Dumb People Town - Melinda Hill - #MeRoo

Episode Date: January 8, 2021

Skullpains Avenue Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Pump your downies, Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of

Dumb People Town Population U Population Hill Melinda Hill, welcome to the show, my friend. How are you? Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. It's great to see you guys. You are such a big part of like the shows. We are our comedy shows in LA like experience. We've done so many great shows, shows of yours, but shows together.

I just, oh my God, that you hosted, that we were a part of. I just think of you as a big, wonderful part of it. Truly. I thank you.

I'm so grateful that we've had all those experiences together. And I think the same of you guys. And it's just, it's such, such been such an honor to be on this journey with you. We're all figuring it out. We're all figuring it out now. I mean, it's a crazy ass time right now.

I got to ask you because you've, you've been around this great world and I love in your comedy, you were very insightful and tackle this often, but do you think the world's getting dumber? Have we just jumped off a dumb cliff just recently even? Yes. Flat out. Yes. there's not even any deliberation no indubitably i mean the stuff with the capital jesus wild yesterday yeah insanity i mean it's like what it's like it it's beyond, I mean, we're living in a surreal universe and it's, it's being encouraged. And then the more that, that people talk about it on social media, of course, how can you talk about anything else? It's so compelling and awful, but the more we talk about it, the more people are

making money from our, uh, posting about it. And, you know, we're all just puppets. And then also I think that the other thing is social media. Like people are trying to win all the time on social media. Like, look how big my car is. Look how this, you know, blah, blah, blah. And so it's not like education is being, you know, is a win on social media. It's not.

It's not. Yeah. When you're educating or learning stuff, it's just not as cool as how big is my car. By the way, how big is your car? Jesus Christ. Or even like, you know, what good you're doing in the world, you know, contend toward, you know, virtue signaling. I don't know.

It's just a lot of dumbness is. Is pervading the world. Well, here's what we like to do on this show. Not in our circles though. No, but I mean, it can find its way. I do think that we are all getting dumber in some way. Like our friend, and this will come up on an episode next week, but like, you know, the idea of the, the amount of information we had in our brains in the nineties versus now, it's just, we, we rely on our phones, rely on our stuff just to handle everything for us. And we sort of have gone on autopilot a little bit. Absolutely. And, um, you know, it's, it's just so amazing. Like when you just, I don't know if you just check out of social media and just go into

nature yeah that's a good thing although you should and and not to borrow brody stevens may he rest in peace but uh you should tweet that uh uh well so we get stories sent to us by our awesome fans they find that like they're they're are like they've got the ears to the dumb ground and they find these great stories and they send them us and what you can do is just send them to Dan at Daniel Van Kirk and hashtag dumb people town and it tells you the order of on Twitter on Twitter and he'll

he'll pick it in the right order. So we got one you're here. Let's jump into one right away. Yeah, this comes to us from our old friend Al Jeff Berghini. Oh, I love Jeff Alberghini. Jeff Alberghini. Alberghini does sound like a really nice car that you would talk about on social media. I just

got an Alberghini 350 GX. You did a limited or sports package. It might win that day. I won. It's got a T top and a CB in it. So okay, that's all you need. That's all you need, right? At JJ Alberghini.

Okay, here we go. A little bit of a casual writing. So bear with me. Just like That's all you need ran at JJ Alberghini. Okay, here we go a little bit of a casual writing. So bear with me just like so many HBO viewers in the late nineties and early thousands. It seems that kangaroos to are capable of becoming briefly enthralled with sex in the city star Jessica Parker's signature accoutrements. What was that a long enough sentence for someone to write? You are in a journalist cut like you have no editor. Did they went on a wild ride there? Did they call her jessica parker, sarah, jessica, okay, sarah, just i'm going to read one more

time. We start out with hbo, then we could travel through a couple of decades. A kangaroo is going to show up at some point. We'll end with a accoutrement. Here we go, just like so many hbo viewers in the late 90s and early thousands it seems kangaroos too are capable of becoming briefly enthralled with sex in the city star jessica sarah jessica parker's signature accoutrement so so when sex in the city came out first of all who are you in sex in this yeah me i'm charlotte you're charlotte melinda what are you oh for sure carrie yeah i'm that writer yes experiences but not locking the guy down my name's samantha i sleep with everybody i'm cynthia nixon and i am gay but i'm not acting gay i'm cynthia nixon and i'm running for'm going to lose. I feel like she was the coolest one.

She was easily the coolest one. She was the most real. I'm Mr. Big Al Baridi. Sex and the City slot machine. Whenever we get a rollback, one of my favorite slots in Vegas. Is it a good one? Oh, it's really fun. Kim Cattrall is a loose slots.

Those are loose slots. I used to, I love how Kim Cattrall used to make everything like a sexual innuendo. She'd be like, I'm going to the movies. You're late and we almost missed the movie. Yes, it's all that. Every single line that came out of her was an innuendo. That's correct. And she would have said innuendo.

There you go. Where are we going to park the car? I'm a hot dog with some relish on my meat. That was it. So yeah, to bring us up to speed, HBO 90s kangaroos, Sarah Jessica Parker, a jogger from Australia was attacked by a kangaroo over the weekend and officials believe it may have had something to do with the Sarah Jessica Parker scent.

She sprints on before leaving for her morning run. Okay, who is perfuming up before the workout? Are you prefer women on running Canyon? That's who do you guys remember gyms and like you'd see people was like this is not a club lot of me. It's a fitness club, but like anybody who always looked like they got primped for the gym. Oh, it creeps me out. Hairspr who always looked like they got primped for the gym.

Oh, it creeps me out. Hairspray at the gym. Men and women, right? It's creepy. Yeah, for sure. I mean, too much of it's like you are just there to work out when something else comes into it. So wait, Dan, you're saying. This is going to sound weird.

And it hasn't happened much this year. I don't I even think about like if I'm putting on cologne for something right, I think about how it's going to feel weird the next morning when I'm working out and still have like redone residue like and you know, and if I use I'll shower at the end of a day too, but I'm saying there's times where you're like why am I smelling cologne while I'm working out to to deliver a she working out in an Uber. To deliberately do like this before your run feels so weird to me. It's so weird. So what you're saying is she deserved to get attacked.

No, I'm not victim blaming. If anything, I'm blaming Sarah Jessica Parker. First of all, scents are so personal. And most people don't even like most other people's cologne scents. Totally. It's so offensive and so entitled yeah and you're running so whatever is happening is mixing with your sweat

it's gonna mix with your sweat and it's gonna sort of go out to a lot of you're you're basically attracting kangaroos and also people think kangaroos are so nice they think they're really cute kangaroos are out for blood. They're jerks. They are jerks. They are jerks. Wallabies. Now they're cute. Wallabies are cute.

They're like mini kangaroos. Koala bears all have syphilis. But I mean, other than the chlamydia. On the plus side, though, that kangaroo got a sick sponsorship deal out of that. That's true. Facts. Facts. Jimmy Choo.

Got Jimmy Choo shoes. Got some Jimmy Choo. And sheoo. Got Jimmy Choo shoes. Got some Jimmy Choo. And she just got the Jimmy Choo shoes. She put them in her pouch and then just took off. Tracy Noonan appeared on Australia's Ross and Russell. Either one of you want to take that? Ross and Russell in the mornings. Oh, the Australian.

Okay. All right. So Ross and Russell radio program. You know that Australian Rizzoli and Isles. Okay. So, Ross and Russell radio program, you know that that's a zany morning show. To recount the ordeal which occurred on Saturday in the Melbourne suburb of Beaconsfield, the Australian reports. I wonder if like Australian

Morning Zoo Radio, Melinda, just uses Australian noises as their background thing. So like she got double down, lean in on whatever you're about to do and then you just hear it's all didgeridoo

didgeridoo rings exactly. Yeah, she goes on to Ross and Russell and then Noonan who Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Jim, I'm going to be nine. So she goes on to Ross and Russell and then Noonan, who claims she often sees kangaroos from afar on her jogs. And that's just her. Yes. Like there's nothing out there.

You're in an urban area. We haven't seen a kangaroo here in 20 years. It's going to be like Australian Fight Club, where she really beat herself up. She was the kangaroo the whole time. I just did not the real thing. It's going to be like Australian Fight Club, where she really beat herself up. She was the kangaroo the whole time. Isn't that the real thing? It's not about working out. It's about the kangaroos you fight with along the way. She told the radio

host that this particular kangaroo took a special interest in her following her along and even jumping three fences to get closer. I know you're you're I know you're in some sort of training, but you need to run faster. If it jumps three fences, don't wait

to see what's going to happen. No. And don't have a raw steak in your own fanny pack. That's a big mistake. She screwed up on that. She screwed up on that one. I mean, the perfume we can sort of allow. And she should have known when

that kangaroo popped over with boxing gloves on, it was over. It's over. It's going to start going after you. Kangaroos. I love the kangaroos jumping like three fences. What is this kangaroo? Australian Ferris Bueller. I know. Thank you. She said by the time the kangaroo was making its way over the third fence, she knew she was

in trouble. Well, what did you know after the first fence? What did you know after the second fence? After the third, you're like, she knew she was in trouble. Well, what did you know after the first sense? What did you know after the second fence? After the third, you're like, well, I'm in trouble now. He's really jumping a lot of fences over there. Keep running. Let everyone smell this perfume. I mean, did this really happen? Yes.

Wow. How does it end up? I'm dying to find out. Here's the question. Does her, I don't know what her perfume smells like. I mean, I guess that's the question. Does her I don't know what her perfume smells like. I mean, I guess that's the question. What is Sarah Jessica Parker sent? I think it smells like square pegs. Stop such an old. Do you take a break, Dan

or not yet? Okay, while turning to flee noon and said she soon felt the kangaroo hit her in the back, causing her to fall to the ground. You are too close to the kangaroo. It's too close. Don't get into a what do you need fella with any sort of animal. No. Ever.

I can't say this with any confidence, although I do have two daughters. But Melinda, you can speak to this. Like, don't women have enough to deal with, with dudes coming down on them all over the place? You now don't need kangaroos punching you in the back. No. Yeah. Coming up on you. I mean, that's too much.

Like, she probably got cat called the whole way. By a kangaroo. By other kangaroos or some quality. Where you going, girl? Where you going? I smell you. Hey, mommy. You know, and she, you know,

did she get a restraining order after this? I don't know. She's going to have to. She's going to have to. She said, I put my head down. I put my head back down because I thought, oh my goodness, this is now going to claw me to death. She said

on the radio program, cautiously standing back up and inching away noon and distracted the kangaroo long enough to find safety inside a stranger's home. What do you do? There's Cynthia Nixon. Go right but that didn't stop the kangaroo from sniffing around the driveway.

How long do you think she stayed inside with these stranger residents of this house waiting for the animal to leave before she went back outside? Melinda, you're a guest. You can guess first. How long would you, you've been attacked by a kangaroo that's already jumped over three fences, caught up to you, knocked you down. You've broken or been let into a stranger's house. How long are you staying in that house

or do you think she stayed in before she went back outside well this is a real me too kangaroo moment yes it is indeed a me too me too moment um i think she stayed in there me too as in jimmy too me me too jimmy too moment i think she's i think she stayed in there long enough to look through the jimmy choo collection she went through the woman's closet she was wearing that cologne how long in terms of minutes how long do you think and write an essay about it okay you're giving her some time all right so give us a time give us an hour before she forgot the story that's right you know how it is and then i think um there was probably a little wrestling match um with the kangaroo where they kind of just hugged it out realized yeah maybe

loved each other this whole time i think that took about one to two hours in ayahuasca time okay which is about what 10 minutes minutes? About 10 hours. 10 hours. Okay. 10 minutes. 10 minutes. 10 minutes. What do you think? I say she stayed in there for two hours.

Two hours. I say she stayed in there for six hours, and it got really uncomfortable. It got... With the people who are there, they're like, you don't know what to do. We have to go to work.

What are you doing? Right. Well, let's take a break. When we come back, we'll find out how long she waited in that house with these strangers before going back out to see if the kangaroo. This is Dumb People Town. We got Melinda Hill. Don't go anywhere. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. Melinda Hill is with us. Let's talk about what she's

got going on. Yeah. Before we give this answer, you got a stand up special that people can get that was done by Comedy Dynamics, who are stand-up special that people can get that was done by comedy dynamics who are amazing uh tell people how they can get it we know it was great and and it was just voted on a best of 2020 the album on 2020 list please tell us about it thank you yeah it's uh it's it's my first comedy special it's i'm really proud of it i'm so happy to be putting something out have something light and fun to offer during the pandems um and you can get it at melindahill.com inappropriate right yeah and it's uh it's called melinda hill inappropriate and it's out on you

know as an album and as a comedy special and as an audible book nice there you go you have a podcast too is it called uh let's process this yeah it's called let's process this with melinda hill and um we we talk about the creative process and also like healing and processing trauma and how that informs the creative process so people talk about like you know something they went through or overcame some kind of obstacles and how they turned it into creative treasure, like a TV show or movie or their standup act or whatever. I always feel like there is a moment where something... Now we're like our receptors are up. But when we were younger, something bad would happen and I'd be so mad. And I'd start telling someone the story and they'd be laughing. And I'm like, no, I'm angry. I'm mad. They're

like, no, no, no, this is really funny. And then you kind of start to say, oh, okay, this thing that I was like so emotional about, the good thing is that you were emotional, that it actually dug deep down inside of you to pull out a real emotion in that moment. And then our abilities, all of us are hopefully to lay that out and say, okay, how can we make this funny? And usually you're at the center of it and the butt of the joke, but like it allows other people to deal with their own stuff. It's a great, that's a great idea for a podcast. Thank you so much. I'm really enjoying doing it and it's connected me to people all over the world, as you know, podcasting. And also it's, it's getting me to watch other people's work and stuff you know before you

interview them and but also it's just fascinating hearing how exactly as you say people are taking their experiences experiences and turning them into this catharsis for themselves not only healing themselves but healing you know countless others and that is our our unique gift you know as artists that we can that that we can do that. And so it's like, even though something awful is happening, you know, we, we are always like thinking, you know, and that's what we try and do with this show too. Like the stupidity that exists in the world. We're like, okay, that can just exist, but we hope that we can put some sort of a funny spin on it so that we can create something out of it. You know, it's almost

like taking a piece of trash and then turning it into origami or a dummy found art. I love that you guys are doing this. Thank you. All right. So now when we last, last, our last thing we had was how long do you think she waited in the house?

She probably called Ross and Russell from the house to get on their radio show. Yeah, so our guess is for how long she stayed in the house while hoping the kangaroo would leave ten hours, ten minutes, ten minutes, ten minutes. I said one hour and I said six hours and it got weird. She stayed inside with these strangers in their home waiting for an animal that had already jumped three fence and attacked her. Yeah, she stayed inside for twenty minutes. Also, also, Melinda is right, but you guys are more in line. What I would do this animal. Twenty minutes is not enough time. We have no problem. By the

way, I ran a loiter all day. Wait, it wasn't Chubba Wamba from from Australia. Maybe I don't know. I think they're English. I think they're English or Irish. I think they're from Australia. I'm going to look them up. Look it up. Because I wanted her to have in her head that she got knocked down, but she got up again. Oh, stop it, Jason. Stop it.

She got knocked down. One of the strangers in the house went outside to scare the Rue away only to find that her stalker was still waiting for her. When this is a me room, a tag me rue was still waiting for her when she eventually left the house. So it goes out to scare the kangaroo away and they come in and they go. You can leave now, which was obviously either they were lying to her because they wanted her gone or she believed that after twenty minutes,

his kangaroo had left. She goes outside. She said quote. It was something out of a horror movie. She remarked a local park ranger would later tell noon and that her perfume. Do we have an answer? It's England. Oh, Wamba was England. I guess I got knocked down. You'll get up again. A local park ranger would later tell noon and that her perfume from Sarah Jessica Parker's collection was perhaps the reason that the kangaroo took such an intense interest okay intense interest i'm blaming it's not intense interest this kangaroo wanted to beat the crap out of her i think i mean or to be her to be i was just sick of her uppity ass running all the time making him

feel bad about his own workout regimen but But how much does that like Sarah Jessica Parker should call this perfume like animal? You know what I mean? It's like it brings out the animal in all of us. Or hops. As some woman is running, they're just like kangaroos jumping fences to get closer

to this perfume. Me too. You should call it Me-roo. Hashtag Me-roo. Me-roo. Hashtag Me-roo. Noonan later admitted, this is the craziest reasoning to me, that the perfume was a strange thing to apply before her morning run,

but explained that she had briefly misplaced her deodorant and quote, that was all I could find. Who even wears deodorant? Agreed. Melinda, you put it on after you shower cares.

What? Who are you hanging out with during a pandemic on a run that you're worried that you might smell a little bit. And first of all, also, how long are you running for? Right. I would argue, I would argue how much are you carrying your deodorant around your house to

the point where you could misplace it? It's sitting in your bathroom. You put it on. You put it right back. No one is like carrying it around and being like, now, where did I? Even if you're doing three miles at what I would consider a slow to moderate, at best moderate pace. Let me ask you. That'd be 15 minutes.

That's 45 minutes. You've only been out of your house for 45 minutes. Who cares? You're going to go home and shower. Right. That's 45 minutes. You've only been out of your house for 45 minutes. Who cares? You're going to go home and shower. Right. It's really suspect. I kind of think now that we know more, there may be even more that's not being mentioned.

Like perhaps the kangaroo and this woman were having some kind of relationship. Running out for a run. Oh, you know, and it's it's like no there's a back history here she's running like way out of her way to go near where the kangaroo hangs out oh what are you doing here you're here that's so weird that you're here because this is just my running route this is just like full makeup yeah little jimmy choo jimmy choo jimmy choo sneakers high tops like high exactly alexander Full makeup. Full Jimmy Choo. Jimmy Choo. Jimmy Choo sneakers. Jimmy Choo high tops. Like high, exactly.

Alexander McQueen's pants. Alexander McQueen high tops. And she knew that she was going to run into. So there's a lot more happening here. What are you doing here? Oh, that's so weird you're here. I hope you're well. The runner also did not reveal whether she has any plans to ditch her SJP fragrance.

That is it, my friend and Sarah Jessica Parker. I didn't know she had a fragrance. I didn't know. Now we do pair that with some Lauren Conrad clothes from Kohl's and you are set Dan. There you go. That is the story. That's how we do it. If you're a patron, remember

you're going to get a little bit of extra of our time hanging out with Melinda Hill, but that is the show. Melinda Hill, thank you so much. Again, the special is inappropriate. You can get it wherever you can listen to the album, wherever you iTunes, Spotify, all that stuff. And then MelindaHill.com, you can check it out and watch it.

I'm so proud of you and happy for you, kiddo. And the podcast. Let's process this. Let's process this with Melinda Hill. Check that out too. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum Dumb People Town.