Dumb People Town - Nimesh Patel - Face Cakes

Episode Date: January 9, 2024

Comedian Nimesh Patel stops by as Daniel describes a man whom was protesting a wedding venue and shot a firework at a helicopter that was carrying the bride and groom, Randy explains why a Pennsylvania man stole cakes with his face on it, and Jason tells about a Springfield man that demanded meat at gunpoint, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Rocket Money! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

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subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash dpt. That going to rocket money.com slash dpt that's rocket money.com slash dpt rocket money.com slash d p t hey townies welcome to another episode of dumb people town population population patel nemesh patel how are you buddy good how are you guys so happy to have you on the show thanks for. Thanks for having me, man. Of course. I love that we've hung at Moon Tower before. Yes, yes. We've gotten a chance, again, whenever our favorite New York people make their way out here. Yeah, that's the underrated thing about the Moon Tower Comedy Festival.

They bring a lot of great New York comics. A lot of New York comics. It's a cool reunion for us. Yeah, for sure. I love it. It's good. And I love that you're on tour. We'll talk about that coming up.

Please. Here's the deal. You were just telling us off air of a story of behavior in Fresno. And I mean, you can just guess what it is, people. Just it was insanity. And it's crazy. A six foot four Indian man collapsed or drunk at your show. Drunk. I mean, that's not unusual.

What's unusual is that he gets up and then falls over and then you announce are there any doctors in the house and of course it's an indian show yes everyone gets a lot of time everyone gets up you're like okay anybody let's now make it more specific all veterinarians sit down and all people are pediatricians surgeons you are not who works on the heart and like but but it is amazing because I believe that that behavior, and I don't know if you agree with this, is like becoming more prevalent in society. People are just getting dumber. I don't know if you feel that way.

Alcohol consumption went through the roof from pandemic on and it just heightened the fact that people are sad and alone. And Fresno is probably a doubling down on that you could tell you can tell how isolated and sad a town is by how drunk they are on a thursday or friday night yes it's like there's they're all people are trapped it felt like like you gotta go out i bet there are good people in fresno but amazing people they all laugh so they drink yeah they laugh they had a good time he was having a good time but just too good of a time he's right he didn't know how to turn off the spigot and sometimes that's what happens with dumb people sure we get dumb stories sent to us by our awesome fans uh daniel you've got one let's

do ready this isn't about jake groney at jake jake groney great dude i love this headline man protesting wedding venue launches firework at newlyweds in helicopter are the newlyweds in the helicopter yes and he launched a firework from the ground he's not protesting love he's not protesting weddings he's protesting the venue did he get charged with a terrorist that's a surface to air newly That's a surface-to-air newly-wed attack. Yeah. He's lined up. Attempted murder for sure.

So I love that this has been boiling up for him. He's like, I hate that whatever farm next to his house is now a- Strawberry Farms wedding venue. It seems unwise to launch one at the helicopter when now the venue is empty and if you're protesting it you're not going to hurt anybody right or if you really want to ruin the way like first of all you're not going to hit the helicopter it's a wasted gesture and you're going to get in trouble sure if you really want to protest the venue like stand outside with a giant sign and say this place sucks or there's salmonella here, or get naked at someone's wedding.

You will ruin the wedding just by being there. Just cut the XLR cable. You'll really piss people off. How mad is he that he's just not been invited to any of the weddings? That's what it is. That's it. I live next door. Half that table's empty.

You already paid for the plates. That's the last time you don't invite me. Right. I've requested songs from my house. Yeah. One man's longstanding history of making threats toward a nearby wedding venue culminated with him launching a firework at a helicopter carrying a newly married couple, Georgia deputies say. So Dan, if you're from Macon.comcom. Like, I would... Macon.com. Macon.com.

I would identify you as a fantastic storyteller, comedian who also does great sketch. Sure. We are identified as twin comedians who have been doing it for a long time. You are this... Nemesh is a fantastic... That's how you're identified. Comic.

If you are identified as a man who has had offered many threats to a wedding... Long-standing history of making threats. That's how you're identified. Comic. If you are identified as a man who has had offered many threats to a longstanding history of making threats. That's how people know you. Who's that guy over there? That'd be great if you start saying that to like hosts on shows. How do you want me to bring it up? Can you say I have a longstanding history of making threats?

I launched a firework. And a newlywed couple in a helicopter. Did you hit it? No. You might have a. But he's going to hit it tonight, guys. Please welcome Nimesh Patel. You might have a crazy set if you going to hit it tonight, guys. Please welcome Nimesh Patel. You might have a crazy set if you get brought up with that.

This dude's going to be a wild card. He's crushing it in prison right now. He's got stories. And then you're like, and also Conan. Yeah. He's also mentioned both of them. A Cherokee County deputy was working as security at an October 20 wedding when he heard a mortar firework hurtling towards a departing helicopter

carrying the newlyweds according to a Cherokee County Sheriff's Office crime report. So again, he heard the like he heard the whistle where you can't stop. That's impressive. Impressive work. A lot of time around fireworks.

Mainly bottle rockets. Or just maybe to hear the like that Impressive work. A lot of time around fireworks. Mainly bottle rockets. But hey. Or just maybe to hear the like, boom. Like that. The like, yeah. That's just, again, so the couple is in the helicopter. Yeah, they're about to take off. Nothing can touch us now.

I'm so happy this went off so well. We're about to start the rest of our lives together. They must really love us. I mean, if you're us. I don't know. If you're hearing a helicopter every Friday and Saturday at the end of a wedding, so you're probably somewhere around midnight. You're mad. That has to be. You're mad.

Because when people go, oh, we shouldn't have so many concerts, or the night games at Wrigley are horrible. And I'm like, you moved next to Wrigley Field. You know it sucks. But I don't know that as weddings and traditions and shit that people do, it gets crazier. I mean, gender reveals and fucking weddings getting crazier and crazier. This person shouldn't have done this, but I don't think they signed up to live next to a constant. A helipad.

Yes. Or he lived there originally originally and now the helicopters they came in yeah then you came yeah definitely that has changed his life but how bad or sad is it that like he launches the firework up they're taking off and she just turns him is like babe you ordered fireworks yeah he's like oh yeah we didn't almost just die no because mortar firework is the tube with the ball i mean you're shooting you're shooting it up in the air you can get into some pro level stuff that's right mortar fireworks after further investigation the sheriff's office issued a warrant for david jeter captain on a charge of making terrorist respect

yeah that kid i want to know where that kid from the Jeter respect. How old is that kid now? Probably 20? 25? I don't know what you're referring to. That little kid. It's that Jeter respect commercial. And he's a little kid in like a denim shirt and he's got the Yankees hat and it was like Jeter's

last game and he like tips his hat to him. You guys have never seen this? Yeah, I know. I've seen it. I want to know where that kid is kid so that's like how many years ago so jeter retired probably 2008 nine no no no later than that later than that 14 yes i think like so maybe 10 years old so that's and you're right that kid was probably like 11 and he's probably 21 now he's tommy devito or he's tommy devito's agent while working oh yeah i did want to say after further investigation david jeter uh they charged him with making terroristic threats according to deputies come on while working his quote fully justice yeah yes while working his quote i just love this extra duty job the officer who was working security. Not off duty. Not side job.

See, I like that. It's extra duty. But he's also not a cop in this function. He's just a security officer. Although you're always a cop. You're always a cop. But to him, he's like, put down extra duty job. What's the difference between extra duty and duty?

Extra duty, I can put my knee in his back. Duty, I can go on his neck. Extra duty no no body cam while working his extra duty job the officer was aware that other issues had occurred at rocky's lake estate where the wedding was being held the sheriff's office said yep deputy said the owner william morris rocky had a particular problem with Jeter. So his last name is a first name. So it's Rocky versus Jeter. Billy Rocks.

Which feels like Philly versus New York. Rocky versus Jeter. And it's run by the William Morris agents. I went to a Rangers game a couple of weeks ago, and they had a whole Rocky thing on the jumbo screen. And I was like, yes, thatadelphia icon cheering on this new york team they were playing the flyers they were playing the san jose uh sharks yeah it was a great game 10 goals i can't yeah but like when you want to get them pumped up they play like a rock speech

or something like that so our thing they also did the michigan they did the spartans from 300 i'm like this only fits at michigan state games right right. Our thing is that Rocky Balboa is like, he's from Philadelphia, but he had like a Bronx. Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. It's like, give him a Philly accent. Hey, yo, Adrian, get out of that coma. Hey, get out of the wall while I'm fiffing locusts and grab me a wood axe. Hey, Paulie, quit hitting that meat. Hey, grab me a towel.

Get a towel. I need a towel. Don't throw in the towel. I need a towel. Don't throw in the towel. I need a towel. That would have changed it. No one would have watched that movie. Nobody would have watched it. None.

None. Okay, so it's Jeter versus Rocky, right? Rocky had a particular problem with Jeter, who was accused of making threats against his employees and wedding guests before. You can't threaten a wedding guest. David Jeter lives in Iraqq it's in the hundreds lives how many feet away from rocky's lake estate in woodstock okay it's in the hundreds new york

right all right woodstock georgia oh woodstock georgia you guys want to guess yeah i'll guess i'll guess uh he's 350 feet away okay he. He's 150 feet away. Nimesh? I would say 200 feet or so. Just guessing off the distance of mortar. You gave him mortar range? Yeah, yeah. But I feel like David Jeter uses words like infiltrate. So he probably infiltrated the grounds. He's got camo on.

This is the last time. He's Bruce Dern in the burbs. Come on, dude. David Jeter lives 470 feet away. There he goes. Yeah, just what's that? Like one and two thirds football field. That's within your shot of a helicopter for sure.

Oh, yeah. Coming in and going out. Yeah, yeah. Big time. You can get that. He's having Vietnam flashbacks every Friday and Saturday. I got him. I got this.

He lives 470 feet away from Rocky's Lake Estate in Woodstock, according to the report, and has repeatedly harassed passersby. To access parts of the venue, deputies said guests would need to take a golf cart that would drive past Jeter's house, where he would make

This is perfect. This is where you don't like them. So they have to get from where the parking is, and then to the venue. They have to go past his house. He would, quote, make sideways motions to his neck with his hands. No. And yell, don't do it to the guests. It ain't going to last.

Don't do it. Take it from me. This is out here just this. I just got a long time since you see one of these in the wild. I don't know. That's Clint Eastwood. And what's that movie? I just saw Gran Torino.

Like if I'm riding the L train, if I'm on the L and somebody's just like, I'm off. Is it worse if it's the thumb? The thumb does feel a little bit more. The thumb is more violent. But so they've banned this from sports. You can't make this. Really? I didn't know but you

know what they haven't banned the smelling your fingers across your nose really which is what players now do instead of this for a first down they'll go was it is it metcalf who plays for seahawks is he the one who learned siloing so he can say shit that they were banning him from yeah dk did that and then uh what's it called um the guy really guy on the the niners that they both got expelled at the same time did the did the reverse thing like number 14 uh fucked around and found out i can't remember who it was but uh david the receiver davis shane gillis got him to do davis yeah yeah he got uh no it wasn't the baby what what did he put him to sleep this thing yes that's what it was that kid it was't the baby. What did he do? Put him to sleep. This thing.

Yes, that's what it was. It was that kid. It was the kid, the meme. And then he also had him do the hypnotized dance that UK kid was doing. Yeah, it was amazing. That's incredible. That's amazing and hilarious. Stuff like that.

I love it. You could do that for charity if you're a player. Be like, I'll auction off a celebration dance and then have it go to a charity. Raise money for breast cancer awareness. Because remember when brandon marshall was wearing mental health brandon marshall was wearing mental health mental uh health shoes and they find him repeatedly and now it's a event in the nfl my cause yes that they find him like six weeks so by the way you're absolutely right that this should be auctioned off for charities and stuff i saw the miami dolphins do the roller coaster one where he literally they get they all sit down and he moves his hand like

they put the bar down on all of them it's awesome it's phenomenal amazing amazing um okay so david's out in his yard telling people don't do it don't do it it's not gonna last guy uh he yells at people before where it was. Okay. Terrible. A disorderly conduct report was filed against Jeter as a suspect in 2022, according to the report. On the night of the firework incident, the bride and groom were celebrating the end of their wedding at Rocky's Lake Estate. They boarded the helicopter at about 9.45 p.m.

That's early. That's early to leave. That's early to leave your own wedding. It's late to hear a chopper. Very early. But early to leave your wedding. If you are not near, you're not in a major city, or you're not near a hospital, and you're in a chopper, even if you are near a hospital, you're a rural, like where I'm born, Rochelle,

Illinois, you're here in a helicopter at 9.45, they are airlifting somebody to save somebody. 400 people looking for a suspect. Your windows are shaking. It's Jurassic Park. You're 450 feet away the helicopter starts going yeah it's like jurassic park your drink is shaking yeah his patio furniture is just everywhere right but that's it normally it is too i feel like it blows it back into place you're denting my car projects his dog stopped barking a long time ago yeah yeah sad and alone he still calls out

around that time the officer was told by an employee that jeter was outside of his home quote yelling in anger that's his uh bio the deputy said the helicopter lifted off about 15 minutes later and while flying off many people in the venue heard a firework shoot off and explode it came in quote close proximity to the helicopter as it was still low the officer he didn't let it even get up yeah it was still low the officer said and the owner suspected jeter may have launched the rocket no shit right launched it yeah it wasn't the mother of the bride one guy who had a surprise gift i slept with her jeter had mentioned in a previous encounter that he was quote protesting

the wedding venue the sheriff's office said the officer said he was only aware of one firework being launched to check if jeter had discharged the explosive morris contacted his daughter to check her outdoor camera footage according to the sheriff so rocky has a daughter who's got outdoor camera footage literally trained on this guy's house. He stares at the camera. Morris's daughter lives across the street from Jeter. They've got a whole half-Hill and McCoy situation here.

And had previously put up a camera around her home due to a history of being harassed by Jeter. After going over the video footage, the owner set a clip to the officer that he said showed the firework launching from Jeter's home. I mean, I'd about 500 feet you're shooting firework that's pretty good aim it's amazing it also might have just been a roman candle which is probably it's technically just a minute difference but yeah if it's a roman we used to have roman candle wars just hold you

run around the bottom and you hold it and it shoots up this little ball oh okay we've run and shoot them at each other which is very stupid and very stupid very wisconsin so fun and illinois all over this all over the the bi-state area right uh after going over the footage they see that he had a firework launching from jesus home quote had this firework hit the helicopter it could have caused problems or damage to the helicopter yes no kidding you're lucky it didn't and the helicopter pilot in macon georgia is may not necessarily be trained for a firework hitting there right for a fire but i still hope like a wedding full of drunk people saw the fire we're like oh like they just roll with it he did it david's action scared a lot of people as multiple people observing thought something bad had happened to the

helicopter oh yeah as a result of the incident the officer said that he had probable cause to charge jeter with terroristic acts yep a warrant was issued because his actions were escalating the officer wrote jeter was booked into jail this is like two months ago october 24th by the sheriff's office his charges were listed as disorderly conduct yes terroristic threats yes no bond posted woodstock's about 30 miles northwest of Atlanta just for fun. What do you think his bond was? What do you think the bond was? Firing a firework at him.

For David Jeter. Yep. They don't give his age, but are we all sort of in like a 61 year? 58. I said 58. That's too close for me to you guys. I know you're young. 65.

65. It's got a little bit of anger. For me, it's late 50s, early 60s. That's what I see. I know you're young 65 65 i just want it's got a little bit of late 50s early 60s that's what i see i think you're right i think his bond was 250 000 250 000 bucks 80k 80k yeah i'm gonna it's making georgia so i'm gonna say probably close like 50 000 3 500 that's it and they knew this motherfucker wasn't gonna come up with with it. It's too much, but it's almost worth it. He's like, I'll do it again. I'll do it again. I don't understand how it's not attempted murder.

I know. Agreed. You shot a fiery ball at a fucking helicopter. That's moving. That's moving. That has people on it. That's murder. Randy, you're up next. I'll obviously tell my stuff when we come back. We'll talk about Nimesh, what he's got going on.

All right, it's Dumb People Town. Nimesh Patel is with us. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show.

Daniel, great job on the first story. And we're going to find out what Nimesh is doing, his tour and everything. And he's got a great little story that he's doing in his act right now. That is very dumb people town-ass. Very dumb people town-oriented. But before we do that, Daniel, let people know where people can see you. Yeah, the movie's out right now, Wine Club, my feature. You can see me be a newlywed who gets stuck in a wine cult.

It's very fun. Go to Apple for that. You can also go to Wine Club. This is before January 17th. We're doing a premiere here in la and you can see how you can get a chance to come to that that premiere that screening do that everything else just catch me the rose gold tour is still going the special will probably drop in april but to come out and see that hour before i'm done with it go to danielvancourt.com i'm doing dc i'm doing Midwestern dates, Wisconsin. Des Moines. Des Moines. Doing Comedy Fort this year in 2024 as well.

I know. I love them as well. Love it. So everything is up at DanielVanKirk.com, Pacific Northwest. It's all there. You'll find it. I love it. And, Nimesh, tell us about your tour, where you're going to be, where people can catch

you, how they can do it. For sure. I'm on tour right now. It's called the Fast and Loose Tour. You get tickets at FastAndLooseTour.com. it uh i've this is out i'm not sure when uh i'll be in san francisco this weekend december 16th closing the year out at madison square garden december 30th holy crap the theater not the big one and then all of next year i'll be everywhere from salt lake city to cleveland to vegas again to dallas austin san antonio everywhere you can find me fast and loose

tour.com and you're doing like mostly thousand two thousand seat theaters yeah a bunch of theaters and then a lot of clubs to get in the reps before i think i'm hoping to shoot my special in may in dallas at the majestic so we'll get some club reps in before then miami everywhere yes awesome dude i love it come see him and you were saying that like obviously we love that you're on this it was a dumb news story that came out here of that pilot who went nuts oh yeah i'm talking about it in my set so i don't want to give it away but like give us a little of how you it's a story about that pilot that did shrooms for two days and then tried to bring a plane down right he's charged with like 170 counts 83 counts of

attempted murder oh my god over 83 this dude went when you do that many when you do that many mushrooms it's like you're trying to land the plane that is you yes i mean that that was his whole angle right that's what i was doing i thought i was still tripping no man you're on a plane no man the seat belt sign was on yes yeah so like there are people out there who have done shrooms and thought that they were piloting yes you actually were doing he was actually he's actually a pilot he's in the jump seat of the plane like with his two boys and uh 35 000 feet oh my god i'm not okay he tries to be complained about that's wild like hey man in the old days that guy would have just been drunk now in this day and age we're

like mushrooms it's guys doing shrooms shrooms legal you do legal in denver uh i love it catch him on tour please phenomenal stand up and you guys will absolutely love it i'm gonna jump into the story okay let's do it this is sent in by keyless chuck at again intro again intro like a new new new i know a new person to send it in uh this is the this is the headline it's great uh pennsylvania man steals cakes with his face on them police say wait so he'll like order a cake have them put his face on it and there is a cake with his face on it i'm going to show you it right now that's the cake it's not what i would have thought you didn't think he were going to look like that looks like just photoshopped right but that is a cake

that looks like a funeral cake by the way but how good does that cake look he looks like colin kaepernick's cousin right that's a fun alliteration like laid down during the night. David Kaepernick. All right. Well, this guy's name is Daquai Anthony Jackson. Okay. Sorry, Mr. Jackson. D-A-J. Why the Daquai? Anthony Jackson's a fine name. Anthony Jackson's a great name.

Daquai. Why Daquai? Don't ask Daquai. Why Daquai? Daquai, Daquai, why? Don't ask Daquai. Ask Daquai not. Is accused of stealing cakes from Weiss Mark markets located at 1204 millersville pike

shout out to weiss markets right go get your cake on i mean if that picture isn't photoshopped if that's how good they can put a photo on okay do you know they can put photos on cake that's amazing that you got like a laser printer on that cake. Cake technology is incredible. It's incredible. Daquai has a face for cake. He does. He's got a cake face, right?

All right. So I'm not going to tell you how old he is. Okay. But it'd be fun to guess off of that. That's a range. We'll guess that later. We'll do it later. Okay.

Had supposedly ordered cakes online and had his face printed on them. So he ordered them. Dan called it. Dan called it. I'm in this dumb logic but never paid for them prior online to come into the store to pick them up i wonder if that's something that people do they're just like so when you are dealing with the employees at a weiss's you figure they're just just trying to get through the day right they're not gonna know

who ordered online versus always i always think about this when i pick up food like if you order sushi down by by my house and i walk in and i'm like randy and they give it to me yeah i'm like do you know if we paid or not like you do but like i'm always like you know if you're randy do you know if you're randy they don't care they don't check chipotle had chipotle has two of the craziest honor systems in our economy right now. The first one is that you're not going to take the whole bottle of the Chipotle. I mean, sorry, Chipotle. It's been taken.

I'm on record. It's like Liam Neeson's kids. Taken. Taken. And then the one that they other did is they just set up a rack with letters, and you would just walk in and grab your chipotle walk out and they would just have it like a ada l you know whatever i mean why can't someone just take the one that well because people don't want the one on hollywood and vine it lasted for about two weeks and i'm not even

going to that much but i know i went in once and then i went in a couple weeks later and they were like all orders are behind the counter of course of course fred's like wildfire you know you could just walk into jubilee it's like the commodities exchange it's like in hannah jones with the sandbag and the thing people just come to be like yeah this one feels like it has more food than i'm gonna take this how much food do you want just gauge it so free to snuck you just see a guy weighing two bags he's like yeah also you know someone's stealing it when they come in and be like i'm just gonna grab mine from d and like no one ever said my theory was i know he's stolen but if you order a cake with your face on it and then you don't pick it up let's say you say you say you

need it on thursday and but you really don't need it till friday don't waste the case exactly on friday isn't that cake gonna be sold for like a third off because they know nobody's gonna buy it who wants a dick but? You need the cake Friday. You say you need it Thursday. That way Friday it's a day late for them. But I would buy his face on a cake for like your birthday. If it were your birthday, I would get you that cake. I want the decoy cake. You want the decoy cake?

We have a disease, okay? We have a weird comedy and this is going to be funny disease. The average person is like, I'm not buying that. This is almost a genius hack, I would think. Unless you just love cakes and you're like, I don't give a fuck who's faces on this cake. I just give me a cake. A good grocery store sheet cake can get you through some hard times.

Grocery store sheet cakes, I've said this before, they are the best because they still put the chemicals in that kill you. And it tastes good. You need that. All right, so a witness confirmed that the person who ordered the cake was the same person pictured in the photos that were printed on the cake. The police explained this witness also said that payment was not made online for the bakery items. Who's the witness? It's definitely someone who works at the cake thing. It's not just someone else buying.

I saw a man steal his face. He stole his face on the cake. Jackson came to the store, picked up the cakes, and then he walked to the store and selected four canned products. No, this was his nonchalant. Could you draw a picture of the suspect? It's right there. It's right here. We have it on the cake.

Two candles, a small package of cupcakes, and a box of chips. A box of chips? Cupcakes. That's a little hat on a hat, isn't it? He proceeded to the self-checkout scans the small box of cupcakes and the box of chips a payment of how much was made the police stated in the release box of chips and a box of cupcakes box of chips that's it and then he didn't scan the case he didn't scan the case so you know that's like there's so much stuff going on with so with

with self-checkout people have been like printing own. You take the thing off the banana and you put it on the TV box and you scan it. All these games are so new to me, man. God damn, I'm missing out. I know. So how much money do you think he paid? He probably paid like $8.50. I'm going to go $11.22. What do you think? $11.23, Bob.

Ah, there you go. He paid, get your answers in, Townies, $12.99. That's the way you give it to cakes. Well played. Ah, there you go. He paid, get your answers in, Townies, $12.99. Yay! That's the way you play. Give me the cupcakes. Well played. Well played. The cakes were valued at how much? The face cakes?

Face cakes were valued at how much? Oh, that's at least a $22 cake. So there were two, so how many? Oh. So you're saying $44? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what do you think? Yeah, I would say each cake is like 30-something bucks, so probably like 60 bucks total.

What do you think? Those cakes are $50 each. That's $100 worth of cakes. Get your answers in, Townies, because those cakes were $90.40. Nice job, Jay. $45 a cake. They were never scanned or paid for according to the story of the authorities. Jackson was identified through the photos submitted again.

Who did this? Yeah, because he sent the photo. They also have his photo digitally. Right. So he submitted the photos and the security footage. How will we ever find him? Like, this is the easiest detective work. He had one cake that was just his home address.

Here's where I hang out all the time. Cake's being matched to the security footage according to the police. He has a criminal record and completed probation for his 2021 sentencing for retail theft in berks county come on so he's already a retail he's in jail they're like what are you in for as part of what are you in for listen to this this is really interesting as part of his plea deal he agreed that he is banned from all target stores in berks county can't go to target anymore save a lot of money. In Lancaster, he committed offenses in

2018 and 2021, serving probation too, but he also gave false identification to the police in 2018. Show him the cake, man. So in that case, he participated in it. I just love that this is such a brazen crime that you're going to put your own face on the thing that they can

identify you with. This is a cry for help. Less of a cry, more of a cry for help less of a cry more of a cry ard is a program that allows qualified offenders to put uh their possession or prosecution on hold as they complete the program once completed they can seek engagement of their record for related charges we're going to get out of here on this story and then we're going to and then i'm going to send it to jay who's going to give us a little taste of what he's got uh how old is daquai anthony jackson who did that you saw the picture i'll show it to you again fallen kaepernick some fall in kaepernick

the question is about him is how this could he could look great yeah i think he's a dumb kid so how old do you think he is say he's 20 years old 20 years old jay what do you think He's a dumb kid. So how old do you think he is? I'm going to say he's 20 years old. 20 years old? Jay, what do you think? 26.

26? Nimesh? Yeah, I'll say early 20s, but let's call it 22. I mean, no, I'll say 20 because he, why is he not just stealing alcohol? I'll line up with him. Okay, there you go. All right, get your answers in, Townies, because Daquai Anthony Jackson, who stole two cakes with his face on it. Can you say 37?

60? No, I'm just kidding. Hey, he is. He ready? 24 years old. You guys are all around it. You guys are right on it. Did you say 37? 60. No, he is. You ready? 24 years old. You guys were all around it. You guys were right around it. You're the closest one.

You had it. This is the early beginnings of a mastermind criminal. He's just getting his foot in right now. He should be the new host of Cake Boss. Am I right? How great would that be? What a loophole, though. I mean, Weiss needs to step it up.

Maybe he can just order cakes without paying for them. Soiss is gonna they're gonna do what chipotle did they're like there's no longer the racks we trusted you we started with trust and now we can no longer you can no longer take your cake through the self-checkout there you go jay give us a little taste of what we got uh when you want meat really badly okay that's good good to know dan knows he's won two meat raffles two seven seven god damn it it's a wisconsin thing every summer in wisconsin i just enter meat wrap at the bar they just be like oh we're doing a meat raffle and i go okay i'll sign you five bucks down for a ticket and then you a dollar a dollar a ticket you get two wooden paddles with numbers on it and then on the

ceiling fan a guy in the back opens up his hand and he's just got meat yeah what the i do a whole real thing yeah i do it in my i do it in my current hour this is a hashtag white people all right uh we're gonna take a break we come back uh one last story we'll tell you what we've got going on stump people town himesh patel is with us we'll be right back stick around hey guys i want to talk about this notion of spending money that you don't realize you're spending on subscriptions that you forgot that you're still a part of. I signed up for this golf tip service and I was helping my golf swing for a while and then I forgot about it and realized I'm still paying for it. And I've been actually tried to contact them so many times.

It's taken so much time to figure it out. And I just need a way to slim things down, get rid of the subscriptions I don't need. And that is where Rocket Money comes in. I love these guys. Me too. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills. So I can see all my subscriptions in one place. And if I see

something that I don't want, or like Jay said, we don't use anymore, I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service. This is amazing, Dan. They'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple of months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. That literally cannot be more simple. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in canceled subscriptions. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted

subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash DPT. That's rocketmoney.com slash DPT, rocketmoney.com slash DPT. Stick around, look us down, there's more about people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show Before we get into Our last story Jay we can let people Know what we have Going on with us

Yeah we're gonna be In Portland At the Great Helium On January 3rd January 4th One night One night January 4th January 5th

Wet City Comedy Festival In Crocodile We're headlining We're at the Crocodile In Seattle So much fun And then we're gonna be In Fairbanks, Alaska

I love Alaska so much Have Have you ever been to Alaska? I've been to Anchorage once. It was awesome. Amazing. Anchorage is great. Fairbanks, even cooler. I mean, they're both cool, but Fairbanks is up near the top of the earth. But great comedy crowd. We'll be there on the 18th. We're headlining that comedy festival

on the 18th. It's going to be great. You can get all the tickets and again, just, you know, supersclubs.com will be in Denver. Comedy Works in Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Detroit. And Acme Comedy Company. And then the Moontar Comedy Festival. Are you going to Moontar this year? I am not, unfortunately.

Okay, because you'll be in Austin another day. Anyway, good stuff. Supersklod.com. And we'll let you know when other shit's coming on. All right, Jake, go for it. All right, this is sent in by Ryan Novak at the Ed Jukay Tour. Okay. And it's from Ozarks First, so it's

from our home state. We can play the home state game. No worries. Springfield, man. We were just in Springfield. We were just in Springfield. Two billionaires in Springfield, Missouri. Too many billionaires. That's too much money to have in that small town.

In Missouri, yeah. Seems like a lot. You probably need like a million dollars. You could own people and own the things. Tell them to fix Seems like a lot. You probably need like a million dollars and you could probably like, you know. You could own people and own the things. They have. They have. Tell them to fix it up a little. Yeah.

Springfield man charged with demanding meat at gunpoint. So. Stand to the raffle, Dan. Or just order. Just order it. Yeah. That's a hungry guy. Yeah.

On April 18th. I need meat. Republic Police Department officers were called to a price cutter. So you know it's not even good meat. Yes. To respond to a call about a robbery in which a man held an employee at gunpoint so that he would be served meat. So now if you're that employee, you go find the worst cut of it. Give him the meat.

Give it to him. Just give him the meat. Give him the meat. Not that one. That's not lean enough. That's not lean enough. Yeah, that's another problem. You're way too broad.

What kind of meat? What do you want? You want a porterhouse? You want a what? Larry Jean. And you know this guy's like a meat connoisseur. So he's like, it's not marbled enough. It's not marbled enough.

I want Wagyu. Larry Jean Gay. Larry Jean Gay. Phenomenal. He's the president of Harvard. Just kidding. He was. Justin.

He was. I'm not going to tell you his age. We. He's the president of Harvard. Just kidding. He was destined. He was. I'm not going to tell you his age. We'll guess at the end of Springfield is charged with one felony count of unlawful use of a weapon. Yeah. Only account of armed criminal action. Court documents show that officers respond to the scene and ordered gay to get out of his truck so they could arrest him.

So he already did it. Yeah. He succeeded. Who did it? That guy in his truck over there who's just parked at the grocery like him just sitting in his truck contemplating what he just did right i mean get me who's the man get me bitch i got the ground round in an interview gay said he went he's being interviewed he said he went to price cutter to buy steaks he told the quote good man who was helping him

that they needed to weigh the steaks however, the meat department was closed. Gay said at that point he showed his gun just to say, I'm not stealing. I need you here to help me get a couple of these steaks. I'm not going to hurt you. So he just won't accept the gun. He just won't accept business hours.

Fucking jag off. I don't know. I'm rooting for this guy right now. The officer asked, how dare you close the meat department the officer this is why i love this officer did it right like he makes he's like i'm gonna make you tell me why you were wrong okay right you know when a cop does that to you tell me what you think you did wrong right the officer asked gay why he thought the people in the store called the police uh-huh why do you think these guys called the police on you bud and told them he was threatening them with a gun gay said i don't know i have no idea rook to night four he was like i don't know i have no idea you tell me it's not my first time

stealing meat i'm not falling to this i've done this before i've been but then the cops like well you just said you stole me god damn damn it. Damn it. The employee said he received a call from the meat department. Like, if you work in the meat department. Great bar in San Francisco. The meat department. Great gay bar in any city. Any city. For the meat department

about a man packing his own meat. Come on. So he went behind the, he's like, I'm doing this myself. I'm gonna do this myself. I'm gonna pack. I got a gun and he was packing meat the employee reached gay uh approach gay and told him that he could not be there gay got upset and said that he was going to keep doing what he was doing the employee is too late for me this is way too bad this is such a beautiful dramatic reenactment happening like 9-1-1 emergency like that, dramatic reenactment happening. Like 9-1-1 emergency, like that show. This reenactment would be the point.

How do I rip the paper off? I'm just a gay packing meat. Let me do it. What do you want? What's your problem? I want meat. Okay, well, we're not giving any. Well, I might do something about that.

What exactly? I don't know. What's happening now? I'm going to do what I'm doing. I'm going to come behind the counter. He's way too vague for me. But also, maybe that's his way of being like, I technically never did anything. I never said I was going to get it.

I just implied I had a gun. You had a gun. The employee said he was not going to help him with the meat. Which does not mean don't do it. Right. He said, I'm not going to help you. Hey, man, if you want to go back there and do it. Once he held the gun to my throat, pushed it into my throat.

Okay. All right. That took a turn. Maybe that had something to do with it. I decided to comply. This is all of a sudden Act 3 of Pulp Fiction. We were like, oh, whoa, we're going this way. At the time of this writing, Gay was being held at the Green County Jail on how much bond.

What's the bond on this guy? I mean, you put a gun to a person's throat. And push it in. Missouri, though. Yep, that's true. And I feel like I was really good as a test taker when I was a kid. And I feel like you wouldn't cue this up if we hadn't had the $3,500 making Georgia thing already. So I'm going to guess $10,000.

$10,000. 20. That's what i was gonna say i'll go five thousand dollars five thousand dollars from daniel get your answers in shout out your ham radio and then we'll guess his age okay fifty thousand wow okay okay okay they don't think lar Larry Jean Gay should be on the streets, man. No, he shouldn't. No. He should be going for meat. Fucking ribeye. Turning price cutter into price cutter. We're being nice, too. We keep saying steaks.

He probably just wanted fucking bone-in pork chops. Listen, bone-in pork chops or whatever veal cuts. Salisbury steaks. All right. We're going to get out of here on this. How old is Larryry gene gay showed the gun pushed in the throat owns a truck i'll let you go first packed his own meat how or last you can choose do you would you rather go last i'm gonna go first i'm gonna say 57 years old this man has been through some shit exactly what i thought he's a simple man he just wants to eat

his meat in his truck he's not gonna go that far to get it, but he's going to put a gun to his mouth. He's going to do something. Also, Larry is an old man's name. Yeah, for sure. You don't meet a lot of like, what's your son's name? Larry? Oh, really? I'd say 64. I think you guys are both way too young. I'm going to say this dude's 71 years old. 71 years old.

One of you is one year off. Okay, so I'm going to go 65. You go up or down a year. Did I say 57? Yeah, 57. I'll say 58. That's where I would have gone to. I'll go 72.

72 years old. Get your answers in. Nimesh, thank you for joining us on this show. We love it. Go see him on tour. Go see Daniel on tour. Come see us. Support live comedy.

It's what you do. Larry Jean Gay is 70 years old. go see daniel on tour come see us support live comedy it's what you do larry gene gay is 70 years old he was so worn out that's why he had to sit in his truck he was like give me a minute i gotta breathe before i mean just to get you know i haven't felt that alive in years. And then he had to like, super old guy to be like, I'm not saying what I'm going to do.

He's not jittery and young. He's old. Dealing with COPD. Come on. That's a show you guys. That's how we do it. Dumb people town. We love you.

I don't know when this is going to drop, but if it's around the new year, happy new year and all that stuff. And oh shit, we get it back to work. Stick around. Make us down. There's more Dumb People Town. year and all that stuff and oh shit we gotta get back to work