Dumb People Town - Reggie Watts - Fear In The Community

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

Comedian and musician Reggie Watts stops by as Randy describes a woman that faked a kidnapping to hide that she dropped out college, Daniel explains how a tenant gets sued after his landlord's child jumped in his dryer cycle, and Jason warns about a man wielding a machete after his karaoke request is denied, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Faherty and JamesAllen.com! Head to FAHERTYBRAND.com/DPT and use code DPT at checkout for 20% off your order. Get 25% off your order when you go to JAMESALLEN.com and use code DPT!

Thank you. I want to thank our sponsor, Faraday. Our guys, Faraday is a family brand founded by Alex, his wife, Carrie, and his twin brother, Mike. These dudes are amazing. The whole family is amazing. The channels their love of the beach lifestyle into clothing for life's greatest moment. Faraday crafts clothes that feel as good as the day at the beach, and they're backed by their guarantee of quality. So Faraday is giving all dumb people town listeners an amazing deal, 20% off your order. Head to Faradaybrand.com slash DPT.

Use the code DPT at checkout for 20% off your order. That's F-A-H-E-R-T-Y brand.com slash DPT. JamesAllen.com is the fastest growing online retailer of engagement rings and diamond jewelry, and they've already been a part of over 200,000 engagements across the world. Is yours next? Yeah, get 25% off your order when you go to jamesallen.com and use the code DPTJ.

That's code DPT at jamesallen.com for 25% off. jamesallen.com Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Watts. Reginald Q. Watts.

Is it a Q in the middle? Yeah, there's a Q. Q. Reginald Q. I am part of the Q contingency. I am part of the Q contingency. But the Q is just a line. It's a C-U-E.

It's a Q. Yeah, yeah. Right, of course. Yeah. English. Let's be honest. It's like for Americans out there's like line like the beginning was cute so q was fast forward on some old tape yeah cue it forward you mean c-u-e c-u-e cue it forward yes that's a pool you got it ready but what is how do you spell a line in england q-u-e that's a yeah it's cute they don't have the word line we it's an american

word it's got getting or they stand online stand online we were standing online i will not abide that stand on the coast that will not i will not stand get in queue and stand on yes stand online and get in queue well the world's getting dumber and i'm so happy that you're here to break it down with us thanks i love it so we get stories sent to us by our friends and fans they're friends let's be honest they're family this first one said i'm gonna jump into one right away we used to be that dan did all the stories and now we each take one so this is really fun buckle up red okay we're gonna talk about layoffs talk about you talk about your new book in a little bit but let's get into this which, which was a story sent by Carleen McDermond. At?

SheBeCarleen. SheBeCarleen. Phenomenal name. And a phenomenal. She's like a stringer. She sends us her stories. You ready for this? Yeah. Headline.

Woman faked kidnapping to conceal the fact that she dropped out of college. Whoa. This is. That's. That sounds very likely. Yeah. And also, I'm like, you're showing a lot of initiative to fake this. She should get some college credits for the faking of the kidnapping.

And then that should complete the college. Sociology experimental studies. Or she should be involved in planning a heist. Right, okay. That's a lot of forethought. Patty Hearst. If she writes a whole Patty Heist. Patty Heist?

It's a Patty Heist. So she's a Patty Hearst type person who plans heists? She's Patty Heist. Patty Heist? It's a Patty Heist. So she's a Patty Hearst type person who plans heists? She's Patty Heist. What if... Patty Heist. That's not it. That's not it. Patty Heist was a barber who stole a girl.

What if she writes like a 200 page... Ransom note? Oh, you think she has to do a manifesto? To me, what if she writes about a 200 page ransom note oh you think she has to do a manifesto to me what if she writes about her whole experience faking the kidnapping and turns it into like the psych department yeah it's like there you go at the end she's like you're welcome yeah this was my most immersive right project in college ever yeah a woman has been arrested arrested why should she i guess well the resources that are used. Even if it's just you.

You're the only one involved. Is anyone looking for me? Half of you gets arrested. What did you do to yourself? I told myself I was kidnapped. Visiting yourself? Aren't we all kidnapped? Who kidnapped you? Am I right?

Hopefully Nicole kidnapped. Hey! We'll be right back. all kidnap that's how that's who kidnapped too am i right hopefully nicole kidnapped heartbreak break feels good in a place a woman has been arrested for allegedly trying to fake her own abduction in a bid to conceal the fact that she dropped out of college and was not going to graduate as a student of course she wouldn't have graduated as a student what would she have graduated as a teacher as a monk fish which is the lobster fish uh chloe stein 23 from pennsylvania in the u.s was arrested on tuesday may 2nd is that a bell and sebastian song chloe stein feels like it now seymour stein i'm sorry oh great song great song right falsely reporting a crime that did not happen, obstructing the administration of law

and disorderly conduct. What's the disorderly conduct? Is she unruly? I was kidnapped. Okay? Oh, your conduct. Let her talk. She's drunk. She feels disorderly. Oh, don't break that stuff.

Hold her back. That was all order Yeah, you got a problem. Oh, don't break that stuff. No, I'm sorry. Hold her back. That was all orderly. Give her a drink. Let me tell you. Give her a drink. Let her sit down. Oh, she's shitting on your desk, David. She's shitting on your desk.

You're not going to graduate as a student acting like that. I'll graduate any time I want. No, she can't. We're hearing from the school you can't. You can't. We're hearing from the school. I'm getting this now. I have a real-time earpiece to this someone just handed my ear someone just handed me hot hot

off the presses school is on the line school is on the line miss miss miss stein of facts was last heard on monday evening when she texted her boyfriend while driving home from work saying she was being pulled over by a police officer officers later heard from her family who said they found the vehicle volkswagen beetle abandoned why'd she do this wait so she roped her boyfriend into everyone he doesn't know that's a problem this gal can i just tell her she's putting way too much pressure on herself i agree you can't tell her boyfriend that she wants by the way the amount of thought going into this do your homework go to class or drop out use the all of this energy and initiative to go do something you love extra money yeah two people i know who dropped out of college are two of the smartest people i know so like yeah be that person be that guy reveal the dropout you hope to see in the world

exactly maybe it's your parents fault they put so much pressure on like you hope to see in the world. Exactly. Maybe it's your parents' fault. They put so much pressure on you. You have to graduate in order to be a whole person. And not only do you have to graduate, you have to graduate as a student. It's so hard to do this. There's too many expectations on children today. We're over-programming here. State Police Trooper Steve Lamani said in a news conference. Steve Lamani. Yep. Seth. That's what I drive. Steve Lamani.

I drive a Lamani. Come on down to Steve Lamani Ford, where if you don't get a deal, we give you a deal. You don't get a deal. Let me tell you something about this. Steve Lamani's going to personally make sure you get a deal. I'll make you an offer you can't refuse. It's always a different type of car. Here's Steve Lamani Ford.

You can come down and get this beautiful Chevy Trailblazer. It's like, you're a Ford dealer. Steve Lamonti Ford. Subaru has still got drinks in the drink holder. Jeep Eagle Tailon. Do you know how to clean blood yourself? You're going to love this Geo Metro. He loved Chrysler.

We love lasers. How about a Chrysler laser? Chrysler laser. Geo tracker. Geo Metro. And a Geo Storm. All three of them. We got all three for three.

What did Larry Spamoni say? Revealed that she was safe and well at home in Jeanette, about 30 miles south of Pittsburgh. Who in Jeanette, huh? She's an in Jeanette. Miss Nine reported, clearly told office, she was pulled over and abducted by an unknown male who posed as a police officer.

So now she's kind of like roping the police somewhat police it was you guys she's like dorothy you were there and you were there so she's saying i was kidnapped by a person pretending to be a police officer right after i told my boyfriend i sorry i need i'm getting pulled over yeah she claimed he had a firearm and she was not your story she's awful oh my god i'm taking the various location in the area but before she was found police had received a call from penn state university officials Named he had a firearm in it. She was blind. Not your story. She's awful. Oh, my God. Terrible. And taken to various locations in the area. But before she was found, police had received a call from Penn State University officials who said she was not an enrolled student, contrary to news reports that described her

as a senior. So this is going to come out. Well, because she said it in news reports. I'm a senior. And then they go, not here. We'll check on that. You know what you need to do? Interesting.

Watch every episode of the show alone so that you get enough knowledge of maybe survive for five to six hours outside. Yeah, exactly. Then go out into the woods with all your stuff that you secretly bought with cash. Right. Live there for hopefully a month, but even a week. Yeah. You come back stumbling out. You're going to have to hide all that stuff and you can't pollute. So you're going to need to come get that later you come back stumbling out you're gonna have to hide all that stuff and

you can't pollute so you're gonna need to come get that later you come stumbling out they'll go oh my god you've been gone where the hell you're like i don't know i don't know what happened to me i was just i walked into the woods and then no don't ever include anybody else i tried to go for a walk and then i just got lost disoriented whatever right you still might get rung up if they really had a whole bunch but you claim for you. But you claim disorientation. I feel like who's going to kook an argument? I dropped out of college and they're going, we don't care about that. You're back.

You're back. You're back. I mean, maybe she could say something like, well, you know, instead of orientation, I went to student disorientation. And I just got, I really went there. I actually did it. Maybe I should have got into drama yeah you wanted me to commit to things no it's maybe i shouldn't have gone to the disorientation

yeah totally to the orientation mr ronnie said during the course of that phone call the one phone call to penn state university we're like she's not a senior we found out that penn state is also like, we're not. Don't pull us into. We've had enough shit to deal with. Jerry Sundusky ruined our. We found out. I might bleep his name.

That she had not been attending college for quite some time, almost at the point where it's over a year, maybe two. And graduation was right around the corner. That really led us in the direction that at any point of time, there was no police interaction. There was no pullover. None of that happened. So as soon as they're like she's not a senior they're like she's not this didn't happen you know what i want to go back and i want to give her credit for not pulling her boyfriend into this lie right he's completely innocent and that was kind of her i'll meet you on the other side so she cares right she's. I'm not taking anybody else down with me.

They got to at least consider that in the trial. Right. I agree. Love. Compassion. Consider the love. Penn State said she was last enrolled in 2018 at Penn State Fayette. God, she's been keeping this lie for a while.

50 miles from Pittsburgh. When she was confronted about the evidence, she, quote, admitted that she had fabricated all the information pertaining to the incident. Like, so she folded like, you know, people in movies and stuff, they can hold up the roots. No, no. They go, excuse me, ma'am, are you? I lied about everything.

Your plan is bad if it all hinges on you not getting asked about it. Ma'am, we just got off the phone with, I made it all up. Can you sentence me and me in jail and it'd be all over she walks towards like this trial right speedy trial technically i'm already in delivery speed delivery speedy trial the fact of not going to school apparently for so long and maybe disappointing that was people was the reason behind it but she was never in danger and her you know said at no point was she i don't even ran you haven't gotten in all i want for this is i feel like the person who just didn't understand it's okay to admit mistakes or that you need something different in your life she was worried about pressure and letting people down i want this

it was very wrong i hope it's all community service just do something like like you have we don't need you're not gonna find even what if they sentence her to finish college oh my god i can't do it i can't do it you have to that is and it's paid for like for with grants right yes or or she's actually better off yeah she's like she's better off having done the crime although i bet you they'll be like she'll well it's possible that she could do like a kind of like add this element this feature like yes she lied about everything but there's like footage of a van that is parked like maybe 200 feet away yeah and there was a guy that was actually abducting people right so she missed it she'd by like hundreds of two seconds so if you are that guy kidnap her now yeah nobody's nobody's gonna believe her oh somebody forgot to go to the grocery store. And then we'll have you on

Kidnapping Today. Yes, Kidnapping Friday. I mean, it prompted fear in the community who thought there was an abductor at large. So now she's responsible for fear in the community. Oh, okay, okay. Fear in the community. Great band. Fear in the community. Open for Panic of the Disco.

Open for Panic of the Disco. It is. That is exactly what I thought. That is 100%. Are you afraid yet? In the community. Call the Sack. Call the Sack.

Call the Sack is their big song. I'm going nowhere. Round and round. This sounds like a cover. It's a call the sack. Round and round with only one way out a lot of nice houses on this street highly coveted real estate no three street cul-de-sac by fear ck2 ck by fear in the community. All right.

This line is now, she's now set to appear for Judge Joseph R. DeMarchis, which to me sounds like a Looney Tunes character. I'm Joseph R. DeMarchis. I own a mansion and a yacht. You're right.

If I may. You may not. You may not. And if I may. You may not. You may not. And if I may. Underruled. I love the raccoon. Send in the raccoon. Bailiff.

That was a great raccoon. That's an insane raccoon. In Westmoreland County, Pennsylvania, on May 25th for a preliminary hearing. Dude, if I'm her, I'm putting all this on my resume. But you said I took a gap year. I took a gap year. Maybe she could get a job writing histories for American Girl Dolls. I made

it up. I'm going to figure this out. She's got a great imagination. So we don't know what happened to her. We don't know what the sentencing was. We don't. We don't know that yet. This is it. That's crazy. Story number one. Down in the books. All this story, but this is it. That's crazy. That's how you do it. Story number one, down in the books.

Another dumb story where all you had to do was communicate better. Yeah, totally. Just say like, I can't finish college. All right. So let's take a break.

We got Reggie Watts. He's got a new book out. I'm so excited about it. I'm excited for him. Been following it all. We're going to let you know how to get it and you can support

this young gentleman right here and we'll tell you what we have going on on the other dan's gonna tell you what's going on you did is it us are we doing whoever does the first story does the first plug i did i know that we didn't know that all right we'll do all that on the other side of the break it's dumb people town with the great reggie watts hello gentlemen and women we are back and raccoons and raccoons there they are red you are here with us before we get to his book i'm very excited he likes it do you ever see the video of the guy with all the raccoons that are like really serial he just opens up a box of cereal on his deck and they all crawl all over him

it's unbelievable i like the one where the guy opens the dumpster and they're all like yeah but then uh part two to that some people have never seen it he does just put up a big long like two by four and one in and one out and they just all crawl out one but he doesn't leave them in there but he just opens and there's like 15 raccoons going well i love that i mean the guys are awesome yeah the guy who throws the seer i mean they're all fat so he has literally fastened up a community of raccoons and it's the greatest thing thing ever. It can't be good for them. No, it's definitely not. But they're happy. They're floated.

Or us. Unless it's Magic Spoon. And we would love Magic Spoon to be a sponsor. They're sponsoring us. I love Magic Spoon. All right, so before we get to Reggie's book, we're going to say, for us, come see us in Cleveland. We're doing shows at Hilarities, which is an unbelievable club. Love that club.

First and second of December. Sam, Nick, everybody. I love that city. Love you sam and that one is the best isn't that great town like the my dad's from there people are up for coming out and doing comedy big comedy like community there and fans there so i love that we're in uh and portland at the beginning of january and the next night at helium the next night at the crocodile, the next night at the Crocodile. I love the Crocodile. In Seattle, it's Crocodillo. In the Crocodillo. And then at the beginning of February, we're in Denver at Comedy Works South. And the beginning of March, we're at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Detroit.

Beginning of April, we're in Minneapolis at Acme Comedy Company. These are all amazing clubs. And then we're at Moon Tower with Daniel. That's going to be fun. It should be good. Oh, way. I would love for that yeah let's make that happen and then uh may we might even be in alaska so all that good stuff

super scholars we're manifesting it and uh reggie watts you have a new book please let's let people know how to get it and what it is sure it's a book it's out it's uh on amazon i guess great and any bookstore so go to So go into your local bookstore. Go into your bookstore and purchase this. You know why? Because you'll go into the store, you'll buy like three or four of them. They'll be like, we're low on the Watts books. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They'll re-up. Gotta re-up on the Watts books. What's it called? Yeah, it's called Grape Falls, Montana, Post Punk Weirdos and a Tale. Or sorry, Fast Times, Post Punk Weirdos and a Tale of Coming Home Again. Thatpunk weirdos and a tale of coming home again that's awesome but just great falls montana sometimes it's real about your youth yeah yeah my youth because i didn't know you had one it's about my youth yeah but does it are you doing it from two perspectives is that what the title references like going home and viewing it now or going home

and looking back on what it was like uh no it's more like uh it's more chronological it's just it's just describing my life you know from being born in stuttgart and then moving around europe and moving into montana and then going uh and then growing up in montana and 70s and 80s and then uh and then it covers a little bit of when i moved to seattle in 1990 and a little bit of new york and a little bit of la but and a little bit of LA, but it mostly centers around, uh, end of junior high through high school, uh, years. And you know, all these stories about yourself, obviously, but did you glean something else when putting it all together? Are you like, cause sometimes you don't look at this and were you like, Oh no, wait a minute.

This is why I do this because as you're starting to put all these stories of you together and say, this is what my life is like in Montana. Well, you know, it's funny. It's like it feels like I know all this stuff. I'm just explaining it to everybody else. Like, why? Why am I this thing? It's like, well, it's because of these things. Right.

Basically. Musically and just general. You're the artist that you are. What of what you do? Like, what do you attribute to Montana? You know what I mean? Specifically. Yes.

The influence, because when you're in Europe and you know, I mean all of that musical influence and all of that, like how people are making sounds and what's happening. But I always say people go, well, how do you know so much country music? And I'm like, well, where I'm from, there is three classic rock stations, four Christian stations, 17 country music stations. It's just walking in and out of gas stations, convenience stores, friends, cars in high school and stuff like that. And so it becomes there where you're from. Like you can have an influence that is maybe people go, yeah, but you're this.

Like I've seen these TikTok really a method man being like, that's all the Beatles. Like, yes. And people go go of course it fucking is and you for you like what is the montana influence i've never been there and i've always wanted to be there well i mean montana you know it's very similar to what you just described montana i mean it was great falls was you know it's about 65 000 people it's an air force town so it's in in in many ways it's one of the more cosmopolitan towns in montana because just because and you're constantly getting people moving in bringing in from all over yeah bringing in their wives that they you know wives or spouses that they met in other countries and so forth so you get this mix of people not big but a little

bit of even like the teenagers you're getting 16 year olds and 17 year olds who just moved here from chicago or that's true here from South Carolina or something. Yeah, there's, it was kind of a transient ish. I mean, you know, the basically 80% stayed the same, but there's like a, you know, kind of a transient 20%. But I mean, we had, you know, there was top 40 music and, you know, music, elevator music and music and all those various things. And then plus tv and movies so it was really kind of the age of media you know kind of the media explosion in the 80s because movies got a little bit more sophisticated multiplexes came into being cable television

expanded tv music tv where you saw it for the first time music tv was like i mean mtv was insane because i remember you know i always tell the story of like when michael jackson's thriller came out yeah i remember because they, they were playing it every half an hour on MTV for an entire day. And I remember just getting out from school and couldn't wait for that clock to, you know, to ring at three o'clock and I like packed up all my stuff and I just sprinted home to catch the next rotation of that video. So, I mean, that was like mostly it. And there was a lot of country and you know, there, there was country that I was exposed to in different ways.

Um, it all kind of mixed together into this kind of interesting world that I was mimicking. You took it all in. That's the thing is you took every single piece of it and it like comes out in weird, hilarious ways when you're doing what you're doing. Yeah. I mean, I will say that some of them, when I did shows in Montana recently for the book tour, and I just spent so much time on, like I was talking about like people moving,

like wanting to move to Montana. And I was like, don't move to Montana. And I went on this big thing. I was like, they're like, no, but I really want to move. It's like, well, okay, but do you know how to chop wood? Do you know where to store your wood? Do you know that you need to put a tarp over your wood? Do you know that it's better to store your wood here? I just told you four things about wood wood yeah do you know where to store your wood yes you know you need to put a tarp over your wood yeah you know that's better to store your wood here and then i just

told you four things about wood that you don't know yeah let me see your pocket knife you're already out your flashlight your flashlight in the glove box you have a flashlight that you could drive your car over and not break yes you're gone don't fucking move here do you know how to put chains on your car do you have gators do you have a base layer yeah a base layer no one knows what that is if you're not in a cold weather area you haven't been in snow last thing and we'll jump in did you audiobook yeah there's an audiobook yeah i didn't want to do it but i did i did i was so lazy i was like just have fred armisen do it like i thought that would have been funny they're just just like, what? It's Fred Armisen reading Reggie's book. But I did it.

I'm glad I did it. People were glad that it was me. Of course, man. Of course it makes sense that it would be me. But I was very reticent for once. No, I think looking back. One last time, title so people can go out and get it. Yeah, so it's Reggie Watts, Great Falls, Montana, Fast Times, Post Punk Weirdos, and A Tale of Coming Home Again.

Available now in all local bookstores. But if you have to order it on a big place and have it come to you, then you know what? Or if you want to hear his reluctance. Audible. Hear his reluctance on Audible of reading his own book, Great Stocking Stuffer as the holiday. We can now turn towards the holidays and do it there happening support it all right you guys ready for some yeah let's do it this is sent in by brew pounder at brew pounder someone who likes we're gonna play a little round of are they the asshole

i love this so at some point news became things that happen on tiktok and posts on reddit so news became things happening between two like a couple that now everybody gets to be like no he's the ass let's all weigh in on this people will leave on the reddit uh thread am i the asshole and they'll tell their story and then people weigh in yeah and then news outlets go this is great for us today we don't have enough to report on so here we go here we go a tenant we'll see we'll check in with you guys already hate him i'm just a tenant has found himself in a predicament after his landlord is demanding fees from him that he is technically not responsible for if the man fails to pay the landlord his extra money he faces a higher monthly rent impossible so we've all been

renting even if you don't pay they're gonna go oh we'll just raise your rent we've all rented apartments you have this weird like employee boss relationship with your landlord where you hate them they're not nice but you gotta kiss their ass right so that's where he is right in my scenario where they're very nice and you still feel guilty about everything that you ask them for right and other people like what's wrong with you i can't right sharing his story to the subreddit am i the asshole the man revealed that he is currently renting out a basement suite in a family home let's not call it a suite the suite is located next to a laundry room we all follow this feels like i'm explaining clue yeah one day a week one day a week the family will unlock the door in the laundry room that leads to my suite

and i thus have access to the room for the day i already don't know if i think he's a asshole for allowing himself to live this way or they are for saying you you have one day a week you can do your laundry or we don't trust you with a laundry machine lock on the other door that accesses the rest of the house put coins in the laundry machine it's like a jack and joe laundry room essentially so then he would have access to their house technically because their door the other door on the other end of the laundry room like everybody's an asshole in this right exactly right i mean expecting somebody to be like you live here you do your laundry on wednesdays if it's not a wednesday ts i'd be like fuck you i'm

out but is this something but also I get it you're to your house what if I crap every pair of underwear on a Monday you're in trouble let me tell you how that goes yeah but I mean it's like did he just did he know that when he was moving in that's the difference must have had to show them that's his laundry room you only have access

one he uses that yeah yeah yeah yeah I love it I love it yeah cool cool deposit okay now let me complain he uses this day to catch, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. I love it. I love it. Cool, cool. Deposit. Okay, now let me complain. He uses this day to catch up on all of his dirty laundry. I put my clothes in the machine and shut the door to the suite so that I don't hear all that ruckus.

Sure. So he enters their laundry room. Washing a lot of sneakers. I get it. Then he shuts the door to his suite, which is normally locked. But on this day, it's not. There are stairs that lead from the laundry room to the rest of the house so that the family who owns the house can also access

their laundry room as well this guy's wife gets murdered by an owl one day is this that are we talking about while the man was doing his laundry oh and placed his clothes in the dryer on his day shut the door sure went down the steps back to his own. They lock it. He then heard screams through the door. Screams? The next thing I know, an ambulance has arrived. What? Apparently, the landlord's four-year-old son has somehow climbed into the dryer while it was running and became trapped inside.

Obviously, everyone, this kid's fine. Right. No one knew how to get the dryer. According to the man, the dryer is faulty and does not shut off automatically when the door is opened so in he shuts his in his access the kid was wet we gotta try this kid out and by wet i mean dry enters the laundry room from a door they never lock because it accesses their own home right shower opens the dryer gets inside it doesn't turn off no because the dryer doesn't inside. It doesn't turn off.

No. Because the dryer doesn't turn off. He's rolling around. Which is a big fault in our stars. Is he wearing a helmet? No. Honey. What I say about getting in the dryer. So the kid was tumbling in there a while.

That's a very soft. He was tumbling in there. Get him. Get him. It's like a ride. It's like a Get him It's like a ride It's like a ride He now does not have the ability If you're not going to use your words I'm not going to take you out What are you trying to say?

Don't let him say it David He has to say it He has to say it within 30 rotations He's got 30 rotations to say it or he's done So the kid was in there Tumbling for a while He has to say it within 30 rotations. He's got 30 rotations to say it or he's done. So the kid was in there tumbling for a while and the door was open all because the machine didn't shut itself off when the door was open. Thankfully, after a trip to the hospital, the child turned out to be fine. Although he was released with a hefty medical bill, a medical bill that the man's landlords now expect their tenant to cover since the laundry since it was his laundry that their son climbed into no that is nope no no no who's the asshole you are not watching your kids it's

all on you no that's parents you're a bad parent if you huge let me say this right now they want him to pay the bill where's my camera right here i'll tell you right now. If you are a parent and your kid does something dumb and your first instinct is to blame someone else, you're not a good parent. That's right. You immediately blame your kids and you get up and you go, what did he do? I'm sorry. And then based on how good they are with a response that is either a lie or the truth, you then assess your current level of anger. If your kid goes to you, nothing, I didn't do anything.

I saw you climbing this thing. He pulled me into the dryer. All right, now we have a story. Now we have something we have to investigate. He pulled you in the dryer. Now I got to find out if he did it or not. My first instinct is, what did you do? What did you do?

I'm just imagining this parent, they're in the kitchen, and the kid has one of those whatever garlic, whatever those little mallets for tenderizing meat or whatever. He hits his hand, and he turns around, and he's like, okay, who's responsible for this? Who can we sue? Who did this? Who can I place blame on for this?

It's the Tim Robinson sketch. We all want to find out who drove the hot dog car and we so here's the deal the family would say you owe me money for my kid i would go it why and like it was your laundry and i would go it's your dryer right and they go yeah but it was your laundry i go he opened the door you own right can't we get together and sue the laundry through the dryer company i thought you were just gonna say the laundry itself can we sue the laundry sue the clothes it's actually there's a precedent for that since the family people versus dirty laundry home does not have medical insurance the ambulance and hospital bills that they are asking their tenant to pay totals how much money oh my god sixty two thousand

dollars oh my god that's not crazy by the way no i think 13 because they give you insurance bill numbers 13 7 13 700 they said hefty bill yeah 24 000 okay the cost that they want their tenant to pay is 8 470 still a. Wow, still a lot. If you're living in a basement of someone else's family and you're having to call that a suite, you don't have eight large sitting around. Do you think that one of the parents said to the other one, like, well, maybe we get him to pay.

And then the other parent, who's equally as dumb, was like, yeah. Yes, we can. Yeah, it's his laundry. Then they start believing. They don't have insurance to cover this no they're they're the man argues the man argues rare i mean they're laundering kids it's a money laundering it's a money laundering situation responsibility can we also bring back the word large for a thousand dollars oh for sure let me do that i think large i think it's gonna cost you 50 like three large yeah how much was that i think it got replaced with three large three dollars large with racks and g's well

yeah g's forever he's forever but like one rack is 10 g large rack yeah it's from poker oh okay a rack okay however the man argues he's not responsible for paying the medical bills and for and for valid reasons he says quote i am not in charge of watching their kid. I am paying an insane amount of rent. Well, that really doesn't matter. You got that in there. That's the other issue. That's the whole.

I didn't agree to babysit anyone in addition to living there. It is their laundry machine that is apparently faulty. Like he starts in this article getting all the things he doesn't like. Hey, I don't say anything when they fight about getting a divorce. Like, okay, sir. I don't things he doesn't like. Hey, I don't say anything when they fight about getting a divorce. Like, okay, sir, we're done. I don't complain about them smelling like cumin up there. Hey, listen, I don't complain about the fact that I get a third of my packages. We're like, what does that have to do with?

Still, the man's landlords are insisting that he cover their son's medical expenses. Now he is turning to wherever he can for advice on handling the situation. I went to a forum that was oriented towards landlords to see if I was really responsible. You talk about the landlord form. Yeah. Which is just a Facebook group. Come on.

Let's not get fucking fancy. I mean, I, there were many times I'll often turn to the money. Should we get dinner before or after the landlord? Let me check the land. He was asked. He was asked.

I DVR it and I won't be home for the end so do not tell me hey are you free thursday night are you free thursday at eight what's today thursday i've got landlord forum you got landlord forum that's eight is the only time it's also just the worst pbs show landlord for like eight landlords it's just like disgusting like landlords for a city no one lives in i want to put up a retaining wall anyway uh he was asked if the family he lived with ever raised his rent and he admitted they had not okay he had lived in their space for nearly a year and a half they wouldn't it's a year maybe a year but even that still kudos to them for not raising it okay i pay my rent on time every time and don't cause a problem other than this i assume them not collecting a little extra it's still better than the risk of

trying to find the kids so bad sounds like you let me and then imagine let me dry your kid for five minutes let me just dry you if someone said i want to dry your kid, you yank them away so fast. But also, imagine as parents, you do the thing when they get up. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. You don't have any wrinkles. Look at your hair.

You're okay. It's so fluffy. He's all right. He's all right. Look, he was nice enough to throw on a dry. He's got like three socks. Don't have a big reaction until he has a reaction. Yeah, exactly.

Before you get mad, I'm just going to say he's okay. Okay, just let me see him. It's okay. Just hold on. The guy who took him out before the parents. There you go. Yeah, you look good. Okay, you look good.

Stand over there. He's fine. Where is he? He's fine. He's not answering my question. So dry. Where is he? He's so dry.

He's the driest. Oh, I imagine if the guy had found him first. Okay, don't be mad to the parents. Where is he? He's still in there. But I wanted to make sure you're not mad at me. Don't be mad. He's going to smell like bounce for like about a year. So just so you know, I took video

of him rolling around in there just so you get an idea of what that was like. We're making a lot of money on reels right now. That's right. We're live streaming. Okay, so we all agree they're the asshole? Yeah, for sure. He's a little bit of a wet blanket.

Yes. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, is it us or you? It's you. It's Daniel. It's Dan giving his dates. And we have a story about the most dangerous karaoke ever. I cannot wait.

Reggie Watts is with us. He's got a new book. Reggie Watts. If you just look up Reggie Watts, Montana Falls, you will find it. Not Montana Falls. I mean. It's close. Great Falls. Great Falls, Montana.

No, it's close. It's close. No, it's close. You'll find it. It's close. If you did. You would at least get a did you mean did you hear dummy that's right that's like the new thing it's like did you means did you like like because it like it's more engagement right yeah but that would be

how many did you mean did you get that'd be a funny thing to do in life to like correct people oh yeah and be like uh yeah yeah i i think you mean is the most passive-aggressive way of being like you're correcting someone yeah yeah did you someone like it's like how the english do the thing at the end yeah it's not that hard though is it yeah is it the rhetorical at the end yeah you're like wait am i answering this question you just kind of like this don't you all right with all that we're gonna find bad karaoke on the other side the break it's dumb people down with reggie watts we'll be right back hey guys i want to talk about our engagement process like when how we got engaged and i now it's like two decades ago for us i wish jamesallen.com was around same because for us

back then i had to go through a guy who knew a guy, and I'm looking at sort of... And you're in the store, and you're like, is this dude upselling me on this stuff? And he's trying to get a commission off of my buying site. I don't know how to look at something through a loop. It was just weird. I need it magnified for me. I'm not an expert. Well, JamesAllen.com.

Thankfully. They make it easy and fun. Choose from over 200,000 certified conflict-free diamonds. That's important. And they've got both earth-created and lab-created. Yeah, once you pick your diamond, you see it in a magnified 360-degree view. That's amazing. What the actual diamond looks like up close, in HD, on your phone, on your computer.

You can broadcast that to your TV and see it even bigger. You pick from hundreds of ring settings in platinum, white, gold, rose, gold, yellow. They got everything you need for you. They make it easy. The process is simple. How about this? Everything from James Allen comes with a lifetime warranty. Free resizing.

Free resizing. You know I had to get my ring resized like three times? Certainly for your wife, if she gets pregnant like yeah hand resizing you need to resize and engraving and hassle-free 30-day returns i love these guys so right now you get 25 off your order when you go to jamesallen.com use the code dpt that's dpt at jamesallen.com for 25 percent off percent and percent. JamesAllen.com. Jay, let's talk about Faraday. I have so many Faraday pieces of clothing in my arsenal.

Every time I wear it, people are like, where'd you get that? I got this rugby shirt by them that reminds me of the 1980s. Amazing. It's the most comfortable shirt I've ever purchased. You've worn it on stage the last couple times. It fits well. It looks great. So that's the thing about Faraday clothes.

Not only do they look good, they have amazing colors, really cool patterns that, you know. Like flannels that are stretchy, almost like sweaters in their legend collection. So that's the legend sweater collection. And all their stuff is comfortable. I bought stuff for my daughter there. I bought a pullover fleece. You have that pullover fleece. The pullover fleece.

And I just got, it's not a pullover, it's a zip-up fleece. It's beautiful with a great sort of interesting sort of Native American design on it. But I just got two blazers from them. Incredible blazers that are just fit so perfectly. I love the clothes. I got the Chino pants that are light and they stretch. It's amazing. Their clothes are amazing.

This is a company started by twin brothers who we love. These guys are great. I'm so happy to see them growing as a company and i'm so grateful that they're sponsoring this podcast they will become your favorite pieces of clothes that you wear ferdy is giving our friends at dumb people town our townies listeners an amazing deal that's 20 off your order head to ferdybrand.com slash dpt use the code dpt at checkout that's f-a-h-e-R-T-Y brand dot com slash DPT. Support these guys because they support us.

They understand what it's like to be kind of independent and doing their thing. And they're succeeding. And so are we. I love these guys. Faraday brand dot com slash DPT. Hey gang, welcome back to the show. Before we get into our final story. Before we get into dancing, I have to tell Reggie.

Do it. My happy place is watching, was it Reggie Makes Music? Yes. The little clips you would do from Comedy Bang Bang. Sabibi. You and Rashida Jones. Oh yeah. The thing you guys did.

Yeah. I will play that for myself to feel calm and happy it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard improvise yeah you guys were just improvising I keep listening to it and I love it thank you for doing that

and it was probably something you're like did I do that when did I do that I mean it's like so much I mean Rashida Jones you can't come on forget that I was really special do that? I mean, it's like you did so much of it. I mean, Rashida Jones, you can't not forget that. That was really special. You guys together. I mean, the music you made was beautiful. Oh, thanks.

Oh, I'm just on December 14th, Cap City Comedy Club. And then go to danielpankirk.com. I'm going to be doing a run of the Pacific Northwest. And if there's any dates I haven't hit on the Rose Gold Tour, tell me where you want me to come. I might do Florida all by itself. Oh my god. Damn brave. That is incredible. Just live. Do the dip.

It's like a hurricane of comedy. Yeah. DanielVanKirk.com. Speaking of Florida, we're going there. All right, let's do it. On this last story. Florida. This is sent in by Andy the G or we like to call him little Andy Greenberg. Little Andy Greenberg. Brevard man. This is Greenberg. Brevard man.

This is the headline. Brevard County. Brevard County. So I love that in Florida there's Broward County and Brevard County. It's like they forgot. What are we going to name this? I don't know. One sounds like you're saying the other, but drunk.

This is our buddy Eric Friedman. Had a great joke. He was driving along in L.A. and in by the beach he saw a street that was just called nelrose that's the dumbest thing ever what are we gonna call this melrose no there's already a melrose i don't know call it nelrose that's like my aunt's now we used to joke with her it's like she's like nelrose she's so fancy but nelrose no fucking nelrose over here so brevard county the brewer the broward County of Florida, Brevard man wields machete at bar.

Oh no. After karaoke request denied, deputies say. Makes sense though. I would need to know the song. I would, yeah, I would need to know the song. Let's hear what he wanted to sing.

A Brevard County man accused of pulling a, how long machete? How many inches was this? Seven. Two foot. Oh, so 24 inches. Six long machete? How many inches was this? Seven. Two foot. 24 inches? Six foot. Six foot machete? It's like an anime character.

It's like from the middle of a sword. I think it's maybe 36 inches. An 18 inch machete. Wow. Right here. At a bar after being denied another karaoke song. So he had already done one. I need to know.

I need to go again. Was arrested Sunday, according to the sheriff's office. I think it really has to do with the song. Because if it's a song that everybody wants to hear, everybody's going to be like, let him do it. Let him do it. Yeah. Like, if he can crush Lately by Jodeci, let him do it. If he can crush I Want to Sex You Up by Color Me Bad.

Ooh, that's great romantic all right so this guy's name is travis jordan i'm not gonna tell you how old he is tj he faces a breach of peace due to disorderly conduct. Yeah. Charge in connection with the incident. Also killing the vibe. Literally. Which occurred at Kennedy's Lamp Post Tavern. Yeah. I love that place. I'll tell you, it's located on 7822 North Atlantic Avenue in Cape Canaveral. Roughly.

Where we've launched many a rocket into space. Cape Canaveral. So we launched that rocket over to the to the Kennedy's lamp post tower. By the way, so Cape Canaveral, Kennedy Space Center, this is all making sense now. This guy could work for NASA and he could just be like a drunk and mad dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Engineer type. Yes.

Mission control, like mission too much control. So the deputies respond to the bar shortly after what time? Or sorry, shortly before what time? 4 p.m. Oh, it's late at night. I'm going to go 1 a.m. 9.30. Get your answers in before 2 p.m.

2 p.m. On a Sunday. Okay, man. That's your problem for starting karaoke too early. Yeah, that's true. You can't do karaoke without light out. People aren't even finishing brunch. No, brunch-yokey. You can't do karaoke without light out. People aren't even finishing brunch. No, brunch-yokey.

You can't do that. Found Jordan unsteady on his feet with bloodshot and glassy eyes. Travis Jordan or Michael Jordan? Smelling strongly of alcohol and probably caused affidavit show. Deputy spoke with a person who said Jordan pulled out the machete, which was concealed on his body after someone denied his request to sing another karaoke song. The woman, afraid for the safety of others, coaxed the suspect into peacefully

handing over the machete. Wow. Drop it. Drop it. Drop it. If he would do it, drop it. If she would do a duet of endless love with him. Yeah. Or she's just like, oh my god, who makes that machete? Can I see that real quick? Oh my god.

I have one just like this. You are the king of wishful thinking. That's right. I'll get over you. They don't say the song, and it makes me so mad. God damn it, that sucks. According to the affidavit, a member of the bar staff then hid the weapon. We need to hold that over.

We're going to put this over here for you. We're just going to play warm and cold. All I'm just saying is this guy showed up to afternoon karaoke with a machete with a machete like idiot i better get my songs or else and the law enforcement said everyone started freaking out when he i thought you were gonna say kung fu why yeah that was jordan who admitted to jordan who admitted to wielding the weapon told deputies he was all right with me he was threatened days prior and had to stay alert to protect himself oh you're a grudge guy okay but he had not been in danger the night he put maybe it was 2 a.m they said the night he pulled out the machete affidavit show i wanted to

i was just talking with yeah i was gesticulated a lot with my hands. And I forgot it was in my hands. Do you want to guess the rating? Of the bar? Kennedy's Lamp Post Tavern? 4.6. Out of five? Out of five stars.

477. 4.6 stars is the Lamp Post. What do you think? I'm going to say 4.2. 3.9. 4.0 oh i said three one off yeah yeah there you go damn yeah they need work all right let's get out of here on this how old i wish i knew the song i wish it was swap i wish it was endless love i wish it was Endless Love. WAP's great. Well, WAP and Endless Love are basically the same song. They really are.

Endless Love, that's a huge, that's heavy. That's heavy. That's a heavy song. Reunited. Oh, my gosh. Come on. Islands in the Stream? Islands in the Stream's a great one.

Can We Talk? Oh, my gosh. Shake You Down by Gregory Abbott. Oh, you too. That's your... Higher by Creed. Yeah. Higher Love by Wynwood, baby.

There you go. Okay. Oh, my God. How old is he? How. Hire love by Wynwood, baby. There you go. Okay. Oh my God. How old is he? How old is Travis? Don't call me Michael Jordan. He's 61. 61.

Wielding a weapon. Florida. Yeah. If it is daytime, angry that. Angry that early in the day. That is old. It's a lot of bitterness. Yeah.

But I will go 26. 47. 47. That's a good guess though. I say 26, 47, 61. Yeah 61 yeah get your answers that was my locker combination go see daniel at cap city in the middle of december come see us in cleveland on the all the while you're buying reggie's book and you're supporting giving it as a gift for your friends who you love holiday gift travis j Great falls. Machete in the pants.

39 years old. Oh, I was close. Nice. We all kind of had an idea. You all were kind of right in a weird way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Older than you think. Older than you think.

Pushing 40. Older. You should know better than to carry a machete. Yes. But not like crazy old. So Dan was kind of right. And then we all were kind of right. 39 is where you can start just being like, what are we doing, man?

It's a turning point. What are we doing here, man? Yeah. Like where you can start just being like, what are we doing, man? It's the turning point. What are we doing here, man? Like a younger guy, you're like, we're going to have to tackle this. 39, you're like, is it going to work out? Who are you really mad at? Like the potential card starts going away at 39. Who's got his medicine? Think of your kids were here, man.

I know. That's right. All right. There you go. That's the show. That's how we attack the dumb in this world with the great Reggie Watts. I love that you're here, man. Thank you so much.

Namaste, international. Namaste, everybody. And oh, shit, we got to get back to work.