Dumb People Town - Lennon Parham - Enjoy Your Fries

Episode Date: June 8, 2021

This week Lennon Parham comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is a mystery involving a phantom cabbage thrower. The second story is a tale of true, undying love. The final story is all about having a great time at the dollar store.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Parham. Lennon Parham. Welcome to townham lennon parham i just started parham the third lennon parham the third i don't know from a long line of my formal name we will only address you as such lennon kathleen parham guzman. Thank you. The third. It is such a joy to talk to you, to have you on, to be just in your presence. Come on, guys.

Jay and I recorded that stupid ass video for your playing house reunion. Oh my God. That made me... In Jason's hot tub. You went and got in the hot tub? You got in Jason's hot tub? They did.

With grapes. We had a Tupperware full of grapes. Oh, that's so great. We took our shirts off for you. What was your name? The Dinklemans or something? No, the Custermans. Custermans.

I couldn't remember. Custerman Lemon, but they were the... Custerman Lemon and AIDS. We had AIDS. We're AIDS champions. Oh, my God. It was so well written. We didn't even want to touch a word.

You guys were so great. It was one even want to touch a word you guys were so great it's one of our favorite moments of uh bullying you guys into writing something for us because we loved you so much that's what you pitched it you did you pitched it and then we were like well this would be just total genius and to have like the perfect foil for me and jess opposite us like who's who could be closer it was just pure joy. And of course said, all right, we've got to just consistently make sure

that we are in your guys' sphere and goofing around. And we just had St. Clair on the show about a month or so ago. We're like, we got to get Lennon on. We got to get her on. She loves you.

She loves you too. We love her. So let's gag around. Not me, not so much of a fan, but it's okay. I know, but you have a chance to win, Dan. Jessica, do not get along. No, no, no. Oh, much of a fan But it's okay I know But you have a chance

To win Dan Jessica do not get along No no no Oh you're a fan of Lennon Jessica not so much No Jessica's not a fan of me Because she loves YouTube That's what Lennon said

No Gotcha Oh not true Well so You know how this works We get stories Of dumb behavior Sent to us

By our awesome fans And then we just Break them down Now I haven't heard the story Jay hasn't heard the story You haven't Dan has barely heard it. So let's jump into one right now.

We have the great Lennon Parham right here. Let's do it. Sent in by Jake Groney. At Jake Groney. Groney. Gentlemen, Jake Groney. I know. How do you spell Groney, please?

G-R-O-N-I-E. Groney, Groney, Groney is one of my favorite. Early 90s R&B songs? Thank you. Songs, bands. Bands. I was thinking of No Loot. And get Negroni. Yeah.

A little tip back in Negroni. Stoke-on-Trent. That's a place. That's in England. Yes. Is that like beef on weck? Stoke-on-Trent? Stoke-on-Trent.

Have you... I've been there. You've been there? No. No. I believed you. What is Stoke-on-Trent? Stoke-on-Trentrent is maybe um well a beef on

weck i just want to say it's like a sandwich in buffalo am i right yeah it's like it does sound like it's like shaved roast beef on toast no no on like a kaiser roll yeah beef on weck is like stoke on trent but lenin was like I've been there in a way that made me believe it. If Lennon walked up to like someone trying to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to like a Labrador retriever

and she was like, no, you got to pump it like a few more times. Two more pumps. And so if she said it in her authoritarian way, I'd be like, you better do it.

You better do what she just said. When I waited tables at the Bull Moose Saloon on 44th and 9th in Hell's Kitchen i i was at the end of my rope let's just say that and a guy i like delivered his fucking cheeseburger and fries and he was like you know it would go a long way if you just smiled a little more. And I said, I just looked him dead in the eye and I said, well, you wouldn't smile either if you just got a divorce and had four kids to feed.

Like just like as dead, just like that. And he was just leveled. And all of his, I mean, it was silent. Good. I mean, except for like the insane, you know, music playing. Sure. And then I was like, just kidding, man. It's all your fucking pride.

You should like smile a little more, man. That'd be good for you. You should smile. I'm just joking. Good. Let's pull the rug out from under you. Was that place across the street or next door to Rudy's? Do you remember Rudy's?

Rudy's, Chris? It was around the corner with the pig in front. It was around the corner. Rudy's in front. It was around the corner. Rudy's, you could get a hot dog. Free hot dogs. Free hot dogs and a $2 draft. That was when we were in New York City. Oh, you were getting the hot dog for free

and having it for the beer. The draft set, the Bull Moose were $4 a pint, as I recall. It's ridiculously cheap. And we used to do shows at the West Bank Theater right down the street. We knew that whole strip. Yeah, yeah. West Bank, yeah.

You ready for this headline? Yeah. Stoke-on-Trent. That's as far as we got. Stoke-on-Trent neighbors plagued by phantom cabbage thrower. You got a phantom cabbage thrower. You got a PCT in your midst. So are they saying that there isn't a cabbage thrower

and that the cabbage is just coming, or there's someone who's so good at it and disappears? There's smoke, man. Both are terrifying cabbage going over the fence. Here's the head. There's this first sentence. By the way, I love cabbage. Can you do a for the fact like cabbage has replaced lettuce in my life? Really? I'm not shitting you. I'm not kidding. Take a red. That's a bold statement. Cabbage is in the coleslaw, right? No. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Cabbage is in coleslaw. Yes. Cabbage is in the coleslaw, right? No. Yeah. Yeah, yes. Cabbage is in coleslaw. Yes, it is.

Cabbage is the new orange. I love that show. It's the new black. A Stoke-on-Trent neighborhood is being terrorized by a phantom food thrower after cabbages, broccoli, and even feta cheese has been hurled into gardens. What is going on in the UK? This is how they terrorize each other with good food. Yeah.

Well, this is a tale as old as time i mean i think the phantom cabbage thrower probably has fallen in love with some young woman who sings in an opera yes right yeah he's he's gonna teach her how to throw cabbages the right way yeah but then she falls in love with some dude that like hurls carrots and it's over. I also feel like for all of spears like spears and she's cheating on him with a parsnip guy. Yes, the parsnip is all over the UK

did the parsnip classic UK veggie. Yes, parsnip sounds like a carrot with a circumcision. Oh, you too got a parsnip. Claire middle was stunned to discover the first cabbage had been thrown into her backyard on March tenth. I feel like she wrote it down and initially thought it could have been children messing about, but around a month later, she discovered another cabbage

along with an entire wheel of cheese. At this point, do you say I'm part of an M night Shyamalan experimental movie or you are a part of a very aggressive low value pyramid scheme yep that you did not know you signed up for we signed up for the whole wheel of cheese right then you've got to sell that wheel of cheese to two other people to throw it into two other guys break it off into blocks

she was done to discover the first cabbage had been thrown in her backyard march 10th initially thought it could have been children messing about month later cabbage wheel cheese had been thrown over her over the fence of her heart, shill home. The thirty two year old mum then spoke to her North Cody Avenue neighbors, and they said we've experienced this to North Cots. I don't know who who is doing this and found that she wasn't the only

one being met with cabbage chaos in their backyard every month is a strong word. You have this is how you know, like neighbors have whipped each other up about something. I'm going to say right now. It's chaotic. She's right. Yeah, she's always right. I mean, what's next?

Somebody dies like shredded or is it a full whole cabbage? I'm going to a lot to clean up. You just pick up the one head, right? Yes, I have to pick up tiny little shreds. Don't you think it's probably a full head of cabbage? Yeah. In my mind, that's what it is. If you're going to throw it, it has to be a head. Claire,

this is also like neighbors whipping each other up. This is EnglandDoesn'tHaveNextDoor.com. This is the best they can do. It's just this. They yell at each other over their fences. They're going to kill us. They're going to kill us all. This is the best they can do. It's just this. Yeah, they yelled each other over their fences. They're going to kill us. They're going to kill us all.

They're like, oh my God. Claire now worries that a child could get injured or a dog could snuffle up something toxic if the vegetable thrower returns. What do you think is going on on the other side of the fence that somebody is like? These people deserve to be messed with. But like, are they over ordering

for like a pub and they're like you got a got we got we got to get rid of all this excess produce just throw it away in the trash can outside. No, that would be too easy, right? Chuck I think it's probably Peter Rabbit he is such a dick and also like

why does he need to wear clothes like I'm okay Only on top Peter Rabbit Only a waistcoat Oh is he a porky pig dresser Donald Duck action Yeah He's like a mascot

If you've watched the series You would know that That blue jacket Belonged to his father And that he had to earn it Wait really But like then It's like the masters

Yeah And then it gets caught on It's the whole thing With his mom Because the father's passed away. It's like really deep. It's also supposed to be for three-year-olds, but it's really dark. That's a deep, dark story.

Yeah, that was a lot of heavy. That was heavy. And the dad cheated on the mom before he died, right? I mean, am I right to say that? Am I wrong? Yeah, I don't know where the three, Mopsy, Flopsy, Cottontail, I don't know if those are like half-sisters. We got a DNA test.

At least Mopsy. At least DNA. At least Mopsy. At least. Just put them all on Maury. We got a DNA test. At least Mopsy. At least DNA. At least Mopsy. And just put them all on Maury. Just put them on Maury. Peter, you are not the brother. Just hopping around on stage. Seems like it might be a wayward teen rabbit.

Maybe it's Mopsy. Maybe Mopsy's hurling the cabbages. This does feel like rabbits trying to mess with people. They're like, we've had enough. Very passive aggressive. Yeah, go ahead. You're not even getting credit for it. And it also feels like a prank that is,

remember when, what was that thing on SNL where Jeff Bridges did the nicest prank show ever? It wasn't even pranks. This to me feels like you got Jeffed. You guys got Jeffed. If it's still good and you give me a wheel of cheese in my backyard, I'm going to eat it. You're not getting any complaints from me.

Can I throw one thing about the name Jeff? This is so off. This could not be a farther away tangent. For some reason, I thought this was super funny that I told my kids that the Paul McCartney and wing song jet was him saying that's Jeff. That's great. So to hear my seven year old son, so daughter, my daughter say Jeff Jeff

so she said around a month ago, Jeff, we heard I love it. We heard a thud and went outside and found cabbages had been thrown in the backyard. We thought it must just be kids or someone in the park or a Paul Thomas Anderson movie. There you go, but on cabbages, but on April 10th, we heard a thump at the door and someone had thrown cabbages, a broccoliil 10th we heard a thump at the door and someone had thrown cabbages a broccoli and a round wheel of cheese that looked like feta cheese this is the way groceries are being delivered does feta come in a wheel no it comes in a block only yeah sometimes soaked in water thank you yes thank you you're welcome well i was scared we were being targeted but i knocked on the neighbor's doors and they hadn't thrown they targeted by who angry vegans. They had it thrown over their gardens to I put

it up on Facebook. Well, now it's out of control and people had all sorts of fruit and vegetables. It's been around the tenth, so we've wondered if someone is getting a food parcel and gets rid of what they don't want. The cheese stinks as well. If they'd have come over, I'd have offered to just eat it. Whoa, wait. What? Just drop it instead of throwing it.

Right, if you put it in a little basket at somebody's doorstep, all of a sudden it's like, hey, it's May Day. Here's the thing. If you put, you could put the worst thing in a basket. If you got food delivered to you that you did not order,

you wouldn't eat it? Would you eat it, Lennon? No No way, if a dude named Jet showed up at my door With a cabbage and said I don't want this, do you want it? And also here's some cheese I would say no thank you, sir I would even take it and say thank you so much

To bring it inside and go straight in She wouldn't even have taken it, she would have offered to eat it She says, I would have said, can I eat that? She would have eaten it right She would have offered to eat it. She says I would have said, can I eat would have eaten it right then? Yes in front of Jeff. I would have taken it and dumped it over the net to my neighbor's lawn. No, you wouldn't like a chain letter. Yep, you

got to send this better. Yes, telephone. Yes, Claire says I want to know is why is there such a surplus of cabbage? That's what I want in this town. I have too much that's what she said. I think people must think they were getting rid of stuff. That's what I was going on in this town. I have too much. That's what she said. I think people must think they're getting rid of stuff they don't want because they got too much. Cabbage lasts too.

Cabbage patch. Maybe there's a cabbage patch. Cabbage patch kids. Claire says neighbors have found the incident weird, having been left with no explanation as to why they're being targeted by the vegetables, which would insinuate the vegetables were targeting them. Right. Targeted is way too aggressive of a word. You'd be targeted with vegetables, target targeting them right targeted is way too aggressive

of a word be targeted with vegetables not by them. This isn't yeah, this is like a Christian cartoon that veggie tales. Oh, is that a thing? Yeah, that was Christian. Yeah, veggie tales was super Christian. It's like such in Steve. They get you. Yeah, they got me. That's why I believe

in Jesus parsnip. She added I've got two children and it's a bit weird. So we're now putting up security cameras. I have cats and next door have dogs and it could make them sick. It's a vegetable menace and next door may have already faced a vet bill. Oh my God. From what? What is the cat eating?

Eating the cabbage. Yeah. Is it bad for animals? I can't think it is. Broccoli, cabbage, and a wheel should be block of feta cheese is all we've gotten sent over to them. I would just say, can you guys throw some dressing over? That's all I would say.

Throw a bottle of Green Goddess over the top. Yeah, keep it coming. I'd put up a sign that'd be like, do you take orders? Like, do I have options? I would just throw back a thing that says we'll just take the check there you go it's like we're being targeted by the phantom of the vegetable aisle my children like to play outside and it's worrying someone might target you by the way the phantom of the vegetable aisle i can't stand sondheim can we just please for a second jesus i love sondheim i just feel like he gets right in there with like what's going on underneath all the vegetables you

know he does he does and aging vegetables nobody's writing musicals about aging nobody sondheim christian is it yeah all of his musicals i'm joking i thought you were serious. I grew up in Georgia near where the cabbage patch dolls were invented. Oh, no. And it was in, I can't remember what the name of it was, like Clarksville or something. And we went there. We went to the place where. Yeah. At that point, it had taken off and I had a cabbage patch.

And you could go and create your own cabbage patch. But it was really messed up because you would walk in and there was a nursery but it was little baby heads in cabbages like planted in a fake ground uh-huh i it was that terrifying that's like do you guys ever see that movie hotel hell no now i have to i momentary. I don't know why. This was like a joke in my family. But at one point, they plant the people that stayed at the hotel in the ground, and then they cut their heads off like cabbages. Anyway, it was too much. So it was like hotel hell.

But for kids and girls. But for kids, yeah. And all of the butts are signed by Xavier Roberts. Oh, yeah. I'm going to look this up, the Cabbage Patch. It's called Cabbage Patch. Yeah, take the last train to Clarksville, and then you're going to go to the Cabbage Patch factory.

Yeah, yeah. It was something like that. It was like Clarksdale, Georgia, Cabbage Patch. And in their factory, they had like a little tableau, like a little setup of baby heads growing out of cabbages. And then would the one you picked be yours when you customized your own?

I think, yeah, I don't know. I'd love to use it. You watch them come pick it. We didn't have endless amounts of money, so I didn't get to pick one. I just got to look at them. But hey, you have some money, you want to play God?

Pick a head. Pick a head, pick two You want to play God? Pick a head. Pick a head, pick two arms, and you decide. Pick a head. Pick the eye color. Our visit to Babyland General, where Cabbage Patch Kids are quote-unquote born. Whoa, this is too much. If you're of a similar age to you,

you remember the Cabbage Patch Kids craze in the 1980s. People were rioting at the toys. All right, get to them. Get to your thing, all right? All right, get to your thing. Calm down. Get to your thing. Well, I always had a... Oh, wait, Helen.

Well, I had a moderate interest in... I just... Get to the story. There it is. Look at it. Look. There it is. Look.

Oh, there they are. Lissa found it. Thank you, Lissa. That is terrifying. Helen. It was in Helen. Oh, my God. Helen.

Terrifying. I think, yeah. Helen Georgian. listen that is helen it was in helen oh my god terrifying i think yeah helen georgia the pictures that randy's fighting are also weird yeah very weird they're growing out of this patch oh my god very cleveland see there it is in cleveland georgia cleveland cleveland yeah anytime there's a place that shouldn't be in the state there's a picture of like people pretending to be a nurse and doctor picking up the babies out of the field is really can really fuck with your head of your child.

This is way worse than what's ever happening to Stoke and Trent. Yeah, weird. Claire says she originally decided against contacting police officers worrying they might quote laugh at her. That's fair. That's fair. However, she says neighbors believe the vegetables have been reported to authorities.

Stoke-on-Trent live has approached Staffordshire police for comment. You know, the story number one, you know, this led off their local news mystery. We can't even do it in the eyes of mystery drive by producing dude. That is a drive by

produce. It couldn't produce the there it is. Produce in the backyard. Nobody could produce the culprit. Oh, that's story number one, my friends. I just think these people should be embarrassed that they're this mad. It is one of those things that you're like,

if this happens for 10 years, fine. But like, give it some time before you get angry. Right, like you can't get angry that fast you know what i mean i really don't think like literally the worst that could happen i even if they threw it over the fence while you were in your backyard it would be like a soft landing right i just and that it's just outrageous i I love that someone, if this is true, like got this stuff, was mad that they got it,

and they're like, what am I going to do about it? I don't have enough room in my trash can. I'm going to just throw it at houses in the neighborhood. I think it's a prank. I think it's a prank. With no real payoff,

which makes that prankster shitty. No payoff whatsoever. I think it's going to be here. There's the first story, not in the books. When we come back, we'll talk about what else is going on with Lennon Parham. And later on the show for our Patreones, we're going to ask her some questions about moments and her favorite moments from when she did the show Veep.

All good stuff. Those are for our Patreones. Lennon Parham is with us. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town. Stick around, make a sound There's more Don't People Town

Hey guys, welcome back to the show We got Lennon Parham Let people know how they can consume stuff that you're doing Podcast Is playing house viewable? Can people just binge the hell out of that somewhere? Yeah, I think it's kind of complicated, but just Google it and see what it says for watch.

If you have, I think you have to buy it on Amazon or iTunes, but if you have Hulu Live subscription, you can watch it. Great. It's also, it's not that expensive. It's 26 episodes. So worth it. If you have the NBC.com app, it's on there, I that expensive it's 26 episodes yeah if you have the nbc.com app it's on there i think nice great um so yeah you can find it that's a one number one number two uh womp it up still

happening it happens time like we took like a year and a half break i mean it was a pandemic guys yeah we've done three since yeah we're just it gives us joy and so much fun oh my god so dumb and wonderful and we and makes us happy so we do it check that out uh what else what else can people do you let us know if there's anything you can just look at like instagram on my name and do i'll post things that's that. I'm doing a show, filming a show called Minx for HBO Max in September. We start filming, so I would imagine it comes out next year sometime. And it's about the porn industry. No, it is actually. It's about the first magazine for women, erotic magazine.

So it's got nude men in it. But I play like the Pasadena housewife sister of the main woman who's encouraging her to like take a risk and go for it

that's awesome ooh I love that can't wait to watch that get to be and you get to be funny it's really funny great that pilot's so fun

and Jake Johnson is in it oh great Ophelia Loveabond it's like a great cast phenomenal I love it and they're lucky to have you god damn it.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. That's what we're saying. Do you need us to tell people that? We'll tell them. I don't think they do. I think they probably already know. They already know.

All right, well let's jump into another story, shall we? You ready? Let's do it. Sent in by Carleen McDermott at SheBeCarleen. Phenomenal name.

Phenomenal handle. Ready for this headline? I feel like the four of us just on headline alone could run with this. On headline alone! Man on a headline alone man marry same woman four times and divorces her three times

so they're back in the game fool me four times shame on us shame on all of us shame on everybody who gave us a gift and they're together four times. Yeah they're together and then they're not together. It's like going on a trip for three nights and four days. Yes. How many times have her friends been sick and tired of her saying,

I'm going to give him one more chance? What do we get someone for their fourth wedding? Did I feel bad for her friend? Who tells her who tells her silver? I feel bad for a friend who tells her exactly how she feels about this guy. Wait, no time. They break or the time or the friend who told her on the second time. So now she's out for weddings three and four right because

by the second she was like you can't do it also like at a certain point. Do you even everything through men's warehouse we would just do on the phone at that point right after four weddings. You're like a sad guy. You got their measurements. Well, so now she has to kill him for weddings bigger though

like wedding to wedding. You know how sometimes when you renew your vows, you do it like on a hilltop in Iceland or something. Right. You got to really go for it. First wedding is big. Second wedding is like, we don't want to make up a deal of it. And then third, you're like, we need to show everybody

how much we really love each other this time. We really mean this. That's back. And then the fourth one's at like a Hooters. Yeah. Or fourth one's kind of like an open house. They have a really nice package, a really nice wedding package. They do actually.

Yeah, they do. They really do. So what they do for the Hooters wedding package is it's unlimited dipping sauce. Yeah. Which is nice because they usually charge

extra for the blue cheese. Yeah. And all of the waitresses are Christian so they can do the Hooters. Yeah. A lot of people don't know that Hooters gets you

every Christianity. They're all ordained. Priestesses. Priestesses. Priestesses. They're all ordained priests. Priestesses. High priestesses. The fourth wedding at Hooters, they're like, hey, you're going to have to come in. We can't do big tables, so you got to get your own table, but we have a tab. That's the fourth wedding at the Hooters.

We got a tab. You'll have to get your own table, but just tell them it's all on our tab. Go up to the bar. Tell them your part of the wedding. Tell them the code word is sassafras. You can get whatever you want. Oh my God. Can you imagine if you were set for some reason at a bar sitting at the bar hooters and the guy next to you or woman

next to you goes, I'm just here for the wedding. You'd be like, what the fuck is going on? My God, I'm going to start already at a hooters man. Anything goes and it's true. Don't you think? Yes, you're signing calendars. You don't know what's happening. You're five minutes from walking out of the parking lot and having someone hit a golf ball.

I worked at Hooters. Did you really? No, you didn't. Had to raise those four kids. You did not. Did you really? I did. I had to raise those four kids.

Yeah. No, I, okay, this is such a, I'm going to say it quickly, but in college we did an act so i was studying theater and we did an acting project where we had to like uh sort of experience a life that that we would never otherwise yeah experience and sort of insert ourselves into that world and then we did a monologue like that we wrote and performed as this person. So it had to be something that kind of made you- This is the best acting exercise ever. I love it. Math is shit. And so a lot of people did different things,

but I got a job working at Hooters. No shit. Because I did not, like I'm an A cup. I was an A cup at the time. I'm a solid B after breastfeeding. Thanks so much. Folks, thank you Jesus. But I, it was just terrifying,

the whole thing and sexualized. And I'd waited tables before, but I was- What location did you smile? I did. I smiled. You better believe I smiled. You had those big, thick white socks and those white Ked, K-Swisses or whatever. Yep.

Yeah. The shoes were up to you, but you had to have suntan pantyhose, and they gave you the outfits. Short shorts. I think it was like fridays you wore black and then the rest of the time it was white and for my senior project i framed my hooters outfit and gave it to my professor that is holy shit you went but it was like it was the most insane i got pretty close with some of the women that worked there. And one of the women, the one I did my thing about was this amazing woman. And anyway,

it was, it was insane. What location? Where? Evansville, Indiana. Wow. What a perfect place for a Hooters.

I love Hooters wings, but I couldn't imagine working there. I'm not pretty enough. Dan, you'll never get there. I know. But it is, it is it is i wonder if hooters will start allowing trans people to work there i think that would be incredible i mean

they're a great step for them they're on the brink of bankruptcy i think they'll let anybody work there hopefully god i just think it's what an amazing did you ever fear that like you'd go so far undercover that you wouldn't be able to come back well i mean to be honest it was exhilarating because i'm like i'm just me and college and everybody knows me and i'm like a safe like normal person and then i go to hooters and i could be whoever that my like tiny boobs are hiked like up to my chin and i'm flirting with like who are these weird men that come to Hooters or bring their mom there for Mother's Day or, you know,

and the manager was like a total dick and like would slap my hand if you could smoke at the time. So you're like smoking at the bar and then delivering a- Oh my God. It was so insane. It was just like a different time.

Write this pilot. Please. Write this pilot or this feature. Oh my God. The fish out of water and a hooters restaurant undercover. You have a bad idea. No, it's a great idea. Your perspective on it is amazing. So with the take be like guess who's coming to dinner. She's like living.

She's like living in both of these worlds where she's like one person here and then kind of has. She doesn't love the love what the freedom represents but no she could love what you got at the bar or you make fun of the job and you make fun of the place until you really get into like you even said you're like the woman you did your thing i was just an amazing woman amazing she was it was she was a career waitress and she called me one shift and she was like i need you to cover nobody else can cover uh I actually have to go get my boobs. It was an insane story. Like she couldn't get, I don't know.

It was so insane. But I felt like I fell in love with all the girls. And also like I had cash money flowing. And in Evansville, Indiana, that really goes a long way. That goes a long way. You have to write this up. Let me audition to be a line. Anyway, I digress. Okay, anyway,

a man in Taiwan married the same woman four times and divorced her three times over the course of how long? How long do you think? What's the time period? We're talking years, forty eight years. Okay, fine. Jay, what do you think? Four times and fourteen years. There's something wrong with this

married or four times, fourteen years or three times. I think this happened in three years. A man in Taiwan married the same woman four times and divorced her three times over the course of a month. Go ahead. This is just Lennon, right? This pilot, right? This pilot. Oh my God, one month's time married, but they're married now because if it's still married, this is the type of guy that just jumps in with both feet. He did this in a bizarre attempt to get more paid

leave from the bank that he worked at. Oh my God. According to reports from the Times Now News, a man works as a clerk at the bank in Taipei and fancied his chances of getting some extra holiday. He's a Taipei personnel. Now at Sklar brothers

all caps. I'm so sorry. Don't you apologize for that? Apologize in your mentions swinging door and like dust in the shape of what Lennon where she used to be. She's gone. She's thrown all the cabbage over the fence. Yeah, cabbage is over the fence. Now this one

all right. Now, if you get married, you get Babbage is over the fence now on this one all right. Now, if you get married, you get eight days of paid leave in Taipei, so he decided that he's he's going to swing it so that grift he got married, then immediately door versus new wife and then married her again to repeat the process that meant he eventually would accrue thirty two days of paid leave great because they have to give it to you every time you get married great idea, but the bank wasn't having it. No, while they approved the leave for the

first eight days around the initial marriage, they refused all the subsequent request requests he made after he divorced her once right eight days were up and returned to ask for more leaves. So he would do the eight days roll into work, be like hey, can't get married tomorrow. I need eight more days. That's right. Eight more days. Also, that's not a thing in the states, right? You don't get like married leave. No type a married type a taking care of people. They are as far as I know.

Yeah, I don't know all the other like human rights or anything. I'm going to try and make that. I'm going to game the system at a bank not going to game the system. So they are not having it. He thought he's entitled. They were quickly figured out that he was attempting what he's trying to do, and they

refused the last three leave requests. But what does this woman do? Like this is he thought he was entitled to it by law. What if this is her idea? I hope it's their idea, which makes him a great couple. She wanted him out of the house. That's right. I need you on leave.

Even so, the workers thought that he'd just carry right on and go through with the marriages and the divorces, even though they told him we're not giving you 32 days. Then once all that was done,

he filed a grievance with the Taipei City Labor Bureau, accusing the bank of breaking the law by refusing his leave. Also, he got off on the fact that like he was having sex with a divorcee, a divorcee. I will like this his own various turns my on his own divorce. This is my spark. Okay, I lost this for a second. All right, here we go. Incredibly, they reviewed. That's

the labor bureau of Taipei City. They reviewed the case and ruled in his favor. The bank was found to a violated article two of the labor leave rules and ordered to pay a fine of how much money in American American dollars. What do you think I will tell you it's n t twenty thousand for the the type a currency. Okay, okay, that's not helpful. I know at all. We don't know that. Take a jump in the dark, friends. What do you think? Throw the cabbage over the fence.

See where it lands. What do you think? How much? They were fined. They were fined by. The bank was fined. Yeah, by not granting him his leave. $400,000. Okay. Jay, what do you think? That's a lot. Say like $20,000. I say $8,000. They were fined $716. Okay. All right. That's a tiny little Say like 20,000 bucks. I say $8,000. They're on $716.

Okay. All right. It's a tiny. That was in October 2020, and the bank have since appealed the claim. Of course, the man's malicious abuse of marriage leave was not a legitimate cause of leave

under the labor leave rules. According to New Talk Taiwan, I love New Talk Taiwan. New Talk Taiwan is where I get all my news. They just fired Sharon Osbourne, but it is still good. New Talk Taiwan is where I get all my news. They just fired Sharon Osbourne, but it is still good. New Talk Taiwan is still a good show, guys. She went over there after she left here.

It's just ladies talking. There's nothing else. I mean, it's just ladies talking. Taiwanese women just gabbing it up. Despite that, the Bay Shee, I'm trying, Labor Bureau upheld their ruling on April 10th, 2021, stating that even though the employees behavior was unethical, it wasn't illegal.

So saying change the rule. Therefore, he was actually entitled to the leave that he asked for. Does it make him an asshole? Yes. Does it make him breaking the law? No. So there you have it. The precedent has been set.

If you're working a job in Taipei and fancy getting a whole heap more leave, you just need to find someone who willpei and fancy getting a whole heap more leave, you just need to find someone who will marry and divorce you a bunch of times. Well, so if she's in on this with him, then I think their marriage is going to last. For sure. This was his little plan. The couple that grifts together stays together.

Yes. Drifts together. And grifts. Of course, when you return to the job, the atmosphere might be a bit frosty, but you'll be nice and relaxed from all that holiday. You heard of tokyo drift this is taiwanese grip there you go when did the when did the divorces happen you know what i mean like did he get married divorced the next day took the leave by himself if he did it in the course of a month he would

have done it every eight days right yeah every eight days he would do it like every week. That's how you get the four the four, no three divorces and four marriages. Yeah. So yeah, he did four marriages, three divorces in that time. So he had to space it out every eight or nine days. Yeah, this guy I love him. He got what he wanted his maybe and was the father-in-law

giving away the bride. Yeah, how much of the process did you have to go to walk down? If you got to go through the whole thing, you're that's a lot of money, new vows every time. How much of the process did you have to go through? Walk down the aisle. If you've got to go through the whole thing, that's a lot of money. New vows every time. Every time. That's her requirement for this. I vow to make each other laugh every day.

I vow to never go to sleep angry at you. There you go. I vow to get hot wings. I vow to get Hooters hot wings every Thursday. Every Thursday. All right, there you go. Dan, give us a little tease of our third story just a little taste oh just some shenanigans at the Dollar General shenanigans at the Dollar General

always fun Lennon Parham is our guest and for our Patreon fans we're going to ask her some questions about her time on the show Veep this is Dumb People Town don't go anywhere All right guys We love our Patreon fans That's true There are moments in these shows

Where we get to literally Shout them out And say thank you to those Shout it Shout it Shout it out loud You got to shout it louder there are moments in these shows where we get to literally shout them out and say, thank you to those. Shout it, shout it out loud. You got to shout it louder.

That's pretty good, Ryan. And so we're going to shout you guys out, Patreon fans. Thanks for your support. Let's go. Let's shout out some names. Ready?

Lori Hope Townsend. Lori Hope Townsend. I mean, she's not writing young adult novels. Lori Hope Townsend. I want her. I, I wish she, she could be the new Mike,

Mike, Mike new Michael Clark Duncan Laurie Hope Thompson I thought you were going to stop talking I thought we lost you Next up we have Amanda Heiberger Is it Heiberger or Heiberger? It's Heiberger I've been to the Heiberger Hotel

It's really nice Heiberger sounds like If you were like When you're in St. Louis Then you've got to go to Heiberger It's like a beer garden But then they also make their own sushi true local thank you yeah we also have naomi vasquez thank you naomi vasquez and then matthew wagoner wagoner it's the jeep wagoner wagon we all hopped in the jet at the matthew wagoner and everybody fit dan everybody

john candy i think no who had a wagon here in uh... Vacation. Yes. No, no, no. What was that movie? Great Outdoors. Okay. Next name is fantastic. Elkie Bruton. Okay. I haven't heard an Elkie since Elkie Summer.

I've never heard an Elkie in my life. Elkie Bruton is so good. Elkie Bruton is the punky Brewster of Oslo, Norway. Joshua Druck. Druck. Drucker. Drucker. Joshie Drucker. Drucker. Joshy Drucker. Carly Kilgore.

Been around for a long time. Carly Kilgore. Love it. That's a great name. And then CM. Carly Kilgore is someone you want to drink with. CM Dugan, who became a buddy of mine. He helped me with so much artwork and doing my own show.

Great artist. Phenomenal artist. Thank you. Crushing it in Minnesota. Nancy, how do you say this? McLeod. It is just McLeod? It's Nancy McLeod.

Why does it look like MacLeod? No. It is just McLeod? Why does it look like MacLeod? No. It's Nancy McLeod and she does the daytime weather. Alright. Ready? Liz Prosh Porsche. Liz? Liz Prosh Porsche is your one-stop shop for all your Porsche needs. They only sell jackets and gloves. Yes, that's it.

And keychains. Yes. Preston Chadwick. The third? The third. How is Preston Chadwick not a... I love Preston Chadwick, but it does sound like what you would tell me your name is in an improv scene. Or the bully in like any 1980s movie. Preston?

Or like a company that makes fishing rods. There you go. Marianne Kruppa? Kruppa. Kruppa. Sounds like a coffee maker that is really good. You get little Kruppa pods and you put them in. Clayton Turcotte. Been around for a long time. Clayton, what's up, my friend? I'll have the Clayton Turcotte and I'll have it filleted. And then we have Sarah Hohenberg. Sarah Hohenberg. Hohenberg. She's my homegirl. She's my Hohenberg. Larissa. Larissa. Explains it all. There you go. Holly D. Proudfoot. Holly D. Proudfoot. Thank you. Yes. Literally

thank you for your name. Thank you for your service for just having an unbelievable name. If you told me this guy was, in your opinion, the seventh best drummer of all time and his name was Brian Seif. Brian Seif. I would believe you. Dude, his drum kit is on fire while he plays it. Brian Seif sounds like a manager at Guitar World. Also,

he only wears flip-flops. Sure. In the winter. Joshua L. Cutter. The Cutter. What was your only wears flip-flops. Sure. In the winter. Joshua L. Cutter. The Cutter. What was your movie, Breaking Away? Yeah. Cutter.

You're not a Cutter. Ye wear a little 500. The Cutter. Then we have Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate.

Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Stephen Bate. Craig Groff Folsom.

Craig Volson. His own law firm. Dude, Craig Vol... Craig Groff Folsom. His own law firm. Craig Groff Folsom County Blues. There you go. Jeff Cutshaw. Cutshaw is the type of place that only sells fireplaces and fishing tackle.

You going down to Cutshaw? Then we have Corey G. Corey G. Next one we have Caroline Postlewaite. Dude,. Caroline Postlewaite. Yeah. Dude. Right?

The Postlewaite. Postlewaite. Postlewaite. I love you. We sounded it out. We did it, and I think we got it, and we did our Postlewaite. Two more. Christopher Foster.

Hey-o. Christopher Foster Designs. Doesn't that sound like an architecture firm? Christopher Foster did a line of pillars. Crystal for Tiffany. Yes. And pillows. And then our last one for today.

Andy Hatovi. Andy Hatovi. Hatovi. Hatovi. Hatovi. Hatovi. Hatovi. Hatovi.

Hatovi. Patreon fans, we love you so much. Thanks so much for supporting us the way that you do. We couldn't do it without you, and we get a lot of extra great content, stories from the guests, extra stories that Dan, Jay, and I do together where we read them, and Dan gets to play along. It's so much fun. So if you're thinking

about joining Patreon, now's a great time to do it. It's a great way to support the show, and let's get back to it. All right, Daniel, take us home. Here we go. Sent in by Adam Poulton at Poultski75. Love a good Adam Poultski. Here's the headline. Two women tried to spend one million dollar bill at the Dollar General Store. Oh, so many things that don't go together.

You got greedy gals. You got we lost Lenin. We lost. What in the world are you going to get? Guys, let me ask you this. If the three of you really thought, really thought you had a $1 million bill, why are you still going to the Dollar General store? Because you want everything. You want it all. You want it all. You want the store.

Give me one of everything. They have it everything. They do. And it's season all too. Thank you. It is season all. I got Halloween decorations for the next eight years, guys. Maryville, Tennessee.

Two women were caught trying to spend a fake one million dollar bill at a Tennessee dollar general store earlier this month. If you told me this was Jessica and Lennon, I believe it. You guys, this is a great, great, great,

great. Do you have that to the cops? It was a bill. No, I don't have the one million dollar bill. Do you have it? We're supposed to take it. Yeah,

that's in the hotel. Well, then why are we here? Great. No, just great. You always forget one million dollar bill? No, I don't have the one million dollar bill. Do you have it? We're supposed to take it. Yeah, that's in the hotel. Well, then why are we here? Great. No, just great. You always forget the million dollar bill. An employee of the discount store in Marysville, Marysville. That's a typo, I think, because it's one place. It says Maryville, and then it says Marysville.

It kind of doesn't matter. Report at the April 5th that the woman tried to use the counterfeit fortune to purchase several gift cards. So at least they're giving it back. Gift cards. So now we know their full scheme. That's the deal. The gift card thing.

That's when someone steals your card from a gas station or something. That's what they do. They go buy gift cards. Yes, gift cards. Because then they reuse those wherever and you can't trace them back. So this was their grift.

They were like, we will just take this fake $1 million bill. Go big or go home. That everyone else is going to think is real. Then we buy all these gift cards. Then we're going we will just take this fake one million, a bigger go home. Everyone else is going to think is real. They're going to buy all these gift cards. Then we're going to macaroni grill whenever the fuck we got this on set up at Dave and Buster's. How long did they like days? Right? Not just how did they like just sift through their wallets looking at different bills before they go with this?

I don't even know if the dollar general store can break a fifty. Do you think they can break a one million on the million? Who is on the million dollar bill? Chloe Kardashian? No, I do. Why sure million dollar million dollar bill, Dan? It's got to be

somebody. I know a big Blount County. Yeah, you go all of them. All of them are on County Sheriff's deputies responded around ten a.m. So they were like, hey, when we get up tomorrow,

do not forget. We're going to the dollar general store with this one million dollar bill, right? And they spoke with one of the suspects, Amanda McCormick,

who said, quote, she received the one million dollar bill in the mail from a church. Yep, the veggie tails from God, right God, but could not provide the received the $1 million bill in the mail from a church. Yep. The VeggieTales. From God. Right. From God. But could not provide the church

information. Where'd you get it? From the church. Which church? The one with the steeple. Came in the mail. From who, though? Jesus. Ma'am, where did you get it from, though? It came in the mail. I already told you. You did tell us that it came in the mail,

but you're answering questions we're not asking you. There's a million-dollar bill, and we're trying to find out which church sent it to you. All you got to do is say the church. I don't know the one that doesn't have a million dollars anymore. Okay. Because they sent it to you. Did you request it?

What do you mean? Did you request the church send you the money, or was it just showed up at your house? It was just a gift, a tithe. I had done service for them. Okay. So what do you have? But she's done service for somebody,

so she knows who that is. Right. Who did you do service for? Why are you not telling us? She's coming back with another church. See how good we are as investigators? We've been in the town for a minute, man. You ain't going to get one, boss.

No, no, no. That's what I think, too. It's like if you thought this is real, what if they thought it was real and they were like, you go get one boss. No, that's what I think too is like. If you thought this is real, what if they thought it was real and they were like you know what we shouldn't take all this money, we should buy gift cards for the people that we love that so they're like they're like a heart of gold fraudsters. I would love it. I think if it's the fact that it's two women leads me to believe that they're doing it for like I want them to do it

for altruistic purpose. You ready yeah, according to the smoking gun, theanda mccormick claimed that she was using the money to buy care packages for people experiencing homelessness thank you i love her thank you very much she wasn't though jason i love i hate her i hate her two ipods for me i look that's the thing that lennon is the woman who thinks that like she like some random church says this to her and you two are the most gullible cops. You're like i love that you're doing this is so nice. You having a hard time breaking it to her that it's not real like you're like it's like a go fund you is what that is. Yes, she's just doing it. The other woman involved in the incident told investigators to f off. I'm joking told other it's like she's mean. He told

investigators that she had no idea mccormick had the phony bill up we're distancing now okay and was only riding along while amanda mccormick did errands what are you doing tomorrow morning at 10 a.m running errands you want to come sure where are we going dollar gen for what gift card in if one of your friends was like can you come with me and run some errands tomorrow? What would your response be? Listen, not right now, but if I were in Maryville, Tennessee, and single, and someone said, I got a car heading to the DG, you coming? You down?

I would be like, yep. I'll get an I.T., some balloons, some seasonal decorations, candles that are too tall, some seasonal decorations. Candles that are too tall. Some ramen noodles, something out of the cooler. Candles that are too tall. You know, we're ready to go. Why not? If we get a Starbucks

on the way home, I'm there. The other woman said she's riding along. The women, this is what their punishment was, and I kind of love it. The women were ordered not to return to John Dollar General and released without charges. Deputies took the bill as evidence. Fine.

So they're like, we got you. Get out of here. Get out. Get out. It's kind of true, right? Do we need to put them through the system for a million dollar bill? Let me ask you this. How are you going to stop them from going to Dollar General in six months?

Right. You're going to tell me that all the Dollar General employees are going to have to look at their picture and look at the person who's buying the stuff these women sunglasses and a hijab and you're in you guys ready for a couple fun little trivia questions yeah the largest bill ever printed for public circulation in the u.s do you want to guess how much it was what was the largest what do you think it is a largest u.s note one thousand a one thousand dollar bill ten thousand ten thousand from randy jason god i don't know a hundred thousand dollar bill once it was a ten thousand dollar note according to the photo reserve the last year that the ten thousand dollar bill was

printed was what lennon what do you think? 1919. 1919. I think it was probably 1959. Okay. 1980. The last $10,000 bill was printed in 1945. Wow. We got out of the war.

We got out of the $10,000 bill business. Yeah, we don't need these anymore. Along with others since continued denominations of, so here are other ones, big ones that we used to have five hundred thousand dollar bill, one thousand dollar bill, five thousand dollar bill. Yeah, and

they were issued up until what year? What is the last year you could have gotten a five hundred dollar bill, a one thousand dollar bill and a five thousand dollar bill? And if any of you seen any of those ever in your lifetime, never, neither of I never, neither of I all right, what year sixty five sixty five from Randy And have any of you seen any of those ever in your lifetime? Never. Neither have I. Never. Neither have I.

I think 1965. 65 from Randy. 83. 83. 59. We'll close out of here on this. The last year you could have gotten a $500 bill, a $1000 bill, or a $5000 bill was 1969.

Wow! I know. That was 1969. Wow. And not as long ago as I would have thought. You don't need no five thousand dollar bill. Man on the moon. Oh, those are stories, my friends. There you go. Lennon Parham, thank you so much for being our guest.

We love having you on. What a joy, damn it. Nothing more fun than hanging out with you and Riffin. And guys, oh shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Hung it down. It's Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Hungry down. It's Dumb People Town. Star Bands Audio.

A podcast network.