Dumb People Town - Michael Ian Black - Always Snacking

Episode Date: January 11, 2022

This week Michael Ian Black comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is the wildest apology request. The second story gets hotel guests kicked out after a bad review. Final story explains a mans reason for starting a high speed chase.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. We'll fix it in post. Population U. Population Black. episode of dumb people town population you population black michael ian black the third we are here we are in the pandemic again my dog's barking michael and black's dogs are about to start barking we're all individually cubed up on boxes on zoom and i wish somebody we got to put out just this four square photo of the four of us if for no other reason than jason trying to look like an mtv statue that at a now defunct awards show remember when we had shows on mtv michael and black i do we both did um and that was that was my career high point. And I feel like it was your career high point. Probably.

Why was our career high point the state? I don't know. It's weird. But I feel like it was. There were so many people in the state. There were definitely times where I was watching. I was like, are we in the state? I think we are for a season or two. Right? we dipped our balls in it a couple of times we did um michael how are you how is life treating you in this crazy ass world i'm glum yeah why um oh because i just i i just thanks i just had a depressing conversation with my wife over in the kitchen. Gotcha.

So now I'm feeling glum. It was a good preparation to come on a comedy podcast. Always good. A small dog, not unlike Lassie, was just run over in the parking lot, and now the comedy style is of Homer Simpson. Homer Simpson. Well, the world's getting dumber, and that's a fun thing. And Michael Ian black, I feel like our mission on today's show, as we sit in different areas is to try and raise your humor level and bring you back to normal. We'll bring you back to Viva variety levels.

no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong, Randy. This is my normal level. Oh,

good. Okay. Perfect. Okay. You're done. People town. I'm glum people town. I'm always,

you can have it. I'm always a bit lacrimose. Okay. Well, Daniel Van Kirk. Hi, Daniel. Yeah. Glum People Town. Not a horrible idea for a show.

Not a horrible idea. Also, Rum People Town might work with Glum People Town. Rum People Town could take you to Glum People Town. And then if you eat too much Rum People Town, you're heading to Dumb People Town. We might have to take some Tums People Town. Hell! And all of us could gather together at some point in the future and drop the podcast right in the center of us and create Scrum People Town. Guys, I am so happy that our awesome fans, and many of them do.

Dan, did you see that wonderful Carleen McDermott who sends in a bunch of stories for us? Our fans, Michael Ian Black, send in stories to Daniel Van Kirk. It's very easy. On Twitter, they hashtag Dumb People Town and send an at Daniel Van Kirk, and then he can see who sent the story in the timeline for us, and he credits our awesome fans. can see who sent the story in the timeline first and he credits our awesome fans we have a great fan named carlene mcdermott who has a fantastic handle twitter handle she be carlene it's like the toys r us of of twitter handles and uh there was a moment on twitter where she was like am i sending in too many stories and then all of our fans who are so wonderful rushed to her aid and said absolutely not we love shouting she be carlene wherever we are when they say this is who sent this in.

So, Dan, who sent one in to you? Let's jump in. Okay, you ready? Yes. This was Ashley at Here for the Dumb, which I hope is they mean they just signed up for Twitter and created this account just to do us. I hope that's what it means. Okay, here's the headline.

Speaking of conversations with your wife internet slams man who demanded written apology from pregnant wife okay god okay here we go a woman it's never gonna it's never gonna go wait first of all dan and i know we'll get to this but I wonder how it got out to the public. How does it get out to the public? We already know. Volunteer is volunteer. You know what's the best is when the internet weighs in on your domestic disputes. Right, Michael? I want the twist of the story to be that he was helping to teach her how to write and that this is her graduating exam and that this is really an uplifting story.

Yeah. And she didn't give him credit for that help so he wants an apology and wants her to prove what she's learned or in right her final uh assignment is writing the apology he's teaching her how to write a great apology right right there you go um what level of mad do you have to be at your live-in partner husband or wife or life partner whatever you want to call it that you need them to write down that they're sorry you guys are all married isn't it a big enough just to get to the point you go look i'm sorry and that's a big to be

like i fucked up yeah that's on me can i tell you the dumbest dumb people talking thing that I did last night? And I go so mad. Bought a new coat? Just joking. Here's what I did. My son said, can you make me chicken nuggets at like 11.20? Okay. I've been doing everything.

The eating times of your teenage son are off the charts. He's got COVID. He hasn't been here. So he wanted it. He had appetite. So I put it in. I into the toaster oven. I sit down to watch Succession.

I completely fall asleep. I awake to people shouting at me that I'm going to burn the house. My response was, fuck everybody. How dare you? I was doing something nice for you. I wanted a written apology. And at that point, I wanted a written apology. You know what?

I woke up this morning and I apologized to everyone. That's it. There you go. A woman went viral on Reddit. So she,? I woke up this morning and I apologize to everyone. That's it. Well, there you go. Woman works went viral on Reddit. So she, like I said, she volunteered this after sharing that she canceled her husband's Christmas plans with his entire family.

After he sent invitations to his family without telling her, she said, she, yes. So this guy invites his family to their house for Christmas without telling her she said she yes so this guy invites his family to their house for christmas without telling her she said she didn't want maybe there was a discussion and she didn't sign off on it no she said michael michael where do you what let's get i need more i need a little bit you're gonna get a lot more you're gonna get a lot right here she said she didn't want his entire family at their house and demanded that and and he demanded that she write him an apology.

The woman, known only as, it's like a username, so we'll just go with Julie, posted her situation on Reddit's popular Am I the Asshole forum. This is a forum where people go, here's what I did. Here's what I'm experiencing. Am I the one in the wrong? Am I the asshole? It's block or charge.

Yeah. here's what i'm experiencing am i the one in the wrong am i it's blocker charge yeah yeah in the post julia explained that she and her husband have been married for four years and they have a two year old child together together she also mentioned that she is currently six months pregnant with her second child so so what that's irrelevant that's just that's a That's a sympathy play. Okay. Well, she's pregnant. They have a toddler. He didn't ask her about Christmas. Do we know if the child is his? Well, she also... We're going to assume.

She also explained that she currently works a full-time job while her husband works three night shifts a week. Okay. Felt like a little bit of shade. This whole drama started days ago. She my husband has a has a large family and on christmas they get together at his father's house my father-in-law passed away a year ago this year my husband decided as the man of the family to host christmas good for him good for him yeah stepping up okay i'm gonna ask you first how many days do you think he invited his family to come stay with them for christmas if he's a man 20 20

days jason or randy i'm gonna say at least four because that's how many days off he has a week okay he only works three no he works every other day. If you position it right, you have eight off, depending on how you work your schedule. I think he invited them for a week. Okay. He invited his family to stay at their house for Christmas for five days.

Okay. That's so bad. Without telling his wife. That's not bad. That was close. Julie explained that her husband sent out invitations for the five-day christmas celebration to all of his family members which totals how many people how many people for five days did you not tell his pregnant wife this is where it goes to reddit

this is where it goes to reddit and this is where we decide whose side we're on right here okay right here michael lian black nine many nine nine okay what do you think i'm gonna say it's gotta be a high number or else you wouldn't have gone to reddit i'm gonna say 12 12 okay you can just take the over or under on this no i think seven i think seven yeah she explained that for this five- Christmas celebration at her house, while she's pregnant and working full time, he invited 26 members of his family to stay for five days. I'm going to say this, Dan and Michael,

you can either back me up or not. It's 26 members for five days. Even if they're not staying with you, even if they're not, it's like inviting seven people to stay for 26 days. I mean, you know with you even if they're not is like inviting seven people to stay for 26 days i mean you know what i mean it's like it works out in terms of meals and everything that works out to be about the same uh how big of a house do they have that's what i do they have a 20 bedroom house i don't know but he invited his total family of about 20

of 26 members in total but did not tell her. She says, I found out by accident and was too shocked to react. I confronted him and he said I shouldn't be surprised and just get used to it because after his father's death, he's now the family's head

and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence. I guarantee you they're Italian. Guarantee you this is an Italian family. This does sound like the beginning of a Sebastian Maniscalco. I'm gonna put

an invitation away. You better get used to it. They're coming over. Have you seen me? I love him so much. She tells me that I can't have my family. I'm the man of the house. Could have sent an email to me.

Yes. Eddie. Hey. Imagine that, though. This is the biggest ask for forgiveness, not permission. Five days, 26 people, Christmas. And he's the one asking her for the apology. Yes.

Here's one. She explained what? He is coming in with the my dad died heat. Like so hard on this. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. A year is a long time.

Like if it was a month after his dad died. Also, I somewhat blame the family that they would willingly accept something like this. There had to be, like, if someone said to you, and you knew they had it. Nobody said your wife is cool, your pregnant wife who's working full-time even though you only work part-time is totally cool with this.

And so he had to lie. He had to be like, yeah, she's cool. So then you follow up. And they have a toddler. So Michael Ian Black, you follow up by saying, are you sure she's cool with it? Yeah. Let me just dash off an email.

Hey, Angela, we're looking forward to coming over for five days next month. Just want to bring anything other than a bag. Can I bring a Ziti? Can I bring something? Or it's going to be like, you guys are going to provide and whatever that is next. It's like, hey, make sure you guys have some pillows of medium, you know, kind of firm. I have a special granola request, if you could. Can I bring my cat, Dewey? Can Dewey come with me? Can De come she's an indoor outdoor cat it's five

days you've got a backyard she explained that she told him that she that he should have talked to her first especially knowing that she has other commitments including a full-time job and caring for their son. Yeah. Quote. This guy does nothing. There's going to be plenty of people to take care of the kid. That's his response. Built-in babysitting, hon.

The people, how many books should we bring? Julie loves to read books. I'm going to bring four books to the house. Can I place my dinner order for the third night? Make sure there's no cilantro in the house. I can't even have it in the house. I want to play cards. Does she have enough decks for us to all play Rummy?

There's going to be 28 of us. Four games are going to be going on at once. It'll be like a tournament. This is what he told his wife. Yeah, you know there's going to be that one. The one relative is like, really wants to explain how the tournament's going to work. The loser at table B goes down to table C. The winner from B goes up to A and plays the winner of A.

The loser of A goes down to B and plays the winner of C and then the B and the C and then anybody waiting on the side has to be... Julie's just hiding in a closet. Just hiding in a closet trying to learn French. Alright, Aunt Fran. Okay, we're going to play it. Jesus Christ. This is what she said. Quote, my husband said,

quote, we'll manage if I took time off work, but that means more workload later and it would take away from my maternity leave she tried to tell her husband oh my god i demanded he canceled the invitations but he refused saying over my dead body and then walked out and i would be like your dad's already dead let's not add to it you mean like like your dad? Over his dead body. It sounds like they've got just some issues separate and apart from this. Yes. I think this was the test balloon, so to speak, of all events to come.

She ended up texting everyone who received an invitation that they would not be hosting christmas this year she claimed that when her husband found out she disinvited everyone he called her behavior outrageously appalling and that she broke his word to his family in the post julie said that her husband told her she made him feel small with no authority. She also wrote that she told her husband that she did not sign up to accommodate 26 people at their home while she was pregnant and simultaneously working and taking care of their toddler. So for this guy, it's all about her undercutting his authority. That's all it is. Like, you know exactly who this guy is based on that one comment i think she did that with the full-time job comment yeah right well she undercut

it in a lot of ways but i mean yeah she's undercutting his authority like he's this is clearly the i have less of a job than my wife and therefore i need to no one will say though this is a much different strategy from leaving your wife instead you just have your whole life move into your house so then your wife has to like and then to not have the internal fight this is the new way fights are going to happen to not have the internal fight but then to turn to the internet and be like what do you guys think right well she's asking am i the asshole for uninviting all of his family after he's not but then to turn to the internet and be like, what do you guys think? Right. Well, she's asking, am I the asshole for uninviting all of his family after he did it without telling her?

He's not. Michael, what do you think? She is the asshole. She's handling it badly. Oh, agreed. She's handling it very badly. Look, did he fuck up? Sure. Yes. Let's agree that he's in mourning.

He feels a responsibility to become the patriarch of the family. He wants to keep the family together. He wants the cousins and the aunts and the uncles to have the good time, just like when Papa was alive. Thank you. And I'm going to take over the tradition. Now, where did he err? He erred in not communicating that to his wife,

his pregnant wife who's working full-time. Clearly, that was a mistake on his part. Maybe he thought it'll be a pleasant surprise for her when she comes down and there's 26 people in the living room asking if she has almond milk. Maybe that was his plan. Now, where she erred was she should have said, look, we can't do this.

Here's the reasons why we can't do it. Either you disinvite them or I'm going to disinvite them. Or how about this? Is it possible that for right now, while I'm pregnant and have a toddler and a full-time job, we ask your family to stay at a hotel? Sure. That would be another way to do it. Or how about this? How about this? I will look up cabins to rent in the nearby area, And you can take the whole family there, including our kids,

and I'm going to sleep for three days. Great. Also another terrific solution. Another terrific solution. Yeah. This is a relationship in need of some compromising skills. Exactly.

26 people showing up to your house and you're not being told. And I think, speaking of Sebastian, he does a bit like this. The way we all feel when someone knocks on our door and you're not being told. And I think speaking of Sebastian, he does a bit like this. The way we all feel when someone knocks on our door and we're not expecting anyone. You're always like, who the hell's here? Who the hell is at my house? To have that be multiplied by 26.

You know who does a great bit about that? I was just listening to it on Sirius on the radio. Joe Matariz. Do you remember Joe Matariz? Great comic. Do you remember him another italian yeah from so he's so this the bits he does about parenting are just unbelievably great like incredible he does a whole bit about a guy who a kid whose parents

just drop him off whenever and don't say anything and don't text you ahead of time that they're dropping him off just the kid shows up at your door. So like 6 o'clock Christmas Eve, this kid comes over the door and it's like, your parents are just dropping you off 6 o'clock Christmas Eve. What the hell? It's such a good thing. It's exactly this thing. She's getting that times 26.

Exactly. Times 26. Julie wrote that she told her husband that him being, quote, the head of the family meant nothing to her and that he walked out of the room nearly in tears you're i think the morning him still really hurting there's a lot of people he needs to work through stuff that he's going through and they need to work on their communication he's got four days a week he can start therapy talk space is great he let a better help he later talked about how i disrespected his father and him with what i said and demanded a handwritten apology for canceling the event and being insensitive

towards him and undermining his authority in front of his family these are a lot of okay michael what are you going to do with that handwritten letter you're going to put it in the file with everything else you're going to take a picture of it and post it online? Do you show it? Frame it. Laminate it. Laminate it like a vaccine card. Laminate it, put it on the fridge. What if you fold it, laminate it, stick it in your wallet, and then every time you're asked for your vaccine card, he pulls that out and says, oh, I'm sorry, loudly to everyone at the restaurant. This is just an apology letter my wife wrote me when she yelled at me for being the man of the

family after my father died you say that okay she went on to write julie went on to write but i said no apology for me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my mother-in-law giving me a stern talk about how out of line i was for disrespecting my husband's decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family in the comments we'll get out of here on this uh actually one more thing after this in the comments many came to the redditor's defense and said her husband's behavior was delusional and called the situation divorce worthy others called her husband a misogynist and manipulative okay it's not divorce worthy but they do have a lot to work on i mean can we agree with that i don't think it's divorce

worthy and i'm trying to see as michael said i am do see a little bit from his side that like he's trying to step forth and in this year of all years, this is bad timing for everybody, that his father passed away, that she's got pregnant with a baby. You've got to talk this stuff out. But he knew the reason why he didn't ask her in the first place is because he knew she was going to say no. So he hid it, and it blew up in his face. And what he was hoping was that she'd be like, he'd be like, well, they're already coming.

There's nothing I can do about it. She's like, oh, yeah, there is something we can do about it she's like mad at me later oh yeah there is something we can do linda's bringing a zd she's bringing a zd extra deck saccades she's bringing a ragu it's gonna be fine i invited your mom and your two, they're coming. Have you seen this, Raku? Okay. Last thing, just for fun. How old do you think this guy is? Oh, my God. What kind of age vibe are you getting?

They have a toddler. They've been married four years. His dad passed away. He's the head of the household. How old do you think a man is? There's a lot working here. I'm going to say he's a little older. I'm going to say he's in his early 40s. Okay. I'm going to say 43. 43. Jay, what do you think a man is? There's a lot working here. I'm going to say he's a little older. Okay. I'm going to say he's in his early 40s.

Okay. I'm going to say 43. 43. Jay, what do you think? 33. Okay. Randy? Wow.

I might have to split the diff. I think his dad died kind of young. His dad probably had him when his dad was 30. His dad probably died around 65. I think he's 36 years old okay the man julie's husband yeah big family and the head the head of his family who wants everybody to come home for christmas or at least to his home is we'll get out of here on this 39 years old wow so legally inally in black. You were right.

Your instincts were right. Yeah. Yeah. He's got Prince Charles syndrome. He's been waiting his whole life for this. You know, to take over, to step into the old man's shoes.

Right. And then finally. Now they're here. And what does she do? She not only takes the shoes off, she cuts his legs out from under him. He can't even walk anymore. She's 39.

She's 32 just she cuts the wheels on the horse carriage to take him to buckingham palace this moment it's slashing the tires the spokes all right there you go first story down in the books we're having fun doesn't matter that we're not in the same place my you know that is the beauty of this our great friend michael liam black who we've known and loved for over over a quarter of a century i was reminiscing with someone about the magic of those stella shows in the time cafe well let's let's talk about this on the other side of the break we'll take a quick break we'll come back to the patreon even find out yeah we're a patron let's save that for the patreon patreon

fans will reminisce about the old days with michael liam black and our stella days uh but let's take a break when we come back we'll find out what he's doing and what all of us are doing on the other side of this break. It's Dumb People Town with Michael Ian Black, MIB, Men in Black. We'll be right back. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We got Michael Ian Black. He's got so many things going on, but we're going to focus on only a couple.

We're going to focus on Mike and Tom Eat Snacks. I love this so much for so many reasons because I love both of these guys, and I, like the two of them, love snacks. How much do we love snacks? I gave you snacks as part of your Christmas birthday gift. Those were great. Michael Lee and Black, I love. Love nuts.

Love nuts, right? Yeah, but I love, Michael, I love corn nuts. I ate combos on a car trip recently, pepperoni pizza filled combos. I'll eat any sort of a baked lay chip of any sort. You have terrible snack taste. No, no, no. I like, there are dark, extra dark pretzels that are just incredible.

Snyder's old time pretzels. Extra dark whole foods pretzels that are the greatest things in the world. The baked, the Trader Joe's baked Cheetos I could eat six bags in front of you right now. Purple Hawaiian kettle chips.

You guys are just like, what are your bottom of the barrel fucking snacks? Just like shit ass snacks. Combos are disgusting. They are true. Combos are disgusting. Corn nuts? Corn nuts are okay, fine.

Okay, fine. I mean, they're not great. They're tooth killers. And why would you go for baked chips? Why would you go for baked chips when you can have fried chips? Fried chips are fine, but sometimes they're too much for me. I'll tell you why, Michael. These two are snacking all the time.

All the time. And so they're trying to cut any corner they can while shoveling snacks in. So we don't blow up to 100, like add 100 pounds on a daily basis. But I'm telling you, man, I snack all the time. Chips are like my, literally, they're my chip tonight. They're chip nights. Okay. Michael, what is your heavy hitters for great snacks?

Well, you know, everything has its season. Sure, sure. Everything has its time. Yes. Lately, and when I say lately, really the last year, Hint of Lime Tostitos have been my go-to, but- They're good. They're so good.

Even more than Limon Lays? Or Limon Lays are kind of the same type of a deal. I don't tend to go for potato chips. I appreciate a potato chip. I don't tend to go for potato chips i i i appreciate a potato chip i don't tend to go for them uh if you're looking for a pretzel yeah the pretzel the pretzel brand that i've discovered recently at an ace hardware store is is dots home style pretzels they're popping up all over the place now you You see them in supermarkets. Sure. It's a pretzel. It's shaped like a double helix, like a DNA strand.

Yeah. Great texture, great flavor. Family company out in North Dakota, Dots Home Style pretzels. Get them while you can. Terrific. What about the buttered circles? You know which ones I'm talking about, Jay? Those little buttered... I know the ones that aren't buttered, but the rings, the Snyder's rings that are... You guys and Snyder's. Snyder's is not a great pretzel company. I know people love Snyder's.

It's an extra dark. Do you want to know? I like an extra dark pretzel. Pretzel rods and cream cheese. Between Christmas and New Year's, I had to tell myself out loud, do not go back into the kitchen. Do not eat anymore.

I was going off on a small tin of Garrett's Chicago Mix popcorn, which is the cheese popcorn and the caramel mixed together. It's called the Chicago Mix. We went on a time climb. I had to tell myself, do not go in there

and eat more of that Garrett's popcorn. Was it in a tin? It's in a tin. That's the way popcorn was meant to be served, in a tin. Did you completely obliterate the dividers you were reaching in? There was no divider. It's just the mix. Oh, there's no divider.

It's the Chicago mix. So you're saying it's a fucking free-for-all in that tin. I don't like that. It's a free-for-all in my gullet. So the cheese popcorn is mixed in with the caramel popcorn? Yes.

You just reach your hand in and you don't know what's going to come out? You don't know what's going to come out. Oh, I don't like that at all. Michael, I am telling you. You haven't tried it. I haven't.

If I ever, if I'm ever on my way to New York and I know you're going to be in the city and I am stopping through Chicago, I will buy you a tin

or a bag even and I will bring it to you. You can get the bag of the nuts on Clark. Wherever you are, I will leave it. The or a bag even and I will bring it to you. You can get the bag of nuts on Clark. The nuts on Clark ones are so good, Jay. Nuts on Clark is very good. Garrett's just has a little bit more for me but there's nothing wrong with nuts on Clark.

So there's that podcast and then Michael Ian Black has some kids books that he's written that you need to pick up, right Jay? Yeah, that I own. You do? Yeah, I own the one about a blackberry or what's the one I own. You do? Yeah, I own the one about, is it about a Blackberry? What's the one I own? Or a Raspberry?

There's none about berries. I don't know what you're talking about. What's the one I own? No, I own the one. It's not about berries, Jason. All right, I can't remember, but my daughter loves it. It's about former D.C. Mayor Marion Berry. Marion Berry.

It's about crack. So it is about Blackberry. No, but I remember it was no i remember that here's here's what i remember my our librarian who at my kids school my daughter's school who by the way did stand up she looks like the most librarian-y person you've ever seen like you look at her and you're like you look like an old even though you're not a very old woman you look like what was an old woman in the early 80s when we were in school. Like if she tried to take her hair down and shake it out and take her glasses off, her hair would still be in a bun.

Still be out. So she looks very, very old, but she's not very old. But she used to do stand-up. And when we do our comedy nights, I always thank her and reference that she's here and i was like you know she's not going to perform tonight because she doesn't want to but i like to imagine that her stand-up is the filthiest stand-up yeah she's not going to perform tonight because we just don't want to hear a ton of wet-ass pussy jokes but yeah but i during the zoom classes i peeked my head in watching my daughter's class and she and she reads in library time books to them. And she's like,

this next book is a very funny book by a very funny gentleman named Ian Michael Black. And then I leaned my head in and was like, it's Michael Ian Black. It's Michael Ian Black. She just wanted to jump on the zoom. I appreciate that. Thank you.

Friend of mine just wanted to name check. And then she read the book. He's friends with Ken Manero. It'sino it's marino marino michael michael and michael waynes and michael walt schulter no yeah no so but but she read it to the class and really and they all loved it my daughter loved it so much that i bought it because i'm like i want to support michael can people get i appreciate everywhere michael yeah i did bookstores and other places where you buy books. Give the titles. Give the titles so I remember.

The last one's called I'm Sorry, which is the third in the I'm series. The two previous were I'm Worried. Oh, no, the fourth. It was I'm Sad, I'm Worried, and I'm Bored. It was I'm Bored. That was the one. It was I'm Bored. I'm Bored, yeah.

Cute. Cute. Great. I love it. Boys, what about you. That was the one. It was I'm bored. I'm bored. Yeah. Cute. Cute. Great. I love it. Boys, what about you? You guys got dates coming up or what? Or you don't know? Everything in flux?

Everything's in flux, but I believe this is going to probably drop after we come back from Denver, which is still happening. So thanks for everyone coming out for the Denver shows. Comedy Works, it's our favorite place to perform. That was awesome. We are still planning on coming to the DC Comedy Loft February 10th through 10th through the 12th and then we'll be at hilarities in march

back at moon tower in uh april we're going to the crocodile in uh in seattle in may and um our big news that we're i guess we should just start announcing it and letting people know about it because we start working on it is we are doing a new version of our old show cheap seats upon which michael liam black made several appearances one of the greatest runners we ever did was you and zach orth as the court for the corporate games when the two of you were part of the mahogany group which was taking over cheap cheap seats you want to call it cheap zeets and call him jayzon and randy because the z's funnier and then it just turned out that you guys were uh just at a gay disco it was so much fun it was just a blast and you guys so great we're doing a new version of it

for the ufc for their fight pass wow yeah for their network their library of all their library of stuff and uh the show is going to be called the nosebleeds because it's UFC. It's not the chief seats. It's the nosebleeds. And we've started working on it. We're going to do six episodes of that show. So we'll let people know when it's going to drop on fight pass. You got to subscribe to it,

but damn it. It's worth it. You're going to see new episodes of a show that is very reminiscent of our old show. And we are just so excited about it. And we're just going to announcing it to our fans and everybody. This is probably the first big official announcement. Am I right, Jay?

It is. We're so excited. Can't wait. That's awesome, boys. Jason doesn't seem nearly as excited as Randy. Jason's actually not affiliated with the show. It's more of a Randy vehicle. I wasn't asked to be a part of it.

Yeah, I wasn't asked to be a part of it. It's all about me, so it takes place at Burning Man. Oh, that's so funny. It's going to be a blast, and I'm so excited, and we'll think of something great for Michael Ian Black to do on the show. How about that, Michael Ian Black? I'll play Ken Shamrock. There you go. There you go.

Or Dave Shamrock. Ken Shamrock's younger brother who never got into fighting. Who only shows up one month a year, just like the actual Shamrock show. Who tells people that he's part leprechaun. Hey, for me, everything's over at DanielVanKirk.com. Tour is supposed to kick back up in March, and I'm really feeling like it's going to,

and we'll be all good for all that stuff. I'll be going everywhere I didn't get to go at the end of last year. Plus, there's plenty of opportunities to hang out with me there's bingo nights there's uh movie clubs there's um camp games and digital version things so if you're in a place where a lot of comedy doesn't come to it come to me and uh it's a really good time so all that stuff's at danielvankirk.com shall we jump into another story yeah you ready here we go let's do it sent in by kyle andrews at late night nachos love that great speaking of andrews at late night nachos love that

great speaking of snacks speaking of snacks late night nachos um ready woman and granddaughter kicked out of u.s hotel for giving bad review wow if you're thinking about if you're thinking about giving your georgia hotel a poor, you might want to think about checking out first. Unfortunately, for Suzanne Legger and her six-year-old granddaughter, police say it's perfectly legal for their hotel to kick them out during their first night after they gave it a bad online review. After one night? You don't even give them a chance you're

teaching your granddaughter to not give people chances to to make up for here's what happened the duo had booked into their stay at the baymont in okay can we stop calling them a duo this isn't batman and robin who i'm so happy that your first duo reference was one other than the one you always say every time they're not the new Rizzoli and Isles. Let's be honest with it, okay? They're the even whiter stripes. You too. The duo had booked their stay at the Baymont Inn and Suites

located in Helen, a city in the U.S. state of Georgia, for three nights. On their first night, still in their PJs, the 63-year- old woman and her granddaughter received an email from hotels.com asking the two to review their room oh no legger or ledger but there's no d uh gave the room three of five stars that's not that three out of five i feel like michael and black gave all of our snacks two out of five? Not that bad. I feel like Michael Ian Black gave all of our snacks two out of five stars. Oh, that's generous.

You didn't even get that high. I didn't kick him off the podcast. Jesus Christ. I was hoping you would. Stop. No. Come on, man. Ledger gave the room three of five stars, which, as one of you said, not a horrible

– not even negative, actually. It's above average. Exactly. Thank you. Yeah. A half point above – a half actually above average exactly thank you yeah a half point above a half star above average to which the rep the website asked what went wrong she responded run down pools not open yep toilet doesn't flush well wow okay all those things are factual i would have given it three and a half stars. That's just me. By 8.40 p.m. that night, she received a call from an allegedly angry hotel manager who she claimed ranted at her, stating that he called the police to come kick her out.

The police? So they got an alert, I guess, about a new review. Read it. Figured it was the woman they just checked in, I guess. It's her name. Yeah, they know her name. So wait, so wait.

So she calls Andy Summers, Stuart Copeland, and Gordon Sumner. Uh-huh. Over. Just to kick them out. The hotel called them over to kick them out. That seems rash. Am I wrong? But also, can we be fair, incredibly gracious of them to do it?

Right. Incredibly gracious. I mean, they're probably flying in from all parts of the world. That's true. Well, they're just looking for a reason to get back together. I mean, they just, they said, and one last criticism, the bed's too big without you. This guy is on my cell phone ranting at me and he said he's kicking me out the grandmother told 11 alive an atlanta news outlet and he's called he was ready to call 11 alive he's called the

police and i have to leave the room she added and then i hear literally bam bam bam it was a police officer from the highland police department quote they true they can truly kick me out in the middle of the night from a hotel for giving a review of three and a half. Oh, three of five, sorry. If I were her, I'd probably lower that rating even a little bit. Oh yeah, you're going to want to go

down to two and a half. It depends how nicely the police treat them. What I would do is I would in in my review, use that as a positive. And when the police kicked me, actually forcibly removed me, they actually did a really nice job when I left a three out of five stars. I've got to give the police credit. They did a nice job of letting me collect my belongings.

Well, that's a separate review for the police. They get four out of five stars. Four out of for they for removing in a kind manner yes if you have to get removed forcibly from a hotel room at you know in the middle of the night with your granddaughter the police officer told her yes ma'am it's within the law this was scary this was just horrifying she said according to police report obtained by 11 alive ledger or legger and her daughter had been removed for one reason legger had given the motel a bad review that's in the police report listen the officer then went ahead and helped them get a room at a nearby fairfield hotel that is four i'm gonna give

them four out of five stars yes i'm giving the police five out of five for helping her get the day they went above and beyond five out of five for the police how was the room at the fairfield oh i did does not say fire the fire the fire department had to remove defund the police more like refund these police thank you thank you ledger said that she never received a refund from the room from danny vias vyas the hotel manager after sending her request to hotels.com was declined unfortunately we were unable to contact the property and will need to abide by the terms and conditions of booking which states states refunds are not allowed, Hotels.com told her. It was only after 11 Alive.

They really inserted themselves into this story. Yeah, 11 Alive. That's where you got to – when you want to go get shit done, you go to 11 Alive because people are going to start jumping at that point. 11 Alive says jump and people start saying how high. 11 Alive says jump, and people start saying how high. It was only after 11 Alive contacted the website for comment that they consented to refund the grandmother two months after she and her granddaughter were kicked out. On the 911 call to the dispatcher. He called 911?

Yes. The hotel manager called 911. What's your emergency? By the way, this is a hotel manager that cannot handle anything right i mean it's like who do you she i mean the hotel manager he or she literally someone asked for an extra pillow and the national guard was called in if you are a hotel manager and you are calling the cops because of a bad review you have not been working in a hotel long enough because no i know things that have happened in hotels that but people who work there that i'm like you'll that's you'll never shake that image from your mind 9-1-1 should only be considered when there's a dead hooker in the room that's all i'm saying considered and then at that

point you probably have someone else you can call to clean it up because she's dead danny viez was heard saying and this is in the call to the dispatcher, that they were going to refund the two guests because, quote, they reviewed the room as dirty and that the place is run down. He takes this stuff personal. She didn't say dirty. She said run down. He also said that the grandmother and her granddaughter initially. Oh, it says daughter here. But isn't that always the way that it goes, Michael, too, that when someone is complaining about something,

they have to throw something in that the person didn't do to make it seem a little bit worse? You've got to zhuzh up your anger. And I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant, and I'm working full time. Danny. You know, she didn't need any of that. It's enough if you invite 26 people to stay with you for five days.

You could be in the best of health. It't matter that he does whether he has an overtime job let alone a part-time job it doesn't matter it's an inconvenience regardless right she said it was dirty and she said i couldn't do my job well she implied it she did not imply it he also said that the grandmother and her granddaughter initially refused to go, but that Ledger disputed that allegation, saying that she initially assumed the call was a prank, but left once the police asked her to. So they must have called multiple times,

and she was like, this is a joke. I'm not getting kicked out of a hotel. Danny Vias initially told 11-5 that they let Ledger and her granddaughter go because they never reported any issues to him or his staff we can fix that right if you let us know but she never let us know anything you're going to reopen the pool you're not going to reopen the pool how you're not right no you're not by the way the hotel sent the email saying would you please

review our stuff like no hotels hotels.com. Hotels.com. That's their way of checking in. Two months later, Danny gives a different reason. He says that they asked the guest to leave because they made multiple complaints. They called me at least 10, 11 times in maybe one hour. Wait a minute. Sync is not working. Everything is not right. So now he's admitting

that the sync doesn't work. She didn't even say that. Sync's not working. It went from they didn't make any complaints to they to they made too many complaints exactly and when's the last time when have you checked into a hotel and they've given you your keys and said okay now remember you guys get two complaint calls after that after that we start kicking we call the cops i have a great i won't go into it here because we don't have time i have a crazy hotel story in my new hour that i was like it was an hour i had an hour before my show and i was like this cannot be happening right now only to you dan oh i thought

about it later i was like well we're gonna talk about this in about 20 minutes yeah uh they said according to state law hotels can kick their guests out without sufficient notice, which can be shorter time if they're already paid for. If there is cause such as failure to pay, sums due, failure to abide by rules of occupancy, failure to have or maintain reservations, or other action by a guest. And that phrase, other action by a guest, is so vague, it could be used as a loophole by hotels to kick guests out for any reason including a bad review hotels.com has taken the Baymont Inn & Suites

off of their listings they're like we're not dealing with you guys we can't how difficult would it have been for you guys to fill the pool in one night you're now off hotels.com you happy call a fucking plumber and fill the goddamn pool

that's story number two in the pool that's it that's our story second story we got one more coming daniel tease us on the last story what do we got oh just a dumb guy in a high speed chase but before that we're gonna have a little bit of uh reminiscing from you guys in your early days with the great michael ian black uh We'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. Alright, Daniel. Take us home, buddy.

Ready? Driver tells reporter why he started High Speed Chase. This was sent in by Ashley at Here for the Dumb dumb she went two for three today so here's my question dan and before we even get into it is it something where the guy on the high speed chase is like hang on a second i'm not doing anything until i give a quote yeah i think this guy well he's dumb i'll tell you that that much He's very, very dumb. I can't wait to get it ready. Yeah. Sorry, I just lost my spot.

Okay, here we go. Interviewed moments after he was arrested. You always want that while it's hot. Let's go in and trash. Yeah. Don't listen to your lawyer or your Miranda rights. Just start talking to anyone with a mic. Interviewed moments after he was arrested by Texas police. A driver said he took off when an officer tried to pull him over because

quote, I always have weed on me, which I don't know if that's like his guarantee as a businessman. Like there's plumbers that say out here in LA, like the smell, good plumber. His thing is like, don't worry.

I always have weed on me. I thought he was going to say, don't worry. I always have a snake in my trunk. I mean, why limit him multitudes randy that was another that was another stellar another stellar sketch which is you have to listen to our patreon to understand what we're talking about but yes quote i'm done

with people trying to take my freedom because i smoke weed jonathan davis told fox for i love a good oh he's not entirely wrong but he's also too grandiose. Yeah. It's a little self-congratulatory there. Sure. Can I just say that as a parent of kids, of still having little kids, and Michael, you might be able to... No one wants to take your freedom.

Those kids are all 40. They're like... Right? Your kids are so old, right? They're out of college. They're in college. They're like, so, right? Your kids are so old, right? They're out of college. They're in college. They're in college. Yeah.

But so, so when your kids are little and you like ground them and punish them, you then are also put in prison because you have to like monitor it.

You got to go in. Yeah, and you're like, you now have a new job. The warden's in the prison too. So like, that's, it's not, no one cares about your

freedoms no one wants to take them away no one has the energy for your dumb stupid but i do but at the same he's partly right because there are some very ridiculous out outdated marijuana laws in in this country in texas now he is he in texas yes you have to abide by the laws of Texas if he chooses to domicile there? Absolutely, yes, he does. You don't like it? Vote. There you go. He says, I'm done with people trying to take my freedom because I smoke weed.

Jonathan Davis told Fox 4, you can drink. It's 10 times worse. Now, that's way too vague of a statement. Right. Yes, that's true, but also depending because outside of Missouri, you can't just drive around with open liquor in your car. You're still going to get there. So I'm going to ring you up for that. Right? Missouri, you can't just drive around with open liquor in your car. You're still going to get there. So I'm going to ring you up for that.

Right? No, you can't. You cannot. Okay. I, I hope people get to see this part because Jason has transferred to the case now in complete blackness,

Michael and blackness. Okay, here we go. Sorry. We're back. Can that be the name of, can that be the name of your next standup album? Enjoy the Blackness?

I don't hate it. I don't hate it at all. Thank you. I'm black and proud. I like that. Strong, black, and proud. Police said the 100-mile-per-hour chase began in Rockwell and ended in Waco when they spiked Davis' Mazda,

which is exactly what he should be driving. Dan, are we talking 62626 or are we talking 323? He has a Mazda. He has a Mazda. Just pure Miata. Yeah. You're getting Miata vibes out of this? All right.

Okay. Jesus. And they shot out his tires before he eventually crashed into a guardrail. Police pulled me over, I guess because I was on my phone or something. Davis told Fox 4, I don't know what happened. I'm new to this state. into a guardrail police pulled me over i guess because i was on my phone or something davis told fox i don't know what happened i'm new to this state i just moved here two months ago i didn't really pay attention to don't text don't drive or whatever so i did that's one of those weird texas laws yeah it doesn't exist anywhere else i'm new to this state i mean apparently i have to pay

attention so i did it and he pulled me over. That's literally the quote. Davis said he was on his way to San Antonio and wasn't sure what roads he was on. Okay. Are you starting to see how the meter moves more towards like, get this guy off the road? Yeah, I was like texting or something. I was fucking high. I was texting.

I don't know where I am. I don't know whose car this is. Yeah. I forgot what I was doing or where I was texting. I don't know where I am. I don't know whose car this is. I forgot what I was doing or where I was going. And the person was like, you said you were going to San Antonio. Oh, well, then I was doing. What was I doing? That's what he kept saying. Right.

What was I doing? He said he was on his road until they shot my car. He said, I don't know what they. I didn't know that they were going to shoot at me. I was like, damn, they're my car he said i don't know what they i didn't know that they were gonna shoot at me i was like damn they're shooting at me i don't even have a gun which also is like trust me you don't need one for that does that make it better if you have a gun too right he wants a fair gun fight with the cops he's like they should know if you got a gun that they can't also it's not like it's not like this happened because they were trying to that like you just wouldn't it's not like it was a traffic stop you were doing 100 miles per hour running

from the police in texas they don't like and they just shot your tires buddy this is all they didn't shoot at no they were shooting at your car here we go ready don't worry about him because david called the chase quote a thrill it was definitely a thrill he told box four if you go fast in any car racetrack here on the road it's fun anyway to me i'm just an adrenaline junkie okay so now he's reviewing the chase that's what he's doing he's giving it three out of five stars apparently at the end of the day he looks at the cops he's guys at the end of the day did we have fun at the end of the day, he looks at the cops and he goes, guys, at the end of the day, did we have fun? At the end of the day. You got to chase somebody. I was going over 100.

I mean, if you're the cops and you're shooting at tires, you get that feeling of shooting at something, and you actually can stop. And you stop, and the guy's not even hurt. It's kind of probably. And he's cool about it. He's cool about it, too. He's like, yeah, we had a good time.

We had a good time. Hey, Hey, we had some laughs, huh? Alright, we'll get out of here on this. We'll close out the show. How old do you think Jonathan Davis is? Oh, shit. JD, baby. Our adrenaline drunk junkie who always has weed on him going over 100 miles per hour in Texas on his way to San Antonio.

JD. Michael Ian Black. How old are you? I want to go old with this again. Go old. 48. 48 in a Miata. Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say 19.

I don't know why I'm saying 19. I think he's 29. 29? Okay. One of you got pretty close. Nice. We'll get out of here on this. Go read Michael's books.

Look up great sketches. And if you need more tips on which ones join the patreon yeah um and listen to his podcast about good snacks listen to randy and jason's podcast where they eat crap according to michael liam black no you guys have terrible taste in snacks listen to our podcast uh views and cheap seats and guys be on the lookout for the new uh version of cheap seats our show called The Nosebleeds. We'll let you know where you can check all that out. All right, here we go.

Jonathan Davis had a thrill and is 26 years old. Oh! Very nice. Well done. Yeah. Well done. He's definitely in a 626. That's how that goes.

Well, there you go. That is the show, Michael Ian Black. It is so lovely to get together with you and laugh at you. Thanks for doing this, man. Love you, man. I miss you. I'm glum. We miss you, man.

Thank you. I miss you guys, too. And I feel less glum. Yay. I've now moved right into numb. Good. Perfect. We'll take it.

That's an upgrade. Numb people talent. Mission aglumplished. Mission aglumplished. I love it. And Daniel, we love you, buddy, too. And oh, shit, we got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, make a sound, tongue your down, it's Dumb People Town.