Dumb People Town - Reggie Watts - Bed, Bugs, and Beyond

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

This week Reggie Watts comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a sax player that tries to burn a strip club down after being kicked out. The second story is about a family that was far too trusting of a hotel. The final story is a "wakey wakey" wake up call.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Watts. Reginald q watts the q stands for quality hi buddy look at that oh nice magic he's doing a physical what is that just doing waves it's a wavy gravy hey dude i have a question what do you think in this world first of all can i just say that i have seen you at so many great points in life in the last like year or two like i was with my daughter about to buy her records and we go to this like unique record store that was closed but who's there waiting to see it's

open it's just me and daisy and reggie watts phenomenal then i go to the andy shelf concert over at the yes at the ford the amp not Ford Amphitheater, the Fonda. Fonda, yes, yes, yes. And you were there and you're like, oh, I'm friends with this guy. I was like, of course. And you and me and my wife just hung out and chatted. And I think we spoke louder than the concert. It was so soft and beautiful, but I just feel like that's what you do.

You pop up at beautiful moments in life. and I'm so happy you're here. My question to you is, do you think the world's getting dumber? We ask all of our guests on this show. Has it always been this dumb, or are we just hitting new levels of dumb? that's that is you know it's a question i think about almost uh almost every day i would have to say yeah yeah of course you know because like i'm always reading about like you know i don't know like as a as a current uh example the masks you know sure sure for people just like it's my personal liberty you're just like you're on the wrong side i know you're on the wrong side you're just not it's not even like even what you think you're doing is exactly the opposite of what you're doing and not being patriotic by any means whatsoever any who's all uh i would say in general i think that the i think that the world has been you know what it is here here it is okay this is it guys please i want to hear it please okay this is it this is finally it is? Here it is. This is it, guys. Please. I want to hear it. Please.

Okay, this is it. This is finally it. We've finally cracked it. We can put it to bed after this. Yeah, okay. Sing it a lullaby. Click. Oh, no, you want it on?

Okay, click. Okay, fine. We'll put a nightlight on for it, and then we'll let it go back. Yeah, it's like nightlight. Door, a jar? No, door closed. You want bubbly water? Shit. You want bubbly? Go down and get want bubbly water shit you want go down and get it bubbly water and put it oh god here we go so i think capitalism makes people stupid makes people

dumb yeah and and the reason the reason why is because like you know it's like i try to explain this like you know marketing shit and like buying stuff and selling stuff you know in a capitalist it has been around forever you know the idea of like i just made some stuff or i just found some stuff you want to trade for it like that's like yep there's nothing wrong with that that's a very human thing but the way that it's evolved to this point at which it makes like people want to like be these consumers of things that essentially aren't necessarily aren't really improving your life they're just like it's like taking it's like taking a pie and like doing micro slices until it becomes mush right it's like it's

like they've taken all of the things in the world and just like marketed and marketed and marketed and so i think people just get this expectation like well i get whatever i want whenever i want it and uh that creates stupidity because people aren't really they're focused on the wrong things to kind of expand their mind so i that's that's how i look at it i think it'd be too serious but it's no no it's great it's a great theory we have not dan have we heard that theory before we have not heard that theory before a whole bunch of aruka salts running around the country exactly it's what i want it's what i want to know i want it now but it's worse it would be like if on your instagram feed there were like 12 like examples of oompa loompas and where you could buy them just being shoved into your face over and over yeah yeah yeah same oompa loompa. Yeah. Shop now. Shop here.

And stop buying people. Yeah, totally. No matter how small they are. Jay and I have always, we posited this, we thought about this the other day, when a monkey stole a guy's phone in Bali and took a bunch of pictures on it, we're like, uh-oh, this is Planet of the Apes. But then Jay and I were like, in this day and age, the monkeys would get so good on the phone so fast, and they wouldn't want to take over the world. They just would

want to become influencers. They bypass wanting the power just to be famous. That's where it goes. That's how dumb we are. In the original Planet of Apes, it apes like power and brute force over people still held high currency. Now it's like, can I have a vlog?

So now the monkeys would have like the most, the best vlog and the greatest TikTok. It's a totally different type of following. It's a different kind of following. It's a different type of following. It's a different type of following. You can take this phone from my dirty, cold hands. Right. So, Reg, we get stories sent to us by our awesome fans,

and we're going to break them down. Let's jump into one right now, shall we? Okay, you guys ready? Yes. Sure. Yes. Here we go. This is sent in by Jake Groney.

Jake Groney. Groney, Groney, Groney. Love Jake. Thank you for sending that in. One of my favorite 19, early 90s. 1992. R&B. That's my guess. Trios. Groney, Groney,

Groney. I know you love them too. Oh my God. I love Groney, Groney, Groney. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and also there was that Bobby Brown single. Yes. Bibi Brin. I love that Bibi Brin single. Ooh. Yes. Bibby Brin. I love that Bibby Brin single. Bibby Brin.

Bibby Brin. Jake sent this in by going at Daniel Van Kirk. Hashtag dumb people town. That is the only way to get me stories. Trust me. Love it. Here we go. Ready for this wonderful headline?

I'm excited. I always love when a story really only needs a headline for the four of us to make comedy about it okay here it goes sax player busted trying to burn down strip club after being thrown out first the fact that they all not man not local townsperson once you play the sax that's how you're defined or Are we right? One of the few instruments that really defines you. Yeah. Yeah. One of the few.

Where's he from? I don't know. He's just a sax player. It's almost as though the copy editor feels like they'll know what kind of person we mean if we say sax player. Yeah, wear sunglasses at night. We got it. Well, I mean, if it would have been a flautist, I don't think that would have occurred.

I mean, maybe he would have thrown paint on the bouncer or something like that. But a saxophonist would definitely burn it down. A saxophonist. He'd burn this house down. We had a cello player in here that pissed in the champagne room. That's how they are. That's how they roll. Well, that's cello players.

player in here that pissed in the champagne room. That's how they are. Well, that's cello players. People think they're all really hot and they all have long hair, whether they're male or female. They just sit there and they rock it and everyone gets inspired. Saxophone is definitely older. Wild card.

Sunglasses. Mumbles a lot. We don't know what he's saying. I remember Floyd. Was that his name. I remember Floyd. By the way, was that his name? I never understood. I didn't get it either. Yeah, Floyd. Oh, okay.

A fedora that doesn't fit but never falls off. Forever shades. Shades all the time. forever shades okay it's all day long there were no eyes behind those I think we need right now because I'm thinking of her and I can't think of another and I'm sure there are amazing okay let me just say I'm sure there are that I don't know about but famous female saxophonist besides the lead singer of the band Quarter Flash. Can we take a moment and think about how unbelievable she was that she was the

lead singer and the saxophonist. Look, it's Quarter Flash. It was Harden My Heart, right? Harden My Heart. I'm gonna harden my heart. I'm gonna swallow my tears. I'm gonna turn and leave you.

That was worth the lawsuit. Oh my god. And not only that, but all the Gen Z people are just like, Yeah! Right on! Finally! Brought it out. Brought it out. they're all in the cup finally brought it out

are you ready for this article it also starts with a I love a horrible newspaper joke Bridgeport Connecticut he must have thought a little TNA stood for torch and arson this comes from the CT post don't even

also this is Connecticuticut like did we did north americans start referring to flashlights oh no he they're saying torches and just straight fire yes okay okay yeah no no that would have been that would have been very interesting i know isn't that it's a british you spent time in england a lot of time there that's what they call flashlights torches they do they call them torches which makes sense totally and it makes them sound way cooler yeah way way cooler you're just like well we held on to the old it's like calling a steamroller a steamroller they don't work on steam anymore no it's like it's like a torch a little torch that's right or like or it's like calling quarter flash a popular band. This also, this sentence,

weeks before you gather with your family for the holidays, this is the sentence you want written about you in the local newspaper. This is going to make the family end of the year newsletter. A one-time prominent saxophone player and the son of the former mayor of Bridgeport has been arrested for allegedly trying to burn down a strip club that had refused to let him in. There's so much shade in that. One-time former saxophone player. Your parent used to be the mayor, and you wouldn't get let into a strip club, so you tried to burn it down.

So we're just saying. I like that they're saying that that this person is a one-time right saxophone like like it's it's so vague it's like he tried once it didn't work out even though he still is kind of sure do you ever stop well i don't know i don't think you can i don don't think you, you know, if you still own a read, if there's a read in the house, you are still considered. But, but to me, it was like, as if they were put up a graph of his life, the trajectory of his life, like born the son of a mayor,

you're at the highest point. Then one time saxophone famous. Now you're in the middle now, not allowed to go into a strip club where it's not. So he tried to burn it down. So he tried to burn it down. And he tried to burn it down, goes like below the line. Below the bottom line and he's like under the graph.

He's under the graph. That's the name of his next saxophone. That's exactly it. He was at neutral and then he just went too far. He was saying that mayor thing that really like gave him a lot of buffer and he erased that all of it he had a long way to fall is what you're saying and being the mayor from brooksburg but he did he could have gotten away with some other stuff but he chose that but reggie heard all of his reggie you've named albums, and we all have,

because we've done comedy albums, and naming the album is really important. If this guy puts out an album of saxophone hits... Called Under the Graph? I think it should be called Under the Graph. Oh, Under the Graph. Oh, that would be so good. If you went to a record store and saw a guy with a

saxophone on the front it's hot it's night time there's steam coming up from a manhole and there's a line that goes down below and it says like what's the guy's name do we know his name yes steven moran steven moran oh steven Under the graph You're buying that album I'm sorry Stephen Moran Under the graph I mean I can also see A picture of him

Like He's kind of like In water And he's In one hand He's got a saxophone And he's like Kind of just like

Reaching like You know like Like this You know And there's a place Where he just fell Through the ice But it's just starting

To freeze over So there's like A couple light beams like coming down to him just like underwater just kind of a great like a whole thing of ice touching that touching the finger of the person that's trying to save us touching the finger of charlie parker yeah totally totally like the church of charlie parker yes steven moran the son of former mayor mary moran who's like why are you bringing me into this story about my son woman i i broke the glass ceiling and now you put me below the glass above the graph she's like

she's probably like i haven't spoken to my son in six years why are you bringing me into this story because mom you were worried about being a mayor and not worried about being my mom steven moran I haven't spoken to my son in six years. Why are you bringing me into this story? Because, Mom, you were worried about being a mayor and not worried about being my mom. Stephen Moran, the son of former mayor Mary Moran, who led Bridgeport from 1989 to 1991. His formative years. I know. His formative years. By the way, if you only led Bridgeport from 89 to 91, you were not a good mayor. You didn't help shovel.

Wow, that's Minimum Mayor. It's a very tiny tenure. Minimum Mayor is a great show on TBS. Minimum Mayor is just like outtakes from a John Mayer album. Yeah, totally. Minimum Mayor. B-sides from a John Mayer album

and it's hosted by Brad Williams. Minimum Mayor. Also, what's the first name of the saxophonist again? Stephen Stephen Moran Stephen Moran Oh Stephen I just wish it was Bob Bob Moran

You know Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Moran Okay that was great It's terrible Terrible Continue No not terrible

True True True Daniel Van Kirk side story In the 60s When that song came out my mom had the 45 and she was playing it up in her room and she started hearing screaming like on in between the like words because my grandfather um well he wasn't mine my i do have an uncle bob but my grandfather bob van kirk was standing at the bottom of the steps yelling what because he thought that someone

upstairs was like bob bob bob and he was like what what what yeah what that's so good i didn't know that that was barbara ann i literally thought that was bob oh okay yeah i thought it was Bob Moran No, no, I didn't For years, Reggie Watts thought that that was Bob Moran And somewhere, like, Brian Wilson just rolls over in his bed And it was like, it was Barbara He just says it out of the window It was Barbara It was Barbara

So Stephen Moran They start snoring But he's dead Snoring into like a bowl of chicken wings He starts snoring, but he's still awake And they're a like a chicken he starts snoring but he's still awake and they're on stage this is the middle of a show and he's dead i saw i saw him on stage last year it was not good it wasn't some parts of it were great a lot of it was uncomfortable our friend who's a photographer took took his picture to shoot like his album cover and he was like on a dock somewhere out by the water and she like climbed

up on a they set up a whole thing and she climbed up on like a ladder to get a downward shot of him and she took out her camera and literally took the lens off and took one took the one shot and he was like all done brian wilson brian wilson's like all done like a kid who just had finished like some pudding was like all done she's like no we we have to take more than just one photo of him he's like all all he could say was all done he's like a baby all right right. Stephen Moran had been thrown out of Scruples Gentleman's Club. Might be the worst named gentleman's club I've ever heard. Y'all going to Scruples tonight? Scruples.

Last week for allegedly creating a disturbance. As he was leaving, police said he set fire to a bush outside the club, which was quickly extinguished. It's like having a strip club named Morals. Yes. Yes. Regrets. Marble. But on Friday night, Marbles

would be great. Marbles would be the best name for a strip club. You're like, what are we getting here? Is it a game night too? No. Is day for a strip club you're like what are we getting here is it a game night too no is it a gay strip club but on friday night yeah good yeah it's marbles in the sack moran returned after being told he couldn't come in police say he came back with a can of gasoline which he allegedly splashed on the building and then set on fire none of these plans seem that good first

of all you're setting a bush on fire right outside every strip club has a door guy outside yeah who's gonna flatten you what are you doing steven so you leave me alone i'm messing with this bush sets it on fire they put it out which is kind of biblical to have a burning bush next to a strip sure burning bush would be a great gentleman's club yeah it's only redheaded women jason squad brothers so so squad brothers gentlemen's club yeah there you go had squad brothers so then he comes back two days later and decides i'm just gonna throw gasoline on a wall which isn't even the most effective way to burn down anything no it'll get it going but you need it it needs to be on the inside he literally threw gasoline at the problem 100 all of his life i think he knew

i think he knew it was gonna happen he knew he knew yes so he returns totally can't come in he throws gasoline which this is a cry for help club employees were able to put out the fire which is also an insult to his fire if the employees if they pulled out like a couple of cocktail waitresses to come put out steven's fire just you didn't do a good job they were able to put out the fire no like if it's a lay person yeah yeah exactly stamp it out throw the old right the day old rice from the kung pao chicken in the buffet just throw it on it and it'll all go out yeah they didn't even use water they used rice right rice or the welcome mat out front yeah then they held moran until police arrived which means there is touching at the strip club he was charged with second degree arson reckless burning and first degree reckless endangerment this is a serious arson by the way reckless burning could

be another name for his album or the strip club but do you know how hard it is to not be allowed into a strip club i i understand you're kicked out of a strip club but it's not your night for a place whose main job is they're like let us take the saddest people we can see something unless you're in portland the most degenerate in portland obviously is a little different but the most degenerate people we know not always i've been in them and i was a good guy i know you i mean portland they're stripping In Portland, obviously, it's a little different, but the most degenerate people we know. Not always. I've been in them, and I was a good guy. I know.

You were a good baby. I mean, in Portland, there's stripping everywhere in Portland. Jay and I were in Powell's books and Powell books. The stripper who was in the reference section was amazing. I mean, the strip clubs in Portland, when you can walk in and just see beautiful people dancing and a full-on Texas hold'em game going and get yourself some steak bites it's is it you're not even at a strip club you're just at a like a great emporium of fun yeah yeah you just get like a like a human like a human like a very liberal human hangout zone yes that's exactly what it's like a dead adult and Buster. Yes, or it feels like a clothing optional place.

For sure. Dave and Buster's. There you go. Stop it. Oh, Dave and Buster's. Yeah. It's a club that's very focused on women. He gets charged. On the women there. This is a serious arson case. Prosecutor Nicholas Bove said,

according to the Connecticut Post, he said the owners of the strip club worried that Moran might try to strike again. I would say so. He's tried to set your place on fire twice. Yeah, he's going in. Moran was once a well-respected saxophone player performing in the 1990s with the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra.

Wow! But his life took a turn with recent arrests in recent years. Moran's lawyer asked for leniency from moran saying he needs to be home to care for his parents who are both ill with coronavirus first of all he's trying to set strip clubs on fire and we're led to believe that he no what he really wants to do is take care of his sick parents also if they're sick don't be going to strip clubs go to a public place you can't go anywhere and you can't come home and terrible

he probably brought it home with him. That's the worst of the worst. That's right. It's like all inhibitions, they're gone. Any restrictions on self-control in a strip club that I assume, do they have alcohol? If alcohol is allowed

at the same time. The con rules are, who knows? Mom and dad, the good news is I didn't give you corona. The bad news is you both have syphilis. Yeah, totally. Some people would take syphilis. You now have chlamydia.

The incident was serious and noted that Moran is waiting a sentencing in the same court for other charges, so he held him on $300,000 bond. I'll get out of here with this, my friends friends we'll close out story number one how old how old do you think stephen moran is okay so his mom was the mayor 89 to 91 he played with the tommy dorsey orchestra in the 90s in the 90s he could have done that as a very young man maybe it was a middle-aged man harry was like Harry Connick Jr. He was a virtuoso. Kenny Wayne Shepard.

He's 51 years old. 51 years old. That's a good call, Jay. Two years older than me and you, man. That's ridiculous. We're old as shit. Okay, Jay. How old are you?

I just think that would just be funny. What did you say, Reggie? I just said that I actually don't remember what I said. I'm going to say he's 60 years old. 60 years old. 6-0. I think he's 56. 60 years old. 60 years old. I think he's 56. 56 years old from Randy.

We'll close out story one with this. He's probably going to be older, isn't he? You never know. Stephen Moran. What did you say? 56. And you said 60 and he said 51. I'm glad you said 51. Yeah.

Stephen Moran, a one-time prominent saxophone player, the son of a very short-term mayor, and a wannabe strip club arsonist, is 54 years old. Oh! Wow. You were so close. You and I were right. It was closer to me, but I'll take it. Closer to you.

Closer to you. First story down in the books. We're going to take it. Closer I am to find. That's right me, but I'll take it. Closer to you. First story down in the books. Closer I am to flying. That's right. Closer I am to flying. Indigo Girls. Let's take a brief break, and when we come back, more with Reggie Watts. So excited to have him here. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. We got Reggie Watts with us. You can follow him on Instagram. Great follow on Instagram. In addition to your workout videos, there is hilarious, hilarious stuff. First of all, congratulations on like getting in incredible shape by the by. Oh, yeah.

Well, difficult to do right you did try and well i did you know put on a little bit of weight during this covid thing but you know i still am working out a few times three times a week but not at a gym i'm trying yeah no good good for you and i want to say i'm going to recommend something that people do this is back in an old job that you had and we got to even do it with you was the making music what was the name of that segment making music with reggie from oh oh yeah from uh comedy bang bang from the comedy bang bang tv show yeah it was that tv show that old tv show that you did that we that old chestnut that we came on and played your adopted sons on the show that you brought oh that's what it was. Yeah.

But we did like, and every show you did like a, a little song, like an improvised song with the guests who came on and we love the one that we did with you. The one you did with Rashida Jones, I'm just going to say right now, like makes me so happy. I'm like, that should be on an album somewhere it was so good it was so good do you remember it i think i do uh no actually i don't know i mean i remember this go back and watch i mean you did so many you did so many of them but i loved it uh what else can

people we can see you on the cordon people can see you on the cordon show yeah people can see see me on the cordon bleu show um i have a i have an application that i've released let's hear it yeah it's called whatsapp no whatsapp and yeah and uh it's on ios and android and uh yeah, it's just like my own kind of multimedia channel. You know, like I have videos that I've made. I put them up there. And, you know, if I want to put photographs, there's a store where I sell all my old high-end electronics for cheap. And then there's some merch eventually. And then there's live streaming. There's a couple other cool treats on there. But the cool thing is, like, there's some merch eventually. And then there's, what else? Oh, live streaming.

There's a couple other cool treats on there. But the cool thing is like, there's no social aspects. There's no tracking. You just go to the thing and you get to see the stuff that I make. And that's it. I love the name.

Did WhatsApp want to come after you on it or no? You know, I haven't heard anything from them and it's been on the store for quite a while. I don't think it really poses a threat to them whatsoever. Plus, it's my actual last name. I'm going to check it out. I'm going to do it. What about us?

So, hey, this Saturday night, because I believe this is dropping on the next, we're recording this on a Thursday, it's dropping next Tuesday, but this Saturday, the 12th, we've got the live Dumb People Town with the dudes from the dollop, Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. Phenomenal,

hilarious music by Mac lethal. Shut up. The dude's amazing. And it's going to be fun. And it's at six 30. I believe there it's probably close to sold out. I mean, cause as we're recording this right now,

we're close to sold out, but they may release, they may release more tickets. Go to event, go to event, right.com. Look up live dumb people. You can also find the link for that at DanielVanKirk.com.

Along with, on the 11th, I'm doing the Hub City Movie Club, where I've watched Sound of Music for the very first time. I can't believe that. We're going to talk about it. It's not a viewing. It's a discussion. I know. I never saw it. And then on the 30th, you can close out the year with me with Bingo Night,

where we'll raise some money for charity and have a lot of fun. You guys have both dropped in on it before. Jade Catapretta came in the last one me with a bingo night where we'll raise some money for charity and have a lot of fun. You guys have both dropped in on it before. Jade Catapretta came in the last one and called some bingo numbers. It's super fun. And we helped out a lot of like no-kill shelters and food banks and big brothers, big sisters. So that and a whole bunch more. Go to danielvancurk.com. Live pen pals on the second, I think.

New Year's with the pen pals. And today on stereo, right? On the stereo app, we're doing another conversation at noon. So if you're getting this in the morning, get the stereo app. Really fun. We're going to do another conversation where we answer your voicemails. Super fun at noon West Coast. All right, let's do another story. You ready? Yes. Reg, you ready?

There's like horrible stuff in this story and there's dumb people in my opinion in this story, but I think it'll be widely regarded. This was sent by james scragman at scragman s-c-r-a-i-g-m-a-n is james scragman the type of guy that you never knew his first name he's just scragman yes james scragman for sure pretty sure it's his first one ever sending in so thanks james scragman scragman okay here we go ready who sent that in scragman scragman knew it do you guys know james no, Scragman. Okay, here we go. Ready? Who sent that in? Scragman? Scragman. Knew it.

Do you guys know James? No. Scragman? Yeah. Fucking Scragman. He never passed the ball. That's what I didn't like about him. No, but he had a good shot.

Dude, he took long solos. Long sax solos. That was really long. Scragman, man. Way too long. I want you guys to know where we're headed, so I'm going to read you the headline. Also, like, perfectly sums up the worst vacation. Family sues after vacation ends in emergency room for bed bug bites.

I know. Come on. Manuel Grullon. If you're going on vacation today. Right. You are literally cutting through a lot of stuff. You're attempting fate. Yes. You don't want bed bugs lot of stuff to actually navigate. Yes.

You don't want bedbugs to greet you on the other side. Manuel Gruelen and his family were hoping for a relaxing beach vacation. But after the New York family spent their first night in a North Myrtle Beach hotel. There's your problem right there. Gruelen realized something was wrong. Yeah, you don't want to be on the north side of Myrtle Beach ever. Myrtle Beach is South Carolina, right? Yeah,olina right yeah south carolina i think so yeah myrtle beach was the original spring break like late 70s daytona right reggie like late 70s 80s sounds familiar it sounds

familiar yeah i'm liking it up daytona myrtle beach fort lauderdale those were like where are we going for spring break that was hilton head island it is south carolina myrtle Beach, Fort Lauderdale. Those were like, where are we going for spring break? That was Hilton Head Island. It is South Carolina. Myrtle Beach is South Carolina. Growing up, I would see a lot of sweatshirts that just said Myrtle Beach. Yeah, Myrtle Beach. I did see that a lot.

Like Myrtle Beach 77. You're like, what? So they spent their first night in the North Myrtle Beach Hotel. And that's when Gurlillion Manuel realized something was wrong. Grillion, usually a sound sleeper, spent the night tossing and turning. When he woke up, he noticed he had developed a rash. The next morning, after more restless sleep, he noticed welts on his body, according to the lawsuit filed Tuesday in Horror County Court.

Horry County Court. I would love it. I would love it if the hotel was like, well, that's not our problem. Oh, they are. That's how we ended up in Dumpy Book Town. Look, we own the room. It's your bed.

Well, no, you guys own the bed too. No, no. You paid for it. You rent the room. We aren't responsible for the bed. He had to do a nearby urgent care and was diagnosed with bed bug bites and immediately treated with injection

steroids and prescribed antibiotics. Steroids? Steroids and topical cream. Steroids is only going to make him more pissed. Yeah, but he's going to make the team stronger. His complaints and his argument will be stronger. The lawsuit only details Green's experience with bed

bugs. It's not clear if he was the only one affected by them. He was traveling with his wife, three children, and a guest of the family, that person. They're like, come with us. We're going to North Myrtle Beach. What's the worst? We've got the room. The couch pulls out.

The kids will sleep on the floor. You're going to love this hotel. I don't know. I feel like maybe during the time of COVID, we shouldn't be going. There's no COVID there. In the time of COVID, we shouldn't be going. What? There's no COVID there. In the time of COVID, we shouldn't be inviting guests to come with us anywhere.

Anywhere. When Grullion returns. Yeah. Well, also, I think they missed an opportunity on that headline. It should have been Bedbugs and Beyond. Yes. Bedbugs and Beyond, 20% off.

When Grullion, that might be the title of this episode when grulian returned to the north beach resort in villas now first of all first dumb mistake i'm never going back to that hotel i'm you might get me into the lobby just to yell at somebody but i'm not going back they also say it was located at 100 north beach boulevard in north myrtle beach if you want to add that to the dumb people town walking tour put it on the map he gets back he lifts up the bed skirt and saw the bug infestation no he took pictures okay and showed them to the man at the front desk so you're not supposed to see them you're supposed to only be like wait wait, I have these bites. If you can see them, there are thousands. There are

millions. Millions, Dan. That's disgusting. Have you ever been bitten by bedbugs, Reggie, or no? I don't know. When I lived in New York, I feel like I probably might have. I don't know. I don't remember. If you had, it would have never stopped because it becomes

an entire problematic thing. Don't you have to burn? I never have either, but I have family who stayed at, not my family. You have to start a cabin in Wisconsin and they got them from that. You have to start having sex with Farrah Fawcett. That's the only way to get rid of it. You have to Stephen Moran the situation. You have to start a bushfire.

Burn it to the ground. Burn that bed. Stephen Moran. Burn that. Burn that bed. Burn that Moran down. Do you guys have any, we've all been on the road someday we'll all get to go on the road again yep but i feel like i don't i've made the mistake i haven't

looked for bed bugs but i do have things when i go into a hotel room to be like like sometimes y'all clean the remote or i will lumen all the bedspread i get it yeah these are all things that we do i take the bedspread off you do? My first move is to take it off And throw it into the Yeah a lot of people do Yeah I'm like I can't even I don't

I turn the air Into like 64 64? Well I mean not that But I do like cold hotel rooms I take out Barbecue tongs And get the bedspread

Start making barbecue I throw the bed I will not touch the bedspread No Okay It is crazy That we just trusted it. That we just, for years, are like,

we're going to get vaccinated and go right back to being that kind of dumb. We're like, hey, come here. I'm a hugger. All right. We're all going to go back to being a hugger. It'll be like a month. He took pictures and he showed them the man at the front desk. The lawsuit states he responded with skepticism

and sent a maintenance worker to check on the room which is literally the least you first of all we're gonna pull up this photo and you guys can see the photo of the bed it's not like of his wounds and of the bugs you will be able to see them oh my god no that looks like a murder scene like some that those bed bugs were thrown on that sheet ready for the other force trauma he went back to sleep remember he woke up was like this back to sleep do that we can take it off i'm just gonna say and i never thought i'd say well it's off it's off it's i reggie i never thought I'd say this. Join the Facebook page. The thing is going to be up there. It's Dumb People Town.

But I'll say this. That is a swarm of bedbugs. That's an army. What do we call it? Is it an army? Is it a swarm? Is it a gaggle? Galaxy?

Cadre? It's just a full takeover, man. Yeah, they own. They're the captain now. That's a corporate takeover of bedbugs. That's their room. They get to have that. A hostile takeover. That's a corporate takeover of bedbugs. That's their room. They get to have that. A hostel takeover.

It is a hostel takeover. It's a youth hostel takeover. It was a hotel. Imagine the front desk attendant who he showed this picture to, who says, responded with skepticism. Oh, yeah. What do you think that is? Like chocolate powder?

The manager's like, oh, yeah. We're going to send a maintenance worker to check on this. I want more. How do I know this isn't doctored? The worker confirmed bed bugs. No shit. Yeah. And the hotel offered to treat the family's luggage and move

them to another room. No. What? No. No. Remember I told you these people were done? In the second room? Why would you never go to a second room in life or a hotel room with bed bugs. Come back into this second room. Don't do it.

That's what happened to Clarice in The Science of the Lambs. That's right. Clarice. Come to this second basement room. Okay. Five foot ten, 185 pounds, strong build, blonde hair. Tell me, Clarice, when your daughter's on the slab. Very good. Who'll feel it first? Nice. strong build blonde hair tell me clary's when your daughter's on the slab very good

feel it first nice okay y'all can do it five foot ten 185 pounds strong hair blonde build i can't i just have to lie in my favorite shall we die in office of pembrey okay so in the second room gr Grillion could tell that that room was in disrepair and asked for a cleaner room. So he's willing to go for a third room in this hotel. I have a very strong nine strikes in your out policy. Jeez. In the third room,

hotel management called the third room no hotel management called the family third room in the third room hotel management called the family and apologized while offering a free extended stay so they're saying we're gonna if you want you can stay here longer we're not why would you want we're not gonna pay for last night, which was clearly ruined. We're not going to pay for your emergency room trip. This is the plot of Psycho 8, right? Wouldn't you guys just insist that this hotel puts you up in some other hotel?

I'm going to go to another hotel and you're going to pay for it. Just give me a voucher for $10,000 and we'll be cool. Do you want the voucher? So, Reggie, what do you do at that point? If that happens to you, bed bugs and the other thing, what are you asking for from the hotel manager? You know, I would just, Jesus.

You can't trust that hotel anymore. Yeah, you can't stay. You got to be like, you got to give me my money back. Yeah, they would have to just give you your money back. I think that's like the basic thing you should do. I was doing a comedy festival. Josh Wolfe was at that festival. Josh Wolfe got stuck in an elevator for an hour and a half okay he delivered three babies he he had a baby he raised those babies he had a flashback episode about his life he

went down and told them well they knew obviously yeah but they they told him we understand how you would feel about being in this hotel they put him up in a different hotel in the city to make up for the fact that obviously they had scarred him in their hotel so that's how you do if they do that you then turn around and say look at how nice what you the free positive press they get from him saying this hotel did me right yes is worth whatever it costs to put them up at the other place. A hundred percent. Yeah. It's a bonus. So now remember they're in the third room.

That's when they get called and told, we'll, we'll give you a free extended say you're going to, you're going to pay for everything you paid for, but we're going to give you some extra free pain and suffering on top of that. The family accepted. Oh boy.

And we're then told that they had to move rooms again because of an incoming reservation into the room that they were put into back so now they're like hey you guys want an extended stay sure i suppose fine cool you need to get your asses out of the room you're in because we got somebody coming in and we're going to send you to a fourth room they inspected the fourth room that they were taken to and found that it also had bed bugs okay leave you're in room four and you've you've bookended it with if you're the dummy who says to the manager what else do you got for us you deserve everything that's coming yes you should be like jack nicholson inining, where you now live at this hotel.

You've always been here. You're now talking to butlers who died there 50 years ago. Oh, my God. This is so insane. It's insane. This is like a level of purgatory, where it's like some sort of Greek myth where you keep moving from room to room and your life never gets better. So here's my question. Is the guest who was invited along,

does that person get a vote in things? Because maybe that's the fly in the ointment. Maybe the family is like, let's get out. Oh, yeah. I forgot. They're dragging along this guest the whole time. So they have a guest now with them. Is that what happens?

That they're just the guys like, all right, listen, I think we should give them one more chance. And they're like, Larry! They should not. Also, imagine the family who's like, hey, we specifically, you know, when we come to stay with you guys, we want room 303. Well, bad news. We just put somebody in there. It's their third room.

You're going to have to get them out. Get them out. We want it. We always come to Myrtle Beach. What were you going to say, Reggie? No, I'm just like, I'm still just processing. It's crazy. What the fuck these people are thinking, man.

It's nuts. So they get in the fourth room. There's bed bugs there. Hotel management went to see the room. At this point, you don't trust these people. Right, exactly. And apologized by offering them another room. Ready for this? This is like the worst let's make a deal room. Ready for this?

This is like the worst let's make a deal ever. Ready for these next four words? In their fifth room, this family is now in the fifth room. It's funny at this point. Shame me once. Shame on me. What happens when you get to the fifth shame? Fool me the fifth time they fool you?

Shame on the bed bugs. Shame on. The fifth time they fool you? Fool me. Fool me fifth time. Shame on the bed bugs. Shame on the house. Shame on the hotel. In the fifth room, the family saw no signs of bugs, but were so emotionally drained. I would say these are the marathon runners

of emotional drain. I would have been emotionally drained after the first room. I'm emotionally drained just hearing about it. Shame it on Rio would be another one of Moran's saxophone albums. In the fifth room, the family saw no signs of bedbugs, but were so emotionally drained from dealing with the bedbugs

and the repeated room changes. They got kids in tow. Yes. The neighbor they brought with them. Terrible. That they denied the rest of their extended stay and headed home so now they've also just completely given up on vacation over a hundred percent just in one day or two days messages seeking comment by the sun news were left at the resort i have no idea what they named the resort

so we know not to go there yes they named it was the north myrtle beach mot uh hotel which actually had like a pretty good rating when i looked at it not anymore not anymore good lord man five rooms five and then you just give up on your vacation at that point too i'm gonna go i would look at my family go okay we've made a lot of they made mistakes but we've made we've made a lot of mistakes too yeah but we can't go home we've come to your you're like so close to Mordor with this goddamn ring. At this point, just keep going, Sam.

Go. Yes. I don't know, man. Crazy. That's just bizarre. Also, aren't there other hotels? You would think. Probably across the street. And if Dan says, get this hotel to pay for a room somewhere else and say, we're good with this, then you can rent your rooms out. It's no big deal's the way you do it oh my god that's story number

that's story number two down in the books give us a tease yeah give us a tease what we're gonna hear in story number three the most random public disturbance okay i can't wait we'll be back on the other side of this break with reggie watts this is dumb people town stick around look us down for more hey guys welcome back to the show uh dan take us home buddy okay here we go third story this was sent in by jake groaney groaney groaney groaney two for three today good day at the ballpark for yeah really good thanks for sending a groaney everybody can do that remind you again hashtag dump people down at daniel van kirk i need both those things in order for me to find it all right man warned by police for driving down residential roads at 2 a.m shouting wakey wakey look i don't have a lot of answers for what this story is about or why it even happened but it just seems so weird

it would definitely happen in dumb people town well i mean I mean, it just is 11 a.m. 2 a.m. Wakey wakey. The other 11 a.m. Yeah. Right. 2 a.m. I would be so mad if I was asleep and not being eaten by bedbugs.

I would be so mad at this point. This comes from the daily star. A bloke has been given a stern warning by police. So this is England. Driving through a residential area late at night, shouting wakey wakey through a megaphone. Through a megaphone? What is this, the Blues Brothers? Who are you mad at?

Just yell at them. Hampshire police said it received many complaints about the occupants of a red Nissan Navara shouting at the top of their voices. That's not even a Nissan that I know. That's not a Nissan. It's not a real car. That's not a car. Nissan Navara, I believe, is a

commentator on MSNBC. Nissan Navara? That's right. Yes. Nissan Navara. She used to be Republican. Now she's... I thought Nissan Navara was married's right. Yes. Nissan Navara. She used to be Republican. Now she's... I thought Nissan Navara was married to Carmen Electra. What'd you find about it? It's a...

What does it look like? It's a pickup truck. It's a pickup truck. Okay, good. Fantastic. Yeah, it's a four-door pickup truck. Okay. They were yelling at the top of their voices.

It looks like a sneaker. It looks like a sneaker like all pickup trucks do. Okay, good. In Gosport, near Portsmouth, between 1 and 2 a.m. on a number of nights last week, they added, in the early hours of various mornings, the driver and his passengers were heard shouting, wakey, wakey at the top of their voices, as well as many unnecessary things. Like a grocery store list? I don't know don't know i have no idea unnecessary things the gettysburg address yes

it's like i just i've been working at my job for two years okay right exactly i used to pick i have a whole bunch time to get my christ card to TheMinted.com. I have a lot of Pep Boys coupons I never use. Okay, shut up. I don't think sunscreen works. My mother enjoyed magazines. I've always wanted to own a bird, but I feel like it's ethically wrong.

Oh, fine. When I go to the cleaners, I tell them, don't put the plastic over it because I'm just going to hang it in my closet. I tell strangers about tattoos I want to get. Who cares? I had a daydream yesterday. I'm afraid of beach balls. I own three pairs of shorts.

Great. I once got in a fight with a man about pleats. Okay. Again, not really necessary. Yeah, totally unnecessary. I have a comb that I don't use. Yeah, totally. And I feel bad about it.

What? I changed my middle name but never told anybody. Fine. I give back every penny I receive. I cut people's hair on airplanes. Great. There's too much talcum powder in my pants. It goes on to say, while generally annoying residents who were trying to sleep, the police statement continued, the mail from Fairham, which I feel like is some English way of throwing shade.

I like, well, you know who we're dealing with. Like, might as well call him a sax player. Yeah, Faram. Yeah, Faram. Yeah. Well, you know who we're dealing with. Might as well call him a sax player. Yeah, Faram.

Yeah, Faram. Yeah, yeah. Was also seen turning off his lights and shouting, you can't call the police because you can't see us. So you're drunk. Oh, that is like straight. Right. You've reached the level of drunk. For sure.

That's drunk. Soccer hooligan drunk. That's drunk. Here's what I think about England is they very smartly put bars in every neighborhood so that people would just walk to them and stumble homes. Your neighborhood pub kind of eliminates this type of behavior. Like who's driving to another neighborhood to do this and then getting, getting drunk and then doing that. I don't know.

He says, you can't see us because you can't call the police because you can't see us how wrong he was. Police managed to track down the driver and has it have issued him with a section 59 warning that sounds completely serious and toothless at the same time yeah you're gonna section 59 what is that warning okay it's not a real thing it's just i don't like that the warning means that if he repeats his anti-social behavior at any point in the next 12 months. His vehicle will be seized. This sounds like parenting.

Yeah. Okay. We're telling you, you do anything like this again. You're not having a birthday party. Your car's being taken away. And we're taking away Instagram. The order will still apply if he used a different car for his life. So they even had some.

And you can't use somebody else's car to go do this shit either. I know what you're thinking. I know you want to use this guy's car. You can't do that. Police have asked residents to call them if the late night prankster gets up to his old tricks again quoting a quote incident number then there's a whole incident so they can remove him from his vehicle while there are no published rules on megaphone use for drivers i mean this sounds to me like a great loophole exactly he

found the the hole in the matrix rule 112 of the highway code makes it clear it's illegal to use a horn on a moving vehicle on a restricted road, which is to say any road that has streetlights and a 30 mile per hour limit. So I have no idea why this guy was doing this, but he yelled unnecessary things and wanted people to wake up at two in the morning. By the way, I also will say this not to tie it back to the first story,

but unnecessary things is a fantastic album from our first saxophonist. Stephen Moran. We will get out of here on this last bit. Yes. By the way, if you saw an album of Stephen Moran, he's sweating. It's nighttime. There's a neon sign behind him. He's got the saxophone. He's blowing really hard. And it says, Stephen moran unnecessary things you're buying that album framing it oh yeah there's no i don't think there's any way you're like wait this steven moran album is in the weather report section somebody left it over here all right unnecessary how old do you guys think the wakey wakey megaphone you can't see us so you can't call the police guy how old

is this guy reggie you're a guest i think it's it's good it's gonna be in that it's gonna be an older guy it just sounds like older guy stuff you know it's like you know and me speaking as an older guy it's like it's like when you're like you know you're late 40s to like mid 60s that seems to be the zone where the where people do stupid shit like that. All right, give us an age. I'm just thinking like Wakey Wakey. It's got a megaphone. It sounds like he just was on his last straw subconsciously.

And when he drank, it released itself. And he's just like, this is the solution. So I'm going to say he was... If I'm going to say he was, if I'm going by feel, first and nish, I think I'm going to go with, you know what, this one I think he's older. I think he's like 63. 63 years old, Jason. Jay, what do you think? I think he's 38.

38 years old. So I am buying what Reggie Watts is throwing down here because I feel like this is this guy's version of the internet. He's trying to literally say I'm shouting out into the world, but he doesn't know how to actually troll people. You can do it on TikTok and all this other stuff. So he's literally trolling through neighborhoods and trolling people. I think he's 53. 53 years old.

We had 54 in the first one. Okay. 53. All right. The wakey wakey 2 a.m. Megaphone guy is 21 years. Oh, he's a punk kid with a car and a microphone.

What it should have been. Yeah. It's, it's nice that it is the person that you would want to feel like. Yeah, that's true. We're happy that he is. It's way better than 60s. That's right.

60s would have been like. Although I wouldn't be surprised. Right. I wouldn't be surprised. That is it. WhatsApp. The WhatsApp. I want everyone to go get it and check it out.

What a great idea. I'm getting it. I know. I'm going to see if I can get one of those MPK minis. I'm going to see what kind of stuff I can get in the store. Electronic equipment and just the merch and all that stuff. I'll buy anything that Reggie Watts is laying

down. Dude, thank you so much. And we'll watch you on Corden's show and all the great stuff that you do. We'll wait until we get to hang out with you again. We miss you, man. So great. I know. Hopefully sooner than later. Pop up in our lives in magical and wonderful places like you can continue to do. Can I talk? Yeah.

What happened? What's my problem? I don't know. I'm having a problem. I will can continue. Thank you. And oh shit, we got to, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb