Dumb People Town - Nate Craig - Chaotic Altercation

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

Comedian Nate Craig (Live At The Green Mill on ATC's YouTube page) stops by as Daniel describes how an uninvited guest causes havoc at a funeral, Randy reports on a man thrown out a McDonald's for his barefoot lifestyle, and Jason warns against driving a backhoe to the airport, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Faherty, Factor, and Draft Kings Casino! Head to FAHERTYBRAND.com/DPT and use code DPT at checkout for 20% off your order. Head to FACTORMEALS.com/dpt50 and use code dpt50 to get 50% off.  Download the Draft Kings Casino app NOW, sign up with promo code DPT, and new customers get a deposit match up to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in casino credits when you deposit $5 or more! 

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

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Population you. Population Craig. Yo. Nate Craig. Welcome to the show, dude. A fan favorite. The pride of Milwaukee, the shame of Chicago. The shame of Chicago, the pride of Milwaukee. He likes it that

way. He likes it that way. Look at the flatness of that brim of that hat. It's just... Gotta keep it crisp. Gotta be able to host a wedding on this thing if something... Solid logo. It's an interdivision rival of ours and Dan's. We're all rivals

when it comes to the NFC. But we're all friends when it comes to dumb people. National League Central We're all rivals and yet we can sit here together and make comedy about dumb people. Why can't they do it in the Middle East? Do you think the rivalry has gone down? Cards Cubs?

Just all of them them i don't feel the same vitriol now that there's interleague play you don't you don't play as many times right so we there aren't as many series and it's not as like focused and concentrated just don't go as many p trough fights as you used to and that's what yeah how many game backs are the cubs right now i don't know. They were like, well, they just dropped three when we're recording this,

but I think it was like a one and a half. And that's what the takes that you guys. So all I remember, Jay and I saw a comic. I wish I remember who this comic was. He was killing us. We were, it was maybe one of the first standup shows we ever went to in the

eighties. Carl above maybe. No, it was somebody who was, he talked about being at Wrigley Field and seeing somebody put his kid, because the kid couldn't reach the trough, up on the trough to pee. And then a drunk person accidentally knocked him into the trough. And he watched his kid blow the wind.

I've seen guys swim the trough. No, stop. That's dumb people town. Well, here's the deal. Trough guy. Nate, we're going to talk about all the stuff you got going on. Nobody becomes a character better than Nate Craig. Nate Craig becomes the guy.

So we've got dumb stories. Daniel, let's jump into it. Okay, you ready to do this? Yes. This was sent in by We Talking About Practice. At Notagame underscore three. Love all of our townies on the ground and in the air who send us Dumb People Town.

At Dumb People Town. Right? No, it's at Sklar Brothers hashtag and at Daniel Van Kirk hashtag Dumb People Town. I'm on Twitter. Here we go. Uninvited family member at funeral causes havoc. Oh, boy.

Dan, what do we tell you? Kind of like the end speaks to the beginning. Dan, I think you could. We ended the way we started. They are who we thought they were. There's a reason. Uninvited. Sounds like the fact I didn't get invited to this wedding.

Yeah. Wedding and funeral. Where did it really start? Let's source this, man. Wedding and funeral. There are people. Somewhere. I was drunk when I didn't get the invitation.

You debate. Is it worse to not invite them and deal with that fallout or invite them and just pins and needles it you gotta manage this eggshell it the whole night manage the situation because there are people we've have these and well you guys are missouri you you just spend a lot of your night looking over at them and be like okay he, he's talking to Phil. Phil should be fine in this scenario. If you do invite him, either way, you've got to have a fixer. You also have a stay away. You go, hey, if Bob's coming, if Bobby shows up, I want you watching the game. But then you have another one.

You run interference. That means you get it between him and Aunt Susie. There's a lot of get over there. But then you go over to Uncle Scott and you go, Bobby's coming. Do not talk to him. I need you to stay away. If you see him, leave the room. Hey, we're not having the guns discussion. We're not doing that tonight.

We're not doing that tonight. It's his gun. What if he brings his guns? We got to talk about it. I don't even want you in the same line for electric slide. You're over there. You stay in the front part. I've told the DJ you get three requests. You stay by the DJ. Stay sad a little bit louder.

I'll show you a little bit louder. That drunk guy at a wedding, nobody's getting low enough. He's saying softer, get lower. I'm in charge of the limbo bar. I'm always in charge of the limbo bar. I can do both ends of it. You go right underneath my leg. Clothes during dinner?

Clothes during dinner? You're not serving during dinner? They should have made. Do you guys have weddings like that? That's a big Illinois thing where they will not close the bar during dinner. Oh, that's a fight in itself. I thought you were saying clothes during dinner. John Roy's wedding. I gave the

bartender a 20. He handed me two bottles of wine. Dan, you have to write this book. Write the book. How to be the best wedding guest ever. I'll dance with your aunt. How to be the best wedding guest ever. Dan, write it. Dan, if you don't write this book, we're going to write it for you. We'll ghost write this. I believe in you.

I believe you're right. I believe I should. Have you guys ever not gone to a wedding because somebody else was going to be there? No. No, but. No. And that is a through line to a person's life if they say yes. I have avoided a wedding because somebody might be there. Might?

Were they there? They were not there. And you didn't go. And you missed the wedding. I didn't go. I missed the wedding. Go. No.

It wasn't an ex? It was not an ex. It was. Some. And you missed the wedding. I didn't go. I missed the wedding. Go. No. It wasn't an ex? It was not an ex. It was someone you had beef with. Somebody who was going downhill. And I was like, if I'm there and they're there and that makes it chaotic, it's worse for the couple. You didn't think you could just not do it? Dan. No, no, no.

Now, my rule is if somebody shows up who's hit someone in my family and they're still coming i'm like hey just so you know i might talk if he talks to me it was that level okay it was that long so i love it so this is nate being conscientious of whatever this person's thing this story this person is all about a person who's making a funeral about a massive brawl broke out during a funeral for an elderly woman in Richmond. This comes from thedailybeast.com. She didn't want that. This is not what she wanted. What was meant to be

an occasion to celebrate the life of an elderly woman in Northern California. NorCal. Turned into a comical mayhem after an uninvited family member stormed the service. Stormed the service.ed the service everybody's storming january 6th i know jesus yeah it's just show up yeah this eulogy without me

and you know they were not mentioned in the obit which also pissed them off yeah they weren't listed in the survived by let me see that thing right right i love a good obit okay here we go the extraordinary sendoff happened in the Contra Costa County Cemetery inside Richmond's Rolling Hills Memorial Park. That just feels like a little bit of Mad Lib. Contra Costa is what they call the... Contra Costa. That's the mob in Sicily.

Am I right? You're close. Close enough. Close enough. Contra Costa is a version of the classic Nintendo game Contra. Contra Costa is a version of the classic Nintendo game Contra. Contra Costa County Cemetery inside Richmond's Rolling Hills Memorial Park. I feel like I'm warming up for a musical.

Get ready. You go on stage in five. Contra Costa County Cemetery, Richmond Rolling Hills Memorial Park. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. You want to give it a try? Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. She was a storming grandma's funeral in the leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. Give it a stormy and grimace funeral in the moonlight. Mighty nice. Watermelon, watermelon.

You try it. Contra Costa County Cemetery, Richmond Rolling Hills Memorial Park. You want to try it? No. Contra Costa Cemetery, Richmond Rolling Hills Cemetery Park. Both of you got it almost right. Sure. Here's the other thing.

The brawl, the send--off the crazy havoc was not apparently entirely unanticipated they knew it was coming they built time in the service a family member brought a stun gun to the services because of long-standing family issues if you have to bring a stun gun no if you're bringing a stun gun you're to use it. By the way, this is like a new Foxworthy bit. If you ever bring a stun gun to a funeral. You might be in a decades long family rip. You might be in a feud. Right.

Imagine that. Should I bring it? Should I bring it? Bring it. Should I bring it? Why don't I just put it in the car? Honey, where's my stun gun? No.

I'm rolling by the funeral. Don't put it in the car because if, where's my stun gun? No. I'm rolling by the funeral. Don't put it in the car because if it's in the car, you're going to wish you had it on you. Pepper spray doesn't work on him. We know this. We know that. We're out of bear spray. Put it in your purse, son. God, this guy.

Dude, bring in a stun gun. Also, you know what that means? There was a point in that person's life where they were like, I'm just going to order it. I'm going to order it. Just the process of realizing you need to buy a stun gun means enough shit's going on. Your aunt's getting old. She's going to die. I'll probably need it.

Let me order it. If you brought it to the stun gun, you've definitely brought it to Christmas. If you brought it to a funeral. Dan, this is me being ignorant. Is a stun gun a taser? Yeah, it's a taser. It's a body to body. But it's not like I can't shoot you from here. Can I stun gun you from here? it's a taser it's a body to body right yeah oh but it's not like i can't

shoot you from here well can i stun you from here interchangeable i would say it for these purposes it's i think it's more easily the charges in between the charge than it is and then you put oh yeah you can shoot a little you don't shoot the two yeah but i don't think you can buy the prongs very easily i think i think the average person can buy the hey get out of here cut to someone listening to this man like oh i know where you can buy the prongs very easily. I think the average person can buy the... Hey, get out of here. Cut to someone listening to this being like, oh, I know where you can get the prongs easily. Or cut to people being like, you can buy them both. Yeah, Elon says...

You can buy them in bulk. These guys are idiots. Side note, the guy that showed up to this wedding, nicknamed the stun gun. Funeral. Yeah, for sure. Funeral. Stun gun.

They are slightly interchangeable, depending on the luncheon. Sure. Okay, and how fun the person was. And how much dancing there was. They are slightly interchangeable depending on the luncheon. Sure. Okay. And how fun the person was. And how much dancing there is. The Richmond Police Department said it responded to the Rolling Hills Memorial Park at 1.30 p.m.

That was, we're not going to guess that because it's a funeral. No, that's a funeral. After several reports of a chaotic altercation, chaotic altercation. You're on the radio and you hear, it's a chaotic altercation. Several reports. One of the most dangerous jobs for police officers, all the good apples, is knocking on, just door knocking, pulling somebody over.

You don't know what's on the other side. That is blank slate. You know you're going into a chaotic altercation. That is anything. Does this qualify as a domestic violence call? Because when it's between boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, those are very dangerous for cops. Yes family stuff family stuff domestic disturbance this is maybe slightly less dangerous nor cal i'm assuming gun in this case they don't even need to say the over

i guarantee they didn't say domestic disturbance over the radio they said the name of the family and the cop knew all he needed the johnson The Johnson funeral. Oh, God. I need backup. Chaotic altercation between up to how many family members? Oh, my God. How many do you guys think got in? You think funeral? You think someone's already brought a stun gun? You think uninvited guest?

You think chaotic altercation? I just realized this. There's a lot of people at this funeral that got this guy's back. Yeah. Which guy? The guy showing up. The guy uninvited. That's right.

So now you've got. You've got factions. Oh, Jesus. There's people getting mad at the guy who brings the stuff. It's not 18 on one. No. That wouldn't be chaotic. No, it's 18 on seven.

Yes. There's 25. Did you say 25 people? I'm putting it at 25. 25. I'm going No, it's 18 on seven. Yes. There's 25. You say 25 people? I'm putting it at 25. I'm putting it at 17. 14. Chaotic altercation between up to 20 family

members. Oh my god. Some of whom were reportedly armed. Of course. Sergeant Aaron Pomeroy. You get strapped. great on the team police basketball team pom poms yeah ap sergeant aaron pomeroy said it was an instance of family drama that started between a brother and a sister who were attending their mother's funeral funeral who did not get along and quote it goes back many years yeah of course it does i have a you know we're gonna end

it every family has people that you're like yeah i'm done yep and for all those at the funeral or a wedding or even christmas you go if they're if they walk through the door as i'm passing through the foyer or whatever crossing the hall i'll say hey how are you leave it that's it that's it that's i would say don't even do that give a little e and that's it i think anything coming out of your mouth is gonna be bad you're not even pointing to them you're kind of over them you salute above them yeah salute or you don't even you do things that are like so so general you're like oh look who's here yeah but not to them hey you know it's more people are here it's real wild animal adjacent you don't want to look them in the eye for right right for a lot of

reasons too much one blink hold on side note have you got one blink did you guys see that silverback tiktok no so these photographers were in the jungle uh watching gorillas right and a storm came through so everybody including them had to like kind of search for shelter yeah and then they were in a little a small little clearing storm clears uh apes start coming out and because they all scattered you no longer knew you you didn't know your distance from any of them yeah and but literally literally, from me and Jason to you two, a silverback comes out. There's a guy where Nate is, and he just, like, stands there. And I guess they make a noise.

They feel some sort of, like, chest cavity sack or whatever before they pound their chest. And he's like, and then he goes, and he, like, walks by. As soon as he clears the person where nate is this person this who's filmed the whole thing goes and now walk over here and the person just slowly like goes because they couldn't gauge their distance they didn't know where any of them were oh my god i'd be freaking out but it was like what you were saying you're just like i'm just gonna let them walk through the door and then i'll cross and i watched watched a TikTok where this woman at a zoo or at some kind of zoo was pounding her chest at the monkey or at the silverback area. Giant thick glass like in front of the thing.

And it made the monkey, the gorilla go crazy and was like running around. And then he jumps up and slams his hands in the glass and the glass cracks. And you're just like, uh, they're all going to die. You did a dumb thing. Why did you engage? It's a dominance thing.

Do not engage. Yeah. Same for this. Don't engage. All you townies. I'll put that. Don't get engaged. I got you.

Do not engage. Do not engage. That goes for the wedding sometimes and the funeral or the family gets 20 people fighting at this guy okay so anyway bobby's pounding his chest brother was brother was not invited brother is the one who was not brother's not invited right of course of course uh the brother and sister were talking and got into an argument when her boyfriend came over and encouraged her to walk away smart babe just walk away but you know that it was one of these just walk away from this fucking piece that's right exactly

walk away he's not worth it nothing good's never been worth it he shouldn't even have been born he should walk away he should be here be the bigger person he's not gonna be don't talk to this human mistake he should have been aborted just walk away yeah it's just that you're hey i'm trying to break it up that guy your mom would want you to stay away from this loser yeah look at the lengths your mom went to get away from him grandma didn't want us grandma didn't want to see him here and you shouldn't see right whatever he's talking to and like in front of the guy revealing all the things he feels there's a reason his family left just like roasting joke roasting his kids don't even want to be around him he's a cancer that's a that's a reason his family left. Just like roasting, joke roasting. His kids don't even want to be around him.

He's a cancer. That's a version of the roast battle. You versus Jason, but it's me defending you against Randy and Nate defending Randy against you. We're actually roasting. This is the roast of me. I'm roasting Randy. And Nate's roasting Jay.

But it's like we constantly have to keep you back. That'd be so funny and complicated. Okay. It goes back many years. The boyfriend tries to wear it. But it's like we constantly have to keep you back. That'd be so funny and complicated. Okay. It goes back many years. The boyfriend tries to wear it. The brother started beating on the boyfriend, and that's when it escalated. I would say it already did.

And it became a brawl, and we started to get calls. So multiple people who aren't involved are like, get out my phone. 9-1-1. There's a brawl happening at the 7-Eleven. Stunned guys just running around tagging both sides of the he doesn't care he just so excited to use the stun dude the second this guy rolls up to the funeral there are three or four people at this funeral who hit nine one and they're just waiting somebody might have done it when they got out of the car

nine one one and then i'm about to hit call. There's a whole room full of Sergei Fedorov. Yeah. 9-1. At some point during the physical fight, the brother got into the vehicle with the intention of driving over his sister. No. So that's him going, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. Fires up the Buick. We're already in a cemetery.

Fires up the Buick. Let's do this. Wow. He attempted to drive towards his sister in an aggressive way, but instead he struck another female and sent her to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. No. So now her people are like, oh, okay, you want to fucking go? Let's go. And who knows what side they're on.

I'm glad you brought it. Now the stepkids are involved. Sure. In the car, the brother also damaged the grass. The grass. The grass. But knocked over and damaged headstones and bases and broke a water main that ejected copious amounts of water oh my god and flooded the

funeral plot so that's the open open plot is like for her for the woman spraying in the air into the funeral plot so people are fighting all around so grandma's gonna just float so as we all know this is like a one page for a fake viral video that's exactly that's all of these are that's what dumb people town is spoken viral videos anecdotal we all know i was a grave digger in rochelle illinois that's right i will tell you riding lawnmower you catch a any sort of gravestone they all move so easily i mean enough that you know a riding lawnmower will do. And then you've got to fucking come around the corner, back them back into spot.

Oh, God. But he knocked a whole bunch of them over. He hit a water main, which then that's shooting up into the air. This is crazy. Filling Grandma's plot, like filling her. This is like the climatic scene of any comedy. We just dropped in a little Dan Van Kirk high school domino game that he played over there in Rochelle.

Knock it, it goes. Anybody's got any Unsettled slams in Rochelle? It's the opposite of the movie Fury. I just kept saying, saddest job I ever had. And then, where were we? Oh, here we go. The driver also reportedly knocked over the casket with the woman inside it, obviously. Oh, boy.

But wait, when did we get this person's name? Guys, it just says someone's name. They never cited it. I think it's the boyfriend. I think person's name? Guys, it just says someone's name. They never cited. I think it's the boyfriend. I think there's a Robin to the Batman. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's not her name. But Stonebreaker, I don't know who that is.

Stonebreaker? That either better be the chief of police or the person who runs the cemetery. Yeah, remember there was a guy, Stonebreaker? No, Bonebreak. Bonebreak. Bonebreak. That was John Glazer. Officer Bonebrake.

Officer Bonebrake. But Stonebreaker said the body didn't fall out, which kind of makes me feel like it definitely fell out. And they were like, no, no, no, it's just an arm. Just an arm. We got it. The body didn't fall out. When the brother got out of the car,

why would you get out of the car? You're in your own weapon. You need to drive away. A family member hit him in the head with a cane. Smart. And you know it wasn't his cane the fuck is like to his uncle give me that cane give me that edna's lost her cane that's right hit him over the cane injuring him pomeroy said they used the cane to try and get him under

control that's been his whole life that's probably how we got here can you use the side note the cane is also how you get out of control that's right exactly use the cane to c-a-i-n-e okay the uh they use the cane to get him under control the suspect was hit a couple of times the cane came from someone who was at the funeral no shit obviously i don't know that they ever identified where the cane come from it's not a magic cane this isn't moses's staff produced at this at this point the you know the journalist is having fun here right also the reason they're saying it's not because we can't figure out who had the cane it's because too many people had came right so we don't know whose cane it was and they all look the same we sometimes get family disputes at the cemetery or at the church stonebreaker said stonebreaker has to be the person running the funeral right this is no

different or the guy driving the funeral right this is no different or the guy driving the car he himself is a head if you're digging graves what you do with a backhoe stone breaker is a great name that's a great name this was no different but it was especially large family fight and they said possibly armed this one went above and beyond usually you don't get the injuries in this case it looked like they had some really bad blood which was no longer pumping no shots were fired and no guns were found. Hey, so you know what? On that alone, I will say I love a good just outsiders fight.

Yeah. No shots were fired. I love a good, the outsiders, the socios. No shots were fired. No guns were found. Sounds like a Leonard Skinner lyric. Stay golden, Stonebreaker. The brother from Bay Point was arrested for felony assault with a deadly weapon and vandalism pomeroy said the contra costa county district's attorney office hey is reviewing the

charges rolling hills memorial park said it could not comment on the incident as it's under police investigation police said preliminary estimates from the park suggest the fight cost twenty thousand dollars in damage oh my we'll get out of here On this How old How old Is the brother The guy We know the fight's Going back years You know Canes were involved A car was involved

We know a boyfriend Was involved But people have Late in life Late in life Boyfriends This is a late The hell you're gonna

Like that It could have been That kind of I'm her boyfriend I'm her boyfriend And I've seen I fucking I fought the Koreans Andans and out koreans

and i will fight you in the vietnam war i love that you can't put boy in front of your name i think he's 61 61 from randy sclar i know for a fact he's the older brother okay um they always loved you someone's i yeah I think he's way younger than 61. Okay. Because they're not scared of a 61-year-old. Okay. They're scared. Who's they?

The family. Well, once he gets in the car, though. I know. But keep going. I want you to stay with your Vine. Stay with your Vine. Ride it down. But they got a taser.

He's never done the car thing before. Right. Oh, I'll do it this time. I'll do the car. He's not going to get in the car. Go get it, big boy. He's not getting in the car. Go get the car. Oh, my God. He's getting done the car thing before. Right. Oh, I'll do it this time. I'll do the car. He's not going to get in the car. Go get it, big boy. He's not getting in the car. Go get the car.

Oh, my God, he's getting in the car. And the boyfriend's like, take my fucking keys. Do my car. You'll never get the car. You can't drive. Do my car. He's threatened it so many times. Right.

You've done so many whippets. You lost control of your feet. Meanwhile, three hours later, the fight's over. That guy's like, where's my keys? I threw them at him. We were over here. You were supposed to go with Nate. I'm saying he's I'm saying he is a.

34 year old man. Okay. Okay. 56. 56. Yeah. Okay. Get your answers.

Brother. It's taken out stones. Popping water mains stone break knocking dead women's caskets over a love a love a mortician with a stage name could have been the cop to either way yeah fighting with the sis punching the brother is

36 years old get to that pin scary get scary what a scary age. I mean, that's almost the age. That's almost mass shooter age. I mean, it could be any.

Right? It's like mass anger. Nip him in the bud now. Mass anger. The anger hasn't all the way. You know, he's still keeping in the family. That's when people go crazy. But at 36, it changes a lot of what you think is being.

Because a lot of it said, you don't need to do this. You don't need to. The older, they're like, get the hell out of here. Yeah, not only am I blaming my life on my family, I'm blaming it on society as well. I'm blaming my family on society. Keep it in the family.

Randy's going to have story two. I'm going to have some plugs. Can I say we'll be right back? We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey gang, welcome back to Dumb People Town with the great Nate Craig.

Before we get into what Nate Craig's doing, where you can see him live, he's got great tour dates coming up. Daniel, tell them what people are doing. Oh my gosh, go to danielvankirk.com. I got a little bit of WordPress help, remember I was saying that? That's right. So now you can see all my dates at once. Other changes and good things will be happening. But go to danielvankirk.com for all of my dates.

I don't know exactly when this is dropping but i guarantee i'm on the road probably somewhere in the east coast or maybe in the midwest i will tell you the yuck festival in boston is going to be a great thing i'll be with our buddy hayes in north carolina at raleigh first time i'm headlining in raleigh and that'll be at the theater there the rialto but really if you want to catch the good run friends i'm I'm going to be doing Louisville, Indianapolis, and Rochelle. That'll be like the 8th, 9th, and 10th Rochelle shows. 7 o'clock, already sold out. We're adding the 9. You can get

those. But on Saturday, 11-11, my special, the Rose Gold Hour with me, Daniel Van Kirk, is at the Lincoln Lodge. Two shows. By this point, I guarantee that early show is sold out so get your tickets for the late show and if you're a if you're a townie let me know i'll probably tell you where the after party is for all those shows my last quick thing townies come out bring a

headline i'm going to open every show by asking any townies if they have a headline and if you're a pen pal and you've come over here or vice versa bring a postcard too i'd love to talk to people as i open every single show. DanielVanKirk.com. But more importantly, Nate Craig. That is hot shit. Special taping at the Lincoln Lodge? Yeah, that's awesome.

Go see that, everybody. That's one of my favorite clubs anywhere. I'll be there. You're special. Can we just say for one second, you're special taped in Chicago as well? At the Green Mill. Preferred? Live at the Green Mill.

Yep. Preferred? Live at the Green Mill. New one. The new one. The new new. The new new. Hot off the

presses beautifully shot it looks like it was shot in like the 1920s that place has like a 20s vibe to it it's like the old al capone hangout or whatever it is i can't believe i got to shoot it there i love that you did it there thank you that's amazing i really appreciate it what about dates dates um uh september 29th and 30th i I'll be at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. Please come see me there. Free tickets for UAW members. Those tickets are, get on those. Yeah.

Would be honored to have you. And then I'll be at Hilarities in Cleveland, November 16th through the 18th. I'll be at the Turner Ballroom in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Amazing. Thanksgiving Eve. I love it. November 22nd. Very special guests on that show. I might drive up just to watch. Come

hang, bro. Come do a set. We might have Dan Van Kirk. There you go. Just an hour. 20 minutes from the Hub City. Madison, Wisconsin at the Majestic on December 27th. The Laughing Tap in Milwaukee. Love the Laughing Tap. New Year's Eve weekend.

And then I will be at the Lincoln Lodge January 5th and 6th. And I'll be out with Bill Burr in October. So come find me. How can people consume the special, though? Consume the special, All Things Comedy YouTube channel, natecraig.com. You'll find me. Watch it.

It's free. You'll love it. Leave a comment. Positive review. And send it to other people. Thumbs up. You'll love it. Leave a comment. Positive review. And send it to other people. Thumbs up. That's how good people like this get to go do more comedy. That is the hot move if people want to.

That really does project in the algorithm. And I don't know if people are. You guys got such good fans. I'm sure they already know this. But liking and commenting just catapults something. It helps every video. It helps this video. I'll dig deep.

I'll just tell people. Because it shows the algorithm. People must like this because other people have liked and especially commented. So then they push it into other people's. Do you know what also shows the algorithm? What? This next story. You guys ready?

Yeah. Algorithm gets in fight. Algorithm gets in fight at baby christening. Code name algorithm. Story number two, sent in bylene mcdermott at alan goritham alan goritha so he was at the zoo and he tried there has to be an alan goritha he gorilla them rory and i were just saying there has to be a jack mehoff sure for definite there was an oral sexton into kelby illinois

sending by carlene mcdermott at SheBeCarleen. Welcome back, girl. Here's the headline. Man thrown out of McDonald's for outfit that left diners, quote, completely horrified. You could have stopped at McDonald's. I mean, do you know what you have to do to get kicked out of McDonald's? Of a McDonald's? Wow.

So here's the deal. I am going to just say this about this story and you guys are gonna have to help me through this i don't know who to be mad at i really don't you're having your own who's the asshole pinball around and i'm in say the headline one more time man thrown out of mcdonald's for outfit that left diners quote completely horrified so we're gonna find out about the outfit we're gonna find out but there are parts of this country where there's they're so fucking you know let everybody do whatever they want stop telling me what to do unless i don't like what you're doing right so

there are people who could get kicked out of mcdonald's parts of this country for wearing a slayer shirt right so this is we're gonna find out about all this shall we get into it yeah a man who leads a barefoot lifestyle. Okay, I'm already out. First of all, that's not an outfit. If you're going to tell me that's an outfit, I don't care if you're getting fucking chest knee. I'm mad at the headline.

Do the drive-thru, you dumbass. Do the drive-thru. Or walk through the drive-thru in your goddamn sneaky bare feet. You guys pedicure it at least once a year? I have not pedicured it in a while. I need to. You guys pedicure it at least once a year? I have not pedicured, but I need to. You know what? I support this man's barefoot lifestyle. I got your gifts. Wait, are you a pedicurist?

No. For yourself? No. All three of you got gifts. So wait, by the way, that is should be, and when the strike ends, I want to pitch a show, because remember the mentalist, which was just that he's a, that he uses his mind to solve crimes. Like any other detective. i want a detective to be called the pedicurist he solves all crimes while talking to the person who does really disarming but it opens like csi miami

looks like this person was one step ahead it's all it's all foot stuff it looked like they had a toe in the desert he had a foot on each side of the line. Yeah, they have to be two. Okay. Okay. I'm way out on this. Man, he needs to be out for a lifestyle. Shunning Shoes was thrown out of a branch of McDonald's.

A branch. It's not a public library. It's not a Bank of America. Oh, McDonald's. This isn't part of the Herald-Washington Library. I'm sorry. Which McDonald's? Oh, the Thornhill branch?

Right. Okay. So the branch of McDonald's after ordering his, the Thornhill branch? Right. Okay. So the branch of McDonald's after ordering his food. So he was allowed to order his food. Yeah, well, they don't. I mean, the counter prevents. James Graham was in McDonald's. It's where poor people keep their money.

Okay, so McDonald's. In the branch. They certainly make deposits. Was in McDonald's in Ravenside Retail Park in bexhill sussex this is england raven side retail park in bexhill this is what i do to prepare for my theater raven side retail park in bexhill sussex when he said he was told to leave shortly after sitting down the and i'm not going to say how old he is widower now are we. Now are we on his side? Now we're back on his side. Am I mad at McDonald's?

He loves and so did my shoes. I don't know why I made him from Wisconsin. I went to McDonald's in Ravenside and ordered my food. Minding my own business. Six hash browns. Oh, sheesh. You're not. What do you mean you need my shoes?

Minding my own business. I just sat down waiting for table service. Table service? Table service. I mean, kind of a branch of McDonald's is this. If you're doing something. He's like, I was waiting for my own business. I just sat down waiting for table service. Table service? Table service. I mean, kind of a branch of McDonald's, isn't it? If you're doing something. He's like, I was waiting for a bottle service. Chop, chop.

If you're doing something that is outside the norm, which will at the very least draw attention and at the very possibly draw ridicule. Right. Are you minding your own business? You're not. Even if you're a woman with a tit out, are you minding your own business? I'm not saying anybody should physically cost you, obviously. But you are going to get somebody going, hey, with the boob, you're out.

Just so you know, you're out. Minding my own business is a very subtle way of saying it's other people's problems. I'm doing fine. And I knew, you're right, it's a way of owning that you brought these cards to the table, but you're mad how other people play them. I'm just minding my own business. Dan, it's the I'm sorry you have offended by my behavior. That's not an apology.

That's not an apology. I'm sorry you couldn't handle what I was doing. I'm sorry that you're. The apology is I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you don't like that this mcdonald's smells like me now or this mcdonald's i started selling corn chips i've ascended i've said to offended people after a show i'm sorry you didn't like it and i do mean it because i and you're right i'm not sorry for

what i said but i am sorry that you did not enjoy the show i would rather everybody enjoyed the show that's right you need to leave i'm sorry You can't handle the truth. That's bad. Yeah, you want my feet on that wall. Mighty Mom is, I just sat down waiting for table service when one of the service people came up and said that I could not be in there without shoes. First of all, service people? Service people. Service people. Non-robots.

Right. Non-LTD screens. I questioned her about this, and she said the words no shoes no shirt no service right right now that's why i'm still out on this guy to which i told her that was an old saying from hippie times in the usa used to restrict people from going into places now you love this everywhere i signed my hair up under my hat and i went in to ask him why but that is true times that is true but we we also realized it was one we were going to keep what's that a fucking james joyce poem okay but let me just say this i'm not defending the guy good but there was a time randy and i were trying to write a bit about nursery rhymes in this

mcdonald's i guess to be fair nobody said his feet are disgusting and that's what I'm picturing so I'm picturing disgusting barefoot lifestyle two things one everyone wears flip flops here people's feet are out all the time that's one two there was a time in this country where you could like if you walked

a dog too close to a restaurant the owner would come out and be like get out of here we have an A rating. Get your dog out of here. Don't walk it by the patio. Now people carry their dogs into five-star restaurants and sit them down on the floor. You can't have a dog in a restaurant.

Give him a table. You can't have a dog in and around the food. You cannot do that. That is unsanitary, as unsanitary as a guy without a chair. At the same time like if all your chairs are bolted down what are we really going for you said that before if you can clean if you can clean the whole place with just a hose it's not a restaurant it's not a restaurant

i had shoes optional if the menu is on the wall as like a thing like and it's lit up that it's not also if you're pressing if you're pressing a button on a cash register, that's the picture. That's not a I'll be done in a moment. Go fire up your pressure washer. Fire up the pressure. It's contextual, right? We're right by a beach. I put a shirt.

Dan just said it, though. You're right. If you put a McDonald's by a beach, you're going to get a lot of no shoes and no shirts and no shirts. And this is England. You put one in Rochelle. We're going to be like, the fuck you doing? Right. So, but she was having none of it. She went to get the manager who said, I may cut myself. If you're walking around, you might cut yourself. I'm like, that's true. Is there sharp? So he's looking about the liability. He said he thought the incident

was a bit silly as he added, he was sitting right next to a play area which james said was often full of barefoot children playing so he's like well now he's now he's like i'm now claiming that i'm part of the children say to them and if you want to become a small child and go into the play area we've got no problem right how old are you if you walk into that play area you're arrested right that's like that's like saying like well why can't i be in the bride's dressing room there's plenty of women who are her friends in there why yeah why can't i poop in my pants that baby just did it baby just did it baby just did it now i'm a bad guy you get a diaper you can poop wherever you want technically you i mean it's

it's just the poop the baby keeps the poop in one place a little bit better than you do. He's going to have shooters. That's right. A lot of blowbacks. Yeah. It's like the Kennedy Association, multiple shooters. All right, here we go. He said, I spoke to the head office and emailed them. They said it was down to the franchise manager on the site.

So I love that the head office at McDonald's is like, hey, man, that's your call. It's your call. Because they got beaches. Thank you. It's out of our jurisdiction. This is Dan's beach McDonald's theory. But also, you do know, if they don't say anything, and he cuts himself,

right? He can sue. And then he sues. His lawyer is going to go, these employees knowingly allowed this man in here and did not tell him to leave the premises, thereby making him feel he was insured that he would not cut his foot. They are at fault. Nobody told me this coffee would be hot, so

I spilled it on myself. Dan, I want you to be a McDonald's lawyer. If you read all that, that coffee was about ten times hotter than it ever should be. Doesn't matter. Lady, don't get the coffee and put it on your lap. I think it's strange to make these decisions in a split second when I'm doing no harm to anyone. So now his problem is with how quickly

the decision was made. It might have not been made quickly this might have been talked about hey should we allow people have bare feet in here i think it's not a problem and then someone else is like i think it is a problem let's have a discussion about it guess what no bare feet in here he's filing he's doing what trump does he's filing for uh uh what do you call it countersuit countersuing all right in 2013 i had a life-changing experience. My wife passed. Now I'm on his side. And since then, I've just been living life. Life is too short

to not... Sounds like he's happy she's passed. Life is too short to not do things you think you might want to do. You think you might want to do. James said he has run 20 marathons in his bare feet. So now that, to me, seems like I've done a marathon in these. I'm cool.

I'm back on board with these. Barefoot lifestyle. Yeah, I mean. But they let him order. Barefoot lifestyle. You just can't eat in here. Right. He ran the Eastbourne half marathon last Sunday

and is planning to run the London marathon this year. Sans shoes. That's crazy. He added his barefoot lifestyle has had mixed reactions from the public, of course. James said some are completely horrified and don't understand. Horrified. Horrified. Come on.

Other people fully support it and say they wish they had the courage and freedom to do it. Courage and freedom is going a little too far. Nobody has said I wish I had the courage and freedom. Let me ask you this, guys. What freedom? This guy shows up to your grandma's funeral or your wedding barefoot. Barefoot. Parking lot's all yours. Yeah.

You can stand back there. Get your taser out and get the cane. Parking lot's all yours. Wouldn't you go, come on, what are we doing, buddy? Exactly. What are we doing today wear i don't wear these shiny ass shoes every day yeah you you you don't wear shoes every day graham didn't wear didn't live a shoeless lifestyle she wore she lived a shooed life lifestyle so so this is the the equivalent of a person saying i don't eat fish or i or i'm a vegetarian and maybe there isn't vegetarian so they bring food to a wedding to like instead of just eating the salad yes and eating some bread

and then having the dessert i'm sorry you have i'm sorry your choice at your wedding is this so i'm gonna take out a whole meal that i brought in so so much attention to me. You know what I wish those people would do? Say, run it back to the kitchen. They'll plate it for you. Yeah. Because then at least we're bringing it. Now it looks like it came from here. Here's my theory on this dumb guy. That is going smart.

Here's my theory on this dumb guy. Damn, write it and put it in the book. I should. Here's my theory on this dumb guy. He is essentially Halle Berry from Monster's Ball. Right. And he wants McDonald's to be Billy Bob Thornton. Right.

His wife's dead. He just needs to feel something. Right. And so he's going to go in here and get in a fight. He's Charlize Theron from Monsters. He knows that every marathon has to clear him. First of all, his wife was wrong about his toes. Okay, let's just start there.

You said I had hammer feet. He's got very nice toes. Sure. And they deserve to be free. Yeah. And enjoyed, quite frankly. Stay barefoot, pony boy. That's what she said to him.

Stay barefoot. So he said to McDonald's. She said to him, put on some shoes or I take my own life. A McDonald's spokesman now has to release a statement about this. How happy was he that I got to write this? At McDonald's, we want to create a welcoming environment for all of our customers to enjoy their experience. The Bexhill team informed the customer that for his own safety and for the comfort of other diners, all customers are asked to wear footwear in the restaurant.

When he refused, the customer was allowed to remain on this occasion and finish his food before leaving. So they're like, we did even complaining. Why is he complaining? So he sent all those emails. I would have written back and be like, did they kick you out? And he goes, I wasn't kicked out. And then you go, oh, cool. Take care.

Have a good day. I got to go back to the headline here. Just a description of the other customers. Horrified. Also at his outfit. Wouldn't it be? Is it lack of outfit? Yeah.

Shouldn't be lack of outfit. Yeah. Or just it his full wear. Appearance. Appearance. All right. Horrified. And also we haven't heard from one customer.

Yeah. We got to hear from another customer. Is this all this guy's Yelp review? Just this guy's Yelp review. I'm starting to come around. We're going to get out of here on this. I think I hate the journalist the most. Exactly.

I hate the person who wrote this story. How old is the widower because you feel like he's an old cuss but he's running marathons right so i'm gonna think his but also he said i'm now living life right he was he was in a prison living life of his wife's design living life and now that she's gone he's doing above 52 i'm gonna put him up there because i think running marathons? Well, I mean, he just didn't realize. He didn't realize what his potential was.

Thank you. How old is he? I'm going to say he is, I wouldn't put him above 52. Go for it. Go for it. You're the guest. 52. I think that's a pretty good number.

Yeah, I like it. I like it. 52? 52? 50? Early 50s. 52. 52 fine i'll take 52 what do you think 43 daniel i don't want the reason i don't want to make him young is because you don't want a young person dying exactly although he could have old time maybe exactly i mean that

a beautiful way to rob the cradle he is 47 years old 47 43, 43. 3, 52. Get your answers in, Townies. When we come back, we'll let you know what we've got going on. Oh, I almost thought you were going to say, well, give me the answer. I was like, man, we've never hard teased like that. No, people will riot. Get your answers in, Townies. Do you know what this funeral will be like if you do that?

The bear bring their tasers and your canes. The barefoot contessa. The barefoot contessa. The barefoot run. Contested. The barefoot runessa the barefoot contessa the barefoot run tested the barefoot run tessa right is 55 years old having a day can i get an assist yeah for sure 100 that is uh nate craig having a day jay give us a little teaser of what we're gonna have in segment let's just say you can't count the marathons i run on my toes right also he could

have ran them 15. Oh, he's doing them barefoot. Yeah, barefoot. And I feel like they started that after she died. Still, she's young. 2013, so she passed. Unless she was 15, 20 years older. He's dancing with his naked ass toes on his wife's grave every day of his life.

Probably people who are like, dad. Put your feet in the sand. Dad. He's getting. Enjoy your life. Dad. What the fuck? Dad, just put your goddamn shoes on.

It's so weird. For the first time in my life, I feel free. You want me to walk through the drive-thru at McDonald's? This is Banshees of Intersharen. Also, have you seen a floor in a McDonald's? Do you want your bare feet on that? No. I just like walking through the syrup.

They're saying, weak, you don't know what's on this floor. He wants the disturbance. I read a study once. They're the cleanest of all restaurants. The cleanest of all restaurants. cleanest of all stuff i like my feet on the mine is a quick little story about maybe the most brilliant dummy in town i love it brilliant dummy in town people town uh nate craig's with us we got one more segment stay here stick around make us down there's more people town hey guys want to talk to you about our friends at faraday Clothes, Faraday brand

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Welcome back to the show. Before we jump into segment three. Well, I just know we had commercials, but I loved your outro. I like that. Thank you. Hey. Where are you guys at? What are you doing? Come on.

Hey, we got a lot of stuff. We're going to be in Fort Collins. Never been to the Comedy Fort. So excited. October 6th. David Rodriguez. David Rodriguez. Isn't that amazing?

David Rodriguez. So good. One of our fans is going to take us to play golf. I'm so excited. Really 6th. Isn't that amazing? David Rodriguez. So good. One of our fans is going to take us to play golf. I'm so excited. Fort Collins Country Club. I'm so excited. Quick dumb question. Balls move farther up there? They do. They will, I'm sure.

Maybe. It's like they put all the balls in it. They put all the balls, including mine, in a humidor. So we got there on the 6th, 7th're going to be in springfield missouri uh on 9th blue room blue room i'm very excited to do that on the 10th and 11th of november we might be doing our two-man show which was called twin dads it might be called you guys are missouri on the 10th and 11th i'm in rochelle rory's's up in Minneapolis. Patton's in Madison. Sickler's in Batavia.

We're all comedies getting out there. So we're going to be doing, we might be doing the two-man show that we did here in LA at the New York Comedy Festival. We're sort of working on getting a theater for that. Sunday the 12th.

Sunday, November 12th. I will encourage everyone to go out and please come out to that. And then we'll be at Hilarities on the 1st, December 1st and 2nd. We're hanging with Nick and Sam. And we're in Seattle,

we're in Portland at Helium on the January 4th and then the 5th we're in Seattle at the Crocodile Comedy Fest. We just booked,

we're going to do the Comedy Works South that final, that weekend in January beginning of February. 31st, 1st. There's so much stuff. Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. Doing Tag It. We'll do another one at'll do another one it's one of those things that to me i really and it feels good to be able to guarantee this and also because you guys are friends but

you remember you could say it's still a great time but a heyday of of like six seven years ago you'd be like you're in town go to roast battle right yeah yeah you'd have that confidence right which you still totally can sure but new around the scene and just as great is telling people like go to tag it go to tag it go to tag it the lineup's gonna be fucking great you're gonna get to see comedy uh comedians being friends you're gonna get a green room peek and you're gonna see some people's jokes get billed if somebody was at my moon tower show uh years ago with you guys they were there seeing when the rhetorical bit that ended up on the album i love it was tagged by you it's so fun so last night last night we did it at largo

and it was patton and sarah you guys should look into certain places you know pick and choose late night saturday doing that show local tag it maybe and you do it with those or late night thursday but you know what you could do for those comics? So fun. Be really fun. You know, one of the best things when you go to a city and some comics are like, I'm working on this. And you're like, here, I've been two years in. This is what you need to, you know, like. It'd be like Kill Tony, but cool.

Right. And helpful and nice. I love that show. But I like my favorite moments of Kill Tony is when they're like, let me hear what you should do here. So we used to do that on that show. I know, me too. I got told I was too nice.

We'd rip somebody and then we'd be like, okay, now here's what I want. Yeah, one for two. advice we used to do that on that i know me too we ripped somebody and then we'd be like okay yeah one for two but and you guys could do that local tag it's late night tag it but we have one on november 6th we got another one october 13th or is that what it is october 13th yeah yeah or 18th sorry 18th sorry i didn't mean to trash another podcast but that's how that's so hot right now podcast on podcast violence i can't do it i love that i love that show anyway uh let's that's superscars.com jade let's take us home all right uh here's the headline okay man steals backhoe which i want to be a person man steals backhoe for i'm not going to tell you how long funeral fight no for how long the drive is dan you know

the backhoe right is that we that what you used to dig? That's what you used to dig. So a man steals backhoe for a certain mile drive to Illinois Airport to catch flight. Dan, we could have played who's state. Oh, shoot. It's okay. Illinois Airport to catch a flight? It's more our area than yours, though, Dan.

A southern Illinois man has been charged with theft for allegedly stealing a backhoe to drive about how many miles to an airport to catch a flight, authorities said. Do you just leave it at the front there and just get off of it and go? You stole it. You can leave it.

The red zone is for immediate parking of backhoes. What do you say? How many miles did he steal and drive this backhoe? I can't believe this. I would have never guessed Illinois. You know he's on the shoulder. You wouldn't guess Southern Illinois?

11 miles. 11 miles. Yeah. What are you going with, Nate? You want to go last? I'll go. In a backhoe? Yeah.

I'm going to go three and a half. Three and a half miles. Yeah, it's down there. I'm going to the airport, though. Airport's far. I don't know where it is, but down there. I'm going to the airport, though. Airport's far. I don't know where it is, but it's too far. I'm going to say he went five miles. Five miles.

So three and a half, five, 11. One of you is one mile off. Ten miles. Ten miles? Six miles. Two and a half. Get your answers in. Shot at your ham radios.

Ten mile drive. Yeah! Ten mile skid. I can tell you why you're late to radios. 10 mile drive. Yeah! 10 mile skid. I can tell you why you're late to the airport. Why would you take a backhoe? It's slow driving. Security camera footage shows a Carbondale man driving partier, arriving at

Veterans Airport of Southern Illinois atop a backhoe and leaving it in the airport parking lot Thursday. Hey, old adage, nobody tickets a backhoe. That's right. Where are you going to put it? Sure.

Where are you going to put it? Does it have a vent? Does a backhoe have a wiper? A windshield wiper? No. Dan, can you stick it in the thing in the back? No. You could tape it to the front.

If you're cheating on your side piece with another woman, that should be your backhoe. You got a side piece and a backhoe. You're cheating on your side piece with a backhoe. That's what I mean. All right. Footage captured of the man walking across the street from the lot to the airport lobby.

This is my favorite detail. I love that he pulled in a lot. Favorite detail of this. Yeah. Carrying a guitar case. Bob Seger. I need to know you don't put me in a box don't you can't guess who i am you don't know who i am you had better be bob seger you do this in 1971 and it becomes less song you aren't even arrested though like you believe this you know what jim croce stole that backhoe and drove it to him? I want his name. Operator. I want to be the operator of the backhoe.

It makes the rambling all the more impressive. It totally does. It totally does. I want his name to be Edmund Fitzgerald. The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. The owner of the backhoe arrived at the airport a short time later. He probably walked and was right behind it the whole way. Take me back my backhoe.

time later he probably walked and was right behind it the whole way my backhoe uh short time later and identified the equipment as belonging to his company the sheriff's office said the owner said the machine typically used to move large debris or men with guitar cases yeah yeah move them down the street been parked at a job site of course this guy hops on the thing but like leave the keys in like how does that work? Yeah, I love that he knew how to drive it. With the backhoe, was there a key? Or was it a push starter? No, there's a key.

I mean, well, the one we had was. So then whose fault is it? Don't leave the keys in the backhoe. Well, but then, I mean, have you ever lost the keys to the backhoe? That's true. Brian will have your balls. That's right. We can't make those down at the hardware store.

What do you think he was doing? I'll walk to the airport. You got to go to Cater the airport. He's on drugs. You got to go to Caterpillar. Just get a lift. But I mean, to me, on some level, it's amazing that this guy was going to make a flight. I know. But it's so wrong.

I think he made his flight. It's great planning. Got out of there like Ted Bundy. That's pretty rock and roll to like steal a back up just to get to the airport for your next gig. That's what I'm saying. This would have been legendary in the 70s or 60s. I want the song. We would still be telling this story. I think it's John Mayer.

I'm not saying it's John Mayer. Why don't we steal a backhoe? There you go. Why don't we steal a backhoe into the airport? All right, you guys. That's it. That's the show. Hey, Nate Craig, go see him live and go check out his special, which is called?

Live at the Green Mill. Come see me in Ann Arbor, backhoes. Love you guys. Love you guys. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Don't People Town.