Dumb People Town - Mark Normand - 2 to 4 Throwing Stars

Episode Date: May 2, 2017

This week, the hilarious Mark Normand arrives in Dumb People Town on a stolen bulldozer. Mark tells The Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk what it was like opening for Louis CK during the taping of his newest special.Story #1, a mayoral candidate has an unusual outburst involving a basketball. Mark recorded his new special in a synagogue, and he tells the gang about it.Story #2, an 8-year-old child takes matters into his own hands in his quest for a cheeseburger.Story #3 introduces a legendary citizen of Dumb People Town who gets himself into a gambling mishap. A voicemail is interrupted by a murderous celebrity guest who is now selling wind chimes. 

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Van Derk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Hungry Downies, Dumb People Town Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town We're gonna make that stick I'm gonna make it stick I mean, it's stuck for us Stuck for us, and that's all that really matters We're going to make that stick. I'm going to make it stick. I mean, it's stuck for us. Stuck for us, and that's all that really matters. We're the Skly Brothers. He's Daniel VanKirken. Hi, everybody.

Today, hi, Dan, we have an awesome guest on the show, a comedian that those who know comedy will definitely know this guy. Those who don't know comedy will have never heard of him. Those who don't know comedy somehow ended up here. Yeah, no, but it is, Jay ended up here. Yeah. No, no, but it is. Jay and I are around stand up a lot. And now Dan,

you're around stand up increasingly more and more. You see people and you know, when someone is about to bust out and be huge, just by the way audiences react to that person. We felt it with Sebastian when he started to do his thing and I was like, this guy, he's about to just explode

and of course he did. The kid from The NeverEnding Story? Yes. By the way, my problem with that movie? Yeah? Too long.

Wow. So, this next guy is a guy that we've had the pleasure to see perform up in Montreal in front of a very cool alt crowd. Yep.

Very cool alt crowd, but a different Canadian audience. And then I think it was the set that we saw at the roast battle at the roast battle. So he judged the roast battle with us and was incredible. The set that he did the roast battle. You got to understand there are three minute sets, a lot of open micers and people who aren't even passed at the comedy. And a crowd that's really there to see the roast battle. Not so much the open micers and people who aren't even passed at the comedy store. And a crowd that's really there to see the roast battle,

not so much the open mic or the comedy. Completely unfocused, don't want to hear the comedy, and good comedians can get them for a little while.

This guy turned the audience in three minutes and had them in the palm of his hand. And didn't change his style. Did not change his style. Let's talk about him

more as if he's not here. Let's pretend like he did. It's just a shame he passed away. I know, it's so sad. Mark Norman, how are did. It's just a shame he passed away. I know. It's so sad. Mark Norman, how are you, buddy? Welcome to Dumb People Town.

Thanks for having me. Jeez, that was nice and very uncomfortable. I appreciate it. Get used to it, bitch. Get used to it, man. Well, you might know him if you saw Louis C.K.'s special. He gave you a hug right before. He went on stage.

You went on stage. And that was really a good, that was a funny hug. And you were just there To work the curtain And that was it He just hugs the curtain guy Every night Right No you opened up for him

For how long A couple months Before his special While he was getting ready And boy it was amazing It was quite a treat I think he's the best I think you're

Wow going out on a limb there Jeez It was cool because You and I We hung out We did Doug's show together In Austin Yes And you were like Telling me a little You were like His first bit Is just like him there jeez it was cool because you and i we hung out uh we did doug's show together in austin yes and you were like telling me a little you're like he his first bit is just like so abortion

yeah and i remember you saying you're like it's so interesting to see how that goes and then who else who else was on that joe list oh no no doug loves movies yeah no but she was hanging out with us uh this is a great podcast i know know, it's a wonderful podcast. Anyway. Dan, let's watch you go through your wallet and take out receipts now. Oh, I don't have a wallet. Oh,

yeah, that's right. Are you a money clip guy? Yeah, sort of. Nice. Just a couple of cards and I'm good.

These two dads next to us, though, probably have receipts from 1998 in their wallet. I keep every receipt. Every goddamn receipt. Why not? You never know when the government's

going to come out to you. I got a punch card from Subway. Still. They don't even do it anymore. But one of you guys had some sort of abortion stuff in your set. And you were like, oh, no, we have to take it out because it has to hit so hard when he comes out and does that. And then that does in the special. He kicks the door open with the audience.

Completely. I don't want to give too much behind the anal here, but he did a whole thing where he would try that. We did five shows and it didn't work the first four. Really? And the fifth one it worked and he was like, oh, thank God. Wow. So he recorded five shows for the special. Where was it recorded? Constitution

Hall in D.C. Wow. So he did five of those and it didn't work at the beginning. I love it. Yeah, it was like getting titters and then by the last one it was like, boom. Thank God. Now it's a special. I mean, and you know't work at the beginning. I love it. Yeah, it was like getting titters, and then by the last one, it was like, boom, and it was, thank God, now it's a special. I mean, and you know, look, he's catching some criticism for it in some ways, but as we spoke about before we started, it is great to see comedians, when you've got the talent, we say you have free reign to do what you want.

Yeah. And I particularly love that special, and that's so cool that you got to see him kind of work it up front You know out Work it in the Did you take stuff Away from that For your own

I took a few bits Yeah Oh no you're not Supposed to do that Mark you are not Supposed to do that Those have already aired Yeah I learned a lot

I mean he would He would tweak jokes We would go to open mics And he would come with us I mean he's a nut Morgan Murphy by the way Ah Murphy Yes

He is a comedy junkie. Oh, yeah. I think you kind of have to be to operate on that level. Yes. Yeah, and also to know what else people are doing out there. I feel like he doesn't want to be so insular, even though he's sitting at the top of the mountain right now. Totally. And so, just awesome that you got a chance to do that.

But I feel like there'll be a point in time when we're talking about your special in the same way which is you actually have a special coming out on Comedy Central this Friday

yes the 12th May 12th called Don't Be Yourself don't be perfect big mistake

well for you guys it's a great great advice well that is actually a perfect lead in to the show and it's usually people who are acting like their usual dumb selves.

And they need to not be themselves in order to survive. So let's get into a story, and then when we come back, we'll talk a little bit about how much fun we had in Austin, Texas. Oh, yeah. We'll definitely get into that. Let's get into the story, then. Okay. You want to talk about Don't Be Yourself.

Here we go. This was sent in by JNAP at JNAP05. As always, guys, at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people town. Parents always have wet JNAPs. The great thing is we have so many. On hand. What if that's like a Jewish dating site where all you do is get together and nap? Where'd you meet her?

I met her on JNAP. Yeah, we went to a synagogue chapel and just laid down. Cuddle first, love later. And then you get to a synagogue chapel and just laid down. Cuddle first, love later. And then you get to say I've lain with another woman. Would you really, I

feel like this has probably happened. Would you really hate it if there was a business set up where you went in and had a couple of cram crackers and make

chocolate milk or juice and then just laid down quietly for like 45 minutes? I'm sure that's professional. It would go bad too quick.

There'd be one boner and then, you know, something would happen. A whole thing escalates from there. What if they called the place Cosby's? Drink this first. That would be a terrible idea. Sir, you have to drink it before you lay down. They're like, what went wrong? This was the perfect business model.

But I want to let everybody know a couple things before we get into the story one uh we have so many great listeners to the show we do um a couple weeks before this i'm sure everything's still going good we we were everybody who put us all the way up to like number four yeah if you're rating and reviewing and subscribing and telling people about this we made it all the way up to number four and maybe even more since then who knows but it's all thanks to you guys in comedy podcasts yes uh so for everybody who's new the way it works is when you send it to me i just go through the timeline so whoever sent me the story first somebody was like hey i sent that to you and i didn't get credit uh i love you for doing that but i usually just go by whoever got it to me first

also one other side note want to let you guys know this is fun dumb people telling stuff somebody sent me a story about a couple that went in to get in vitro fertilization done. The whole process. And the doctor ran their blood test, found out they were biological twins. I sent you that. You did? Yes.

Oh, well, somebody else did too. Great. Research department came through. Fake news. Fake news! Yes, not real. Guys, we caught one. Caught it before it got to you.

All real. All real. All right. Freeland. I don't know where that is. A local man faces a slew of charges after he allegedly got into numerous altercations with his fellow neighbors during the evening hours on Sunday. See, that's...

Now, I'm going to say this as a homeowner. There should be, as part of every homeowner tour a meet the neighbors moment because you don't know what you're getting it's the blindest in humanity you need to walk in their house see if they're hoarders you need to talk to them check out check the rabbits in the wall throw out like one political issue to kind of get a sense and then i don't want that should be like a provision on the house. Yeah,

it's not a racist joke if they laugh you go, we're in. Either they have a great sense of humor or we're in. If they look at you

and they're like, alright, let me tell you one, bang. No. Get out. Get out. Alright,

I got one for you. Nope. Also, the fact that it says during the evening hours, I want us to all be on the same page. To me,

this is all happening during dusk, like golden hour. Right. Kind of romantic. Yeah, why not? This is when you want to get into it with your neighbors. You ready to hear this? Yeah. Several people told Freeland police that John Buddha...

His name is Buddha. I know, but he is not... He is nothing. What's the name of your special? Don't be yourself. Yeah, he is not being himself. Don't be yourself. Yeah, he is not being himself. Don't be Buddha. Yeah.

He allegedly threw a lit cigarette at a person. Yep. That's like right before the punch. Is that worse than spitting in someone's face? The cigarette throwing the lit cigarette? You don't smoke, do you, Mark? I don't smoke, but I've had a cigarette flicked at me. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. That was a hot date in the 80s. No, I just made a joke about a girl at a bar and she flicked her cigarette at me. Whoa. Where'd you go from there? I think we ended up fucking. Shut up, Mark.

It was Roadhouse. No, I made a fat joke and she flicked a cigarette. No, I called her a lesbian. That's what it was. She flicked a cigarette at me. So you kind of earned it. Yeah, but I was like. I'm going to say now you deserved it.

It was super dykey to do. But in a sense, you deserved it. Yeah. And then it was like a challenge. I'm on her side. But then I think you challenged her womanhood. Yes. And on some level, she's like, I will have sex with you.

Yeah. Also, was that in New York? No, New Orleans. Okay. It's lawless down there. Some parts of this country, cigarettes are so expensive, no one wants to waste a cigarette. We were in New Orleans, and our friend Rob Rothman, who is a teacher and was driving a minivan, we were at the bar about ready to go to our show, and he orders another beer.

Right as we're leaving. We're like, Rob, we have to go. And he's like, that's all right. Walks up to the bar. There are a bunch of to-go cups. Pours his beer in a to-go, open to-go cup. Oh, yeah. Puts it in the cup, moves a couple of his kids' toys, puts it in the cup holder of his car,

and then just speeds away like that. I was like, man, you're going to get a lit cigarette flicked in the face if you're down in that house. We used to play a game, and we used to play another game in New Orleans. I think we've talked about it on the show before. Drunk or limping. Drunk or injured it on the show before. Drunk or limping. Drunk or injured. Drunk or injured. Drunk or injured.

Hard to tell. Why is that guy hobbling? Is he drunk or is he injured? Could be both. Could be both. Could be a little bit of calm A and calm B. Well, he allegedly threw a lit cigarette at a person. I don't know if it was warranted, unlike the woman who you deserve to get one thrown at you.

You did. Yes. He threw a lit cigarette at a person, stopped traffic, and walked in front of vehicles. I think those things have to go together. Unless he had a sign for a while. Or he was wearing the gloves.

Yeah, the gloves are so important. Gloves are so key. Once the gloves are on, you have to listen to the person. He accosted a six-year-old boy in front of his parents. I guess that makes it worse. Wow.

What does that mean? He just grabbed it and said, what are you doing? Look, some six-year-old, I have an eight-year-old boy. Some six-year-old boys need it. Some six-year-old boys deserve it. True. They're dicks. They're dicks.

Also, you could stop here, right? You've ruined traffic, which really pisses people off. You've accosted someone else's child. You've thrown a lit cigarette at somebody. Why? What else can you do at this point? He then took a basketball from a person at the public park and dribbled the ball around the court. Get out of town.

Come on. How dare he? Wait a minute. He was carrying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Open carry? There's a lot of open carry happening, in my opinion.

Wow. The idea of this grown man... Taking a ball. I mean, he's already done all the other stuff, so maybe... The basketball game probably didn't realize that the other things were happening in the neighborhood. It's like, who is this guy? And he probably felt like, oh, I'll get these assholes' attention, and then walked over. Was he something?

Grabs the ball. But that is totally like... That's not something you see a lot. Yeah, that's balls. To walk into a court. Walk into a game, take the one thing that they need to do that game. Because you're not just pissing off one guy, you're pissing off ten guys. Right. If you've ever broken up a game, maybe I'm making this up,

I feel like everyone kind of stays where they were when you took the ball and is like, come on, man. No one wants to give up position from what they've already had. One guy probably tried to incorporate it and was like, I'm top. I'm open. He's on our team now. He's on our team now. I'm top.

Somebody needs to rotate out. Jeff, you're sitting. Let him go. He's actually got some good skills. Let him go. And you know he yelled glass. Yeah. The bank is open.

The bank is open. Glazer and Delocating. Oh, I know. That's one of our favorite moments in that series. Glazer. Off camera. You don't even see it. Off camera with the modulated voice.

It's like, glass. That guy's amazing. He dribbled the ball around the court before making a lewd remark in front of children and adults the affidavit states. First of all, I get going after a six-year-old kid because you could probably take him. Right. But a whole basketball game. He walked off. Have you guys seen Band of Brothers?

No. Okay. There's a scene of Band of Brothers. This is all true. The guy, they're like going they're like fighting for a line or position in like a like a rubbled town area and a guy just decides he's gonna run all the way through the line to the other side and then he like blows something up or shoots somebody and then runs all the way back and the narrator says the part that

amazed me wasn't that he ran there it's that he ran back he just had the mentality of like nobody's gonna shoot me like i'm just not gonna get hit that's the mentality that this guy had he had all of the hubris of adam goldberg in days of confused thinking like i'm gonna take one shot at clint i'm gonna hit him once and then like it'll be they don't want to disturb the crowd that's right you don't want to upset there are times though when i'm driving where i'm like i'm not going to check a mirror i'm just going to change a lane nope jason jason we've all been there are you an aerosmith song because you are living on the edge no that's living it up that's how new york uh cab drivers drive oh yeah are there cabs still in new york or too many yeah quite a bit has lyft and uber

taken over they hate uber every time i get no cab they go fuck uber they're rapist that's a marketing strategy it's a strategy that's yellow cab trying to get out ahead of it he walked off the court john buda walked off the court with the ball crossed the street and attempted to enter a sport utility vehicle and place the ball inside. In my mind, he is dictating everything he's doing very loudly. I got your ball, and I'm taking your ball over here! And I'm gonna put it right here in the back seat!

I'm putting your ball in this car! It's not even my car, and I'm gonna lock it! It's starting to sound like a scavenger hunt at this point. Fuck with kid, get basketball, SUV. He's on like... Checking boxes. Yeah, he's on the most offensive bar crawl.

Right. Where it's like... Flick lit cigarette. It's like doing it. Or maybe he's in Fight Club where they have to start a fight and he's trying everything he can to get a fight started. What are you going to do about it? But I like that he started with a kid.

Yeah, for sure. He's like, I can get this kid. I can get under his skin. What are you going to do about it is definitely a thing he says numerous times. What are you going to do about it? Yeah, come at me, bro. Both arms out, but the basketball is in one of his pits. You know what I'm saying?

I'm right here. You mad, bro? I'm right here. Straight up. Do I look like the Michael Jordan wings poster? I'm right here. Uh-huh. All right. He tries look like the Michael Jordan wings poster? I'm right here. Uh-huh. All right.

He tries to put the ball inside. The document reads. Also, sometimes when a story's crazy, I think about the people who have to write up this paperwork. Who are typing this up going, I cannot believe this human being did this. A couple who was walking their dog. No, don't. Okay.

At some point, you need to be aware of your surroundings. This is on them. Yeah. You walked your poodle right into this shit. Right. They walked up close enough. They told police that John Buddha asked them if it would bite a postal worker while another person who was unloading groceries from the trunk of her car said, okay. So he walks up to the people who should have turned.

Honey, go back. Go back. We're just going to go back. We'll go back. We'll go around. We'll go around the block. We'll go around the block. Dog got its exercise.

He walked up to them and was starting to like, wanted to know the... Is this going to bite a postal worker? Right. Okay. How ferocious is your dog? Will it bite a postal worker? Then a woman who was unloading groceries from the trunk of her car said, John Buddha took a gallon of milk out of the trunk and walked away.

Whoa. This guy. This guy's unbelievable. I love him. Wow. and walked away. Whoa! This guy, this guy's unbelievable. I love, wow. He thinks he's in day 406 of Groundhog Day where he knows that he can get to everything

without anybody doing anything. Or he's in like day one of the purge. He's doing everything he wants. But I would imagine if you were all the people around there, you might be like,

maybe this is a Groundhog Day situation and he knows more than we do. Right. Give him the milk. If he has confidence. But I will pull that off. I will do. Right. Yes. Give him the milk. If he has confidence, he can pull that off. I will say this

about the dog, about asking the dogs. I showed my kids the does your dog bite scene from Inspector Clouseau from the Pink Panther. Does your dog bite? Does your dog bite?

It's so funny. It's so slow moving and funny, but they thought it was the funniest thing in the world. And I'm like, I love that that is still a thing. He kind of did it does your dog bite yeah the guy says no he's like a german like like uh like hotelier and he's just like no and he goes over

to pet it in the dark and he jumps back even that little cut thing is so funny because it clearly happened in two different shots right and uh and then he turns him slowly it's like i thought you said your dog doesn't bite and the guy's like that is not my dog it was so it was so funny and it made me so happy that it made everybody laugh yeah it feels good i'm sure i'm sure john budo passes on a lot of great things to his kids too uh yes child support checks every once in a while no no no no, no. Drink milk. Daddy got milk. Daddy got milk for everybody. I got the milk. This is all him supposed to go get milk.

Honey, I put the basketball in the SUV and I got the milk, just like you said. I didn't tell you to do any of that. He grabbed the gallon of milk out of the trunk and walked away. At that time, police said that John Buda's wife came out of the front street home. Someone married him. This is the only way they wrap this sentence up. Came out of their home and took him inside. Whoa.

Honey, we're done. You've had your fun. By the ear. You've had your fun. She's just throwing out blanket apologies. Sorry, everybody. You know him. Here's what I love most it has also been learned that John Buddha

is currently running for mayor of Freeland whoa whoa it's a campaign strategy well he must love Trump yeah

exactly just grab anything yeah for him it's just a giant pussy grab yeah the whole thing the whole thing

he's just like what I'm running for mayor. This is, once I am mayor, all the milk gallons, all the basketballs will be mine. Well, maybe he's running on a socialist ticket. Yeah, maybe. Everything belongs to everyone. Yours is mine and mine is yours.

Yeah, if you go in his house, it's just basketballs as far as the eye can see. And gallons of milk. Yeah. Just hundreds. I hope his slogan is John Buddha get a piece. But it's spelled P-E-A-C-E because of his name. Remember there was like a chicken in every pot. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. There's a basketball in every SUV and a gallon of milk in your hand. Like that's the ticket. Or he's holding the gallon of milk and it just says got Buddha. Oh, yes. Yes. Nice nice do you think he also wanted to be like the solution and example so he was like you know the new mayor is letting this sort of thing happen in our town like he's doing everything that he's like if i'm mayor i wouldn't let myself do this he's like i'm not just part of the problem i'm part of the problem and the

solution police attempted to speak with john buddha but said no one at the home would answer the door that's the laziest police work they're like Buddha, but said no one at the home would answer the door. That's the laziest police work. They're like, you know what? Nobody came to the door, guys. What do you want us to do? I guess we're stumped. I see them walking around in there,

but I don't think they're coming out. All right. It's time to play a little game. How old is John Buddha? Oh, this is great. Where is Freeland? We got to go and just run amok. It really is Freeland.

Yes, it is. He's making it the land of the free. The fact that he didn't get punched after he took the basketball. How did people not hit him in the back of the head? How did 10 guys not just up and... Just a guy wearing and one short settling the score. Right. Did they just go home?

Is that it? Yeah. I guess that's game, guys. Whose SUV is that? Yeah. All right go home? Is that it? Yeah. I guess that's game, guys. Whose SUV is that? Yeah. All right. You guys ready to guess? Yeah.

How old is John Budin? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. Now, you are a guest, Mark Nolman, so you can decide if you want to go first or last. I'm going to go first.

Okay. And what is your reasoning? I'm going to put some clues together. Okay. He's married. He's married. He has a home. He has mayoral aspirations.

Yes. He has political dreams. Although in some parts of our world, this could also be a very delusional kid. Yeah. True. Way too young and dumb. But anyways, you can stick with yours. Stick with yours.

I'm going to say 27. Whoa. That's young. That is young. All right. Rising star. Really regret that. No, don't.

Trust me. You never know. You never know in this world. The things that people whose lives have gone bad in their 50s are very similar to the dumb things people do with their lives in front of them in their 20s. He would not even be the worst. He's the rising star of the Republican Party. All right.

I'm going to say he is 48. 48 years old from Randy Sklar. Jason Sklar. 57. Let me say why. He's 48 because his wife knew exactly what to do. Meaning they've done it over. Sure.

This is years of practice. 57 years old. 57 from Jason Sklar. Everyone listening and dumb people telling with us right now, feel free to play along at home. One dollar. As always, we go closest straight up. John Buddha is

56 years old. Oh! Look at that. Nailed it. I'm back. I saw him in that age. I just saw his face. I, for one, am voting for him. I'm back. I saw him in that age. I just saw his face. I, for one, am voting for him. I'm writing him into my election, my next local. Good God.

You got moves like Buddha. He didn't even want anything. Everything was just going from one thing to the next. It's like a Guy Ritchie movie. Why are we doing this for? Isn't Buddha's message that like, you don't need things or like, everything is everybody's

and we should not. Like, maybe he is. In a sense, he is the ultimate. Maybe he's like the real Buddha. Yeah. I have access to everything

because no one has possession of it. Keeping it real Buddha. That's right. Right. Wow. There you go. All right. One story in the books.

Yeah. I love it. Dumb People Town. More Dumb People Town after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's. Dumb People Town. More Dumb People Town after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. We got Mark Norman with us. Hey. I'm so excited for your special coming out on Friday. Where'd you record it? I recorded a synagogue, not to kiss ass. Wow Where'd you record it? I recorded it at a synagogue Not to kiss ass Wow, and you're not even Jewish

I wish In Lower East Side Old synagogue, it's like 1840 Where, on Norfolk Street? It is! That was my wife lived right behind You know the play Angel Orzans? That's right, so my wife lived literally right behind it

In 1997? She lived there in 97, 98 on Suffolk Street. She lived on like 141 North Suffolk Street between Houston and Stanton or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So her apartment backed up to it. Wow. And her grandfather, her great-grandfather actually worked at that synagogue when he lived on the Lower East Side. Jesus!

Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. All to make it, like to pave the way for you to do a comedy special there. Yeah, you guys all know each other.

So did you, and did you feel compelled not to curse during the special? No, a lot of slurs. A lot of slurs. Yeah,

it was horrible. I burned a cross. Oh, that's kind of weird. I mean, I've never seen you do that on stage before. No, no.

But it was old and creaky and weird, but it went well. And it looks really pretty. I love it. That's cool. Yeah, it's a good spot. Sarah Jessica Parker got married there. Did she? Fun fact.

No way. Her and Broderick? Yeah. Has she been married before Broderick? I think it was just Broderick, right? I assume. I don't know. Well, I'm sure somebody will let us know.

Well, dude, that's awesome. I'm psyched for it. And if you guys watch that, you can watch that after you. If those in Kansas City, you're going to come see us

going to the improv in Kansas City. We've never been to, we've never done shows in Kansas City. Hopefully a lot of Dumb People Town fans will be there.

We'll be there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. You're doing Finding the Funny? Doing Finding the Funny while we're there. So if anybody has any good suggestions of where we should go that are like super Kansas City, like really tell the personality of what Kansas City is all about, we would love to do that.

And yeah, so we'll be there then. And hopefully you'll see us at the Kansas City Improv, but definitely check out his special. And we had a great time at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Our live episode dropped last week. That festival, Jesus. Amazing. So well run.

And it is a pure comedy festival for pure comedy fans. And you really get that feeling. We had so many great dumb people townies over there

like Rachel and Ben and Michelle and just people who said hi before and after the show. Yeah, all great people and all the people who came to

our podcast. We just want to thank you. That was an amazing one with Brian Callen and Sarah Tiana. So so yeah i know you guys just heard it last week but we'll look to do more of those and i think you know as we head forward and move forward we were kind of talking about it involving the audience more we may we may ask audience members and treat it a little bit more like a dumb people town hall meeting where someone can come down and tell

a dumb story, something dumb they've done in their lives, a story from their lives that they're embarrassed about that has great details to it. And we will break that down. And we'll break it down. Yeah, maybe we'll do a thing

where like email us when we're coming into town like what your thing is or whatever or email it to, we'll set up like an email address. Either that or they do the facts and we just sit up there and listen

and we break it down we'll figure something out because we want to involve you guys as much as possible we love that and speaking of we have another story here we go

oh I want to let everybody know really quick at Dumb People Town and Facebook the Dumb People Facebook page is up and running so you guys can go on there if something happens

in your hometown let us know if you've been to that bar or seen that place you want to go show up and snap a pic? Post it up to there. Don't be without

walking tours. We'll set those up. So the stories and stuff that we do will be there. It'll be a great place for us all to hang. If you want to walk the steps that

John Buddha walks. He just comes up, takes your microphone. Wait, what are you doing? Well, didn't, wasn't there like a dumpster in Florida, like behind the nightclub?

Oh, that grease fire? Yeah, the grease dumpster. And then someone sent you a picture of that dumpster in Florida, like behind the nightclub? Oh, that grease fire? Where someone started a grease fire? Yeah. And then someone sent you a picture? Of that dumpster. Yeah. I love it. God bless it.

So all that stuff will be able to happen on the Facebook page, at Dumb People Town. Here we go for the next one. Sent in by Robert Smirkanski, S-M-R-E-C-A-N-S-K-I. I lived in Chicago long enough, I should be able to say that. Smirkanski. He owns the Polish sausage place on the corner. At Matted Blubber, just like it sounds. Here we go.

God bless. East Palestine police officer. East Palestine. Yes. Yes. This is in Ohio. The West Bank. Mm-hmm.

The West Bank of Ohio. Jacob Kohler, part of that probably, you know, he wanted to be a cop. He bucked that Kohler money that his family probably has. Uh-huh. He told Fox 8 News, it happens Sunday evening around 8. I love when somebody first wants you to know. Well, first off. Let me tell you when it happened.

Just like the last story. Remember, guys, picture all that happening during golden hour. It gives it a weird, a more weird feeling to it. No, the best is like, okay, explain to us to us what happened first let me tell you when yeah first let me give you the least important detail of the story let me tell you what i was wearing no you're not part of this care i'm a virgo no we don't care i like your shirt that is not what i asked you tell us the facts i'm tired sunday. Sunday evening around 8 p.m. The child's father had worked all day and went to bed early.

Their mother was on the couch with the kids when she fell asleep. All right, so that gives us all our context. Also, 8's kind of early, right? To fall asleep on a Sunday? Yes. Yeah, you should have gotten your sleep earlier that day. Well, next sentence tells you everything you need to know. Living the nightmare for parents.

That's when the children decided to leave. Oh, they drugged their mom. Guys, your parents, can you go to sleep before the kids do? You try not to. You really try not to. Kids are like, yeah, I guess we don't have to stay, do we? No, the warden is gone. They're like, Sarah, it's 8.30 p.m.

By the way,'s get out of here kids who just get up and leave when their parents fall asleep do not want to be in that family yeah and they're actually with their shitty kids i mean they just are pretty shitty kids too yeah i wonder if they drew a dick on her yeah put her hand in warm water yeah yeah put her hand in warm water drew a dick on her witnesses saw the boy driving his father's work van and called police. How old? Eight years old. Whoa!

My son's age. That's Jay's son's age driving a work van. It's eight o'clock at night on a Sunday, and this kid's like, let's go. Let's get out of here. You know what? If they don't want to stay up and hang, we're going to go do something fun. I don't want to take the night. Don't take the Saturn. Let's take the work van. Right. what? If they don't want to stay up and hang, we're going to go do something fun. Yeah. I don't want to take the... Don't take the Saturn.

Let's take the work van. Right. And I bet he was whistling, too, though. He had just learned and can't... Tall kid to reach the pedals. Oh, yeah. That's right. Officer Kohler said the children drove a mile from his home with his little sister in the

back of the van, which means he put her in her child seat. Or said, she was like, can I sit up front? And he's like, no, no, no, that would be too dangerous. That's not safe. How much do you weigh? This is crazy. I'm eight and I'm driving, but you have to follow the goddamn road. I'm imagining my son taking my younger daughter

in the car and just driving. Oh my God. Jesus. That is insane. What would you care? You're asleep for the night. As long as I don't mess anything up, maybe I can're asleep for the night. What's the worst that could happen? I don't mess anything up. Maybe I can send him to the store to get this. In that mile, the journey of this kid driving

took the eight-year-old through four intersections over railroad tracks and required him to make a few right-handed turns and a left-handed turn. A left turn! Wow.

Witnesses told police that he did obey all traffic laws and drove the speed limit. This kid's a pro. He wasn't texting? Damn it. He was sexting. You know what? I'm going to have to call you back. Where am I right now?

Traffic's really bad. I'm making a left. I'm making a left. He's like, you know what? I'm sitting here trying to make a left. This asshole in front of me. I got to call you back. I got to call you back. He's already pissed off. He's like You know what I'm saying You're trying to make a left This asshole in front of me I gotta call you back I gotta call you back You jerky He's already pissed off

He's on like kid ways It's just a kid's voice Like telling him where to go Go left The reason they left The kids decided That they wanted to get Some McDonald's

Yep It's 8 o'clock at night Parents are asleep They maybe Why isn't this a commercial For McDonald's This is what happens When you go You know what fine We're going to sleep and you guys aren't going to get dinner the kids are like all right oh we'll see about that they're just like as quietly as they're

sleeping what are they doing he's looking at the kids looking at the rear view mirror and he's like are you loving it because we're on our way to loving it i am loving it neglect like they go to the like there's the whole playground and everything i'm gonna defend the parents for one second like if kids wipe you out and you don't have control of your life that's where you need to be a team that's where one of you needs to like drink a coffee if you both need to like identify how tired you are at about six right and be like i'm going down and if you're like i'm also going down one of us can't go down right right one of us needs to drink a weird coffee right now yeah and then be up yeah like i said the child's father had worked all day and went to bed early their mother was on the couch with the kids when she fell asleep. So maybe it caught her

by accident. Like I'm picturing a sitting up sleep session. Oh yeah. I've fallen asleep like on the couch with my kids. I mean.

Yeah, of course. She could have been watching the first hour in 49 minutes of Arrival. I was going to say maybe she put on a movie and be like, here, we'll put this on.

If I end up falling asleep, like the movie is going to keep them entertained. Yeah, they're good. That's exactly what she said. They're in the house. What could happen? By the way, just so you know, what we have in our house, high top locks that people can't reach. Smart.

That's another one. But if this kid can drive a van, he knows how to get a stepladder. True. That's fair. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. How do you know how to drive a van? I how to get a step ladder i guess that's fair do you know what i'm saying like how do you know how to drive a van i don't know but now this makes me feel like if i had kids i would start being very mindful of where my keys are by the way because my cars are like keyless you can just start it and go the other day my daughter like got into the front seat of the

driver thing and i was she was like it's like thing, and she was like, just messing around. And I was like, if she presses this and moves something, she could be driving. Oh, yeah. She could be driving. Well, if you get her to like McDonald's enough, anything's possible.

I know. Yeah, did you picture the two of them? Do you want to drive through, or do you want to go in? If you go in, we can hit the ball pit. Or they're just like, I don't have time. I got to get gas.

I don't have time for this. Suddenly now they're like these really irresponsible. I've got so many errands to run. I got so much to do. I gotta get this work van back. I gotta get,

I gotta pick up a prescription at Rite Aid. Yeah, I gotta get condoms. Everything's moving too fast in this kid's life. What day is it? They're like really concerned about the day of the week.

I gotta get a merkin. Once. I gotta register to vote so I can do jury duty. What? God, this kid's like so far ahead of schedule. Once at the McDonald's

on Market Street, a family friend who happened to be eating at the restaurant notified the children. Okay, all right. There's a mistake. What?

It is not a restaurant. You can't. What have we said about McDonald's? If the tables... If you're getting it to eat there or to go, and they give it to you in a bag, it's not a restaurant. Interesting. If the tables are nailed to the floor, it is not a restaurant.

Uh-huh. There's so many... A drive-thru, in my personal opinion... Does not make it a restaurant. Makes it not a restaurant. Or a ball pit. Ball pit does not make it a restaurant. If condiments come in packages that you have to physically open right response we're doing it's not a restaurant if there's a ceramic pedophile outside well that might be a pretty great

restaurant that's true that's true a ceramic clown-like pedophile outside yeah no i mean that's not a restaurant i'm sorry if you order off If you order off a board and then you wait for it, not a restaurant. Okay. Once at the restaurant, a family friend. There are multiple cash registers. Yeah, with pictures as buttons. It's not a restaurant. A family friend who happened to be eating at the restaurant.

Stop it. I know. If you're not at a beach and the people who work there are wearing a visor, it's not a restaurant. This is the worst Billingvall bit ever. It is not a restaurant. Here's your restaurant.

Here's your order. Here's your order. They notified the children. This is what I love. So family friends see these two kids roll up to the McDonald's and they go straight. They skip the lieutenants and go straight to the general. You absolutely take it. They notified the children's grandparents. That's right.

They're like, you know what? I'm not even going to. I'm not even i'm not even they look at that situation and said obviously the parents can't handle i'm not even gonna call neil and kim i'm not even calling them i'm going straight to kim's parents to the time it's a movie and they get out of the car like when the car pulls up they get out of the car of course they're walking in slo-mo yeah oh yeah my house by flow right is my car blows up jason give full disclosure i love that song not just not just you my son loves it i was in jason's car his son sang every word to this song he's rapping me all of the lyrics they also like

intergalactic by the Beastie Boys. Don't balance it out. The kid hits a sippy cup and throws it behind him. Yeah, exactly. The family friend, can you imagine calling the grandparents? They're asleep. If the parents are asleep and it's after 8 o'clock on a Sunday night. The grandparents have to be dead.

They ate dinner seven hours ago. Hey, Bethel, we're down here at McDonald's, and I know... I don't see any sign of... My jitterbug's rigging. The children did get to eat their cheeseburgers before police arrived. I don't know if that means because the parents could not be woken up. Officer Kohler arrived at McDonald's and talked to the little boy... What a badass kid.

I know. Who told the officer, this is the kid talking, that he had learned to drive by watching YouTube videos. Whoa. Now. Genius.

God damn YouTube. It is, right? God damn internet. They have everything. This is what scares me. The internet ruins everything. Yep. But guys,

it taught this kid really well. Yeah. I mean, by all accounts, he was as good a driver than any good driver on the road. Yeah. Thankfully, no one was hurt. The case remains under investigation. I thought you were going to say unsolved. Yeah, that's damn internet.

I'm mad about it. I love just bringing the grandparents in so that they could like bring that up at every family get together. Oh, did you guys How'd you guys get here? Did you drive or did you let

little Jimmy drive? Neil's like, we need more ice, Kim. Well, we'll send your son out to get it. send your son to go get it. He'll go grab it. Why don't you guys

take a nap and I'm sure the kids can go do it. He learned it from the tube you. No, it's YouTube. God damn it. Tube you. it was like our friend our cousin uh melissa named her daughter years ago she's now what is she like a senior or she's like a junior

in high school named her zoe and which at the time was there were understandably there weren't a lot of zoe's 16 years ago it was definitely on the front edge of the freedman yeah that's it that's all i did you know but freedman sorry but you didn't have many okay you didn't have many and i remember our aunt who's from peru like her mom her mom had such a difficult time that like couldn't believe she named her something so out of the box that right when she saw the baby for the first time, she said, Zio. Zio. Like, the only way you could fuck that up. Zio.

Zio. Zio. What is this, like a Michael Jackson, like, little mini movie? Like a character from a Captain Element. Zio. Zio. You know, they're coming out with driverless cars. Yeah, they are.

So that could be a thing where kids could just get in and go. Say where they want to go. Yeah. Take us to McDonald's. And flying cars. Flying cars. Yeah, I saw that came out, too. Is it happening?

Flying cars? Yeah, flying cars. Come on. That is not happening. Get out of here. It is, most definitely. Two or three different manufacturers are coming out with models in 2017. What?

Jason and I both saw the same Twitter news feed. We saw the same Twitter news feed, yes. Well, we've got to go on a YouTube tutorial. I know. Honey, we don't have to drive the work van. We can fly. And honey, that's what the young son says to his sister. He calls her honey.

You've got to stop calling your sister honey. 16 years ago, there were no honeys. Now there's a lot of honeys and booboos. But, you know, there's also... Hinoi. Hinoi. That's notinoi. Hinoi. That's not good either. Hinoi.

Zeal. Zeal. It's Zoe. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, one more story. The great Mark Norman is with us. Dan Van Kirk. This is Dumb People Town.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. As we mentioned, follow us on Facebook, at Dumb People Town. Follow Mark Norman on Twitter, he is... At Mark Norm. Mark Norm.

And I just want all the fans of his comedy in the future to consider it like Normcore. To be fans of yours? You know Normcore, right? I never thought about that. Hipsters wearing 80s. That could be the name of your next album. Normcore. I like it.

Right? Full penetration. Full penetration. Is this your first hour, by the way? First hour. Nice. Congratulations. Yeah, pretty excited. First hour. Mark Norm by the way? First hour. Nice. Congratulations. Yeah, pretty excited.

First hour. Mark Norm, first hour. First hour, love it. Well, follow him. Of course, follow us. Can't wait to see the special. It's going to be awesome. Thanks.

It's offensive and gay. Yeah. Fantastic. Both of those things are okay. Yeah. You guys want to do a final story? Let's do it. It's a cautionary tale.

And then we have a special voicemail coming up. Sent in by Paul Branshoud, if that's how you say it. B-R-A-N-C-H-A-U-D. Branshoud. At Hot Branch. Hot Branch is a phenomenal nickname. Yeah. Sounds like an indie rock band.

Yeah. I'm calling this the sad ballad of Jan Flato. I know. I'm calling this the sad ballad of Jan Flato. I know. I kind of want you guys to see what he looks like before I tell you anything about him. Oh, it's a guy. We have a cousin, Jan. Jan Flato.

Jan Michael Vinson also. Usually I say, oh, he's everything you think he is or she's everything you want her to be. He's more. I'm going to show you guys this picture of Jan Flato. Guys, everybody listening here with us in Dump People Town, it'll be up on the Facebook page at Dump People Town on Facebook.

And you too will be able to experience what these three men are about to. This is Jan Flato. Let me see Jan Flato. Oh my god. Is that not gold? At any moment, he's got 16 conspiracy theories. Look at how the shirt makes it look like he has little metal nipples.

Oh, yeah. He looks like a frog transitioning into a human being. Oh, go ahead. I was going to say, he looks like Goonies if he grew up. You know, the, what is it, Sloth? Yeah. Or Vern Lundquist if he aged down. He looks like everything John Elway is heading towards.

Or Ric Flair. Ric Flair definitely has like... Yes. He's definitely DJ'd a few bar mitzvahs. Right. If John Voight fell in that tank that the Joker fell in... It's Jan Flato. He had a vat of shit.

Jan Flato definitely owns two to four throwing stars. Jan Flato has never worn just one necklace. He has some skull jewelry. Jan Flato never wears socks. Jan Flato never gave your bracelet back. Jan Flato has a moped but calls it a motorcycle. Yes. He has one of those long sticks with a shoe horn at the end.

To be more of a badass, Jan Flato calls it a horse tail instead of a ponytail. Jan Flato's definitely worn sweatpants with dress shoes in his life. Jan Flato owns a jet ski that does not work. sweatpants with dress shoes in his life. Jan Flato owns a jet Yes Yes Coupon book Yeah Oh man Oh man

Jan Flotto Used to work here Oh and this is so suburban By the way I couldn't believe When I drove through Burbank Oh yeah

Yeah you know Like this is the Diamond district I feel like this is The dentist district Exactly So many dental places Lots

You're in the valley man You're in the deep Deep valley Burbank Yeah Diamond District. I feel like this is the dentist district. Exactly. So many dental places. Oh, yeah. You're in the valley, man. You're in the deep, deep valley. Deep valley. Burbank. Yeah. This is Jan Flatoville. This is, yeah. Jan Flato's almost pulled a 300.

Jan Flato proudly tells people he hasn't been to the dentist in 18 years. Yeah. Jan Flato constantly says, looks real, doesn't it? Yeah. Because Jan Flato thinks the government's trying to control us through our feelings. Jan Flato's the only guy who still has binoculars. Jan Flato's the only guy who has powerful binoculars. For what purpose, we don't know. Jan Flato does all of his Christmas shopping at Spencer gifts.

Yes. Jan Flato has never pointed his telescope up. A lot of lateral movement with his telescope. Jamflato uses a lot of fake vomit to get laughs. Has a cell phone holster. And spins it. Jamflato put $50 into a slot machine

at Florida Seminoles Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Of course he did. He wears sunglasses on the back of his neck. And ones on his face. At the same time

he doubles up. Doubles up. Under Jan Flato's button up is a big dog shirt. Guys, he hit it big. He hit it big. under Jan Faudo's button-up is a big dog shirt. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. He hit it big. He hit it big. I'm going to ask you right now. We'll get it early. How big do you think Jan Faudo... $50 slot? $50 in the slot.

$50 slot. Are we taking Jan Faudo big or big big? Because there is a distinction as Mark will tell you. Yes. You can only go off the information I've given you.

You saw the man. Uh-huh. He hit it big. He hit it big. What do you think? How big did Jan Flato hit it? I'm going to say $2,800. $2,800.

Jay? I'm going to say $25,000. $25,000. I'm going to say $70,000. $70,000. Yep. Jan Flato. The man.

You know what? Five, four, three, 2, 1 you've all been given time listening to Dumb People Town to get our own look at Dumb People Town before you see this Jan Flato hit it big

for $100,000 holy snap I gotta stop lowballing Jesus don't lowball the Flato yeah oh man

that's a lot of Flato that's a hundred thousand dollars he was like all the bass guitars i can buy and then learn to play then learn to play jay flotto bass player but guys you ready he can't keep a dime of it whyino rules say he didn't personally hit the jackpot. According to Jan Flato, after he put his payment card in the machine, he let former friend Marina Navarro push the button, quote, for good luck. Oh!

Marina! The 35-year-old Navarro then took the receipt to the casino and walked out with every dollar. Oh! Wow. What? Managers at Seminole Hard Rock, as well as industry experts, say it's hers to keep. A long-standing rule in the gambling industry says that winnings belong to the person who places the bet, not the person who pays for it. Whoa!

So even though he's sitting at the machine, puts some it's his card and it's his money. She's the one who hits spin. She gets every single penny of $100,000. Even though that finger has been up his own asshole. Jan Flato. Does she? It doesn't say, but she doesn't help him out, huh? No. Oh, it says.

You know the second you walk with that receipt up to the front that your friendship with Jan Flato is over. Yeah, yeah. Finally. That's what it costs to get out of that relationship. Damn it. 100 Gs to her. That means Navarro, who technically placed the bet by pushing the slot machines button, is the winner and entitled to every dollar. According to Flato, she walked out that night with her winnings

and asked security to keep him away from her. This turned quick. This guy, I mean, not even a discussion. Damn. So she knew that rule when she was pushing it. She probably was like, why don't I do it for you for good luck? Like she threw that out there.

Right. Do you want me to do it for you? Lady luck. Why don't I hit it for luck? Lady luck. Jan Fl't I hit it for Luck? Lady Luck. Jan Flato is about to describe himself in a better joke than any of us said in all those. Jan Flato, self-described as long-time gambler. Jan Flato, long-time gambler.

I like him going, come on, baby, needs a new pair of Crocs. And by that, I mean two crocodiles. He says it's a cautionary tale and that he considers the money gone. Jeff Fado's good at probably coming to terms with things.

Yeah. Especially loss. He's like, look, man, I've lost a lot. I have a lifetime of loss. I want everybody to know what happened

so it won't happen to them, he told the Miami Herald. Oh, I love that this, now he literally is doing it for everybody else. Right. It's a good public service that we're doing on this podcast.

Yes, cool. By letting people know this very technical detail. If you go and you're a gambler. Dan, you've said this before. If you're driving and you're drunk and you decide to pass out in the car, take the keys. Well, yes, you shouldn't be driving, but if you realize, whoa, I should not have done this, pull over. Take the keys out of the ignition. Now, with a push-button car, that's easier to do.

Sure. But if you don't have that, pull the keys out of the ignition. Now, with a push-button car, that's easier to do. Sure. But if you don't have that, pull the keys out of the ignition. Because if a cop comes up and you're asleep in your car trying to hopefully make the right decision and no longer endanger yourself or anybody else, the keys in the ignition indicate an intent to drive, and you can still get a DUI. I got out of a DUI for that exact reason. What? Really?

Yeah. I was at a house party in high school. I drove my mom's Lexus home. Uh-oh. Passed out. Eight years old. You were eight years old. I went to McDonald's.

It's her work, Lexus. Yeah. Her work. I pass out in a horrible neighborhood on Martin Luther King Boulevard. Wait a second. And a woman, I passed out, and a woman said, there's a white kid dead in a Lexus in the project. So the cops came.

They pulled me out of the car. Which city? New Orleans. Oh, wow. And they pulled me out of the car. I? New Orleans And they pulled me out of the car I fell down immediately I was covered in piss It was leather seats

It was like a pool of piss Yeah my own piss And the keys were on the Fucking floor of the car And they were like You're good So they had my neighbor Pick me up

Because my parents Were out of town That's also New Orleans That's true New Orleans is like Look nothing really Happened here He's not going to

Put a booty hex on us don't put those keys in the ignition so yeah Jan Flato wants everybody to know which by the way

that story all that story tells me is that like if it was reversed black kid

in a white neighborhood they would call and be like rough this kid up and get him out of here yeah they would

they'd be like cops get this drunk like passed out person out of my neighborhood I don't know if they'd say rough him up. Yeah, they would. They'd be like, cops, get this drunk, passed out person out of my neighborhood. In a black neighborhood, they were like, help him, please.

Help him, please. Somebody help this white kid. That shows you the difference of how they view it. There's a dead white kid in here. You've got to come down and help this out. Were you dead?

I don't think so. I don't think you died. What if you came back to life and that is literally, you're like, this is why I have to do comedy. That's my groundhog day. That's your groundhog day. I don't think you did. What if you came back to life and that is literally, you're like, this is why I have to do comedy. That's my groundhog day. That's your groundhog day.

I have to do, I gotta go steal a gallon of milk and grab a basketball. I remember handing the ID to the cop and it was soaking wet with whiz and he was like, ah, jeez. I still remember that.

You had literally, how much pee did you? That was a lot of urine. That's so much urine. I used it up. I used it up. My jean shorts were ruined. His wallet was in his pants.

He spent the whole night being like, I'm not gonna break the seal tonight, guys. What did your parents say A lot of urine. Saves it up. Saves it up. My jean shorts are ruined. His wallet was in his pants. He spent the whole night being like, I'm not going to break the seal tonight, guys. Yeah. What did your parents say when you... Oh, they were furious. They were in Paris. What? And they called and they were furious. But I lost my virginity.

No, I had sex with a girl that night. It wasn't my virginity, but I had sex with a girl that night. So it was all... I was on cloud anal, you know? You were happy. Yeah. You were ecstatic. Wow.

Exactly. Holy crap. Janfatoado not ecstatic says i've played slots all over the country and never had a problem like that yeah because you've never hit for a hundred grand get it together usually when i hit a hundred grand this doesn't come up our friend our friend hit a thirteen thousand dollar jackpot on a poker game on a poker in like a poker game sort of it wasn't like a poker you know right that's where everyone's playing against everyone's playing against the dealer

and he just hit a 13th he said he had royal flush royal flush and the dealer's like i've been working this this game for the last 14 years i've never seen anyone hit a royal flush here hits royal flush he said everybody who worked there their tone got like super serious he was like no one was happy right i was in a good mood they were just really they've made him fill out all this paperwork and it just i can only imagine when that hit you don't just take she's doing all that while jan flato's on the fringe being like come on yeah yeah come on jan flato what about Come on, Jan Flato. What about Janney? I got a waterbed with a hole in it. I need this. He's Jan Flato.

I got permanent sump pumps in my basement. Jan Flato. What about Jan? What about Jan? He says, I've played slots all over the country and never anything happened like that. Flato says the pair first met in 2015 and liked to gamble together. I bet she loved hitting the button

while you paid for it, Jan. Everybody would. How am I going to feed my pet ferret? I'm Jan Flato. Jan is still a janitor. Jan is short for janitor. Puts the Jan back in Jan. Well, Navarro, a mortgage broker says that that

is not the story that some of it was her money she says that she made a good faith offer to share her winnings with him but rescinded after he sent angry and mean text messages uh according to uh navarro he even threatened to move her. So legitimately, who's siding on here? I mean, legitimately, who's siding on here? I feel like he's a lot to handle. Yeah.

And she's evil, too. She couldn't give him 20 grand? Yeah, exactly. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know. Well, the taxes is going to take about 60. That much? No, nuts.

Or 40. Yeah, at least probably 40. 40 or 50. So she's down to 60. All you did was push a button and he paid it, and he asked you to do it. You can give him at least $20. Right. Yes.

And you walk away with $40 grand for doing nothing in the night. For hanging out at a casino. Yeah. Because she says that he was sending her threatening and angry text messages. Never a cool look. From his flip phone. Of course. course yeah green screen uh john jan flotto has not denied sending angry and threatening messages i did it yeah yeah she

doesn't understand like this is not where you want to say yeah jan flotto i text in all caps a lot of t9ing jan flotto Flato, two earrings, one ear. He does look like a burn victim, doesn't he? He does. He says, quote, of course I was angry. The ongoing story, she says, has her husband angry that their names are being drank through the process. Navarro married. She says that Jan Flato is playing with my honor, she told the Miami Herald.

In a follow-up story. She is not 100% in the clear. She's not the most honorable person in the world. She's not the most honorable person ever. You should be giving this guy money. If you walk away with the money, he should be able to sell you your name. You walked out of there and told a security guard to keep him away from you. You are not clear on this.

The Miami Herald has dubbed this jackpot gate and more updates are to follow she should get a lot of negative yeah I mean when I heard about this that you could somebody gets all your money even though you're the person it's the person who places

not the person who pays I was like we need to let dumb people Tom know about that yes if you are in a casino do not allow someone else once I saw Jan Fado I thought

everyone needs to know about that yes that'd be fun to stand behind people when they put money in just hit the button you know Once I saw Jan Flato, I thought, everyone needs to know about that. That'd be fun to stand behind people when they put money in, just hit the button. I want to do the next live Dumb People Town and have two or three people dressed as Jan Flato. I want somebody who loves Dumb People Town as much as we do to be in line at a Long John Silver's asking to use the phone and notice that Jan Flato's in front of them. That would be the good stuff. Asking to use the pay phone? Yeah, of course.

At Long John Silver. Have you seen a pay phone recently? It's the saddest, craziest thing in the world to see a pay phone. I saw one last night and there was a guy on it for like an hour.

Really? Yeah, right by the Virgil. I said this a long time ago. On the other end of every pay phone conversation is someone saying, I don't see how this is my problem. It's never good. It's never like, how are the

stocks? Nobody's so good to hear from you. Run through my portfolio. No one has ever started a payphone conversation with this phrase. Honey, I've got great news. Yeah. Oh, man.

You know who would do that? Jan fucking Vlado. Payphone conversations are riddled with apologies. I feel bad Vlado can't live his dream of opening Vlado's flautas. He'll never see that dream. But you know Jan Vlado has written a lot of business plans down on napkins. Yeah, yeah, exactly. A lot of napkins have Jan Vlado ideas.

I've got it all here in this napkin set. All right, well, that is a phenomenal story and I'm so happy we now have him and something to put on the Facebook page so you guys can like

the Facebook page and we'll let you know what's going on there. Before we get out of here, we have a voicemail from Harrison Ford. Whoa. Wait a minute.

Uh-oh. Oh, Jesus Christ. Who invited him in here Noah hi boys holy hell Robert Durst is here I'm in town doing a little thing

you got a trial going on I don't know if it's a trial it is a trial it is a trial is it a trial it is a trial maybe maybe

maybe it's just something that needs to be sorted out where I will prove a love for one of my friends. No, that's not. You killed that woman. You murdered a woman.

Wrote the letter to multiple people. That's a little dark. Dark? It's the truth. I wrote one letter. Yeah, and you said, misspelled Beverly. Who here is not guilty of sending a letter? You are guilty of sending a letter.

Mark, did you watch the jinx and find him guilty? Of course, yeah, especially after he admitted it. Guilty of owning beautiful sweaters. No. They were nice. Guilty of killing many people. Guilty of being a man who just wants to reconnect with his brother. No, no.

I know you don't want to just reconnect with Douglas. Yes, I just want... Do you guys know where Douglas is? We don't know where Douglas is. And even if we did know where Douglas was, we weren't going to tell you. Why? Because you're going to go after him and kill him. Currently, Douglas and I are in a sleepless in Seattle situation.

No, no, no. He's on the East Coast. I'm on the West Coast. No, he's afraid of you. And we just need to meet at the top of a tall building. Anything tall. No, not at all. Anything with a lot of height would be a nice place for Douglas.

He's built a lot of buildings with a lot of height, but I would say that's not where I want Douglas and you to meet. Why? Because you're going to do something bad to him. No, I've started a new business. What is it? A family business. Durst Wind Chimes. Oh, no.

Yes. That doesn't sound good at all. It's a wind chime business. That's what I'm in L.A. for. No. You're here for a trial. A murder trial. Who isn't on trial these You're here for a trial, a murder trial. Who isn't on trial these days?

All three of us aren't on trial. Mark's not on trial. You've never sent a greeting card. You've never misspelled a word in your life. I've seen your guys' Twitter accounts. Yes, we do make some time. He is kind of right. He is kind of right, but this is scaring me that Robert Durst is now following our Twitter account.

Of course I follow you guys. I followed you guys so many places. Okay. Can we get him out of here, please? Why? Can I ask you a question? Sure. Let's just say hypothetically I wanted to, let's call it a time capsule.

I wanted to bury a time capsule. Wait a minute. And I don't want anyone to find my time capsule. You call your wife. Where would you guys put it in Los Angeles if that was a question you would answer? Griffith Park. Yeah, I'd say Griffith Park's a good spot.

All right, I'll head over there. And why don't one of you guys drive there and I'll follow. No, no, no. I don't want you to follow us. All right. Okay. Well, I'll be around. I'm in town, like I said, for a little thing, and then maybe I'll see you guys some more.

Probably not. Well, I'll definitely see you guys more. No, I don't like you. You might not see me. Okay. I don't like you. Bob, thanks for stopping by, buddy. I almost said it.

So what? What? Nothing. All right. All right. Let him get off the mic. Bye-bye. He really changes the vibe in a room. Yeah, he does.

Shouldn't have said that. Why did you say that? Bury something. I'm going to bury a body, of course. Everybody knows that. They know it's not a time capsule, a Tommy capsule. Robert, you're still on the capsule Robert you're still on the mic

You're still on the mic Robert We can still hear what you're saying Just get him out of here please Bye bye Bye bye mommy Bye Bye Goodbye

Alright Get him out of here Love Beretta Jesus I think that was Beretta Wait What am I I'm thinking of Blake

Oh shit I get them confused. Did they both murder people? They both killed people. Oh, there we go. That's what they have in common. Dan, Jesus. Hey.

Jesus. I give up my seat. I know, I know. But God, that guy scares me. What a fun show to get. Hey, guys. If Jan Flato, Jan Flato needs to run for mayor of Freeland. I do.

Yeah, Jan Flato could just be the de facto mayor of Freeland. Jan Flato's the only guy who could run unopposed and lose better be Freeland he's broke that's right he is alright well hey

this was a great show today thank you Mark Norman check out his special this Friday night on Comedy Central if you don't if you miss it at that night you can watch it online

at Comedy Central they'll probably replay it on Sunday night yeah hopefully yeah I know that'd be great but great young comedian who's like we said about to bust and you get a chance to see him right here and hear him right here and we'll see you guys in kent city i can't wait uh

first time ever in kent city finding the funny this weekend at the improv we'll see you two shows friday two shows saturday and uh one show on thursday night guys and don't forget to check out mark norm Norman's podcast. Tuesdays with Stories. Tuesdays with Stories. When does it drop? Every Tuesday. Oh, wait a second.

That seems weird that it would drop on a Tuesday. Tuesdays with Stories is just you. Me and Joe List. Just making fun of Mitch Albom for an hour. As far as I love it. It's Tuesdays with Maury. Great. Well, check it out.

I love Joe List. Thanks. Very, very fun. We'll see you next week in Dumb People Town.