Dumb People Town - Mike Drucker - Better Than Resident Evil - Code: Veronica

Episode Date: February 19, 2021

This week Mike Drucker comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy to hear about a man that finds some grenades.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Drucker. Mike Drucker, how are you? I'm great. I wasn't expecting the sound. And when it came in, I was very happy. I'm good.

It's very like sing-songy. We open it up with fanfare, and you are here. And can I just tell you how much we've just enjoyed you dunking on idiots on Twitter? Oh, thank you. Thank you. Does it give you joy to just honestly? I mean, the obliteration,

it should be a fathead poster of you dunking on Ben Shapiro. I don't know. That was chef's kiss gorgeous. People were texting me about that like I sold a movie. Like I had professional successes that people were like, oh, hey, congrats. And that was like people i hadn't seen in five years being like oh man you did it yeah it's a tweet you're

like i'm not making money off this but thank you anything thank you it is great to pants that guy from time to time and just yes or just point out that the guy's not wearing any clothes it's just it's it needs to be done and it needs to be done craftily. And I bet he didn't even know you were dunking on him and you nailed him. Right. No, he definitely saw it and had to think about whether to respond or not. And I'm glad he didn't because I didn't want it to become that level of thing. But I'm kind of glad that I know he definitely saw it. And it's also, you know, he constantly, like, talks about, like, sexuality and, like, how people get it wrong.

And, like, he made that weird joke about how his wife says she's never been wet before. And it's like, oh, you have a very fucked up view of sex. Right. Right. You're just showing us all of your cards. It'd be like someone playing poker, but with the cards facing out. You're like, no, no, dude, that's not how you do it. You're supposed to go the other way.

Sure. I actually think on so many levels like great writers like yourself i would put josh gondelman in that category as a twitter you know our buddy jordan rubin as a great writer i mean i'm currently in a big heated twitter thing as of us with who with everyone because i put out a simple tweet yeah that maybe you guys can help with. I said spell the abbreviation for the word casual. So how would you guys spell cash? See a get ready to have your mind fall out of your head. C A S H. This is the only time I've ever been. This is the only

time I've ever been ratioed because i have way more responses than i do likes because people are arguing very in a very fun way it's a fun day on twitter for that c. A. S. That's what you're going with cast c. A. S. Weirdly c. A. S. J. Now that's i've seen a lot is C-A-J-Z. Cash. Cash. No. What about C-A-J-H? I've seen that one a lot, too. Cash.

Cash. I know. Except H more than Z. C-A-J. One guy wrote C-A-T-H-E. And I wrote... Cash? Cash. No, he wrote C-H, sorry, C-H-C-H-E.

Cash. Cash. And I said, that's how-H, sorry, C-H-C-H-E. Cash. Cash. And I said, that's how Alice spells it from the movie Die Hard. Bobby. Cash. Cash. Cash. That's Cash. Who reminds me of...

Anyway, I do think Twitter is a wonderful... When used correctly, is like a fantastic writer's weapon. I mean, come on, remind everybody of your favorite night on Twitter. The night that Osama bin Laden was killed. It was one of my favorite nights on Twitter. It was a comedian's like- Banquet. Like harvesting the field.

The greatest tweets ever about, I mean, it was just perfection capped by, as we said on the show before, Jonah Ray's, you know, RIP Osama bin Laden, now go make God laugh. Okay. It's such a great joke. It's such a great joke.

It's so good, but I do love it. And so I encourage everyone to follow you because you're amazing. So now let me ask you, just because you have been in beefs like this before, and you've studied the world and just comment on it so beautifully. Do you think the world has gotten dumber in the last few years or are we just noticing more dumb? It's a very nuanced discussion about it's like shark attacks. There's the same amount every year, but about every five or six

years, it seems like they're going nuts, but no, they're just you're just hearing about it, right? So what do you think? I think I think people are just as dumb as they've always been. However, overall, however, I think the confidence in stupid people people are just as dumb as they've always been. However, overall. However, I think the confidence in stupid people has grown. So I think that, you know,

in the past, if you were an idiot and your doctor was like, you need to do this, you're like, well, you're the doctor. I guess I will. And now if your doctor tells you to do something, you're like, you don't know what you're talking about. YouTube does. So I think there's more confidence in that. I know more than you. Fake news. For some reason, I always go back to the Challenger

explosion, like after the challenge, and I do this in all areas of my life. It's how I mark, like how old I am and everything, but like after the Challenger exploded, if you didn't know that happened, everyone thought something of you. Like, how did you miss

that? Now it's okay to not know the actual facts of the news. If after the Challenger exploded exploded you thought that there was some secret conspiracy by the government to kill those astronauts you would be shamed into silence but now you can go with that little harebrained idea and instantly find so many people who think you're on oh yeah so dumb has never had more confidence so also also there's no agreed upon fact so because we can't be like you're wrong and you're right right because the people who are wrong just go well that's fake news that's not the truth and you go well okay so now we have a whole bunch of people who aren't even playing the game right they're on a different game. So they're never going to get smarter.

Ever. They're not even going to approach the truth. It's not even an argument whether that's true or not. It's a matter. So there's stories that happen in the world, Mike, and our great fans send them to Dan by emailing or by tweeting. We got a fun dumb one today. At DanielVanKirk, hashtag dumb people town,

and that lets them know where it comes in the timeline. Who came first with it. So let's just go. We got one. Let's jump in right now because we got you here. Okay. A little bit of fun dumb, but definitely dumb nonetheless. Sent in by Liz Haggerty, at Liz Haggerty.

Thank you, Liz. I want to call her Gentleman Liz Haggerty. Here we go. She might want it that way. She might want it that way. I don't know. They might want it that way. Sure.

Bomb disposal experts were called out to a site on the outskirts of birmingham. This comes from us from the independent in the uk were called out to a site in the outskirts of birmingham after an angler pulled grenades out of a river. Che williams was using a magnet device in the river tame near sutton coalfield in an effort to find an old fishing lure. Now i I don't want to say I already know this man through and through based on the fact that he is fishing for

one lure that he lost. He's fishing for the thing you fish with. Yes! Are you getting any bites? I don't know. It's not a real lure. That lure wasn't the last thing your grandfather handed you before he was killed by the guy that you just lost to in a wrestling match before you got your powers i there's no reason to be looking for this he's

treating this fishing lure like it was the watch that christopher walken gave to bruce willis and paul fiction you this did not live in your asshole for 20 years have you ever seen someone at recently have you seen someone with like a metal detector at a beach? I know that's so like hacky. I haven't. It's wonderful. In fact, I feel like as a kid, I really wanted one. And my parents would,

because I don't know if any of you ever subscribed to that magazine, Boy's Life. Like they almost made you subscribe to it in Cub Scouts. Yes. And they always had these ads for things like metal detectors and like a hover car that you built up like a lawnmower engine or something and my parents were broke which i didn't really conceptualize at the time so i thought they

were just mean and didn't want me to have a metal detector right but they cash fast i saw a guy well wait a second had they let you get one maybe they wouldn't be so broke yeah i'm sorry to judge your parents but here's the deal with this guy it's not even a metal detector i don't know if it's an upgrade or downgrade. He's magnet fishing. Do you guys know what this is? So you put a magnet at the end of a big magnet at the end circular and I had to like some rope stringish

drop it down and just gather everything that comes up and I'm pretty sure this has become wildly popularized because of tick tock. There's so many there's magnet fishing tick tock is runs deep. Yeah, so he is using a magnet lure to find a lure. First of all, unless that whole lure is metal, a lot of them are wood. Unless that or plastic plastic, he's only hoping to catch one tiny needles

thread worth of like metal to be able. I don't know if he's the dumbest person or the most optimistic, but sometimes they're both. Sometimes it's right next to each other on the cul-de-sac of thought. Yes. He was using the magnet device. You just go one way to get to the one house and you go the other way to get to the other house. He was using it in an effort to find an old fishing lure he had lost.

Also, imagine being one of the people in his life that he has to keep talking about this lure. Because you know that if he's gone this far looking for it, he's been talking about it. I bought the big magnet. Well, he's British. No, I'll stick with this place. I like this guy. I like being... I just imagine this guy from Wisconsin.

As soon as he leaves the house, his wife calls her sister. He's doing it again. He's doing it again. Magneting him. Magneting again. He's magneting again. Magnet PI. I told you not to marry him.

I told you not to marry him. By the way, Dan, you deserve a lot of credit for that. Magnet again. Magnet PI. I told you not to marry him. I told you not to marry him. By the way, Dan, you deserve a lot of credit for that. Magnet PI. Magnet PI. Magnet PI is very funny. Effort to find an official where he lost when he began hauling up grenade after grenade. So you haul up one grenade

and you say it's time to stop magneting. Right. Yeah. But grenade after grenade. At some point you are what's his to stop magmiting right yeah, but grenade after grenade at some point you are what's his name? Charles Bronson, is that his name to that on which death wish? Yeah, that's Charles. You have a death wish, right? Yeah, Williams said he realized quote. It might be best to contact the police when he later realized might be two of the world war two grenades still have their pins in place.

If you find one grenade, stop what you are doing. By the way, if you find a grenade that is intact, that means that it could blow up, right? But yeah, but if he's saying I've pulled out grenade after grenade, that means he's taking grenades. He has found setting them next to him and looking for more grenades probably more down here yeah i imagine they like go into a wicker basket like they're apples yes you know what i mean that's right he's got one of those like over the shoulder bat satchel action and he's saying out loud i should

probably stop but i can't i can't i can't because i'm either going to find a grenade or a lure either way my lures underneath dan you gotta tell your story tell your story from my album thanks diane which if you don't have it dumb people town fans go get it right now this is a great way to support the market princeton wisconsin i say the largest so much of yeah it's the largest outdoor weekly apr weekly April till October flea market in the state of Wisconsin. They found their niche. It's a horrible t-shirt. Yep.

And my brother, Matt, my cousin, Kenny, I'm literally doing it the exact same. Just do it. It's a great story. Nine years old. They bought a grenade, a grenade. My mom, Diane K. Swanson, walked them back up and said, did you sell these two boys a grenade? He looked my mom in the eyes and said, it's never gone off.

Is it real? It's never gone on. That's not what you say to a mom of a nine. Oh, no. And by the way, that doesn't. So what? And there was another. We won't do it here because it's sad. You know, we don't do that. Animals, bad kids, mental health stuff. We there was a story of like, I think in South Carolina, North Carolina, somebody bought a grenade at a flea market. It blew up and I killed the kid. This just happened like a few weeks ago. They're called

grenades, right? They're yeah, maybe yeah, and also, of course, it didn't go off because it's still a grenade. It stops being a grenade once it no longer exists after it blows. It's in a bunch of pieces, right debris. Yeah, he told my mom. He goes, I'm pretty, it's in a bunch of pieces. It's debris. Yeah. He told my mom, he goes, I'm pretty sure it's a dud, which is not how you

pretty sure. Yeah. Unless you know that it's a lighter and it looks like a grenade and it turns into a lighter for that or spice bomb cologne, which for some reason, a great smelling clone that comes in a grenade. Yes, I don't know why. Okay, because you want to blow up with good sense. There's some in my bathroom right now. Yes, I don't know why okay, because you want to blow up with good sense there may there's some in my bathroom right now. All right, it

smells great guys. It's like the douchiest best smelling thing in the world. Okay, a me says okay, the father of two, so he has two grenades with pins in him doesn't stop him. The father of two from Coles Hill had previously found a pair of scissors, a five pence coin and a hub cap using the twenty dollars. We converted it magnet. He said when I found the first grenade, I thought what on earth is that I believed it was a door knob covered in dirt. Do not take this guy on the ten thousand dollar pyramid no, but when I had a closer look and thought bloody hell, that's a hand grenade. Then I

kept pulling them up one after one. They kept coming out from the same spot. Stop grenade after grenade. Stop. I couldn't believe it. I was absolutely buzzing and now here is a picture of this guy and he is buzzing. He could not be happier with himself and he has the grenade one of them in his

hands. I'm going to bring it up on the screen. You will be able to see it and you guys will be able to see it right now. Look at this guy. First of all, if you didn't, if you weren't already imagining a ponytail, it's there. Yeah, he definitely, but by the way, that is a ginormous grenade like that. It's just that's your standard. He's like a fisherman, you

know, we hold it closer to the that looks so big. That's how they get you. He looks like your mom's friend, Leslie. They don't they don't speak anyway. The angler said he initially took the devices home in a carrier bag. You called it Randy's, a satchel over the shoulder mail bag for asking friends on Facebook. What he should do. I'm just going to say blanket statement. I don't care if it's grenades. I don't care if it's

gondolas. Do not ask people on Facebook what you should do. Never. I don't care what I heard. The picture blew up on Facebook. That's my brother. Stop it. A chap replied saying I should call the police or end up getting myself blown up. So I thought that might be what is best to do. He said I'm going to ask you guys how many grenades we did. We

will after you give your answers. How many grenades did he think he pulled out of the water that day? I'm going to say five. Five grenades. Jay, what do you think? Like 12. 12.

Yeah, I'm going to say like 15. 15. Okay, we're going to take a quick break. When we come back, we will hear what's going on with all of us, and we will find out how many grenades he pulled out of the water. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town.

out of the water. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get to all the cool stuff Mike Drucker has going on, by the way,

if you're not following him on Twitter, do that now. But we will get into that in a second. We want to mention a couple things on our end. If you do not have your tickets yet for What are you doing? Jack Black and Open Mike Eagle on live, Dumb People Town, it's going to be a great show.

Nowhere Comedy. 27th, Nowhere Comedy Club, 6.30 p.m. West Coast time, 9.30 Eastern, eventbrite.com, or go to danielvancurk.com. We got your Saturday night plans covered. You got a safe COVID-friendly way to see a live comedy show in the comforts of your own home. Also, Jay and I are doing stand-up on March 20th, Nowhere Comedy Club club get your tickets at eventbrite.com go to that and then if you want to do some hangs i do bingo we raise money for uh no kill animal shelters big brothers big sisters as well as food banks plus you can win prizes and tell secrets and listen to music we're doing a

soundtrack version of bingo all the songs will be from movie soundtracks and then also i do pub trivia night as well as a movie night i've never never seen Casablanca. You watch it. I'll watch it. And then we'll get together and talk about it. Discuss. All that stuff is at DanielVanKirk.com. Good people, good vibes. Mike Drucker has a new book.

It's out. I want people to get it. Just do yourself a favor and get it. But let people know. And I love that you went through an independent press to do it, too, because I like supporting. Look, we're podcasting on a podcasting network. You can't get more indie than us. So please let, let people know about it.

Yeah, of course. Um, so there's this series of books called boss fight books and they're all about video games. The more people probably know the 33 and a third, you know, those little books about individual albums. Yes. Yes. It's the video game equivalent of that where they have different authors take a book about different games and my show they offered me the chance to do it and i really love video games so i wrote a book about this horror game called silent hill i mean you are slow playing silent hill 2 this movie that game is a i'll say it cover the kids it's a mind fuck it is i would put it uh way above resident evil code veronica yes i agree i i agree because i had to write a book about it so i had to play it like eight to ten times wow and like record myself and take thorough notes and like because the game also

has a lot of different endings so it's not just like this is playstation 2 right experience it 2001 2002 2001 okay it came out i want to say october 2001 which was a very weird time for anything to come out yeah they're like let's um we're just after 9 11 let's uh do something very let's do something horror based i mean i guess you went into blockbuster seeing if anybody had brought back silent hill 2 it's a great game. It's still great and it still holds up. So yeah, I wrote a whole book about it and it's the history of it and sort of a look at how

the characters fit into the story and how the story fits into the gameplay and a little bit of my personal experience with it. Do they allow you to be funny? It's a very short book. Is it funny? It is funny. Yeah. I'm surprised that I got jokes in it without ruining it. Great.

The first draft, the first draft was like all jokes, but then I realized that I was trying very hard to try too hard. Right. So then I like made it a normal book that was funny. That's great. And I'm sure even when you're like, I wish I still had more,

like people read it and it's like, it's never what you think it is. Like you have your vision of what it was with all the jokes in it. People are going to read it and be like, this vision of what it was with all the jokes in it. People are going to read it and be like, this is a funny book. Right. Yeah. Fascinating.

I'm 100% going to read this book. Please. It's awesome. Yeah. It's available on Kindle from Amazon. You can also buy it from the publisher, physical or digital, bossfightbooks.com. Please support the indie publisher because they get all the money versus split it with Amazon. Gotcha. Awesome.

People should do that. Do that right before the break i asked you guys how many grenades did our friend pull out of the water the magnet fisherman by the way okay so here's my question magnet pi magnet pi is so good but the idea that people noodle which you know that's like they go in the water and then with their hands their hands catch into the mud and pull catfish out so that's one way of fishing that i didn't know existed until maybe 10 years ago yeah for sure yeah now magnet fishing is another thing i feel like that could be a fishing non-fishing fishing show yes right magnet fishing on like the history channel right 100 or oh yeah totally like we found a car right

and it'll be all that stuff okay so if you magnet okay I'm gonna pitch this show Mike let's figure this out right now magnet fishing okay

where it's half magnet fishing and half antiques roadshow so it's kind of like you get the you get the pawn shop people

whoever's out there this is like storage wars yes right or it's like American pickers if you tried to pitch this it would probably sell this show and then you would have to do it. Right. Oh my

God. Magnet fishers. Magnet fishers or you could call it catfishers and all the guys who are fishing, we trick them into thinking they're fishing for things and they pull up. Exactly. Pull up grenades. Okay. We call it love attraction. All right, here we go. How many? What did you guys all guess?

I said 12. I said fifteen and you said five five. Mike said I'm writing it. I'm going a bit low that Che Williams pulled out of the water and then put in his little satchel. Yeah, the number is nineteen. Oh

nine grenades. So okay, let's back talk. Let's back talk to grenades. Yeah, like, let's back talk. 19 World War II grenades. Yeah, let's back talk this. How do 19 World War II grenades just get dumped into the Thames River? I don't know.

Like, why? Under what circumstances were like, this is a good thing. Let's just get rid of them and dump them here. Someone who really wanted to forget World War II from their life. Or like some soldier accidentally did it. It was like, I don't know what happened to them.

They're gone. It just moved on. Or it was like a Shawshank Redemption thing where it's like the grenades are falling out the bottom of his pant leg just into the river. Little by little. One grenade. Like 19 of them. He's trying to demilitarize the UK little by little.

Yeah. Wouldn't you be afraid that if it dropped in, it would explode? Yeah. The grenades with pins, though, were x-rayed and thankfully found to contain no explosives or detonators though. They had the pins. Wow. Mr. Williams says he was disappointed. He will not get to keep his unusual hall since the wartime artifacts

will now be destroyed by the bomb squad. If they've already had all the everything taken out of them, why would they have to destroy him? I don't know because bomb squads like to destroy stuff if you work on a bomb squad you're not there to just do nothing you brought us down here yeah right we showed up i i also assume there's some element of prevention of being like if you find a bomb we blow it up ourselves you do not get to keep the bomb that's right because i'm sure like people

would be like i'm gonna go magnet fishing for bombs it's like no right yeah you don't win even if you win and if you lose you lose you lose big time you lose a hand mr williams says he's disappointed he added the bomb squad x-rayed them and said they're safe we knew that he said they're going to dispose of them i won't be getting the back i'm really disappointed because i was told they were all from world war ii and i thought i could get how much for them how much do you guys think we'll do we'll do one more that he thought I could get how much for them. How much do you guys think? We'll do one more. That he thought he could get? Yes. 10,000 pounds.

I love that you put it in British money. All right, Jay, what do you think? 20,000 pounds. I'm going to go right in this conversion. Oh, let's do dollars. Let's do dollars. $10,000 is about... $10,000 is $13,600.

All right, so $13,600. Jay, $10,000 is $13,600. All right, so $13,600. Jay, what did you say? $20,000. That's $27,300. Just so everybody knows, listening, I'm doing this in my head. I know the conversion. Dan, I'm going to say $20,000,

so somewhere in the neighborhood of $16,000. I wouldn't put it. It's actually $16,200. Okay. I do a lot of math with my kids. He thought he was going to get $205 for these things. What are you scrapping? What are you scrapping?

It's a sort of World War II artifacts. You're getting more than $200. Call up Ken Burns. I know. $205. Yeah. $205. What does that get you nowadays?

$205? $205. I don't know. A room in Vegas. Well, I mean right now get you four rooms. We get our world back. Go ahead. One of those grenades didn't really have a pin in it. That was the

lure had like found its way wedge in. Yeah, my God, exactly. He said they were all doing safe. They could have been taken away to be disposed of. He wishes he could kept keep them all right. We'll get out of here on this. Final thing. If you're a Patreon, though, person, stick around because Mike's got his own little dumb story from his life

that we'll get to hear about. And we'll also get to remind you to get his book because how old do you think Che Williams is? We saw him. I know. We can bring him right back up. You guys can get another look at him, which means you know it's deceiving.

Yeah. How old do you think he is? Oh, no. Yep. See, looks are deceiving. Now you've got more information that you need, Mike. Yeah. You can go last if you want.

We can make these boys go first. I want to go last. I want to go last. I'm sorry. You ready? I'm just reminded of Drake Saylor's old joke. When I think of my grandmother, three words come to mind. What a lesbian okay um

god this dude i'm gonna say you know what he's doing he's looking for a lure 41 41 years old okay i think he's 38 38 years old i'm gonna i'm gonna actually guess he's he's a young weirdo nerd i'm gonna say 29 29 years Yeah. With a lot of damage to him. One of you is only one year off. Okay. So now you can't. Everybody has the option to go up or down a year and change their number. I would recommend you do it.

Yeah, you should just do it. Because everybody knows they're not right. I say 39. Okay. 42. Okay. 28. I'll go down.

Okay. All right. He definitely looks like. I, all right, down. All right. He definitely looks like I agree with you, Mike. He definitely looks like he's going to look like he's the exact same age for thirty years. Yeah, so let's exactly let's get that out there. Here we go. Yeah, Jay Williams,

nineteen grenades, zero lures is forty two years old. Oh, and I'm oh the right call. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Oh my God.

Look at that. That's so good. That's a mini story, my friends. That's a mini story. Thanks so much, everybody, for joining. Pick up Mike's book. Join our Patreon and you'll be able to hear

these ultra awesome extra stories. That's the only way to do it. We give you lots of extra content on that as well. Again, that's Boss Fight Book, Silent Hill 2. Yeah. Thank you very much. Awesome. And oh shit, we got to get back to well. Again, that's Boss Fight Book, Silent Hill 2. Yeah. Thank you very much.

Awesome. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dump People Town.