Dumb People Town - Rick Glassman - Cheeky Thief

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

Rick Glassman visits town to hear a story of a man who tries to tries to steal a musical instrument. In the second story, a bunch of old TVs are discovered on a doorbell camera. In the third story a m...an prepares to turn himself into jail.  

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Star Pains, I know. Hey, Tatties, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population. Population Glassman. Rick Glassman. R-G. R to the G. Is that what it is? I don't know how we say it.
Starting point is 00:00:50 That's the succession rap. Welcome to the show, brother. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to have you on. We've hung out before. I've been a fan of your work. We judged the roast battle. Judged the roast battle together.
Starting point is 00:01:01 Remember that? I do. There was something that, and I don't just want anybody to forget, before we started, there was a setup where you guys were ribbing each other, and then I said that I don't want to be in the middle of it, but it looks like I'm forced to. Too late! Third base! Third base!
Starting point is 00:01:17 Too late. You are in the middle of everything, and I'm so happy you're here. I think you are uniquely designed to rock this podcast as we delve into the world of the dumb, which is our world. He's trying to win Curry your favor because you are in between us. Jay, he's on my side. Don't even think that he's on your side. He's technically on my side, too. So the world's getting dumber.
Starting point is 00:01:36 I don't know if you believe that. Unfortunately, especially with this presidency. Folks! World getting dumber. That's a new take. I have not heard that at all. Yeah. Wait, you're down on this guy?
Starting point is 00:01:47 What the fuck? What's his problem? Why the? So the world's getting dumber and we have to fight back. That's a new take. It is. So we have to get, we get these great stories sent to us by our fans and then we try. Dumb people doing dumb things.
Starting point is 00:01:58 We try to understand their behavior. The only way to fight back is comedy. Daniel Van Kirk, how are you? I'm good. How are your friends? Should we jump into one? Let's do one. I haven't seen Rick since we went to a mutual game night that was two years ago mgn yeah a mutual
Starting point is 00:02:11 game night a lot of mafia rick was very good at the game thank you so much yeah you're you're good at deceiving and pleading your case you're good on both ends i grew up with a jewish mother that doesn't even make sense it wasn't his mother it was just a jewish mother who he grew up with a Jewish mother. That joke doesn't even make sense. That's a show. It wasn't his mother. It was just a Jewish mother who he grew up with. A Jewish mother doesn't even signify differences. You guys want to do a story? Let's do it. Okay, ready?
Starting point is 00:02:33 Sent in by Jared Miller at Jradimus, R-A-D-I-M-U-S. Jradimus. Thank you, Jared Miller. Thanks, Jared. I'm going to read you the headline because it just gets more fun from there. Thief tries to steal flute by sticking it down the back of his pants. Now
Starting point is 00:02:49 you think that could work. What is the term when they say to do to do to do to do? What is the term pole playing the flesh flute? Is that was that a thing that people giving a blowjob? Is it playing the flute sixth grade?
Starting point is 00:03:05 If you're like saying terms for things you don't know how they work. You go play the flesh flute? You play a mean flesh flute. I think it's blowing the flesh flute. I think that was right. Are you thinking of the rusty trombone? No, that's... I don't know.
Starting point is 00:03:17 No, you know what that is. A rusty trombone. Yeah, that's when you play the trombone and you leave it out in the rain and then someone fucks you and they... Oh, wait a second. It isn't that either. That's when you play the trombone and you leave it out in the rain and then someone fucks you and they... Oh, wait a second. It isn't that either. That's not it. I am not aware.
Starting point is 00:03:30 So he put the flute in the back of his pants. Sure. So far, it checks. Janesville, Wisconsin. Okay. WMTV. Can I say this? So I went to go see the band Whitney, our buddies in the band Whitney, at the Wiltern.
Starting point is 00:03:42 And opening up for them was a band called La La La La. It was a wonderful woman and the lead guitarist, another woman, stopped playing guitar for one song, pulled out a flute and played a flute solo. And as soon as she started playing the flute, the crowd went wild. Like, people go wild for the flute. Is it because they were fired for the flute
Starting point is 00:04:04 or is it she's known for pulling out a flute and this is her time? She stole the flute and had it in the back of her pants. She pulled it out of the back of her pants. Much like me playing piano man at the karaoke bar. You were amazing, Dan. I just had a harmonica. Dan brought a harmonica to a karaoke. I have a harmonica with me at all times. Do you really?
Starting point is 00:04:20 Right now? Yeah. Are you good? No. Do you really have one with you? Yeah, 100%. Get it. Get it right now. Get it right now. He will. He will. This is the one time I forgot my bag.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Oh, yeah. I swear to God. It's in my Toronto Blue Jays fanny pack. Okay. Where is it? Is that in the other room? I shouldn't have left that out there. By the way, Dan is from Chicago.
Starting point is 00:04:38 Rebecca might go get it. He's not a Blue Jays fan. He's on the little black table out there, maybe in a trailer. Howdy, hey. Okay. Baby, don't you want to go? little... Just on the little black table out there, or maybe in a trailer. Out of hay. Okay. Oh, baby, don't you want to go... People went nuts for the... Not good at it.
Starting point is 00:04:48 People went nuts for the flute, which led me to believe that maybe the flute is more coveted than we thought, as far as an instrument. And that's why someone would steal it? Yeah. I'm trying to ask, like, what type of a person would want to steal a flute?
Starting point is 00:05:00 I do think, per pound, the flute is one of the more expensive instruments. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's a light, little, easy thing that is probably,
Starting point is 00:05:09 and I don't know for sure, but I imagine a good flute is probably somewhere between $800 and $2,000. What? A good flute. Jay, look up on Amazon if it's a recorder
Starting point is 00:05:17 or a piano flute. Look what I have. What does a good flute cost? Dan, get in. You guys want to know something about traveling? Play a little piano. It's difficult to travel
Starting point is 00:05:24 with a harmonica. Why? Because people think it's a weapon? They think it's a mag. A razor blade. A magazine. And so I have to take it out every single time I travel. Dan, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Stop talking and start playing. I'm not good, guys. A little, Dan. A little of piano man. How about that? No, a little of piano man. I don't know it. It's not good.
Starting point is 00:05:47 You're bringing this with you everywhere. You travel with it. You can't play one thing. How did you know it? Because I had drunk confidence. All right. Tell these people how good was that. In New York, after we did the live Dumb People Town at the Bell House.
Starting point is 00:06:01 That was so good. We went to Sing Sing. Was it called Sing sing sing sing singing someone who plays harmonica is listening to this i mean like they hate me i get it on the lower east side and dan did piano man and pulled out his own harmonica and like the crowd went wild not as wild as they went to when the girl played the flute all right so i have i have a game to play guess how much guess how much a good flute and I've looked at a couple. You don't think that this would actually come up in the story we're doing about a stolen flute?
Starting point is 00:06:30 Do you want me to not do this? Don't say it. No, go ahead. No. Should we wait? No, go ahead. Let's do it. What do you think a good flute runs you?
Starting point is 00:06:37 He already said. Well, based on you thinking this would be a good game, instead of saying you were spot on, I realize I'm off. Well, you don't know. What did you say? I said between $800 to $2,000. So just throw your guess in. There, $1,800. $1,800. What do you got, Rand? $750.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Do you want me to guess based off of me reading the story? Because I think it's a good flute in the story. Just guess a number, man. $500. Get your answers in, Townies, because a good flute goes for $468. Yeah! Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:06 Also, I kind of cheated. Okay. Go. All right. Go. All right. On Amazon. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:11 I said $750. There we go. Jamesville, Wisconsin. WMTV. WMTV. That's not a real thing. It is. I like the way you did it like Paul Giamatti before.
Starting point is 00:07:20 Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. I want my WMTV. Thank you. I appreciate that. I want my WMTV. A would-be shoplifter used a rather strange tactic in an attempt make-off with some merchandise, and it was all caught on camera.
Starting point is 00:07:34 That is a horribly written sentence. I'll also say there's a little bias in there to call an attempted while saying almost made-off with. Right. Like, it's just letting us know beforehand, this did not go well for the flute theme. Surveillance video at Voight Music Center. John's got his own place. Shout out to Voight. In downtown Janesville. Been there many
Starting point is 00:07:54 times. You have not. Yes, I have. It's on the way to the cabin. You cut right through, like, there's a Harley Davidson dealership and a Hooters. My car broke down in Janesville. A Harley Davidson and a Hooters should always car broke down in January. Actually, Grandma's car broke down in January. A Harley Davidson and a Hooters should all... That's like the Domino's and Taco Bell. That should all be connected.
Starting point is 00:08:11 Yeah, that's a combo. Also, if you're going to break down and you have to be somewhere where you get to say, I don't want to be here, unfortunately, I'm looking at Harleys. I'm looking at tits. 100%. Ride a hog and then go be a pig. Look at you. That's really good. We'll be a pig. Look at you. That was good.
Starting point is 00:08:25 That's really good. We'll be right back. Harleys and Hoosiers. I just got a knowing nod from Rebecca Steinberg. Surveillance video at Voight Music Center in downtown Janesville caught the cheeky thief in the act. Stop it. In the video, you can see the man has a massive flute down his pants and running up his back.
Starting point is 00:08:43 That was the shocking part, I thought. I couldn't help but laugh about it, said Tony Farrell. Farrell says on Friday, a man milled about the store a bit before zeroing in on the flute. He took it right off the wall and walked over there with it in his hand, said Farrell.
Starting point is 00:09:00 Walked over there. Could you be less descriptive? Also, no... Well, where do you walk? Is there a picture maybe? We're going to get it. No music instrument store is so busy that they aren't going to see you steal an instrument.
Starting point is 00:09:14 To me, the flute should be in the front and those should be impulse buys on your way out the door. Yeah. You're saying you're buying your drum kit and you're looking over like, this is less than 500 bucks. I'm going to get... I'm almost out of the door.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Let me get a pack of gum and a flute. Your kids are like, can I get a flute? You guys want a piccolo? We'll throw in a piccolo too. Is piccolo smaller than flute or bigger than flute? Piccolo is smaller than flute. I also feel, because I don't think you guys realize, Voight Music Store is fucking packed.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Constantly. Just besieged by customers. There's one person in there being like, can I get new strings? That's all that's happening. You know our music story,
Starting point is 00:09:51 right? What? When we played Jay and I played. Oh my God. We did Suzuki violin in third grade, shared a violin,
Starting point is 00:09:58 rented a violin from a music store. Mississippi, you know all that stuff. Terrible. We were the worst. We were terrible and our teacher was like, you guys are awful.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Although, can I say to you, that is the pro-est move of all. Forget the flute. Forget me and my harmonica. If somebody whips out a fiddle violin deal during The Devil Went Down to Georgia. That's amazing. Everyone leaves. Pro move. Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:19 That's the biggest pro move. So we should do The Devil Went Down to Georgia. We have to do that on karaoke next time. Anyway, Jay and I were playing, Rick, and our teacher was like, you guys suck. You're terrible. But she never really looked at what we were doing. No, she just kind of said it.
Starting point is 00:10:33 Because it wasn't just the two of us. She's like, someone sounds bad over there. And was pointing at us. I think we need to explain this. We did this in school. So there were like 20 kids playing the violin. So it wasn't just private lessons with someone. So no one's really paying that much attention.
Starting point is 00:10:44 We go to return the violin six weeks after this course, or six months, or whatever. It was in the spring, after the year. We turned it in back to the store, and the store was like, this only has three strings on it. So you didn't even know that you were playing a violin that wasn't a violin. There wasn't enough strings on it.
Starting point is 00:11:01 That's how good the instruction was. Sometimes it's the instrument. I don't have it. I want to pitch it. Maybe one of you guys could make this for me. Is there something to you guys returning this violin, which is nice. You don't have to buy it. It's not a commitment. Where there's something involved where there's no strings attached. We don't have to answer it now,
Starting point is 00:11:17 but if you think of something, I'd love to hear it. One string not attached. No string attached. Shout out to Voight. He went right behind where a camera is and put it down the back of his pants. It was just so ridiculous. I just would not expect someone to be so stupid that they would hide something right in front of a security camera.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Are you guys ready to watch this video? How often... Piccolo's smaller than a flute, by the way. By the way, how often and how much do you have to clean? Depends on how you use it. That's right. It's not the size of the piccolo. It's the motion of the flute.
Starting point is 00:11:48 And I'm sorry, go ahead. How much do they have to clean this thing? All right, ready? Okay, look at him. Yeah, there he goes. He's wearing a jacket. Okay, and the flute's in the... Look at how bad he is at hiding he has a flute.
Starting point is 00:12:01 And he's walking around like he owns the place. You don't own Voight. And by the way, he's walking around looking at other items. It's comical how he's stolen it. I mean, by the way, you have a cry for help. He has a jacket and it's still not over it. He looks like the kind of guy that waits like extra long after like a live Dan Harmon show just to talk to Dan about a lot of things. And his first question is,
Starting point is 00:12:25 do you like my jacket? Yeah. Is there a world where we find out that is Voight and you just wanted to get on the podcast? I hope so. I would endorse that move. That is the type of a leather coat that they don't make anymore.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Have you guys ever stolen anything? Have you guys ever stolen something? They stole from the gas station. We stole from the gas station. And yes, we used to steal bulk food from a supermarket when we were in Israel. Oh, in Israel. You guys got caught. Busted. Guy walked behind us.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Have you ever stolen anything? When I was very young. I've stolen twice. What were they? Once was 50 bucks from my dad, but I gave it back the next day. I was like nine. I wanted a Game Boy. Yeah. And then the second time
Starting point is 00:13:06 was at camp. Do you remember those bottles of glass you put sand in and then you put sticks in and it makes sand art? Yeah. So my mom's coming to pick me up and I saw that sitting there and I took it and I got in the car and I showed it to my mom and my grandma and they couldn't believe how good of a job I did. And then
Starting point is 00:13:22 it wasn't just the stealing. It was that they thought I did something good that I didn't do. So you stole the accolades. I stole the accolades. And I didn't return the sand, but I did return the accolades by the time I got home, and I never stole again. You said... Beautiful. Until you stole the 50 bucks.
Starting point is 00:13:37 No, the 50 was first. First, okay. And I returned it, and I thought, you know what? I got to give the stealing thing another try. Exactly. I got to hold on to it. And then you played the song Shaggy, It Wasn't Me. And they asked, did you really make this? Yes. Farrell's mother, who also works at the store, so these two are running Voight, confronted the
Starting point is 00:13:55 would-be thief before he could walk out the door. That guy's mother? No, not the thief's mother, but the guy who's giving all the quotes. The guy who works here. And his mother both. Tony Farrell. Tony Farrell. Who works at the Voight with his mom. They must own the store. Hey, what you got? Dan, how did they approach you? Because you know how this goes.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Yeah, what did they say? Hey, where you going? Hey, where you going there? What you doing today? I'm leaving. No. No, you're not. No, you're not.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Come here for a sec. Okay. That's how they do. They would walk over to you. Okay. Okay. Hey, can I check out what's in your pants? No, I got to get on. not no you're not come here for a sec okay that's how they do they would walk over to you okay okay hey can i uh check out what's in your pants no i gotta get on i gotta get back on the road no no no when he got caught uh another thief who just made their way out pulled the little
Starting point is 00:14:37 violin out of her pocket and uh oh fuck i don't like that joke i'm so mad okay bail on it play the tiniest violin in the world i forgot to. Bail on it. Play the tiniest violin in the world. Play the tiniest violin. I forgot to say tiniest. I just said little. I'm going to play the tiniest violin for that joke. My sympathy that you pulled that joke at. Farrell's mother, who also works at the store, caught the thief before he would walk out the door. She asked him what he had in his pants.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Here's what he said back to her. Quote. Can we guess? A puma that you can't handle? Yeah, I'd like to hear your guesses, if you don't mind. 6,000 pounds. A raging case of herpes. 6,000 pounds of steel.
Starting point is 00:15:07 Quote, I got a flute, and that's where I keep my flutes. I got a flute. Hey, what's in your pants? I got a flute, and that's where I keep my flutes. That's where I keep my flutes. That's where I keep my flutes. Is this a Bruce McCullough character? Yeah. I got a flute. This kid a Bruce McCullough character? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:25 I got a flute. This kid, he got a flute in his pants. And he keeps his flutes there. Farrell, Tony Farrell, recalled that that is what the man told his mom. Quote, and so she pulled it out of his pants, and she said, you keep your flute with your tag on it
Starting point is 00:15:41 in the back of your pants? I love that she's trying to bust him. No, no, no. But she could have easily just right away been like, give us that flute back. Keep your flute with your tag on it in the back of your pants? I love that she's trying to bust him. No, no, no. But she could have easily just right away been like, give us that flute back. But instead, she wants to make a mom lesson out of this thing. She wants to hang. Maybe she's also not sure.
Starting point is 00:15:59 Maybe she's like, okay, something doesn't add up here. But let's see. She's too confident. Do you have a reason to tell me why the tag? Maybe you have a reason the tag's out. I got plenty of reasons. She's sleuthing right now. I'm waiting for my check, do you have a reason to tell me why the tag? Maybe you have a reason the tag's on. I got plenty of reasons. She's sleuthing right now. I'm waiting for my check, and I wanted a flute. It's already mine.
Starting point is 00:16:10 Well, where do you keep your flute? In my pad pocket, which is my button. Oh, okay. That's not a pocket, sir. There's a crack for it. The man, this is what I love, the man made small talk and then calmly walked out the front door. Okay, then, good to see you.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Weather's been kind of weird lately, hasn't it? Did he hand the flute back? She already took it. She pulled it out of his flute pocket. So he didn't get arrested? No. He got away empty-handed, but now Tony Farrell now has a soiled glute flute on his hands. That's ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:16:39 Quote, I wasn't sure what to do with the flute. I didn't feel good about anyone ever having to touch it again. It just touched a man's butt. Does this guy not know what disinfected is? He farted the flute solo to Going Up the Country. There he goes. I didn't feel good about anyone having to touch it again. I couldn't in good conscience
Starting point is 00:16:58 let anyone ever put their lips on that instrument at any time. We had to put the flute down. We took it out in the back and put it down. That's when Farrell got a bright idea. Quote, hey, what the heck? Let's make something good out of it. Conversation piece. He turned the instrument into a beautiful lamp.
Starting point is 00:17:16 This is a flute that costs $500. Turn it into a lamp? Turn it into a lamp. What does that mean? You put like a wire through the flute? I have no idea. Do we have a picture of the lamp? Nope.
Starting point is 00:17:25 It's kind of a reminder to people that maybe you should think twice before you steal from a small business. Maybe that's farting. Hey, you know what? Playing that song. That was a bright idea. He farted this. Just picture what guy with his eyes closed pushing for two minutes.
Starting point is 00:17:48 Every six years, this gets used in a new car ad. Yes. Every six years. Yes. Yes. Yes. We'll cut to a clip. We're here to celebrate something that happened.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Are you trying to do a live version of it? Yeah. Stop. Everybody listen up. If you guys are selling beer in the back there, make sure you take care of the art store. Thanks for coming right into the So glad everybody came into our tent. Hey, this is a country
Starting point is 00:18:11 fair, so rules are you don't have to watch our show. Just please keep the talking down. That's good. Go out of the country. Think twice before you steal from a small business. Tony Farrell thinks he solved the problem. He just ruined his own small business.
Starting point is 00:18:27 He lost it. He sold this for half price. Unless he sells the lamp for $2,000, back to this guy. I think you have. That's what I always thought a flute did go for. $2,000. $2,000. I say, I mean, if you're going to clean that, it's got to sit in OxyClean for three days.
Starting point is 00:18:41 I don't think it's that big of a deal. It was just against his ass. I don't have an instrument. I haven't put up my ass yet. Hang on a second. You play the tuba. I don't think it's that big of a deal. It was just against his ass. I don't have an instrument. I haven't put up my ass yet. Hang on a second. You play the tuba. I don't have an instrument. I know for a fact you play the tuba.
Starting point is 00:18:50 This is a trombone callback. Wait a second. Rusty trombone. We've had lots of dumb criminals before that have gotten caught doing stupid things, but this is the best. To call this guy a criminal is an insult to criminals. It's an insult to crime. You cannot call this guy a criminal.
Starting point is 00:19:04 This guy's not a criminal. No. This guy did not know. He You cannot call this guy a criminal. This guy's not a criminal. No. This guy did not know. He was dumb. He's a guy who thought he could pull a move. If you've had lots of criminals before, and this constantly happens, it seemed very easy for him to do it until he walked away. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:16 Maybe fool me once. Shame on me. Yeah, fool me twice. Shame on the flute. No, shame on you. Shame on you. Haven't you heard that before? I said shame on the flute.
Starting point is 00:19:25 Also, maybe stop letting them go. Well, Dan, how about this? How is there more security for Gillette razor refills than there are on the flute? Yeah. Jay is saying the flute should be behind the case. Put the flute in a glass that a guy. It makes a noise whenever you open it. Brian McFadden.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Brian McFadden. I need the key. This is a joke that people know. He used to do a bit about how when. Brian McFadden. Brian McFadden. I need the key. This is a joke that people know. He used to do a bit about how like when- Brian McFadden. Brian McFadden. The bit was that when you go to the supermarket and the guy doesn't, they can't figure out what you're doing with the items and then all of a sudden they need to open the thing
Starting point is 00:19:58 and they're like, I need the key. Is he Jewish? No. He was like, and then Gozar, this mysterious, ethereal figure. Gozar the key. Is he Jewish? No. He was like, and then Gozar, this mysterious, ethereal figure. Gozar the keymaster. It's such a 1980s comedy cadence. I like it.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Gozar the keymaster. So that's what they need. They need to put the flutes in a case with a key. If you want them, you need to talk to my mother. So what Jason is saying is... I love it. What Jason is saying
Starting point is 00:20:30 is that if you... Rick Glassman is between us. Listen, Rick will agree with me. If you do not put your flutes behind glass, behind the front counter, they will be up someone's ass. That's a good rule. Put them behind counter. They will be up someone's ass. That's a good rule.
Starting point is 00:20:47 Put them behind glass or they're going up someone's ass. We'll get out of here on this. Tony Farrell says the flute is worth $500, but he's not planning on selling the lamp. So you just wanted an excuse to make a lamp. Hey, making a lamp. That's a pretty bright idea. Thank you. Folks. Flute lamp.
Starting point is 00:20:59 Flute lamp. Second time he did the joke, better response the second time. Because he committed to it more. All right. There you go. First story down in the books. When we come back, we're going to talk about Rick's podcast and his YouTube channel, Take Your Shoes Off. Just do it now, and then we'll explain it later.
Starting point is 00:21:12 It's Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make it sound. Four more. Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT.
Starting point is 00:21:24 That's Dumb People Town, and our guest is Rick Glassman. He's got a great new podcast. It's called Take Your Shoes Off. You were kind of explaining to us what that comes from. How in the world are we coming up with this idea of taking your shoes off? What does it mean and why? It is about Japanese culture, right? I'm really put on the spot here.
Starting point is 00:21:41 It isn't about Japanese culture. We reference Japanese culture in every episode a little bit. Thank you. So it's called Take Your Shoes Off. Thanks for asking. As a child, I had a pretty severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. Which made you do what? Steal. Tapping.
Starting point is 00:21:58 A lot of tapping. If somebody would touch me, I'd have to touch them back. If I went around a pole, I'd have to go around the other way. Putting my socks on took like four or five minutes every time and had to fit right. A myriad of other things. It's amazing. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Actually, so much. Yeah. So as I've gotten older, things have gotten better. But still in my house, I have a lot of control issues. So when I leave my house, it's easy. When I'm home, I have a lot of things. So unfortunately, I don't really have people come over too much. I'm trying to get past that.
Starting point is 00:22:29 And also, I wanted to start a podcast. And I thought a little immersion therapy. And also, it makes it fun for me. Let me invite people in. I say take your shoes off because that's an easy one. It makes it feel like I'm saying, make yourself comfortable. But it's really like, this is one of my million things. Take them off because dirt will come in my house.
Starting point is 00:22:45 Yes. It's a dirt thing. It's a, yeah. It's just an unsettling. It's not just dirt. It's unsettling. It's just like- Bring the outside in.
Starting point is 00:22:54 That's it. Like, even my clothes right now, these are now, they were washed. These are now outside clothes. So when I go home, I take these off. And I put them, I don't put them in the washer yet, because they're not dirty. I put them on when I leave the house again. They're in closed purgatory. Unfortunately, they're in closed, and I don't have a closed purgatory closet.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Can we please make a CPC? We need a closed purgatory closet right now. That's what, when I, I would love to have a house where I have a CPC. That being said. You need a mudroom and a closet in the mudroom. Yeah. Okay. I got you.
Starting point is 00:23:21 I got you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because of what's going on. And I i by the way clothes are almost like a body jacket my clothes are a body jacket a body jacket that you put on when you go back out and love body jacket thank you great movie this is it's like your iron man jacket yeah this is an iron man outfit yeah yeah i although i yeah i guess my special power is not having to go don't touch me. Well, that was Iron Man's too.
Starting point is 00:23:46 I don't know if you've seen it. I haven't seen it yet. Do you get into these issues with your guests? Do you get into this stuff with your guests or is it just a regular conversation but you're managing your own anxiety? It depends on the guest. A lot of times it kind of happens organically because when people sit down and the things they're doing, I have to like – and it's nice because it's something that I would either hide or do, but be shameful for, or have to develop some type of bit to overcompensate how I explain to
Starting point is 00:24:09 somebody. But when they sit down not to put the coffee there to do this or blah, blah, blah, blah. It's great. So it kind of organically comes up. And when people who have obsessive compulsive disorder or something that they can relate to come on, that ends up being. That's what they talk about.
Starting point is 00:24:21 This is fascinating. Love it. I mean, I, and it all, I have to say all of the things that you the the reasons why you do you're doing what you're doing or this affects your life all makes sense to me because the world is a dirty place and there are germs and stuff like i make sense i'm not i want to feed into your ocd but like yeah it is it all makes sense that's what makes it tough because with a lot of anxiety uh disorders it's it's it's uh it's it feels intuitive it's like this this is the feeling even though logically i know this doesn't make sense i have to keep tapping this or whatever no i but logically there's still like i
Starting point is 00:24:53 had like listen man i get that i'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is but like you're stepping on on poop man yeah well it's and and just there is for the rest of the poop that's in your apartment right in the but when you walk in in just a mile yes yeah rest of the poop that's in your apartment. Right. And the, but when you walk in, it was just a mile. Well, but the idea that like for the rest of us, we're like, Oh, we can just look past it or we just don't think about it.
Starting point is 00:25:12 No, I think the general, is it? I think the general population puts the rug down over the, the figurative rug over all of the messiness and just ignores it. I think someone who has OCD or is obsessed with it is constantly pulling the rug
Starting point is 00:25:29 up saying, this is what's going on everywhere and I know about it. What about your glasses? Thank you. I love your glasses, but I'm saying, are they where do they go? Are they a character in the show are you asking? Do they go in the... Space. Do they go in the... Outdoor? Outdoor, the purgatory room as well?
Starting point is 00:25:46 Yeah, my glasses do, and I'm not worried about that because nobody really touches them. The phone, however. Oh, my God. Shout out to phone soap. I don't know if this works. I saw it on Shark Tank. But every time I go home, it's like what you, like dentists use. I go home, I put it in, it's 10 minutes of ultraviolet, whatever.
Starting point is 00:26:01 And then it apparently gets rid of 99.9% of the germs. I love it. I'm in. But yeah. germs i love it i'm in but yeah i'm in but i i do want to say and we talked about it for a bit which is which is fun because i wanted to and thank you but i'm so happy with this both me having these conversations with people and the guests have been awesome i just had david wayne on back shepherd blake blake griffin i mean they're really cool guests but i'm having these people over and and i feel better like because i because the cameras are on me and I want to create this product.
Starting point is 00:26:27 I want to be funny and or free. Alright, we'll do it. You are getting the immersion part. I'm feeling better. I have a new girlfriend. It's the first person I've dated in two years. She lives in London so she was just here for six weeks living with me. She lived with you.
Starting point is 00:26:43 It was tough for a little bit and I don't want to waste time because that's not the theme of the podcast. But there were some tough moments of having her there. Sure, of course. And I just, having her there, but also really this podcast has helped me so much. I love it. Because I've been talking about it and having people over with their things. You're dealing with it. You're facing the fears.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Oh my God, this is beautiful. You guys are being real kind. Not at all. I think it's fascinating. I think it is super fascinating. In the same way that we face the fear. Take your shoes off. Our greatest fear, which is the dumb type of location of the world. Take your shoes off. Take your brain off. Hey, and check it out.
Starting point is 00:27:17 It's got a YouTube page too, right? Because your video is great. Big production, three cameras, lots of stuff. God damn it. And you have a jib too? I have a jib. That's amazing. It's a single shot. They're just up high up. I don't have anybody to operate it.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Yao Ming is working on it. Three drone flyovers in every podcast. I can't believe. It's so expensive. And a military flyover, just for no reason. Yeah, we always have to hold for sound. We never even use it. It's more of a hindrance than anything else.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Why am I still paying for it? M-O-A-H. All right, should we get into our second story? Yes. Let's do it. Let's do it. Here we go. Sent in by Jmelville at quack79.
Starting point is 00:27:52 This comes from 6abc.com. Henrico County, Virginia. Nearly a year after a Glen Allen neighborhood woke up to find dozens of vintage box television sets sitting on their front porch. Okay, that to me sounds awesome. Yeah, who's mad at this? It used to be pink flamingos. Yeah, the strange circumstance has happened again.
Starting point is 00:28:15 So people are waking up in this neighborhood with old school TVs just sitting on their porch. No one knows where they came from. What's the movie with the water? Jurassic Park? No, there's cups of water everywhere. It was an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Signs? Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Yes. Anyway, unrelated. Go on. I love that you called him Shyamalan. Did somebody say that? Did somebody say Jaws? Who said Jaws? I think you called him M. Night Shyamalan.
Starting point is 00:28:38 M. Night Shyamalan? The abyss? You know that M. Night Shyamalan in his movies I like there's a twist in every movie I love his movie The Fifth Sense
Starting point is 00:28:50 no it was he was dead the whole time who come back here Shyamalan Shyamalan was dead when he directed it
Starting point is 00:28:57 the whole time this is where I keep my flutes and my flute pads only this time the culprits who apparently dropped off the TVs, were
Starting point is 00:29:05 caught on several neighbors' doorbell cameras. The discoveries were made by families in the Hampshire neighborhood Sunday morning. So these aren't porch pirates. Mike Kroll, huh? They're not porch pirates. They're porch... What would you say they are? Porch givers?
Starting point is 00:29:21 Porch providers? Porch providers? Yeah. Thank you. Michael Kroll spotted a TV set on his doorstep when he went to let the dogs outside. Are you related to Nick Kroll? I know, every time. To me, this sounds like the other guys.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Diana? When I went to let the dogs that I rescued outside. Oh, you rescued dogs? Why is that relevant? Well, if you knew them, they more actually rescued me. Who rescued you? I mean, what? Anyway, the dogs that I rescued walked into the TV sets. You know, because I had to be really careful.
Starting point is 00:29:56 I need to let them out a lot, and I just give them an extra ornament. That is nowhere near what we need to talk about here. Well, they poop a lot because they give them all organic, natural food that I cook for them. If I'm not going to eat it, I'm not going to have my dog eat it. What do you not understand? So yeah, they went outside.
Starting point is 00:30:11 So you eat your dog's food. My dog eats my food. I want to make sure. I put an apnea train and re-acclimatize their stomachs to a natural society. Dogs are a lot better than regular human beings. I just care so much. It's really hard for me to not do it. Did you not have a TV on your porch? Yes, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:30:28 We're talking too much about the dog they rescued. Go ahead. Let's get back to that. They are so cute, by the way. I also foster a lot of them. Dogs spelled backwards is God. Anyway, go ahead. You know dog backwards is the only word that does spell God? What? Dog. Dog backwards is the only word that spells God backwards. Check, check.
Starting point is 00:30:43 Folks. I thought my son brought it home, but apparently not, Kroll said. I think it's just a prank. Kroll speculated bored college students may be responsible. They had way too much time on their hands if they had all these TVs to spread them in the neighborhood, Kroll said. Bored college students.
Starting point is 00:31:01 That's such a blanket statement. Because if you're in college and you have something to do. Board college students are doing Molly. They're not dropping TVs off at your house. Well, they're dropping something. You drop a tab. So I've been told. Michael Kroll said, I think it's funny in some ways, ellipses.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Now, if my whole front yard was covered with TVs, I'd get upset. Great. Really? Any other hypotheticals? Jim Brooksbank. This one seems to really be getting to you. This one's really bothering you. No, this guy. Jim Brooksbank. Jim Brooksbank has never gotten the
Starting point is 00:31:39 joke. Jim Brooksbank. I don't get it. Jim, I don't get it. Brooksbank. Jim Brooksbank. Jim Brooksbank coached don't get it. Jim, I don't get it. Brooksbank. Jim Brooksbank. Jim Brooksbank coached Little League well after his kids. Yeah. Jim Brooksbank wore a tie to coach Little League. Jim Brooksbank said he found an old tube
Starting point is 00:31:55 style 13 inch TV on his porch. It's sort of funny. He wants to be known as the TV Santa Claus. I don't know. So Brooksbank's already categorized this person. He's also trailing off like a 90s comedian. Also, could have been a woman. Let's not assign it to a he.
Starting point is 00:32:12 I agree with that. Jim, is there a woman Jim? I don't get it. Or are there women Jims? Oh no, he's saying the person who did it could have. Jim said that this guy wants to be like a Santa. I had dogs on the brain. I'm sorry. Assuming that it was a man. Could have been a Santa. I had dogs on the brain. I'm sorry. Assuming that it was a man.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Right. Could have been a woman. Michael Kroll stepping back in. Guys, I did rescue two dogs. I just want everyone to know that I- Both dogs are rescues. We get it. They were going to be euthanized the next day. One's an Italian cattle shepherd.
Starting point is 00:32:37 The other just tries to round us up every morning. Cannot let this happen. The other one is a Great Dane Chihuahua mix. Just letting you know. By the way, on the bright side, we did use these boxes for my foster cats. Just a little home for them to be in. I often foster cats as well, and then we'd send them out to people. Here's a video of the person leaving the TVs.
Starting point is 00:32:55 Look at this. Are they creeping? They have a TV on their head. Oh, my God. This is so cool. I love that. That's like a dope music video. By the way, what is this, a Daft Punk video?
Starting point is 00:33:07 Could you imagine if in real time you watched that happen? You'd be scared shitless. Okay, so the guy, by the way, they clearly were doing that knowing that they were videotaped. They were going to be videotaped. There is this chance, and a good one, that that's a very specific type of sleepwalking. Where they put the television on their head. Who are you, Mike Birbiglia? Look at Jim's Brooks Bank.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Oh, God. That is exactly who I think Jim's Brooks Bank is if Guy Fieri didn't cook. Brooks Bank is like, Trader Joe's stole that shirt from me. Or if he cooked more and didn't have a show because he wasn't eating out. Bam! Take it to Flavortown. No, John Daly looks like me. Brooks Bank wears a white t-shirt under everything.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Yeah, he looks like a Dan Aykroyd character, too. Guys, you have to see this. It's on the Facebook page. If you're not on the Facebook page, you're listening. Yeah, join the Facebook page and also join the Patreon. Those are two things you have to do if you haven't done it. Do it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Okay. Lieutenant Matt Pekka with the Henrico Police said, more than one person wearing a mask resembling a television. No, it was a television. It's not a mask. Dropped off the TVs to a majority of the homes throughout the community. Yep. Many residents were alerted by security devices of these unwanted deliveries, Pekka said.
Starting point is 00:34:16 As a result, Henrico Police and Solid Waste Divisions worked together to remove how many TVs do you think were left in this neighborhood by bored, drugged up college students? What do you think? How many TVs? I guess somewhere between 800 and 2,000. No, that's the same thing you did on the It's just a decent range. You're way too low. I mean,
Starting point is 00:34:39 I'm going to stick to my answer. Stop. Come on. 1,800. Give a real answer. You're going to do 1,800 again? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You have to come in here and give a real answer. No, give a real answer. How many TVs? I would say, fuck, 22. 22. Jay? Good guess. 40. Good guess. 71.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Nice guess. The total number of TVs spread throughout this neighborhood in the middle of the night by a person wearing a TV as a mask. Before you do it, can we do something we haven't done in a long time? Yeah, let's do it. Can we put the fingers on the table for a drum roll? Does that help your OCD?
Starting point is 00:35:10 Is it tapping? It's unaffected by it. Okay. Could you set us up first? And when you say is, instead of saying is, you go is and hold that while we do it. Of course. WNBC. Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:22 As a result, the police and the Waste Division worked together to remove the number of TVs. The number of TVs is... 50. Wow! They say more than 50, so that's probably 52. Could have been 71. It depends.
Starting point is 00:35:39 If a guy said it, it's probably half. If a girl said it, it's probably double. Who knows? Have you heard that before? No. Yeah, it's the thing. When people talk about how many people they sleep with, girls cut their number in half and guys double it.
Starting point is 00:35:51 So I guess mine is around 5 million. What? So 2.5 million? So 2.5 million. Oh, no. Who's asking about anybody's number anymore? In just over an hour, officers were able to- Isn't that your sleep number?
Starting point is 00:36:04 Yeah, that's the only number you should care about. That's your sleep with number. Nobody's number anymore. No. In just over an hour, officers were able to- Isn't that your sleep number? Yeah, that's the only number you should care about. That's your sleep with number. Sleep with number. In just over an hour, officers were able to speak with residents and remove a lot of unwanted televisions, which means some of them were wanted. Maybe Kroll can adopt them. You know what? I'm going to keep mine on.
Starting point is 00:36:18 It's going to be a porch TV. Brooks Bank said officers made quick work of collecting the TVs. No one cares. It's him being like, you guys are doing good. I guarantee you he used that phrase. They made quick work. Made quick work of collecting the TVs. No one cares. It's him being like, you guys are doing good. And I guarantee you he used that phrase. They made quick work. Made quick work of it. I'm Brooks Bank.
Starting point is 00:36:30 I use phrases like that. I have a close relationship with the police. Actually, they got a couple of Dalmatians from the dogs that I rescued. Oh. I didn't know you rescued dogs. This is the first time I'm hearing it. Yeah. It's the first time we're hearing it.
Starting point is 00:36:42 It's got nothing to do with the TV. I find them and they're hurt and I feed them and I let them into the home. That feels like nothing to do with the story. Anybody would do this. Berks Bank went on to say, no one should have to go to the dump, pay the $3 and have to dispose of someone else's garbage. Okay, sir, we're wrapping it up. Police urged anyone who saw any suspicious activity to call the police.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Quote, it's summer and people were getting ready to go back to school. All right, Brooks Bank. I don't understand what any of this is. Maybe TV man was just ready to strike and put a little humor into our lives. Again, we have closed the van. Everything is packed up. We're done getting quotes, sir.
Starting point is 00:37:22 Right. Vintage TVs were left on Henrico front porches in 2018. Rob Shore told WTVR CBS 6 last year that she was leaving for work on Thursday when she spotted what she assumed to be a package on her front door. I told my husband to get the package from the front door. That, by the way, says a lot about their relationship. Get it! Honey, what are you doing?
Starting point is 00:37:46 Talking to Brooks Bank. Can you go get the package off the front door? Shore's husband instead found a Toshibo. Honey, it's been sitting out there all night. If you're not going to get it, then why did I marry you? Right. This is what I love. Shore's husband instead found a Toshibo FST Black Stripe television dated February 1986,
Starting point is 00:38:03 as though anyone would be like, what was the model? Yeah. Also, Brooks Bank is now walking. You guys still writing this story? He took a picture of it and sent it to me and said, Amazon must be getting lazy. Where do you want this? So the husband thinks she ordered TV.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Amazon must be getting lazy is like the new old person joke. It looks like a TV from Back to the Future. That doesn't make any logical sense. There was one TV in Back to the Future. One. Do you know when the TV is? Because I just saw the movie with my 10-year-old son. Well, I know for sure that there's another one that you're not thinking of.
Starting point is 00:38:37 There's one in Back to the Future 2 that's the screen. Yeah, the BBB for a pork. That's what I was thinking. So in one, there were two. There were two TV. Actually, three. Three. There was the one they wheel That's what I was thinking. So in one, there were two. There were two TV. Actually, three. Three. There was the one they wheeled over that everyone was watching.
Starting point is 00:38:49 There was the one where they wheeled over in the 1950s. And the father's like, ah, ah, ah. And that was in the first one. What's a rerun? So what's a rerun? And then there's the one that they're watching where the father's watching the TV instead of listening to. Yes. That's in the early version.
Starting point is 00:39:05 And then there is... And Doc is watching one. Doc isn't watching one. It's on in the back. It's on in the very opening scene where they pan across his workroom and they talk about the news report of the stolen plutonium. But that's it.
Starting point is 00:39:17 Three TVs in the whole movie. The other part sticks with me when he tells... Was it his uncle? He's like, you better get used to living behind these bars. Yes. Remember that? Yes.
Starting point is 00:39:24 I don't know why. He said get used to those bars. I have a little piece of interesting trivia. How many Felix the Cat clocks are there in the first movie? One. Nice! There's one in the beginning. That's the opening panchart. About like a god dog sort of thing.
Starting point is 00:39:39 I feel like a what? Remember when you said God's the only dog's the only one? I just heard dog. I got excited about going to rescue somebody. Do you rescue dogs? I find them. I help them. They help me. I get them home. It's the first time I'm here. You know, dogs are really smart. They are. Sure. Posted the picture to
Starting point is 00:39:55 the neighborhood discussion page. That's something you always want to do where she found out she wasn't the only victim and that she needs to bring her trash cans in a day sooner. Apparently down the road, they have lots of TVs delivered to their house. She said people were calling them Trojan horses saying don't put them inside your house.
Starting point is 00:40:12 Who knows what can happen? What do they people will say? This is Halloween three. Yeah, nothing's going to happen. If you let it in, it's like the ring break out of you. Watch it. It will come in and ruin your life. That's right. It also sounds like field of dreams in a way that you reworded that. If you watch it, it will come in and ruin your life. That's right. That also sounds like Field of Dreams in a way that you reworded that. If you watch it, they will come.
Starting point is 00:40:29 The time from a couple years ago, neighbors estimated that 20 vintage televisions were left at homes throughout the neighborhood, but it remained unclear. I thought it was 50. Well, this is the one from earlier. We've covered the first time. Again, all I'm thinking about is getting home
Starting point is 00:40:41 and feeding these pups the food that I eat. I'm sorry. Again, sir, how is there not a porn movie called Field of Wet Dreams? I thought you were going to say Food Tube. Do you know there isn't? If you see her, you will come. He's looking it up right now. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:53 It remains unclear. I want it in his search history. What kind of crime? Like you get in trouble for searching that. Try and purgatory closet that off your phone. It became unclear whether a crime had been committed. All right, there you go. Field of Wet Dreams, 1992.
Starting point is 00:41:10 Of course it was. What's the tagline? If you build it, they will come. No, I'm just saying. I'm going to pull it up. Okay. All right, there you go. That's segment two.
Starting point is 00:41:18 Can you tease us a little bit of what we got in the segment three? A man needed courage and got there in the worst way. All right. We got Rick Glassman with us. We're going to take a little break when we come back. Segment three, Dumb People Town.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. I want to talk about a couple dates coming up
Starting point is 00:41:42 for all of us. Yeah, we have. Live shows we have coming up we've got a live Largo show on December 2nd with Weird Al Yankovic and Aisha Tyler
Starting point is 00:41:50 Aisha Tyler and music by David Longstreth the lead singer from Dirty Projectors it is going to be awesome get your tickets now because that show
Starting point is 00:41:57 will sell out that is live done people town at Largo that will sell out get your ticks also come see us in Austin Texas we are at Cap City
Starting point is 00:42:03 which is one of the best comedy clubs in the country the 14, 13, 14, 15 something like that go see us there and Dan what about you? My album
Starting point is 00:42:13 Thanks Diane comes out this Friday pick it out Friday, November 15th you can also pre-order it right now if you go to danielvankirk.com
Starting point is 00:42:21 but I would really appreciate anyone who likes me from this show leave a good review. And wants to support what I'm doing. It's a good... Pick up next time. Jay was there for the taping.
Starting point is 00:42:29 I saw it live, and it was a particularly electric night. We've watched that material develop from when Dan really started doing stand-up. It's a really amazing debut album, so go pick it up. That's awesome. Congrats, man. Thanks, man. I appreciate that. And I'm on the road right now.
Starting point is 00:42:44 This is, I imagine, the 12th. So tonight I am in Louisville. And then tomorrow night on the 13th, I will be in Cincinnati, the 14th in Milwaukee. And on the 15th, if you're in the area, you can come to Rochelle, Illinois. Dan goes hometown. For the final stop on the Together Tour. The day the album comes out. Same day.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Thanks, Diane. Drops. And we'll be selling them there, hard copies. And if you come to any of these live shows, I should have merch there where you can buy the album comes out same day thanks Diane Drops and we'll be selling them there hard copies and if you come to any of these live shows I should have merch there where you can buy the album
Starting point is 00:43:08 right after the show and he'll sign it for you and speaking of merch we have a new sweatshirt for Sklarbro Country softest best sweatshirt ever old school right it is so good
Starting point is 00:43:17 it's so great go to fluffycrate.com type in Sklar and all the material even for Dumb People Town all that stuff all the it's a perfect thing to do
Starting point is 00:43:24 for shopping holidays rolling around get your store inexpensive's a perfect thing to do for shopping. Holidays, rolling around. Inexpensive, but a great way to get that fan what he or she wants. People can see your dates and see you live doing stuff. Yeah, rickglassman.com, but I don't want to waste any time of it. The only thing I wanted to do is say,
Starting point is 00:43:37 check out Take Your Shoes Off. We're going to come and do it. We just forced our way onto your podcast. Speaking of coming and doing it, take a look at that? Oh, it's the poster for Field of Wet Dreams. Field of Wet Dreams. Now, Randy, you know he's going to have to wash his phone even more because you're
Starting point is 00:43:52 handling it. I'm on the outside. The dirtiest thing about it is what I'm showing him right now. Read what it says. It's disgusting. If they build it, I will come. Is that what it is? That's it. It's kind of selfish. I was close. If I see her, I will come. Okay, yes. Sent in by Joe Luttrell, at the gentleman Joe.
Starting point is 00:44:08 Love this dude. I love him, too. He tells people when they send me fake stories. I had to open it up to see if she was flicking off the camera, because it does kind of look like she's giving it the bird. Do you know what she's doing? She's saying, like, come here. Do you know why she's saying that?
Starting point is 00:44:21 Oh, to come into the cornfield. Well, no, it's also a pun, a visual pun. A lot of people don't know this. It's actually called a nup, which is the come here into the cornfield. Well, no, it's also a pun, a visual pun. A lot of people don't know this. It's actually called a nup, which is the finger move that you use to hit the G spot, or as I like to call it, the Glassman spot. Do you have a sound effect you could put in there? No, we don't. We don't, and we never will.
Starting point is 00:44:37 We have them on. Take your shoes off. That's take your shoes off. Okay, ready? A man who was nervous about turning himself into the cops decided to drink Budweiser beers before going to a Texas jail. The plan did not end well. And it all could have been avoided, because here's the headline. Man chugs beers for courage to surrender to jail,
Starting point is 00:45:00 finds out he's not wanted. He chugs beer to get ready to go to jail, finds out he's not wanted. He chugs beer to get ready to go to jail. Do we know why he thought he had... Maybe it is... Okay. How many beers do you think he drank? How many did he need to get up the gumption to go to jail?
Starting point is 00:45:17 I'd say somewhere between 800 and 2,000. Stop! I'm sorry, guys. It's a big range. God damn it. Fine. 22. Okay. That's fair. I'm going, guys. It's a big range. God damn it. Fine, 22. Okay. That's fair. I'm going to say eight.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Eight. Chugging eight beers is a lot. I think he chugged 10. 10. One of you is one number off. Oh, 21. Do you want to go 21? Anybody else? I'll go 11.
Starting point is 00:45:39 11? I'll go nine. Okay. 23. Fuck. Fuck. Stop. You're right.
Starting point is 00:45:45 Billy Bob Hall consumed the number of beers he consumed is seven wins and loses yes because I didn't trust my own number Billy Bob Hall BBH
Starting point is 00:46:02 if you're nasty walked into the lobby of the Parker County Jail in Weatherford about 7 p.m. Monday. This comes to us from the Star-Telegram, by the way. Billy Wayne who? Billy Bob. Bobby. Billy Bob Hall. Billy Bob Hall? Yeah, he better just go by Baby Billy from now on. BBH?
Starting point is 00:46:18 BBH. BBH is my favorite drunk Star Wars character. I just need the car. It's my favorite drunk droid. I'll get in that TIE fighter when I'm done drinking. Weep, weep, weep, weep, weep. Weep, bleep. Weep, bleep, bleep.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Hey, Luke. Guess who isn't your father? Weep, weep, weep, weep, weep. I got an oil leak. All right. Weep, weep, weep, weep. I've never understood one thing Chewbacca said. I'm never the droid anyone's looking for.
Starting point is 00:46:59 He's so sad. Billy Bob Hall. BBH. He walked in about 7 p.m. Monday, which means you know he spent all day. I'll do it today. Today I'm going. I'm going. He probably said all weekend, then Sunday he's like, I'll go tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:47:14 I'll turn myself in. Sir, you've got nothing to do yourself. He walked in and told someone he was wanted by the cops. That doesn't mean it was even a cop. It could have been someone waiting. A kid like outside. I'm here. Turn me in.
Starting point is 00:47:24 I'm here to visit my dad. Okay, well, lock me up. Get ready. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. So put out. I'm here. I'm finally here.
Starting point is 00:47:37 I'm here. He also was arrested because it turned out he drove himself there. Probably. According to a police report, Hall thought he'd missed a parole check-in about two weeks earlier.
Starting point is 00:47:46 So you know he spent two weeks just stressing. Stressing. Stress drinking. A sheriff's deputy met with Hall, who mentioned he was drunk. Hi, sir. You wanted to talk to a cop? I'm drunk. I'm drunk. There's nothing you can do about it. The deputy said he smelled a strong odor of alcohol for on hall's breath of
Starting point is 00:48:05 course he did hall advised he had to drink to build up the courage to turn himself in however when he saw the sheriff's office when the sheriff's office checked its computer record showed that hall wasn't actually wanted on any warrants yeah but that didn't mean he'd go free the sheriff's arrested Hall at the jail and he was charged with public intoxication. And drinking and driving. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Drinking and driving. Look at that. And his biggest complaint was Amazon. Amazon is really and I and there's just not enough dogs
Starting point is 00:48:38 for me to adopt. All right. There you go. That's a show. If you want to follow Rick Glassman he's on Twitter at? Twitter, Instagram, at Rick Glassman.
Starting point is 00:48:49 At Rick Glassman. Go ahead and check out Take Your Shoes Off. Take Your Shoes Off. Check out his podcast and watch the episodes as they are videoed beautifully on the YouTube. Buy Dan's album. Support us any way you can. Follow us all. And, oh, shit, we got gotta get back to work dum dum dum dum
Starting point is 00:49:05 dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum stick around make a sound when you're down it's Dumb People Town Star Bands Audio
Starting point is 00:49:24 a podcast network

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