Dumb People Town - Kumail Nanjiani - D in the W

Episode Date: July 18, 2017

This week, Kumail Nanjiani (The Big Sick, Silicon Valley) starts a Grand Theft Auto mission and winds up in Dumb People Town! Kumail talks to the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk about his smash hit movie "The Big Sick," working with Ray Romano, and how tric...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Let's spread the music, wish the funny hits, and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U, we're so glad you are here.

Daniel, how are you, sir? I'm very good. I'm very good. How about yourself? I'm'm great it's been a long time since we were hanging out in the studio well we kind of had to because of just you know the vacation and all that time we kind of had to bank up a bunch of them and so it has been since way before fourth of july that we've been here recording one uh and thank you to everybody hope you guys had a good 4th of July. The live episode with Jonah Ray was doing great. Awesome. Today, I know. Worse.

We kind of had to do this one today. We feel sorry for him. It feels very obligatory. We feel sorry for this guy. He's been begging us to come on the podcast. And nothing really has been going on in his life. So I guess Kamel Nanjiani, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me.

I mean, if we have to. What a bummer. I mean, if we have to. What a bummer. Welcome, Kumail. Holy smokes, dude. Where was the live show? Live show we did at Starburns Castle. Oh, right, right, right.

I haven't been there yet. It's great. Phenomenal. Jonah was very funny, as you know. He can be funny on stage from time to time. Yeah, he's really actually,

he's making a face. He's on a crazy fucking tour right now I know I've seen his living quarters it looks it's a true nightmare

yeah it doesn't sound good it's like a horizontal closet yes wait you shared with three other people stop stop

that's New York living that's awesome that's some New York living right there I saw it and I took a shower yeah well

first of all congratulations to you on your movie Dan Ran it and I took a shower. Yeah. Well, first of all, congratulations to you on your movie. Dan, Randy, and I saw it last week, and we love it. If you haven't gone, it's going to be sick. We went on a triple date. You know what? We fell in love again. A mid-day triple date. We held hands the whole time, which is weird.

And that was just during the previews. We know you've done a ton of press. We know you're trying to get the word out. The big sick, if you haven't seen it and you're in our audience, run and go see it immediately. Right now. For 50 reasons, go see it. Number one, this is our good friend and this is somebody that we love and want to support. And so do it because of that.

Do it because movies like this get made and we as a community need to support it so that more movies like this can get made. But the number one reason is that it is one of the best movies I've seen in so long. And again, we know you, so we're actually, it's so hard because we know you as our friend and to see you up there, it has to jump into another area in order for me to get sucked in.

I see. So that I'm not taken out of the fact that there's our friend up there doing his thing. And a bunch of people we know. And a bunch of people we know doing their thing. And it did. It just beautifully done, man. Oh, thank you.

On every level. I have to say one of the things I love the most is that every time Ray Romano, who was amazing in it, his character, who plays Emily, your wife's father, every time he said your name, he said it wrong in a different kind of way. That's right. Yeah, he's a total legend, and I was so nervous to meet him and work with him, and he could not be nicer.

I mean, but what's amazing is he's a legend as a stand-up. He's a legend, and obviously... As a sitcom star. As a sitcom star, too. I'm going to throw in, because I watched the Jason Kadams' Parenthood show. Oh, people love that show.

And he was amazing in that and a tremendous actor in it. We had him on the podcast and you know he has twin sons. Yes, of course. I mean, from a stand-up. Yeah, I know those dudes really well now. Really?

Yeah. That's great. We sort of, you know, we did a little tour and his family would travel with us and stuff and his family's super close. So I like know his whole family really well. And he was, but for him...

How dirty was Holly Hunter's stand-up? I can imagine that she just like gets right into the like... It's a lot of ass play. It's a lot of... And then gets like way into horrorcore. Horrorcore? Yeah, she just gets straight... No, I'm just kidding.

I've never heard that phrase before. Horrorcore? Isn't that like a hip-hop? I think that's like describes hip-hop. I keep telling people, I'm just kidding. I've never heard that phrase before. Horrorcore? Isn't that like a hip-hop? I think that describes hip-hop. I keep telling people, I love your movie. It's like four great movies in one. It's a movie about family and marriage and dating and love. And there's so many great relationships that you're like,

Oh, I would watch a movie just about this interaction. So being able to have four of those running together in one thematic story is what makes it work so well for me. Yeah, dude, you just... Thanks, guys. Yeah, we wanted to put everything in. We were like,

we may never get to make another movie. I love that that was your attitude before, and now I honestly... It's what makes it work. Yeah, it's... I mean, the other thing is the stand-up. So many people have tried to capture, A, how comedians hang out with each other and are funny with each other,

and B, how people do stand-up on stage and it can be funny at all. And you guys found a way to do it. It's very hard to do. You know what's hard? I think the trap people fall in when they're filming comedians performing comedy is they try and curate the audience's response. So they'll show somebody on stage and be like, this guy's so funny. It'll cut to the audience laughing super hard. And you're watching the movie going,

this isn't that funny. Right. And so in our movie, we don't do that. We just show it and we're like, you can think it's funny or it's not funny and it doesn't really matter. Whatever you think, you think. And the audience's reactions were real.

They were totally real. Yeah, we didn't have packed shows and people crushing or anything. We just had normal people. Did you record that in Littlefield? Uh-huh. Yeah, we just were in New York performing there on Night Train. It's a great spot and a great venue and perfect for that. Yeah, we basically lived there for three days shooting all that.

Well, I mean, David Alan Greer did something in the movie. Just introducing someone that made me laugh. He is so funny in his fucking bones. He, it sucks because we had to cut out his storyline a little bit. We had to cut out a lot of the stand-up stuff, actually. That was one of the stories that really got me. Just him constantly doing coke? Yeah.

He was so funny, and I feel so bad. Like, all the stuff we shot with him, he was like, he's, you know, he went to Yale drama school. Oh, hell yes. He is.

Okay. He's my neighbor. And yeah. And when he has a little, he has a baby girl, I think around, but not a baby anymore, like eight years old,

the same age as my son. And when we were both, but when they were little babies, we were in a music class together and he was just doing explain you just glossed over music class because there are two dudes who don't have kids here so a music class is when you have like a six seven eight month old nine month old year old you take this kid to someone's really nice house and like a music teacher comes like this fun music teacher why did you get tricked into this no it actually was really fun you bought in let me tell you you're an occult and you sing songs and the kids sing the songs yeah that's right yeah all by purple nike i like how he says

a really cool music teacher shows up and you really cool whatever it's not we all get the same haircut i don't know why people are making it weird. So David Allen Greer was there with his kid, and I was there with mine, and he was doing so many funny things, just singing the songs. I was like, I would watch this for 40 hours straight. It was making me laugh so hard that I had to excuse myself from the class.

He was being so funny. That's great. So there everybody and ad bryant and bo burnham was yeah yeah kurt braunler was hilarious and it just great all the way around i was explaining to my wife as she was in the shower this morning the movie and i was like it would be like take a movie that hit and was a hit in my opinion a small movie that became a hit like Monsoon Wedding. Not just because of, I'm not just talking because you're brown. Right. Monsoon Wedding, Slumdog Millionaire. Just like Beckham.

I don't know what the next one is. Why are we? You know these movies. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I mean, just the variety of comedies that have come out. Yeah, just nothing. The whole range of movies that have come out, independent films. Those are the only ones that I can think of at this point.

No, but let me finish my thing. Were you in the shower with my wife this morning? I was. Oh, all right. So anyway, no, but I said, imagine if a movie that I watched, Monsoon Wedding, and I really liked it. I loved it for a lot of reasons. But I was like, imagine then it's like,

if you took some, like a beautiful story, but then put the guy who directed or who created wet hot American summer and, and search party and directed, uh, hello, my name is Doris, who is like a brilliant comedic mind as a director.

And then put in all these funny people who are such great actors and really funny actors and written by funny people who are such great actors and really funny actors and written by two people who know comedy like nobody else and I was like, then that becomes, you take that thing

and elevate it to the next level which is why I think and I'm going to say this out loud and I'm sure you don't want to hear this because you don't want

to hear what Jake's saying. I think, certainly for the script, it will be up for an Oscar this year. Oh, come on. I believe that. I believe it.

To me, it's like, why is this different than Little Miss Sunshine? Why is this different than Juno? This, to me, feels like those types of movies, and Juno won a fucking Oscar. And there's no Indian or Pakistani themes in any of those movies. The fact that you brought them up at all.

The fact that you brought all those movies up. This is how movies used to be released in the 70s. Suburbia. Just kidding. In the 70s. You talk about the 70s. What would happen is the 70s. You think about the 70s. What would happen is they would put it on

five or ten screens. They would wait for the New Yorker, that woman who wrote for Joan, whatever her name was. She was a critic. She was a critic.

They'd wait for her review. If she came out with a positive review, which this movie's gotten a lot of great reviews, it came out with that, then they would go to like 250 screens.

How's it doing on 250? Okay, then it would go to 1,500,'s it doing on 250 okay then it would go to 1500 which i think was what a wide release was yeah in the 70s but like that's what's happened for this film which means on its merit and on its ability for to get people to come see it it's grown and expanded to the place where it should be we just want everyone else to go see it so that it does thanks guys in my heart it's technically a sequel to return to me and david allen greer's character it's also set in chicago oh my god david allen greer's character has now like moved on to this other life i had this whole thing light in my

head oh my god return to me yeah the movie what davidovny? Yeah, David Alan Greer plays his best friend and it's set in Chicago. X-Files is referenced in the movie multiple times. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, so much is happening right now. Jesus.

By the way, that was the coolest thing. He saw the movie, you know I'm a huge X-Files fan, David Duchovny saw the movie and sent me like the nicest text maybe I've

ever received in my life. That's awesome. Yeah, it was very exciting. I loved it, man. People really, really need to go see it. And he sent you

some classified information that nobody has access to. Well, I just know some... He sexted you, too. He's very into... That's very funny that you say that.

Because... There were 12 sexes. Said you up. You guys want to do a story? Let's do a story because that's what we do on this show and we're so happy

that we have the comedic mind. It's been so long since we got back in the studio. Two things I want to do a story? Let's do a story because that's what we do on this show and we're so happy that we have the comedic market. It's been so long since we got back in the studio. Two things I want to let people know. Kumail, you probably have done stuff like this. We have a Facebook page set up for Dumb People Town and all the people, the fans who call themselves townies, just go on there. We had a story take place at a pizza hut

where a guy got in a fight over pepperoni placement and then maced some people. And so many of our listeners went to live near a pizza hut where a guy got in a fight over like pepperoni placement and then maced some people and so many of our listeners went to live near it and took pictures in front of it been there it's great it's turning into like a walking tour of america oh yeah we have people being like oh i've been to that parking lot where those people had sex on a sunday well america is getting dumber that is what we know and the world is getting dumber and so we have to fight back yeah uh so i want to let know, because I get sent so many stories. This does not, I don't need to give you guys any context, because you're comics. Just so the people who sent me these, I want everyone to know, the guy who slept with 57

women in 24 hours and the Viking funeral for those people's grandpa that they set on fire, those are both fake. Okay. Those are not real stories. Okay. Good to know. We got it in a month. I got sent those a lot, and then people were like, he never does the best stories. They're not real, guys. They Good to know. We got it in a month. I got sent those a lot.

And then people were like, he never does the best stories. They're not real, guys. They're not real. We got to do some research. 57 in 24 hours is impossible. Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, it's biologically.

Unless he wasn't coming each time. No, he was. And that was all the fake story. They said it had to be a certain minimum amount of semen. And then that's when I was like, eh, eh. And then it was, when people don't give names. You know a story's fake when semen measurement is part of it.

So who is doing that measurement? It's like the old, I forget who what comedian made this joke. It's such a brilliant joke. In the Ice Cube song today was, you know. Oh, that was me. You made that joke? Yes, I did. Messed around and wound up with a triple double? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you make that joke? Yeah. Who's messed around and it wound up with a triple double yeah yeah yeah did you make that joke yeah who's counting assists yep that was that was your

joke yeah phenomenal you didn't know who did it uh all right well this story is counting assists this story is real it was sent in by jason hall at hall j o five as if getting his penis stuck in a wrench wasn't embarrassing enough this guy had to get a ton of help to have it freed so imagine do that in your own garage don't do it when you work at chiffy lube i think is already the lesson yeah use your own fucking wrench don't use the work wrench don't get any of your penis on the work wrench. This guy did it himself or did it on a dare? Which is worse? Oh, definitely on a dare.

Oh, he definitely did it. No. I think it's worse if he did it himself. Yeah, because that's just personal exploration. Yeah, that's just like, this is what I want to do with my day. You're not even trying to win or make a point. He's been eyeballing that wrench for weeks. Yeah, yeah.

You and I have a date. He threw a wrench into the situation. He threw a wrench in his day. He literally would pull into his garage and just look over at his tools and be like, you and I have a date later. He's like, what?

What? What? Let's go. It's go time. It's so weird. He's nagging the wrench. You should smile more. I have so many questions.

We'll get into it. So he, okay, then keep going. Keep going, keep going. I love this. it. So he, okay, keep going. Keep going, keep going. I love this. The unnamed bachelor, believe it or not. Oh, he's not with somebody? He went into a hospital in Linhai City, China,

around 9.30 p.m. on June 2nd, nearly a full day after he got his genitals trapped. That's so far the thing that I relate hardest to. Because if I get my dick stuck in a wrench, I'm not going to go to the hospital until I really have it. You're doing everything you can to get out of it. Let me explore my options. This is, by the way, the nation that has passed

us in terms of leading the world. I just want you to know that. After 17 hours of being stuck in a wrench, his penis had become swollen and had turned purple. So finally, he sought medical help. Doctors wanted to carry out an operation to reduce blood flow so they could remove the tool from his tool. You always love when journalists love to write.

Ready? So here's our first photo. These are the doctors. They just showed him hours of Christiane Amanpour video. She's hot, though. Look at him. They just blur out his face. Did you just say Christiane Amanpour video. She's hot, though. Look at him. Look at... They just blur out his face.

Did you just say Christiane Amanpour is hot? She is kind of hot. Hey, beauty's in the eye, gents. I think Christiane Amanpour is kind of hot. She's very authoritative. She's authoritative. If she was talking to you dirty, but in a very newscaster-y voice, you'd be like, that's hot. I am Christiane Amanpour.

From your asshole. Yeah, exactly. Like she announces where she's reporting from. Kyra. At Sklar Brothers. What? I think she's, why is that a bad thing?

It's not. They needed his parents' permission to carry out the surgery. Wait, so he was a kid? I'm not saying, but I'm telling you

they needed his parents' permission. They called him a bachelor, so he clearly is an adult. I'll tell you this. He is, yes, he is over 18. Okay. I'll tell you, they needed his parents' permission. They called him a bachelor, so he clearly is an adult. I'll tell you this. He is, yes, he is over 18. Okay. I'll tell you that much.

But why do they need the parents' permission? Why do they need the parents' permission? I think they were just like, hey, do you know what your dumb son did? It's like, I know you might not have contact with him, but this is what's going on. I would say if you're old enough to fuck a wrench, you're old enough to... This is going to be a t-shirt. You're writing a t-shirt. Can we...shirt consent for surgery

yeah I would think so too if you're old enough to fuck a wrench on the back you're old enough to consent for surgery that should be a t-shirt let's start coming up

with a lot of if you're old enough to fuck a wrench you're old enough to own three turtles or like a you might be a right fucker if you ever

they needed his parents permission to carry out the surgery, but they failed to show up at the hospital. Failed or were like, I'm not going there. That's your son. I like that. You go there. I'm into that. They couldn't show up to sign the consent form, so the doctors had to find alternative ways

to remove the wrench. Wait, so they couldn't do the surgery because the parents wouldn't go. Right. So now they're involved in the inability to get this thing off. How can we get this dick out without performing surgery? First, they contacted the fire brigade who brought an angle grinder with them. What?

I don't know what a fire brigade is, and I also don't know what an angle grinder is. This is now how many people are working on this thing. I like that it's just more how many people are working i like that it's just more and more people are getting added to this there's like what would you say about nine people around this guy and i say there are more people in that picture than were at the original performance of your one-man show in your movie is that a balloon in the background what is that that's his helmet okay i was like someone's making someone there's a balloon that says get small soon they're just trying to keep his spirits up get flaccid soon

but they said the heat generated by the machine that's the angle grinder number of bodies that are there would pose a danger to the patient i see however one of the doctors said that she had studied a similar case during a seminar and suggested that they get hold of a dentist. Two dentists from Zhaoji and Xingjian Shang with a dental trill that rotates at 200,000 to 300,000 times a minute. No. They said the engine also has a high-pressure water cooler to reduce heat caused by drilling.

They said the engine also has a high-pressure water cooler to reduce heat caused by drilling. So now, we've got two dentists going at this guy's dick while doctors stand around and the firemen still haven't left. Why are the firemen not leaving and why do they have their giant coats on? Well, if it's because a dick catches fire because it's the drill. That is right. It could generate a lot of heat. Imagine this guy being like, does everybody still need to be in the room? Yeah. Do we need everybody? And the firemen are like, hey, we need to be in the room? Yeah. Do we need everybody in the fire?

Hey, we showed up. We're on the clock. Yeah. By the way, that happens in hospitals. When my first daughter was born and we didn't know what was going on. There was like the doctor came in and they wanted to deliver her like the regular way, not a C-section. Sure. And all of a sudden he's like he had to do a forceps

and no one in the hospital knew where the forceps were so he told they couldn't find the forceps at the hospital because they don't this is at Cedars-Sinai because they just

don't do them anymore this is an older doctor that he's actually passed away since since we had our kids looking for the forceps yeah yeah I know

but he was like go in the closet he had to tell someone go in the closet and something or other and pick it out so they got the forceps and all of a sudden like six people go in the closet. He had to tell someone, go in the closet and something or anything and pick it out. So they got the four steps. And then all of a sudden, like six people came in the room that we didn't know as they're delivering.

And what we didn't realize is that our daughter's arm was around her neck, cutting off her oxygen supplies. She was getting like she was coming out. So it got like super serious, really fast. And we didn't fully understand until afterwards when she came out and she was thankfully fine. But like when more people come in the room and they don't tell you who they are,

shit's going down. Let me say that that is like crazy. So when they start adding people that he knows he's in trouble. You guys can't even see, in this last photo

two of the firemen are just fucking around on their phones. Yeah, they're taking pictures. They're getting selfies. Fucking around is posting on Instagram. One of, they're taking pictures. They're getting selfies. Fucking Around is posting on Instagram.

No, one of them's playing... That's not Fucking Around. One of them's playing Rolling Sky. After testing the drill on a wrench from the firefighter's toolbox, the man was freed within 30 minutes by the dentist without suffering further injury.

What is further injury vague? Further is too vague. They didn't cut into that D when they were cutting the wrench. Uh-huh. That was their big concern. So whatever getting stuck in there, whatever injury that caused, that's the only injury. What's the permanent damage from being stuck in a wrench?

Like, now you kind of it shapes it differently? I don't know. You're probably not as willing to hop into a serious relationship with the next wrench. Yeah. You're burned. Yeah, you're burned. Hey baby, I was hurt. Look, you just can't shop at Craftsman for six months. I know you're

pliers and you're different. You claim you're different, but I... If I'm the dentist though who released that dick from that thing, I am walking around that hospital with a God complex. Yep, I'm walking around going like, who's the real doctor here? Yes. Who is the real doctor here yeah i know i'm not and when you when i list what i am i don't get to say doctor so and so i have to do my name and then dds but i'm a motherfucking doctor yeah

i'm a doctor walk around they say it's not known why the guy had a wrench on his penis yes it is he was trying to fuck it he was trying to fuck that wrench. Or he was trying to measure how big it was. Ooh, okay. All right. Because you know there are those wrenches. What's my socket level? Well, there are those wrenches that you can make smaller or bigger. This was one you couldn't make smaller or bigger, I assume.

This was just a regular. I was imagining it was a socket wrench. One that you can adjust the socket. Is that the hole in the middle? Yeah. Oh, one of those. Yeah. Like one of those crazy arm wrenches. Like it's got a hexagon. One that you can adjust the socket. Is that the hole in the middle? Yeah. Oh, one of those. Yeah. Like one of those crazy arm wrenches.

Like it's got a hexagon, the octagon. Yeah, yeah. He's hex fucking. Yeah, okay. Which, by the way, is what the lead singer of 311 says every time. Oh, really? Now his dick is like ribbed all the time. All the time.

For his pleasure. Yeah. Okay, we're going to get out of this. I'm going to ask you guys, how old is this guy? Okay, you said over 18. All his pleasure. Yeah. We're going to get out of this. I'm going to ask you guys how old is this guy? You said over 18. Camille, you're our guest. Here's what we know. He owns tools.

We don't know. It could be his parents' tools. Maybe he still lives with his parents. He's been listed as a bachelor, though. He's been listed as a bachelor. He's over 18, so we know he's over 18. His marital, like, he has a marital like, you don't look at a 14-year-old and be like, there's a a bachelor. So he's over 18. So we know he's over 18. His marital, like, he has a marital, like, you don't look at a 14-year-old and be like, there's a lucky bachelor. You don't look at that bachelor.

No, you don't say that. But, you know, you say bachelor if somebody's kind of past a certain age, too. Like, if someone's in their 40s, you're like, bachelor. Clooney five years ago was the most eligible bachelor on this planet. So, Camille, since you're our guest, you can decide if you want to go first or you want to go last to guess his age i'll go last okay you guys go first because i i have a number in my head and it's close you don't have to worry about going over it's just closest all right i'm pretty i have a number in my head i think he's 23 years old 23 years old so whatever he's out jason sclar how old is this little wrench fucker? I will say this.

We were just in San Francisco and meeting people who listen to Dumb People Con who came to our stand-up shows. And someone said they play it out loud at a weed factory. I don't know what they make there. Sure. They do something where they grow weed and they play this out loud. And they pause and let everybody guess the age. Yes, when everyone guesses the age. I'm like, they love playing this game.

All right, so I'm going to say 26 years old. 26 years old. All right, now I'm going higher. I see in your eye you're going higher. Yeah, I'm going higher. I was going to go 43, but since you guys all guessed so young, what did you guess? I guessed 26, you guessed 23.

All right, I'm going to go 27 just to win. For the win. I guess 23. All right, I'm going to go 27 just to win. For the win. The man who stuck his D in that W is 37. Yeah! Your original was right, by the way. I was going to guess 43. Your original guess. Still to one.

Still to one. Wow. With points on the board. Right, right. 37 years old. So now the bachelor term comes with slight derision from the journalist. I'm also going to say, not his first wrench. Yeah.

This isn't his first. 37 years old. He fucked a couple wrenches. Well, I will say, though, his face is blurred, but he looks like he's held up pretty well in that picture. I bet he's gotten jerked off by a staple gun. The second one with the fire was my favorite because it's him looking down to

just lamenting his own decision. I like my women like I like my coffee, Black and Decker. And with that, we'll go to break. Nicely done, Jay. First story down in the books, Kamil Nanjiani is here with us. His movie, The Big Sick. It's wide.

It's in theaters. Everybody who is listening to this podcast, I want you to go out. I want you to buy a ticket and go see this movie. A, because this is our gift to you to go out and enjoy this movie because you'll have a great experience, but then you'll be supporting us and our friend, and it'll be great. So when we come back, two more stories, good stuff happening. We'll talk a little bit more about the movie with Camille Nanjiani on

Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Again, Dan mentioned the Facebook page. Please sign up for that. Rate and review on iTunes. On iTunes, this podcast, it always helps boost it up.

And Randy and I have brought our other podcast, which was Sklarbro Country. We've changed it to A View from the Cheap Seats. We've moved it from the comedy section to the sports section. We thought, okay, here's what we're doing. Basically, for seven years, we got all in the Venn diagram of, we got the sliver of people who were both comedy fans and sports nerds, which is a great group of people that we thought, okay, we've got these people.

It's great. Not a huge group of people, but a really dedicated, awesome group. And we thought, okay, I think we need to open this up to all sports. And why not? Because we have those people. Let's see if the regular sports fan would enjoy what we have those people let's see if like the regular sports fan would enjoy what we're having to say so we take a little deeper dive so last friday we launched our very first reboot relaunch uh of the show with david kechner so check that out rate and review

that again view from the cheap seats that's what it is uh i want to talk to you about because i know we talked as you we we saw you at uh abominable as you were in pre-production with showalter right and writing this movie you talked about how long it took you to write We saw you at Abominable as you were in pre-production with Showalter. Right. Writing this movie, you talked about how long it took you to write this script. Yeah. I mean, this is not started. You're like, we don't know what we're doing.

Yeah. We're just literally writing stuff. How long did it take you and Emily, your wife, to write this thing? Right now, it's almost exactly five years since when we started first writing it. Okay. But it's been, you know, we shot it last summer and then we, so basically the movie

kind of got done, I would say, in January. So it took about four and a half years from the first moment like we should do a movie to it being done was four and a half years.

And what was the, how far did it come from that first draft of whatever you were getting done? Oh my God. Very, very far. Because it's sort of based on stuff that happened to us. So that first draft of whatever you were getting done? Oh, my God. Very, very far. Because it's sort of based on stuff that happened to us. So the first draft was exactly everything that happened to us.

No changes. Right. Very long draft. Would have been like a four-hour movie. Sure. And then everything sort of from that was figuring out what the movie was, what we need to change, what we need to keep. It took us three years of just writing, and then we got a director.

So it was three years of just, but it wasn't, we weren't doing it like all the time, all the time. Basically, we would write it, send it to Judd and Barry, the other producer, go in, have a meeting, then tear it apart. We'd rewrite three months. So we met with Judd probably three or four times a year over those three years. Great to have Judd Apatow as someone who's... Who is that?

Who is Judd Apatow? He's sort of a young upstart guy. Oh, good, yeah. He's trying to get... What has he done? He's a TV director. Do you remember Gary Shandling? Yeah.

Okay. He was his assistant. Oh! Yeah. Okay. Good for him. Maybe this movie will help you. By the way, you should keep telling him that.

Hey, man. I'm really excited for what this movie is going to do for you, Jed. I think it's going to happen for you now. Yeah. I want to ask you a question, Kamau. So in Birbiglia's Sleepwalk With Me, there's that whole epiphany in his life where he realizes, oh, all of my material, everything that I should be putting out in my art is right in front of me. That great scene with Maren where Maren's like, that's the shit you should be talking about.

right in front of me. That great scene with Maren where Maren's like, that's the shit you should be talking about. Did you and Emily have a moment where you were like, oh, our life is a great story. Like, we have a movie here where maybe long before you even started writing

that you were like, oh, wait, we, this is a story right in front of us. Well, we, it wasn't like there wasn't one moment. I'd started thinking about it before she had decided that she wanted to do it. So I'd been sort of thinking.

I was like, I feel like this could be a movie because it's such a specific story. So I'd been thinking about it for a few months, and I hadn't really put pen to paper or anything. But I'd been sort of thinking about it. And then I met Judd, and Judd was like, do you have any movie ideas? I want to work with you. Let's do something together. And so I told him I had a bunch of ideas. There's one about a ghost witch.

I'm ready for that. And a ghost is in a sandwich. It's a ghost in a sandwich. That's the sequel. It's a woman who was a witch who died, and it's her ghost. So it really story checks out. Yeah, it's a ghost witch. And I had a bunch of these, and then there was this one.

And he was like, all right, let's do that one. So that's when we started. And Emily didn't want to do it in the beginning, and then she was like, all right, let's do it. What were her fears? Yeah, why didn't she want to do it? Because she was going to have your story. She didn't want to put it out there.

Yeah, she thought it was too personal. But you know what? I completely understand the point of view now, because they always say, write what you know, all that stuff. Yeah. But when you write something this personal it is deeply personal it's deeply personal

and it's like you know I never imagined that people would be watching it or anything I was just like let's make the best movie you can

and the movie's like doing pretty well now it's doing unbelievably well for what yeah it's great and it's 97% on Rotten Tomato it's great and it's 97% on Rotten Tomatoes that's unbelievable

it's fucking unreal yeah I mean I know you're upset about that it should be at 99% at least I think so you're missing some percentage point

but whatever I am whatever we can get past that we'll get past that well that's what happens too when a movie is like really like well regarded

then some people are like alright I'm gonna be the first I'm gonna take it daddy yeah well that's the that's the ugly tale of the animal. Yeah. Obviously, the more people who watch it, the more people will love it. And the more haters will come out of the woodwork and start going off on you left and right.

But you were saying that you had originally just like, let's just make this movie. You weren't thinking about how. I wasn't thinking about, you know, people watching it and stuff. And we went to Sundance. We were sitting there before it started. And Emily was like, this is the last time this is going to be our story. This is the last time this story is only going to belong to us. And it's true.

You know what's cool is on Twitter, people watch it and tell us their stories about it. There's so many different ways to connect to it. People understand being immigrants. People understand being in a multicultural or interracial relationship. People understand being sick or someone they know who was sick. Disappointing your parents. Disappointing your parents. Going against your parents' wishes.

I think is as universal as you can get. I mean, look at the guy who fucked the wrench. His parents were like, don't do it. They wanted him to marry a spanner. By the way, he will watch your movie and get something out of it. You know what I mean, look at the guy who fucked the wrench. His parents were like, don't do it. They wanted him to marry a spanner. By the way, he will watch your movie and get something out of it. You know what I mean? But I even had somebody tell me as recently as this weekend that to them, it taught them something about trying to do stand-up.

Oh, really? And succeed in stand-up. And that they had never really, like all of the stuff was like showcasing and things like that and like having to move and like go for it with no idea and all that that they

that was something that they were that really like oh my god I never thought about that well you know I think those scenes are obviously

it was like six years of my life for us and then a couple years in New York that I'm sure you guys all relate is when you're first

starting out and there's like a crew of people and you're just like some people who are funny, some who aren't as funny, some who sort of like stayed in the town too long, never left, and they were like the legends who are now

just like... I love that story, Les. I think that, and that, I started in Chicago and I know exactly the guys who were like, oh, you were like the king of the scene ten years ago and you're still here doing this material and you feel like you're owed something. Also, I saw Mark Maron talk about this.

He was like, you know, you'll go to a town and someone will be like, oh, this guy is the legend. This is a local legend. And you see him perform and you're like, that guy? That's the guy? So I love those, you know,

because you hear a lot of stories about stand-ups who made it. I think the ones that didn't are more fascinating. I think I needed to see in that movie the very first family dinner scene that happens. First of all,

you don't talk about it. This to me was like, there was a moment in Transparent, I don't know if you watched Transparent. I've seen the first season, I loved it. There's a moment, I believe, in the second season

where Gabby Hoffman's character comes back and has a massive, like in a big pivotal moment, like a Passover Seder in front of like 30 people gets up and goes off on down the line, down the line, out of everybody in a way that is so personal, so dark that in any other medium, any movie, any TV series, anything, my brain was saying, oh, she's gone. This is how they're writing her out of the show. Either they're writing her out of the series, or she's gone, and her storyline takes her away from the family for the next several episodes. That was my brain. Because I'm like, that's what TV tells you,

and that's what it tells you that you have to do. And at the end of the episode, without going through much consternation, and they sure are walking around the neighborhood because she just had to blow off steam.

At the end of the episode, she comes back to the night and back to the table and Jeffrey Tambor puts her arm around her in a moment of like, yeah, you're still part of our family

and you'll start another thing, which I know is a theme that kind of runs through your thing. But like, even in the midst of going against your parents' wishes and all that stuff in this movie and probably in life, the fact that you come back

and return back to have dinner and that it's an important thing for you to get out of the city, which people understand how difficult that is to get out of a city to get to the suburbs. With all your life going on and everything, to go and have dinner with your family, to me, I think people will relate to that. And isn't spoken about but it's in there and those moments of this movie i think are great i think and truthfully i really think i can't believe

emily said that to you as you were sitting to watch it in in sundance she knew she knew how big this was going to be i really think you're I think Silicon Valley changed your life in that I saw your face on a humongous billboard I mean we all know how great it's like

we all knew how great Zach Galifianakis was we all knew that like this guy as a comedian amongst our friends and when we go see

this is the guy that everybody's coming to see and he's great but our friends in Missouri didn't know who he was right and then just they got the right

project for him for him to be himself and then his life changes completely i do believe that this is going to be a life and silicon valley changed you in one way but i think this movie your life is changed now which is kind of whatever i mean you can live it however you want but i think it's a significant it's super significant oh thank you thank you guys. You guys are just fine. And awesome. Want to do another story? Let's do another story. It's a woman who got her vagina stuck in a bagel biter.

It's the story of two people that met in Chicago mid-2000s. Oh, what? Oh my God, I know this one. She's a Pakistani comedian. She is. She's a Pakistani comedian. She is. This is sent in by Francis Rizzo III.

Rizzo! At Francis Rizzo III. Thanks, buddy. Santa Clara. Close. It is only in Silicon Valley. How do I say it? Silicon.

Right? Who was somebody else was telling us to? Oh, Andy Daly, right? Silicon Valley. Oh, no. We were doing Thomas. No, no, no. too oh Andy Daly right Silicon Valley oh no we were doing Thomas no no no we had Andy Daly in here and he was saying that

Mike Judge was like this is the way it's said because he was saying it's Silicon Silicon Valley I always say it wrong and I love when people call it Silicon

Silicon Valley I like Silicon Valley I was just gonna say that see you down in Silicon Valley I like that it's only in Silicon Valley. I was just going to say that. See you down in Silicon Valley. I like that. It's only in Silicon Valley. It is an only in Silicon Valley kind of story.

As police say, high-tech thieves were caught stealing thousands of dollars worth of GPS tracking devices from a Santa Clara tech company. I like that. Just a pro tip out there to all thieves. Don't steal anything that can be tracked. That's right. Just a pro tip out there to all thieves. Don't steal anything that can be tracked. That's right. Yeah. What do you mean by that? Well, everything can be tracked,

but don't steal the thing that's entire purpose is to be tracked. Exactly. It's like stealing bugs. Don't do that. It is literally like sticking your dick in a wrench.

Exactly. It's that stupid. I don't know what's stupider, sticking your dick in a wrench or trying to pull this thing off. These devices kind of look like cell phone chargers, so they probably thought they had some kind of street value. Rome B Corporation co-founder Vidya Subramanian. Subramanian is talking about the hundred or so GPS tracking devices that were stolen recently from the company's Della Cruz Avenue labs.

Someone planned this out and never thought about the end. What we're taking. Yes. Before making off with about $18,000 worth of device.

I like that they were like they thought they had street value. $18,000? They do have street value. Wait, how many devices did this deal? 75, did you say? Yeah, it was...

Those are so expensive. Yeah. 75. It's huge. I don't have a picture here, but it, it was. Those are so expensive. Yeah. 75. I have a picture here, but it says it was a lot. Why would they be that expensive? Before making off with $18,000 worth of the devices, the thieves grabbed a beer out of the fridge and cut themselves in the process, leaving fingerprints and blood evidence. Played a game of ping pong at the conference room ping pong table.

Fucked all the wrenches. It's like stealing the GPSs aren't bad enough. Took a nap in the sleep house. Suddenly this becomes about how great the office was that they stole. This does sound like a great office. Had a couple of cappuccinos from the brand new $80 million cappuccino maker. I love that before they went in they were like, how much evidence do you want to leave here? Because we're already stealing GPS. They're going to get us.

Let's just jizz in the beanbag chairs and get out of here. At this point, they're just trying to make their trial shorter. They're like, we're going to get caught. Let's make it an in and out thing. Jizz everywhere. Or you'd steal a beer. You're like, is this a twist-off? No, it's another one.

Should we just wait until we get back to your plate? No, if you hit it really hard on the thing. Corey, what are you doing? We don't have enough evidence left around here. I'm cutting my... Don't cut yourself. They don't have security cameras in those places, do they? He literally cut himself and left blood as evidence.

Everything. They went like, what are you doing? This is my original birth certificate. I'm just going to leave a copy of it on the car. Don't leave it there. Leave it where they'll see it. I'm writing a note. I'm emailing everyone.

I'm sending out a mass email. Michael, stop spitting. I'm leaving my mother's maiden name here all my passwords are i'm unencrypting them what are you doing with that suave kit up your nose stop don't shit there i want him to know it was me well that's where the shitty dna they're the worst they cut themselves process, leaving fingerprints and blood evidence. But it wasn't long before police were using Roambee's software to locate the devices and the thieves. Okay, now, the cynic in me says that what if Roambee planned this whole thing out so that they could get the story out there to say how great their tracking devices are.

And their offices. Come work for us. Fire are. And their offices. Can't work for us. Buyer shit. And sympathy. We have, like, all I'm getting is that they got beer in their office. That's what I'm hearing. I don't understand why these are $18,000 if they're selling like 100 of them. I will.

Here, let me put them on. $1,800 per device. That seems crazy. I think these are like pro. This is where Kumail says, I'm smelling bullshit. You're calling it? The device prices are really throwing him off. That's really, really expensive.

They come in like boxes, so they're like the size of like an iPhone. And I think that they just grabbed... Whatever they could grab. Oh, okay, so they got a bunch of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So probably like 100 boxes, which maybe had a bunch in there. 100 each yeah right so an insane amount of these gps devices but to me what if rome is like this look at how

great our stuff is if your stuff ever gets stoned we were robbed we're just like you we were able to pinpoint the location of these trackers to a warehouse in union city and two of the devices this also to me sounds like the like deep deep backstory to a grand in Union City and two of the devices... This also, to me, sounds like the deep, deep backstory to a Grand Theft Auto mission. Uh-huh. It really does. It's like, you gotta go steal these GPS trackers.

Those early in the game bullshit missions where you're just like, you gotta go... Go to a warehouse in Union. And then they're gonna find the Union and the mission's really to teach you how to evade cops. That is what it is.

Yeah. You get one star. Right, right, right. We were able to pinpoint the location of the trackers to a warehouse in Union City. Doesn't that sound like a Grand Theft Auto? Totally. And two of the devices had gone mobile, and the thieves were driving around with them in the East Bay. So I love that two of them were like, I'm taking one.

Yeah, I'll take one. I'm just going to drive around for a while. Let's see how this thing works here. But that's exactly what a Grand Theft Auto Mission do, because you go to the warehouse, and they're like, there's two missing, and then they're on your map, and you've got to go find both of them. Yeah, you've got to go fucking kill the guy.

Yeah, because they're going to kill you. You've got to take two shots at his wife beater. Right, because the guy's going to kill your friend if you don't go and get the two GPSs. And you can see on his GPS that he is located where your friend is. Yes, exactly. So you're now tracking him, tracking your friend. We were able to pinpoint the exact location.

Driving around the East Bay, the two men were arrested in Alameda. The storage locker was found to contain drugs and other stolen property. We'll just put it with other stuff. Like, this is the dumbest. Let's lure them to all of our stolen stuff. Think about this. Let's backtrack. These two dudes, Corey and whoever, have now decided we're going to rob a GPS company

and then take those GPSs back to our warehouse in Union City. Where we've already carried out other successful robberies. This is the plot of every Roger Moore, James Bond movie where he goes and sticks a tracking device on the bottom of a car to lure you to the mountain where they're doing all the shit. Did you guys see Spider-Man? Yes. Not yet. I have not seen it. A lot of tracking.

A lot of tracking in Spider-Man. How's it tracking? Oh, it's crushing. It's good. It's crushing. Usually, the Roam B devices are used to track the shipment of bananas and other products worldwide, not criminals. Oh, so what they do is they put them in a truck. Where are they?

Where are they? Exactly. But the publicity, ready for this, Randy Sklar? Maybe good for business. Oh, is it? What a surprise. Is it? Inside job.

This is according to Vidya Subramanian. What this has done- That is not his name. Yes, it is. It's a lady. That is not her name. It is a lady. Vidya is a woman.

Vidya is a lady. Because I went to college with Jaya Subramanian, so I know the name. And that's a lady, too. Yeah, Jaya is. If there was a video store that only sold comic book movies and stuff, and it was called Vidya Supermanian. I would shop there. I would be like, I buy it 100%.

You're putting a P in. Here's where we go. Oh, what this has done is show our customers that our product not only works, but it goes into full recovery mode where we can actually show the end result for a roaming perspective. Inside job.

It was picture perfect. This is what we've been gearing up to do, and we were ready for it, and we executed it. Easy on the car. Stop talking. I also like how much he's showing off when what the product did was the bare minimum. Right. Just be a GPS. It's just what it is.

A better GPS would be if it goes in the wrong hands, it disables would be. Right. Just be a GPS. It's just what it is. Like a better GPS would be like if it goes in the wrong hands, it like disables their car. Right. This is like a cell phone that only does one thing. This is a find my iPhone in something that's overpriced. Yes. Do you think that this CEO, she constantly left the doors wide open every night. Please. By the way, that is new business in every high-tech meeting they're having. Okay, so tonight you're going to leave the doors open.

Have anybody stolen any of the stuff yet? No, not yet. Yeah, put the razors on the beer bottle. It also does kind of sound like a plot to Silicon Valley where they're like, we let them steal it. And then once it's stolen, we prove how well it works and then obviously you guys would never get it back. It totally is like that. Because you guys are like, did anybody turn them on

before they took the devices? No! I thought you did. This season, by the way, man, I loved it all. You being the CEO for a while and your outfits and and your hair. Yeah, thank you.

And then just that swagger that you had, and constantly being terrified of your ex-girlfriend. Yeah, she's great. I mean, she's so good. I forgot her name. She's a UCB performer. Oh, is she? Yeah, but you, when you were like taking...

Phoebe Neidhart. Yes, yep. When you were taking over, and were so happy to be in charge, I just loved that. Yeah, I'm behind, actually. Emily saw the whole season. I'm like a few still behind.

It's fun. It's so fun. One of the fun shows on TV. I love that it's still a priority for you, even though you were in it, to catch up. You've got to catch up. It's fun to watch it all put together. It is fun to see it all put together.

You know the scripts. Yeah, it's a little nerve-wracking to watch. So while we were promoting the movie and stuff, I was like, I just don't want to deal with the nerves of watching myself. Yeah. But I'm going to watch it. Yeah. Is it hard for you to watch yourself in things or no?

The first time it's hard. Well, for the movie, because we edited it, so you really had to. You saw every moment. And you see your tics. You see like, oh, I do that. Because you remember how it felt to do it. And you're like, when I'm feeling like this, I do this. Yep.

So it's really, really, I think it's helpful, actually. Yeah, it helps you to see the things that you maybe. It's like watching game film. Yeah. It doesn't end there. Police say the suspects may be tied to. They save it for view from the cheap seats. Okay.

Nice. Police, I meant like re-watching for a view from the cheap seats. Okay. Nice. Police, I meant like re-watching Call of Duty when you see yourself. Okay, all right, cool. You're back. And we're back. It doesn't end there. Police say the two suspects may be tied to other crimes.

No shit. Yeah, they took you to their goddamn storage locker. There was lots of stolen property in that storage locker. Here's where this takes a turn. Now we're in a whole other mission, including a photo album in the storage locker that had irreplaceable images from World War II that was taken in a recent burglary in Saratoga. So they stumbled in, they found all the stolen stuff, and now they find somebody's original pictures that were taken by a family member in World War II.

This is so Grand Theft Auto. This is, these are the, but they're like photos of like Nazis that you then have to go down to Argentina to find. And then through these guys

locate old Nazis that are on here. And when you return the photo album, if you say the right things to that guy, he gives you an old bazooka to have.

Yeah. That's the first like, a lot of them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As soon as they open the photo album, everybody's face melts. Right. Like Raiders.

Here's my old flamethrower. The owner, this is just the end of this article, the owner was thrilled to get them back. So we started out stealing GPSs, and then we end with some owner of a- Giving a photo album to someone in Saratoga. I love that you called it, though, that they're like, this is all publicity. It is. Straight up publicity. I love it.

Certainly. It's dumb on every angle. When we do the third story, I know we're about to break. Yeah. This is one of the craziest and dumbest people we've ever talked about. I am so excited that we have Kumail Nanjiani here. It couldn't be more to the point. Okay, let's take a break.

When we come back, we meet one of the greatest, dumbest people in the history of Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. We have Kumail Nanjiani. His movie, The Big Sick, is in theaters probably near you. And you should go check it out. What did your real life parents think of it? I mean, they've seen it. Oh, they loved it. You know, they actually, they went to, there was like a little family arena I couldn't go to in Toronto. And so like eight of them went to see the movie.

And they'd already seen it. But my cousin told the theater owner that his parents are here. And everybody clapped. Did you do a Q&A? No, my dad stood up and got pictures with everyone. The guy who played your dad in the movie was phenomenal. Yeah, he's Anupam Kher. He's a Bollywood legend.

He's a Bollywood legend. Yeah, this was his 500th movie. Okay, so did your parents know him as a Bollywood actor? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So were they pumped that you had this guy in your movie? I asked my dad who he wanted, and he said that guy. Shut up! That guy's like Robert De Niro,

except there might be some people in America that don't know Robert De Niro. I don't think there's anyone in India that don't know Robert De Niro. I don't think there's anyone in India that would not know him. 500 movies. So can this movie go there and just because he's in it, like, destroy? It is playing there. Is it playing there? Because I looked on

Box Office Mojo to see how it's doing. My question was, how is it going to play in India? Are people in India going to be, like, mad because you married the white girl? No, I think first of all, because because you married the white girl? No. I think, first of all, because, you know, action movies do well there. Not everybody speaks English. So that, like, really narrows your audience.

Narrows it down, yeah. Yeah, it really narrows your audience. Unless they dubbed it. They didn't dub it. They didn't dub it. They didn't dub it. But, like, for action movies, you don't need to know what's going on. You can kind of go watch it.

Right. Well, I tell people that uh doug benson are all of our friends who saw the movie well before i saw it told me this and it held up and i tell this to everybody when i say go see the big sick everything lands oh wow yeah that's amazing yeah and it's true yeah so and also you know with doug benson saying that this is a movie you can watch really high yes you can also watch it high. He does watch a lot of movies. Yes.

He loves movies. Yeah. Our last story, Dan. Here we go. Sent in by Brian Skinner at B Skinner. B-E-E. B Skinner. S-K-I-N-N-E-B-R.

I don't know if you can be Skinner. Could you be any Skinner? Could you be any Skinner. S-K-I-N-N-E-R. Can you be Skinner? I don't know if you can be Skinner. Could you be any Skinner? Could you be any Skinner? Resident, forgive me for my horrible pronunciation, resident of Bursingpur Village, Shankar Rai. R-A-I? Ray? Rai? R-A-I is where I get all my camping gear.

Oh, cool. Shankar Rai. Oh, cool. Good. Was asleep. He was asleep when a lethal snake bit him. No. He's still...

You are looking for common dumb people, which is a very solid bet, but I told you this might be the dumbest person. We're at another level. A lethal snake bit him. Upon waking bet but i told you this is the dumbest person we're at another level all right was sleeping and he got bit by a lethal lethal snake bit him upon waking up he found his condition deteriorating oh boy and suddenly turned emotional what when shankar realized that he won't make it through

he went up to his wife amiri devi and her hands, saying that he loved her very much and wanted to depart this world together. Oh, so he tried to poison her. He tried to poison her. Oh. Yeah. She agreed to it. What?

This sounds like Spider-Man. Yes. This is Spider-Man. You guys, Snake, this is the headline, Snake Bites Man, Man Bites Wife. There you go. Someone's going to get it. Man Bites Wife was also a great show on Comedy Central

with Matt Walsh. With Zach Galifianakis. Zach Galifianakis, Matt Walsh, Walsh. You guys, this guy's dying from a snake bite.

He's like, oh, babe, can I talk to you really quick? Yeah. Now look, what I'm going to say.

Classic good news bad news. Good news is, I love you and I want to be with you forever. Bad news forever starts right now. It starts right now and we are both going to go. First off, remember the part where they were like, till death do you part? What if we said fuck that? And we went way beyond that. We went way beyond it.

And imagine her, guys. She's like, I'm listening. Uh-huh. Okay. I mean, I'm impressed that they love each other that much. Like, God bless them for forever caring for each other. They're both idiots, but fine. They have love.

They are. Wow. That's deep love. Give me your hand. Yes. Give me your hand. I think his position is a little more understandable than hers. Because he doesn't want to go alone?

Well, I feel like you're getting bit by a snake. You're going to fucking die. You're under stress. You don't know what's going on. The plane is going down. Yeah, you don't know what. Of your life. I'm not justifying what he did,

but I'm saying I sort of, I could be like, you know what? This is the worst pain I've ever felt. I want to give some of it to somebody else. That's like Chris Rock. I'm not saying OJ did it, but I can understand why. Right, and I'm not saying I would do that

to my lovely wife Emily. If I get bit by a snake, I'm going alone. I thought you said you werenJ. did it, but I can understand why. Right, and I'm not saying I would do that to my lovely wife family. If I get bit by a snake, I'm going to love it. I thought you said you weren't going to do what O.J. did to his wife. I'm not going to murder my wife like O.J. did. I'm not going to kill my white wife like O.J. did. So, on some level, if Jack had just grabbed Rose by the wrist and started pulling down into that water, you'd be like, I get it. No, I get it. It's No! It's a different movie. It's different.

Come on! Let's both go. Let's both go. I've only known you for a weekend. How long do you think he laid in bed and be like, I gotta lay this out the right way. I can't get out of this bed and be like, you're dying too. I gotta come with love

first. Exactly. I gotta present it love first, right? Exactly. I gotta present it in the way that I love you forever. After Shankar, do you guys, first of all, let me ask you. India? I think this is India. Burnsburg Village. Burnsburg. It doesn't say. That's an Indian name. That seems Indian.

I'm gonna ask you guys, do you think it worked? I don't think she died. There's no way he can transfer the poison. No, he can't transfer the poison unless it caused a gangrene and it got infected. Listen, though. One time, I mean, this is true.

When my wife was following the Grateful Dead around in the 80s, she was at a concert and a friend of hers was like, hey, would you like a little dose of acid on your wrist? Yes. Okay. And as the person was dropping a droplet onto her wrist, somebody knocked his arm from behind and he spilled half a bottle of liquid acid all over her arms.

She was like, the next, the rest of like that set, I was freaking out. I heard, I felt the whole stadium breathing back and forth. I went and found another friend of mine who at the break and I was sweating and I was freaking out and I hugged him just for like safety at a port in a storm. He came around to me 30 minutes later and was like, what did you do to me she was sweating and gave transferred the acid onto him so now he was tripping balls because of how much she was sweating

so i believe you can transfer it i'm just saying uh i also found out this takes place in panta which is in india there you. And it is 90 kilometers north is where this is specifically in the... Samsa... Samas-Tapur. I'm horrible at this game. We got it. After Shankar...

I like that you're adding... You don't have to give us directions because we don't know what the fuck it's north of. Right. You said 90 kilometers from another place that we don't know. You know what? Oh, yeah. Isn't that 90 kilometers north another place that we don't know. You know what? Oh, yeah.

Isn't that 90 kilometers north of... I thought it was 80 kilometers south. When you guys are at game night and you get asked that question, I want a fucking text. It might be 150 kilometers west of another place we don't know. After Shankar bit his wife, both of them fell unconscious. What? Yes. I don't think it has anything to do with the venom. bit his wife both of them fell unconscious what yes I don't think

it has anything to do with the venom soon the couple was rushed to a local hospital where Shankar died soon but the doctors managed to save

his wife Amiri the woman could be saved as her treatment began on time so so they're saying that the venom did get transferred

he did he transferred it from him biting her he became a poisonous snake that's his superhero I'm not buying it I think she had an unrelated Venom did get transferred. He did. He transferred it from him biting her. He became a poisonous snake. That's his superhero. I'm not buying it. I think she had an unrelated.

She was going to die or something else. Oh, my God. The woman could be saved because her treatment began on time. She's safe now. A local medical practitioner, Dr. Jay Kant, told the local media. By the way, all the doctors in India are white doctors. That's just by the way it goes. Affirmative action.

Dr. Jay Kant lives approximately 12 miles east of where this took place. Oh, so... Hang on, that's 74 miles kilometers south of... Sometimes it's miles, sometimes it's kilometers. That's what happens when I make it up. So, may he rest in peace, this guy. According to Amiri Devi, her husband dug his teeth into her wrist. He wished to die together and also wanted to remain united, even in the afterlife.

But his last wish wasn't fulfilled. She can still join him in the afterlife. She's like, I'll see you in 30 years. Nothing's stopping her from committing suicide. Hey, thank you very much. She's going to find that snake. Don't have the courage of your convictions. Don't get in the way of your own dreams.

Come on, Amiri Davey. Stand by your man. Lay by your man. He told me. What if she now is like into dudes with really like leathery skin? You know what I mean? Like that's the transfer that happens is like, it's like really kind of slithery dudes. He told me that he loved me too much and wanted to die together before grabbing my wrist and

sinking his teeth into it i allowed him to do so because that's just i don't the level of dumb in that to me i don't care how much you love a person don't they don't get to bite you also the main point you said is that they were able to start her treatment on time had he just been like hey i got bit by a poison steak he might still be alive oh instead of like trying to orchestrate a murder suicide yes exactly right yeah because he laid there for a long time until his condition coming up with the plan how do i approach my wife i will say this though they were obviously meant for each other yes they found each other they were on board for everything look i can say this this is what i would say if I were delivering his eulogy.

He died doing what he loved, trying to put venom into his wife. True. Which is what we all eventually do. I bet that's going to be the worst way to go. To just... Snake bite. Snake bite's got to be horrible, second only to getting bit by a guy who just had a snake bite. That's gotta be the worst.

After saying, go for it. Yeah. Those are stories. Wow. Sweet. Jeez. Man, because I remember Kill Bill, I think it's two, where he gets bit by the snake and all the shit. Like, they fuck you up.

Oh, yeah. I mean, you have an unbelievable story that I want people to check out. What album or what special is The Mongoose at the party? Oh, it's called Beta Male. Beta Male. So it's off of Beta Male. It's just an incredible story about you being a child at a birthday party. Watching when they released a snake.

Watching a cobra and a mongoose fight it out. It's at every birthday party. Well, I'm about to plan my daughter. She's about about to turn 10 and i was just thinking about things to do and that actually sounds like a great dude you're gonna either do an escape room a rock climbing wall or like a mongoose cobra fight or watch cricket and then if we win burn newspaper in the street uh now we're doing every bit from your standard uh well we we just did a story about a man who killed his wife. And another man who may or may not, or tried to kill his wife, another man who may or may not have killed his wife,

left us a voicemail about his attitudes. That's Robert Durst, who I don't know what the latest on Robert Durst's story is. Me either. Occasionally he leaves voicemails for us. And check in with us, which is also weird. So let's take a listen. Hi, boys. Robert Durst here.

Just hanging around L.A. Went to the Grove today. A lot of pretty women there. I'm calling because I was wondering if you guys could help me advertise. I started a pinata business. Now, here's the deal It's specific It's like a theme

So what you do is you go in a room And then you turn the lights off And everybody swings the pinata And then after you're done You say rhetorical things Like am I the person who ate the pinata Did I break I don't know who broke open the pinata

But there's all this candy here And candy benefits me So I got the candy from the pinata did i break i don't know who broke open the pinata but there's all this candy here and candy benefits me so i got the candy from the pinata being gone but did i do it i don't know anyway it's called bursting for durston if you guys would help me advertise i would really appreciate it other than that i'm looking for my brother, Douglas. If you have his address, I want to send him a card. I'd appreciate it. My name is Robert. Call me Bob, and I'll talk to you. Also, if you guys are having lunch, let me know your address, and I'll stop by when I get a chance.

All right. Bye-bye. Bye-bye, Mommy. Weird. I gave too many details. Still going. Still going. Still Jesus. I gave too many details. Still going. Still going. Still going.

I broke the pinata. Oh, God. Still going. He doesn't know that he hasn't hung up yet. Hello? Oh, hang on. Bye-bye. All right.

Still, yeah. Bob Durst just still... I mean, some guys just... Some guys escape the venom they just never learn they never learn and then they keep on trying or they know too well

that they'll never get caught alright guys this was an unbelievable episode thank you so much for I know you're so busy I know you have a lot going on right now and I really do believe

your life is going to change or has changed for the better for all the great things you want to do and I'm so happy for you because you are a friend and someone that so happy for you because you are a friend

and someone that we know and love and also are a fan of so congrats and I can't wait to see the sequel yes yeah

I don't know what to do how do you do a sequel big sick and little Pakistan where they go across the water no big sick and little China big sick and little China no everybody again I'm going to say this to all of our listeners.

Please go out and support this movie and push it up in the top. And let's make a campaign to get this thing on the ballot for the Academy Awards. I want you to be standing up there, you and Emily, for best screenplay. Oh, my God. Best original screenplay. I truly believe you guys are going to be in the mix. And I don't know why I have such a feeling about it but I want it to happen.

Guys, next week on the podcast Tony Hale is going to be on and then in two weeks Jason Manzoukas. Great stuff all the way around.

Rate, review, subscribe to this podcast, tell friends about it and that's how we grow this thing. Thank you Daniel Van Kirk. Thank you guys. Thank all of you.

Thanks Kumail. Thank you guys. We're out. thank all of you thanks Kumail thank you guys