Dumb People Town - Mike O'Brien - Shame Face Son

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

Comedian, writer, and podcaster Mike O'Brien (Business Trips on ATC) stops by Randy warns against taking your dad's ashes on a pub crawl, Daniel describes a pickle mobile theft, and Jason explains how a Maryland license plate accidentally advertises a Filipino online casino. Thanks to our sponsor: Prize Picks! Go to PrizePicks.com/dpt and use code: DPT for a first deposit match up to $100!

Thank you. So listen to our podcast, Dan, with co-host Armand Dan. Vanders, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down. It's Dump People Town. Townies, we want to thank our sponsor, PrizePix. PrizePix is the most fun that I've had winning up to 25 times my money this football season. You just select two or more players, pick more or less on their projected stats, and place your entry.

What you do is you go to prizepix.com slash DPT. Use the code DPT for a first deposit match up to $100. That's prizepix.com slash DPT. Use the code DPT for a first deposit match up to $100. Promo codes all lowercase. Prize picks. Daily Fantasy Sports made easy. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town.

Population O'Brien. Mike O'Brien. Welcome to the show. What's up, guys? So happy to have you. I'm so excited to do it. Yeah, I mean, let's talk about dumb people. Kind of skirting around having me for years.

We've been wanting it for years. That's true. Well, I kept requesting POP and then I didn't realize. Dan kept requesting. We said no. He needs to create more quality shows on TV and participate in things. You were so busy. You were like, I'm doing AP bio.

I'm doing this and that. You were busy being successful and we couldn't get to you, and now we got you. Yeah, and a pandemic and a strike freed me up a little bit. Yeah, all of us. Isn't that weird how that happened? We have many, many connections. Second City with Daniel, Ann Arbor.

Also, some of my favorite stuff on SNL. Of course. On Shorts, man. Yes. Oh, my God. Hilarious. We're fans first, but connections next, and now you're here with us, and we get to just break down dumb behavior.

I got a dumb story. Great. I think we jump right into it. Let's jump right in, and then we'll find out what you got going on, which is an amazing podcast with our buddy Brad Morris. We'll talk about that later. First story. First story sent in by, I almost did her Twitter handle,

Carleen McDermott at SheBeCarleen. Thank you, Carleen. The way to do it is you just uh tweet at daniel van kirk at sklar brothers hashtag dumb people town that lets us know when you found the story and this one was sent in by uh carlene mcdermott okay you ready here's the headline son loses dad's ashes in tesco bag for life after several hour booze filled bender I love that they shaded him a little bit like I just you know you've lost these for life

they're gone how do we know that he's not gonna get back I know that's not what your dad wanted you to do what's a Tesco bag yeah what is that Tesco's like a like a supermarket in like a Dwayne Reed or yeah or like where should I put dad's ashes throw them in a Tesco bag it's like a mire yeah it's like a mirene Reed? Yeah, or like, where should I put dad's ashes? The mire? Throw them in a Tesco bag.

It's like a mire? Yeah, it's like a mire. I mean, it's more like. We're probably going to find out, but were they loose in there? Yeah, just straight up loose. So it's like the jewels. The story comes to us from the mirror in the UK. All right, a shame-faced son.

I mean. There's a lot of op-ed in this. Shame-faced son? Shame-faced son opened for they might be giants. And I didn't feel that it was a good pairing, but I saw that later. Shame face son does sound like a 10,000 maniac song from that first album. Yeah. Shameful bodied. Shame face son is perfect for any Irish band because you don't talk about it.

You're just shame-faced. Let me have two blue moons and a shame-faced sun. Yeah, it also sounds like a line from Banshee's Invincire. Oh, I don't like any shame-faced. He's shame-faced. The regret-hipped daughter. Anyway, all right. Shame-faced son has appealed for help in finding his dad's ashes.

That's bad, too, when you're like, hey, has anybody seen a tesco's bag filled with oh that's better because i thought he spilled them and he was and i'm like you think you're gonna be lost i'm not an idiot i tied the top the writers already decide they're gone forever right what's he bothering right the writer's not even like flat out there's no hope for this writer it's like a parent you're gonna go out and look for your bike don't bother it's gone are you gonna go look it's gone well i don't do you want me to look or not yeah don't bother uh in finding his dad's ashes which he lost in a tesco bag for life again for life i think this writer is related to the dad yeah for life this is written by his

uncle are you happy about that you happy after quote so this is where you're like this guy's dumb after quote one last trip to the beach turned into a how many hour pub crawl i feel like you just read the back of a vhs after one last trip to the beach turned into a michael found out what a real pub crawl was all about. And I'll give it with my answer. Holiday weekend at Bernie's. I'll give it with my answer. After one last trip to the beach turned into a nine-hour pub crawl.

Okay, what do you think? After one... You got to do it with that voice. Okay. Oh, fuck. You got your number? Do you have your number? Fine, Jay, you want to go second?

After one last trip to the beach, it turned into a 18-hour pub crawl. Wow. It can happen. That's a serious pub crawl. But if they're going to mention it, it can't be like two. After one last trip to the beach turned into a 14-hour pub crawl. Get your answers in, towniesies because after one last trip to the

beach, one of you is exactly right. So now we get to play. Do you think you're right? You're going to stick with 18? I'm shame faced about mine. Where do you want to go? 9 or 14? I'm staying with 9. I'm going 14. Okay. You're going to stay where you are? I'm staying

with 14. Okay. After one last trip to the beach turned into a nine-hour broadcast. Oh, Daniel. Oh, that feels good. Think of college. Just ballpark it. What is the longest drinking day you've ever done? St. Patrick's Day. It's mine too.

It's Chicago St. Patrick's Day starting at 6 a.m. Southside. I ended up at one point, I was drinking I think off diversity and i'm all by the time that i was drinking at a chipotle because they served margaritas yeah stop it and i think i went until i got to a point we were in a place called shy town tap on lincoln and i i know this is a lie guys don't get me wrong it's just dumb midwestern i i looked at bradford and cory and i said i i think i've drunk myself sober i don't i don't feel anything

anymore i'm just going home you could be drunk too yeah we used to kind of drink for the full 24 hours of uh we would do improv for 24 hours it was for charity yeah yeah letters to santa i've had some long but i didn't start till late yeah i mean it's yeah how much are you drinking at each place is kind of the thing too i saint patty's day you've done on and off for 24 hours yeah like on and off like all right i'll have another one little bailey's in the coffee at some point yeah exactly i think we've done saint patty's day probably 12 hours i did a nine to six one time nine hours i mean that's that's a long time all right stan blade that's his name no plant plan blade stan blade blade all right stan blade stan blade plan to make a tiktok video

of himself visiting pleasure rides at south end essex with dad steven jewett's ashes as a final farewell, but instead visited the dodgems on South end pier with his dad. We want to, let's do this at the end. We'll get his age at the end and bumped into a group of old pals and ended up on a poker. His or his dad's though. His pals, his pals and ended up in a pub crawl.

What are you doing? I'm about to scatter my, ah, fuck that. Come on. And ended up in a pub crawl. What are you doing? I'm about to scatter my eyes. Ah, fuck that. Come on. That's not important. What are your next nine hours? Now, I notice his dad's name isn't Blade. Yeah.

That's just Stan. That's a telltale. That's his. I mean, that's a pen name, you think? Which is why he went to go do the rides, because that's what his dad did with him during like his visitation time. Right. That was the weekends with the dad. Dan, his most convincing

friends like, let me ask you something. He gonna be dead in nine hours? You can come. By the way, they're British and Jay's making him from. He's still gonna be dead in nine hours? I know your dad done. He'd like to do two things. Beat the shit out of you and drink.

So tonight we're doing both. We're doing it for him. He's still going to be ashes in nine hours. Because we've all had times on the road where you've either gone to a bar or gone to even fucking breakfast with your luggage, with one bag. And it is the most. Oh, shit. I forgot my luggage.

Like, it's the most. Can you guys keep this here? This dude's doing this with a bag of ashes. A Tesco's bag of ashes. And getting more and more impaired. And more drunk. Yeah. Right?

It's not just time. It's reduction of facility. And you know when they. Drunk face. Faculty. Drunk face instead of shame face. When they saw him, you know they were like, Blader! Blader!

Dude, the Bladester's here, dude. So Shame Face on the Bladestorm. We cutting it tonight, dude. Shame Face might just be flush from being drunk. Yeah, he's just beer red. Sometime during the drink, Stan misplaced the shopping bag containing a wooden casket, which held the ashes of his dad. Wait, so we're out of the bag?

So no, it was in a wooden casket from the beginning they had us believing that it was just a loose bag this is even crazier i know wooden casket you know he's drinking for free that's you're doing a pub pub crawl and you have i got my dad in here you're not getting charged oh wait wait but putting ashes in a casket is kind of a funny like thing that you've like i will not be buried i will not be buried where should we put these ashes in a casket is kind of a funny like thing that you've like i will not be buried i will not be buried where should we put these ashes in a tiny casket and then lower into a tiny hole that would be this by the way it is the plot of downsizing right it is weird because big casket you just go somebody died small casket you're like oh my god a child but can i just say what's

the difference being funny right this is almost like a family guy if you go farket you're like oh my god a child but can i just say what's the difference being funny right this is almost like a family guy if you go far enough you're like this is hilarious and i think the tiny the dad who's the biggest should be in the smallest casket and tiny casket being loaded all right wasn't that an elton johnson lower me down your tiny casket held that tiny casket closer he only discovered his blunder after finally arriving home just after midnight on Saturday, March 18th, after having drunk. How many tins of Stella and how many pints of lager? Tins of Stella, I don't know what that is. Probably a can of Stella.

A can of Stella and how many pints of lager according to who him yeah i mean that might be a double the narrator might not be reliable started at 3 p.m he left after the luncheon yeah i'd like that he only had two types of beer and that the writer separate just say how many beers right just have any beer but want tins or tins or pints tins or pints tins might be big they might be the ginormous like a foster's type yeah like a little mini keg of whatever it is yeah or at least maybe it means like that like a 16 ouncer yeah maybe which is a pint as well um how many tins of stella how many pints of lager just give you the total number yeah i'm gonna go But I want you to break it up too. Okay, fine.

I'm going to go three and seven. Three and seven. For a total of ten. I'll go nine tins and one Stella. He didn't like it. He didn't like it. He went back to the tins. So you went eight tins, didn't like it, went back to the tin. I also didn't drink them all.

I poured a little bit out for my dad. I drank them all. Who I don't know wears many caskets. Go ahead. Dude, this guy is drunk. I poured a little bit out for my dad. I drank them all. Who I don't know where his mini casket is. Go ahead. Dude, this guy is drunk. I'm going to say eight and nine hours. Yeah. Ten and ten.

Ten and ten. All right, get transfers in townies. Ten. Because this blade, stand blade. Stand blade. Six tins of Stella and five pints of lager in a couple of pubs. He confessed to his irate stepmom, Emma Hopkins, who had previously told him he could not take the ashes out of the home. Don't take the ashes.

She's like, do not take this out. You're going to run into your stupid friends. What's going to happen? I've got them in a shopping bag. What's the worst? You think I'm going to hurt him? He's dead. Also, stepmom, at this point, you're not listening to your stepmom.

You're not my real mom. Oh, I'd go years back. But you really got nothing that's keeping you. This is just a woman in your house. Right, who got all your dad's stuff. Right. Musician Stan. That's, again, Stan Bladis' musician name.

That's where the blade comes in. That's where the fucking blade comes in. Electric guitar player. It's solo prog rock i came home and all instrumental no one wants to hear that it's like weather report i came home and my stepmom asked where's your dad uh dead i don't know what to say she was not pleasing me at all and i do not blame her that's good all right no shit fair he added my dad was a really funny bloke and he would have absolutely loved the idea of me riding a

roller coaster with his ashes at his side so he's now riding roller coasters yeah no because he never made it there yeah he had a good sense of humor so i just wanted to do something to pay tribute uh to that as i haven't visited my hometown in a while so now this is just about him going doing shit in his hometown. He comes home. The idea was to take him to the beach, go on all the bumper cars, get an ice cream. You know, all the stereotypical things you do at a beach. Could you imagine? Buy the bumper cars, put your dad in a tiny casket.

You put your kid in the bumper car and you're like, hit the guy with the casket. And then it's like a plume of smoke in your kid's face. It's like LeBron getting ready to go on the court well your dad's in his final resting place where's that the floor of the bathroom of the thirsty crow you just see the plume and you're like the fuck kind of gender reveal is that they're having a gray kid we don't know all right we're gonna let our kid be what they want but we're still then why even do the gender review? We're not defining it. So he's supposed to eat ice cream.

That was the ideal version, too, was he rides bumper cars with finger bashes. Right. So he's like, I'm running about to derail. But I ended up bumping into friends and getting drunk along the seafront. After realized his dad was missing, Stan went straight back to scour every pub he'd been with the friends, but no one had seen his dad. All right. If you see a bad. This is movie this is like a heralding finding finding my dad's ashes right at my this is like a drunken adult finding nemo he last saw the wooden casket holding his dad's ashes near adventure island on the seafront

he then made a tiktok appeal for information about whereabouts the ashes in the video uh say he made the same title saying information about whereabouts he ashes in the video. He made the same title saying missing person. Stan explains he was visiting his hometown from Leicester, where he now lives, to see family and friends when he came up with the idea. Still slurring in the video. I mean, come on. We open on him coming home. She says, where's dad?

Where's dad? He goes, leave me alone. Oh, shit. she says where's dad where's dad he goes leave me alone oh shit then a super fast hyper rewind and then the movie starts with him heading to the beach still slurring in the video of the ball crawl i convinced my stepmom to do a tiktok i thought it would be funny you don't get nothing so she's in the beginning reluctantly yeah put him in the dodge them cars put them in the big wheel give them a kiss me quick hat and stick of rocks and stuff what do you think a kiss me quick hat is i don't know i felt like you were reading weird shakespeare double double toil and trouble

a hat if you told me a kiss me quick hat is a condom i would believe you what is it kiss me quick i think it's literally what it is what i have to say kiss me yes oh oh maybe yeah and a stick of rock and stuff i don't know what a stick of rocket that's crack cocaine at this point i think he's a witch i have no idea she didn't want me to do it but i did it anyway and reply to his question are you ready to see the funny side yet his stepmom emma hopkins we'll get her age in a second said not really no i fucking had those ashes for 12 years the article is wait he died 12 years ago this kid is now getting around to this he's now doing the bumper cars that would have been the

greatest guess ever ran not to shame face you but you say how recently had the dad died i was doing ages none of us would have 12 years no wait she swore in the newspaper they did they started out they starred start start these are her quotes yeah start again with her he she he says to her are you ready to see the funny side in the tiktok and then she says no not really no i fucking had those ashes for 12 years i i told you not to take them to the seat all you want to do is do things on tiktok but also when she's mad later on nine hours later i'm going you said you're sick of having these fucking ashes i think i gave you what you really hoped for. Wait, wait. She's using this ashes thing as a referendum of how much she's on TikTok. All you do is get on TikTok.

Let's talk about China. All right. Stan's dad, Stephen Jewett, died in 2011 at age, we'll find out, from complications from alcohol abuse. I wonder if it got past that. He disappeared doing what he loved. Too many tins. This is my favorite thing. If his ashes aren't found soon, Stan says he'll report him missing to the book.

You can't do that. Can you do that? He's been missing for 12 years. And that's just dead. He's been missing from your life a lot longer, I think. When did you last see him? Alive? 13 years ago.

2011. Yeah. All right. Musicians and comics, you could just ask him who left. He was saying, bring me one more tin. Okay. So there's so much. If I drink one more tin, I'm going to end up losing you.

The fact that we haven't made a dust in the wind reference at this point. The movie's called Dad's in the Wind. Dad's in the Wind. It's very dude, where's my car? Yes. Dude, where's my car? Yes. Dude, where's my dad? They drank too much and lost their car, I believe. The Hangover just ripped that off.

When we blue sky it in the room, we'll figure this all out. Okay, hold on. So we got to figure out how old. Okay. So how old, let's start with him. Son. How old is the son who lost the, okay. He's having done for 12 years.

Yep. Come on. I had him in the early 20s until that. And he's still dealing with the stepmom, and he's still drunk enough to go out and be an idiot. I'm going to go 33 years old. Mike, what do you think? Jesus, I was feeling something like that too.

Take it. I'll go 30. 30. Jay, what do you think? 27. All right, get your answers in town he's young because this man stan blade musician shamefaced 39 years old oh my god how old was the dad when he died in 2011 stan jewett was 12 years ago. I can't believe Blade lives with his stepmom

12 years after the death. The music career is not going to wait. He lives in Leicester and he's coming back home. He just does his TikToks there. It's just a place to do his content. I'm going to say that he was 51. 51 when he died? What do you think when he died?

So 63 now? Because he's a missing person now. I'll say it takes a little while, I assume, to drink yourself to death. I'll go. But you do have a 27-year-old kid. 55. What do you think? I think he's 58.

He would be 70 now. Yeah, but I mean, he was 58 in 2011. I said 51. In 51, 55, 58. Get your answers in, townies, because Mr. Jewett, when he died, was 60 years old. Oh! Very nice. Now.

Too young. Guys, don't do it. Don't drink yourself for fun. Now, tell me how old Emma Hopkins, the stepmom, is now. He's been gone 12 years. He was 60. how old is she now 60 okay what do you think 67 i think she was 48 26 i think she was younger 13 years younger than me 26 you're saying she was 18 when he was dating

her at 60 no that wouldn't even he'd be 14 she'd be 14. But it's England. Okay, fine. There you go. Get your answers in, Tannies. Emma Hopkins is 49 years old. Oh my God! 60 to 37. She's a stepmom, so she's number two. Or four.

Yeah, we don't even know that, but that's what it is. And I just thought that was a hilarious story. Oh my Lord. Dan's got story number two. dan's got story number two i should have story two dance got story he's older than well he walked no i messed it all up dan you got story number two oh i do come back we're gonna find out about the podcast that uh mike is doing plus your plugs yeah our plugs in the podcast mike's doing with our buddy uh brad morris it's so much fun i love it we'll be right back dumb people town mike o'brien We'll see you in a minute. Hey, guys.

Welcome back to the show. Mike O'Brien is with us. We're so happy. We're going to find out about and talk about his podcast and everybody just say one thing they love about Brad Morris, who is his co-host. We'll do that in a second. First, let's tell them what we have going on, Jay. Yeah, I'm not sure when this is dropping, but we...

Say end of October, early November. Yeah, so early November, we've got on November 6 six, we're doing another tag it at Largo. And I believe Kumail is going to be on that show and a few other wonderful folks. Uh, so that's really fun. That's where we tag people's jokes and show that comedy is a community, uh, really collaborative and fun. And then we're going to be, uh, at the blue room in Springfield, Missouri, uh, on the ninth and 10th or 10th and 11th. And on the 12th we'll be in New York at the New York Comedy Festival doing our two-man show which we did out here

at Dynasty Typewriter which we really love and hopefully figure out a way to maybe do a run of that show maybe in New York like a lengthy I mean hopefully if we get asked to do Moon Tower again you guys will do it there too. Such a great space for it. They've done stuff like that before. That would be really fun. We would love it. So that and then we're going to be in cleveland uh

december 1st and 2nd and a bunch of other dates portland cleveland such a portland seattle uh back to denver at comedy works at the end of january beginning of february mark ridley's comedy castle at the end of february beginning of march uh and then of uh what are we doing oh uh back to uh we haven't even mentioned this we're back at the beginning of april in uh minneapolis at the great acme comedy company and then moon tower and then maybe alaska with gary goldman in uh may so good stuff happening all around super scholars.com to find out for that join our patreon and join this patreon which is so much fun so much fun and uh it can happen it's only five bucks a month it's so much fun all right mike let's talk

about the podcast. Please. We all love Brad Morris, one of the great improvisers and best character people. His drill down in the specifics of a character is maybe one of the best. It's so Clive Owen. It's just small moves that have huge impact. Truthful and funny. He's one of the rarest people.

And also, you guys experience this in St. Louis, you know, and I'm sure you do, too. I have places and things I go when I'm in Chicago, and you'll bring somebody new, and they'll be like, oh, so you're, like, the mayor of this place? And I go, and I'm always like, no, that guy's name is Brad Morris. Yes. I just know people here. Yes. It's truly who I bring up if anyone's ever, like, who are you around in Chicago? I'm like, you know Brad, I'm sure.

It'll go generations. Yeah. It could be well after you left or well after you got there like love brad morris yeah he's great so we've been uh improvising together since 2000 and multiple different teams and second city and everything and um uh this podcast is it's this is a high concept thing that you don't have to know any of to listen to the podcast but it's a prequel to a pilot we wrote of these two idiot guys they're um they have a travel show where they just talk about travel it's a really bad show this is in the pilot sure this is in the future um and the

show gets canceled but the fbi makes it keep going because the sound guy is a serial killer closing in on and do they know it and so they're told that yeah that this these are not gonna air but we have to keep things normal till we finally have enough evidence on this guy and they're just idiots and they don't care about the murdering they're like well we had to make more of this show we're gonna make it so good that it's undeniable so these are podcasts of us with very funny guests. We'd love to have you guys next season.

To a heartbeat, man. And we interview them about packing and the best place to eat here or there. And then it's always revealed that there's been another murder among our podcast staff. The ticking time bomb is that there's a serial killer in our midst. Yes. And it's the sound guy. That is so funny. Have you ever had where one of you showed up late and the other one was very worried that it was finally them? You weren't here for 10 minutes.

I didn't bring my phone. You can't say in the room why you were so late. My phone's all out of juice. I'm sorry. God, I was panicking. And we have the same recording engineer as you guys, Aaron. And we were like, does Aaron get murdered at some point? If so, we just need then Aaron to always go by a different name.

But yeah, that's so funny because we still need Aaron to do it. Right. But you play it straight. Yeah. Yeah. It's always like a really sad day at the podcast. And there's a, you know, Chad size hole and we give a little quick eulogy. And it's always like we just

found this out it was just last night he was strangled in his car right outside in the parking right here so the guests are always like what is this part and then the great thing about having comics like even though i don't know if it's i would be as myself as a character but i can really speak to travel and packing oh yeah yeah so you can really talk about it while also playing the game of the show. And luggage, the various types of luggage. What's the best type of luggage and what's the best way to pack? I could get into that.

They both get that it's dumb and they have strong opinions about it. Yeah, they're characters, but they're always like, oh, I just wanted to talk about how weird the Denver airport is or something. Oh, yeah. Why is it so far away?

What are they doing underground? Why do we have one line? One line. line one line security line i'm tsa pre-check and clear and i'm still waiting it'll move faster than you think but what is worse you when you security line at the denver airport or the check-in line for delta in detroit it's that horrible yeah terrible the worst yeah terrible the worst. I'm there constantly. So the title of the podcast, so people can find it. It's Business Trips.

Business Trips. Didn't say that. And yeah, it's everywhere you get podcasts. We do a video version on YouTube. We're early in releasing them, but check it out. Great.

I love it. Please do. So when this gets released, you will have released a few more and so it'll all be good. I love it. Jump in. Jump in on that.

Business Trips. I love it. Daniel, you got a story let's jump in um oh guys what i this somehow i put in a story i already did what no dan i think i have a backup you got a backup oh my god i don't care we don't care um this happens sometimes i know so as dan's searching around what i wanted to say about what i think is i think like you can play the character of like a of like a midwestern specifically michigan upper up dad who is like flustered by the minutiae of the world i'm like there is nobody to play it any better than like if we were ever writing that character i'd be like it's it's he can do this yes all right overwhelmed by the basics of life yeah yeah that it's super fun and apparently people tell me i

have an accent they're like oh you can hear the michigan i'm like i can't hear that i love it you have it you have it in a great way you've got it I have it on a word. I have a specific word that I don't even know how to say correct. It's calendar. Calendar. I've had people go calendar. Calendar. Calendar. Calendar. To say correct, you have to whisper it.

Calendar. Calendar. Calendar. It's like people who can't sing, sing low volume because you go high, it's out. Our buddy, Josh Levitsky from Chicago, or's from dc but lives in chicago he said that our tell of our st louis accident is when we when we say we have to do something i have to do it i have to do it i have to do that is it that is that never goes away for me it's just calendar she has to i don't go i don't say hey i have to do it i don't say say hat. I have to do it. I don't say dad. A half hour, 45 minutes. Yeah, I know.

That's good. Turn me on. Okay, I found it. I found one. Great. We got it. We got it. We got one, everybody.

We made it back there. Sent it by Brew Pounder, at Brew Pounder. Thank you. Just say it. I mean, could have been the guy from the last story. Yeah, it sounds like so. How many tins of Stella did he pass? Brew Pounder, also my favorite actor on The Wire.

Yeah. CC Brew Pounder. This is a fun little story. I can't say I had it locked and loaded for a two, but my favorite actor on The Wire. Yeah, C.C. Brew Pounder. This is a fun little story. I can't say I had it locked and loaded for a two, but I bet we'll have fun. C.C. H. Pounder. Akron Man steals Pickle Patrol Mobile. What?

Yes. Pickle Patrol Mobile. So is it a giant pickle? I'm assuming, yeah. It's like a hot dog shaped. It's like the wiener. The wiener. Or do they go around to pickleball courts and get. Okay. get it it's just a green van it's just green but does it try

and make sure that people aren't injuring other people on baseball courts doesn't patrol mean i'm against the thing i'm patrol like crime i've been deputized lay on the ground and put the pickle on your back crime patrol isn't out there committing crime. No. Pickle Patrol would be like, hey, you guys got pickles in this house? Right? No pickle street eating. They just, Dan, as they're driving by. Pickle people is what you want to go. Is that a pickle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Well, we're going to take you down, sir. Pickle Patrol. Pickle Patrol. Step away from the dill. Akron, Ohio. Okay. Has shown up recently. I've once eaten, by the way, a full jar of mini dill pickles in one sitting.

I go crazy. I've straight forked some dill discs. Dill discs? Oh, yeah. Did a little hamburger pickle. Yeah. You guys ever go with the, they're thin, but they're thin but they're the they're the like they went the spears yeah like oh i know what you're talking about it's like instead of what's the

julian like they julian julian instead of going the fat way they went the long way i thought you two of those on a burger yeah you're getting so much mass i don't think i get some so part of it for me is with a pickle and my mouth is watering as I'm saying this. I love it. You go sweet dill. Sweet dill is unbelievable. No, no, no. Wait, so you do love a sweet?

No. Not a sweet dill, but a kosher dill or new pickle or garlic flavored. All those I love, but recently I've had like, it's almost like a cucumber in sort of a sweet sauce. It's like from like a Thai food thing that comes with like a sachet. It's pickled. Okay, got it. What are we lacking that we crave pickles? Because that's a big pregnancy thing too, right?

Yeah. Pickles and ice cream. But if we're all thinking about pickles in this way, like what, is it salt? Definitely salt. Salt and like there's a tangy mouthfeel. The vinegar. The vinegar.

Growing up, and I would still do it to this day. I just haven't since I was a kid. The Princeton Flea Market, Princeton, Wisconsin. You can go listen to Thanksgiving if you want more of that content. But they... You would just buy a full pickle. Right. And then you just walk around.

So my kids... Oh, my God. That's a meal. My kids at Disneyland, you can get pickles. They would go to Disneyland and get a pickle. Pickle on a stick? No, it's just a dance set. It's so gratifying to bite into it.

It's like your Ozzy Osbourne biting off the head of a bat. Do I want a turkey leg for that? No, I'm just going to go with a pickle. Pot Belly's has huge pickles. And yeah, if you picture the size of your stomach, it's just bigger than the pickle. Right. You're like, how are we fitting all this content in here? What a pickle does to a Cubano sandwich.

Oh, I agree. Chicago dogs. Chicago dogs. You know, the spear. Yeah. Spear. Okay. The spear.

This made up phrase, drag it through the garden. Nobody said that. I've never heard that before, the bear. Okay. Not that they're not saying it down in bensonville okay akron ohio the akron pickle a company that specializes in everything pickle okay i don't don't what is that probably your pickles in your anus what is it i still think you should pickle patrol i scare people i know wants people to know that if they saw their prized pickle patrol

mobile driving erratically on tuesday afternoon it wasn't them behind the wheel right we can't it's like when someone damage control like when someone gets a hold of your twitter my twitter my pickle mobile got hacked they have a way that they drive the pickle patrol right it was not being driven that way slow and steady it's all over the plate making lane changes here and there. I also want the Pickle Patrol to be a pickle version of an ice cream truck, but it's just Steely Dan music instead of

I saw your pickle. It's just new age guys hear the song. It's like kids with ice cream. My favorite foreign movie. Akron police confirm the company's delivery truck was stolen and went for a wild ride. This isn't cars. The truck doesn't have a feeling about it.

You know what I mean? This looks like, from the picture you showed me, it looks like a VW bus, but the Wagoneer one, which is like early 80s. You know what I think it is? If you look at like a sprinter van i think it's an ambulance oh yeah old ambulance that they just painted green put that pickle on a stretcher what are his vitals bringing out the dead get the pickle paddles out according to police a delivery driver for the company clear was unloading items from the van when a suspect jumped into the driver's seat and took off with

the delinquent what do i always say if you this has happened before with police cars this has happened on this show with if you're going to stop and be taking stuff out of the back of your car turn off the keys yeah what do you what is this inviting somebody to steal your you know what happens has happened a lot in larger cities you are on the driver's side filling gas. You've just gotten out of your car. You think everything's chill and cool. Somebody just walks up, opens the passenger side door, grabs your wallet, your phone, whatever you have sitting there. There's a car between you and them, and they already know what's happening, and you don't.

So at minimum, you are 15 paces behind before it even starts. What I'm hoping is that this story reveals this suspect is Calvo Conte. Because I'm pretty sure that's what I know he stole a van that had the key. They're too embarrassed to say that this is it. The pickle.

That stork pickle. This is like a competitor. What if this was an inside job like 9-11? Like 9-11. Like 9-11. We don't need to get it. What happened? They stole a pickle. First time I'm hearing about it.

Police say before they caught up with the suspect, the delivery driver of the Pickle Patrol followed the suspect with the help of a passerby. Flag down a car and say, Come on, we're going. Follow that Pickle Patrol. Are you guys in for this? Let's go. Whoever those people are, too, will be like,

yeah, I can do that instead of where I was going. I got the afternoon. If you're not in a Nick Cage movie and you need to steal a car immediately, don't go with something that's so easily tracked. This is already... This is wearing like a hunter's vest. It might be the only green car in Akron. Yeah.

And they wanted to joyride apparently, so that's going to just be This is already, this is wearing like a hunter's vest. It's like the only green car in Akron. Yeah. Yeah. And they wanted to joyride apparently. Yeah. So that's going to just be. So you're drawing more attention to yourself. But it does make me feel like joyride, this was just a dare. Yeah. This feels calculated.

Yeah. Yeah. They're not dangerous. They're just idiots. Police say they caught up with the suspect. I just, the person who was all, you touched on him. I'm sorry, we skipped. But the person who was like, get in.

We'll all help. We'll follow. That person was waiting for that day. That person is like, this is my calling. So he says, we're going to follow. I think he's like, you just picked the right guy. Get the fuck in here. Get in here.

Get in here. Let's go. Follow that pickle, man. You got it. I'm the pursuit patrol. You're in the right Subaru. Stranger. Goes up to a stranger. You ready? Let's go. And the stranger says, I thought you'd never. pickle man you got it you're i'm the pursuit patrol you're in the right super stranger goes up to his change you ready let's go and the stranger says i thought you'd never oh exactly

in my mind it was it was it was hey man i saw i saw get in shotgun we're going someone steal that pickle mobile i thought you'd never ask him a coffee and an aluminum-wrapped hand sandwich. Let's do this. In the thermos. He's like, all right, we go, bitch. Let's do this right now. As they're driving, he takes a little bit of whiskey. He's like, here, let me top you off. We got it. We got it.

And the other guy, even though they've never met before, turns his left. He's like, you still doing that? I love that he's driving a British car. He's got a thing that's like suction cups to remove the windshield so he can shoot through it. Oh, man. Calls his wife.

He's like, it finally happened. Where was this storyline? She's like, I'm so happy for you, honey. I'm so happy for you. Go get that pickle mobile. You go get it. Where was this storyline when we were riding dumb people? Oh, my God.

Okay. Police say before they caught up to the suspect, which was already like, don't blame us. Yeah. This is before. The delivery driver of the Pickle Patrol followed the suspect which was already like don't blame us yeah this is before the delivery driver of the pickle patrol followed the suspect with the help of passerby the driver told police that the suspect took the stolen van to the village thrift and e and e waterloo i don't know where he went inside and stole several items yeah he's gonna pick if you're gonna steal bloomingdales right i mean thrift store yeah it's

like i can get away this is a whole crime of i can get away with this and what did you need at the thrift store that bad lots of stuff they're gonna they're gonna tell you just take it anyway i used to work at blockbuster and we would get robbed every day no and they were like don't don't chase the people and so i would just just kind of watch. We can get, fill up their coats and just sort of jog out. The alarm would go off and I'd be like, ah, yeah, yeah.

We can get nine more a league of their own. Yeah. Just let it go. This company will be around forever. Hang on one second. You're leaving. You are you pick up stroll? Nope.

Just. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude. Turn it. You should make mike feel more comfortable

right yeah flashbacks right you can smell it he can walk out of here with this yeah you can pay back bitch i don't care okay so he runs into the to uh the thrift store where he went inside and steals several stuff he's caught up with the pickle patrol when they spotted it makes it cute every time i say it when they spotted the stolen vehicle speeding along south main street police tried to make a traffic stop but they say the suspect profuse and led officers on a short chase oh my god during the pursuit the suspect ran several red lights and committed other traffic violations the chase ended when the suspect drove back to east south street and then crashed into the back of a building next to Hope Cafe. Oh, my God.

Which feels so like he just ran into what he needed. Hope Cafe to me sounds like a 1990s indie movie. Or a WB show from 2003 to 2019. Hope Cafe. It's all a bunch of teenagers at work there. It's all dark. It's like an older guy who's kind of not open-minded. Why were they giving us that detail, what it was next to?

Oh, it was next to Hope Cafe. Just because everyone. You know Hope Cafe. Yeah, I think if that is happening. Everyone around there is like, oh, now I know. We've had stories that started out, well, it happened again. And we're like, you're a news organ. We're not like on a party line.

Right. But they didn't even use the Hope as like a, like all Hope was lost for these the like hope as like a met. Like all hope was lost for these guys when they crashed into a building. Hope came crashing down this Thursday when the pickle mobile crashed. Police have identified the suspect as Lawrence Word of Akron, which he walks into every party. What's the word? W-O-R-D. Yes.

W-O-R-D. Word is born. Word and Blade. These are sketch names. Word and Blade. Exactly. sketch names. Word and Blade. Exactly. I'm Lawrence Word. Wipe.

They're the present day Word and Blaine. Word was taken into custody. You don't. You custody after he ran into the basement of the cafe. Okay, so it did matter. Yeah, man. You crash in the building, you go in the basement. You guys need pickles?

Right. Police said clothing taken from the village thrift store was found inside the stolen vehicle and the van was later returned to the business owner. The Akron Pickle that's who owns the Pickle Patrol don't even understand what they do. Posted on Facebook,

we're beyond grateful that our staff, the community and our pickle truck were not harmed today. They add, thank goodness it turned out to not be a huge dill oh no come on lawrence got himself into a bit of a pickle this afternoon and we're grateful for everyone uh who offered help and support and to the akron police department for their quick reaction in ending the situation safely i I'll ask you guys, just for fun, how old is Lawrence Word? Who wanted the Pickle Patrol and needed to go to the thrift store?

I can't believe the company did a pun. Yeah. You can't. In the middle of their stolen vehicle store. And that they didn't use it as the blow. That was just tucked in there. Yeah, you're right. You know what?

Deal with it. I'm going to say 43 years old. Okay. Deal or no deal? I'm going to go 31. What did you say? 43. And you said 31? Don't you let that deal go down. I'm a fool to do your pickle work.

Oh yeah. I'm going to say 48. 48? Lawrence, the pickle man word, is 38 years old. Wow. I said 43.

There you go. What did you say? 31. Okay. There you go. Jay, you're going to take us home. I think that's it. Okay, great. Jay's going to take us home. Jay, you're going to take us home, and then... I think that's it. I think that's it. Okay, great.

Jay's going to take us home. Give us a little taste of what we're going to see on the other side of this. Maryland license plates are advertising something inadvertently. There you go. Sometimes they don't know. Sometimes you don't know what's on the back of your car, and people don't even pay attention anyway. Look, we make mistakes at work all the time.

Sometimes no one notices. In this case, everyone knows in this case everyone everyone all right that's it dumb people tom michael bryan's with us we'll find out what den van kirk is doing on the other side of the break don't go anywhere stick around make it sound there's more townies we have a great sponsor so much fun i want you to tell you about it you're gonna love it i've been testing my skills on prize picks this football season. It's the most exciting way to play daily fantasy sports. If you have the skills, you can turn $10 into $250 with just a few taps. PrizePix offers weekly promotions that can lead to big payouts like Taco Tuesday.

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Don't people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I hope you're doing well and you made it through the break. Okay. Daniel, where can people catch you and see your special taping? I'm very excited for Jason's story because I love municipal dumbness. Yes. But so I want to tell everybody quickly, go to danielvankirk.com if this is the beginning of november we're looking at milwaukee

lincoln cedar rapids uh indianapolis louisville rochelle two shows first show's already sold out second one might be by this probably a quick a quick late night show that is in rochelle illinois go to danielvankirk.com and then on saturday probably tickets are only left for the late show but go and look i'm at the lincoln lodge filming my first ever special it's also my recording for my second album it's rose gold i hope all of you are there you some of you familiar townies and and people who are pen pals you you hopefully know the deal i can get some of you into the after party and anybody who comes to any show. This is the most fun. Any you townies. I love you all.

Bring dumb headlines. I start a show up by talking to you about them. And the last thing I'll say quickly, there's a lot of stuff we are not allowed to promote these days. So be on the lookout for things we can't promote. Yeah, there you go. That's it.

I love it. Mark your calendar, right? Calendar for the calendar. Mark the calendar. Which is great. That'll be fun. Dude. I'm so fun. Mark your calendar, right? Calendar? Calendar. Mark the calendar. Lincoln Lodge is great. That'll be fun. Dude, I'm so excited. 11-11, baby.

Make a wish. Shoot it there. Yeah, so it's all at Daniel Van Kirk. Deadgame. I love it. All right, so here we go. Maryland license. Who was it sent in by?

It was sent in by Professor Demerita. Ooh, I thought you were going to say Anne Won. At Anne McCarthy. Anne McCarthy. Is Anne new? I'm not sure. Thank you, Ann. Marilyn License Plates now inadvertently advertising Filipino online casino.

This is great. What? Filipino online casino. They have ads. Do all license plates have ads? So let me. I feel like I've seen ones that say DMmv.gov at the bottom of them. I don't know why,

but so they probably did one that was a different. This to me sounds like the beginning of a musical. It's a online casino. It's Filipino, Filipino online casino. Uh, okay. Um,

we're getting into how many Maryland drivers who told you about it? Cousin Gino. Cause my guess, they did calm instead of gov. Janet Reno, uh, Maryland drivers. It's a big picture. Janet Reno. Rick Patino. Uh, about it cousin gino because my guess they did com instead of gov janet reno uh maryland drivers patino uh maryland drivers was licensed in the restaurant you can have sex on the table 15 seconds with rick patino and some vino and spill a little vino i was gonna say

maryland drivers was license plates designed to commemorate the war of 1812 nice are now inadvertently advertising website for an online casino based in the philippines there you go they're supporting manny pacquiao by mistake in 2012 to celebrate the 200th anniversary of the war of 1812 maryland redesigned its standard license plate to read maryland 1812. How is that promoting a Filipino online casino? Wasn't the war up at the border? No. Oh, it was down there? Alright. I don't know. Canadian border, I thought.

I'm not sure. I don't know enough about that. I thought it was us against Canada. I'm going to take you and me for the win. But Maryland just wanted to get in on the action. Because they probably sent a lot of people up there. They were around back then. We lost a couple people. We lost a lot of good people up there at the border.

Stabbed to death. I was going to say, we lost a lot of good people at that Filipino casino. Probably have. Online. Your uncle succumbed to addiction down at that Filipino casino. Online. Online. So anyway, the license plates, which were the default between 2012 and 2016

have the url www.starspangled200.org printed at the bottom star spangled so this casino is going to be called the star spangled casino so sometimes if you're a filipino casino pro tip make sure called the Star Spangled Casino. So sometimes if you're a Filipino casino, pro tip, make sure that the thing is like something jingoistically American. Nothing says Filipino casino more than this. So sometime within the last year, www.starspangled200.org, stop telling people about how Marylander Francis Scott Key was inspired to write the Star Spangled Banner,

after watching British ships bombard Fort McHenry in Baltimore during the War of 1812, and started instead redirecting to a site called globeinternational.info, in which a blinking bikini-clad woman advertises Philippines' best betting site to positive 100, receive 250. Star Spangled Banger sounds like that could be.

She's Baltimore. What the hell is this? Come on, Horn. Let's go, Horn. You ever get on that Star Spangled Banner, Horn? I want to learn something. Get on here, and here's like a filipino casino ryan sickler i was looking up to help my daughter with the homework and i'm up on star spangled banner

i know player the issue was that's really good was spotted by a redditor who said uh i've i was never a fan of having a plate celebrating the war of 1812 all right we don't care about your your opinion about the old one i don't like look i'm not a big government guy i thought you said care late and i'm like he this person just hates commemorative plates listen i am not a big fan of drones looking into your kitchen like we asked you about it's so off topic i don't like peeing sitting down but i'll do it if I have to. What was the question? By the way, my dad's big thing is he said,

if I ever see a drone come and just hang out outside my bedroom window, I'm going to shoot that thing down. I'm like, that's never going to happen. Dad, is this something that you're concerned about on the reg? This is a pet peeve I didn't have 30 years ago we can make this happen yeah let's send it let's send it let's see how serious he is about shooting that and then we'll get all all of our friends to bet how long before your money where your mouth is dad what are their drone outside you went i knew it i'm looking at you through the drones it camera. It's May 11th.

He's Ray Liotta. It's his own Henry Hill day. He's like. Dad, what's that outside the window? Get the gun. Someone wanted to watch me sleep. I was never a fan of having played Celebrating War of 1812, but I'm even more upset now that I and tons of other mailers are driving

advertisements for international online gambling. Are you really upset about it? I hate to be Bill Maher, but are you really that mad? It's a mistake. Is it worth getting that? Okay. I'm basically doing Kyle Dunn again. Only thing worse would have been the original plan about the 1812. He hated that.

He hated that plan. I didn't like the plan. You can think it's funny. You can think it's funny. You can think it's odd and weird. You can point it out and be like, God, the world's dumb. You can't be mad about this. Well, I am. And I'm also mad about Stonewall Jackson. And if you'll sit down, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you everything. Domain registration information shows that starspangled200.org has been re-registered and transferred a handful of times within the last few years. It's not exactly secure when it's stopped being a website about American history. So people don't change their license plates quickly. What's the history about this American history website?

Do we need to get into that? The Internet Archive shows that as recently as December 2022, the website explained that the young United States was embroiled in the war of 1812 a chesapeake bay region felt the brunt of it we're learning we're learning a snapshot from today however explains that extremely lenient laws governing gaming in the philippines this is the result of a growing popularity of gambling among tourists in the enormous casino resorts that have

been built yep a spokesperson for the Maryland Department of Transportation Motor Vehicle Administration told Motherboard that there are currently how many active War of 1812 license plates? So how many mistakes are out there? Are they going to make those people turn them in? So I don't know. This is what we have to find out. I'm going to guess there's

15,000 of them out there. 15,000 mistakes driving around in the ground. If I'm the casino, I'm like, you can have this website. It's going to cost you. Yeah. Because all they did was they bought it to route it. Red or black. You buy it and then it routes.

Red, it's yours. It's free. Black. You always say it. I like that they're more lenient about their gambling. I wonder what that means. Yeah. Just the laws.

Who can do it? Extremely. You can stand next to the dealer. We'll let you spin the ball. If you lose, you don't have to give your money away. You get one do-over. If you lose, we'll comp your room.

You can double or nothing anything. Two trips to the buffet. You're allowed to bet a pillow. Just slap down on the table. What happens if I want to split this hand? I'll get another one. How many cars do you think are out there driving with this bad website on their license plate? I'm going to go higher.

Yeah. $15,001. Oh, you son of a bitch. I think it's like 80,000 get your answers in because it was probably a long time before somebody it's four years of it

from 2012 to 2016 you guys want to adjust no no no I'll stick I'm going to adjust to 210,000 oh then I'm adjusting to 84,000 I'll stay 15,001. Get your answers in. Now my one makes no sense. There are currently 798,000

after the 18,000. That's a million cars driving around almost. Because this was the standard license plate from 2012 to 2016. Now who's winning is the gal in the bikini. Oh, yeah. She's getting a lot. So much exposure. You know who's losing? The guy in the license plate office at the DMmv who's like you know we should start

doing like you know tie-ins on each of these license plates so i don't know about other states i think illinois maybe has two but there's nine different like california it just shows how little they vet this stuff they just don't vet it at all yeah yeah the uh website print on the plates is is not owned by the motor Vehicle Administration, in case anyone's worried. Thank you. The plates design and content originated from the War of 1812 Bicentennial Commission created in 2007. Star Spangled 200 Incorporated is the nonprofit entity affiliated with the commission that led the efforts to raise funds for bicentennial projects and events, they said. The MVA does not endorse the views or content on current website

using that URL and is working with the agency's IT department to identify options to resolve the current issue. You can either recall the plates or fix the website. That is your choice. I'm saying they're like, we'll let you fix it. It's just going to cost you. It would have been great if they were like,

and they actually like the casino. Now they have to come out and say like we don't endorse we don't love it so what if they change it to someone else is going to buy that website and change it to like porn only fans yeah it's going to be a war of 1812 or something like that unless the casino goes under all you have to do is do what they should or just auto pay it just like it's a website where like an old woman's like you want to see a musket disappear? No, I do not. Only fans of the war of 1812.

You better save that idea. I will. There you go. That's it. So don't be short-sighted when you put a website up on a license plate. Just know that you're stuff. Yeah, go to the website once. Yeah, go for it. All right.

The name of the podcast is called Business Trips with Michael, Brian, and our buddy, Brad Morris. Check it out. It's going to be a new favorite podcast. Subscribe, leave comments, enjoy it, love it. Support all of us when we're on the road and see us. This is the way to do it right now while we're in the midst of two strikes. Supporting us live in LA or out on the road is the way to do it.

We love you guys. And oh shit, we got gotta get back to work. Bye.