Dumb People Town - Michael McMillian - Accidental Deposit

Episode Date: October 8, 2019

This week Michael McMillian comes to town to hear a story from the BBC about two people who make the most of a banking error. Then Dan has some exciting Jan Flato updates! In Story 2 from Tampabay.com, a man is arrested after a failed attempts at a surgical procedure. Then in story 3 from The Tennessean, a school bans Harry Potter books for a very logical reason. 

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population. Macmillan, not Macmillian. Mike Macmillan. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population. Macmillan, not Macmillan. Mike Macmillan. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much. Great to have you here.

Dude, been a fan of yours for a long time. Oh, stop it. Vice versa. I mean, unbelievable turn in a humongous HBO show. Oh, thanks, man. Like, unbelievable turn in True Blood. If there are True Blood fans out here. You were so fucking good.

You were so good good You were so Thank God I should start every morning like this You got to change throughout the course of that show Of like oh I don't know Oh I fucking know Like it was so sinister to innocent For people who love that show And I'm sure because there were so many hot people on that show

Yeah You included No No you were not one of the hot people No I was No I was You were brought in for your talent Definitely TV weird looking on that show There was In that universe Right so there one of the hot people. You were brought in for your talent. Definitely TV weird looking on that show.

In that universe. Right, so there were so many hot people and the regular viewing audience feels connected to hot people like they're talking directly to them. So you're fucking with them in that universe as your character. People probably wanted to punch you on the streets.

Oh yeah, i was told actually i i've been told i have a punchable face come on no i've gotten i got cast on a job where the character description said must have a punchable face i'll take that but i had people say they hated me we're looking for a mike mcmillan type but uh yeah exactly i'm like a million type michael mcmillian i never i never had to do a sex scene in that show but i definitely i was very close to a penis very very close aren't we all it was orgies it was oh yeah we had to we had a scene where this poor extra came in and i mean he was very good looking guy very well endowed but he had to just lay on a table while naked while the vampires fed off of him and i remember he was like a human buffet yeah he was a human buffet he was human

craft yeah yeah exactly and we i remember at one point like i and steven moyer did this on purpose he kind of scooted me over so i was like directly over his dong and we all had to like go basically go down and then bite on this guy if you're gay that's fine if you're straight no i have no no issues one way or another but i just remember being like i wonder how close i am and just looking out of the corner of my eye and it was just right there let me correct that's when i was like let me correct that if you're gay maybe it's not. Maybe you don't want that right there. It doesn't matter. Maybe it's at work.

All that mattered in that moment. At work? I was at work, and I realized, I think I'm making soft core porn now. Yeah. That's the moment I realized. When they do the orgy scenes in that show, I was always like, these background actors, how do they kind of warm them up to chill out? You don't know.

You don't need to. Some of those background actors. Ready to go. DTF from the second day. We do this on the weekend. Thank you. Because there's always the background actor who brings his guitar. Always.

Well, that is a great way to segue into the show. And I know we took a little bit of time here at the beginning, but I had to praise him. I had to praise Mike. But the truth of the matter is that background actor and background people, while they're sweet, some of them are the dumbest people on the planet.

And we are in dumb people town and the things that happen on the set in between takes, you just hear something. There's a microcosm for the stupidity that is taking over. It allows you to understand how dumb things are in the world and it's kind of heading that way. And the only way we fight back is through comedy. So I'm so happy you're here.

Thank you. Dan, let's jump into a story, shall we? You ready? Yeah. This was sent in by Carleen McDermid. Carleen sounds like- Not McDermid, not Mermaid. Carleen sounds like two names.

It's not Charlene. It's not Marla. It's not Marlene. It's not Colleen. It's not Marlene. It's not McDermid. It's not Alene. No. It's not Marla. It's not Colleen. It's not Colleen. It's not Marlene. It's not McDermott. It's not Aline. No. It's not Arlene.

It's not Arlene or Arlene. Arlene, and it's not Marley, like Marley Madeline. It's just Carleen. Carleen. Carleen McDermott. It's not McDermott. It's not McDermott. If you're Carleen and you could be cleaning.

That's it. There you go. If there's time to Carleen, there's time to clean. Carlene McDermott at SheBeCarlene. I love that man. SheBeCarlene? SheBeCarlene. I love her so much.

I love you, Carlene. SheBe also sounds like another name. Right. SheBe. SheBeCarlene. Not Shelby. You don't know SheBeCarlene? Which SheBe you be?

SheBeCarlene. By the way, Michael McMillian is my favorite Doobie brother. Okay, here we go. Two people. Sweet freedom. Two people in the U.S. have been charged with theft after spending money their bank mistakenly deposited into their account. Okay, I don't know much about this story, but I love that they just said, in the U.S. Somewhere in this vast country.

This is a United States problem now. Well, the reason I think is because this is coming via BBC.com. What were you going to say? I know I'm already in the threshold of dumb people town because I didn't even follow the math of that headline. Yeah. Exactly. Two people in the U.S. Two people in the U.S.

Thrift. Thrift because money that their bank accidentally put into their account. Got it. They spent in the U.S. Two people in the U.S. Theft. Theft because money that their bank accidentally put into their account. Got it. They spent. Right. Oh. So rule is, guys, don't just think nobody is going to catch this shit. Right.

That's the stupidity here. It's the bank is dumb for putting it in there. Who not? Maybe they were practicing the secret. That's what I will. That money. When I manifested it. That's the story that came to me from Carlene.

It said it was going to happen eventually. It finally did. Right. I asked for it. Like, my daughter, who's 12, and is now, like, learning how to, like, shop for clothes and stuff. She was like, how do I get money?

She's like, how do I get, how can I get money? And I was like, well, you're not going to get it from me. But she's like, how can I do, how does it happen? She literally is asking me all the questions that these people are not asking me. How does commerce work? How do I get the thing that pays for the things that I want to get?

She's like desperately trying to understand. It's like a caveman. Why is there this extra step in the barrier between me and you? I just want money so I can go to Brandy Melville, but I can't get the money from the thing. So what I need to tell you is you need to have a bank that's really stupid, and they can put money in your account. The Pennsylvania couple, Robert and Tiffany Williams, that would be Bob Bill. Robert and Tiffany Williams received the money in error and spent nearly all of it according to an affidavit. Let's get this going out the gate.

Nobody asked. Nobody asked. Did you put that in? Yeah. Honey, did you? How much money do you guys think? I have to recuse myself because I think I remember what it was. Okay, so you get out.

Stay out of the hashtag dumb people. Sorry, Dan. was okay so you get out so they either have stay out of the hashtag dumb people sorry dan they either have so much money that they didn't notice or they have so little money that they were like we fucking hit the jack and spend it now so it's so you're saying okay i love this theory so you're saying small fortune right small not huge not like three million dollars but like yeah small for okay so how much do you think it is? Okay, to make a headline, it's got to be at least 100 grand. Don't you think?

Maybe. At least? I don't know. You're a smart person in dumb people's terms. Okay, shoot. So I'm not telling you that you're wrong. That's true. Don't apply smart logic. It doesn't always work with dumb logic.

Right. But I want to see how fast, but it's got to be a big enough amount that they spend it fast. Wouldn't it be great, though, if it's $2,100? It's just $20. Alright, maybe I'm going to stick... I'm going to stick at $100.

$100,000. Okay. See, your thing now makes me... I think it's like $57,000. Which, by the way, if's like $57,000. Which, by the way, if someone dropped 57 grand in your account, that would be a windfall. Even for, oh, big time. For most people that I know, that would be a humongous windfall.

That would make my year. Yes, okay. So I say $57,000. Okay. All right. Can I, Dan, when it's time to say the number, can I say it to see if I remember correctly? Yeah, for sure. Okay. All right, Townies, play along as we start out this story.

The amount of money. Oh, it's fun. The amount of money that was injected into their bank account that they then spent nearly all of was, go away, Jay. $120,000. $120,000. Wow! You were right!

You were on it, dude! Price is right. I won. Wow. I don't know about price is right rules. You still won. Damn. The couple also faces a substantial amount in overdraft fees having purchased an SUV and other goods, police say.

I knew they bought a car. I knew I was going to say. So car is like the first thing people buy. They're like, oh, I'm going to do a car. All cash. I'm not even going to haggle. Right. What did you say? What is the MSRP? That's exactly what I'm going to pay a car all cash. I'm not even going to haggle. What did you say?

What is the MSRP? That's exactly what I'm going to pay. Hey, there's no paper trail of that money into my bank account. There's not one leaving either. The overdraft fees total over $100,000. What? They really went for it. I don't know if I agree with the fees because that's on the bank. That's the bank's fault.

They thought it was in there. I understand you want the money back, but now you're going to charge me extra for your mistake? No, they're charging for the mistake of not reporting it. That's what they're charging. Well, let's see what happens. There should be overdraft fees. There should be greedy fees. The affidavit says the couple admitted knowing the money was not theirs.

Bob and Tiff Wills, Tiffany Williams, respectively. Tiffany Williams. Honey, did you put $120,000 in our account? Yeah. Maybe. Maybe I did. Are you saying yes or no? I can't understand.

Maybe. What? I just want to ask this. How lucky you feel having married me now? I don't know what you're not saying words right now. We should get a car. We should get a car. We should get a car. They've been charged with theft and receiving stolen property.

Now, does that mean that it was stolen? It was not stolen. It's not stolen property. It's a mistake. It's stolen once you take it. Once you spend it. It was given. Right.

Because you can't get charged with buying stolen property. So I'm going to make an analogy It was given. Right. Because can't you get charged with buying stolen property? So I'm going to make an analogy here. Okay? Great. And this is literally what it is. Okay. Okay. If someone were to put like a $20 bill on this table,

and Michael just picked it up and put it in his pocket and walked away. Sure. It was sitting on the table and someone put it on there and you just took it. Now, if I went into your wallet and put a $20 bill into your wallet, I'm saying that is not as egregious. That is a home invasion. Right. I'm saying that is not as egregious as a $20 bill laying on the table and you scoop it up and take it. So it was put into their wallet.

And he wouldn't have received stolen property. I would have had you arrested for taking my wallet and putting money in it. You pickpocket. You still broke. You got in my back pocket. I invaded your personal banking space.

On Monday. I'm on these people's side now. They appeared in Lycoming County and waived their rights to a preliminary hearing. We don't want it. Don't eat it. If you've realized anything, we take life as it comes. So we're not trying to get into anything more than what we...

We make all of our decisions on a whim. Right now, if you give us a hearing, we'll take it. But if we're not out here trying to take anything... If a hearing happens to show up, that's part of their whole defense. We're not going to actively go take anything. If a hearing happens to show up. That's part of their whole defense. We're not going to actively go after it. If a lawyer comes and just happens to be assigned to us and someone else pays for it, we'll do it. We'll do it.

We're not going to walk into a bank and take their money. But if they give it to us. You see how we live our lives, Your Honor? If a courtroom shows up in my living room. Then I guess I'm all rise. The Lord giveth and we taketh away. The Lord giveth and we taketh away. The Lord giveth and we reacteth. The pair have not commented to U.S. media

and it is unclear whether they have obtained legal counsel. Okay, is this article being written in another country? Yes, it's from BBC.com. Okay. U.S. media. Honey, U.S. media is on the line. Did you put $120,000 in America? I don't understand. The couple received

the enormous deposit in their BB&T bank account, and I can only hope that the NT stands for Antwins. I don't know what BB&T is. Antwins! BB&T bank account on the 31st of May. State trooper Aaron Brown told the Williamsport Sun-Gazette newspaper the money was meant to go to an investment firm. Meanwhile, those guys are like, we need an influx here, guys. These guys are modern-day Robin Hoods, man. They're heroes. This money is meant to go to an investment firm.

What's the investment firm's name? Bob and Tiffany. Williams. Williams. Antwins. Antwins. The error. Okay, so it happened on May 31st the error was noticed on the 20th of June that is three weeks of the bank not knowing what come on three weeks you could have left that money in your bank you could have left that money for bank for

over two weeks and then be like I guess it is ours yep this now the bank is dumb people that's right that's right this is what if these guys if these guys were smart they would have done like a quick like short sell on stocks and like bought stocks and like literally rode the stock market for like a day yeah and turn 120 that what if they did that 120 000 turned it into like 180 give the 120 back take the 120 back in now whose money is that what if they invested it in the investment firm that it was originally supposed to go to and that makes the money here's your 120 we went the long way we'll double it and we'll take it out so it it was noticed on the 20th of June. Day trade. And the money was taken out of the Williams account and deposited correctly.

But police said by that time, no shit, the couple had spent, how much of the $120,000 do you think that they spent in less than three weeks? So 20 days. Oh, 119 at least. Okay. I'm going to say 110. Okay. I'm going to say 110. I'm going to say 103. All right. You guys all did pretty good.

The total amount is $107,000. This is like Brewster's Million. Yeah. This is like you got to spend it in 30 days, and then you get 30 million. Maybe they thought we're going to get $100 million if we spend $100,000. By the way, great concept for a movie. I wish I had based off of an old one. Yeah.

The Williams, this year's what they purchased in three weeks. The Williams purchased a Chevrolet Traverse. Personally, nothing against Chevrolet, but could have gone a little bit. It's not a bad car. But shooting a little low. I would have gone for a Blazer. Hey, they need to spend this money sensibly. Thank you.

A camper. Household goods. What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? A mixer? What are we talking about here? They gave $15,000 to help friends and also bought a race car. I love it. There's where they got. Wait. They bought a race car? That's all it says too.

$15,000 to friends. I would leave with the race car. By the way, $15,000 to friends makes me love them. Me too. Race car makes me want to slap them both. Screw this bank. They treated this like they won the lottery. That's right. Hell yeah.

They treated this like what was Nikki Glaser's joke about Chris Redd. Like they just found $12,000 on the side. Thank you. Like they're a 10-year-old kid who just found $12,000. Well, I'm going to get a race car. Yeah. This is literally like, remember the Toys R Us sweepstakes where you could just get, as a kid, you could run through Toys R Us. How much stuff could you put in the car?

You just pile it in. That's what they're doing. That was a dream. I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it. I sent in. By the way, I'm just going to say this. As a family that didn't grow up with a ton of money, and even to this day, trying to be smart about what we give our kids and whatnot, the idea of getting so much stuff,

I guarantee you won't appreciate everything in that cart. No. You just go and throw everything in there. There's going to be about 10 or 15 things that you just don't care about, whereas if you were given those over separate days over the year, you would love it. That's the household goods in this story.

That's also basically the cart filler in this. You also just described Hanukkah. This is how we do it. We're not doing this all on one morning. It's going to be a few days. You're going to get a thing you appreciate. And on the seventh day, God gave socks. Also, if they paid off their credit card debt the bank would

then have to go i guess the bank will go after them for the money anyway but the credit card debt's paid right yeah you're not gonna get the credit card company to give you back the money uh when she was contacted by bank officials tiffany williams told them quote she no longer had the funds because she had already paid off bills. And bought a race car. The officer wrote in a criminal complaint, Tiffany Williams told the bank her husband had spent a great portion of the funds and purchased a four-wheeler. I love that they were like, anything else? I did not hear about the four-wheeler.

That might be part of the household goods. Maybe that's what it is. It makes your household good. That's right. So in the same vein, I think she says a great portion doesn't mean a lot. Goods. Maybe that's what it is. It makes your household good. That's right. In the same vein, I think she says a great portion doesn't mean a large portion. It just means a great. He did a great job.

He did a great job spending this money. We bought a fantastic four-wheeler for $17,500. She said she'd speak to her. This is what she told the bank. She told the bank, look, we already spent some of the money. We bought a four-wheeler. That was her excuse. Sorry, it's gone. She said she would speak to her husband and attempt to

construct a repayment agreement. Oh, my. Can she be qualifying it anymore? I will try and see if I can get in touch with my husband. Look, my husband is hard to reach. I may not get in touch with him. He's very difficult to talk to. I understand that. in touch with him. He's very difficult

to talk to. He's very stubborn. It's like when you call your agent that doesn't want to rep you anymore and their assistant is like, look, they are so busy. Let me see if I can get him. Let me see if you can get him. Are you looking at him right now? He's making eye contact with you and you're saying

let me see if I can get him. I guarantee by definition of your job you know where he or she is at all times. She's married to Bill Murray. He has one telephone line. You can only reach him. You leave a voicemail. He's playing golf with a bachelor party. He might get back to you.

I will attempt to construct a repayment agreement. That's a great phrasing. Well, you know that she's like... That's in my dream last night, by the way. What's the most official way she could describe it? I was going to say, this is like her trying so hard to sound like someone who doesn't know legal words. When I was a kid in high school, we were having a party and everybody was going to stay at my house. And so Stephanie Armstrong was like, well, someone needs to call my mom and pretend to be someone's parent and so i called and my number one hello my cornerstone

for feeling like i was a parent calling another parent my my phrasing but i was like this is what did you do what adults sound like this is what i started out with hey how are you good nice just wanted to touch base and i and i felt like that was a pro level that did they buy it no no she goes because my mom got off the phone was like i don't know which one of your fucking friends just called me but you're not going over to also i don't know why he had such a thick minnesota accent just wanna touch base just wanted to touch base. Just want to touch base. Northern Illinois. Just wanted to touch base. To this day, I still kind of feel like that is definitely what a parent says. Which is also what I want to do with your daughter is touch first, second, and third base. You write a book on parenting.

Touching base. Touching base. With touching base. Touching base. Okay, so she tells the bank, hey, we're going to, I'll try to set up a restructuring. However, the bank was unable to contact the couple after that conversation. They were gone. They were in the wind.

You see the ID come up. Honey, lock it up. Lock it up. They're on. I just talked to them. We got time to construct something. Ring, ring, ring, ring. I'm starting the attempt now.

Get in the car. Or she just picked up the phone. BB&T calls on the phone. She sees that and she just picked up the phone like bb and t like calls on the phone she sees that and she just says still attempting yeah and then hangs up uh when investigators spoke to the couple in july both quote admitted to knowing they mislaid the money but but did not belong to them but they spent it oh they admitted to knowing the mislaid money did not belong to them but they spent it anyway before the the accidental deposit, their account had... Accidental deposit, my favorite Ralph Fiennes movie.

Yes. They opened for the XX. Wasn't that a William Hurt movie? Was that a William Hurt and Gina Davis? William Hurt, that was it. The constant, yeah. Well, these guys are constantly... Robbed at the Oscars. So, the accidental tourist and the constant gardener got those... I'm sorry. Before the accidental

deposit, their account had an average... Also the English patient. All'm sorry before the accidental deposit their account had an average english patient all three of those i completely their account had an average balance of one thousand dollars so imagine what this meant to them oh man reached by everyone seinfeld ripped this shit out of the english patient i remember just in in the show like there did a whole episode about why i remember it had come out and we watched that movie and we were so mad at the Englishman. Now I bet if I watched it, I'd be like, it's a beautiful movie. But back in my 20s... How long is he going to be washed

in the bathtub? This is the worst ever. Why is she washing him for an hour? I wish someone somewhere would believe what we believe about this. And then Seinfeld episode came out. It felt so good. It felt great. Reached by CNN under a phone number listed in public records for Robert Williams, a man who didn't identify himself.

So they're trying to say it was obviously him said he had quote, no comment about that at this time and doesn't yet know the name of the public defender in the case. Quote, all I'm going to say is we took some bad legal advice from some people and it probably wasn't the best thing in the end. So now they're blaming it on the lawyers. Which means they had somebody's niece was like a clerk.

Can we take this money? Yeah, probably. Well, have you bought a race car yet? No, we haven't yet. Robert Williams said all that. Don't buy a race car. Looks into his backyard, like into the driveway. No.

Get out of here. I feel like the guy giving him the advice is just like his taxidermy dog. Yes. Just next to the couch. What do you think, Sparky? Take it. What? He said take it.

Shoot people. He barked. Shoot people. That was you saying it, but I agree. We should take the money. Use your 38 special to shoot people. No barked. Shoot people. That was you saying it, but I agree. We should take the money. Use your 38 special to shoot people. No. Shut up.

Robert Williams told all that to CNN affiliate WNEP. WNEP. Outside the court Monday. N-P. Where the couple made their first appearance in the case. I hope they were told to court, like, we're going to construct a defense. We will get back to you. Take us a while. We are attempting to make our first appearance. Look, we're going to construct a defense. We will get back to you. Take us a while.

We are attempting to make our first appearance. Look, I'm trying to reach my husband. He's right next to you. Very stubborn. BB&T told CNN in a statement, while we can't comment on the specifics of this issue due to the client privacy practices, we always work as quickly as possible to address those about three weeks. Yeah.

Any issue that affects our clients. That's story number one. Wow. I love it. And when we come back, we're going to have a Jan Flato update. Oh, I love it. It's dumb people town. Michael McMillan, not McMillian, is with us.

And we're hanging out here. So don't go nowhere. Stick around. Make it sound. For more Dumb People Town. out here so don't go nowhere stick around make it sound for more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to dpt that's dumb people town um we want to remind people of some stuff coming up for all of us for all of us agreed uh we will be uh in in the ramp up to the live dumb people town that we're doing in Brooklyn.

There's still some tickets left, so you want to get those right now. We added a special musical guest that we cannot announce until they say yes. Yeah, until they are allowed to do it. They're in, but due to promotional obligations, we have to wait a little bit. But trust us, it's going to be worth it. And that's fine. But Michael Che and Aparna Nancherla will be there. Amazing.

And that room is great. And we sold it out the last time we were there. So it was so much fun. That's on October 13th. That's Sunday night. But we'll be at the Comedy Loft in D.C. on the 10th. And then Friday and Saturday we're at Laugh Boston. Have never performed in Boston.

Never done a weekend of stand-up shows. Is that crazy? Yeah, it is crazy. Such an unbelievable, rich comedy history in Boston. And so the fact that we've never- And sports. Yeah. Both.

So we're so excited about that. And then later on this month, we'll be at Comedy Works in Denver, which is like our favorite, one of our favorite clubs and one of the best clubs ever in downtown Denver, Larimer Square. So that's the 24th, 5th, and 6th there.

If you go to superscleros.com, you can see all of our dates. I know Dan has a zillion dates coming up at danielvanancurk.com. And I'm kicking it off with the live Dumb People time on the 13th at the Bell House. And then after that, guys, guess where I'm going to be? And you go to danielvancurk.com, you don't even have to remember

any of this, but I'm going to tell you. danielvancurk.com. Philadelphia, Baltimore, Chicago, Detroit, Rochester, Boston, Albany, New York, Cleveland, Louisville, Nashville, Cincinnati, Milwaukee. And I end it on November 15th in Rochelle, Illinois, in my hometown. The Together Tour is going to wrap up.

And those Chicago dates are the 16th through the 19th. I will be headlining Zany's in Chicago in Rosemont. So come out and see me there. I'd love to have support when I'm back in Chicago. I love all that. And thank you for supporting this show. And I want to just make a quick plea for the Patreon,

which has been so much fun. You don't have to make a plea. You tell people they're missing out. You guys are missing out because we do extra content. I tell my Burning Man stories. We had a mini Jan Flato update in that, which is only going to live on there.

Incredible. So they're really fun. We bring the stories to Dan. And Dan gets to play along. You get an extra one every week And then there's merch that you get There's other things at the various levels So go to patreon.com slash dumbeopletown

Or look it up and you can join And we'd love that Now you sir have a fantastic podcast You do a monthly show Let's tell people what they can check you out on Because you're just amazing Oh well thank you So the podcast

is called bigfoot collectors club which i uh host with bryce johnson and our on mic producer and live accompanist uh riley bray so uh every week of an accompanist yeah he's awesome he's got this weird uh board with buttons on it and he does all this like yeah like all the spooky kind of cool music right we if we cover everything that you might have seen on the X-Files. So UFO stories, Bigfoot stuff. Sometimes there's some crossover with Dumbtown and some of these other things. How big, though, was the Blink-182 finding out the UFO? That's the first time the government's ever admitted UFO.

It's the most insane thing that it took Tom DeLonge from Blink-182 to release a previously classified footage of UFOs to get the Navy to be like, yeah, I know, it's crazy. I mean... I mean, UFO immediately... Well, now they say UAP. UAP, which is Unidentified Aerial Phenomena. That's now what the Navy

and the Pentagon are saying. Like a DUI versus a DWI. Yeah, right. Driving while intoxicated or diving under the influence. So what was your question? I'm sorry. My question is, and immediately people assume that there are aliens on every UFO, but what is a UFO or a UFO? UFO could be a military.

Right. It's an unidentified flying object. Usually the government says that. Military exercise, drone, unexplained weather. Well, not with drones. But this is the first time they were like, UFO. Well, yes, because it's in the program was called ATIP, which stands for Aerial Threat Identification Program. So they're treating them like craft that could pose a threat to the United States.

Wow. So, but what is also crazy is that people think about like, I'm going to blow your mind here, that there might be aliens inside the craft.

What if the craft are the aliens? Ah! Yeah. Because they don't know what it is. Right. If you've ever seen cars on Disney, it's true.

Because you see that footage, the way that thing is, fuck, coasting and like, being able to change speeds and speed up and then they're damn when do you watch the footage late at night or when do you watch i saw it on twitter baby yeah but it was like it was so close to the water and then he only locked onto it with the pilot locked onto it with his uh gun camera so it's not his gun but the

camera and he he has to catch it and they're so excited when they catch it because they have no clue what it is and then it just starts tracking it it's you can hear the pilot just like what the no yeah they're losing their minds because they don't see anything and by the way those guys see stuff all the time yeah so like if it's something that they don't know what it is because they've seen everything because of their vantage point that is significant yeah yep and there are people in the government who are like they don't this is just some some smudge on the camera or something. It's like that's an insult to these guys who are up there flying these planes. It's crazy.

And it's so crazy that we live in a time right now in a news cycle where the Navy basically comes out and says, yeah, we think there could be something to aliens out there. And we just like it just goes by. It doesn't. It's a blip. Yeah. Because you're not trying to get the aliens to interfere in our election. something to aliens out there and we just like it just goes by it doesn't it's a blip yeah because you're not trying to get the aliens to interfere in our election or shoot them in the legs as they cross the border uh so again the podcast is called collectors club and we have uh you guys all have

to come do the show i would love to because that's fascinating yeah we talk to actors and comedians writers about their own experiences fun and funny uh and a good time and then uh i do a monthly show uh at ucb called gravid water uh so it's kind of like if you guys know the actors nightmare scenario basically actors and improvisers team up i usually do the acting side where uh i'll get a scene from a play an established play say it's our town i get all my lines and then the improviser comes on stage, they have no idea what scene we're doing. This is the best idea! And we have to stay on book.

And so I can never change my next line. That is so funny, and so smart. Yeah, it's great. It's a great show. What a genius idea. And there's great people in it every month. Do they ever come close to the scene? Oh, sometimes, yeah. I mean, sometimes the scenes get really touching

and personal like and almost like you know and then but most of the time it just goes totally off the rails but it's it's the actor's job to kind of justify everything and keep it grounded it's really fun what a brilliant concept unlike anything i've ever heard it's the first sunday of every month that you see b franklin Sunset Franklin Yeah yeah The old school joint Where Dan just did his Special Did his special table Nice congrats Go check that out

It's awesome I love it And can they find out Do you have a website Where people can see these dates I think it's just You go to the UCB LA Beautiful

And you'll find it there Yep I want to check this out What's the call one more time Gravid Water Gravid Water I found out Gravid means pregnant Gravid water. I found out gravid means pregnant.

Oh, I didn't know that. Very strange. Strange. All right, should we jump into another story? Yeah, I have to give you guys a quick update, though. Let's get a Jan Plato update. So Jan emails me from time to time. Sure.

Because he's off social media. Maybe he should have never been on. Right. I don't know. I mean, he's off social media. He's still on Friendster. Some of it is not his choice. Right.

He's on MySpace. Who knows? Jan, we love you. 100% MySpace. And I'm glad that you email us. He's on social media and I would say some of it is not his choice. He's on MySpace. Who knows? Jan, we love you. I'm glad that you email us. He's on Tumblr. He wanted to make sure that you guys know that it's the year 5780 for the Jewish calendar. And I'm still writing 5779 on all my channels. Is that my problem?

Because he literally wrote, please remind both Randy and Jason to stop writing 5779 on all their channels. There we go! That's comedy! He and I came up writing 5779. There we go. That's comedy. He and I came up with the same joke. Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Yes. P.S.

I don't know why he didn't lead with this. Does he start a letter? Jan Flato starts all of his letters with P.S. He's got Benjamin Button. He should have because wait till I tell you this. They all start at the end. He buries the lead on this one. P.S.

On Saturday night, I won a 2019 Chevy Camaro in a raffle. What? The universe is paying you back. And then a Ukrainian woman stole it. No. He says, with DPT in this, I'm starting to believe in God again. Thanks, buddies. I am so happy for him.

Dan won a goddamn 2019 Chevy Camaro. He should be allowed to crank up the music and drive by that Russian woman's house at 3 in the morning and leave it on. Guys, I take it all back. The secret is working. Thank you. You guys are manifesting

all of this for him. The unfortunate thing is that that Camaro was given to him by BB&T Bank. They are going to need it. Oh, no. It was bought and paid for by Bob and Tip. If a Camaro... He said he wanted to help out friends. If a Camaro

could become a person, it is Jan Plato. It is Jan Plato. He is the Camaro of people. Can you imagine how I felt when I... I was alone when I read this. Did you start to cry? I kind of did. Can you imagine how I felt when I was alone when I read this email? Did you start to cry? I kind of did. It is.

It is. Jan got a Camaro in a raffle. And you guys know how much I love meat raffles. Dan, have you ever won a raffle? I've never won a raffle. We won one raffle in our lives. We, together,

like collectively and individually as well. Co-bought the ticket. Co-bought the ticket or bought the raffle ticket to get in the Walk with Israel, which is an event in St. Louis. 4,000 Jews walking down the street wearing Walk with Israel T-shirtsought the ticket. Co-bought the ticket, or bought the raffle ticket to get in the Walk with Israel, which is an event in St. Louis.

4,000 Jews walking down the street wearing Walk with Israel t-shirts and blocking traffic, and we wonder why the world hates us. At a raffle to win Huey Lewis and the News tickets, and we won sixth row at the Checker Dome in St. Louis at the time. No, it was at Kiel. Kiel. Stevie Ray Vaughan opened up for him. Come on.

But here's how dumb we were. Best raffle ever. Ever. Here's how dumb we were. All we wanted to see was Huey Lewis in the news. We're like, Stevie Ray Vaughan was literally shredding the sky. Playing the sky is crying. Like ripping pride and joy.

And we're from the sixth row. Get off! We want the news, not the weather. Get off! Boys. We news, not the weather! Get off! Boys. We portended his early departure. I'm sorry. We got him to get off early.

We got him to get off the stage of life. Anyway, it was- Where was the Camaro raffle? Where was this- I imagine probably a casino. A casino. Oh, okay. So I love that Jan Flato, after everything he's been through, still believes in raffles.

Why not? Do you know what I'm saying? No, he's saying that like, Do you believe in raffles? Huey Lewis and the Nails! That was so good, Dan! So they go back and look at the cover of Sport, that album. They're like in a bar, and the TV in the corner that's up in a bar just tells you what time it's from.

Okay. So should we jump into another story? Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Congratulations, James. That's a good preview, James. It's the power of James.

Sent in by some crazy chick at Frosting Liquor. No E in liquor. I love it. I know. Everything that's happening. I love it. Okay. I endorse it all.

Sit down. Hold tight. And if you're eating lunch, maybe come back to this episode. I'm going to read you the headline. Florida man arrested after in-home castration goes wrong. Oh, why? I heard about this. In-home castration should never go together.

I don't even believe you should do your own perm in your house. I love how they open the story. never go together. I don't even believe you should do your own perm in your house. Dan, it would be a new story if it was Florida man celebrates when in-home castration goes right. When it works. Because literally there's no way it can go well. You know how they tell you in screenwriting, start in the middle of the scene? That's what they

do here. This is the opening line. The man told a deputy, like we're already Cops are there. Right line the man told a deputy like we're already there's an option there yeah right the man told the deputy he had just performed a castration on a man and encountered major issues so not on himself also maybe you didn't perform it that's right yeah uh and encountered like anything quotes major issues we got major issues sir just tell me what your emergency if you go out on stage and shit your pants immediately, I don't think you've performed. And that's just like a Warhol thing in the 70s in your very avant-garde.

I love that they're treating it like this guy is a doctor, performing a surgery on someone. It's almost like when people cover the current president of the United States like he's doing things that are current. Like, no, you can't cover him the way that other people. This guy is not a surgeon. So don't say he performs something. He tried to cut a guy's dick off, period. We got major issues down here. Sir, I need to know a lot more.

Oh, there's a lot. I need the deputy down here. The deputy needs to see this. We're in the basement. Jesus. Next to the washing machine. Major issues. Deputy found a victim on a bed bleeding heavily with a towel over his groin.

Now, before you lift that towel, I got to tell you, it's not pretty. It didn't go as planned. We believe that, sir. I did the best performance I could. I performed it. Well, the fact that we're here would beg to differ. In the latest installment of near unimaginable Florida news, speaking of news. Why you got to throw Florida under the bus?

This comes to us via TampaBay.com. Oh, thanks. Tampa Bay out there doing the. Tampa Bay doing God's work. Yeah. What are the reporters of that news like they must just be just like their shelf life must be like six months on the beat then they're done like i can't handle it anymore do this work they're like okay i'm just gonna ask you have you seen spotlight because i

feel like we could be doing a lot better things every reporter uh after six months says i've seen too much their mantra is here we go damn your eyes damn your eyes in the latest installment of near unimaginable florida news a sebring man has been arrested for allegedly performing a botched castration surgery on another man he'd met online through a fetish website so everybody's consenting here everybody's in at least that everybody's ining here Everybody's in At least that Everybody's in Gary Van Ricewick You want to know the craziest thing about this? Is he the guy who got cut or did the cutting?

Oh, he's the cutter Okay Gary Van Ricewick Like from Breaking Away He's the cutter Naming a character who has some sort of weird dick fetish Sorry, no kink shaming Sure, none

It is a fetish That's just a fact Like Tartuffe would name him Ricewick Some sort of weird dick fetish. Sorry, no kink shaming. Sure. None. It is a fetish. That's just a fact. Like, Tartuffe would name him Ricewick. Right. Like, that is something out of, like, Comedia Del Arte. Gary Van Ricewick's got, like, 11 knives on a magnetic strip right when you walk in his bedroom. It starts out so ordinary.

Gary. Okay. It's like when you walk into, like, a counter-order restaurant and find out that they have the best burger. You're like, whoa, you guys turned a corner or something here. Gary Van Ricewick. And ready? Two Ys. R-Y-S-W-Y-K.

Ricewick. Van Ricewick. Throw an E on the end of that. Just go ahead. Van Ricewick was my favorite Viggo Mortensen movie. There you go. Van Ricewick kills all the vampires. That is how it works.

Speaking of True Blood. Gary Van Ryswick was charged with second-degree felony of practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury. That is the nicest way to say what he did. He's not practicing medicine. I think Tiff wrote the explanation of that. Yeah, for sure. From the first story. He's practicing.

He has a perfective. He's attempting to put together a practice. I can't remember who I just, somebody just made that joke. They're like, are you, somebody's like,

are you a practicing Jew? And he's like, no, I perfected it. I can't remember. It's a great comment. I say only playing games. There you go. According to an arrest affidavit,

deputies arrived at Van Ricewick's house in Central Florida just before midnight on Sunday. That's probably when the seance was starting. In response to a 911 hang upup call, which means he called and hung up.

Are you okay, Garrett? They'll come. I need a towel. Technically, I called. Upon arrival, Van Ricewick admitted to deputies he had just removed the testicles of a man he'd met on a website. If you're a cop, you're like, stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Just step aside and point to where I need, stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Just step aside and point to where I need to go. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. The internet is all bad. Yeah, a website for those that have a fetish for castration. Here's the problem with that fetish. You only get to live it once. One and done.

I know. Can't really be a fetish, right? Just squeeze them real tight. You better love it. And when it's botched, you can't. I mean, that was your shot. I know. There should be a, somebody should develop a product that is a clamp.

I'm sure it exists. Sure. Dick clamp. Or it's just a clamp. Ball clamp. Yeah. That gives you the feeling of being castrated. Right.

But then you take it off and you recover for a few days. You can come back. You can do it again. Right. You can come back. It's like renewable energy. I'll tell you who has that. Someone who is a professional castration fetish officer.

Let's be clear, too. As you said, I'm not shaming people for their kinks. No, no. Enjoy it. I'm saying there is someone out there who can do this for them. Yeah, and bad treating animals badly. Two consulting men. The reason this is in Dumb People Town is because

you fucking did it in your house. That's where we're like someone you found on Craigslist. Can we blame J.D. Power and Associates? They should be raiding castration specialists. Do you think there's a Yelp for this? Probably. Guy Yelped a lot. Here's the full quote.

He had just removed the testicles of a man he'd met on a website for those that have a fetish for castration and that it didn't go as planned. How do you mean, sir? I think that's an understatement. How did you plan it to go? Also, if they're off, it did go as planned. You just did a bad job. See?

He performed it. Or it went exactly as planned and the plan was bad. Bad. It's a bad plan. There's no good. You don't have a way to stop the bleeding in your bedroom. In the man's guest bedroom, deputies. You love that?

Which one we're doing? This is obviously the guest. Well, I've always pictured it in a guest bedroom. In the man's guest bedroom, deputies said they found a 53-year-old man with a bloody towel on his groin. Which, by the way, happens all the time in Florida. Another section of the house was set up as a makeshift surgical room. That's like a 386. He was just 53.

You know what he means. When he cut off. You're far too long. He got these balls off him. Okay. Now I need a towel for my grind. Another section of the house was set up as a makeshift

surgical room. That's in quotes because I guess it happened. It is also not real. Saw him bleeding there. With medical equipment and even a camera to record the procedure, the victim was flown to a nearby hospital for life-saving measures, deputy said, and is currently in stable condition.

That's why we can do this story. Using painkillers he'd purchased online from England. You know what? Don't bring England into this. Oh, they're from England. That doesn't matter. Some of them English painkillers. Look, they won all our Emmys.

They got to have good painkillers. As well as forceps and scapules he'd acquired. Van Ryswick said he began the procedure on Sunday around 10 p.m. He called them just before midnight. You know he had his dog bring over the scalpel so he could be like, scalpel, drop it, drop it, drop it.

Once upon a time in Hollywood, he's like, No, I don't know. I haven't seen it. That's all you need to know. It has nothing to do with the plot. But the victim's uncontrollable bleeding made it difficult for him to close the wound. He's blaming him. If you'd stop bleeding, I could close this up. If your arteries wouldn't spill blood out of them, then I'd be fine.

I need you to clench. I need you to clench right now. Are you clenching? You did none of the Kegel exercises I told you to do. None of them. Put the blood back up. Getting them off wasn't the problem. Right.

But then what to do next? I love that they call it uncontrollable bleeding as opposed to controlled bleeding where you're like, do you want me to let more out? I'll hold it back if you need me to. Van Ryswick confessed to deputies that he performed a similar operation with similar disastrous fate several years ago in a motel.

Stop. Just stop. Stop. Cut off my balls once. Shame on me. Go to fucking medical school. If you need this that much in your life, let's get good at it. Cut off my balls twice.

Yeah. How many years in between? It said several. He could have studied. I know. Go prevent it. Cut off my balls twice. Shame on TampaBay.com.

Van Ricewick was arrested Monday and is now being held in jail on a $250,000 bond. We will get out of here on this, and then we'll do one last quick story. This is nuts. Gary Van Uden. Ask our brothers. Hardcore. It's the opposite of nuts. This is less nuts than it should be.

Daniel Van Kirk. I'm going to ask you guys, how old is Gary Van Ricewick? How old? You can go first. You can go in the tigger. 100,000 years old. You can go first, tigger third. Anywhere you want to go.

I did say I'd heard this story. I do not remember his age. Okay. The guy was 53. That was the guy who had a nuts cut. Right. Our man has a house with a guest house and has done this several years before. Guest room, but it is Florida.

I'm going to put him at 40, 40, 40, 43. 43. Okay. Jay, didn't we go to high school with a guy named Dimitri Kutsnatsov? Yes, we did. Shut up He was Russian He was

No shit I want that That guy was a spy Stole our election That guy was a Cold War spy Stole our election I hate to cut this off early But I'm gonna say

Son of a Hey What are you Greenlee He's 61 61 From Jason Spine What'd you say You said 43 Okay Okay, 61.

I think he's 50. 50? 50 on the nose. Okay. Townies, get your answers in now. Play with us wherever you are because Gary Van Ricewick is 74 years old. Oh my

God, still working. I was on the way. Still working, Jay. That's very good. All right. Gary Van Rice. Gary should have been the tip off because no one in the past 43 years has named their kid Gary. There's nobody under 20 named Gary.

We knew a Gary Bridge and that was Gary and Mike Bridge. Gary Bridge was 47. He's 48. Wouldn't you love, we talked about this on a recent recording. I don't know if it's dropped yet. Wouldn't you love if you met a seven-year-old Blanche? Yeah, absolutely. Blanche or Gary.

You know she's the coolest kid ever. There are no more Dianes either. Just mine. Just my mom. She is already smoking like two packs of menthol. Exactly. At eight. A day at eight years old.

Give us a little tease of what we're going to see in the third segment. Something is ridiculously banned. Okay. All right. We've got Michael McMillan here, and it's Dumb's dumb people town we got one more segment stay with us stick around make a sound there's more hey guys welcome back to dumb people town squad brothers here with daniel van kirk and michael mcmillan who you on Twitter. How can people follow you? At McMills.

That's two Zs because I got there too late. On Twitter and Instagram. Love it. We're at Sklar Brothers. And we are at Sklar Brothers. He's at Daniel Van Kirk. I cannot wait to see and maybe someday participate in that incredible UCB show. Oh, you should absolutely.

I'm not in charge, but I will let the man upstairs know. The idea of doing scenes and having the other person's lines be fully improvised while you stay on book is just brilliant. Just leave this room. It's the most fun. Text Walsh and Besser and Amy and Ian and be like, how do we get on Graffit Water?

I know who to talk to. It is a great idea and it just sounds incredible. Do you want to do the improv side or the acting side? No, they want to act. I can tell. Wouldn't it be fun to do your lines? One of you should act and the other one do this. Oh my God, I don't know how to do that. Alright, here we go. Ready? Sent in by Tyler the Pastry Man

de Patisserie at Tater 2650. The creator. Okay, yes. Parents of students. I thought this was fitting. You would appreciate. Parents of students at St. Edward Catholic School in Nashville will have to pass down

their Harry Potter obsession without the help of the school library. The Tennessean reports that Reverend Dan Rehill, a pastor at the parish school, has ordered that the series be removed from the library in response to a parent's inquiry. I'm going to read you the headline. I should have done that first. Tennessee school bans Harry Potter books because the spells could conjure evil spirits. Wow. He's right.

He is right. The spirit of loving to read. So you believe in it so much that you think this is going to cause harm. It's the biggest endorsement of the book ever. It's true. That's like banning Star Wars because you could suddenly- Because the future. This is what's going to happen. Right.

How dumb. If we read or see Star Wars- That's like becoming a priest so that you can't act on your gay impulse. Oh. Also, we're literally, what, 21 21 22 years since the first edition of the book came out and now ten well that's well i mean i mean you know a little late dark mark conjurings are like off the hook right now it's very true i mean can i just tell you my again going back to my 12 year old she got for her birthday a stranger things ouija board ouija board oh yeah diane would not

allow me to ever i've never touched all the girls at the birthday party went upstairs in her room and brought the devil into your house it was i'm like i don't even understand how it works but they they screamed but in the most fun, amazing way ever. I was like, what, are you going to ban Ouija boards? Because they're speaking to the dead? Dark magic brings joy to teenagers. Thank you. We should have made them watch Ouija board. Is that it?

Witch board. Yeah. Witch board? Yeah, there's witch board and there's Ouija board. Watch that and then, wait, did you encourage them to do like Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board and Bloody Mary and all that other shit? They will do that. Kids are probably still doing Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board, and Bloody Mary and all that other shit? They will do that. Kids are probably still doing Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board. By the way, the other day when Georgia was doing her homework,

my 12-year-old, she started singing to herself Monster Mash. I'm like, how the hell do you know that? Well, she conjured the spirit. It's inside of her. Ban it all. There are some people who are really into ghosts and the occult and they do not like

Ouija boards. Yeah. They're scared of them. I agree. Or they think they're cheap. No, they're devil-y. They're real, dude. Okay.

The curses and spells used in the books are actual curses and spells. This is a quote. Which, when read by a human being, risk conjuring evil spirits into the presence of the person reading the text. Are you fucking kidding me? This is also, I don't understand why people are afraid of Pennywise. I'm like, you understand Stephen King just created it. There was

no clown that ever killed. People are like, oh, that scares me. I'm like, but it's just Stephen King just made it up. Clearly this person has never read Harry Potter. Of course not. They don't want the devil in their life. By the way, the spells are a very small part of that book, if anything.

Yeah, and it's also just like a word. It's like Expelleramus. That's what I, you just took the one I was going to say. Petronus Expector. Oh, God forbid your kid

can just get something out of your hand. If anything, yeah, if anything, the spell that Harry Potter has put on everyone is to make us buy

that stupid butterbeer or whatever. Yes, at Universal Studios. That is the devil's work. It's so sweet. It is. I'm like, it's getting us all. us buy that stupid butter beer or whatever. Yes. At Universal Studios. That is the devil's work. It's so sweet. It is. I'm like buying it.

It's getting us all. And you sneak in your own little bit of rum. Is he afraid of like kids transforming to look like other kids? I know. Using a clock to turn back time to be the werewolf? I mean, this is typical. The room of requirement. Typical muggles.

Typical muggles. But God forbid everybody gets a Patronus. A beautiful. I know. A beautiful animal that runs across the room. God forbid. Literally, God forbid. requirement typical muggles typical god forbid everybody gets a patronus a beautiful i know a beautiful animal that runs across the room god forbid literally god forbid according to these people literally harry potter is one of those things that kids can enjoy and engage in when they're 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 like for real for real you know what i'll dare say it always always but i'm saying like what few things now

that we've had kids that have sort of passed through that period of time are things that they can enjoy as young kids all the way up. And also fidget spinners. Thank you. Did you say midget spinners? A properly done castration. Probably done home castration.

Look, Dan, well, as parents of kids, there are very few things that are educational, that challenge your kids' minds. Those books ask you to- Have any of your kids read them all? Yeah, his kids have read them all. My son is reading them right now. He's in like the third one. How long have they been performing the dark arts? I mean, they do that also,

but no, but there are very few things that challenge your kids and actually expect more out of them and help them raise up to a higher level. Like, there is no bad

that comes from that. Like, if you want to ban something, ban Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Like, don't ban Harry and Frick and Potter. That's evil spirits there. Thank you.

A lot of dark arts. A lot of dark arts. You can be mesmerized by that ad. Rehill also explained in the email, this is the one he sent to the teachers, that although the books represent magic as good and evil, that's just a clever deception, and argued that magic is inherently malevolent. He consulted exorcists in the U.S. and Rome who advised that the books should be removed from the library. Okay, if you believe that Harry Potter is real, then you are consulting exorcists to make your decision.

Hang on a second. Let me talk to another person who doesn't know what the hell they're doing. Right. So wait, do you think, Dan, for real, that this person believes, is literally living in fear of Harry Potter? Yes. This is someone who grew up in a household Who was taught every day to fear the devil And they see the devil in everything

Don't watch the Smurfs because that represents The devil Don't watch Arizona State play football Those are the Sun Devils Or the DePaul Blue Devils Don't watch He-Man because he says he has the power That was the big thing we were kids that remember the whole occult all that yeah that he-man was like an occult toy that

was teaching let i mean false god false god that literally he had a cross on his chest you know what i mean he couldn't be more like jesus like iconography wise power of grace call catholic church doesn't have an official stance on whether Harry Potter is suitable for its members. They're dealing with other stuff. According to The Guardian, a Vatican spokesman in 2003 maintained that the content was in line with Christian morals, but the books have frequently been banned by individual institutions over the course of the last couple of decades. Rebecca Hamill, the superintendent of the schools for the Catholic Diocese of Nashville, told the Tennessean that Rehill was well within his authority to ban the books since each

pastor has a canonical authority to make such decisions for his or they should say or her parish school. She added that parents could still introduce the series to their children outside of school. That's nice. She's allowing parents to do what they want with their own kids also. That's nice. Thank you. Thank you.

Do Harry Potter spells actually work? As Rehill suggested, ask the nearest Potterhead how many times they've muttered expecto patronum or expelleramus. I said that wrong. Or other Latin-based incantation to no avail. This is the dumbest. When I saw that, I was like, you... My kids can't even get their wands to work at Universal by

just making the circle and the line through it. That's when the guy thought he was like, someone took him to Universal and he was like, she made the pastries spin around in the wall. He made my seats float and then we were flying around with demons. No, you were on a ride, sir.

You were on a ride. No, I flew. No, you were on a ride, sir. We went through a warp, and we were at a Quidditch match. Did you know you were on a ride? It was a big stadium. A ride that made you very sick. It was not a stadium.

That ride made me so sick. Oh, my God. Like I wanted to vomit all over. The one in Orlando, Escape from Gringotts, is unreal fun. That's what I hear. I haven't been. It's so good. So good.

So, yeah, guys, Dumb People Town Library no longer has Harry Potter books. This is BS, and I'm so mad, but we're going to check out the- This is the work of Slytherin. I know. We're going to talk- No, they're on board. They're on board. We're going to talk-

I want to check out your podcast again. Bigfoot Collectors Club. Bigfoot Collectors Club. Bigfoot Collectors Club. Gravid Water, first Sunday of every month at UCB Franklin. And then I also wrote on the new season of Robot Chicken, which is airing now. Hey, now. Just started airing.

Check that out. Are you doing any voices and stuff on there? I do some voices. Great. Phenomenal show. We love Seth Green and just love those guys over there. Check you out on all that stuff. Come see us in New York City.

Last chance to get tickets in Brooklyn. Yeah, at the Bell House, October 13th. And, oh, shit, we've got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. When you're down, it's Dumb People Town.