything about that the toilet explodes? Well, I don't think so. Just clogs up. Also, due to privacy laws, they can't put a camera inside, right? No, they can't. You cannot. Certainly not from up inside the toilet.

Unless it says, say cheese, you're on camera. You should put a bathroom attendant. Yeah. But then it would just stop and you would never know who did it. And people would use so much hairspray. Yeah, and there's nothing worse than that feeling of not having a dollar for the bathroom attendant.

A dollar for a stick of gum? When you are broke in life and you meet up one of your out-of-town friends at a bar you'd never go to and they have a bathroom attendant and you're like,

I'm sorry. I look them right in the eye and I go, I'm sorry I don't have money to give you. Yeah, I do the same thing. Can I have another piece of gum?

I'm starving. This gum is my dinner. These mints are amazing. This is the only place I've ever seen certs. To break it down. Certs. Are these from the 80s? With Retsin?

Ooh, Mentos. To break it down, the facility's toilet was clogged roughly a dozen times in 2016. Once a month. About 14 times in 2017 and three times so far in 2018. Joe Curlin, I want to hang out with him on name alone, the city's parks and forestry superintendent told the Sheboygan Press. Joe Curlin,

Sheboygan City Parks. Joe Curlin is that guy, when you answer the phone he tells you that it's him. Hello, Joe Curlin here. Look, I have a question for you. He answers the phone with one hand on his head. He's just taking care of business. Always looking out a window. Always looking out a window.

He has a cell phone holster on his belt. Joe Curlin here. Got a question for you. He told the news outlet, quote, we can't figure this one out. Curlin's giving up, guys. Wow, that's not like him. That's how life is. Curlin is beside himself.

Messy and you don't figure it out. Police have received evidence from the cameras near the bathrooms, Curlin said, showing an adult man who could be the culprit. Authorities said they're working to find out who is responsible and asked residents to share any information they may have. We're going to get out of here on this. If you have information but wish to remain anonymous and be eligible for a reward, you can report this to the Sheboygan

County-wide Crime Stoppers at 877-283-8436. I'm asking you townies, get out there and catch this guy. So, Boston had the Boston Strangler. This is the Sheboygan Clogger. That's who we got here. Which is also a great form of dancing popular

in Wisconsin. Yeah, that's right. Not to be mistaken. For the Sheboygan Clogger. The amazing Sheboygan Clogger. Who does incredible cloggers. Who does great clog dancing. Performs at the Rathskeller every weekend. And actually came up with the bit in the Tenacious D series when they did the clogging. They did clogging in that?

Yeah, they did do clogging in that. I've seen a lot of clogging in my life. The Brat Fest Labor Day weekend every year. The last one I'm going to do before we get out of here is a fast food restaurant where you get to basically build your own everything and it's everything is done and at the end you receive a samurai sword with your order it's called made disorder can I do the last one since Swords to Remember was so weak it's it's a sword store where the swords

also some of them are plastic and you can put stuff inside them maybe take it to college it's the container sword damn it

that took me like a full hour the journey is the best part the explanation to see you walk to it because you had to add college in explanation to see you walk to it because you had to add college in there just to see you

get to college was my favorite part that is the show you guys Karen Kilgariff thank you so much everybody if you're not listening

to My Favorite Murder join the millions of people that are and you'll be so happy because you can tell she is this amazing thank you for listening to this

and thank you for downloading the Audible thing. If you do, it's called Squarge. You guys did great work on it. I was your friend. I was there for a lot of it. You put a lot of work into it. And you helped us too especially in that St. Louis episode. Dan came up with so much great material in there. I was just trying to maintain.

I know my limits. Alright guys, come out. Send your sword stores to the Facebook page. Instead right, guys. Come out. Send your sword stores. Send them to the Facebook page. Instead of a voicemail today, we had sword store names. Yeah, that's perfect. There you go. And oh, shit.

We got to get back to work. It's a good show.