Dumb People Town - Minisode: Piping Hot

Episode Date: April 20, 2018

The Sklars and Dan Van Kirk are back for another minisode! In this week's story, a woman orders lasagne and is surprised by a scalding hot squirt of marinara sauce.

My heart keeps skipping a beat, you're not close enough, so that space between you and me, let's lose it. The way you're dancing, swaying to the music, girl, that body and how you move it. Every time you cross my mind, girl, I lose it. Alexa, play the Country Heat playlist. Okay. I don't think you know what you're doing to me, you got my... With Amazon Music, a voice is all you need. Get tens of millions of songs. Download the Amazon Music app today. Okay. and you can explore into the minds of psychopaths and murderers. To get started, find and download Murder Minute from the App Store or visit MurderMinute.com.

That's M-U-R-D-E-R-M-I-N-U-T-E.com to get your daily dose of true crime creepiness delivered straight to your mobile device. Do you like comedy podcasts? No. I do, and that's why I have one with you. Oh, good. I'm Dave Ross.

I'm Hampton Young. And we host Suicide Buddies on Starburns Audio. That's why I have one with you. Oh, good. I'm Dave Ross. I'm Hampton Young. And we host Suicide Buddies on Starburns Audio. That's right. It's a mental health podcast. It's about depression. It's about suicide. It's also about history, and it's also about having fun.

Dave and I having a blast. Yeah, we talk about suicidal thoughts in us and other people because we've dealt with that stuff. So we joke around about it, try to bring some light to the subject. Yeah, who are we talking about this week? This week we're talking about Gene Weber, a French serial killer who committed suicide in 1910. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Serial and killers are like both. Oh, no.

You're going to hate this episode, then. Listen to Suicide Buddies on Starburns Audio You can find it wherever you get your podcasts Stitcher, Spotify, iTunes Wherever I love you Hey everybody, Randy and Jason Sklar here From View from the Cheap Seats And our guest this week is someone that we truly truly love

An icon in the podcasting world And we can get deep in the world of sports Specifically baseball Which is this time of year. So we talk about it with our good friend Dave Anthony. Did you have fun today, Dave? Uh, that's... By the way, I'll take that from this son of a bitch.

That is a huge compliment. If you want to hear that level of enthusiasm on this podcast, listen to this week's episode of View from the Chief Seats. It's the Starburns Industries Tape of the Month Club. Twelve original cassette tapes delivered to your door. Each month, you'll receive a crisp new cassette tape of auditory delights made by some of the most funky and creative artists around.

Featuring Dino Stamatopoulos, Natalie Palamides, Johnny Pemberton, Dan Harmon, Future Ladies of Wrestling, Alan Resnick and Dina Kelberman, Dynasty Handbag, Jeff B. Davis, Rob Schraub, Lance Bangs, Thank you. mail each month. For $20, you receive a portable cassette player so you can listen to your tapes on the go. Here's how to order. For credit card customers, please call 747-888-0945.

That's 747-888-0945. Or save COD charges and log onto the World Wide Web at d.rip forward slash SBI dash P-R-E-S-S. It's a good deal! Hey, downies. Dumb People Town.

Hey, townies. Welcome to a mini episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population us. Yes. It's just the three. Just the three of us. We can make it if we try.

Just the three of us. Getting dumb. Sorry. Yeah, we. Getting dumb. Sorry. Yeah, we're getting dumb, guys. The three of us on a mini-sode. Daniel Van Kirk going out of town for two weeks, and we didn't want to leave you guys without an episode, so we were trying to, like, pack as much in as we could,

getting regular episodes done and mini-episodes done, and we just thought, okay, we don't have a guest right now. Let's just do one, the three of us. Let's go back to the roots. And that is where we are. We're actually in Dan's apartment or in Dan's kitchen. And we're just doing this DIY style. I kind of love it. And it's where we started.

It's how we loved riffing this show from the very get-go is just us talking about the world getting dumber and how we can beat it back with a little bit of comedy. the world getting dumber and how we can beat it back with a little bit of comedy. I want to mention real quickly that our series, docu-series, Sclars and Stripes is available on Audible right now. So good. Let me tell you what to do. Here's what you do. If you're not a member of Audible, get a one-month, 30-day free trial,

and our title will come free with that. And if you like it, I'm guessing you're going to want to keep going with Audible. Because Audible has some great series there, so you'll want to check that out. But the other thing you can do is, if you are an Audible member, I think you get one free title every month. So let ours be your free title. Let this be the best zero dollars you've ever spent in your life and support this thing.

It's called Scholars and Stripes. Rate it. Review it. If you rate it and review it, that actually helps keep it up. And it. Review it. If you rate it and review it, that actually helps keep it up. And it's like podcasting when you rate and review on iTunes. So we rarely ask you guys, townies, to do stuff. This is one of those couple times a year where we'll say, hey, we're calling upon you, townie nation, to rise up and support this. Because who knows? If this is a success, we may get to do another season or we may even get to do a TV version.

Which I think you should. People always say what they love about people, people telling us they feel like they're hanging out with us this is getting to hang out with you guys and occasionally me on the road damn vincur you're in the houston episode you're great in it fantastic and you're great in the st louis episode you really helped us come up with some comedy and it was just fun and ragowski's in there yeah if you're an hq if you're an hq fan just enjoy it it's us a year uh in stand up for us and what it's like to be on the road with us and what it's like to be in america in probably the craziest year that i can remember 2017 so check it out sclars and stripes dan do

we have a story you know we don't oh okay all right bye everybody good night everyone you guys like well in that case we're gonna tell you more about our audio project. Oh, man. Okay, yes, of course we do. This was sent in by a very local townie named Randy Sklar. I sent it in. I don't know who that is. At Sklar Brothers.

At Sklar Brothers. Here's what I'll say. I feel like, and it's so fun to send stories to you, Dan. I know a lot of times when I see you. When I see a story and it's right for the show stories to you, Dan. I know a lot of times when I see a story and it's like right for the show, I actually get excited. I get giddy and I fast forward to you. I just always come back because you guys aren't first. As far as I know, you are the first person to have sent me this story.

So we're usually never first. And so I'm saying we feel giddy in that I actually like being with everybody and trying to send you a story because I want to be first too, and I want to, so I got my name called and I hope this, I was thinking about this yesterday. I hope that, um, productivity has gone down on some measurable level of people every day at the office being like, I'm just going to see it. Let's see a couple of stories. You can do one of two things. You can search the news and get depressed, but you could actually search our news and get happy.

Yeah. And get dumb and happy. Are you ready to do this? Yep. Do you remember? Now, I'm going to ask you a couple questions, Randy Sklar. Okay. Do you remember where this took place?

It's okay. Say yes, because I don't want to ask any trivia questions that you already know the answer to. I don't. I don't. I actually just saw the thing. I didn't want to read too much of the story. Okay. I was like, this is what happened.

This seems ridiculous. I know it happened at a restaurant but i don't know where what city okay all right when a woman ordered a lasagna lasagna at a dan's pronouncing it right okay when a woman ordered numchucks no none i. When a woman ordered lasagna at a restaurant in the suburbs, she didn't expect her meal to come with a side of tortious conduct. Am I saying it wrong? Torturous? Torturous? There's no other

R. T-O-R-T I-O-U-S Tortious. Tortious conduct? Tortious? I have no idea what that is. There's like a paralegal screaming at their iPhone Someone who's like getting very litigious? Is that what it is? No, I'm just saying they would know the term

Yeah, there's a paralegal right now screaming at their ham radio Sorry A tortious She didn't expect her meal to come with a side of tortious conduct Don't know what that is I know That's something somebody says to me like it's that bad And you're like

Are you calling a bruise a contusion? It's just, come on, stop. Do it what it is. I hate when people call braces contusions. But she probably didn't expect her lunch order would eventually require an attorney, an attorney either. Why would she? This is like, by the way, and I didn't really read specifically because I kind of didn't want to be in on it so much because I know I'm going to be on it now. Sometimes I barely read it.

This is like the most dancing around the subject before. Just say what the hell happened. How many times have we done this story? I was like, okay, here in the first sentence, like local man drives tractor through house fights brother. Put snake in penis. Right. All right.

We know where we're going here. I have no idea what happened in this. Right. And we're like three paragraphs. She got a lawyer because of lunch? Well, here's the thing, too. She probably didn't expect that her lunch order would require an attorney. So she might have.

That's what I'm saying. How many people are like, yeah, can I get a, give me the turkey club and, God, I'm probably going to need a lawyer for this. A jury of my peers. Exactly. You try out that new lunch spot? Yeah, but every time I'm in there, I feel like I'm going to need an attorney. Oh, man.

No, who's probably? According to a lawsuit filed last week, when Teresa Thomas, a.k.a. T.T. Double T. Double T. Double T. Taking it down. T squared.

And T.T. Touched her lasagna with a fork, quote, piping hot marinara sauce, allegedly squirted out of the dish and scalded her left hand. Are they saying allegedly is and they don't want to convict the lasagna? Let's try the lasagna first before we sentence it to a year at an Applebee's. Piping hot. Where does that come from?

Piping hot. It has to come from some factory thing that you do, right? There's something I'm missing where it's like, yeah, it comes out of a pipe and it's always super hot. Well, it's like, yeah. Water? It's a factory turn. No, no. If they had like a hot, you know, piping coming out of the pipes. Yeah. Piping

hot. I don't know. Teresa Thomas touched her lasagna with a fork. Quote, piping hot marinara sauce allegedly flew out of it onto her left hand, squirted out of the dish and scalded her left hand. This is 100% on her. When they

set down like a sizzling skillet from Chili's, Dan. When they say the plate's hot, what do you do right away? What do you do right away? Touch the plate to see how hot it is. Get your hand away from it! I was just at a Mexican restaurant last weekend. Stop. Fajitas. You ordered fajitas. No, I never go fajitas.

You know why? I always love eating. Yep. Onions and peppers. But I always love eating other people's. I'll try a little bit. You know? Are you going to get fajitas? I'll try one of yours.

I'll try some of yours. That's Dan at every restaurant. Right, right, right. I'm not going to get it, but are you going to get them? Yeah. You should get them. You should get them. I don't know if I can eat all.

That's fine. Get some table fajitas. Do the combo. Do the shrimp and steak combo fajitas. Dan bullies. Do not go to a Mexican restaurant with Dan. He bullies you into ordering fajitas when you don't want to. The table.

So they set down the table. They set down the plate. The bartender sets down the plate. It was very hot. Within a minute. You're like, I gotta see. I try to move the plate. And I currently have.

How hot was it? So hot. Yes. I currently have a draft in my tweets. I have a tweet draft that says, Girl, are you a plate at a Mexican restaurant? Because you're hot as fuck. Yeah!

Have you noticed that every Mexican restaurant, the plate is always hot. Are they putting the plate in the oven? Yeah. To finish? Remember Kevin Meaney's old bit about the hot apple pie? Hot apple pie is from McDonald's. Kids walking away screaming, Ah! Ah! bit about the hot apple pie? Hot apple pie is from McDonald's. Kids walking away screaming, ah!

Ah! This is a hot apple pie! Hilarious. Okay, so, yes, when they say to you, sometimes you go to a place and they go hot skillet. Like if it's a queso, that's a Chili's order right there. Okay. Back off it. But don't touch it.

They're the ones who have been handling it Recently and they're like They have to use like a Give it a minute According to the newspaper Problems at the restaurant's tortious conduct Began almost Is that the name of the restaurant? Tortious conduct?

It should be It should be T-I-L-L-A-S Tortilious Tortillas conduct. A Mexican restaurant called Tortillas. For lawyers. It's like a lawyer, a law friendly. A Mexican law friendly restaurant called Tortillas conduct.

According to the newspaper, Teresa Thomas' problems and the restaurant's Tortillas conduct. If we are saying this wrong, we are driving someone insane, quote, began almost immediately after the lasagna arrived. Okay, then it says this. Teresa Thomas placed her left hand in her lap, picked up a fork with her right hand. Why does that matter? Because she wants you to know how far it squirted. So the hand's in the lap. So the hand is... She wants you to

know that her hand was not on the table near it. That her hand wasn't trying to mess with it. I put my hand on my lap like I always do when I eat with one hand. Who eats with one hand on a lap? You want me to do this one-handed? Especially lasagna. Lasagna's a fork and knife. If you're like a regular human, you put one hand on the fork and the

other hand to guard from other people stealing from your plate. Or you one fork, other hand, see if that plate's really hot. Right. That's it. That's what you do. Okay. Teresa Thomas, TT, placed her left hand in her lap, picked up a fork with her right hand, and touched the tower of layered pasta, meat, cheese, and marinara sauce with a fork.

Her lawsuit says, so far, so good. If you hadn't noticed, we now have a fourth person on the show. It is the person who wrote this article who's telling us, so far, so good. They're now talking to the reader. It's almost as if they're like, if you stopped reading this article right here, you'd be like, everything is fine in the world. No tortillas. I'm going to just shut this newspaper right here because I think everything's fine.

It probably worked out all so far so good. But when she forked the dish, so close. That's another person who wrote this is like. She forked the dish. She forked herself. But when she forked the dish, quote, without warning, piping hot marinara sauce shot from lasagna. That's not true. Without warning is not true.

I'm sure she was warned how hot that thing was. They don't say. But also, how is the lasagna supposed to warn her? Yeah. Is the lasagna going to look up at you and be like, okay, get ready for some piping hot liquid. Is your hand on your lap? Is your hands on your lap?

Watch the fuck out. Hands on your laps, people. I told your ass. I told your ass. I told your ass. I warned you. I warned you. Like a guy who's going to jump off a cliff, nobody's cleared to be safe. He's telling everyone what he's going to do.

Without warning is, I think, the legalese that the waiter probably didn't say, hey, this is really hot. But how would the waiter would be like, hey, just when you hit that with the fork warning you, it's going to come shooting out at wherever your left hand is. If you were to say as a waiter and you were just to place it down and said, be careful, that's hot. You've done your job. That covers you. If you then squirt piping hot lasagna juice

all over your hand, then it's on you. It's literally on you. It is on you. When she forked the dish without warning, piping hot marinara sauce shot from the lasagna and onto Teresa Thomas's left hand, scalding the skin and causing a large burn. So a lot of juice came out. Thomas's attorney says that since early December, since the early December incident, she has endured great pain, medical expenses and mental anguish, a combination that has prevented her from returning to work. That is ridiculous. That's what I'm saying.

If I'm her boss, I'm like. Knowing only what I know her, not speaking to any qualities of her. Just going off this. She's terrible. Cover the kid's ears. Fuck this chick. Agreed. You burned your hand.

Come on. Wrap it up in a thing. She's trying to not go to work so she can rack up the amount of money. Grab your napkin and some ice out of the water with your hand. Put it in the napkin and put it on your hand. Our dad used to say, if you burn your finger, put it behind your ear. Put it behind your ear. I don't know what that means.

Because there's a whack. There are certain waxes behind your ear. Dan, there are certain waxes behind your ear. Put it behind your ear. For real. Which, by the way, is what I want to tell to everyone all the time. Which, by the way, I was going to ask you, have either one of you said that to your kids? Yes.

Put it behind your ear. Put it behind your ear. Put it behind your ear. Do you think that's just something where you've made the kid think they've done something? Like, you guys have a great policy where, like, the kid falls, right? And you say i saw that that's good enough yeah because then you're not like oh poor baby or oh i'm so sorry here's here's what you saw that means you're giving them a solution to what happened you're saying i saw

that happen or here's what you do you sort of give it a i usually give it a second and wait and see what the reaction is if they're if they're actually really but you can always come back you can go they saw that right away if it is bad you can come back they're legitimately really legitimate. But you can always come back. You can go, they saw that right away. If it is bad, you can come back. If they're legitimately hurt or something, you don't want to undersell the hurt. You can always go, I saw that. Because if you go, saw that, and then blood starts pouring out, they're not going to be like, no, leave me alone.

You said you saw it. They'll take you. You always can get hurt. You can start with saw that, but then you see what the ensuing moment. I saw that doesn't give it a value anyway. That's what I feel like your dad was doing. I hear you. I hear you.

Put your finger behind your ear. Put it behind your ear. I would tell this woman, put your whole hand behind your ear. Behind your ear. Put it behind my ear. Forever. And then go back to work on it. I know it's not her fault, but I'm blaming her all over the place.

I don't want to victim blame either. No, but I'm blaming her for... It's unfortunate that this happened. It can't be that bad. No. And again, I'm only going off what I'm reading. Maybe it burned a hole in her hand. She can't work.

I don't know. What does she do? She's a hand model. Hand model. Come on. We all saw Seinfeld. We all were going there. She's a Juergens hand model.

So she can't work, all this stuff. The lawsuit describes the restaurant. Lawsuit. As being careless and negligent, both for serving such a dangerously hot dish and for failing to warn Teresa Thomas that the hazardous lasagna. Come on. Hazardous lasagna. Well, then you've got to order it that way.

They really both. I mean, when you're suing, you've got to take everything. You've got to amp it up. That the hazardous lasagna had the power to seriously wound or disfigure. So wait. Imagine that warning from the waiter. Hazardously powerful. Did you guys need more bread?

One other thing. Just so you know, that lasagna has the power. That hazardous lasagna that I just handed you has the power to destroy you. To wound you. Right. Did you still need more bread? Because I just want to know the power that you're sitting with. I'm going on break, but you still will be tipping me.

I've got iced tea and lemonade. I hope this restaurant leans in and on the menu next to lasagna says, order at your own risk. Like tells people like you're going to go for it. Hazardous. Be careful. The molten lasagna cake. It tells people, like, you're going to go for it. Hazardous. Be careful.

The molten lasagna cake. In addition, it alleges that the kitchen or wait staff were not properly trained to, quote, serve cooler food. So now you want cold lasagna? What are we, in college? They said we're not trained to serve cooler food. In addition, the lawsuit alleges that the kitchen or wait staff were not properly trained to serve cooler. What does that mean? I guess take it out of the oven and let

it sit for the perfect amount of time to bring it to their table that it's still hot. No, you have to put a thermometer. But has no more power? You have to put a thermometer in it every few minutes to check the temp before you take it out. Yeah, but that means it's done. The fact that they brought it over to her while wearing a hazmat suit should have been an indication of how

hazardous this really was. According to the menu, it currently serves... there are chinese people on planes right now that only will wear a surgical mask when eating this yes it currently only serves its lasagna on thursday nights which it designated as lasagna night so maybe not the most creative restaurant that does that is a knock against them. You can't say lots of lasagna. If this is a Mexican restaurant, then that makes sense. Okay, fair enough. I'm going to ask you guys, how much do you think it costs for lasagna on lasagna night?

And then I'm going to ask you, what is she suing for? Okay. So I think it costs $11.50. Okay. $9.99 for lasagna. $9.99 for lasagna. $9.99. At Osteria Atimo's out in the burbs, it costs $14.99. Wow!

Prices, right? It's not that bad. I know. Which they designated as lasagna night. Previous restaurant customers have given mixed reviews to that particular meal on Yelp and TripAdvisor. Some love the flavor and the generous portion size. I'm in for all that. All that.

Others thought it was too much cheese or were just confused why an Italian restaurant wouldn't offer lasagna every night. I know. Why are you holding out? That's actually a great point. Probably because it takes a long time to make. Yeah. It has to bake for a long time. And you've got to spend the next six days cleaning the damn lasagna pan.

And you have to heat it up to ungodly temperatures. You've got to heat it up to 8,000 degrees. None of the reviewers commented on whether their portion was topped with the same molten lava. Okay. All right. Slow down. Reporter. Yeah.

That Teresa Thomas allegedly received. reporter yeah uh that theresa thomas allegedly received although one woman did say that the waiter used a piece of a torn menu to pick up the hot dish a practice she found quote unappetizing what is going down at this time now i'm starting to question a lot of things about this. It's a torn menu. Jesus. So carry it. You don't have mittens? No, you don't have a towel over your... A napkin. Every table has a napkin. Oh my God. A piece of a torn menu

to pick up the dish. It wasn't like torn toilet paper. I found that unappetizing. They didn't put the toy menu in. He put two condoms on his hands and carried that around. He put the menu in the lasagna. Danger.

This is what they write at the end. Danger. It lurks at every corner and even in a pile of saucy, cheesy pasta. A pile? Yes. That to me is. Have you tried our pile of lasagna? It's delicious.

A pile of lasagna is less appetizing than... Doesn't pile of lasagna sound like something that's specific to some college town where you order piles? You're like, oh, yeah, you know, here it's just called a pile of lasagna. This is Gomer Piles, and you order a pile of whatever you want. Yeah, that's pretty good. You better own that. A pile of lasagna is what comes out of you after you eat lasagna. That's true.

Okay, guys, you ready? comes out of you after you eat lasagna. That's true. Okay, guys, you ready? I would call, if I were naming a college town restaurant, it would be all the stuff that is for the team.

Like, it's just all really believing in the team and totally believing the team at every term, and I would call it Homer Piles. That was worth it. Homer Piles. It was worth it. Homer Piles. That's pretty good.

Homer Piles. Or baseball. I'm going to ask you guys this. Whose home state did this happen in? Illinois or Missouri. This is Missouri all the way. Missouri. You think it's a suburb of St. Louis or Kansas City or Columbia.

And they are having piles of lasagna one night a week. Yeah. Yeah, because I think Chicago people understand, especially with. They know how to make. Deep dish comes out of Chicago and everyone's like, watch out. Right. That thing is hot. It's high.

You know what I mean? Like Chicagoans know how to deal with that. I feel like in Chicago. It would be like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Oh, you can't eat your lasagna? We don't want you to come back here anymore. It's your fault. I put ketchup on a dog.

It's not fun having you over here. It's your fault. Why don't you go get fired up somewhere else? Oysteria Atimos is located in Orland Park, Illinois. Oh, no. Yes. Where is Orland Park? Do we even know where Orland Park is?

It's a south suburb. Yeah, it's a south suburb. Come on. Okay, last question. Even more shameful that this person could. We'll get down to this. How much money do you think Teresa Thomas is suing for? Jeez Louise.

Teresa Thomas. I know, so Jay, you have to guess. Oh, you do remember? I already know. I appreciate your honesty. I want to see if Jay gets close. Yeah, you're going to be the closest, Jay. I'm guessing against myself.

I'm going to say $25,000. $25,000. I mean, I know what it is. Do you want to do the honors? You never get to do this. Okay. You ready? Yeah, build it up.

Teresa. Thomas. Thomas. TT. Yell at your ham radios at home. For a $14.95. $99. $99 dish of

lasagna. Excuse me, pile of lasagna, pile of pasta on lasagna night at Atimo's that she got squirted stuff on her hand and cannot go to work for a couple months. She is suing for $50,000. Yes, that is true.

Oh my, double what Jay said. $50,000. But it also kind of feels like she'll settle. Like it's enough amount where you're going to get to settle. She'll settle at my number, 25. She should settle for like free pasta for life. Yeah, that's it. Or bottomless bread. Or where to put your goddamn hand when you're eating.

Or an oven mitt. Or how to evaluate a situation. This looks hot. I'm sure smoke was coming out of it, you dummy, if it's judgment. If it was that hot, there definitely was, like, smoke coming out of it. This is all her fault. Again, we are. As far as we know.

Dude. Right. There is no way it wasn't steaming. Also, why do you just stick a fork into lasagna? Are you trying to take the top layer off, you dummy? This is it. You take a knife. It's a knife and a fork scenario. Yeah. All right. Are you trying to take the top layer off, you dummy? This is it. You take a knife. It's a knife and a fork scenario.

Alright, there you go. That's a mini, guys. That's a mini, guys. Old school. Old school mini. I actually like it. We should just throw these in every once in a while because this is fun just to do it, the three of us. Agreed. We have great guests coming up, by the way. We do. Sarah Silverman, I believe, will be next week.

Check that out. Guys, rate and review this podcast. We can. Sarah Silverman, I believe, will be next week. Check that out. Guys, rate and review this podcast. We can always keep going up higher. Come see us in Chicago and in Oklahoma at West Island Springs Cherokee Casino on the 5th of May. And the 4th is in Chicago at North Bar. Get your tickets now because those shows are selling. We are

close to selling those shows. I want to tell people, too, because people would hit us up. I think they will be able to release some tickets the day of for the podcast. Right. If you missed out on that, come to the those shows out. I want to tell people, too, because people would hit us up. I think we'll be able to release some tickets the day of for the podcast. Right. If you missed out on that, come to the Standard Shows, because it's going to be so much fun. And we'll probably do a little Dumb People Town, something fun in those. It's the three of us.

It's the three of us. We'll throw in something fun, DPT, for you if you get shut on the podcast, for sure. And, guys, shit, we've got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, We've got to get back to work. Hello, I'm Dave Ross. Hey, and I'm Hampton Young. And we host Suicide Buddies on Starburns Audio. That's right. It's a good show! we're buddies. Suicide buddies. That's the title. One of our favorite episodes that we've recorded so far is about this guy Jan Pataki who was a Polish aristocrat

in the 19th century and he, one of the reasons it's possible that he killed himself is that he thought he was a werewolf. Check out a clip. It also makes me think like we were talking about in the Norway black metal episode how like just the culture of your surroundings can affect you.

Like, he's in a castle in Poland. Like, I mean, if you lived in a castle in Poland and no one knew anything about anything, you might be like, I'm a bat. I'm probably a bat. That's, like, literally what happened to Batman. He literally is in his mansion. He's like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm a bat.

I'm a bat. I'm a bat. I'm a bat that helps people. I'm a bat that helps people. I don't know what you want from me. My girlfriend, she's a cat. She's a cat. My girlfriend's a cat.

She steals things. She's a woman who steals things. She's a cat. I'm a bat. I help people. She's a cat. She's a cat. My girlfriend's a cat. She steals things. She's a woman who steals things. She's a cat. I'm a bat. I help people. She's a cat. We fight a penguin. My. Somebody, ooh, somebody, can anybody find me? Somebody to love. Alexa, play hits from Queen. Okay. Somebody to love.

With Amazon Music, a voice is all you need. Get tens of millions of songs. Download the Amazon Music app today.