Dumb People Town - Paul F. Tompkins - Cinemation

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

This week Paul F. Tompkins comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story finds a couple waking up to a strange dog.. The second story involves an item lost during a dentist visit. The final story is about one man's crusade against the Dublin airport.

Skypains Avenue Hey, Tatties. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population year. Population Tompkins. Population Tompkins. Paul Francis Tompkins. Is that right or wrong? Does that make me the dumb? It's Frederick.

Paul Frederick. Frederick. Tompkins. Philanthroper. Wouldn't be caught dead being a Frederick. No. No, that seems almost blasphemous. I have an F in my name.

What? My real name is Farrell Randall Sklar. F. Randall Sklar and Paul F. Tompkins. We should go on the road. I'm finding this out right now. You're finding it out now. What's your real name, Jason? It's Jason.

It's just Jason. He's not interesting at all. Jason Nathan Sklar. Middle name? Jason Nathan. Jason Nathan. I know. It's a little sing-songy.

I'm okay with it now. It's like the beginning of a jump rope rhyme. Jason Nathan, you jump in. it now it's like the beginning of a jump rope rhyme jason nathan what about living in the basement jason statham statham jason statham is uh he was in uh train spotting transport he sure wasn't the transporter yes i see i see the transporter quickly, and I'm like, was he the baby that went down in the grave and traced the body? No. Okay.

Was he the baby on the ceiling? How are you, Paul? I think of more as the baby on the ceiling rather than the baby that went down in the grave. The one on the ceiling bothered me. Which is like an old ghost story. Yeah. There's a guy who came.

Jay's getting everything wrong. That's a real scary story. Was he the guy who went down in the toilet no there's a guy who came up that's the ghoulies ghoulies recently mentioned

by Jonah Ray on this one the ghoulies and that's not the goonies not the ghoulies the ghoulies which I've never seen and never will

which I saw and didn't hold up at all the goonies no oh stop surprisingly did not hold up at all.

It was really, it was like, are we going to edit these scenes? Let's just let this run for a while. Let the kids work it out. I think it's, I think we can address the elephant in the room.

I'm the oldest person here. Not by much. Not by much, Paul. Not by much. I think by a good amount. I don't think so. And here's why I would say, generationally,

this is a difference. No, it's not. Did you, you don't know what I'm going to... I know what he's about to say. Jason Nathan-Spar. There are a few movies that... When the baby goes into the grave.

Hey, let's not put the baby in the grave on this one. That's always a good rule. Sorry, I didn't mean to jump you. That didn't go well. Put the baby in the grave. The generational argument. I think I know where you're going, but I want to hear it. Let him say it.

Here's my question is generational argument. I think I know where you're going, but I want to hear it. Let him say it. Here's my question is generational argument. You guys, you think you know so much. The generational argument. The listener, he's only talking to the squad. You're generational thing strength. Dan is exempt. Did you think that Hook was a good movie? No.

Okay. Not at all. We are closer in age. I thought Hook needed something to just grab the viewers. Like something good? No, like a... Like a hook? I see what you mean.

What about The Sandlot? Have you seen The Sandlot? Never seen it. That was way after my time. Of course, yeah. They just watched it. And it's garbage. I don't think you want to go down this road.

It is a trash experience. It makes me hate both sand and lots. I just despise everything involved. That take is not hot or cold. Dan. Dan, the movie is- But there are people that insist that it's a good movie. People love it.

Because they grew up with it. Dan. Love it. But there's movies I grew up with that I can say that's not so good. Sure. Of course. I would say three out of the four Indiana Jones movies. Awful.

You pick. that's not so sure of course i would say three out of the four indiana jones movies awful you pick i feel like they all three awful what you mean one awful one and three i think are pretty good two is terrible are you doing them chronologically or in order by release because temple of doom is the prequel two is it's true i'm talking about order of release order of release yes yes and getting so one is great we know one is great yes but not without its flaws not without its like when you watch it with fresh eyes you're like oh that's not great well especially when you figure out the math she was 15 when that's gross yep almost was grosser right according to legend cinema generational talk with paul f tompkins and f. Randall Sklar and Daniel Vandekers. Cinemational.

Cinemational. Cinemational. Cinemational. This is Dumb People Town and the world is dumb and all those, everything is dumb. So let's just get into it. God damn it. Let's do it. I don't want to just take it, but let's get into it.

It was sent in by Carleen McDermott at SheBeCarleen. Phenomenal. If you want to be like Carleen. It was sent in by Carleen McDermott at SheBeCarleen. Phenomenal. If you want to be like Carleen. If you want to be Carleen. Just go to Twitter, hashtag dumbpeopletown at DanielVanCurk if you have a dumb story

that you've seen in your life. Wait, Dan, there is a hashtag. I went down a rabbit hole of hashtag DPT. Just for the fun of it? Because I was like, I want to get,

I want to get, I want to get these ages. I want to get stuff into Dan. Jim wants to jump in the mosh pit. i was like i want i want to get i want to get i want to get these ages dan jim wants to jump in the there was a high school graduation that what like in the bahamas or something that was hashtag dpt so then i was like now why am i looking at all these high school graduation pictures oh they like co-opted it because it was their acronym dpt's us yeah get out of your high school dumb people town you went hashtag DPT just to see what was out there? I did the dumb thing.

It is fun when you have a hashtag for something, like for a show you're promoting or something like that, and then you click on that hashtag, and there's maybe just your dumb post, but then also four or five things happening on the other side of the world you can't figure out what they have in common. Or if you just pick one, just play roulette with it. Do hashtag still hurts. Just see what you find out there. People with nails stuck in their head.

People who have been dumped. People with injuries. Injuries and sports. People not over sports. Movie scenes that they never got over. People that got crushed by a still. Yes. Still hurts. Hashtag still hurts. And they're still getting crushed by a still. Yes. Still hurts.

Hashtag still hurts. And they're still getting crushed by it. Okay. Ready for the whiskey still. They're looking for help on Instagram, but they have to hashtag. People who hate the Dre song. Yes. Okay, ready for this headline from Carleen McDermott.

That should be Carleen. Couple wakes up to a dog snuggling in their bed, but it wasn't their dog. That's scummy. Is that? Honey, you got to start shaving. First of all. Shut the door. Yeah.

You've got to start shaving. Shut all the doors. I feel like there's several doors that need to be closed in order for this to not happen. To me, I love that. Someone rolls over. Who's this bitch? Oh, sorry. How good are you sleeping?

That a dog gets into bed? I know a lot of people have their dogs get into bed, but it doesn't even wake you up. No. Yeah. Do these people have a dog already? Yes. Okay. I want all of them. Where was this guy? Way up. Go on in. They won't even mind. Get in there. A dog will

bark at a bird. How is this another dog coming into their home? Not doing his job, apparently. And he's like you're gonna love them they're fun get in there yeah get in there they're ready for you just have fun roll around up there you don't think it's like a parent trap that these two dogs are going why would someone separate them i don't talk about that same breed you know like that just got yeah i'm gonna read the names of these people no okay just on their alone, I can tell you what their wedding was like. Let's see.

Julia and Jimmy Johnson. Oh, God. Everything's got a J on it, including the cake. It's in the shape of a J. When you go to find your table, we have started your name with the letter J. I like that. No, by the way, that's what they did for that cult. Joll F. Tompkins.

I would love to be Joll F. Tompkins for a day. Sure. But wasn't that- It may work for your wife. She's already good. That's right. Yeah. Unless they went to Janie.

To Janie. We added a J, no matter what. We screwed that up. Could have just went Red. Daniel, Jason, Jandy. Wasn't that the names from that cult? They would add a J to everybody's name? Oh, yes.

What? The moon cult. That guy. The one who the guy- Heaven's heaven's gate yeah oh yeah it was jade everyone's yeah yeah yeah that's their wedding that's this wedding guys get into your purple nikes julia now it was black nikes but they were proud yes cortez actually heaven's Gate nerds yeah but this wedding is using purple

and think about it has anyone just done it more than Heaven's Gate they did it oh they did it just did it they did it they just did it

they were like we're just gonna do it they're like they glossed over the fact that they're in this huge San Diego house like it was like a man

like who gave them the house it's a wonderful house that's always the thing with cults is how do they get my compound one person who they had looping yes gin air to the did you did you guys watch the doc or listen to a podcast talk about it because I did you and me okay I only list I listened to the podcast version I didn't see anything so I don't know if it translated. Did the guy look crazy? No. But did you notice that over the 20, 25 years that this guy did this, he really kept kicking

the can for as long as he could. Absolutely. Because he knew. Yeah. And he'd be like, I think that we got bad information. It's another five years. And eventually he was like, I got to pay off on this. Yeah. I mean, you're just not- Because like, I got to pay off on this. Yeah.

I mean, you're just not – Because I might die of natural causes before this happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because – Who am I? I cannot have these people kill themselves. It sounds like a joke, but it's not. That's the problem with being the leader of the cult is you have to stay the tip of the spear.

Right. And you get people to sign up for you. A lot of pressure. They always say what's worse, right? The leader or the person who follows. It's usually the people who follow. Yeah, yeah. Because they're so zealots for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The, the leader or the person who follows? It's usually the people who follow because they're so zealots for it. The other

guy's just winging it or a woman's winging it. There's a point at which you have to stay out in front of it. Can't I just get a day off? That's what he was saying. From being the cult leader. That's the problem with doomsday cults is that if you pick a day, that day's going to come. That's why

mostly evangelicals will say it's coming very soon. Yeah, we're in the end times. Yes, end times. There's that one guy who said, like, picked a day. Yeah, remember it was like 2011 or 2012? Ah, guess what? Didn't happen. Like, we're not seeing a lot of Mayan calendars being sold.

Do you remember the one that it was like May 23rd or something? Yeah. 2012. And there was billboards aroundrd or something? Yeah. 2012. And there was billboards around LA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it's coming. And it was just enough

to make even normal people go, what do I want to do in the 20s? Didn't Cusack say this is coming? No. Cusack. I think he signed up.

He was in a movie. Are you talking about John Cusack? John Cusack was in a movie. I think it was called 2012. It was based on the idea of the mind. Did you think that was a doc? The actor himself did not say.

No, he believed it. That's why he was in the movie, right? He only does projects he believes in. He would take scripts that he believes in. He's like, it's definitely the way I want to go out. I mean, he was a puppeteer for three years before. I've read six words of this article. Julia and Jimmy Johnson love dogs.

The Polk County, Tennessee couple owns the what county? Polk County. Oh, Pol dogs. The Polk County, Tennessee couple owns the what county? Polk County. Oh, Polk County. Polk County, Tennessee couple. Proceed, proceed. Owns three. You can probably also tell stuff

about how they name their dogs. Jupiter, Hollis, and Zeppelin. Oh, God. Little like, little ethereal and... Astrology based. And Led Zeppelin. You don't like that name for a dog? I'm fine with the other two. Zeppelin. You don't like that name for a dog? I'm fine with the other two.

You've seen that one just crash and burn to earth. Do you like people named for dogs? Like get over here, Edna. Yeah. I mean, case by case basis, obviously. But yeah, I don't mind. I mean, Dana Gold's dog has a first and last name. Scott Davis.

Scott Davis. Scott Davis. Yeah, that's funny. Whichid scott davis scott davis scott davis yeah that's funny which is an improviser at ucb for a while uh you don't think the dog and scott did he get transformed into a dog he took all of his talents into daniel he made a dumb wish a mr olympic wish because you've gone what with your dogs you've kind of gone like old literature so we have roman but we didn't name him roman he But before that, it kind of fits with Virgil. Virgil was named after the barbecue joint. Oh, not Dante's? And now we have Ponyo, which we realize is stupid because,

or not stupid, but it's confusing. What is it? We created a problem for ourselves. Ponyo, which was the Miyazaki film of the little girl who was a goldfish who turned into a girl, a little chunky, and she's a little French bulldog. It's great, but in a name that ends in an O,, a little chunky, and she's a little French bulldog. It's great, but in a name that ends in an O, people are always like,

he's so cute. I'm like, no, I don't want to be having this discussion right now. Yeah. Wow. They can't wrap their head around a girl having an O. Really? They can't wrap your head around it.

What about Margo? I'm like, he's great. No. What about JoJo? Well, but Margo usually ends in a T. What if you're Australian and your name is Stephanie? People go, he's Steffo. Steffo.

Love him. He's Steffo. Do you know what I think is a good name for a dog? Okja. Okja. Okja. Yeah, that's a wonderful name. And a giant pig.

Okay. If you have a dog who's like kind of a big fat pig. Three dogs. Jupiter, Hollis, Zeppelin. None of them give a shit about this other dog not one barked didn't even lift a head she says it's not unusual for them to share the bed with their pets but when the couple recently woke up to a dog snuggling with them they were in for a shocker it wasn't one of their dogs yeah julie posted on facebook as julie's are want to do

on may 1st yeah it is classic julie move straight goes straight to facebook quote she writes it is absolutely normal to wake up in our house with one of our dogs in the bed with us one small problem this is not our dog yes i get the premise julie thank you very do we know how she got into our house she i'm gonna show you this pic. Oh my god. That is such a... Oh, look at that dog! It's like they took the picture of it. They actually captured it. Doesn't that dog look like he had a hard day at work? Yeah.

Can we just lay down for a minute? Can I stay here for a half hour? The dog said, who's taking all the covers? He just found out they might not let him host his own show. I sold it. It's my thing.

It's written around my sensibilities. Don't talk about Sylvester Stallone and Rocky. He was going to sell it for a million dollars. I file this under dogs can do it, but people can't. A dog can take a shit in your yard. But if that's a 40-year-old guy,

Right. we're not going to be okay with it. I'm not thrilled either way. I know, but- It's a little less jarring. Right. The first thing. A dog can eat an entire birthday cake.

Wow. A human being, it would just be weird. A dog can knock over your garbage can and you'd be like, well, you know, he's looking for something. I think he's going to be okay.

Like the one bulldog that hates the garbage cans? Yes. I do love that so much. He doesn't like them. He doesn't like them. He can't pass one of them. Without pop.

But if that was a guy, you'd be like, hey, what are you doing? Absolutely. Getting to bed? I think a human can eat a whole birthday cake. I think that's fine. Agreed. If it's your birthday, go ahead. At least half an ice cream cake and definitely a full pumpkin pie.

Oh, my God. In a heartbeat. I love pumpkin pie. Yes. Pumpkin pie is so good. Okay. Once more problem. This is not our dog.

She wrote all caps. Yes. I understand. Nor do we know how she got in our house. But here's the question. Do you allow your dogs to sleep in bed? We absolutely allow our dogs to sleep in the bed. I like that they sometimes do.

I feel like dogs, if you let them do that, they will do it every single time. They don't understand exceptions. Yeah. They're never like. But dogs also don't make choices that way. No. I don't feel like going in there tonight. Yeah.

They're like, this is what I do now. Yeah, exactly. And they don't understand the command, guys, not tonight. I don't know if I'm not feeling it. Yeah, yeah. I need a little more space. We thought it was one of our dogs, but they rarely lay understand the command, guys, not tonight. I don't know if I'm not feeling it. I need a little more space. At first, we thought it was one of our dogs, but they rarely lay on the pillows! Exclamation point.

The plot thickens. The game is afoot! In pitch darkness, I just assumed it was our dog. Wouldn't we all? Yeah, maybe. That's where we're alike, Julie. Although, we don't know the size of Jupiter, Hollis, and Zeppelin because this dog looks like a big dog. They're all teacup chihuahuas.

So how did this dog get into the house? Who left the door open? As daylight began to creep in through our curtains. Who let the dog in? Who? Who? Who? Very fancy literature there.

The Baja girls did that. As daylight began to creep in through our curtains, we realized we were snuggling. Oh, my God. As daylight began to creep in through our curtains. We realized we were snuggling with someone else's dog. As the prospect of our mortality waned. Why do we have to get on that ride?

This is the weirdest post I've ever had to make. Is this your dog? I've ever had to make. She's had to. You didn't. I've had to make a lot to make. Is this your dog? I've ever had to make. She's had to. You didn't. I've had to make a lot of them. Is this your dog? Oh, I wish.

Look at that guy. I want that dog. My kids want a dog so badly. If ever a dog were to crawl into your bed and not supposed to be there, would you accept please? She's perfect. She's like, what? Also, isn't the dog a little bit like, we really got to take a photo of this?

Yeah. Come on. This can't just be our thing? The dog is like, you can take it, but don't post it. Yeah, let me see it first. Right. Photos or it didn't happen. After the post on Facebook, Julie...

Photos or it didn't happen. That's what the friend said. For the boys. Photos for the boys. Julie learned... Tin types or it never occurred. Julie learned the dog's name was Nala

and she had wandered... Not Nalo. Nala. That's how we know it's a girl. Thank you. Had wandered how many miles from home? How many miles

from Nala's home did she go to get into... This just became a Channing Tatum movie. I want to say seven miles. Seven. Jason? I'm going to say like 26 miles 26 marathon

i think just two miles okay one of you is exactly right now we get to play that time honored game i think is exactly right paul second half do you want to stick with yourself i think i'm right okay yeah i'm staying with i'm staying i'm staying put n. I'm sitting and staying. Good boy. Nala had wandered two miles. That's still far. That's a distance for a dog without someone. I was walking my dog the other day, and we got to a point on the walk, the little one, the French Bulldog, who's young and a puppy, and she was just like, I'm done. That's it.

So I literally had to carry the dog like it was out of a burning building. It felt like I was carrying an injured animal up a hill and all around. It's like, why couldn't you be more like Nala? This is another dogs can do it, humans can't. Not only how did the dog get in, how did the dog get out of the other house yeah that's right because i think just in the yard also is it sadder if your dog runs away there's part of it goes well dog didn't want to it's it's free now right you hope right whatever no trying to be positive here that's that's but when you find out but when you find out that the

dog did go to someone else's house got into bed, you definitely know the dog does not want you. It still wants a family. Or it wants love. It still wants love and somebody to sleep with. But it doesn't want you anymore. It's like if the dog were in prison. Because every dog's year is seven years. It's like the dog went to prison for two years because that dog's going to come back and be changed.

What I can never understand, too, is when people have dogs And they allow that dog to add so much Extra stress in their life We've had family dogs like this Where their whole life Is spent with you saying The dog's got out And then it's always a thing I'm always like let them go

They're sending a message to us They are, they don't want to be here Because if you're constantly like don't let the dog out Don't let the dog out No don't let the dog out. Oh, God. No, no, no, no, no, no. Close it, close it, close it. It's just this constant stress wave, like that wave planet in Interstellar.

You can teach the dog to stay. It's always going to come around again. And then when you go in, you're like, got your guard, and you're trying to like, with your knees and shins, like keep the dog back while you're carrying stuff. And you're yelling it out. You'll be like, come get the dog. Come get the dog. No, the dog's going to get out. The dog's going to get out. Well, there it the dog come get the dog no i'm gonna get out well they're close the gate i get so stressed by like don't

let the dog out i'm like then don't build a fence or don't get a dog or train your dog it's gonna wind up in someone else's bed don't let the dog out okay i guarantee you this dog is not allowed to sleep up on the bed in their house right in the house the original house i think that's a good call so it's like oh i oh, we're doing everything. Everything that I can't do at home. Do you think the dog looked at that bed for a long time before it got in there? Oh, like how long was it?

Like, it's like, do I do this? Am I doing this? I think the dog just, I'm gonna go with it. And they're just, the harder I go, the more they'll accept it. I can't get up there and walk around for a while. Exactly, yeah. I can't pay, I think the dog climbed up like, this is what I do on a regular basis.

Just straight up and in. No, it's the confidence. Who was telling us they walked into like 10 Super Bowls or something? Yes. Oh, Cash Levy. Cash Levy was saying that he's been stuck into eight Super Bowls. The way you just walk in. Walk in.

Just confidence. This dog came up, got on the bed. This is what I do. Really, that's determined by the entrance you use. That too. Right? But sometimes you can get away with it. But you are still passing by people.

Yes, but you can't do that at the main entrance. You can't do that anymore. Or maybe it's easier to do it at a side door. They're like, hey, do you have a thing? He did say the hardest ever getting in one was he was up up on a fence and there were like other people up on the fence and like a guy got like stuck and they're like just leave him he's not gonna make it leave him we'll go and they won't make it saving private right like they hopped a fence yeah one guy got stuck up there i stuck kind of guy and he remains there to this day he might still be there like you can

still hear his cry like as the sunlight creeps through the curtains years ago downtown l.a julie when they would be doing night she had to make a post about commercials tv shows movies in downtown l.a i would just walk right up to crafty oh and i have nothing to do with so much easier but you have to have that like how's it going absolutely yes yeah you walk up and it's like the more people you wave to the less you get spoken have that, like, how's it going? Yes, absolutely. Yes. You walk up and it's like. The more people you wave to, the less you get spoken to. And you need like two sentences of like, did Jeff bring the show cards? He's got to get back to the truck and get them. Are we still waiting on those keynotes? No, they got them.

Oh, right. Okay, good. Do you want anything from Crafty? That's why I carry a walkie talkie everywhere I go. It's not connected to anything else? You just are saying. No batteries in it? As you step to crafty and you feel the plate, you're like, is everybody on channel two?

What channel are we on today? I just want to make sure I don't float. I haven't heard a peep out of anyone. From the post. I'm on four. What is everybody on? Definitely pretend to be part of the crew. Not the cast. Not like background. Let me know if they say pretend to be part of the crew. Not the cast.

Not like background. Yeah, I work with you. Let me know if they say first team because I can't miss another. I'm doing this and I'm going 10-1, all right? Just let Julie know. I know all the terms. I belong here. Her name is Nala and her mom is on her way to get her.

Good luck getting her out of my bed, Julie wrote. The couple told news outlets that their dogs usually bark at squirrels, birds, and anything else that moves. For some reason, they did not bark at Nala. No. The Johnsons have become Facebook friends with Nala's mom, who said, we're thankful for our- Wait, Dan, is good luck getting her out of my bed a threat? That feels like it's very aggressive to say to this. It's my dog now.

Good luck. We're thankful for you guys. I would say this bed possession is 90% of the battle, right? Yeah, that is not. Did you mean nine tenths of the law? Nope, 90% of the battle. You know what they say, possession is 90% of the battle. It is, and then it's also nine tenths of the law.

90%? How do. It is, and then it's also nine-tenths of a lot. 90%? How do you guys do out there? I don't divide my law into tenths. How was the battle? Well, Sarge? I knew it was 90% of something. Possession? 90% of the battle law.

We're guys. Tomorrow morning, when we get to Normandy, we're taking 90% of that beach. I knew it was something. You were close. I didn't know it was fully there. Give him some credit for being close. No, he got the nine. I got the 90%.

No, he got 90%. Nine tenths is 90%. Fraction's out, right? If you squat on a bed for nine days out of ten, it's yours. If you squat on a bed for nine out of ten days. You might. Nala's mom said, we're thankful to you guys for keeping her safe, warm, and giving her snuggles. One friend told Julie that Nala picked the right house for sure.

Julie said they think Nala got into the house through a door that was accidentally left open. That is careless. Okay. That's very careless. That is so careless. In this day and age? The amount of times I've been in bed for 20 minutes and been like, I have to go check. Let me just check all the doors, make sure they're locked.

The risk versus reward, too high. This is not even an unlocked door. This is like open. Do you know what's so satisfying is when you hear a noise in your house and you don't know what it was, but you can identify that it is not a threat. It's like I know that something just fell down in there. There's no intruder. Right, right, right.

I bet I know. If I thought about it, I bet I figured out what it is. But I don't have to get up. It's that or a ghost. Good night, right. I bet I know. If I thought about it, I bet I figured out what it is. But I don't have to get up. It's that or a ghost. Good night, honey. Sorry, guys. I'm getting a call from Spam Risk. Spam Risk.

They're good people. Hey, what's up? Talk to them every day. What did I say? Oh, the door was accidentally left open. I don't recommend waiting. So here's why I think the door was left open, and this is honestly what it is.

I believe they let their dogs out in the yard and then just keep the door open a crack and then the dogs can kind of they with their nose or whatever paws push it back in and then someone didn't shut the door god i want to know but as we recently but as we recently talked about on a patreon episode coyote came into we saw a video of a door a coyote came in through the house in a doggy door and then the dog barked and got it to go back out. And then the coyote, this is on their ring camera, jumped up a nine-foot wall. I was like, wait a minute.

Coyotes can do that? Coyotes are becoming super powered, and we cannot stop them. We cannot stop the coyotes. And you know what? Kudos to them. Take their land back. Sure. Take it back.

They're here before anybody. Yes. They're like freaking werewolves. But you could get a dog in your house because you have a dog door. We have a doggy door in the back, so there could be a dog. It's not going up. You have to give a key to the dog. You have to put a lock on it and give a key to the dog.

The door that opens into our- Oh, what if it's like a little paw pad? A little paw pad. Oh, what if it was like a little paw pad? A little paw pad. So the door that opens in our house is the same door as the front door. Yeah, it's very cute. It's pretty cute.

We'll get out of here on this. I don't recommend waking up with a stranger, but if you do, I hope it's someone like Nala, Julie said on Facebook. Okay, Julie. I never recommend waking up with a stranger. How do I finish this post, hon? I don't know. Make it cute.

Make a broad sweeping statement. I have to do this post. This is the strangest post I've ever had to do. That's story one, friends. Number one down. Nala, I love you wherever you are. I agree. When we come back, we're going to find out what Paul F. Tompkins is doing, how you can follow him, listen to him, see him live if that's happening in the near future.

If you have to. If you have to. See him live if you have no choice. If you have to make a post about it, Julie, you can do that. All of that on the other side of the break. It's Dumb People Town with the great Paul F. Tompkins. Tompkins, stick around. Make a sound.

There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We will get into all of what Paul is doing. But first, Daniel Van Kirk. I got dates in August. Go to DanielVanKirk.com. Let's sell them out, guys.

Let's do that. Let's do that, guys. Let's sell them out. We have some cool, exciting news about the fall we can mention now. You got some CEN about the F? News about the F. We are going to be doing some live Dumb People Town. This is true.

Oh, there we go. On the road that we haven't done in a long time. So we got one is going to be in Nashville, Tennessee. That's correct. And then the next night. At Nashville, we can mention our guest. That would be October 13th. October 13th is Dusty Slay is going to be our guest, and then there's music.

Steve Pultz, who's an amazing singer-songwriter who wrote some of Jewel's biggest hits. Which is weird because Nashville doesn't have a lot of singer-songwriters. He's one of the only few. We got the one singer-songwriter in Nashville. Why is he there? I don't know. It's a weird place. It's weird.

And listen to why. Maybe back to business. I think the pandemic allows you to do stuff there that can be then put in another city. Cool venue. It's super cool venue. It looks weird. And listen to why. Maybe back to business. I think the pandemic allows you to do stuff there that can be then put in another city that would- Cool venue. It's super cool venue. It's gorgeous. It's at the Hutton Hotel.

Beautiful. There's the analog theater. It's really, really great. So we're going to do that there. And then the next night in Chicago. And then Randy and I have a gig- In Oklahoma. In Oklahoma.

And then on Sunday night- Oh, Dan, you have something- Nothing. And then Sunday night, we're going to be in Brooklyn at the Bell House. Is that set? I think so, yeah.

I think that's pretty much set. So look for tickets for that because you love the Bell House, we love the Bell House. And hopefully if he's around, Max from the band Cut Worms, which is like my favorite band, favorite, favorite, favorite,

he'll be playing there and hopefully Andrew Dismukes will be our guest. Yeah, we spoke to those guys, some SNL folks. So it's always a fun time. You guys, like, throw out possible guests before you have it confirmed? Oh, we asked them if they would do it, and Bolt said that they would do it. We just have to confirm them on the day.

Now, at the same time as you. Look, we put it out there. Dan, you have to get the stories ready. No, I'm into it. I think it's fun. Dan, you have to get the stories ready. No, I'm into it. I think it's fun. Dan, you have the hardest job. We have the easiest job. But every time we've done a show at the Bell House, it's been a blast.

And you've done many a show there. My favorite venue in America. God damn it, it's fun. So wonderful. It's so, so good. The people who show up at that place, where it's located, it's just, the bar is great. They take care of you in the back. It's just a wonderful time.

Love it. Great vibe there. So that's a great thing. We will put all those tickets and stuff on sale later. And then, of course, our show on the UFC Fight Pass, Cheap Seats, our reboot of Cheap Seats. It's called The Nosebleeds. It is so much fun.

That is coming out in August. We are cutting. This is how excited we are. We just had a conversation yesterday. We are going to cut commercials for it. Promos. Promos that will air potentially. We are going to cut commercials for it. Promos. Promos that will air potentially on ESPN, which is kind of crazy. That's great.

That's very cool. And all the other places that UFC stuff exists. And I think what they're going to do is put episode one on their YouTube channel so everyone can watch it. Oh, fantastic. And then if you want to subscribe. There you go. And then we'll think of something great for Paul F. Tompkins to do on the show when we do season two. How about that, Paul? We'll think of something great. Youul f tompkins to do on the show when we do season two how about that think of something great you're just manifesting shit all over the

yeah why can't you do it why can't we put it out in the world uh speaking of manifesting shit paul you always have great stuff going on it's true podcast lots of great buzz at moon tower about your show fantastic stuff about multiple nights that you did with mark evan jackson we had a great time oh yeah then I crashed your dinner. That's right. What's up? Are there more of those on the horizon?

What's happening? Hopefully, Mark and I are trying to figure out a tour. We don't know when it will be, but we'll obviously I'll let people know. Manifest it.

Start saying cities. Manifest it. Start saying cities. We're going to do a tour. We're doing every city in the United States. By the way, you did that better

than anyone else. You're like the 300 people. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. What a wonderful, talk about manif a tour. We're doing every city in the United States. By the way, you did that better than anyone else. You're like the 300 people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a wonderful. Talk about manifesting things. You're like, if 300 people will come and see me, I will go perform in that city. Some places it did not get manifested. But a lot it did.

A lot it did. It's true. No, that was fun for a while. But I have a show coming up at Laudroom in Highland Park here in Los Angeles. Fun. Varietopia. This is my variety show. Oh, my God.

It's so good. And it's July. It'll be Sunday, July 3rd. Great. So a holiday weekend, get in a show, go get wasted. But that will be, that's a fun show. It's a variety show, comedy, music, whatever else, surprise guests. But you can go to paulftompkins.com slash live to get tickets for that.

Let's make sure this show, because we record a bunch out in the future, let's make sure this drops. This comes out before July. That's right. Please, I beg of you. Well, too late. It's already sold out. Ha-ha, manifesting.

Oh! But no, it's probably not. So do check out those tickets. Okay, we'll make sure. For sure. And of course, the Comedy Bang Bang Tour in August. I mean, how ridiculously fun is that to do? It's so much fun to do.

I'm really looking forward to it. It's been a while since we've done it. Yeah. Yeah, great venues. And going to a bunch of places we haven't been before. Great. Still not going to your town, person listening to this. Yeah.

I'm assuming. But it's a pretty... It's a big show we're doing a lot of dates we're doing a lot of cool uh are you how do you oh comedy cbb world.com slash tour so you come on those shows and you are just your hilarious self and doing characters and whatnot. Yes. How do you prepare in your brain for that versus like, are you just like, clear it and I'm going to have fun and this is what we're going to do versus like, Is it written or improvised? Oh, it's improvised.

So it's so much easier than like doing stand up and worrying about that performance. It's like, you're not alone. It's like, I set the character beforehand. What I remember the last tour we did did the last big tour that we did. Lauren Lapkus and I because she she was also on every date. We had like a spreadsheet a shared doc so we could keep track of the characters that we were doing and what would complement you know like who are you going to do and blah blah blah. And it was really that was really enjoyable.

Like I liked plotting that out. But I don't know. Lauren's not going to be able to. She just had a baby, so she's not going to be able to join us on most of these dates. I don't know. I have absolutely no idea who else is going to be on the tour. It's going to be fun. I know it's me.

I'm doing every date except the Seattle one because of a personal obligation. Gotcha. Exciting. And hatred for Seattle. And hatred. It is like rain. He does not like the rain. He don't like coffee.

He don't like coffee. He don't like coffee. I don't like tall He don't like coffee I don't like to sell in Scramble Dates They're calling again They're calling again You guys want to do a story? I dare you to Even if that was not a show Let me just say how great that joke

Even if that was not a show about Seattle If Frasier took place in Indianapolis I still would have thought that's a great joke. What? Us riffing on the lyrics? Sure. It didn't even have to be about Seattle, and I still would have loved it. You're saying if Frasier was set in Indianapolis, is that what you said?

Yes. But I still said I'm not going to be in Seattle because I don't like tossed salad and scrambled eggs. I still would have thought that's a funny joke. Okay. All right. Fair enough. I don't get that reasoning, but I'm happy for you.

It was the tossed salad on top of the scrambled eggs of a joke. Is that the new hat on a hat? That's like tossed salad and scrambled eggs. That's the new haircut. I don't know. It's the new haircut. We're in the neighborhood, though. Hey, before we get into this next story. Hats on hats are 90% of the law. We have some people I want to give some shout-outs to.

Some people who are our Patreon members just just a few a few of them uh ryan colhane is a true local thank you how do you see c-u-l-h-a-n-e right i would say yeah right the lH is not something you see often. It seems like a last name you yell in vengeance. Culhane. Culhane. Get out of here. I feel like it's more of a cafeteria name. Yo, Culhane. Pass.

Pass it. How many times does that person get at the DMV and they're like, Calhoun? Calhoun? Nope. It's Culhane. This next person feels like a Charlie Brown character. Patty Planbeck. Aw. Patty a Charlie Brown character Patty Planbeck

Aww Patty Planbeck Patty Planbeck Patty Planbeck Is a Is one of those Full name people Like when you'd be like

Who's coming Absolutely yeah Patty Planbeck's coming John and Michael are coming David's coming I think he has a new girlfriend Patty Planbeck's coming Patty Planbeck is either

A Charlie Brown character Who always wears sandals Even if it's snowing. Sure. Or- Like Peppermint Patty. Right. You're saying there would be another one named Patty with a last name.

Right. But pretty much identical to Peppermint Patty. Was Peppermint her first name and Patty her last name? Or was she just a Peppermint? Because in her character, she wasn't always drawn to Peppermint. Was she? Was she holding a a peppermint? Because in her character, she wasn't always drawn to peppermint. Was she? Was she holding a peppermint? I don't think it ever came up.

It never came up. And while she worked with Marcy, they were also together. She worked with Marcy? Marcy worked for... Peppermint Patty Inc.? They were associates. Marcy was her assistant. They were associates. Marcy was her assistant. They were associates.

Marcy was a self-styled assistant, though. I don't think Peppermint Patty... But Marcy was like maybe an intern. She was getting college credit. But I don't think that Peppermint Patty ever desired that. I feel like Marcy took that role on her own. No, but Peppermint Patty would always

dictate things to Marcy. Would she? Yes, and Marcy would have to do it. And Marcy would organize the plan. Just because Marcy called her sir. I'm just saying. That's true. I'm just saying there was a power dynamic there.

Okay? There was a power dynamic there. I feel like Marcy made herself a sub, but Patty did not make herself a dom. That's, yeah. I think it was just like, hey, if you want to do this, fine. Like, she would just say. You're saying Marcy was a power top. I feel like-

No, no power. Power bottom. Power bottom. Just a neutral. She would make things happen. She would suggest things, and Peppermint Patty would just be like, okay, if you want to do that, go ahead. I also think it allowed Peppermint Patty to stalk other people, just knowing that that

part of Peppermint Patty's life was taken care of. As a nickname, you have to admire how long Peppermint Patty is. Yes. It's a long one. And how it has nothing to do with her character. She is not. She's never a know-up. She's never a know-up.

That was deep, deep background. But when she gets a partner, they're just gonna call her Pep. Like around the house. That's cute. Pee-pee. That's cute. Right?

Pep. P squared. I also think that, who's the other? It's all right, Pep. Patty, Patty. P squared. What's the other Patty Patty What's the last name Patty Patty Planbeck

Would also be like The most vicious Of the Boston mob scene Like you know You don't want You don't want Patty Planbeck To come calling

Oh even Whitey Bulger Was scared of Patty Patty Planbeck One more Joe I know that it's Graham But I always wonder Is Somewhere in England Is it Graham No No One more. Joe, I know that it's Graham, but I always wonder,

somewhere in England, is it Graham? No. No? Why is the H there then? Graham. Why is the H there? That's English, baby. You've never looked at it and wanted to throw it in. Graham.

I've done it as a joke with my friends named Graham, but I never thought, like maybe way back in the old bogs in the midst of time. Look at that. I think it's Graham. It is Graham,

but I'm saying I'm going to go with Graham. Joe Graham. Okay. It works if you do it with a little bit of whiskey It works if you do it. Right.

I pronounce it Tele-Graham. Okay, ready for this nightmare? Story number two? Yes. The detective of Dumb People Town, that's what they changed their name to, but their handle is still at Liz Haggerty. Sent this in. Sorry, Liz.

You're not fooling anybody. No. We know exactly who you are. We know exactly who you are. Here is a dentist visit nightmare. Here's the headline. Doctors remove drill bit accidentally inhaled during dental procedure. Oh, my God.

No. Okay. A new fear that we now all have. I didn't realize this was something. Loose tools. Loose tools in your mouth. Now they're saying inhaled like they're putting the blame on the person. What'd you do that for? You were breathing in so sharply. They just wouldn't have inhaled.

You sucked the bit off the drill. Sure. I mean, no one's ever inhaled this. Doctors in Wisconsin. Alright. That character alone. Oh, no. Alright. Don't be mad. Get the drill, bud. Now, look. I'll give you the deposit back.

Doctors in Wisconsin were able to safely remove a tiny drill bit from inside a man's lung after... All the way in. No after all the way in. No. All the way in. Now that's inhaling.

That is inhaling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it is on him. Maybe it is on him. After he inhaled the tool while undergoing a procedure. Tom Kazi. K-O-Z-S-I. Kazi?

Kozy? Kozy? I mean. I bet they call him Kozy. They definitely did not. He did not screw the tip of the drill in. Tom Cozzy said he was getting a filling from a dentist in Illinois when he inhaled the tiny drill bit.

Don't breathe in that hard while you get it. So he's accepting the blame. Right. I was at the dentist getting a tooth filled, and the next thing I know, I was. Working on my breathing. I was told I swallowed this tool. I was told. Probably because he didn't have any feeling.

So it went like. And you're just like. Well, he didn't know. He didn't know. They told him. So maybe he was almost kind of like, how tiny is this drill bit? It goes in your lung and you don't feel anything. Isn't the long rule that once your doctor, or I guess in this case,

dentist stops talking to you, then you get worried? Yeah. Like when they're not joking around and like make doing weird things, like to make you like not be nervous. Once they're like, hmm. So here's the good news. Cavity's filled. Cavity is all looking great.

Like they tell you all the great things. Or they start telling you like, I need you to stop talking to me for a second. I'm doing something. is cavities filled cavity is all looking great like they tell you all the great things or they start telling you like i need you to stop talking to me for a second i'm doing something or like two more doctors come in you're like i've never seen this guy yeah right yeah and then to the nurse cancel my one no cancel my one uh i was at the dentist getting too filled next thing i know i swallowed this says josie he told that to wis TV. I didn't really even feel it going down. All I felt was a cough. When they did the CT scan, they realized you didn't swallow it.

You inhaled it, which is a difference. You did this. You inhaled it. We legally have to say this. Can you just sign this thing saying you inhaled it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't do anything. There's a person who just at every time he talks about the cushion. saying you inhaled it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't do anything. Like, there's a person who's just at every time he talks about the cushion.

So you inhaled it. Like, you had to start pushing the paper across the table. Remember earlier when you inhaled that drill bit? Paper across the table? Doctors at Aurora Medical Center in Kenosha. This reminds you of the time you inhaled that thing. Paper across the table? In Wisconsin.

Said the situation could have led to invasive surgery, but they decided to try a device that is typically used for early detection of cancer to attempt to pull the drill bit out of his lung without surgery. So they have to use other devices? Yeah. Like a magnet? No, like a-

That's exactly what I thought. You thought a magnet. I'm thinking like arcade claw machine. Down the throat. Down the, yeah. Guy trying to grab it. I got it. It's coming out. claw machine. Down the throat. I got it. It's coming up. Oh, I bumped the esophagus. It's down. I need another quarter. Give it to me again. It would be cute if it was a little tiny claw.

I was with my eight-year-old at the bowling alley. Oh my God. That's in his lung. I need a quarter for scale. Why are people taking pictures without putting coins next to them did you get into a so i went to a game right no i went to the i was at the bowling alley and with my daughter she's like i want to do this claw thing and i was like these are rigged i'm telling you right now they are rigged like elections they are rigged there's cut that cut that i was like sorry i didn't mean to say that i said if what i meant

to say is every future like cut that cut that cut if they were if everyone was going to win all the time they'd run out of the toys and they'd have to refill you're trying to explain to a kid as i am telling her that these are rigged kid number two pulls out a giant toy and i'm like i'm so mad at this other kid for playing the game, for winning the game. He goes around the corner and the owner of the claw machine gives him 50 bucks. Oh, yeah. He's in on it. For sure.

He's like, give me the toy back. I love a good claw machine game. It's like a freaking scam. All right. Go ahead. Okay. So we've all seen the drill bit. Wait, what about that machine that sweeps the quarters?

Those are fun. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It's the simplest, stupidest bunch. You can see the money. It's here. And then this thing pushes it. I don't know. Is that fun for you?

The guy who's trying to downplay it. I put in 10 quarters. I won six. Yay. All right. Try it if you want. It feels so good, though, when they fall off the edge. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's some sort of sensory, like, visual gratification. You know why? Because it also mimics the thing of, like, sweeping, like, cleaning something up. Which people love to do. People love to do. They love to just get rid of the mess. Sweep it up. So they wanted to use this thing that detects cancer to get the drill bit out without surgery.

Dr. Abdul Al-Rayez, I tried, the pulmonary specialist who conducted the procedure posted a video to YouTube. You had less trouble with that than Colleen. And Graham. And Graham. And Graham. The pulmonary specialist who conducted the procedure posted a video to YouTube showing the bit being removed. Everybody wants to see that. Quote, I was never so happy as when I opened my eyes and saw him with a smile under that mask, shaking a little plastic container with a tool.

How could you tell he was smiling? He was smizing. Smizing. Yeah. That's how he wakes up. What if he was frowning with his mouth? Shaking the tool bit in front of him. Frowning with his mouth, smiling with his eyes.

with his mouth. Shaking the tool bit in front of him. Frowning with his mouth, smiling with his eyes. Joski, Joski, still there, said the drill bit

is being displayed on a shelf in his home. They gave it to him. Would you want it? No. It's not worth it. And who, I'd be like,

can I commemorate my lawsuit? Come on in. Have I shown you this? Remember, you did this. Well, I earned it. Paper across the table.

Right. Every meal he has someone over, he's like, how soon into the meal can I say, have I shown you? Let me show you around. We put in. That was in my lung. We bought this fountain in Bali, which was really nice. Have I shown you the drill bit? Just for fun.

For my lungs. Just for fun. We'll get out of here on this. How old do you think Tom Jasky is? The man who can't inhale? All right. Tom Jasky. Does not properly inhale when there's a drill in his mouth.

He inhaled a drill bit all the way into his mouth. And to his lung. Yeah, into his lung. He presents it on the mantle at his home. How old do you think? 59 years old. Okay. God. I want him to be old, too, because this How old is he? 59 years old. Okay. God.

I'd want him to be old, too, because this does feel like, not even that old. Yeah, it's not that old. By the way. By the way. I mean, older. We're pretty close in age. We are. But that is the thing, though.

Other people are old. You are how you feel. Yeah. You know what? That's right. We're 29. I feel very- In the brain.

All right, 50. I'm going to say 50. 50? Okay. He's our 29. I feel very- In the brain. All right, 50. I'm going to say 50. 50? Okay. He's our age. I want him to be like 76. You want to go with that? I want him to be 76.

Okay, good. One of you is only one year old. Oh! So now we get to play. We just go up a year, down a year. You've got the range. What do you want to do, Paul F. Tompkins? I'm going to go down a year.

Okay. 58? I'm going to say 49. I'm going to go down a year okay 58 i'm going to say 49 i'm going to go down a year to 75 75 we all went down a year tom jasky yes to wrap up story number two is 60 years old oh you were right the wrong way with it he was but he's right there you should have exhaled all right so give us a little taste, Dan, of what we're going to hear in segment three, and then we've got a great Patreon story.

People move next to an airport and get mad about it. Way to not. Way to not. How did we not know? Yeah, you can't predict your neighbors. It's like a dog sleeping in your bed when you leave the door open. All right, so.

Yeah, the realtor showed us the place at 1 a.m. So quiet. Not on a holiday weekend. Alright, so we'll get to all that on the other side of the break. Plus, Patreon fans, Paul F. Tompkins has a dumb story from his life. The memory was jarred loose when we started talking.

All of that. Like a drill bit in your lung. It was just jarred loose. I have that memory. He's going to display it. If you are not joining our Patreon, you're missing out on all this cool stuff. He will display it on the mantle of our Patreon for all of you to see.

This is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make it sound. Four more. Dumb People Town. All right, Daniel, take us to the final story. I will, but before that, I want a couple shout-outs I want to give to some people.

Let's get to a couple. Why not? This is fun. Ready for this one? Bobo DeBear. Bobo DeBear. DeBear. Bobo DeBear.

Did Bobo DeBear do that Cuban All-Stars album? Yes. What? Talking about Rykuter? No. Oh, T-Bone Burnett. T-Bone Burnett. Okay, close enough.

Bobo DeBear and T-Bone Burnett. I'm always confusing the two of them. Bobo DeBear. Tremendous musician. True local. Bobo DeBear is the Coco Beware of our- Yeah. I'll take that.

Wait. Obviously, that's a play on Coco Beware. Yeah. Tanya Ehret. E-H-R-E-T. Ehret? E-H-R-E-T? E-H-R-E-T.

Best holiday card I've ever seen was Weird Al sitting on a, he's somewhere in like Florida or something, and he's sitting on like a fence. Probably Hawaii. Hawaii. Sitting on a fence, and there was an egret sitting next to him on the fence. He's like, I've tried to live my life with no egrets. That's great. I tried.

Well, we have an eret. We try to live our life, we try to live this page now with no regrets. That's great. I try. Well, we have an E-Ret. We try to live this page round with no E-Rets. We've had a few. Tanya E-Ret. And then lastly, Lindsay Hyken. H-I-K-E-N. What's she doing today? Why isn't key a letter?

Key could be a letter. H-I-K-E-N. My friend's name is Key Kwan. Hyken. Key could be a letter. Sure sure the key to spelling that name okay i can key okay ready for the story sure sending it again by liz hagerty the detective gentleman liz hagerty at liz hagerty thank you liz dublin airport received 90 of noise complaints complaints from one person in 2021. Sarah Dunn. Right.

Dublin Airport. Right. This isn't, by the way, like a tiny pop-up airport. No, this is the pop-up airport. This is an airport. You know those pop-up airports. We're going to have an airport here for the weekend. Follow us on Instagram. We're going to take this here.

Find out where we're going to be next. Tiny airport. Wait, so this is the national airport of Ireland. One individual in Ireland made how many noise complaints against Dublin Airport in 2021? How many noise complaints

do you think they made? Can you guys keep it down? In a year. Yeah. And they make up 90% of them their total complaints is 90% of the total complaints I would tell the 10% of people that are complaining

what are you complaining about I'm going to say 3 a month so what would that be I don't know that's 36 I'm going to say more I'm going to say like 100 I'm going to say 2. I'm going to say like 100. Okay. I'm going to say 2,300.

Okay. This person does not know. One individual made noise complaints against the Dublin airport, totaling 12,272. Oh, my God. I was on that. You never could have seen a comma entering into this. 12,000 is 1,000 a month.

That's their job. Yeah.000 is 1,000 a month. That's their job. Yeah. This is all day, every day. 12,272. And you know that person has a phone attached to their wall and is talking as they're dialing. Okay, got to call these people right now. It's every time a plane takes off for land.

Got to be. It's happening again. And somewhere behind this person calling. Do you believe this? Is grown children going, dad, dad, dad. Stop it. Can we just have dinner? They don't want to hear it.

This is why we don't come over for dinner. They walk in the house. He's on the phone. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you on with them? Yep.

That's what they, because they all, it's shorthand. I'll be right there. You on with them? Yeah. You on with them? I'll be right there. I can't hear you because of what is happening here. I'll be right there. At on with them? You on with them? I'll be right there. I can't hear you because of what is happening here.

I'll be right there. At a certain point, too, you know everyone who works at the airport answering phones. Oh, and they know you. Right. Yeah. So aren't you going,

it's Gene again. Gene, you normal? Yes. Same. Put me down for the same complaint. The idea of calling the airport. We're going to be late for our flight call the airport somebody must look at that phone like why is the phone ringing that's right we have a phone it's the

red phone hello airport it's like when you have to reach out you've reached the airport specific location of your rental car place at the airport and the number the hoops you have to go through to get to that number of that enterprise location at that airport yeah i'm assuming this person is just trying to find my kid this person is trying it has been through several employees who answered this phone right so and when they get trained in there will be a guy he's going to call you they're like they everyone's trying to reroute that call. Until finally it's like ringing in a cockpit as they're landing. They're like, what are we doing? Who is this? This also reminds me of the people who move

across the street from Wrigley Field and couldn't be more pissed off. And I'm like, what did you think? They're always against night games and they're bitching about There's drunk people everywhere. I don't understand this. You don't understand this. If Wrigley Field left and you lived that close to the corner of Addison and Clark, you would still have all these drunk people.

Yes, I get disamplified by the world's biggest bar, but this was there before you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine if you're on a plane landing at Dublin International Airport and you see a little sign on the runway that says, please be considerate of our neighbors. Keep it down. Keep it down. So if you were to, and I would translate everything he's saying,

I think I would allow him to make all the calls he wants if he opened every conversation with, I don't understand how an airport works. Yeah, sure. Hello, I do not understand how an airport works. Or if they just said, hey, we're going to give you your own line, and then it just goes to a machine that they – It automatically deletes every other one.

Automatically deletes everyone, or they – A dedicated machine for this guy. Yeah. They compile that into a – Oh, it's like Gary Cole in Office Space, right? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The unidentified person averaged 34 complaints a day and accounted for 90% of all complaints received by DAA about aircraft taking off and landing at the location.

It's every flight. It's every flight. It's too loud. The total complaints last year totaled 13,569. The total's totaled. The total's totaled. Good tight writing. But is that the complete total?

I feel like I am doing a math problem. But would have only been 1,296 if cases by the individual were not counted. So if you take him off the books, we're getting 100 a month. Still too many. What are the other people? Still too many, Paul. Still too many. What are the other people? Still too many, Paul. Still too many. Noise complaints.

Yeah. Too much. The individual who lives in Ognar, located in northwest Dublin. Oh, my. Ognar. Ognar. O-N-G-A-R. That feels like it's written backward.

O-N-G-A-R. Am I saying it wrong? Ongar? Ongar? Maybe. O-N-Ongar. O-N-G-A-R. Ongar is like what you call.

It's like what you call when you're in trouble. Isn't it like the reverse of the Thor movie? Sarah Dunn is like, it's Gnar. It's just Gnar. It's just Gnar. Who knows? The O is silent. Really?

They had lived in there, Ognar, northwest Dublin. Had also previously made complaints in 2020. Any guesses how many complaints they made in 2020 for fun? Maybe two. Two? 10,000. 14,000. 6,222. Doubled it. complaints in 2020 any guesses how many complaints they made in 2020 for fun maybe two two ten thousand okay fourteen thousand six thousand two hundred doubled it for 2021 it's getting worse they're not listening i don't feel like the complaints are continuing in 2022 so they doubled it in 2021 i might have misspoke with the person his? With the person having already filed, this came out. This came out.

In April. 4-19. Yeah, April 19th this came out. So he's had four months to complain. Yeah. Let's pace him and chart him. I think he's already had 5,000 complaints. Okay.

For the year so far, today? For the year so far, we're in June. But it was up to, this was written in April. So four months of complaint. Four months of, yeah. Almost four months months 17,000 17,000 I'm going to say 8,000

5,276 but he's on base for 20 he's averaging 59 a day or 15 he's on for at what point do you hire him and now he's like what am I going to complain

against myself bring him in bring him in At least give him a tour. You know what I mean? This is how it works. Or just bring him in, put his desk next to the person. When he gets a complaint, he just writes it down, hands it off to the person next to him. He's there.

He's there. Also, that would be great to let I would let him come in and field some of the complaints for the day. Let him be the guy to- I hear you. Oh, I know. It's even worse where I am.

And by the way, the person on the other end would be like, this is so great. The airport totally understands me. You kind of cancel each other out. They're hearing me. Finally. And then you thank him. Thank you for your service. Most complaints are filed by those who live near the airport or on flight paths.

Who's calling not near the airport or on flight paths who's calling not here i don't understand it's too loud too loud most complaints are also about aircraft being used at night daa says it has responded to each individual complaint and said airport operators are committing to working with communities on issues such as aircraft noise to me that says we're never going to deal with it this is the other thing too for me at some point I this even happens to me I've averaged over 50 flights the past like four you know outside of pandemic yeah a year I'm over 50. there are moments where I'm like we're flying yeah yeah it's a miracle yeah we're flying I can get to that city from the city the noise oh you mean, the noise. The noise. Oh, you mean when we flew? Yeah, when we.

When we flew. Yeah. When we flew. When people essentially did what 100 years ago they would call time travel. I was in this time zone and now I'm in this city way over there. Back two hours. DA also has introduced an online system known as WebTrack to give details on flight paths and noise levels from aircraft using Dublin Airport WebTrack. Also makes it easier to submit noise complaints.

So they're trying to start shoving it off. This is what you do with this guy. You send him tons of information. Maps, flight plans. All of it. Or you have someone from your place call him daily. To complain about his complaints? Yes. Or to

see how it's going. How you doing, man? Hey, man. Yeah, you follow up with a survey about his last call. And eventually he's like, please stop calling me with these surveys. How you doing, man? Hey, man. Yeah, you follow up with a survey about his last call. And eventually he's like, please stop calling me with these surveys. If you want to continue with these calls, please answer a customer service survey. I have another plan.

Let's hear it. What if they call him right before every takeoff and landing and say, just so you know, you're going to hear something. Trigger warning. Maybe that's all he wants. Maybe he just wants some of those wings. Just a heads up. Get him some wings. He wants some of those plastic combat. Coming in. You're going to hear something. Trigger warning. Maybe that's all he wants. Yeah. Maybe he just wants some of those wings. A warning.

Just a heads up. Get him some wings. He wants some of those plastic wings. Hair plugs. A heads up, some ear plugs, and some wings. There you go. That's a show. That is a show.

Mr. Paul F. Tompkins, I'm literally, I want people to go see you on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour. I literally want people to see me on these shows. I literally want people to see you on the shows. Podcast. Especially the Seattle show. July 3rd. July 3rd at Lodge Room.

It's a great, that venue is my new favorite venue in LA. It is a restored Masonic Lodge. Nice. Brand new sound system. Great stage. Did we do that room? The Lodge Room? No. It's great. Highland Park. Highland Park, yeah.

I love it. Podcasts. People can. Podcasts. Freedom with me, Scott Ackerman, and Lauren Lapkus. Yes. Stay F. Homekins, which is a monthly podcast that I do with my wife. I love it. And The Neighborhood Listen, which I do with Nicole Parker, is going to be coming back soon. We're going to start recording again soon.

That's where we take posts from Nextdoor, and we do improv based on the posts. I love it. Come on. Nextdoor.com. Just fun. The the posts. I love it! Come on. Nextdoor.com. Just fun. The one place where people just don't take themselves seriously. Paul F. Tompkins, you are a treat, a joy, a national treasure, and we love you. And, oh shit, we've got to get back to work.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum,