Dumb People Town - LIVE from Chicago!

Episode Date: May 22, 2018

This week, Dave Pasquesi (Veep) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Chicago for a live Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a man steals cars to impress his son. In Story #2, a community bans together against organized sex parties happening at a house in the neighborhood. And finally, an assortment of dumb stories from the townies!

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound On your downies, don't people town Woo! Yes! Indeedy!

Oh, Chicago! Hey, indeedy! Oh, Chicago. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People's Town! Population U. It's like a dumb wheel of fortune out here. It's so fun. There is dumb stuff happening all around us. We believe the world is getting dumber. And we always like to honor those that have come before us.

For the listener at home, I'm literally setting the stage. Janice, while this show starts. So we wanted to talk about our old friend Jan Flato. Jan Flato. Just as we start off. You guys know who Jan Flato is. For those of you who don't know, just picture a frog who basically is Vern Lundquist.

Imagine if a frog who is Vern Lundquist worked at the Guitar Center. That's who this guy would be. And we just sit and think about, what are some... Truisms about Jan Flato and Flato, however you want to call him. And that's how we like to start off every live show, is just expressing some truisms about a man... And it's really our love for the man known as Jan Flato.

Like, for example, Jan Flato supports the war, but not the troops. Jan Flato gives U.S. bonds as birthday gifts just so he can make the joke, I bet this thing matures before you do. Jan Flato's dick pics are all taken on Google Earth. When Jan Flato gets asked, who did your hair?

He says, the wind. Jan Flato shows up at your house for a party an hour early and leaves three hours too late. Jan Flato put an aftermarket cup holder on his rascal. Jan Flato just got offered a position in the Trump administration. He turned it down. Turned it down. Turned it down.

Jan Flato just blocked two people on MySpace. When Jan Flato throws up, he holds his own hair. To Jan Flato, all soap is shampoo, but not all shampoo is soap. Jan Flato got kicked out of a water park in 1987 and he's still wearing the bracelet that got him in. Jan Flato on more than one occasion has hit into a foursome ahead of him on a mini golf course.

Jan Flato has found a motorcycle in a parking lot and pretended to ride it. Without starting it. Jan Flato will give a standing ovation for a baked Alaska. At every concert Jan Flato sneaks into, he asks the merchandise person, do you have these without sleeves? Jan Flato is now a character in Pokemon Go

named Mulletmon. Jan Flato celebrates Black Thursday. Jan Flato has a coin clip. Why don't you finish it off, Rand? Jan Flato likes to end his tweets with the hashtag Me3. And that's a little Jan Flato.

All right. Love you, Jan. Love it. Every time. I think we got to bring our guests on now. He's tremendous. He is a, I would say he is comedy royalty here in Chicago. And if you watch a little program named Veep, he is on that show.

And he plays Selena Meyers' ex-husband. Please give it up for the amazing Dave Basquise. Dave! And he plays Selina Meyer's ex-husband. Please give it up for the amazing Dave Pasquini! Thank you. It's a great game. It's a great game.

Dave's here. The best. Dave, how are you? I'm very well, thank you. How are you doing? We're great. We're good. I know we just introduced you to Jan Flato downstairs, but he's a lovely man.

He seems like a heck of a guy. And those are some great... Jan Flato dances as though everyone's watching. Came up with one. All the time. He can do it. A little self-conscious. Okay. Well, he came in hot.

He's one of the best improvisers around. We are so happy he's here with us. And I just want to jump into a story, Dan. Should we do it? Let's do it. What do you guys think? Let's do it. All right, first let me ask,

how many townies here brought stories? Hands up. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Okay, good. For the listener at home, I counted. So, good. We will have that happen later on, but let's do a story.

Sent in by, to prove I'm not a professional, forgot to copy and paste it. So let me know if it's you. Here we go. What better town to talk about when you're in Chicago? Green Bay. So let me know if it's you. Here we go. What better town to talk about when you're in Chicago? Green Bay. Oh!

That's where this took... You understand there's a rivalry? Okay, there you go. We're explaining that today. There's a rivalry between... All right. All right, ready? So when I was a kid, my next door neighbor moved in and then for my birthday

gave me a Packers helmet. What? Yeah. And I'm still to this day not sure if he was just fucking with me. Or if he didn't know. You don't do that.

No, you don't do that. He's going to wait until his deathbed and be like, did you like that one? With his last breath, just laughing at you. That would be great, though. If he died, he looked at you and was like, it was a bit. That's sitting on it. Okay, ready? Yep.

I know I say this a lot, guys, but we really only need the first sentence. Okay. Journalism at its finest. A man who claimed he stole cars to impress his son will spend three years on probation. Okay. Look, I have a son.

I want to impress him all the time. You're going to steal cars? I don't think I've ever thought of stealing a car to impress my child. Like the opening of Michael Jackson's Bad. He was just telling his son, I'm cool, man. I'm out here. I'm woke.

Dad, that doesn't mean you commit crimes. You don't know what it means. You try and steal a car. Dad, that doesn't mean you commit crimes. You don't know what it means. You try and steal a car. Dad, I'm six. But the kid who's actually impressed by that. That's a great kid. That's a fantastic kid. That's a nice kid, man.

That's a really good kid. How many cars did he steal? Three? No, I haven't told him. We haven't. Okay, all right. Because I imagine he steals like two cars and the kid's like, I'm kind of on board.

Keith Dart. Which I drove a Heath Dart for two years. Terrible brakes. Horrible. Terrible. Did you say no brakes whatsoever? Terrible brakes. That's also one of those names you know every time someone calls to him, it's first and last name.

Keith Dart! Hey, Keith Dart! Hey, guys, Keith Dart's here! Who's here? Did I tell you what Keith Dart did? No, no, you did not tell us what Keith Dart did. Keith Dart will also spend seven months in jail for those car thefts

and for two misdemeanor drug possession charges, a.k.K.A. Coolest Dad. The drugs were to impress his daughter. You know how sometimes you meet people from Wisconsin and before you ask, you can tell they used to live in Chicago? Yeah. All of these charges are brought down by Brown County Judge John Zakowski. It's definitely a Chicago transplant.

He was born in an alley on 81st and Stony. I was going to say he was born in a meatpacking plant. Yes. And rubbed his ears off or something. Keith Dart told investigators. Is his name Heath or Keith? With a K. Keith.

Okay, with a K. All right. That's not so bad. Keith Dart told investigators... Is his name Heath or Keith? With a K. Keith, okay, with a K. All right. That's not so bad. Keith Dart told investigators... How do you mean that's not so bad? Thank you. It's a long way from Heath. Dave, I was going to let it go,

but I'm glad you didn't. Heath is a bit exotic. Heath is a date raper. Keith is someone who steals a car to impress his kid. It's a very different situation. He told investigators, which to me, I hope he was like, I'm going to level with you guys. I'm a cool dad. He committed the thefts in September 2016 out of desperation to impress his runaway son.

By the way, can I say runaway son, my favorite Julia Roberts movie. My favorite Soul Asylum song. Were you in that? Were you in runaway son? I was up for a couple. If he's runaway, how does he

know? How do you contact a runaway son? Runaway son. We're now singing solo silence. Run away son, never coming back. Maybe he was like, his plan was, what's my kid like to do?

Collect football cards? No. Steal cars. I'll steal cars. He's probably an avid reader of the newspaper. When I get arrested, he'll be like, I'm going home. Guys, I got to go.

I got to go. Just in time for him to go to prison. Your Honor, if it's a crime to steal automobiles in order to impress my son and and also minor drug charges then i'm guilty no yeah it is that is all of those things are crimes yes you are guilty sentencing is next month yeah you just admitted to all those things that's how you're pleading okay i'd like to i'd like to strike no, no, it's already been said. Sir, if leaving a bag

in the airport alone is wrong, I don't want to be around. Also, in Dumb People Town, three judges. Yeah, three judges. It's more of a tribunal. Yeah, yeah. Everything's by committee. Yes. In Green Bay, everything is by committee.

Everyone's a shareholder. So he did this out of desperation everything's by committee. Yes, in Green Bay, everything is by committee. Everyone's a shareholder. All right. So he did this out of desperation to impress his runaway son, who was 16 at the time. You know, car impression age. Yeah.

By the way, at some point, I have a daughter who's about to turn 13. I feel like for the next 10 years, we're not going to be friends. Yeah, right. There's nothing I can do

that will impress her. Like, she's going to hate us. Maybe steal a cruise ship. Yes! I've got to steal the diarrhea ship in order to get... Well, we just had this with my nephews where some of them are starting to get too cool for me. They don't want to go to the movies with me

and stuff like that. And I said to my mom, I go, yeah, they're too cool. They're starting to be too cool. And she goes, don't worry, come back and i and i was like and then i looked at where i was when she said that and i was watching house hunters drinking red wine and playing playing cards with my aunt connie and my mom diane and i was like we do come you do that we do we really do come back. We come way back. We're not even halfway. We meet our parents where they are.

Dan would steal a car for his mom's books. You would steal a box of Zinfandel for your mom's. It's pronounced Zinfandel. Right. Hey, if it's in a box, it rocks. Okay, so I own that saying. I just made it up and I own it.

Dart! Told investigators. That's Keith Dart? That is Keith Dart, yeah. Not some dirtbag like Heath. No. Dave was just clarifying. It could have been Heath.

That happens to him a lot. We don't know the kid's name. Right, that happens to him a lot. He's like, your honor, I, Keith, not Heath Dart. He said he was afraid his son was addicted to the meth and admired people. We don't know for sure. We don't know.

This isn't about him. Wait a minute. You're saying this is Wisconsin and not Chicago and they talk about the meth? Yeah, I know. And that his son admired people who lived the, quote, thug life and would no longer talk to him. What are you going to do, Keith?

I'm going to get in that thug life. You know, I got to do what my boy wants. Oh, yeah, you got to go get it. You know, then you'll lose them, and then they don't come back if you don't steal a car for their love. I got an Astro van that I stole yesterday. Wait, are you the dad for Making a Murderer right now? You know what?

We all are. We all are. And I want to take you out to my tomato garden. Don't get strange. Don't get strange with me. For the listener at home, go watch Making a Murderer. So, here we go go this is where it gets we're peeling onion keith dart with a k said he created an alter ego who committed crimes

so his son would think he was cool and start talking to him again let me just tell you something it didn't work for garthth Brooks it's not gonna work for you I hope that they were like what what Keith what's your alter egos name he's like it's gotta be it's gotta be sorry The Bon Vivant. He's Dart. After he bailed on... He wears a scarf. He wears a scarf. That's it.

That's all he does. Just a scarf. He's committed to the K, maybe. So he's like, uh... Kaizenberg? Dart's brother. Mm-hmm. Enter Christopher Dart with a K.

And by the way, I would never not call him Chris Dart. No. If there's another brother and there's another K as a Jew, I'm leaving. That's when it goes to three, I walk out. Ken Dart. What if there's like a fourth? Would you come back? Yeah, I'll come back on a fourth.

Because as a son, you always come back. Keith Dart is also serving five years on probation for his involvement in the thefts. He said he helped his brother so that his brother would think he was cool. I'm joking. That's great. It's just a family that wants approval.

How great would that be? He's like, look, your honor, if trying to connect with your brother who's trying to connect with his son by stealing cars is wrong. And the son was only doing the meth because he wanted his dad's approval. It's a vicious Wisconsin cycle.

Fucking cheese. Like, my dad's out stealing cars. I got to impress him and start doing the math. Ran, you are dangerously close to me. Have you looked at any of these fun questions that I have here? You're on a scouts honor system right now. Are you in the scouts?

I dropped the boy. I was at Weeblos, so right around the time you needed a dad's help, I got out. I remember my Pinewood Derby just slid down the, there was no wheels. I had no clue what to do. They were like, oh, and the brick came in last. Huh. It's not a sledding competition, Dan. It was for me.

Okay. I don't even think, it was just a rectangle box. I didn't even take it out. I just... And that came in last. Did you guys do Pinewood Derby? No, we didn't do it. Did anybody here do Pinewood Derby?

Midwest as fuck. This is a great room. I do think with all the issues of child molestation that the Boy Scouts had to go through, Wee Blow is an unfortunate name. Yeah, that's a horrible name. Even then.

Even then. Even before anything became public. We're all like, no, that's not it. That shouldn't be. They're in the forest. He's wearing a tiny scarf. We what? Wee Blow?

No. No. Did you get your rim shot ribbon yet? No, it's all right. It's not a ribbon. All right, fine. It's a badge. At Sklar Brothers.

At Sklar Brothers. Send it all to her. The best thing about a dumb people town hall, I don't have to say it. Dave just said it's a badge. Okay, it's not a ribbon. All right. The two men were arrested in October 2016

in a hotel room in Bellevue where officers found drug paraphernalia, marijuana, and methamphetamine. He is trying to connect with his kid. That's it. So hard. And his kid wasn't there? No.

The meth was just in hopes that his son would arrive? Or maybe as a bait? Set the table for the guest you want, not the guest you have. That's right. Hey. They left a trail of meth crumbs. Yeah.

The two stole cars from dealerships and repair shop lots in Green Bay. This is where I'll say it wrong. Ashwaubenon. Ashwaubenon. Don't be proud of yourselves for knowing how to say it. It's a town in Israel. By the way, when the Ashwaubenon came into Oregon and set up that whole thing.

Wild Wild Country. Wild Wild Country. This is some fucked up shit. And then Ashwaubenon Sheila. That's a real character. And the last town, Howard. I love how Wisconsin's like, hey, let's get real

fucking creative with Fond du Lac. And then the next one we'll just do Appleton. Christopher Dart drove Keith Dart to areas where the thefts occurred and then would pick one we'll just do Appleton. Christopher Dart drove Keith Dart to areas where the thefts occurred and then would pick him up later. How many Fs in Christopher? How many do you think? I'm going two.

Double F. Two. None. None. Okay, it went P-H? P-H. Fuck him. Authorities estimate.

P-H-U-C-K. Authorities estimate Keith Dart stole how many vehicles? Oh, that's good. You are the guest. You are our guest. You can go first. You can go Tig, which is number two. Or you can go third.

What is second? How many cars do you think Keith Dart... Tig Notaro went in the second spot. So you can go second between us, first or third. I will go first. Okay. How many cars do you think Keith Dart stole for his son's love? A cool half dozen.

Wow. Six. Wow. Six. Jason or Randy Sklar? I was going to say three. I think it's only three cars. Okay. I think he stole ten cars. Ten cars.

Wow. Because after the first three, you're like, he's not coming. We got to step this up. Okay. Then three more. Okay.

And then just four just for fun now the last four were just for him townies this is why town halls are so much fun i want three people to help me guess get your hands in the air if you want to guess hold on miss right there with your hand over there you would first tell me your name kristen and you say how many four kristen says four okay let's give me another one. Did somebody over here have their name? Hold on. Yes, Miss, go. Fifteen. Fifteen. Jesus. Wow.

That's like every car in that dump town. We got more. If I don't get you, I'll go back. Okay, right here in the front with the beautiful shirt. What's your name? Katie. Katie. Two. Two.

The first one, they didn't even notice. They didn't even know. Okay. Second one, they got caught. The first one, they were driving. They're like, wait, this isn't our car. I guess we'll just take it. So's review dave you say six jason three okay ten ten and then we're back two four two and fifteen i'm interested in your guess oh he knows it's dead on. Dan knows. One of us here is exactly right. It will be Dan.

Authorities estimate that Keith Dart... They're estimating. They're estimating because there's cars that have been stolen and unaccounted for. We can't be certain he stole them. What, do you want us to fingerprint it? And he was too high

to actually remember. He would have told them. Willingly told them. He would have told them because he wanted the cops to think he was cool. He needs a number to impress his kid. Keith Dart. Police estimate that Keith Dart, along with the aid of his brother, to impress his son. We're not even done with the story. The amount of cars he stole

is estimated at 13. Oh! Yes! Wow. You win. Wow. 13

cars. It is so exciting. He's impressed me. Maybe I'm his kid, because that is really impressive, and I'm so fucked up on Crystal right now. Do you think that Chris Dart, around car seven, eight, or nine, was like, Keith, it ain't working, man.

It ain't coming back. Step it up. I've given up on so much of my life, including that boy. I'm not giving up on stealing cars. Thirteen cars. Thirteen cars is like the cars. Where do you put them?

Yeah, where do you put them? I think you should donate them to 1-877-CARS. Cars for kids. Do you guys know what that is? It's K-A-R-S. Cars for kids.

Ask my brothers. Be like, why would you bring negativity into the world? Fuck those kids. Not all kids, just those kids. Not all kids, just those kids. But this is actually 1-877-CARS-FOR-KID. It's for his kid.

And the K has never been more appropriate. Exactly. In all cases, this shows you the level. He really just wanted to impress his kid. He did not give a shit about the car. This is the next sentence. In all cases, they abandoned this shows you the level he really just wanted to impress his kid he did not give a shit about the car this is the next sentence in all cases they abandoned the vehicles undamaged and easy

to find locations it was just it was like a ride shares on a bed post yeah it's just for the love of the game that's the only there are 13 people in green bay who are like, where did I park this thing? And in Green Bay, what is an easy to find location? I imagine it's every Ponderosa parking lot. They go out to find their car and it's like, oh, it's right there. When did I park it over there? We found your car. I'm sure I parked it right there. I've never parked it that far back down the driveway.

Is this Debbie Gustafson? Yes. We found your car. Where is it? It's at Ripley's, believe it or not, at Wisconsin Dells. All right. Tommy Bartlett's Robot World for the win. Here we go. Tommy Bartlett's Robot World for the win. Here we go.

Tommy Bartlett's. For the listener at home, these are deep geographical cuts. Keith Dart's lawyer, Chris Frolich. Yeah. KRC. KRC. This is all-time dumb people town defense lawyer stuff. He told Zakowski Friday, just Friday,

that his client, quote, left his brain at the door. I want him to be a southern, fat, sweating, bolo tie. Your Honor, my name is Chris Frolich, and you will address me as such. My client, Your Honor, can we please get some air conditioning on in here? You got to go rhetorical. This is Green Bay in February.

It is very hot in here. I did not make the journey from Paducah, Kentucky. He also does a ton of rhetorical, like, your honor, your honor, let me ask you, where's your brain right now? My client simply checked

his in the door. That sure is beautiful. I would like to introduce exhibit one, the claim check. I would like to introduce exhibit one, the claim check. I would like to introduce it into evidence. He left his, quote, left his brain at the door and acted like an 18-year-old, not an older man, by indulging in joyriding in stolen cars. And we all know that at 18, that's all legal.

Yeah, right. That's all legal. So I was acting like, I was acting like an 18-year-old, and it's legal. When you're that age, meth and stealing cars, it's fine.

Then he said, quote, this is Keith, according to Keith Dart, Queef Dart, that's wrong. Queef Dart? Queef Dart is,

he said Queef, T-H. Keith Dart, Queef Dart is, Queef Dart is hisef T-H Queef Dart Queef Dart is his poor name. Well he is like Queef Dart because he just comes and goes. Quote, this is what he told the judge. Quote, I know what it feels like to have

something taken from you that you weren't hard hard for it's not a good feeling like that's not a defense he apologized for the inconvenience for for inconveniencing the vehicle owners and law enforcement first First off, real sorry. Hope that's good enough for you guys. Not real sorry for breaking the law. No, no, no. Just for your inconvenience. Of course. He just starts lashing out. I don't know why you're

sentencing me. I didn't get my boy back. Alright, we're going to get get out here on this how old is he start is he Keith it's Keith Keith or Chris do we know Chris's age either we do okay so Dave pass crazy do you want to go first TIG quiet in the peanut galleries or you want to go first? Tig, quiet in the peanut galleries. Or third. You get to guess first, second, or third. What do you want?

I'll go last. Last. Okay, Jake, go ahead. Keith Dart, he's got a 16-year-old son, so he's 29. 29. No. I'll allow it. I'm going to say 34. I'm not even joking.

Okay. 34. 34. All right, Randy. Keith Dart is, he's 43 years old, which by the way, is three years younger than us. Okay. Dave? 50. 50 years old. He's an older dad. All right. So we need three. older dad all right so we need three okay all right we need

three the right here in the gray hat say your name and tell me your number Nick yes Nick 44 years old Randy 44 years old all the way in the back the young lady right back here yes hi Caroline 38 years old okay somebody else the gentleman all the way back here. Yes. Hi, Caroline. Hi, Caroline. I guess it's 38. 38 years old. Okay. Somebody else. The gentleman all the way back here. 47. 47. All right. No one guessed like 62. Yeah. Could be an old dad. I don't know. There's a lot of mistake babies in Wisconsin. It's crazy how much I want to win right now. I know, you want to win so bad. You want to win so bad.

Every time someone's on the show, even these people have guessed, you feel a fire in you. And if I'm not right, I'm not going to believe you. Keith Dart. All he wants is that son love, and now probably wants meth too. And also freedom freedom freedom

he's real sorry about what he did understands what it's like to lose something get your answers in at home if you're playing along wherever you are we wish you were here in person but you're not here we go keith dart is 45 years old. Oh! 44. 44. Wow. You know what? Joe, my man on the tech,

let's go to that picture of Keith Dark. Oh! His Michael Stipe. Right. Exactly. Guys. His head is shaped like a dart. Right. Exactly. Guys, his head is shaped like a dart. You're right. If you're,

if you, when you see this on the Facebook page or you're looking at it live, you are right. Keith Dart is Mac's dad from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Yeah. Yeah. I think he looks like Michael Skype. Do you say Michael Skype?

Michael Skype. Okay, now if we could regain the room and pretend we're doing a professional show for a second. Would you like to play How Old is Chris Dart? Yeah. How old is the brother? I'll play. Would you like to go first, Tig, or third?

I'm going now. Okay. He's 47? That guy is 45. His younger brother is Keith Dart. His younger brother is 41. Okay, 41. Jason?

I just want the world to know that that guy is one year younger than me and Randy. That guy. Either we have not lived hard enough, or that guy has lived way too hard. That guy's like, if that guy's in a lineup, you're just like, oh, him. Yeah. Can we also say by looking at it two things? One, he committed to the thug life.

Yeah. Two, his expression says, did you take it? Yeah. Randy? Or Jake, did you take it? Yeah. Randy? Did you guess, Jake? I haven't guessed yet. You said what, 41? 41.

What do you think? I'm going to say 37. 37. I'm going to say 39. 39. Okay. Give me three people really quick. Who wants to guess?

Yes, right there. 23. And say your name. Kristen. What is it? Kristen. Kristen says 23. Yes.

The gentleman right here in the glasses. David? David, 32. Okay. Give me one more right here in the glasses. David? David, 32. Okay, give me one more right here by the bar. What is it? 38. What's your name? Nicole.

Is one of us right, damn it? No. Fuck! Christopher Dart, who just wanted his brother to think he was cool by helping him steal cars and move them across the street. Get your answers in. Is.

34 years old. Oh! Right there, 32. Jeez Louise. That's our first story. Let's go to the picture. Oh! nice that's our first story let's go to the picture oh that guy looks like the accomplice to every crime

that has been committed for the last century this guy looks like his head was sewn onto not his body so easily manipulated guys I love how much you're reacting but there are people who are going to try to listen to this episode at some point. So let's help them out by telling them this guy definitely died in season one of Sons of Anarch. This guy drinks four Mountain Dews a day.

This guy hasn't had more than three hours of sleep in six years. This guy starts every day by asking his current girlfriend, where's my spitter? This is the guy who appears when you say Beetlejuice twice. That's great. All right, that's story one. We'll take a break. We'll be right back with more Don't Be Bulltown right after this.

All right. Hey, guys, welcome back to Don't Be Bulltown, live from Chicago. At the North Bar. At the North Bar. Dave is our guest. You are not, what live shows are you doing in town? I'm asking you just... Not doing any.

No. No. Okay. Okay. I'm going to do a show with Ike Riley. Oh, that's sweet. At the end of the month over at Old Town School. Look at that.

All right. So go see him. Chicagoans, go see him for that. And can you say anything? Is Veep... Looks like it goes back into production in August. Okay. That's great.

Cross your fingers. Love it. Love you on it. So good. And you have had a long history doing improv and whatnot here in Chicago. You were in Second City. And did you perform in the main, IO? Did you perform on the main stage of Second City?

I did. You did? I was there in the previous century. Yeah. Yeah. Back in the previous century. Yeah. Back in the old 1900s. Took a horse to Old Town. Yeah, I was a lamplighter during

the day. Yeah. A lamplighter. Yeah, not very busy. I was a lamplighter during the day. But you were there in the late 80s. Late 80s, yeah. I thought you meant lighter during the day. But you were there in the late 80s. Late 80s, yeah.

I thought you meant back in the day. You literally meant during the day. During the day, yeah. During the day. During the daytime. My day job. Oh, okay. My day job was lamp lighter.

The energy at that place in the 80s, Del Close still around, kind of unbelievable. It was pretty, we had a great time. It was Farley in your review? He was. He was in, we had a great time. It was Farley in your review? He was. Can I ask you just as, I cried when I found out he passed away, so this is a big question for me.

I'm so lucky I get to ask you. The stories of like, when he hit the stage, that it was just like, this undeniable like, energy of just like, comedy. What,

for you, like playing with him on Second City, what was that like? Oh Jesusesus here he comes again really now nobody's gonna pay any attention to anything you're doing yeah but he was great he was a he was this weird you know is a weird different force that just shows up it was he was great they said like somebody told me once it was hard to put him anything that wasn't the focus of the sketch, because he was supposed

to just hand the tray, or like, whatever, but it would just kill, or people would watch him walk around. I wish we still could. Way to bring the room up, Dan. Yeah. What was the name of your first review? Do remember the gods must be lazy

phenomenal i love the claw brothers play on words i love those second city review phenomenal taming of the flu that was there when i was there we talked about like when growing up in st louis, we would drive up to Chicago to see Second City I think we saw the review that was like before you right before you were there Richard Kine was in that but for us It was like the end-all be-all to just go up there and still is amazing Go do you get back there and play with them at all? I have I haven't been in a while I mean because I'd live so far you live in Old Town. Yeah Because I live so far.

You live in Old Town. Yeah. No, I haven't been. It was the best time, though, being there. It was just an absolute blast. I love it. Well, we love that we have you here. Thank you. For one more story, and then we will get to your stories.

Dan, you got one? Yes. Here we go. This was sent in by Steve's Hair Bear. I think he means his dog, because he has a dog emoticon after that at Scotty IMP Scotty imp s Co TT ie I am all right residents in an upscale Denver neighborhood are banding together in a bid to get some relief from the organized sex parties regularly held in one of the ritzy homes that has been dubbed Thunderstorm Play Palace.

Guys, Dumb People Town's got some new residents. And it's the Thunderstorm Play Palace. Well, I love... Thunderstorm is kind of ominous. Right. Play Palace is where you book your six-year-old's birthday party. We're going to the Play Palace. Thunderstorm Play Palace is like what someone could call their own asshole. Am I right?

Could. Because it's got all of it. Or like the guy who didn't play any instruments in Funkadelic. Thunderstorm Play Palace. because it's got all of it. Or like the guy who didn't play any instruments in Funkadelic. It's not understormed by that. Neighbors in the meadows in Castle Rock. I mean, it's like double pretension. The meadows. The meadows in Castle Rock.

It's like the gated community within the gated community. Well, people in this community say people from all walks of life are filtering in and out of the home. Like, there's like a... That's white people trying to say people of color are in my gate. Oh, really?

All walks of life. Oh, I was hoping it was like a train conductor. And then like a coal miner. And then like a toll booth worker. From every corner of society yes they're filtering in and out of the home which according to a purported invitation asked them to bring their own condoms and be respectful of the quote new furniture so it's not new day you don't Guys, can you please be cool about the new furniture?

And new underwear for me. What's more respectful than a thunderstorm? All right, if we could try to hit the slide to go to the picture of the house. Guys, that's the thunderstorm play palace. That house looks like i swear to god if you told me that like charles barkley lived there i'd be like yeah okay i buy that jesus but according to police the organizer who is described by fox 31 denver the fox i don't know. This house is a metaphor for the guy who owns it. It's big because it's compensating for a small front lawn.

Right. I mean, we're going to have sex parties. It's going to be great. And in order to feel better about his front lawn, he asks as many people with their own front lawns to come and make him feel better about his front lawn. But be careful of the landscaping. Right.

According to police, guys. And you can water my front lawn if you want to. You can just come and do whatever you want to do. I just like to watch. I actually do just mean water my front lawn. Yeah, no, no, that wasn't sexual. Yeah, because that'll ruin the ground. According to police, the organizer

who's described as being a father and husband isn't breaking any rules. So police are like, tough titty. Yeah. Oh, people are having fun parties and you're not invited? Fuck off. That's what the

cop said. One neighbor who declined to provide her full identity we always love when they do this hit the next slide for me my friend she doesn't want her full identity so she'll just appear on camera get me from a low angle so it looks like i have four chins in the shadow of the sun do you live in this community? Yeah. And you know everybody around here? Uh-huh. Can we get your name?

Oh, hell no. No. Can we take your picture? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's fine. Just as long as people don't know who I am. What's on the lens? Good call, good call.

It's a little thunderstorm. It's a little thunderstorm. It's a little thunderstorm residue. Someone drizzled on the lens. She said that she received a copy of the party invitation from an anonymous person who was concerned about the events. I hope that means she was invited to this party. She's like, oh, I got it. I didn't sign up.

I got it from somebody. Why would I sign up for their mailing list? I got it from somebody else. I'm not going to say who. I'm not going to say their name or my name, but you got me on the shot, right? That's a four-page invitation. Oh.

It's pretty elaborate. It's called a palace yeah there are a lot of do's and don'ts on that thing page three wherein? page three specifically deals with the break front and

new furniture it's all about the brand new it shows that 400 people were invited and new furniture. It's all about the brand new quote unquote new furniture. It shows that 400 people were invited to the thunderstorm play palace. I'm going to ask you guys how many RSVP as yes. Dave, do you want to guess how many people RSVP out of the 400 as they would be there?

I'm going to say a 78, 78. Okay. Jason and Randy. I'm going to say 78. 78. Okay. Jason and Randy? I'm going to say 140. I know. I'm going to say 210. Now, every time, I love this town.

This is when you all talk. You're still doing it. We're trying to play a game for you, and you're playing a game with your neighbor. Shh. Don't go down there. Enjoy it. Don't go hit it. Dan's gonna come hit someone just to impress

his 16-year-old son. I mean... Well, he does enjoy that thug life. I do. And my stop it? My stop it is strong. Stop it. Stop it. Whoa.

Yeah, I told you. I told you. I'm getting my boy back. Now. Randy, did you guess? I said 210. Now I'm really worried about what's on that lens. I said 140, and you said 78.

78. 78. Okay, all right. Let me get three guesses. Gentle gonna get three guesses straight across from me say your name Darius worse right right here we're gonna go both in the front row Cindy 13 Hillary, 69. 69. Hillary! Guys, that's our show.

Black love. Let me tell you something. I'm just going to say this. If this Hillary ran, she would have won. Because she nailed it. That's probably true. My vote. She got my vote. She got my vote.

Mine too. I'm with her. We are stronger when we are together in a weird configuration. The amount of people who RSVP'd as yes to the Thunderstorm play palace is 87.

Oh! Nice! A reversal of your numbers. This is the neighbor whose name we don't have. Quote, I think it's disgusting. The invitation references the Thunderstorm Play Palace and boasts a 7,500 square foot dwelling with every amenity.

And you know these are going to be good. Yeah. Including alcohol, food. Okay. Complete with a vegetarian menu. Son of a bitch. know these are going to be good. Including alcohol, food, complete with a vegetarian menu. Son of a bitch. Pulled pork tacos. Pulled pork tacos.

That could be a sexual euphemism. What do you want at any good sex party? Well, they list it here. A chocolate fountain. Which is also a move that is on the do's and don'ts list. Which is why so many people be fucking at a Golden Corral.

If we can hit to the next slide, we have a picture of... The fountain, I'm hoping. Look at that beautiful playpen area room. Oh my God. This was, they wanted to highlight,

this is one of the community rooms. I'll mention in a second. Go to the next slide for me. Tons of nipple wax. Guys, here's what's in the room. Two private playrooms, one large open playroom, one semi-private theater play, I hope it says house. Four large areas for mingling. Six bathrooms which show... I don't know what is being shown.

What do they show? Witch shower. Witch shower. Witch shower. Witch shower. It should be witch. You can shower with witches. Whole home audio.

A patio heater. Guys, nothing more sexually deviant than a patio heater. Come on, let me heat this patio up. What is this, the bunny ranch? I mean, come on, guys. I'm going to go heat this patio up, and then I'm going to heat you up. Let's go to the next slide. We also get to see some other items of food that you can get there.

Green chili pulled pork tacos. Guys, hold on. I'm reading it. Who is Ruby? Ruby's famous queso. We're going to need those six bathrooms. Hot ham and cheese sliders. Another move on the do's and don'ts list.

Several snacks and sides options. Okay. And you guys, come on. Quit throwing coins in that fucking fountain. We got to clean it every time. That's for eating. I know you made a wish. Just ask. Don't wish.

Just ask. They're going to do it. That's what this party's all about. That's what the six bathrooms and witch showers are for. The invite also says, according to the station, that donations of $70 for couples and single men

and $20 for women are taken at the door. Now, pretty reasonable. But so much less for women. But the way I count that is women don't pay at all. Because if it's a couple, the guy's paying his 70, and if the guy's on his own, he's paying his 70.

Ladies get a free ride. Now, ladies getting a free ride. For too long in America. Gentlemen, how long are we going to stand for this, man? Today, today, we say no more! Dave. Today! Dave. Today, Dave. Now, guys, there's another wrinkle in this cost that they don't mention here,

but there was a picture that really, hopefully someone in this room in an orderly fashion can help me figure out. So let's hit the next slide here for me, please. What is a Pegasus? Couples are, it must be a man. If a unicorn's a woman. No, unicorn is when you put a dildo on your forehead. It says couples, $70. Unicorns, $20.

Pegasus with double asterisks, $70. Now, I understand if someone in this room knows what a Pegasus is they will also be outing a major quality of their own What is a Pegasus? Do you know what it is? Nobody knows You know after?

You know after if someone's a Pegasus We derailed Pegasus was of course the winged horse from Greek mythology that was flown not by Perseus, but by Bellerophon. Common mistake. And I think that's what they meant here. Well, Zeus liked to call his cloud the thunderstorm playfellas. The woman who kind of wanted to be identified said,

quote, some of the people coming in and out are so old, they struggled walking up the stairs. That pulled pork is going to be a havoc. They're actually just coming for the food. $70, all you can eat with a chocolate fountain. It's funny that the party starts at 4 in the afternoon. That's when they want to eat. Let's go, Linda.

You guys carry on. I'm just going to stay in the garage. There's a two-car garage and a one-car garage. She adds that attendees even brought their own festive refreshments. Quote, one person had four crockpots showing up like they were going to a bunco party or something. What's bunco?

I just learned this. Bunko is an actual card game, but I know it as Bunko Squad, right? I don't know that either. Bunko Squad was a group of cops. They'd bust gambling. So it's a bunko party. That's what it looked like. I guess you have to play bunko

with a minimum four crockpots? That's how you bet. It's a group of women who get together and play dice games. Cool, I didn't ask you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. For free. For free. Yeah. For free. Those women aren't getting charged. I just love when people are like, I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it.

I appreciate it. They don't know. They don't know. It's not like I can't tell them later. Dave, you don't tell me what to do. I tell me what to do. I will say it. Do not yell out. You do not yell out. Okay. Dave, you don't tell me what to do. I tell me what to do. I'm saying it.

Do not yell out. You do not yell out. Okay. No, I'm not going to. You do not yell out at a live show. Don't yell out. You do not do it. Don't you do it. Okay.

If you do it, you're walking home. You're next to me. Will you hold my beer? I've got to say something. No, don't. Don't hold her beer for her. Okay. The party organizer does not want to reveal his identity

but said he's the victim in this controversy. Let's go to that picture of him. It's just his hand. It's like the symbol of the United Way. Those are the hands of someone who is very, very guilty.

And on chemo. Oh. And then that's the... Hey. All the blokes I see. Too soon? Was it too soon for the sex party guy you all know and love? I love that you can see just a corner of his smoking jacket.

And his bulge. Yeah. Oh, is that what he's blocking? Quote, there was significant harassment so far I've received from the neighbors. Not a fan of making

a good sentence. That's like a wart, isn't it, on the back of his hand there? Trust me, I've been tested, bro. I'm good, so. No, you're not going to get it. You're not going to get it. No, I mean, I see a wart. There's an open sore on his hand. No, you're not going to get it. You're not going to get it.

I don't know. I mean, I see a wart. There's an open sore on his hand. No, you're not going to get it. Don't worry about that. That's probably not a good sign. Look away. Don't look at that.

You're all right. Keep that handle. At least keep that handle. Hey, don't look at that. You're all right. That's been there since Reagan, man. Don't worry. I'm pretty sure you can catch that.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. The only thing you're going to catch is feelings. Now get over here. Okay. Let's heat up my feelings. Now get over here. Okay. Let's heat up my patio. You'll warm me down. Here's the thing.

This is a guy who's definitely used the phrase it's been dormant for a while. Quote, he said neighbors tried to block his driveway with trash cans. This is like, like rich people like fighting fighting this is like rich people

neighbors solid passive-aggressive so but we saw the driveway right yeah yeah they can still park on the street yeah plenty of street parking yeah that's page four on On the invite. He said neighbors tried to block his driveway with trash cans, and a guest's car was keyed, resulting in expensive damage. That was keyed before you got there. Yeah. The party organizer, who is a father and husband, said he understands his neighbors' concerns

and has made efforts to conceal anything that might be offensive. Quote, there are no open areas you can see outside to have children or anyone see what they don't want to see. Yeah, what about what they want to see? My kids would want to see this. There are peep holes for that. Yeah, exactly. It's a father and a husband.

He just wants to impress his kids. Which can't be people fucking in every room in the house Does that make me a cool dad? I think it does I think that makes me a pretty fucking cool dad What about your old naughty ham man Now I just love people who answer their own

Rhetorical questions I mean is it right for me to be mad? I think it does I'm mad right it right for me to be mad? I think it is. I'm mad right now. I'm going to read the next sentence. It gets real weird at the end. He also said he has installed soundproofing in the home with close attention paid to the basement windows. What?

All right. Stay sexy. Don't get murdered. That's right. That's right. Stay sexy, don't get murdered. That's right. That's right. Shout out. To you. Shout out to my favorite murder.

Anyone who has made adjustments to their basement in a soundproofing way is not a house you want to be in. That's right. Never. Never. Every house you enter, you should be heard if you scream. I don't care if it's Danny Serafin from Chicago and he's like, that's where I keep my drums. I'm not going in that fucking basement.

Nope. Nope. I don't need to see it. Yeah, the basements are pretty soundproof already. I mean, they're surrounded by concrete and earth. Flat earth. No, he's trying to soundproof the one window to the basement where a scream might leak out. I'm going to tell you right now, okay? The thing on my hand is not contagious,

and I paid close attention to them basement windows. For the last time at home, I winked. So I can scream as loud as I want and nobody will hear me? You're going to. Are you sure nobody will hear me? Because I scream pretty loud, and it's real convincing. No, well, we've soundproofed it. Do I scream pretty loud?

I think I do. Wait, is there another bump on your hand now? I see another bump. That one was there. You just didn't notice, so we didn't talk about it. That don't make me scream even louder. Now get over here and heat up my patio. The neighbor said this

before she walked away, which will also end our time at the thunderstruck storm palace. Also, doesn't it sound like the most badass place in Game of Thrones? Ever.

You quote, one resident that wasn't enough for, she said, quote, you can hear what people are doing when they're doing it. Soundproof my ass, motherfucker. Soundproof my ass. That's story two, guys.

Story two! We'll be back. When we come back, your stories on Dumb People Town. All right. All right, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. All right. All right, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town, Chicago! Our guest is Dave Past Squeezy.

We are the Skly Brothers. Can you... And Dan Van Kirk is with us. All right, we want to get to everybody. So if we move you along, it's only out of love. It's a beautiful shirt. Beautiful shirt. Here we go.

Say your name, Townie. Emily. Hi, Emily. Let's do it. It's a beautiful shirt. Beautiful shirt. Here we go. Say your name, Townie. Emily. Hi, Emily. How are you? Let's do it. All right. The headline is, man stunned after attempting sex with car in Kansas. Oh.

I like it. Now, here's the deal. We have a choice here, because this story is going to be done tomorrow in Oklahoma. So I would say, what should we do? One thing about it? Yeah, let's just do the headline. All right, just the headline.

Let's just talk about the headline and speculate what we think. Okay, read it again. Man stunned. Man stunned after attempting sex with car in Kansas. Do you think he's stunned that the car didn't love him back? Yeah, I think so. There it is. Do you think he's stunned that the car didn't love him back? I think so.

Do you think he was just trying to impress his son? Look, I can fuck this car. Yo. What if it was a Dodge Dart? But also, what if it was a Heath Dart? If it's running,

you're always good. Thank you so much. So fucking the tailpipe? If it's running, you're always good. Thank you so much. That's a great one. Thank you. So fucking the tailpipe? I don't know. All right, we're going to try and riff off your headline. Give it to us. Man angry over socks attacks two with sword in Hudson.

That's what he's saying. That's all we need. What's your name, Tony? I'm Mike. All right, Mike. Man angry over socks attacks two with sword. Two humans? He attacks two humans or attacks two socks?

I slice right through those bomba socks. Oh, two against one, huh? Bring it, motherfucker. Oh, you always come in pairs. Not anymore, bitch. You about to be red-toed, you son of a bitch. Hudson, Florida. Why not to be red-toed, you son of a bitch. Hudson, Florida. Why not?

Oh, why not? Yeah. A Hudson man is behind bars after deputies say he attacked two people with a sword because he was angry over socks. I love that this article starts with the headline twice.

Pasco deputies were called to a home on Lauderdale Street Tuesday afternoon for the incident. According to the arrest report, I'm going to hold back on the age. Sure. Brandon McCray. Oh, Brandon. Started arguing with people inside his home and accused several of them of stealing his socks. Actual people? The report states McCrae threatened

the people in the home saying he would be back and they would be sorry. Okay. We know what happened next. Do you want us to play guess the AG? Let's play guess the AG? Let's do guess the AG.

Okay. All right. For Brandon. He's living in a home with other people. I have read this story. I will not be guessing. What do you got? And he went out and got a sword and came back.

Yep, over socks. He figured a sword would be the best way to handle this. I'm saying 50. Oh. I'm going to say 41. I think this guy's young. I think this guy's 25. It's a college situation, maybe.

Brandon McRae is 47. Oh! Wow! One more detail? Sure, one last detail. Deputies say McRae then left the home and returned with a ninja sword, which he used to injure two people. Oh, well, that's nice.

You know that they kept saying put down the sword, and he kept saying it's a ninja sword. Thanks, Mike. You can't even see. Yeah, you don't even see me right now. Meanwhile, you know, as the people were getting cut up, they're like, it got lost in the dryer. Can I first say that you guys are really, really bad at pronouncing everything in Florida?

Oh, yeah. Oh, no. We know we're terrible. Are you from Florida? And you guys literally every time. Can I tell you? I'm not offended by it. It's a terrible place.

I was going to say, it's okay. Oh, no. It's fine. Okay. So, man asked trooper to leave scene of crash so he could get more meth. terrible place. I was going to say, it's okay. No, it's fine. Okay, so man asked trooper to leave scene of crash so he could get more meth. FHP says.

Tell us your name, by the way. Scott. Scott, thank you. Scott, let me just ask you, are we pronouncing that right? Killing it. All right. What did Sot say? Okay, okay. Scott says,

read the headline again. Man asked trooper to leave scene of crash so he could get more meth. FHP says. Did he ask the trooper to leave or ask if he could leave? Either way, it's polite.

I'm going to be real with you, man. Would you be cool if you just peaced out right now so I can go get more meth? Or would it be cool if I just stepped off for a minute? Yeah. I'll be back. Let me ask you this.

You're going to be tied up with this for a while, right, man? I know how paperwork is, man. First thing he says to the cop, let me just ask you, officer. Of course, we'll get to the meth. I just want to know, what's your relationship like with your son? Can you give us a sentence or two yeah uh a man was arrested sunday after asking a florida highway patrol trooper if he could run away from the scene of a crash saying he saying he could get the trooper more meth than he had found in his car oh that's a lot of math but what if I showed you what was behind car number two you seem to get really excited when you found that little bit

right we'll do better we'll do better with our Florida. How could you guys screw up those pronunciations so often? I don't know. Consistently. It's Florida stuff. What's your name, sir? Dan. Dan.

Homeowner finds naked intruder in her tub eating Cheetos. Oh. Homeowner finds naked intruder in her tub eating. The worst offense of all, eating Cheetos, which is going to put orange stuff in your tub. Is that like when you get into the tub at somebody's house and you're like, I want to make this more comfortable. I mean, I wouldn't do this at my house.

You know what I love when I take a bath? Just a whole lot of Cheetos. You know what I love? I just a bath? Just a whole lot of Cheetos. You know what I love? I just let them float around and I pick up. Putting my wet hands on chips that could rub stuff off on them. Ain't nothing better. And then I like bathing in the Cheeto dust. You know, getting a thin film of wet orange Cheeto dust all on my balls.

Greg, can you give us a little more? Yeah. Police in Louisiana say a woman came home to discover a naked stranger in her tub eating Cheetos while taking a bath. A Monroe Police affidavit says, I'll leave the age out, Evelyn Washington was arrested on burglary and property damage charges. A lady. A woman. A lady got in for free. I think we're going to have to walk off on that one.

Are we guessing her age? The age of the woman in the tub? Let's guess her age. I think she's 71. 71. 71 from Randy her age. I think she's 71. 71. 71 from Randy Sklar. Dave? 24.

24. 36. 36. I will go 38. She is 29 years old. Oh, Dave is getting so good at this. One more detail. One more detail.

Close enough to those 20s. Police found a tall ice chest under a broken window and they leave you with, it's unclear if she has a lawyer. Oh, I'm going to say she doesn't. Your honor, my client here checked her brain

at the tub. Hello, Tony. What's your name? Hey, my name is Allie. Hi, Allie. So, my title is Florida man, in quotes, practices his karate on swans at Lake Eola Park. Florida man practices karate. Is this another story we're doing? No.

I just never do stories where animals get hurt, but I would love it if- No, it's unfortunate. It definitely is, but funny nonetheless. Alright, let's hear one detail that doesn't get too gruesome. And though I haven't read it. Oh. Oh, a Jacksonville man is accused of kicking swans at Orlando

Park for karate practices. Multiple witnesses say that Rocco attacking the swans, whatever, according to the Orlando Police Department. One witness says, oh. Alright, yeah, I don't know if we need to get it. Do you see where it goes?

Yeah, it goes so bad so quickly. But here's the deal. Swans are dicks. Swans are dicks. It's okay. That's part of it. Swans are dicks. Honestly, that is part of it. That's part of Rocco's defense. Swans are dicks and most of them are white, so it's okay.

It does go on to say that goose and fucking swans are the worst. All right. Police arrived to the scene and arrested the guy. All right, so he's arrested. There is... Yeah, it's fine. I think that was probably his defense.

Oh, but they also searched for the swans that were attacked, but they couldn't find them. So maybe the swans are somewhere else developing new skills. Yeah, sure. Like my dog, Heidi, that went to the farm. Wouldn't it be great if the swans developed a whole sort of... I'm going to ask our brothers myself here. Just get it out.

And the swans move to totally and go after this guy is the crane. That would be great. All right. Goodbye, Randy. Thank you.

That was wonderful. Thank you so much. Love it. Fucking rock. Good one. Hello. Hello, Micah. Micah, welcome.

All right, here we go. Last townie story of the night. The headline is, Poop-smearing passenger prompts plane to land in Alaska. Poop-smearing passenger prompts plane to land in Alaska. Also a sentence people say to warm up before in theater. Yeah. Poop-poop-sippin'.

By the way, what plane wasn't going to Alaska but then had to stop there? Where are you going where Alaska is what you're going through to get somewhere else? The other thing about it is, like, you know, everyone at Southwest is like, Nick, that's not fucking us. We didn't make that mistake. We were on a Southwest flight today, and everyone was like, we're not sitting by the window. That's what everyone said on the way in.

I sat right by it. Too soon? Sorry. No. Thanks, Dave. Here we go. Micah has the floor. Chicago, Illinois.

The unisanitary behavior of single passenger forced a Chicago plane of travelers hoping to leave the bitter cold of Chicago to find themselves landing in Alaska Thursday after an unusual... Honey, we're finally getting out of this weather. And nothing can stop us. There's nothing that can stop us. Oh, we made it through the flight. We got our cocktail. We are all ready.

We are going to Hawaii! Why are we banking? An unusual crappy United flight. Oh. We didn't write it. We didn't write it. You didn't do it. We didn't write it.

Airport police in Anchorage said United Flight, United Airline Flight 895 from O'Hare to Hong Kong was diverted due to a topless passenger who was blamed for smearing feces in the cabin.

So it's a woman. Oh, it's still a man to me. No, no, no. If you're a dude and you're topless. And I'm sure there was still a couple of guys on that plane that'd be like, I'd do her. Why don't you come over to business class? I'll show you a good time. I get all my movies for free.

I guess I got their attention, said Lieutenant Joe Gamache of Anchorage Airport Police and Fire Department. Ground crews in Alaska received word around 4.45 p.m. local time that a 22-year-old man defecated and made a mess in at least two of its bathrooms, Gamache said. Maybe he just really wanted to go to Alaska. Maybe he just really wanted to go to Alaska. The passenger traveling on a Vietnamese passport was having some type of issue and also took off his shirt and stuffed it into one of the planes. I'd say he was having some type of solution. When the Boeing 777 landed at Ted Stevens International Airport around 6.30 p.m. local time, the shirtless smearer was greeted by the FBI and Department of Homeland Security and local police. By this point, the man was cooperative

with flight attendants and was sitting in his assigned seat. Okay. We're going to get out of that because I just want the image of him putting shit all over an airplane with his shirt off and then trying to tell anyone who would listen, I'm good. Guys, I'm good. Guys, I'm good. I'm good.

I'm good. Micah. What's the problem? Just him pulling out the menu and is like, I'm good. Guys, I'm good. Guys, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. What's the problem? Just him pulling out the menu and is like, I'll have the snack box. I don't know what you guys are so hung up about. I'm done pooping. Micah, we're going to close out on that. Unless you have one more thing. Do it. One more thought. Are you good?

Let's just sit in this moment. This one basically fell in the medical category, said Gamashi. So he wasn't even arrested. So he wasn't even arrested. It was just a medical problem. He was admitted to a psychiatric facility. Well, that's probably for the best. He may have just been trying to mark his Yukon territory.

Yes! He may have just been trying to mark his Yukon territory. Ah, there it is! All right, he's Dan Van Kirk. I'm Jason Sklar. He's Randy Sklar. He's Dave Basquithy. This has been Dumb People Town. Thank you. It's a good show.