Dumb People Town - Maria Bamford - Grab the Pineapple of Life

Episode Date: May 23, 2017

This week, Maria Bamford hitches a ride into Dumb People Town with the Schwan man! The Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk talk to Maria about her new Netflix special "Old Baby" before diving into Story #1, in which door-to-door meat salesmen straddle the line...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Look at us. Population U.

We are so glad you are here. We have a fantastic guest on the show. She is an old friend of ours in comedy. I was actually remembering a show that we did in thinking of you coming here, Maria Bamford. Maria, welcome to the show. Welcome to Dumb People Town. So glad to have you. I was remembering a show we did at the Roosevelt Hotel.

Oh. A stand-up show. There was like a fountain in the middle of the audience. Sounds right. Sounds right. I want to say like 99. Yeah. Open mic.

Yeah. And we were feeling like, wait, why are we now having to do open mics after having like in New York. In New York. And we came out here and you were doing the set in the same show. And we were like, oh, it's okay. Okay. We're good.

Oh, yeah. No, and I still, there's an open mic. I missed it last night at my local hot dog stand. It's also featured on my Netflix special, Mia's Hot Dogs, M-E-E-A-S, on Colorado. They've got all sorts of. Colorado. Colorado. Hot dogs on Colorado.

But there's an open mic Tuesday night. It's 5.30 sign up. It's called the Pipe Mic. P. Hot dog. Hot dog of Colorado. But there's an open mic Tuesday night. It's 5.30 sign up. It's called the pipe mic. Pipe it up. Hot dogs are hot, but the cabin is cool in the hot dog. Let's talk for a second about your special because Randy and I are obsessed with it. It is so, so fantastic and creative and unique and amazing. And we'll say it because you won't best.

I think it's the culmination of everything you've done up to this point. Thank you. You have to feel that in your heart, of course. You know, I'm, yes, yes. You're not going to say it because you're you. I'm a very, I was super pumped with it. I know you well enough not to, yeah, you're not a boaster.

And it was great. It was really, I wanted to work with other people. I'm getting better at working with others now. Or I don't know if I'm getting better at it, but I'm just more willing to do it. Yeah. And there's more people in it. Your husband's in it. My husband's in it.

Scott Marvel Cassidy. Your sweet, sweet husband is moving a dog at one moment. I'll just say this, just so people don't stop watching halfway through it, but there is a moment between the two of you at the end after it's all over with. That to me was a window into your marriage in the best way possible. He is doing the dumbest thing that is making you laugh so hard. And I was just watching it going this when he came back out with the dead eyes.

First of all, all made me laugh. I was loving how much it was making you laugh. Oh Hilarious like it's what's wonderful. Is that in the time because I don't think you were married in your last special No, so in the time between the last special this special you got married But it didn't like change your, you're happier. You're involved in this thing that is like this really special thing. It didn't ruin your creativity. It didn't ruin your creativity.

Wouldn't that be the worst thing? Because it could. It could. Oh, yeah. Like I'm good. I don't need to. Oh, no. Yeah.

Well, we're, I mean, we're both both artists he's a painter and um and i i well i've done some light painting myself i took classes at wizard the wizard of art for two months i go to color me mine oh i love calling me mine it's so fun you know what though then that's that seems kind of like a it's like you can you can't F it up at Color Me Mine. Because then it's like, oh, now I've got to pick this up three weeks from now and pay 50 bucks. And it's got to sit there on a shelf. This is a fuck up.

Like, can I, like, yeah. I just imagine your sister, like, telling you to go to Color Me Mine. Just get it out. Get it out. Just work it out. Maria, work it out. Work out your things that color me mine uh yeah it's it's so funny and it also brings in like his mom is now in your life so well and she

actually this is super sad she just she passed away this christmas um but again it's like we have she's uh she linda cassidy who is right I'm up and we've do jokes together so I'm in heaven guess what I made it into the 144 thousands of jahinky winkies I made it like a plus one Judy Garland in she was just waiting at the gate I'm sitting at the right hand and we look down to hell at your father, Bruce. Guess what hell is? Hell is an olive garden, but nobody knows they're eating it

and they think that it's good. She has given you what I told you outside and I'll say this for those who haven't seen the special, Old Baby, which is on Netflix. One of my favorite, now one of my new now my one of my new favorite bit i'll put it up with there with jay larson's wrong number i'll put it up there with just pablo francisco's taco boy i put it up there the larp i'm just gonna call it the larp bit

live action role play or live action role play play. Between your mom and his mom. And that's how you guys get sexual. That to me is, it goes down as one of my favorite bits ever. It's so specific. It's so you. But this is what I'll say about the special. And then I want to get into stories and we'll come back and talk about it and Lady Dynamite. I think this special, and for fans of ours who have never seen your work i think this

special is the most relatable special that you've done and i love what you do and we talked a little bit about you're like does it connect with the world the way it does you have premises in this special like it's harder to love people now in the age that we're living in okay but then you go off in the best bamford-esque way to deal with it but I think that is something that we all like our mom struggles to do that like how do I answer Marlene sacks on Facebook she's you know pinging me so much yeah it's like you know what I mean no no you do yeah you just like what I made eye contact with you on Tuesday. Do I have to keep responding to your retweet, your Facebook event? Oh, Christ.

It's so uncool to you, who's a person who feels like you can never do enough for people. It's like it just feeds right into that where you're like, thanks a lot. Okay, I thought we were done with this. Now you're just handing me more busy work. It's like another stack of things I have to deal with another yet No, and it's especially for yeah, I think the most important thing is just to be there with people but Social media creates this other yet hurdle like you just got to keep You got to keep

Connecting people different ways where you're not really connecting at all it's just i tell our we tell our kids all the time like my i'll be taking him to like someone's house to like see him hang out and he's like why are we doing this and i'm like because you got to show up for people yeah yeah that's how you build friendships it's not going to be through a message or an email or a text and so i just show up to me that was like such a as universal of a bit and premise as anybody could do and yet you handle it in such specific ways so it is like bizarrely accessible and then yet super breaking ground in how you shot it and how it like just goes from you in a mirror to you and your husband and the dogs to

you in a in a house full of people to the dogs to you in a house full of people to the hot dog stand to a smaller theater to a bigger theater and then back down again. What was the big theater? Okay. It's one downtown.

Morpheum? No. Mayan. It is one that is a corporate place. The Nokia Theater. Yes, Nokia. I was going to say Xerox. The Xerox Theater corporate place. The Nokia Theater. Yes, Nokia. I was going to say Xerox. The Xerox Theater.

The Xerox Theater. Yes, it's a copy of another theater. It looks exactly like the Nokia Theater. It's an exact copy. All right, Dan. Well, we have stories. Dan Van Kirk is here. This is Dumb People Town, and we really look at and focus on the behavior of dumb people

doing dumb things, but we have fun with it and trying to understand them. Why do they do it? This is us just trying to understand them. For sure. And because Bamford's here, I feel like this is going to be the nicest, dumb people town. The warmest, sweetest. The warmest, sweetest dumb people town ever.

It'll be, it has good, we have good thoughts in today's show. And does dumb mean you have a lot of emotional intelligence? Yeah. Yes, maybe. You can. Could. Totally. Yes.

Or just hang up. Or just a lot of emotions. Before we get into it, I want to thank everybody for joining on the Facebook page at Dumb People Town. The conversations happening there about the stories that we do are so much fun. We're recording this a little bit in advance, so I'm sure there'll be tons more happening by then. But when we were doing this, we're over 1500 fans on the page and

it's just started last week it's our little townies yeah well maria you'll appreciate this because we talked about this with guy brandon in last week's episode so we did a story about a guy named jan flotto he's one of the greatest human beings ever uh tremendous mullet in this day and age uh looks it's like anyone who's ever helped you at the guitar center exactly that is perfect he you sure you don't want to play the drums no no i'm good just came in for an acoustic guitar you know the guys that are like trying to get you off the guitar like another guy at the guitar center is like look man everybody plays guitar yeah can i introduce you in a 12 string guitar it's actually a keytar. It's actually a keyboard that you hold. How about a sitar?

So he was gambling. Violin isn't that hard. It is not that hard. Do you know our violin story? Randy and I took Suzuki violin in third grade. High five. Did you do it? Oh, God, yeah.

Mississippi River. Mississippi River. I played Suzuki age 3 to 16 wow you're a pro grasshopper grasshopper maybe we would

have but we had a teacher that was so uninterested in the students Randy and I shared a violin

because our parents were like you're not gonna get your own violin we're not gonna each get a violin that's stupid and now as a parent

I'm like that actually makes sense that's right one violin for the two of us. We were terrible. We rented from this music store. It was this beat up violin. We were, I was like, why are we so bad?

Our dad was like, get the cheapest one. We don't need to get a nice violin. Because we don't know if you guys are going to really care about this. Wow. Your parents are already half in. They're like out the door. The whole year, we're terrible. The teacher is like, who is out of tune and like

pointing at us who's not doing this right and she wasn't even like looking at the thing at the end of the year we give the we go to take the violin back to the people at the store we give it back to them they're like where's the fourth string we're like four strings this thing only has three strings but the whole year we're playing a three-string violin? Such dummies. Why have you never not named one of your albums three-string violin? You got to do that story on stage. So Jan Flato, who's a guy who went to a casino and put like $50 in or whatever. But he let his friend push the button. He let his friend push the button to cause the thing to go.

They won $100,000. And then he found out the casino only pays the person who made the bet, not the person who pays for it. So he like they agreed to split the money and then she took the money and had security keep him away and then okay just took all the money okay what's her name right right maria maria so uh we but we started to go off on jan flato and what uh what an amazing character he was he literally became our chuck Norris. And people started writing about, like, stories about Jan Flato. He owns two jet skis and none of them work.

He's, uh... Owns a ferret. Owns a ferret. More than one. He's Jan Flato. He's like a mythical figure. Yeah, yeah. Then Jan Flato joins the Facebook page

and starts listing off, airs the grievances about the woman, states his case in the court of public opinion. Says he's willing to take lie detectors. is she in the light then starts telling the brothers hey you better be nice to me i'm gonna make a voodoo doll against st louis cardinal players and we're like okay that got very dark and then he was like you know what i actually like the catcher yadier melina we're like all right but the idea that someone from one of these stories

is now a part of our community on the thing is incredible everybody's welcome in the town that's right yeah are you ready for this let's do it this is something i we need to let everybody in dumb people town be aware this is a warning to everybody but it's not that threatening at all. Okay. It's sent in by, as always people can do, hashtag dumb people town to me, at Daniel Van Kirk. This was sent in by me, at Daniel Van Kirk. You sent it to yourself. I did, guys. You accepted it.

Northern Michigan is where this takes place. Traverse City. Well, we can't lock it down to one, and you'll find out why. Michigan State Police are warning Northern Michigan residents of, quote, scruffy men going door to door trying to sell meat to residents. No, that happens in my neighborhood. Yeah, that happens everywhere. Someone's come to your house and said, do you want to buy some meat?

Do you buy it? No! Is there a case with the little delays? No, I'm not professional. It's in the truck. I had extra meat. There's like a meat distribution thing at the end of our block. It's in the truck is a bad thing to say to a woman.

It's in the truck. It's in the truck. It's like a deleted scene from... Two things. I'd love to sell you some meat. Secondly, could you help me put my couch in my truck? No. No.

I'll take the meat, but the couch you help me put my couch in my truck? No, no, no. I'll take the meat, but the couch is not happening. It's in my truck. Do you just carry a cushion? Nope, nope. I'm not doing that either. You can't do it.

Nope, I will not. That's the rule. How do you say no to these people? You're just like, oh, say, oh, yeah, no, well, of course, I think I would make something up

like we're vegetarians. Yeah, that's a lock solid. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah then they see you out at like dantanas yeah eating like coming over the sides rare you're yelling rare no you're like we're sorry we're vegetarians and then from the back your husband's's like, bacon's ready. Do you want two? Jay, I love that to you, the people selling meat out of a truck are hanging out at Los Angeles' most notorious, the nicest restaurant. All the history of Hollywood.

Dantanas. Okay, so the scruffy guys selling meat. You nailed it, actually. The MSP, the Michigan State Police, was contacted about two men in a small white pickup truck trying to sell me out of the back of their pickup truck. When the people come to your house, do they look professional? No. No. These guys look literally, it's quoted, scruffy.

The men are described as, oh, let's hit it again, rough and scruffy. Rough and scruffy should not maybe that's the name of their meat truck you're missing a tooth you're missing a tooth rough and scruffy also could be the name

of like your next two pugs yeah oh rough and scruffy or or the animated show that people are like come on Maria

you gotta do this animated kid show it's called rough and scruffy you'll play both rough and scruffy or meat truck yeah but rough and scruffy. You'll play both Rough and Scruffy. Or Meat Truck. But Rough and Scruffy to me, I just picture a guy who needs a haircut and only the ends of his hair is sweaty.

I just think neck hair. Scruffy is a lot of neck hair. Yeah, it could use a shave. You can have a beard, just trim around. If you are selling food, you to clean it up yep you gotta be there is no because you mirror the quality of your product especially when it comes to food i would trust someone who came to my door in a hairnet yeah you know what they're really all right he's taking a lot of effort following FDA-like rules. Go ahead. Did anyone buy said meat? Well, it says.

People have been scammed. One of the men is in his 50s and is heavyset. The other man is a white male with red blonde hair in his 30s with a medium build. To me, that's some sort of a meat apprenticeship going on. There's a guy in his 50s. You will get to this weight if you keep working with me. Or it's a guy in his 50s whose sister is really making him try and straighten out his nephew. Take him on the meat truck. Glenn, let Michael ride around with you and learn to sell meat.

He's not going to screw up. He's in his 30s. He's not going anywhere. I need him out of the house. How rough and scruffy, isn't he? It's like a Mike Ehrmantraut, Jesse Pinkman situation. You're going to learn to sell meat, and you're going to stop pissing your mother off. Let's go.

There have been a number of encounters reported in the city of Alpena, Alpena? I don't know. Around the Maple Ridge area near M32 you remember all these you guys were spent so much time in Michigan they love naming their places in the Roger City area

like they always have the weirdest what I mean by that is like highways are like just weird names have you ever been to the UP I know you're Minnesota

oh yeah my mom's from oh god Traverse City no Kalamazoo oh really oh yeah

Western Michigan Kalamazoo yeah Kalamaz yeah i got kicked out of a bar in kalamazoo i want to hear your mom telling you a restaurant in kalamazoo that you have to go to that's when i hear well okay my dear friend diane who i went to school with and she had it was interesting because her parents i mean she she had told me that she was molested when she was a young child. No. Now, this was when I was a kid, and she could hear my parents yelling at each other

because back then you wouldn't close the windows. But anyways, she's, you know, she and her husband, who they almost got a divorce because of his problem with alcoholism but he and she recommend very highly this sushi place that's just opened up at an old gas station and you i know it sounds crazy but the guy running this is just a real, you know, Yapanese aficionado. And, you know, he's been to Tokyo.

And, I mean, I don't know if I would recommend the teriyaki. The sauces were a little heavy. But just a wonderful I love sushi because it's only it's only 16 points I did Weight Watchers for a brief period and it was all points it was like so fucking hard to stay within your fucking points how many points i i look i did the lose it app i put the lose it app on my phone yeah yeah and i said to the uh i said to i put it on and i the first day i was like 1500 calories over my thing like over the top of my thing hold on we're We're going to do a little. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Am I pooping?

Much better. So I was 1,500 calories over my thing. And I just, after the first day, it was like, I stopped. I didn't take the app off my phone. So now Luzit is like sending me notifications like, hey, buddy. How you doing? You can do it. I'm like, this is making me feel worse.

Because I'm like, nine in the morning, eating like a whole handful of Cheetos. I'm like, it makes me worse. I feel terrible. Lizzie's like, don't do it. Well, making people feel worse. The people have said that the men approach the house. Okay. Coming up two at a time is a little too much.

One guy, or even any stranger, man or woman, walk up to your house, you're a little bit like, what is this? Two people at once stride for stride you're like get everybody down on the floor and turn off the lights. This does feel like a Cone Brothers movie doesn't it? A little bit like no country for old men. Or my big fat gypsy wedding

because I think it's a gypsy thing or it's a way to get cash coming in where you go oh I'll black top your driveway it really needs to be retop yeah the old blacktop scam yeah address on the front of the curve yes we know people have said you know Maria the gypsies came I hope that is it that doesn't sound rossy sea state, but I just... I don't think it does.

I think it does. No, I don't think so either. It's a cash cow. Yeah. It is the way... It is the way of the gypsy. It is the door-to-the-door business. That was a deleted verse in the Fleetwood Mac song, right?

With Gypsy. Really? They blacktopped the whole neighborhood. Listen to the... Blacktop the driveway. I know that's not gypsy. People have said the men approach the house and offer to sell you meat listed on a brochure. A meat brochure, if you will.

To me, there's too many varying levels of professionalism. If you're selling meat out of the back of a truck... You shouldn't have a brochure. Yeah, and have a brochure? No. Some things need to even out here a little bit on a sheet i just love that the police are now into this they're like well are they going to send a little like you know when and this is horrible when someone gets abducted they send out an amber alert right and and you get the number or you know like the license plate of the thing is this going to be like a marbled alert like there's the meat. It's coming.

It's coming. Notice this truck. Be on the lookout. See, now if he has a wonderful trifold pamphlet, I think that shows a business acumen. I agree. That's what I'm saying. They need to get rid of the truck part.

Be like the Schwan man. Yes. Remember the Schwan man? Who was the Schwan man? What? You didn't know the Sch went to this one man yes remember the schwan man who is the schwan man what you didn't have a schwan i don't know this one is it a midwest yeah like a northern parents weren't there yeah he would bring in whatever he wanted yeah he'd take the order from anybody it didn't matter if you open that door you were authorized to take an order yeah breaded chicken fillets filled with some sort of butter juice. Yep. What? Yep.

And then we would also like the ice cream. We would just be like, bring them in. Bring in all the ice cream that you have, Schwanman. Schwan's here.

Oh, no. Schwan's here. That would be yelled throughout our house. Schwan's here. The Schwanman's here. People in WLT that are listening to this

right now know exactly what I'm talking about when that Schwanman came. If someone says Schwanman's here and you're in the living room, do kids jump over a couch to get to see him? Yes mean that little side man had like it was like a corn dog but it was a sausage link with a pancake wrapped around it that you would heat up in the microwave how many points is that maria's mom well let me see okay if you have that with a

maple syrup on bloody m that's a vegetable. The salary counts as a vegetable. Oh, you're right, it does. It's no points, Maria. I can have six stalks in my Bloody Mary. Here's the part that tells you why you know that the brochure is not making these guys professional. This puts them back on the spectrum of the truck aspect. You're now back on the spectrum of the truck aspect of it.

It says, on some occasions, the men will accept the response that the resident is not interested. Which means on some occasions, they won't accept it. Other times, the men become very pushy and continue to sell the meat until escorted off the property.

They're like Jack Lemmon and Glenn Gary Glenry. If I had the leads, buy the meat. I'm here to sell you the meat. I don't understand. You gave me the bad leads, so how can I sell the meat? You folks need meat. Yes. One resident said that the man asked to use his bathroom. Another resident said the man seemed

intoxicated. See, we're getting away from the brochure and back to the truck. Hard job selling meat. You gotta get lubed up. Don't let anyone in your house. Ever. Ever.

Ever. To use a bathroom to sell you meat. Even if they're an angel of Moroni. Yes, exactly. The men offered a brochure to one resident. Professional. Sure. They keep going back and forth.

But when the resident asked if he could keep the brochure, the men took it back. Unprofessional. That's our only one. Which means you know it's laminated. Yeah, you know it's their only one. It's from... Give me that. Text it away. They take it...

So are they... Did they... Are they... This is what I'm asking, and this is what I think they're doing. They work for a professional meat place. Oh, you're giving them something. They've stolen the meat from the place. Now they're going rogue.

Oh, something fell off the truck. Right. That's what she's saying. The brochure comes from the office where they used to work. I love, and they're worried the office is going to miss the brochure. Right. But not the meat. Right.

We only have 80 brochures. Where's the 79th brochure? If anybody has any experience with those guys or is able to track them down, I would love to. We'll find out on Dumb People. Go to the Facebook page and let us know if you've seen

these scruffy and ruffies. Residents report that the truck the men are driving is a beat up white Chevy or Toyota with a standard cab and a cap on the box. I'm sorry. That's a wide net. Chevy or Toyota? Probably because I'm assuming logos have been removed. Sure. Probably plates too.

Yeah. And I will say, I was picturing like a white Chevy S10. You were? I was, but not with the cap on the bed. It sounds like the van that pulls up to Maria's house. That's a van? Yeah. Well, there's a van at the end of the street.

They're all white vans. And then there's a high stink that comes out from their dumpsters, which is reminiscent of rotting meat. I feel like you're describing a Goosebumps book. A little neighborhood horror story. Investigate! Yeah! But then there is some sort of meat distribution thing going on,

but it does not seem on the up and up. No. Nothing about what you just described. Summer white vans, high stink coming from you know what two things one I guarantee you guys there are people who kind of like they like that it seems a little grassroots II like they're like I don't have to go to the store I got these guys bring me me I'll also full disclosure I should tell everybody in Partyville Wisconsin to ease know why I went to a bar, Caddyshack,

with my mom on the way up to our cabin in Wisconsin, and I won a meat raffle. You won a meat raffle? They were going around, and they said, do you want to play the meat raffle? And everybody gets a ticket, and then they reveal the number, and whoever matches that number wins. Just winning anything feels good. I won the meat raffle. They took me out to a van with my mom.

No. Yes. Said I could have a bag of peeled shrimp. What? No. No. No. No.

No. Maria. Immediately say no to that. Or, I had a choice. A bag of peeled shrimp. Or. Six pork chops. That I'm thinking.

Three steaks. Yeah. Or, five pounds of freshly filleted walleye I took the walleye it's deep in my Instagram I believe if not I'll find it and I'll post it to the Facebook page

and when I bought the tickets I said to my mom I go we're gonna win you know how you sometimes get those feelings and I go tell you right now one of us is winning this meat right of us and she goes and she goes danny we're we're just passing through and these local people are gonna be pissed off if we come in and win their meat because you're the big town we should leave right now because i can feel it and sure as shit and i look over and there was a guy i don't remember the logo just like a blue hat that was too stiff on the front.

And he just looked at me, and he goes, and turned away from me. Son of a bitch. So mad that I won the meat raffle. Of course. You walked into town, and you stole what was his. And I think this is a great way to describe you, Dan. You have small-town meat raffle luck. I'll take it.

I'll take it. All day, I'll take meat raffle luck. I'll take it. I'll take it. All day I'll take meat raffle luck. All day. That is such a gorgeous feeling when you go, I think this is going to be a cakewalk. Yeah. And then it is? I want a cakewalk.

Did you get a cakewalk? Yeah, I got a cake at a cakewalk. You did? Oh, God, it felt so good. How old were you? I think I was, yeah, six. And I was like, I saw this. I mean, I didn't know which cake I was going to win, but I felt it.

Yeah. Like, this is my day. It's like a premonition. Yeah. One thing I love about this story, I always say there's something that makes, there's always an element to every story that puts it right in the center of dumb people town. This is it. I'm going to finish describing the truck, and it comes right at the end. reports that the truck the men are driving is a beat-up white chevy or trodo

with standard cab and a cap on the box that doesn't appear to be a refrigerator unit the license plate on the vehicle is believed to be a florida plate yeah of course it is yes florida they're done selling meat locally they They're taking it to the Midwest. You can take the guys out of Florida. You can't take the Florida out of the guy. Out of the meat. Out of the meat. Out of the car.

Can't take the Florida out of the meat. All right, that's it. Yeah, well, I'll just wrap it up with this. State police advise it's not illegal to sell items door to door, but residents should not allow, at residents of Dump People Town, do not allow door to door salesmen inside their home. Never.

The salespeople may be looking to see what valuables are in the home. So sort of like a home alone situation. They want to get in and look around. Then they come back later and break in to steal expensive items or the meat that they just sold you. Wow. That would be the worst. The meat that she just sold you?

I made that last part up. But I feel like they definitely, to them, they'd be like, take the meat back. We can resell it. Get it. It's still good. Who cares if it's still good? Did they make you take the walleye just in your hands?

No, it was in a Ziploc bag. Oh, Jesus. Was it delicious? Do you remember it? Very good. All right. That's how we do it. Our first story down in Dumb People Town with the great Maria Bamford, who when we come back, we'll talk a little

Lady Dynamite, but you're listening to Dumb People Town with Dan Van Kirk and the Skly Brothers and Maria Bamford. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. Alright everybody, welcome back to Dumb People Town. We've gotia bamford and she has a great netflix special which we talked about baby oh baby oh baby and you also have a great show on

netflix which we love lady dynamite so fantastic so crazy tremendous people involve mitch hurwitz from arrested development one of our favorite shows of all time. And this show has a lot if you loved Arrested Development you can totally see his handprints all over that. Except it feels like it's a little more personal and has a little more heart. Yeah, it's a little, yeah.

Well, then Pam Brady. Pam Brady as well, who is amazing. South Park, and she's done a million things that she's just super talented and so funny. It's definitely a collaboration. You get a feeling of a bunch of different people, which is also my dream come true. I started out doing stand-up because I didn't like to work with others. Yeah, that's a solitary.

I didn't seem to make the old eye contact. Not in an improv group. Yeah, I did do an improv group actually for a while. But I was the only lady. It was like, I think now improv, I just took an improv 101 at the UCB. Did you? I did. It was delightful.

Was it fun? It was so. It's so much fun. Did you feel pushed in areas that you're like, oh shit, I've never done this before? Yeah, totally. And the things that I've forgotten and it's all, yeah, it was lovely. But the nice thing about UCB about i want to do that and and i guess improv today it's much more inclusive like they make it a part of the philosophy that you can be whatever character you want to be uh nobody uh is

uh yeah like there's just a lot less showboating and sexism and... Your choice is a choice and we all gotta go with it. Yeah. It's really delightful. So I hope I make it to level two. I haven't found out. I don't know! Maybe. I can imagine... Can you imagine Sklarz walking into your 101 class and

Maria's in there and you're like, I'm about to be horrible. This is like one of the best comics in the country. But I'm sure you were so fun and everything, but I would just be like, or just people's Hollywood moment

of like, I'm getting to take a one-on-one. Nobody gives a shit. Really? No. I love that. I think there are also, there is so much content,

which is, I am not, you know, I am not a known entity. And, you know, there's other people who are like, they're YouTube stars. Well, I didn't know who were very, very famous. Oh, yeah.

Oh, in the 101 class? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, there was a guy from Rachel Bloom's. Oh, yeah. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Her boyfriend, Josh, that guy is taking classes there.

I love it. Oh, that's cool. It's no big deal. Yeah. No, it's no big deal. 101 is so much fun. The 101 level is like, just let it go and have fun. It's such a great level to take.

And also a place for you to just, it's low risk. There's zero risk for you to just let it all out there. It's not like you're, oh, I'm going to try this in a writer's room for, we only have X amount of time and I've got to do this in front of these people or on set in the thing where the pressure is a lot higher. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, it was really lovely. Awesome. it was really lovely and and people also I think people forget

I mean if they are anxious at all or at least I know I was I remember one time I took a class with and Hilary Swank was in it

but then you forget about it after all because you're so wrapped up but you're in the class you're like oh there's that lady again right you're like

yeah she's beautiful one of my started calling her hundred dollar baby yeah one of my you a hundred dollar baby? One of my. You know, a hundred dollar baby.

What choice is she going to make? And then you're like, she actually made a great choice. She actually made a really good choice. One of my favorite scenes from Lady Dynamite is the scene of you in front of the family garage wanting to put the band together. It was one of my like, oh, God, I love. And your excitement and your, your excitement and you're like, your character is like committed to this and everybody's going to be on

board. And then your sister's like, hell yeah, let's do this. Oh God. I love that. I love that scene. Just to me,

I love that. Like it, it breaks all the rules of a half hour comedy. It's like, okay. Oh, we, we can't have,

you're like, we can have anything happen all of you guys and the collaboration of them and them having you a person who is your entire life very like taking your brain apart and said what is inside of this and what am i dealing with here that thing and that aspect of it allows you to go in every direction because you're like this is my brain my brain goes here and then it goes here and then it goes it doesn't go in a linear line from this part so then it can be whatever it is so it actually there's a reason that it is as crazy as it is it's not just randomly random yeah yeah i i mean i think i i did not write it

uh pam brady and her team of uh uh well-paid geniuses did it. But they captured your voice beautifully, and it has to be a marriage of, like they can't write the hair commercial at the very beginning, you know, that thing without being like, okay, we're going to write to a certain point, and then Maria's going to just take it over the top.

Like we're going to write to her strengths, and then she's going to do little things that are. it's a great collaboration yeah they're like we can't we can't anticipate the like three little things she does and the way she says it that is just making me laugh out loud it's a we have a second season coming out in this fall oh great yeah so it's super super exciting and um i'm just excited about the even the animals that we have on we have a a llama yes

we have two raccoons let me see there's a raccoons are a comedy team a coyote there's just several different dogs yes

he also flies a flying coyote flying coyote if Flying coyote. So now you have until the summer to catch up on season one. So go binge it up. Binge it up.

Binge it up. So you're ready for season two. Watch Old Baby. And in the meantime, we're going to do another story. Yes, we will.

This was sent in by Deanna. So thank you. She's one of our townies. Her handle is at the NA 109. I don't know what that means, but we'll take it. handle is at the NA 109. I don't know what that means, but we'll take it. Non-applicable 109. Yeah, for sure.

On April 19th, 2017. We want everybody to know. This is recent. Last month. Yes. Fresh. This is also from the Athens News, so it's got to be Georgia. Yeah, Athens, Georgia.

Two adults at a Rock Street Coolville residence. Coolville is the name of the town, guys. Where do you live? Oh, he's acting like he lives in Coolville. Coolville. Hey, relax. Johnny Coolville over here. Yeah.

It's cool. It's cool. Those are some great jackets. That thrift store has probably the coolest t-shirts. Coolville. Welcome to Coolville. Coolville High. Yeah.

Coolville High School. Oh, man. Yeah. Property of Coolville Athletic Department. Like Coolville. Coolville High. Coolville High School. Oh, man. Property of Coolville Athletic Department. Like Coolville Church Softball League. It's also a high bar. Yes. You've got to live up to it.

You're not cool. Yeah, I want to go to It's Okay Town. And then it's just kind of like, hey, we'll see what happens. We're doing our best, man. And we're at Coolville. Well, two adults. We'll see, Berg. You decide if we at Coolville. We'll see, Berg. You decide if we're Coolville.

Down here valley. Two adults at a Coolville residence became engaged, not in a good sense. Not in a good way. In a dispute stemming from a disagreement over cheese snacks being distributed to pets within the home. So, we take one of Randy's favorite pastimes, eating cheese flavored things. Nips? No, nips are a mix. Combos?

Combos. Oh, I didn't know those were cheesy. When it comes to Randy and snacks, the term is by the handful. It is not healthy. It's a lot like this. We'll go into his house to ride or do some stuff, and instantly we walk in the kitchen, and Randy's like, what do you want? You want some of this?

You want some of these? And you start putting things on the table. I am all for him. Under the guys that they're for. Right, but under the guys. But they're all for him. For you, but it's out there for me. I really should be saying, I want some of these. I want some of these i want some of these i want some of these cheetos cheetos but not cheetos the baked

baked cheetos from trader joe's are cannot be beaten they cannot they cannot be beaten my husband feels like there's something in cheetos that is an antidepressant it's possible that he has been brought like been rocketed into the sixth dimension of some sort of feel good place. So he's happy after he has. If it's true, it's true. If he's got orange fingers, you know he's going to be in a happy place, right?

There's something very prime. Did Patton do that bit about him? Patton did a bit about him. About how they're like little caveman like clubs and they make you feel powerful. Get into like a trance and you're just,

he's just. More caveman clubs. Where were we like hosting like late Friday? Remember that show Late Friday? Yes, club where are we like hosting like late friday remember that show oh yeah so we were hosting an episode of late friday and patten i think was on it this is like 13 14 years ago and uh he was in the back route like in the green room area and i just i went up to say hi to him but he was like eating uh just i think it was like cheetos and stuff from a bowl and he was eating and he was in such a Cheetos trance that I could have just stood in front of him and had a whole conversation.

He would not have even seen me. And I was like, that's me, man. Well, these two people got in a fight over cheese snacks being distributed to pets within the home. Okay. So when my dog, my first, I don't know if you had your dogs trained at all. If you worked like with a trainer to dress your pet. Oh, God, no. I wish the audience could see your face.

It was like, are you crazy? No, I know you baby those dogs. I know. They're such babies. They're such babies. I love that in the special when in the middle of one of your bits, you just picked up one of the dogs and handed it to your husband. He had to pick it up and move it over.

Well, no, she picked it up and moved it over to him. I think I picked it up, but it doesn't matter now. The dark one was sitting next to him. That's Betty. Betty. And then Arnold, and Arnold who passed away. We're running a hospice. Oh, yeah.

It's a constant rollover. It's in and out. Scott, the pug that's in the back was made by my husband. It's out of paper mache. Amazing. And that is Arnold. And he's going to be auctioned off by UCB for the ACLU fundraiser. Oh, wow.

The one that keeps moving around to all the- That's in every stand up thing. I love it. So your house with your old dog. So there was a guy who came over when we had our first bulldog that we had. We have English bulldogs. So we had our first one, and then he passed away after 12 years. But we were training him at the beginning.

This is like 15 years ago. And there was a guy who came over with a fanny pack full of meat cubes. And he would just distribute the meat cubes to him every time he did. Excuse me, cheese cubes. Did he have a brochure? Cheese and turkey. He did not have a brochure. Okay.

Cheese and turkey. And I just, to me, imagined that when this guy wasn't training dogs, he still kept the pack in his hand and would snack on it as he was driving. I can imagine he just unsip it and just gave himself a little for you yeah you deserve it i made a great left turn right there he just pops a little cheese cube in his mouth who's a good driver you are so i just imagine that this is all are they cheese snack what are they cheese snacks eventually or eventually essentially in my opinion to this argument between these two people had been going on for a long time

about not giving goldfish to the dogs. Yes. I don't think it's about the goldfish. No. It's never about the goldfish. No.

That's the leaf on a deep-rooted tree. Yeah. The verbal argument escalated when the female tossed a metal stool

at the male's PlayStation console. Wow. Now that is... Now it's an escalation. That starts with cheese. I'm going to bump it up a notch. Yeah, that's when you need...

Because our biology, when you get triggered emotionally, you need to lower... You take a 10-minute break, and then you come back to each other, and then you turn towards your partner. My husband and I have taken a lot of uh is this the Sharon Hirschman yeah no no no this is that the got John and Judy Gottman what's Sharon who's your Cheryl Herschel but she's lovely and she's south pasadena and um hersham she's 20 bucks and uh it's just delightful i love it what's the song

go to cheryl hersham because it reflects back what your partner's trying to say to you and it normalizes conflict but you're right they they needed to take a breath his conflict. Cheryl Harrison. Cheryl Harrison. She's wonderful. But you're right. They needed to take a breath and then reconnect. Yeah, reconnect. Because you know

that she was like, you give them dogs one more goddamn piece. I'm throwing this stool at your PlayStation. I'd like to see you set it. It's a PlayStation 2 even though this is 2017.

It's a 12-year-old older model. Older model. She's in fight or flight at that point. Yeah. She's had enough of these goddamn dogs getting fed and enough of all the other things they're not actually talking about. She's, as they say with children, she's offline at this point.

Her brain is not fully connected and operating as a unit. She's offline. I'm not a therapist, and I've only been to therapy. I've been off and on to therapy. But this to me is, and I'm not going to, this isn't even a- therapy. I've been off and on to therapy. But this, to me, is... And I'm not going to... This isn't even a... No, you're definitely qualified for whatever you're about to say.

This is what I'm going to call a window issue. A window issue? It's a window issue. It's not the issue. To the rest of the house. It's a window to the rest of the house of issues that these people have. Well, in this house, stools are being thrown. Yes.

Right through the window. I'm about to read to you how you knew this guy could react in a way that was going to piss her off without needing to resort to any sort of violence or verbal abuse or anything. That's right. The male then tossed the stool back onto the couch. You would think, what? Throw something and break something of hers. No, I'm just going to toss it on the couch.

Okay. Guys, he knew what his ace in the hole was. So the female called 911 because she is still making payments on that couch and did not appreciate him throwing a stool on it. It's so odd. Couch abuse. It's like you were saying, there's so much more going on here. To most people, he threw a stool on the couch. That's not even...

No, 911's like, we'll be right there. Right. But he knew to her that... Also, call Ikea. I just finished putting that together. You knew that to her, that's the most egregious thing he could do. How dare you. You did not just throw that stool on the couch, didn't I?

Didn't I? I'll do it again like you just think what was the thing where it all started yeah right like was it but it was before the cheese were you saying pre-cheese pre-cheese oh god pre-cheese it might be one of them didn't want the dogs but now they're both in love with them and they want they're arguing about how the dog should take care of them you don't take care of them. You don't walk him. You don't pick up the poop. You don't do all the other things. All you want to do is feed them. All you want to do is give them the cheese.

So you want them to love you. You want them to love you, and you don't want to do the hard work. Could be that. The dog's peed somewhere, pooed. You don't lay the hammer down. I'm the one who has to go get the stuff that's not really, it looks like sand, and then you put it on it, and it absorbs it, and then you have to let it sit there,

so there's like a little mound of sand on your carpet, and then two days later you have to vacuum it up. Yes. I have to then go to the vacuum cleaner store and get the sand. Parties. You don't do that. Both parties.

And that's all about, right, it's like fear that, yeah, of abandonment or something like that, right? Or just a lack of commitment into the relationship. Yeah, yeah. We both have to equal disrespect. So you've had dogs in your life, throughout your life. Your husband, was he a pet person?

Oh, he loves the dogs. Okay, great. He is, so he did not have animals. That's a deal breaker though, if he didn't. Well. Not really? I think, I don't think anything's a deal deal breaker i think if you're willing to work something all you need is somebody who's willing to work it out with you who's like okay i because i think i always like would uh kick people to curb

you know for now i realize things that weren't uh you know that they were on board all you need is somebody who's on board you know like i'll do anything to keep on board. All you need is somebody who's on board. Who's like, I'll do anything to keep me at this work. On board can be worked out. Yeah, because I just, I don't know about that. Thank God he loves the puppies. Yeah, yeah. Thank God. Let's just sit around here and have a moment and say,

thank God he loves the puppies. And he loves them. I think he's more attuned to them than I am. There's like a moment you'll come home and you're like, were you just, did you just kiss that dog's tongue? Oh, no. I'm very uh pro pro puppy but he's genuinely concerned about them and has uh we definitely we definitely have uh stories going on in between them jackie uh and. You have a chihuahua? Oh, God. A chihuahua? Chihuahua.

Jeez. We thought she was an old grandma who just needed a place to stay when we first saw her. We're like, oh, sweet, silky fat chihuahua. We'll just sit on our laps. Turns out, we get her home and she is like, spin, spin, spin, spin.

She is energized and wants to jump on your head. You know what? That describes a lot of people in Dumb People Town. That's right. Energized and want to jump on your head. Well, look, you threw the stool on the thing. I'm going to call 911. Calling 911.

Okay, so 911 comes. Yes. Parties then agreed with the police there to leave all furniture on the floor for the rest of the evening. No word about tomorrow. No. But for the rest of the evening no word about tomorrow no but for the rest of the night we just have to handle the now here's the part that made this i mean lock solid dumb people town they agreed to leave the furniture on the floor for the rest of the evening and the male intended to take his cat and leave as soon as his socks came out of the dryer.

No, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'll be out of here. I'm going to go. She can have her cat. I'll take my cat. I'm going to take my cat and get the fuck out of here. I got 15 minutes left

on that dryer with my socks and then I'm out of here. As soon as my socks come out. They're golden toes. They're a little thicker. They take a little more time. But here's the crazy thing. They're Bomba socks, probably.

Oh, Bomba. Oh, Bomba. Get a pair. Give a pair. Yeah. Give're Bomba socks, probably. Oh, Bomba. Oh, Bomba. Get a pair. Give a pair. Yeah. Give a pair. I love it. Well, just a couple last things here.

It's like Tom's without the Christianity. What? I mean, come on. Oh, my God. Come on. They're a sponsor of the show. They are a sponsor of the show. Not Tom's, but Bomba's.

Bomba's is. Bomba's is. They're a non-denominational Tom's. I'm going to read to you. Non- i'm gonna read this is how the article reads the male intended to take his cat and leave as soon as his socks came out of the dryer case closed that's what they wrote at the end of this and then you you touched on something about randy you said it being a window maria you were like this is just a small thing of a larger issue that is happening all around athens georgia they included two other quick stories that are literally a sentence long that i'm just gonna read you guys read them they're little bites

they're little dumb people bites and they gave them little titles the next one is remote in parentheses control freaks oh god April 22nd, 2017, deputies responded to Rollin Drive, this is in the same area, in the Plains, for a domestic dispute. On scene, they determined the argument

was a verbal nature that stemmed from control of the TV remote. All agreed to go to bed for the evening. No further action was taken. These cops are getting people to just agree for tonight.

Let's let it go. No more stools being thrown. Let's turn off the TV and go to bed. I think it would be cool if the cops shot everyone. No! Hey, just look. This, look. They got a little... This could have gotten out of control. Thank God we handled it. Yes. Thank God we handled this, because this could have gotten really ugly.

The last one is titled, Dirty Laundry. On April 22, 2017, deputies responded to Walnut Street in Trimble in reference to a report of a female yelling. Deputies arrived on the scene and spoke with the occupants of the residency. After a lengthy discussion, it was learned that the male and female whom reside there were arguing over who was going to do the laundry. All parties were advised to cease arguing or separate. Which means the cops were like, y'all need to stop fighting or

go your separate ways. Go back to bed for the night. These cops show up, tell people whatever, find out whatever their little issue is. Tucking people in. And they put them to bed. It's so true. The goodnight cops. They are. They take their billy club and take the top of the covers and just

gently put it up to the edge. This is good night. You're getting tight-tight. Yeah. I'm not going to lay with you until you're asleep. You need to put yourself to sleep. But the idea that they keep getting reports, it was about the remote. It was about the laundry.

It was about a stool being thrown at the cops. The cops are like, they show up and we're like, guys, everybody sit down. Sit down. This town needs marital therapy. Well, that's the thing. Who's ever- Someone who is unarmed would come with maybe a high-waisted pant and like a long hair and some long earrings and would come and say, hey. Hey.

What's- Sit down. Let's just be quiet for a second. Well, you don't understand. You don't understand. Okay. No, no, no. Take one breath. Together. What's... Sit down. What's... Let's just be quiet for a second. Well, you don't understand. You don't understand, okay? No, no, no. Take one breath. Together, take a breath.

And then take it off. Ask him what he did with the stool. Ask him what he did. You know, there is that aphorism, don't go to bed angry. It's okay to go to bed angry. It's okay. All right. All right.

It's okay to go to bed with... Because sometimes when you wake up in the morning uh you're in a better place to handle uh whatever it is that uh uh was the problem in the evening okay honestly she's wait wake up ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am oh Oh. Oh. Oh. Here we are. Just you doing that voice reminded me of the sketch you did with John Doerr on his show of the couple who's doing like meditation tapes. Who's getting into a fight and they're doing a meditation tape, but he's late. He's late and she's really mad that he's always late. Again, it's like a window issue.

Yeah. And you guys are still fighting in the meditation voices. She is in meditation. Oh, my God. So many things can be avoided by just... A woman with long hair and long earrings calming everyone down. And taking deep breaths. Like, you cannot get ratcheted up while taking long, deep breaths.

Take a deep breath and count to four. These are my favorite cops that are showing up and just being like, okay, okay, nope, I get it, I get it. Tell me what's really wrong. Right. Like, okay, okay, okay, okay. I love it. I love it.

Well, when we come back, we have one more story. We do. And then we have a voicemail actually from, and this is crazy, I don't know how she got a copy of this while we're doing her she's listening in from Maria's mom she's gonna critique our performance on this yes from Maria's mom she's gonna critique our performance on all these stories on this show back when dumb people town return All right, everybody, welcome back to Dumb People Town. One last story, Dan.

Take us home, brother. Here we go. This was sent in by Lance Rodeo. It's not his first story he sent in. At Lance Rodeo, L-A-N-C-E-R-O-D-E-O. Thanks, brother. It could be Lance Rodeo if he's from L.A. It could be. I'm just saying.

It could be. South L.A-O. Thanks, bro. It could be Lance Rodeo if he's from L.A. It could be. I'm just saying. It could be. South L.A. Radio, maybe. This is a story about art in Dumb People Town, and I love it because everybody just said, okay, it's fine. Students claim they managed to pass off a pineapple they bought for less than $5 at a supermarket. Is that expensive for a pineapple? I think a pineapple $5 at a supermarket. Is that expensive for a pineapple?

I'm going to be honest with you. Full disclosure here, guys. I'm not always the best at researching. What's a franc? One franc. A pound, maybe. I don't even know the symbol. A dollar and a half? I'll look it up. I knew it was less than $5, so I tried to play safe, and you caught me. Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. It's okay. That's right there.'s right there that's like what a pound that's like a city pineapple that's a pound one pound is about two dollars yeah two and a half bucks buck fifty maybe okay that's perfect we're great our currency exchange is spot on here on dumb people's one pound uh anyway they bought it at a supermarket and they decided they wanted to try and pass it off as a work of art after leaving it in the middle of an exhibition at their university. That is smart. So they go to this modern art exhibit. Put that there. Yep.

And they go and look at it. Here's the picture. They just put a pineapple on an empty table, and then it- By the way, that looks like a modern art piece. Doesn't it kind of that's one of our oldest favorite bits to do at a really

modern art museum is to go up to the exit sign and be like this is unbelievable or look at the bathroom sign and just be like

have you ever seen anything I mean they've captured it what are they saying and there's braille around it's the first thing

with braille you can touch it I used to do back in college every year we would would go to the theme park, you know, the Six Flags, up in Gurney, Illinois. And we would do this thing where they always seem to have, in these theme parks, there's always randomly little bridges over streams that they've made and stuff like that.

We would stop on the bridge and then stare at the stream as though we were waiting for something. And after a couple minutes other people would start waiting with you to see what is about to happen. The power of the power. Start a line.

What are we waiting for? Who knows? Who knows? But it seems like it's worth it. There's a lot of people here. Oh my God. Ruriari Gray, a business information

technology student at Robert Gordon University in Scotland and his friend Lloyd Jack. What a great name. Lloyd Jack. It's a Guy Ritchie character. Yeah.

He reportedly left the fruit at the Look Again exhibition at RGU's Sir Ian Wood building, hoping it might be mistaken for art. I love it because it's a joke on the art world. Yeah. And they're just college kids having the most innocuous goofs. Harmless fun. Yeah. Harmless fun. Yes. But guys when they but guys get this jokes on them when they return four days later as you just saw and people will over the facebook page for dumb people town when they return four days later they found that the pineapple had been put inside its own glass display case

someone was like this is a real thing we need to now. Yes. Someone probably got yelled at at the museum. It's like, why is this out? Somebody's going to grab the pineapple.

Guys, put a, so then they put it in a box, a glass box around the pineapple to protect it, to keep the art safe.

This is a lesson for life. This is, you know how people say, like back in, when we used to watch beer commercials when we were younger, grab the gusto? In Dumb and Dumb, you gotta just grab the pineapple of life. Grab the pineapple by

the... Grab the pineapple by the hair. By the meat. What's the art? What's the food? Where does art start? Consume it either way. Yeah. Natalie Kerr, a cultural assistant for the festival. No points, by the way, consuming art. Tell your mom. There's not any points. No points for consuming the pineapple art. Natalie Kerr, a cultural assistant for the festival. No points, by the way, consuming art. Tell your mom.

There's not any points. No points for consuming the pineapple art. Natalie Kerr, that would be hilarious. Weight Watchers for art. I've already seen three Van Goghs. No points. I actually gained two points. I've gotten an earful of my Van Gogh.

That was solid. A cultural assistant, that's Natalie Kerr, for the festival, who organized the display, said she wasn't the one who included the fruit as an artwork because she is allergic to pineapple. That's kind of a hard line. By the way, I've never met anyone who's allergic to pineapple in my life. Natalie Kerr. This is the first time I'm even hearing a pineapple allergy. She's making it up.

We were moving the exhibition. She's like Chuck on Better Call Saul. We were moving the exhibition and came back after 10 minutes and it was in a glass case so she's saying that it wasn't there then it was there and someone she doesn't know who put a glass case around it but it wasn't her yes gray 22 told the mail online i saw an empty art display stand and to decide to see how long it would stay there for four or how long it would stay there for, or if people would believe it was art. So the kid was like, there was just an empty table. Let's put a pineapple there.

See what happens. They thought everybody would be like, what is this? But everybody was like, beautiful. Unbelievable. Yes. Unbelievable. It's the art world not understanding. I know.

It's a bit of a mystery. Being too far ahead of itself. The glass is pretty heavy and would need two or three people to move it, but we have no idea who did it. So the art doesn't even know who put the glass around it. No would need two or three people to move it but we have no idea who did it so the art doesn't even know who put the glass around it no but it's still there now best prank ever we decided to keep it because it's in it's it's in keeping with the playful spirit of the art show that's a cover-up we screwed up and we're gonna make it seem like we tried but you've seen the photo it does kind of look like it belongs, right? If you went to...

But it's going to rot, and it's going to look horrible. That's part of the art. That's the art. It's living art, Maria. If you went to the brode... The shop ready-made. Yeah. Yes.

But ready... Yeah, that was the art where he made the entire thing, but then it looked like it was just a urinal. Right. And then put it out there. But, yeah, gosh. What if that is a thing? Good for them.

Good for them. It's hard to get into art shows. It's hard to get into art shows. It's super hard. They can put that on their resume and they should put them on CVs. Can I tell you, I was at the Grammy Museum and they were showing all the most famous performances

from the band and they showed Michael Portnoy, Soy Bomb, when he came on michael portnoy the guy who danced next to bob dylan and he had written on his chest soy bomb and it was like this weird thing and he was uh a performance artist down in the lower east side with us at like luna lounge and stuff like that and i just i was like that's so great that that's considered this great grammy artistic moment And he was just this silly guy. He was the pineapple.

He was the pineapple. He put it up there. He put himself in a glass case. All right. Well, before we get out of here, we got a voicemail from Maria's mom critiquing how we did on this show. So let's listen to that before we get out of here. Randy, Jason, it's Marilyn Bamford. And I just I just think you're both darling.

And, you know, I just, the only criticism that I have, and this is, of course, from a mother, and so maybe something you want to answer. But people are dumb, you know. I mean, we really need to say you know a different you know say okay how about people people town you know because that's what people are we're all people and some of us you know you know maybe you have a head injury or you have a you know some sort of a developmental disability but it's not you know dumb or or smart you smart. Some people are bright, very bright, but they are just unable to read.

And then there are those who have a gift of emotional intelligence, where you just, you know, pugs. You look at that dog and you think, well, I wouldn't give him my taxes, but I would go to this dog for sucker, for spiritual sustenance. Anyways, you're doing a wonderful job. If I could give you hugs, I would, but Maria would say not to because she said, I will not bring any boys home if you flirt with them anymore.

She said that when she was 18, and I took that to heart. Bye-bye. God bless. Wow. First of all, her access to what we just recorded is unbelievable. It's almost like she's omniscient.

Do you ever feel that about your mom? I do. She's just all-knowing. She is all-knowing and I love that she's almost always on the verge of tears and we don't know if they're tears of joy

or tears of sadness. Joy. It's all joy. She is having a wonderful time. Wonderful time. She's in her golden years. Well, she should be proud of her daughter because you're doing wonderful, amazing things. Oh, baby.

Go watch it on Netflix. Give it a good rating, for Christ's sake. It deserves it. Boost it up the old chain. But it may not be for you. It's also okay to not enjoy it. It may not be for you, but I'm going to tell you something. I think you will love it.

Having spent time with Maria on this show now, you will get so much of that in the actual show. And then after you watch Old Baby and love it, Go watch Lady Dynamite. Go watch Lady Dynamite as a series and get ready for the new one, the new season is going to come out. And then go watch our stand-up special on Netflix. What are we talking about?

Give that a good rating. Give that an old shot in the arm. Thanks, guys. We are working on the live show in L.A., a live Dumb People Town that we're going to do in L.A. maybe first week in June. We'll give you more details as that goes. So for our L.A. peeps who are listening, that's that.

Remember to listen to this show, rate it, review it, subscribe on iTunes. It helps keep us up in the thing. Thank you, Daniel. Great job today. Oh, thank you, guys. This was fun. Thank you, Maria. It's so good to see you every time. All right, I guess we've got to get back down to work now. We've got to get back to work. Thank you, Daniel. Great job today. Oh, thank you, guys. This was fun. Thank you, Maria. It's so good to see you every time.

Alright, I guess we've got to get back down to work. We've got to get back to work. Everybody, back to work! Back to work!