Dumb People Town - Kathy Griffin - Literally Her Day

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

Comedian and actress Kathy Griffin stops by as Jason explains how a 77 year old woman married herself, Randy describes how a ferry passenger got caught smuggling lizards in her bra, and Daniel warns against suing Hershey's over chocolate footballs, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: BetterHelp and Rocket Money! Learn to make time for what makes you happy, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/DPT today to get 10% off your first month. Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/DPT. 

Dan and Ren and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news, breaking down each epic fail. In Florida, there's half-price bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan And heard, don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Put your downies, don't people town Alright gang, this show is sponsored by our friends at BetterHelp

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That's rocketmoney.com slash DPT. Rocketmoney.com slash DPT. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you. Population, Griffin. Yes. Hey, Griffin.

You are with us, and I'm so happy to see you. Dumber than ever. Jason's son is a friend of Scott Disick's. No, he's not Scott. Mason Disick. He's a friend of Mason Disick. So my son came home the other day and was like- I won't cross the Mason Disick line.

You shouldn't. It's dangerous. My son's like, I was at a party with Mason Disick. I was like, what party? What does that mean? He had a giant mansion. He's like, he knows me. And I'm like, he doesn't know you.

He does not know you. Can you imagine what the budget was for that party? Like, major budget. Like a million. Not even kidding. Can you imagine the hair and makeup? The hair and makeup budget alone. Thousands. Was it for the kid?

The vape budget alone on this party. Strawberry vape budget. Kids birthday party. I lost my water. We'll get you water. It's right over there. Jay will get it for you. Jay, go get it. It's right on the table. Can I leave it there? I'm sorry. Jay's going to get it for you.

I'm one of the dumb people. Don't spill it on our bag here. Don't hurt the Givenchy bag. Givenchy bag. Next to my Dolce & Gabbana coat. God bless you. Listen, Kathy, this is my question to you, and this is because it's been a while since we've hung,

but I'm just saying, has the world gotten dumber, or are we just more privy to the dumb that exists? Or is it louder? The world is so much dumber. And I'll tell you why. Because people now are proud of it. Yes. Dumber's gotten louder or dumber's gotten prouder.

They've gotten louder and prouder. And there's a lot of like, I don't read. But with that attitude, like, why would I read? Why would I read? Badge of honor. I don't read. Right. And then, of course, the homeschooling doesn't help.

Homeschooling does not help because you don't have access. Like, curriculum is not a bad thing to have access to. I think one in ten get it right. And then there's a bunch of people who are like, it's easy. My parents, God love them, enjoyed the drink. I can't even imagine your mom and dad. My parents even getting past, like, history. Nice.

Much less like science. Or just what version of history it would be. Like, you want to know about your uncle? Drunk history. You want to know about what your uncle did to this family? Is this going to be on the test? I do have an uncle, by the way, even though we're Irish

and I'm a bit of what you call a fallen Catholic, but I had one uncle for some reason who hated the Kennedys so much, he sent us a photograph in the days of photographs of himself pissing on the eternal flame. Oh my God. Oh my Lord. Blasphemy.

Uncle who? Uncle Morris. Uncle Morris. May he rest in a little peace. A little peace. But not all of it. May he have an uncomfortable. That is a lot of anger.

I mean, pissing on the eternal flame and then sending it to the Irish Catholic Griffins. I'd love to say this. That's not only an affront to the eternal flame. It's an affront to Susanna Hoffs, who sang the song Eternal. Thank you. And everyone around there. All right. So you got our story. Here's the deal. Ask not

what you could pee on. All right. So, Kathy, here's the deal. Our fans who are amazing send us in the craziest news stories that exist in the world. We have three of them today that we're going to break down with you, and we'll talk about all of them. Try and understand why people do dumb things. Jay, who's the first one? All right.

Well, hold on. Do I get to plug the tour for one goddamn minute? We'll do it at the top of the second segment, too. Okay. Okay. I ain't don't scream at me. You're here. I'm in an atmospheric river.

Okay. You are. We all are. All right. This is sending. I'm in a depression creep. Okay. Hi We all are. All right. This is sent in. I'm in a depression. Okay. Hi.

Totally my type. That's right. Huh? There you go. Sent in by Adam Poulton at Poultski 75. Thank you, brother. Thanks, Adam. Thank you.

77 year old woman gets married to herself. Hey, if you can't love the one you're with, love the one you're with. This is a hot trend. I'm telling you. Right? People getting married to themselves. I'm 63. Just filed for divorce two months ago.

I heard about that. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. So very happy to be here. Not even kidding. I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be with straight guys I don't want to shoot.

Sure. Thank you. So far. So far. So far. So far. We'll get there. You're on the bubble, Daniel.

We'll get there, Daniel. You're on the bubble. You'll get there. Daniel. You're on the bubble. You'll get there. But there's this trend. Like, for example, if you've heard of the giant 90s supermodel, Linda Evangelista. Sure have. She famously said at her age, she didn't quite say marry herself, but she said, I'm done with romance.

I'm done with dudes. And when I'm in bed, I don't even want to hear a man breathing that's unbelievable so she'll sleep next to a dead man well i mean you know why because she wants freedom and jane fonda yes if i never meet another guy again i'm fine kristin johnston from third rock and mom and righteous gemstones I'm so happy with myself. See, you don't say lonely anymore. You say happy with myself. So much so that you'll marry yourself.

So this is it. I don't want to quote Woody Allen, but he said, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. All right. This might be the most feel good story in the history of Don't People Tell. Whoa. All right. When Dorothy Dottie Fideli walked down the aisle.

Hold on. You're going to skip over that? Dorothy Dottie Fideli. Dorothy Dottie Fideli. Is she Dottie to just us or all of her good friends? To everybody. Because I'm not going to call her Dorothy. She's Dottie to me. She's Dottie from here on out. Dottie Fideli? Dottie Fideli. She got married. That's a full name person.

Oh my gosh. Did you hear about what happened to Dottie Fideli? You can't just say Dottie. I'll be like, do you hear what happened to dot who or like dotty fidelli's here dotty fidelli's here yes and other way too like we're in the kitchen and like i'm cleaning the glasses and you're cutting the circuitry and they're like oh dotty fidelli's here yeah like it's a full and then after we're washing the dishes and i say to kathy as she's drying did you hear what dotty fidelli said and i say i just as she's drying, did you hear what Dottie Fideli said? And I say, I just thank God Dottie Fideli made her famous stuffing. Because that was delicious. She puts real chunks of fake celery in it.

For the first time in years, I thought, I think Dottie Fideli's happy. It's a Fideli family secret that she finally let slip. She lets the stuff. All right. So she walked down the aisle this past weekend. She celebrated her love for someone who has been there for her through thick and thin herself. But what if you say, can you be on the groom's side? Whose side of the aisle are you on?

There's no aisle, dude. There's no aisle. Or is it a very narrow aisle just for Dottie Fideli? Maybe she walks in from the back. Right. Why not? Why not? Because no one can stop her.

There's no Mr. Fidelity screwing up her day. It literally is her day. It's her day. And her day alone, or rather with herself. It's also her day. She is the physical manifestation of a Lizzo song. That's right. Yep.

Bless her. It's Dottie Fidelity's day, and it's Dottie Fidelity's day. It's about time. It's about damn time. Dottie Fidelity also sounds like a very cool rapper that I am not aware of. Or a very delicious cannoli shop. Right. We got to go to Dottie Fideli's after we pick up bagels.

Oh, my God. I love their food. They're so good. It's on the south side of Boston. So she's a resident of the O'Bannon Terrace Retirement Community in Goshen, Ohio. So Goshen, Ohio. We know it. It's near Canton, Ohio.

First of all, one of us must have played there. Yes. I have not. You did the Goshen Arts Center. I did Columbus. I probably did the Goshen Fest. Cincinnati on my latest run, but I don't think I did. I mean, it's close.

It's got to be. She married herself on May 13th in an emotional and symbolic ceremony surrounded by neighbors, friends, and family. I love it. Can I stop you? Yes. Does it say who was emotional?

She probably was emotional. I'm sure everybody cried a little bit. I think it would be a combination. I'm going to be honest. If it were me, I might giggle. Just because of the novelty. I'm not talking smack about Dottie Fidelity or any of the Fidelities.

There would be a moment where you would touch your thing and be like, did I bring the ring? Right. You know, who's got the ring? That joke? Okay. And I can't believe that Dottie Fidelity wouldn't have like a cute dog bring the ring. Oh, that's true. I feel like that's, somebody should have thought of that.

You could have Caitlyn Jenner be both your best man and wife. I'm not speaking to her. Okay. God damn it. I don't care for her politics and I don't care that she lives in my neighborhood and I fear running into her at the grocery store. I'd fear she rolled up behind me in a car. I think Donnie Fidelity,

going off the dog thing. I like how we're calling her Fidelity now. Donnie Fidelity. Donnie Fidelity Mutual. They're a fiduciary. They only make investments on our... Mama Fratelli, Donnie Fidelity. I feel like if she does have a dog, Fraternitiary. They only make investments on our... Mama Fratelli, Daddy Fratelli.

I feel like if she does have a dog, it's like pooches three. Like she keeps naming the dog the same name when she gets a new one. And getting the same dog. We didn't do that. You had great dogs. I have four dogs. Great. And sometimes I even bring them on tour with me. Whoa.

That's how bad I am. How do you do that? Just to feel like what it's like to be in a band. Fly private. But also that's like being in a band. I'm in a band where I'm the lead singer and then four dogs.

And I've never had love like that in my life. That's right. And they're all in the bed and I love it. I love it. That's wonderful. Amen. Just like Dottie. She said, quote, I said, you know what? I've done everything else. Why not? I'm going to marry myself, she told Today.com.

Why not? Why not? Is she drunk? Why not? Hopefully. Hopefully. Live your life, Dottie Fidelity. Show me talk to Today.com. All right. Fidelity asked Rob Geiger, the property manager of a retirement home, to perform the ceremony. What's the Geiger count on that?

How many ceremonies do we think, let's be honest, at an old folks home? Oh, that's true. It could be often. I think it's often. It might be the third one that day. I wonder if he does divorces. And then he does, and then he match makes. For what those places charge, and I would know for my parents, they really should throw that in.

They should throw in a wedding. We should throw in weddings, bar mitzvahs, divorces. Thank you. Meals, meals, and you get two weddings. Yes. You get two. Two, just two. That's reasonable.

Use them when you want. One of them could be to yourself. Or you can use none. None, none. Or you should at least get two. And you could bank them and share them with a friend. Yes. They're like rollover marriage.

You can rollover a marriage to your spouse. So now, Dave Fidelity. No, Rick Geiger. There we go. Rick Geiger. Rob Geiger. I came in here and I told Rob, I said, Rob, I love that I leave all this in the article. I came in and I told Rob, I said.

That's her quote? Yeah. That's her quote? Yeah, I told Rob, I said. By the way, none of us can get booked on the today show no daddy has it hooked today well she was she was talking to matt lauer all right uh okay somebody has to he pressed the finger on the button yeah finger on the button i said rob you're gonna marry me fidelity she has a drink in her hand and he said so this is the joke she said rob you're gonna you're going to marry me. And he said, you're what?

As soon as Fidelity explained what she wanted to do, Geiger jumped at the chance to honor a woman who has always brought so much joy to other people. She's an incredible woman. I love this woman. She is full of life, he told Today.com. She has always thought of others. Fidelity's daughter, Donna Pennington.

Wait. Hold on. So she does. I don't want to use Pennington. Wait. Hold on. So she does. I don't want to use the word baggage. Yes. But at first it sounds like Rob was maybe open to the party. That was a proposal. Exactly.

Do we know if there's a Mrs. Rob? No, we don't. Exactly. That's right. Doodiligencetoday.com. Come on. Do your research. What's her daughter's name?

Donna Pennington. Donna Pennington. Didn't we have a Pennington coat? No, the Pendleton. Oh, sorry. Wait, is Pennington the middle What's her daughter's name? Donna Pennington. Donna Pennington. Didn't we have a Pennington coat? No, the Pendleton. Oh, sorry. Wait, is Pennington the middle name or her married last name? Her married last name. Donna Pennington.

And her character on Law and Order. Dun, dun. Chin, chin. Chin, chin. Whatever happened to Donna Pennington? I don't know. She died in the back of her office. I was just working my, I just got out of my shift and I saw two feet sticking out of the

dress. The guy who found her dead body cannot stop whatever task he's in the middle of, no matter what. Opening boxes, typing something, he's not stopping. Putting mail away. Not even for Benson and Stabler. Hey, detective, I don't got time for this. Yeah.

I got to put these letters in the boxes. All right, Fidelity. All right, here we go. Fidelity's daughter, she goes, oh, mom, yeah, let's go do it. I'll go get your dress. I'll get you everything, Fidelity said. Check her out. Fidelity's daughter. She goes, oh, mom. Yeah, let's go do it. I'll go get your dress. I'll get you everything. Fidelity said. That's her.

Pennington said. Pennington. Her daughter did all the cooking and decorated the community room of the retirement home with a balloon arch and other special touches. I love it. There was a two-tiered white cake decorated with red roses as well as a heart-shaped cookies and finger sandwiches in the shape of wedding bells. I'm so pissed

that I missed this wedding. I wanted to. We should have all been here. Are we imagining a marble cake? Banger. Marble cake? Oh, I love marble cake. I love a good marble. When I marry myself, I'm totally getting marble cake. You can get whatever you want. Whatever I want. It's my day. Because the marble cake represents the

yin and yang of life. Thank you. I'm sorry. And being enough. And being enough. Enough chocolate, enough vanilla. It's enough. By the way, it's got everything inside of it. Just like you have everything inside of you.

Just like Dottie. Everything inside of her. She looked lovely on the big day in a white dress. Nerve. A lot of nerve. And sheer long sleeves. That's chutzpah. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but balls to spare. We know who you are. Floral detailing as well as a silver belt and a veil with an embellished headband. I love it. I was nervous, but then I was really happy, she said, describing her feelings on the day. I love that she was nervous.

Nervous to who? I don't know. Who's she going to like? Her spouse. What if she says no? Are they having their final? What if she says no? What about, you know,

they say you have the worst fight before your wedding. Do you think she bought herself? Internal struggle. Yes. A marble cake inside of her. I hope she didn't take it out on Pennington. I hope so. She's just there to help.

That's her daughter. Pennington's just there to build a balloon arch. Donna P. An arch. I just want to take a minute with the arch alone. I mean, that is craftsmanship. That is Hobby Lobby. Politics aside.

Straight up. Aside. Aside. You can't order a balloon arch from Michael's. You got to put that thing together. No, you have to make it and assemble it yourself. Just ask Donna. Party city.

When Fidelity first had the idea of marrying herself, she thought she might be just one of the things that I normally do to uplift people in her retirement home. I do some crazy things around here to make people laugh. Like get drunk. To make people laugh. Yeah. She said, when I see them all down in the dumps, I get one of my outfits on and dress up

and come down and they smile. I love it. Do you think she's a furry? And I don't judge like you guys do. I don't judge. Listen, if you want to get ready and do it furry style, then we're okay. I mean, they're harmless, ultimately.

They're just happy. I don't understand, but they're harmless. I think Kathy called this woman perfect. When we were like, we first broke it down and you said she walks into her room and says, Donna Fidelity's here. That's right. That is her. She's got one of her outfits on. Start the party. She's got one

of her outfits on. I guarantee you she has a cowgirl outfit. She has a naughty nurse. I hope so. Well, now at this stage, it's very naughty. You want to see her? Yes. I do want to see Donna Fidelity. Talk about bearing the lead. Zoom, pinch out on this. Is that a little person?

She looks like the woman from Poltergeist. She for real looks like the woman from Poltergeist. She also looks like the woman in Nicole Kidman movie, The Others, where she goes, I am your daughter. She could be another.

Yes, another. Are you ready? For what year did she get married, her first marriage? She got married once. 64. Danza's 64. Wait, how old is she? We don't know.

77, I think. Oh, so not 64. Hey, you guys, this could go way back. I mean, she could have gotten married in like 1950. Okay, so just pick a year. I mean she could have Gotten married in like 1950 Okay So we'll just pick a year I think she got married In 65 Okay that's a range

50 50 She was born in like 45 So you're saying Oh wait a minute She's not five Can I redo Yeah you can pick a year

And I know this show Is called Dumb People But I'm gonna have to go with I'm gonna stick with 64 I'm gonna stick with 63 Just to be Okay I'll going to stick with 64 I'm going to stick with 63 just to be I'll go with 67 67 final answer

One of you is exactly right So now you get to Pick who's right You can stay with yours you can go to someone else If you like someone else's you can jump to someone else I'm going with Randy it's not me You came in hot after I changed I'm going to go 65

All of you are right 65 It's not me. I think it's 65. You came in hot after I changed. I'm going to go 65. All of you are right. Yeah! Smart people! You've made wise choices. Rename the podcast. Smart people town. But she never had a formal wedding. She said that she and her ex exchanged vows at the Justice of the Peace right after the

ceremony. He went to work and I went home. Does it say what he did for a living? No. She said, I wore a black dress. I was doomed before it got started. Wow. She wore a black dress. He went to work and she went home. Does it say what he did for a living? She said, I wore a black dress. I was doomed before it got started. Wow. She wore a black dress. He went to work and she went home? Dan, I was like,

you're like, is this, hang on a second, is this a Dolly Parton song? And then she's like, no, I wore a black dress. I'm like, no, it's a Loretta Lynn song. It just went from a Dolly Parton song to a Loretta Lynn song. Yes. This is, I told my daughter this is the best thing I've ever had outside of having you kids. This is what I always wanted.

I'm happy you gave it to me. It's just like when mom had an adult bat mitzvah. Yes. But I want to say the outside of you kids was a little bit of an afterthought. Like she should have, outside of you kids, this is the best thing. Should have led without the outside of you kids. I'm going to use the word bridezilla. Sorry.

She's real. And I'm going to use the word groomzilla. She's both. She's both. Is there a groom to use the word groomzilla. She's both. She's both. Is there a groomzilla show? You would know. No, but there should be. Part of bridezilla is sometimes if the guy was better,

they would focus on how he was the groomzilla, but there should absolutely be at least a gay version. Can we all host a show called Groomzilla? Yes. And can we get Patti Stanger involved? Yes. Do you know Patti Stanger involved? Yes. Do you know Patti Stanger? Well enough to call her.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Patti Stanger. I mean, are you friends with her? I've met her at, like, Bravo events over the years. All right, fine. So here's what I think of Patti Stanger. Go ahead.

Do you know who she is just for people who don't know? Patti Stanger is the millionaire matchmaker. The millionaire matchmaker from Bravo and now Lifetime. Right. And she will sit in a room as she's doing a casting session for women to be with the match or a man. I'm trying to find the match for this guy. And she'll say to a woman, you got a horse face and you're ugly. And then the and like, go down the line.

You're too fat. You're too ugly. You're too dumb. You're too short. And then one of them will be like, aren't you not married yourself? Like, or just throw one thing out there. of them will be like aren't you not married yourself like or just throw one thing out there and she like after carving up the home someone would be like wait but do you have the authority to say that not even a hard rip back there and she will start she will lose it and she'll be i

have been and i'm like you can't rip on people if you can't take one i know that when the show was on she was in the middle of like an eight- engagement she wasn't in eight years that could be a show eight year engagement eight year fiance however 90 days I don't know how you do the addition because I'm on the dumb people show 990 day gut what if it took her

what if it took this woman like eight years to finally get the guts to do it to herself good for Dali what am I even doing here? First of all, why not? It's not like someone was rushing her. No. She's like, I have all the time in the world.

Nobody gave her an ultimatum. Nobody said shit or get off the pot. Right. I love it. She said for 75 years she could not read. What? Geiger said people- This is a Loretta Lynn song.

This just got dark. I know. People made fun of her for that and put her down. Who's making fun of this woman Patty Stanger would You're an ugly non-reader You're an ugly non-reader She's like are you married

You're a chubby illiterate When Fidelity decided to teach herself to read She didn't tell anyone what she was working on Staying up late to the wee hours I think Geiger's in love with her I think he was hoping I think Mrs. Geiger. I think Geiger's in love with her. I think Geiger can't go with her. I think he was hoping she... I think Mrs. Geiger should be real nervous.

That's right. Real nervous. Not really. I mean, if she married herself... And I'm going with you, Daniel, with she might, and this is not an accusation, she might enjoy the drink. She... Because, I mean, seeing you very late for, like, an older gal is maybe...

You gotta have something to keep you up. I agree. Midnight Screwdriver's. There's some sort of augmentation going on there. Something's got to keep it alive. Listen to her. I'm at the point in my life, we're going to end on this, where it's about me now, she said. My kids are all good. My grandkids, one of them's going to have a baby and I have a set

of triplets that's all graduated from college. So it's my turn to do what I want to do. She's got triplets? You know what? I say do three weddings. Three. Yes. And a funeral. Three weddings and her own funeral. Thank you.

There you go. Can you do your own funeral? That's it. Yeah. Oh, you can do the instructions down to the T. All of it. Yes. All of it.

You can do that down to the T. All right. There you go. There you go. Story number one down the book. An uplifting opening story with Kathy. Yes. Positive.

When we come back from the break, we'll tell you what we have going on and what Kathy has going on so you can go see her on tour and where you can go see her and all that great stuff is Dumb People Town with the great Kathy Griffin. We'll be right back. Stick around.

Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey gang, we are back at the show and I hope you had a nice little break. Kathy Griffin is with us.

Before we tell you exactly where to go to see her on tour and all that great stuff, we should tell you that I think when this drops, we will be the next date. We're going to be doing some taggots here, which we really want you to do. I asked you to do this show. You would be fantastic.

You come on. Too famous. No, you come on and do this set. You do a set of material, new stuff, even if you want. And then we write tags for your jokes. And we pitch you our tags on stage afterwards. It is so much fun. Riffy, good time. It's good time. I get it.

Dan's done it. I'll do it. Dottie Fideli did it. Anyway. So we should let you know we'll be in Minneapolis in the beginning of April at the Acme Comedy Company, which is amazing. It will be at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin at the end of April. And it will be in Salt Lake City at Wiseguys and Johnson Landing in the middle of May.

Superschoolers.com for all that. Jordan Landing. And we're very excited about all that stuff. And we'll tell you about other stuff that we are doing, including a two-man show that we put up that we are rewriting that potentially could, and we're going to put it out in the universe, go to Broadway. So we're very excited about that. So we'll let you know when we're going to hopefully do it in L.A. for an extended period of time. Oh, I hope that happens. You guys would be such a hit. Remember, you can also do a limited run.

That's what we're doing. That's what I did. I did 11 shows in eight days. Okay, so that's like what we'd be looking to do. It was a blast. I'm sure. Well, I'm very excited to sort of let our fans know that you are out on the road as we speak and in the future when this thing drops, tell people where they can find you, where

you're going, March, April, all that good stuff. All right. I love it. First of all, the tour is called the Kathy Griffin My Life on the PTSD list. I love it. Get it? Fantastic, yes. And this leg of the tour is 40 cities.

You can go to kathygriffin.com. Follow me on the TikTok, on the Instagram. And I am doing theaters. And remember, I have not been allowed to work for six years. Because of your voice. No, because of the Trump thing. So the Trump scandal, which everyone knows about, and just being considered toxic by my own industry. And then finally, something is in the air where honestly, as recently as a couple months ago, I got a call from a manager who said, I think you got a good, I'm sorry,

I think you got a good and bad deal, meaning you got a raw deal. Then I had an agent, two weeks later I had 40 cities and somehow I might be uncanceled. So the truth about you is that, and the truth that always exists about you that is separate from that whole incident is that, and we have said this too,

we don't really write for people. We wrote for you for the divas thing. And I just remember sitting in the hotel room with you as we're like writing for this thing that you're performing in front of like 20,000 people. Divas live on VH1. Divas live on VH1. Down in San Diego. Camp Pendleton in front of 20,000 military troops.iva's live on VH1. Diva's live on VH1. Down in San Diego. Camp Pendleton in front of

20,000 military troops. Yes. And I was like, we love writing for you because you are so funny and you are so fast. You're one of the fastest, funniest people that we know. And so your talent exists. It never went away. It is always here. We watched Nicki Minaj make

Katy Perry cry. Remember that rehearsal? Yes. And then we stood backstage and we watched Nicki Minaj make uh Katy Perry cry remember yes and then we said we stood backstage and we walked watch from the back like as the crowd just went way way out of all these people and we watched you do the jokes that we all worked on and and that you and you made them your own and you perform with such confidence and fast and And it was great calmness. Took it to them. And we were like, this woman is a pro. Like there's like, we're just watching a master right now. It was like, I want you to know that I actually really struggle with doing someone else's

material or even material that I'm helped with. I don't know why. I think it's all these years and all these specials and I don't have an opener on the road and I've done 21 specials and i write every word myself and i admit like i wish i was better at collaborating but you guys were a dream it was so fun because we knew exactly how we laughed so hard so hard yeah you're right the backstage drama oh my god insane dan you would have like you would have been like i can't believe I'm witnessing this. Like the situation guy was back there.

Right. Remember, because Jersey Shore was so huge. It was huge. We met Ann and Nancy Wilson back there. Yes, heart. The Wilson sisters. It was. It was.

It was there. Oh, geez. It was such a joy, but it all makes me happy. Again, the tour is my life on the PTSD list. It's 40 cities. So it's going to come to a city near you. It's going to come to a city near you. Yes.

I'm coming to your town. I'm going to the real America, as they say. Please. So it's fun. And again, so quick, but great stories. You're such a good storyteller. And ever-changing. So I love to change up the material.

I love to do specific material to the city I'm in. I saw a clip of you doing like reading a news story about a town in Rhode Island or something it was so funny you just read the first line of the article

and the place went crazy which is basically like this nobody's safe nobody's safe nobody's safe so check it out kathygraffin.com you can see all that stuff

and then Daniel coming up soon we'll let people know what you have going on shall I jump into it let's do a story yes thank you okay story number two sent in by Jake Roney he Shall I jump into it? Yes, thank you.

Okay, story number two sent in by Jake Roney. He sends in a lot at Jake Roney. Thank you, Jake. All right, you ready for this? Yeah. Moment Customs sees 16 live lizards hidden inside a ferry passenger's bra. Why, Kathy? Would you need... I've heard of stuff like bra.

Small lizards. A what passenger? A ferry passenger. Someone on a boat. Yeah, a heard of stuff in a bra. Small lizards. A what passenger? A ferry passenger. Someone on a boat. Someone on a boat. Not an airplane. No. And how many lizards?

16. In the bra. In the bra. Is that what I'm saying? Big boobs or small lizards? No, no. Might be a little bit of both. I say medium boobs so the lizards could fit.

Right. But they had to be small. Big bra. Big ass bra. The tails alone could go rogue. Right, and does somebody just, is that something someone really loves? I don't want to get into fetish.

Is it their support lizards, maybe? Because if you have the right letter, it could be your emotional support lizards. Very true. This is the moment customs agents in China see 16 live lizards hidden inside a female passenger's bra. The unnamed woman had been attempting to traffic the reptiles into Hong Kong.

Oh, trafficking. Come on. I thought she was just a lizard lover and like a PETA person. No, no. This is all for games. Anti-PETA. Is she sex trafficking? No, I hope she's not sex trafficking.

We don't know that. We don't know that. She was left red-faced after being caught on the Chinese mainland side of the border. What a cute way to put it. I know. Red-faced. I'm red-faced. I'm red-faced.

Baku's under arrest. Arrested. Party of one. Is this from the Chinese media? I don't know. Probably. Footage shows her shuffling through the customs area at Fuxian Port wearing incredibly baggy clothes.

That's number one. You have to do that. You gotta give it to her. She's not wearing a bodysuit. She's not. Not wearing skims. You can't smuggle 16 lizards into Hong Kong wearing a latex suit.

No. No, you can't be like the new, what's Dakota Johnson spider? Madam Web. Madam Web. Can't be Madam Web. Can't be wearing a Madam Web outfit. Can't be Miss Web. Can't be Cousin Web. Can't be Madam Web. Madam Web. Can't be wearing a Madam Web outfit. Can't be Miss Web.

Can't be Cousin Web. None of the webs. Can't be Demi Lovato's workout video. You can't do any of that stuff. Nope. This is my... Okay, again,

I already did this. The unnamed woman had been attempted to traffic the reptiles into Hong Kong, but was... They bite. They got that.

And officers took her aside. They discovered... He bite. She had... How many mesh bags? I almost said it. A place inside her bra, which contained the number of six. So they're in bags.

She's responsible. She's a little. I was going to say, she's a little responsible. She's got a plan. When she's trafficking lizards. Now, my guess is they're tiny. Yes, I do too. They're really small.

What is the demo for this? Who wants. Who wants specifically they have to be this kind of lizard? I'm saying small lizards for people to put in their assholes. It's not like it's never happened. It's not like it hasn't.

This is China. Because my cousin was the nurse the day that Richard Gere came in and she swears. What? My cousin was the nurse? Dan, we talked to someone whose dad was the radiologist at that time. What more do you need? Are you guys playing the game Clue? No.

All right. Your cousin was the nurse. Sure. At Cedars. Yep. Because we all know someone who swears that their relative. By the way, this is a legend. This is like everybody says that they were babysat by the Beast Boys.

It's like the first Amendment of the Constitution. Agreed. Richard Gere. Richard Gere. You can't, thou shalt not put a gerbil up in the thing. It's like, you don't go great that early for nothing. My college roommate's brother was working valet. That night.

That night. At Earth Cafe. And he saw. It was real. He was sitting up to the side. He wasn't farting. He was up. That's right. Who else has a blue Durango? He wigg up to the side. He wasn't farting. That's right.

Who else has a blue Durango? He wiggled. All right, fine. As the officer took her aside, they discovered a mesh bag. How many mesh bags did she have in her bra? 16 of these things? Yeah. How many mesh bags?

Eight. Oh, you're on two by two? I'm going to say four. Two on each side. What do you think? Three. Okay, get your answers in, Taddy. Five mesh bags. Interesting. Again, weird your answers in, Taddy's. Five mesh bags.

Interesting. Again, weird to divide them up. Three, three, three, and four. I don't like it. She shows favoritism. Sorry, guys, you're getting a four. All right, a rare sail-finned lizards. Video released in the country's custom department shows that agents

get the lizards out of the bags, placing them inside of large plastic containers while waiting for wildlife experts to take over. Well, I hope there were air holes. They're used to that mesh. And the comfort of a bosom. Of a bosom. A bosom.

A bosom. A bosom. Yeah, a bosom. The sailfin lizard, Hydrosaurus amboionesis, or sailfin dragon. It's a little dragon. It's a dragon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're going to get big. Now we're into Game of Thrones. They're going to get big. They're going to get big. Now she's telling people she's the mother of dragons. Right. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

I breastfed dragons. That's too many dragons. That sounds like a Nicki Minaj lyric. So it is a group of large iguana-like reptiles named after the sail-like structure in their tails. So their tail looks like a giant sail. Native to Indonesia and the Philippines, they are commonly found living near water and threatened by both habitat loss and exotic pet trade.

So she's trying to get them sold. And it's like, you take them to Hong Kong, this is where we're going to make our money here. This is like how Gremlins started, right? Someone went down to Chinatown and was like, give me one of those. Give me a giz a gizmo and then the mogwai yeah the mogwai and some mesh some mesh yeah quite some mesh and he stuck it in his boob all right sizes vary this sounds like now this now sounds like a mcdonald's promotion size is very and i wonder if she personally sews the mesh in the bra or has a team of people right seamstresses this could be an amazing mesh in the bra or has a team help her. A people.

Right. Seamstresses. This could be an amazing ad for the bra. Yeah. Like no underwires. You're like, what? Not needed. Lots of mesh. Enough support to have 16 illegal nurses trafficked into Hong Kong.

Divided into five groups. Five uneven groups. Because nobody's boobs are really even. No one's boobs are even. I kind of get where she thought I can favor one side a little more than the other. Let's stick one more in this side. Do we know what her physical frame was? Is she six foot two?

We don't. We don't. I mean, if you're going to be pushing boobs that big. So these tiny lizards get to be, the male ones get to be approximately how long? How long do they grow? How big can they grow? Six feet. Six feet. What do you think? Three feet. What do you think? How big can they grow? Six feet. Six feet.

What do you think? Three feet. What do you think? I'm going to say a foot. Okay. Get your answers in. Okay. Three and a half feet long.

So you're the closest. While females are smaller, so maybe it is. And it's not known exactly what gender of the reptile were, you know. In this day and age, that's not appropriate. Yeah. It's not your business. Identify who they are. Right.

Let them decide. Let them tell us. Kind of like Dottie. So that, exactly. So that happened in the Hong Kong airport. Last month, custom agents seized

how many seahorses at a U.S. airport with seahorses. With someone's ass. That's going to be a lot. Don't they have to be submerged in water? Maybe, but maybe that's.

So from a gentleman. So how many seahorses were seized? And these were pregnant male seahorses. But wait, we don't know what his body part? No. Oh, well, that's not even fair. So you guys are all dudes. I know.

Your job is to put how many seahorses? Well, I'm going to say 70. Oh, we guessed. Hold on before we get our guesses in. On what body part would you choose? You gotta go with a hawk. You gotta go up the anus, I think. No, okay.

It's not gonna work. You gotta gear it. You gotta Richard gear it. But are they in like goldfish bags? Yes. I'm assuming. Okay, what if you make it look like you have a really big pot belly?

I bet you this guy lined a coat. Lined a coat? Yeah, Daniel Wright. With little bags of water. Little bags of water with how many seahorses? 70. 70, what do you think? 100.

Kathy? Oh, come on. I'm going to say 15. Okay, get your answers in. 77 seahorses. Oh my God, Dan. How did you know? But he also had how many snakes with him, too?

What? Oh, come on. None. None. None. None. It's not possible. What do you think?

Seven. Seven. come on. None. None. None. It's not possible. What do you think? Seven. Seven. Five snakes. Yeah. And snail ointment. I don't know what that is, but that's got to make it. That's a hat. That sounds like something that the Jenner girls would somehow market.

Highly Jenner snail ointment. I'm using snail ointment. Literally. Every day, I put snail ointment under my skin. Literally. It might be great. Wait. What?ment. Literally. Every day I put snail ointment under my chin. Literally. It might be great. Wait, what? Literally.

Literally. And it goes under my chin and I never have a good snail. Wait, you're using snail ointment where? Under my chin. And the other thing is Chris would be managing the snail ointment empire. And also the snakes and lizards. Right. She'd be like, look, can we please get the snakes?

Where are the snakes? We're doing a photo shoot. Who's Kris Jenner dating right now? Lil Yachty? She's with Corey what's his face? She's been with him for years. Corey Feldman. What do you think? I've been watching so much of his music. Corey Gamble, that's his name.

I saw, Corey Gamble was like Cory Booker's friend, right? I saw a picture of Corey Feldman and someone tried to convince me it was Yoko Ono. Let me just say this. I believe he is getting divorced. Corey Feldman?

But the wife was so hot. Who? Corey Feldman? Yes. He dreamed a little dream? He has gotten big dreams out of those little dreams. Like he has been with hot women as long as I've known him. Dude, there are concerts where people

go. Yes. Like I'm like, we're hustling to get people out to our shows and he has people come see his shows. Because he's got the Michael Jackson garb. Yes. He works a moonwalk and he sings the song Cry Little Sister from the Lost Boys.

Oh, wow. I love what I speak. Can he sing Stand By Me? He should be. Him and Jerry just did it together. Okay. So we just recently met Jerry or saw Jerry. Yeah. He's nice. He's funny.

Jerry O'Connell is a national treasure. He is such a sweetheart. I love him. I love him. He was so nice. He was like, I love you guys. My wife and I saw you guys. Or he said something like, very nice.

Did he have any lizards or snakes? No. Oh, I'm just asking. I'm just asking. But this male passenger was passing through the Washington Dulles International Airport from Vietnam when he was subjected to a secondary bag check when suspicions of its contents were raised by custom agents. So they're doing their job.

Wait, they were in the bag? Yeah, he bagged it. In the bag. Is that safe once again? I don't know. This is horrible for animals. You need almost a mesh element. Horrible treatment.

Yeah, so anyway. So that's what he said. The import of all the items discovered required necessary permits and documentation. Yes. You can't just bring horses and animals into our ecosystem. Wait, but it's weird to me that even with the proper documentation, it's allowed. Right. No, it shouldn't be.

Just because you have a document, you should not do that. But I imagine if you get the proper documentation, you also have the proper means to. Remember that movie Outbreak where Patrick Dempsey, the sexiest man alive, had some sort of monkey. Yes. And then we all died. Even Dustin Hoffman couldn't make it better. Wait, but here's the thing about Outbreak. So the story I heard is that it was only released in like one theater on the first weekend.

And then it was like 10 theaters by the next weekend. Really? And then it finally got to be. It got on to like 8,000 screens. It still holds up. Thank you. That joke still works. That joke still works, Kathy.

I know. All right, so a second traveler from Vietnam who arrived on August 4th was destined to San Francisco and was found to be carrying four prohibited pork products and 50 small boxes of commercial herbal liquid medicine that listed its ingredients as actual snake oil. This guy was a snake oil salesman. He was literally trying to sell it.

Is there any clarity on the pork products? I don't know. I mean, what if it was live pigs? Live pigs. What if they started out alive and then were dead by the time? They tend to. Stuck in mesh bags. That could fit in a bra if necessary.

Little Shetland pigs, little baby pigs. What are you stuffing your bra with these days? Tiny pigs. Yep. Baby pigs. Adorable. There you go. That is story number two.

Daniel, you. That is two. Okay. Do we know the penalty? I don't know what the penalty is, but you can't bring shit. You just can't. Wasn't there a Simpsons where they brought frogs into Australia? And it just ruined the whole ecosystem.

And it ruins the whole ecosystem. That's why you can't do that. It ruins the ecosystem, which we need. Which we need. I use my ecosystem every day. 100%. You introduce one animal into an ecosystem, and it can destroy the entire thing. True.

It's like the Kardashians. All. Right. Yeah. Kardashians. All right. That is story number two. When we can give us a little taste of what we're going to do. The Mason. Oh, somebody's mad at candy. Okay. Someone's mad at candy on the other side of the break.

Kathy Griffin. You got to go see her on tour. My life on the PTSD tour. You're going to check that out. Kathy Griffin dot com for all of our dates. Dan, we'll find out what you're doing right after the break. Stick around. Make it us down there's more hey townies i've been trying to save money for a while i'd like to do that but it seemed like

my bank account was stuck thankfully i heard about rocket money and i gave it a try it turns out i had a bunch of subscriptions i was paying for that i had forgotten we all do i know it happens rocket money helped me me cancel some of them. I don't want to say it, but it's a website everybody uses, and I was like, why did I subscribe to this? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, anyway. Rocket Money helped me out. They helped me get rid of so many of those, including the one I totally forgot about, and now I'm finally starting to see my account balance go up. It's such a brilliant concept. For those who don't know, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your

spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. With Rocket Money, we have full control over our subscriptions and a clear view of the expenses. I can see all my subscriptions in one place. And if I see something that I don't want, guess what? Rocket Money can exit out and just get rid of it. I love how the dashboard, very easy to use. I like a good dashboard, Dan. You know I do. And it's just amazing. Rocket Money has over 5 million users,

and they've saved over $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app features. So count me as one of those people. I signed up for a golf app. That was a golf instructional app. I used it for a while. It was great. They forgot about it. Well, not only I forgot about it, then I remembered it. Then I tried to unsubscribe from it and it was all these emails that weren't getting answered. It was taking me so much time because they make it so easy. It's like a couple of clicks and they're like, Oh, that's done. That's done.

Now it's done. Now it's not part of my life anymore the actual release of the money is is half of it it's the stress of having to deal with it in the hours actually more satisfying than the release on your golf shot dan tell them what to do stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash dpt that's rocket money.com slash dpt rocket money.com slash D P T. All right. I love that our show is sponsored by better health. And I love what they're talking about right now because they're talking about mental health in a very cool and interesting way, very actionable way.

And it's something we should all think about. You're like, if I had more time, what would I do? Like if I had more time, how would I spend that time? There are things that I love. Would I go out and see more music? Would I go be outside more and do more outdoor activities? Would I hang out with my friends more? It's just figuring out what are those things that are important. Therapy helps you prioritize, figure out what's important. Put them in compartments, understand how to deal with your daily life. And in fact, like be happy. It's not about just having a place where you go and say, Oh, these are all the things that make me sad it can also be that and

it's very beneficial but it also can help you prioritize these are all the things that make me happy and to have someone hear what you're saying these are the things that make me happy who has been listening to you week after week understanding what your life is about and helping put a plan in place to go and achieve those things that's why better help is so important important. If you're a person who said, I need to figure this out, I really think you should check out better help. Give better help a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists, which is what I love. Find the person who's right for you, right? You can do that at any time for no additional charge. So learn to make time for yourself and learn to figure out what makes you happy with better help.

Visit better help.com slash DPT today to get 10% off your first month. That's better. H E L P.com slash D P T. Hey gang, welcome back to the show. Kathy Griffin, our good friend, our friend for many years. Many years. I love you guys. We've been friends for 20 plus years. For sure. Ever since we met, we fell in love and we were friends.

So I love that you're here and I love that you're with us. We used to go to your Christmas parties and they were like epic. And like, I remember just sitting in a Christmas party with Patton Oswalt and Jeff Garland and just a bunch of people early, early. This is the 90s. Like, mid to late 90s. And you never know if Brooke Shields is going to walk in. Marilyn Manson was going to come next door. Yes, with Andy Dick. I know.

Marilyn Manson left with Andy Dick. I once got the two of them mixed up. Well, I believe Andy Dick is now in jail in Lake Elsinore. Yes. In Lake Elsinore? I just had to say that because of the Lake Elsinore component. Yes. That component is the craziest.

That is the craziest. I will just say this, that those were very, very big parties with lots of people. But what I loved is that we stayed to the end. And we still spent lots of time with you at that party. Well, also, remember, we used to have the after party. Yes. Where we would dish the parties. Oh, that's right.

If you were smart, you'd stay there. Stick around, because you wanted to. You're going to miss out. You might be on the list. Speaking of dishing, let's dish about what Dan has going on.

By the way, Dan was the lead in a movie that came out that is really funny that Kathy, you should watch. It's called Wine Club. It's a great feature film. You can watch it.

Head over to Prime or Apple. Thank you. So funny. I love it. I think you guys will love it, too. It's a great feature film. You can watch it. Head over to Prime or Apple. Thank you. So funny. I love it. I think you guys will love it, too. It's a great movie. Here's the thing. You will love Dan in it.

He's amazing in it. He's great on this show, but he shows some acting chops. He's okay on the show. He's working on it. But he's excellent in the film. Thank you. It's a fair trade, actually. So go check that out.

And then my special drops on April 17th. Rose Gold. Thank you to everybody who came out to all those shows. Thank you to people who came out in Iowa. We sold out both of those shows in Cedar Rapids in Des Moines. That was awesome. And then on the 9th, I'll be running my hour in LA at the Elysian Theater right before the special drops.

A little kickoff party ahead of the special. It's a great little theater, by the way. Yeah, April 9th. Everything's at danielvancurk.com. Other dates and announcements in May. I'm in Green Lake, Wisconsin. I'm headlining a festival

this summer. Everything's at danielvankirk.com. Love it. Check it. All right, Daniel. Ready? Bring us home.

Yep. Send in by Nene at Bethany Nene. Oh. Maybe a new townie. Maybe housewives fans. Yes. Maybe.

Sometimes I whip. To be housewives. Sometimes I whip and sometimes I Nene. It's actually I whip. To be housewives. Sometimes I whip. And then I nae nae nae. It's actually Beth. Bethany. Bethany. Beth N-Y N-A-Y N-A-Y.

Okay. Bethany nae nae. Bethany nae nae. Bethany nae nae. Oh, got it. Florida woman. Oh, boy. We already know it.

I just got here, fellas. I just got here. We already know that this is going to be. I thought we had a rule. Florida woman sues Hershey. We already know that this is going to be. I thought we had a rule. Florida woman sues Hershey because she says their Reese's candies don't have carved designs. Carved? Like, um.

Diva? So I'll show you out the gate. She says, here's what's on the wrapper, but here's what they give you. Oh. Oh, she. So the picture of the wrapper shows but here's what they give you. Oh. Oh, she. So the picture of the wrapper shows a pumpkin. Yes, with a little face. But you have to give it up. I agree.

Because the chocolate is pumpkin shaped. It just isn't a carved pumpkin. Yes, but it has the actual texture lines of a pumpkin. They are inviting you to cut it. She says, and pardon me here, pardon me here. She says, fuck you, Hershey. No says, and pardon me here, pardon me here, she says, fuck you, Hershey. No. Wow. Pardon me. She says, F you, Hershey. Hang on a second. We need to go back

and you said she's too needy? Too needy? Excuse me. Maybe. I still got it, kids. Now wait, did she include the fuck you or is she saying after the fact? After the fact. But did she say, dear, she's fuck you. is she saying after the fact After the fact But did she say dear

Fuck you The voter woman is upset about the lack of designs on Reese's Holiday themed peanut butter candy That is a And now she's taking parent company Hershey To court over it Cynthia Kelly That sounds like a fire

Is she gonna like report and try and go after emotional damages? Who's paying her legal fees? Because it's on her. When you are the sewer, no insurance. Brock's candies because they're going after them. It's like Macy's and Gimble's. It's a plant. They're going to Brock's.

It's a horrible life. Brock's is going after them. Cynthia Kelly filed a federal class action lawsuit Thursday in the U.S. District Court in the Middle District of Florida, alleging several Reese's products don't match their photos as depicted on their wrappers. So class action means there are other plaintiffs who have joined her. She's groping people in. She's welcoming people.

Have you been upset? Was your Halloween ruined? You thought it was going to be ruined. Give me a call. Are you disappointed when you unwrap candies? Are you a big fan of Will Arnett, but feel he's also partly to blame for this debauchery? Throw it in. You could be entitled to damages.

For example, Reese's peanut butter pumpkins are merely pumpkin-shaped hunks of peanut butter stuffed chocolate. And the actual product has no jack-o'-lantern style carvings as the wrapper depicts. When is enough enough for Cynthia? Cynthia Kelly is really upset. So now, I bet Reese's has to put on the packaging. Does not appear as shown. May not appear like this.

Yes. Well, first of all, Reese's will have to deal with this in court. And I know of what I speak because I've been sued by five MAGA people since the Trump photo. No way. And even though each case takes three years to cycle through and they all get dismissed,

far for me to take the side of a corporation over Cindy. Right. But I have to this time because the legal department at Hershey's is going to have to deal with it department at Hershey's has to be. And this has to be a one of a kind. I mean, look, we can all agree there is a big, there is a quite distinct difference between how it looks on the package and what you get.

It looks cute on the package. Yes, but I don't, I mean. But you'd also get less candy if it was actually carved like a jack-o'-lantern. Less chocolate. Less chocolate. You'd get seepage. Also, no, the one on the thing looks like it's depressed, and this is like a bulbous. I agree.

I think Cindy's getting more chocolate than she counted on. And that is what the lawyers say. This is a woman who can look at a chocolate pumpkin and not see the benefits. Now, do you think Cindy is representing herself pro se, or do you think she has counsel? I'm going to represent myself. I knew it is. Marsha Clark. The suit says that Cynthia.

That would be epic. Marsha Clark made a comeback. The suit says that Cynthia Kelly bought a bag of peanut butter pumpkins at Aldi. How much? How much? Bag of peanut butter pumpkins? $3.99. None of us should know. $3.99?

Just have a wild guess. $6.99. $2,000. $4,622. No, I'm joking. $4.49. I was close. I said $3.99. I'm joking. $4.49. I was close. I'm losing every one of these.

At an Aldi in Hillsborough County, Florida in late October 23. Kelly believed that the product contained a cute looking carving of a pumpkin's mouth and eyes as pictured in the product package. I just want my candy to stare back at me. Has she ever bought candy before in her life? She doesn't get it. It's not just Halloween. She says the same is true.

This is a person who does not get listened to in her life. She's like, I need to file this question. She's going holiday by holiday. Wait till you see me. Wait till you hear me now. Wait till you hear my Easter Cadbury egg. She says the same is true for the goddamn peanut butter footballs and bats, as well as the white chocolate ghosts.

Hold on. Stop, please. I'm sorry. Call me old fashioned. I did not know these items even existed. Wait, they're bats? Like a baseball bat? Yeah.

What's the holiday? Halloween. For bats? No, no, bats. It's bats as in bats. Oh, I thought it was like a baseball bat. Are you guys's the holiday? Halloween. For bats? No, no, bats. It's bats as in bats. Oh, I thought it was like a baseball bat. Are you guys ready to see? Football. Okay, here's what the... She is pissed. About the football. This is the football. Looks like an egg.

Looks like an egg. I should get a Halloween football. I'm not going to say that. No, that is what they put out during around the Super Bowl. Okay, there you go. Or maybe just fall season. Wait, you guys aren't going to accidentally say anything bad about Taylor Swift, right? No. I love Taylor Swift.

And also, I fear, and you should too, you should have a healthy fear of those Swifties. Healthy fear. Kids are Swifties. Thank you. You should fear them. I sell friendship bracelets. Call us a room. We're inside the house.

Because if God forbid, if you say something or even the perception of something negative about our queen, the Swifties will take care of you in short order. That's how cults work. Did you guys happen to see the viral video? I saw it on TikTok. It was a guy and his dad last year watching the Super Bowl victory for the Chiefs. And it was the two of them in the room hugging, screaming, crying. And then it showed this year. and it was the guy and the dad

and all the daughters and everybody else, and they were all wearing jerseys, and they were all screaming, and they were like, tell me that this hasn't made it better. Right, my kids are here. The NFL has to be plot-sing with George. That's why people think it's a conspiracy. Oh, that's right. The MAGAs think that

the government is paying Taylor Swift to do a covert operation to, I'm not sure where this goes, but all I know is there's a conspiracy. Can I just say follow the chocolate footballs? Okay.

Does she want them to have more like stitches another photo show in the suit shows the candy football with no carved lines for football stitching looks like eggs words on the picture say oh my gosh that's what's going to be on our heads plaintiff and members of the class have been aggrieved by defendants' unfair and deceptive practices, the suit reads. They purchased the products with a reasonable expectation that the products would look similar to the pictures displayed on the product's packaging.

That's why you buy candy, for the look. You do not buy it for how it tastes. Well, tell the other plaintiffs, because apparently there could be hundreds. Florida story, right? Class action. Florida story, but what other city or state loves a good fight? Enter CBS News Philadelphia. They're like, you want to go?

Wait, I'm sorry. Did someone say we're fighting Reese's? Let's go. We're crossing state lines. This is not a federal case. It's federal. It's crossing state lines. CBS News Philadelphia reached out to the Hershey Company for comment.

Hey, you want to talk about these people? They're just wedging themselves in. By the way, do you know that that's what our grandma used to say to us. Like whenever we would like complain about something, it's like, do you want to make a federal case about it? Do you make it a federal case about it? Quite literally. This is a federal case.

There's documentation. We'll get out of here on this. Okay. How much is Cynthia requesting, seeking damages in this civil court? $4.99 for a bag. That's not the point. It's a punitive issue. It's how you thought your Hollywood would go.

The number's going to be high because everybody knows this brand. I'm going to go. You ready? Yeah. I'm going $25 million. Okay. They have deep, unrepresentative pockets. Right.

You know? I want to see stitching on those pockets. I want to see pocket chocolates. They just look like two Kit Kats to me, not legs. I'm going to go... Did you say $25 million? I said $25 million. I'm going to say $250,000.

Okay. I don't know why. $4 million. Okay. One of you... Oh, my God. ...is off by one unit. Okay.

So what would you like to go? Do you want to go $350,000 or $150,000? Do you want to go $3 million or $5 million? Okay. Do you want to go $24 million or $26 million? I'm going to say $5 million. Whoa. $5 million.

I'm going to say $350,000. I'm going to have to say, because $24 million and $26 million wouldn't make sense. So what's yours? $5 million. Yeah, I'm going to go with $ and 26 wouldn't make sense. So what's yours? Five million. Yeah, I'm going to go with five. Okay.

All right. She's seeking. Five million dollars. That's a show, Fred. That is a show. By the way, what are we applauding? This is wrong. It's wrong.

It's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong. It's Halloween. It's an abuse of the system. I agree. It's an abuse of chocolate footballs, and we're not going to have it.

Do you think she's going to want a chocolate representation of the judge? Or a giant chocolate novelty check with all the details? That would be so great. And I would put all the details on it. I'd be like, this is from Reese's to you. That would be a mockery. Meanwhile, the chocolate rabbit people are like, it looks a lot like a rabbit. We got eyes.

We got feet. We got toes. We got eyes. We got feet. We got toes. We got legs. Do you think she will go after other companies that make chocolates that are themed and are shaped? If she wins, she'll be in Bolder. When would she go after Marshmallow Peeps? If they're lying on that package, she's going to go.

Does this really look like a little bird? I don't think so. It's not peeping. I don't hear a sound. Misrepresentation. I don't hear a peep. I don't hear a peep. Go see you on tour.

Yes. My life on the PTSD list. KathyGr hear a peep. Go see you on tour. Yes. My life on the PTSD list. Kathy Griffin dot com. Go see her. Damn it. And go see Dan's movie and go see us where we are. Super Splash dot com. We love you.

And oh, shit, we got to get back to work. Bye. Bye. Bye. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more. Don't people town.