Dumb People Town - Matt Braunger - Rainbow Baby Beef

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

This week Matt Braunger comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is another game of who is the asshole - baby edition. The second story is about golf etiquette. The final story is about "hidden treasure".

Skypains Avenue Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population Eats. Population Bronger. Matt Bronger III. I am the dumbest person in Dumb People Town. Population E. Population Bronger. Matt Bronger III. I am the dumbest person in dumb people town. The pride of Rock Bottom Restaurant No. 242. It's just well-named for those days. How are you feeling?

I'm rock bottom. He was. How many years were you there? I was there six years in Chicago. With that long-ass hair and that goatee? Yes, sir. He was. How many years were you there? I was there six years in Chicago. With that long-ass hair and that goatee? Yes, sir. I was. Not the whole time with that look, but a lot of it.

A lot of it. I remember taking the ponytail out and just wetting my hair and letting it. Oh, God. That feels like the grossest. It feels like ocean relations. You look like somebody who would fight John Wick and lose. Act one. Act one. Wick and lose. Act one. Act one.

Act one. I watched that on a plane yesterday because I couldn't decide on what to watch. You watched John Wick? Yeah. And I'm just, you know. Never seen it. It's so fun. What is it?

But there's a guy. What is it? Are you serious? I don't even know what John Wick is. Are you serious? Is that like a Matt Damon movie? It's Keanu Reeves. It's Matt Damon and Keanu Reeves.

It's the ultimate. It's one of my favorite genres. He's and Keanu Reeves. It's the ultimate. It's one of my favorite genres. They buy a zoo, right? Retired badass that just wants to be left alone. He wants to be left alone, and they pull him back in. And they have F with him, and now he's back. And when does he buy the zoo? And then they start fighting him.

He fights all the animals to train. Trains a cheetah. There is a part where he's, the whole thing is he's trying to kill this one guy who killed his dog. That's literally what the whole movie is. And he destroys a criminal empire because a dude stomped his puppy. And there's always that scene where they're like,

do you know what you've unleashed on us? You know what you did? It's so funny. Least being the operative word. The mom boss, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he did what? Like he finds out his son killed a dog. He's like, okay. And he hangs up and his son killed a dog. He's like, okay.

And he hangs up. And you just see this look in his eyes of, it's all going to go. I'm going to lose everything because of my shitty son. It's literally the epitome of you guys are parents. I'm a newish parent. It's a thing of like, what if this person just did something that just fucked us as a family? And the early Otz, Matt Pronger, looks like somebody who's like working the door at the Eastern European club.

And he just gets just a knife right there, right away. There's a guy. No warning. John Wick runs into this fucking pool area in the underground club where this guy's like, you know, drinking champagne with all these hot women. Right. And he's, you know, just shooting everyone in the face and knifing people and shit one one guy gets knifed he's leaning it's a wall it just might have been there I don't even know just there would someone sign this form

I dropped off all this champagne I am from Eastern block but, but I'm not connected. I work for the building. The amount of work there. No, he was waiting for somebody to sign his time card. This dude comes out of the water, and he's in a swimsuit, and he's just huge and ripped. I'm not saying this was me back then. I was just too fat and heavy.

But he just ripped, and Wick stabs him in the chest, and the guy's trying to fight him, and he gets his gun out, and he shoots this muscular monster in the chest and twice in the head, and the guy's trying to fight him, and he gets his gun out, and he shoots this muscular monster in the chest and twice in the head, and the guy goes right back into the water. And I remember thinking, God, that guy worked out a lot. What a waste. What a waste. But he got to be shirtless in this thing. He did.

The actor got to be shirtless. Did someone say the line, who the hell lit this wick? There you go. Did they say that line? No, they should have. That's a dumb line, and it's a this wick? There you go. Did they say that line? No, they should have. It's a dumb line and it's a great way to get into stupid behavior. It's a fun movie.

It's dumb. I gotta watch it. Speaking of dumb. Guys, this was sent in by Carleen McDermott at SheBeCarleen. One of our constant contributors. Our dumb boots on the ground, if you will. You can do that yourself. Go to Twitter. Hashtag Dumb People Town ground, if you will. You can do that yourself. Go to Twitter, hashtag dumbpeopletown, at DanielVanKirk, and at SklarBrothers, because in October, we're all going to start doing stories.

I love it. Cool. Guys, we get to play a wonderful round of Am I the Asshole? Oh, good. Are you familiar with this Reddit thread? It's a Reddit thread. What I love about this is the same thing I love about Block or Charge on Rex Chapman's Twitter account. Or Curb Your Enthusiasm.

When Larry's kind of right. Right. He's definitely cutting across. When he lives in the gray area, that is when the show is at its best. That show is at its best. So I like a one when it's in the gray area. We don't know who the answer is. So I'm going to read you the headline, which gives you the thesis.

Wait, Dan, we should do it this way read you the headline, which gives you the thesis. We should do it this way. After the headline, let's do a check-in. After facts, let's do a check-in. At the end, we'll see who was right. I can't wait until in a couple weeks when you guys are running. You have your own who wants to be the asshole. Who's the asshole?

Who wants to be the asshole? That was Regis Philbin's show, right? It was Regis every time. Can I call an asshole friend? That's your final asshole. That was Regis Philbin's show, right? It was Regis every time. Can I call an asshole friend? Yeah, you can. That's your final asshole. Okay, ready? It's your death line. My cousin tried to announce her pregnancy at my baby shower.

I kicked her out. Oh. Who's the asshole? Starting there. Who's the asshole? Who do you think is the asshole in that one? She tried to announce

a beautiful little rose at her baby shower. Wow. Okay, so her cousin. Who do you think is the asshole in that one? You have a beautiful little rose on your own. At her baby shower. Wow. Okay, so her cousin. My cousin tried to announce her pregnancy at my baby shower. I kicked her out. I just love the lead up.

Try to. And, of course, my mind is still leaving John Wick. So I'm just thinking, no, she, you know, I have something to talk about. Like, her cousin caught her Just chopped her in the throat Nothing lethal I have news You tried to It's really easy to make an announcement

And try Right She tried Hear ye, hear ye Music up Shut up right now Okay, so far Put a pillow to her face

Put a pillow to her face In any order Who do you feel is the asshole at this point you all you've heard the headline go ahead wrong the cousin no you're strong i'm gonna i have strong feelings i'm like the cousin you don't have to tell people you're there's a larger window than this party and social media and social media to let people know that you're pregnant you gotta hold your tongue this is this gal's so you're saying as of right now of right now, you feel the cousin's the asshole? Cousin's the asshole. I mean, I may feel bad about how

she's handling it, but I think the cousin's the asshole. That's knee-jerk, but that's exactly how I, the first time I heard it, I was like, shut up. It's not your party. A big thing about someone having a child or a couple with an announcement, we're about to be parents or we're about to get married, whatever,

is like, don't shit on their shine. Don't step on their spotlight. Just let them have this. Let them have this thing for that. Jason? I feel completely the opposite. Okay. And I'll tell you what. Why do you, does your spotlight get ruined if someone

else announces something? How tiny are you that you have to own the whole day and the experience? How do you feel about wedding proposals at a wedding? Fine. Great. Look at that. That's wonderful. It's our day too. I don't give a fuck. Do you think you should have to clear it with the bride and groom before you... A proposal though?

To me, I feel like that's brutal. I'd be like, whoa, that's awesome. That happened already. Here's my rule. If my friend goes, hey, at your wedding reception... During the ceremony. It's during the ceremony. Real quick. Look, I, at your wedding reception. During the ceremony. During the ceremony. That's all right. Real quick. Look, I don't have an objection, but I'm in love with this woman over here.

Folks, we first met. And we're going to do this right. Better than this shit. Does anything object to this happening? It's how you do it. It's to have an objection to ever spending another day not with this gal. Can I say this, Jason, really quick? In terms of wedding, if it's my wedding reception and my friend, he or she says to me,

hey, I want to propose at your wedding. I would go, here's the deal. Every wedding that goes great just ends up being a party anyway. Right. So my only thing I ask, after 9 p.m. That's all I'm asking. I just want it to be when we're all having fun. Dinner's already done.

Cocktails are done. We've done the bride dance. We've done all the little formalities. And if they're like, yeah, but some people will have left by then, I go, here's the deal. Tell those people to stick around. You don't need to tell them why. Just say stick around. And if somebody says something to me, hey, why did Bradford say I should stick around?

I go, you should just stick around. Stick around. But it's after nine. And I would warn them, just you might not want to do this. I don't have a huge deal problem with it. Sure. But it kind of cheapens it for the person you're proposing to. It could, yes.

Just putting that out there. Yeah, that could be kind of. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be perfect. You know? It does not matter. I had a friend who proposed to his wife at a bus station once. But now that's their bus station forever.

That's right. There wasn't already a wedding at that bus station. No. You weren't doing it during a baby shower. Okay, Jay. So while I agree. If you propose at a baby shower. Sorry.

So while I agree with your. At a bus station. I agree with your points that there's a longer window of time that you could have done it. I see what you're saying. But I'm also saying you have to be a pretty insecure person. Sure. And a lot of people are. To not be able to tolerate someone else having a great thing happen or

sharing a great piece of news on a day where you're having your party. So I'm like, yes, on some level, I say maybe wait on a different time, but also be the bigger person. Sit there and be like, all right, great. But we're both requiring someone to be a bigger person. But then I would also, as someone who's in like, so this is the other thing, as someone who's married and been married for a long time, there are two types of wins that you can have in sort of like an argument or whatever. So like if your partner is gone for like a week and it makes it

harder on your life for a little while, you're okay with that because you're like, I'm going to get it back. Or now I hold the marriage capital. So with this person, if they do something like that, then you kind of in a cool way, you own it over them a little bit and you can also make fun of them ceaselessly for choosing this moment to do it. That's the thing that I would then,

as comedians, I would chide that person. Every single important thing that I'm at, hey guys, before we have this moment, do you want to interrupt and try to steal the thunder of this moment for the rest of my life? She can yes and it forever. If she's cool. She can also wait when her cousin is like,

I have an announcement I don't want to take away from her day, but I'm also pregnant. And you can just yes, the woman can yes and it and be like, by my husband. Which is why she's you know just go ahead and you know yeah and it'd be like reveal and it's so great i mean this is the other thing that i've now started doing with my son's friends which is so fun to be like to my son's friend who were if i'm taking them out to dinner saying to the son's friend hey man thanks

for getting dinner you're that's so sweet 13 year old kid so like then you can do that to this person and you know for and look for announcing that right now at this party i think it's so cool that you're paying for a fourth of this party give it up for her she's paying for a fourth of this party so that she could make that bar is now an open bar the thing i will say in defense of the person who is too insecure to allow this to share the light, and somebody goes, why are you – you're being like a bitch or you're being a dick. In their defense, I go, right. I planned this party today and I paid for all this because I'm a bitch and a dick

and this is my day to be a bitch and a dick. If we were sharing this, how dare I? But it is mine. It's mine. So I do have full control. I remember I went to a friend's baby shower, and all the men were basically escorted out. And they put us in the backyard. Very old school.

There was a cooler of beers. And we were like, okay. And we were watching the kids. We were like they put us in the backyard very old school or beers yeah and we were like okay and we were like watching the kids yeah just having beers watching the kids and it was like i just i just in my i flashed back to that you know oregon suburban yeah uh situation and just was wondering the one the husband wanders in she said what talking about her hey the fuck this is about yours yeah no no no, no. Where is she? And he's already had about six or seven high APV crafties. He's not thinking straight. He's being way too defensive. All right, here we go.

We now will start the story. I can't wait. A pregnant woman has vented her frustrations online after her cousin tried to gate crash her baby shower and use it to announce her own pregnancy even after she was asked not to ahead of time. Okay. Jake could still have a problem with her asking her not to ahead of time, but still

you lay down the law. She's got some sand. Warrant. Told not to. Still doing it. The mom-to-be explained on Reddit that she's currently expecting a rainbow baby, which is a term commonly used for a baby that arrives after a miscarriage or other fertility struggles. I never knew that. So I will tell you that I have a rainbow baby.

Yes. Randy and I are both rainbow babies. That's right. We're double rainbow. Double rainbow. That's awesome. This is this woman's rainbow baby. But still, some people would go, so that's the most celebration.

You guys have struggled, and now it's happening. Why wouldn't you want more love and celebrate? That's the argument that Chase... Okay. Sure. The fact that the woman had gone through hardships while trying to start a family made her baby shower all the more important to her, so she was determined not to let anything overshadow her and her baby's big day. That's right.

Not to let anything overshadow her and her baby's big day. That's right. So when her cousin asked if she could announce her pregnancy at the bash, since all their family would be gathered together anyway, the woman politely told her no. This is what the Internet's for. Get a Zoom together and let everyone know. Yes. In her post, she said, my husband and I are finally expecting our rainbow baby after years of infertility and multiple miscarriages. Unbelievable. It's safe to say

we and our family are freaking excited. That's great. My mother is probably the most excited. She's been planning our baby shower and making decorations for months. She's the biggest help during this exciting yet scary pregnancy. I would say it's a... If I were them,

I would wait to have the baby shower until after. If they've had this many trouble All these problems Like hitting up It's probably like True Now let me ask you though That's really stressful Have you changed

Who the asshole is You originally said You felt like it was The mom to be You guys I didn't know That it was I know

A rainbow baby A warning was issued A warning Well I didn't know A warning was issued And I didn't know That it was A directive was issued Not even a warning didn't know a warning was issued, and I didn't know that it was a rainbow. A directive was issued.

Not even a warning. Excuse me. Not a warning. A rainbow baby also. It's a baby after other consequences. Yeah. So I'm leaning more towards her. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. A few weeks ago, my aunt told my mother and me that my cousin is pregnant. Great. We are very happy for her. However, my aunt said their plan is to announce her pregnancy at my baby

shower since we're having a big party anyway. She said it's not a big deal and we both can share the day. Are you sharing the bill? My first question. It's not a big deal and we both can share the day. This is literally like the power behind the throne right here.

This is Palpatine. This is Palpatine. Yeah, machinations. You know what I mean? The cousin is kind of like probably just like, I mean, I could do it. You're doing it. This is like the new Game of Thrones.

You're going to marry that six-year-old girl. No. This is Game of Thrones Fresno. Fresno, Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. But yes, and it is. So I guess what's interesting about this, which I kind of didn't even realize, as I should have realized before, is a baby shower is in its own way an announcement of a baby coming.

So someone else announcing their baby coming, if it's not a joint baby shower, then maybe they, I mean, unless they're going to pay for half of it. Also, no one's bringing you gifts. No one. Unless you're hijacking that, too. And now you've asked all these people to double their budget or split it in half. Here's the thing. People will find out. You'll go and sit there.

Yes. Why are you even a cocktail? Women can genuinely tell when other women are pregnant. Do you want champagne in your arches? No, I'm not going to have it. But you always drink champagne. That's it.

You don't need a stage. It's going to come out. I'm going to find out. You'll get big hugs. And if you were, you know, magnanimous enough to be like, no, no, but I don't want, this is not my day.

I'm going to have one too. Everyone don't worry about it. And you'll be like, oh, this is amazing. This is kismet. Right. You know. Right.

I think half of it is the aunt and her saying that they're going to do this. By the way, where's the beef come from between their mothers? So saying it's not a big deal is like telling someone to calm down. It really is. I'm going to need you to calm down. Now, this isn't a big deal. Worst thing you could say to someone going crazy. I'm going to need you to calm down.

Dan was a bouncer at a bar. I'm going to need you to calm down is the worst thing you could say. It's like you just escalated it. You just bumped it up three times. The best one, I think it was on Bridezilla's, and this woman was just going nuts on this bouncer because he wouldn't let her in. You know, like New York dude. And he goes,

listen, don't lose your mind in front of me. That's the best one I've ever heard in my life. It's so good. It's so good. Because it puts it all on you. You're doing this.

Right. Not me. Craig Robinson. Was it knocked up? Where he's like, I want to let you in, but you're so old. You're so old.

You're so old. You're so old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so they go, can we have it? We can share the day. It's no big deal. The mom-to-be says, I said absolutely not because we have been waiting for this day forever and it should be all about me and my rainbow baby. My mother is on my side and told my aunt that they better not announce anything at the party.

My aunt dropped it and nothing else was ever said. Okay. Handle that. Which is another deal when you when you've told somebody like hey you're not what like you here's another door guy when you go you're not coming in and they go okay all right you're like we're good yep uh-huh and you're like i don't like how much you're still standing there and i don't like how easily you just drop back up five feet now you're standing there waiting. Biting your lower lip.

Cool. No, no, it's fine. Oh, it's fine. It's like the time they told me on St. Patrick's Day I wasn't getting into Irish eyes on Lincoln Avenue in Chicago, and I just went around to the back and paid the bus guy $20 to let me in. I go, okay, fine. I'm getting in.

Cool. Okay. She says no. It was dropped. She added, so last Saturday was my baby shower, and it was everything I'd waited for. When it was time for us to eat cake, my aunt said, I have an announcement. Hold on.

Hold on, everyone. Oh, my God. And went outside to her car to grab something. That was the moment I knew something was up. That's right. My mother and I follow my aunt outside. Damn right you do. Where my aunt had decided to bring in a cake announcing my cousin's pregnancy.

What? And some presents for my cousin. No. Okay. This is what can separate families and strange families for years. My mother immediately told my aunt that she will not be bringing those back into the rec center that they had rented and will not be ruining my day. Absolutely not. My aunt started throwing a fit, screaming, this is a baby shower.

It's for babies. No. That is a crazy argument. Weak argument. Weak, weak, weak argument. This is a baby shower. This will not hold up in court, ma'am. Bronger, it's not a baby's shower.

It's a baby. Well, it's about to be. I'm having a baby's shower. No. This is a baby shower. Not even your mom said that. It's for babies. For babies.

It's a baby shower for babies. My cousin is having a baby too, so this day is about her too. My cousin now joins in and starts screaming and says how pissed off she is that everything is always about me. Now, I can't go back to what I said earlier. I agree. There are people who make everything about them.

But if you've paid for this party and everyone shows up, it is about you because it's your party. You were asked ahead of time and you said no. I moved completely to the other side. I'm happy to say that I flip-flopped 100%. This story feels so good. It feels good

to me to change my mind 100%. It's just like seeing something on Twitter and then you read the article. You can get all these, just be careful what you retweet. Don't just do it. There's three more paragraphs to this thing that actually be careful what you retweet. Don't just do it. There's three more paragraphs. This thing that actually goes against what you're saying.

I was like, what? Is she getting a sign? Is it a cake? I saw like a video camera. And presents. They would not stop screaming, so they were kicked out by the rec center's security. Yes, queen. And half our family was upset

that I wouldn't let her have a moment at my shower, so half my family left too. What did I tell you? Now, everyone is bashing my mother, myself, and the rainbow baby on Facebook. The baby's like, what the fuck?

I wasn't even supposed to be here. Against all odds, I'm fucking here. So you better not be mad at me. This rainbow baby's coming in with beef. I love that the rainbow baby's getting beef. Rainbow baby should not get any of the beef. What is the beef? Someone's like, that baby didn't say anything the whole time.

Baby sided with her. Baby stayed on her side. I think the rec center security should get it before the rainbow baby. So everybody's bashing my mother, myself, and the Rainbow Baby on Facebook, group family texts, anything at all. Commenters on Reddit posts were firmly on the woman's side, with many of them stating her cousin should throw her own party if she wants to announce her pregnancy that way, rather than hijacking someone else's special moment. This is what I love about these Reddit things is that they are really honest if

you yes because everyone the ball don't lie as they say everyone thinks they're in the right like because you know the ant and the other woman are like we're in i am imbuing this context this context does not exist but if i was in a position to have a great baby shower and someone came to me, and I don't mean to say this severely, but hat in hand, and they said, we don't have the money to pay for a baby shower. Is there any way as part of yours, just because we can't afford to do dinner and get a whole family together, I would say, I'll tell you what. Our thing is going to go from three to six. You can do it after nine. You can do it after nine. You can do it after nine. From three to six, I go, let's go through all my stuff.

And then before even people start to leave, we'll go, guys, guess what? We have another surprise. That's a great way to do it. That's really nice. But that context is not here. I keep thinking about what kind of asshole brings a second cake to a party. Second cake. If you went to a kid's birthday party, it was a friend to your kid, and you're like,

hey, it worked out this morning. I'll have a piece of cake. And you have a piece of cake, and then some dick brings out another freaking cake. You're like, what am I going to have a second piece of cake? No, you're going to be like, I have to. I'm like seven? I have to. Insane.

No, you're like, I have to. This is why I really hope that whoever rec center security is, I can't imagine they're doing that well. And I think they're probably awesome. They should get the cake and a purple heart. I want them to take the cake. I want to see two guys smoking cigarettes, eating, sharing that cake. But not even with a knife. They just took it from them.

Taking whole chunks and shoving icing into their faces. It's a boy. Into each other's faces. Just how a Viking would eat your cake if he took your cake. You really do. If he just went to the castle and took your cake out. Even if it was orchestrated, you would need to bring, like, that's their baby cake. We bought baby brownies.

Like, you would need to bring something else that is not another cake. Yeah. Also, is anybody else's minds the second cake's way smaller? Oh, it's a shitty cake. It's a tiny cake. You know it's a crappy cake. It's a tiny cake. Right. Not even good grocery store another cake. Yeah. Also, is anybody else's mind that the second cake is way smaller? Oh, it's a shitty cake. It's a tiny cake. You know it's a crappy cake. It's a tiny cake. Right.

Not even good grocery store sheet cake. And I will. I love a good grocery store. Can I also say this? I do think there is a difference if this is like this woman's sixth baby. Versus her first? Versus her first after years of trouble and loss.

Oh, you're saying the mom-to-be. I'm saying if the mom-to-be... I thought you were saying if it's the cousin's third or fourth. If it's the cousin's first baby and if it's the mom who's throwing the shower, fifth or sixth baby. And not a rainbow? And not a rainbow baby. And just like another baby shower for a mom.

Even second or third. At that point, a mom. You'd be like, whatever. You'd be like, at that point, that person is going to be like, obviously. But with loss in the picture, and I am someone who can speak about that. Celebration in the face of loss. Celebration in the face of loss, which I also think is maybe a little premature. I would wait until the baby's out and healthy, but fine. Maybe she's weeks away. Probably she is.

I'm assuming she's passed a lot of benchmarks that she didn't get passed before. All are well wishes. I'm assuming that, you know, and obviously you've got to pray for everything to go. I need you to qualify it more. I'm just saying. No, it's a good point. You're right. You're right. But my point is, if it was that woman's sixth baby and there were no problems and it was this cousin's first baby,

then I could see her saying, hey, can I be a part of this? But again, it's us giving us context we don't have. We don't have it, but cousin's first baby then i could see her saying hey can i be a part again it's us giving us context we don't have i don't have it but that's clearly not the truth that's the only way you can weasel into an answer for her and you gotta respect that one person wrote this was all caps your day thank you that you've been trying to make possible for years yes if she wanted to steal the spotlight she should have spent the money time and effort on her own shower or her own announcement party. I can't wait to discuss this with my wife because I guarantee you. While another added, in my opinion, this is the equivalent to proposing at a wedding.

You don't go to someone's party and make it about yourself. Even if it wasn't a rainbow baby, she would still be in the wrong for trying to make the baby shower about her. I've seen where people have asked and cleared it. And when the bride goes to throw the bouquet, she just turns around and walks it to a woman, and then the guy comes up and proposes right away. But like you said, make sure everybody's excited about this. Yeah, it's got to be said. The woman you're proposing to. They got the no and then still showed up with the cake.

And presents. It really says, I don't care how you feel. I'm just doing this. I'm not listening to you. You're worthless to me. Right. You know what I mean? Your opinion means nothing to me. Not only are you'm not listening to you. You're worthless to me. That's right. You know what I mean? Your opinion means nothing to me.

Not only are you worthless to me, the rainbow baby is worthless to me. That's why. Don't let the rainbow baby ever do to you nothing. The disrespect is stunning. Let's close the book. Who's the asshole?

Oh, the woman. The cousin and the aunt. The cousin and the aunt. Yeah, and whoever made that cake for them. They're in it too. They're all in on it. I'm with security. All right, there you go.

That's story number one down in the books. Oh my God, that was a good one. That was great debate. When we come back, we gotta talk about Matt Bronger's new stand-up special, which drops in two days. Two days after this one drops. October 6th. We'll talk about that, how you can consume it, how you can support him,

all that stuff. And then we've got some shows coming up, some things we have to promote for ourselves as well. All that stuff on the other side of the break. Don't go anywhere. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we get into the very cool Matt Bronger stuff, his new stand-up special and whatnot, we want to remind

people, have you got, ask you, have you gotten your tickets to see us in Nashville on the 13th? The most important thing. It's the reason for the season. Live Dumb People Town at the Hutton in the Analog Room on the 13th. On Nashville. And then on the 14th, we'll be in Chicago at the Den Theater. I'm sure you performed at the Den Theater. You know that place.

Great spot. Stand up and? Podcast first, and then stand up show with Daniel right after that. Next night, we're at the River Spirit Casino in Tulsa. I'm in Manhattan. Manhattan. And then on Sunday night, October 16th, we'll be at the Bell House. Locked on people town. Andrew Dismukes,

Roy Wood Jr., the band Cut Worms. It is going to sell out. Get your tickets right now. And not only that, it's going to be the new way of us each having a story, too. So you're the first people that are ever going to see that live. Reach Bringing a Story to the Stage. I'm very, very excited. Superschoolers.com if they want tickets. DanielBankirk.com if they want tickets for that.

Or the venues themselves. I, or the venues themselves. I, starting tomorrow night, am going to be headlining the Kreegan Cave in Austin, Texas. And then I will also be in Lafayette at Lafayette Comedy. And then on the next night, I'll be in Houston, Texas at The Secret Group. Go to DanielVanKirk.com. On the 12th, I'm doing a Largo show with Amy Mann. It's a super fun secret that I can't tell you about but I'm extremely nervous and then

then come see us and at the end of the month I'll be in Denver on the 29th with the Grawlix boys go to DanielLancurk.com and on the 7th which is the day after

Bronger's special comes out which we're going to talk about in one second we will be at the Thousand Lakes headlining the Thousand Lakes Comedy Festival in Minneapolis

very excited to do that one night one theater one show only that's how we do it but let's talk about the special Bronger I'm super stoked where'd you record it Thousand Lakes Comedy Festival in Minneapolis. Very excited to do that. One night, one theater, one show only. That's how we do it. But let's talk about the special, Bronger. I'm super stoked. Where did you record it, and how can people consume it?

I did it at the Nashville Zanies about a year ago. And yeah, it's going to be on Moment House and Moment World. Bart Coleman. And Moment. Yeah, Bart Coleman. Bart Coleman, our guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great dude.

So explain that to people. So basically, it's something that they conceived of and became kind of the marquee version of you know watching something uh exclusive or live uh you know online and um you know just like with with this this is edited and recorded and everything i will be doing a thing at the very end uh you know where where, you know, I can talk to people and all that jazz. But the special is something that it's just, it's going to be up for two weeks.

You can, you know, if you buy a ticket, you can download it during that time. And then after that, it'll be gone for a while. I don't know what else I'm going to do with it, but I really want to try this because it was this thing that I was all set to shoot the special in 2020. We all know what happened.

COVID. All the Dick Joke Emporiums closed down. Oh, my God. That's a bummer. And I basically, we had a kid, and then I basically took at least half of that hour and just threw it right out the window because I'd done them to death, and I was kind of tired of it, and I just started building this thing.

My wife and I lost our minds and drove 3,300 miles from Los Angeles to Boston with a six-week-old during an election year. I remember watching that. In an electric car with California plates and drove through the South. I remember seeing clips of that. I followed you as you did that on social media. And I had a ton of other things happen to me and blah, blah, blah. So I had this thing, and the whole thing is called Doug's. It's named after an absolutely terrible husband and father I met on vacation.

It's one of those – I really think – we're all men here at this table. I really think it's important for men to have good role models. That goes without saying, right? Sure. But I think we need bad ones too. I think we need to meet someone and you're like, I can never be this fucking dude.

I can't be this guy. And he was just a guy who was at a resort with my wife and I before we got married or had a kid and he was like judgmental of everyone

and was, every time I saw him he was drunk and wet. Every time. Like, I don't know how him and his wife they they lived to just get hammered and they just they hated that they had children and the first part I respect that's a huge part of my life but like you know but it's that thing of you don't you know you get drunk when your kids aren't around and have and have

fun and stuff you don't, why did I ever? Like, ugh, dude. I love this. I don't want to give too much about it. Don't give too much. The thing about it. But would you recommend that swingers resort? It was a sandal.

My wife liked it. My wife and I are in an open relationship. You want to follow her on Instagram, she's hot to trot. All inclusive. It's so funny. Private account, wait a minute. All inclusive. Private account. Wait a minute. All inclusive. But I wanted, when Moment came to me and we're like, we want to have this on here because

it does have this twist ending that's literally like a magic trick where I call someone on stage and people are like, wait, what the fuck just happened? And I've had people film this and it's like the last 10 minutes of the special. I've had people film it and post it immediately on Instagram so I've spent almost a year of going after every show scouring that and being like please don't and I took one rides like just don't I don't care if you film a shit you keep it for yourself I can't stop it I'm not Dave Chappelle I don't have like a thing at the door where you drop your phone in yeah you know but it's like I a few times I had to put the

fire out where someone like literally filmed the reveal. And it's fine. They had like 50 followers. And as soon as I reached out, they were like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't think about it. I'm like, I'm saving this. Let's consolidate this.

So here's what I want. Fans, they can watch it. What is the price? Is it 15 bucks for a ticket? It's 10. It's 10 bucks for a ticket. So to support like comedians like us doing what we do, momenthouse.com. It's moment.co.

Moment.co. So moment.co slash Matt Bromberg. And I'm sure anybody who's on your social media link will go right there. Yeah, you can just go to any of my social media sites and get to it. And it's also one of those things where we don't – I love you. We don't have a lot of people, generally speaking – I gave this thing to Netflix to be like, see if you want this. And they were like, they called and they were like, we fucking love this.

But like, our slate is beyond, you know, like full as well as a few other network and stuff. But it's a thing where most of us putting out specials, working good comedians, there just aren't that many platforms or room for it. And so we go into it and partner with someone and pay for it ourselves. So I am not doing this $10 thing to get rich. Like, I mean, I was inspired to do it by Andrew Schultz, who did his that way. He got rich off of it. He made a million dollars. A million.

I think more than that. He made like almost $5 million. I love it. I mean, I love it because like 300,000 people. Because he did it for a limited time and he took it off and then he came back and he was like, sorry, I just love money. I'm putting it back up there. And by the way, and deserves it.

His fans are that crazy. And deserves it, man. Nobody has mastered the social media angle of stand-up better than that man. Agreed. So it was one of those things where I'm just like, I'm no Andrew Schultz, never will be, but I'm going to try this. Yeah. Where it's kind of like.

Bet on you. By the way, let's see if we can get 10,000 people to watch this show. Sure. Why not? What's your extrapolation, Matt? That everything good in my life came from me just giving something a shot. A lot of which that I couldn't really take back. Moving in with my wife for the first time, I'd never lived with a woman I dated in my life.

I was that gun shy. Yeah. And then going, should I marry this person? Should I not? And I firmly believe every good, it's like half, I know this will be right. Half, I got no fucking idea. Should I announce my baby at my sister-in-law's? Should I bring a cake?

That cake was enormous. It took up the entire back of my station wagon. I can't believe it. You bet it on yourself. And the third one was Rose. With me going, this is something I can never, ever, ever take back. That was the biggest thing. And it's the best thing I ever did.

The best. So it was like, you know, this is the tiniest version of that. But I'm done overthinking this stuff and going like, ooh, this has to be huge. It's like, let me give this a shot. It might be huge. You just wanted to go good enough to go one step above your daughter. Like slide in between. Yeah, I want this to feel like a bigger success.

You can make me feel that good. Let's make him feel better. We still don't know who his daughter is going to be. So there's time. That we don't know yet. I think we can do this, guys. This special, we can make it great. We flew back from Boston last night, and there was four crying babies.

And Rose wasn't really crying, but she would kind of yell along with them a little bit. You know, solidarity. It's like a wolf calling out the chorus. Coyote. Oh, it's gang gang. Yeah. So, but this one baby, just a drilling shriek. And it felt so bad for his parents.

Yeah. And my daughter, in the silence between the shrieks, I felt so bad for his parents. Yeah. And my daughter in the silence between the shrieks just goes, no baby! Just yells. And her fists

are like this, clenched. Oh, that's wonderful. Dude, I'm like, I feel so bad, but like she's two. She knows not. By the way,

it's like a Reddit. Ball don't lie. She's going to tell it that she's going to tell it. Everyone wanted to yell no baby. Everyone was thinking no baby. And everyone was thinking fists up. I love that Rose had's going to tell it. She's going to tell it to everyone. Everyone wanted to yell no baby. Everyone was thinking no baby. And everyone was thinking fists up.

I love that Rose had the balls to say it. No baby. No baby. Well, I'm going to say no baby there, but I'm going to say yes to moment.co on October 6th. Watch Doug. Watch Doug. Watch Doug. And then that night on the 6th, you're doing a little thing right after it?

Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's even better. So get on it. So what is the time? Oh, God. I'll have to send it to you. I want to say it's, you know, whatever, prime time, 7 or something, that's even better. So what is the time? Oh, God. I'll have to send it to you. I want to say it's, you know, whatever, prime time, 7 or something like that. Probably 5.30 our time, 6.30.

So just follow Matt on and go to, I'm sure, on Moment. I'm sure on their site they'll be promoting it, too. Moment.co. All right. Ready? Yeah, let's go. This was sent in by Ace of Finance at Dragon Ilm. I-L-M? Ace Ilm. I don't know.

Okay, ready? Is that an Ace of Base reference? No. The four of us would only need the one, two, three, four, five, six, seven words in this headline. Do the headline. Florida man punches friend over golf etiquette. Yeah.

Etiquette. I've been on golf course. Etiquette. Look, you don't talk. You don't walk through someone's lie, Dan. You don't walk through someone's lie. You. You don't walk through someone's lie. You don't talk during someone's back. What are you, Jim Croce?

Yeah, you don't walk through someone's lie. You don't talk during a backswing. You don't watch. Fair enough. And you don't mess around with the pin. You don't mess around with the pin. You don't bring a cake to your cousin's baby shower. Now you're conflating.

You don't mess around with Jim. Okay, here we go. Fox 5 New York.com. Pro at the club. Jim Dunlap. Sumter County, Florida, of course. An argument between two men on the green at a golf course

over their etiquette led to one of them facing a battery charge according to Sumter County deputies, Richard Rendell entered a not guilty plea for his alleged crime against his friend. Court documents filed in late may concerned. He's defense. Richard,

we can get into this. Dick Randall, Dick Randall is going to be like, but he did this thing wrong. So yes, he did. You're bringing up a golf rule, right? In court, you can't, it's did this thing wrong. Right. Yes, he did. You're bringing up a golf rule in court. You can't.

It's never going to work. No. When it comes to physical assault. No. Right. A golf rule. He broke the golf rule. As soon as the cops get involved, you're wrong.

You're golf ready. He should have waited for me to speak. Matt, I don't know how much you play, so chime in at will. I play a lot. I play a lot. Okay. Is there etiquette that legitimately would or does piss you off when people don't know how much you play, so chime in at will. But scores. I play a lot. Okay. Is there etiquette that legitimately would or does piss you off when people don't adhere to it? So the only etiquette that I –

That really you're like, this motherfucker. So the thing that pisses me off usually is because I'm trying to get done quickly with whatever I'm doing. So when someone – so when people out in front of you are like – if they're all on the putting green and they're not up near their balls and getting ready to hit. Right. And they're all just waiting for someone to go. Then they wait around. Someone bends down and looks at it and walks it. Like you're in the PGA.

But usually people do that when they're betting. So like when there's money on the hole, like a skin. Right. So I understand that a little bit. But I'm also like if we're standing 90 yards away waiting for you to finish and there's a back job get going you gotta get going that's courtesy for the people behind you we're not saying hurry up and ruin your game we're just saying get ready be the next person be ready with their shot while this person's lining up their shot then you hit your shot because there's always a rhythm to it too like

if you're in rhythm if you're standing waiting and watching but as for like the the etiquette around like furthest guy away hits first or of course this person away should hit first that's a rule yes uh you know you don't walk between through someone's lie between their between the ball because you could put a footprint down and it could create like a weird thing like that you should mark your ball and pull it away when someone else putts so they have a clear view. There are a lot of little etiquette things that are small. None of them to me are as important.

None of them should cause a fight. Well, Dick Randall thinks otherwise. According to an arrest affidavit, the incident happened between two golfers on April 29th at Della Vista Golf Course in San Marino Drive. A deputy spoke to a man who was playing golf with both Randall, that's Dick, and Dick's friend. Around the fourth hole, the man said the two began arguing, which is something they reportedly do often.

Okay. Sure. Why are you playing golf with this guy? You're going to argue. Why are you doing this? Jay and I played golf the other day with these two guys. One guy looked like he was wearing He was wearing a Ford Tough

Like t-shirt Like if he wasn't in LA Because he was in LA my first thought was like Oh you're union for like You probably do like He's an electrical union for construction Yeah I was like But he's not in the movie business

But he looked like that kind of guy I like to go up to Idaho to hunt and fish. Meanwhile, then we're playing with a guy, I want to say Asian man who was 72 years old but looked like he was 50. And then another older Asian man who was 83 but looked like he was 61. Wow. but looked like he was 61. Wow. And the 70-ish Asian man and the Ford tough guy

were joking around, giving each other shit, all this stuff. So Miley's like, how long have you known this guy? Have you guys been friends for years? Please tell me you guys are like the best friends for like 20 years.

He's like, I met him three weeks ago but I love this guy. And I'm like, how do you have a relationship? So their relationship was built on fun. Their relationship is built on arguing. Their relationship is built on argument. Anger.

Yes. It doesn't sound like ball busting. You know, like you're messing with your friend. No, it's mean. The affidavit said that the friend told Dick Randell, who was standing on the green near the hole, to move, which Dick Randell replied saying he knew the etiquette of the game. He goes, hey, man, move. And he goes, I know the etiquette of the game. He goes, hey man, move. And he goes, I know the etiquette of the game.

They continue to argue, the report stated, and the friend reportedly flipped off Dick Randall. Dick Randall didn't like that very much, and he approached his friend and reportedly said, do that again, and I will hit you. That's one birdie I don't want to see on the golf course. Dick Randall, am I the asshole? If you tell someone, I will hit you.

I told him, do it again. I told him. I gave him warning. The friend flipped him off again, and that's when Dick Randell reportedly punched the man in the face, and the friend fell to the ground. Deputy said the victim was taken to the local hospital with a visibly swollen bruise on the side of his face. Dick Randell was arrested on a charge of battery. We'll get out of here on this. his face. Dick Randell was arrested on a charge of battery.

We'll get out of here on this. How old is Dick Randell? What do you think? Okay. Fourth hole. Fourth hole. Already pissed off enough to say, do that again. And he punched somebody over getting flipped off.

Also, Dick Randell is wrong. If you're standing anywhere near the hole, whoever shot it is, it's like, can you move out of the way a little bit, please? You got to move. You got to move. Dick didn't want to move out of the way a little bit, please? You've got to move. You've got to move. Dick didn't want to move. Dick don't move. Ball don't lie. Dick don't move.

Whoever's got the putt really has control over the whole green. If he wants everyone behind him because you're casting shadows on where he's trying to putt, you've got to stand behind him. It's like, that's the hell. How old is he? How old is he? I'm going to go 44. Okay. I'm going to go 59. I'm going to go 59.

62. 62? You're probably right. Older guys. Richard Dick Randall is... Say it one more time, Dan. Just say it one more time. Is 77 years old. Oh, my God.

So he probably punched another 78-year-old. How old is the guy he punched? How old do you think the guy is? I'm going to go exact same age. I'm just going to be – just for fun. 7'7"? I want it to be true. A little cocktail?

He fell down and had to go to the hospital from a punch from a 77-year-old. I think he's 82. Okay. 85. Okay. One of you is only one year old. Okay. So now you get to go up or down a year.

Where would you like to change your life? I'm going to 76. He's a young spry asshole. 81. I'll go down to 84. I'll go down. Okay. All right.

The Man Punched by Richard Dick Randall is 84 years old. Yes! And look at Dick Randall. Look at him. He's pissed. Really? You're going to punch an 84-year-old? Like, 77 is how old our mom is. Doesn't he look like the Florida version of Brian Cox from Succession? Yeah, he's the methed out version of him.

Never shaved. He looks like an early rendition for the Hall of Presidents. He's the type of person that if he was my dad, I'd be like, can you just take a shower please? He's never seen it off. I'll pay for the haircut. Dan, give us a teaser of what we're going to hear. Treasure and garbage.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. Patreon fans, you're going to get a little dumb story from Matt Bronger. He's going to share some either dumb thing that he witnessed or a dumb thing that he did. He's always talking about dumb behavior. I absolutely love it. We'll be right back with more Dumb People Town.

Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, Daniel, take us home. Ready? Southern California woman finds cash hidden in couch. Okay. Maybe it's this guy's wad of. This was sent in by Ashley at Here for the Dumb. I met Ashley when I was doing cash hidden in couch. Okay. Maybe it's this guy's wad of- This was sent in by Ashley at Here for the Dumb.

I met Ashley when I was doing a show in Salem. She made a t-shirt for my other podcast that I do with Rory Scovel. She's awesome. Nice. Colton, California. A Colton woman made a startling discovery after bringing home a set of sofas that she found on Craigslist. Okay. The amount of things you could find.

I mean, you never expect to get cash. It's always like that. A set of sofas. Yes. A set of sofas. Hidden inside one of the cushions was how much money? Bronger, what do you think? Inside one of the cushions.

Yes. Zipped in. Like 25th Hour. Zipped in. Edward Norton style. I will say I got into a cab in Chicago once, and there were 750s neatly laid next to me. That would scare me.

That would mean I'm going to die. I'm going to die. Who left that? I took them. Of course. $350. Of course you took them. It was a fortune to me back then.

Oh, my God. Hell, yes. But I'm going to say $2,000. Okay. I'm going to say like $10,000. Okay. I'm going to say $6,300. Okay.

Hidden inside one of the cushions was? Townie's wherever you are. Get your answers in right now. Yell it out your car window at your dog because she found $36,000. Oh, my Lord. In the cushion of a couch she got off Craigslist. Win, win, win, win, win. That's when you know the hand job is worth it.

Steve win. Steve win. Vicky Umodu said she had never, she was never tempted to keep what she found. She said she immediately gave the money back to the family

who gave her the furniture. Who should have given her like at least a couple grand. She said, you better have thrown her at least three. She said,

God has been kind to me and my children. They're alive and well. I have three beautiful grandchildren, so what can I ever ask from God? I'd say about $36,000.

I would just say three grand. You got all these kids in your life. Three grand for bringing it back to you. Maybe God was like, hey, trying to help you. Stop giving this back. $36,000 finder's fee from God. Right. 10%.

Yes. It all started when- If I'm that family, and I don't want to play who the asshole is, if I'm the family who gets it back, I'm definitely giving that woman at least a G. I'm giving her a G. A big. It all started when Vicky started looking through online ads for furniture for her new home. I scrolled down and saw free items.

So I clicked on it, and the first thing that came up was this family that wanted to give a sofa and everything in their bedroom set. I said, maybe it's a gimmick, so I called them. You guys want to know what a couch looks like that has $36,000 in it? That's it. That is... A couch you'd never want. Ever. That's a college couch at best.

That's a couch that's on fire during Hell Week in a fraternity. I think the actual model is called Florida. That's a couch that they set on fire when they win the national championship. It was no gimmick. The family that was giving away the furniture explained that a loved one had recently passed away, and they were liquidating everything in the property. Vicki said the two sofas and the chair they gave her worked perfectly in her new home. I just moved in, and I don't have anything in my house.

I was so excited, so we picked it up and brought it in. But when she got home, she was examining the sofas more closely. She discovered something strange. A lump. An unknown item inside one of the cushions. I thought it was a heat pad who immediately discounted that theory because there was no electrical cord. Sure. When she finally unzipped the cushions and looked inside, she discovered several envelopes filled with cash and dollars in cash.

Oh, my God. Here's what she found. The person died. Wow. So they probably were trying to hide this from their kids anyway. Yes. She should have kept just stacks. Let me see.

Stacks of cash. I mean, at some point, don't you say- All these envelopes are full of cash. I mean, at some point, don't you say, like, I found $20,000 worth of cash. Hey, guys, good news. At least $30,000. I found $20,000. I cash. Hey, guys, good news. At least $30,000. I found $11,000. I found $700 in this couch.

Just like you did in that cab. Just like you did in that cab. Wink, wink. You guys aren't going to believe this. $600. Hey, don't forget me next Christmas. Because I found. No need to give me any of this.

Just remember, I found one crisp 50. You can always end up in a no country for old men situation. That's what I keep thinking. You don't know to give me any of this. Just remember, I found one crisp 50. You can always end up in a no country for old men situation. That's what I keep thinking. You don't know where this came from. The deceased relative, what did they do? How did they die? Probably lived through the depression, probably. And they probably didn't trust banks.

I mean, it's better to give it all back. I was telling my son, come, come, come. I was screaming, this is money. I need to call the guy. Vicki said when she returned the money, the family told her they had actually discovered other cash hidden throughout the rest of the house. If that's happening, don't give away the couch. But also let this woman have it.

But they had only found a few hundred dollars. They're not sure why the deceased man may have hidden so much money inside his couch. The cops. But, as a way of saying thank you, they agreed to pay for a new refrigerator for Vicky and gave her how much money. Okay, this is it.

Now this text about who's... So you already know they bought her a fridge. Right. She immediately called them. They found a few hundred dollars around the house already. How much money did they give Vicky? A little off the top. Thanks for the fun.

Yeah. Because you're not... Here's the thing. You're not expecting 36 to come your way. She says, quote here, I was not expecting a dime from them. I was not.

But she's not expecting, I'm saying this family whose relative passed away, they're not expecting any money either. I'm going to guess. Can you tell me two things? What your guess is

and what you would give. Right. Unless it's the same. My guess is $2,000 and I would give $3,600. I would give one. 10%? Yes.

Oh, I like that. That's good. My guess is they gave her $ thousand dollars yeah okay and um what would you give yeah i would give it i i said ten before but i would do i would do like maybe five or six right okay six rounds you got 30 grand they got six yeah yeah i'm gonna say i'm gonna go 20 they they gave $7,200 okay that includes the refrigerator so like I'd say she winds up getting like $2,500 in cash and whatever they paid four thousand for the okay that's a nice for food nice but I mean they weren't expecting this 36 thousand dollars anyway your guess was I said to 2000 and

I would give 36 2005 and he'd give six yeah and I would give $36,000. $2,000? He said $5,000 and he'd give $6,000. Yeah. And I said, I don't know, $7,200. Okay. The amount of money. We will end this episode here. And I will tell you one more time. I will tell you one more time. Go to moment.co or just follow Bronger. It's at Bronger.

At Bronger on everything. Yeah. On October 6th. You better watch this special. Do it. Support the comedy. And you know what also? If you're watching it and you have other great comedy

fans, don't ruin the ending. Tell them to just watch it. Also, we're going to be watching how this does for Matt Bronger because maybe we'll do a live Dumb People Town special on Roman House. You should do that regardless of how I do. I did a pen pals with him. Maybe we'll do that. That could be really fun. Live DPD.

The amount of money is, everybody has their answers down. One of you got very close two thousand two hundred dollars yes what a strange arbitrary weird number maybe it was maybe it was like four and they were like whatever's left after the fridge we're just gonna give you the right five that's amazing maybe they bought our eight hundred dollar fridge oh my god i love it it was 20 should have bought the fridge on Craigslist and then in the icebox it's like $20,000 it keeps coming if it happens again it's drugs

it is drugs alright there you go guys Matt Bronger the great Bronger enjoy his special at moment.co go to danavancurk.com superscrollers.com see us live we love you and oh shit we gotta get back to work. Stick around.

Make a sound. It's Dumb People Town.