Dumb People Town - Kestrin Pantera - Indecent Proposal

Episode Date: October 7, 2022

This week Kestrin Pantera comes to town to hang with Daniel, Randy and Jason. This week's story is about a major bachelor party con.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Pantera. Kestrin Pantera. Hi. Hi. Praise hell, Satan. How are you, praise Satan?

Now, did we talk about Pantera's Pizza with you? Have we talked about that? No, we haven't. So, Pantera is a heavy metal rock band with deep, dark undertones. But it also was a pizza place in St. Louis. Oh, and Winston-Salem, North Carolina is a Pantera's Pizza. I went to a Pantera's Pizza

when I was around eight years old and was the most famous person in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. I have a Frisbee, and we got a free pizza for life. So Pantera's kind of rivaled, I guess, like Domino's, and then it was kind of rivaling emos

He Moses a pizza in st. Louis. That is very thin crust If you ever not at all you know Fallon, Missouri still around those is like the sad sack sister So and to emos is pizza so thin that if it were in LA it would have a headshot Yeah, so thin you could slide it under the door lock here during all of the hunk Oh god text on him So thin you could slide it under the door. Pantera's home of the hunk. Oh, God. Text John Hems if he remembers Pantera's pizza. He would overdose on heroin staring at his shoes. And it's Provel cheese, whatever. Anyway, so, by the way, if you hear heavy breathing, that is.

It's me. It's Kestrin Pantera. Just thinking about Pantera's pizza. It's my dog, Roman. He's wandering around the studio and whatnot. Anyway. He's living up to his name. What I love about Kestrin is she is my heavy

breathing you're heavy breathing that you inspire no but you are we we bring in here comedy people creative people you're one of the most creative people i know and you have a movie that is coming out in theaters i'm going to talk about it a little bit that you directed and i'm just so proud of you but listen before we get to all that we got to get to some dumb stuff daniel how are you we get dumb stories sent to us sent to us and by the way as we're saying we've mentioned this show is evolving shows evolving it's as sort of we move through october we move with the dumb we move with the dump jay's we have so much fun with our patreon if you don't join our patreon if you're not joining our patreon there's new new changes afoot there too. But in the Patreon, Jay and I bring stories in

and Dan gets to play along. And so we're like, why don't we incorporate that into the actual show, the main show? So now we're gonna rotate around and then we'll all bring stories in. Every show, one of us will have a story. I love it, I love this so much. So let's get into one because it's Friday

and we do one big one. This was sent in by Carleen McDermott at SheBeCarleen. This is a woman who sends in a lot. It's not McDermott? Is it McDermott? No, it is. I was just joking around because she's a lot. She sends in a lot.

And that's said with love. She sends in a lot of them. I was acting like I didn't know her name. I know her name very well. Give the woman a muck. Not a mack. A muck. Give her a muck.

She's gotten it. If you had to guess how many times Carleen's... I've said her name and Carleen has sent in a story. She Mick. Give her a Mick. She's gotten it. If you had to guess how many times Carlene's... I've said her name, and Carlene has sent in a story. She sends at least... Yeah, she sends at least one to two in. I think she sent 100 stories. But I've made the show. She's like a stringer for us.

That's almost a year. Okay, superstar mode. Superstar mode. This woman's great. Okay, so what is this one? She's our senior reporter for the Dump People Gazette. All right, here's the headline. Ready?

Bride planned a fake bachelor party and conned future husband. Wow. That's a marriage that's going to last. I don't know if it'll ever go off the ground. She planned a fake bachelor party to con her future husband. So she was already going to marry the guy, and then she planned his bachelor party for him. For him. What was she going to do? Was she going to try

to get a stripper there? She's going to see if he would. It was entrapment. Right. She's going to see, can I tempt him? That's like a federal offense. Thank you. It is a federal offense. If it crossed state lines it's a federal offense. The FBI could get involved here, right? Here we go. Allow me to introduce you to the lovely

Rachel Doran, whose picture is likely in the dictionary under Why Guys Still Think Girls Are Crazy. Who wrote this? This is definitely a guy written by a dude. An idiot. Guys think girls are crazy. Here's a story to prove it.

I'm fresh off of Stuff Magazine. We closed down a week ago, and now I work for YourTango.com. Wait, wait, damn. What were all those men's magazines? This was written by Tom Likas. Details. And I'm Tom Likas.

Well, hang on, hang on. Maybe Rachel's crazy. Maybe she could be crazy. Let's give Tom the benefit of the doubt. But we don't need to paint that broad brush across. We don't. All women. Here's what I think.

I mean, what were her motives here? Why would one... Oh, we're going were her motives here? Why would one... Oh, we're going to get into it. Why would one entrap one's future husband? It's because all women are crazy. All women are crazy. It's good. It's because he's a piece of shit, I think.

Might I posture... Dudes are dumb and girls are crazy. I mean, what's the deal? I think it's because he's a piece of shit. But she's in her brain going like, he's going to screw up and I'm going to catch him. And then when I tell him, like, then I'll have something worse. She's like, I'll set this trap up. And if he succeeds, then he'll be my husband.

Like, what if it's her? Like, what if she's the trap? Like, what if she honeypotted herself? Just to see if he fucked better when she was blonde. How great would that be? Yeah. And like, she gets plastic, not plastic surgery, but like gets like a makeup artist to redo it. Maybe she was bored.

I mean, maybe she was horny. She's undercover boss bitch. This factory worker from England seemed to have it all. This is undercover boss bitch. She's the factory worker. She's the factory worker from England. Did you say undercover boss bitch? Sexy.

I'm listening. Go on. Undercover boss bitch. This factory worker from England seemed to have it all. A solid job, friends, family, and a doting future husband who she was planning to marry in a $6,000 wedding in their hometown. That's pretty reasonable, right? Yeah. No need to put the price on it.

So reasonable. I'm guessing. Okay, I'm pivoting to trust issues. I think she's got some trust issues. All the way trust issues. Yeah. Here we go. Let's open up.

Let's talk. It was until Rachel heard that her fiance, Chris Mahone, had cheated on her. He's a piece of shit. That's right. See, there's always a reason. She's not crazy. He's a piece of shit. Just note that I said heard that he cheated on her.

Heard. Oh, fuck. So we don't know that. Right. But I heard. Where there's smoke, there's fire. Is that what we're saying? Rather than just confronting him about the rumor

like a normal person. Sure. This guy who wrote this. Oh, he wrote like a normal person. Sure. This guy who wrote this. Oh, he wrote like a normal person? Yes. Oh, this guy hates his name. Wait, what's his name? I agree.

The journalist is the dumb name. What's his name? Journalist is the dick. This comes from yourdango.com, where you know these women are out here trying to take all this money for men. Yeah. Yeah. What if I have not looked?

I mean, it's a G in women. It's gold digger. I mean it. What if a woman identifying gender name wrote this? Okay. Mary. The person who wrote this. They, them.

Who is it? Emily Blackwood. No. I think that's a pseudonym. The hate is coming from inside the gender. The hate is coming from inside the vagina. It's the colonization of the mind. Okay.

We can keep going. Let's do this. Emily, I colonization of the mind. Okay, we can keep going. Emily, I'm watching you. We hear you. Okay. We hear you. Like a normal person. Rather than just confront him about the rumor like a normal person, Rachel came up with her own juicy way of getting revenge. A plan that has been in the making for at least a year.

What? A year she put up with this? The lies? Yeah. The betrayal? The assumed lies. The assumed lies. I mean, do you, you don't know if, I mean, I feel like you guys are giving this guy too

much of a benefit. I'm not. I'm just saying, I don't know what you, hey, Britney Spears' lawyer taught me, you don't know what you don't know. Thank you. Okay? Okay, fine. Okay, hit me.

Hit me, baby, one more time. Yeah. Continuing on with the relationship like everything was normal. Rachel convinced her future husband that she was just the best fiance ever. Wait, did they say husband or did you say husband? Yes. Okay.

Husband. Oh, I'm sorry. I mispronounced hubby. But husband, I like husband more. Husband's cuter. I like husband more.

I call mine a husband. I thought she like, I thought she spied on me. And yours is a Husby. He totally does qualify as a Husby. He Husby great. Rachel convinced her future Husby that she was just the best fiance ever. It says fiance, but I took liberty.

And wanted to plan his bachelor party for him and his pals. Oh. Okay. Side note, in the United Kingdom, that where this takes place They call bachelor parties stags They wrote stag-doos Like D-U-E-S D-O-S Stag-doos

That might be the plural of stag and the plural of do And bachelorette parties Hen parties So there's that That's very embarrassing Also, it sounds like I'm just giving my own commentary. They wrote, so there's that. I just want everybody to understand.

Usually, I feel like our listener can tell when I'm talking and when I'm reading. In this one, it may be hard. I mean, this is quality journalism. Very converse. Someone just steal her diary and like print it. Way to make it colloquial. Continue. And because she's just the best

She arranged for the whole group To spend four days in Ibiza Needless to say He was stoked To make it easier On her fiance Rachel collected How much money

From each person in the group I'm gonna let you guys guess For the Molly The boat ride The plane ride The hotels The strippers I think it's like 50 times 5

What's that? $4,200? Well no, from each person $5,000 from each person Okay The plane ride, the hotels, the strippers. I think it's like 50 times 5. What's that, $4,200? Well, no, from each person? $5,000 from each person. Okay. Well, I mean, the wedding was six grand in, so maybe 12K each? 12K. Are you saying $4,500 total?

Oh, for the trip. No, no, no. I'm not doing math right now. I'm doing science. I know you're doing science. Plane ride, hotel. But it's probably EasyJet, right? So it's probably like $50, 50 euros round trip, which equals in American dollars right now, that's 12 cents.

Pretty close. No, I'm going to say $400 per person. So how many people are, oh, we're just doing per person. Do you want to change yours? No, no, no. I'm just dogpiling on two. No, no, pick one. Pick a number. Pick a number.

I'm going to... Well, because of the $6,000 wedding, I'm going to say $250. Okay. $250 per person? I think she collected $1,000 a person. Okay. From each person in the group, she collected... Ooh, Roman's getting a guess in.

I know. That's me. $530 a person. Oh! I was on it. Yay, nice. I was close. That was great. When the gentleman

got to the airport on September 7th, they were told the tickets Rachel had printed for them were fake. Oh! In complete denial

because, again, I'm reading, not speaking. And by the way, you know none of them checked it. So she dumped him. She gripped him for cash.

Yeah, no one checked in early. No one checked in early. Yeah, because they're like, hey, where's my boarding pass? Right. But she had to do clip art to actually make the boarding pass. Right. They didn't know. Complete denial.

Because honestly, who does something like this? That was written. OK. The men called the hotel that Rachel had supposedly reserved for them, only to be told again, there was no reservation. Oh, my God. I like her. She just collected $550 from everyone.

Oh, this is so good. According to the groomsmen. Wait, how many people were invited now? So it's 525 by. According to the groomsmen, Rachel had stolen about how much money in total from all of them before just totally disappearing. So we have to guess how many groomsmen.

Are there 10 dudes? If there's 10 dudes, 5K? Okay. 5, 5,500. It's almost as much as the wedding. Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say eight dudes, so I'm going to say 4,000. Okay.

I'm going to say there were 15 dudes. Okay. So $7,500, or excuse me, $8,000. Okay. Okay. We're going to take a break. Okay. When we come back, we're going to find out what is the total take that she got from this fraudulent behavior.

I love her. Because women out here are what? That's right. But here's my question. And, Sklars, you're in town all weekend doing shows. We're going to come back after the break. We're going to talk about the shows that Sklars have going on. We're going to talk to Kessler about everything.

You're here with DVK in the morning. We'll be right back. Stick around Make a sound There's more Don't you go down Hey guys Welcome back to the show Before we get into

Kestrel's movie We really are Going to do our dates We are going to do our dates Right before we get back To the movie So it's the 7th As this happens right now

And this drops on October 7th Tonight we are in Minneapolis Randy and I At the Thousand Lakes Comedy Festival We'll be there tonight And then next week Gang Jay look up what theater that is. You just go to our website, supersclars.com to get tickets.

But we're doing live down in Peopletown in Nashville, Tennessee at the Hutton Hotel in the Analog Room with Steve Pultz playing music. Steven Pultz and Dusty Slay is our guest there. The next night, Chicago will be at the Den Theater doing the podcast at 730. Stand-up show at either 930 or 10 with us and Dan. That's going to be great. We'll lock in our guests for that. We're still working on that. And then on –

Can you get Chicago to play? I know. Oh, that would be so good. Oh, my God. Sure. I'll call them. And then on Saturday we're doing – on Sunday – Saturday we'll be at the River Spirit Casino in Tulsa. Dan will be in New York City.

And then – We're going to be at the Parkway Theater. Parkway Theater in Minneapolis. At 10.30 p.m. Tonight as this thing drops. And then on Sunday we'll be at the Bell House in Brooklyn with Andrew Dismukes from SNL, Roy Wood Jr. from The Daily Show, and Cut Worms, the band. I'm so excited. Just the lead singer, Max, will be playing with us.

I cannot wait. It's going to be a blast. So get your tickets. Superschoolers.com, DanielVanKirk.com. And then, Dan, Max, will be playing with us. I cannot wait. It's going to be a blast. So get your tickets, superschoolers.com, danielvankirk.com. And then, Dan, you've got great stuff going on. Yeah, tonight I'm in Houston. And then on the 12th, right before we go on our little dumb run, I'm doing Amy Mann and Friends at Largo. Fun.

A special surprise thing we're doing together there. I love it. And then at the end of the month, I'm hanging out with our buddies, the Grawlix, in Denver on the 29th go to danielvankirk.com and if you're a fan of this show

bring a dumb people town story to my show oh yeah that's cool alright so Kestrin Pretty Little Problems

is a movie that you directed and you got you brought on I mean you're such a DIY person as we are in this podcast world

and we do everything you like to do it all. But this is like you came in and directed this movie that this dude wrote. Fantastic. I directed a movie called Pretty Problems. Pretty Problems. And it is coming to theaters this weekend, October 7th. It's in theaters.

That's amazing. All over the country. And it's also going to be available everywhere you buy or rent movies, including AMC Plus, Better Call Saul, Very Bad, what have you. And it's about a normcore couple that gets whisked away on a billionaire weekend. And it's kind of like, you know, what is the bender that happens when one does hang out with, you know, the billionaires are doing something right now, this weekend, and you're not invited. Imagine if you were. We're not there.

And I will say, relevant to Daniel Van Kirk's interest, is that there is a character who they met at Burning Man named Big Dick Dan. Of course. And I won't say if it was or not named after you. Definitely not. Dan wants to go so badly. But yeah, there's a lot of dicks in this movie.

So there's a lot of important films that have come out. I like to say that this isn't one of them. So I think your listeners will love it. It's comedy. So it's comedy and it won the audience prize at South by Southwest. Am I right? That is no joke, y'all. That is no joke.

And the fact that it got picked up and it's in theaters is an accomplishment. And you are now, in my opinion, it takes such a long time. People think like, where'd she come? She came out of nowhere. No, you've been building this over time. But I feel like you're poised to now direct a bunch of things in your own stuff, too. Well, I'm excited to just jam pack it with hot sklar activity and get a little and a lot of big day all and you're gonna have a

big dick dan character in every movie let's do it it's always a dan all my friends are named dan or sam or john yeah you have a lot of dan sam and johns you really do so uh i'm just excited for you again pretty problems if it's, find out where it's playing near you in the cities. Do you know all the cities it's in? All the big ones,

you know, Chicago, New York, LA, San Francisco. Austin. Houston, Austin, a bunch of places on the East Coast. It's all over the place.

I think, you know, it's with IFC Films and, you know, prettyproblemsfilm.com. When we drop, I'm in Houston this weekend. Go see it tomorrow. Go see it with friends. Yeah, yeah. It's so cool. So here When we drop, I'm in Houston this weekend. Go see it tomorrow. Go see it with friends.

Yeah, yeah. It's so cool. So here's the deal, all right? We are in indie sort of just by being in podcasts, we are in the independent world. Like in my opinion right now, the only like giant movies that come out are Marvel movies and then other stuff.

And I'm like, horror. They don't need your support. What needs your support are indie films, comedies. That's how we're going to get to see more of them. More dicks. More dicks. And you want to see this woman make more movies. That's right.

So the way to do that is just to go out and support. And I know you guys will. And I know we will as well. And give it good scores. Rotten Tomatoes. Let's get a high score. Yeah, pretty problems. There we go. Give it the love. Let's guys will. So, and I know we will as well. And give it good scores on Rotten Tomatoes. Let's get a high score. Yeah, pretty problems. There we go.

Give it the love. Let's do that. Let's do that. All right. So, and for Patreon fans, I mean, Kestrin is like the ultimate burning man person for us.

And I can't believe we've never been to one together. So that will happen soon. And we'll get Dan there, which I'm really excited about. But we've spoken about the karaoke RV on this thing before we just yeah we've talked about it it's like my favorite thing in the whole wide world the RVIP lounge

and when it becomes the Sklar VIP it is insane and Castfest she just had her birthday this past weekend so good times all around but it is so fun and beautiful and so for our Patreon fans she's going to tell some Burning Man stories which I can't wait. Did I tell you guys I went to Burning Man?

I didn't know you went. Yes, you know I went. Oh, yeah. Don't they call you Sugar Booger out there? Yay! Hot clip. Dumb Burning Man nickname. Hot clip. Anyway.

All right. Let's get back to the story. Let's go back to our guesses. According to the groomsmen, Rachel had stolen about how much from all of them before totally disappearing? You said five grand, Kestrin. You said four grand. And I said eight. The total amount that she took.

Grifted. What is she going to do with this money now? Is $15,000. The group consisted of 30 men. Chris is obviously a popular guy to fund the trip. Reckon you not spoken. This is all the article Are you going to What happens after that

You're not getting married No You're not getting married I mean I think she's moving She's going to Mexico baby She's going to Ibiza One way ticket She's out of there

Yeah she's going to Ibiza There's one ticket that was booked to Ibiza That's her 15k Is not a small amount of money No But it's not a huge amount But I don't think it's enough money.

To start a new life. You can't buy a life. To estrange yourself from everyone in your life. To have to untangle people coming at you. It's a complicated number. Right. It's tricky. You could do a bus wrap for about that much.

Right. Yeah. A bus wrap. What else can you do for 15K? When I was putting this into the doc, I was like, what is my never see you again money for everyone in my life? It's got to be like several hundred thousand dollars. No, no, no.

It's like five million. Five million. But even still, if you genuinely have good relationships and love them, you know, some people it's like, yeah, very easily never see you again. Yeah. Oh my God. But if you have good people, the amount of money will eventually, you'll try to give it back.

But I'm saying you'll eventually go, oh, this wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth the love and loss of social support. Five million, a hundred million. But it is up there. What is the point of it all if you have no one to share it with? That's right.

What's even the amount to go five years without ever, now after five, you can talk to everybody again. But for five, you cannot speak to any of the important people in your life. Oh, my God. For five years. I can never do it.

I couldn't do that. No amount of money. Is there a year number? One year you can't speak to your daughters or your wife. You can't see anybody. You're gone for one year. But when you come back – Oh, my God.

This is like one of those – like a slumber party game for grownups. This is an indecent proposal. Truth or dare. Yeah. Dude, this could be the new indecent proposal. You're telling me I have $25 million. I'll do it for $25 million. What's your mute number?

Not talk to anybody for a year. Could you like telegram them or like? No. No communication. There's like no back channel. Mentally, you could telegram. Okay, so honestly, if I had right here a case with $5 million cash in it. That five would be hard.

But are you, Dan? Okay, so here's the other question about it. Do you have time to let them know or you just disappear? You just disappear. Oh, shit. The stakes are raised. Yeah, because people are like, you got to like. They will know that you are not dead and that you love them, but that's it.

Oh, my God. So they don't know why you're not. Okay, okay, okay. But they know you love them, and they know you're not dead. Okay, so if I can put a deal together. And they know you're coming back in a year? No. They don't know you're coming back in a year.

Can you choose the year? Because my kids are pretty young right now, but I feel like when they're 15, this could be a great deal. 15, they're going to be glad. They're not even going to notice. Yeah. Why are you looking at me? I have a 15-year-old. I say $500 million

and give me five years. $500 in five years. I'd do that in five years. So you do $100 million for one year? No, in five years I will not talk to my family for one year in exchange for $500 million. So you're telling me if I had $60 million

No, I said $500 million. I know, but're telling me if I had $60 million. No, I said $500 million. I know, but I'm saying if I had $60 million. I'm not going to do it for $60. You are lying. You think I'd do it for $60? Think of all the movies you could make for $60. For one year. Mom's making it up forever.

You'd set everybody up. But this is on the condition my daughter must be 15 or 16. But as Jason talked about on her Matt Bronger episode, which just dropped, the marriage capital that the other person has after you being gone for a year, of like, oh, you know what I've dealt with? You know what I've dealt with? Yeah, yeah. You've got to pay the piper.

Yeah, you've got to pay that piper. But I'll have half a B, so I won't need to do shit. Half a B. Half a B. That's true. That's right. Half a B could hire I won't need to do shit. Half a B. Half a B. It's true. That's right. Half a B could hire someone to do your laundry for you. I could just get randos to come away to my billionaire compound indefinitely.

Half a B. One of the friends said, we contacted Rachel, and she was adamant that it was genuine. Then she offered to pay for flights to Ibiza right then and there. No. So the men took her up on the offer. But after that, they couldn't get a hold of her. She just vanished. So she's amazing.

So in the face of them being like, WTF? She goes, oh, I'm sorry. Something must have gone wrong. I'll pay it all right now. And they go, cool, cool. Hang on, let me get my work gloves. Right. And then boom, never, poof.

Oh, I love her. She's crazy. The psycho. She's like my cat. I mean, the truth is, whatof. Oh, I love her. She's crazy. She's psycho. She's like my cat. I mean, the truth is, what if he didn't cheat on her? For anybody who thinks Daniel must reread these way beforehand, in the next sentence, the writer of this article says, I'm a woman, and I didn't know that. And though this story may have been able to capture the hearts of us women

who have felt scorned enough to pull something like this, let me just drop one more bomb on you. Drop it, girl. Chris didn't cheat on her. That's right. I'm saying, what if he didn't? Let me just say this. For Chris, this is a great moment for him. This is a very revealing

moment. It helped him dodge the bullet of this woman for the rest of his life. That's true. At least he didn't have a child and then have to go through this indecent proposal of whether or not to leave her alone for a year for $500 million. Right. She showed her true colors.

Ready for the next sentence? Yeah. Well, at least his friends say he didn't cheat. Oh, wait a minute. Hang on a second. So wait a minute. He admitted to cheating? No, his friends are like the cops,

like the thin blue line. They're like, we're not going to rat on this guy. Emily, who wrote this, is saying her source on the fact that he didn't cheat is just his friends. Yeah, they're going to be like, he didn't cheat. Well, yeah, they have his fucking back in New York. That's right. It happened because she'd heard he cheated on her when he hadn't. This is a quote.

She must have been planning her revenge for months, maybe a year. She's disgusting. After learning about what she did, Rachel's own family basically disowned her. And she was believed to be hiding in a caravan park until police detained her on suspicion of fraud. This just sounds less like an article and more like a story

that one drunk girl is telling another drunk girl at a party. And then Rachel's family basically disowned her. It also kind of sounds like if the Coen brothers made a movie for Bravo I'm bummed that she ended up In a caravan park I thought that she was bound for Mexico

Her own brother took to social media To publicly call his dear sister Quote an evil cow And even grandma And even her grandma can't help but talk some smack. If Rosemary was publicly saying negative things about me, I'm done. I know, but if I had scorned her

that much... Then you've really done something wrong. They must have loved the husband, and he must have loved her. Yes. And that's the true victim of this. This is a quote from her. Yeah, when her own family is like... They have loads of receipts. This is the grandma. This is the grandma.

Her parents are just devastated, embarrassed, and disgusted. They won't even come out of the house, said 81-year-old Monica McKee. By the way, Monica is too young of a name for an 81-year-old. I'm sorry. Am I right? Am I right? We've all done everything for her, and all she's done is throw it back in our faces. She said Rachel hasn't given the money back

even put... She spent it on bail. She said Rachel hasn't given the money back and even put in for a loan under McKee's name. Under her grandma's name, I guess. So identity fraud. So she's got entrapment, identity

fraud. The grandma says... Wire fraud, probably. The grandma says. Wire fraud, probably. Yeah. The grandma says, the lad she was going with, he was a lovely lad. I wouldn't even have her back at my door. I wouldn't even have her back down my garden path. Wow. Grandma's dropping garden path restrictions. I love that she's got, the grandma's got garden path friends who aren't allowed at the door.

Hey, you're just in the garden. Garden path buddies, you're not even in the house. How dare you? The woman, Emily wrote, not even down her Garden Path, Rachel. Consider that bridge burned. That was written. Thankfully, this story does have a happy ending. Not for Rachel or Chris, but the poor groomsman who just wanted to live it up for a long weekend. After realizing Ibiza wasn't happening and they were out of some serious cash,

they decided to make the best of a bad situation and take a trip anyway. Where'd they go? Quote, they offered us 150 pounds return, so we said fuck it and went to, I always forget how to say this, Magaluf? Maldives? No, M-A-G-A, not a great, L-U-F, Magaluf? Magaluf? We've talked about it here before. It's like a great. L-U-F, Magaluf. Magaluf. We've talked about it here before.

It's like a little getaway place for people in the UK. Magaluf. To be honest, we haven't even booked a flight back. We're just drinking loads all day. Chris is the nicest person in the world. I just can't believe this happened to him. He's so happy. He dodged the bullet.

He dodged the bullet. Nice, horrible person. But I'm sure he's sad on some level. I mean, he's sad because he had a plan for his life. He loved her. It sounds like he actually loved her. Emily then wrote well played for her. He only cheated on her twice.

I don't know why we're making him such a bad guy. But he didn't cheat when she thought he cheated. We'll get out of here on this. How old is Rachel Dorn? 32. Wow. Not even a pleasant answer. Straight up 32.

And that's such a good answer, too. It's so good. God, I was going to say 26. 26. 26. I think she's 37. Okay, 37. Townies, get your answers in wherever you are.

Also, it's Friday. Make your weekend plans. Go see a movie. Go see Pretty Problems wherever it is nearby you. I know. Support films like this so films like this keep getting made. My show doesn't start until 10 o'clock tonight. It's a late night hang with DDK.

So go see Pretty Problems and then go see us at 1030 in Minneapolis. We've done this for all of you. Right now. There you go. Night planned. Okay. What did we say? She said 32.

I said 37. You said 26. Okay. Rachel Dorn. Oh, God. Is. planned okay what did we say she said 32 i said 37 you said 26 okay rachel dorn oh god is 51 29 years old right in the middle you share it in the pocket oh my god what a treat patreon fans we got some good burning man stories coming on uh so you have to join the Patreon to enjoy that. Kestrel and Pantera, thank you for joining us. We love you. We love you so much. Love you guys.

Thank you. Oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Stick around, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb