Dumb People Town - Kyle Kinane - Big Egg Day

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

This week Kyle Kinane comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a man facing possible prison time for trashing his own property. The second story is about a monolith siting. The final story tells us about a break-in at Denny's.

Star Beans, out of here. Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Punk it down. It's Dumb People Town. Hey, townies.

Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Canaan. Kyle W. Canaan. Is it really a W? I don't know. Let me put my guess in. I'm going to go T.

Kyle G. Canaan. It's T for Thomas. I say E for Elrond. What is it? Elrond. I like Elrond. Yeah. It's actually, it's C.

Ooh, Christopher. Charlie. Christian. Christian. Kyle Christian. like elrond yeah it's actually it's c oh christopher charlie chris christian i'm sorry casey canane is like casey canane casey canane and the sunshine casey canane and his sister casey canane casey canane has more of like either like pro tennis player yeah i guess some of those real good on clay huge serving volley game is just insane Casey Canaan always to the net always also in Casey

Canaan was doing like big air at the X Games. You'd be totally fine with that to Casey Canaan's 12 years old and is leading right now with one more with one more run dreams. I wanted for myself. Instead, you got a great comedy career. And I'm so happy you're here with us in this dumb, dumb world.

We got great stories sent to us by our awesome fans. We're going to jump right in one right away because why waste any time? And then we got Kyle Kinane here. And then we'll talk about stuff that he's got going on. But first, Daniel, let's jump into one. Here we go. Sent in by Adam Poulton at Poultski75. that what people call it yeah i don't know this is probably like gear a lot geographically judging people but if i see an sk sk i just always go

chicago right and he's 46 right he's 46 yes always born in 75 no he's born for part of the 46 defense okay there you go. Good poll Jason Sklar. Thank you. Okay, here we go. I'm going to read you guys a headline ready. Ohio man could get prison for dumping garbage on own property for years. Wow yeah, oh, he's on America. Yeah, I mean come on you so you, but can you do that for like can you get in trouble for hurting yourself i guess you're just a hoarder then yeah if you're dumping it on your own every episode of american pickers yeah well yeah i'm new to hoa so like i mean it's an hoa situation where they've been really tolerant for decades and like all right hey man there are times

i think american pickers with two comics would have been a much and i like american pickers but an even better show one comic and one crazy person do you know what i'm saying like or one comic exactly but i'm saying that what is you know is that the one they just go and like they go through people's junk yeah they just drive around iowa kansas wisconsin and illinois and just like this guy's throwing out look at what they yeah oh do you know what this bowling ball is like it's all it's just rolling up to people's houses a road version of antiques road show it really is right white trash antiques road yes all right oh boy i mean so this guy's gonna dump treasures for them do you really what's what is what is sitting in your house right now that you're like...

The bowling pin right there. Yeah, there you go. The American pickers could grab that. One lone bowling pin right there. I remember I was at the flea market up in Wisconsin. Princeton Flea Market. Love it. Princeton, Wisconsin. Largest outdoor weekly flea market from April to May. Thank you. In Wisconsin. And a friend of mine

saw at somebody's table they had one bowling pin and was like, what hell kids birthday party this birthday my son picked it up the guy selling his wares is like you like that pen and he goes i don't know i just curious why you saw one pen he goes someday you'll know someday you'll so then my buddy rory goes i want to know right now. And he was like, all right, I'll show you. But there's a reason for that one pin. What? Yeah.

Why? Why? And he goes, I don't know. You're something you want to hide from people. And he's like, what? And the guy goes, screw that pin on the top. It was a secret liquor bottle. Oh, it was like a little alcohol extreme bottle.

A little enabler. That's what it said on the bottom. Oh, that's just my lone bowling pin I keep in the cabinet. Nothing suspicious about that. There's a bowling pin by the toilet. I got a bowling pin out in the garage. There's two bowling pins in the car. One under my pillow.

It's a shotgun, but you screw off the top. No, it's a shotgun. Don't worry about it yeah just when you're saying it's worse to cover up your alcohol that's that's always well if you're going to the lengths of putting your alcohol in a bowling pin you're either a fun uncle and i'm not i'm saying like that's on your bar cart like in a funny way get ready for your family never to want to see you again right but if you think about it think about it how many my uncle bob we've all maybe you guys were those kids i don't know but like everybody has a friend or an uncle who's got a pool table

so if you had if you had the liquor bottle like bowling bowling pin down in the game room basement to the pool table yeah now it's kind of feels like it's part of the aesthetic right how elaborate do you go do you get it like it's like do you get a little plaque like it's a trophy or moment you gotta think about what you want to engrave that's a little wink to people that know but doesn't arouse suspicion the earl anthony high series scratch award goes to yeah you're gonna love knocking this one down dan you know what i got i got bowled over it started oh there it is spare me the details okay wait i dan i thought you were gonna say the guy was gonna allude to the fact that there are like spirits in the bowling pin and i started thinking to myself because it is kind of the spirits in the bowling it's a genie bottle spirits in the

bowling they're literally worse spirits in the bowling pin and so what i thought was it kind of looks like a genie lamp so if you rub so if you rub a bowling pin what kind of a genie comes out this is what i would posit to anybody you rub a bowling pin, what kind of a genie comes out? This is what I would posit to anybody. You rub a bowling pin, and what comes out is like a divorced dad who doesn't have custody of his kids. Yeah, smoking. This old Polish guy, yeah. Give me two more Bud Lights from the bar when you go back in there, will you, Bud?

Thanks. Hey, find out what they're doing pitchers tonight. Wash your hands if you're eating nachos. Don't go putting your fingers in the ball when I'm washing your ball. So the fat guy comes out of the bowling van and he just is like, all right, I'm double parked. Where are you? Make this quick. Like what? I saw you. I rubbed you out of the three wishes and I'm going to deliver on one of them. I promise you three. Believe it or not, we haven't even read the first story. Okay, sorry an ohio garbage hauler an ogh if you will gh if

you're nasty yeah could wind up behind bars after he admitted to illegally dumping trash into a makeshift landfill one of my favorite vans at bands at work to make sure make ship landfill on his own property for years ready for this name. If I mean this is every love seagulls, this is every guy who has who has said the words i'll handle your trash. This is his name donald w combs, don combs, donny, go don combs, Don Combs of Milford, which is probably how he introduced himself. How you doing Don Combs of Milford pleaded guilty this week to eight felonies, including three counts of a

legal open dumping of a solid ways, two counts of a legal operation of a solid waste facility without a license. So the pro I mean amateur, but yeah, so he's that guy was like I'll take care of your trash yes don combs there's a guy in my neighborhood is and he started dating this woman who is a really nice woman this is a woman who like goes around and cleans like any sort of debris in front of your house which you think is really a nice thing that she's doing for the neighborhood until you realize she doesn't think you're cleaning the front of your house well enough yeah it's a judgment so it's suddenly like a judgment but she started dating this guy earl who is like who works for like the i want to say the phone company or something so he's got he can climb up poles

he's got one of those like leather straps and the boot crampons where you can go up like really high stuff so he they have a huge tree in their front lawn and he lights it up with christmas lights and it looks really cool so he one time he was walking he was like you got any old uh batteries you don't want anymore and i was like yeah i got a ton of them i don't even know what to do so i gave them to him and then i was like what's he doing what's he doing so i feel like this guy could be the earl of his neighborhood sure He just dug a hole in your front yard, dropped him in there. That's what you do with the batteries, guys. Thanks a lot. Or he sprinkled them in front of our house

so that his girlfriend, Pat, could come clean them up later. I was going to say, I wish somebody would judge me like that. Yeah, come by here. Fix my stuff. Do whatever you want. I need new siding.

I got no ego. Kyle, you're a mess. I'm impervious to judgment. Fix my shit. I love it. I'm a mess. Someone prune my shit, please. He also got two counts of violating Ohio EPA Director of Environmental Protection orders

and one count of illegal open burning of a solid waste. I was going to say, if you're going to collect all that garbage, you got to burn some of it. Also, this is Ohio. This is where the one guy had his own zoo that he decided to let all the animals out. And their river lights on fire. Right.

And this guy got pinched? Right. Ohio's a free world. They currently have a statewide sweepstake to see who will win a million dollars for getting the vaccine. If there's ever women in cages in a basement, it's always Ohio. Cleveland. Cleveland. Yes. Yes. Cleveland locks. if there's ever like women in cages in a basement it's always ohio cleveland yes yes so really like this guy we're getting on this guy but i would say where there is smoke and fire is garbage in

your landfill there's either garbage and a body you don't want found right isn't that though like if you're wanting to put garbage like no one wants to be near garbage. Nobody. Correct. Nobody likes the smell of garbage. Like I like the smell of gas from a gas station. I'll admit that. I think it smells good. That's a common thing.

Right. But like no one's going to say, please put garbage in my lawn. Right. So I agree with Randy. There's something deeper. All right. So Kyle,

you are someone who loves the time you have out in the wild, out in nature. You don't have to wear clothes. You can hang out in the wild, out in nature. You don't have to wear clothes. You can hang out. You can just do your thing, and there's nobody around you. So what I'm saying is maybe he wants to create that by creating basically like a garbage fence around his property. And send his neighbors running. Right.

I mean, yeah, he's a big fan of the post-apocalyptic scenario. Sure. There's just traips around out there. But garbage, they take it from your house. They come to your house to get it. They'll get it for you. See, that's where he's- How much effort to take it out to the curb, bro?

He's getting other people here. He's a garbage collector. Attorney General Dave Yost said in a news release, this garbage man drove off with your trash but was never headed to a landfill. You down with OPG P. G. You know me actions of consequences, and he will now have to pay for the mess. He may. I think he was making a joke combs who authorities called a mass polluter mass polluter. Another great band is accused of dumping thousands of pounds of waste. He hauled from people's homes for how long? How long do

you think he was running this amateur landfill on his own property? To get to felony status? Yeah. Am I guessing first? Yeah. I'm going to throw 17 years

out there. 17 years. Wow. That is amazing. I'm going to say seven years. Seven years? I'm going to say three and a 17 years. Wow, that is amazing. I want to say seven years, seven years, let's say three and a half years, three and a half years. Okay, he was a mass polluter. Oh my God, dumping thousands of pounds of waste that he hauled from people's houses for four years. Oh, thank you. The D. A. S. Office said he would respond to Craigslist ads posted by people needing their waste taken away. And then he would undercut legitimate businesses that pay fees to dump at licensed landfills. Yeah, it's licensed because they probably treat things and have a certain level of...

And they charge you to dump it there. And there are certain things that they have to dispose of in certain ways. So he's making money. He's not just like a trash freak. I would say both. I was going harder. I've said 17 years, he's getting a little bit. And he's like, that's not enough.

I got to get a little more. That's where I was going with it. Yeah, man. He was trying to start a garbage-loving business. Well, there are moments where you're like, God, we have all this stuff and we got to get rid of it and we want to throw it away and he's like on Craigslist. I'll get rid of your garbage for you and people are just like sure fine as long as I don't see it ever again. He would then allegedly use those people. Once he got the

stuff, he would then allegedly dump the refuse on his own commercial property as well as on an undeveloped residential lot next to his home. Okay, that is now I can't that. Building a house over here. Nobody some of the piles like that would be great because you know poltergeist was a movie about a house that was built on and you know it's all a native american bear all ancient burial grounds, but like what if you get haunted by the trash this guy collected, you know what I mean? Like old swimming pool, white trash ghosts, white trash, old memories, go make it barefoot, making macaroni and cheese,

wearing a big Johnson T-shirt or like a run. I use double the butter. I like it creamier than I like. I don't need to wear no mask. No one said you had to wear some of the piles of garbage created by Don Combs, which contained debris from construction and demolition sites were more than twenty feet high. Oh my God four years guys, twenty feet high. I would say if you if you got piles, twenty feet high, your landfill sucks. That's right, you know you're not

feeling the land, your top in the land on top. Yeah, yeah, firefighters responded at on at least one occasion to extinguish a garbage fire before it could spread to homes next door to down combs. That's another reason why landfills exist where they do so that they don't catch other people's houses. Right, you can't have a it's the same thing with having a zoo. People don't want tigers also like contain a lot of methane. Yeah, just got garbage. See like the the

flame like that. Yeah, that eternal flame that a little yeah, it's on the way to Chicago from Rochelle. You drive by a huge eternal flame the the estimated cleanup costs for both sites. That's the commercial side of the residential

business and the party party is how much money. What is the estimated cleanup cost for four years? Four years. Or dumping. 20 feet high, some of the piles, multiple fires. Kyle, what do you think? I was pretty way off on that first guess, and I got to scale it back. But four years of 20-foot-tall garbage piles?

Yep. I'm going to throw $170,000. That's a good guess. I have no idea about garbage piles. By the way, I was in the real house. I love Kyle's committed nature to the numbers one and seven. 17 years, $170,000. I'm going to say $90,000. Okay. $90K. Yeah, I'm going to say ninety thousand dollars. Okay, ninety k. Yeah, I'm gonna say two hundred thousand

dollars. Okay, it's a big clean up after this. We're going to guess how old Donald W. Come great. I love it. The estimated clean up cost for both sites is one point three million dollars. It's a lot of garbage. I wonder if, because some of it is like the type of waste it is really intricate, yes, thank you, got to bring in. I'm going to send her a dredge up the earth. I'm going to send her all over there to get some of those batteries. He'll

know what to do. He will know what to do. Coles is scheduled to appear in court on sentencing for May twenty, seventh. Okay, I'm going to ask you guys the last one will get out story. Now we get to look at him or no how no, court on sentencing for May twenty seventh. Okay, I'm going to ask you guys the last one will get out story. Now we get to look at him or no how no, but I'll show them to you afterwards. Okay, how old is Donald W Combs, CWC, tell us like a seven times now, that's go down, just trying to start his own business. So you know he's got a commercial property. He's got undeveloped real estate next to it.

He's been running this game for four years. He's the type of guy that will roll up to a construction site and say, what do you want me to do with all this drywall? Carry that away. He's still got some physicality about him. He's got all that stuff. Sure. Yeah.

And you figure he's probably hired a couple of local kids. I'm sure. Yeah. I'm going to go 53 on this one. Okay. I'm feeling 53. Good guess. 46.

46 from Jason Sklar. I think he's 64. 64. 64 and still a sturdy dude, but on his way down. All right. One of you is only one year off. So now you get to go up or go down a year. Kyle Kinane, you want to go up or down down a year. You want to go up or down?

I want to go down to fifty two. Okay, I'll go to sixty three forty seven. Okay, Donald W W Combs a third. The third is, but second one named but still the third

is fifty two years. That's redemption song for Kyle Canadian and look at this. Donald W. Wow, God, he has been kicked out of a bar today. He looks like he doesn't have

time for this shit. He does not have time. He looks like he's got three ideas for radio shows that won't work. He was so happy the first day he cut that goatee in. He was like, I'm sad. You guys want to come to the garage and hear my police scramble?

No, we do not. I'll tell you this, too. He'd rather be at Fremont Street. Wherever you are on the strip, he would rather be on Fremont Street. Just quieter over there. Quieter over there. Hey, quieter over there. Downtown Vegas. Yeah, I strangled a cat. What do you want to make out of it? How many times a week do you think

he asked somebody what the over-under was on the game with having no intention of placing a bet? What game are you talking about? You know what the over-under was? Never play with Filipino dealers, guys. Never play with Filipino dealers. Don, don, don. Don, sit down.

That's got nothing to do. Sit down. Or he asks rhetorical questions that you know he has an attitude about. You guys like this waitress? Why, Don? Are you mad at the waitress? I like the way you said that, man. You guys cool with this waitress? I have no opinion on her.

I don't know. You guys like this place. What do you think you suggested here? Do I need one more? We're going to eat. We're going to eat this. Do I need to button one more up or by the goddamn right? Is it okay if I bring beer to what we're at a restaurant? We're at a boost. We're at a boost mobile. No, you can't bring a beer. I can't wait till everybody sees Donald W. Come. You got to join the Facebook page. He has assistant coached so many little league teams. I'm going to go back and say I think more beers have been consumed at a Boost Mobile than you really are. That's probably fair.

I think that's a drink on the job kind of place. I think Jay meant to say cricket wireless. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, we'll talk about what Kyle Kinane's got going on this is dumb people town don't go anywhere stick around make a sound hey guys welcome back to the show we got kyle canane with us please follow him on social media he's a great follow we do do, and we appreciate it. Later for our Patreon fans, we're going to tell a crazy story of Kyle

and the nuttiness that was when he inadvertently almost got... They thought he was a home intruder. Thought he was a home intruder. He's got home intruder written all over him, and we'll tell that story for our Patreon. You got to join the Patreon. You do look like you would know squatter rights. It's already worked its way into the set

i'm so excited so we'll talk about that with our patreon fans but first things first uh what's going on where can people listen to stuff that you're doing podcast stuff and the like dudes um i i got uh you know i do the boogie monster with my pal dave stone yes and that's on the internet i don't know where it is. Every time somebody's like, it's not working on Stitcher. I'm like, I don't know. Call Stitcher. Just get it.

Call 1-800-STITCH. Yeah. Stitcher just sounds like a guy you know. It sounds like, that sounds like Donald W. Combs' nickname. Yeah. Stitcher. Let's get Stitcher over here to pick it up. Give him your jeans.

He'll embroider them for you. Stitcher. Yeah. But yeah, I'm doing that. I got another. I put out an album last year that flopped, so I'm still trying to get some ears on that thing. Trampoline in a Ditch?

Yeah. Yeah. It didn't flop. No flop. No flop. It was a great album. You went on a run recently on Twitter. You went on a run recently on Twitter with all tweets about trampolines in ditches, and I loved it.

Oh, yeah. Because it came from the police scanner, the Sheboygan scanner. I think we've talked about it before. And it just said trampoline in a ditch. And I was like, that's beautiful. And then I decided to look up on Twitter just how many times something like that has been mentioned. Far more than you'd realize. A lot.

I can't even imagine. Trampolines winding up in ditches, primarily in the Midwest, in a high-wind area, tornado scenarios. Oh, yeah. You know who just drives by to pick them up to burn them? Don W. Combs. We got a guy. We got a guy.

We got a guy. We got a guy. Have you announced any dates yet or any plans? You went out. Just today, I put a big old poster up with a bunch of cities. Awesome. I'm excited to get back to it, man. Got vaccinated.

Let me tell jokes. So I love it. So you were out two weekends ago, a couple weekends ago on the road? Did you do your first shows or no? I was down in L.A. like a month ago. I bought a van to tour in, like a month ago i bought a van nice uh to tour in like a tour van type of thing great so you can drive around well yeah the first trip was a little disastrous we got stuck in the desert and then we got uh as part of the almost getting arrested

trip i got the van stuck in the desert spare tire fell off the bottom of it on the highway my gout came back. It was a real. Oh, my God. It was one of those kind of trips where I think I got all my bad luck out of the way for a while. Knock on wood on that. But, yes, I'm that guy. It's me coming out of a van looking like this.

Like, yeah, that's who's in there. Dude, I love it. But they should be so lucky as to get to one of your shows. People can find all your dates where? Where they can see them? Just KyleConain.com. Check them out when it comes to your city.

One of them old websites. Let's make a concerted effort to get out and see the comedians as Dan always says. Comedy clubs are like, you want comedy clubs to be back we want to support them and for all of our friends who do this show who go out on the road go see him go see him yeah go see him we got your plans we got your plans covered for a while so go check them out all right shall we uh let's do another story yes let's do it this was sent in by jake groney at

jake groney love him kyle you were the perfect guest for the story i've been sitting on it for a little bit with your bogey monster podcast paranormal stuff like that love it here we go do you guys remember last year like monolith started showing up yes yes in like different parts of the country and there was go away yeah okay missing monolith so this was after they were gone missing monolith spotted hovering in the sky by plumber passing by. Oh my God! Now, if that's not like a super tramp lyric, I don't know what is just a monolith

in the summer in the day. Okay, so first I'm going to show you guys the photo of the monolith on the ground and we'll put this up. So everybody has a good memory. It showed up like in utah or something like this is in utah and this was like in Moab, but it was like... There was one in California too, right? And then like YouTubers knocked it over. Yeah, of course.

Jake Paul took its hat off. That was staged. Was that staged? The monolith one, not the one with Floyd Mayweather. No, but that is... It is really cool. If you rolled up on this, because I know, Kyle, again,

you've been to some really beautiful places. You're camping. You're in the woods, presumably naked, and you roll up on one of these things. You're like, okay. To me, I'd be like, okay, this is some 2001 Space Odyssey shit, and it is coming to life. Like, I wouldn't pray to it.

Can't fuck it. Can't smoke it. Let's see what it's all about. Yeah. Get down underneath it. Pray to it. I wouldn't pray to it, but I fuck it, can't smoke it. Let's see what it's all about. Get down underneath it. Pray to it. I wouldn't pray to it, but I feel like it would mean something. Yeah.

Right? Wouldn't you? Imagine also if you're out camping and you've already taken some fucking hallucinogenic. Then you'd be like, no. Yeah, that would. I don't like that. I'm so jaded. I'm like, ah, it's some sort of embedded Sprite ad or something.

I'm on camera and this is for like a new flavor of skittles like i would never trust you know everything where's your next show dude oh i'm doing the doritos monolith tent are you doing the monolith tent yeah geez this is what coachella tickets look like now yeah that's it this is a burning man ticket this is what it is if you got the monolith all right great all right here we go with mysterious monoliths appearing and disappearing all over the earth it was apparently only a matter of time before someone saw one in the sky was it a matter of time before people that's not a lot that's not a logical progression for that for me i feel like that isn't the way i think my

thought is that okay we're not seeing these things anymore. They're done right plumber in enter plumber, Jeff Jacobs, aka. I guarantee it's his business, Jeff Jacobs plumbing. It has to be right Jay. We know it. Jeff Jacob. Yeah, we went to college with the time. He was a chef. Is he bonded and certified? He's clogged a few toilets in his day. Sure plumber Jeff Jacobs says he thinks he managed to photograph the Utah monolith on its way to its next destination. How would he know it's the Utah one and why does he know

it's going to its next destination? The Utah monolith could be their WNBA team. That is a great call. The Utah monolith also that's what they call Rudy Gobert. It's like it's a museum installation. Did you see the Utah monolith? No, it hasn't come here. We're going. We're going to see it. Jeff on tour. It's like going to see the colors.

No, it's riding around in the back of Kyle Kinane's van. If someone told me that the Utah monolith is in the back of Kyle Kinane's van, it's going on the road with him. I'd be like, don't blow the surprise for this tour. All right, it's like I'm opening for the model. If I'm only with a model is open it for me. It's like your version of the Stanley Cup. Well, everyone gets to hold it for a minute. Jeff was driving home from work in. I'm going to try this out. I may even have one of you

guys look at it. Okay. Cure de Aline. Come on, you two. Coeur d'Alene. Coeur d'Alene. Oh, see, I've never seen that in my life. Coeur d'Alene. Not how you'd think that would be spelled. Coeur d'Alene, Idaho in the US.

Have you been there, Kyle? No, I was surprised by seeing it too. I'm like, what's this beautiful seaside French village? Oh, it's a town in Idaho. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. But I think Dan Cummins lives there. Oh, really? Nice. And I think that might have been why I heard about it. Fantastic

conspiracy theorist himself. This is back on November 30th. He was driving when he decided to pull over and take some pictures of the setting sun for his wife, Rina. He was amazed. I know she's like, you better take some pictures of the setting sun. He was amazed. I know she's like better take some pictures of the setting. So where were you? I pulled over to take sunset

photos for you baby. Come on, Rina, Rina failure. That's a roller derby. Yeah, there you go. That's perfect. He was amazed when his camera captured what appeared to be a solid black rectangle hovering in the middle of the frame. Oh my God, unable to explain what he had just seen Jeff uploaded the pictures to the social to social media with some commentators come commenters. I'm rereading things to suggesting that the shape was the monolith from the Utah landing. Everybody's putting this on Utah. Others suggested it was the missing pillar from Utah, and it looked like two hands were grabbing it.

Oh, my God. What is the missing pillar from Utah? Some other like religious thing. The missing pillar from Utah sounds like a, you know, like a Tom Clancy novel. Jeff said all of a sudden this rectangle showed up. It was only in the sky for a couple seconds. I'm trying to do something nice for my wife.

It wasn't there. Then it was. He probably yelled at it. Move. Get out of the goddamn picture. You're ruining it for Rena. As quickly as it appeared, it was gone again. I just thought, what the hell is that?

I'm just a North Idaho. I love when people quote themselves in third. You're quoting yourself. I'm just a North Idaho guy. Boy, he went boy. Jeff Jacobs went boy. I thought, what the hell is that? I'm just a North Idaho guy. Boy, he went boy. Jeff Jacobs went boy. I thought, what the hell is that? I'm just a North Idaho boy, and we don't see things like that. He added, a couple of people have suggested it could be the monolith from Utah.

We get it. And it was that type of shape. Utah isn't that far from Idaho in the grand scheme of the world. Well, if you're going grand scheme of the world, Wisconsin's not that far from California. In the grand scheme of the universe, Well, if you're going grand scheme of the world, Wisconsin is not that far from California in the grand scheme of the universe. It's right next to right. He said well, the states, the two states are connected. Okay, I'm going to show you guys what he saw you tell us yeah.

Look for hands holding it. Look for the monolith. Okay, it is kind of weird. It is, but it's a camera malfunction, right? Yeah, it's definitely weird, but that's not the monolith, right? I don't know what that is. People think that there's two hands, like you know how kids would go on a baseball bat and put one hand over the other? They think that's what's happening on the bottom of it.

Two hands are grabbing it. Kyle, that's way too big to be the Utah monolith. Yeah, that's not a... That's like hundreds of feet tall. I mean, it's an interesting photograph. It is a very interesting photograph it looks like i'm a greet yeah it looks it does look like you could put motivational words over it and look at all those ufos down at the bottom oh no those are sunspots see how like those are

orbs orbs you got to know your orbs but what would what would the motivational quote be dan on this commitment yeah that's all you need to say right there commitment when in doubt quit when in doubt, stop when I would aspire, I would call this motivational thing. Cut your losses. There you go. Drop his phone. That's all that others have said. It looks like there are hands at the bottom holding it and I can see what they're talking about. There says Jeff

Jacobs. Rena was visiting her kids in Montana over Thanksgiving weekend, and I just wanted to send her photos of the beautiful sunset from back home while she was away. I love. Are they your kids? Are they your kids? No, they're her kids. I just that's true, but I love how much he loves Rena.

He misses her. So he's stopping on the side of the road to take sunset photos for her. It is pretty creepy. It is definitely it is creepy, but it is definitely not the model time. I was snaking that toilet. I thought, man, I got to get that shopper. He said I had no idea what I was looking at. I'm not a particularly religious person, so I couldn't begin to guess. All I know is it isn't a weather balloon. Okay, he's ready for people. Also, by the way, just yeah, he's prepared just because you're not religious doesn't mean you can't

guess. Sure. He said, I don't believe we're the only beings in the universe. Oh man, if people think there isn't life beyond our world, they've got to be nuts. How timely is this for what's did you guys watch 60 minutes last Sunday? Yes, I did? Did you guys watch 60 Minutes last Sunday? Yes, I did.

Did you watch that, Kyle? I did not. I don't either. I'm already on top of that. But isn't that the kind of stuff you want to hear out of your plumber, though? You think it's going to be like some sort of blue collar, again, you know, don't ever trust a Filipino blackjack dealer. You know, from the earlier joke.

But instead, he's like, you know, it's arrogant to think that we're alone in the universe. I'm like, hell yeah, Jeff. I love it, too. Thanks, buddy. Snake in a drain, talking about the breath of humanity. If he starts dropping that, I'm telling him, hey, you finish that pipe, come over here for a beer. We're going to hang out.

I don't know if you got to go on to another job. If he said... I don't know if you got to take more pictures for Reno, but... If Jeff Jacobs said to me while he was snaking my toilet, like, hey, man, there's life in this universe. And if you don't believe it, that there's life out there more than us, then you got to be nuts. I'd be like, so don't put tampons in the toilet anymore.

I'll tell my wife. After Jeff posted his pictures online, they were quickly shared more than a thousand times. Big day for Jeff with some different opinions on what the apparition was. One person said, as crazy as it sounds, the monolith in Utah just disappeared, and if you look at the picture you took and the shape of both the mom and that shape, why don't you just say rectangle yeah yeah yeah, the two almost have the same similar shape. This person loves to write you guys.

Just so you know you don't have a minimum word count on your Facebook comments. Nope, you can make them as long as you want. And a person said, aliens. Well, at this point in 2020, because that's when this happened, I wouldn't be surprised. Another commenter wrote, looked like they were setting up another monolith. So far, we have three sites already. And someone else added, that's a portal. Looks like something has arrived.

Hell yeah. Yeah. Classically, that's it. I would look up and be like, that's a portal. Someone ripped open the sky and we're into a different dimension here somebody's got to up the ante in the comment section that guy did it like maybe it's this man it's a portal creatures are here right thank you they're thank you for turning it up jeff you probably are one and you don't even know it

you're part of the disinformation campaign. And if I were you, I'd check on your wife, Rena, because she is a pod person. And once again, are you licensed and bonded? I still need some plumbing work done. That's my question for you. That's story number two. Wow. It's a portal. It's a portal into the future. Dan, give us a little taste of what we're going to get

in story number three. Oh, we got people in Denny's. Okay. After Denny's is three. Oh, we got people in Denny's. Okay. After Denny's is closed. And we got a story about Denny's. It is. Our friend's story. That's just a great little quick story that I shared with my son, and he thinks it's the funniest.

It is a great story. And for our Patreon fans, Kyle Kinane is going to tell us about the time he almost got arrested. Which time, you ask? Oh, we'll get into it. This is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around.

Make a sound for more Dumb People Town Don't go anywhere Stick around Make it sound For more Dumb People Town Alright guys You ready to do some shout outs? First of all I just gotta say I love our Patreon fans so much You guys are the best

And we wanna thank you Very personally And this is our way to do it So bear with us It's so fun Let's do it, Dan. Libby Rapaglia. Rapaglia.

Rapaglia. I like Rapaglia. Libby Rapaglia. Libby Rapaglia. Libby, thank you. You're a townie. We love it. Jessica Maddie Key.

Maddie Key. Maddie Key and me. Sounds like a great kid's show. It's a kid's book that they turned into a show. What about Rachel Rotillo? Rachel Rotillo. She's like Portillo. There you go.

Phil Casey. Phil Casey is a phenomenal golfer. Phil Casey, private eye, is a one handicap. He's a private eye, but this next guy is a detective. Jason Bullock. Jason Bullock. Dude, he shot to the top of this list with a you know what. And then we have Debra Colombini.

Colombini. Colombini. I want Debra Colombini to be friends with Rory Albighini. There you go. We also have D. Armand. D. Armand. Sounds like a Bond villain. D. Armand. True local, Danielle Jacobs. Thank you, Danielle. You are truly true

and we love you. Then we got Hank Stam. Hank Stam knows where you can get firewood. Right, and he's the Hank Stram. There you go. Was that Kansas City? Kansas City coach won the second Super Bowl. And then we also have Matt Anderson. Matt Anderson.

It's a true local. True local. Matt Anderson. Greg Osgood. He's not as bad. He's Osgood. I love the Osgood files. Charlie Ryan. Thank you, Charlie Ryan. Chuckie. Little Chuckie Ryan He's not as bad. He's Osgood. I love the Osgood files. Charlie Ryan. Thank you, Charlie Ryan.

Little Chucky Ryan. Little Chucky Ryan. Lisa Borg. Lisa Borg. Dude, the Bjorn, the baby Bjorn Borg of our outfit. I love it. Next up, we have Emily Burton. I have one of her snowboards. The Burton boards are incredible. We have Elise B. Elise B.

Thank you. Elise B. Cool. Don't trust the Elise and B. Julie Fuller. She's not. Look, it's time to get a little bit fuller on this situation. Lauren Pasek. Pasek.

It's Pasek or Pasek. Or Pasek. Or Pasek. Pasek. You think it's drama to chit in there? Yeah. I don't know. It's like Luka Doncic. Or Pasek.

Ready? Kurt Bordelon. Kurt Bordelon. Kurt Bordelon. Right? Feels like I'm going to lose my mind. You just keep pushing my Kurt over the Bordelon. Bordelon. All right.

Then we have Janessa Retzer. The Retzer valve. She's been around a long time. Did you fix the Retzer valve? Gordo, it's over here. I don't know where it is. I'm just getting a bird's eye view. Adam Jacobson.

That guy is not a meteorologist. Adam Jacobson. What's the cold front coming in, Adam J.? This guy's been a fan of the show and a friend of the show for a long time. Eric Hiltner. The Hiltners. Hi, Eric. From the jump.

The Hiltners have eyes. The Hiltners. Joe Littrell. Joe. Gentleman Joe. Ie i know sends in so much stuff joe thank you he was our corrections department for a long time i love it rachel kaiserman oh kaiserman and then we'll get uh we'll do two more kaiserman doesn't she have uh hospitals yes kaiserman permanent yes okay ian arnold isn't that the full name of a Disney kids show yeah or no it's Hey Arnold

Hey Arnold Hey Arnold and then one more Andy Greenberg little Andy Greenberg I know could be a man or a woman yeah either way

we got one more I got one more name one more name do it Jeffrey Bryan I don't know what his first name is is he Jeffrey is he Brian

he's his own brother he's his own guy yeah help me in with this all right let's get back to the show all right Daniel take us home No, he's his own brother. He's his own guy. Yeah. Help me in with this. All right, let's get back to the show. All right, Daniel, take us home. Are you guys ready for a quick little story?

Sent in by Adam Freeze Fries, Adam Fries, F-R-I-E-Z, Adam Fries. Thank you, Adam. Thanks, everybody who sends me story. You can do that. It's only on Twitter. Hashtag Dumb People Town at Daniel Van Kirk. And then I will get your story your story. The order of who sent always try to go with who sent it in first as far as I know

Adam sent this in first. Okay, intruders. I'm going to read you the headline intruders trespass at Indiana Denny's in dead of night cook eggs twice. Why not in not twice in one setting

two different Denny's twice a day? Are they twice cooked? Twice cooked eggs? Yeah, two burglars were filmed trespassing at a sunny side down in Indiana earlier this week, but they weren't seeking any cash from the register. Only a few eggs to me. This screams of somebody used to work there. Yep, there's no way when you're like that drunk or whatever you're doing. I know where they keep the butter. I know where we can eat right now, right? Where? Right

now. I got it at Jenny's and I know where we can. I take it there. The intruders entered the closed establishment at two a.m. Wednesday. So this is a weeknight party. Tell our Danny story. Our first our buddy Eric Friedman, and this is now that I have kids,

I have a daughter who's almost 16. I would say to my kids, just text me where you are. Just tell me where you're at. And thankfully, in the last year and a half, they haven't really been out. But now that they're going to start to go out and be out in the world, just call me and tell me where you're at.

Just call me. But we didn't have cell phones when we were 17 years old. Our buddy, Eric, his mom always wanted him to call wherever he was. Just give me the number of the place that you're at so that was her thing just give me and he could go out and do whatever he wanted just give me the number of the place you're at so he said mom some friends of mine are going and are going out to denny's tonight and she was like well give me his number yeah what are his parents names or like uh denny sure yeah, why not? I love it and true. Did he call from Denny's when you asked him? Yeah, no, but I told that sort of my son and we were driving

down to San Diego the other day and we drove past like a very old timey Denny's, you know, the old timey Denny's on the way to San Diego and and I go there's Denny's and he's like what's his number? Yeah, I was like the lifetime. Kids got The lifetime. Got it. Kids got it. Two intruders entered Tuesday and went Wednesday morning before moving straight to the kitchen to prepare themselves some eggs. According to Evansville Police Department crime report, the suspects then left the restaurant before returning just before three a.m.

At which point they made more eggs. Oh, geez. What did they do? This is rhetorical. In the hours in between one hour. How many times was it where they're like, hey, you know, we need to do let's go get so and so or get something that will come back here. We'll make more eggs.

Also, who's has eggs and then an hour later is like, you know, I need more eggs. Nobody. I think it was like the man. We didn't hear any alarms or anything let's get let's make an even bigger breakfast are you still hungry yes how many do you think he said to him hey man we we can't go leaving eggs on the table let's go make them like if you guys are having a big egg day right like we're like i'm a i'm eating a i'm gonna have some yes i'm gonna

make a big pot do any of the three of you go over four eggs no i'll fuck with a four egg every once in a while can't do that i'm at three but three but that's like in a burrito with all kinds of other stuff right yeah right four eggs is a lot of eggs i agree did they get spooked yeah did they get spooked on the first doesn't even say even say but then they can't during their second two ways during the second helping a denny's worker arrived and confronted the two men who soon left the restaurant guys what are you doing here i wish they said owner or manager because if you're just a worker don't worry about people being in the denny's that is not your problem you don't know what you're gonna encounter you're not enough no to show up in the

middle of the night and defend the place. Yes, let the Denny's burn. What if they could have just said like I'm starting early and like, okay, okay, you knew work a full shift to absolve yourself. We were from corporate. We are corporate and we're checking your eggs like Dennis Haysbert

and heat like they're like I just work back here. Don't worry about my other life. We are shadow people. We are shadowing the operations of this Denny's and heat like they're like I just work back here. Don't worry about my other life. We are shadow people. We are shadowing the operations of this Denny's. The work are later provided surveillance video of the alleged theft to police as soon as responding officer noted, or I'm sorry, a responding as the responding officer noted in the crime report. The trespassers, this is my favorite part, did not force entry into the building and it seemed to be open both times they got there so whoever leaving denny's is like don't even lock it or he's a friend they're going like my friend you know dave left it open leave it

open for me we're coming in late night for you can leave the old light on and the denny's open sergeant nick winsett of the evansville Police Department said the two men had not been identified or apprehended as a Friday morning. If caught the suspect face charges of theft and criminal trespassing, I would call them the Benedict bandits. There you go. Also like if I'm in a Denny's and you're like, hey

free for all, I'm not just making eggs. No, I'm making hash browns. God, I'm making their steak in there. Yes, yes, but that's just probably frozen. Oh my God, I'm making weird sandwiches. There's steak in there. There's steak? Yes. But that stuff's probably frozen. They probably knew they had a time frame to work with. They couldn't be defrosting a T-bone. Kyle, I would make a huge ass pancake.

Before it gets too taut, I would make that as my tortilla shelf for my steak burrito. It would be a pancake steak burrito. Oh my God. I would go nuts in a Denny's. The fanciest pigs in a blanket you could possibly imagine. Grand slam. I would make an entire grand slam. Throw some bacon on there. Swine and a quilt. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Well, that's it. That is story number three. There you go. Two guys, a little extra Denny's access, and I just... I hope they never get caught. Me too. Yes, agreed.

Four eggs. Let them go for four eggs. Take that for the Denny's. You're the ones who left the doors open. From the Denny's gods. If you want to take an army, you got to break some eggs. Well, they never had locks on a Denny's because it was 24-7 forever. Yes.

And then they finally had to put locks on. They were going to finally close on a Christmas or something. But also, this is why Waffle House doesn't close because they're like, Hey, if we're open, if you're coming in, you're here to work. You haven't broken into anything. That's right, yeah, yeah, you're going to fight. Are you going to make some food? Why are you going to write? You're going to get on the hash line. I love it. You're going to fight. Are you going to get the hash line? Could

be another T. Share Cal Canane. Thank you for joining us on the show today. We'll check out each and everything that you have. Go see him when he goes live into your city. He's going to come out of a van and do. Hey girl with him and Bronner. Hell yeah. Yeah. We got stuff popping up all over the place. I love it.

Well, thank you so much for joining us and oh shit, we got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb