Dumb People Town - Kyle Dunnigan - You Don't Have To Be Lonely

Episode Date: June 26, 2018

 This week, Kyle Dunnigan join the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a road rage situation leads to one man defecating on another. In Story #2, a woman sees a snake slithering out of the air vent of her car. In Story #3, investigators search for a couple of brazen shoplifters. 

It's a good show! Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town! Population you. Population Dunnigan. We've done it again! Kyle Dunnigan is on the show and our guest today. And someone that Jason and I, and Dan, but Jason and I more specifically, I don't think we laugh with a friend in the comedy world as much as we do when we are around you. It's just...

Agreed. Silliness and moose knuckles all the way around. And when I try to explain it to other people, I say, we did this bit with the scores, they just stare at me.

Yeah. They don't get it. It doesn't transfer. Most audiences stare at the two of us. Top ten moose knuckles on the board. We asked 14 moose knuckles.

And... What is your favorite chow drink? Survey says... You know what a moose knuckles And What is your favorite Chop drink The survey says You know what a moose knuckle is Correct I think it's a Like

When you can see The woman's parts No That's camel toe Moose knuckle Is when a man Is wearing Too tight of

A skateboard Hi Dan Van Kirk This whole time I didn't know what a moose knuckle is That was a while Now you know Well Dan Van Kirk is here And Kyle We believe that the know what a Muslim was. Now you know. Now you know. Well, Dan Van Kirk is here. And Kyle, we believe that the world is getting dumber.

That's just it. I agree. I agree. So how do we defeat it? Did you see the proposal two nights ago on ABC? Oh, my God. I saw about it. If you want to see evidence of the world getting dumber,

it made The Bachelor look like a very high-brow romance. Like Downton Abbey. It literally goes four parts with the first guys behind a wall. They can't see him. And then the women come out, like 12 of them. And he just eliminates three off just looks. Yeah. Just one eye.

Get rid of them. No, the end of this, they get married. Stunned. Yes. So then they come out in bikinis. And he eliminates two more. Like, oh, you got a little fupa then the next round

is they come out and they talk about like what they like and a girl brought out a book and she's like this is my family I love my family it's like great that's great and get rid of a couple of your family members why does he have the ability to get rid of them and Susie I don't like her boobs get her out of here

got a muffin top get her out she's got a moose her? And Susie, I don't like her boobs. Get her out of here. Got a muffin top. Get her out. She's got a moose knuckle. That's for dudes. Hey, I don't like this. And then they come out. And the last one is, oh, he comes out at the end. He has no leg.

He's an amputee, this guy. But he doesn't say, like, I'm amputated below the knee. He says, my foot is amputated below the knee, which is not correct. Also, where it would be amputate this guy but he doesn't say like i'm amputated below the knee he says my foot is amputated below the knee which is not correct also where it would be and they the the two women left give this heartfelt they're both crying how much they love him they haven't talked to him they haven't met him he and he he said that, wait a minute, I recorded it because I was so mad. You want to hear what he says? Yeah, sure. Jesus Christ.

I mean, I've really jumped into this. Sorry. I mean. He has only seen them in a bikini and heard that they like playing golf in their family. So he says this. I can't thank you guys enough for putting your hearts on the line and for coming out here and doing this absolutely crazy, crazy show.

I know from the very beginning I never thought that I would find somebody as special as you guys. What? I never thought that I would find I never thought I would find someone as special as you guys.

As special as you guys. I never thought that I would find love. Anyway, I broke out into a flop sweat and i had to because that is the world that's happening and i was like he's so deep i don't i want a guy like that i want a guy with one and a half legs who's that deep one and a half legs my favorite chuck lori oh one of his questions was, was, oh, now I forgot. Oh, he goes, are you sexually wild?

So like, this woman, like, who's in love with him, like the first question, her husband is sexually wild. And she said, I need to get to know someone, but I, you know,

do like to experiment. You guys are so special. He's so deep. Oh, my. All right. So that is what is happening. And we get stories sent to us by our wonderful dumb ears on the ground. Jay and I haven't heard them.

You haven't heard them. Dan knows them. And Dan, we break them down. And we try to understand the dumb behavior with humor. Dan, do we have a good story? We do. This was sent in by Linz at La m like it already yellow laden blo laden blow laden blow l-a-d-e m-b-l-o laden blow yeah i tried linds i tried heidelberg which is german for breaking bad dumb people heidelberg Township, Pennsylvania.

There's a lot of Dutch pretzels being made. I can get behind that. Do you find Pennsylvania has a lot of stories from there? Florida, Oregon, Washington. A lot of Washington because the meth is up there. They've got something to do. Following a road rage argument

in which police say one driver pooped on another one wow a pennsylvania farmer is charged with harassment and will receive a court citation i'm gonna redo the headline road rage situation leads to one man defecating on another is that in his Farmers Only profile? FarmersOnly.com You don't have to be lonely. You don't have to be lonely. You don't have to be lonely. Farmers Only.

That is the highest point of escalating a road rage incident, right? A belt has to come down. A seatbelt has to come off. Overalls have to get unclipped. How do you go from like, whoa, asshole, to like, hold still,

I'm going to prove I'm you. Here comes my asshole. You want to see an asshole. I don't mean to put it, but I think this person already had to really go to the bathroom. You know what I mean? He was one in the road rage incident.

They had one in the chamber. Before it, he was like, I got to find a place to poop. That's in a road rage. This is for two birds with one stone. Farmersonly.com. Henry Weaver.

Henry Weaver. The Earl Weaver of claims the road rage incident was a quote misunderstanding. He's the guy that pooped, right? Yes.

Okay. That was a toilet. How is that? Is this a toilet? Show toilet top 10 moose toilets on the board it's on the board look officer we what we have is a classic pooping misunderstanding you pooped on this car didn't understand that he needed to move when I started. That can only be taken in one way, sir. How many, I mean, is this the best response to when you're pre-fighting with somebody?

Just like the argumentative talk where somebody's like, what are you going to do, man? What are you going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? There's a lot of what am I going to do? What am I going to do? What are you going to do about it? I'm unclipping my overalls right now.

What are you going to do about that? Clip one down. You think I'm in the band Color Me Bad? You think I'm in the band? What are you going to do about it? I'm unclipping my overalls right now. What are you going to do about that? Clip one down. You think I'm in the band Color Me Bad? You think I'm in the band? Don't pull me under. What are you going to do about it? Don't give me minutes to leave. What do you got me down here for?

What are you going to do about it? It's really like, how does the guy not get out of the way? It's like the musket of things. We're like, oh, it's going to go down before we get the full set up. There's a lot of set up to that joke. By the way, you can leave at any point. What are you doing?

Why are you sitting on top of me? What are you going to do about it? In the moment that it takes this guy to bear down, you can leave. In the moment it takes him to get out an old National Geographic that he had next to the sink. Maybe he got the butt in the window.

There's nowhere to go. And you don't drive away? I'm going to sit here and see what he's going to do. Let's see how this turns out. There's only one scenario where he can go bad. Maybe his asshole's going to apologize. Let me hear this out. Maybe he'll fart an apology. Andrew Aver claims

the road rage incident was a quote misunderstanding after his irritable bowel syndrome flared up during the argument. No. Your officer, it was just a flare up. Yeah. Wait a minute. I can't control this.

I have ideas. We're assuming he threw it at them. No. I think he pooped on the guy. Oh, they were fighting. I don't know. Who knows? And with no pants on.

There's way too many questions. I know. That's what I'm saying. How do you go that far? They never. From like, use your blinker. Honey, I can yell at him. What's the worst that's going to happen?

Does he get a shit on me? They never went into detail on how the poop got on the guy? Henry says he was having a bad day as he drove to his doctor's office. Had a bad day. How many doctor's offices keep coming up and dumping his poop? Had a bad day. I pooped on a farmer. I had a bad day. As he drove to his doctor's offices keep coming up and dumping his ass? I had a bad day. I pooped on the farmer. I had a bad day.

As he drove to his doctor's office Friday morning. And when a car pulled out in front of him, it startled him. This is a quote. So close, it scared the dickens out of me. I think it scared something else out of you. I know. It's right there. He had it.

What was it scaring out of me? Honey, I got to go let some great expectations out in the toilet. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Tale of two cities. Tale of two shitties. Tale of two shitties. There we go.

Then the day only got worse. I love that they wrote that in this article. Then the day only got worse. Well, did it get better? No. What did it get better for? Well, not even for a minute.. Only got worse. Well, did it get better? No. What did it get better for? Well, not even for a minute. It only got worse from there.

Weaver told NBC10 he and the driver then both got out of their vehicles. This is after the Dickens was scared out of him. When you crap on a guy, you probably shouldn't talk to the news afterwards. Right. Exactly. How is this guy doing the interview? Your statement to the news should be no comment. Right.

Perfect time for no comment. Yes. I think you've said no comment. I'm sorry. I think you've said enough. You've said enough. Weaver told NBC10, he and the driver... I let the poop speak for itself. Why don't you go talk to the idiot who stood there while I shit on him? Exactly.

He needs to explain himself. He has more to explain than I do. He does. He told NBC10, he and the driver then both got out of their vehicles and began arguing. As he was arguing, Weaver said his IBS kicked in and he had to go right then and there. So the normal thing would be like, excuse me, I'm going to go walk around to the other side of my car and we'll finish this argument in a minute. Right.

Instead. Yeah. Call a Zach Morris timeout. Give yourself some time. Freeze the world. Freeze the world. Freeze the world. Tee it up. Tee it up.

Henry Weaver says, quote, there wasn't any choice in the matter. There was lots of choice. You're in the wilderness. What was I supposed to do? Not shit on him? Yeah. Not pull down my pants and force them down and then squeeze one out and then keep them down? Why not poop in your pants?

Yeah. Well, he's obviously lying here. He's trying to get out henry weaver told the lehigh valley live he's talking to everybody this guy is like oh it's a press conference it's like when terrell owens was working on his driveway it's like opening avengers but the men had no it's like a press junket they he said that the men had no physical contact but were standing close together. The situation triggered stress and with it, his IBS.

Well, they're standing close together, meaning they're standing face to face. No, no, they're back to back. You know how you argue with someone when you're back to back? You're like, who's taller? Who's taller? Me or you? They were in that part of the argument. They were trying to see who's taller. Let's taller? Me or you? They were in that part of the argument. They were trying to see who's taller. Let me take my pants off.

We'll see who's taller. Let's settle this the old fashioned way. His pants are bringing me down again. There we go. Oh, I'm sorry. Henry Weaver, who is not going to stop talking to any news outlet, quote, I've put up with it for years, he said. You get worked up and you're going to have to go.

I couldn't control my bowels. And he was right there. And it's just as simple as that. This is the definition of a white lie. This is a white guy lying. Yes. That's what it is. Weaver said he couldn't control the urge and wound up defecating on the other man's pant leg.

Oh. You can control that. By the way. How? Even if you're standing face to face, it goes behind you. Wait a minute. Maybe it came out of the bottom of his pants. Maybe he squeezed it so hard it came out of his penis.

The other driver never gave. Can you go to your penis? Just go to that real quick. Go to that. Is there any water? I'm so sorry. We're in the middle of this. Yeah, you can have.

No, that's your water. It's a thing. It's your water. I'm sorry. We're about to take a break here in, you can have... No, that's your water. That's a thing. We'll figure it out. We'll run some up. We're about to take a break here in a minute. Yeah, we'll grab it in a second. I'm the worst. The other driver never gave Weaver a chance to explain,

which also means that the other driver does not want to talk to anybody. No. He's like, I got shit on. I'm not interested. The guy who shit on everybody, he wants to talk to anyone. He needs to explain it to all of us in the the way he's basically shitting all over the news yeah he's putting his narrative out on top right stop shitting on all of our institutions weaver then pleaded with anyone who would listen saying quote he didn't say anything he just got

into the car and drove off and called the police so now he's mad at the guy for not letting him explain why he accidentally pooped on him. Yeah. There's no accident, Dan. Imagine the cop, too, being like, look, man, you pooped on a guy. This doesn't need to become a whole ordeal. No, but classic this guy blaming the other guy for not staying to argue. This is Trump. This is what Trump is doing.

It's his fault. We don't have all the information here, right? I mean, did he pull down his pants? Why would he pull down his pants? I don't know. Weaver says he's embarrassed by the incident and deeply regrets it. The argument is done. If you're wearing pants and underwear, there's no way you shit on someone else's leg.

Nope. Is there a way, devil's advocate, it comes down the bottom of his pants and just flies up? Hits his shoe, bumps, and hits his pants and just hits his shoe bumps and is that possible no you're talking about a mad it's like a magic turd there's a magic turd theory one in a million shot zap zap zap poop or film did you just check this is a pooper film went back and do the lip poop went back into you have to be exploding, right? You would have to be. Dan, even if you're exploding, your underwear catches all of it. Everything catches it.

Wait, maybe he's wearing a little skirt. He's wearing a thong. A thong? I don't know. Even a thong would stop most of it. If he was wearing short, no underpants, it is possible. He poops really hard and it kind of gets all over him. It flies everywhere.

Impossible. It is not possible. He was right against me. He kind of gets all over. It flies everywhere. Yeah. It is not possible. He was right against me. He was right there, Weaver said. I had to drop it. He just got me worked up. Something was going to happen.

It could have easily missed him if I had turned around, but it happened then. If I had turned around? If I had turned around, you should have been turned around anyway. I don't. Like, if you feel it coming and you have the wherewithal to pull down your pants you have the wherewithal to turn around I love that I like that wasn't an option for him I know he has an anus in the front but does that front I have I will say this though I have seen footage of like bears fighting and one just starts crapping it is a animal instinct to just let it rip i don't think the bear was like i'm gonna poop on you the bear although pro move

it sounds like it's a fear response pro move weaver says he's embarrassed by the incident and deeply regrets it most at least he has some embarrassment most people who know me know i'm chill can't be that embarrassed not everyone who does it by way, most people who know me know I'm chill. There's a small sector. I do rage at these five people. He says, literally, it's what he says. He can't be that ashamed. Because if you were really feeling shame, you wouldn't talk about it. You go home, you go, oh my God, please go away.

He's got a bad lawyer who's like, lean in on this. Here's who doesn't think he's chill. Everybody he's shit on. Right. Most people who know me know I'm chill. You really... Only people you can find who don't think I'm chill.

He says, you really have to do something to get me to... You really have to do something to get me to that point. So he's blaming the guy. Yeah. He told the Lehigh Valley Live,

I'm not proud of it. This guy wouldn't have pushed me. I wouldn't have pushed it out. I wouldn't have pushed him. I'm not proud of it. I messed up. have pushed it out i would have pushed him i'm not proud of it i messed up it happens so now he's saying he actually doesn't wait well now he's saying he messed up oh he's trying to do a shit i made a mess like if he he just admitted his wrongdoing right there right he he said hey it's all right shit happened push me and i messed up i screwed up you can't say you screwed up if you had an accident, an IBS accident.

You're the lawyer. You're the defense lawyer. Yeah. That's a good argument. What do you have to say about that? Jason, Jason, Jason, the lawyer. Randy, the defense. Now, now, now, now.

Here we go. Come on, man. Now, listen. Yana. Yana. Yana. Yana. My name is Randall T. Justice, and you will address me as such.

You don't need to be addressed. You already have the floor. You will address me, or my client will come right up to the bench and crap all over your I'm a professor of accidental motion to strike. He cannot control anything. My client is getting very upset. Oh, look out now, Judge. He's coming toward you.

You tell that to the judge. Now, you can sentence him however you like, but understand if it upsets him, we are not liable. We are not liable for what could happen to the jury or most of the people in the gallery. He would like to address the jury box himself. Most people would say he's chill. A jury of his peers. I don't know that you could find 12 people as dumb as this guy. Police tried to go to his house.

He wasn't there, so they then contacted him by phone. While Henry Weaver said the officer listened to his explanation, he was still charged with harassment and will receive a court citation. If you're an officer, and I'm an officer, I want to hear

this guy's whole explanation. You want to be like, you're on speaker and everyone is listening. How are you going to explain this one away, sir? How are you want to be like alright I don't feel like also you're on speaker and everyone is listening how are you going to explain this one away sir how are you going to squeeze your way out of this one

well none of those reporters did their job because that's the question how did that happen how did this physically I think he had shorts on that's my best

shorts and no underwear shorts only way shorts and no underwear just old dude no underwear and you sat there yelling

or young guy young guy no underwear and he's like I'm living. He just sat there yelling. He's like, ugh. Or young guy, no underwear. And he's like, I'm living my life. How old is he? Are we going to find out? Well, Weaver told NBC10 he's not sure yet what he'll do about the citation or if he'll fight the charge. You can't fight the charge. It's just one of those bad days made worse, he said.

The incident got carried away. I love that he thinks it's happened to him. The way the world conspires against you when you shit on someone else? The incident got carried way out of line because of my IBS. Not me. Not me. I blame the IBS. I have a disease.

I blame the IBS. I'm going to ask you guys now, how old is Henry Weaver? You are our guest, Kyle Duggan, so you can go first, Tig, or third. Henry Weaver. Okay. I'm going to take all the information you give me it hasn't been that much I'll tell you this he is not in his 20s. We know he was going to a doctor's appointment. Yes

his anus is prolapsed he also uses words like everybody thinks I'm chill that is a young term wait a minute that's an old man thinking the quote was most people who know me know everybody thinks i'm chill okay everybody thinks i'm i think he's 30 35 is just popping into my head okay all right jason sclar this guy's 42 42 this guy is randy sclar 49 years old 49 49 all right townies this story will be up on the dumb people page

unfortunately no photos but you can play along and see if you were right or wrong because years old. 49. Alright, townies. This story will be up on the Dumb People page. Unfortunately, no photos, but you can play along and see if you were right or wrong because good chances are now for guests of the AG. Henry Weaver is 69 years old. Oh my god!

I like to chill out. You know, I was going to go for old, then you guys Brought up the chill thing I said 49 What was your initial thought For real 69 dude

Oh no dude 69 dude I was gonna say 69 dude No way bro Dude no no Don't argue with him He'll get upset And then he can't control

What happens Very upset in my shorts Wow That's story one There's story one Down in the books Cal Dunn again with us Dumb People Town

Off and running Stay with us Dumb People Town off and running stay with us I like this alright we'll be back with more stories right after this hey guys welcome back to

Dumb People Town I will say this right now there's a reason why hundreds of thousands of people follow this man on Instagram I feel like

you have found a way to create amazing comedy through your Instagram account it is kyle dunagan one got love putting a number at the end uh on on instagram i highly recommend everyone again there was a video that you did of carl the redneck news guy that it just was a while back it was like what's this woman doing and these what i

jay and i watched it like we were it's squealing like children that character gets like some people like it some people really don't like it it's very polarizing the craig character is the that's my favorite craig thank you so freaking good i just love it so much so we're going to tell everybody out there please go check it out. Kyle Dunnigan won. And then just, you know. Get on board. Follow it.

My nephew was like, it's not cool to have a number in your Instagram. He's like 18. He's like, no, you shouldn't do that. You got to get rid of it, bro. And I tried to change it. I couldn't. By the way, just keep it.

You're doing all right on Instagram. How many followers does your nephew have? Say that again. Say that to him. This is the exact number of his followers. The three of us. Oh, that? No, that is the number.

That's not even a number. What would Carl say to your nephew? Well, I'll tell you what. Numbers are pretty cool. You know what? Without them, you couldn't count stuff. Yeah. Thanks, Carl.

Maybe Carl will pop up later in the show and give us a little break. We'll break down some of the stories we covered. Dan, you have a story, a number two, right? Let's do it. This one's sent in by Liz Haggerty, at Liz Haggerty, at L-I-Z-H-A-G-E-R-T-Y. Thanks, Liz. This is a nightmare. Laura, L-O-R-A. Never seen it that way. This is a nightmare. Laura?

L-O-R-A. Never seen it that way. I already hate her. I already hate her. I don't know how to talk to her. No. I don't know how to talk to this woman, and I can tell you she leaps to anger really quickly. Laura Goff. She needs an A to you to calm her down, and all she has is an O.

Well, who's coming to the party? Is Laura Goff going to be there A to you to calm her down, and all she has is an O. Well, who's coming to the party? Is Laura Goff going to be there? Then I'm not. She's a full-name person. It's always Laura Goff. She's someone who wants to know the menu at a dinner party. Yes. You don't get to know the menu at a dinner party.

Guess what Laura Goff brought to the dinner party? Ice. Laura Goff drove down Main Street in downtown Warrington, Virginia on her lunch break from a nearby law firm when she heard a rattling sound. Oh, there's a rattlesnake in her underwear. The officer. There's a baby on top of her car. She forgot to put the baby inside the car so she told that baby you don't like it guess where you're riding top of car

the office manager looked down next to this next to the steering wheel of her cadillac srx she made them put that in. Can we just say steering wheel? No. I got extended warranty on this lease. It is an SRX. You are pathetic. Not some piece of shit.

Let's just say four-door Laura, are you cool if we just say four-door? No, I'm not. It's just a car. That's an irrelevant team. So many different types of steering wheels. People need to know where I'm coming from. All right, well, it's just a regular sedan.

We could just put sedan unmarked. I legally took the A and U out of my name and put an O there. So you are very specific about the weight. The office manager looked down at the steering wheel next to her Cadillac SRX and saw a snake slithering out of the air vent. What? What?

Trying to stay calm, she pulled off the road, jumped out of the SUV, and dialed 911. I thought you were going to say, and died. I was like, she calmly got out, and then a snake shit on Laura. There's a picture. This will be up on the Dumb People Town page. Oh, my God. Coming out of the vent and at you. Dan, I want to see that again.

I got to see that again. Dan, this is unbelievable. Coming out. Is that a poisonous snake? Well, we'll get to it. I don't know. Jump in my gun, got to hear juice. Is that a garter snake? I we'll get to it. I don't know. Jump in my gun. Is that a garter snake?

I've got a snake in my pants. I've got a snake I'd like to release. You're steering wheel at the smokehouse. And like anyone these days who has a unique event unfold before them, she snapped a picture. Quote, I thought nobody's going to believe this. By the way, no one believes a lot of what you say, Laura. I like that she did get the steering wheel in the photo as well. I said it was coming from right next to it,

and I wanted to get some deep poultry so you know it was a Cadillac. I'm going to go with a Ludwig on this. So I took out my Louis Vuitton, opened the purse to get my iPhone X. All right, Laura, we get it. You have nice things. I took my Jimmy Choo shoe. Okay, let me just take off this, we get it. You have nice things. I took my Jimmy Choo shoe. Okay, let me just take off this, what is it? The Jane Seymour forever necklace.

It's in the way of the photo. This is the first part of the story where we got into Dumb People Town for sure. When animal control arrived, the officer, the animal control officer, confessed that he, too, was scared of snakes. Okay. You're the animal control officer. Ma'am, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not going near that. Ma'am, I am not trained for this.

I'm a straight shooter, and right now I'm shooting you to say I cannot handle a snake. Ma'am, my wife was killed by a garter snake. Ma'am, a week ago, I was a greeter at Walmart. I got this job on a dare. The fire department can handle this, but they're scared of fires, but they can't handle this kind of thing. That'd be dumb people town.

That'd be dumb people town. Fire department scared of fires, animal control scared of snakes. I said, she quotes herself and directs herself in the quote. I said, I'm in trouble now. That's all in quotes. Yeah. Laura Goff recalled of her monday incident the snake which she let her later estimated to be about two and a half feet long had gotten tangled in her phone cord charger god iphone 10 iphone 10 yeah exactly at first she said i was in disbelief i was like oh my god the thing that caught my attention is that it made

a noise that's when i saw it coming out she said so it like came out i was like hey yeah she doesn't say you'd say my phone charger she said my iphone no i made that part up she'd be like i I'm an android user. Goff said the animal control officer tried to use a piece of equipment similar to a long pole to catch the snake, but couldn't because he's terrified of it. This guy doesn't want to catch the snake. Then the snake came further out of the air vent and started to move around the car. It fell under the front seat. Should have said power front seat. He looked and looked, said Laura Goff about the animal control officer, and he couldn't find it.

This is where it starts to get real dumb. You lose your keys. You lose a back of an earring under a seat. Sure. You're not going to lose a two and a half foot snake. You just lose under the seat. Well, it's roomy in an SRX. That's a really nice car.

By then, she said her lunch break was over well my lunch break's over she needed to get back to work so she drove back to her office with the snake still somewhere in the suv you dummy no way yeah this is a job to do i mean seriously uber what about uber i am burn the car leave it i would never drive that car i would i would do one of those like you know when they tent a house and just like poison the hell of whatever is in the car sure poison your car poison that roll down the window tent the car and poison the hell out of that thing she said her lunch break was over and she needed to get back to work so she drove back to her office with the snake still somewhere

in her suv oh my god that is the tensest drive ever when she got back to the so she drove back to her office with the snake still somewhere in her suv oh my god that is the tensest drive ever when she got back to the office she said she told her colleagues guys guess what happened when laura went to go get a salad oh my well you know like her the one the person who doesn't like her the most at work is like laura you're five minutes late right i have a snake in my car they suggested a variety of techniques to get the snake out of the car. Let Jim look at it. Turn the air conditioning on cold so it would come out from under the seat and sun itself, or turn the air on hot so it would come out.

I think cold would probably work best. Cold drives it out. Yeah. Cold drives it out. Laura Goff searched the internet and found a tip that said to use sticky glue traps for rodents. First of all, I love that she's searching the internet before she's searching her own car.

Right. Like, that's more important to her. She borrowed a friend's car, went to a nearby hardware store, and got some and put them under her seat. By the way, her lunch break is over. She's doing this on company time. She's starving. Greg over in HR is like,

you have to report that you are leaving work to go get your... I'm getting sticky traps. I know. She worked her full day and by 5 p.m. she went out to her car.

As she was driving home, she said... It would be funny if the snake was driving the car. You see a snake head and he's like... He's like, let's go! It's five! Tail hanging out over the side.

L-A-U-R, no! L-O-R-A! As she was driving home, she said she kept moving her feet and making noise in hopes of keeping it from coming out. So now she's driving home from work. And she's making her feet look like a mouse. By the way, you need both feet to drive.

Am I right? She's going, ah, ah, ah. Yeah, she definitely. Well, actually, the Cadillac can self-drive. What kind of a Cadillac is it again, Lauren? It's an SRX. Okay. She said,

She checked the traps and found no sign of the snake. Although she said she was scared that the snake was still in the car, she drove it, nervously, she said, the 10 minutes to her home in Rappahannock County. No. She just told me it dies of old age at some point. Exactly. Maybe it got bored.

Overnight, she said, she didn't think about it. How do you not think about it about a snake that you've just now let take residence in she seems like a very mindful person so this feels weird I gotta sleep in my Gordon Blunt mattress

sit back on my Carmen satin sheets I have Bowlin brand sheets Bowlin brand five US presidents have bowl and branch sheets. Bowl and branch. She also, five US presidents have slept on these sheets. My goose stuffed pillow.

And my snake thoughts. I said, you know what I did? I unplugged my phone, my iPhone 10. I set it on the west end. I put it right next to my authentic cappuccino maker. And then I also set aside all of those snake thoughts. And I put it in our little tiny appliance garage.

How did you not think about it? Honey, how was work? Pretty good. This is a dummy. Oh, you know what I forgot to tell you? There's a snake in our car. Well, how big? Two and a half. It doesn't need any effort.

Like, coat hanger. Jam it under. There seems no effort. Or just risk it and leave with the doors open. Any effort, like coat hanger, jam it under. There seems to be no effort. Just risk it and leave with the doors open. It's either going to get stolen or the snake will leave. One of these things will happen in the middle of the night. Our cousin had a stereo that he put in his 78 Celica.

I remember going to visit him. This is at a point in time where you pulled the stereo stereo out you could pull it out so someone could like break in his car steal the stereo and in order to pull it out he put razor blades inside there so if someone reached in to grab it yeah take it that's smart razor that is literally like leaving a snake in your

car and opening the door is like yeah go for it go for it yeah razor blades in the stereo, bitch. That's smart. There are people, there are townies listening to this. The idea that a woman

or any person would have a snake in their car and then just stop thinking about it is unfathomable. You know what they saw? A snake in the mine

is worth one in the car. Yeah. Very true. Very true. What does she feel about the movie Snakes on a Plane? I don't know

what they forgot about. She watched it that night. Why don't know what they forgot about. You just take their eye and get to your destination. Why don't they all just sit there and bounce their feet up and down? She watches the movie that night and she's like, what does this remind me of? I'm going to bed. I'm sleeping. On my bowling bread sheets. So I'm in the Boeing 303 jet.

And I use my comb nest system. The next morning, she and her husband went outside to check and found the snake alive in the car. Who's the dumbest person? This woman or the guy who married her? Or the person who signed up for a job

with Animal Control and hates animals. It looks like an SNL sketch. He's in Animal Control and terrified of snakes. It looks like an SNL sketch. He's an animal control. Everybody hates snakes. You've got to go get him. But he's really scared. And his name is Jake. Mark the...

Oh, shit. What's his name? Jake. Jake. Jake the snake. Jake the snake. Jark. Her husband then put the snake in the back of his truck,

presumably to release it into the wild. Or... Or just... New home for the snake is in the truck. It's now a truck release it into the wild. Or, just new home for the snake is in the truck. It's now a truck snake. You know where I put it? Underneath my back wheel, and I just run back and forth about ten times. You're going to get letters.

That sounds like another vehicle. I know, it's funny. Put him in the back of the truck. I wanted to find here, and I'll be honest with you guys, that it turned out that it was a baby brown snake and it was not venomous similar like a garden but just the idea of a giant snake and this picture by the way it'll be on the uh facebook page join the facebook i mean if you're just driving you're like oh there's this there's a

snake in my car there's a snake in oh, there's a snake in my car. What's the old... There's a snake in my boot. There's a snake in my vent. Woody. Woody from Toy Story. It would be amazing if she was the one that got in the road rage with the shit guy. There's so much going on. She pulled that snake out. That would be the opening of Magnolia.

Surely this is not just one of those things. All right, guys. That's story two. Story two. Story two! I got a snake in my vent. Kyle Dunnigan's with us. We have one more.

Give us a little tease of the last story, Dan. Two people in Dumbtown commit possibly the perfect crime. And it's not even Dumbpeople Town. It's just Dumbtown. Yeah, yeah. All right, Dumbpeople Town. Two people commit a perfect Dumbperson Town crime. I call it Dumbperson Town. We'll be back with more dumb people town right after this.

Alright guys, welcome back to dumb people town. Kyle Dunnigan. Kyle Dunnigan won on Instagram. What is your favorite character to do? Of all the characters you do? Well, right now I do like doing Caitlyn's fun and like the Kardashian crew. Cait and Jenner.

Recent Kardashian video of Kim lost in her own house was so funny. Thank you. So you use some program to sort of cover up. It's a lot of effort. And it's not cool to make effort on Instagram. Yeah, I know. I thought I'd do it anyway.

It's not cool to have a one at the end of your name on Instagram either. Purr your nephew. I do like whoever just talks the most, I film them first. And then I send that to my air drop it on my computer. I turn the volume way down. Then I do the next person. So the timing's right. I have a conversation.

Got it. I go like that. So cool. It's really great. It's really, really great. You're like a one man scale. Thank you. Thank you.

I could not find how old Laura Goff is but I did find her on Facebook and that's Laura Goff perfect she looks a lot nicer she's very approachable she sleeps really well every night L-O-R-A Laura Goff

thanks Laura I wish I had the ability she had the serenity prayer don't think about the things you can't control. I can't control the snake in my car. She's the best compartmentalizer ever. All right. You ready for this?

Yes. Final story sent in by Buckley Wilkinson at B-H Wilkinson. Thanks, Buckley. W-I-L-K-I-N-S-O-N. Thanks, buddy. I love that Buckley has, and it could be a man or a woman, right? Yeah, Buckley Wilkinson. I love that Buckley has, and it could be a man or a woman, right?

Yeah, Buckley Wilkinson. Buckley Wilkinson has two names of the two most prestigious boarding schools in your town. It also sounded to me like... Is your kid going to Buckley or Wilkinson? It also sounded to me like... Couldn't get into Wilkinson, so we're going to Buckley. Such a high-end golf attire brand. Right. That it almost sounds jokey, but it's because it's so high-end. I actually do use Buckley Wilkinson golf attire brand. Right. That it almost sounds jokey, but it's because it's so high-end.

I actually do use Buckley Wilkinson golf attire. Laura, you use Buckley Wilkinson? Yes. Are you exclusively Buckley Wilkinson?

Only Buckley Wilkinson. No, no. Buckley Wilkinson also sounds like an investment firm that would advertise during the U.S. Open. Oh, 100%.

Or the law firm. Buckley Wilkinson. We at Buckley Wilkinson. Do you have a snake in your car? We at Buckley Wilkinson. Do you have a snake in your car? Get someone to shit on your pants? We at Buckley Wilkinson will take care of all of those things. Do you have animal control? Is there an animal control person who does not like snakes?

We will take care of them at Buckley Wilkinson. Call us at SSS, SSS. That's 555-5555. Just keep hitting five until we pick up. You know what we didn't even discuss in that first story? What a pro move. That guy got shit on and was like, I'm done. I'm out.

I'm leaving. It really shut down the whole altercation. There's nowhere to go from here. I'm getting in my car and leaving. I would be beating that man until nobody, until the cops show up. All right, let's do this. Here we go. Sent in by Buckley Wilkinson.

Investigators are searching for a man and a woman accused of theft after they took a television from the shelf at an Algiers pawn shop and then sold it back to the pawn shop. Gangster. Straight gangster. That is like... They stole the TV and then sold it back.

Sold it back to the place they stole it from. Wow. Does that happen at pawn shops all the time? The duo identified by the NOPD, New Orleans Police Department, as Don Adams. Don Adams? Don Adams. Don Adams got smart. Don Adams. These guys got smart dana francois carter was

captured on surveillance camera during the thursday afternoon theft also what a great yeah because no like no pawn shop ever has had surveillance cameras ever right the theft occurred at about 5 20 p.m that's a rush hour robbery at a pawn shop in the 1600 block of Newton Street Adams and Francois Carter entered the shop and then Carter walked to the electronics aisle and took a television from the shelf she was then seen removing price stickers from the television then they brought the television back up to the front counter where Adams then pawned it okay they didn't even walk out of the store. They never left the store. So this is like a pickup basketball game where they don't take it back behind the line.

You've got to walk out of the store first. How genius is this? If these people pay no attention to what anyone does, we literally will just take a TV off the shelf, walk back up and be like, hey, we want to pawn this. You guys have a use for this TV? I'm going to ask you guys, How much money do you think they got? Her name is Francois Carter. I wish it was.

Dana Francois Carter. Francois. Francois Carter. And his name is Don Adams. Don Adams. I mean, I was trying to make a Bonnie and Clyde, a Donnie and... Carter. Yeah, Donnie and Francois.

Donnie and Fran. Donnie and Claude. How much money... He's Donnie and Claude. He's Donnie and Claude. How much money? He's Donnie and Claude. He's Donnie and Claude. How much money do you guys think they got from the pawn shop that bought its own TV back? $554. It depends what kind of a TV it is.

Flat screen, I'm assuming. Okay. I would say big back, 13-inch, $200. $554, you said? $200. $200 from Randy's Club. I say they got $75. said 200 bucks 200 bucks i say they got 75 dollars well in order to make the deal don adams had to give his id card because they were haunting it

there's so many people are dumb in this story the people working at the store that aren't people just bought their own tv back they're dumb right don who gave his actual ID. They pawned it for a total of $175. Very good. $200. According to the Orleans Parish Court records, a Dana Francois with the same birthday as Francois Carter appeared to be in magistrate on May 21st on charges of simple burglary

and illegal possession of stolen things. Imagine the conversation where they're like, hey, we wanted to get something for this TV looks pretty good yeah how long you guys had it looks like one we got here

how long you had it not very long how's it working I don't know you tell me I mean I'd sell it you tell me what do you think

what do you think yeah we just bought this a couple of days ago we got one just like this you know what I'll give you for it hey Capole think? Yeah, we just bought this a couple of days ago. We got one just like this. You know what I'll give you for it? A couple of... The woman's like, we just got this a couple of days ago. Just a perfect dumb person story of like...

You just do a circle. It is a dumb circle of life. How'd they get caught? They got caught because of the surveillance cameras and he had to use his ID to pawn it for $175. But they bought it no but they bought it they did buy it and they they walked out with the money right yeah yeah the store bought it back for 175 dollars off their the shelf that it had been sitting on in their store yeah two minutes earlier this is this whole i feel like this whole episode the guy who wouldn't turn, quarter turn like 20 inches

to shit not on someone's leg. The woman who wouldn't do something to get a snake out of her car that was just right there. Very little effort. These people who wouldn't just look to see if there was the TV that they had on their shit.

No, their merchandise. I know. What a genius idea. Exactly. Who's like, they're going to catch us if we do this. No, if we have confidence. It's almost so dumb that they could get away with it. I know. What a genius idea. Exactly. Who's like, they're going to catch us if we do this? No, if we have confidence. It's almost so dumb that they could get away with it.

I agree. I almost would be like, even the thought came to me, that's a familiar TV. I think I'd be like, no. No one grabs something. No one would take our own TV. So these guys were playing upon people's assumption of human nature to be like, we can fly this one right by.

Anyone with information on Don Adams or Dana Francis Carter is asked to call any. They haven't been caught. Still at large. And they have his ID. At large screen. Still at large screen. Is asked to call any New Orleans Police Department

4th District detective. And anonymous tips can be submitted by calling crime stoppers toll free by the way this is okay seven seven stoppers also seems like a fake thing crime stoppers seems like an organization that forces everyone to wear a cape or we do not need to wear it sounds like a youth-like program where like youth at risk have that t-shirt and that's the camp they go to in the crime stop what's the efficiency rate on crime stoppers Are they even doing a good job? Crime Stoppers to me is just a group of animated crime dogs.

Is that what it is? Crime Stopper griffs. Rusty told us there was a crime down at the pawn shop. This took place in New Orleans. What's that, Rusty? They stole the same TV. Rusty! No, but this took place in New Orleans. Here's what I have to say about New Orleans. What's that, Rusty? They stole the same TV. Rusty.

No, but this is the place in New Orleans. Here's what I have to say about New Orleans, and this is crazy. Jay and I went when we went to a Marriott hotel. Definitely a hotel in the French Quarter where there was... Like it was a legitimate part of a larger chain. Sure. Like a Marriott courtyard. Okay, so we go into the hotel, and the front desk are two podiums.

So it's not even like a regular front desk where you gotta go behind and a door and everything. And the guy behind one of the podiums, as we're checking in, is like,

you want a beer? We're like, yeah, sure. What do you say to that? So they were offering us a beer and he slides with his foot over a cooler

that has beer in it and he's like, $3 a piece. I'm looking behind me. 50 feet is the bar. I'm like, does the bar sanction you selling your own beer out of your own cooler here? That's New Orleans.

So I feel like this happens all the time. Pick up the TV from the back, try and sell it on the front. And New Orleans is just like, we can't solve this. There's no way we can solve this. Well, it's such a small, $175. Right. You sometimes have to just let that go. You're not getting on America's Most Wanted.

No. This dirt bag came in there and got $175. John Walsh. If you see this face. We aren't going to take it from him. With someone with $100 in their pocket. All right. That's story three.

Story three. I love it. Well, to wrap things up, I thought it'd be really fun. Again, one of my favorite characters. Hey, can I come in? Here he is right now. Let me tell you something.

It's Carl. Carl. None of your business with my last name. I don't know your last name, Carl, but would you give us a wrap up of the stories you heard today? Now, remember,

the stories you heard is a man shitting on another man in a road rage thing. You ever heard anything like that before? Well, actually, the stories you heard is a man shitting on another man in a road rage thing. You ever heard anything like that before? Well, actually, it happened to me once. Really? What? You know, luckily there was no one in my path. But, yeah,

I had a few explosions. Did you know they were coming? Well, yeah, of course. You know, I prepared. Really bared down. You bared down and let it go? Yeah. Some went on my dog. Luckily, he's brown. All right.

So then that, you were able to hide it. Didn't even have to bathe him. Well, I should have bathed him, Carl. Okay. Okay. Carl, question. Story number two. Story number two.

The woman with a snake that comes out of the air vent in her car, and she leaves it there overnight, goes to sleep, doesn't even think about it. Well, let me tell you something. All right. what i would do uh-huh the lady missed her lunch break right yes look a snake's a good meal she could have just cooked that thing up you know get that lighter in the car light a light lighter light the floor like the floor mat on fire and hopefully you get the snake no you take the that little cigarette lighter and you just push it against the snake right go right down the whole snake cooker up yeah there you go you'll start smelling some nice you know snake meat smells wet your whistle you. Get your appetite going.

You can eat the head too. A lot of people don't know that. I eat that first. Then the rest is like dessert. Okay. All right. Final story was the guys who in New Orleans. Steal a TV out of the store.

And then just bring it up to. Don't even take it out of the store. Bring it right up to the front. Resell it to them for $175. I think that's genius. I mean, if you want to sell something and you don't got nothing. He's making something out of it. Get something.

Yeah, I mean, them pawn stores got plenty of shit. Yeah, they do. That's true. And you're betting on the fact that they don't know half the shit they got in the pawn store. Yeah. If you don't notice. All right. There it is. If you don't notice. All right. There it is.

If you don't notice. Yeah, let me rephrase that. Yeah, okay. Go for it. If you don't notice. Okay. That makes a lot of sense. In other words, if you can't tell.

Okay. And actually, that is a very different take on that. Right. If you really listen to what he said. I don't know which take of those I want to follow. You know, there's also like, if you didn't know. Okay. There's also that.

There's a bunch of angles. Thanks, Carl. Well, have a good one. Yeah. I see you're heading out of here in your, what is that car? Well, it's a bicycle. Okay. I have all my belongings

attached to it. Okay, good. I was wondering why it just had so much... It's like a bicycle with a sidecar. It looks like a car. It looks like a giant truck,

but it's just a bicycle with a bunch of crap around it. Okay, so it's a bicycle with a bunch of crap around it. If a snake pops out of that thing, I say... You guys want to buy some cans? No, we're good, Carl.

I've got a TV. No, we're good. Where'd you get that TV? None of your business. All right, Carl, everybody. Ah, nice. There it is. This is Dumb People Town.

And oh, shit, we've got to get back to work. It's a good show.