Dumb People Town - Nick Thune - Testicuzzi and the Jets

Episode Date: January 7, 2020

Dan, Jason and Randy welcome Nick Thune to town to hear a story about a fight for the front seat. In story two, a tiny hot tub for your delicates and in story three, questionable props are used at a career fair. 

Star Pains, I know. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population Thune. Nick Thune. You always know when they join in that it's going to be fun. It's going to be good. Nick Thune joined in on the big. Well, Nick Thune was our first guest that we've ever done under the auspices of the Dumb People Town. And this is the last episode.

So, guys, it's over. Thank you so much. You started it and you ended it. And you guys were going to do a one-off, and then people were like, whoa. This is good. Or Nick Thune. They said, we'll tune out when Nick Thune comes back. Yep.

We said, we'll bring him back right away. This is the final show. Three years later. Three years later. Really? We almost are three years later. Right away. It's been that long.

It's so good. That's insane. That was three years ago that we had this. So at this point, you guys are probably learning how to talk. We are. We are. It's in the toddler phase of podcasts. We're sleeping in our own beds.

I can jump high. I can do it, too. We're in pre-K. So what I love about Nick Thune, in addition to all of the comedy that you do is that in my brain, if you were to tell me, if Nick Thune were to say to the three of us right here, we'd be like, hey man, what are you working on? I'm just creating content specifically for Leonardo

DiCaprio. He pays me two million dollars a year and I just create content just for him to watch. Him to watch with other people. I'd be like, yeah! Nothing about that would, I would be like, he's being 100% serious right now. And I would also say, this is what I love about Nick Thune. You could be the exact person that you are right now in 1977, 1987, 1997.

But not 2007. Not 2007, but 2017. Yes. Same guy. Yeah, same guy. Yeah. Same guy. Yeah, same guy. Yeah. It's funny you bring up Leo. I ran into him last night.

Stop it. What? For real? Where? At a party. Yeah. What did he, does he know you? Is he a fan of your stuff?

No, no, no. I mean, when I say run into him. What do you say to him? Do you expect him to know you're a comedy? I saw him for the first time in my life. How big is his head? It seems like he's got a big head. You technically run into a barista

when you're at Starbucks. Yeah, I ran into a barista. I ran into Leo. I ran into a cop the other day. Wait a second. We hung out for a minute. He actually flagged me down. He wanted to talk to me.

I love when people bastardize. What an aggressive guy. Very. I love when people bastardize famous people's names just to show you that they know them better than you. Like Bobby De Niro. So I ran into Leonard yesterday.

I ran into Nard. Nard Dog. No office drop. Hey, Nard. In the three years since we've had you on this show nearly, I think that in that time the world has gotten even dumber. Okay. It started out dumb and it's gotten- Dumb's gotten louder.

Right? It's gotten way more okay to be dumb. Yeah. It's become a fashion. It's like how I noticed, I don't know, like December rolls around and all of a sudden jackets are in. Exactly. It's like, wow, people are wearing jackets more than they were in August. Dumb is like a jacket you put over your brain.

We're in dumb season. Dumb is a jacket you put over your brain. And so we, as you know, and for the people who are coming to us for the very first time, this is the first time you've ever heard the podcast, we get great stories sent to us by our awesome fans. And then Dan knows them. The three of us don't know it. Dan barely knows it.

Dan knows all the fans. Dan knows all the fans. He knows the stories. Let's jump into one right now. You ready? This was sent in by IWC. The W is capitalized. IWC Nation Podcast, but it's Christmas.

IWC Nation Podcast, but it's Christmas. What do you think IWC stands for? I looked. In winter Christmas. No, that's good. What? It's a professional wrestling podcast. International Wrestling Championship?

I have no idea. Intercontinental Wrestling Championship podcast. They only talk about intercontinental winners. So basically, it's like 20 episodes on Mr. Perfect. Tito Santana? Yeah. Dolph Ziggler. Interesting fact about all wrestlers is that they all did start off with the thumb wrestling.

It is. That is true. That's how you work your way up. Those are the minor leagues. And then you've got to work your way up. Have you ever seen like, because you know, the hand-to-hand combat sort of thumb wrestling. Yeah. There is the like high school wrestling, like real, like Roman kind of technical, but there

is a WWF version of thumb wrestling. Of thumb wrestling. Yeah. I love it. By the way, thumb wrestling. Did you guys ever do thumb wrestling on cheap sheets? Thumb wrestling, no. Thumb wrestling is so intimate.

You're literally holding someone's hand in an intimate way. Yeah. And that is. That would be a great party if you brought different circles of your social together. And tell everybody, it's a thumb wrestling tournament. You'll get brackets, bracket style. I know you're not going to know a lot of people, but you'll know them very well by the time you're here.

You're going to be holding hands with people by the end of this. Hand sanitizer at every table. Brought to you by Purell. Don't. Okay. Yes. Brought to you by Change Purell. Nick, you touched a cat. Don't touch your face. Smart.

Okay. That was a little background story just from life. Here we go. Ready? I love this headline. It's all we need. I say that a lot because that's why it's a story I pick. Let's hear it. Riding shotgun argument gets out of control. Yep. Here we go. Ready? I love this headline. It's all we need. I say that a lot because that's why it's a story I pick. Let's hear it.

Riding shotgun argument gets out of control. Yep. Oh. Yeah. Riding shotgun argument gets out of control. My kid, when we were going to the car, my 12-year-old said shotgun. Yeah. Who did? Georgia said shotgun.

I'm like, how do you know what that is? She shotgunned her sister? Yeah. I'm like, how do you know what that is? How shotgunned her sister? Yeah, I'm like, how do you know what that is? How does she know what that is? How do kids know stuff? And did she do it in regulation time? Yeah, door to car, not pre.

You can't do it in the house. Call inside the house. You can't do it in the house. My nephews at Thanksgiving, my nephews are trying to. I get shotgun after we leave Walmart, right? And I'm like, no. No, you can't call it now for later. You can say, hey, since my brother sat up front,

can I sit up front later? Sure. But it's not shotgun. There could be a deal made within Walmart. Yes. As long as all parties want to chop the pot, it's fine. But until everybody is outside. You can't have one guy still inside. Do you guys have any

variations on shotgun? Because in my group of friends, we'd just sometimes be like, shoddy. Shoddy. Shotgun. I think we had to fully say shotgun. We'd just go shoddy. Yeah, say shotgun. I like it as an adult, too, when people don't do it anymore.

Yeah. No, I know. To be like walking to a car with somebody and be like, hey, man, there's actually something I wanted to talk to you about. What is that? What is that? Fucking shotgun. Whoa!

We came out of nowhere! What? Yeah, enjoy the back seat. My window's going to be down the whole fucking ride. Cool if I smoke, right? And only one window's down, so it's going to affect your ears.

Oh, the worst. I do love doing that to people. It's so mean. Watching how far... I'm also like a classic, like, turn the seat warmer on with people I don't like right away. Yes. And they read like a half hour.

On a hot day. They're like, did you turn it on? I go, yeah. Remember when I said that's a cool house? Yeah. Now you feel like you pooped yourself. You gave me a five second window to do whatever the fuck I wanted. I gave you swamp ass for no reason.

It would be great to have you just drop the shotgun. And then them to instantly come back to you and be like, Bucket. Oh, wait. Because you've got to call Bucket, too, right? Another classic move, and this is for the listeners, and that I like to do, too, is when you're saying bye to somebody. Let's say you had dinner and you're both in the parking lot. All right, see ya.

And they get in their car, and as they're driving out, and they drive by you, the windows are up. They're on their little way. They go, hey, hey. You kind of do that. They roll the window down, and you go, your lights are on! Even though it's night? Yeah, even though it's night. But you're concerned.

Just want to let you know. Here's another one. I filed that, by the way, not to get to your... I filed that under at a sushi restaurant calling the waiter over and being like, all this food is cold. And this is not acceptable. This all seems underc cold. And this is not acceptable.

This all seems undercooked. The other one, and I understand that it's problematic, but we don't do it anymore. Things can be problematic in the past, and then we all learn, is no bitch. Do you guys ever do that? No bitch means you can't go to the middle. You don't have to be in the middle.

Hump seat. No bitch. Jay and I rode in a car in Austin. Someone drove us somewhere. And the back seat of a car, not a van, but it was an SUV, the back seat were two individual seats with nothing in the middle. I know. I couldn't believe it. I was like, I've never seen that before. Nothing in the middle.

Armrest. There was just a console. Just like your two loveseats. There's no middle seat. Yeah. That is the way to go. I mean, I do love a bench seat, though, in a truck up front. Sure.

I mean, someone has to sit in the middle, like literally dick on the radio. Yeah. So to speak. Yeah. Especially if it's a stick shift. Oh, baby. Oh, God. You're straddling something.

Yeah, you are. I guess Harvey Weinstein drove one of those. He did? I believe it. He did. I believe it. Okay, here we go. Downshifting.

Blakely, Pennsylvania. Comes to us from WNEP.com. Police in Lackawanna County were forced to chase, tackle, and arrest two people in a bizarre and dangerous incident. A brother and sister are in jail, and it was all over who got to ride shotgun. Brother and sister. Yes. This is not messing around. And they. Yes. This is not messing around.

And they are adults. This is not messing around. Fighting about who gets... How old? Do we know? We will find out. Dan, this isn't about the seat. I'm going to say so many other things.

I'm going to say the sister is three years older. The brother is way bigger than her, but she can still take him. I really want to know who the driver was. Here we go. Here we go. Workers in Oliphant, Timothy, if you're nasty, were setting up the Burroughs Christmas tree when they witnessed an altercation in a vehicle.

Three people appeared to be fighting in the car. The woman in the passenger seat pleading for help. Wow. That is just the phrase. Scary. Which would mean she's in shotgun. Yeah. And she wants help. Help. He's mean she's in shotgun. Yeah. And she wants help.

He's trying to oust her. Yes. Quote, they called me and said, there's a girl, they're keeping her hostage in the car, and she's yelling for help. There's an altercation going on in the car, and they kept eyes on the car for me, said Oliphant Police Chief James DeVoe. Wait, that's the police chief? Yes.

That sounds like a person who doesn't have any information and doesn't speak English. And doesn't have a dispatcher. What are they calling you for? You're the chief. They called me on my cell phone. Who called him? A citizen? Yes.

A concerned citizen? Yes. This to me sounds like the description that a concerned citizen who does not understand what's going on is saying, it looks like they're keeping her hostage and something's going on. Yes. I love an unconcerned citizen. Right. You know, just somebody. Leave it be. I don't care. You're fine. I and something's going on. Yes. I love an unconcerned citizen. Right. You know, just somebody.

Leave it be. I don't care. You're fine. I'll call it in. Burn it. I'll call it in, but I don't give a shit. Right. I'm not that concerned about it.

I'll call it in. But I think you should know. I am a citizen. That's the 911. What's your call? Okay. First off, I'm not that concerned. Exactly.

Well, what's happening? Somebody else is really upset. I don't know. Send somebody if you want. Yeah. Okay. You want us to dispatch someone. Can you please stay on the line? No. I'm not that worried about it.

Can you stay on the line? Nah. Not really. You guys know, so technically I can't get charged for anything because I did my part. Alright. They called and he said, there's a girl. They're keeping her hostage. This is all from Chief Police James DeVoe. According to police... Well, now we know. you're hostage this is all from chief police james devoe bell div and yep uh according to

well now we know yo slick according to police brett brzezinski b-r-e-z-e-n-s-k-i brzezinski this guy's still wrestled in high school still wears his letter jacket still wears the letter jacket he's like, yeah, yeah. All the pins. He's got all the pins. According to police. I think he's got some steel toe boots on. Brzezinski, get on the wall.

The peg wall. And his girlfriend picked up Brzezinski's sister at work. That's when Brianna Brzezinski became angry with her brother about where his girlfriend was sitting. So she has no claim to shotgun. This is all about she doesn't like his girlfriend. That's what this is. So the girlfriend was in shotgun. Yes.

When they pulled up to pick her up from work, she walked out and was like, uh-uh. No. No, I called it when I walked out of work. Girlfriend's in back. Put her in back. I called it when I walked out. Yeah, but we're already in. We're already in the car. This is a family front seat. The sister walked out of work. Girlfriends and back. Put her in back. I called it when I walked out. Yeah, but we're already in. We're already in the car.

This is a family front seat. The sisters, I don't want it. We are assuming this is a four-door, right? Because if it is a two-door with a back row. She gets out, and then you're in some sort of limbo. Because she's technically out of the car. She tries to lean forward and let the chair. I can't fit in there.

I can't fit in there. I can't fit in that way. You got to get out. You got to get out. I can't get out. And I would get out. As soon as they have no contact with the car. She goes right in.

You reinitiate shotgun. She goes shotgun. Shotgun. I would go, listen, car has to be off. Okay, car has to be off. Okay, can you turn the car off? And you got to get out of it, Brzezinski. Everybody has to get out.

Everyone out of it. Shut the doors. I would love to see that. You know when a passenger just turns the car off, grabs the keys and runs? Oh, my God. Just to do it. Pulling the keys in the parking lot. Running around. Shotgun. passenger just turns car off grabs keys and runs another one we used to do is when your friend was driving and without you try to distract them enough that you can kick it into neutral and

then they're just like and they haven't realized you don't know what's going on right a real dangerous one we used to do as a kid is when you would be sitting there i'm in i'm shotgun you're driving around right we're at a stoplight. Do you want to park? And I go, no, I go, light's red. It's red. Now, the person, just based off your tone, just starts to go.

And you're like, it's red. It's red. But I've seen people drive out at intersections. I didn't say it was green. That's like my outgoing voicemail message. Which is? It's you call, and then it says, hey, it's Nick. Give me a call back when you get this.

And people are just confused. They're like, I just gave you a call back. Nick Thune house comedy. Just like comedy for your car, comedy for the house, the shotgun. Like you should just do a series of videos of how to be funny. Individual comedy. How to be funny in your life just for you. Also, a great one is screen shot.

Anytime you're driving by somebody's house, even if it's just a block in from the main street, drive by it and screenshot you on By Their House and send it to them. Just, hey. On the Google Maps. I've talked about it before. It's Tig Notaro's best ever. You text someone around 2.15 the Google Maps. I've talked about it before. It's Tig Notaro's best ever.

You text someone around 2.15 in the afternoon, and the only thing you say is, well, everyone else is here, so we're just going to get a table. And then you never respond to anything. Could you imagine the sweat you would instantly have when you got that message? Where are we supposed to be? Where are we supposed to be?

When was I supposed to be there? It's a great... Who else is there? Who's Tig? I'm going to add into this milieu of great little fun things to do to people Kurt Braunohler's bit of finding a random friend

in your Facebook community going back two years into their feed and just liking one photo. Yeah. That's also a great move that I've done with a friend of mine started dating a girl. Never met her. The night that I was going to meet her, went onto her Instagram

and liked her first photo. Just scrolled all the way down, liked it. And then, Hey, this is Nick. Hey,

I feel like I know so much about you already. Did we meet like 15 years ago? No. Okay. So what happened? So Brett and Brianna, Brzezinski. So they're fighting in the car and then they take off.

She walks out and she's mad that the girlfriend is in the front seat. I don't blame her. Police say that here's where it takes a weird skip. Wait, you're on the sister side? No. Are you serious? I'm on no one's side. Okay.

I'm going to read this back to back because it's a big jump. Maybe his girlfriend is not good for him. That's when Brianna Brzezinski became angry with her brother about where his girlfriend was sitting. Next sentence. Police say Brett Brzezinski led them on a half-mile car chase through Oliphant and into Blakely. So this is...

They were fighting? A lot happened in between there. Someone called the cops. The cops showed up. And they just drove. They just drove off. Yeah. Quote, this is the Chief DeVoe again.

They had the girl's head out the window. She was hanging out of the car. I don't think they had her. I think she was probably... Get me out of here. Yes. Wow. After getting caught in a traffic jam-

By the way, just your head out the window is not that dangerous. No. You would let a dog go two paws out of the window. Would you let your dog- I had my dog jump. Your dog would jump. I had my dog jump when I was a kid. If your dog had one paw out the window, you'd be like, good boy.

Yeah. Right? Is your dog- Your dog couldn't even- My dog could not even- Wait, but he's- Can he even lift his head? Yeah, he's pretty spry in certain ways, but yeah. No, your dog is the dog that ate the videotape size.

Yeah. This is that same dog. Yeah. No, different version of that dog. Different version of that dog. Yeah, I noticed this dog. It looked like it didn't have. Videotape size pot brownie.

I'm just referencing one of his fantastic bits. Randy ate a cooking pan size pot cookie one night. He thought it was a normal cookie. He was hungry. It was late afternoon. Late afternoon. I was like, is there any food in this house? We needed a snack.

I found a cookie way up by the menu and my children's academic and medical records. I'm like, you know the way where we keep none of our cookies ever. I was like, I'll eat that. By the time you put them down to bed, it really started to kick in. There were cookies up there and like a handgun.

By the time I put them down to sleep, that was the only time that- You were talking to your daughter. I was talking to my daughter. She was like four, sleeping in like a tiny bed, and I was putting her down to sleep. She's like, Daddy, are you okay? I'm like, no. No, I'm not okay. Daddy, no, no.

Right. Never eat cookies. I love the idea, too, of these guys getting pulled over and the cop over the radio. What is it? It's a shotgun. Shotgun! There's a gun! Right.

Shotgun situation. What? Here, I love this, too. When people write articles and they assume everyone reading will always know what they mean. After getting caught in traffic jam near the anchor in Blakely. What's that? Yeah, you know the anchor. I don't know.

Police ordered the man out of the car. Police say at first Brzezinski, Brett, cooperated, but that quickly changed. That probably sums up his whole life, right? Sure, I'll go. Who's going to talk? I'll talk. I'll talk. I drew my weapon.

Probably because of the shotgun. Sure. I got him calmed down for a second and told him, get up against the car. But as soon as he saw me put my weapon down, I hope that means away, he attacked me again. So I picked him up and threw him into the grass. I detained him. I was trying to get my handcuffs on him when the other girl came over and she started attacking me. I have to assume it's Brianna.

It's got to be. Because the girlfriend seems to want nothing. Girlfriend's like, how did I get into this family? So these, I'm assuming white people because they weren't shot. Okay. These white people started fighting a cop. Yes. All over.

Great call. Who sits in the front seat. So were there warrants involved though? We don't. Priors? Probably. started fighting a cop. Yes. All over who sits in the front seat. Were there warrants involved, though? Priors? Probably. To be clear, people have said, I'm not going to get out of the car and have gotten shot in front of their children for being black. Well, DeVos handles it right.

All right. So he said, I was yelling for backup and some other guys were starting to show up. So he had one cuff on him by this time meanwhile he's also dealing with brianna brzezinski and this one hand fighting a woman behind him if you're the girl friend in the front seat do you even have to break up with him no at this point you're like we're done right you don't have to call him back ever or it turns you on i like a guy under a guy in uniform the The third person in the vehicle was not arrested. And in fact, police are calling her a victim.

While this was certainly a dangerous situation for those involved, police say many others were also in harm's way. Traffic was packed, says DeVoe. They were driving like animals. Well, probably better than that. Stuff you could have flipped a coin over. And now we have people who could have gotten killed. Nobody was. Stuff you could have flipped a coin.

That's, I guess, the shotgun debate. Yeah. Right. This guy's speaking in such vagaries. That is right. I thought he was saying it was like people could have been flipping a coin on whether or not you were going to hurt somebody. But you're right.

The shotgun is like flip a coin. Coin flip. Both Brzezinski siblings were arrested and charged with simple assault, resisting arrest, and related offenses. Police say the third passenger has filed a PFA against both Brzezinski's and other members of their family, which I imagine is a restraining

order. We're going to get out of here on this. We can do both or we can do one. How old is Brett and or Brianna Brzezinski? Let's do both of them. Okay. What's their age difference? What's their age difference? Seven years. Seven years between them. Yes. 29, 22. 29 and 22. Who's their age difference? Brett first. What's their age difference? Seven years. Seven years between them. Yes.

29, 22. 29 and 22. Who's older? Brett. Okay. Jay? I'm going to say 27 and 20. Okay.

I'm going to say 35, 28, and I think she's older. Okay. Sister's older, yeah. Okay. I will tell you first. Brett. Sister's older, yeah. Okay. I will tell you first, Brett is older. Oh, shit. All right.

But I will also tell you that based off just the numbers, one of you is exactly right. All right! Now we get to guess who is exactly right. So somebody's right on the numbers, but they're not right on the sex.

Okay. So who do you think is right, Nick Thune? Me. Randy? Yeah. I think it's me. I think it's me. Jason says it's him.

Nick says it's you. And you say you. Okay. So Brett is older. 27. Brianna's 20. The Brzezinskis. The flying Brzezinskis. The flying Brzezinskis.

The jailed Brzezinskis who fight over who has shotgun and decide also to fight a cop over it. That's how passionate they are about the little things in life. Yep. Their ages are 27 and 20. I knew it. Oh, Jay. I knew it. So you guys together are a great team.

Together we should be a comedy team. I'm telling you right now, his Saturn is returning. Yep. And she's got a long way to go. All right. Listen, guys, just deal with shotgun in the proper way, like Nick Thune says. It's got to be outside of the venue, but car doors have to be shut. Car off.

Car off. And then you can make the call. Anything other than that is foreign and you deserve to be shut. Car off. Car off, and then you can make the call. Anything other than that is foreign, and you deserve to be arrested. All right, that's story number one. It's down in the books. When we come back, we're going to hear about a little tour that Nick is taking out. And you have a new book out, right? Do you have a book out?

No. I wish you had a book out. You know what? I'm going to write a book. Write a book so that Randy can get it. In the break, write it out, and we'll get it in the thing. I'm going to promote it starting now, though. I love it.

There you go. We'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Make it sound for more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. We want to remind people, San Francisco, big, big, big date. Coming up on the 17th of January, Sketch Fest at the Marines Memorial Theater.

Amy Mann is going to be on the show doing some music along with Ted Leo, and they'll also be participating in the fun. Other guests on that show, it's going to be very, very big and a lot of fun. Now, I could say this. We already know we have a Greenlee. We have one of the best, craziest Greenlees of all time. Also, if it comes out in time, and I'm not going to say it. If you guys remember, great.

Don't tell people. If people remember, we have an annual tradition at SF Sketch Fest that I'm hoping will continue. So we do Sketch Fest. There's a story we do every year. Where we say there's a story about it wraps up something. Are you going to give it away? Nope, I don't want to give it away. It's okay if you want.

It's very San Francisco. It's something that happens. It's a list of something that happened in the year prior. And I know it's very San Francisco. You have a tour of dates that are coming up in january and yes i do i'm gonna be uh i'm on tour with damian jurado it's called sad music sad comedy hilarious and uh it starts january 15th in philly and it just goes till you know the 26th in cleveland and we're hitting washington dc brooklyn boston providence portland burlington montreal toronto awesome how many dates total until the 26th in Cleveland, and we're hitting Washington, D.C., Brooklyn, Boston, Providence, Portland,

Burlington, Montreal, Toronto. Awesome. How many dates total? Like 10, 12? It's 10 or 9. That's great. It's hard to really count. So fun.

And are you going to come out and do comedy? How does it work? You'll do comedy first? You know what? We were just trying to figure that out. I think we'll go out together, maybe in the beginning, but I'll probably

close the shows and um although part of me wants to like in between your bits have him do a song or have that would be really good that would be so play underneath you play underneath you like you used to have music oh yeah you would be cool and then he does well i'll be doing that on this tour i'm bringing a guitar oh nice so it's gonna be like very the show will be like a music show pretty much Nicktoon.com people can see all those dates

and get tickets that way yeah Danny Jurado go support the show if you're in any of those cities or any of those areas this is a great northeast

go see this man he is hilarious fantastic live and maybe the book will be out by then maybe the book will be out by then yeah come on out

what is the book it's called Shotgun it's actually a look into this podcast right okay I'm doing yeah thank you a deep dive we have in it yeah come on out what is the book the book shotgun it's actually a look into writing podcast right okay i'm doing yeah thank you deep dive deep dive chronicling what we've gone over since the last time the last time you were on i started written handwritten we're just one copy oh just one copy yeah you really could like the wu-tang album yeah just one our first call it call our first guest nick thunes opinions on dumb people

town and you go deep okay you ready to do another story let's do it okay this was sent in by jeffrey alberghini alberghini at jj alberghini yeah uh alber just flew alberghini airlines at gmail.com i just saw that movie uh ford versus alberghini oh my god amazing what do you think of it great i liked it too really liked it i could see how I could see how it's getting some mixed stuff. I watched it with my son. So I watched it with my son who's 11. Wow. Two and a half hours he was in?

All the way in. And we enjoyed it. We had a great time. It was one of those movies that I could enjoy with him and not fight. I took my six-year-old to the Tom Hanks. Oh yeah? He sat through the whole thing. Really?

Have you seen the documentary on Mr. Rogers? I haven't watched that. You have to watch that. It is so good. Tom Hanks sat through the whole thing wow have you seen the documentary on Mr. Rogers I haven't watched that you have to watch that it is so good I bet they touched on a lot of those things they did

but it was more about the road I heard because my friend Noah Harpster wrote it and he was in it wrote that movie oh really crazy

he wrote the movie and he's in it briefly he's like the brother-in-law or something yeah and so that guy oh that guy did it

yeah the bigger guy he's a great dude he was in he played Tig's brother in brother-in-law or something. Yeah. Yeah. And so. That guy? Oh, that guy did it? Yeah, the bigger guy. Yeah. Great dude. From Trans. He was in, he played Tig's brother in One Mississippi. That's right. One Mississippi. He's great.

And so he was, I was like, this is going to win awards. He's like, everybody relax. I don't know if it's, it's a big season for, you know, movies and stuff. And I was like, that's great. But the actual documentary was amazing. I think there's so many other white people that are going to win awards. I'm going to go see Uncut Gems this weekend. Really?

I might need a plus one if anybody wants to come see. Hey-o. Okay. Shotgun. Jeffrey Alvargini. Okay, here we go. Ready? Yeah.

There's nothing better after a hard day at the office than soaking your bollocks in a bubbling jacuzzi. At least that's the view of Testacuzzi, a brand new groundbreaking mini hot tub tailor-made for your two veg. I've never heard it called veg, but it's for your testicles. So a tiny hot tub you just rest them in. Yes. Here, I have pictures for you guys. Oh my God, I want one. Wow. I want one. Look at them. Are they deeper for older people? This is real. It's like a deeper basin for older people. Wait, what's that cushion? Is that for the dick to sit on? Yeah.

You're going out and under. Out, on, and under. So it's coming under from the front to the back. What if you can't reach that cushion? Well, I just like the dick. That's okay. Then you don't need it. You're full in.

You're full in. You can use it as a little desk. All the way in. Tiny desk. One of my favorite someone the npr shows tom segura one time on it wasn't on our podcast talked about if this is going to be so gross but if you're having if a man is having sex with a woman and he sticks everything inside of her oh yeah it's called giving a dog a bath shut up come on it's just unruly. Stop it. You named it that?

No, he named it that. I know, I just like put that out there. So what would this be? Talk about a fit, huh? This is like giving a guinea pig a bath. At least that's the view of Tussoosie, a brand new groundbreaking hot tub tailor-made for your event. Don't be fooled. This isn't one of those daft stocking fillers.

Its website insists this is an actual product. Secret Santa? Secret Santa at an office? You guys know what I got you for Christmas. Jesus. Please sponsor our podcast. Tescuzi? Tescuzi, you can sponsor this right here.

And we would say all our things. But we only say for products that we actually approve to do. Guys, we believe in this. We've tried it. We've used it. I use Manscaped stuff all the time. They have ball deodorant that is in my travel bag. You can ball deodorant yourself after you testacusie it.

Testacusie, baby. Testacusie is like the, if testacusie and alberghini are like an Italian Rizzoli and Isles. As a gag gift, you know who I would get this for? Lance Armstrong. That's right. I'd be curious. Plenty of room for friends.

Are there jets in there there are little jets yeah okay here we go as per test scusey this is not a gag testacusey and the jets there you go uh it is an actual product but if you want to buy it for a friend we will let you call it a gag gift for men i don't know why a gag gift is a little... I don't know. I don't know. The idea... It's a ball gag. A little on the dick. It's a little on the tip. The idea of a hot tub for your balls came about after a funny conversation between friends. However, rather than writing it off as another silly tangent... We'll decide if it was a funny conversation. Yeah, and the friends happened to be 12.

Right. And millionaires. Rather than writing it off as another silly tangent between pals, they actually followed through. I'd love to hear their little silly tangents that they have. You know, the next day, though, someone's phone rang of these two guys. I talked to a product tester. I meant it.

You're like, what? I meant our idea. We're in 50-50, right? You said that. Right. I already put $80, right? You said that. Right, right. I already put $80,000 down on product development. Why? Because we've all had those nights with friends where you were like, we should do this.

We should totally do this. So at least I'll give it to these two guys. They meant it. We should write a comic book. None of us know how to draw. I will say this. This should also double as a portable golf ball wash. Is that what you're saying?

So then, obviously, you're going to do it. Also, you should, if it's clean enough, be able to wash radishes and other small- Can I say, too? Yeah. I mean, is it chlorine? You can make it. For anyone who doesn't know, salt water. It has one of those little floating chlorine things.

I put goggles on my balls. Oh, there's a leaf in here. Hey, who's that? Someone's knocking on the door. That's the pool guy. He's going to be here for like eight seconds. He's just got to sweep out the... Guys, the testacoozy guy is coming to clean it.

What are you cleaning the house for? The testacoozy guy is coming over. Oh, no. There's a rat in the drain. This is my thing. For anyone listening who doesn't have their own set of testicles, one or two, they are extremely sensitive. These two jets hitting onto them, how does that feel comfortable? I feel like that would hurt.

Unless you're into it but they're very sensitive you know that some of the jets that are just like a little warmer water than what the water that's fine it's just a water flow line me up put me in front of it that's fine okay how many people so my daughters wanted my youngest daughter wanted a tiny washing machine to wash makeup sponges that actually works it's like a tiny washing machine to wash makeup sponges that actually works. It's like a tiny washing machine. How many, to me, I think these guys should call

the testacusis something very close to that so that people will be buying their daughter's tiny ball jacuzzis. Yeah, like little washers. I saw it quickly and I just ordered it. I didn't know. I didn't know. If you like this, you might also like...

Right. It's a good thing for staining eggs on Easter. If you bought a Walmart sweater with a snowman doing Coke, you're going to love this. Okay. The idea of the hot tub became a funny conversation. It comes in a range of colors, including- Thank God. Beautiful gloss black.

That's in quotes. By the way, how did they go with testacuzzi and not ball tub? I agree with you. Ball tub would be great. Ball bath. Ball bath. And gloss white. If you're feeling-

We need to come up with a better name for this. Testacuzzi is not there. I'm thinking of it. Whirl Jewels? Whirl Jewels is great. Jewel Koozie. Yeah. Jewel Koozie.

If you're feeling flush, why not splash out on some gold? We started a funny conversation between friends a year ago, quickly turned into a conversation of, quote, we should totally do this. They're the only two people who have said that. Robert Schimmel, the great Robert Schimmel, may he rest in peace, told a bit about going to the jacuzzi at his gym that was in the men's locker room. And men would just be sitting there naked.

Just sitting there naked. And the layer of whatever was on top, he called the jacuzzi in the men's locker room a dick cappuccino. Wasn't there a time in your life where you were talking to me about your experiences at the LA Athletic Club? Yeah. And you were like, Dan, I go, is it good? You're like, it's great. It's never busy. You can use anything you want.

But you're going to see a lot of very old men very comfortable with their nudity. Yeah. I mean, that's how I've seen Sean Kempstick. I've seen... Stop. Stop. That is how i saw him no way like nick was telling me he was like they'll just talk to you prop one leg up on like a bench while this like punching bag hangs where does that confidence come from i don't know i don't have it also i there's in montreal you know where the festival they have the hotel and the bottom of the floor of the hotel. There's a workout room.

And there's a locker room, like a men's locker room, women's locker room. And then there's a steam room. Sure. And you walk through the locker room to get to the steam room. Right. And I, you know, I walk through the locker room. I think, okay, I don't have, like, I'm just naked. I don't have anything.

So I get naked, put a towel around me, go sit in the steam room, which I'm used to doing. And I'm sitting there, towel on my butt. I am naked. And that's where I find out pretty quickly that this is a unisex steam room because both locker rooms have a door that goes into that. You realize that. Yeah, because the way you had

entered, you were like, through the locker room, into this area. This is just for men. You can only come from the men's locker room. Hi, woman who programs HBO. How are you doing? Yeah. Well, hello. Hello. Interesting. Sheila Nevins. Nice to see you. Okay. Where was I?

Oh, the Tascuzi started out as a funny conversation with friends. You turned into, we should totally do this. It was conceived in a conversation about dating, drinking. I think it should be called Bubbles. That's great, too. Bubbles. It was conceived in a conversation about dating, drinking, and random trends. I don't know how it ties in.

Random trends. It's a three-quadrant idea, guys. As many of those conversations go, we decided to take what ultimately was a funny conversation and turn it into reality. By the way, stop calling it a funny conversation. I know. What you should say is, it was funny to us.

I don't know if you guys would have found it funny, but we thought it was funny. Because a lot of times people get in the hot tub as a therapeutic thing because they're sore. This ball's been working hard. I got to really. But wait, I don't understand what you're sitting on. You're holding it under you.

You're holding it under you. And then your member goes. While you're standing? Can Nick finish his thoughts? So you're saying therapeutically a hot tub helps you rehab in some way. Yeah, yeah. And you'll sit. If you have a knot in your back,

you'll kind of lean up against a jet. If you have a knot in your nut, you've got to jet it out. You've got to see a doctor. You need to get that checked out. You've got to jet it out. No joke. You need to go look. You've got a knot in your nut.

You've got to jet it out. A nut knot. Don't try to test it to see it out. Nut knot. Nut knots. Well, that's another name it could have been. There you go. Nut knots.

Nut knots. In order to really nail the concept, Well, that's another name it could have been. There you go. Not nuts. Not nuts. In order to really nail the concept, the team created multiple variations of the testacuzzi using 3D printers. While they were thoroughly examined to ensure product quality and proof of concept, images of the product testing will be left to the imagination. It's the perfect solution for people whose testicles bear the brunt of their lifestyles. What is that whether you're a professional cyclist a keen sportsman or perhaps even a horse rider the testicuzi is the hot you mean an equestrian okay let's just look at the word keen right right okay so what's that like um it is british sportsman strong active active right okay so keen i think is like if you're keen on something yeah if you're keen on something, that means you like it.

You're devoted to it. You spend your time. Invested. Yes. Almost like, to me, I feel like it just means aware. Yeah, I'm keen to that. Yeah. I'm aware.

Baseball? Yeah, I'm keen. Well, now you're keen to the Testa Cousy. Heard of it. Yeah. The Testa Cousy features an ultra-soft precast silicone pillow to rest your largest member on, a deep reservoir to dunk the teabag into, battery-powered bubbles and hours of pleasure.

Dunk the teabag into. I know. It comes in a range. At what point is this just a sex toy? By the way, hours of pleasure. I mean, we all know every hot tub says no more than 15 minutes. I know. Right.

You got to crank the dial. Then someone's got to get up and crank the dial. With hours of this, I wonder what that does for semen levels. Great, great question. You're cooking it up. I hours of this, I wonder what that does for semen levels. Great, great question. You're cooking it up. I agree. Okay, ready? So as I told you earlier.

They come in beautiful. What if they've stumbled upon the secret to solving infertility for people who are trying to have kids? They can't have kids. I don't know. The heat them up part makes me feel like that. Can you do a cold tub? You could. You can drop them in ice.

It hurts so bad. I need a ball plunge pool. Have you guys ever done an ice tub? I've done a plunge pool. You've done a plunge pool. I did a plunge pool. Here in LA, I did one. And it was like 34 degrees or something like that.

Wait, wait. No, that's way too cold. It's super cold. Maybe it's 40-something. I did a plunge pool that was in the 50s. It's so cold, it hurts. I did a plunge pool in the 50s. It's over in West Hollywood.

After doing a hot tub. You're just supposed to, if you don't move, there is a layer of heat that just sits around you. I'm just talking about your balls. Oh, in the ice tub. The ball. The one over by Bar Lubitsch is

super cold. Oh, Vodaspot? Yeah. Went there for Andy Wood's birthday. We should have Andy Wood on. Okay. So as I mentioned earlier, why not splash out some gold? Well, finally, they come back to that. You can purchase a 14-carat gold-plated testacuzzi for how much?

How much do you guys think the 14-carat gold testacuzzi costs? $899. There's the pick of it. $899? Or $8.99y costs. $899. There's the pick of it. $899? Or $8.99? That's $899. Jay, what do you think? They're going to make 50 of them.

Jason, what do you say? $2,000. $2,000. Randy Sklar. How big is it? Can you read me dimensions? It's a nut size. All right, fine.

Fine, nut size. Maybe, what if this is a jacuzzi It's fun sized What if this is a jacuzzi For a Keebler elf I would say Yeah 1400 bucks

Okay The total cost For a 14 karat gold plated Testacuzzi That they're only gonna make 50 of Is $10,000

What What the hell Yeah Yep Okay we will get out of here On this That sounds like One of their cool ideas they had to like, and you know how much we're going to sell it for?

Hey, did that come from a funny conversation? Hey, you know what's unfunny? You're going to make 50 and sell zero. Right. That's less funny than the conversation. So they should be after their holiday rush orders by the time you guys hear this episode. I think rich assholes would buy this

for their other rich friends. Yeah. This is what they're counting on. This is a joke. There are 50 rich pieces of shit out there that would just blow $10,000. Okay. I would. We will leave on this. I'm a rich

piece of shit. This reminds me of the this is one of the funny I laughed so hard at this on your Instagram. It was the day the ESPN body issue came out. And like all these people were posting pictures of the body issue. And then I don't know who you got to take that picture of you in your driveway. Like in somewhat of an artful way, but sitting on like a stool completely naked.

And you're like, I'm so blessed to be in this shit i was like that's the funniest thing ever so this would be a perfect like companion to that uh okay ready that it's also you know what do you think about the body great excellent job yeah great work i couldn't believe it you and prince fielder the standard testacusie is sold for how much money we will leave okay so you now know that the solid karat gold thing, these guys don't. 10 grand. So what do you think? Is all the money in the gold or the technology?

See, this is the question. This is what we have to suss out. Okay, and so I was going to tell you, by the time you guys hear this, you should be able to order it. It's not solid gold. Right. I'm just reminding you. Okay. Not solid gold.

So there's a motor in this other thing that I think is... I will also tell you, back to this, they are on sale for the holidays. Oh, so you're giving us the holiday sale price. Right now. Except that this podcast is going to drop after the fact, so it doesn't matter. Well, I can tell you that number afterwards. But right now, the amount you could get a testacousie for, and they will not ship before the 19th. So when you're hearing this, guys, you'd be able to get one because holidays are...

Are they doing a Black Dick Friday sale? It's a door buster. Okay. It's a labia buster. Come on, Dan. It's a back door buster. There you go. We got there.

It feels a little problematic, but we got there. We did. Literally, it feels a little problematic. Ding, got there. We did. Literally, it feels a little problematic. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Word of the day. How much do you think it is, Nick? $5,500. Okay.

Jesus. $1,999. It's on sale. $1,999? Yes. I think it's $1,200. Okay. You guys are all way over, so let's go again. Okay. I'll give you guys a new. Oh, good God. It's on sale $1,999 Yes I think it's $1,200 Okay You guys are all way over

So let's go again Okay I'll give you guys a new Oh good god So it was the gold Right So it says gold plate But I think it was probably solid gold

I knew that that would skew you That's why I'm going to re-rack the guessing Go again Okay $350 Okay $280 Okay

$129 Alright You can get your own Testacoozie Play along town townies. Yell out that price wherever you are. Scare somebody in a Target. Because the total is, to end up story two, $39.95.

Oh, my God. Wow. I don't know if it's because we're only making 50 of these gold-plated ones. $10,000 is ridiculous. I know. Now I feel like $10,000 is the largest number they could think of. So I want to know, is the only difference

the gold-plated versus non-gold-plated? The gold and that they're only making $50. The technology is the same. It's got to be, yes. They look exactly the same. The bench for your penis looks a little bit nicer on the gold one. I think this tagline should be, you'll have a ball. There you go.

Are we just coming up with this? You guys, we're giving this shit away to you. This is a funny conversation where we should really follow through and do it. I think so. Guys, tomorrow I'll call you and we'll get the plans together. Guys, this is nuts. There you go. There's story two. Can you give us a little teaser as to what we're going to see in segment three?

As parents, it's so good we're doing this one to see in segment three. As parents. It's so good we're doing this one with all three of you. As parents, you will be so mad. Yeah, kind of. Great. All right. Nick Thune's with us. We've got one more segment of Dumb People Town.

Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT. We've got Nick Thune with us once again. Go to nickthune.com to find out how to go see him in January. Find out how the book's coming along.

Also, I have another website too, arby's.com. Is that your website? Yeah. You do have the meets. Dan, go follow Dan on Instagram. Get him up to 10,000. I'll follow you guys too, AskLar Brothers. Please do that.

And also go to the Facebook page because all the links are there for the dates in March and the dates in June. Portland, Seattle. Where else? Vancouver. Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Milwaukee, St. Louis, and Minneapolis. Milwaukee, St. Louis, Minneapolis is the middle of March, and Vancouver, Seattle, Portland. We already have good guests lined up for Minneapolis, by the way.

I can tell you that- I don't even know who it is. You know who they are? Should I announce it right now? Yeah, announce it. We haven't locked in. Why not? All right, so I think we can get all three.

Okay. But I right now have two. All three. No, the dude's from the original Mystery Science Theater 3000. Hell yeah, that'll be fun. So Bill Corbett's in, Mike Nelson is in, and I think Kevin Murphy hopefully will get him in as well. That's great.

But that'll just be amazing. Okay, you ready for story three? Yes. Sent in by Save the Muck Dogs at Jake Groney. So he's in some sort of thing where they're trying to save some minor league baseball team is what I think is happening. Got it. Jake named Groney.

Here we go. New Hanover County. I don't know where that is though. Probably Pennsylvania. Yeah, it feels like a main. Yeah, maybe we'll find out. W-E-C-T is where we get this. Parents of students at Myrtle Grove Middle School

are concerned a visual aid used during career fair sends the wrong message and could even be dangerous. On Friday, November 8th, some students who visited the career fair were given a prescription

pill bottle filled with Skittles as a visual aid about the day-to-day work in a pharmacy. Nope. I know. Could you imagine if your kid came home and was like, well, they gave us play pills inside a prescription bottle. They taste like candy. Candy cigarettes. Yeah. It's candy cigarettes.

They're middle school, but it's still like, yeah, this is, just take these. I know. I got a kid in middle school. Who's the still like yeah this is just take these i know i got a kid in middle school who's the person who's like let's do that let's let's let's finally dummy let's finally bring together the worlds of candy and prescription do they have a child lock on them no that'd be great too to give those to kids and none of them can open them no they do like an instructional like and this is how you open the child. No! In a pharmacy, you'll need to know that.

You'll need to. Do you want to be a pharmacist? Learn now. That's why the pharmacy hasn't been able to hire children. Yeah. I worked in a pharmacy when I was 14 years old. Really? Yes. Because then they wouldn't let you open the bottles.

They wouldn't let me open the bottles, but I worked in the pharmacy. If you want to teach kids about a pharmacy. Data entry. Act one, it's a wonderful life. Just watch the scene with George and old man Gower when he tries to almost kill that kid the bottles but i want to teach kids about a farm data entry act one it's a wonderful life just watch the scene with george and old man gower when he tries to almost kill that kid and george tries to save him and he keeps hitting his sore ear again that's all you need to know about

pharmaceutical life is old man god good it's uh yeah kids don't need anything they don't need to learn anything about how to make it's amazing to me that and this guy probably was like man i didn't see anything wrong with it. You know that guy was like, man, I didn't even think about it. The bottle, go ahead. This is how evil, you're not to vaping yet with your kids,

and I know your kids, some of their friends do it. My son, I don't think, is there yet. But they've made, little vaping things are not vape pens. They look like fucking, not pens. They look like fucking- Not phones. They look like USB.

Yeah, they do look like USB. Some of them are almost USB. We had a USB thing in our drawer in our kitchen, and my 12-year-old pulled it out, and she was like, is this a vape? I was like, no. No. Our vape's upstairs. They shouldn't.

Yeah. They make them also, have you seen the clit ones? They make them look like clits. No. No, they don't. Yeah, for cunnilingus. I have one of those, but I just can't find it. Yeah.

Ever. It'd be great to pair as a gift with the ball tub. I'm just saying. A testacusie. A testacusie. Okay. On Friday, some students visit Korea. We're giving Skittles as a visual aid.

Why? The bottles have New Hanover Regional Medical Center's logo and information printed on them. Good. Now, they're culpable. Right. Along with the, quote, prescription for 300 milligrams of candy, instruction on the bottles indicate the patient should take two bottles by mouth twice a day as needed for pain. Oh, my God.

It's like they're viking it. Yeah. Two bottles? I'm sorry. Two tablets. Two tablets Oh my God. It's like they're viking it. Yeah. Two bottles? I'm sorry, two tablets. Two tablets. Two tablets. I was going to say. How many milligrams?

That does sound like the way I use vikings. Yeah, that's right. How many milligrams of Skittles is that? To me- 50 milligrams of Skittles a night? We don't have an opioid crisis in this country at all. To me, it's a huge safety thing, said Jason Efford, E-F-I-R-D. F-word. Efford.

Efford. Whose son, just tell me your name. It's my favorite Jennifer Beals show on Showtime. E is for Efford, the Efford. Whose son attended the fair and sent him photos of the bottles. We are just basically saying, look here, pills are candy when they definitely are not. According to Efford, the pill bottles were used in a demonstration to show how pharmacy technicians measure out prescriptions. Efford said, while middle schoolers might...

You can also do that through a video. Yep. Efford said, while middle schoolers might know and recognize that real prescription bottles don't contain sweet treats, younger children may not understand the difference. My biggest fear when my son comes home with two younger siblings is they don't know better. At age 12, he knows better, but I've got a 5-year-old and a two-year-old. So if he comes home shaking

a medicine bottle full of candy in it, walking around the house, they're going to see that. You didn't have to say you had both a five-year-old and a two-year-old. It was basically him being like, I can procreate, guys. I got three. Also, I would argue that the 12-year-old doesn't know better. No, the 12-year-old. The 12-year-old knows in their heart, but what you're doing without saying it is you're making it more accessible. Right.

He says if he's walking around with candy in it, they're going to see that. And just because there's no pill bottle at our house, if they go to their grandparents or whatever and they see that, what's going to keep one of them from thinking, oh, there's candy in there? I mean, I got a five-year-old and a two-year-old. I mean, the five-year-old came along and I thought I thought the two year old needed a companion, so we had the two year old. What are we talking about here? He's like, we wanted one and we waited seven years and we had the five and it felt that was easier.

If you think about it, if you take the five year old and the two year old out of them together, we basically have a seven year old. Yeah, and what's true is that we just have so much love to give his parents that we're like, we can't just do it for two. And if you think those are the only times I came inside of her, my friend, you are wrong.

None of this has anything to do with pills. We're talking about... I got off topic. In an interview, the guy should never be like, what were we talking about again? What'd you say? Additionally, given how many millions of prescription pain pills fueled the opioid edemic,

Efron said he feels the visual aid was at very least in poor taste because of the fact that he says i have three children and i'm joking he said other parents have shared his concern which prompted him to reach out to wect now let me just say this okay this guy fucked up the middle school he should not lose his job. The pharmaceutical guy who gave out the Skittle pill bottles? He should be reprimanded and he should apologize.

It was an oversight. I don't think he should lose his job. I think he should be reprimanded and should apologize. What he could have done is taken a whole bunch of Skittles and shown how they measure things out. In like a scale. And then just give the kids bags of Skittles.

Or they could have had a piece of paper with an illustration on it. That's right. Describing how they do that. So what he could have done is taken the Skittles, measured them out, put them in bags, had the kids stuff the bags up their asses. And travel the country across state lines. And then they have to go over to the TSA part of the career fair. And can they get through without the Skittles? There you go.

But we will only plant the Skittles on a few of these kids. So this is really a test about TSA and their ability to. As part of the education, this is when asked about it, New Hanover County Schools sent a statement. As part, I love this, this is why it's in here. As part of an educational opportunity to expose children to a wide range of career opportunities, the students at Myrtle Grove Middle School participated in a job fair. One of the sessions was provided by the New Hanover Regional Medical Center Pharmacy Department.

NHRMC professionals with pharmacy department spoke to students on their job descriptions, educational requirements, and responsibilities. This included teaching students, if you're bored, here's why, teaching students about prescription measurements and recording and charting medication, all of which a pharmacist does in their profession. Not one apology. Nope. They literally just said what happened. We brought some people in. Here's what they did.

Yeah, I know that. I'm asking, do you realize- Oh, you wanted a statement? Here's a statement. Right, they literally were like, why not read the weather? You might as well just draw a middle finger. Right.

Here's what we did. Okay, I came inside my wife twice. Okay, we are done talking about that, sir. One of the times, I didn't. The condom broke and I... Sir, sir, we are done talking about that. We don't need nothing to do it. Efford, F-word, says that he understands the desire to give students an idea of what to expect in the workplace.

He says this could have been handled better. Here's how I handle my children. I'm joking. All three of them. He says you can show how a job is done without giving an actual pill bottle full of candy to kids. All right, Captain Obvious. We get it. This is pretty good, though.

Then it's like, is there a hairstylist there? They're not giving them scissors, you know. To be fair, it's true. Trying to be a comedian? Yeah. Come on. It's a funny conversation. It's a good analogy.

Started with a funny conversation. Do I go to your hair salon and knock your hair out of your mouth? Wait, what? What? Do I go to your hair salon and knock the Skittles out of your pillbox? I don't. In response to inquiries about the hospital's involvement, a spokesperson for NHRMC said they recognize the parents' concern. Again.

No apology. They will not apologize. No apology. We see you guys are mad. And I'm not saying that somebody like you. Nobody needs to be fired. It's just like, yeah, I guess that. Dan, they're not even recognizing what they said.

They're just saying like, yeah, we've seen one of those. We recognize it. The worst thing you can say in an argument with anyone, even recognizing what they said. They're just saying like, yeah, we've seen one of those. We recognize it. The literal, the worst thing you can say in an argument with anyone, a loved one or your kid or whatever, is like, I'm sorry that that made you mad. I know. That is you not admitting one.

That's saying in so many levels. That's saying, I own what I did. I'd do it again. You can't handle it. You're the one who has the problem. It's unfortunate. It's unfortunate that you can't handle what happened. Effort, I'm sorry you got upset about it. Go spend some time with your two-year-old. With your too many children. That's how that goes.

Those are stories, friends. Those are stories! That's the show! Nick Thune, go see him on the East Coast, on the Northeast. He's out on the road. Go check all the dates. Damien Girardot, he's a phenomenal musician. Would you say the 15th to the 26th of January? Sad music, sad comedy. I want to go see that show. I'm so mad that it's happening out there. Would you say like the 15th to the 26th of January? Sad music, sad comedy. I want to go see that show.

I'm so mad that it's happening out there. Maybe you'll do it out here in L.A. and we'll come see that show. I would love to. It sounds awesome. Thank you so much for coming back and doing it. We'll see you guys in San Francisco on January 17th at the Marines Memorial Theater with Amy Mann, Ted Leo,

and another special guest. And, oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum