Dumb People Town - Moshe Kasher and Natasha Leggero - r/VaccineTruth

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

This week Moshe Kasher & Natasha Leggero comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is a debate about a bridesmaid. The second story is a bad road trip. Final story is about a judges sentence!

Skypain's out of here. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Leggero and Kasher. Hey. I'm from a dumb person town. I love that you made it dumb person town. You sort of elevated it even further. Dumb person town.

Dumb people. But dumb person does sound royal. Dan, it does sound royal. Dan, I would say that it's dumb people dumb people but dumb person does sound royal dan it does sound real dan i would say that there's it's dumb people town but if there is someone who's like a dumb suspect in a story they're a dumb person of interest oh for sure i like that it's a great show on cbs the good the good wife uh the spin-off the good dumb person the guyinoff, the good dumb person. The good dumb wife. The good dumb wife. Speaking of a good dumb wife, allow me to introduce to you. No.

One and only. No? Me? Me. Dan of Anchor. Well, here's the deal. Here's the good news. We're all in different spots, so we're guys just letting.

Please excuse any disjointed us talking over each other or long pauses between comedy. Or for that matter, if any of these jokes fall flat, just know that that was a zoom problem not necessarily a comedic problem yeah 100 well here's the good news that despite all of that the world is getting dumber as we speak and we have wonderful stories sent to us by our amazing fans and all you got to do is tweet at daniel van kirk hashtag dumb people town then he knows the order that they come in and let's jump into one right away and then we'll find out what find out what these guys are doing okay this is a dumb story it's not criminal but it's just stupid okay uh it was sent in by Derek L man's at game designer dude thank you what does he do for a living I don't know he avoids sex oh no come on for a car dealership okay okay okay here's the headline ready bridesmaid claims

she received cold shoulders for not giving up necklace this is a news week by the way in news week this is a news week this is a story all from grace that newsweek has gone through. I know. Thank God. I know. A bridesmaid has gained online support after she claimed in a now viral Reddit post, that's where we get our news, that she received cold shoulders at a wedding ceremony for refusing to let the bride, Mary, wear her necklace. So she said, I'm the bridesmaid. This is clearly, this day is about me. And what, she took her to court? No.

There's nothing official about any of this. It's just Newsweek being like, I don't know, run this shit. To be fair. Are they like people of interest? No. This is the royal family. To be fair, I've never heard the phrase

cold shoulders before. And I think it might have to do something with the neckline of those bridesmaids' dresses. To be fair, I've never heard the phrase cold shoulders before. Right. And I think it might have to do something with the neckline of those bridesmaids' dresses. You always have exposed shoulders. That's possible that that was what was going on. I mean, you could get, like, iced out of a room by multiple people. But, yeah, usually cold shoulder is a one-to-one issue, not a, like, group-to-one. The problem is this woman was trying to stay iced out.

And that's how she got herself she got iced out she tried i don't understand why this is in the news so exactly this is where we were talking about news like newsweek is so bad that usa today people who work there are like at least we're not newsweek yeah right so this is where you find out that natasha's completely unfamiliar with your format she's like wait a minute this, dare I say, too dumb of a news story to have made it into the news cycle. It is. I agree with you. Natasha, I agree with you.

I agree. I get People Magazine alerts on my phone for some reason, and nothing is dumber than those. Exactly. Nothing. Okay. So this bridesmaid, she gained notoriety, I guess, or her post went viral on Reddit after she received everybody being mad at her because Mary, the bride, wanted to wear her necklace and she said no. She shared this story on Reddit's Am I the Asshole forum. I'm not much of a Reddit person, but I imagine that is, like, if you need new bits for anything in the comedy world, like that would probably be good. A lot of people

think it's a funny place to go, Reddit, but the truth is r slash vaccine truth has a lot of information that I think that people... Let me just quickly... Before we riff too much further, there's some serious stuff on there. Just take 20 minutes and tell us all about it, Moshe. Just inject yourself

with these weird ideas. In the post, the bridesmaid explained that her fiance gifted her the necklace quote our fifth anniversary was our first date of our first date was two months ago and he got me a beautiful opal necklace on a gold chain specifically to wear to the wedding because it complimented my bridesmaid stress she said natasha's shaking her head. She's nodding her head. Five years, just a fiance.

Well, she's nodding her head in recognition. No, these people just want attention, it sounds like. Yeah, exactly. So, but I think she tried to go about it right. This woman, quote, she says, I asked Mary, the bride, in our bridal party group chat, which is also kind of like asking someone an on-the-spot question in a group setting. In front of other people.

By the way, Dan, let me ask you, so when the wedding is over, can you erase that conversation chain? Or do you now start using that chat to talk about the bachelor? Anything else. Yeah. You're fine. Good. She asked the bride in the bridal party group chat if she was all right with us wearing our own jewelry to the wedding. She said no problem.

Okay. But she didn't say no. According to advice from wedding company Zola, the bridesmaid was right to consult Mary about the necklace. That's what I would have said. I would have said the same thing Zola said. Yeah, I know. By the way, your politics really run completely concurrent with Zola.

I've always said that about you, Moshe. Yes, and let me say that Zola is a major contributor to the R slash vaccine truth. Okay, enough. Stop it. Jewelry that the bride may give the green light to for a night out or another special occasion may not be what's acceptable for her wedding, the site said.

Rather than assume, make sure to check first, especially if you're thinking about wearing a trendier piece. So I don't know much about, like, on the guy side of things, there's not really anything you can screw up. We all just put on our swastika pinky rings and we go to the ceremony. And that's it. I mean, that's as simple as it goes. You can't take mine because you're already wearing yours. I mean, this whole thing is so basic and so traditional. Like, first of all, these people don't even seem like they're friends.

Like, are you supposed to invite your friends? But Natasha, do you have to clear jewelry for what you would wear as a bridesmaid? That's what I'm saying. I would never be invited to a party that had rules like that. But also, our bridesmaids at our wedding were our three chihuahuas. So that's sort of... Yeah.

And they were big chihuahuas. I'm not the right person to ask. Are you still on that group chat with them? I was... No, well, the text is coming very garbled because the paws

aren't really designed for... I mean, to be honest, I have like overactive empathy and I would never do that to a friend, like make them be a part of my bridal shower drama. Sure.

It just sounds awful. I was at a wedding where the bride had asked all of the bridesmaids to just wear, she had two rules. This color, and it was like a pink or something. This color and- Classic girl color, right guys? Floor length, right? Right. Floor length.

That was her only rules and this woman showed up in a like i don't know knee length but right color and the bride was like oh you can't wear that this is on the this is at the wedding what and she's like oh you can't wear that i you order like where's the one you ordered and the girl was like like, oh, it doesn't fit. But she brought it. She brought the floor length. She's like, it doesn't fit. And so they had this huge fight about it. And then they make her put on the floor length one, and it won't zip up.

It doesn't. She's got a lot to work with. Yes. So they end up having where they don't zip it up and they tuck the zipper in in the back. And then she had to walk like arms next to her rib cage holding the dress up the whole ceremony. That's better than the short dress, I have to say. That's not creating any attention. And people are crying and everything.

And then after the wedding, the bridesmaid just goes and switches right into the knee length dress that is the exact same. And I told people out of my own, like, let's hang out at the bar and talk. I go, that was the plan all along. She knew she wasn't going to fit in that. She brought the dress that she wanted to wear thinking she'd be like, look, I don't fit. You have to let me wear the dress I want. And the bride was like, fuck you. We're figuring this out figuring this out you have to have a and it was this whole fucking drama so i don't know anything about jewelry but i know dresses should be what everybody's who's the guy

who is the head of mormonism do you guys is it john smith what is that his name yeah kylie irving that riff that riff felt bad coming out and I was looking for a funny name. I was going through the Rolodex, and why did I go to sports? I don't know anything about sports. And I'm doing it to you guys, you three, who know everything about sports. What was I thinking? I don't know. I mixed up like Kylie Minogue and Kyrie.

Kylie Jenner. Kylie Jenner. Sorry. Let me try that riff again, okay? Okay. Who's the guy who started Mormonism? Leron Blames. No!

Actually, that's true. He doesn't get enough credit. Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith. And Joseph Smith basically looked around and said, I don't just want to bang my wife. I want to be able to bang everybody. Let's make a religion where I can do that.

And back in the day, they're like, okay, you can do that. So basically, every bride, if we are to follow this and say the bride is right in this situation, in this story, is Joseph Smith on their day. They're like, I want that necklace. Put that dress on. You take that one off. It's your ability to just order people around. Well, Zola, the site that Moshe contributes to,

they also encourage bridesmaids to avoid going overboard with their jewelry and to stay true to their personal style, unless that's overboard. Going overboard with your jewelry. But Mary did not find the necklace gaudy or offensive. In fact, the bridesmaid claimed that Mary loved it so much that she asked the bridesmaid if they could switch necklaces for the day. I think you do. But as a bridesmaid, and this is what Natasha was talking about too, is like, as a bridesmaid, you're like, I want you to look great. And how cool would it be

if you wore a little piece of my jewelry in your wedding? Wouldn't you take that as a compliment? Like, why are they digging their heels? I guarantee you the guy who gave that to you is not going to give a crap if you let someone else wear it now if she gave it to another guy am i wrong yeah i don't think so you would let you wouldn't give it up or you would give it i mean honestly these people just seem like such losers no shit natasha that's exactly why we're talking about them. No, I think Natasha's rejecting the entire idea of the base nature of having a

bridesmaid that you ever have any rules for whatsoever. I agree. You know, a Natasha wedding is like all of the people are in berets and they're smoking cigarette extenders and we're all reading Whitman. You know what I'm saying? Like this is, to me, this is mall weddings.

Yeah. Yes. I mean, I don't, yeah. I mean, it just seems like rude to your friends. Like, should you be able to yank jewelry off of your friend on your wedding day? That's it. I would just feel like. Yes, you should.

For sure. I would end up in like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where I'm constantly like, hey, can I get that? Like I gave it to you earlier, but can I get it back now? And they're like, well, we're're just gonna do a couple of photos and then the whole day is you progressively trying to figure out when's the right time to get your fucking necklace back and being told that you're the bad guy for like ruining this moment because you need your necklace right now like you can't wait till after the fucking dance like i would say no you go i i just feel like this bride,

it just came to me, this phrase of how I would describe her. Okay. She's not a bride as much as she's like a monster bride. Like she's almost a bridezilla. Does that make sense? Did you make that up? Yeah.

Did you come up with that? I would have gone with bride Mothra. No, she usually picks that as a show. Yeah. Bride Mothra. Oh, that's interesting. Or Bride Kong. Bride Gamera. Like one of those. Something like that. Bride Gollum. Actually, she is more of a Bride Mothra. Oh, that's interesting. Bride Kong. Bride Gamera.

Like one of those. Something like that. Bride Gollum. Actually, she is more of a Bride Gollum because she was all after that woman's precious. Yes. She wants the precious. Yes. When it became...

Okay. Mary and the other bridesmaids... That's the Bride Mary. Mary and the other bridesmaids were persistent saying it was Mary's wedding and it was her pictures and that I wasn't being accommodating, but I firmly told them no. They don't give our name for who our victim is in the story. I don't know.

We'll call her Julie. When it was clear that Julie would not let Mary wear the necklace, Mary allegedly asked Julie to remove the necklace. So now she's going, oh, I can't wear it? Then you can't wear it. Nobody can wear it. No one gets it. Nobody gets it. So the idea is that she looked too good in it and if she wasn't going to let the bride look the best, she's going to make

her bridesmaid look a little uglier. Yes. Now how great would it be if in that moment when the priest is like, now if anybody has speak now or forever hold your peace, which I always have a huge problem with because it's like yeah you should be able to speak in like three years down the road if like someone's abusing someone else you're like it's not like shut up either you say it now or that's

it but maybe she stands up and is like this woman doesn't deserve the necklace that i should be wearing right now and therefore she doesn't deserve this man i'd be great if she made that the bride is an opal thief she's always been an she made that scene. The bride is an opal thief. She's always been an opal thief and she always will be an opal thief. Julie says, I received a lot of cold shoulders and dirty looks at the ceremony and reception. I felt awful. After the

first dance, Mary's sister came up to me to tell me just how upset Mary was and how rude it was that I upset her on her birthday. I'm with you, Natasha. At this point, I would go, we're just leaving. Goodbye. Why do I need to stay for the garter ceremony? I'm more way back on what Natasha said

at the very beginning. Why would you even go to this wedding? Why would you even be this person's friend? This isn't the first time that they've been an irrational bitch to you. Nobody waits to their wedding day the first time being an asshole. Right? Yeah, save being an asshole to when you're going into labor to your husband. Sure.

Is that how it went down? Dan, can I just say this? That in a time when we're dealing with, obviously, global warming and budget and the Omicron virus and all those things that are going on. Oh, you just call it Omicron now? You don't even say coronavirus? Corona, Omicron. The Omicron virus? You don't even say coronavirus? Corona, Omicron. Oh, the Omicron virus. It's taken over.

Can I say some quick things that I learned from Zola.com slash vaccine about Omicron? Because it's not what you think it is. My point is kudos to Newsweek to go back to covering something like this in a time like this when there is no other news. I mean, this is the news of the week. No, it's the equivalent to when we go back on the road and do stand-up and say you know what the people need a break they need a respite from this difficult year that they've been through new the the people the mud

you know the mudslingers at at newsweek are like listen we need a horrifying bullshit crap article so that people can breathe a sigh of relief again bring on the the opals. Bring on the opals. So she asked Reddit, am I the asshole for refusing to move a piece of jewelry at the request of my friend? I'd put that in quotes if I were you. On her wedding day, and they said, you asked if you could wear your own necklace.

The bride said yes. She should never have asked for it. You should never have requested or requested to take it off. If she's concerned about the necklace pictures and all that other shit, she shouldn't be getting married another person said the something borrowed because that was their thing too is they were like well this falls under your something borrowed but somebody goes that needs to be a token lent willingly not something taken by force

or pressure your friend is way out of line yep the bridesmaid told me told newsweek because they're all over this yeah that Mary is still upset. Somebody else said if you gave the necklace, you'd never get it back. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. You don't know Mary. You don't know Mary. That's true.

That's true. The person, Julie, who we've named, says, Mary still thinks I am the asshole, which is fine. It's her opinion. I'm truly tired of the drama with her, as is my fiance. This is all starting to get weird. And then he's like, don't drag me into this. I texted her this morning

that she'll not be welcome at my wedding next summer. She hasn't responded. It's over. She won't be welcome at my wedding. Did I mention that I have a fiance? No, you only mentioned it three times. It seems to me that people select bridesmaids maybe to cull their friendship circle

because they feel like all I ever hear about these bridesmaids party is that things didn't work out and now I no longer speak to that person. Maybe this is like a strategy to have less friends once you move into marriage. What did you guys do for your bachelor and bachelorette parties?

Or did you not do them? Or did your dogs host them and no one was invited well i went to this place called two bunch palms that's like uh in desert hot springs yeah and i brought um just my friends who i you know wanted to come like two or three friends maybe four friends oh i think my mom it was like very chill you know know? It wasn't like a party. Gotcha. I had, um. Oh, and then I, well, hold on.

Then I spent the night and then the next morning I drove two hours and then it was my wedding. That was kind of fun. Oh, wow. That's cool. That's good. That was the night before. Yeah.

We did, um, me and a bunch of guys went to, um, to a Russian spa and kind of just like fucked each other in the steam. Oh, that's so nice. We can't get away with stuff like that after you get married. You know what I mean? Right. No, you got to get it out of your system. It was a goodbye to my college buddies and stuff and a goodbye to that life.

And a goodbye to some dudes you had just met that day. Go ahead. Go ahead. Didn't you have a stripper? Well, actually, that did happen like in a very hilariously like uh typical way we went to the spa and then we went and ate and then when we came home we were playing board games it's like a nerdy sure like i love this day a jewish bachelor party but all

of a sudden there was literally but we were making noise and there was literally a knock and there was a cop at the door that said that we've got a noise complaint and it made sense based on how excited we were getting about settlers of katan at the time like there was a lot of noise he said there's been a noise complaint and i really got freaked out and then the guy started dancing but the funniest and i was like oh it's this it's like a male stripper my friends who are comedians oh ha ha ha and but the sad part was that A, the guy 100% was not the guy that they had hired. My friends are looking at the picture and the guy looks just like methed out

and like sunken cheeks and just like... And then he... That's the guy they wanted. That would have been the guy they would have hired, but it wasn't who they hired. They hired like a hot hunk

and this guy showed up looking just straight up like a sinewy methadone. Maybe that was an old picture. It wasn't. It's like when you get in the wrong Uber. He opens the door motion. He's like, somebody hire a runaway? So it wasn't an old picture because the guy was the wrong race.

I mean, not the wrong race. I like the race. It was the race compared to the race i can't hear you not what they paid for not what they paid for not what they paid for yeah no all i'm saying is you look at the picture and it was like not it just wasn't the same guy but then the craziest part was we were all it was like the look in his eyes it was actually i actually wasn't into it because the look in his eyes when he realized that this was a gag, not a like, this will be fun. He was like really not into it. Like he was sad.

And then he grabbed my friend's arm and people were running away. It was really bad actually. I didn't like it. But he grabbed my friend's arm and he said, there are other things I can do too. That's right. I don't just strip.

This happened on your bachelorette, by your bachelorette. I love that this is coming out between you now. I told you I felt like. I never told you this. Who did he do that to? I told you I felt like. Wait, Moshe, when you were at the Russian spa,

did you ask to borrow your best man's pearl necklace that you gave him? Well, they made one. They made one. What? I mean, you guys, listen, it wasn't vulgar like that we were just okay he grabbed the arm and said i can do other things he means play play the board games with you that's right he said i'm a motherfucker at risk let's play axis and allies now bitch let's play a fellow that's story number

one that was a crazy riff for him as a stripper that he walks into a place, he sees that this is clearly a bunch of stupid straight guys that hired him as a gag. Right. Then for his next move to be like, if you pay me more, I'll fuck you,

I thought was a very admirable riff on his part. Oh, he needed some meth. I'm just saying. Doubling. He thought you're improv guys and we're going to say yes and. He's doubling down.

I love it. Really doubling down on all fours. That's right. All right. Well, that is our first story. That is fantastic. Great stuff. When we come back, we'll find out and tell you guys how you can follow these guys and listen to their lovely podcast.

This is Dumb People Town with Moshe and Natasha as our guests. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more at Don't People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get into how you can follow and support Moshe and Natasha,

I want to remind people that Dan Van Kirk, if you go to danielvankirk.com, you can find out about his dates and his virtual shows. Going back on tour in March. So excited for you, Dan. Yeah, everything's on there. It's at danielvankirk.com. There's also a merch store if you ever want to get anything cozy for yourself.

I don't know if anybody's watching this, but it's like the thing I'm wearing right now. All that stuff's there. And then, hey, if you want to hang out with the Sklars, I don't know when this is. Is this dropping pre-New Year's Eve? It is. It is. It's going to drop pre-New Year's Eve. Well, if you're out in Aurora,

Illinois, come on down from Freeport. Head over from Rochelle and get yourself to a New Year's Eve with the Sklars at where is it? The Comedy Shrine Comedy Shrine. So I don't know about you guys motion Natasha, but we had not done New Year's Eve shows. I mean, we just haven't done them in probably 12

years and had them offered to us. And so this is the first time in a long time that we're like, yeah, let's do it. So we're going to be in Chicago. Do you guys do New Year's Eve? Do you do? Yes. In fact, I'm glad you asked. We have done a long running New Year's Eve show in Oakland, California at the Grand Lake Theater.

And we took last year off because of some government propagated lies from fauci anyway look at zola.com and do your own research that's all i'm saying but we will be doing a uh we will be doing a return show um at new year's eve in oakland you can go to rrfilms.com to get tickets it's me and natasha uh anthony mishum um andrew mishon brent weinbach uh caleb heron and brandon wardell whoa we're very excited and it'll be a lot of fun to get back in the mix so we you know also by the way um natasha and i do a podcast called the endless honeymoon podcast love it love it thank you so much and, hi. I made it in time for my plug. Oh, yes.

I was just talking about our podcast. And basically, it's an advice, call-in advice podcast where people ask us their love advice. And they give us their deep, dark secrets. And then we also have a secrets hotline where people call in their deepest, darkest secrets. And we will be doing a live taping

of that very podcast at San Francisco Sketch Fest on January the 14th with a special guest, Reggie Watts. So those are kind of our, and then I'm not letting Moshe take me on the road again for another year. That's right. Okay. Fair enough.

But I'll be on the road. If you want any of my road dates, you can go to, uh, Daniel van Kirk.com. No, they're up there. No,

they're up there. I just got, they are. They're up there. Um, the merch is actually just tickets to my shows that's true dan's merch that's true but i will be on the road i'm going to philadelphia helium on january 27th that very weekend so go to moshe casher.com and get all those are natasha leggero.com and uh you can follow us on all the

social socials they're great they're wonderful podcast. Podcast is amazing. You guys are just so, it's so wonderful. I mean, what's amazing is like, you know, how you guys interact with each other just makes me laugh all the time. Well, because you guys are two tremendous individual comics

and that's how we knew you before you came together and we knew you as individuals and yet together you are a different it's like a different energy together that is also super funny super super funny so let's say thank you so much but we to be honest we haven't come together in years we used to at the beginning of our dating i like to use the podcast to kind of spring things on moshe you know like things that have been bothering me. Sure.

Things that, you know, and then I can open it up to like the public court. That's right. And usually get verified, vilified, verified. Which one is it? I mean, I am verified. I've been verified and vilified on Instagram a lot because of my views on R slash vaccine. Okay, stop talking. Okay, I'm done with that. No, I am.

Just so you're listening to I'm totally joking. I hope that's really clear. Okay, I'm done with that. No, I am. Just so you're listening to me, I'm totally joking. I hope that's really clear. Oh, you are joking. I'm boosted. I got all three. I did one shot Johnson & Johnson, one shot Moderna, and my booster chaser was Pfizer. So I got it all. Yeah, you want them all.

You want them all. Yeah, baby. Yeah, actually, Natasha, the other day, you want us to open up one of the major, most popular arguments we had on our podcast? And then we'll jump into another story. Is it about an arm-grabbing prostitute? of the major most popular arguments we had on our podcast about something. Is it about an arm-grabbing prostitute? No, no. There's no overlap. Don't worry.

Natasha, do you want to tell them? Well, I was just thinking of another one. Oh, what's this new one? Well, the one that just came to my mind was that I wanted to ask these guys. You go out for a fancy dinner. You bring home the leftovers. You see that the dog has kind of gotten to

some of the leftovers, but you clean it up, whatever. You weren't sure it was dark, how much you got. And then the next day you realize three of the pieces of chicken are gone, so you know the dog did eat half of it. Do you still eat it? You still eat the dish. Do you let your dog kiss you on the lips? I am white, but the

answer is no. If you do, then you can. Yes, you eat it. I think you eat it. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. You eat it. I would say you throw it away.

You throw it away, Daniel? Thank you, Daniel. You're civilized. I guess the dog does lick his balls. What do you think? I'm breeding a mutt I found at the SPCA in San Francisco. He doesn't have balls. Sorry, licks his asshole.

Whatever. There you go. No, we cut that out, too, just in case. Cut out the asshole, too. We got his asshole spayed. Wait, that happened? And you ate it? That happened.

And so Moshe made us lunch. And while we were eating it, he's like, oh, wait, how many pieces of chicken were in it? Because I heated it up and I said one. He's like, no, there were three. So the dog had gotten two of the chickens. And then Moshe proceeded to eat his and mine i couldn't eat it natasha pushed her portion across the table like a like a disgusted patron it was it was like chicken paella from this really great paella restaurant but like oh no so why are you leaving your leftovers on the floor and not putting them in

the fridge that's the other thing you don't know, you know, how did the dog eat in that manner where like some of it's coming back out onto the plate while they're eating. It's going into his mouth and then back onto the plate. You know he eats like that. Right, right. No, actually our dog is extremely polite.

Natasha taught him unbelievable table manners. She does that little dainty dab with a napkin after he's fight. And then he knows how to cut. You give him a tiny fork and a tiny knife and he's got a little checkered bib it's really cute actually he's like he's like no aperitif okay fine you guys do you guys do what you do he's so well trained that he is bulimic he goes he throws up in the in the toilet he knows that's right so he's a very good boy he's well trained

but his self-esteem is at rock here. Here's the simple answer for this question. Someone comes over to your house. They're like, oh, my God, I'm starving. I need to go. I can grab you something really quick. And then you go, all right, cool. Yeah, whatever you have. And then they bring it out to be like, just so you know, at one point, this was on the floor.

The dog ate some of it. But you have as much. That's not the simple answer, Daniel. Have as much as you'd like. Have as much as you'd like. I agree, Daniel. Have as much as you'd like. Have as much as you'd like. I agree with Daniel. No person would go, thank you so much for... Paella?

I love... Me gusta paella. Just as the Spanish used to do. In conquistador times, they would bring you the paella, feed it to the dogs, wait for 12 hours until they digested it, and then that's what they would eat.

Daniel, that's an absurd comparison. You treat company differently than you treat yourself. You have secrets. You're grosser when you're alone than you are around people. And that is my primary problem with Moshe during the pandemic. Is that I'm grosser alone? No, you're having too much exposure to the grossness. Too much exposure.

Too much exposure. Gross exposure. You definitely should not go out on the roadness. Too much exposure. Too much exposure. Gross exposure. You definitely should not go out on the road together. Literally, the two of you, like, this makes me wish every person we had on,

like, we did a segment where they just did some of their show because if that is what's happening over with you guys and NS Honeymoon,

like, everyone should go and listen to this. That's gold that you will end up pausing and talking to other people about their,

like what we're doing right now. I just love this springing on, springing on him, springing on him. It happens all the time. I'll like tell him

about his phone use. Like I'm like, you know, the culture of your phone use in the house. Natasha has this great thing. Natasha also has this really great trait,

which is that she has things that she's upset with me for doing. Right. Because when I do them, they're frivolous. But she will actually engage in said behavior. But when she's doing it, it's for the good of our family. Like, she's blameless.

It's all good. She has excuses for it. That's great. So this is wonderful. Let's take this energy into our second story, David. No, we're not. We're not ready to do another fucking call. Here's the thing about paella.

It's expensive, and it's not something you throw away. Okay, go ahead. Sorry. According to Zola fucking call. Here's the thing about paella. It's expensive, and it's not something you throw away. Okay, go ahead. Sorry. According to Zola.com. Okay, ready? This is anybody. La Asesina at MMA. At La Asesina MMA.

Great comedy fan and MMA fighter. She's awesome in New York City. All right. You're all parents. Last time I checked. So this is... We get these stories every once in a while. What do you mean last time you checked?

No. Yeah, we had a tragic accident, but we got it. We had to come sign on the podcast. Podcasting is life. Go ahead. Hey, I'm just saying right around the time of me being 10 months old, there's a guy you could have asked, are you a dad? The next day he would have said no.

Oh, Dan. Okay. Here we go. It got so serious. It kind of puts dog pie into perspective when you think about that. It does. Oh, that's my album. All right.

A young girl and her younger sister, who apparently wanted to road trip to California to swim in the Pacific, walked away from a head-on crash this week soon after starting their journey by taking their parents' car. Nope. So these are siblings, two kids, who decided, let's go to California. This also takes place in, I believe, Utah. Okay. So they're in Utah and they want to go to California to swim in the ocean. Sure. The girls traveled from their home in West Jordan North to West Valley City early Wednesday before the underage driver veered into oncoming traffic, slamming into a semi-truck.

Obviously, they're completely okay. Oh, yeah, this is Salt Lake City, Fox 13 in Salt Lake City. It's right by Wise Guys. There's a West Valley Wise Guys. I'll just say this. To be honest, those two girls have featured at Wiseguys. They're hilarious. And look, them getting in a head-on collision is better than them becoming a sister-wife at 15.

Exactly. Fair enough. I'm going to say they're doing well. Can I just ask, does every story somehow come back to the Mormon church at some point? Yes. It is. It's a new thing that these two have been ever since they saw that Murder Among the Mormons documentary. Both of the girls were wearing seatbelts and no one else was injured.

So they knew what they were doing. And I'm going to ask you guys just for fun. Guess how old are the two kids? Now, we will also eventually guess how far they drove. But how old are the two kids? Natasha, what do you think? I'm going to say 11 and 4. Whoa.

Wait a minute, Natasha. 11 and 4? That would make it newsworthy. There's an 11-year-old who's like almost a teenager. She's got a fully formed sense of selfhood. She's like, I want to go to the Pacific, and I don't care what my parents. She's a little young for that kind of rebellion, but she's an early mature girl. I don't care what my parents,

she's a little young for that kind of rebellion, but she's, she's an early mature girl. And she looks at her four year old toddler sister who she barely has a relationship with because of the age gap. And it's like, and you know what? I'm taking her. You guess your guesses.

I'll get mine. Moshe. So you're also assuming that the four year old wasn't the one driving. Oh, that's true. The four year old was like, I want to go to the Pacific. The four year old could have been like,

get in. I've modified this driver's chair to accommodate my short stature. I want you to come with me to California. Get in. I'm going to guess that these girls were 8 and 10 years old. That's my guess. 8 and 10? You think?

That an 8-year-old with all of his... I'm going to say 14 and 12. Okay. I'm going to say 12 and 11. These strike me as the type of parents that had their kids a little too close. Little Irish twins. One of you

got one of the ages exactly right. I will tell you that these two girls are nine years old exactly right. I will tell you that these two girls are nine years old and four years old. Oh my god! Thank you.

Everyone gave Natasha shit, but she won. Wow, impressive. And also weird. I mean, honestly. You needed someone to back you up. A four-year-old's probably like, yeah, great idea. Right.

I don't know if you guys know this. Let me just say on this story that I don't know if you know this, but I'm a pretty obsessed surfer. Okay. Do you know that? Yeah, I do know that. Despite my Judaism,

I still somehow get in the water, you know, a few times a week. Sure. And I'm not very good at it. You'll be not surprised to find out that I've been doing it for a long time. You don't like to paddle. I'm not very good at it you'll be not surprised to find out that i'm i've been doing it for a long time you don't like to paddle i'm just not good let me just say i'm so bad that sometimes when i'm in the water trying to surf i literally think at least i'm good at

comedy like i literally have had that thought i'm not kidding like i don't need but the what i will say is that the call of that beautiful pacific ocean is so seductive i understand what these girls are they're living in west jordan east jordan yeah get to the pacific i support their journey moshe can i ask you at least oh god i just wanted to say have you watched any of that like big wave documentary on hbo 100 foot wave yeah i saw it yeah when you see that are you like because i know almost i've been hit by a a couple of pretty big waves and been like, man, good thing I wasn't deep. Last time I was in Hawaii, a guy got taken out and I had to help save him. But I try to drop it in as much as I can.

Yeah, hero people count. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you watch that having searched a lot and be like that – like your perspective for it must be like this is the most insane fucking shit i've ever well i will say this that there's a great documentary i would say even better documentary about big wave surfing called chasing giants um that was directed by stacy peralta who did um he's amazing we met him dog dog town or whatever as well yeah it's the best one of the best surfing documentaries of all time and it goes through the history of big wave surfing and i remember when i first started surfing, watching it with Natasha, and she turned to me and was like,

I hope you, I don't think I want you surfing. And I was like, I don't think you understand. This was pre-pandemic. Now I'm like, really like, I want them out there.

Out there. There's sharks out in the water right now. They're juvenile sharks. They're not that dangerous, but they could chomp something off. The truth is, I did surf. I packed you a dog lunch.

Go. I did surf into a, into did surf into a shark yesterday. That is true. Literally true. Really? Moshe's like, they're juvenile sharks. They're fine. Well, it wasn't that scary.

They don't act impressed about anybody? They're like, no. They just drive to the Pacific. They're on their phones the whole time. No, they're so juvenile that they drove from West Jordan, Utah, all the way to the Pacific to get in there. They're just like, there's something about the ocean that feels right for me in that my physiology demands that I –

All we want to do is go from Hawaii to eat two girls who drive from Utah. That's all we want. Wait, Moshe, when you say you saw a shark, you mean like in the wave or when you went underwater? No, I mean I caught a wave, and I rode it all the way in towards the shoreline. And as I jumped off of my board, I realized that I had basically surfed right into this juvenile shark. And it got freaked out and swam away. And I got freaked out and I didn't know what to do.

But surfers are hilarious. I've never had a shark sighting at a surf break where the surfers aren't like, no, these are the good sharks. These ones are cool. Like 100% of the time, they never actually get out of the water. They're always like, these ones, it's all good.

Honey, that's what you say, though. You sent me a link that was like, no, those little sharks, they're totally harmless. I did look at it. I just take their... But that's the thing is when I'm out there and they say that, I'm like, well, you seem like a good surfer. You must know about the shark behavior.

These are not marine biologists. These are like unemployed people. They're good sharks on all sides. You're like, shut up. Shut up. Anyway, about the big wave surfing thing, I get spooked when the waves are like five feet. Sure. get spooked when the waves are like five feet sure this there's a 95 foot differential between when i start getting scared and when these guys are trying to get to so when natasha said i don't

think i want you surfing watching that big wave surfing documentary i was like i don't think you understand what we're looking at like i could try i literally could dedicate my entire life to trying to do this one time and i would never get close right so to me it's like uh it's a it's a insanely scary it's it's what what's the biggest wave you've done like two feet i mean honestly which is enough trust me that's enough like that would be enough for me is that is that what it is first of all i don't know why you're even saying that because you don't know no i don't know i was thinking, what's the smallest wave that you could still surf? Like, you do, like, the kid waves.

Like, sometimes he's out there with, like, kids. Natasha, this is unbelievably emasculating to me. No. And the truth is, Daniel, since you asked, the biggest wave I ever surfed was probably 80 feet. So not even close to 100. 80 feet? No way. Not even close to 100, you know?

Sure. Right, right, right. Have you done, like, a 15-foot? It was 80 feet long. It was 80 feet long have you done like a 15 foot swell it was way more than 80 feet it was thousands of feet long so let's be cool guys so moshe judges his waves by length i'm moshe i have to know have you done like a 50 like a 10 foot No. No. See, I have no idea.

But I don't even know that that means that's crazy. It's about penis width. It's about width of the penis. Exactly. We're Jews. It's about thickness, not length. Come on. No, Daniel, it's not worth. Five feet, Daniel, is your answer.

Yeah, five feet is probably your answer. He did that once. All right, back to this nine-year-old and his four-year-old. West Valley City Police Lieutenant Bill Merritt, perfect name, explained that officers on the scene said if the girls hadn't been buckled in, it would have been pretty bad because the vehicles were pretty munched. I don't know if that's... That's not a good word to use with a nine-year-old girl.

Don't use the word munched. Isn't that the detective from Law & Order SVU? I just feel like this is the way a sheriff in Utah should talk. Those are pretty munched. We almost had a munch. And I put that in the report. News Radio in Salt Lake City had reported all this. Both the semi and the car had to be towed.

You know what? Hold on. I got a great riff and I don't want to let it go. Let's go back to munched. Okay. The truth is what he meant by that was when you saw the wreckage, it made you go like this. Like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Famous painting The Scream by Edward Munch. Sure. Munch. Come on, you guys. It was worth going back to. That was good. I know The Scream. I got you.

Anyway. Was that the biggest wave you guys have ever ridden comedically? What the riff fingers did? I don't know. I don't know. I saved a guy in Hawaii. What do I know? Oh, Dan.

This is the first we're hearing of it, Dan. The nine-year-old. Dan, this is the first we're hearing of this in this segment. Actually, not true. The nine-year-old first sideswiped a pickup truck whose driver started following them. Imagine that person, because they don't know where the kids are. Like, this motherfucker.

Like, they're after them. They thought the driver was impaired. He discovered the driver of the other vehicle was not impaired, Imagine that person, because they don't know where the kids are. Like, this motherfucker. Like, they're after them. Getting on, they're going off. They thought the driver was impaired. He discovered the driver of the other vehicle was not impaired, but was in fact a nine-year-old female driving with her four-year-old sister. The two reportedly left the house under the cover of darkness around 4.30 a.m. while their parents slept. This is where it's a nightmare.

That's where it's a nightmare for parents, because you just think like, alright, they're down. Maybe they were running away from their parents. Maybe their parents were abusive. That's a whole other deal. I thought that too. Now that's a good comedic riff. Yes. Maybe the parents were doing violent abuse towards these children. You know how there's some waves, Moshe, that

you just let go. You just let them go like, I'll get the next one. The parents didn't find out about the joyride until police called them after the crash. The parents were quoted as saying, we're going to chain them back up. They'll pay for this. Oh, my. I'm joking.

I'm joking. I'm joking. Officers wondered if the parents had talked to the girls about taking a trip to California in the future. But the girls apparently came up with the idea on their own, which is probably what the parents said. Both of them came out of the accident absolutely fine, which is very fortunate as you can imagine. West Valley Police spokesman Roxanne Vaynakus told

KSL, I guess they were intending to start their summer vacation a little early. I guess this happened a few months ago. Lieutenant Sean McCarthy, we're meeting everybody. Hold on, let me just say, the last lady, that cop was, she was riffing too. She had a joke. Well, hold on. Let me just say the last lady, that cop, she was riffing too. She had a joke. Oh, you're right.

She looks at the munched remains of a nine-year-old and a four-year-old's driving experience. She's like, I got a joke for this. I got one. This is better than the Edward Munch joke. This is her CSI Miami line. I guess they wanted to start vacation. By the way, that's exactly what the cop said at Moshe's bachelor party. I got something I can munch.

No, he looked a little munched, honestly. He did. Lieutenant Sean McCarthy of the West Valley Police added, I don't know that we'll tell the two girls they were actually going the wrong way. So they were headed east. All right, we'll get out of here on this how many miles did the girls drive before crashing into a semi after they had already side swiped a truck to escape their parents uh demonic behavior what do you think natasha two miles two miles from natasha

i'm going to guess uh four miles or 11 miles because that seems to have worked last time. Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say 20 miles. 20 miles. That's a trip. Yeah, I think they went like seven miles. Seven miles? Okay, we'll get out of here on this.

The amount of miles driven by the nine-year-old and the four-year-old to go to the Pacific and get in the ocean is nine miles. Wow. That is far. Wait, did I get one? No, I didn't. Well, you split it. If we take your 11 and we split it up with this one, you're good.

Yeah, if you take my guess and then remove the amount or add the amount that it would take to get to the right answer, I was right. Of course. 100%. By the way, this is the paella bandit right here.

Paella munching dog. And the truth is, his name is Pablo, and it could be that he was just like, ah, the food of my people. I'm just getting in touch with my roots. I'm doing what I do. So, all right, Dan, give us a little taste of what we're going to hear in segment three.

And for our Patreon fans, we have a great story of something dumb behavior that Motion Natasha were witness to or party to. We'll do that in our patreon but give us a taste of a segment oh we just have a hungry burglar great i always love a hungry burglar it's the hamburglar essentially this dumb people town we have one more segment and a patreon we'll be right back after this stick around make us down for more dumb people town all right daniel take us home with the last question.

Here we go. Sent in by Adam Poulton at Poultski75. Judge dishes out sentence to s'mores cereal burglar. I didn't even know there was a s'mores cereal. Wichita Falls, KFDX. A man accused in a bizarre burglary of s'mores cereal pled guilty Friday and was placed on probation. Matthew Chillian was given a six-year probated sentence for burglary and a three-year probated sentence for possession of a controlled substance. Well, s'mores are like dope.

They are so... It is like crack. If you see a kid and the way they go to those s'mores, it is a controlled substance. I have a friend who works on the show. By the way, you mentioned it just now, and I want it. I want it right now. I want the cereal. Narcos season four.

That's all they're going to cover. Both arrests came in June, as I said. A witness told officers she saw a man go into a garage behind a house in the 1600 block of Elizabeth. I don't know if it's an avenue or street. It may not matter. A person, by the way. Right. Could be the 1600 block of Elizabeth. I don't know if it's an avenue street. May not matter. Police said. Or a person, by the way. Right. Could be the 1600 block of Elizabeth.

Police searched for the man, but did not find him. The witness called officers again later when she said she saw the man coming out of a door of a house with some food in his hands and the resident pushing him out. I also love that, too. When the person who lives there isn't going to get violent with a gun or anything, they just look at the person. Get the fuck out of my house just push them out like a bar uh that's what that um jordan peele movie was about yes get out of here yeah take the cereal with you yeah um the witness called later on when they saw this on a second search officer said they found chilian on the porch of another house on Elizabeth with cereal scattered

around him. He refused to answer questions but kept screaming, I'm sorry. Yeah, you know what? Are you sure you got his last name right? Because it sounds like based on what he's doing that just like Matthew chilling. Yeah, he just wants some cereal. He's just chilling. You'd be Chilean. The victim of the cereal theft said when he walked in, she asked him, what are you doing? And he walked past her into the kitchen, opened a cabinet, and grabbed a cup, then filled it with s'mores cereal and left. He's a cereal killer. He is a cereal. There you go.

Serious, surrealist. How would you even, like, how do you even know where to go? I can't find a fork in my friend's house i can't find a toothbrush in my own house go to the patreon that joke will make a lot of sense yeah and then and now understand where the bulls are in someone's house you've never even been in but yeah just to walk in there's like two tries i mean it's like the cabinet over the sink. Right. Or the one to the right of the stove. This just became dumb men town.

Yeah, I know where the bowls are. They're where bowls go. You fucking moron. But I wonder if he would have just gone with whatever was in that cupboard. Like if he opens it up and it's just like hard macaroni shells, would he just like take those and start eating them? Like he hit the jackpot. He's on drugs. If you're on drugs and you're like looking for food he won right he opened door number two and hit the fucking lottery is he yelling i'm sorry as he's doing this that's no

just when they found him on the porch which also anybody on a porch with cereal all around them yelling i'm sorry he's having a great did you ever see the video of the guy who pours cereal all over his back deck and just huge fat I mean raccoons that are fatter than you've ever seen in your entire life just come and and he like plays with the raccoon I'm like and he just pours

cereal all over like I imagine just really fat raccoons I guarantee you that guy thinks those raccoons are his friends. Oh, absolutely. That's a jolly raccoon story. Have you guys ever read the story about the Russian man

who on a dare from his friends tried to have non-consensual sex with a raccoon? No. And it bit his penis off. Yeah, sure. Here for it. Here for that.

You don't know that story, but you just knew the end. You're like, yeah, this happens all the time. He bit his penis off. That for it. You don't know that story, but you just knew the end. You're like, yeah, this happens all the time. He bit his penis off. That's what they do. They bite penises off. Let me just say I knew where the bulls were in that story. Officer said when Chillion was searched to jail, a baggie of meth was discovered on his person. You know what he said? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. He said there's other? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He said, there's other things I can do. I know that I don't look like who you hired, but. He was preparing to go to a bachelor party, and that's how he'd do it. You guys, that is the show. Dumb People Town. Endless honeymoon. Everybody get on it.

If you're not subscribed to it, subscribe to it. These are like, as you know, these are just two of our favorite people in comedy. This is what happens when really good friends get together and just riff. It's just pure, pure fun. We love you all. Follow these guys. Can I say this? You guys are also two of my favorite

people in comedy. No, I don't want to get into the specifics, but between the three of you, you are two of our favorite people in comedy as well. Dan and Jay, I understand. I know where I sit in this whole thing. That was so fun. Thank you, guys.

Oh, shit. We got to get back to work. I love you. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb