Dumb People Town - Margaret Cho - Pedal Away Groom

Episode Date: November 19, 2019

Margaret Cho visits town to hear about a woman who leads a shirtless chase. In story 2, a groom gets into trouble borrowing a bike. In story 3, a woman loses her memory about a difficult trip to the bathroom. 

Skypain's out of here. Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Talk your downies. Dumb People Town. Hey, townies.

Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population. Population show. Margaret Cho. Margaret Cho. Margaret Cho. Hi Margaret. It is so good to see you. It's good to see you. Just pure joy whenever we see you. So I think we met you

at like Caroline's in New York in like the late 90s. Probably 98 we opened for you. Yes, that's true. It was you guys and then sometimes it was Jim Gaffigan too yeah crazy town gaffigan opening for you so fun but you were so good to us from the get-go oh we had a good time yes i'm largo out here the old largo and we've just been a fan of yours forever oh and

we're so glad to have you on here because we we believe the world's getting dumber i don't know how you feel about that or if you... It's true. I agree. Or dumb's getting louder? Or dumb is, it's the, you know, I guess it's the new thing

to be dumb. Right. You're like, that's it. It's never been more okay to be uninformed. It's a good way to put it. And opinionated.

Yeah, yeah. It goes hand in hand. Yeah, right. But dumb shouldn't be the thing and it is the thing. So we have to take back the smart, right? Right, I think thing. So we have to take back the smart, right? Right.

I think so. So we're fighting back with comedy and our dumb boots on the ground find amazing stories for us to break down. These are the stories that get passed around. They get sent to Dan. We've never heard them. Margaret's never heard them. No.

But Dan's only kind of heard them. Yeah. A little bit. So let's jump into one right away. Let's skim. Ready? Here's the headline. First, I should say it's sent in by Kim Gaston, at Kim underscore Anne, A-N-N-E, underscore 42.

Thanks, Kim. I can't underscore enough how much I appreciate it. Her name is underscore. I love this headline. Ready? Shirtless woman arrested after hitting bus, then flipping stolen postal truck and going on foot chase in northeast Portland. Portland, Oregon?

Hits a bus, flips a postal truck, yes, and then goes on a foot race. And this is all shirtless. Yeah, that's good. At some point. She either has really small breasts or she's just like not caring. Or just a lot of endurance. There's something inside of me that's saying, what man did this to her?

Not even man. What bad relationship forced her to do this? But is it like a punching of the bus? How did she hit the bus? There are one or two ways. Okay, but let's pause it before it even happens, because I like guessing before we know the details. She hit it with a car.

So she's either, she drove a postal truck into a bus and then it flipped it and then she ran away. Or she's like got superhuman strength. She punched a bus, walked over to a postal truck, flipped it, ripped her shirt off Hulk style and then just ran out of it. Yeah, and then why shirtless and not topless? Usually women are topless. Right, men her shirt off Hulk style and then just ran out of it. Yeah. And then why shirtless and not topless? Usually women are topless. Men are shirtless.

Dudes are shirtless, yeah. Maybe because she still had a bra on? Topless is like... That's all she was missing? Yeah, but topless is more like seduct... There's a seduction to it. Right. Shirtless means like you lost your shirt. Yeah, they don't call them like shirtless dancers.

That would be great. Yeah, a ton of shirtless dancers. Although the Thunder from Down Under, those guys are shirtless. It would be great to be like topless dancers if it was like no shirts, full bar. No shirts at all in here. No shirts. You know what would be great? They go shirtless for the whole show.

If it was a topless bar, everyone had to be topless. Right. So even if you're going to go in there and you're going to sit and pay your money, you've also got to,

and you're a guy who wants to like lurk, you got to take your shirt off too. I think that's a good idea. I think that's more equality. Yeah. That's good. And topless bars

should only serve tiny plates, right? Yeah, those are topless. No. Topless. Topless. Topless topless bar.. Topless? Topless. Topless topless bar? Shirtless. Come on.

Here we go. I apologize. Portland, Oregon. KPTV is where we get this. A woman stole a postal truck, hit a bus, flipped the stolen vehicle, and ran away before she was arrested in Northeast Portland, according to police. When was the last time you were in Portland? Not that long ago, actually.

So good up there. Oh, I was there. We'll Portland? Not that long ago, actually. So good up there. Oh, I was there. We'll be there in June. Oh, you guys go to Helium, right? We go to Helium, although we're going to do our podcast live at the Baghdad Theater. Oh, how great. It's so great. That's awesome.

That's a great theater. That's great. But there's a lot of casual stripping in Portland. There is. And great restaurants in strip clubs in Portland. Oh, yeah, that's true. There's a vegan topless restaurant Vegan topless

Well, it's a strip club, but it's vegan I mean, they're a little strict on the rules And I heard that they put a stripper on Administrative leave for having a yeast infection I think that's going too far That's not vegan Well, yeast is alive Okay, yeast is alive.

Okay, yeast is alive. It's just more of a culture. It is a culture. So is this woman's infection. It was also alive. It's alive. It's alive. But then, yeah, Portland is, well, I would say maybe Portland would be why the shirtless thing is mentioned because Portland, I think you can be braless, topless as a woman and

it's legal. Right. You're cool. Because they don't free the nipple, in other words. There's no zoning going on, anti-nipple zone. Even near schools. Officers

describe the woman as a, quote, shirtless suspect. And they're like, that's all we're saying. By the way, if I'm ever just described as a shirtless suspect, people have not seen our body of work. The investigation began at 12.15 p.m. Thursday on the 16,000 block of Southeast Adler Street. Police said a woman stole a U.S. Postal Service truck and hit a passenger bus near Northeast 162nd Avenue and Wasco Street. So you're on the bus and you're like, I can't believe it.

I already hate that I'm on the bus. Right. What else is going to come around? What is this postal truck doing right now? And it is just coming around. She's going postal. Yes, that is seriously going postal. That's the definition of going postal.

In the traditional sense of the word. Three people reported sustaining minor injuries on the bus due to the conclusion. Collision, sorry. In conclusion. Yeah, in conclusion. You're drawing your own conclusions, Dan. Officers attempted to stop the stolen truck, but they said the woman was driving erratically and crashed near Northeast 155th Avenue, so that's seven blocks, and Fremont Street.

She then ran away and was not wearing a shirt but had been wearing a blue jacket when this all started. So at some point She just wanted to be more aerodynamic? I don't know. She flipped the postal truck at 155th Avenue and lost her jacket or shirt. She lost her jacket in the process. I guess. Maybe she got hot.

There's a lot of activity happening. Maybe she got hot. She's moving. She's trying to be light on her feet. It sounds like CrossFit. It does sound like it. High interval training. First you got to flip that truck over there. Then you got to go over there.

First you got to get real angry about things you can't control and your own mistakes that you won't admit to. Then you got to steal people's mail. Then you got to question why she left you and you take it out on that tire over there. After you do the bus hit, you're going to go over. You got about seven blocks and then you're going to flip this. This could be describing the

CrossFit Games. You're literally talking about what could be on ESPN. And the person's like, wait, you want me to do all this? Hey, I don't make it up. Jake in the main office makes up what we have to do every day. Look at the big board and see where you fit. Have you ever done CrossFit? I have. I hurt my knees really bad.

But it was a... You know, I didn't warm up correctly. Then I went at it too hard. You came straight from a bar. I did. You were drinking and you're like, can I try this? Have any of you ever tried to work out slightly intoxicated? It's so bad. I've never done it, but I think about it every

time I drink. I'm like, I could go to the gym. Can I get back to the hotel on the road. Go right now. Let me turn this into a productive night. It's so dumb. I'm just in jeans on a treadmill like a stepdad. Let me just do some cardio. Chasing these kids.

They aren't even mine. No respect. That's what's on the screen. When you know the new ones where they have the screen for you to look at, like you can run along a beach, they're like, stepdad, of course. It's you trying to keep up with kids. A bunch of kids at a Walmart.

No, don't go over there. We gotta check out. You got them. The woman identified as Monique Cortez Munoz was taken into custody after the foot chase lasted how many blocks? First of all, do we know that this is not actually the comedian money? She'd be crushing it. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't think so. I doubt it. I don't think so. How many blocks do you guys think after stealing the truck, hitting a bus, flipping the postal truck, getting out without a shirt, and then running from cops and foot, how many blocks do you think she got? I would say four. Four blocks. I'm going to say like 14.

14 from Jason Sklar. Yeah, she's booking. I think she ran about eight blocks. Eight blocks from Rudy Sklar. Eight blocks just free balling. Play along, townies, because Mon monique cortez munoz was taken into custody after a foot chase lasted 12 blocks wow that is a long foot run from the cons after all that you think your adrenaline would have already dumped out on you she's still going she's still

going monique is am i the only one of us that's surprised that she had shoes on do we even know this i don't know if Am I the only one of us that's surprised that she had shoes on? Do we even know this show? I don't know if she did. Right. I don't know. That's not. She takes them off. I'm a barefoot runner.

If we're going to do this, we're doing it right. Or she might have the Vibram, like the ones that go in the toes like CrossFitters. I mean, Skeletos. Mm-hmm. Those always creep me out. We saw a guy at the airport wearing Skeletos with a suit. Oh, that's awful. What business meeting?

Decide who you want to be. What business meeting are you going to? Supplements. Supplements. Are you going to a business meeting at a climbing gym? What is happening right now? There are no reports of injuries to any officers or the suspect. Guys, think about this.

She hit a bus, flipped a truck, then ran 12 blocks. And she's a superhero. Does she work for the post office? She should We get there How does she get this Maybe she took the postal shirt off Because she didn't want to be identified as a worker

But she was taken to the hospital Due to her drug-induced behavior After being released from the hospital Cortez Munoz was booked into the How do you say this? Multnomah Multnomah fault Multnomah

By the way If you told me that you had Cortez Munoz disease, that's like where your toes don't touch. I would believe that. Suffering from severe Cortez Munoz. The bottoms of my feet are really bad. I have Cortez Munoz, so I got to get extra arches. It's like a never-ending callus. Do you ever see those things?

I watch the videos where there's so much callus that they just keep shaving the bottom of their feet. Do you watch pimple-popping videos, too? Yeah, yeah. She's a friend of mine, actually. Really? Oh, the Dr. Pimple Popper? Yeah, she's great.

I've never watched a frame of that. Dr. Pimple Popper's your friend? Yeah. She came over. Actually, I wasn't home, though. She came to your house? She came to my house. I wasn't home.

She was doing something. She broke in. No, she was doing something with somebody else. But yeah, she's like... She brought the door open. She left a bunch of food in my refrigerator. She was doing something. She broke in. No, she was doing something with somebody else. But yeah, she's like, she left a bunch of food in my refrigerator. That's very nice. She's a good friend. That's really nice. That's incredible.

What kind of food did she leave? Thai food. Nice. Get out of here. She made like a chicken curry and left it. It's like when we had Sarah Silverman on, she made us eat all that food afterwards. Remember? Yeah, she's like, do you guys want to eat?

And we're like, yeah. And then she started taking out all this awesome stuff. Papaganoush, all this stuff. Wait, wait. So does she ever get sick of popping pimples? No, she loves it. She's obsessed with it. I can't watch any of those videos.

I'm not against anyone else and whatever their enjoyment is, as long as they don't push on me. Okay, so we know who she is. So part of it is that she is helping people pop pimples. So that's a great thing. It's a lot of lancing, right? It's a lot of lancing. A? It's a lot of lancing. A lot of homas,

which have the fat, big fat buildups, like the big fist size. Wait, wait. So my wife loves popping pimples if there ever is one on my son. She loves it so much. Does she like the beginning,

middle, and end of it? She loves it all. So she loves that aspect. She loves it all. And also the smell and how much water comes out. And sometimes it's like in a bag. Yeah.

It's usually in a bag. We're going to keep the bag. But it's like, you know, the cells form around it to make a kind of like a. You want to scrapbook it. Yeah. But she loves it. I don't like the dry ones. I like it when it's wet.

But when it's dry, it really is awful. Yeah. Okay. And with that, we're going to take a break. Margaret Cho is with us. It's Dumb People Town. I'm so happy she's here. We're going to tell you about touring and stuff, then ways to see her, and we'll recap

her classic appearance on Law & Order. Right after this. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. You know that we, when is this coming out, guys?

What did we say? The 19th-ish? The 19th. Now, you just were on Law & Order, and if people, maybe they can find it on NBC.com. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure they can. I'm sure they can. You can talk about it.

It's so good. Let's hear about your experience. I had a good time. I was a sex trafficker. Come on. What? Who was a real person. She was based on this real snake,

it's called snake head, where she brings over Chinese people on like a storage tanker. Yeah, yeah. And then they give her a bunch of money and then they're indebted to her for years and years. And so she makes them work in like sex work and all different stuff.

So you were the bad person that they were looking for. You were not the red herring. Someone else was the red herring and then they found you? Well, I was the red herring because I actually uncovered a deeper, sort of a worse person than me. Oh! There was actually a worse person.

So that was like us. That was like you guys. Were you based off the Trump associate lady? No, but similar. Yeah. Similar to that. So we're like a Mar-a-Lago people. Yeah. And there was an episode of The Wire

where like all those girls die. Oh yeah. The great Tang. Is that also what just happened in, was it Ireland? Yeah, it happened in Ireland. Yes, 39 people. From Vietnam and China, from the Fujian province. It's horrible. Crazy. Because there's no oxygen. It's not meant for people to travel in. No, it's a storage

tank. And a lot of times what they do is they'll like take their passports and then you have to work to get it oxygen. It's not meant for people to travel in. No, it's a storage tank. And a lot of times what they do is they'll take their passports and then you have to work to get it back. It's an indentured servitude. Exactly. It is slavery for however many years because it's impossible to pay it off. It's terrible. That's what we learned when we were up in San Francisco. That's what we learned about the term getting Shanghai'd.

That term was like they would take workers, sea workers, and tell them to go meet at this place. Meet at a bar. They'd slip them a mickey. Right. Lead them through a trap door. They'd fall through the bottom of the door. There'd be broken glass everywhere. They'd take their shoes and people couldn't leave because there's broken glass everywhere. And they're like,

you will now work for us for the next seven years straight. You've been shanghaied. That's why it doesn't. When anybody today says that. I went to Starbucks and I asked for a half cap. They give me a full half. Those guys Shanghai'd me over there. Really?

Have you seen your family in the last seven days? Throw you on broken glass. You weren't Shanghai'd. Okay. You had an indenture. I mean, really. Let's go. Yeah.

And people can see you're doing live shows. Yes. If you haven't seen her live She's fantastic Where can people see you? We have a good time I am going to be on I'm going to New Jersey and to Connecticut

And I'm doing a lot of dates next year So every Place, every lovety live Nice Every improv improv every one so you can go to margaretcho.com find out

when she's coming close to you and just go support it's great live comedy I love it and you have I mean you go out and it's all

Margaret Cho loving fans it's great it's so fun it's a different I have a good time yeah I'm excited about it

right so I mean but you are there moments and nights, I'm just wondering, just because you've been doing it for so long and at such a great level the whole time, that do you ever have to go out into a show in a room

and be like, I got to win these people over? Oh, yeah, totally. You do? You do. I did a show one time in Umeå, Sweden, which is really, really, really far north, where you can hear the sky, you know, the northern lights that kind of like

Borealis. And the audience just sat there and they didn't laugh at all for an hour and a half. And then at the end of the show, they all stood up and they sang a Swedish song and then they gave me a knife made out of wood.

Is this a punishment? No, no, no They really enjoyed it Here, sit on this Funny lady You were in the first act Of Midsommar Oh my gosh

It was very Midsommar And then you had to go Watch The Wall For like 15 years They really enjoyed it But they were They didn't laugh But they

You're like This is a comedy show They appreciated it They had a good time Oh, it was my birthday too. It was so crazy. That is crazy. I do a lot of the weird, really weird places. I did a weird show

this weekend, which was in a bank in San Francisco across the street from a sex club. What? Phenomenal. And then I was like having such a terrible time with the audience. I was like, please, can we just all go To the sex club Right now Let's just go

Let's hop on a swing And release everything Let's just do Let's just do it And It's a show Who wants to pop Nobody had a good time

Oh come on Well go see Margaret Show Live Go see Dan Van Kirk Live Wherever he's at We've got I know you've got dates In the new year

Because you're off Your Together tour And I'm just gonna say this We're doing, I know you got dates in the new year, uh, because you're off your, uh, together. And I'm just going to say this, uh, we're doing our show live at Largo on the second with weird Al Yankovic. We've tried to get you on that show, but we,

you were not around on the live Largo one. We'll do that. But now that we have you here, this is good. And then Dave Longstreth from dirty projectors. That's, uh, on December 2nd. And then we are starting to do thisirty Projectors. That's on December 2nd.

And then we are starting to do this show, this Dumb People Town. Yeah, you guys have asked us, so we're giving it to you. Live in theaters. In March, we're going to do a three-city tour. We're doing Milwaukee, St. Louis, and Minneapolis. And then in June, we are doing Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver. Big theaters for us. Big theaters, 500 to 1,000 seats somewhere, something like that.

It's a big ask. So if you're in those areas, we want you there. If you're a dumb people town townie, we want you filling the rooms. Yeah, you guys will come out. They're going to be really special shows. We cannot wait. Should we jump into another? Let's jump into our second show. Here we go. Just need to tell

my computer, as I do every day, to remind me tomorrow. Is your Mac always telling you, like, do you want to update right now? I'm like, remind me tomorrow. Try it later. Yeah, try it later. How about tonight when I'm not on you? Cam Loops RCMP.

It's like my wife with sex. How about tonight when I'm not on you? We're in British Columbia, guys. Try it later. CBC.ca. You're not plugged in. Cam Loops. That's later. CBC.ca. You're not plugged in. Cam Loops. That's how I want to say it.

RCMP's Crime Reduction Unit. Wouldn't that be all cops? Royal Canadian Mountie Police. I know. Arrested eight people over four days for stealing bikes they had put out as bait to catch thieves. It's a little cop fishing. They just put out a bike, and then they wait to see who comes try and take it,

and then they arrest that person. However, there was one arrest that stood out to them in particular. Okay. A groom was allegedly caught stealing a bike while on his way to his wedding reception. This is the pedal-away groom. Yeah.

Great movie. The runaway bride. Eric Roberts stars as the the pedal away groom. Yeah. Great movie. The runaway bride. Eric Roberts stars as the pedal away groom. Between the ceremony and reception. Please tell me you've done a movie with Julia Roberts. Oh no. Have you ever worked with her? I have worked with her. Of course you have. Of course you have. I did a reading

which was really weird. They did a reading of the women with it was Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Diane Keaton was there. No way. It was all of those actresses

and Dakota Fanning was a child, like a really little kid. Wow, yeah. And then, but we all did this reading and then I guess they made the movie

without me, but I was there for the reading. How was the reading? The reading was really tense. Was it tense? It was somebody's house, like it was like a, Like a Mal somebody's house. It was like a-

Like a Malibu house. It was some huge Malibu house. Of course. And I can't remember whose it was. It may have been like Nora or Delia Efron when Nora was alive. It was because Nora lived at the Dakota. I worked on a couple of Nora Efron projects projects but they never ever actually happened. I got paid for the fact that

they never happened. So I get like $1.62 residuals every couple of years. Perfect. You're like, oh great, a check. No, it's $1.62. God damn it. So it was a lot of tense.

Everybody was really tense and nobody would use the bathroom. And I was like, this is really tense. I'm going to take a shit in here just to loosen it up. I did say that one time to Debbie Allen

in Sandy Gallen's beach house. Because his toilet was like a magnificent view of the water on the beach. Of course it was. And I said, that must be amazing to take a shit in here.

And she just looked at me and then walked out and didn't talk to me again that must be amazing to take a shit in here. And she just looked at me and then walked out and didn't talk to me again for like two years. What a feeling. Wonderful. Seeing's believing. Seeing's believing.

You knew where I was going with that. Wasn't Debbie Allen fame and not flash dance? Oh, yeah. Sorry. What are you doing? Now I'm mixed up. Now I'm mixed metaphor.

She and I were right there with her. Mixed metaphor. They went together. It doesn't matter. She knew what I was doing. Now a mixed metaphor. She and I were right there with her. Mixed metaphor. They went together. It doesn't matter. She knew what I was doing. I was going to say, I'm going to shit. Look, I put the bike out there and Margaret Cho stole it. Yes.

I was going to say, fame, I'm going to shit forever. There you go. I'm going to learn how to fly. The groom was allegedly caught stealing the bike while on the way to his wedding reception. The idea to me, that's what I was saying, is that between your ceremony and your wedding reception, you're like, you know what? A little bit of me today. I got to get there. that's what I was saying, is that between your ceremony and your wedding reception, you're like, you know what? A little bit of me today. I gotta get there. Something borrowed.

Maybe you're drunk and you're still hungover from the bachelor party that happened the day before and then you're like, oh, I'll do this really now. That's how they always used to be, right? Bachelor party was always the night before. Now it's like two months earlier and a big destination. Where is David?

We need pictures of him right now. He was wearing a suit. I got it. I get there. I got it. I get there. This is also, you don't have a good wedding party. That somebody let you like, you good to go to the reception by yourself? You don't want to be on the trolley?

You guys have fun. I'm going to drive myself over. You don't need me. We paid for all these goddamn past hors d'oeuv have fun. I'm going to drive myself over. You don't need me. We paid for all these goddamn past hors d'oeuvres, so I'm going to hit him. So how do we know he's not pedaling away from this? He was wearing a suit, and they asked him why he was dressed so nicely

when he was stealing the bike, said Corporal Jody Schelke with the RCMP. He had just left from his wedding and was on his way to his wedding reception when he saw the bike and decided to cut the cable and put it in the back of his pickup truck. Oh, so he was not riding. No, he was driving. Jody Shelke. I'm imagining Jody Shelke like when she puts on chapstick, she's like, that's too much makeup.

I cannot. Right. No funny business. What am I, a whore? Or she puts him on with the. She's like, that's too much makeup. I cannot. Right. No funny business. What am I, a whore? Or she puts them on with the lips pursed, like closed. She's mad when she does it. Damn it. I will put this on right now.

What is going on, though? What is this grooms? How are they viewing life? They are looking for bikes to steal while driving a truck. That's what they're on the lookout for, even on this day. Even on your special day. Well, there is a feeling when it is your wedding that you're like,

it's all about me today. Or there is a feeling like, there is a tiny thing. Let me get out all of my craziness before I settle down. Marry somebody who wants to get crazy with you. Thank you. That's what you should do. You're right. Some people are like,

we got to lock it up. Why are you getting married? Don't get married. Don't do it. Police said the groom was arrested while driving with a prohibited license. When he failed to show up for the reception, the bride called the groom. Imagine that call. Honey?

Everybody's here? What? You aren't here. I was picking up a few things. Okay, yeah, we have everything we need. Are you sure? No. Well, you're right, actually. We need you.

I'm coming. When? I'll be there as soon as I get one or two more bikes. Bites? Bikes. Okay. She did contact the groom through his cell phone inquiring where he was, and the officers answered.

That too. That is a bad moment. Because she knows she's worried he's dead. When the cop answers, oh, he died. My husband just died on the way. So maybe now that sets it so bad that they're coming back to it. It's not that bad. Yeah.

I guess that's okay. Yeah, you're alive. It's fine, yeah. It's fine. I don't know if it's fine. No, it's fine. Maybe. All right, that's fine.

Well, we're going to start without you. No. Just here doing the dance we learned for the last six weeks uh if i dance with your your best friend brett then because you know you're not here yeah uh okay she called the cops answered brett's gonna drive me home tonight if that's cool and advised her that he was in the jail cell and likely would not be making it to the reception. It's always that cop thing where they speak vaguely. I wouldn't say he's probably not going to make it.

If I were a betting man, because they're all Canadians, remember? Shelke does not know why the groom chose to steal the bike on his wedding day. I guess the compulsion is so strong for them to steal that even on something as important as their wedding day, well, you're assuming he thinks it's important. This is a Saturday for this guy. He might have been looking for a way out. That's what I'm saying. But he's too stupid to realize you just had the ceremony.

It's done. You're just going to the party. It's not a whole deal. They stopped to cut the cable and steal a bicycle. So I think it's just so much ingrained into their lifestyle and their habits that, you know, that's what they consider doing on their wedding, Shelby said. I love that they're saying they. It's just her.

Well, they arrested eight people. They weren't all getting married, though. No, that would be hilarious. The bike bait operation undertook resulted in eight arrests and 23 criminal charges. As part of the program, the RCMP placed locked up bikes in places they think criminals may see them and do surveillance on the bike. If they suspect someone is trying to steal one, they make an arrest. Don't steal a bike.

Yeah. I'd like to get out there that it's very important that people who have bicycles, if they're leaving them somewhere, I've had two bikes stolen in the last two years. Lock them up. They were locked up. And it's not intended that it's not okay just to use a cable lock. So that's a little helpful tip. Sure.

There you go. You learned something. They can be clipped very easily. You need to keep it in your house, which is what I do now, or their garage and lock. They used to have a bike lock that was like a Kickstarter for a bike lock that exploded. Yes. It was like a bomb inside. Yeah, like the dye packs in a bank bag that explodes.

I was so excited about that, because I have a bike too, and I was always scared it was going to get stolen, but they couldn't get it funded because it was just dangerous. Right, to have a little explosive built into it. I mean, wouldn't that be great? That's wonderful. Some guy just walking around just covered in purple. And so unexpected.

Yeah. That would be great. All right, guys, that is the story. Look at that. Number two. Don't get married. Well, never, guys. That is Look at that. Story number two. Don't get married. We'll never, yeah. Don't get married.

The story is don't get married. The pedal away group. Not don't steal a bike. No. Dave Anthony's old joke made Dave Anthony rest in peace.

I mean, he's still alive. He's not dead. We just want him to get a good night's sleep. He has a kid. You know, his whole joke about he was playing basketball. Or someone was playing basketball.

Someone was playing basketball and they had to jump a fence to play in this pickup game. This guy was newly married. And as he was jumping over the fence, his wedding ring got caught on the fence, and it pulled his finger off. Oh. So he said the moral of the story is don't get married.

Okay. There you go, Dave. Listen to the dollop. Enjoy that. All right, when we come back, give a little tease of what we got for segment three. A woman loses some memories. Okay.

A woman loses some memories. Margaret Cho is with us. We are so happy. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys.

Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Follow Dan on Instagram. Let's get you to 10,000, right? That'd be fun. Yeah. Daniel Van Kirk. Daniel Van Kirk. We are at Sklar Brothers, Margaret Cho.

At Margaret Cho. At Margaret Cho on all the socials. And let's do it, Dan. Take us out, buddy. Ready? Sent in by Catherine Tuck at Catherine Lorna. She went two for three. It's a good day at the ballpark.

Good day for her. Thanks for sending both story number two and this one, story number three, into us. It's pretty common to experience constipation and it isn't pleasant when you feel bloated and uncomfortable. That's not all, as you have to exert

more force when you're trying to relieve your bowels, but do be careful because a Nitzan, I'm trying, in Hong Kong shared how this mother lost memories after she had an excessive poop at home. She lost? She shat so hard she forgot. I'm going to ask you guys, how many years of memories, how many years of memories do

you think this woman lost from having an excessive number two? Oh my God. How many years of memories do you think this woman lost from having an excessive number two? Oh, my God. How many years? One year, two years, 17? How many years? I don't know. She shit so hard she lost. I mean.

She shit so hard she lost the 1980s. Okay. Jason? I'm going to say a decade. 10 years. I would say 20 years. I think she lost 13 years. I think it's a specific amount.

One of you is exactly right. So now we get to play the game of who do we think is right. Jason? I think I'm right. I think it's a decade. I think I'm right. I think I'm right. I think it's a decade. I think I'm right. Okay. Good for you.

I think I'm right. We're going to all stick to our guns. Okay. The woman dropped a deuce so hard. Jeez. She lost. Play along, Tony. Ten years of memory.

That's just a whole decade gone. Honey, what happened in there? Who are you? Do I know you? Was it the last ten or like her first ten? I think it was. According to China Times, a man said that his mother had experienced constipation

two weeks ago. Some shit to remember. Some shit to forget. Some shit to forget. Here's the thing. She now no longer can watch I Love the 90s. Or she watches like, whoa. Yes, surprise, surprise. What year is this? Who are these Backstreet Boys you speak of?

She was constipated two weeks ago, and she was feeling very uncomfortable. She had gone to the toilet to relieve herself and spent quite some time inside. But when she came out, she suddenly suffered from amnesia. That is unbelievable. Her family members discovered she had forgotten everything that happened over

the past 10 years. And this lasted. How long do you guys think it lasted before her? Her memory came back One week One week A month Six months

I wish that'd be more fun It lasted eight hours But still that eight hours Is enough to scare the shit out of her I wish it would have scared the shit out of her Because she would have kept her memory. Her worried family sent her to the hospital. Imagine those doctors being like,

what do you want us to do? What can we do? Give her a concussion. No, do not. Give her some dates. Instead of the doctor thinking that there was something wrong with her brain, but when doctors checked on her,

they found her brain to be functioning normally. Oh my God. Don't push that. Do not push that hard. If it's pushing that hard, go get some prunes. How hard is pushing? That's hard. Do you know when it's really dry and sometimes, do you ever want to dig a finger in

and pull it out? That's what some people have said that they want to do. Howard Stern talks about that all the time. You get a hook and you pull it down. And then it's like a series of stones. Sit up straight, Howard Stern talks about that all the time. You get a hook and you pull it down. Pull it down. And then it's like a series of stones. Sit up straight, breathe, press on your lower abdomen,

get some squatty potty. It is like a ground hug. If it wants to come out, it will come out. That's right. And if it doesn't want to come out, six more weeks of winter. Ten more years of memories. If it doesn't want to come out six more weeks of winter. Ten more years of memories. It doesn't want to come out ten more years of memories.

Oh, my God. The excessive force led to an increase in abdominal and intracerebral pressure, which caused a lack of oxygen to flow to her brain. That's a push, resulting in short-term memory loss. The doctor also said that people who are highly emotional or frequently carry heavy objects have a higher risk of suffering suffering from temporary amnesia he advises those who experience a similar situation to always go for a checkup he added that these people are 30 more likely to experience a stroke compared to an

average person it's important to ensure that they are healthy. And then they close it out with this. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables to keep your bowel movements regular. Peeps. That is like when a menu talks to you. You're going to love these chicken fingers. Stop talking to me, menu. Just tell me what you have.

Did it say peeps at the end of it? I swear to God. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables to keep your bowel movements regular. Peeps! Exclamation point. Who's writing that? Ten years. That's like the scene in Gross Point Blank where he's in the car.

Ten years! Ten years! I dropped out of school. I joined the army. I became a hitman. Ten years! Wow. That's a fun little story. I joined the army I became a hitman and then 10 years wow yeah

amazing that's a fun little story that's a great that's a good story that was really good alright Margaret Cho you are anytime you want to come by

open invite thank you we'll do a live one with you for sure I'd love that we'll do that for sure that'd be great and oh shit

we gotta get back to work stick around make a sound come here down it's dumb people town a podcast network