Dumb People Town - Maz Jobrani - Wild Assin'

Episode Date: February 15, 2022

This week Maz Jobrani comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a woman making trouble on a plane. The second story shows us a new weight loss technique. The final story is about a surprising challenge from an Alexa.Don’t sleep on savings. Brooklinen’s Presidents’ Day Sale is right around the corner. Listening after the sale? You can still get the deals of your dreams at Brooklinen.com with promo code DUMBVisit athleticgreens.com/DPT for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritionalinsurance!This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Dumb People Town listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/DPT. Go to Shopify.com/dpt, ALL LOWERCASE, for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Jabroni. Maz Jabron jabrani my man welcome to the show thank you for having me i love you guys i love seeing you guys i saw you at the club now i see you here on zoom i cannot get enough of the scolar brothers so listen so we thank you you reminded us and dan i don't know i'm sure sure you have an unbelievable memory. So Maz did this before, and it's nice to just have you back. And the crazy thing is that the world just keeps getting dumber. Yeah.

We're always like, will we have enough stories? Yeah, Maz, we got enough stories. It's ridiculous. It is really, really ridiculous how dumb. really ridiculous how dumb i i i think the idea of you having your mind blown i feel like one of these days my head's just gonna explode actually yeah so we we think about that too and dan as a stand-up and us all all four of us as stand-ups we get to see the world we get to go to places where we probably wouldn't have gone if standup didn't take us there. And so we get exposed to all kinds of dumb and,

and in ways that I think other people don't, we just, they hear about it in the abstract. We see it in the wild, right? Well, we also get great stories sent to us by our awesome fans. And so all you got to do is at Daniel Van Kirk on Twitter,

hashtag dump people Town. It lets know kind of where you are in the order and I love that like some of our fans have been like tweeting in and just like I'm not fast enough anymore. It's almost like a Jeopardy buzzer issue. They're like I've lost it. My thing isn't working so I just fuck it.

I'm not going to send it. Well, you know what? Send it anyway because it's always good to hear from you and we have a story. Let's jump into one right away, and then we'll find out what Maz is doing and where you can catch him. Are you guys ready? Yes. Here we go. Sent in by Ashley at Here for the Dumb, which I think means they signed

up for Twitter just for us, which makes me feel a certain level of guilt anytime I've gotten another person onto Twitter because I mean, like Maz, you are a great follower. You constantly are retweeting stuff with some variation of the words, can you believe this shit?

Yes. Literally, you could just... I go, WTF, what the fuck? Yeah, you believe this shit. So, my apologies to Ashley, but also I'm grateful for her for sending in the story. Thank it to Ashley. Okay. We don't do, I've really stayed away from a lot of like air airplane shenanigans

because they're so tied to like just the cesspool of shit that we've been living in for the past couple of years. And to be honest, it's gotten worse. It's gotten worse. And to be honest, even if you are on the side of the fence of the type of people who are causing problems on airplanes, just from your perspective, you think it's gotten worse. That's why you're mad. We've Dan, we've all seen the video of the old white guy. It was like, I want to shake your hand, mister. I want to come back there and shake your hand.

And you're like, Oh my God. So like even, even the, even the loon loonies are like, man, it sucks flying. From their own perspective, it's aggravating. So it's bad for everybody. It's just half the people are causing it. They just don't realize it. Even terrorists are unbooking their flights. They're like, I can't deal with that.

They're like, the security I have to go through before I take this plane under my own control. That would be a hilarious satirical sketch of these guys planning a plane hostage. And you don't have to say anything about bombing or murder. Maybe they just want to try and get somebody extradited. Whatever it is, right? And they're just like,

do you guys really want to go through this hassle with Americans right now? You really want to deal? Do you know how? Karen saves the day. They know there's going to be a Karen. Sorry, they have the whole thing at the flight. And then it's like spirit air and the flight gets canceled.

So now they have to get in line at the desk. And then they need to try and get, without knowing it, they're splitting the hostages up on different flights like the hostage takers and they're like no we all need to be on the same flight together and the person at the desk is like why do you care where that family goes because i care because i care oh that would be so funny all of that is revealed oh my god come on buzz let's make it. Let's do it. Good thing you said spirit because here's the headline. Woman accused of groping. So that's the thing, too.

None of this has to do with COVID. None of it has to do with masks. It just has to do with dumb people on a plane. So we're getting back to our roots. Woman accused of groping Spirit Airlines passengers. Attacking flight attendants faces federal charge. Also, that's a given. Just so everybody knows, anything you do bad on a plane, federal.

Right. It's in the air. It's in international air. It's all federal. I wonder where the groping began and how it was able to continue. That's right. Because the first person that goes, I got groped. Don't they come talk to her?

They go, no, just listen. She groped once in a while. to her they go no just listen she grows once a while don't worry about let's see if she does it again right also if it's if it's more than one person right who's the second person who's like i'll sit by him i don't go let's see what happens if it's more than one person becomes a conspiracy it was a conspiracy to grope yes the the flight attendant came up i was like nuts and she's like no i'll take these groper gate groper gate okay the fbi arrested a tennessee woman this week who was accused of drunkenly groping two fellow passengers and attacking flight attendants on a spirit

airlines flight in november which a lot of people would go, so normal Spirit Airlines flight. So it actually was a pretty calm, uneventful flight on Spirit Air. That's economy class in Spirit. You get what you pay for. Right. Also, if you're Spirit Air, on some level, aren't you like, please don't. Like, we have enough from our end of infrastructure. Like, can it not be us that you flew? Please. And you know you know they were like we took off without a fight at the ticket counter like we are already ahead

of the game right everything's good all we just need is nobody to grope two people and fight with flight attendants on this flight oh great dan if you told me i have not been on a spirit air flight if you told me that there are no seats that you just hold on to like. No, it's like, oh, okay. I thought you were going to go Lambeau Field style. It's like you get 12 inches of like aluminum. Bench. Just benches, yes. I think I flew Spirit once early on in my career and it was like, oh, I got to get to whatever the city was. It was only like direct.

And it was as bad as they say. correct and it was it was as bad as they say now at this point i think spirit should just embrace their image and get like like jeff ross or some roast roaster or somebody to be their spokesperson and the whole commercial should be them roasting spirit dude how much would you love spirit air if jeff ross was their spokesman and just literally laid all these all these harsh jokes and then at the end they're just like but we but we're cheaper, so you're going to fly us. Right. Yeah, that should be their slogan. They should be like, Spirit Air, who died? Right? Because that's how fast

you're true. Like, Spirit Air. Spirit Air, when you need to get there really bad. Spirit Air will break your spirit. Yes. In the air. Spirit Air. Are you hopeful? Fly Spirit Air.

We'll break your spirit. We'll end that real quickly. Hey, Spirit Air, it'll just be our little secret. Wait a minute. Hang on, Spirit Air. You can't do that, Spirit Air. Spirit Air, breaking up mid-flight won't be the worst part. Exactly.

Okay. So the FBI arrests this Tennessee lady on Spirit Airlines flight. FBI. Yes. Because on Spirit Airlines flight. FBI. Yes, because it's federal instantly. Amanda Renee Henry, A-R-H, faces a charge of interfering with flight crew. She appeared in court by videoconference Tuesday and was released. I love when you get to do your court work from home. Yeah.

Well, they wouldn't let her in person because you might grope the judge. You know who she was going to touch. The bailiff was like, I don't want my junk touched by this crazy lady. Mark H. It's W-I-L-D-A-S-I-N. Wild Assin? Wild Assin. Wildeson?

It's probably Wildeson. Wildassin. Wildassin in college. Wildeson at the law firm. Yes, 100%. Wildeson on job interviews, Wildasson. In college, you're right. He was like, I'm just out here wildassing. You guys invited the wildass?

What did you expect? We straight wildassing up in this piece. I got four years doing this, then I'm going to go to law school, and I'll straighten things out. Right now, we're wildassing. Mark H. Wildasson, the U.S. attorney for the Middle District of Tennessee, said the prosecution was in line with a November directive from the attorney general. I didn't know about this.

To prioritize crimes that happen aboard aircraft. So I didn't know it had gotten so bad. The attorney general was like, hey, anybody's doing bad shit on airplanes? Bump them to the front of the line. We're going to start getting these people done. We're going to prosecute this. We're not going to let this sit around. Henry, that's Amanda Renee, was traveling from Fort Lauderdale to Nashville.

Kind of the perfect route for anything like this, right? I mean, she's coming from the origin of all this stuff. The epicenter. Yeah. To Nashville on November 27th, according to the complaint against her, flight attendants decided that Henry was drunk and possibly under the influence of another drug and cut her off from alcohol service. Guys, Southwest stopped serving alcohol.

Why is spirit still serving alcohol? If I can't get a little more lighter fluid on this tire fire, shoot it again. All right. So then that's just why I feel like the mentality is like you've done enough, which is probably what they cheer for you when you do shots on a spirit airline. Shoot it again. Shoot it again.

Right. According to the complaint, unruly airplane passengers are straining the system for keeping peace in the sky. She, that's our Amanda Renee, was sitting in an exit row. So she's high class living on spirit air. That's who you have to trust if things go south. She went back on her promise.

She promised she was going to help. And she turned... That's, you know, lying to the federal... I think they swear you in, don't they? That's a swear. You take a bit of an oath. You have to give a verbal yes yes you have to say you're willing and able which i'm sure she was like you have no idea what i'm willing and able to do right now i'll tell you what i'm able

to do you put your hand you don't have to put your hand on my ass put your hand on a bible put it on because it was looking like a nice big old bible right there all right she was sitting in an exit row you ready boys with two brothers this could be you guys she's sitting in a row with two brothers this is the movie grown men i know and put her hands on one of the men and made quote made lewd sexual advances towards him on several occasions how many many times have you heard? Hi, Jason. Are you the one with the glasses?

Let's talk. Hey, Randy, are you the one? I don't care. I like both of you. I'm feeling Randy right now myself. She's like female Joe Namath. I don't know if it's you. How about you guys let me sit in the middle?

I'm going to go skiing on this flight. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's make a me sandwich. No, no, no, no. You guys be the bread. You guys be the bread. Several occasions has to be at least four, right? At least four.

At least four. At least four. According to the complaint, she did this. When the men switched seats, which means one brother was like, you get over here and deal with Amanda Renee. I i can't they switch to a different road no we can't handle this these men aren't too smart either like i know how to avoid this let's just flip switch chairs i'll throw my brother under the under the sexual bus so to speak so the men switch seats thinking that would solve the problem no Then she allegedly put her hands on

the other man and laid her head on his shoulder, which to be honest, at that point I would have been like, she's going to bed with like a toddler. Don't move. Nobody talk. Let her go to sleep and then push her off. Don't move for an hour and a half. Don't move. Just don't move. Just don't breathe. Just stop breathing. I can't.

I got an itch. I got an itch right there. Breathe a little bit. little bit like parent with like a little baby when you have a little baby in the place and crying for like an hour and then all of a sudden goes to sleep and you're like i can't do anything don't breathe don't move don't touch him put a bit did you put a diaper on is it you forgot to put a diaper on it doesn't matter it doesn't matter she's peeing on me right now and I do not care. It's better than what we had. She's literally peeing on me right now. Our friend Mark Bernstein used to

on flights, get on the flight. He had three kids when they were really little and he would go to everyone in all the rows around them and give them Starbucks gift cards at the beginning of the flight. I was like, this is it. I'm sorry. Jay Larson would do that too. When his kids were really little,

he would travel with goodie bags for the people that sat around them. He goes, nobody cares about these goodie bags, but it buys me just enough yardage that if they do get bad, they're going to be like, you know what? That guy tried. You can't say that. How funny would it be if she gave out? Here's just a little

bit of a little mini. I'm going to have a rough flight. Here's a mint for you, a mint for you. I got one left. Let me split it in half. Okay, here you go. I'm going to eat half, and then I'm going to give you half. It's a mento.

That's exactly what I was going to say. I guarantee she had mentos. I guarantee she had mentos. Strawberry mentos. So then she had Mentos. Strawberry Mentos. So then, but they couldn't. They couldn't let her sleep. The men then asked to be moved. Then the flight attendants decided to move her out of the exit row.

Should have left her. Give it to her. Yeah. Let her have it. At that point. At that point. So they go, you know, guys, you can stay there. You've both been sexually assaulted.

We're going to move her, okay? At that point, she allegedly rushed to the front of the plane with her carry-on bag, screaming that she was going to exit. I assume they're in the air. I do not know, but I think they are in the air at this time. I think you got to let her go. I think you just open the door and see what happens. She is accused of attacking flight attendants who tried to restrain her, punching, kicking,

and pulling one by the ponytail. Don't want to see that. She eventually was restrained. That was the dude. That was the dude. He's a martial arts expert as well. God damn it. She eventually was restrained, and a passenger helped to keep her calm for the rest of the flight. Who's that angel? Who's that spirit spirit that person should have that could be in any that could be like an elbow to

the back when she's laying on the ground i don't know right you're right right it could be a rear naked choke or or it could have been you could be the one or it could have been like i know i know come here i know i know that very like i've done that with so many drunk people in my life. Or, yeah, just a big hug. Or, yeah, it could be like when Randy Moss was describing the fight he got in in high school. And he's explaining it on his, like, ESPN 30 for 30. And he's like, yep. I just, and he glosses over. I just stomped on his twice and then moved on.

We're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You stomped on his neck twice? Look, I kept her quiet. I stomped on her neck three times. Wait, what? She kept her calm for the rest of the flight. She didn't actually arrest anyone after that. Anyway, she lands. She gets taken into the FBI's there, obviously.

The Federal Aviation Administration has powers to investigate and levy fines and they have received, this is crazy. Do you guys want to guess how many reports they've received of unruly behavior this year alone? But keep in mind, this story came to us at the end of 2021.

Are you asking for 2021 or 2022? Last year, 2021. How much for that year? Around December 30th, so yeah, the whole year. I'm going to go with 3,671. Love that guess. Love.

That's a powerful guess. I'm not telling you if it's wildly right or wrong, but I love that guess. I love how specific it is. I'm going to say 470. Okay. I'm going to say 1,200. Okay.

They've received 5,779 reports. Maz, you were right. You were right, dude. Of unruly behavior this year, and they've launched 325 enforcement cases. More serious cases have been referred to federal prosecutors for criminal charges. Okay, here's the fun part.

I'm going to show you a photo of Amanda Renee. And is it going to confuse us as to what her age? It's going to confuse us. Well, then you're going to have to guess her age. Oh, God. Sometimes, Maz, this is even worse. You see the photo. People really love playing this.

They can check out social media. Dan, let's play this game, okay? Okay. Before seeing the photo, Maz, let's guess, and then we can amend it, okay? Okay, Fair enough. Knowing what we know. Okay. Yes.

Maz, how old do you think this crazy lady is? Gosh, there's two options. She's either like in her later 20s and, you know, party girl. And now she's got drug problems and it keeps going. Or she's in her like early 40s. She's a mom. She had a day or two off and she went nuts i'm going with the late 20s 28 okay so that's what you think right now then when you see your picture see your picture

you will be allowed to amend it jay what do you only be allowed to amend it like five years in any direction no no you never know where it's gonna take you all right so i'm gonna say she's 54 54 okay okay yeah i think she's like 59. This is what it sounds like. Now, when I see her, we'll sort of... She's 28 and attractive at all. No dude is calling in a complaint. You guys think she's saying things like, I like the firmness of a younger

man. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they think. Maybe I can babysit you. Nope. I love the smell of my palm in the morning. Okay. Stop. Stop. Just please. You want to see what she looks like, Amanda babysit you nope i love the smell of my palm in the morning okay stop stop just please you want to see what she looks like amanda renee okay here we go this is what amanda renee looks like okay okay wait a minute wait a minute i think i saw this picture and that she is 28 she could be though did she want to stay she's like 42. She's young. I remember seeing her and going, oh, my God, I'm older than her.

Okay, so how old is she? I'm going 42. 42. Jay, what do you think? She's wearing an Under Armour shirt, so she must protect this house. I'm going to say 45. I'm going to say 39. Okay.

All right. She is, Amanda Renee Henry Henry is 43 years old. I wonder if Maz had not given away so much of his previous knowledge of this picture, because I would have gone 53 easy based on that photo. She looks like she's lived hard. She's 43. That has to be a typo people like her make me feel good about myself right right because we all we all look in the mirror sometimes we're on these stupid zooms and you see her face you're like oh my god i got wrinkles on the eyes and what i'm getting old and then you see this and you go wait a minute i'm not so bad things

aren't so bad i'm doing all right or maybe I'm not having enough fun. Yeah, maybe I need to mess some stuff. Maybe I need to grab a few more things on a Spirit Air flight. Grab an ass when you're on a flight. Grab an ass. That's story number one, friends. Story number one down in the books. I love it. Maz Jabrani is with us. We're going to find out what he's doing, where you can catch him, all that great stuff on the other side

of the break. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get to Maz and find out what he's doing and how you can follow him and support him, Daniel Van Kirk, back up and running with tour stuff starting

in a month. Yeah, starts in March starting on like the second, maybe the third. Definitely. Maybe even the second. I'll be up in the 2nd, maybe the 3rd, definitely, maybe even the 2nd. I'll be up in the Pacific Northwest. We're talking Portland, Eugene, Seattle, Bellingham. So that first run will be up and going. And if it isn't up yet, it should. That's where it's going to happen, and it'll be up in the next couple of days.

Everything is at DanielVanCurk.com, along with all my other digital shows and hangs and great opportunities to have good times and even talk about movies. I also do a Patreon too and it's at patreon.com slash danielvancurk. A lot of good stuff there. You boys. We are going to I'm not sure when this is dropping, but we may have just gotten back from Washington, D.C.

Next month we will be in Cleveland on the Hilarities, one of the best clubs in the country, on March 18th, 19th. And then the following month we're in Moontower with Daniel Van Kirk doing Come People Town and all the great things that we do in Austin. I love going back there for that. We have a Patreon at patreon.com slash Sklar Brothers. We're doing new episodes of our show Cheap Seats called Cheaper Seats,

which is so much fun. And we are working on with Daniel our new rebooted Cheap Seats, called Cheaper Seats, which is so much fun. And we are working on with Daniel our new rebooted Cheap Seats for the UFC, which is coming out on their Fight Pass this summer, which we're so excited about. We're in production for that, and it's really one of the most so much fun. It's called The Nosebleeds,

and we've been working on it right now. Dan, how fun was it? Oh, it's just a fun. It's just a hang. We're writing jokes about stuff that I've loved forever, and so it's great. It's just a hang. We're like writing jokes about stuff that I've loved forever. And so it's great. It's wonderful. Miles, what about you?

I'm excited that we're all able to get back on the road. This is fantastic. And I, like you guys, I'm going to be, depending on when this drops, in mid-February, I'm in San Francisco, Portland, and then Tempe at the Improv over there. And then from there, I go to DC. I'm going to be going to Vancouver, Surrey. I'm all over the place. Everyone go to mazjobrani.com, M-A-Z-J-O-B-R-A-N-I.com.

Find all that. Social media, it's all at mazjobrani. I'm on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok. And the fact that your websites, you guys ever get people going like, how do I find you, like tickets where do i go i go did you try my name just dot com yeah because all of our we put all our tickets available there too you can buy your tickets straight off our website same thing go see this dude he's one of our favorite comics in the world and also a tremendous actor yeah really good really really good comedic actors so

right back at you guys man i i actually saw jason you guys were working on something in toronto coming back i was working on toronto it's good to see us all being able to get back into it and uh no daniel just did a couple episodes of a great apple tv show very excited about that and uh it's all good stuff. All good stuff, you guys. Let's jump into another story, shall we? Ready? This was sent in by La Asasina MMA at La Asasina MMA. There is no one more excited for the nosebleeds than

this lovely lady who we love so much. It's a comedy fan and an MMA fighter. Okay, ready? Yes. Magnetic weight loss device prevents mouth from opening. What? Yes. Magnetic weight loss device prevents mouth from opening. What? Yes.

I've heard of magnetic fishing. That's now like a big thing. Oh, yeah, that's a big thing. It's all over TikTok. People go off the side of a thing, like a bridge with a giant magnet, and pull out bikes and shopping carts and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. I thought you meant they're actually catching fish,

which I was like, if you're catching fish with a magnet, that's not a good fish to eat. Right, that says something horrible about our environment. No, they're usually catching things that were used to commit a crime. That's usually what they're catching when they drag a river. A new weight loss device that uses magnets to stop a person's jaw from opening wide enough to eat solid foods has been developed to help fight the global obesity epidemic.

The tool, developed by researchers from the United Kingdom and the University of Otago in New Zealand, uses magnetic devices with unique custom manufactured locking bolts that can be fitted to the upper and lower back teeth. It's like a chastity belt for your mouth. Yes. Would you guys do this? No. Well, it's probably, like you said, it's a chastity belt,

so you can't eat and no oral sex. No oral sex, which is really going to stop you dead in your tracks, Maz. I know that. I know. The idea, there is something about this. I don't know, my greatest fear. It's so medieval. So my greatest fear is being buried alive or not being able to get out of whatever situation you're in.

I think that's the fear behind being buried alive. You mean like when your friends try to get you to ride up in the arch? Yeah. Yeah. Dan, remember that, Dan? These guys were riding in the arch, and I was like, no, I'm not going into this egg. I'm not doing that. Anyway, Dan, but the idea of like not being able to undo something that's there and part of it is like you're breathing.

Like I would stop like, you know, that's why scuba diving scares the shit out of me, too. Like what if you're down there and something doesn't and then you're trapped down there? There's like the trapped in a situation and not being able to get out is crazy. And I know it's just your mouth, but there's something about that that's like, you can't, it's going to be bad. You can't turn off a magnet, right? No, you can't.

I don't think so. Yes, you can. You can turn off, you can disengage a magnet. You can. It's like an opposite charge. You have to give it like an opposite charge to do. Anyway, here, we'll get into it. My question is, my is, my worry on this

is it reminds me of the invention in The Jerk where it sounded like a great idea, the glasses. Do you remember he had the... Yeah, the autograph. To hold the glasses up, but then eventually everyone went cross-eyed. What happens when people are going to be walking around and just quarters are going to be flying into their mouths?

That didn't work out how I should have done it. That's a terrible idea. That's a great call. Dubbed the Dental Slim Diet Control, the device allows the wearer to open their mouths just how much? How much do you think they allow you to open your mouth if you have this device in your teeth? A centimeter. Like it has to be so small. like it has an eighth of an inch okay you gotta open a little bit you gotta eat something all right yeah let's go let's go

yeah half an half an inch the answer is two millimeters a fifth of a centimeter it's just like it's like just almost touching your teeth. So are you blending? Are you blending everything? Are you like, I'm going to have a Big Mac. I'm just going to blend it. That's what they say. I'm going to blend your steak for you, Maz. Isn't that cool? Gristle and all, we're just going to blend it.

Maybe you can fit a straw in that. It still allows users to breathe normally. It was initially trialed on seven healthy, obese women from Dundudun in New Zealand. Do you need it? Did he make that mistake. For two weeks. According, I'll know,

I'll say it right when I get to go there. How about that's my role? According to there, I haven't, according to an article published Friday in the British dental journal, thin book, very thin. Yeah.

British dental journal doesn't, isn't that well respected. It's a mess. That book of the seven women who took part in the study, they lost a mean amount of how many pounds? Mean is an average, right? Yes. That's the average.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of the seven women, they did it for two weeks. They could open their mouths two millimeters. They're not even telling us what they started with, but let's say 10 pounds. 10. I want the mean amount to be like someone being mean about how much they lost. A mean amount.

You only lost two pounds. Your mouth wired shut. All right. I'm going to say you said 10 pounds. 10 is a lot. But I guess. Oh, that's true. You're right.

I don't know. I'm going to say eight. Eight is the average. Okay. I'm going to say the average amount was 13 pounds, but I'm also going to say... How many women are we talking about? Seven. Seven.

I'm going to say six of them went on to become ventriloquists. Okay, fair enough. They found a new passion in their life. You learn how to talk while you're like this, Dan. One of you is only one number off, so everybody adjust. Up or down one. You get the ability. I'm going down to 12.

I'm going to go to 9. Then I'll go down to 7. The women. Two weeks with the dental slim diet control. Also, Lissa Rubin, my assistant, who helps us with this and everything I do, when I asked her this yesterday, she guessed

it exactly right. One guess. They all had Lissa's crush on it. 14 pounds is 14. Ran, you were so close. I should have gone up. They lost 5.1% of their body weight.

The participants said they were satisfied with the results and motivated to lose additional weight. They also complained. This is what I love. I'm very happy. However, they also complained of the occasional discomfort and noted that, quote, life in general was less satisfying. Okay, so what are you giving up?

Right, right, right. It's not sustainable it's 14 pounds down worth it for you well the brainstorming to get to this because you know they were sitting in a room they're like how what's what's the best way to lose weight don't eat right shut the mouth so how do we do that look what can we sew the mouth human centipede can't oh i'm sorry you are gonna eat something there yeah okay so can we so can we have a person just hold them? What are we going to do? No, we need like, Dave's on magnets.

Dave, can you step in here and help me out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, you guys aren't going to like it. Nobody's going to like it, but I've been saying it for years. Magnet those teeth. Go get your big horse. Go get that big horseshoe magnet, Dave. You know, the one you got on the truck to your car.

I'm going to show your asses and you're going to believe me. So they say it worked. However, life in general was less satisfying. One participant even admitted to, quote, cheating by consuming melted chocolate and carbonated drinks. Of course. And you got to explain it at every party. At least when you're on a diet, you go, no, I'm okay. I'm on a diet.

I'm not losing anything. What are you eating? Nine milkshakes a day. Right. And you're a ventriloquist now? I don't get it. It's great. It's a great diet. I don't eat. My puppet eats. Yeah, exactly. He's got an eating disorder.

Maz, you nailed it with the party thing. The participants had trouble pronouncing some words and felt tense and embarrassed only occasionally, the article added. I will say this, guys. If you really want to do a juice cleanse, like you really want to do it, put this in your mouth for a week and you, I mean,

you're going to have to stick to it unless you start melting cheese and chocolate and blending mashed potatoes down. And by the way, when your mouth is like that, there's a lot of urgent things you might have to yell like, help! Help!

He's so cute. Look at him. He's so happy. Fire! Fire! What's he saying? Fire! I think he's saying, what? Hire? You want to be hired? Hire. He wants to get hired.

Are you singing Hire by Creed? He says he's fine. Lead researcher Paul Brunton of the University of Otago called the device effective, safe, and affordable tool for people battling obesity, according to the release by the university. The main barrier for people for successful weight loss is compliance, and this helps them establish new habits, allowing them to comply with a low-calorie diet for a period of time. It really kickstarts the process. It is a non-invasive, reversible, economic, and attractive alternative to surgical procedures. To which I would say, yeah, I mean, if somebody was like, hey, I don't have the money for surgery, or I'm terrified of surgery,

or I don't want to be put under yeah this does provide you an option so i would use this only if it's like you have to lose 30 pounds in the next month or you are going to die sure they say jason what if they say jason you're now the new jason born you got to get in shape you're like i got it yeah you get cast in a marvel movie. By the way, that's my favorite thing on TikTok is just to see like somebody who can't do parkour at all just like run to a bench and kind of step on it and come back and then it shows like the guy who from the thing is like, oh my God, that's Jason Bourne.

Literally, I'm like, this is why TikTok was invented for shit like this. But yeah, I mean, I guess truthfully, Dan Dan, this is like, if I want to get into the psychology of why this thing would work, it's that showing people, look, you can eat just this much and still exist. You might have thought to yourself, well, I need all this other food. I need to eat all this other. So it shows you like, this is what a calorie intake could be

and see you didn't get headaches and see you didn't do this and the magnets were bothering you. But I just think it's so hard to go. Like eventually, I would check back in with those seven people and be like, when did you gain all 14 back?

I'll tell you exactly what happened because in college, I had my jaw broken. Yeah, it was a mugging type situation. Jaw broken. Eight weeks, jaws shut, blended food, blended food, blended. had my jaw broken i some some yeah i've got like mug it was a mugging type situation jaw broken eight weeks jaws shut blended food blended food blended the moment they took the jaw thing off and i could open my mouth you do pizza yes yes just biting into it i didn't even wait for the pizza to cool down i was like oh and i was just like jam it in and it was the best so these guys

exactly what r Randy just said. As soon as it opens up, literally the floodgates are open. If your teeth are like floodgates, they're open. They're going to be eating and giving blowjobs. I'm telling you. At the same time. You're going to be eating popsicles, which is the same thing. It's not a bad gig if you can get it.

The tool was criticized online by some who likened it to a medieval torture device. A world first and a world last. I sincerely hope this torture. This is a torture device, and you should be embarrassed to promote it, said one person. You don't need this torture device to go on a liquid diet, obviously, but they're saying you might need it to stay on one. In response to the backlash, the university on Monday tweeted to clarify the intention of the device is not intended as a quick or long-term weight loss tool. Rather, it is aimed to assist people who need to undergo surgery and cannot have the surgery until they have lost weight.

So I think for that, that's great where they're like, hey, you need to lose 15 pounds. So we're going to put you're going to go on this. It will help you lose the weight so that you can have a life-saving surgery. We don't worry about you swinging back. We just need to do the surgery while your weight is down. It's used as a tool, not as a weight loss solution, so to speak. I think they should call this thing the we don't trust you.

That's essentially what it is. We don't – you can't do this. I'm going to do a liquid diet. Oh, yeah? We don't trust you. Right, right. Get the magnets. Get the magnets. Get the magnets.

If they were to repurpose this for crying babies, now you got something. Now you're going to have parents on board. Now you're going to have a whole movement. Or use it on planes, not to bring it into the first story. Get this woman and just get the magnets and just slap her mouth shut. then what are you going to do? Put him on the end of Tristan Thompson's penis

so he can't have any more children with any other women. They closed it up. After two or three weeks, they can have the magnets disengaged and the device removed. They could then have a period with less restricted diet and then go back into treatment. The university added this would allow for a phased

approach to weight loss supported by the advice from a dietician. That's story number two, my friend. Story number two. Nice. Zip it up. It's not even zip it up. It's like... Keep it up.

Clamp it up. Yeah, magnet up. It's not even a clamp. It's like... Mag it up. Magnet. What do you call that when a magnet thing... I don't know that.

It should have some name with the Roadrunner because Wiley Coyote a lot of magnets a lot of big magnets yeah just coyote that thing coyote that thing ugly right there all right we got one more story uh dan give us a little tease of what we're gonna get in segment three i feel like a lot of people might have heard about this but we haven't got a chance to talk about it um it's uh alexa being bad alex great so alexa being bad. Great. So Alexa being bad, which is really just our AI failing us. We'll talk about that. And then for our Patreon fans, and I hope you're joining our Patreon because you get all this extra content. That's the best. You get an episode

every week of the three of us. You guys read the stories and then you get bonus content from all of our guests. So Maz is going to tell us a dumb story of something either he did that was really dumb in his life or he witnessed, and we're going to do that on the other side of the brain stick around make it sound for more don't people town all right daniel take us home here we go you probably know about it alexa tells 10 year old girl to touch live plug with penny did you guys guys hear about this? I have not heard this.

This was big. I heard it on regular news. Some of that MSM, baby. Amazon has updated its Alexa voice assistant after it, quote, challenged a 10-year-old girl to touch a coin to the prongs of a half-inserted plug. What did Alexa say?

Oh, yeah? Let me see if you can do it. You have the balls, bitch? You think you're tough? Do you think you're tough? As parents, how many times have you been in the room with your partner and they say where's so-and-so? And you go they're in the other room, they're fine.

And then you probably, after the next 30 seconds to 90 seconds, you then go I don't know if they're fine. I don't know if you then go, I don't know if they're fine. I don't know if they're fine. I don't know if they're fine. And then you're like, I gotta go. I'm not hearing a lot. I'll be right back.

This is a very specific thing for Alexa to say. I know. Are they programming her to say specific, like, let's hear what happens. Yes, what happens? The suggestion came after the girl asked Alexa for a, quote, challenge to do. Nope.

The smart speaker then said, plug in a phone charger about halfway into a wall outlet. No! Come on, read a book. Touch a penny. Ice bucket challenge. Touch a penny to the exposed prongs. Amazon said it fixed the error. As soon as the company became aware of it, the girl's mother, Kristen, described the incident prongs. Amazon said it fixed the error. As soon as the company became aware of it,

the girl's mother, Kristen, described the incident on Twitter. She said, we were doing some physical challenges, like laying down and rolling over holding a shoe on your foot, from a physical education teacher on YouTube. Why is that a physical challenge? I don't know. Laying down and rolling over holding a shoe on your foot? That sounds like what a drunk person does.

Americans are lazy, all right? That's the physical fitness test now. Can you roll over? That's what a drunk person does when they won't get into the Uber. So they're watching you down, roll over, keep a shoe on your foot. Stop rolling, Katie. Stop rolling. You have to get in or he's going to drive away.

He's going to drive away. So then I guess maybe because this kid couldn know, kid couldn't go into school, you know, it's all over the place in our country right now. So they, that the mom was like Googling like PE teacher, fun exercises for kids. And they were doing these challenges. She just wanted to do another one. So obviously the mom like leaves the room, goes to another part of the house, apartment, whatever it might be. That's when the echo speaker, she goes, she says, I want to do a challenge. Now you can ask, like I play jeopardy with my Alexa. It's really fun. You can

do all sorts of fixed it. Yes. I have one in nearby. I have an Alexa. They fixed it. They fixed it. It would be funny if you ask it, but I'll finish up by telling you this. That's when the echo speaker suggested partaking in a challenge that it had found on the internet because sometimes you'll ask it something it can't do or doesn't know the answer to and i'll say i found this on the web and then it'll tell you right what that thing was so to be honest it's really not a lot it's the internet like she browsed the internet via her alexa her fault it's not alexa's fault she just brought alexa went out and found the dead skunk and brought it in the house.

And you're like, she doesn't know it smells terrible. It was a retweet. She just retweeted it. Yes. She's just the messenger. She should be punished. So what did she say? Alexa, I want to do a challenge.

For this challenge, you'll need a lemon. Cut it into wedges and give one to each player. The game is to see who can bite their lemon wedge without making a face. The person who reacts the least wins. But I'm not sure if anyone is really the winner of this game. Okay. Very innocuous. Cut a lemon.

First of all. Cut a lemon and then take a bite in it and see who makes it. Also, I love that she assumes you have a family or friends because she said get multiple people to play this game with you dude that was that was amy my wife's joke when she did stand up about magic the gathering all you need is some friends and a deck of cards her joke was deck of cards not a problem that's a great joke i wonder if you kept going if, like she keeps giving you challenges that get more and more lethal. Yes. Like she's going to be, for this challenge you're going to need some

Ginsu knives. That's right. And a lot of towels. Let's play Russian roulette. So spin the chamber. Empty all the chambers except for one. It all comes back. Turn on deer hunter. Yeah, exactly.

Can you say boom-bye-boe? Boom-bye-boe? Boom-bye-boe? I don't know if that's the exact words, but it's close enough. We all get it. So, and watch Deer Hunter if that joke missed you. Or go watch Funny People because there's a great joke set the Rogan does with that. Anyway, here we go. The dangerous activity known as the penny challenge began circulating where else

tick tock and other social media websites about a year ago. Metals conduct electricity for anybody who's this far into this podcast and hasn't figured out the problem here and inserting them into a live electrical sockets can cause electrical shocks, fires and other damage like dying. Maybe I know you can lose fingers, hands, and arms. Michael Klusker, great name, station manager at Carlisle East Fire Station told the newspaper

he runs a blog called the Klusker fuck. You know, that's great. All the things he sees is crazy. Yeah, the outcome from this is that someone will get seriously hurt. Fire officials in the U.S. have also spoken out about the so-called challenge. Miss Livdahl tweeted that she intervened yelling, no, Alexa, no.

So she must have heard Alexa give her daughter the challenge. Or maybe she saw her daughter get extended out and saw her skeleton light up. Yeah. Can I have a penny mom uh however by the way who has coins anymore that's a drawer there's a drawer you guys got a drawer somewhere with a penny in it i have a jar of a pumpkin that i told my kids they can um use to electrocute themselves so she yells no alexa no however she said thankfully her daughter was too smart to do something like that i don don't know. Don't ever underestimate a kid.

Amazon told the BBC in a statement that it had updated Alexa to prevent the assistant recommending such activity in the future. Customer trust is at the center of everything we do, and Alexa is designed to provide accurate, relevant, and helpful information to customers. As soon as we became aware of this error we took it swift action to fix it wonder if somewhere in the back of her mind the mom was like only if i just let her do just a little bit we could have sued amazon oh yeah there's yeah it's very child is bait you're saying child is bait like human shield type of thing uh when jay and i were little we're like two years old two and a half years old our mom had a very thin belt. It almost looked like a shoelace-type belt with two gold tips at the end of the gold tip.

It was like a little kind of metal. Yeah, for sure. And I remember Jay, I was holding the belt in the back, and Jay went because we thought this would be fun. And I'll never forget this. And he put the edge with the gold tip into the plug and it threw us back like i want to say it felt like 20 feet but i'm sure like it just threw us back because we got shocked and our mind and it and it caused like a black you know the i remember the plug was black this is just bad it's just not good and

kids can't be trusted with that stuff like you guys are such loving brothers you even got electrocuted together we didn't want to we had to you had to that's a show my friends i was gonna feel it there you go either way you were fucked um that's a show that's our stories we did it i love it so much guys this was such a treat maz jabrani and for our patreon fans you gotta hear his story because it's so relevant to comedy and the things that we do. His misinterpretation of crowd members on multiple occasions is so funny.

Thank you Maz. Love having you on the show. Thank you guys. You guys are fantastic. I had a great time as always. I love it. And oh shit we gotta get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town.

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