Dumb People Town - Nate Abshire - Drive-Off & Golf Cart Joyride

Episode Date: May 10, 2019

Nate Abshire joins the show to discuss two mini stories! In Story 1, a suspect in a drive-off is caught, and in Story 2 we hear the tale of a golf cart joyride!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Abshire. Nate Abshire.

Hey, guys. What's up, buddy? What up, Jack? It's great to be here. I feel at home in Dumb People Town. Really? You are, I think you don't give yourself enough credit. You're a smart dummy. Yeah, but I'm from Dumb People country.

You are. You come from dumb stock. Louisiana? Yeah, Louisiana. Where in Louisiana? Southwest Louisiana, like southwest of Abbeville. Okay. Louisiana? Yeah, Louisiana. Where in Louisiana? Southwest Louisiana, like southwest of Abbeville. Okay.

Of Lafayette. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're just in LA. We should explain to the people how we know you. You're a great comic from Minneapolis who we've worked with, we've gotten to work with for many years. Gone on the road with us a few times. Whenever we have a chance to take you with us, we do, and it works out as our feature because you set the table so beautifully.

Your stand-up is amazing. People should check out your stand-up go to website uh nateabshire.com there's no uh in it it's just www.nateabshire.com and then uh is silent yes and not present and not even there but we love you as a comic and you're out hereA. just for a few days to drive somebody's car back to Minneapolis. I was going to drive in, and then I have a buddy who had a car sitting here for 11 months, and he wants it back in Minnesota. So he bought my ticket, and the deal is I get the car running, and I go to it. That's a great fit. It's a great fit. I go to the car, and I pop the hood, and there is a literal animal nest on the engine block.

That's good, right? That's animal squatting. Is that a good thing? That's your friend. Thank you for the new five minutes. And at first, I thought it was a bird, and I was like, oh, how cute. A bird nest. That's kind of weird that they went in there.

No, rats. Rats. A rat nest. A literal rat nest. A literal bird nest. That's kind of weird that they went in there. No, rats. Rat nest. A literal rat nest. A literal rat nest. And you're like, I didn't realize rats made such a nice, tidy home. So, well, they didn't actually. Where was the car? Like on a city

street? No, it was in a driveway in Calabasas. Perfect. It was at the Kardashian's house. So many 2020s it was in a driveway in Calabasas. Perfect. It was at the Kardashian's house. So many 2020s start out in a driveway in Calabasas. Did you lumen all the seats? No, 30 for 30s start there. All 20 for 20. Or first 48.

I think a murder happened in the vehicle, but it was rats. Okay, rats. That rat? Did you literally find out that it wasn't birds and out loud say rats? I said squirrels in my head. And then so later I had to take it to a shop because I couldn't get over 3,000 RPMs. And I took it to the shop and something chewed through the crankshaft sensor. Of course.

And that's why it's not doing it. And I was like, yeah, when I brought it in, I was like, I think it was squirrels that made a nest. And he's like, squirrels don't make nests in cars, dude. I was like, yeah, when I brought it in, I was like, I think it was squirrels that made a nest. And he's like, squirrels don't make nests in cars, dude. I was like, oh, no. I love a nature-bound mechanic. Okay. And I love, by the way, mechanics on the whole can big time anyone. They make you feel dumb whenever they can.

Oh, you didn't know it was the valve cover gasket? Of course I didn't know it was the fucking valve cover gasket. You're the guy who's got to help me out. Oh, you didn't know we need more dinner rolls? Oh, right. It's every area of their life. To me, every mechanics conversation with me is like my conversation with my wife when she says, I mean, do you get the emails? Yeah, I fucking get the emails.

But here's the thing. And this is what I think is the bit, is that rats are squirrels with bad marketing. I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's a tail. It's a tail issue, and that's it. Jay, it is a tail as old as time. It's a tail of a tape. Listen, should we get into a dumb tale?

Let's do a dumb story. We're in dumb people's time. I feel like squirrels are just rats wearing a track suit. Yes. They look better. I have one question, though. Can I guess the type of car? You're going to nail it.

Is it a Sebring? No. No. I picture a Chrysler Sebring. Sebring is old, new money. Right, right. A 2001 convertible Sebring. I'll give you a second guess.

I'm going to tell you it's a stand-up comics car. Oh. A Volvo. A Geo Prism. It's a stand-up comics car. A Volvo. A Geo Prism. It's a Honda Accord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Of course.

Hey, you got to have that Uber option. Of course. Of course. All right, Dan, let's get into a story. Okay. Guys, today's a special day. Yes. Because for the first time ever, I have made a decision that I consulted with no one about.

I have two extremely short stories. Oh with no one about, I have two extremely short stories. Oh, I love it! Because sometimes we get great stories that are too small for even a mini. So I said, why don't I do two in one? Is that okay with you? Are you willing, Nate? I understand if you want to leave. Are you willing to be our first

double mini? He's not going to make a decision yet. Suspect in drive-offs finally caught. Great. Do you know what a drive-off is? I know what a drive-by is. Would anybody have a guess? Gas.

Gasoline. It is gasoline. Yeah! There's a guy. Look at him step up to the plate. There's a guy who's driven off before. That's a lead-off batter. It happened once.

It happened to you? Well, I got gas in North Dakota, and in my head, any time that I've gotten the gas, I've paid for the gas because that's how it works literally everywhere. And then 20 miles down the road, we're like, did we pay for that gas? And then we went back and she was like hanging up with the cops. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Here's the money. Really? Yeah.

Wow. Okay. You ready for this? Yep. Wow. Okay, you ready for this? Yes. Yep. You know, there was a time in the history of pop culture where the two words I'm about

to read would mean nothing to any of us. Now it means- Now they mean a lot. Now we know exactly what it is. Yeah. Manitowoc, Wisconsin. Oh, no. I know.

I know. My son. There's no going back. Are they blaming Stephen Avery for the drive-offs? They are. That is so unfair. He was in prison! Still, it looks like he did.

He admitted to it. Dropped the key in the trailer. Police arrested a man for his gas drive-offs from a local gas chain. Yep. Carl Kinyon. K-I-N-Y-O-N. Is he? Am I the prize?

Carl Kinyon. I want Cancrats to defend this guy so badly. You do? I do. Your honor. Was he stealing gas multiple times from the same station? Probably. Or the same chain, two different stations.

It had to be a quick trip. Yeah. Carl Kinyon was arrested after an incident Monday at a convenience store on South 10th Street, according to the police report. Kenyon told police he has a quote, layaway system. He has an excuse. He has a layaway system.

I got a system. This is how layaways work. You have to put money down. A little bit. A little bit. Just something. You don't pay for the whole TV. You pay for a third of it.

What you have is a tab. Right. That's not a layaway system. Really, you can't put gas on your tab. Can we just? No, you cannot. Have any of you, or do you remember the last thing you bought on layaway? Have you ever bought anything on layaway?

No. I think I bought something. I think I bought a sweater for my mom at Spurgeon's in Rochelle on layaway when I was like eight. How many payments did you make? I think 10. And they charge you more, right? They charge you more for it. I don't think so.

Do they? They don't Is there an interest Dan that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard A sweater for your mom On layaway At Spurgeon's

At Spurgeon's I think so And you had an allowance So essentially your mom She paid for it If Spurgeon's happened In 2019 There would be an article

About you Yeah exactly There'd be a blog About you Right There'd be a podcast About you There'd be a video

Spurgeon's boy Or no It would be a blog about it. There'd be a podcast about you. There'd be a video about it. Spurgeon's Boy. It would be a video that would come up at the end of another article about a kid seeing his mom surprisingly back from a tour of Vietnam. And there it says, watch this mom's crazy reaction when son puts sweater on Leia. And then under that would be a link that says, you won't believe what the baby from Dinosaurs looks like now. Watch this mom's crazy reaction When son puts sweater on layaway And then under that would be a link that says You won't believe what the baby from dinosaurs Looks like now And then a link is like

Watch what happens when this squirrel builds a nest Inside this car Here's something fun Kenyon told police he has a quote layaway system With quick trip He's a road comic. And was in a hurry on Monday when he

but he always pays for the gas eventually. And you know that's his everything. I'm eventually going to do this. Eventually. I was going to get around to it. You can't treat companies like your friends. You can't be like, I was gonna

get it. The GoFundMe started on Facebook to pay for this gas. You know me, Quick Trip! Tell Me I Don't is the... That is... So he's gonna try to get you to argue a point that you won't win, even though

the GoFundMe has zero dollars in it and will never have more than $0. Never have any more. So he'll win that one. He'll be like, see? Right. See? Tell me there isn't a GoFundMe.

Tell me there's no Facebook. There is Facebook. Well, then I'm right. Recently on my tour, I got done with the show, and a fan came up to me, and he was a really, really nice guy. And he gave me a gift card to Quick Trip. Dude, that is a great gift. That is a great gift.

With a Q, because it's South. And I looked at him, and I go, you know me. gave me a gift card to Quick Trip. That is a great gift. I was with a queue because it's south. I looked at him and I go, you know me. That's all I said to him. You understand me. Here's my question, Dan. Will you go in there and get something you would normally never get? No. What are you going to get? Chocolate?

Licorice? A salad? Salad? Quick Trip salad bar is unbelievable. Unbelievable. I feel like if someone can't eat. The fresh shrimp at a quick trip is just. Have you ever tried quick trip sushi? Unreal.

Oh, my God. You know what's really good at quick trip, but they're almost never bad anywhere, is they're like three for a dollar hot dogs are very good at quick trip. I'm there for the string cheese. I know. Yeah. And they do this at Bucky's in Texas, too. They have those weird meat and fruit cups.

They're like, don't put that all in one cup together. If you said to me, here's your quick trip card. Now go buy all the chocolate and sour apple licorice that you can get your hands on, I'd be like, I'll see you bitches later. That'd be your jam? I'd be like, I'm original recipe. Guardettos. Uh-oh.

You guys love corn nuts. When are you going to get to those? Oh, I love corn like, original recipe, Gardettos. You guys love corn nuts. When are you going to get to those? My kids like corn nuts now. If someone gave me a gas card after a show, that would probably be the most emotional moment of my career. Would you start crying?

Yeah, I'd be like, this is so beautiful right now. You know me. You really know me, Dan. That's what you said. You see me as who I am and not who I present to the world. You have helped me today.

He says he always pays for the gas eventually. Here's what I'm going to ask you guys. How many times do you think he has done a drive-off to Quick Trip trip it's the same location same location and you were right about that too nate you're our guest you can either go first tig which also that you're on fire right now yeah i mean do you want a trip same location drive off you do it a drive can i do an over under no no you gotta hit the numbers and we're all gonna

you can go i'm gonna go 17 17 jay going to go 17. Okay, 17. Jay? Jason? Eight. Eight. I think he's done it 12 times. 12 times. Yeah. The amount of times that Carl Kenyon, double K if you're nasty, has instituted his own personal layaway system with the quick trick.

I got a layaway system. Is 23. Whoa. Abshire. Abshire. I thought I layaway system. Is 23. Oh! Abshire. I thought I was way high. I thought I was really high. He owes Quick Trip. Can we guess how much he owes?

Well, I was going to tell you, he owes for 14 of the 23 drive-offs. Okay, so let's now guess. How much do you think he owes Quick Trip? This is so fun. Well, he for sure drives a truck. Uh-huh. Yeah. So we're talking, I'd say $750.

$750, Jason? $900. $900. I think he owes $1,050. Okay. Quick trip estimates. That's the thing, too. I think he owes $1,050 Okay Quick trip estimates That's the thing too They estimate

No Guys The number is on the pot It's easy Every time he leaves Aren't there like receipts All you have to do Is write it down

That's right You know I worked At a gas station So did I I know you both did And you weren't allowed To work together Because if Stamlin saw

If I saw Jay stealing gas, I wouldn't report it because they believe that blood is thicker than gas. And if my memory serves me correct, it was Jason who ruined that person's car with the oil. That was Randy. I took out his dipstick.

I pulled out his dipstick and it was worse. I gently removed his dipstick and that wasn't better I gently removed his dipstick from its hole somebody needs to start a twitter account called dumb people town out of context all of it just clips

the amount of things we have to either us telling a story or something what can I say I took out the dipstick so it was the hole where the dipstick is is also the place in a Porsche where you pour the oil in. So there's a larger hole, and then there's a tiny hole inside of it where you slide the dipstick in. It's a hole in a hole, man. I didn't realize that.

I thought the whole thing was part of it. So I pulled it out of the small one, checked it, cleaned it off, poured some oil in, and then just dropped it all the way back in. So then Darren, our manager, district manager. The names are never wrong. Darren. Drove a Ford Taurus. A maroon Ford Taurus station wagon with no kids. No family.

That should always be a sign for you. Thin, I mean mustache. Like thin. Feathered hair. Feathered hair mustache. Darren came and was like so fucking mad. He had to go in the back where the uniforms were, undo a

coat hanger for the uniform, wire hanger, and reach down for like an hour and try and get it out. Can you imagine you go to get gas, you go to get your oil checked, and you are at a gas station on a Saturday for an hour. And you drive a Porsche, so you're

a very patient person. 100%. I was so happy. By the way, it was my last weekend working there. It was hilarious. It was going to be. It was beautiful. Anyway, all right.

All right. The total amount, what did we say? $750, $800, $900, $1,000. Quick Trip estimates that Kenyon owes for 14 of the 23 drive-offs for a total of $803. Wow. I think I got him. No, you're at $900. You're 77 away.

He's 53. 750? Is that what you said? Yeah. Yeah, he's there. Wow. Here's the thing. I think you guys were going with LA gas prices.

Oh, man. I was. Police requested charges of retail theft and bail jumping due to previous retail theft cases. Damn, Carl Kinnan. You can't just take everything. By the way, everything's on layaway. With regards to the bail, he was going to pay it back. He really has a system.

He does. Unfortunately, it's becoming the justice system. It's like a one-sided bartering system. It's a system outside the system he has something to trade that no one wants right he's the guy in vegas that's down 1400 like i got a system it's gonna turn around i bet you don't pass line you don't bond was set this is bond was set at a hundred dollars for kenyon he will pay it he owes 800 he will pay it. He owes $800. He will pay it. During a court appearance Tuesday, formal charges have not been filed.

I'm going to show you guys a picture of him, and we're going to play a quick round of Guessy H. Then we're going to take a break, and we're going to do one more little mini story. Ready for this, gentlemen? Let's see. Look at Carl Kenyon. That's Manitowoc's finest right there. You know he's been in a fist fight with one of the Averys. Look at him.

I feel like he probably owes one of them money. Oh, for sure. This guy has never not cut his own hair. This guy's done at least one open mic. Oh, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How old do you think he is? Nate? You can go first, second, or third. 37. 37. 29. 29? No.

35. 35. Okay. You said 35. 35, 37, 29. Okay. He's got a little gray hair. One of you is exactly right.

Oh! So now we get to play. Now you get to play. Who do you think is exactly right? Who do you think is exactly right? I can't. I don't think he's 20. I think Randy's right.

Okay. You think he's 29? No, I said 35. 35? I think I'm right, too. Okay. I think Nate's right. Okay.

I don't believe in myself anymore. Oh, no. I want to switch my vote now. No.'s right. I don't believe in myself anymore. Oh no. I want to switch my vote now. Alright. Carl Kenyon. The 23 drive-off man with a layaway at the gas station quick trip as well as some sort of bartering system with clothing stores.

And if you want to see his picture, go to our and join the Facebook page. Or the Instagram. It's up and going. What's the Instagram? Dumb People Town. Dumb People Town. Join it. Join both.

O's $803.90 is... Get your answers in now, townies, and then we'll take a break. We're getting out of here on this because Carl Kenyon is 37 years old. Oh, no!

Nate, I can't help it. You ran the table. You literally ran the table. I have a preternatural sight. That's why at least I know who to bet on. The truth cannot be obfuscated from me. I apologize. Nate Abshire is with us.

We're going to take a break. We'll be back with more of this Friday. Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town.

Please follow Nate Abshire on Twitter and on Instagram. He is a great follow, Nate Abshire. I'm super funny. He is super funny. And come see him whenever he's performing with us or in Minneapolis. He's there a bunch and all around. Again, nateabshire.com. Check his dates.

Go see him. You will not be upset or disappointed that you did that. All right. What about us? And us. We got other stuff. I don't know when this is dropping because we're out ahead of some stuff. The tickets are on sale already for the Bell House show, and I know some people have already bought those.

So that's October 13th. If we sell it out early, like at least a month in advance, we'll do a second show. We'll add a second show. But, we'll add a second show. But I think we've sold like 25 tickets so far, which is awesome. I mean, truly phenomenal that we're this far out and done it. But we sold out that first show, so this one is probably going to sell out. So if you want tickets. But I'd love to sell it out way in advance so that we can add a second show.

Again, we love doing it in New York. That's a Sunday. I believe that's October 13th. Correct me if I'm wrong. Yes. Right? Yes, Sunday, October 13th. Correct me if I'm wrong. Yes. Right? Yes. Sunday, October 13th.

I'll be at Clusterfest at the end of June doing a live pen pals. You guys have a ton of dates. People should go to superscrollers.com. If you go to superscrollers.com, you can see all of our dates. We just added another date. We're performing in Tinley Park.

Do you know where that is? Yeah, fuck yeah. So the convention center in Tinley Park. We just got booked there on the- September 27th. September 27th. And then we have a show in, I think we're going to do

hopefully in Ann Arbor the next night. Ann Arbor. That's on the 28th. Is that during college football? During college football. It's the Rutgers game

September 28th. But all that stuff will be on superscrollers.com. Get your tickets. And check our new Instagram out, by the way.

We are starting to put like tons of clips of our standup on Instagram. If you listen to this show and you're not following us on Instagram, what's going on? Please do it. We're at Scraw Brothers and follow Dan too. Yeah, we're starting to put tons of clips of our stand-up on Instagram. If you listen to this show and you're not following us on Instagram, what's going on? Please do it.

We're at Scar Brothers and follow Dan, too. We're putting a lot of comedy up there and great clips from this show. Yep. Agreed. Okay. Should we jump into the story? Let's do it. Let's do it.

Here we go. Okay. Sent in? Did I say the first one? No. Who sent that first one in? The first one was sent in by Larry Lutz. At Larry Lutz.

L-U-T-E-S. Larry Lutz. Thanks, Larry. I appreciate it. Love it. Is that like a guy that sells Lutz? Yeah. Straight up. Okay. Larry's Lutz. Larry's Lutz. Down to Larry's Lutz, L-U-T-E-S. Larry Lutz! Thanks, Larry. I appreciate it. Love it. Is that like a guy that sells loots? Yeah, straight up. Okay.

Larry's Lutz. Larry's Lutz. Down to Larry's Lutz. Larry, much like the next person in the number three, knows that all you have to do if you want to send me a story, do not DM me. Do not hit me up on Instagram. Go to Twitter and just go at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag Dump People Town. I love people sending them in from everywhere, but it's the only way I can organize them

to know who sent them in first. All right. Sent in by Sean at Microphone Down. Nice. I know. I kind of like that. I don't know what it means. I really like it.

Microphone Down. Phoenix, a man recently released from jail, stole a golf cart belonging to the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office and went for a joyride. Yes, he did. See, why does the Sheriff's Office get golf carts? They are meant to be stolen. It's not the guy who got let go and was like, anybody want this? I'm free and I'm taking it.

I feel like that's entrapment that they have a golf cart available to be stolen. It's enticing. And they don't need it. I'm sorry, was this plate of cookies that are out here not for me to take? If you leave the door open at the mini golf place, don't blame me for trespassing.

I'm thinking of the undercover. If you leave the door open at the mini golf place, don't blame me for trespassing. I'm thinking of the undercover. If you leave the door open at the mini golf place, don't blame me for sticking my dick in the windmill. Or in the balls. Or in the colored balls. The undercover brother slow speed golf cart chase. Fantastic. Yes. Fantastic.

I know. I just saw it again. Fantastic. Magic. Phoenix police report that on February 14th, Valentine's Day. There's so many fun nuances. Golf carts and Valentine's Day. Well, he had places to be.

Now I'm on this guy's side. Nate, what did you do on Valentine's Day? Wouldn't that be a great Valentine's Day gift for any man or woman that the person who loves you is like, I rented you a golf cart for the day. It's street legal. Just go have fun. By the way, how fun would this be? You know, like, on Christmas everyone gets the Lexus and puts the giant bow on it. If you had in

your driveway or your girlfriend or your wife... A golf cart with a giant red bow on it. I'd be like, I love you forever. I love you. I'm gonna do it. We need one at the cabin. For years, we've needed one. Go to the police station and steal one. They've just got them laying around, apparently. Did you just say getting grandma down to the lake? A hundred percent.

Yeah. Dan, you need a golf cart there. You need a golf cart up there. I know. You just need a big enough cover that it doesn't get stolen. I know. Well, that's the other thing is we actually will need a new shed to be able to put it into.

It's a whole other deal. Grandmas are expensive. I know. They are very expensive. Once you have to accessorize your grandma it's a lot uh phoenix police reported on february 14th christopher david whittle cdw i miss harris whittles me too wasn't cdw some sort of like internet sales thing that a whole bunch of people did in chicago like in the midwest anything that has a c and a d in it i just

think cbd oil yes i'm like which may have come into play with this one suddenly nature's got like in the Midwest. Anything that has a C and a D in it, I just think CBD oil. Yes. I'm like, oh. Which may have come into play with this one. Suddenly nature's got calmer. We'll probably eventually do this story. I haven't gotten up to it yet, but you guys know that in Denver for 420, Hardee's did a CBD burger. Oh my gosh.

It'll be covered on a future Dumb People time. We'll cover it. Like a Hardee's burger doesn't put you on the couch on its own. I know. Don'll cover it. Like a Hardee's burger doesn't put you on the couch on its own. I know. Don't bother me. What am I doing again? What are we doing here? Phoenix Police report that on February 14th,

Christopher David Whittle was released from the Fourth Avenue Jail in Phoenix. I'm going to show you this gentleman's photo because you deserve it. Ready? I'm ready. Look at Christopher David Whittle. Oh, well, that is.

He loves the Allman Brothers. He only stole a golf cart. I know, right? He's like, I know all the words to Jessica by the Allman Brothers. That is an instrumental song. That is an instrumental song. Jessica has nowhere. I know them all.

They're in there. You gotta listen closely. I'm in a little feet cover band called Little Feet. Little Toes. People on the Dumb People's House Facebook page can help us figure it out as well. Was he walking

left to right and stopped to look back for the photo? Where do I stand? Look at that. It's almost a pose, isn't it? This is a guy who always looks like he's looking directly into the sun. It looks like he just thought he saw Credence walking down the street. Is that?

He is squinting. Is that Fogarty? He is squinting. He seems to me like the kind of person who hasn't slept for a year. He hasn't had a good night's sleep for a year. We walked in and saw Nate's beard. I've not seen this beard on you. It's fantastic.

It's big. It's beautiful. It's lush. It's a new look. It is. This guy has not changed his goatee since 94. He has a CBD radio in his house.

He's got a CBD radio. CBD radio. CBD radio has got to be a show, right? Please, can we play radio? What are we doing? I don't think you need to update your facial hair with the trends of the day, but you've got to update with your chin. And his chin has clearly

outgrown his facial hair. That's right. That's it. When your kids outgrow their clothes, you buy them new ones. Right. Widdle. Okay, where was I? He was released from the Fourth Avenue Jail in Phoenix.

Which, by the way, we know what happens. This is Sheriff Joe. Yeah. He's gone, right? No, he's gone. He's been pardoned. He's been pardoned. Oh, yeah.

But this is the town where you know you drunk drive and then you get a pink jumpsuit and you have to go live in a tent city for a month so i don't know what you get for stealing a golf cart from the police well after being released from jail yeah he was released from jail in phoenix whittle then reportedly contacted a maintenance worker saying he was cold and needed a ride in his golf cart. When the worker left the area, Whittle... Always a good move. Yeah.

Let me just leave this area and leave you alone. This crazy dude asked me if he could get a ride in this thing. I'm sure he's not going to do anything to me. I got to leave the area for a little bit. You watch the cart, person we can't trust. I'm going to leave the keys in it. I know. What could possibly go wrong?

What did the worker go to do? Like, does anyone have, like, was he just like, hey, man, I got to drop a duke. Be good with the golf cart. I'm trusting you. You're cool, right, man? You're cool, right? Right? We're good.

Right? You're not going to fuck me over here, are you, man? It's like checking Facebook. You're not going to fuck me over here, are you, man? It's like checking Facebook. When the worker left the area, Whittle allegedly took the golf cart and drove north from the jail. Dan, I hope you're going to ask how many miles did he get? How many blocks?

I don't know. I only have streets and time. It did not give me mileage. How much time? We can look at those have streets and time. It did not give me mileage. How much time? We can look at those two streets and the distance between them. If you'd like to guess. How much time he had the golf cart to himself. How long did he make it? No, we can figure it out.

By the way, I've been doing this type of math with my eighth grader. So if we know how much time he was doing and we know how fast these things can go, we can at least approximate. Right. You just made math class super interesting. That's if he's driving nonstop. Dude, math should be this. If a guy singing Black Betty steals a golf cart from the Phoenix PD.

With the possessions he went in with two years ago. A lot of rings. Oh, yes. One ring on a chain around his neck because that was his daddy's. Yeah. And his daddy's. Yeah. And his 311. It's close to his heart.

How many minutes do you think it took for the police to locate him? He's just out of jail and took a golf cart. I'm going to go first. Yeah, if you want. I'm going to go 105 minutes. Okay. Jay? 45 minutes.

Okay. 30 minutes. Okay. It's not Jesse Agee, but I will tell you one of you is exactly right. What? I'm going with Nate. He's unbelievable. It can't.

No, I don't know. I'd go with Nate. I'm going with Nate. I was just assuming incompetence on the behalf. No, dude, you are on fire right now. I'm going with Nate. Okay. Both of us are going.

Nate, where are you going? I'm going to say 45. Who said 45? I said 45. All right, Jay. Police located Whittle This was how long His freedom lasted

Police located Whittle About 30 minutes later Randy No confidence in me Pushing the golf cart Into a tire shop Near 7th street And Broadway road

Guys he got out At 4th avenue So I don't know How far away 7th street And Broadway road is Whittle reportedly told police he drove the cart on the streets until it wouldn't

go anymore. Kind of like his life in Termination. That is a metaphor. He then pushed the cart to the tire shop claiming he was going to get it fixed and return it. We have two people in these stories today. He's got a system. He's got a layaway system. Got a system. Whittle has been charged

with vehicle theft we will get out of here and end this mini on this how old do you think christopher david whittle is you've seen his photo in his photo you've seen his goatee pose god he's never had a haircut dude he is he is the full manifestation of like a modern day kansas honestly i at him, and I feel like that's me five years of living in a van. Yeah. That's a good van. When the rock star becomes the roadie. Like, this is that transition in between one.

It's a reverse chrysalis. When the rock star falls to earth. You guys ever seen a butterfly Turn into a Centipede It's a reverse Consolation His cocoon Was his apartment For nine months

Can I ask you A vulnerable question Yep You ever think I look like Jim Morrison Yeah I do too After he died

Post-mortem Morrison How old do you think he is Rigor Morrison How old do you think he is? Rigor Morrison. How old do you think he is? 36. Jay, did you say rigor Mortison? I did. Rigor Morrison. That's pretty good.

It didn't get the credit it deserved. No, it did not. I am going to say 43. Okay. Randy? I think he's 40 on the dot. All right. One of you is one year off.

Oh, my God! Okay, here we go. Townies, get your answers in now, because the man who was literally free from jail for 30 minutes after stealing a golf... before stealing a golf cart, and then pushing it into a tire shop with a plan to return

it. What is his name? Christopher David Whittle is 35 years old. Oh, yeah. Nate. Oh, my God. Well done, sir. Beautiful. By the way, love the two stories. Great Oh, yeah. Nate. Again! Oh, my God. Well done, sir. Beautiful. By the way,

love the two stories. Great job, Dan. Never lie to me. Okay. You'll know. You will absolutely know. You know the truth. His name is Nate Abshire.

Go see him. Follow him on Twitter. Follow him on Instagram, nateabshire.com. Go check him out when he does stuff. And, oh, shit, we gotta get back to work dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb