Dumb People Town - Paula Poundstone - Trial by Combat

Episode Date: March 10, 2020

This week Dan, Jason and Randy welcome Paula Poundstone to town to start with a story about a man who wants to go into combat instead of going to trail. In story 2, a man is pulled over by the police but doesn’t quite see it that way. In story 3, a dog collar is designed to translate for your dog's.

Skypain's out of here. Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you? Population you? Population Poundstone.

Paula Poundstone. Welcome to the show. Wow, it seems like there's a whole template, a whole system. A company of voices. Wow, I was so unprepared for just that little beginning part. So were we. We like to jolt you into it. There is no preparation. You just have to be there and then accept it.

All right, great. Being here is 99% of it. Yeah, and I was out there a minute ago. And now you're here. You're lucky to be there and then accept it. All right, great. Being here is 99% of it. Yeah, and I was out there a minute ago. And now you're here. You're lucky to be in here. How happy are you that you're in here now? Oh, really happy. So we're in here and we're going to try. We believe that the world's getting dumber, as we explained to you before.

I don't know if you subscribe to that. Do you believe that it's getting dumber or we're just seeing dumber behavior? It's more of a, it's an interesting discussion. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's more access to the dumber behavior. Yes. There was a time when you did something dumb, you might figure out that it was dumb and

then feel a little embarrassed about it. And not. And you don't share it with people and other people don't share it with. But now, you know, this whole, right, YouTube channels and stuff that are about nothing but. Pride and dumb. Yeah. There's pride and dumb. Yeah, there's more pride. Yeah, there's nothing but pride and dumb yeah there's more

pride and dumb you're right yeah look what i did we don't want to look what you did right well thankfully people say look what you did and our fans our wonderful fans will gather the stories and send them to dan they just tweet them at daniel van kirk and put the hashtag dumb people town and then he knows who did it in person so we, look at that. We have a system. We have a timeline. We have a natural timeline. So while you're here, let's jump into a story right away. Let's crack open. Wait, I have to open this. Crack it open. Crack open a Pepsi, and let's get into the dump.

Oh, my God. I cut my finger off. No. Put that on YouTube. That's our first story. Get that on YouTube. Get that on YouTube. I shouldn't have put my finger inside.

Why are you so proud of it? There's a sharp edge, and I. Jeez. My mistake. Here we go. Ready? Yes. Sent in by FunkyFunky at Funky underscore Celtics.

Thanks, FF. Okay. Here we go. Good. Thank you. Headline. Five words of fun. Man requests trial by combat.

So he wants... Yes. Not by jury. Game of Thrones style. Not by jury. No. He wants a fight. He wants not like a Hunger Games kind of a thing, but an actual battle. Trial by combat. That's going to decide his fate. If I beat you, I'm free.

If you want something done, do it yourself. Would you trust your peers? So now has he already been convicted of the crime? This would be the sentence? We're going to find out. Des Moines, Iowa. It's Des Moines. It's Des Moines.

Yeah. You just can't have a show called- She did that on purpose. Dumb People Town. Did you do that on purpose? That's which is why I didn't say anything. I totally fell for it. It was more of a lie than a joke.

Ever since I lost the tip of my finger on this soda can- I can't believe you did that. I just haven't been thinking straight. I totally fell for that. He's from Illinois. He can do it. I'm like a con person's dream. Because you can be duped very easily.

I can very easily be duped. That's a great album title. Ask any one of my children. A con person's dream. And I just, yeah, because I have sort of an open-hearted policy. Right. And a lot of trust. You want to believe.

Yeah, I do. Dan, you've already violated the trust policy. Thanks, Dan. A Kansas man asked an Iowa court to grant his motion for trial by combat so that he can meet his ex-wife and her attorney, quote, on the field of battle where he will rend their souls from their corporal bodies. Oh. Yeah. That's another crime. Isn't that another crime david ostrom well not if it's sanctioned by a court of law yeah fine not not

also if your wife has a corporal body yes that's true that's oh he misspoke but he doesn't know that yes he should have noticed that right on the first date she has a corporal body i think she's got a private body uh here's the thing. If he works in Medieval Times, I think this will fly. This is okay. Right. Any other scenario,

that doesn't work. Medieval Times, that would be working for the divorce you hope to have, not the marriage that you're actually in. You're currently in.

If you serve the jury chicken legs, no silverware. No silverware on metal plates during this. Oh, yeah. They love that.

They do. All right. So he wants to – so that is the trial then. Yes. David Ostrom. Just go – go ahead. I'm sorry. No, always jump in.

Paola, I don't know, P-A-O-L-A, Kansas, claims in court documents that his ex-wife, Bridget Ostrom quote destroyed him legally he asked an Iowa district court in Shelby County to give him 12 weeks lead time

to source and forge a katana and wakasashi swords according to the Carroll Times so not only does he want

trial by combat he wants time to make his own sword forge it he wants to forge it. This is when you're too far into the forest. It's not even about the divorce anymore. It's really just about making a sword.

Yeah, you just want an excuse to make a sword. Just one last shot at making a sword before it all went down the drain. Look what I did. If I'm the judge, I go, you can make that sword. Once you do, half that sword has to be given to your ex-wife. And she gets the top part. She gets the handle. You get the handle.

She gets the sharp. You get blade. So, so far, you know, you just can't help but be on the side of the wife. Yeah. Of course. Although, on the other hand, if there's a guy that wants to solve his legal problem this way, you might have recognized that on the first date, too. True.

Yeah. So maybe. So her picker's a little off. Look for the. Yeah, definitely. Look for the signals. Here's my thing. While I am appalled at what he's saying, I do think it's kind of cool that he's like

being open about what he wants to do instead of showing up at her like house with the sword like 12 months later. He's willing to do it. He's like, let's make this a sanctioned event instead of me showing up at a Rite Aid parking lot. What does she get? Now, I'm cool if she gets a bazooka. She gets a blunderbuss. Okay, thank you.

It has to be from another time. A laser. She gets a musket. He's in the back going like this. He's coming with the sword. Again, he can have... Fine, you get a sword.

That he has to make himself. She gets a Trojan horse. He's never going to guess. He's never going to guess. Honey, look what I got you. I got you a present. Look what I got you. Also, this already is a much more dramatic version of marriage story.

Yes. Trial by combat. Quote, to this day, trial by combat has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States. Well, he's got a point then. He does. That's a very strong point. Saying that it was used, quote, as recently as 1818 in British court. Well, that feels pretty recent.

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm going to say. Also, not in this country. Yeah. But he's like, well, if you're going to start saying other countries. We came from Britain. Right. Yeah.

Right. Yeah, there is a relationship. There's a through line in this man's thought process. You know, one thing, and what's his name again? David Ostrom. David. Well, one thing that, because I'm sure he's listening. Of course.

One thing that you might consider, another fun way, is Trial by Carnival. Yes. another fun way is trial by carnival. And what you could do is you and your wife could each shoot your respective lawyers out of cannons and whoever's lawyer goes the furthest wins. No one's going to argue.

For sentencing, if you knock down these milk bottles, you get a lighter sentence. Yeah, precisely. And you know, that's never been outlawed. That's true. It's never been outlawed. It's fun. Right.

You win your money back in a frosted ZZ Top. Would you go to a divorce carnival where every game is determining how they split things up? I'd go to that. Yes, wait. Divorce carnival hosted by Paula Poundstone is a TV show. Why are we not doing that? Why have we not mailed this idea to ourselves already? I'd go to that divorce. Wait. Divorce Carnival hosted by Paula Poundstone is a TV show. Oh, my God. Why are we not doing that?

Why have we not mailed this idea to ourself already? Whichever one of you guys shoot these water guns, whichever horse makes it across first, that's who gets the house. That's who gets the split level townhome. Yeah. I don't see anything wrong with that. Divorce Carnival. Divorce Carnival hosted by Paula Poundstone.

We're done. Monday. And then you get like a big plush toy. Yes. It's not. That reminds you that you're alone. Two small plush toys you could trade in for a medium. A medium and a small plush toy you can turn in for two larges.

Two large plush toys you can turn in for a visitation ride. Yeah, visitation ride. The guy throws the ring on the top of the little ring to us and says... Oh, wouldn't that be frustrating? I got the boat. He says, I just wanted to know my son knew that I fought for him. Yeah. Or you throw the ring onto the thing and then you get the ring back.

Like you can now sell that. If you land the ring, you get the ring. Oh, the ring. Oh, that's a great idea. You get the ring. We are literally beating out the pilot episode of Divorce Carnival hosted by Paul Ponson. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

No, this is really, I hadn't even thought about the ring. The ring on the ring. On the other hand, if you just use the plastic rings, which there's a trick there, and I don't know what it is, but there's some sort of trick. And if you use the plastic rings, that is still like a metaphor, I think. Oh, for sure.

I don't know why I'm hung up on Paula Ponson hosting this type of a thing, but I want Paula Poundstone as the judge hosting the fight, the actual fight between people who are trying to settle things, and we call it Pound for Poundstone. That works, too. Oh, wait a minute. Stop it. You know, the idea of me having anything to do with couples one way or the other, I have never been a part of a couple in my entire life. You've got a fresh look.

I have no desire. You are completely impartial. Exactly. You're the most impartial person. Who better to judge than someone who's objective? Well, that's true. My admonition to the couples would be the same every time. Like, what were you thinking?

Why would you do this to me? There's a guy on Twitter. I follow people. I don't know who they they are i just follow a lot of people and um you know some of them are people i'm probably like minded with and just as many i'm not at all i just follow them and uh anyway so there's a guy on twitter that has been writing these really long or is it a woman i don't know but these really long things about like one tweet after another about being alone and being lonely and having no one. Is it Jeb Bush? He hasn't had sex in six years. It is Jeb Bush.

I'm like, okay, explain the problem again? Exactly. So, what are you bragging or is there a challenge there? You're saying you have a lot of time to yourself and no one's bothering you. Okay. Yeah, exactly. And you're able to be exactly who you want to be. You don't have to like fold to your personality to fit someone else's personality.

Okay. So I'm just saying that. And the problem is what? I don't understand. It doesn't make any sense to me. And it's on and on. And I think at one point I sort of responded, well, good for you. And the vitriol that came.

Here's the show paula poundstone hosts a show where she answers the tweets of lonely people oh yeah that could be very positive because they give all of that what they're doing to her and she's we call it poundstone of flesh all right there you go oh boy he's like a machine it's unbelievable i. He just thinks this stuff all the time. Oh, my God. I bet he has a notebook by his bed. Monday, David Ostrom told the Des Moines Register, he got the idea after learning about a case in 2016 in which New York Supreme Court Justice Philip Minardo acknowledged that duels had not been abolished.

Ostrom said the motion stemmed from his frustration with his ex-wife's attorney Matthew Hudson so that's who he's really mad at he said I think I've met Mr. Hudson's absurdity with my own absurdity so he also knows so he's reflective David Ostrum said his ex-wife

can choose her attorney as champion or stand-in fighter so he wants his ex-wife to say she'll have her attorney fight for her. Hudson, that would be the wife's attorney, filed a resistance to the trial by combat motion by first correcting Ostrom's spelling. Surely Ostrom met corporeal bodies,

which Merriam-Webster defines as having, consisting of or relating to a physical material body. Which is what Paul picked out. Although Ostrom and potential combatant do have souls to be rendered, they respectfully request that the court not order this done. So they're also having, which he's billing her for, because he's acknowledging I have to do this. He has to write a response.

Yes. Right. Yeah. David, you're really just dragging this thing out. I agree. I know. I know. Just give up the boat.

It's clear that he, yeah that he's upset with the wife, but he's especially upset with the lawyer. And you know, David, there's so many things you can do about that. Okay, you know that half-sweeney door in the courtroom? Just pull it back and let it smack the guy. Not in the face. You have to be awfully short for it to hit him on the face. Oh, the tiny door. She's talking about the half door.

I thought you were talking about the door to go in. The tiny door. Yeah, the tiny door. Tiny door. Well, we don't know who his lawyer is. It could be a dwarf. You're right. It could be.

But yeah, I mean, I think there's things you could do. Paul Pau's own host a lawyer show that is only made up of dwarf lawyers and it's called Small Small Claims Court. You know what? Gotta be a big notebook right by his bed. Alright, take the guy's legal pad and just cut off

the last three inches of it and that makes it just a pad. And to a lawyer, to a lawyer, that is that is you've done it's emasculating legal needs exactly i always say he's not really a part of the law if you want to get really passive aggressive at any time you can always accidentally spill your water at any time in life in any scenario if you want to be passive aggressive enough you can always accidentally or drink it really slow and i think we've learned that from Bill Barr and the Whitaker guy.

Slower you drink it. The slow drinkers, man. That's just the whole country just waiting for the... Slow drinking is the new close talking. It's bad. Everyone hates it. No one likes it. Matthew Hudson, the ex-wife or future ex-wife's attorney,

argued that because a duel could end in death, such ramifications probably outweigh those of property tax and custody issues. It should be noted, this is a quote from Matthew Hudson, it should be noted that just because the U.S. and Iowa constitutions do not specifically prohibit battling another person with a deadly katana sword, it does prohibit a court from sitting in equity from ordering same. Matthew Hudson asked the court to suspend Ostrom's visitation rights and order him to undergo a court-ordered psychological evaluation. All right. Which is fair. Fair.

Totally fair. But David Ostrom admitted to the misspelling and argued he has no history of mental issues. So if he didn't admit to the misspelling, you'd be like, he's crazy. Right. If he does admit to it, he knows he's dead. But David Ostrom has another option for the sword fight. Historically, he said in court records, trial by combat has not always won by way of death, but also when a party cries craven.

So he'd be happy with Matthew Hudson just being like, I'm scared. When they cry craven? I think it's when you give up. You say, I'm too terrified to fight you. I'm scared. I won't do it. Or uncle. You call uncle.

Respondent and counsel have proven themselves to be cravens, this is David, of course, by refusing to answer the call to battle. If call to battle is anywhere in your court proceeding... So he's saying they've already given up. Thus, they should lose this motion by default. Way to go, Randy. You're on it today.

Adding that if the party decided otherwise, he wants to proceed with a blunted practice style of swordplay. So he's fine with just smacking each other with wiffle bats. Oh, yeah. Nerf. Nerf. Nerf.

Nerf. Nerf. Nerf. Nerf. Nerf. Nerf. Nerf. Nerf.

Nerf. Nerf. Nerf. Nerf. Nerf. But you know, I can say, I have a Nerf gun for tennis balls for my dog. And you just fire them off. And I love it, and the dog loves it.

But it says on the muzzle of the, not of the dog, of the gun, it says never look down the barrel of a gun. That's right. Not even a Nerf gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, it's true. The ball's right there.

It could just any, but yeah. Even a Nerf to the face is not going to feel good. Well, no, exactly. So this is my point about, you know, he's saying that it wouldn't be to the death. Yeah, he's like, I'm fine with just getting to hit him. You know, you hit just right with the nerf ball. Imagine if you really kill someone with a nerf.

That would be horrific. I mean, that would be an unbelievable death. No, but he just wants to get his aggression out. Like, no, I got you. This guy just wants to get his aggression out. No, I got you. This guy just wants to get his aggression out on this lawyer. That's all he wants. That's all he wants. Yeah.

He doesn't even care about the future of the visitation. He doesn't care about anything. He just wants to take out the anger on this guy. Let's say he wins in a protracted, more blunted thing. Sure. What do you tell your kids? Daddy won you in a duel. Right.

That's not going to make a kid feel good i it's he's not even caring about that all he wants is to win the right to duel yeah you're right he's not focusing on the future of the family he doesn't have a long plan this david ostrom it's weird because he's you're right what he's saying about working with the court of law he's smart enough to not go fight him in a bar but dumb enough to want to make his own sword that's what i mean right that's what I'm saying is that there's a certain like I want to go back to a- genteel nature to his ability to want to share his plans

with the court. But Paula said this is about making a sword for this guy. I think I need to know more about what was tearing this couple Right? I mean, maybe, you know, they may have met like at a Renaissance fair. All of this may be- And it comes full circle. Right, exactly. This might have beenissance fair all of this may be right exactly

this might have been the logical end of this relationship right yeah but yeah I mean these things might not be I mean we think they sound so weird but maybe for even this couple like maybe even the wife this is how the exact conclusion maybe one of the things she's upsetting

about are the dunkings yes 100% and why not why I would say this Maybe one of the things she's upsetting about are the dunkings. Yes. A hundred percent. And why not? Why wouldn't he? I would say this. Yeah. I mean, okay, I forgot what I was going to say. No, no, but I do think there is something interesting about the fact that let's just

make them Renaissance fair people. Okay. If you think about the Renaissance time, people were dying at like 35, 36. I'm assuming these guys are in there. Are we going to guess their age? We are going to guess their age. So I'm assuming these guys are in there. Are we going to guess their age? We are going to guess his age. So I'm assuming this guy is like in his 40s. I'll already tip my hand and say this guy is in his 40s.

I think that he feels like he's playing with house money. Yeah, the world would have – a plague would have killed these people in actual innocent times. So they wouldn't have even gotten to this absurd point. If you want to really identify what's wrong in this relationship, start with her correcting his spelling and work back from there yeah oh yeah you know i gotta say although i did totally fall for the des moines thing uh spelling correctors can be annoying i mean not to the point that you'd build a'd divorce them and build a sword to try to kill them. But certainly. It's in the realm of possibility.

It can be annoying. I mean, you know, sometimes we spell things wrong and it's a good idea to look things up. But at the same time, if you don't know that you spelled it wrong to begin with, then why would you look it up? And you know what I meant. Honey, I think it's, is the worst beginning to any sentence she could have said to him. Honey, I think it's...

Oh, right, yeah, exactly. He hears that and it's like, he sees red. Yeah, it just sends him right into rendering a sword mode. The court did not rule on either party's motion. Matthew Hudson, the woman's attorney was not immediately available for comment comment dave ostrom who said he doesn't have any experience with sword fighting i feel like that's a lie he's a little possum yeah doesn't anticipate the judge

will let his request go forward but he wants an answer anyway when asked whether it was he was serious about duel about the dueling offer, Dave Ostrom said, if Mr. Hudson is willing to do it, I will meet him. I don't think he has the guts to do it. Wow. Oh, boy, that's just, oh, my God. He's laying it on his doorstep. Yeah, then the guy's going to do it.

How old do you... Because you can't say that to a guy. I don't think you have the guts to do it. That's, oh. How old do you think Dave Ostrom is? At what age is the man divorcing his wife, wants to forge his own sword, and meet on the field of combat? Are there children involved?

Yes, well, because they mentioned custody. They're in custody of what? A dog? A cat? Could be a fish? Turtle? It could be the lion that they keep in the den for, you know, if a neighbor upsets them. So, Polly, you're our guest. Turtle. It could be the lion that they keep in the den. It could be their Renaissance mule that they take with them to the fairs. So, Pauly, you're our guest.

You're our guest. You can guest first or in between the two of us, which is the TIG slot, or you can guest third. I'm going to... I think that... I'm going to say 25, because I'm thinking it's like a Dungeons and Dragons kind of a person. Like one of those people that, you know. He hasn't lived enough to know that you don't do this. He went straight from his parents' basement into this woman's house.

Right, exactly. And he spends most of his time in her parents' basement. I'm going to say, like I said, I'm putting him in his 40s. I'm going to say 45. Okay. Okay, I think he's 37. 37? One of his complaints about her, by the way, is that she lifts the drawbridge early at night.

Yeah. It's sort of a... Her complaint about Sam is that he leaves it up. He leaves it up. He always leaves his garbage up. She's like, I need to use... Come on, I'm in here too. It's like I'm falling right into the water every time.

I want to go on the moat. All right. David Ostrom. It's dark. I go in there. I expect it to be down. I expect it to be down and you're leaving it out. I expect it to be down and I sit down and I'm right in the water.

Do you see this alligator bite right here? Do you know how that happened? See what I did? See what you did? Shouldn't happen. See what you did is also the beginning of the end of the marriage. Honey, it's a crocodile. All right.

Oh, is it a crocodile? No, I'm just doing the correct answer. Oh, right. Honey, I think it's a crocodile. It's the end of the marriage. Because you can't tell them apart. No. They're both just ugly fucking animals.

So someone saying that just wants to correct you. Right. Just wants you to know you're wrong. Precisely. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You know what?

Your pajama pants are on backwards. Honey, I think it's supposed to be the other way. All right. David Ostrom We will end story one with this He's mad, he wants to build a sword And really just wants to punch Matthew Hudson Is

40 years old I think it's me I said 45, you said 37 Wow, you guys got a lot of skill with this We've done it before You gotta know what's there First story is down. It's okay.

No worries. Took it on you. Paula Poundstone is with us, and she's sneezing up a sneeze. I'm coughing, and I'm not sick. I have allergies. But I had to decide which way to turn. Always turn to Dan. He can accept everything.

Take it all. Right at him. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll be back with more Paula Poundstone on Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Look us down for more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys.

Welcome back to the show. I thought that she was sick and it affected your voice. I'm like, what happened? Sorry, Paul is coughing. Sympathy voice. Put a little thing in my throat. No, I just have a chronic cough. Nothing about my lifestyle

will change when the coronavirus hits us. Can we talk about your show with the lovely Adam Felber, who we love, who is fantastic? I love Adam Felber. All right, tell them about your show. Don't you guys have a show together? We do. We have a podcast called Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. I'm never very good at describing it, by the way. That's one of my shortcomings. podcast called Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. I'm never very good at describing it, by

the way. That's one of my shortcomings. Is that why nobody listens to Paula Poundstone? That's part of the reason. It's a comedy podcast. Let me begin there. Let's start with that. Everything you do is comedy. We do try to have real information as well. For example, on most episodes,

we interview someone who has information about a topic that one might find helpful in one's life. Love it. Oh, shit. Oh, I could have been killed. Sorry. No, we're good. You strike me as a curious person.

I spilled my soda. Don't worry. Jay will grab something for us. Right towards the computer. This is a great podcast. Don't worry at all. But you strike me as a curious person. Is that,

I know so little. And you want to know more? I do want to know more. The weird thing is that, you know, so we do these interviews, like the last one we did, what was the guy's topic?

Oh, for heaven's sakes. Oh, food safety. Like how long can you leave, you know, a burger out or, or,

or. Do you leave a burger out? Did you talk about expiration dates? Because that is a huge discussion with my wife's 88-year-old stepfather. He thinks it's a conspiracy that the food industry is putting on earlier expiration dates to get you to buy more. I don't think he's necessarily wrong, but that's not what the man said last night. And last night, I forget. Oh, Roger Clemens, not the baseball player,

but a professor from USC. His name is Roger Clemens? Yeah. And why did he take steroids? He's just a professor. There was no need for him to do that. I know. And I talked to him about that. I think he overtook the prevagen.

He was so jacked up. Oh, my God. And you're like, why are your balls so small? No, I didn't ask him that. Okay, good. But what did that Roger tell us? What did he say about food? Hold on, I have to cough again.

That's okay. He said, don't worry about that cough. Oh, really? He anticipated you were going to do this. One of the things he told me that was fascinating, he said that he and his wife, and his wife is also a scientist, he and his wife eat a lot of leftovers. But when they put leftovers in the refrigerator, there's a date. On the leftovers.

They put a date on the leftovers and where it came from. It is smart actually but i mean it sounded like you had an absolutely pristine refrigerator uh he said that you should clean your vegetable drawer i think he said every two weeks wow that's not gonna happen i think that's if you're putting vegetables in it um my wife and i always fight about how long we can keep it yeah she's like i'm gonna throw this i'm, don't you dare. I'll eat it. I don't care.

I'll cut around the mold. Didn't David Sedaris write that amazing short story about his, or essay about how his dad used to keep vegetables way past? He's like, his dad would eat carrots and they would make no sound. There was like no crunch to the carrots. They would just bend. Like, yeah, the carrots. I have friends that are, their family owned a grocery store.

And one of them was telling me that when he was growing up and all the kids worked in the grocery store, he was telling me, they never had fresh food. Never. He said his father never threw anything out. They had to take it off the shelves at the grocery store, but that meant nothing. That means you got it after two days. His family couldn't eat it. Right, yes.

He said just everything they ate was really old. Oh, God. Hilarious. Maybe that develops a taste for that. Well, nobody listens to Paula Ponstown. That's going to change because the people who are listening to you on this are going to go over and start listening to your podcast. I hope they check it out. I'm a lousy describer, but it is fun.

It's fun, and as I said, you'll garner a little teeny bit of information, but mostly it's just fun. You'll have a good time. And Ann Felber is great, too. So we should mention stuff that we have coming up and going on, too. For sure. You guys are going to be in Madison. Madison, Wisconsin at the Comedy Club on State Street. Yeah, March 12th. and Adam Felber is great too. So we should mention stuff that we have coming up and going on too. What do you have coming up? For sure. You guys are going to be in Madison. Madison, Wisconsin at the Comedy Club on State Street.

March 12th. Same weekend, the 11th, 13th, and 14th, I will be at Cap City Comedy. For everybody who got tickets on that Thursday, they're doing like a special takeover thing

it turns out because of the South by Southwest Film Festival. So I'll be there Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. I might still do a part of the event that'll be happening on Thursday as well. That's in Austin.

Yeah, but that's in Austin. Did you have a lawyer negotiate that deal? Yes, they're meeting on a field with a dishonest sword. Because I was going to say, shoot them out of a cannon. What is that? Divorce carnival. They made an agreement with you. I know. And then what happened? They said, hey, there's great things happening that you might get to be a part of

and we won't change your pay and you can still just come here and hang out. I said, okay. We won't change your pay as well. And then the next weekend, we are taking this show live to three. If you listen to the last one that we did at Largo, I mean, we're bringing that to your town or area or region or driving distance. Minneapolis on the 19th of March with Mystery Science Theater guys Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett along with the Cactus Blossoms playing music. These guys are wonderful.

Oh, that's going to be fun. Fun. Cedar Cultural Center in Minneapolis. The next night we're in St. Louis, our hometown at Del Mar Hall. And we have Dave Holmes and we have Tim Convey and we're working on music for that. And then the next night,

which is Saturday night the 21st, we're in Milwaukee at Turner Hall, which is a beautiful big venue that we really want to fill. Chris Field's going to play music, The Field Report. So we're excited. It's going to be great. We don't take this out often. It doesn't sound great.

So we're coming to a city near you. And then in June, we're doing the Pacific Northwest Rio Theater in Vancouver. Washington Hall in Seattle. And then the Aladdin Theater in Portland. That's the 18th, 19th, 20th. I love the Aladdin Theater. Isn't that great? I'm sure you've done that.

Send my love when you're there. We will. The theater's awesome. I love it there. And then, of course, if you're in Portland, Oregon, you've got to get some sizzle pie. Do you know about that? No.

Sizzle pie. Sizzle pie pizza. Yeah. You can get a vegan pizza that is so damn good that you would get it whether it was vegan or not. And they have also non-vegan food there. Sure. But they do have like an extraordinarily good.

Done. They have the shittiest music in there. Like if you eat in instead of having it delivered. Add sizzle pie. You have to put up with some really bad music. So maybe we'll have them send some sizzle pie backstage. Or just eat outside. Just sit just outside of the restaurant.

Just say, I can't handle the music. Yeah. There's a lot of, there's some tables outside on the street, and those are usually people with good musical tastes. You walk in and say, as an omnivore, the music is what I thought the pizza would taste like, but it's different. Actually, the pizza's really good, but the music is terrible. Yeah, no.

It's not like the Rite Aid. You ever go on the Rite Aid? Oh, do I go on the Rite Aid?. Yeah, no. It's not like the Rite Aid. You ever go on the Rite Aid? Oh, do I go on the Rite Aid? It's a free-for-all on the Rite Aid. They have the best music. Which Rite Aid are you talking about? Any of them. I think Burbank Airport has the best music.

Rite Aid has great music. I can go in there. Whoever's DJing at Rite Aid, like, kudos. I go in there when I don't even have anything to buy. I just want to hear some songs. Yeah. I just want to hear some music. I go to Rite Aid for the shuffle, is what you say.

I go to Rite Aid for the music and the greeter. Do you have the greeter at your Rite Aid? There's a greeter at your Rite Aid? What Rite Aid are you going to? Well, they're not exclusively a greeter. They're working the cash register. I think that might be a homeless person. The poor things are so put upon.

The corporation has said to them, we're not going to hire a greeter. So they say hi to you when you walk in. But you have to say hello when the customer... That's never happened to me. I feel like you're going to the right aid and I'm going to the wrong aid. All right, let's get into another story. Pyle complains for that joke.

That's why you had to leave St. Louis. I know. That's why I have to leave this show. All right, ready? Yes. Marion Deputy why you had to leave St. Louis. I know. That's why I have to leave this show. All right, ready? Yes. Marion Deputy gives driver's directions to jail. Oh. Also, this is the sub-headline, I guess you'd call it.

Marion, where is this? Quote, this is, before we read it, it just says, you didn't pull me over, the man told the officer, I pulled you over. So you know it's going good if you're telling the cop that you pulled them over. Do you know how fast you were going? Let me answer your question with a question. Do you know how fast

you were going? Like he's turning the tables. It's like a Jedi mind trick. No one ever tries to turn the tables. A Kissimmee man. Kissimmee. You knew. No, that one I got wrong. No, fuck you. I'm not falling for that again. I will tell you the truth. I did fall for it.

Kiss Sammy. You would tell me the truth? Yes. Kiss Sammy. Do you see the situation Trump is in with the coronavirus right now? Yes. Kiss Sammy. I would tell you the truth.

It's not Kiss Sammy. What do you say? Kiss Sammy. Wait. It's Kiss Sammy. Kiss Sammy. No, it's Kiss Sammy. Kiss Sammy.

Yeah. K-A-S-S-I-M-E-E. K-A-S-S-I-M-E-E. K-A-S-S-I-M-E-E. I know. I-N-G. He was a racist. And when they would say, and then comes, you know, David and the baby carriage. Do you remember? First comes love. Then comes Mary.

Then comes David. See, I always thought, say it was like, you know, David and Mary up a tree. I always thought that you were picking the one that you were angriest at. Right. And you put them in the baby carriage. It never occurred to me. That they were having a baby. Right, exactly.

That there was a sex act and then they had a baby. I just thought that one of the people went in. Gets embarrassed into a baby carriage. Precisely. So we should rewrite it based on our first story. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a duel on a battlefield with a katana sword. Yes, that works too.

With me fighting your lawyer. That on the schoolyard. Well, this man was arrested Saturday night in charge of DUI and possession of cocaine. Cocana. After he stopped a deputy and asked for directions. You're drunk and have cocaine. You're like, officer, come here. Hey.

Let me talk to you for a minute. Get over here. Hey. I'm really cool right now. Stop not paying attention to me. Get over here Just after 8pm This is the in plain sight guy

If I'm in plain sight I'm fine If you talk to the cop they can't arrest you Legally If you initiate with them they can't arrest you Oh that's true Juan Zamora was driving on US 441 South of Bellevue When he flashed his headlights at a Marion County Sheriff squad car, according to arrest report.

And you know that cop was like, what is this guy? What? Here we go. Here we go. By the way, I have hailed cops before for directions. That's fine. When I'm driving. But not when you're on cocaine.

But not when I was drunk and had coke in the car. No, no, no. That's not a good call. That's a much different. That's a lot of confidence. That's cocaine confidence. Cocaine confidence. That's the type of confidence you have when you're on cocaine. But not when I was drunk and had coke in the car. No, no, no. Thank you. That's not a good call. That's a much different. That's a lot of confidence. That's cocaine confidence. Cocaine confidence. It's the type of confidence you have when you're on cocaine.

Right. I'll just talk to this guy. I'm going to talk to this guy. Guys, do you care if I pull over and just talk to this guy really quick? Hey, buddy. Come on. Hey, let me just. Hey, cop, come here.

You work for me, technically. All right. Do I have something on my teeth? Deputy. He says to the cop, do you hear a helicopter? Right. Hey, you going to stir the sauce? Deputy Calvin Batts pulled over.

That is, come on. He could not be anybody. Dan, B-A-T-Z? B-A-T-T-S. Ah. Batts. Deputy Calvin Batts pulled over in the 15,000 block. You're deep.

The 15,000 block and met with Zamora who asked for directions to an auto parts store. You're going to get in the zone. In his report, Bat stated he could smell alcohol. He observed that Zamora's eyes were bloodshot and watery and he was unsteady on his feet. Zamora stated, I don't even know if he was asked.

Maybe if he gave him directions, he'd be better. I get so addled when I'm lost by the way. Like I talk and things don't make sense to me anymore. And you have to turn the radio down because you're lost. Exactly. Yes. I can't tell if numbers are going up or down all of a sudden.

You can't remember where you put your cocaine. It's just a horrible thing. It's a horrible thing. In his report, Calvin Batts, D. Calvin Batts, deputy. Spider caught a fly. Stated he could smell alcohol. He was on setting his feet. Then Zamora stated, I don't know if Zamora was asked or just wanted him to know, quote,

he had two shots of bourbon hours ago. Hours ago. Come here. First off, I had two shots of bourbon hours ago. What's 30 minutes? Hours ago? That was hours ago. Yeah.

Currently, I'm lost. Was this one of those cops that was like hiding behind a bush? No. No. He's in a cruiser car. And Zamora flashed his lights like get over here get over here the cop pulled over was like what do you need he's like first of all i had shots hours ago i didn't even ask you i'm trying to get an auto zone stop yelling sir zamora stated he had two shots and he told the deputy that he was quote legally, but agreed to take field sobriety tests, which is the thing I also love. You want to get out of the car?

First of all, I'm legally disabled. But you know what? Second of all, I'll do it. Today, I'll do it. I'm happy to do it. I'm as good once as I ever was. For you, I'll do it. If you'll give me directions, I will do your laundry.

He's the Toby Keith song. I'm as good once as I ever was. I'm not familiar with that. You aren't well-versed in the Toby Keith canon. It's not like I don't want to be. What does he mean? He says, I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. Wow, that's a crap shoot, Toby.

You don't know when that's going to happen. You don't know where the bar is, Toby. I can't take these field sobriety tests as good as I used to. But give me one shot, I can do it. As good as I ever was. Yes. Well, you know, there are some people who just don't test well. Keep that in mind.

Thank you. That's another thing, too. You get nervous. My son loved that rationale. You know, once that was presented to students, perhaps that was... I just don't test well. I don't test well. But you also never read the book or looked at the material.

So you understand why I don't test well. Although it is possible that you also have some sort of nervous condition when asked to do the test. You can see that because the test is about the book that I read, you can see how it's biased against people who didn't read it. You asking me to do the alphabet backwards is technically a standardized test.

Standardized test rates in our state are well below average. I, like those kids, do not test well. UCLA is not even taking the SATs anymore, so I don't know why my number's on this map. They're biased. You're like, I don't test well. And as a parent, you're like, this was an essay that you wrote out of school. Right. It's a project.

Stand on one foot. I choose C. No. It's not multiple choice. So you guys already know the test. Got a copy of it. So he said he's legally disabled, but he agreed to take Fields to Bridey test. Okay.

The deputy said Zamora had difficulty with the test. Exactly. This is biased. Which Zam said Zamora had difficulty with the test. Exactly! This is biased. Which Zamora blamed on part of his physical disability. To me, this is a drunk person who thinks they've found the perfect out. They're like, I'll say I have a disability, and then when I'm bad at it, I'll keep coming back to that. Disability, like you say, Dan,

when drunk people try to use big words to try to mask how drunk they are, disability is a good drunk word. I have a disability. I is a good drunk word. I'm disability. I have a debasility. Or I'm disability. Right.

It's not using it correctly. Deputy Calvin Batts, DCB, stated that he found a, quote, small dime bag with a powdery substance in Zamora's T-shirt pocket. I love a good T-shirt pocket. Not dress shirt. T-shirt, which only exists for mechanics who smoke in the 60s. That's all that's for. T-shirt pocket. T-shirt pocket is for dip and cigarettes.

That's it. And your cocaine apparently. And by the way, to keep it in, it's just you're not even trying at that point. Literally, it's on your chest. It's your own personal metal. And it's sticking out.'re not even trying at that point. You're literally, it's on your chest. It's your own personal metal. And it's sticking out. I mean, they'll never look here.

Right. At my heart. If you shoot me in the heart, that cocaine's going to stop it. No, it's not. Cocaine's going to go right into my bloodstream. It's going to be great. He probably goaded him into shooting him in the heart. Just do it. Just blow a bullet right through this pocket. If you're not going to tell me how to get in the heart. Just do it. Just blow a bullet right through his pocket.

If you're not going to tell me how to get to Pep Boys, just do it. Come on, what are you, chicken? He's goading him into doing it. The cop finds a small dime bag in his pocket. It field tested positive for cocaine. Bats and Zamora. Bats said Zamora. Bats and Zamora.

Stop. We're not doing it. Paul, I apologize for the joke you're about to hear. It's the new Rizzoli and Zamora. Bats said Zamora. Bats and Zamora. Stop. We're not doing... Paul, I apologize for the joke you're about to hear. It's the new Rizzoli and Isles. We are. What's Rizzoli and Isles? Thank you. Female cop show on TNT.

Oh, yes. Sure, I remember that. That was the old Cagney and Lacey. Yeah. But it's the new Rizzoli. I think Rizzoli... Isn't the actress that was Rizzoli. Doesn't she now?

Is that Angie Harmon? And there was the one. I think it is. I think it is. And I think she does identity theft ad now. Yes. Where she says, you better buy this

or I'm going to hack your stuff. Well, she wasn't originally supposed to do that. She actually took the commercial from someone else. Now, the other thing is, I only saw a few seconds of that show ever, and it was the Every Cup Show Ever iconic episode where we need somebody. We can't. There's a drug ring.

Something's happening at the blah, blah, blah prison. The only way. The only way. You've got to go in. To go in and be a prisoner. You've got to go in. You've got to be a prisoner. You've got to go in and be a prisoner. Now listen.

Also, what you said, Paula, should be some of our merch. We should have t-shirts that just say, what is Rizzoli and Isles? So this kind of thing has been happening for a while? Anytime you get two names, Bats and Zamora. It is our emotional obligation to say that's the new Rizzoli and Isles. So Bats said Zamora initially refused a breath test stating, this was his defense, I'm going to need you to take a breath test. I'm disabled. He goes, quote, no, you didn't pull me over, I pulled you over.

He's pulling rank on the cop. Zamora later took the test. Wait, is that the cop? No, the cop took the test. Yeah, is that the cop? No, the cop took the test. Yeah, he's like, you take it. You take it. I'll take it first, and then you take it. And he's trying to be crafty.

You do the alphabet four words. Right. And it registered. No, because he pulled him over, not the other way around. So the cop has to take the test. Oh, this is perfectly legal. It makes sense. He took a blood alcohol content test, which resulted in a blood alcohol content level of how much do you think how drunk do you think now 0.08 is illegal is

illegal and then it goes from there and we say most of these people are it's what their high school grade point average was at the end so usually at one point in the teens like 0.13 to 0.17 you are legitimately drunk 02, you can't stand up. 0.3, you've poured a whole vodka on the breathalyzer. Right. So what do you think, based off of two shots I pulled you over? He did have the cocaine, too, so I'm trying to think. Yeah, did he have a bump?

What do you think his blood alcohol content level was? You can go first, Tigger, third, Paula. Oh, I have no, I've never understood. Just go somewhere above.08. I was a drinker in the past, but I never understood the math. We'll go first. Yeah, you guys go ahead.

I think it sounds like he's at a.18. Which is,.08 is legally drunk, and then.18 is really pushy. I'm going to say he's over double that. I'm going to say he's at a.20. Okay.

I think he's really way out of it. Okay. Paula? I want to go lower than Rizzoli. Okay. Randy's at.18. Okay. And.08 is legal limit. So you go.1

something. It wouldn't be mentioning if he wasn't over the legal limit. Yeah, he's over.08. Okay. So it's somewhere between.08 and.18. Well, I don't see how he could do that. Good critical thinking. It is a lot of critical thinking. Yeah, this guy. That's the cocaine talk. He's practiced

both straight and messed up this good critical thinking alright I don't know what did you say two? I said two point two alright then I'll go

can I go in the middle of them? point one nine point one nine what do I win? what do I win? a plush toy? honor divorce carnival

a katana I love that Dan earlier in the show you said anytime you want to be passive aggressive you can spill your water and she spilled her Pepsi. Was that passive-aggressive?

It wasn't water. I'm just now realizing that that was an act of passive-aggressive. No, it wasn't water. It wasn't water. Go ahead, Dan. Juan Zamora registered a.13. Oh. Just a good enough drunk.

He wasn't that bad. I didn't think it was that. I suspected. That it wasn't that high because he's functioning on a great level. Yeah. Deputy Batts reported finding a bottle of Canadian whiskey. Is that a thing? I don't know. I guess so.

I don't know why we have to bring Canada up. I don't know why. This is why our country isn't getting along with other countries right now. It's a very Trumpian approach. It's a Canadian problem. And a cup of dark soda that smelled like alcohol. Alright, story number two. Can you give us a little taste of...

A cup of dark soda? Yeah, that's all it said. You mean cola? I guess. Cup of dark soda. You know dark soda. Okay. Dark soda makes it sound like it comes from dark arts. Yeah, dark soda. He conjured the dark soda. The soda of the occult. That was a good Batman. Batman. Dark soda. Dark soda makes it sound like it comes from dark arts. Yeah, dark soda. He conjured the dark soda. The soda of the occult. That was a good Batman.

Batman. Dark soda. We have something for your dog that could change things forever. That's the third story. That's the third segment. All right, Paula Poundstone's with us. She's not spilling anything. She's no longer coughing.

She's no longer coughing. It's done. It comes in cups. It could come back in any way. Don't get too comfortable with the fact that I haven't spilled anything in a few seconds. Or coughed on anybody. Don't get too comfortable with a cough-free Paula Ponce. By the way, that's her new talk show.

Don't get too comfortable with a cough-free Paula. There you go. It's Dumb People Town, and we have one more segment. All right. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show.

Dan, take us home. That was a hell of a break. It was a good break. We did a lot. We accomplished a lot. Yeah, I cleaned up that last spill. You did great. You ready?

Here's the headline. You can now buy a dog collar that will swear every time your dog barks. What? Yes. It'll curse? We'll swear at it? No, it'll say a curse word every time your dog barks that's funny it's like roof shit roof shit yes exactly that to me is i'm sorry that's hilarious i know

well that's what a lot of people do anyways right you know i i i read all right no maybe it was uh no maybe i i listened to the book on tape, Cesar Milan. Oh, yeah, we met him. Oh, did you? Yes. Oh, did he train your dogs or something? No, I asked him to come over for a picture and he wouldn't do it. I guess he wasn't firm enough.

He said, get over here for a picture and he wouldn't come. Oh, is that true? I had to like shake a can of coins at him to get his face. Yeah, sometimes just spray him with water. That works. I believe it was him who said that if your dog is barking and then you yell at the dog, the dog thinks, well, we're all barking now. Right.

The dog's like, I love this. Will we do this together? Ruff shit. Ruff shit. Ruff shit. I have an English bulldog who I wouldn't say rescue, but we got him. Now, why do you have to say English? British bulldog? Doesn't matter. Well, he's not a English bulldog who I wouldn't say rescue but Why do you have to say English? British bulldog? Doesn't matter

Well he's not a French bulldog He's American He's a goddamn American bulldog But he's not an American bulldog He's not that tall, he's a British bulldog British bulldog So he looks like a bulldog He barks whenever

And you've been around it. If something drops, he loses his mind. Like let's say something falls off the counter. And what we realized is at first it was really annoying. But over time we realized all he's doing is like pointing out that something dropped. That's all he's doing. He wants you to know. Hey, that fell.

Hey, that fell. Did you guys see that? That fell down. That's all he's saying. He's just attentive. Yeah. How long does the barking go on for? Until you're like, it's okay.

We're all right. Everybody's okay. Relax. It's just a pin. Now, is he short? Very short. Okay, well, that's part of it, too. That's his world.

Yeah, it's down in his world. Stuff is raining down on him. Right. Yeah, it's like, it's all coming down now. Nope, it's not all coming down. The eye is not falling. Everything's going to go. Nope, Roman, it's like, that's all coming down now. Nope, it's not all coming down. The eye is not falling. Everything's going to cut. Nope, Roman, no.

No, no. For every treat your good boy deserved but didn't get, for every itch that you didn't scratch, your dog can now vent out all of its frustrations

in cuss words. I think this is the greatest thing ever. The cuss collar, which fastens around your dog's neck, will spit out a swear word every time your dog barks.

I think this is hilarious. I want this. It's currently sold out, but those out but those who are desperate of course it's sold out to have their dog swearing like a sailor can sign up for details on the next drop by texting the number listed on the website this is like shark fucking tank oh and for that reason i'm out the pre-recorded words include bullshit and fuck and the like the product's website states that the product is isn't a shock vibration training collar so it's none of that it's not intended for anti-bark training use it's more of a gag grift that the company behind the collar ms mschf mischief uh no vowels is known for can i say this that this very morning i was sitting down having breakfast with my 12-year-old and she was like, I don't understand curse words. She's like, I don't get it.

She's right. She's like, I don't understand why – like why is fuck a word that we can't say? What is it? I said it's for unlawful carnal knowledge. But she's like, but why can't – like what makes it this taboo thing that you're not allowed to say it? I was like, this is the best discussion ever yeah and i said to her listen when you're around me it'd be like if i walked around all of like our mom your nana's friends who are like in their 70s and be like this fucking bullshit it's like it's not cool to do that around them it's just not nice doesn't

bother me but you're i was like when you're with me and you curse what do i never i never tell you to stop because i know that it's what you're feeling in the moment. It is what it is. But I was like, okay, take a word like the N-word. I was like, we cannot use that word. So words actually mean something. They don't mean nothing. So like some words are more charged than others.

And these are the words that people determine that, you know, I mean, again. It's weird, though. It is weird. It is so weird. Because like in the case of fuck, and I've said this on stage before, especially when there's kids in front of me, which is, in the case of fuck, fuck means, you know, copulation or intercourse.

Now, if I get frustrated and I went, copulation, would that bother anybody? No. It might bother people in how weird that is, but it's not. So it's weird that we have just chosen things that are supposed to be shit the word shit means poop right but you know what it was it was someone told me gar right now our buddy told us that like on the side of a

ship it was it's an acronym that means where it is on where all the waste was on the side of a ship and so it like it's again this word that was created that has no – but now it is so charged and it has so much meaning. But this is fascinating. Or you can get – like if you have five of them in a movie, you suddenly go from PG to PG-13. It's crazy. And by the way, it's a panel of like three people, I think,

now that are on that decision-making. Meanwhile – I've always been fascinated by this. Meanwhile, you can blow people up. You can show all the violence you want. And there are zero studies that show that cursing does anybody any harm at all. And many, many studies that suggest that all the violence we watch has been bad for us.

There was something you said earlier, though. What were we just talking about? Talking about my daughter. Oh, no, we were talking about the dog cursing. Yeah. Because they've also got another product, which is a thing that goes around a shark's neck. So that as it chews off a surfer's leg, it goes yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Oh, that's so nice.

That's really sweet. More pleasant. Yeah. You know what's so great? The hardest thing about that product is getting it around the shark's neck. Oh, it's not? Yeah, it's not easy. It's more pleasant. Yeah. You know what's so great? The hardest thing about that product is getting it around the shark's neck. Oh, it's not? Yeah, it's not easy. It's not easy.

But once you get it on, it's fun. The irony is that many of the mischief company sales staff have been eaten by sharks trying to mount the collar. And they have a Def Leppard cover band, and everyone wants to be the drummer because everyone really wants to start. Mischief is the master of releasing products that nobody really needs but everybody absolutely wants. Bath bombs in the shape of a toaster that smell like strawberry pop tarts. That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

A rubber chicken bong, a customized Nike sneakers with holy water from the Jordan River in the soul aptly called Jesus shoes are just some of the company's latest drops. But the company's most outrageous releases aren't even products at all. Netflix Hangouts, an extension of Google's Chrome browser launched by Mischief, lets you watch Netflix at work by making it look like you're on a conference call. Man Eating Food is a YouTube channel that consists solely of videos of a man eating everything from dog food to a pancake in the shape of, I don't know what that word is. Man Eating Food.

M Journal is a website company, I don't know what this is. I like this cursing dog color. To i think this is really somebody who's dog sitting for you and you didn't tell him it was on there and you're just they're like who is cussing it every time the dog barks i hear a ghost uh all right i'm gonna ask you guys then we'll get out of here we'll end this wonderful how expensive how much do you think it costs for the dog cursing collar? The dog cursing collar is $59. $59. Jason?

Yeah, I definitely think there's a nine in it. Yeah, something $9.99. That's what I was thinking too. What's yours? I was going to say $49.99. I was going to say $69.99. Okay. $69.99, $49.99. I was going to say $69.99. Okay. $69.99, $49.99, $59 even.

Okay. Yours was to put the sexual component. You can add a $99 if you want. Do you want to add a $99 on yours? Yeah, I'll add a $99. $59.99. I think that's true. One of you is one penny off.

Oh! Ah, son of a. Okay, so now I think we should guess who we think is one penny off. Okay. Because this is fun game two. So now, do you think you're one penny off. Oh! Ah, son of a... Okay, so now I think we should guess who we think is one penny off. Okay. Because this is fun game two. So now, do you think you're one penny off? Or do you think it's Jason or me? I suspect I'm one penny off.

Okay, so Paul thinks it's her, Jason thinks you're right. I think I'm right too. I think it could be 70 bucks. All right. We will end it here. Because the dog cussing collar for fun made by mischief. If anybody gets one of these, please send us a video. We'll post it on our Facebook page.

If you're not following the Facebook page for this show, what are you doing? Come on. Ready? It is. If you're not following the Facebook page, I'm going to have my dog cuss you out. It is. $60. Oh!

Yeah! That's a great lady. One penny off. She walks away a winner. She walks away. She came in here a winner, and she walks away even more of a winner. No, you know, when I came in, I was a little kind of slumped over. I got a little lost getting here.

I lacked confidence, but this. Now, come on. Look at how you're feeling now. You're ready to go build your own sword. Although you did make slumped over, like, posture in comedy something. I mean, that was a over like posture and comedy something. I mean that was a you and Richard Lewis. I've turned osteoporosis into a money maker.

Into a positive. Oh thank you. So again for all of you who are listening to this you should listen to Nobody Listens to Paula Pouser because it is a great podcast. Subscribe to it. Subscribe to it. Rate it and all those wonderful things. I'm so happy you did this with us. Thank you so much for asking me. And as we say it every time, because we told you this is like being in a writer's room

right before you have to sit down to work. Oh, shit, we've got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbanes Audio. A podcast network.