Dumb People Town - Ptolemy Slocum - Burger King for Life

Episode Date: February 15, 2019

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band, with co-host Armand Dan. Man, dirt, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population here. Population, Slocum.

Slocum if you got em. Slocum if you got em. What up? Follow me, Slocum. Slocum if you got them. Slocum if you got them. What's up? Ptolemy Slocum. How's it going? What a kick-ass name. Welcome to the show, man. Thank you. The one thing I can't take credit for.

This is a thing that dumb people can't say. How many dumb people approach your name in various situations? It is a bit of a litmus test. PT. PT. If they take a shot at it and it's like the weakest shot, like, can I just do Tommy or Twalotomy?

So, you know, when we were kids, Sklar is very difficult because it's got three consonants in a row. And our dad, I mean, he just was like, I'm sick and tired of people

screwing it up at like the restaurant. When if you go to a restaurant and put your name in and they call your name because that's the type of restaurants we went to when we were kids. The one where they call your name out.

It was like before beepers buzzed and got you there. So our dad would just go up without us knowing it, without us knowing, and his first name was Richard. So he would just put in Richard's Party of Four. So as small children whose last name was Sklar, someone at a restaurant would be like, Richard's party at four. He'd be like, yep, that's us. He would not even talk to us. We'd just get up and go.

I mean, my name is horrible. And at any kind of restaurant, I just go with Roy. Can we blame you? Yeah, just skip it all and just say Roy. Can we blame the almond farmers who raised you? No, I was born in Kenya. And I was born on the eclipse of the moon. And so they named me after an astronomer who lived in Egypt.

So there was like an African thing and an astronomy thing. Talk about specific. Has nothing to do with all that. Talk about no foresight. But poor foresight is then I was raised in like farming areas, and they basically were repulsed by my name. By anything that was unique. Yes. So here's what we believe.

Your name isn't Dave. Yes. I don't get it. Ptolemy. Here's the deal. And look, there might be a ton of really smart and astronomically educated farmers out there. We're not saying all farmers. No.

It just so happens that he grew up. The ones you lived around. Yeah. You grew up. Random. With dumbness around you. Random selection. Okay.

So the world, I think, is getting, if you were to grow up today, it would be dumber than when you grew up long ago. I do believe that that's true. And it was a long time ago when you were young. Okay. So the world, I think, is getting – if you were to grow up today, it would be dumber than when you grew up long ago. I do believe that that's true. And it was a long time ago when you were young. I mean, you are old. Yeah. Almonds were new, brother. Hey, brother.

Dan's got a story for us. Let's fire one up. Should we jump into it? I would love to jump into it, Dan. Head first, feet first. Knees first. Let's jump head first. I mean, it's Dumb People Town.

It's head first. Everything's head first. Head first into a pool that you don't know how shallow it is. Let's start going. True story. We grew up along the Delta, and there are several people that I know that lost either their legs or all four limbs. For diving into rivers? Diving into the Sacramento River head first and hitting either a rock or a lava. It's the dumbest.

It's the scariest. True story. The fact that you know more than one that that happened to. More than one. I asked Corey Lukasik, great comic. I saw him yesterday. It's the scariest. True story. The fact that you know more than one that that happened to. More than one. I asked Corey Lukasik, great comic, I saw him yesterday, and I asked him this question. Are you more apt to bungee jump or jump off a cliff into water on someone else's word that it's safe? Bungee jumping.

Yeah, me too, 100%. Bunchy jump? Yeah. Or would you jump into water you haven't checked the depth of? So I would jump into water that I haven't checked the depth of with my feet if I had a life jacket on. Really? Yeah, because you don't go down as far. That's very painful.

You don't go down as far. That's still, dude, you're going to break your legs. I jumped off a 30-foot cliff on the salmon river. But did you know it was safe? We had an idea it was safe. I think it was safe. I almost called you Rory because I'm so used to yelling. Roy.

This is Roy over here. No, Rory. What's Rory? I know Rory. I just love when you go to a restaurant and you take on the name of a guy trying to save people in Nakatomi Plaza. You're just like, what's your name, Roy? Hey, Bubsy. Hey, Bubsy.

You would jump off a cliff without knowing the depth? Well, I mean, I didn't go around and check the depth. I have to check the depth. Check the depth. It's a river. It's a river. You just have to, like, and this is going to go toward the story as well. And I finally harnessed how to look at these things.

Okay. Number one, what's the best case scenario? Best case scenario, you jump off. People think you're cool. You get some height in your stomach. That's amazing. Best case scenario. Worst case scenario, you're never the same.

You're half of a human being. So the payoff is not worth it. This is what Corey LeCasick said. Corey was like, hey, man, I got those three seconds. I got three seconds of how cool that was. being like so the payoff is not working this is what cory lukasic said cory is like it's just hey man i got those three seconds i got three seconds of how cool that was like it's not worth it no there's like in the ozarks yeah this was i think it was a couple years ago there was like a you know people do they'll jump off the bridges yes and they'll have like rope swings i've done those like in the in the ozarks but there was one where these people had been jumping for years,

and somebody just went in the right way, and there was rebar under there, and it went right into their ribs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why I know. Give me that bungee cord. All right, Dan, let's get into this shit. Okay, this is a dumb story.

Somebody's doing something dumb. Nobody gets hurt. There's not even cops involved. Oh, great. Which is, you know how they like in a dumb people's dog. Somebody's doing something dumb. Nobody gets hurt. There's not even cops involved. Oh, great. Which is, you know how they like it in Dumb People. No cops. No cops. This was sent in by Alvin Katabay at akatabay36.

Thanks, Alvin. His own website. Katabay. A-K-A-T-A-B-A-Y. Would you go Katabay? Katabay. Katabay sounds. Katabay Prada. It sounds like a Jada Cata-Pretta. Jade Cata-Pretta.

Cata-Bay Pretta. What does it sound like? It sounded like a catamaran. That's what I was going to say. It's like a yacht, a boat that you take around. Yo, hanging on my catamay. It's a boat. Don't know what to say.

It's a catamaran boat. Today was a good catamaran. Today was a good catamaran.. It's a boat. Don't know what to say. It's a catamaran boat. Today was a good catamaran. Today was a good catamaran. At Daniel Van Kirk. A Burger King. Oh, you know what I love too? I'm going to preemptively do it because who cares? I love when our stories dovetail perfectly into a plug.

Okay. A Burger King in the Portland area. Okay. This is in Oregon. Should we go visit there when we're up there? Yes. area. Okay. Should we go visit there when we're up there? Yes.

A Burger King in the Portland area has broken a promise to give a man free meals for life. A lawsuit claims. So they have told someone, you got Burger King for life, and now they broke the promise. I wouldn't trust Burger King. I wouldn't break the promise. I would kill this man.

Well, no. And then you kept your promise. And do you know how I would kill this man? More, no. And then you kept your promise. And do you know how I would kill this man? More Burger King. You're on the path. You've already laid out how he's going to die. Every meal. 100%. You want one? Why don't you take two? I just can't believe they lied to us.

That made me start wondering, as I just asked you this, was not wondering before, what is the most trustworthy fast food restaurant that you would trust to not break their promise? To me, it's Jimmy John's. I feel like Jimmy John's would not lie to you. Potbelly Subs.

Potbelly is good, too. In and out. Because they have God on their side. Arby's will steal from you. Arby's will be like, you put your bag down and it's gone. And Arby's is like, well, we have your meat. It's such an interesting conversation. Because by the time you're turning to fast food for trust,

I want to base my future on fast food. Where are you in your life? You're a dumb people's son. Hey, we're going to go to this Carl's Jr. over here. Is it trustworthy? No. That's not a word I would use to describe it. You were right on, pot bellies.

I stand by Jimmy John's, too. Jimmy John's, too. Definitely not Subway. No, you can't trust Subway anymore. I don by Jimmy John's, too. Jimmy John's, too. I kind of like... Definitely not Subway. No, you can't trust Subway anymore. I don't think so. Not anymore. Those people are artists. According to his lawsuit filed Tuesday in Multnomah...

Multnomah. Multnomah County Circuit Court. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Portland, baby. Curtis Bruner was granted a lifetime of free meals after. What happened? What did he do? Like he got his.

After he swallowed a rat in his chicken fry. Saw a rat head. Like literally like. They get. All right. As long as you don't talk about the mouse head in your chili. Right. Food for life.

Food for life. He was granted a lifetime of free meals after he was trapped in a locked bathroom at the 2555 Northeast 238th Drive Burger King for more than an hour on December 15th. Wait. Oh, come on. Come on. What? I was thinking you were going to say more than a week. A month.

I was going to say a month. For life. For life. Burger King for life. For being trapped for an hour. So how do they promise it? If your friend gets you into your car and you're like, I'm so glad to be in my car. I love you, man.

I'm going to give you a meal every day for life. Or I'll drive you to the airport for life. And then the first time you give him that airport ride, you're like, I was a little excited. I was excited at the time. Let's be honest. This is clearly like a 20-year-old manager who got flustered, got him out and then opened his or her big mouth. Meal. We're going to call him meal.

Opened his big mouth and said, you have food for life. And as soon as this guy heard it, he was like, okay, We're going to call him Neil. He opened his big mouth and said, you have food for life. And as soon as this guy heard it, he was like, okay, I'm going to record this. Say it one more time. Food for life. It's like when Tigger said, if you get me down from this tree,

I'll never bounce again. And then realized very quickly, needed that bounce. Bruner says he reeked of urine after he couldn't get out of what he says was a smelly, confined space. What did he roll around on the floor? Wait a minute. You don't reek of urine because a room reeks of urine. No one's smoking urine and blowing it in your face. You reek of urine to defend yourself against the bears.

That's right. Exactly. Who were also locked in a bathroom, which you haven't read yet. I haven't gotten there yet. And by the bears, you mean Bear Gryllis. Yeah. What is he doing? Bear Brian's ghost.

He drinks his own. Bear Brian's ghost. Isn't it crazy that we can't even make a trapped in a Burger King closet joke? Nope. That's how bad R. Kelly is. He ruined that, too. You can't be trapped in anything anymore. We can't reference one of your songs.

It's a horrible thing and also the least of what he's done. That's the scale of how bad he is. And Jay, good on you, Jay, for picking out the worst thing of R. Kelly, the fact that we at a podcast can't make a track. No, people are going to hear that segment. We're going to get letters. All we're saying is, you know, Cosby ruined colorful sweaters. I'm just saying that.

You know what else he ruined? I always thought about this. He ruined hoagies. Yeah. Remember, you watched the Cosby show, and he made that sandwich look so good that he was about to eat. And now I'm like, wow, I can't have that anymore. I haven't even thought of Cosby enough to think about all the things he— No mention of pudding?

No mention of pudding. You can't ruin pudding. Pudding pops? Tommy, you can't ruin pudding. You can't even say pudding pops without, like, pudding pops. Tommy, you can't ruin pudding. You can't even say pudding pops without like pudding pops. No, you can't. Don't do that.

Don't do it on this show. Not anymore. So he says he reeked of urine after he couldn't get out of what was a smelly, confined space. Yep. Quote,

it's the kind of place where you hold your breath, go in, and get out of there as fast as you can, Bruner, told the Oregonian slash Oregon Live

on Wednesday. And now they won't let me go back there every day of my life. What's wrong with these people? He says, that wasn't holding my breath and getting in and out. That wasn't an option for me. Of course it wasn't. Oh, so he's more mad that they took away his breath holding options in life. He didn't have the option.

I had to smell all that urine. Burger King didn't immediately respond to a request for a comment. By the way, this was our employer two years ago. Yes, he did a Burger King. Sounds like the type of people that would leave someone trapped locked in a urine bag for an hour.

Well, they only did one commercial with us. And then we recorded another one, so this doesn't surprise me. According to Bruner and his lawsuit, here's what happened. Bruner had just finished a meal and stepped into the single-user restroom,

so it hit him quick. Like, are we going to call it a meal? Like, we know it's not a restaurant, technically. I'm going to be honest, though. I went through a time in my life

where you ate a lot of Burger King. I loved those original chicken sandwiches. They were so good. So it's a fried chicken sandwich. Can I ask you, is your legal name Bruner? Is that what this is about?

Why is that? That's neither here nor there. You've got to look in your eyes. That's neither here nor there. Counselor, you are badgering the witness. I'm sorry. Counselor badgering the witness. You've got to look in your eyes.

Don't take a step back, sir. What is your question? Maybe I smell like urine. It smells strangely like urine in here. I do not smell like urine. Tell us the truth. By the way, this was the original plot for Urine Town. On Irving Park and Clark, they would have two for five original chicken sandwiches.

Oh, my God. He's back to it. Look at his eyes. It was always a good day. I think this guy. Two for four. I've never. Okay.

Well, five is an easy bill to drop. I just felt so unexpected. Two for five. Four for ten. Horrible food never tastes better than when you're four. I've never. Okay. Well, five is an easy bill to drop. I just felt so unexpected. Two for five. Four for ten. Horrible food never tastes better than when you're four. And I don't know what's wrong with people. No offense. I'm making direct eye contact with you.

It's okay. I don't know what's wrong with people, but there is a crossfade, like a spectrum in my mind, that once food becomes cheap enough, I'm like, there's something wrong with the food. I feel that way too. You should not be able to get... If the deal gets too good, I'm like, that's not a deal. It's trash. This is like the guy... I've talked about this on the podcast.

The guy who cut my hair, cut our hair in New York, Steve, bald guy, never trust a bald guy to cut your hair, Italian guy, I cut you hair! That's what you say. I cut him $10 for two years. $10, I cut your hair. How late are you guys open? He's like, we're open until 8.

Come before 8. Oh, you mean you're open only until 8. Don't come after that? Right. I cut your hair. So I go down to Steve and cut my hair, $10 for the first two and a half years. I go down there one week. It is. $10 for the first two and a half years. I go down there one week. It is now $7.

And I am mad. And people weren't clamoring at him to say like, hey, man, these are tough times. I was mad. No one was like, cut it down. I'm like, 10 is the bottom. So now I'm like, 7, you don't have to care. You don't have to give a shit. You can't complain.

If it's messed up, I can't be like, Steve. That burger fell on the floor. It's 29 cents. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Pick it up. And you know you're walking around with a $7 haircut. Hey, that bathroom smells like urine.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the fact that you just ate four sandwiches for a dollar. Shut up. They're good, though. They're so good. I'm kind of already on Bruner's side just thinking about this. Wow. Maybe I am Bruner. So he just thinking about this. Why? Come on.

Maybe I am Bruner. So he ate his meal. Okay, yeah, he finished his meal. Just to let you know, as this story goes along, I'm looking for the point at which, because Bruner's really selling his afternoon so far. I got a meal. I'm strolling to the bathroom.

I want to know the point where Bruner realizes he's made bad choices in his life. When he tried to leave, the lock on the door jammed. After several minutes of trying to get the door open, he called the phone number on his receipt. We're going to take a quick break and we'll come back and dig

into what happens next. It's Dumb People Town. Ptolemy Slocum. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. We should mention, Tommy Slocum is a character on the great HBO show. The greatest show with the most background nudity of any show in the history of television. That is true. I was exposed to most of that.

You were exposed to most of it, yeah. It's behind you, though. When you're acting, it's behind you. Well, we should say, it's Westworld. It's Westworld. And you're so good in Westworld. Oh, thank you. You're phenomenal in it.

It was so great, too, to be like, I know a UCB person on Westworld. So good, dude. I always wonder, though, like, are you, in between takes, because the way, where you're always set up, it's all those glass rooms. Right. That you could just look everywhere. Yeah. It's just all.

It's got to be uncomfortable on some level. It is definitely uncomfortable at first. It's very confusing. And's got to be uncomfortable on some level. It is definitely uncomfortable at first. It's very confusing and like, is this good or bad? And then the horrific thing is I don't have my glasses on. And my glasses just give me like the last 10 feet. And it is so offensive to me how you cannot tell two nude people apart if they are laying down over 10 feet away from you. Well, that's... It's just pubic hair and then flatness.

You just see in the distance a blurry bush. You don't know if it's man or woman. It's blurry bush. And a lot of these... Blurry bush was my favorite of the bush twins. And they had a pretty large selection, no joke, of Merkins. They had a Merkin select

because everyone had push for the western town, so there was a good deal of Merkin action. Now, where do you guys shoot? Because you got to run out in the park last season. Yes. Well, that was several places, but the original sets and where the little village

for the Shogun village. Is that just burned down? No, that was the other one. So that's across the freeway, but this is all up in Santa Clarita. So Melody Ranch. Yeah, which we shot up there. Didn't we shoot up there?

Yes, we did. Was that the Burger King commercial? No, it was... Wild Hogs? Bubble Boy? Bubble Boy or something like that. But such a fun show and you're so good on it. So thank you. They really like,

for where you came in at to like all the layers they've given you guys like since then I really just loved how it opened up

it's crazy yeah I think I meant I was meant to die I believe that yeah I'm sure yeah

but what a phenomenal job what's the actor that you worked alongside the other tech Leo yeah well Felix is his character. Character's name.

Yeah, Leo. It's Leonardo. I think it's a nod to the chemistry that you guys had. Oh, my God. The sides of the coins that you're both playing with. They're like, we can't lose either one of these guys. And that's us in real life. Really?

We are close now. And because we're both so different and have gone through so much, we're both so much the same and so different. It's like he's really a close friend. It's amazing to be on a show that is so loved. Because you've done all kinds of things. You've been in a lot of stuff. You are someone who's worked in a lot of shows, in movies.

What movie did I just see you in? Were you in Vice? Have you heard of Vice? Yeah, what did you do in Vice? I'm in the segment right in the middle of the credits. Really? Yeah, I look just like myself. Do you know me at all?

I don't know you. Oh, God. I'm sitting next to you. I took his glasses off for a second. I remember that. Maybe I was just reading the credits. I only see Merkins. Yeah, my glasses were off.

I only see Blurry Bush. I don't know. You were in another thing about, I don't know. It was like, I can't remember. You guys are doing your bit to him. What am I doing? There's so much great stuff, but to go into something that also takes off in its own jet stream is really cool. It's unreal.

Because we can't predict that stuff. We've all been a part of great things that we're like, this is amazing, and six people watched it. Or this is really, you know what I mean? Or you do a couple things in a show that actually has a huge following, and it's like, oh, wow, this is great. This is very cool. We live in several versions or layers of lotteries. You know what I mean? You're so lucky to get the job at all,

but you're just entered into the very beginning of the lottery. We don't know the show that is in a lottery. If it's even going to be fun at all to shoot, you don't know. And then if it's even going to exist, then if it's even going to be fun at all to shoot you don't know and then if it's even going to exist then if it's even going to be accepted then if it's something

you want to be known for like there's so many so to have it go through all those layers and check it off check him out it's my thing like that's

I just I fucking love that show I'm so happy for you I love it as a fan like I just love that I love the people on that show. It's just, it's all of it.

It's brilliant and scary at the same time. Check it if you haven't seen it. It's called Westworld. It's the West Wing of HBO shows. You probably got about a year before the next season comes out. Yeah, we're starting to shoot next month. Yeah, so I imagine probably January or February next year. I love it.

Let's get back to where we were. The Splars just were? I don it. Let's go back to Portland. Where the Sklars just were? Who knows? If it's before then, check out where the Sklars are going to be. If it's before March 3rd, come to Houston and see Rory and I do our first pen pal. If it's before March 4th, guess who just got added to our live Dumb People town?

Jonathan Hamm. Karen Kilgareff Karen Kilgareff and then the musical guest is our buddy Langhorne Slim wow what a show killer show

March 4th at Largo tickets are available get tickets it will sell out alright Dan he called the number on the street

which is kind of smart Brunner that's like that's Brunner logic yes but who's manning the phones at a Burger King

do you trust that person right it's as if he's smart manning the phones at a Burger King? Do you trust that person? Right. It's as if he's smart enough to not be at a Burger King in the first place. After several minutes of trying to get the door open, he called the number on his receipt. Several employees responded. Was that they passed the phone around? Hello. Hello.

Someone's called. What is this landline? I don't know what it is. No one's come to Burger King because everyone's gotten too intelligent. Ultimately, they came to the door, the bathroom door, and handed him a plastic-edged card and later a fly swatter and instructions to squeeze it through the crack between the door and the door frame to move the locking mechanism. This is how a cat burglar gets into a house.

This is in movies when a guy just whips out a credit card and just swipes and takes it. So they're passing him tools, like household MacGyver items, to help him get out of the bathroom. Also, the way that this is written, they also passed him the instructions, which I'd like to imagine are scrawled in crayons. Step one. In blood. They had to break a glass. Nick Cage had to find them. But wait, so they also could have called a locksmith

in that moment. No, no, no. Hold on one sentence, my friend. In the process, Bruner cut his hand, the suit says. A locksmith ultimately freed him. Exactly! Cut his hand on what? A fly swatter? I don't know. I have no idea. Dummy?

It could have been masturbating. He got bored. There was a little bit of time. Cut his hand. Bruner was humiliated as he heard employees and customers laughing on the other side of the locked door. I would have laughed. I would have laughed. That hurts. That hurts.

I also appreciate the idea that people on the outside thought that someone was dumb enough to get themselves locked in a Burger King, but would be smart enough to then not cut themselves on anything you hand them. Dan, you are showing up at a Burger King for a two for five deal. You are not showing up for an entire show. That's dinner theater. But you walk into Burger King to get your two for five, Dan. You see a crowd of people around the bathroom. You see a crowd of people around the bathroom laughing hard. You. You see a crowd of people around the bathroom laughing hard. You walk towards that laughter.

What do we got here? What do we got? Give him air. Give him air. Sir, you don't even know what's happening. Fine. Give her air. I can't breathe in there. The only thing we can do is... Does he have a fly swatter? Urinate on the outside of the door so it starts to flow into... Yes! Yes!

So it's Brunner, now humiliated. I imagine that Brunner just got naked in there and was like, this is how I'm surviving. Losing his wife. Flinging his shit on the wall.

This is Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now kind of losing it in the hotel room. There was like pentagrams drawn in blood and feces on all the walls.

In his own bloody rights on the mirror. Tell my wife I love her. You're like, you're not even married. Well, tell her. He ticks off moments in a jail cell, how long has it been in there for each minute. He's Andy Dufresne. He's in the other bathroom.

60 ticks. I accidentally summoned a demon. He's using a spoon to dig through the wall. Through the toilet, I summoned a demon. And that's on you. I summoned a toilet demon. This is where Bruner starts to lose me. Bruner was too shaken to immediately leave the restaurant.

Well, maybe if someone could get me a number three. If someone could get me a number three and a diet, I'll sit down here for a minute. I need to collect myself. I am tuckered out right from the bathroom. I don't know where I'm going. I was sitting the whole time, but man, I'm emotionally tired. Bruner was too shaken to immediately leave the restaurant. To me, that's he's starting to milk it. He's looking for

what can I get for free? And that's when employees gave him a bandage and some ointment for his cut, and a manager. Ointment? I'm going to tell you what he did. He went in there and he held the lock. And he held that lock shut, and he's like, how do I get a lifetime of free meals? No, he did not. Yes, he did. You're coming down on Bruno like that?

Come on. It's an inside job. The manager. 9-11 was an inside job. Bruno melts steel beams. The manager apologized. Explosions are coming from inside the bath. And offered him a verbal promise that he could always eat there for free.

As long as he works there, which ended the next week. Yeah, exactly. She said, there's a quote, she said, yeah, man, we understand it's a terrible situation and we want to make it up to you, Bruner recounted, even before the promise. And that man, by the way, is

legally binding. That is legally binding. When someone says, yeah, man, that means you gotta hold it. It holds up in a court of law. Obviously if her quote is yeah man we understand and we want to make up to you that means he's the one who said how about

free meals for life. Right. He definitely said something to her saying like that was the worst experience of my entire life. I can't believe that happened to me. I mean if that happened to you

wouldn't you yeah man we get it. Yeah. We're gonna make it up to you. We're gonna get some free meals. Like to me I imagine her like talking to him as if like stop talking. Yeah. Yeah man we get it. This is where're going to make it up to you. We're going to get some free meals. To me, I imagine her talking to him as if, like, stop talking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. We get it. This is where Bruner loses me even more. Even before the promise, Bruner said he frequented Burger King nearly every day. Wow. Because he enjoys the food, and it's just one freeway stop from his work. He said after the free meal promise, he was gunning for this.

I think he got locked in, but he saw it as an opportunity. He locked himself in. He goes every day and he's thinking to himself, how can I save myself some money? I'm going to lock myself in. This is like the guy who faked falling down. Did you see that video of him? I saw that. He threw ice on the ground.

Camera on you, bitch. Classic Brunner. He said after, so he's a guy who already eats there every day. He said after the free meal promise, he ate there for free. Is the free meal promise like the new version of the ice bucket challenge? Yes. The free meal promise. Just making sure. He said after the free meal promise,

hashtag free meal promise, he ate there for free every day for the next 13 days. With the exception of December 24th and December 25th. Twice. Does it also say in there he'll never be able to get an erection ever again? Twice. He ate breakfast and dinner there on the same day.

This guy is milking it like nobody's business. Well, like Bruner's business. I can't believe he got this many meals. He's more chemicals than man. Yes. Which is my favorite Rob Zombie song. But when he went in on December. Bruner King.

There you go. Bruner King. When he went in on December 28th, Bruner said he was told, quote, district management had yanked the free meal pledge. Hashtag free meal pledge. His lawsuit asks a judge to order Burger King to reinstate the promise or pay him off in one lump sum. How much does he want? Are we guessing?

We will. Hold on. Okay. The suit says the lock that trapped Brunner inside the restroom appears to have trapped others inside before him because it, quote, showed signs of damage caused by other people. And bloody fingernails. Yes. There was a skull in there. Silence of the Lambs.

Yes, 100%. He's got hair. Right. And a little basket with lotion. They should have a little bell like when they used to bury people. The dog bones. It, quote, showed signs of damage caused by other people who had previously been locked inside the bathroom. The suit claims Burger King was negligent in not fixing it.

All that might be true. Quote, they created an unsafe environment, Bruner said. Quote, someone could have had a medical situation. A deliciously unsafe environment that I go to every day. Right. Someone could have had a medical situation. You could have had a fatality. Shut up, Bruner. I don't think anybody's that good medical situation. You could have had a fatality. Shut up, Bruner.

I don't think anybody's that good at Mortal Kombat that you'd have a fatality. It puts the ketchup in the basket. You could have a child locked in there. Someone elderly. Fatality. They are lucky it was me. Wow. They are lucky.

This is great. For them, they're like, thank God it was this guy. All you have to do is pay me this lump sum to go away. We're going to get out of this Friday mini episode on this. How much is Curtis Bruner seeking in one lump sum if they do not want to give him free meals every time? Tell me. You are a guest. You can go first.

First, you can guess Tig, which is the second spot or third after us. Where do you want to go? And then we're actually competing to win this? Yes. It doesn't matter if you go over. It's closest to it. I'm going to Tig. I'm taking it. Jay, go start us off. How much money is this dummy asking for? How much does he want? I think he figures that it's

$650,000. Wow. I think it's $50,000. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead, Ptolemy. Go ahead. I'm thinking that he is asking for $3.6 million.

Okay. Wow. I think it's like, now I'm going more, $75,000. Okay. So Rand says $75,000. Jay says $650,000. And Ptolemy says $3.6 million. Guys, it's one year.

So if he's saying $10 a visit, you know what I mean? Once a day, and then for one year, and then doing that for 10 years. For the rest of his life. Right. Oh, because you think he's going to die in 10 years. Okay. One can only hope. Do you guys want to guess how old he is really quick?

Sure. Yeah. Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is going to get it right? How old do you think he is? Do you want to go first, take, or third? I'm going to take that as well. Okay.

46. Okay. Yep. Damn. I'm going to say, damn. I'm going to say, damn. I'm going to say 51. 51? Okay.

Tommy says 51. Jay or Ran? 46. I'm going to say. Wait, did you say 46, Jay? I say 46. 46, 51. I'm going to say 38.

38. 38. Okay. I like that. I like 37. 38. It's eight? Fuck it. Okay. I'm going to tell. Do you want to change yours to 37? No. 38. Okay. I like that. I like 37. It's eight? Fuck it.

Okay. I'm going to tell you right now. Do I change yours to 37? No. No? You can. Okay. I'm going to tell you right now that I believe, I'm going to double check it, one of you is

only one year off. Oh, yeah. One of you got very- If it's 37, you're going to hate yourself for the rest of the day. I could have changed it. Nope. I could have been somebody. Nope. Why would have been somebody. Nope.

Why would it be 52? Now, just to be clear, if it was 37, are you guys going to offer me free Burger King for the whole life? Yeah, man. We get it. Yeah, man. It's fucking legal. Is that binding?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What did you say? 38. Wait. What did you say, Tom? 51. Okay.

46. Okay. But I also said 37 spiritually. Before we get to the total, I will first tell you that Curtis Bruner, the man trapped in the bathroom. Captain of cabinets, Bob. Captain of cabinets. P-bathroom.

Loves Burger King. Loves it. It's one stop, one freeway stop away. Freeway stop for his work. $10 a day. Is Get Your Answers In Now, Tony, because Curtis Bruner is 50 years old. Oh! Oh, it feels like magic. It feels like magic. Oh, old. It feels like magic.

It feels like magic. How do you live to 50? The amount of lump sum he is seeking to have Burger King for the rest of his life I'm going to win both of these. is $9,026. $9,026.

What the? $9,026. This is the estimated cost $9,026. What the? $9,000? $9,026. I was right. This is the estimated cost. I was right. $9,026. Guys, he is a stickler. He has figured out how much longer he's going to live.

Here's the weird thing. This is the exact estimated cost of Bruner eating one Whopper meal per week for the next 22 years. So he's averaging out eating there once a week, but he's already going there every day. So he's twice a day. But you think he's trying to be like, I'm just going to come in lower than what I actually wanted, thinking they'll give it to me. What this is is actually a small claims court. Because if he goes over 10, then he has to go to actual court. So he's saying, at least if I get this, I'm guaranteed one Whopper meal a week for free for the next 22 years.

And I bet if he got just the money, he would go back and spend it at that place. He would. A hundred percent. He would just spend that money out. Here's the thing. It's possible that being trapped in that much urine for that long made him legally intelligent enough to go for $9,000. It's his mutant power of urine. All right. There you go. That's his mutant power. All right, there you go.

That's a Friday. Brunner King. All right, guys, there you go. Brunner. Brunner. It's Brunner. No, it's Brunner. Tommy Slocum, check him out on Westworld.

We're the Sklar Brothers, and oh, shit, dumb, dumb Stick around, make a sound, calm your down, it's Dumb People Town! It's a good show!