Dumb People Town - Lewis Black - Empathy for A Maniac

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

This week Lewis Black comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is how the Grinch destroyed a home. The second story is about a very sneaky snake. Final story is about one man's unfortunate resemblance to another.

Star Beans Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. No, you're not listening on half speed no we're not drunk population black lewis black he is with us he is our friend randy and i bonded with this gentleman back in new york when we were doing stand-up in the 90s he was someone we looked up to someone we loved and someone we were like this guy's so It's just going to be like he was already doing theater and all these other shows. And then we're like, it's just going to be a matter of minutes before he becomes a national treasure. And then he did, through The Daily Show and beyond. Welcome to the show, sir.

How are you? I'm good. I'm glad to see you guys. It's a pity that this is the way we have to now meet. I know. It will change, and we will get to see each other in person and i i definitely see if we are in the same city together we we must get together i can just say that i've been watching a zillion of your most recent clips

on stand-up and just your stand-up is wonderful you eviscerating dumb people in the audience is like i can't decide which I like even more. Like the person who stands up and says, it says anything to you about anything. And it's a ridiculous statement. I'm like, you're like the person who, who said, talk smack about Eminem. I'm like, you know, he has a pulpit, you know, he can get back at you. And it's my favorite thing in the world to watch. So thank you. Kudos to you kudos to you sir well thank you so the world is getting dumber lewis i'm sure you see this out in the world that you traverse uh how do we fight it what are we doing well i don't know how we i mean partly it's just i to be honest i never in all of this kind of um you know all of this kidding around of oh boy we're really stupid

you know there was a sense of irony to it that we weren't really that stupid uh i mean i think um carlin really was way ahead he really saw it clearly. I was still very much like, oh, no. And now this has gone way beyond. And this went way beyond anything I imagined. Even in the heyday on drugs. The one thing I never thought. You worry about the CIA. You worry about all sorts of, you know,

the Russians doing this, the Chinese. You didn't worry about somebody, you know, all sorts of, you know, the Russians doing this, the Chinese. You didn't worry about somebody, you know, living in another state doing something so profoundly stupid. Yeah. You know, the idea that people would make up, you know, I did a joke for a while in which I said, you know know both political parties were basically dropped their the policies that they were doing in order to fight for their realities we were actually having and it was kind of a joke you know they've each got a different reality and now they do

they do we live in two totally separate realities i went to people yell about this but it is it's yelled when i say this but it's true i went to florida uh on my tour and yeah they it was as if the and this is the omicron the oh my god virus yeah was coming in 100 miles an hour into new york and knew i knew it was coming down there and to them it was over. It was done. No, no, no. Lewis, to them it was 2017. That's the way it goes. They never even got there.

So we get stories sent to us by our awesome fans. In our reality, a woman puts a kiddie pool on top of her car, then puts her kids in it and drives around town. Because she wants to be the cool mom. She wants to be the cool mom. That's our reality.

That's the story we've covered on this podcast. So let's jump into one right now. We got Louis Black, and then we'll let you know what he's got and how you can see. This was sent in by Shaggy Wilcox at The Great Shagoo, which I hope is a magician in Branson.

That's my only hope. Is he an animated magician from the scooby doo universe yeah that makes where it makes at the great shagoo yeah that's that's the guy who sent this story and that's a pretty good name it's like in it's like if you don't watch sven you watch the great shagoo that's right that's right um so yeah he uh he or she sent this in shaggy wilcox by uh twitter at daniel van kirk hashtag dumb people town that's how you send me stories here's the headline mom hires grinch to bring festive fun instead he destroys her house so now so now you can't even trust like in like a a figure you hired to come bring holiday cheer to your house. Right. That guy you got to vet, in a way.

But, Lewis, why would you hire the Grinch to bring holiday cheer? Right? Well, I mean, a Jew might. I'm going to make sure my kids never believe in Christmas. I'm going to bring this. I'll bring the Grinch in. Right. And then how do you not?

I mean, that's always amazing is to kind of just it's one thing to call for. Get flowers delivered. That's right. You know, there's the thing, you know, you're bonded. People are kind of, you know, you just call somebody scattershot. Right. You know, I play the Grinch. You know, for starters, that's not, you know, there's something on the back.

There's nobody on Hollywood Boulevard, and I'm talking about dressed up as a character, or even just on Hollywood Boulevard, that you should invite to your house. Never. No. Never. That's exactly it. And New York. In New York, they started busting guys. They were busting all sorts of people dressed up as these

characters, because some of them were becoming abusive. Yes. There were fights. I mean, I'll say this. There's a moment where the Grinch makes some pretty salient points. And maybe this is the Jew in me coming out where I'm like, and my family celebrates Christmas, but there's a moment out there. I'm like, he's right.

It is a little too commercial. Maybe we've lost touch with what's going on. So maybe this guy was being super true to his character more so than the person who hired him. And we'll get into it. But even that, my thing is, is they said destroys her house. So at some point, you let them keep going. Right? There was a first thing where you should have gone, okay, out, out, out.

No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. We don't break windows. Out. Okay, here. I'm going to read it. You guys just showed empathy for this maniac. We're trying to see all sides.

Oh, he just was really trying to make a point. He's just a great actor. Daniel Day-Lewis of Grinches. There isn't much that parents won't do to help their children believe in the magic of the holiday season. But for one Irish mom, the results backfired spectacularly when she invited a hired Grinch

to come cause a bit of mischief around her home. And instead, he completely destroyed the place. Was she drunk when she ordered it? And she is Irish. Was he drunk when she ordered it? And she is Irish. Was he drunk when he got there? Laura McGill. He is Irish.

Laura McGill of Belfast. Great movie. Paid an actor dressed up as the famous Dr. Seuss character to come to her house and play some pranks on her two kids. This is the other thing, too. People like, like, I've seen where the elf on the shelf has like borderline like abused kids like they wake up with things drawn on them like people do these like pranks to their kids and i'm like you just just got back on you you're not in a movie of jackass you're a parent right

according to a post she made on facebook which was captured by a tweet she was she was told the green grouch would come to her home mess up a couple beds have a pillow fight and adorn the christmas tree with toilet paper before posing for a few pictures with the kids fun right that's what they wrote here none of that sounds none of that sounds fun none of that sounds fun to me lewis at all no no and also here's what really doesn't sound fun in the midst of a pandemic who invited total strangers to your home right you know and and and and go you know just i wonder are you vaxxed yeah nothing not at all not at all also go to the go to the most intimate part of our house possible our bedrooms and our bathrooms and mess with that she she says she goes on to say

that's good and that and that bone trauma that's not going to traumatize the kids at all what's what's sad is is that the you know the three of us didn't think of this as a gig yeah exactly right we need to we need to come up with that uh-huh quote every single bit when we were broke it would have been a good gig every single bit of party food expensive cupcakes thrown all over the place tree decorations broke so i'm going to show you guys a photo of what her table looked like before the grinch got there and we're going to share it here on the screen okay that is a gorgeous nice spread that's a great holiday spread cookies here's what it looked like afterwards oh okay those are christmas ornaments and the cookies and the and the treats everything we'll

put this up on our dumb people town social media she said the actor poured a bottle of liquid dish soap all over the floor and smashed her eggs he then poured a bottle of juice all over one of her sons and her kids new onesie was ruined here's a picture of her kid. This is what this person did in her house. Teach that kid a lesson, man. The kid's smiling. This kid is smiling. He does love it.

He's kind of happy. But again, guys, at some point, make this person leave your house. That's right. You paid him. You can stop. If you already paid him, you can stop. Or you can say, I'm not going to pay you unless you clean this up.

Never been so disgusted in my life. If you look at that photo, he actually tilted the house. Yes, he did. He did so much damage. Messed up our foundation. He did. He had so much damage. Messed up our foundation.

A local event company, Lockdown Events, Superheroes and Princesses for Hire, clarified that it was not the company behind the trash home. No one asked them, which makes me think it was definitely this company. It's them. When they're like, hey, it's not us. That's like, look at Lockdown. Right. Right. Like somebody's like, we got to get out in front of this.

You sure? No one thinks we did it. Just get out in front of it. Let me say something. Let me say something. I'm going to say it wasn't us and they'll throw them off the set. Please. This is what they wrote.

This is lockdown events. Who's jumped into this story that no one even said they needed to be a part of. jumped into this story that no one even said they needed to be a part of. Please note, there is a post making the rounds on Facebook regarding a Grinch that was hired for a home visit and destroyed the customer's property. The company denied having anything to do with the destructive Grinch

claiming it only supplies a Jim Carrey style Grinch. What is that even? What's the difference? It costs way more money to make and makes a lot less at the box office what does that mean it overacts in every scene what does it mean they said we only hire a jim carrey or provide a jim carrey style grinch to put on a performance cause mild mischief and play games any videos you have seen from lockdown with a tree being wrecked are all

set up we do not destroy any property or events so now they're saying that this woman made this up and we did not provide this and nobody did it it's a he said she's nothing says christmas in ireland like a good old-fashioned grudge yes also and i guess one is it's a it's the catholic and protestants that's right it goes back to that it can we blame the ira for the ruining of this thing no as of this writing mcgill has not confirmed what company she hired which either means it was locked down and they've agreed to a side deal or she she just went onto Craigslist and got anybody with a mask. A guy. Yes, she got a guy with green gloves.

That was the extent of who came over to her house. Green dish gloves? Come on over. Don't cut corners on this stuff, guys. Don't cut corners when ordering your Grinch. I'll just say that. And no business has come forward to claim the holiday cheer. We'll get out of here on this.

I'm going to ask you guys. In American dollars, U.S. dollars, how much money did she spend on a Grinch actor to come to her house and destroy it? To ruin Christmas? What was the hour? They didn't give an hour.

I think it's just per the gig. It's not even an hour. But our friend Gareth Reynolds was a birthday party costume. Our friend, great comedian, the dollop with Dave Anthony. He was, in his early days of getting out here in LA, he did do birthday party performance character stuff. He said they always go for two hours,

but you get paid by the gig because no birthday party really ever wants you there more than an hour or two anyway. right so so how much do you think in american dollars she hired this grinch for louis yes you can go first actually if you guess it um the the grinch comes to your house he will appear he will appear in your house right you almost don't want to guess it. You don't want to get it right. I have a guess. Okay. I have a guess because just to add to the stupidity of it, I think I'm over $250. $250.

Jason's $200. I said $200. $200 from Jason? Okay, Rand? I think $375. I think she spent some money on this guy. Then I'm buying the costume tomorrow. That's right.

You could be fine going to be the costume. I could do four of these a day. All I got to do is come in and fuck up some shit and scare some kids. I do that in a normal... That's a normal thing for a loose guy. It's right. It's right. All right.

The amount of money... We'll get out of story one with this. The amount of money she spent on a destructive destructive grinch or just in a completely appropriate grinch or a grinch was 115 dollars oh it's closest there you go it's the closest there you go all right that's story number one down in the books the great lewis black is with us we're going to find out where you can see him live what you can check out of his coming up right after this break don't go anywhere stick around make a sound there's more don't people town hey guys welcome back to the show uh we are here with daniel van kirk our co-host who has a bunch of great dates coming up in march go to danielvankirk.com you can see all the things

he's starting back up, and then there's stuff happening all the other time, too. There's digital comedy stuff, and everything's there. Just everything's at danielvankirk.com. And we are doing our Patreon, which is patreon.com slash Sklar Brothers. We're very excited about

that. Oh, boy, we can also say, we just announced we are doing a live Dump People Town at Moontower. Plus, we are both going to be doing stand-up sets over there i'm probably on the same shows there you go check us out it's a wonderful festival in april yeah and i said april april in austin you should do it lewis you should come down and do the paramount theater it's really really fun you'd probably be ahead i like the paramount they didn't invite me they don't invite we'll tell we'll tell them you'd want to do it because it's a really fun. You'd probably be a headliner. I like the Paramount. They didn't invite me. We'll tell them you'd want to do it because it's a really fun festival.

They don't call. They don't write. We'll make them call. That's us, and also we're working on a really exciting new project, a reboot of our old show, Cheap Seats from ESPN Classic. We're doing it for the UFC. It's going to be coming out this summer, and it's called The Nosebleeds, and we just started our

writer's room for that with Daniel Van Kirk, and we can't wait to share it with you. We're just going to keep reminding out this summer, and it's called The Nosebleeds. And we just started our writer's room for that with Dan and Van Kirk, and we can't wait to share it with you. We're just going to keep reminding you about it all the time. It's just a fun home. But we got Louis Black, who's one of our favorite comic stars. If you have not seen him do a set of comedy, find out when he's coming to your town and go spend your money on this. It's great, great, great comedy.

Louis, you're out on the road some? You're back out? Yeah, I'm talking to you today from Denver. Okay. It's a hotel room in Denver, hence the lovely background. Yes, we were just there. Where are you performing in Denver? God, where am I?

Paramount? Paramount. Paramount. Yes, great theater there. Great theater. Amazing, big, wonderful theater. That's great. I'm doing The Paramount, and next week it's,

which is Salina, Kansas. Nice. And Tulsa, Oklahoma. Nice. Love Tulsa. And then I'm doing Reno, and then it becomes a fog again. But you can go to lewisbook.com and the dates are all there. And I'll be doing all sorts of, you know,

tweets and stuff like that to inform you as to where I'll be. Nice. So Tulsa is, Saline and Tulsa are the next ones. Next ones. Tulsa's amazing. The Woody Guthrie Center is a really cool thing in Tulsa. Our joke, Jay, do it about the Woody Guthrie Center. Our joke about the Woody Guthrie Center is we thought that it was just a doorway into a larger Bob Dylan Museum.

My favorite thing about Tulsa is that the the oral roberts university which we went to go there yeah the giant praying hands that are like literally submerged in the ground it's the weirdest place i've ever been to in my life it's so weird have you been of course that's crazy why wouldn't you go it's the first place it's like you know it is where they have a you know a jew detector irony coming this way um you know it's uh it was but it was the it was the uh the kind of the the uh where they i don't even want to know what to call it the the oral roberts museum where you go through his life yes where you wander through this museum and they tell you the story and then there's like four years where he disappears

and there's no explanation. Yeah. No nothing. It's like a hole in a resume. It's like a hole in a resume. You're getting a job. People are like, what happened during these years right here? Oh, yeah. They don't even bother. They don't even try. And the hard part is, you know, you're there with another comic

who, Jim, and I can't remember your Jim's last name. We were walking around and you can't look at each other. You know, you you're going to be, you're going to bust out laughing. Exactly. Cause it's, you know, and it's just done in that kind of, this is years ago, this is like 30 years ago. So it's, they hadn't, you know, it's that kind of like, Oh, this is not well done you know um oral doesn't look good and all the architecture there looks like what a child in 1968 would think that the

year 2000 would look they were like here do you want to design each thing like a spaceship the way you think a spit that's what everything is built i'm like oh so whoever designed this or oral roberts was like make it look more like everything like the space yeah exactly that's really true and then they had that great that prayer needle 24 hours of prayer yeah you know and he was going to go up there and he was you know that he was going to keep praying unless they raised he needed a million dollars he needed it he needed it he needed it so he could he needed so he could disappear for another four years all right so anybody who's out in the world and just go to lewisblack.com and check him out please please please you will you'll be so happy that you did I literally just sit and watch clips of him online

and just cackle to myself. Very few people. It's a deep itch in all of us, the explosion of anger and comedy. Well, part of, I would describe, watching Lewis Black do comedy is incredible catharsis for feeling all the feelings that you're feeling in that moment.

I'm sure your audience comes up to you and tells you this all the time, that thank you for vocalizing in a way where your head is about to explode the way i feel all the time inside and then it's like great joke right when they come in and say my father you're just like my father only you're funny just like my father, only you don't hit me as much. Thank you. That and the thing that I really, that folks can tune into is after every show, and we're trying to work it out again, we're having some technical difficulties. You take questions from the audience, don't you? You take questions.

Now I'm doing, for the last six years, I've been doing a live feed that goes throughout the world. Great. In which the audience sends in their rants. That's right. And I come out and talk for a couple of minutes after the show. I do the show and then in front of the same audience, I come back out and read like five or six rants then i just

literally get them and look at them that before that before i love it yeah pick out the six that i like and then go on stage and read them some i respond to uh and that's partly what this and now i have a rant cast based on that that's great what is it called? Is it the Louis Black Rantcast? Yeah, it's called, yeah, it's called Louis Black's Rantcast, and

hopefully when we get this, the stream going again, it'll be, it's, hopefully, at least by

Salina, I'm hoping it happens, it's called The Rant Is Due, and if you haven't It's called The Rant Is Due. Perfect.

We haven't done it in so long. We haven't done it since the pandemic, so I don't even know if that's really the title. But what's great is the level of writing that I'm getting. Oh, sure. It's phenomenal. It started out, it was kind of like there were some questions, there were some this, some of that. I like this comic.

What about that guy? What about her? And then it started it kind of developed along the lines of any TV show. I mean, except this is a TV show if it was done in 1951. I'm standing in front of a microphone by myself.

Like an old radio show. Like an old radio show almost. Or the old Texaco Hour or something. It's brilliant. Yeah, it really is. And I read these things out. But the level of writing the last year was astonishing. It was just astonishing.

I love it. People are trying to raise their game up. I love it. Speaking of raising our game up, Dane, let's jump into the second story. Yes, let's love it. People are trying to raise their game up. I love it. Speaking of raising our game up, Dane, let's jump into the second story. Yes, let's do it. This was sent in by G-Man Liz Haggerty at Liz Haggerty 1Z1R1T. Love you, gentlemen. Liz Haggerty.

I'll just tell you the headline. This comes from Southern California. It comes from NBC Los Angeles.com. Guy slithers through salon to steal literally what surveillance video in the inland empire salon captured an unusual sight a burglar slither slithering around on his belly through the entire business in order to pocket thousands in cash wait while they were in the business working? Or this is like late at night?

This is late at night, on their belly, crawling around like a snake. I mean... That could be smart. I mean, if you're not seeing his face, I guess that's smart. Right? I don't know.

Wait, wait, wait. Who is leaving thousands of dollars in the salon overnight? This feels like a mistake. What salon is leaving thousands of dollars in the salon overnight? This feels like a mistake. What salon is making thousands of dollars? Now that's two gigs. Exactly. We should be grinching and salonning. What are we doing? Salon slithering. Yes. The salon owner calls him the snake burglar. Go ahead, Lewis.

What was that? Oh, I was just saying the salon owner calls him the snake burglar. I don't want to give anyone enough credit to name them. Once you name someone, they feel too good about themselves as a criminal. Yeah, Golden State Killer, once he got that, it's like he was proud of it. Right. The local owner, Lori Hodge, was shocked that the man got in through a rooftop fire escape friday at 5 a.m at the rustic roots salon on indiana avenue in riverside i love that he started on the roof and then wound up on the

floor you know what i mean yeah couldn't couldn't handle going up on the roof there like spider-man i had to get down on the floor and snake it? Yeah, Rustic Roots Salon, which sounds like a horrible hair. Your roots. Your roots are shabby. It doesn't sound good. How do Lewis's roots look? They look pretty rustic. Rustic.

They look very rustic. Is that good? No. Right. It's terrible. It's terrible. I got my hair traumatized at Rustic Roots. Great.

Good for you quote this is from Lori Haj it just gave me chills up my spine alright you guys want to see a little video that everybody else will be able to see on the Dumb People's House social love to let's see look at this guy here we go

there he is he's looking for a sneaky burglar a unique approach here maybe his legs don't work he is committed to the bit you have to give him that He's looking for a sneaky burglar, a unique approach here. Maybe his legs don't work. He's not suspect inside of the rustic roots hair salon slithering across the floor. He is committed to the bit. You have to give him that. I mean, in improv, we just call that going to the wall.

I mean, he's going to the floor on it. No, that's how our kids used to crawl before they knew how to use their legs too. Right. Yeah, he looks like somebody who slept the wrong way use their legs too right he looks yeah he looks like somebody who slept the wrong way and their legs are pins and needles right he slept or or he it's like he assumes there's like a like a bank level or a swiss bank level uh laser scenario that he's got to get underneath at the salon that's my thing how does how does a person know this is going to work you gotta try it's like it's like seinfeld's old bit the guy who should get catches the bullet in

his teeth how do you practice that you know i'm gonna toss a few of these to you and now this next one's gonna come a little bit fast it makes me think it would have to be an inside job what do you think lewis well i think maybe he can't walk that's what i thought he can't walk he just can't walk so again much like you guys the sclars sympathize and that's what makes him a great burglar that's what i was gonna say as much as the sclars sympathize with the grinch they now are proud of this guy for overcoming oh i'm not his disability he's definitely a guy dan sitting in a wheelchair saying to the cops get him somebody go get this guy and he's like sitting on all the money he stole sure sure that's i'm just saying who leaves thousands of dollars in a business for starters

that's what i said overnight you're at i don't want to blame the victim you don't want to blame the victim but you're stupid i don't know how stupid the victim. You don't want to blame the victim. I don't know how stupid the burglar is. The burglar got the money. That's right. The dumb people are the salon. I don't know why he's on his stomach. That is just, I don't call it stupid. I just think it's perverse.

He's getting turned on by rubbing on the floor. That's exciting. owner said the burglar broke in and stole hundreds of dollars worth of products petty cash from the register and a safe with more than how much money inside how much how much do you think he scored you know it's in the thousands how much do you think he scored at the rustic Roots Salon on Indiana Avenue in Riverside. You can go first, Tigger, third, wherever you want. Lewis, what do you think, Lewis? I mean, it's Riverside.

It's good. They have its moments. I say $2,100. Jay, what do you think? He got like $5,000. And also, you know someone, $2,100. Jay, what do you think? I think he got like $5,000. And also, you know someone came in and was like,

well, at least we don't have to sweep the floors now. I know. All the hair shavings got in his pants. I would say $7,000. Where were you tonight? Why are you covered in rustic roots? Nothing. It's nothing.

What did you say, Ram? What was your guess? I said $7,000. Okay. Louis said $2,100 and Jay says 5,000. Just wheel me over to the refrigerator. I want to get a beer. One of you is only 1,000 off.

You should all go up 1,000 or down 1,000. I'm going to go down to 6,000. I'll go down to 4,000. I'll go to 3,100. You said 1,000. I'm I'll go to 3,100. You said thousands.

I'm going to go to 1,100. Okay. The amount of money stolen is $8,000. Oh, my God. That's a lot to keep in your salon. That's worth rolling around on the floor for. You said it's his Riverside. That's cutting a lot of mullets. That's somebody who should have been going to the floor for i guess it's his riverside that's cutting a

lot of mullets that's somebody who should have been going to the bank for the last three weeks that's a lot of haircuts in the safe lisa make the drop i will tomorrow well you screwed up a security guard who a security guard who was installing go ahead lew No, that's just, it's stunned. Yeah. 8,000. 8,000, and that you wouldn't talk about it. It's not like chump change. It's A, you know, that's when you kind of put it into something so that it makes money. I mean, even, you know, it's like, you know, there's a billionaire.

Wait, is it? Wait, hang on. Even start a Chime account. Right. there's a billionaire wait is it wait hang on isn't started shot even started chime account right isn't 8 000 the same amount in it's a wonderful life that he loses at the bank isn't it 8 000 that billy loses i think it's yeah it's close to that for somebody i want to say 68 can i say this about can i say this about and i i really do believe this and i want to say this and i maybe i said it on dumb people's home that i really do believe that it's a wonderful life i saw it over christmas again we always watch with my family and it is the great american tale but you know but who is the villain in that movie

the ultimate capitalist and who is the the hero of that movie socialism all these people put money in to make one for everybody puts a little bit intimate to raise up somebody else. So this great American movie is about socialism. I can't wait to hear that get ranted about. But I'm just saying it was a wonderful it's a wonderful movie about people helping each other out. But really, it is a socialist manifesto. You better watch yourself. A security guard who is installing a new alarm system at the salon following the break in.

That's not when you the order you want things to happen in in says the burglar was definitely trying to avoid the motion sensor and while the burglar left a big mess he never tripped the alarm you don't think it's going to happen to you hajj says because of how secure the salon is i would beg to differ instantly i don't care yeah i don't think your salon is that secure. Investigators said it might not be an isolated incident. Staff at the La Sierra Veterinary Clinic in Riverside believe the same man may have attempted to burgle the business but didn't get away with anything. Jessica Bryant said she was there for about 10 minutes before setting off the sensors

and then fled on a skateboard. So we got a punk kid. A week prior, the same crawling man may have been spotted at Enzo's Pizza. They got a problem down here in Riverside. Hey, guys, listen to me. If you are having problems with stuff getting stolen, look down. Exactly. This is the original Nightcrawler.

This is who this guy is. Number one, this is the whole movie of Adam McKay's message. Don't look up. Look down. They have a security video that shows the man movie of Adam McKay's message. Don't look up. Look down. They have a security video that shows the man crawling on his belly inside the pizza. The pizza place's owner believes the same man has been targeting businesses off of Indiana Avenue and Tyler Street. So this is all happening, I guess, within a couple blocks of each other. Anyone who recognizes the man is asked to contact Riverside Police.

For the record, everybody listening, there's nothing distinguitional about the person crawling on the floor. There's no idea who they are or what they look like. That he's crawling. That's part of the genius. He's getting it done. He's getting it done. He's getting it done. One army crawler.

Or maybe he learned after those first two experiences that he had to be on them. Maybe they all do have those sensors that are about a foot and a half high. Maybe he's less. I just have to share this with you. The whole time we've been doing this, I go, I've been, I had these earphones in, right? And I'm going, I just don't think they're loud enough.

And I took them out and I realized all I've done is muffled you guys. So they were ear air plugs, basically. So I joined, not only am I talking about the dumb people, I am the dumb people. That's right. So are we. So are we. Welcome to town, Lewis.

We have one more story to go. Dan, give us a little teaser. And then Lewis is going to, for our Patreon fans, we're going to talk about something dumb that he's witnessed recently. It'll be rant-worthy. Dan, give us a little taste. It's just a very unfortunate doppelganger.

I love it. I can talk from experience. I know what having a very unfortunate doppelganger is. Louis Black is our guest on Dumb People Town. We've got one more story. And for our Patreon fans, we're going to do something special. So you definitely want to join that. It's Dumb People Town.

Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound for more dumb people town all right daniel take us home buddy all right here we go yeah this was sent in uh she between these two stories being sent to me uh one on december 2nd and then the other on the 7th uh at liz hagerty changed it to honorary executive producer at Liz Haggerty, which I think you guys gave her. God bless you, girl. Okay, here we go.

Thank you for sending in. Man arrested multiple times for looking like criminal. So there's a guy who looks exactly like somebody who's wanted by police and keeps getting arrested let me ask you a question was he slithering on the floor that's just my question okay a chinese man recently went through the worst week of his life after being arrested multiple times i'm sorry that's really bad yeah that's a bad laugh that i just had. I love that laugh. Are you kidding me? I love it too. He was recently arrested. I just didn't expect it to be a Chinese man.

Me neither. He was recently arrested multiple times in only three days due to his uncanny resemblance to a prison escapee. So this dude breaks out of prison and they keep catching someone else for it. I'm going to show you guys a picture of these two guys. I believe. Okay. catching someone else for it i'm going to show you guys a picture of these two guys i believe okay they i don't i don't know if they look that much alike well we'll get into it but i think the guy on the right is our civilian the guy on the left is our escaped car both of them guys i couldn't even tell you according to this i don't know how they identify. I don't either.

In October of 2021, a criminal by the name of Zhu Zhaizhan managed to escape from a prison in northeast China province. Authorities scrambled to locate him, but after spending valuable time and resources, they were forced to offer a

reward which eventually reached up to how much in us dollars do you think in China they were telling people this guy is worth to, to, to get somebody else arrested multiple times over three days, escape for prison. What's the reward Lewis? What do you think the reward would be in us dollars that would really get everybody looking for this dude well god this is we i've been so wrong through this whole thing i'll beat my eye and i and i'll to be honest i'll beat myself up over it i can't i couldn't guess i just couldn't guess. I'm going to say 42

I'll say 10,000. 10,000 US dollars. That's a good guess. That's what they offer here and it's never enough. It's definitely enough for a lot of people to be like, is that the guy? Arrest him.

In China, that's I think a lot more money yeah i'm gonna say 15 000 just to pump it up a little bit i'll say 7 500 they offered 110 000 us dollars for the cat show last guy so everybody was looking for him yeah for it was for any information about the fugitive whereabouts. This made Zhu a valuable target in the part of China where the average monthly income is only... So they offered 700,000 yen. The average monthly income in this part of China is 2,000 yen. So they're offering a lot of money for this guy. So you're going to have a lot of people being like it's this guy we think

and an unlucky doppelganger of the criminal suffered the most for it after being arrested how many times in three days how many times in three days do you think i say 36 700,000 yen is a lot I'm going to say 5 times I think 15 times One of you is exactly right So now we get to play the game Who do you think is right? Louis, you can stick with yourself Or you can take one of the Sklar's answers For who do you think is right

I'd have to go with 15 I'm staying with me I'm going to stay with me In the course of 3 days This poor guy was arrested I'd have to go with 15. I'm staying with me. I'm going to stay with me. I'm not going with Randy. In the course of three days, this poor guy was arrested five times. Oh, Louis! I was going with me, right?

Jay, you stay with me. Video footage shows the man wearing a blue jacket pictured next to Zhu's prison photo. I was right. People will be able to see these two. There's no denying the two look very similar very similar sadly for the innocent man and the financial award being offered by police informations on his whereabouts made headline news on tv stations across the

province making him a walking target every time he would leave his house he would get arrested yeah the fact that he shared the same facial features and even the same haircut didn't help much either luckily the man's nightmare it's a bizarre it's not like it's a bizarre haircut it's a shave yeah it's just a buzz cut right well we went you know when we went out on tour david tell and i and mitch hedberg and dave and i were traveling together pretty much all the time out of new york Yeah. And his head was shaved at the, you know, his day. Yeah. And it was 2003 or 4. And so it was early on during the whole business with the business in Iraq

and after 9-11 and everything, the TSA and pulling people. Every time we'd show up at an airport, they would pull his ass out. It was like, you know, yeah, he was just, he basically, he would just, sometimes he would walk up like this. With his hands up. Classic. Hands up. He had it. He's like,

every time you guys would leave a hotel, he'd be like, I need to leave about 25 minutes before you guys if you want to meet at the gate at the same time. Guys, I'll meet you at the airport. I'll be full. There was none of that stuff already where they could, you know,

there was no streamlining at that point. There was no like, free, there was no clear, there was no streamlining at that night there was no like yes a free there was no clear there was no nothing it was just look at him he's obviously it was so perfect yeah in its sad way but it was really awful well luckily this dude's nightmare ended on november 28th when the guy was finally apprehended by police during the incredible ordeal. Chinese, uh, Nitzians, netizens. Dan,

Dan, isn't this a Tom Selleck movie where he's like the wrong guy he's put in jail and he's got to find the guy who actually did the, I don't know. They recommended that this dude wear his ID around his neck at all times to, in order to stop being arrested. Great call.

I don't know. That would have had a shirt that says, I'm not that guy. Yeah. When Randy and I were young, when Randy and I were young, I had a shirt that said, I'm not Randy. And Randy had a shirt that said, I'm not Jason. And there was another kid who had a similar haircut, looked kind of like us. And he had a shirt that said, I'm not a Sklar.

Now, if he wore that without a surround, that's got to be the funniest thing. That's so funny. Weird. Weird. With only two years to go on an 11-year prison sentence, the guy is now looking at additional time behind bars after his short prison break. That's a story.

That's a show. Oh, my God. You've got to watch out. Louis Black, thank you so much for joining us on the show today. Everybody go check him out, LouisBlack.com. I hope you get to do the rants again. Just you reading other people's rants to me is fantastic uh we love you buddy so deeply and uh just love to see you doing what you do and doing it at the highest level like you are thanks for joining us

man oh it's a pleasure it's really great to see you all and uh it was uh it was nice to meet you you as well yeah it's great it's really a pleasure and uh really fun i hope we get to see you soon in real life and that would be the best and and seriously i'm if you ever want to do this again i'm in it's this is well we'll do it in person it'd be a blast and oh by the way oh by the way oh shit we gotta get back to work Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbanes Avenue. A podcast network.