Dumb People Town - Nick Antonyan - Missile Sled

Episode Date: February 16, 2018

The Sklars and Dan Van Kirk are joined by comedian and youtuber Nick Antonyan for a DPT minisode! In this week’s story, a man skis a rocket bike off of a roof and falls on a fence.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Armand Dan Don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Talk your downies, Dumb People Town

Hey townies, welcome to a mini-sode of Dumb People Town Population you Population Nick Antonian Did I get that right? You got that right. I knew I got it right. Dude, what's happening?

Thank you so much. You're a new friend, someone we just met through other people, and you came to our movie screening last night, the poop documentary. What'd you think of that? That was good stuff. It's funny because today I was constipated as fuck

and that hadn't happened in literally probably a year and a half. Because our movie stopped your anus from being able to do its job. It might have been some sort of subconscious thing where I'm like, fuck. What happened? What is happening? Did you yell damn you, Sklars, as you were squeezing and tiny trickles of blood were I thought I was cussing the motherfuckers out.

Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I'm very sorry we did that to you. Well, here's the deal. With this show, we just let it flow. Yeah.

We let it all come out. I'm sure you have done some dumb things in your life as we have. When you hear the story, this will make you feel better. I mean, look, the world is getting dumber

as we know. I mean, I just feel like stupidity is the, kind of like the oceans are rising, stupidity is rising. Right. And so we got to fight back. We fight back through comedy.

Daniel Van Kirk, how are you, buddy? What's up, my friend? Welcome to the show. We have a mutual friend, Jason Nash. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's my boy. Yeah, same with these guys. Old year friend of ours. We've been doing comedy with him, known him from New York since way, way back. He is super talented and funny and I love that he's connected.

Such a great dude. He's fucking hilarious. Hilarious. And it's kind of cool how he's entered, you know, the influencer community as a dude who came from a comedy background and I love to see how he sort of sprinkles that in. He was

Vine at first and now he's doing his YouTube channel and it's really cool. I love it well Daniel do we get a story sent to us you know we don't oh okay that's why I brought

that's the show good night this is the one time I forgot oh damn whatever you guys want to talk about I'm good for it

we have great our townies who are our fans listen to the show and send us in great stories and by the way any picture

that we talk about will be on the Facebook page so join that page facebook.com slash dumb people. Here we go. All right. Dumb people town. At Daniel Van Kirk on Twitter, hashtag dumb people town. If you want to do what this townie did, it was sent in by, I love this name.

And I think we've done it before. One of, this is the name on Twitter. One of three Jared Thornbergs on the internets. On the internets. Nets. Yeah, yeah. One of three Jared Thornburgs on the internets. On the internets? When someone says on the internets and they aren't joking, you're like, you don't know what's going on on the internet.

He's so fucking lost. Poor guy. And he's just mad that there's duplicates. Do any of you guys have duplicates on the internet? There is another Jason Sklar. There's another Jason Sklar on I had to do Jason Sklar and then a whole long number thing on

He's like a Utah jazz fan or something. He's like from Salt Lake City or Minnesota Timberwolves. I think he's a Timberwolves fan. Whatever it is, it's a little odd because he took

Jason Sklar at Gmail. What about Nick Antoni? Have you ever found another one out there? Your last name's like unique enough you're probably safe. Yeah, I don't think I have.

I found the same last name but I don't think I found the same You need to seek them out and destroy them If possible There's a Dan Van Kirk somewhere in the south That just gets tagged in all these promotions For shows and never corrects anybody He's like yeah And never says like wrong

And then there's a Daniel Van Kirk like in NorCal who recently bought a Toyota. They took his email address down. So I keep getting emails about them wanting to set up. How's your new Toyota? Come on in for a checkup on that Toyota. I just keep writing back,

I hate this car. So sent in by one of three Jared Thornbergs on the internet at double O negative. That's the word double O H and then the word negative. All right, here we go. Just on headline alone, I think the four of us could joke about this

for 20 minutes. Okay. I'm just going to read you the headline. Read me the headline. Which I almost never do, but it's gold. Rocket bike man skis off roof and falls on fence. Okay. So he put rocket technology onto a bike.

But they're calling him stupid. But they're calling him Rocket Bike Man, which you know that's what he wants people to call him. For the rest of his life. Right? If you do that. How does that even put onto a fucking fence? That takes precision.

Where did you start from? Right. You started on the roof. But where did he start from? You started on the roof But where did he start from is a great question Because that started in his mind Like about 25 years You know he's got plans Like the origins of the idea

This is what I'm going to do This happened in a breakfast nook When he was with his roommates 20 years ago Then they've all left him His wife has left him Many people have said to him, women in his life said, it's either the rocket bike or me.

And then he chose the rocket bike. We know what he chose. So he went off of a roof, which I'm going to guess is his, but maybe not his. It's his landlord's, I'd assume. Okay, fine. His landlord's roof.

He doesn't own the building. And then he went and landed onto a fence. If he wasn't doing it as a video or a viral video, it should be. I mean, I hope he was videotaping. That's a hell of a video. That thing goes viral. Rocket bike man skis off roof and falls on fence. For some reason, I visualized the person recording and was fucking drunk.

Oh, yeah. Everybody involved. He's just holding his phone. He's like, dude, yeah. He's like holding the phone the wrong way. I got it. Go. And it's on his eye.

It's not like this guy risks everything, lands on a fence, and the guy who's recording is recording his own face. Yeah, he wasn't even recording. Oh, shit. I got to flip it around. Oh, sorry, man.

Like, he's already on the fence. He's like, all right, dude. Here, I got it. I got it. I got it. Go. Go. He's on the fence.

He's like, go off the roof. Start. Start. Go off the roof now. The guy's like, I want it to be an electric fence. I also want it to be a barbed the fence. He's like, go off the roof. Start. Go off the roof now. The guy's like, I want it to be an electric fence. I also want it to be a barbed wire fence. I know it's not those things, but I want it to be.

The only thing guaranteed to have happened was he lost his security deposit. Oh, yeah. Pay for that fence, man. This takes place in Wilmar. I don't know where that is. A man was injured Friday afternoon after attempting to jump a homemade rocket bike off of his house oh he does own it off of his house roof in the 800 block of third street southeast our loyal talonies find out where wilmar is and add third streets 800 third

street southeast to the walking tour by the way this is a guy who has too much time on his hands this is a guy who or does not have any other hobbies Yes right Like he's either newly retired Or taking a break year between high school Or newly laid off from his job This is gap year behavior They appreciate the shit out of him building that rocket bike

You kind of do There is a part of us that actually He did do something They say in America we don't make anything anymore He made a rocket bike. Kept it in country. Remember when Matt Damon said, we bought a zoo? We made a rocket bike.

Could he be the mascot for the Houston Rockets? I mean, that to me sounds like mascot behavior. Well, I'm going to show you guys the picture of his rocket bike. And are you saying that we're going to all want one? No. You're going to imagine someone being on this, going off of a roof, and then into a fence.

Okay. Is it the definition of ghetto? What is it? It's the definition of, like, you're going to die on that thing. All right, so this picture will be, okay, the bike is on skis. Yes. All right, so there is no light. And then there's snow outside, so he's in a cold environment.

This is essentially a bike frame. It's not a bike. It's a sled. he's in a cold environment. This is essentially a bike frame. It's not a bike. It's a sled. It's like a sled. Sled with a bike seat. It's a bike sled. Bike sled. It's a bike sled.

Here's what I also love. Included in this article, which I'll also post on the Dumb People Town Facebook page, is some sort of logo that I don't know if he branded and created himself or the person who wrote this was like, we need some sort of thing to show the rocket bike. This also could be a great dumb people town shirt. Yeah. I want that so badly because the best part about that is they forgot to put the element of the bike on it.

Right. So it looks like a bench on a sled with a rocket underneath it. It looks like a sled on a sled with a rocket underneath it. It looks like a sled on a missile. Yeah. Wait, that's less of a rocket bike and more of a missile sled. Yeah. Missile sled. Hey, your missile sled's in my rocket bike.

Your rocket bike's in my missile sled. They just pulled out a Coachella. Missile sled pulled out a Coachella. Doesn't missile sled sound like a band that would be in one of those? So he was injured after attempting to jump a homemade rocket bike off of his house and I feel like he made sure they understood that he made it himself

Would you do that for a video? Just if someone was like, man you could get a million views A Missile Sled off I've done some really crazy shit One of the craziest things I've done just recently about two months, was I took a moped and I jumped it off a ramp into a pool. Into a pool.

All right. Moped into a pool. You're on an electric thing. I don't know if I would condone that. No, no. Are you trying to get into a moped? It's not a missile moped. It's not a missile moped.

It's not. You didn't put a rocket on that moped. Was this your idea? It was. Yeah, it was my idea. Good. At least you own it. It was for my friend's blog

Oh my god And it literally just That wasn't even for your thing You did it for someone else's Yeah, it was for my friend's blog You did it for the love of the game That's selfless That's like selfless and loving

Walk me through how you felt when you were on the moped And you had started your trek towards the pool What are you thinking to yourself? What am I thinking to myself? I knew I was going to go to the hospital. Did you go to the hospital? I did go to the hospital. That's crazy.

It's really scary when you accept that this is what's going to happen. Yeah, and it's too late to turn back. Yeah, you can't turn back anymore because you have ten friends looking at you like, you got to do this. You got to get gotta do this. You gotta get the footage.

You have to get the footage. You gotta get the footage. You're not in Iraq. Did you want to get out of it at some point? Were you like, I don't want to do this? I did for a second. I got off the moped. I'm like, guys, I can't do this. I'll just drive it into the pool without the ramp.

Right. But then I got off. I'm like, wow, I don't want to be a pussy. I told my friend. While I don't be a pussy is also the beginning of every one of my dumb people. While I don't want to be a pussy is the last thing you say before you go to the hospital. That's literally what happened, dude. They put the ramp back on and they just flew that.

How high up did you go? Dude, I literally went at least 10 feet. So there's a moment when you're probably your butt came off the seat. Yeah. Right. And you're still holding onto the handlebars. I'm still holding on. Yeah.

And you're feeling this weight of like, I can fly. I believe you're like Michael Jordan. You're like a tiny white Michael Jordan. Yeah. And you're like, this is the beginning of the end. Now, did you think you were going to overshoot the pool? I had no idea what I was going to do. Did you have to clear any cement?

I had nothing to clear. All it was was me jumping the moped into the pool. And did you go in the water? But I missed the pool. I fucking, I literally, I missed the pool. That's not good. Half the moped missed the pool. You were too much

It went a little too far Yeah And my body You drift Flew off into the Cement Left side And literally my body

Just came crashing down What happened? Did you break anything? Dude I Got up And I Got up Got up

You were probably in shock You were probably in shock I was 100% in shock Literally I don't know what was going through my mind I'm like, I broke all my bones I broke everything inside me And the guy's like, alright man, I'm ready to start recording If I was your friend

The first thing I would have said I didn't get it If I'm your friend, I fuck with you Now we know how it goes, let's do it guys By the way, Dan We had no idea when you gave us this story that we would have a comparable story from our guest. Can I say this? That, like, moped off a ramp into a pool feels like what's happening to America right now.

You know what I mean? And we're missing the pool. We're missing the pool, man. Why am I offended by this? I had to do it. You had to do it? Dude, you did it for the love of the game. You did it for the love of the pool. We're missing the pool, man. Why am I offended by this? I had to do it. You had to do it? You did it for the love of the game. You didn't even do it for your own thing.

The difference is, though, to your credit, Nick, in the analogy for our country, there's not enough people saying we shouldn't be doing this. Right, I know. There should be more people being like, get off the boat. Our country is doing this. You would step out to teenagers, like youth at risk,

and say, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't do it. I would absolutely do it again. Oh, you would do it again. Now we know we're doing it. I mean, that's the old adage. Get back up on that moped. Drive it into the goddamn pool. When life gives you the side of a pool,

you drive that moped into it. Into a rock post. Gives you a moped. You fly that shit up and down. So what happened to this damn rocket thing? According to the police report, the rocket bike consisted of a pair of skis, a bicycle frame, and motorcycle exhaust pipe that was being fueled with heat, an antifreeze product. Now, I assume you've never had to use heat in your life.

I don't know if St. Louis guys, if you guys have ever had to use heat. H-E-E-T. Oh, H-E-E-T. Have you ever used it? Yeah, I know what that is. You pour it in on a freezing cold winter. In the winter, yeah. You put it into your gas tank to help your car start.

You were born and raised in L.A., so you never dealt with it. It's like a little yellow bottle, and you have to pour it into your gas tank. Yes, it helps your car in the winter. When it's frozen. And it's frozen highly flammable so this guy was like i'll just put this into a motorcycle exhaust pipe straddle it up to a bike frame and some skis and change my life hey man you're gonna do that on the ground no no you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna get deb back that's what i'm gonna do

debbie she's not here man just go deb go. Debbie! Wait, I'm not recording. I'm not recording. Did she see it? She's literally not here. Did she see it? His first words when he comes back to consciousness. When he comes off the fence. I want to sit down, crack a couple beers up, and just talk to him.

You guys identified. You were both more together. If I were his friend, as he was coming back To consciousness I would say I'm on the fence About what you did And also there's Part of the fence In you

Yeah You're all Not only is you're on the fence The fence is on you The unidentified man fell Just for a quick side Do you guys want to guess How many feet

He fell From the roof Into the fence I love that he didn't say He jumped He fell He just descended off the fence Nothing succeeded about How many feet From the roof to the fence. I love that he didn't say he jumped. He fell. He just descended off the fence. How many feet from the roof to the fence?

You just had to guess. 11. Okay, good call. Anybody else? 15. 15 from Rand. 8 feet. 8 feet.

The unidentified man fell approximately 13 feet. Split the difference right over here, Randy and Nick. Yeah, you and I. Yeah. Nice. Beautiful. He fell 13 feet and apparently hit a fence in the yard during the fall. So it didn't hit the ground and slide into the fence.

He hit the fence on the way down, which is never how you want to approach a fence. You don't want to land on top of a fence. I feel like the fence was right underneath the roof. And he's like, okay, dude, I'm going to clear. I'll definitely clear the fence. He never thought I was going to fall. He's like, okay, dude, I'm going to clear I'll definitely clear the fence. He never thought I was going to fall. He's like, I can do this. He just guns that shit

and it's like, holy fuck. The level which Nick is identifying with this man is deep. It's deep. When rescue personnel arrived, this is great. When rescue personnel arrived Friday, I hope that means it happened

Thursday. He's just on the fence like a scarecrow. When rescue personnel arrived Friday, the man was on his back on a sled, pushing himself around the driveway with his feet. He was reportedly swearing and yelling

about the pain. So the cops get there and this guy is now on another sled, pushing himself around on his feet, yelling and cursing at people about how much he hurts. You sons of bitches! Letting me do that. Dad! Did you see that? She is not here, Kevin.

Kevin, she's not here. No, it is one of those things where I've been so hurt that I have sworn at people. I do know that kind of pain where you're so injured that you're angry at the world. But why not just lay there? Why does he feel the need to still be doing stuff in his driveway? He's uncomfortable in the pain and he has to push himself around. But he got himself into a sled and just started... Started pushing himself around the driveway by his feet.

Like laying on his back and yelling. This is something that a kid does who doesn't want to take a nap. I know. I feel like if you're in pain and you're getting pissed off there's people around you. Yeah.

Because people are annoying you. You're so much in pain. So people are probably laughing. But when there's no one around you there's you just look crazy as fuck. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true.

Cussing and We hope First of all, so we hope that there were people Laughing at him Which is why He's pushing himself around Which could inspire the curse

Yeah otherwise Like Nick said He's just a lonely crazy guy Who had to tell everybody Later on what he did A lonely crazy guy On his back On a sled

In his driveway Pushing himself around And you know that The rescue personnel Were like If you stop yelling at us We will help you Fuck you

Nope see They're like parents. They're like, let him just tire himself out. Don't get into this one. He's going to want us to take that fence out of his abdomen eventually. Alright. I'm going to ask you guys right now. We nicknamed him quickly Kevin.

How old is Kevin Rocket Bike Man. Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. All right, man. Nick, you want to go first?

You can go first, second, or third. Where do you want to go in the guessing? 31 hit me. 31. Okay. Okay. 31 years old. All right.

It's a solid guess. It's a good number because you're close to the 20s. Exactly. Randy or Jay? I'm trying to recapture his glory. Jay, what do you think? I think he's 24 years old. 24 years old.

I don't know why that number has come to me. It does. I think he's 36. Wow. 36 years old for Randy? Yeah, you know, I mean, I just think like a guy, look, 36, lonely, and also like he has access to all the things, like a motorcycle motor. He knows where to get the heat.

He knows how to, like, assemble his thing together. He knows how to put the whole rig up on the roof. See, to me, just based on ages alone, Jason's age, what was yours, 24? 24, yeah. 24 is a guy who thinks, there's no way I'm going to get hurt by this. This will be fun. He's 24. 31.

He's 24. He's got two more years of college. Right. If he goes back. If will be fun. He's 24. He's got two more years of college. If he goes back. 31 is a guy who thinks I can still do this sort of shit. Knows he could get hurt, but also has too much confidence

in him. He's like, I'm not in my 30s yet. 36 is a guy who wants to be known for something. My dad didn't live past 40. I probably won't either. I want four years of being known for something. I want to be the guy who did da-da-da. This is glory. I want to be Rocket Bike Man.

I want to walk into a bar and have people be like, R.B.A. What's up, Rocket Bike Man? I don't want to be the guy at Dunkin' Donuts who works at Dunkin' Donuts. I want to be the guy who's known for the thing that I do. Who also works at Dunkin' Donuts. All right, fine.

Part-time. All right. So we have Jason. Let's see. Jason, 24. 24 yearstime. All right. So we have, let's figure out, Jason, 24. 24 years old. 31, Nick. Hey, Rocket Bike Man, you want to slide off

that roof over there and get me a cruller? You sons of bitches. I'll show you. Back rolling around. God damn it. 36 is what you said, right? 36.

I said 36. Kevin, Rocket Bike Man from Wilmar, somewhere in Dumb People Town. By the way, I love Elton John's song about Rocket Bike Man.

Rocket Bike Man. I'm so in Dumb People Town. By the way, I love Elton John's song about Rocket Bike Man. Rocket Bike Man. Is 40 years old. Oh! What? 40? Old enough to know better. He wanted to die on that fence. That's a good breaking point in life.

You are a broken man. You are absolutely right. You are a broken man. You are absolutely right. You're a broken man. Dan said it. Dan said it. He wanted to die on that fence. He was like Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump. He's like, you should have left me out there.

He's like Nicholson. You want me on that fence? You need me on that fence. 40 years old. He's twice over a stepdad. So he has to answer to his kids. 40 years old. There's two kids.

One of them is saying, Dad, stop. The other one is going, Come on, Kevin. He is in charge of both of these kids. He's in charge of his son and his stepson. One is calling him dad. Kevin, dude, come on.

You're not going to make me like you more for this. Dad, stop it. Dad, stop. Lock it, bike, man. Guys, you know what he said right before. I'm definitely clearing the fence. I'm clearing this fucking fence. He knew in his heart of hearts he was clearing the fence.

I want you boys to know something, okay? Your mom may never come back. But, both your moms. But, when I clear this fence, you're going to realize anything is possible in life. Anything is possible! Oh, this goddamn fence. I don't think it's going to be anything is possible in life. Anything is possible. Oh, my gosh. And I think it's going to be a long, long time. There we go.

Rocket bike man. That is how we do it. A new friend in dumb people town. I love it. That is a mini-sode. You guys have a great weekend. Nick, how can people follow you? They can follow you on Instagram.

On my Instagram. Which is? At Nick Antonian. A-N-T-O-N-Y-A-N. Correct. Nick Antonian. Follow him. He's got a lot of followers.

He may have his own Rocket Man. I think we inspired you today. Do you have posts up on your Instagram from like the aftermath of your moped accident and all that shit? I do have one picture. Yeah. Okay. So now you got to go there to find it. If you want to see the Rocket bike and the rocket bike logo,

which doesn't look like a rocket bike at all, go to our Facebook page. And tell us if you think we should make it into a t-shirt. Facebook.com slash

Dumb People Town. Let us know if you want to turn it into a t-shirt. And, oh shit, we have to get back to work. Stick around.

Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town.