Dumb People Town - Renee Gauthier - Karate Kid Dick

Episode Date: September 17, 2021

This week Renee Gauthier comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. This week's story is the worst possible abuse of viagra.

Skypains, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Gautier. Renee Gautier. Rene Gautier. Sounds like a professional wrestler. Rene Gautier could be a guy who would always load up the orthopedic boot. Rene Goulet was a wrestler way way back.

Are you for real? Not even joking. What was their finisher? So he had a brain claw. He had a brain claw. You're not making this up. R-E-N-E. Stop with the phones. Rene Goulet. Two E's at the end or did he go hard boy style? I don't know.

E-T-T-E. God. That's my guess. I don't know. They roll deep. They can miss like arena soccer players. So why are we talking wrestling? Because you worked for the WWE.

You did a little bit. Yes, I did. I wrote for them for three months. That's amazing. Yeah. Just to dip that toe in that water and you've done stand-up with the great Dolph, I want to say Dolph Lundgren, but Dolph Ziegler.

I wish it was Dolph Lundgren. Renee Goulet. Look at how sexy Renee Goulet is. Renee Goulet looks like your dad's racquetball partner. Yes. Look at that hair part. Renee Goulet. Come on, Dan.

I have the same haircut right now. That's if a truck stop took human form. So, I mean. That's why I like him. It is. And the world of wrestling in some ways is incredibly smart. Back when you're like, if you were willing to put on the Speedo, you were a professional wrestler. If you were willing to put on the Speedo, you could be a fat guy who just opens up his mail at a diner every month.

His skin looks like he's like, you know they oil up before they go out, but he looks like he's just not well. That's why he's a little damp. That's like fish oil coming out. Yeah, that's like damp. He feels like he constantly says he's doing it for his daughter, but he's never met her. He's never met her.

And you know how they say, does the carpet match the drapes? I got news for you. The drapes don't match the drapes on this guy. I got news for you. It's all carpeted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's head to toe all the while. One drape doesn't match the drapes on this guy. I got news for you. It's all carpeted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's head to toe, all the while.

One drape doesn't match the other drape. He inherited all his drapes. Well, listen. That's Rene Goulet. We've got Rene Gautier. But don't you wish you had Rene Goulet? No. I do.

I'm so much happier we have you. I'd hold his hand. No, no. We've got to sort through the dumbness that's happening in this world. And you're here with us. And we have our, for people who are listening at home, our Patreon fans who are at that level are enjoying this.

Listening in to this very fun live one with them. Let's jump into a story, shall we? Ready? Yes. Here we go. Sent in by La Asasina. The assassin. She's amazing.

MMA. Yep. La Asasina, MMA. Thank you so much. She's our bodyguard. She's awesome. Here's the headline. Ready?

Man who took Viagra pills for a dare got extended erection. And here's how dumb that is. It's so dumb. Don't do it. It's so dumb. How dumb is it? Google Docs is trying, it's telling me constantly, to autocorrect dare to date. To date?

Because they're like, you have to mean he took it for a date. On a date. No. There's no date. Right. But even Google Docs is like, you don't mean dare. Do you know anyone who's used Viagra?

Yes. They never told me. Oh, they never told you? That just happened? No, I don't know. I mean, I like to imagine- You made it happen. I am the human.

It's a thing of young people. Is it? Yes. Are you serious? Yeah. Why do I not know that? I've been out in the world in a long time. of young people. Is it? Yes. Are you serious? Why do I not know that? Yeah. I've been out in the world. I heard there was a recall erection.

I mean, I guess our college times were very different. Okay, ready? That's so weird. I'm with it. Are you on Viagra right now? Like this moment? Currently, yes. No.

No. No? So my question is, you're supposed to call the doctor if the erection lasts four hours four hours yeah but what is the here we go i'm gonna read it what is if you go more than four hours then someone should be playing horseshoes with you here we go something yeah you're essentially the price is right game very problematic but nonetheless i would say plinko an otherwise normal family man daniel Medforth, took the erection-enhancing drug Viagra to impress his mates. Not his wife.

His wife was probably like, get that thing away from me. Now you know it's not from the USA, which is where I would expect this to happen. It feels like a University of Alabama-Auburn fight. Yes. He took an erection-enhancing drug Viagra to impress his mates. Those aren't your real friends, just so you know. No. No.

If they don't accept you for not being a shower, leave it be. Stop. Hold on one second. Who would ever show their dick to their friends ever, anyway, ever? Again, we went to college at very different times. Sure. Hold on. But first.

Never. You ever hanging out with your friends and go, like I've never sat with a group of girls and been like, who's got the biggest pussy? Like no one's ever. Who gets harder down there? Nope. Do you guys do that?

No. Who gets harder down there? Down there. Well, the idea though that it's. All right, let's see who can break boards. It's like a Viagra party. It's like a Karate Kid dick. That's just bizarre.

That's just bizarre. There's a guy in the background. It's like a Viagra party. He's got the Karate Kid dick. That's just bizarre. That's just bizarre. There's a guy in the background. It doesn't make any sense. Yes. Yes, Mr. Riddick. Sweep the dick. You got a problem?

No sensei. No sensei. Perfect. Okay. To impress his mates. Sweep the tripod. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know, but people,

like, I'm not being sexist when I say this. Not a lot of women have appeared in the jackass movies. Guys are dumb. Very, very, very insightful.

I like that you think the reason women aren't in the jackass movies is because they're not idiots. I have a feeling that they didn't invite any. You're wrong. That's true. I just saw a TikTok of a woman. Someone said to a woman who had just finished

a beer that was like, okay. I forget her name. I don't want TikTok of a woman. Someone said to a woman who had just finished a beer. It was like, okay. I forget her name. I don't want to say Jeanette. Okay, Jeanette, parkour. And she's like, she's like looking. She's like, parkour. She has to say it three times.

Like Beatles. It's like a raccoon. Trying to get a raccoon to do a trick. Parkour. And she's like, okay, parkour. And she... That was perfect.

She puts like a foot on a... That was perfect comedy delivery. Oh, okay, parkour. She puts a foot on a wall and then runs over and almost knocks over the railing of the bar that they're at.

She's like, every time she touches something, she says parkour. It's great. It's like teaching a rat how to eat cheese. And she just does it all over everything. It was, I was like, so yeah, maybe that person could be. How about the woman who jumps off the trampoline

to go into the above ground pool and face first into the above ground pool? I can't. That's jackass. I can't watch it, right. I was 100% jackass. I hope you're wrong. I shouldn't know if you're wrong.

What were you going to say? I hope they would invite women. I was going to say that not only have I seen all the jackasses, but I was a writer in ridiculousness. And there are more boy idiots than there are girls, but the girls exist. I've seen a girl crush a watermelon with her breast. No. Like slam it. And I was like, that's not going to go well for you.

Those are going to hang down. And then feed a child. I know. I love that you're the one person consuming ridiculous, granted for work, and being like, think about your future. Building it, not even consuming it. Building it, making it for the world. But you want these people to think about their future.

I do, because that upsets me when boobs are just like. Did she have to pay a certain amount of money to gallagher just for the rights to do that that's a great question i didn't clear the i saw a video another video on tiktok that was i think it was at the auburn football game auburn or i don't know georgia somewhere this woman jumps out of her seats like oh just down into the hedges yes and then she loses where she lives in the world doesn't she she like loses out of her seats like, just down into the hedges. Yes, and then she loses where she lives in the world, doesn't she? She loses grasp of her place in the universe.

She thought she went into Quantum Leap and went into a different dimension into the 1940s. She thinks she's in the movie Green Book. You guys have clearly never seen Real Housewives of New York City because that happens every season. I've seen it. So I think the missing ingredient...

I'm going to say this. Guys do dumb stuff with their dicks. I'm sorry. They just do dumb stuff. Let me explain something to you. Please. I think dudes will do dumb stuff just in life. I think women will do it also, but with

enough alcohol has to be involved. You don't see a bunch of sober women sitting around. She climbs in a bush. She's fine. She's fine. First of all, she's not fine. Second of all, the more you say she's fine, the less fine I think she is.

So it actually is on like thousands of videos, but there's a few high watermarks. Who are you responding to? No one asked if she was or was not fine. So the fact that you're saying fine tells me that she's not fine and you're not fine. But you can't determine what's fine or not. But I'm telling you, women will not, just a bunch of sober women sitting around won't do jackass. Don't tell her. She knows.

These guys probably aren't sober when they get out the Viagra and start daring each other to get their shit started. That's in an AA group. I'm not even. They're stone cold sober. They're stone cold sober. Okay, he wanted to impress his mates. When he was surprised when his boner wouldn't go away, he ended up in a hospital. The lesson, they wrote

this, not me, don't be a dick with your dick. Ever got in from a night out feeling frisky and found that you might have had one too many whiskeys to perform? Well, that wasn't a problem for Daniel Medforth. We've changed so many angles in this article. Father. He's a normal father.

Is he? I didn't say that. Yeah, he said he's a family man. I know, but he could be. Yeah, but who knows how old his kids are. Well, that wasn't a problem for Daniel Medforth. I mean, he is using Viagra. He still ended up frustrated, though, as his wife sent him off in a hospital instead.

Yeah. Instead, in an act of drunken madness, he took how many Viagra pills for a laugh and ended up with an erection- For a laugh. For how many days? You're going to have two guesses here. For how many days? How many did he take? For how many days?

And how many days did he have an erection? But for how long? For how long? Okay, let's hear it. You're our guest. Do you want to go first, Tig, or third? I think he took eight. Okay.

And what was the second? How long did he have the erection for? How many days? I think he had it for a day and a half. Okay. That's my guess. Okay. Jason?

I think he took 14. Okay. And I think he had it for three days. Okay. I think he took 20 and he had it for five days. This is a guy, I mean, they're not writing a story about it unless it's over the top.

It is hell for this man. No, you're right. I was too practical. So dumb. No, it's okay. No, you never know. You never know. You might be right.

I don't have a dick, so I don't even know. Thank God you don't have to worry about this. We're going to take a quick break. We're going to take a quick break. We'll come back. We'll learn everything Renee's up to these days, where you can go see her in and around town or wherever she's heading next.

Yep. And I will tell you all how many pills and how many days right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more at Old People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Renee Gauthier, how can people follow you?

How can people go see you and support you? What are you up to? First, does my hair look weird with these? I don't know how to ask. Tendrils? I'm so scared. I love your tendrils. Thank you, team.

Those are good. They look great. The question was, how can people find you, follow you, see you, support you? At Nene Guter, which is because no one knows how to spell Gautier, so it's N-E-N-E-G-O-O-T-E- you, support you. At Nene Guder, which is because no one knows how to spell G-O-T-A. So it's N-E-N-E-G-O-O-T-E-R. All over.

That's where she is. Nene Guder. Nene Guder. All over. Everywhere. Feels like a Dukes of Hazzard character, but that's fine. Well, I never heard that,

and I like that way better than what anyone else has said. Real Housewives of Atlanta? I know. Well, Nene leaks. Everyone's like, ooh, look. No, it's Nene and Nene.

And how dare you? The second question was, what am I doing? What are you up to? Where can people go see you? You got any shows coming up in town or on the road? Yes. I run a monthly show called Fresh Hair Comedy behind a barbershop. It's outside.

It's in Echo Park. It's really great. You should all come and do it. We would love to. I would love it. We've never asked that before, but yeah. Oh, okay. Does October work for you

yes so it's a monthly but it's super great and worth it's very COVID compliant which I like to push outside it's outside

but we also like take temps and do the whole shit nice good it's important it is to me

and I like to make the comedians feel fully comfortable sure and then the audience too better comedy totally and it's BYOB

if anyone comes great what else BYOB if anyone comes. Great. What else? BYOB, bring your own Viagra. Yes. BYOB. I'm going to put that on the flyer. BYOB, you have to.

Vagina, Viagra. I mean, it can really be interpreted. Did you say stop? No, just to these two. It's not you. Don't dare bring up vagina. You continue. We have to stop. We have a long going rapport. These two. It's not you. Don't dare bring up the job now. You continue.

We have to stop. We have a long going rapport. And you can just follow me on Instagram to see what's coming next. I have a couple shows tonight, tomorrow night. Nate, Nate Guder. Yeah. I love it. You're great. Hit it.

All right, Dan, tell us how many. Wait, do you guys want to remind people of it? Oh, yes, yes. Our Patreon guys, we're doing new episodes of Cheap Seats. It's the first time in 15 years. Do you guys think you'll eventually start working in old characters? Let's say Glazer's in town and he's like, I got an hour. Maybe,

except the way we have to shoot it is... I don't know. We'll see. Maybe. If we can get him to self-shoot something. Yeah, maybe we can get him to self-shoot. I just want you to go all the way. We need a budget to do this. It's very DIY. But you have the most important thing, friends at Viagra. I know.

Cheaper seats. Friends at Viagra. So this is cheaper seats and it's only available on our Patreon. And we've been steadily growing the Patreon. I mean, I would love to see a bunch of you people. It's only five bucks. Five bucks a month.

You get a new episode and new interviews. Patreon pods and all sorts of fun stuff. And as far as me, danielvancurk.com. This will, I think, drop after I was at High Plains. But the tour is being pushed till the spring in the meantime hollowingo costume contest bingo and help animals and kids and hungry people

um you can land on a free space if you want that free space you gotta tell a secret that's october 27th plus i do movie club we're watching a horror movie i think we might do the baba duke i haven't decided yet if i already have decided i changed my mind um and then yeah all that stuff is out there. And join our Patreon.

I have one as well. It's five bucks. Okay, here we go. I do not have a Patreon. Here we go. I'm gonna get one. What did you say? Pills and days? Oh, fuck. Sorry. I keep swearing. No one gives a shit. A Viagra. A Viagra in a day and a half. Jay, you said

I said 14 Viagra and I said three days. I said 20 Viagra A Viagra In a day and a half Day and a half Jay you said I said 14 Viagra And I said 3 days I said 20 Viagra And 5 days Okay Now I could be wrong I have no idea I feel like he might have

Maybe The amount of pills None of us is exactly right Or else he would have told us The amount of pills That Daniel Medforth took To impress his friends Now I think it's like 40.

50. He's dead. 35. Oh my God. 35. I was right to go up the ladder. Can I say this? That's too long of a time to be taking pills.

Oh my God. Just the amount of- 35 of anything. You're at least doing that in four chunks. You can't do- 35 Tic Tacs and you'll have an erection for a week. 17 and 18 pills if you split it in half. You can't do... 35 Tic Tacs and you'll have an erection for a week. 17 and 18 pills if you split it in half.

You can't do that. What? I think that's just a waste. You would choke trying to swallow that. You're at least going three at a time. So you did that

10 times? 11 times. Are these people rich? Yeah. Are they just like, you know what would be so funny, mate? I know.

If we took this high in Viagra. That's what I mean. Wow. That's pounds. Pounds. 35 pills. Is it the real in Viagra. That's what I mean. Wow. Pounds. 35 pills. Is it the real brand Viagra? I just need to know about their finances.

We're not going to see Alice. Is it Metrix? Okay. Mexican Viagra. 35. All right. What were the days? She said a day and a half.

Day and a half. I know that one. I said three. Three, five. Okay. One of you is exactly right. So now we get to play the game. Who do you think is exactly right?

And for everybody on Zoom, all of our Patreon people playing along, put them in the chat. I hope you already put your numbers. Now put who you think is exactly right. Renee, is it one and a half, three, or five? I think it's three. Okay. I think it's me.

I think it's me. Okay. Thank you for having confidence in me. For people with their scorecards at home, you need to move Renee to three for this answer. Get your answers in. Side hole up next to

who you believe because the amount of days that this idiot had an erection after 35 Viagra. After 35 Viagra. He's rich. Is five days. I should rich. Is five days. Oh! I should have went with five days.

Five days. A whole work week, Dan. That is. Yeah, I mean. That's how long he went, guys, before he went to the hospital. That's terrifying. No, no, no, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So they knew like it's never going to go down. Medforth told the son, quote, I ended up feeling sick, dizzy, and hallucinating. Yeah, because all your blood is in your balls.

Everything I saw was green. I don't even know. What is that? But at that point, yes, and I had a massive erection that would not go away.

Now, let's not say, you had an erection. We'll be the judge of if it was massive. I want to see a picture. Pictures or it didn't happen, bro. Exactly.

I want an unsolicited massive Viagra. I know. Just kidding. Now you know how Sting feels, brother. Quote, it wasn't a permanent erection, but every time I brushed against something for five days, it sprang to life. Stop brushing. Stop brushing.

Stop brushing. Stop brushing your teeth. Don't even brush your teeth. That's right. Don't brush your teeth. You got right. Don't brush your teeth. Sit in a pool. Just real quick, can I just You can reel along. You're a reel along. Whatever you want.

Listen, how often are you accidentally brushing your dick against something? Not a lot. Very rarely. Unless you're like a good songs on and you want to kick a girl out of rhythm at a club. Or you're in a tight subway and you're like, I just know.

It's that massive that this guy's like accidentally. But he said it was not. I would say almost never. I would say hardly ever. So occasionally. So this guy's making a bigger deal out of nothing. One of the reasons why is because if you are a dude who's randomly coming into contact with your general, you're going to hurt yourself a lot.

It's not a five-day erection. I'm sorry. It's not a five-day erection. You kind of learn. I'm sorry. It's not a five-day erection. No, he said he didn't have it for five. He said it was off and on. For five. I don't like him. I don't like him.

Trigger dick. Okay. That's what he had. There you go. Trigger dick. It wasn't a permanent erection. I eventually confessed what I had done to my wife, and she called an ambulance,

which turned out to be a good move. Until I started rubbing up against it. So now we know about their sex life. The paramedics, right? Five days. Five days? Five days. You don't know.

Five days. Five days you're not tapping in. She's like, well, he's like, I've got to go to the hospital. He's like, let's wait a couple more days. She's like, I got to get everything I can out of this old fart. The paramedics were very professional, but you could see they were trying not to laugh. The plastererer that is what daniel does i guess the plaster from witherness withern see in yorkshire withern see in yorkshire

is the most british thing anyone has ever said ever was kept in the hospital for how long how long now he's already gone five days and 35 pills but how long how long were they like you missing work for this dumb fucking thing right just came in the house was showing him pictures of margaret thatcher and you're like well that might do it for you they had to detox him right something had to happen when he got there sure he had to tell the story he had to keep being like i I'm sorry, the point. Yeah, yeah. And then they probably had to drink milk or something. It was a magical

beverage. I say he got there, he stayed for three days, but he got booted on the third. So you're saying they kept him in the hospital for three days? For three days. I think they had to detox him.

I wonder if he called his penis Fawlty Tower. Ask our brother. Thumbs up. Thank you. I'm going to say seven days. He was there for a week. I'm going to say he discharged after five days and left after six. Are you going six or are you going to be a goofy?

I'm going to be a goofy. Okay. He's a little silly. He was kept in the hospital for, get your answers in now, wherever you are, especially if you're one of our Patreon members on this Zoom with us. I'm so scared. He got discharged from the hospital. Yes.

He was in for a day and a half. Oh, you should have got that. I thought you double dip on a day and a half. I'm going to tell you something. I almost said day and a half. You should have. I felt it. I felt it. I almost said day and a half. You should have. I felt it. I watched enough Grey's Anatomy to know.

You felt it in your phantom. This would totally be a Grey's Anatomy story. Totally a Grey's Anatomy story. I think it was, actually. Was it? I got to say yes. I'll look back into the archives. It has to be.

Day and a half. I danced around it. Before returning home. The doctors and nurses told me off. Fortunately, my wife has forgiven me and I realize I have been very, very lucky. Naughty. Even after being released from the hospital, his fortunes took a while

to change. He was forced to stay in bed for not, they wrote this, not me, but not for the reasons he had in mind when he took the pills, which also is true. He took them to impress his friends. He wasn't trying to have sex. He was not trying to have sex with his wife. His wife was not even part of the equation. Exactly. It's not like he went straight home and was like, honey.

I know. Let's do it. She should be in the hospital, too, if that's the case. Our friend in New York, La Asasina, who sent this to us. This is an older story. It's from 2017. It's fine. So there's a follow-up? No. I just want to say, at the time of it printing, so go back six years.

This is before COVID, guys. How old? Six years. Four years. How old is Daniel Medforth? In 2017? Yes, in 2017. Do you want to go now?

We can go now. Let's go now. I did the math. Four years. I did the math. Did you add six? Why? 2017 till now?

Because it was older in the other thing as well. Okay, great. So you had six. I believe. So how old is he? Yeah, what do you think? No, let's go with how old he was then, because I know that for sure, in case I'm wrong on the dates.

He was 34. 34 years old. Jay, 44. 44 from Jason Sklar. 61. 61. This is a guy with nothing left to live for. Right.

Nothing left to live for. Kids are out of the house. He wants to see how many pills he can take. He's monster balling it just make him feel something I'm gonna keep that kite in the sky I think he's a young dad

who got married too young had a kid too young and was like I need to feel and I can't just fuck a chick still monster's ball yeah

there you go okay what a scene Daniel got that Oscar Daniel Medforth we will get out of here on this

we will end our live mini for our Patreon members and the mini episode for our Friday episode for everybody who's listening and then for our Patreon fans we will have a great story

if you're ever in LA Renee does shows all the time you should go see her she's also on the road you might catch her in Chicago and that's a good time hello

at Nene Gooder okay ready Daniel Medforth Medforth is at the time of this, 36 years old. You are right! Renee! I should have said 37.

I would have been closer. 34 is good. 34 is amazing. You win. All right, 34-year-olds. Guys, just be careful with what you put in your bodies with regards to your- Never do too much of anything. I don't care if it's cardio or pancakes.

Or cardio pancakes or Viagra. Don't do too much of it because you're going to end up like this guy. And that is the show, guys. That is it. Holy shit. We got to get back to work. We love you guys. We're out.

Boom. Stick around. Make a sound. Hunker down. It's Dumb People Town. Star Bands Audio. A podcast network.