Dumb People Town - Pete Lee - Broken Heart Syndrome

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

This week Pete Lee comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about the worst 21 Jump Street attempt. The second story gives us the true horror of a post-surgery discovery. The final story is about a big, green mistake.

Skypains, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Lee. Pete Lee, Pete Lee, pete lee pete lee welcome to the show pete lee you guys thanks for having me here oh my god i love the mustache by the way thank you that is great all right so we have pete lee here why don't we jump into a story we'll talk about all the great stuff you've got uh coming up later here we go ready yep sent in by Spencer Daniels at Bad Liver or Bad Liver. I like Bad Liver. L-I-V-E-R.

Well, he's got a bad liver from too much drinking. That's pretty good there. A little turn of a term. I hope Bad Liver has a brother that doesn't drink. He can give him some liver. That's right. If you're at Good Liver. Chopped liver. That's right. What am I is... He's got good liver. Right. No, if you're... Chop liver.

That's right. What am I, chopped liver? What am I, bad liver? Anyway. Ready for this headline? Uh-huh. Woman posed as a student to sneak into high school. Oh, my God.

Yes. Idiot. Okay, here we go. My kids are in high school. Don't do this. I have to, like, worry about adults sneaking into high school? Come on. You don't have to pose as a student to get into a high school.

Is this a thing about you just wanting to be like, I can still fit in my high school jeans? That's a big thing, right? Pete, can you still fit in your high school jeans, Pete? Oh, God, no. I was like a size 28 waist. I'm at least a 36 now. You know how girls wear boyfriend jeans now? oh god no i was like a size 28 waist i'm at least a 36 now it would be like like you know

how girls wear boyfriend jeans now i'm like first i don't i can't even fit into those boyfriends that's how big my waist can't be your boyfriend i can't fit in the jeans i bet i could still wear my khaki cargos from eddie bauer i bet you could yeah i've i've very squeezed into a pair of gap jeans from back in the day gap jeans i want to say they were did you guys rock z cavaricci's no but we knew them we remember z cavaricci's don't you yeah where they had the label on the zipper it was so sexual and then did you guys tight roll your jeans tight Tight rolled them, pegged them, and rolled them up. Pegging. That's what pegging was in St. Louis for teenagers.

Not as fun. Not as fun. A lot less trust, though. Here we go. With a backpack slung over her shoulders, a painting under one arm, and a skateboard under the other. So she's literally. Jay. Jay's son is at skateboard camp right now, Pete.

What if she rolled up? How many of these kids at skateboard camp have a painting under their arm? That's classic, man. She's literally Billy Madison or Steve Buscemi from Billy Madison. Like, hello, fellow kids. Hello, fellow youths. That's exactly what I was going to say. A woman wandered the halls of a miami-dade high

school of course it's florida of course on monday distributing flyers right out to other students yeah you know how kids are always distributing flyers never right this is like i mean straight up narc behavior but audrey francis queenie francis queenie f-r-a-n-c-i-s francis q-u-A-N-C-I-S Francis Q-U-I-N-I Queenie She's the Queenie She's the Queenie, she's definitely with Q

She's a Q-N-I person She has crazy theories about you She's in Florida with a Q in her last name I love the idea that she's distributing flyers You know, kids are like Yeah, I texted you the address of the party. And the kids nowadays are like, but you didn't hand me a flyer. You didn't get Kinko's involved.

Oh, wait till you, we're going to get into it. But Audrey Francis Queenie was not actually a student at American Senior High School, which is the most generic name. I'm going to say, Dan, I don't think that's a real high school. American Senior High School. Where are'm going to say, Dan, I don't think that's a real high school. American Senior High School. Where are you going next year, American Senior? In fact, she isn't a teenager. American Senior sounds like the insurance company that insures your grandmother.

Oh, for sure. Yeah, but it's not really real. I got her a policy at American Senior. Joe Namath is selling American Senior. I want to kiss you. For pennies a day, you can get American Senior insurance. I want to kiss you. For pennies a day, you can get American senior insurance. I want to cover you. Joe Namath

does sell American senior insurance. Drunk with Susie Colbert. When I'm home in Rochelle and I watch shows with my grandma Rosemary, it's always like Joe Namath

and somebody else selling. It used to be Alex Trebek. It was him, but it was also the guy from Growing Pains, the dad. so if you watch allen thick may he rest may he rest peace jay and i worked with him jay and i worked with ellen really and he was like my this was years ago and he's like my son is like getting into singing and we're like yeah that'll work good luck with that and then he's like blurred line no i was at dancing with the stars uh to cheer on nikki

glazer and um i'm in the audience and uh his his son um robin thick right is that who it is robin thick he's like four seats down from me and uh uh aaron andrews came over to interview him and she was like she's like how have you been doing? He's like, pretty good, but we just lost our house in the Malibu fires. And everybody in the crowd that was like a woman was like, Oh, you can stay with me. And like, but like he didn't lose his home in the fire.

He lost his like fifth home in the fire. And everybody at home in Santa Monica. So what I'm saying is like, we don't have a crash pad in that area code right now. And it's hard. You guys get it. Yeah. No one gets it.

She was not actually a student at American Senior High School. That's Audrey Francis-Queenie. In fact, she isn't a teenager. She snuck into the school. This should not happen. In a plot to gain more Instagram followers. That was her entire reasoning for doing it. Flyers, dude.

That's what was on the flyer was her handle. We need to start passing out flyers. I want the listeners on our show. I need more fans. Start barking for your Instagram followers. Flyers are the new hashtags. It's how you get people who aren't following you to see your stuff so she really she snuck into the school to gain instagram followers and is how old so

she's not even a teenager how old do you think this woman is i mean you can't be all right pete you are a guest you can guess first but i'm thinking to myself how old do you think this woman is who wanted to pretend to be a teenager a teenager high school apparently snuck in now yes we are wearing masks so that is a florida yeah no one's wearing masks yeah it is it out uh i'm going with 43 because i think that's a hilarious age that is pete that is pushing the limits but i love where your brain is at. Jay, what do you think? 33. 33. I think she's the same age Jesus was when he died. I think she's 27.

Okay. 27 is like, still, she's like close to her 10-year reunion. She's like, I can make it back there. Sure. Glory days. A little Bruce Springsteen action. One of you is only one year on. So what is your number you would like to go up or down one year?

All right. I'll go down to 42. I'm going down to 32. I'm going up to 28. Okay. Audrey Franceschini is 28 years old. Oh! Audrey.

By the way, Frances, I thought was the middle name. No, full last name. Then it's Francis Schoene. Is it? Yeah, it's like Alberghini. No. Jeffrey Alberghini. That's a total difference.

Francis Schoene. What kind of pasta do you want? Francis Schoene. It comes on a flyer. But you say linguine, and that's a Q-U. We serve all the pot. The Francis Schoene gets served on a flyer with her hashtag handle. But linguine is the same spelling.

Q-U-I-N-I. And you go linguine. So wouldn't it be Franceschini? No, linguine is G-U-I-N-I. It is? Well, I don't know. Isn't it? Franceschini sounds like a zucchini pasta or something like that.

Like you go to the Olive Garden and they're like, do you want to order off our skinny menu? You still get all the breadsticks? Yes. Can I please order off the vegetarian? And the person turns like, hey, we need another fat person menu. And you're like, oh. Audrey, this plot thickens, once worked as a police officer in DeKalb County, Georgia.

No. But lost her job in 2017. I wonder why. When she was arrested and accused of hacking into another officer's social media accounts and then posting nude images of the officer. Oh my God. It's all about social media with Audrey. The truth of the matter is, though, if you're trying to bust a plot, this is the girl I'm sending to high school, right?

Yeah, absolutely. I don't know if I want to shame this woman or if I kind of want to have a beer with her and like a fun weekend. I feel like the stories on her, because if this is what she's been caught for, what else did she do? What else did she do? This is the tip of an iceberg

that we can't see with the Veransas skating. Pete, you brought up something that I totally was thinking about. Because I usually go to the fedex kinkos uh on vine over on vine and sunset i've been to it there is always some super weird shit going on what's what's being mimeographed some guy like yes there's always a guy with a manifesto and then there are like a group of two or three could be guys could be girls and they are planning some sort of event that no one's gonna buy no one will be and then there's somebody

wanting to know if they can just photocopy their headshots onto paper like different colors of paper yeah yeah so i imagine her walking into these you don't like hollyinkos, Dan, as a multicam sitcom, Hollywood Kinkos. It's not a bad idea. Carbon copies. Imagine she walks in and she wants to make this flyer, FedEx Kinkos, just like Pete said. And they're like, what do you want? I just need my handle on there. Well, normally people don't get new followers by using pieces of paper with their handle written.

You don't want like a code one of those little like scam codes again this is the type of move that if someone was doing it you'd be like you're a cop you are yeah you're a narc it is amazing to me that she was a cop i'm just imagining that the kids see the flyer they punch it into their Instagram, and then they look at her profile, and her bio just says, I'm 28. Former cop. Former cop. I'm 28. Living my best life.

Because in South Florida, Audrey now works in sales for Carnival Cruises, which also feels perfect for her. Jesus Christ. In both working for the police department and working for the cruise line, you're essentially giving someone a sentence. Yeah, you're capturing. You're putting people in captivity you're gonna have the three days i mean listen if there's if there's dysentery on that boat you're hanging out for months yeah now the good thing about this cruise is you are eligible for early release yeah you

can't catch and release yeah um so she told the judge she works for carnival cruises a carnival spokesman told wsvn that the company is reviewing her case internally on monday i love that carnival cruises like we don't know first of all you beggars can't be choosers of people who want to sell so that tells you that carnival cruise lines is hiring guys yes they're definitely not they have to run it by kathy lee gifford They're like Is she crazy Or Shaq Wasn't Shaq The Carnival Cruise Line guy now He's everything

He's the general He's Domino's I think Or Little Caesars I love Carnival Cruise Line He's Papa John's Because Papa John's Is racist And then they were like

Shaq For a bajillion dollars Will you be the face Of our company And he's like I'll do it I did I love Papa John's I love Papa John it i'll put the eyes of house sleeve

on have you have you done a cruise have we been on a cruise we've been on a cruise have we done you performed no but by the way have you done a cruise you did oh you know i'm yeah i'm a golden retriever of comedy i've of course i've performed on a cruise ship it was uh how was it it was crazy the so they they they were like hey you're gonna be in a suite and then there was this eagles tribute band that got there before me and then they got all the suites and then so they had to put me in the crew quarters but i'm not one of the crew yeah my god and they just gave me a room key so every time i'd go down into the crew quarters they'd be like you can't can't be here. And I'd be like, I just need to take a nap, you guys.

And it was the most horrible thing. The food was just garbage. But a lot of comedians say that, yeah, a lot of garbage food. And then you can upgrade so that you get to go to a restaurant instead of eating at the cafeteria. And then that's just even worse garbage food that you upgraded to. It's garbage with tablecloths. What were you going to say all comedians say? But yeah, like all comedians are like, oh, the shows are terrible.

I loved the shows. I was in this giant 1,200 seat theater. The shows were like the only 35 minutes a day that I loved. Did you make money? Were you like, okay, that was a lot of work and really difficult, but I at least made money? No. okay, that was a lot of work and really difficult, but I at least made money.

No. So they, I did not make money on it because, so they paid me like, they paid me like five grand to do the cruise, right? Five grand? Yeah, like five grand. But then you got to pay for your own meal package. You got to pay for all your drinks. And like, believe me,

I was drinking just to get through this experience. Then if you want to have connection with the outside world, you have to get the wi-fi but the wi-fi is like the wi-fi is literally like 500 but then to get the good wi-fi you got to go to 800 oh my god so in the end you basically had like 1500 yeah i could have gone to flappers and burbank and been fine yeah that's it and not been and not got and not gotten as seasick. Yeah. And I was on I was on this ship with I was on the ship with who's now my ex-girlfriend. And it was like it was crazy torture because just it was her being mad at me because like women are quarantined on the ship and there's a finite amount of single men. And so after the shows, the women would be like at the bar hitting on me.

And I'd be like, I'm with my girlfriend. Have you met my girlfriend? Hey, this is my girlfriend. And then she was like, dude, I'm going to end up in the jail of the ship because I'm going to throw down.

Oh my God. Birmingham, Alabama style. By the way, it could be a contest out on the Lido deck. Yeah. Yeah. Who wants to fight Pete Lee's girlfriend? That's a matinee show right there.

Who wants to fight Pete Lee's future ex-girlfriend? Why are they... How do they know? First, let's make them hula. Yeah. And limbo. Back to this. So on Monday, Audrey walked through the front doors of the American Senior High School,

took out her phone, and began recording herself handing out pieces of paper, according to a arrest report reviewed by WSB. Because that'll be a great post. She wants it to go viral. I know. So she's also... It did go viral, Dan. We're talking about it.

Dan, we're talking about it. She did something right. A student told the station that Frances Queenie Keeney, whatever, said she was showing off her Instagram feed, which featured videos and several images of her wearing a devil's mask. Not where you thought it was going to go, but still just as weird. It's crazy. It's very creepy, the student said. So her audience is devil's mask. Not where you thought it was going to go, but still just as weird. It's crazy. It's very creepy, the student said,

so her audience is not buying what she's selling. They're like, get away from me. Who is this girl we've never seen before at our high school? The station who reported this showed videos from her account in which Audrey wore a sinister red mask with pointy ears and black horns. Kids love a demon. That's right.

A security guard in the school eventually grew suspicious. How long? It doesn't say, but I'm just saying, like, if right away somebody's got a painting and a skateboard, you're like, what are you doing? Where are you going? I don't care if they're the appropriate agent. What do you know about that painting?

Dan, you're like, everything okay over there? Are we doing okay? We good? We good? I want Dan to do the noise that the security guard made when he got up off of his chair to have to go deal with this. Yeah, because you know he's got a hallway chair. Yeah, it's more of like...

He approached her. Okay, so wait, hold on. Where was I? So she's got a donut. Oh, he confronted her. Confronted her. She allegedly claimed she was a student and said she was looking for the registration office, but instead of making her way to registration, which means he believed her and let her go.

Yeah, let her go. She passed the office and resumed handing out flyers. By the way, what student is ever looking for the registration office? None. That's a sign. I'm a student here. That's why I need to go to your registrar. It's May.

You wouldn't know where it is by now. Who's registering? Exactly. I want to register for next year now. I'm just so into school that I just really want to get on top of it. You know how kids in high school are always doing things way ahead of time? Way ahead. At one point, Audrey allegedly approached a group of students.

You called this too, Peely. Complete Billy Madison. This is Steve Buscemi. Walking towards their classroom, preventing them from going inside. So she didn't want them to go in the classroom. Hey, hey, don't go in there. Watch this video of me in a devil mask. Take a flyer.

Just take a flyer. I don't care if you throw it away. Just take it. I get paid more if I give them all out. Take a flyer on me. When they're like, you get the double meaning? No. Nobody's ever used that phrase ever in this school, you narc.

When a security officer approached Audrey again, she dismissed him. You can get out. We move along here. We're good. Right. You guys want to smoke some grass? You guys like the, you kids like the reef? Continued handing out flyers, the arrest report said.

The officer then notified the administration that there was, quote, a potential threat on the school campus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a foreign person on this campus who doesn't belong here. Well, she had a painting. Once Audrey noticed school administrators were coming towards her,

she quickly made her way to the exit, ignoring instructions to stop. I love that they thought she would stop. She's like, I can't. I've got the paints got to dry. Here's the fun part. I got 20 more followers to get. Thanks to the flyer with her Instagram handle, police soon tracked her to her North Miami Beach home Monday.

So she was literally telling everyone where they could find her. Yes. That's just great police work. Yes. Wow. She's probably one of those people that like geotags all of her posts. She's like, here's where I am. Just sitting at home.

They go to her house on Monday night. She remained inside and posted on her Instagram story, quote, I legit have I don't know how many cops outside of my house. I'm not going outside at all. Great. Finally, she got some followers. Yes. But they were police.

They were actually literally following her. What if the next day the kids are like, did you follow her? She's like, no, screw that lady. She's like, you should have because the cops went to her house. She's a good follow. It is fucking crazy. This might be the last time she posts for a long time. Kyle's like, Tyler, I get it.

I wasn't into her devil mask shit either. But when the cops are showing up, how many kids check out her story? She's kind of cool. She said her thing to private by mistake and now no one can follow her. Why? I'm imagining even now no one can follow her. It's like, why? I'm imagining even the cops were younger than her.

Oh, I'm sure there were a couple cops. 24-year-old cop? Yeah. Hey, old lady, get in here. At a bond hearing on Tuesday, Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Mindy S. Glazer questioned how Audrey pulled off the stunt. A prosecutor explained that Audrey dressed similar to students to try to blend in.

Could either one of you imagine dressing like one of your teenage kids? Jay, you could. I could. You just got to wear a beanie cap. Beanie cap. You look like you're going on a jewel heist. Right. That's what my son looks like.

Meanwhile, it's like 100 degrees in Los Angeles today. We're recording 105 degrees I'm sure your son Would be wearing a wool cap Beanie and like a sweatshirt like just a generic Sweatshirt and like super baggy Dark jeans For girls pants you're trying to walk

The hems off of some Chuck Taylor's you know And maybe like a short tee Yeah short baby tee I don't know why this is in here. It says, as the prosecutor and judge spoke about her alleged crimes, Audrey nodded her head vigorously, and her public defender told her, ma'am, stop doing that.

She can't do anything right. I know. It's so funny that you could be so annoying with your nodding. They're like, knock it off. Hey, hey. No, she's like, stop agreeing with the prosecution. Meanwhile, the bailiff the bailiff's like gotta deal with this as the hearing she was like oh go ahead pete she was like humming

a smash mouth song just being like this is my jam in elementary school as the hearing wrapped up the lawyer added if someone shoves a camera in your face just don't talk about this i'm sure she'll take that advice oh she's gonna be quiet oh yeah in addition to three charges the judge ordered audrey to stay away from the high school i will ask you guys this we'll get out of story one here okay as of me looking it up and pretty sure i found the right account i'm there it seems that there's how many followers how many instagram followers does audrey francischini Queenie have? Franceschini.

Now, okay, what do you think? Pete? She's going to have more after this. Well, we never gave her handles. We don't have a flyer. That's right. I'm going to say that she has 273 because she sounds like I have friends that they'll be like, they'll be like, dude, I found this girl. She's so hot.

She wants to go on a date. And here's her Instagram. And I'm like, she's got 200 followers in one post. She's made in a lab. Yeah. Okay. Her name is Kevin. Jason.

She's, she lives in Dubai. Let me think. You say 273. I'm going to say she has a thousand now because of it. A thousand, 1,140. Okay. 273. I'm going to say she has 1,000 now because of this. 1,140. Okay. 2,783. 2,783.

2,783. Okay. To end story one here, I will tell you that Audrey Francis-Kini, Queenie-Kini has 1,079 followers. Oh! I was close. Like 60 off. Bros.

61 off. We don't know. And now she's going to have 2,000 because people are going to follow her. Oh, my God. First story down in the book. That is insanity. Pete Lee is with us. We're going to talk about his new Showtime special, Tall, Dark, and Pleasant.

Right? Tall, Dark, and Pleasant. Oh, God. We'll talk about it on the other side of the break. I cannot wait. This is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound.. This is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We got Pete Lee with us. He's one of our favorite comics. Ever since we were paired up with him at the Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis over a decade ago, I would say. Oh, no.

Two decades ago. Yeah, it's been about 15 years. 15, 16 years. And he was our feature. And we were like, oh, this guy's going to just, he's going to be amazing wherever he goes. And then you went to New York, which was amazing. And I am so proud of you for doing that. And you did incredible work there.

And now you've got a special on Showtime that is coming out. dark and pleasant it's so perfect it's so perfect for you when does it premiere thank you so much tall dark and pleasant move over ray donovan showtime has another bad boy i've been trying they uh we've been talking about doing promos and stuff uh and they're like what what would be your dream promo and i'm'm like, literally like a Ray Donovan Pete Lee crossover where Ray Donovan goes and like punches a guy and then I run up and I'm like, sorry. Well,

actually, I think they should do the promos for real. What you just said, like move over Ray Donovan. Showtime's got a new bad boy and it's and then they just cut to one of your like hilarious like I won't even wash my hands sometimes after I go to the bathroom. You know what I mean?

Suddenly it's just like one of those jokes. I just think that would be, again, the voiceover belies what your comedy is, and I think it would be hilarious. Yeah, I would love that. You know how everybody doesn't want to be canceled nowadays? Oh, don't say that I said something bad or whatever. I'm like, just please spread those rumors. i just need a little bit of a little bit no

dude you got a special on showtime that's that's that speaks to how good your stand-up is and how funny you are where did you record it at where did you do that uh the tempe improv in tempe arizona and they were like they basically were like hey it's going to be socially distanced because i had to go out unvaccinated and warm up for this tour so i just tried to pick places that like i went to montana because they were like we had zero deaths for two weeks i was like let's do a theater in montana i'm gonna go kill up there yeah let's go kill up there literally literally bringing the code literally killing people. Thank you. And then we shot it February 25th in Tempe, Arizona. And they were like, it's going to be totally socially distanced.

Great. And then I got there and I didn't count the people, but I went on stage and I was like, oh, shit. I don't know. This is the most people I've ever seen in my life. Pete Lee. Welcome to Pete Lee. Tall, dark, and super spreading.

Yeah, exactly. Arizona does not give a crap about COVID. Florida. Florida West. Yeah, they put up these tiny little plexiglass barriers. They were 12 inches tall in between the parties of the table. They were almost like at a supermarket where you put that little barrier in between your groceries and someone else's.

That's how tall this was. Yeah, that's hilarious. Tempe Improv, a great spot for classic specials have been filmed there. Oh, my God. Someone made Dennis Miller, Black and White was filmed there. David Spade. David Spade's special was there.

It's a great club. It's an amazing club. Yeah, it was phenomenal. And they really transformed the the whole like they put up curtains and scaffolding with curtains all like the curtain behind you like imagine that but it's like like purple velvet throughout the whole yeah no i've seen i've seen some clips on your thing so july 9th is or july 6th when does it come out july 9th yeah july 9th but show up on july 6th the early like that's one thing. Keep your comedy.

Get some snacks. I want everyone to watch this damn thing and write to Showtime that he needs another one. Follow Pete Lee and watch some of his clips before, but it's just Pete Lee. It's Pete Lee, Pete Lee, Pete Lee. Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't get Pete Lee, so I have the most obnoxious Instagram handle ever.

Pete Lee, Pete Lee, Pete Lee. You're trying to make flyers. You should make flyers. God damn, that's so right. Pete Lee, Pete Lee, Pete Lee. There's some high schools in handle ever. Well, it's like, you're trying to like tag it. You should make flyers. God damn, that's so right. There's some high schools in Arizona. Well, I'm very, very excited. Dan, danielvankirk.com, we should mention you got a bunch of, you just announced that you're going to go out on another. Yeah, we announced 38 cities with more to come.

It starts on August 11th in Chicago, ends on November 19th in Rochelle, Illinois, and everything is in between. So go to DanielVanKirk.com for all that stuff. We are going. Right now, I'm hoping that all the dates are just in Illinois. No, no, no. Yeah, we're here. We're here in Bloomington, Decatur, Rockford, Freeport.

Lincoln. Joliet. Springfield. Effingham. For sure. Jay and I. Edwardsville. Thank you.

Collinsville. Collinsville. Jay and I are going to be at the Moon Tower County Festival. For sure. Jay and I. Edwardsville. Thank you. Collinsville. Jay and I are going to be at the Moontower County Festival. Moontower. Moontower. Are you going to Moontower, Beatley? I'm not going to. I was at the one that got rescheduled because of COVID.

And then now this is the one that's rescheduled and I'm not there. I'm sorry. Well, I remember you being there and being very, very funny there. We're going to be going and we'll be there at the end of September. And then we're going to end of October. We're going to be in our first club date. Ann Arbor, Michigan at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase, a club that we love and helped do some work to try and raise some money to help save.

And it's still kicking, which I love. And then we're actually the D.C. date to float into the uh the new year the new year but we'll we'll let you guys know when that's going to be and we are starting a new patreon page skly brothers patreon page starting in july and we'll be doing a cheap seat episode every month just for you guys plus some extra content a lot of fun all right let's jump into story number two shall we here we go ready yeah this was sent in by La... Assassina. Assassina. Yes, Assassina. At La Assassina MMA.

Love her. Headline. Is that a Genesis song? La Assassina. Yes. La Assassina. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Woman discovers part of her ear is missing after nose job operation.

I was going to say after a date with Mike Tyson, but okay. You robbed Peter to pay Paul? Is mike tyson but okay you robbed peter to pay paul is that like the phrase that you but if you go in for a nose operation you should not wake up finding out part of your ear is gone you got an ear job you got yeah who gets an ear job what did they take i mean is there a logical explanation for this like did they need to take cartilage from her ear i would say so much's a logical one, but not a good one. If that happened to me, they're going to get an earful.

I will tell you that much. They did get an earful, Jay. Can I bend your ear, guys, on this one? Lend me your ear. Friends? Romans? Countrymen. I have to van go in for it. Just put your mask on i can't anymore the chinese woman identified only as mrs zhao

has been left shocked after she had nose surgery at the angel wing hospital in a they're gonna they're gonna have excuses and she's not gonna hear any of them there you go she woke up but she woke up to discover that a chunk of her ear cartilage had been removed, allegedly, without her consent. Guys, consent is half the battle with ear removal. Oh, it really is. I completely agree. She got waxed on this one. She underwent a rhinoplasty procedure at the hospital on September 1st, her second procedure in five years.

I'll never forget 9-1. She told... Sometimes you need the other one. She told Chinese media that she felt fine after the procedure, even felt good until she discovered that something was wrong with her right ear. Until she tried to put her sunglasses on. It just fell right down. She's like, this isn't...

This feels weird. Something isn't adding up. Why is it... Why do these feel weird? She discovered... This doesn't work. She discovered something was wrong with her right ear after how many days after the surgery?

All right, P. Lee. And then when I show you guys the photo i can't wait to see it all right you know what i'll show it to you first and then you can say how long would it take you to realize this part of your ear all right show us this missing so yeah this will really all right ready oh my god is that like front nodule thing that little thing in there don't't you feel like you'd notice that's gone? Her hearing is talking back part of the ear or even top part. She put her earbuds in and they went all the way in. Yes. They went all the way in.

Wow. That's an unobstructed tunnel now. Yeah. That literally looks like an ultrasound photo of a baby. That's right. It does. It does. Also, look at the wound how many days

do you think it took her to realize she had stitches it looks like stitches in her ear and the i hope those are stitches i'm sure it has a name that i can't think of just a little front hook part around your ear cartilage yes whatever how how long people get it pierced how many days uh i i'm guessing four days jay what do you think oh man i'm gonna say four days well you're asking for a reason like i think i think it was a week i think it was seven days and she just didn't even realize i think it was like 21 days 21 days she's just like she doesn't know i'm here she had an eerie feeling about it. Oh, God damn it. One of you is exactly right. Oh, okay, okay.

So now we get to play the game. Who do you think is exactly right? Who do you think is exactly right? What did you say, Pete? Four days. And then Jay said a week. I think it's Randy because it's 20 plus the number of years that she has. That's what I was thinking.

I'm going to say a week. I'm staying with me. I'm sticking with me. I think 21. I'm sticking with me. Okay. Okay. So she goes in on September 1st.

The amount of days it took her to realize something was wrong with her right ear. It took her four days. Oh, Pete Lee. Should have stayed with yourself. Trust yourself, Pete Lee. I'm going to give it to you. The tragus, I think that's what it's called, the small pointy cartilage on the inside of the inner side of the ear

had obviously been surgically removed. Only no one had informed her about it. Should we take this off? Does she know? Why don't you ask know? Check the forms. When she confronted the hospital staff about this, she was told that it was a normal procedure and that she had given her consent

by signing an agreement that mentioned that cartilage for rhinoplasty would be used. Wow. That covers a lot. A lot. A lot. There's a lot of cartilage in the body. It's very general.

Zhao told Chinese news outlet The Paper that she consulted with several plastic surgery experts who all confirmed that the cartilage from behind the ear is commonly used for rhinoplasty procedures as it doesn't impact the patient's look. So this doctor was just like, fuck it. She wants a new nose. She's going to have a bad ear. She's going to have George Bailey this year. look so this doctor was just like fuck it she wants a new nose she's gonna have a bad ear she's gonna she's gonna have george bailey this year so she now has to wear her hair over her ear at all

times i mean all time or beats by dre headphones most people probably wouldn't notice right i don't think because again i was looking at her hair in this thing and you say cut off your ear despite your nose there you go you're on fire today. Jay's ripping through it. However, could she get like a little silicone ear implant? Yes. She probably could.

I don't know. You'd have to get it stuck there, right? Yeah. You got to glue it in. However, a spokesperson from the Angel Wing Hospital,

for some reason that name bothers me, said that it's too close to death. I don't need angels at the hospital. You know what I need? I need a doctor wing hospital. A whole angel? Right. Is it the whole angel? No, it's too close to death. I don't need angels at the hospital. I need a doctor wing hospital. A whole angel? Is it the whole angel? No, it's just the wing.

That's the other part too. Is it both wings? It's just one wing. By the way, do you know that there's angel wings is like a wing spot here in LA? Oh, yes. I have seen that. Is it good? Yeah, and it's also a Chinese hospital. Completely side note, did you know we're in a big chicken shortage and a lot of places don't have wings? Yeah, and it's also a Chinese hospital. Completely side note, did you know we're in a big chicken shortage

and a lot of places don't have wings? No, really? It's like people are eating more chicken than ever right now and we have a chicken shortage. I just thought so. Wow. Okay, anyway.

They said the cartilage from the back of the auricle can cause ear atrophy. So that's why they went with the front. Zhao is reportedly embarrassed about the look of her ear and has demanded a full refund, financial compensation. Refund. Refund. Refund. As well as a new operation to fix her ears. She deserves it.

She's going to wake up and there's going to be a tiny penis coming out of that part of her ear. I can feel it. She can set it to it. Don't go back to the same place. Pete, please find a fucking Kaiser out there. The woman's conflict with the Chengdu Hospital has resulted in heated arguments, and police have had to intervene.

Yeah, just take it to the court. Just for fun, you guys want to guess how old she is? Yeah, Pete. We saw a picture. We saw a picture. I know, I know. She was masked up. We saw a picture.

I think she looked pretty young. I think she's, like, 19. There's no bearing on the story, but we'll just close it out. I think 24. I'm just saying. 24. I'm going to say 27. Okay.

Like I guessed on the other one and I was one away. Mrs. Zhao. Mrs. She's married, guys. That's what they said they'd call her. If you're nasty. Is. We'll get out of here on this.

31 years old. Oh, she looks good. Which also makes me feel like for a long, that's a good chunk of adult life being like, I want to do something about my nose. I'm finally going to do it. And then they take the ear. The camera takes off. Camera adds 10 pounds and takes off part of your ear.

There you go. Story number two, my friend. There you go. She had ears for 31 years. I've got ears. I've got ears for 31 years. Nate Dugman, he rest in peace. I've got hoes've got ears for 31 years Nate Dogg may he rest in peace I've got hoes in different area codes

alright there you go give us a little taste Dan of what we're gonna hear in story three that's a good story know what you're eating before you put it in your mouth very important

that's story three and then for our Patreon fans of Dumb People Town we're gonna do a special interview with Pete about something dumb from his life that you can only get on Patreon.

So join the Patreon so you can hear this extra content. We love doing it for you. And we'll be right back. Stick around. Make it sound. For more Dumb People Town. All right, Daniel, take us home. Final story.

Let's do it. Here we go. Sent in by Crispin Cott at Stuporfly. Love this dude. Great writer. Great rock and roll music writer. Friend of the show. We love you, Crispin.

Ready for this? Yep. Okay. Woman mistakes wasabi for avocado. Ends up in hospital with, quote, broken heart syndrome. What? Yes. So I did this once. You did what do you made her from cars too i literally scooped up what i thought was what i thought was like a gag in

that movie maybe a quarter size full of wasabi and ate it and i literally what happened to you i started tearing up i started coughing my voice My voice like really hurt. Do you guys fuck with shishito peppers? We do. I love them and they're so good but one out of every 10 to 12 will destroy you. Didn't we have that when we had It's the Russian roulette of peppers.

And then Liev got the hot one and I was like try this thing. Because they're so good. Even when they're that hot you still end up eating more. One of the hottest things I've ever eaten was a crazy shishito pepper. So I did this so I can sympathize with this gal. A woman in Israel has become the first person ever to get broken heart syndrome from food after mistaking a big blob of wasabi for a normal-sized portion of harmless avocado. Oh, my God.

The woman in her late 60s showed up to the emergency room with chest pains after attending a wedding. During the party, she saw what she thought was avocado dip on the table and ate some. Ate some. E-Reese, don't touch it.

No. E-Reese, no. No, Akshab. No, Akshab, E-Reese. No, Akshab. No. Are you a wasabi guy, Pete Lee? I am a wasabi guy.

Like, if I ever get a sinus infection or whatever, I'll literally get a tube of wasabi and eat it so that it gets my sinus. Now, did you put wasabi on a hot dish when you grew up in Minneapolis? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We'd sprinkle some frosted flakes on the top of it and then add some wasabi. Just put a little bit of wasabi up there. And then some cream of mushroom soup underneath it.

I guarantee you guys. We'd put that on there, too. Oh, yeah. Let me say this. You know, you know that I'm a friend of the Jewish faith. I feel like this is why things are kosher. They're like like they're to avoid literally. Sure. Like if this was kos kosher there would have been a rabbi that would have gone no that's wasabi don't eat this before this only eat this if you've done this if you're the third the third child of a male born out you can't bathe the baby in the

mother's milk of elul i'm gonna i would guess that at least half my family has never had wasabi in their life possible i think it's very sushi randy and i didn't eat sushi until i went back to visit my college girlfriend who was staying at michigan for an extra couple months when i was 21 that was the first time i ever tried oh i didn't have sushi so i was like 30 first time i would have i would have eaten the whole thing if she didn't tell me don, don't eat that, I would have picked it up. I saw it on the plate. I'm like, oh, that's good. This green thing, which looks harmless.

What is this round ball? So at the party, this woman sees an avocado dip. Wrong. It's wasabi. Unfortunately, her taste buds confirmed and her chest pains later corroborated. It was, in fact, a, quote, large amount of wasabi. Oh, Lord. Which is, for anybody who needs catching up,

it's a hot Japanese root vegetable in the same family as mustard or radish. Horse radish type of thing. Five minutes later, she started to feel a sudden pressure in her chest, which radiated into her arms. Oh, my God. This lasted several hours, but she decided to stay at the wedding. Imagine that. How are you feeling, honey?

Right. I'm good. I'm dying, but don't worry about me. Do you remember? Get up. Get off the floor. 21st of September. No one wants to hear you bitch.

This is not your day. This is not your day, Debbie. Don't make it about you. Right. We got to get it. Don't make it about you, Ghalib. She decided to stay at the wedding, and eventually the pain began to die down the next day however she felt uncomfortable and weak so she sought out medical attention yep doctors

ruled out heart failure but an ecg showed dysfunction in her left ventricle she had quote broken heart syndrome she broke her heart the dummy jeez talk i'm gonna try this to cut subo cardiomyopathy also known as broken heart syndrome is a left ventricle dysfunction that typically occurs in older women after sudden intense emotional or physical stress the author explains so this had nothing to do with the wasabi, but it had everything to do with the wasabi. Normally, if someone loses somebody they love late in life, they can get broken heart syndrome. It was first documented. Go ahead, Pete.

This probably happened to Reese. Wasabi was like, I just need to be alone right now. I can't be with you. Leave it alone. It broke her heart. You tried to eat all of it. Wasabi wants to go slowly. She's just standing on a stoop like Aiden screaming at wasabi.

You broke my heart. That's a deep Sex and the City cut. Broke my heart. It was first documented more than 20 years ago by Japanese researchers. It's usually brought on by severe psychological or physical stress and was first recognized in women who had experienced an emotionally traumatic event

such as the death of a spouse. Although, it can be documented in people who experience all sorts of emotional trauma. I'd never heard about this before. Ever. The researchers suggest that this is the first time the condition has been triggered by food consumption alone. I mean, you eat your emotions, right?

You do eat your emotions. You do that to the Baker family. You are what you eat. I've eaten a lot of broken heart syndrome. That's right. With wasabi. 10 tacos at Taco Bell. That's broken heart syndrome. The's right. With wasabi. 10 tacos at Taco Bell. That's broken heart syndrome.

The condition. Go ahead, Pete. I've just never looked at guacamole and been like, man, you know that guacamole with no onions or tomatoes or peppers or anything? That looks amazing. I don't even need a chip. I just want a spoon. That's just so smooth.

Yeah. Yeah. Get me in there. I remember I once, I think think it was i was in wisconsin and this person put something all over their plate and i can't remember what they thought it was but oh i think it was pancakes and they thought it was berry sauce and it was ketchup oh and i watched them take the bite like it's, it's ketchup. I just ate ketchup all over my...

You ruined it. It was at the galley in Montella, Wisconsin, which is now known as the Foxtail. Foxhole. The condition is considered fairly benign, though complications such as pulmonary edema and a whole

bunch of other stuff can occur. And the woman recovered well after being treated with ACE inhibitors and beta blockers. She was discharged and recovered fully within a month. I know it's a serious thing. Where do you want to go for lunch?

Sushi. That's the... Right. I know it's a serious thing, but like there's a moment where like, you're fine. Quit, quit. I think that's why she went to the wedding for an hour. A whole bunch of people at the wedding were like, you're like, you're fine. I think this was the wedding for an hour.

A whole bunch of people at the wedding were like, you're fine. Did you have fun at the wedding? Well. My heart hurts. I broke my heart. A month later, I had a bad time. I know you guys got married, but my heart got divorced, and that's why I only gave you a card with $25.

I'm not trying to make it about me. I'm not trying to make it about me. I don't know. It was fun. Aside from the pulmonary edema, I had a great time. I'm fine. You guys don't worry about me and my arms that are still hurt. I'm going to lay down. Can I lay down on the dance floor? Dance around me.

Keep having fun. Don't worry about me. I don't understand why I'm so emotional. I don't normally get emotional at weddings. Give me another scoop of that avocado sauce. Those are stories, friends. Thank you, P.R.E. Tall, dark, and pleasant. July 9th on Showtime.

I'm setting my damn DVR. How can we let Showtime know that they need to give you five more? Just tag them in your love. Tag them in your love. Tag them at showtime or whatever it is franciscan yeah she'll then put it out to her thousand followers uh pete lee we love you buddy you are always have an open invite in the town thanks for uh joining us thank you guys so much for having me i love you guys so much you're the funniest people on the planet i love you

thanks and oh my god dan you're hysterical you too i i can't wait to come to your illinois I love you guys so much. You're the funniest people on the planet. I love you. Thanks, Peter. Oh, my God. Dan, you're hysterical. You too, man. I can't wait to come to your Illinois tour. Yes. Thank you, dude. That'd be amazing. That'd be an amazing build.

Dan Van Kirk and Pete Lee. Oh, my God. Straight fire. Land of Lincoln tour. All right, guys. That's our show. And oh, shit. We got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Pump it down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbands Audio.

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