Dumb People Town - Kulap Vilaysack & SuChin Pak - Whale 9-1-1

Episode Date: March 30, 2021

This week comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is the tale of an "ugly" note. The second story is a Karen of the sea. The final story is about the worst man ever. EVER.

Skypains Avenue Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Tunker Down is Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town Population you Population, Kulap and Suchin, welcome Hi you guys episode of dumb people town population you population cool up and suit chin welcome hi you guys hello guys welcome to town ladies i'm so happy we're doing this i'm happy to be here thanks thanks for letting us come to this town oh you'll be happy when you're probably leaving this town it's um yeah it's fun to in, but never kind of stay for too long. It's just, Stu, we believe the world's getting dumber. What do you guys think?

Just in general? I mean, has the pandemic, like just, is it the pandemic? I always ask people, have we just kind of gone off our rockers and we're heading off a cliff of dumb at this point? I mean, I can just, 100% me. Like, I feel that way about me.

That's right. And then because I am constantly in judgment of others, yes, everybody else. That's right. Facts. Suchin, what do you think? Wow. You know, I always try to take the other side,

but I'm not seeing another side. You know what I mean? It's hard to see the other side. I try really hard. I like to play devil's advocate. I like to make sure that another, but yeah, it's kind of dumb. It is getting dumber.

Every day is the word. I mean, Joni Mitchell did re-record her song to say, I see the world through one side now. And like. Yeah. Yeah, Dan. Yeah, there's not another side. You're going to throw that around. I'll do it. re-recorder song to say I see the world through one side now and like yeah Dan yeah there's not another around I'll do it we get we

I love it just hot topics here you come to Dumb People Town for your Joni Mitchell takes for all the hot Joni Mitchell takes come to Dumb People Town get ready for a Ricky Lee Jones drop it's gonna be be in no time.

So we get stories sent in by our fans. And I want to talk about your awesome podcast, which I love. I could listen to you guys forever. It's so fun. Thanks, guys. Your tone, your voices themselves are so just beautiful and soothing. I could listen to it forever. But also, it does really make you think about consumers.

Oh my God. We'll talk about it this second segment. We'll get into it later. We're teasing you with this. But first, there is just a dumb story that we want to jump into right now. We got you both here. Let's get into it.

Okay, this was sent in by Farrah Thorson. This is a new one. Yeah, at Farrah Thorson. That's F-A-R-R-A-H-T-H-O-R-E-S-O-N. Thank you. All they did was at daniel van kirk hashtag dumb people town tweet that at me with your story. If you're the first one to get it in, i give you cred okay ready for this headline yes.

I bet you the the five of us could just talk about this happening like this idea of this off of just the headline level on the details okay airport worker fired for slipping you ugly note to traveler. Oh boy. In her defense, the traveler was really ugly. I mean, let's be honest. But that's just their side. And she did not have an alibi.

Why did I make her a her? It could have been a him. He did not have an alibi. U-G-L-Y, he did not have no alibi. You ain't got no alibi. Cutting edge, you guys. I mean, I got to know, was it handwritten? Was it letter pressed, ready to go? Was it laminated?

Did this person go very deep into the... Here's my other question. We've all traveled a lot, right? How much are you traveling that you've built up some sort of enough of an impression on someone that they just need to let you know, not in a confrontational way, you ugly.

I mean, that's horrifying. That is a terrible thing to say. I've never looked great at the airport, like now especially. You don't care. On a 6 a.m. flight, Suchin, come on. There's no way we look good. I mean, listen, I listen to that note or that headline

and think about that note, and the tone I get is, you ugly on the inside. That's what she said. Yes, right? If they would have said on the inside. I get the tone that this person was nasty, was mean, and was in some sort of righteous indignation that they should have to share an aircraft

with other people, which I love when people get so incensed. And you're like, you do realize that you were sharing public transportation, like some form of public transportation. Don't be ugly. You ugly. And they got ugly.

They got ugly. And I felt like the note was less about their physical appearance, but like that attitude. I wonder if it was just like a flight attendant who was like, you know, there's two exits there, two uglies right here. Like just using those two fingers to kind of... See, I kind of hope... I kind of hope... I want it to come see. I kind of hope I kind of hope I want it to be

simple like I don't want it to just this person's like no uglies man. We'll get to the choking and then immediately two things. If we get into some cabin pressure, you still ugly.

Two things of oxygen will drop down. This is great for the listeners that can see all of our hand gestures, all of our facial expressions. You guys are loving the silent laughter. And because if an ugly person is still hand gesturing, Laughter. He's still doing it. Randy is still hand gesturing. If an ugly person is sitting next to you,

a bag will drop down. Please put that on the face of the ugly person first and then put it on your face. If there's one thing people love about Dumb People Town, it's the space work. Hey, nothing like putting on an audio podcast a lot of good object work. Good object work never hurt nobody. But see, I want to...

Suchan, you're probably right. That is a much better way to look at this. That's the most positive spin on this. I want someone to be like, oh my God, here comes that guy with that haircut again. I'm doing it. I'm writing that note. And they're like, don't do it. Dan, don't write the note.

I'm writing it. I'm writing it. What are you going to say? You ugly. I'm going to get right to the point. How are they going to know it's about the haircut? They'll know. They'll know.

So in this scenario, Dan, this is a frequent flyer. It has to be. They're back. He's back. Could you imagine if it's not a frequent flyer? It's a short commuter flight. Yes. It's a Southwest quick flight.

He does it every Wednesday, Thursday, and every other Tuesday. Okay. In that scenario, this person is very ugly, but they're also going, I'm pretty. As they're walking. Yes. It's our duty to let him know. He doesn't know. He is unawares.

He thinks he's too fabulous. Guys. We got to save him from some other hurt down the line. He doesn't get it. Even if this person is insanely ugly on the outside or very much more likely, it's very ugly on the inside. Either way, imagine the feat of going not a commuter

like you fly once every two years and you went from like walking into the airport to getting through TSA and someone thought I need to write down how ugly this person is. Either way, that's amazing. Oh, it's so good. You left a crazy impression on someone. So good. Okay.

I'm also imagining, you know, this person is so afraid of flying right now because they haven't fly since pre-COVID. Yep. I'm so excited. A mess. They're a mess. And what do they find? so afraid of flying right now because they haven't fly. It's pre-COVID. I'm excited. A mess. They're a mess. And what do they find? What do they find?

A note. A note. I mean, if it was handed to Ben Affleck, I'd be like, that's a good one. I like that. I like your style. I like what you're doing. I like all of this. OK. I told you guys.

We haven't even gotten into the story yet. That was all headline talk. That's just headline. OK. This is just speculation. A security screener at a New York airport is out of a job after slipping a note to a traveler that read as we all know you ugly. Oh my God, Neil Strassner was going through a security checkpoint.

This is the airport is also perfect for this. Didn't Neil Strassner co-write the book with Mystery, the pickup artist? No, that was Neil Strass. Oh, it's Neil Strass. I'm sorry. He's also maybe ugly. He's probably ugly. Inside and out.

Yeah, Mystery. And then this would be the ultimate neg. The ultimate neg. I was just trying to neg him. I thought it was Neil Strass, man. Neil Strassner was going through a security checkpoint at Greater Rochester International Airport. We're not talking LaGuardia. This is in JFK.

This is in late June when a security guard handed him a torn piece of paper with those words scrawled on it. My God. Strassner said he only recently obtained a copy of security footage from that day through the Freedom of Information Act. You are going deep to find out. I'm going to get you don't mess with with Neil Strassner.

You know my good. Yeah, yeah, he's got he's got meetings in Cleveland and he's got security tape to find and he will be back at this airport on Tuesday, but you already knew that. Honey, come downstairs for your son's fourth birthday. Nah, I'm screening tapes. No, no.

Come on here. Going out FOIA requests. How much do you want to bet that Neil Strassner, in the process of screening tapes, said to himself, oh, it's about to get ugly. You want to see ugly? It's gonna get ugly. You want to see ugly? It's going to get ugly.

But they didn't say why in the story. Well, we're going to get it. Hold on. I called the airport and I tried to get the information and they said I had to talk to the county. Strassner said on Friday, quote, I called the county. First of all, who's the county? I called the county and they said that that was the only way I could get it was through the

Freedom of Information Act. After he passed through the checkpoint and began walking away, this is a retelling what happened. Strassner said he heard the worker yell back at him, quote, you going to open that note? Oh my God. I was more confused than anything. Strassner said. I kind of just looked at it and thought that was weird. I'm now going to show all of us. You'll be able to look right there on the screen, a picture of the note that he was handed.

No, I want to see a picture of Neil. Who cares about the note? I don't know if we have a picture of Neil. I want a picture of Neil. It may not. I know. All right,

here it's coming up. It may not be for our eyes. Wow. Look at this. I'm shocked they spelled ugly right. Three exclamation points. This is a hastily written note. And what is this on?

Like Starbucks cup cooler holder? What is that? Yeah, like one of those little cozies. And they just folded it up. Listen, it was written out of passion in the moment. Three exclamation points. They didn't even have time for a verb.

It's really, they couldn't even get the verb in there. Right. You ugly. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. I just, it's amazing.

I mean, I have so many thoughts. I'm sorry. Give them all. Give them all. It's amazing that we have stretched the Freedom of Information Act to cover this. It's incredible that this person. Number two, I just, I go back to, and so Neil, we assume he's a man.

He identifies as a man. Let's just make that assumption. And the number one, you know, they've said it in studies, the number one fear of men is what? Fire.

What's the number one, what? Locust. Small penis. Fire. No. What? Stand-up comedy.

Closer. Okay. Public speaking. Closer is that they'll ever feel humiliated. That's right. That's right. That's right.

The humiliation. Yeah. Number one fear of women, you know, let's not get into it, but you know. Getting killed. Every time they walk out the door. Yes. Getting murdered by women. Listen, I'm not here to talk about women.

Women are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Women, women. We can do this all day. Getting killed. Right. So I just, it's incredible to me that Neil felt that hurt, that so deeply wounded that he's engaging the county.

Yep. He's engaging federal rights. He's like, I'm not ugly. Although part of him, I think. To find out why. I know. Yeah. I think part of him was like, you thought you got one in on me?

Yeah. Get ready. But the weird thing is. You think I'll give up? You think part of him was like, you thought you got one in on me. Yeah. You get ready. But the weird thing is, you think I'll give up. You think I'll get tired of this. This is my fire. I mean, to him,

like, and again, that person, you said at the top of this article that that person got fired. If I'm Neil Strauss, I book a flight. I go back and I'm writing a note. I'm like,

you can open that pink slip. Cause all it says on is that you fired. You fired. I just looked at it and thought that was weird. I'm like, well, you open that pink slip? Because all it says on it is you fired. You fired. The fact that he goes, I just looked at it and thought that was weird. I'm like, well, you weren't that cavalier about it. You're calling the county. You didn't think it was weird. You're calling the county.

I thought it was weird. Straster, who lives in Rochester and travels weekly in his role as technical coordinator, said he was on his way to Wichita. Technical coordinator. What is that? Could anyone tell? I have no idea what that is. That's like going into plastics.

Yep. No one knows. He doesn't even know what he does regional manager he said he was on his way to wichita for a work trip the morning of the incident he said he called the airport that afternoon to file a complaint and was advised to stop him with security when he returned later that week when he met with a supervisor at the airport strassner said he got the impression the supervisor didn't believe him i i don't know that I would either. Let's roll the tape. The employee who handed him the note

worked for VMD Corporation, a security company based in Virginia and contracted through TSA. Strassner said the company had promised to contact him about the episode on August 13th when he hadn't heard from them by Thursday. He uploaded a nearly two minute long video to read

it. Okay, Neil. There he goes. This is how we know about it. Within two hours, he said the company contacted him, which he attributes to the power of the internet. Yes. DMD did not immediately return a request. TSA said the employee was let go. They then go on to...

Go ahead. Sorry. No, no, no. This is all of us. This is... But okay, I'm not defending the you ugly person. Okay, I'm defending a little bit. Yes.

But what exactly did he do that he should get fired? I'm just asking the question. I think he should not get fired. I think he should be forced to apologize to him because that is a little bit, you keep your job, but you are forced to hat in hand, apologize.

Because it wasn't like, did he feel unsafe? No. Was he not doing his job? He did his job. That's right. I mean, you can't walk around insulting people.

Like, like you literally can't do it. Like your, your boss is a lot. Like if, if your job is you're at security, like obviously it's not going to hurt the business of the security security like obviously it's not going to hurt the business of the security people and it's not going to hurt the business of the airport people still have to

fly but like if people start making stinks because of what you said or your behavior then you go you're gone this is the thing i would say like stuff like this happens in dumb people town if we were dumb people talking like i got can somebody take me to the airport be like yeah just so you know you might get handed a note there that says you're ugly. That kind of stuff happens in dumb people town. Also, if you're going to get somebody good, don't make your own evidence to get caught. Just say to the guys he walks by, Hey, buddy, you ugly.

And then it's over. You said it. I said it. You're going to get a reprimand. He's the only person in the history of the phrase you ugly to leave a paper trail. Yeah. Yeah. It feels weird

to leave a note. And then you gonna read that? Yeah. Right. Right. He wasn't sure that the joke would land

or the comment would land. So if I'm coming back through because Neil's coming back through weekly. Neil's coming back through. He's got more things. I'll be like, where's your buddy?

Where'd he go? Yeah. What happened to him? God, he was so funny. It's such a shame. He lost his job. And then just be like, where's your buddy? Where'd he go? Yeah. What happened to him? Yeah. God, he was so funny. It's such a shame. He lost his job. And then just be like, I loved what he said. Yeah, I don't know.

It was so fun. I was calling to say that was a good one, but I guess your bosses didn't like it. Sorry. This is a weird turn. Strassner said he will not allow his experience to sour his opinion of Greater Rochester International Airport. Thank God.

That's the thing I would have gone to sleep and had a- It was a PR nightmare. Right? Right. Like, would thing i would have gone to sleep nightmare right like would we have all been able to sleep tonight if we still would have held that against rochester international airport because he's a big fan of the free classic arcade games so news news to everybody rochester airport has free classic arcade games that you can play while you wait for your i don't want to throw the bit i don't want to throw the baby Pac-Man out with the bathwater. What a detail. And Dan, you keep dropping the international in Rochester, okay?

This is why. They got one flight to Montreal, and suddenly they're international. Here's the other way to think about it. What if there wasn't those great games? How would he have reacted? The only reason why he was somewhat civil is because of those games. It's because of those games.

Centipede can really, it definitely can cover up a lot of books. High scores. High score, yeah. I bet he's got the high score on a couple of those games. We all have friends, Rory Scovel and Nate Pargazzi,

who deliberately took a later flight in Minneapolis so that they could go to the airport's golf simulator for a couple more hours. Stop it. So just yes, I'm like this. I'm pretty sure it was like pre kids for both of them to you don't do that with kids. Yeah, but so they we know

people who are like I love that airport because of the video games. We'll get out of here on this. He says I fly out of there all the time. They're actually a pretty good airport out of all the airports. I go to in the country. By the way, they're one of my favorite. They're actually a pretty good. I'm not really a ringing endorsement. It's kind of like a backhanded compliment, but here's the thing is I would never have gone down a freedom of information act request all that stuff. But if

I got handed by anyone who works an employee, are you ugly? And I would assume it's only going to be based off of my looks and not my behavior because I try to be nice to everybody. But if I got one of those, the comedy gold they would have just given me for that weekend performance. Can you imagine? There's your podcast for the week.

Oh, my God. It would be like, oh, I would be so happy that this happened to me. But he's not a comedian. No, he's a technical coordinator. He's a technical coordinator, which God knows what that means. Technically, I don't even know what it is. Figure out what that is. I don't know.

That's story number one, friends. Wow. Story number one down in the books. We're going to add to cart what these guys are doing next on the other side of this break. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get into their beautiful podcast, we want to let people know that we are doing Live Dumb People Town live through Nowhere Comedy Club on April 10th with Ryan Sickler from The Honeydew.

Be there or you'll miss it. It's going to be so much fun. And I'm going to say this. We are not going to release it in the feed. The only way you can listen to the show is to be there live. The band The Cactus Blossoms from Minneapolis, unbelievable band.

They're going to be playing. We got a Greenlee. It's going to be a killer night. We got a Greenlee that's unbelievable. Dan, so if you guys want to hear it, the only way to hear it

is to get a ticket from the show. Go to eventbrite.com and get the tickets for that live on Peopletown. And Dan, you got stuff at danielvankirk.com.

Play some bingo. Raise some money for charity. No kill animal shelters, big brothers, big sisters, food banks, and you can also win stuff for yourself.

It's a good time. Pub trivia, and then Rory Scovel and I have for yourself. It's a good time. Pub Trivia. And then Rory Scovel and I have the live pen pals. Go to danielvankirk.com for all that good stuff. All right, ladies, let's talk about your awesome podcast. It is, I think, of the moment. I mean, how much are we... I've added so much stuff to my cart in my life.

All day, every day. Just in life. You guys launched in November, right? Yes, just this past November. So give our awesome fans just a chance to dive into it. I'm going to recommend it. I can't recommend it enough. Can I recommend it?

It's like you guys have been running, like you hit the ground running with this thing, and it's so good. But let them know what they can expect in it. Well, it's Suchin and I talking about the things we've bought, but it's also the things that we've bought into. So not necessarily just stuff, but sort of like trends, ideas. Movies that you dig, you know?

Yes. Yes, and talking about things that we get into, and even just like the items, like whatever's in our cart is very revealing, turns out. It's like a Rorschach test for the human soul. It's not only just also the things that we put in our carts, because it could be very innocuous. Like we had a whole conversation when I said, I love this fizzy drink.

It's a beautiful drink. I like to have it. Which one? It's a Yerba Mate sparkling soda it which one it's a yerba mate sparkling soda I want it I want it it's so good

it's a ginger what's the flavor it's ginger and grapefruit what the hell which is the only flavor who makes it that you should get it's called

the company's called Guayaki okay I can I have cases of it you can get it at Whole Foods generally you can see that so listen just an innocent remark by an innocent woman here Okay. I can, I have whole foods generally.

So listen, just an innocent remark by an innocent woman here passing through, you know? Yes. And I said, uh, I don't remember how it came up. And I said, you know,

but they're quite expensive. You know, I mean, they're probably two $53 for a small little can. So I like to cut it. And then I say, time out. What does that mean?

Cut it. Cut it. Like a drug dealer. Water it down. You water it down. Water it down. You make one, water it down. Ready?

You are leaning in. You're leaning in both elbows. No, it's not just two. He recognizes. You make it into how many? One makes three? How many? One makes how many?

One can. It depends. On a speedy day that I just need a bit more energy, it makes two. On a normal, like, hey, I'm just a mom minding my own business, it makes three. Three cans out of one. And also there are unopened cans, and those cans get put in various fridges. Okay. This is like the story of Hanukkah.

I was going to say, this is like a Jewish parable. We had enough oil for one night, but we used a lot of fizzy drink for one night, and then it lasted for eight cans, three meals. Jeez, it's a miracle. I have been doing this for how long? And it's normal to you. It's so normal to you. It's so normal to me.

I just mentioned it just as to fill time. Sure. In passing. Tiny comment. Kulop falls out of her chair. Of course. We all did. Falls out, crawling, crawling out of a hole that she can't figure out how to get out of.

Yes. And then I have to look at myself through someone else's lens. That's right. Do you see this? And I see that I am cheap. I am crazy. I am kind of disgusting.

And also, I don't care. I don't really care the game is tight yeah but i'm like okay well i'd love for you to have a full can because i think you deserve it yeah you should at least have like full can saturdays like on saturday you just get to go full tilt. On a Tuesday, you can cut it. You're making it seem like when I cut this soda, I feel some sort of loss. No, no, no, friends. She likes the taste more when it's cut. So you treat it more as a concentrate. It's because I get more.

Are you kidding? It's a concentrate for you. I'm like, look at the genius. Right. The genius. You're getting drunk on the good idea that you've just said. Yes, that's right. That's right.

And F your $3 sparkling water that cost you 22 cents. You're beating them because now it's a dollar, bitch. It's a dollar now. That's what you're saying to that place. It's a buck. Don't tell me what I paid for it. I'll tell you what I get for that. Exactly.

It feels good every sip. But Guayaki's like, thanks for your money. You're a great customer. They don't care. She's like, I only bought one, but it's so brilliant. It's so brilliant. The concept of the show is so brilliant because you're shopping and the things you do with the

products you buy is such a private thing and you guys are turning it out and making it public and having the answer to it, which is so good. We may not ever have another episode. Every episode, I wonder if we'll come back. Can I just say that you cannot use the phrase

I cut it with without using then the phrase it's street value. Yeah, you gotta start giving it a street value. I'm not gonna tell you where I've been and who I've been hanging out with. You know what I mean? I just know that that is the language that I use. But to say that, like, that's what happened.

I think Kulop and I thought, okay, it'd be fun to talk about something kind of silly. And, you know, we didn't have to, like, research and, you know, put a lot of intellectual property into it. And then turns out that like just some little conversation about the stuff that we buy or the things that we're watching, you know, start to spark up all of this stuff about who we are as people fundamentally. And I just want to say I love, love the thought that you guys like the show. I'm going to pretend that it's actually real. It is real. Take that in. Are you joking?

Of course. I could listen to you guys talk about anything. That's what I'm talking about. It opens you up. Who knows I'm a supporter. I'll show up at a screening room at UTA at 10 a.m. in the morning on a Tuesday for this one. Thank you so much.

You know we are. Thank you, he did. And he did. Oh, that's awesome. But I love it. I love that you guys find your way into it, because it is a lot about two old Asian aunties' experiences.

And I wonder, I'm like, does anybody give a shit? I have no idea. I dig the specificity, because I'm always like, you have to be, you know this, Kulap as well, like you have to be open to everything. Be like, all right, something comes up. I got to like open up and just talk about,

it's got to, I have to open myself up here. I got to leave a little something out on the field. And you guys are both always up for that. Because that's what I like too. I want to say like, you guys easily could just be like oh i heard about this thing i saw this tiktok because there's like a whole swath of tiktok that is about like amazon finds and stuff like that but to then say like well what does that say about me or about you yeah which is kind of in a way of like what we do with dumb people town like we don't yeah we always said like we don't

point at somebody and go oh wasn't that person stupid we say like what made that person think that like what was happening that led to that decision or what does that say affecting me why do why does this make me angry yeah why am i loving this more than anything in the world i love it all right shall we wait go ahead oh sorry go ahead no go ahead no i wanted to ask what you guys had added to your carts it just seemed like the right place but we could be going yeah well let's talk about that i bet i could tell you i have something i have in my cart right Ask what you guys had added to your carts. It just seemed like the right place, but we could be going somewhere else. Yeah, well, let's talk about that. I bet I could tell you I have something I have in my cart right now.

I'll do it. By the way, for people listening, everyone's checking. Does it just have to be online? No. Okay, so I add my cart of life. This is what I added, and I'm very food driven in like a terrible way

in that like I use food in the worst ways to like reward myself for things. There is a dark pretzel at Whole Foods 365. It is the darkest of pretzels. It's a big size pretzel. It is so good. And I get a garlic spread. And I just put that in my cart the other day,

so to speak, in my mental cart, because I had had a good week where I felt very productive. And I went to town on that bag. And my 13-year-old daughter got so pissed at me because the bag was gone before she could have any of it. And I was like, yeah, that was for me. I'm sorry. Sometimes dad needs to be selfish about stuff.

And I'm telling you, so I'm going to, I'm going to go food too. I'm going to go food too. So I went on a diet for like an idiot going into the pandemic, which is basically like taking like a oath of celibacy as you go into the Olympic village as an athlete. It's like,

what the fuck are you doing? So, and so I get super hungry late at night and I, cause my daughter wakes me up early in the morning. My son makes me stay up super late at night. So I'm up like 20 hours a day, like no human being should be. And so I started to get super hungry cause it's been eight hours since I ate dinner and it's so late. So I was like, can I have diet soda? It's so dumb. It's the dumbest thing. I'm like, it's no calories. So I've been getting diet A&W root beer. Like I work at a fricking gas station and no one has it.

Which we did, by the way, when we were in high school. But nobody has it. Like I've gone around to stores. Nobody has it here. And like, I'm hunting it down. Like I'm like an A&W hunter and I can't find anywhere. And so I will look online on Amazon and see who has it for the cheapest. And I start to go into panics when I see that I'm low,

and it's going to take too many days for me to get new. And I'm full-on addicted to this. You've got to start cutting it. Get yourself more. Should I cut it with water? Because I'm telling you, I think because I'm drinking all this diet soda that has zero calories, I think I've gained like eight pounds. I was like, I think we have to look at what's in the cart.

I had eight tiny heart attacks. Like, is that bad? Dan, what's in your cart? That was in my cart. You could totally tell when I was deep into the show alone, because I have all this camping gear in my cart. I was watching it. And then the day have all this camping gear in my car. I was watching it. And then the day.

I need a kerosene here. Have you seen the show alone, you guys? No. Oh, my God. They just don't need to do it. You have to. It's just people being dropped into a certain difficult terrain, a group of them, and they stay by themselves.

And they have to. They get a couple of things. They just go to the one person left. You can tap out whenever you want you have a walkie talkie you're like i'm done you can take like 10 items with you okay build your space you gotta and you have to hold i've seen i've seen this and you have to be the last one standing yes right and you never know every day because you're alone you don't know if there's three other people six other people or you're the only one left you're all you know and then it is it is perfect television because the winner gets five hundred grand, but they do medical checks on you like every few

days, but certainly once you get past like fifty, sixty, seventy days, they're like coming every two days to check on you medically. So when you win, they bring your like main family person in your life or friend or whoever, and that person shows up and tells you that you've won. And so these people have been out there for like 72 days alone. And then their husband comes like walking around a tree and they're like, it's amazing. It's like, oh, that's perfect TV.

I've watched so much of it. Wow. Yeah, I watched so many that my wife and I were watching it and that was like, we were just like tearing through seasons. And my favorite bit to do, which is only funny to us, but I just think it's so funny, is that I would be the Canadian guy who's just describing to my wife, who's sitting next to me, who's watching the same thing when I say just describing everything that she's already seen. So I'd be like, shouldn't have had that rotten squirrel name.

He shouldn't have touched it. No, he shouldn't have done it. And I kept on doing it for so long that finally just to shut me up she didn't say shut up she pretended to be my canadian wife and her response every time i said that was yeah i was like shouldn't have gone fishing with that pole hon she's like yeah so we're just two dumb canadians a couch. So then you guys are just being letter Kenny. Yeah, so being letter Kenny. And my favorite thing was to curl up in the warmest, most comfortable blanket.

You know, like that heavy blanket that you're supposed to have if you're stressed out. And it's like giving you a hug. Yep, I have one. Of course. I would curl up on my couch with that warm thing and a cold can. And I'm like, you guys don't have this. Guess who got out ahead of this thing? I got ahead out ahead

of the A. W. Diet. Yeah, day forty five. I still got eight cans left in the fridge. It's great. Do you want to do story number two story? Okay, here we go. This one's wild. I was sent by Cindy sack at Mrs. Underscore sack. S. A. K a thank you, Cindy, for

sending this in. Here's the headline. This woman called nine one one on some humpback whales in the water. What are you dealing with in your life that you're putting it on to whales? I mean this is Karen to another

level, right. I mean, this is Karen to another level, right? Sea level Karen. Sea level Karen. Oh my God. Marine Karen. Okay. Imagine that, Karen. I am on the phone. Are you supposed to be here? I don't care that it's international waters. Are you supposed to be here? Don't blow water

in my face. Are you supposed to be here? Oh, don't you crest on me like that. I'll show you a blow hole. She's breaching. She's breaching on me. She's breaching on us all. Okay. By the way, who wrote the headline? Was it Bruce McCullough's character from Kids in the Hall?

This woman called our 911 on a whale. Here we go. There are lots of reasons not to call 911 like when your burger and fries comes out cold and McDonald's somebody must have done that or when you see people bar barbecuing at Lake Merritt. I don't know where these places are, but the person writing this is working out their own

stuff and definitely, but this is also one of those articles where the person like, you know, I want to talk to the reader. I want to get it. I want them to know me. I've had a couple of boxes of wine and i want to get it and definitely don't call nine one one when you're in puget sound and you see some of the ocean's most gentle inhabitants whales but that's exactly what one woman did yeah god the widely shared video starts with one woman

hyperventilating then sobbing as humpback whales whales, a humpback whale sprouts near the family's boat. The only person who seems to realize what they're witnessing is a once in a lifetime show of nature is the man who's apparently filming the encounter as his family freaks out. He repeatedly begs them to calm down. And then that's on the video. So now you're going to put music over it because all the video is these beautiful

images and you going, hey, stop it. Right, calm down. There he's screaming. He goes quote. Look, you guys, you'll never see this again. He says in all honey, don't be scared. This is awesome. Not convinced the woman chokes out between sobs stupid whale. It's gonna kill

us. This is the woman chokes out between sobs stupid whale it's gonna kill us this is dumb people time i wish everyone could see suchan and crew lops faces stupid whale it's gonna kill i have to ask you it wants to kill the four of you have any of you been well watching yes i have seen i've seen whales i've never i've seen a whale, like, in Big Sur, I saw some. From a distance, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've never, like, been out. Oh, in Hawaii, I saw a bunch of them. And they are the most beautiful, coolest, like, just these, and the ocean is so big that it's big enough to sort of make them seem like they're graceful.

It's just, like, you can't get mad at a whale at all. No. Even if you saw an orca. She went out on a boat. Into the ocean. Their house. It's their house. What did you expect to see?

What were you doing on that boat? When you call 911, what do you think they'll do? What can they do? Get rid of them. What's your address? What's the longitude and latitude of where we're at right now?

How many knots are we, honey? We're near the eighth buoy. That article is more illuminative. That's not a word. Illuminations king, of the marriage.

Yeah. She did not want to be on that boat that day. Two people that never communicate. And he is on one path, she is on the other, and they never can seem to get on the same page. Don't ruin this for me, honey. Don't ruin this for me honey. Two passing ships. Two passing ships. One next to

a whale. The other you know calling 911. Also you don't have to do everything together as a family. Leave them on the beach. You go out and watch. Have your thing. You go out see in five hours. We're going to have a great dinner tonight. I'm going to go watch whales. When two more whales appeared, it was

just too much to bear. Do you think at this point the whales are like, all right, let's fuck with these people. Like here we go. She's freaking out. She's freaking out. They handed her a note saying you ugly. A woman on board can be heard calling 911 as the boat speeds

off. I have a little clip of this video that we are going to see and everybody's going to get to here. Here we go ready what what would they do? do. Jesus. Oh my God. Dad's like, who cares? First of all, dad is high as a kite.

Did you hear? He's like, man, look at me. They're looking at me, man. They say a whale can see your soul, man. And then the grown man child. I know. Dad, go faster. That man is too old to be scared about whales.

I watched the whole video. The whales just come up next to them. And because they're so huge, at parts, they're kind of like partly under the boat. But they're not like coming up. They're just curious whales. My question is, do whales knock boats over? I don't know. Do they?

I don't think they do. Or they're just thinking about, they saw Jaws recently. Right. That's not real. Bruce is not real. They saw the Poseidon Adventure. Yeah. Whales don't eat meat.

Whales don't eat meat. They don't eat people. It's like they don't care about you. Right. No one cares. When the family on board the boat. No one care about your boat. But that's the ultimate thing of like, they don't care about you. Right. No one cares. When the family on board the boat. No one care about your boat. So,

but that's the ultimate thing of like, I'm important. I'm more important than nature. 9-1-1 help me out. Right. Yeah. What were they going to do? Airlift them out.

They were going to shoot the whales in the, what were they going to do? Like, oh, to be, to feel like you're that worthy. That's right. Oh,

to feel like you're that worthy that 9-1-1 would out of this non-helpful situation that's not a threatening situation. While the family on board the boat was likely never in danger, the whales could have been hurt by the boat's propeller, though the animals were unharmed. So it's like if anybody had anything to worry about, it was the whales. Whales should have called Whale 911. It's always the whales. Yes. Yeah. Whale1 i would watch the video was uh posted september 29th according to the washington post and went viral in the last few days for obvious reasons so this

is an older story and they say watch it that to me when it's another dumb people town do you hear about the women who called the the woman who called the 9-1-1 on the whales? No. No. No. No, I didn't hear that. I did not hear that. But like all the people who know this woman from like their kids are in gymnastics with her daughter. Like that should be like, did you hear that Betty called 911 on two whales? Yes. Right.

Yep. That's story number two. At the swim club? No, in the ocean. Oh, jeez. There you go. That's story number two. Dan, can you give us just a little teaser of what we're going to see in story number two?

Oh, just the horrors of dating in the modern world. I love it. It's a crazy, crazy mixed up world. We're going to get into it with Kulab and Suchin right after this break. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, guys, it's time to thank some of our Patreon folks. Let's get into it. I love it when we create stories for people just based off some consonants and vowels thrown together.

Hey-o. Like Denise Sue. Denise Sue. A girl named Sue. A girl named Denise Sue. I love it very much. We also want to thank Katie Maylink. Maylink or Mylink?

Have you gotten your Mylink? Mylink sounds like what you need to drive through tolls in the Dakotas. I got my Mylink. You know, I have my Mylink inside of my center console, and it still worked. Also, a big shout out to Jacqueline. Paduano. Paduano. You've done well, my. Paduano. Paduano. You've done well, my young Paduano.

Thank you very much. Also, Aaron Walker. Aaron Walker. Texas Ranger. Texas Ranger. David Sella. David Sella. He's selling out.

More papaya, but he's selling out. He's a true local. More papaya. He's a true local. As is Katie Miley. This one, I feel like I have to yell it out. Carlos Berrientos. Berri out. Carlos Berrientos. Berrientos.

Berrientos. Berrientos is very poetic. Berrientos. Berrientos. Peter Knight Myers. One of our dearest friends. You know this person? Yes.

Peter. Peter Knight Myers. PKM. He's the best. PKM played basketball with us when we started playing out here. First of all, he's shorter than us and a better rebounder thanM. He's the best. PKM played basketball with us. We started playing out here. First of all, he's shorter than us and a better rebounder than us. He's amazing. Yeah, you can get it on the boards.

He's got a lovely wife, and they have a beautiful daughter. Named Bowie. Bowie. I love it. And he's such a great dude, and he listens to the podcast, and we appreciate him so much in life. Thanks, Peter. Thanks to this next person who definitely has their own microbrewery

set up in their garage, Hamilton Porter. Have you tried the Hamilton Porter? The Hamilton Porter is good. It's delicious. I'm not usually a porter fan. I like a lot of head on that Hamilton Porter. We want to say thanks to a pillar of the community, Wes Toller. Wes Toller.

Wes Toller, Toll House, Well House, West Toll House. Toll House, Well House, Cookies. Wes Toller and East Toller are my friends. You don't want to go over to East Toller. West Toller is where it's at. East Toler and West Toler. Thomas Miller is a pillar of the community. Thank you, Thomas Miller.

Miller is a pillar. Tommy Miller. He's a Miller of the community. He's a Miller of the community. We have another person here, Sean Lehman. Put it to me in Lehman's terms. How do you want me to say it? Put it to me in Sean's terms.

Casey Houvier. Houvier. Is it Houvler? It's Houvier. Oh, no, it's not an I. I thought it was. It's Houvier. Houvier would be awesome. It's Houvier. Juvier. Is it Hoovler? It's Hoovier. Oh, no, it's not an I. I thought it was. It's Hoovier. Hoovier would be awesome. It's Hoovler. I got a Hoovler. It's the best vacuum cleaner I've ever gotten.

It corners, Dan. It corners. She is the best sixth woman on the basketball team. That's right. Hoovler. Dude, Hoovler came in and just mopped up on the boards. We won today because of Casey Hoovler. Somebody has said that. We won today because of Casey Hooper. We did. Fiona Hollier. Hollier. Hollier than thou.

Hollier than thou. Fiona Hollier. Fiona Hollier. It feels like an indie song. Fiona Hollier. Lenore Hare. Lenore Hare. You up on those hares? Check your hares. This is season nine of Alone.

Lenore Hare sounds like a character in like a groom's fairy tale. Yes. Let me tell you the story of little Lenore hair. That's right. Jeremy Jensen. True local. True local. Little JJ.

JJ. I love you. You can call him JJ. How about the next one? Jimmy Scragman. James Scragman. James Scragman sends in a lot of AKAs for our daily podcast. So thank you, James.

Gregman. Who's that guy? Jack London. Is that his name? Jack Klugman. No, Jack. The great, the classic actor from like the apartment. Jack Lemmon.

Jack Klugman. Jack Lemmon. Jack Klugman was in The Odd Couple. Yes. He was. But Jack Lemmon. He was also Quincy. James Gregman sounds like a character Jack Lemmon played. James Gregman is the Jack Lemmon sounds... He was also Quincy. James Craigman sounds like a character

Jack Lemmon played. James Craigman is the Jack Lemmon of Jack Lugmans. Mark Houser. Mark Houser! Michael King, and I don't know if that's the same Michael King I went to high school with, but I'd have to guess there's probably 4,000 Michael Hings in California. I would just say here come the King. Here come the King.

Couple more of these. Let's say thank you to Mark Pritchard. Mark Pritchard can throw a fastball 98. 98 steps on the bump, just fires it. Crazy Corgi. Crazy Corgi. These Corgis are so crazy. Right.

And then we have Cynthia Oakley. You know what? That's a great name. Her love wraps around us. She's a wraparound. Do you remember in the Olympics, those for 1996 that went over the head? What? Remember they would start here, then went over the back of your head?

The Cynthia Oakleys that go all the way up and over? I love it. CJ Snipes. CJ Snipes, man. True local. True local. Just waiting for those chances. Just CJ Snipes.

White men can jump. We got two more. Alexander Moore. Alexander Moore. That's close. You're close. His name is alexander moore and there's a million things i have to tell him for and then this one this is this person's name is the like alias of a superhero like this is their clark kent derek black welder roll black

welder keep on rolling mississippi moon won't you keep on shining on roll black welder keep on rolling love it so good so much fun there you go guys let's get back to the show thank you everybody all right here we go story number three sent in by kate newins kate has been around for so long she's been a fan for years she always sends in stories i love it too i've met her at a for a live show and i can't wait to meet her again after one year again someday, hopefully this year at Kate Newins, any you

and ask you all right. Here's the headline man asks woman to refund the cost of food and drinks after relationship goes nowhere. Wow, the dumbest.

Talk about item. Yeah. Yes. Wait. So like she had, hold on. So she's, she, she had a spreadsheet. He did. He did.

He asked for it for her stuff. And he's like, I want this. I want it back. This didn't work out. I want it back. Headline. And they say romance is dead. Again, we don't need your

flourishes i know they get out of here a hairstylist building building yeah yeah a hairstylist from milwaukee sounds like i'm about to pitch you a great tv show i mean come on a hairstylist from milwaukee has stirred a debate on twitter after revealing wait my the next line should be a hairstylist from milwaukee goes into space are you listening stay with us don't please sit back down a hairstylist from milwaukee has stirred a debate on twitter after revealing that one of her former suitors has asked to be reimbursed for their three dates that they went on the woman who identified herself as alex on twitter first shared news of the guy's gutsy question in February, posting a screenshot.

Bullshit screenshot of his text to her to her account. This is what she said. She captioned it with this. It's the audacity for me. She captioned the screenshot, which appeared along with the messages that the man sat in regards to reimbursing him.

Here's what he wrote. Hi, Alex. Hope you're doing well. No, you know. No, you don't. No, you don't. She's doing well. Nope.

Would you mind letting me know what your Venmo is? He begins. That's out the gate, right? He quickly gets to the point of the question claiming it's only fair to ask for equal payment from you for the dates that we went on. I believe it was three separate times. We went out to bars and restaurants where I paid for both of us each time. I'd say

blank is more than fair for your food and drinks that I got you during those dates. I'm going to ask you guys how much money do you think he is owed? He think he's owed food and drink. Food and drink.

Three dates. Bars and restaurants. I'm going to guess $100. I'm going to guess. I was going the opposite. I was going to say something like $18.42. Yes, so super petty. I see.

The principle of it. Yeah, for you. Jason, see. All right, all right. The principle of it. Yeah, for you. Okay, Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say $75. $75. I think $180. He's mad. You go that way.

He's mad. They went out a few times. He's not happy. The total amount that he asked for, for her share of drinks and food, three restaurants. I want it to be so little. I want it to be like $7.

I'm with you. The total money asked for is thirty five dollars. It is so little. Thirty five dollars. Wow, and you know this guy's like why am I single and you're like

I can give you thirty five reasons why you're single. I can give you thirty five reasons,'re single. I can give you 35 reasons, three text messages and your general attitude as to why you're single. You know what? You ugly.

You ugly. You ugly. That's the guy that deserved the note. That's Neil Strassman. You ugly. Okay. You ready for the worst part of this to me? This is where people should be yelped.

You ready for the worst part of this to me? Yes. What he says to her in the last sentence is such like, dude, until you fundamentally change the way you think you are going to be any person, you're going to be let alone women. You're going to be alone.

You're going to stay alone. He goes on to say, quote, I view you as a fair girl. I hope you'll consider reimbursing me, I view you as a fair girl. I hope you'll consider reimbursing me. And I'm like, a fair girl. I'm like, dude. First of all, it's probably a woman.

Fair girl? I know. You're a fair-minded person. You'll probably reimburse me. No. And by the way, if I'm the woman, I'm like, yes. I don't want this hanging over my head at all i would rather give you 35 for 35 bucks to make you disappear from my life that's a great that's that's worth a wonderful thing where do i send you the money i'll give you 50 to delete my number

or i'll give you 35 but in giving you that 35 back i get to write the most scathing text back to you about saying that you will always be alone you will never be with anybody no one that will ever be with you ever you know what i would do i'd be like i you know what you're right i do owe you 35 i also remember how much you said you loved your dog so i made a 35 donation to the no kill animal shelter in milwaukee i'm sure you appreciate that yeah how about How about 3498? How about I'm going to take these $35 that I should be paying you, and I'm going to hire Lisa Lampanelli on Cameo to tell you you're a fucking piece of garbage.

That's right. And just rip you a new one all day long. Beautiful. I cannot believe that. I really can't. That is dumb. People tell. I know. That's dumb people tell. I know.

For 35 bucks. He then appeared to share his own Venmo information. Should Alex actually want to send him the money? To which point I would be like, you know what's going to happen? So many people are going to start requesting payments from you. Yes, they should have a dollar and that was out ended sort of following the tweet. A debate

began raging in the comments. Most readers seem to gas at the man's request. Obviously, there were many who there were some who tried to defend him in a few cases some people even shared shock shockingly similar exchanges with other people quote this is a woman who wrote quote dating is like gambling you put your time money and whatever into it and sometimes it doesn't work out and you leave emptyhanded. You made the decision to spend the money, and now you're just mad you didn't win. I'd be like, yeah, it's all a crap shoot. You want to pay for some of these drinks in the moment?

It's that moment. You don't get to come back later and go, you know what? I really shouldn't have boughten those margaritas. T.S. It's like the election. At that moment, on that Saturday night, you said, I'm going to buy these drinks. It's the election.

It's the election all over again. There was a point in this time where if you lose the election, it's over. You lost. That's the end of the election. You don't get to challenge the electoral college thing, which is just a confirmation of the thing. You don't get to do that. You don't get to go ask for your money back. It's over.

You don't say it's the voting machines. It wasn't the cash register. Don't hit me up two weeks later and say, I ate more of the queso dip than you, so I owe you $7.80. I'm not doing it. I ate more of the queso dip than you, so I owe you $7.80. I'm not doing it. Talking about fair,

when you're changing the rules, you're changing what the agreement is. That's right. If you really want that to be, then you need to say at the very beginning, let's go Dutch on everything. Let's just go Dutch on everything, and you probably won't get three dates. Also, can we just get this rule out

there for all these idiots in the world dating marriage long-term relationship one night of hanging out no one owes you anything so here's other than to be treated decently that's it be honest here's what people in relationships love to do keep score. That's one way to keep a relationship going forever. Honey, I'm looking at the love spreadsheet. Yeah, and you are in the red, really deficient in the last year at 80%. We get out of here on my favorite thing. One commentator or I'm sorry, come commenter.

Yeah, seem to touch on the most astounding part of this whole story quote. I'm more confused about how they went on three dates and only spent $70. Are you just eating? Yes. Are you just getting hot dogs at the mini? I respect that game. If you're

eating it, they went to Papa's chicken. Yeah, they just went to Costco. That's it. I swear the sample. Yeah, there are moose bushes, and then they got their hot done. If this that's it I took samples I absorbed the samples yeah exactly it's a good day there are moose booshes

and then they got their hot dogs done if this thing goes any further we can buy those two coffins over there so there you go

Jesus but they come in a six pack it's Costco we'll find it we'll find it we'll find enough people who want to do it there you go

you can add it to cart there you go add to cart I love you guys. Thank you for doing this show with us. And thanks for being so fun. Suchin, Kulap, you have an open invite to any time you need something you guys want to promote. Please come on our show and be goofy with us and make fun of dumb people.

All right. Oh, my God. This was so fun. Thank you, guys. I know. It was the perfect, perfect conversation to be having right now. It's what we needed. You guys are what we needed. And oh, shit, we conversation to be having right now. It's what we needed. You guys are what we needed.

And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. On your down. It's Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town.