Dumb People Town - Patton Oswalt - A Bridge To Jar

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

This week Patton Oswalt is back to join Randy, Jason, and Dan!

Skypains Avenue Hey, Tatties, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Oswald. Patton Oswald, fan favorite. Hall of Famer. Townies favorite. Dumb People Town. Hall of Famer. Love dumb behavior. You're back and I'm so happy you're back. I am very, very happy to be back here and I'm very excited that you guys are still managing to pull. It has been a bumper crop of Dumb People. How do you keep it to three a week? We have a backlog, right?

It's ridiculous, right? You kind of build up the catalog, and then we pick and choose from the stories. It's just stupidity now, though, is no longer even being looked at as stupid. Exactly. There is like a weird acceptance of stupid where we're just like,

eh, that's part of what we do now. No, no, no, no, no. We have to call it out, and that's part of what we do now. No, no, no. We have to call it out and that's what this show does. Exactly. We can't let ourselves relax and normalize this stuff. We have to still point it out and go, no, that was really dumb. I feel like it used to be there would be someone dumb

in your town and some sort of parental figure in your life would be like, don't go over there by that person. They're dumb. And now they're like, let him talk. Hear what he has to say. Give him a microphone. All sides. Well, also it's because everyone is now, we were talking about this off camera,

but it's this thing of like in showbiz, more than ever, it is no revenue stream untapped. So if there is the dumbest person, but they're saying saying I want werewolves made out of bubblegum Well he's really loud about it There could be If that one guy is that could be 50 other people Sounds like he's trying to help the bubblegum industry You hate the bubblegum industry? You hate America now?

He struck a chord I guess we gotta do it He struck a chord needs to be stricken out of the English language I love that you say we have a back policy Because we have a big announcement today that's going to drop after the second episode about ways in which we're going to even have more fun with dumb stories for all of our listeners. It involves our Patreon. It involves Friday episodes. It involves this very episode.

It comes out every Tuesday. So you're here. And also, I don't want to tease it because Ran likes to tee it up, but our first story today, I saved for you since June. So Dan is so good about this. Really? So we knew we were going to have you back, and I knew that you have a special. Part of it is just we love having you back. Also, when this drops on Tuesday, your stand-up special is out.

So everyone, listen to this podcast today and then go watch on Netflix Patton's brand new special which if it's let's make it a gigantic Netflix hit yes shove it in their Netflix faces I beg you watch it's called

We All Scream and I directed it oh yes and shot it at the Paramount in Denver which is an amazing theater I love that theater and it could not

have been more fun alright so and also again I love that you now are curating stories for future guests. The way that Grant Ackett's at Alinea goes, oh, when he comes back, we have

this special Wagyu beef that we set aside. He comes into town. We put this in the patent folder. It's in the humidor right now. So let's pull it out. Let's send it out of the... It's hermetically sealed. It opens up. Pull it out. And this is for Pat. So this is a callback to an episode you did with us on January 14th, 2022.

Okay. I believe it was right here in this very room. Yes. It is an update to our opening story from that episode. Oh, nice. The saga continues. Here we go. I love it.

Goodbye fart jars. Stephanie Motto says she's got a new business. Oh, my God. I remember this person. Okay. She was selling farts in a jar. So, again, you talked about, like, werewolves made of gum. This woman is like, I can sell my farts in a jar. And she was, I'm sorry, she was an Instagram model?

Yes. What was she? Instagram model. So, I would have thought she would have had a huge business now called Something's a Jar or something like that. That would be her thing of just farting in a jar. Jarring away. Yeah, beyond the glass. Jar Jar Stinks.

There it is. A bridge to jar. No, I'm sorry. Why didn't I stop at Jar Jar Stinks? I added that stupid joke. Jar Jar Stinks is in the genre of what it is. That should have been the end one. I'm sorry, listeners. Jart and Stinks is in the genre of what it is. That should have been the end one. I'm sorry, listeners.

Jarring away. I'm sorry for a bridge to Jart. That isn't even funny. I like a bridge to Jart. No, Jart and Stinks was perfect. You know what? We're teaching people. When someone nails a riff like that, you don't-

Walk away. Walk away. You don't want to hear- You don't want to hear- You uncock the gun, you put it away. You don't want to hear Jart and Stink? Jart and Stink. That's pretty good, too.

God damn it. Okay. Yes. So the headline from the last time we touched on this was 90 Day Fiance Star Retires from Selling Farts After Heart Attack Scare. So she had to go to the hospital. She was holding them in. Yes.

For a particularly... She had got a big order, I guess. Right. Well, she's back. When they retire, do they send their number up to the rafters? You have to age fine wine, people. You can't just...

This is a barrel-aged fart. This was sent in by Daniel Bean, at Bean076. Of course. Of course. Perfect. I'm sensing maybe an OnlyFans thing here. Stephanie Motto,

an influencer and former star of reality TV show 90 Day Fiancé. Never saw it. Have you seen 90 Day Fiancé? I've never seen it. Dan, have you seen it? 90 Day Fiancé, no. But is that the one with the guy who doesn't have a neck? What?

Who? There's a guy who does it. He's just like a stout little ruddy little forward. He's the host of the show? No, but I think he's one of the people from it. And they spun him off into his own thing. I don't know what 90 Day is. I think I've only seen all this peripherally. Has anybody seen it?

Have you seen it? You have, okay. 90 Day Fiance. I was engaged, and I don't think I used the word fiance once. What would you say? The entire time. Feature bride. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to get married.

Right. This lady is going to be my wife. 90 Day Fiance. Whoever came up with that title was so proud. My wife sold the show just on 90 Day Fiance. They sat up with that title was so proud. My wife sold the show just on 90 Day Fiance. They sat down. They said those words. The guy went, why are we still talking?

Let's go build sets right now. Hang on a second. I'm going to write you a check. What are we doing? She says she's raking in the money selling jars of? Oh, we got a guess? You can if you'd like. Wait a minute.

Sweat? Oh, I'm going to say sweat. Okay. Pee? Boob sweat. Boob sweat. Okay. Wait a minute. Sweat? Oh, I'm going to say sweat. Okay. P? Boob sweat. Boob sweat. Yes. Boob sweat.

Again, curated. Yes. Artisanal. Now, there is no way to authenticate this in any way, shape, or form. Exactly. Well, how can you authenticate a fart? He doesn't know that. You could be going down to a construction site at lunchtime.

Or, like, to me, I would love to see 50 years from now someone bring in a jar, this is in my grandfather's house, to the Antiques Roadshow. And they're like, well, we do see the authentication marks on the bottom. Does it put the F in NFT? Like, is that like a – This is her corn face. So at least this is organic. The boob sweat is organic.

We know that. It is organic. Also, can I be honest? This feel, it's more tangible than a fart. To this, I go, I get that. Well, you can visually see it. You can see it. I mean, I'm assuming you can see it.

And if you really wanted to, I suppose you could taste it to see if it tasted like sweat. Is it in a large jar or is it like a little ampule? I'm thinking a little. It's a little. Oh, more stylish now. That's right. Like a tiny little jam jar. There you go.

Her latest venture, which is the greatest word for this venture, comes after announcing her retirement earlier this year from hawking mason jars filled with her farts. Motto. Mato. Mato. Mato. It's so tacky. Let's go to more small ampules of boob sweat.

Come on, what are we, animals here? We've got to refine this whole business. This isn't deliverance, folks. Getting older, I want to be more refined and classy. We were very clunky before with the way we did things. She claimed she was hospitalized while trying to keep up with skyrocketing demand. By the way, and you know she talks about the business like we. Yeah, exactly.

It's like whenever you hear a race car driver talking about winning a race, like we, you talk about your whole team that helped make this. She's the Elizabeth Holmes of farts. In an interview- She's the Enola Holmes. In an interview with Insider in January, she said she had made around $200,000 from selling her bottled farts to her fans, but doctors advised her that her excess wind breaking was taking a toll on her body. Instead of abandoning the business entirely,

Patton's like, it's never affected me. I'm fine. Maddo said she decided at that point to pivot to selling her farts as NFTs. I'm sorry, pivoting. Yes. NFTs. NFTs of her farts. I'm a pretty inventive and innovative person.

Is that redundant? Yeah, you just needed one of those. Yeah, you don't need the, yeah. It's probably not technically redundant, but it feels redundant. I'm a pretty inventive and innovative person. I'm the first person to use two words to describe inventive. There you go. She also runs an 18 and over fan subscription platform similar to OnlyFans.

What is the one that isn't? Imagine trying to climb that market share. Are you OnlyFans? No. We're not OnlyFans. We're just fans. Just fans. By the way, here's how out of the loop I was.

This was like a year ago. A friend of mine, she's a musician, and she's talking about the record industry is hard. It's hard to put things out. I'd heard the term OnlyFans and just assumed it was where you could whatever so I said you should start an OnlyFans page

thinking like put your music up and she glared at me like the fuck are you talking about I'm on my clothes on and then it had to be explained to me

oh no it's like nude stuff oh my god it was like me going give up on the music just whip the booze out you want to sell records, right? I thought I'd heard the term OnlyFans, and in my head I put together, oh, it's where you just go.

This is where you just directly market whatever your art is. Yeah, yeah. It seems innocuous. By the way, and that is the genius of OnlyFans. That it got someone like Patton to say to a esteemed musician, you should do this. A Grammy-winning musician, by the way. I'm like, you should start an OnlyFans. I'm sorry, what?

What? So after saying she's- And said it with that confidence, like, I don't know. I got it. I got it. You should really start. I have the solution to your problem. After saying that she was an inventive and innovative person, she says, not to mention,

I do get asked for armpit videos, videos of me working out and sweating all the time. Sure. In several TikToks, the 31-year-old Connecticut-based creator shared her newest venture. She has been collecting sweat from her breasts after sitting out in the sun. She posted a picture of her doing so. There you go. It's a bottle, not a nipple. Yeah.

Okay. It caught me off guard at first as well. There you go. In the caption, she she says all you need is bottles sun cha-chas and sit out and like a maple tree for hours sit out like a maple tree yeah here she says because maple tree sweat she said that in a video in which she is seen pointing at the sun and standing outdoors with a small container pressed against her chest do you get the video too to me like that's the video i mean You don't get the video. I mean, that's probably on her not OnlyFans, OnlyFans.

Yes, whatever it's called. She told Insider that within a week of starting the venture, she sold how many jars of boob sweat? Oh, boy. Within a week? The jar can't be full, right? No, they're not full. I'm thinking it's got to be a little.

Yeah, it's like when you buy a little vial, like an ester. It's like when you do a home COVID test, like an ester, like a little fragrance. It's like when you do a home COVID test. It's probably that amount. That amount of- And probably that disease. Yeah, God, it's not good. First of all- How many jars did she sell?

There's a pot for every lid. I'm going to say- Wait a minute. Lid for every pot. God, I wish I knew how many followers she had. I will say she sold, wait, 5,000 jars. 5,000. 5,000.

That's a lot. That's a lot. It means she has to have 5,000. I'm going to say 1,000. I'm going to say 1,000. Okay. I went high on this. Yeah, I'm going to say 750.

Okay. Ooh. Within a week of starting the venture, she sold 50 jars. Oh, Jesus. Okay, well. I know. Everybody relax. I really saw it. sold 50 jars. Oh, Jesus. I know. Everybody relax. Each jar was $1,000. Well, who knows? She says, this is a quote, I like to call myself

the human maple tree and the boob sweat my sap. I sit there and collect my sap the same way a maple tree does, she said, per the Australian outlet. A tree does not collect its own sap. And also, I believe when they collect it, they drive a thing

to something and then hang a bucket off her boobs to get the... Spicket. She is kind of, though. She is putting a spicket in her thing. It's that old-fashioned New England boob sweat that our grandmother used to gather every winter. What do you do with the sweat?

If it's your kink, are you putting it on yourself when you enjoy yourself? Open it up and smell it. Maybe you taste it. I don't know. Do you rub it on you? It's definitely not something you display in your house. No. In a shadow box.

Do you spritz it on a pillow? Maybe. Sometimes it can vary how long it takes to fill up a jar. Fill up a jar! So that's how you know it's fake, right? Yeah. Fill up a jar. Come on.

As it depends on several scientific factors, mainly the heat, movement, and how hydrated I am, she continued. This feels like someone... She can't just go to a sauna and just get a week's worth done? Yes. It's part of her son thinking, oh, no, it's all from the sun. Yeah, but if you're doing that, now you're running into other health issues. The doctor's going to go, you can't be in the sun this much.

Right, exactly, yeah. Also, does she even live? I guess she's in Australia, but they have seasons. No, she's in Connecticut. Oh, that's right. I'm sorry, it was per the Australian news outlets. Oh, in the Connecticut sun, Dan. So she can't even stay there year-round. I'm sorry. It was per the Australian news outlets. The news outcomes. And the Connecticut Sundance. So she can't even stay there year-round.

Exactly. Unless she's a seasonal business. She's like an ice cream shop in Connecticut. We only are open in the summer. Gone fishing. Gone farting. That's what she does in the winter. It's a seasonal business.

The online reactions to Maddo's business model have been mixed. While her fans applauded her for being creative, others criticized her for not getting a real job. I go, hey, she's a meeting market to me. She's making money. I'm sorry, but yeah, she is rolling with the market. Yes. And she's opening new revenue streams.

Why should this woman work at a desk? Yeah. Look. I just imagine her at a networking event. Be like, I'm off farts. I'm off farts right now. Farts are down. Farts are down.

You know what's up? Sweat. Boob sweat. It's her market. Farts are so 2017. They really are, guys. They're so 2017. It's 2022.

Also, if it's really hot out, she's like, got to be in the air conditioning. She's like, I don't want to bring my work home with me. Right, right. She is someone who's very pro-global warming. That's right. If this takes off, she has got to start... I have friends that are

sex workers, and they do get offers for everything to be sold. Socks, shoes, anything they work out in. Obviously underwear. Do it. Why wouldn't you? You know what, though? One time, one friend of mine said to another friend, she's like, I've never sold my underwear. And she goes, why?

And she said, because I don't want anyone having my dna i guess she was like she was like freaked out that she was like someone's gonna use it and make another person i don't know what she just said that she's like i don't want anybody open a doorknob into a room the pussy stain murder is struck again, apparently. The rash of crimes all linked to prominent sex workers. She wasn't in Wyoming. She was in something else.

She said she doesn't mind the criticism. I feel the universe likes to judge us for odd and taboo ways of making money. I don't know if the universe, certainly this planet. People will judge you, but I love don't know if the universe, certainly this planet. People will judge you, but I love it. And by the way, when she says judge, at most we're just kind of going, well, I wouldn't sell my boobs.

That's the extent of the judging that's going on. I wouldn't buy that stuff. Yeah, I'm fine. But this does feel like a lot of work, and I don't think it applies to – It does, and by the way, I'm 100% cool with it. But you're also sweating way more than you can collect. She's in control of this. Right.

Sure. She's selling this. It's being sold to people who, for some reason or another, they love it. I don't have a problem. She's betting on herself. She is betting on herself. And that's what America's all about. And she pivoted.

She is her greatest resource. She's the product. But if boob sweat is the new side hustle, I'm here for it. It's going to be a hot girl summer. How about side boob sweat? That's the new side hustle. That's the new side hustle. My boobs are sweating, so let's bottle and sell it while we're at it.

Mateo said she also would use sunscreen after burning her chest quite badly at one point. Girl, you got to start with the screen. Sauna. Go into a sauna. However, she will have people know. Drink a bunch of Gatorade. Oh, can she do specifically flavored boob sweat based on what she drinks or eats? Why not?

You mean like a cow that's eating a lot of onions? Exactly. That's now in the milk. You need a big thing of mulligatawny or some chicken vindaloo. I want like an Indian. You could do meat sweats. You could do various types of sweats. The meat sweats.

Yeah. She can specialize. Yeah. She will have people know it's not as easy as it looks. Quote, I love sitting by the pool, but it's also hard work. Don't be fooled. To which I go, well, don't. Let's not act like it's that hard work.

I'm not saying you don't have to do it. We're not going to call you a hero. Right. Right. Nobody was accusing you of being lazy, but also no one's impressed. By the way, you found the sweet spot where no one cares. Right. Best ad ever for stamps.com.

Excuse me. What if she has her own thing called tramp stamps? There's a side hustle. I will wet your stamps with my boobs wet. Oh, my God. Yes. I love it. On Tuesday, she told her 299,000 Instagram followers.

That's a lot. She has almost 300,000, and she sold 50 jars. Yes. That's not good. I know. I'm sorry. That is not good. That's not a great conversion, as we say.

She said that a bear showed up and shut down business for the week. What? So she was out by the pool, and a bear showed up. Gay man showed up? I was in my backyard. You know what you do? You she was out by the pool and a bear showed up. Gay man showed up. I was in my backyard. You know what you do? You stick it out and you sell that fear sweat at a- Fear sweat?

Yeah. That's how we all stay young out here in Hollywood. We get that fear sweat. Fear sweat, man. Let me get a vial of the boob sweat. She's got a thing. No, but it's- It's like in and out?

No, it's like the person, I'm imagining the person in Wheel of Fortune who's choosing and all the prizes are from her thing. Let me have a fart. Fart jar. And you know what? Put the rest on a gift certificate. Oh, 450. Wait a minute. Then I'll get the fear of sweat and 80 left on a gift certificate.

No, you know what? Porcelain lion and then put the rest on a gift certificate. Porcelain lion and the rest on the gift certificate. If we were like my favorite murder level podcast, I just want you guys to know I would have bought fart jars for all of us and I would have bought us sweat jars. Just to know what it was.

Back to the bear. She says, those are my backyard by the pool, fulfilling orders of boob sweat jars when a bear showed up so crazy. We're going to have you on this. Each bottle of boob sweat costs how much money? Oh. What would you pay for a bottle of this woman's boob sweat? She keeps saying jars, so I don't know.

She can't be filling up a whole jar. In the picture, it's small. Right. Also, I said this earlier. You sweat way more than you're going to be able to collect. Yeah. And you'd have to also be in a position where it would drip off of you in a way that you could keep collecting it. How do you –

I don't know how she made 50 jars. I think she – it's like $25 a jar. Okay. Okay. Jason? I'm going to say it's $100 a jar. Okay. $79.99.

She's definitely going to price it in that weird way. She's like, let me hit a good price point. Okay. Jason? I'm going to say it's $100 a jar. Okay. $79.99. She's definitely going to price it in that weird way. She's like, let me hit a good price point. You got to get a good price. Okay. If there's an eight in front of you. I don't want people thinking they're paying 80. Okay. Because psychologically, you see a seven and you're in better shape.

Okay. Each bottle of boob sweat. We'll get out of story one on this. Costs. $500. Oh, Lord. So, wait a minute. Costs. $500. Oh, Lord. So wait a minute. 50 times 500.

Damn. 50 times 500 is? $25,000. $25,000. $25,000. Yes, I think you're right. In one week. In a week.

In a week, Patton. That's not bad. My fear is she's going to sweat herself away. Exactly. She's got to stay so hydrated. She needs to go to the sauna. Go to the sauna. And you can also rig it up to where you set up a floor that has a drain filler.

You just stand in one place and all the sweat goes out. How do we know it's coming from her boobs? Eventually it is. At some point. If it starts up here, it is. You don't want to mix them with some butt crack sweat. Or do you? I'll take a bottle of the butt crack sweat and the porcelain cheetah and the rest.

All right. There's 150 left. Patton is with us. We're going to talk a little bit more when we come back from the break about what people can expect from his brand new special on Netflix, which drops today as this show drops. So we'll be right back with more Dumb People Town. All right. Stick around.

Make us down. There's more Dumb People Town, right? Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. Before we get to Patton's awesome special, we want to mention that we are going on tour. We're doing this show on tour. A little dumb run. A little dumb run. We're going to be in Nashville at the Analog Theater inside the Hutton Hotel. Then the next night at the Den Theater in Chicago, which is a very cool theater. The Den is great. Yes, and we're going to be in Nashville at the Analog Theater inside the Hutton Hotel. Then the next night at the Den Theater in Chicago, which is a very cool theater in space.

The Den is great. Oh, nice. So we do a podcast on Friday night at 730 and then stand-up show right after it, the two of the three of us. And then Saturday night, Dan's in New York City. We're at the River Spirit Casino in Tulsa. And then on Sunday night, we're at the Bell House in Brooklyn with Andrew Dismukes from SNL, Roy Wood Jr., and the band Cut Worms. It's going to be like an incredible show. That thing's going to sell out.

It's going to be so much fun. Oh, that'll totally sell out. Yeah, that'll sell out. I also want to remind everybody that on the 5th of October, I'm going to be in Lafayette. No, Austin, I think. Yeah, Austin. And then on the 6th, I'm in Lafayette. And then on the think yeah Austin and then on the 6th I'm in Lafayette and then on the 7th I will be in Houston and that show is gonna be called late night hang with DVK but it is gonna be my full hour so that starts

at 10 o'clock at the secret group go to Daniel van Kirk dot-com to get your tickets and we'll be in Ann Arbor this weekend at the Ann Arbor comedy showcase and so come see us there this week. And on the 7th, we're headlining the Thousand Lakes Comedy Festival in Minneapolis, which will be one night, one night only, and that's great. So, superscleros.com for all that. Pat, let's talk

about the special. So, tell me, like, what can people expect? We, Jay and I, are such fans of your last one that you did in 2020. We were watching it, and the whole Ancient Grains run just literally had us peeing. Thank you. We've known you for so long. We've done stand-up with you for so long.

Forever. We love you as a person and as a friend. I love when an idea comes down and we're like, oh my God, it's such a patent idea. As soon as you started going into the whole thing with the Ancient Biblical Grains, we were like, this idea falling to you in this way was just absolutely perfect. So what can people expect in the new special? A lot of, this one is way sillier than anything I've done,

I think because it's post-COVID quarantine. So I and the audience are both, you can see how giddy we are just to actually be out in in public great I had to actually check myself because when I was on tour I was so happy to be on tour yeah and the audience was so happy that I'm that I had to pause every now and then and go wait this material is good right are we just are we just happy yeah am I gonna look at this in ten years ago it's just a bunch of people in a room giggling with each other right but but there's a lot of stuff about the quarantine, how badly I handled it. And I'm sure you guys did the same thing.

I made amazing, aspirational, delusional plans for the quarantine. The things I was going to accomplish did none of them. None of them. Like aggressively did none of them. That's right. It was almost like I was defying myself with the amount of weight I gained and the nothing that I did. So I really go into that, and then I go into just the craziness now of, oh, wait a minute. The boomers are about to die, and the Gen Xers, we are about to become the old ones that are about to start getting made fun.

I mean, it's already kind of happening. Already happening. But it is sort of interesting where our whole persona was, I don't care about anything, and now we're being dragged into caring about things. Yes. Because it's ruining our persona. That's right.

I love it. So there's a lot of that. That's so good. Okay, give me one example of, give me one bit that you thought you're like, you're doing it in the ramp up to it, and then it never made it into the special. You know how we have those bits where we're like, this is a bit that you thought you're like, you're doing it in the ramp up to it. And then it never made it into the special. You're like,

you know how like we have those bits where we're like, yeah, this is a bit that I'm doing. You're like, it's going to make it in. And then it didn't make it in. I had a bit. Oh God,

this was, and it was working too. And then I realized, Oh, wait a minute. No, this was just a bit. I was just so happy to be doing comedy.

Right. But I, but right before the shutdown, I went to Mike Birbiglia's one man show at the Amundsen. So there's a lot of theater people in the show. And basically, it's a bit about old people farts. And I know that sounds so lame. But it was about how – and I'm not making fun of old people.

I'm like, old people's farts smell so much worse than regular. Like a regular fart smells like, oh, someone farted. But the problem with old people farts is you can reverse engineer what the food must have been. 100%. And it ruins a food for you. Yeah. You're like, no, I like ravioli. I don't know.

And I think the reason is when we eat food at our age, up to a certain age, you eat food and you go to sleep and your body goes, okay, let's send some calcium to the bones. They process it. But when you get past a certain age and you eat food and go to sleep, your body's like, let's see some calcium to the bones They process it But when you get past a certain age And you eat food and go to sleep Everybody's like, let's see if he wakes up tomorrow We don't really need to get work on this right now So just let's sit there and rot for a while Procrastinate?

Well, I don't think this guy I mean, we all see what's happening here, right? You're making up bad No need to boil the ocean here, guys Why do the work if the business is getting shut down? Yeah, exactly Just send a little bit of potassium to the brain so you can maybe wake up tomorrow. The rest, come on.

Why are we killing ourselves here? This is crazy. But again, there was something about it. Then I started developing other material that I just felt was better and smarter. And that thing really started standing out like the nerdy kid in the cafeteria. Like, I shouldn't maybe be in this hour. Like, yeah, I got to let you go, dude. I'm sorry.

So the only reason I bring that up is that I think, you know, what maybe people don't understand is how cohesive your hour really tends to be for you. So you do take a look at it, and you're like, in the ramp up to it, this is working. I like where this is placed. But then at a certain point, you're like, I got to jettison this because it doesn't fit with what we're doing here. Yeah, and I had another bit that was my closer for most of the tour.

And then I realized, oh, no, this actually belongs in the middle. And there's another bit that was very raw that I realized I had two months before I shot it. If I can get this together in the next two months, this is going to be a killer closer. So I had to move my closer to the middle, and that was nerve wracking. Right. Because you're like, wait, wait. So for two reasons. You don't want it to go too big.

That's right. You feel bad for don't want to undersell it yes i feel bad for the bit after yeah right but but you know what we did the same thing ran we have done the same thing with this last set we moved the thing that we were closing with to the middle and our thought process was it's good to have like when you do an hour they can't all be at 10 no it has to be if it has to have a flow if it's all hour, they can't all be at 10. No. It has to be – It has to have a flow. If it's all a bunch of closers, there's no – not to say that you have to do bits that aren't funny. You just do bits that get different.

No, but sometimes the sauce needs to simmer. Exactly. Yes. And you build the confidence overall for the hour rather than I'm going to give you 10 every single time. That's right. Hey, we don't need to react at 10 every single time. Nobody wants that. We also want to, when you watch a movie, it's not all explosions.

It's like, I want to see some calm. I had to go the other way. I had a deal where early in my set, it was the highest point of energy of the show. And I was like, oh, this has to go at the end. Because I never come back to this level. And it's also was too kind of like, like it breaks the fourth wall and stuff. So then I have a hard time bringing them back into like,

now let me talk for a minute. That's why I don't like to be heckled in a show. Because if you ever deal with anyone or you put someone down, there's like that moment can't be duplicated. Nope. So when you go back to your material, it's always a down spot. Especially if you deal with a heckler and you really crush it. And then you're like, oh God, nothing I do is going to work. So now let me with a heckler and you really crush it. And then you're like,

oh God, nothing I do is going to work. So now let me unwrap this. Let me unwrap this. Oh my God. Okay, I was doing crowd work one night. I almost did this as a bit, but even the bit itself was so huge that nothing could follow it.

Where I talk to the audience and go, what's going on? And I talked to a guy and he said, oh, I'm a pediatrician. And I go, oh wow. So what's going on with the youth today? And I talked to a guy, and he said, oh, I'm a pediatrician. And I go, oh, wow, so what's going on with the youth today? And then with no prompting, he just said, these teens are shaving off all their pubes.

I guess this old guy said that. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? And it was like all of us were just so stunned. And the whole show, I couldn't get it back. Like I would do a bit, and then I would just kind of – It became an evening with me and this pediatrician. Why are you so concerned about this? Why was that the first thing out of your mouth?

If it's front of brain for him, everyone in his life is hearing about this. This is all he's talking about. Too much. Number one, you're a dentist. You should not know any of this stuff. That is so funny. So again, the name of the special so that people can go and watch it. If you just look up Patton Oswalt on Netflix, but it is called?

We All Scream. We All Scream. I cannot wait. I am going to, we're recording this the week before. So when it comes out on Tuesday, I'm going to watch it. I'm going to rate it. All of you guys should do that, too. Let's jump into another story.

You ready? I love it. Okay. More dumb stuff. This was sent in by Elise LeBlanc at E-E-L-E-B-L-A-N-C. Correct me if I'm wrong, but she lives in Connecticut. Am I right? She lives in Massachusetts.

Boston. Or maybe it is Connecticut. I don't know. You guys are huge in New England. I know. We love it there. Elise is one of the best. She's one of our favorite people.

Yeah. She had a breakfast wedding. She's great. I love it. Okay. guys are huge in New England. I know. We love it there. This is one of our favorite people. She had a breakfast wedding. She's great. I love her. Okay. It's true. She did. Okay. Woman tries first proper meal after years of only eating potato chips.

Oh, my God. Now, look. She's not dumb, and there's nothing wrong, but just like in Dumb People Town, if we were walking around the square, you'd go, that lady over there, she only eats potato chips. Right, yes. That's what happens in this town. Oh, yeah. So Patton has a relationship with snacks

like Jay and I have a relationship with snacks. You're as bad as these two? Ben's been about Cheetos. No, Patton. You should send him the box that I gave you guys. The Cheetos, like little tiny caveman. Little orange caveman clubs. That then starts to formulate on your hand.

And the more, the deeper you dig. It's like the infinity ring from freaking. You give yourself a mark of shame as you finish the bag. You're like Hulk after he tries to snap. There was a moment when Jay and I, do we ever tell you this story? Where we're hosting late Friday, years ago, and you're on the show late Friday.

Remember the Lisa Langang show, the NBC show? We're hosting're hosting so we're hosting we did a spot on one and then we host another one and we're and you're on the second show so we did a spot on there so we were there early and through the change through and then we're there on the next show and you were there and there was like a bowl of cheese curls and you were just scooping set but you were like thinking about your set but you were in another world eating. And I remember looking at you and I was like, hey, how's it going, Patton? And you looked like 100 yards past me as you were eating the Cheetos. And I was like, he doesn't even see me here.

I was like, is he mad at me? But then Randy and I were like, that's how we are with like baked ruffle. As soon as the bag opens, I can't talk to anyone. And your brain shuts down. And it's just sensation. This is wild. I was like, I think Patton's going to be okay.

He's just in a little bit of a trance right now. Nobody talks. It's like a Siamese brother who has to trance out. It's like when a dog is dreaming and his legs are going like this. Don't touch him. Don't touch Patton. It's like the problem child that dreaming and his legs are going like this. Don't touch him. Don't wake him. Don't touch Patton.

It's like the problem child that needs his busy box to calm down. Like, well, we brought out his bowl of Cheeto. He's having a little episode. Let's just let him calm down. Let him get his fidget spinner. Oh, my God. So you were tranced out. I don't remember that.

Of course you don't. And I'm absolutely sure that happened. I've been in the kitchen doing that, and my wife will be going, sweetie, hey. Hey, hey. Are you even hungry right now? No. So this gal just ate potato chips. There's part of me, and there's part of me that says, I get it.

If I could just eat potato chips and just try it for several years. She survived. A woman who lived on a diet of cheese and onion flavored potato chip sandwiches for years. So she did eat bread. So she did eat bread. We're going to get into that. Wait a minute. Didn't Matt Damon survive on potatoes in The Martian?

Yes. I think he just ate potatoes. And Courage Under Fire. Okay. Well, that was good. And The Shooter. She has finally eaten a proper meal after being hypnotized. Zoe Sadler of Coventry, England, has munched on Walker's potato chips.

Never had them. Anybody here? I've had them. Walker's potato chips. Yeah, not bad. It's a good chip. In buttered white bread for a very long time. So there's butter and there is bread.

Yeah. I'm sorry. There is nothing more British. That sounds like a British children's book.'s her name again Zoe Sadler so we said only ate crisp and buttered bread oh and but wait then one day she like she scoffed two packs of her favorite potato chips every day after other foods left her feeling physically sick how many years did she eat only potato chips every day after other foods left her feeling physically sick. How many years did she eat only potato chips?

And bread. And how big of a shoe did she live in? I mean, this literally is a goddamn nursery rhyme. I'll start it off as a size 10. Pat, you can go last if you want. I'll go last. Okay, Jason. I'm going to say like 10 years. 10 years. 14 years. 14. Yeah. Pat and Oswalt? I'm going to

say 20. Okay. 20 years. Okay. She has eaten, which they keep calling only potato chips, and spoiler alert, we will find out she was eating other stuff. Other stuff. Okay, fine. But according to the article-

Majority of potato chips. Only potato chips for 23 years. Oh! Patton, on the board. Nice. How you doing? Wow. That's impressive.

Yeah. Oh, Pat. On the board. Nice. How you doing? Wow, that's impressive. Yeah. My mom and dad say I tried other foods as a toddler, but I always turned up my nose or refused to put them in my mouth.

Sure. Apparently, the only thing my mom could get down me were potato chips, which I used to suck until they were soft. That's gross. That's the worst part of this. I love that that bothered us more than farts in a jar. Yeah. But again, leave it to the British to find a way to ruin potato chips, too.

Good Lord. They just ruin every kind of food. It's like, I hate to be a wet potato chip about this. Oh, you are. Mommy, can I have the soft potato chips with no salt on them, please? She's going to lick them off. Mommy, could you give me a bag of crisps that I can suck on? Are you going to suck on them?

You're going to suck on them? Yes, but I like- I don't want you sucking on them. But I pretend that they're striped candy. No. No? All right. I'm going to go hide in my giant peach.

No. Get out of your peach. Get out of the peach. I've got a golden teeth. I remember being at school when I was little and having potato chip sandwiches in my lunch box. They were the only thing I liked to eat. Okay.

I usually had a bowl of dry cereal for breakfast. Now look. Wait a second. Usually had a bowl of. So far, we've gone from an article that told you all this woman eats is potato chips. We're having bread, butter, chips, which she sucks on. Such a BuzzFeed headline. Just get him into the article.

We don't care how. Right. I usually had a bowl of dry cereal for breakfast, then a potato chip sandwich for lunch, and another one for dinner. Well, say that. You're having potato chip sandwiches for lunch and dinner. That's crazy enough. Still.

You checked off the crazy box. You're there. Is she 600 pounds? Sometimes. No. Yeah, what does she look like? I'll see if I can find her. Sometimes.

I bet she's willowy and weirdly cut. Yeah. Sometimes. She looks like Keira Knightley. I'd try, I would try other potato chips because the texture wouldn't bother me. Right. Christmas was always hard for me because I never had, never wanted very much to eat. Right.

It's not a notorious. My children wanted to visit for Father Christmas, but I wanted to visit for Father Crispmas. I'm silly. I'm being silly today. Ready for this next quote? Why did she just reveal some weird thing? Christmas was hard for me because our uncle was weird. I have a picture of her.

This has nothing to do with chips. Do you remember the song Fiddle About from Tommy? I have a picture of her ready to show you guys. But before that, I have to read another quote. She said, Christmas is hard for you. Now, remember, so far, we're eating chips, bread, butter, dry cereal. Christmas was the best. Christmas was hard for me.

I'd be able to have a Yorkshire pudding, but never with gravy. So that's another thing. That's another thing she's had. I don't like her. Okay, here's her. She looks... What the hell? She's fine. This is't like her. Okay, here's her. She looks... What the hell? She's fine.

This is her eating her water. She looks completely... This is normal. She's cute. She looks great. She's cute. Maybe I should just eat potatoes. I know.

Damn it. Go for it. So those are two bad things. These salads are making me fat. I know. I know. Come on. After developing multiple sclerosis, I sorry here three years ago sadler decided

to improve her health and turn to hypnotherapist david kilmurry for help after everyone in david kilmurry's life is like hey man you don't need to wear the cape it's cool if you just tell people i'm uh david kilmurry i'm a uh... Oh, yeah. I'm a hypnotist. Yeah, sure. We noticed the cape, David. What's she doing? Only eating crisps? Yeah, I've got a thing there. Charge you a thousand quid. I'll get her eating...

Do you guys remember the hypnotist sketch from Adam Sandler's album with him and Kevin Nealon? No. And Kevin Nealon keeps farting, and he's blaming it on Adam while Adam's supposed to be under, and he was like, that was not me. That was you that time. He's like, that's not me, sir. I didn't do that. He goes was not me that was you that time he's like that's not me sir I didn't do that he goes oh that

was you and you have a real problem he's like sir I'm not oh my god it's Kevin's dryness with Adam's just like oh it's Adam trying to be the straight man while Kevin is the straight man oh it's so funny his authority

just makes me laugh every time. David Kilmurry comes in for help. After undergoing two two-hour hypnotherapy sessions, I don't know if that's a lot. He could have done it in one, but he's like, I think I need to come back for a follow-up. Do you guys have anybody in your life that has done hypnotherapy for anything? Cigarettes?

Amy. Really? She did. For what? For smoking. Smoking. She did this guy. And it worked?

Yep. This guy, Cary Gaynor. For what? For smoking. Smoking. She did this guy. And it worked? Yep.

This guy, Kerry Gaynor. And he helped basically over the course of four-hour sessions at the end, over the course of like two months. She did two and two. She did four ones. Four ones. Okay. And he basically broke her from it to where she then would see people smoking and be like, that's disgusting.

Really? Yeah. Wow. Changed her attitude. Well, David Kilmurry did the same thing. After undergoing two two-hour hypnotherapy sessions, Sadler has been able to enjoy her first taste. This is what the article should have been.

A woman has only eaten four different things her whole life. Right. That's still crazy. That's still crazy. Because she just now had her first taste of fruits and vegetables alongside others. Can you imagine being in a full-on restaurant and tasting a strawberry? I always wonder these things. Like, the first human or humanoids that, like, found a strawberry, were they just like, holy fuck.

This to me is like. Like, did it blow their mind? By the way, there should be videos of this. Like, I go down the rabbit hole on TikTok and watch, like, young African-American, like, dudes listening to, like, Steely Dan for the first time. Right. And I'm like, And they're like, okay. There was a 60 Minutes. You know the Lost Boys of the Sudan? There was a 60 Minutes where they were being

moved over here and finding families to live with them. When they first got here from that horrible life of trying to survive, they were blown away by staircases. And they had just never seen that structure. Or like elevators.

They were like, we went in here and now we're here. So yeah. Oh, they were like teleported or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like an Amish teen on a rump screen. It's like twins. It's like Arnold and twins. That's right.

So my daughter's friend's mom is a teacher. And she literally, we pulled up while she was taking her – picking her up from the ACT, and we have like a Yakima roof rack thing on the top of our roof. And she was like, my friend was housing a person from Sudan who said – was talking to someone back at home who had spent some time in America. And she's like, the Americans are so busy that they don't even bury their dead. They just carry them on top of their cars. Because that looks like confidence in anyone. Yeah, yeah. So she's eating fruit for the first time.

There are times, by the way, when my eight-year-old daughter, I'll be like, what do you want? You want some ice cream or you want this? And she's like, I want a nectarine. And I'm like, what is wrong with you? It's your problem. Our daughter was so narrow in what she would eat.

It was mac and cheese and scrambled eggs and we could get her to eat some chicken. But this past year, she's really expanded her palate. All of a sudden, she's 13. And one morning, I sleep over at a friend's house and she'd woken up and they made pancakes and eggs and bacon. And she finally tried

some bacon and she gets a car and she goes, I had bacon. It's amazing. Who knew? And I'm like, everyone! Literally from the... You're the only one who didn't know. Before the wheel was invented, a pig tripped into someone's fire and they went, that smells great.

That's how long we've known. Also, you're mad. You're like, do not give them credit for giving you bacon. I've been trying to give you bacon. I've been pushing the bacon agenda in our house for a long time. Bacon in front of you for years. Sizzling it while you're sleeping, just trying to get it into your brain. So she says, quote, I was diagnosed with MS and I just thought,

I need to get healthier and feel better. Good for her. I looked around on the internet and read some articles where David had helped other fussy eaters, so I contacted him. Great. We had two two-hour sessions, which felt like they lasted five minutes each, and after the second one, I was able to try loads of different foods. Good for her. I can't believe how nice strawberries are, and I even tried.

I'm going to try. I've never seen this. I can't believe Patton's daughter never had bacon. Wagamama. Wagamama. Wagamama chili squid, which was really spicy. Is that some great dish? Wagamama is a restaurant in London that's like cafeteria-style seating,

but they do like Asian-type stuff. Well, I looked it up. Chili squid looks dope. Phenomenal. Looks so good. I look forward to trying curry and lots of other different foods. Great. You live in England.

Probably one of the best foods. I didn't have Indian food until like a year ago. So there you go. Yeah, I didn't have any food. Probably one of the best food. I didn't have any food until like a year ago. So there you go. Yeah, I love it. Good Lord. Warehouse operator Sadler, who, I don't know why this matters, who weighs 126 pounds and fits into size eight dresses. Just rubbing in our faces.

Didn't need to do that. Lives with fiance Jason Fox, a carpenter. All of a sudden he's like, I'm not in this story. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why am I now in this? Right. Sadler was also motivated to overcome her obsession with potato chip sandwiches in time to enjoy a hearty meal at her wedding next March.

But don't people say at your wedding you never tend to eat enough? Exactly. You're always going around saying, all right, fine. She added, I really don't just want to be eating potato chip sandwiches on my wedding day. Now I'm looking forward to planning our wedding day menu with Jason. I'm looking forward to it, too. I just want to say that on this podcast. I want everyone to get it out there.

London-based therapist and hypnotist David Kilmurry hypnotized Zoe after diagnosing her with avoidant restrictive food intake disorder, ARFID. I don't think a hypnotist should be allowed to diagnose anyone. No, no. It feels like overstepping your bounds. At the most, you should be able to go, that kid's spooky. Yes. That's the only diagnosis you can get. He said, huge credit to Zoe on her recovery.

Her progress has been phenomenal and has superseded my expectations. In a very short amount of time with myself and at home, this is his commercial now. She has been calmly eating new meals and incorporated many new high-grade fruits and vegetables in her safe foods on the back, Dave. And then he threw down

a smoke bomb and disappeared. That's it. That's the story. There you go. Daniel, give us a little taste of what we're going to hear

in segment three. Bad times at a bar mitzvah. Bad times at a bar mitzvah. I'm very excited to hear that. So for our Patreon fans, Patton's going to do a little quick, quick, quick story. Oh, absolutely.

And then we'll do that on the other side of the break. It's Dumb People Town. Don't forget. Here we go. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. Townies, we've teased this, I'd say since mid-august yeah i started like dropping a little hint especially if you're a member of the patreon uh you knew that some of this was coming you might

even already know depending on when things drops when is what everybody i have no idea but hey i'll tell you when is what is happening so we have done this show in one version or another for quite a while 10 years yeah 10 years and uh we've been fortunate enough and lucky enough and happy enough to get to do it as Dumb People Town for five years, five and a half, almost six years. So one of the things that we love and we found through doing the Patreons is these guys, if you're not already a member, get on board. We'll talk about that in a second. But with these guys is they bring in the stories and then I joke around. And it's been super, super fun to get to guess around. So guess what? Starting in October, especially if you come to our live shows, I'll plug it here. Chicago, Nashville, Brooklyn on the 13th, 14th, 16th

of October. We'll be doing it this way. We're each going to read a story. So it's going to switch around. It's like a revolving door. We'll have one document. Whoever puts the first one in there is going to be doing the first story. The second is the second, and the third is the third. It'll still be the same great show. We all can do this. This is the greatest comedy safety net that I've ever been in. I can't wait.

Whatever they serve up, I know I'm going to eat. So if you love this show, you're going to get to even love it in a new way with everything you already love, and it's the three of us doing this. New and improved. New and improved. But that's not all. Even our Friday episodes, we found that one of the best things we love is when someone brings in a dumb story.

Oh, I love it. So our Friday episodes are just going to be people, whoever our guest is, telling a dumb story from their life, and then we give it the DPT treatment. I love it. So that's even going to be a little bit more fun. You're going to learn about more of the people that we have on those Friday shows. We've introduced you guys to a lot of comics. We've even had great comics come in and do them.

It runs the gamut of new people and veterans. So that's going to be super, super fun. And then if you're a member of our Patreon, this is going to be great too. And all this will be rolled out and laid out. I say go to the Facebook page, probably the best place to check it out. Maybe we'll even do a little video for that. But so for the Patreon, we are starting a thing where you guys will send us, literally, we've got an email address for you.

You can find it over at the Facebook page, and you'll send us dumb stories from your life. And we will be reading those stories as well. It might end up where if it works out, maybe sometimes we actually interview you guys. I don't want to overstep because I want to make sure we lay out everything we know we can do. Our schedules are crazy enough. But if you write down, hey, you'll never believe what happened to me, write that in an email, send it to us. We'll break it down.

Yeah, we'll break it down, read it. So that's going to be the Patreon. We also are going to have an option there where you can get the – what did we say? Oh, no ads. No ads in the episodes. So for $5 a month, you can get our episodes with absolutely no ads at all. You want that? Just nothing but streamlined DPT right into your veins. Right in the veins.

You can get it. It's going to be great. We're going to be changing up the Patreon a little bit more as well. But you know what? We'll hold on to that for now. We'll hold on to that for now. But just know that the new sort of new form of DPT will have all three of us presenting stories it's going to be a blast it's the new way as we sort of take it into a new chapter so to speak and we're so happy that i'm so excited

because i can't wait to see the stories that you guys pick i can't wait and then i can't wait to be able to guess along it's so much fun there's gonna it's evolving but it's gonna be nothing but fun and hilarity and comedy and good times. And we love you guys. And oh, shit, we got to get back to the rest of this show. All right, Daniel, take us home, buddy. You ready? Yes. Couple, those who sent in by Carleen McDermott, at SheBeCarleen.

Love her. Couple busted for X-rated act on Zoom call. A couple who reportedly attended a virtual celebration on Zoom forgot to turn off their camera while they proceeded to have sex for all to see. So we can do a lot of virtual bar mitzvahs. Worst brits ever. Bar mitzvah. The couple were on a Zoom call with a synagogue in Minneapolis, which was hosting a bat mitzvah.

Yeah! Talk about the eternal flame. A little bat mitzvah, boy. Was it ska-themed? What was the theme? Oh, my God. Is that a yacht in your pocket or are you just happy to see it? Do they get a mitzvah for doing sex? Today, you are

truly a man. Now watch! Watch and learn! Watch! There definitely was one of the rabbis who was like, is that through a sheep? Are we good out there? We're good on that.

Okay. During the celebration, other guests reportedly saw the couple have sex for almost an hour. They couldn't turn off their feed? After the pair neglected to turn their camera off. Now it feels like they're showing off. Yeah, a little bit. Like almost an hour. Almost an hour turn off their feed? After the pair neglected to turn their camera off. Now it feels like they're showing off. Yeah, a little bit. Like almost an hour.

Almost an hour? In the morning? Morning sets for an hour? They were on the Zoom as a couple, I assume. Yes. And then they must have then backed away and then got on the bed, but the thing was still pointing to the bed, right? Yes.

So you know what is their turn on? When people talk about their Torah portions. They've got to hear a Torah portion. They get very, very excited. This is the moment that they realized. You can see them both like, is that thing on? There's other screencaps. High holidays are going to be

very weird this year. How do you cover for that? Sunrise, sunset, sunrise. By the way, Yom Kippur is around the corner. You can apologize. You can fast and then apologize. I know I gave you an Israel bond that's going to mature in 18 years, but you're going to mature in about three seconds

because you just saw me have sex with your aunt. One person who witnessed the canoodling said the two were at it for roughly 45 minutes. And we stressed roughly. Very roughly. Let's do some role play. You're the cantor, I'm the ref. Lift me up like he's lifting up the door.

I'd do anything to get out of auschwitz well you know no please stop their sound oh god muting this thing schindler's fist schindler's fist here you go the source who spoke to the new New York Post on the condition of anonymity. I mean, I will say this. The fist is life. I'm sorry. The girl in the pink pajamas.

The source who spoke to the New York Post on the condition of anonymity said the woman was walking around naked and eventually got dressed. She's in and out of the Zoom, and he was in the bed. He whipped it out, and she started to go to work, the source told the Post. Oh, my God. Started to. I love it. Clock in. was in the bed he whipped it out and she started to go to work the source told the coast started i love it this was work for her yeah do you understand this was like going to a job yeah eventually someone else who was on the zoom uh rang the woman and told her she was on camera

and everyone could see her and the man oh my god the woman apparently freaked out oh you think pretty much everyone on the call would have been able to see what the couple was up to as most had their cameras switched off. So their box on the screen was pretty big. The only one. Also, you know how on those zooms if there's any noise whatsoever

it switches to their screen. So if there's any noise, any breathing, God. What if they had set the background to the bar mitzvah boy's face? So if there's any noise, any breathing, God. The unfortunate event. What if they had set the background to the bar mitzvah boy's face? So it's them. The virtual.

The event. Jacob holding the Torah. Yeah. When you were young, we used to play, but now you live so far away. Bubby and Zayn come up and light the third candle. How about when the kid gives the speech? When I look out at all these Zooms and I see who has made me who I am today and the man that I will be.

I've learned so much from many of you. I'm not a man yet, but oh my God. Take care of her first, for example. Talk about a holla. The unfortunate event happened at Temple Bethel, and the managing director of the synagogue said he was aware of the incident and refused to comment. Oh, my God.

This is maybe the greatest Zoom bar mitzvah ever. I mean, it's epic. Now they're going to do that every bar mitzvah. Maybe that was the theme. By the way, there are some bar mitzvahs where, like, Nicki Minaj comes in with the bar mitzvah boy on a jet ski in Miami. The theme of this bar mitzvah was Fifty Shades of Grey. There you go.

Exactly. That's a show, friends. Patton Oswalt, I'm so excited about your special. We all scream on Netflix. Go watch it. Go watch it. We love you, Patton. And, oh,. We all scream on Netflix. Go watch it. Go watch it. We love you, Patton. And oh shit, we've got to get back to work.

Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town.