Dumb People Town - Rob Corddry - Dead Guy, P.I.

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

Rob Corddry steps into the basement with Dan, Jason, and Randy for their first episode from All Things Comedy. The first story is about a man taking his morning revenge out on his ex's grave, the second is about a company that's willing to pay you to put roaches in your house, and the third is about a man on a joyride (on top of his vehicle).

Dan and Ren and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news, breaking down each epic fail. In Florida, there's half-price bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam With co-hosts Armand and Dan And heard, don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound On your downies, Dumb People Town

Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population U Population Corddry Robert W. Corddry the third. Are you a third? You guys love dropping thirds on people. I'm the fourth. Rob Corddry.

And it's not W. It's not S. What do you call those things when they slap a number at the end of your name? I know what it represents. What is the official? It's like a legacy name. You have a pro doctorate. It's like a legacy name, right? Is there an actual... Yeah, you're a family name. You have a...

Pro doctorate. Pro... It's not a moniker. I think it's called a prolapsed anus, maybe? No, it is not. No, that's a different type of... No, that's probably not what it is. I'm almost sure it's not.

What is it? Hold on. We don't have a walkie. We need a walkie-talkie. Shout it, Aaron. What is it? It's a suffix. Just a suffix?

I don't know. I'm sorry about it. I feel like I'm going to go with suffix. Just a suffix? I don't know. I'm sorry about it. I'm going to go with moniker. Aaron, suffix is a town in England. Anyway. Sussex. Anyway, gang, here's the deal. We learned about it on Downtown Abbey. Downtown Abbey. Here's the thing. Dumbtown Abbey. Dumbtown Abbey. This is Dumbtown Abbey.

We've had you on this show before, Rob, and the good news is that the world continues to get dumb. It gets even dumber as we speak. How about that? the course of evolution you guys have cornered up really it's a down you're like the funeral home uh of of podcasts because business will always be good people are always gonna die people are always gonna be dumb yep and our fans send us in the stories jay so remember when we like stupidly if one stop, we're like, what if we run out of stories? Yeah.

We're never going to run out of stories. Who said that? I think I said it. Oh, come on. And that was stupid. Dan's like, we're not running out of stories. That was stupid on our part. All right.

So here's the story. The new way that we're doing it, Rob, from the last time is that each of us brings a story. You didn't have to bring one, but Dan and Janet. I've got one. Dan's got one. Ray's got one. So here we go.

Jay, ready? I'll start with the headline. This was sent in by Derek Shipley at Derek Shipley shipley uh trigger warning this is a new york post article so it is probably some shitty puns terrible puns there'll be bad journalism yeah you will resent you'll want to punch bad journalism is subjective that's very true i i get it every time i'm in new york go on okay your love is like bad journalism. Bad journalism's what I need. Guys, we are now on YouTube. We are on All Things Comedy channel.

Yeah. And we are going to get flagged every time we start singing. That's a parody song. That's the most expensive little ad lib ever. I said bad journalism. Let me get to the headline. We're going to take away our ads. All right, fine.

Man with 48-year grudge. How long? 48-year grudge. Don't worry. No, no. I didn't ruin it. We love to guess. We love to guess.

I was going to say it's too hard. No, no, no. There's more to it. Man with 48-year grudge. This is a guy who's like, you need to say sorry to him in a very specific way. Or maybe you were the angriest five-year-old well listen to this man with 48 year grudge caught peeing on ex-wife's grave every day by her kids caught by fantastic her children the again can i can i just also rip on the new york post right

now yeah because the writing of that is wrong so caught every day peeing by her kids so he's peeing next to her yeah right right right no caught by her kids as he's peeing on her grave here's the thing too somebody who does that is constantly telling you how much they don't care anymore yeah i don't care and you learn this uh you know in any sort of like self-evaluation or even theater school, if you're angry, it's because you care. That's right. If you didn't care, you wouldn't care. You're still in love and anger or sometimes love and fear, like fear and anger.

I thought of a similar idea related to that. I thought like, now this is an act of hate and yet I can't imagine it's not gleeful right like this guy must be in the best mood ever after first of all he's completely empty so there's that feeling of relief you're empty of whatever was inside but then if it's going on for 48 years there's something like i gotta do this then i gotta go to the grocery store like it becomes in your list of four things when am i gonna find time does it lose meaning you mean right i don't drink enough by 11 i'm not gonna have enough pee by one o'clock when i stop by that i can't get over to this side of

town i gotta be on her grave also as a person who used to be a grave digger if you have if you are peeing every day go ahead on someone's grave we're listening the just even groundskeeping management of that cemetery is very bad at their job you should see that there's a guy whipping it out 48 years i mean that's how long the grudges i don't know how long it took her it took her children yeah standing by yeah someone's i don't know that he she's been doing it. He's been doing it for 48 years. He's not over her. New York Post trying to be funny.

Whatever happened to letting someone rest in peace? I love it. I can't believe they didn't say rest in peace. That's what I love about the Post. They're always like, in addition to writing this article, I'm also a Mucinex commercial.

I'm your consigliere stalwart over here. Why wouldn't you leave this off with, you're in for a great start. Yeah, right? Hey, whip it out. You got to figure it out. Dan, I laughed at that. I legitimately laughed at that. Yeah, it's fun. A man with an apparent 48-year grudge has been going each morning to urinate on the grave of his ex,

much to the horror of her furious kids who realized something was wrong when they discovered bags of poop left at their mom's funeral. What? This guy's now burying the lead like he's not burying his poop? To me, the poop is the lead. Now it's bad journalism. That's his bad journalism. And he pre-bagged it?

He pre-bagged it. I felt like getting out and killing him, said Michael Andrew Murphy. So this is their former stepdad. Yeah, oh yeah. How old is Michael Andrew Murphy, do you guys think? I will take a guess. He felt like killing him. Felt like killing him.

He's a 48-year-old. He's a killing age. He's of killing age. I'm going killing age. It's a killing age. I'm going to say this guy's 41 years old. 41 years old. I like that. I'm going to take the over. Under.

Just pick a number. I'm going to take the under. Pick a number. 30. Even? 30. 36. 36.

29. Like an angry kid. Get your answers in. Yell at your YouTube. Because Michael Andrew Murphy is 43 years old. Oh, very nice. Well, I figured this guy, 48 years ago, this guy's around 68. He came into the kid's life a little bit later, maybe.

Toriello. All right. Linda Toriello was his mom. All right. Told the Post. This guy, Michael, told the Post what it was like to catch the man he says has been desecrating the barrel side of his mom. At least his mom made an impact on Toriello died in 2017.

How old was she when she died? When she died? Um, this old. The kid was 43 years ago. The kid's 43. How, how, and she's been dead. How long? Since 2017.

So six years now when this, yeah. Yeah. She's in her mid seventies, right? She was in her mid seventies. So give it now. He. Yeah. Yeah. She's in her mid-70s, right? She was in her mid-70s when she died. So give it now. Give it 74, 75. Oh, come on, guys. Come on.

You got to pick a number here. We're going. This isn't the podcast. It is. Oh, is it? Guessing ages. Oh, yes, it is. 74.

All right. Daniel, what do you think? I'm going to go 67 years old when she died. Yeah, 69. 67. 69. Nice. Shout out at it. 69, dudes. She was 66 when she died. Yeah, 69. 67. 69. Nice. Shout out at it.

69, dudes. She was 66 when she died. Are you in this family, Dan? I don't know. I've got anger. I see you doing the equation. The math in your head. She was buried just over the state line at a cemetery at Tappan.

Oh, so this is a federal case. This is a federal case. Federal case. This is a federal case. He carried poop across state lines. Murphy said his sister first noticed a plastic bag of poop at their mother's grave in April and thought it was something left by mistake by a dog walker. Who is?

I'm going to walk on a grave. That's a pretty good rationale. Honey, I'm going to walk the dog near. There's a lot of people who go for walks, jogs, and runs. They walk their dog through cemeteries and stuff like that. Walk the dog through the cemetery and then. Right on a grave. I'm going to.

But I'm saying not appropriate. I go to guilty, right? Not appropriate, but not a horrible rationale. When you don't want to believe someone's doing it. You don't want to believe that someone can be that vindictive. Yes. I'm going to do the hard work of remembering to bring a bag. I'm going to scoop it up, and then I won't throw it away.

It is weird that it probably is like an HEB bag. It is weird that it's strange. Oh, this is dog poo, isn't it? I pictured him in his house pooing into a bag. No, this is his poop. She's assuming it's dog poop. She thought it was a dog poop. It's human poop.

Okay, so I'm right. He's pooing into a- Smart people poop. He has lined the bag, lined the toilet probably with a bag. This is how you do it. Pooped into it. But then, of course, he has to drive with it across the state line. You have to drive that in your car.

Where do you put it? In your trunk? Every day? Hey, Sheriff, the feds are here. Oh, Christ. Whatever happened to letting people live in peace, huh? Then it happened again. The siblings called the cops who took a report, determined to figure out what was going on.

At what point do you put a camera on the headstone? And you're like, we're going to get this guy. The pair got permission from the cemetery manager to place trail cameras in the trees, Daniel. In the trees, Dan. To see if they could catch the vandal. I mean, on some level, they had to know the anger of the ex, right? I'm so curious. That's it?

They don't say what she did to him? Oh, yeah. I think we got more. Oh, no. When they check the camera footage. I know what. I don't know what she did to him. They spotted the gross grave visitor.

Gross grave visitor. Can we make it more alliteration? Horrible WWF star from 1991. Gross grave visitor. A man who briefly married Toriello in the 1970s. This wasn't a guy who was going to like, wait. This was just a flash in the pan. In the 70s was a brief.

Like, and people would get married. 48 years ago. All right. That's right. I mean, don't you feel like you see movies from New York in the 70s, and there's just trash everywhere. Like, I feel like people let a lot of stuff go in the 70s. It was just trash everywhere. I feel like people let a lot of stuff go in the 70s. It was a dirty time.

It was a dirty time. So this feels like a dirty sting operation. It's like that scene from Mad Men when they get done with the picnic and they just shake out the blanket. That's funny because when I was a little kid, the first time I drove through, I was like a toddler when I drove through New York City. My parents just took a detour. And from this moment on, I was fascinated by it.

But halfway down through manhattan my dad went what do you think bobby and i went dirty and it was like so dirty you're talking like early 80s like that's dirty it was very very dirty over there uh so mur Murphy said the video and pictures his sister. Oh, let me pop up. The footage was blurry and grainy to take the authority. So a week ago, it was too blurry and grainy. By the way, the poop, also grainy. And it has to do with what he was eating.

So the footage was too grainy. The trail cameras weren't good enough. So Murphy and his sister got up at 5 a.m. to drive to the cemetery and laid in wait. That's fun. Laying behind. That's fun. You're on a stakeout. That's a stakeout. That's a stakeout.

It's a poop out. Set up his smartphone on a nearby headstone, which is a little disrespectful for the other. You put his smartphone. Don't put it on Herb Shallow. It's his headstone. Wouldn't it be great if that gravestone belonged to a PI? And he's sort of helping out.

His last case. One last case. He's doing work from beyond. Which, by the way, that could be a show if there's such a thing as the long island medium graveyard pi dead guy dead guy pi is great dead dude that could be a show dead guy i mean there already is a ghost show on cbs right let's consult i know let's consult with i'm literally too old for this shit. That's his like, that is his.

His thing is I'm literally too dead for this shit. Yeah. On the grave. And it's literally, yeah. That's what it says. That's the title of this episode. Too dead for this shit. Dead guy peed his eye for this shit.

And then it cuts to the guy who's shitting. All right. Murphy said the video and pictures that he and his sister got indicated that the man drove to the cemetery almost every morning between what time and what time? Well, he's regular. So they're there at 5. They're there at 5. So what time?

6 a.m.? I'm going to say 6.15 a.m. I'd say start in the day, right? Yeah, with this. I think you're probably about right. I would say between 6 and 7. Between 6 and 7? 7 to 7.30.

I say 6 to 6.15 to 6.30. I mean, that's what I do. He's got a little. Between 6.14 and 6.18 a.m. I was right. Every day. Every damn day. No, that's fine.

Also, this is retirement. Damn. He gets up at the exact... At least he's got something to do. I get up at 5.30, I leave my house at 4.50. This is the thing that's keeping him alive. This next detail, we will be able to talk about. We could talk about it for five to seven hours. Are you ready for this?

Between 6.14 and 6.18 every day. Who's better? With his current wife. Oh, my God. Wow. So does this woman love him or fear him? Right. And in that moment where she's like, he wakes her up in the morning.

She can't get sick. We took a dark turn. Come on, we're going. Get up. You're driving. We're going. I can't drive when I have to go. You know that I need it to burkle.

I need to keep my bowels relaxed. Does she love this? Does she resent this? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This grudge-filled man who lost his mind in the 70s is now forcing his wife to come with him to the grave. But you hope there are peas in a pod. Or he's like, honey, I'm in a pod. Or she's like, or he's like, honey, I'm going to sleep.

And she's like, nope, let's get her. And it can't, it has to be some kind of warning to her. You know, hey, you don't want your you don't want your, I'll outlive you and then I've still got more pee in the world. There's more where this came from. Exactly.

I got time for two graves i'm retired this is the thing and like you see it in horrific ways with like murders and stuff like that but just in any odd crazy outlier thing it's just whenever a weird pot finds a weird lid like because in my mind they are peas in a pot charming way yeah that's our grandma used to say every pot has a lid yes and then like the fact that his shit pot found her like oh but lid wait wait wait by the way if you're someone who is single and you're like hearing this you're like god damn it how can this guy find somebody will go no this was not the first date he was he was like hey we really started to get along i got a thing i do i'm falling for you. And I have, I want to share.

There's something I need to share. There's a reason I said, are you a morning person? No, let him say what he wants to say. So every day at 6.14 a.m. Okay, I'm listening. Or, you know, between 6.14 and 6.18. That's early. 6.18.

That's early. Somewhere within that four minute span. You're going to do what? Calisthenics? No, I go to my wife's grave. You have a wife? And I leave a bag of shit on it. This is your current wife.

This is your current wife. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. Did I say current wife? You said my wife's grave, which startled me for a second. I thought, is he married? This is the funny way things happen in conversation. Is it your shit? Yes, yes.

Good question. Very good. I just felt for you a little bit more. And you drive it there. I drive it there okay i drive it so okay so on some level quite i bet she's like god he still has feelings for her he has to yeah this guy really gets invested i mean the new wife should be a little the new wife should be jealous unless she also hates her this much too i'm saying she's like he wakes up in the morning

and said i'm too tired and she said put him up let's a thing we do in society that is good for us right it's the presumed innocence of the victim so if you find like oh a body was found or whatever you're like oh my god then then you picture you know if it was a small child you picture your own son or your nephew whatever it is uh if it's a woman you go it could have been my wife could have been my sister sure and me whatever it is that's good that we do that in society we are saying what if this woman deserved there are some people whose body will be found that if you knew why it was there you're like you would go good on you this is glad this is justice look i heard her her kids love her so that makes me feel like maybe she's not a horrible nice person but there is a world in which she's earned this shit and i'm not saying that that's

the case what it's a hypothesis but some people do live their lives in a way that they should be shit on for all of eternity. And there's another world. I can't argue with that. There's another world in which this was the thing that they did together. And this is the thing she liked more than anything. It's their kink. She's a golden shower, right? He's continuing their kink.

He's literally continuing in death what he did for her. Wouldn't that be great if he has to tell the kids that? You don't understand. She's in on it he did for her. Wouldn't that be great if he has to tell the kids that? You don't understand. She's in on it. I like. I promised her. How many times do I have to tell you? We were freaks.

She's not Thanksgiving. It was the 70s. It was the 70s in New York. Our best friend was Rick James. Ask Bobby. He said it's dirty. It's dirty. And we told each other we made a bond.

And even if we can't cohabitate, our kink can live on. That was our thing. And she died before she told you. She didn't get to say it. She likes it. Listen to what the son says. I can't get my wife to go out to dinner, but this guy gets his wife to go along with him to desecrate my mom.

That's a real thought. That is a real thought. No way. The son's now complaining about his own marriage. His wife hears him giving this quote. She's like, hey, what? What the fuck? Stray shots.

What? Weird. I can't get my own wife to go out for dinner. Oh, my God. Way to make this scenario. I can't get my wife. I can't get this one to go out. I can't get my wife to jerk me off in public.

And she starts revealing. Slow down. Whoa, Rick. Whoa, Rick. Hey, revealing. Slow down. Whoa, Rick. Why don't we take five? Way to take this scenario where a guy holding a 48-year grudge, peeing on a grave and bringing human excrement to a grave is about your wife not going to Golden

Corral with you. He just keeps going. I can't get my wife to recognize I've worn a new shirt that she doesn't appreciate for three weeks. Yeah. The sister's just like, shut up, David. So Murphy claims he's gone to the cops at least three times and they refuse to let him

speak to a detective. What? Why not? What is going on? That's one of the problems with the cops. Dead guy PI, get on it. This is what they should be doing. Refund the police. This is social they should be doing. Refund the police. This is a social service. This is a social service.

Get them. A woman who answered the phone at the Orangetown police station. So we don't even know if she works there. Now the article says, like, some woman answered the phone. Phone ringing. You're at the Orangetown police station. Saturday. Pick up some it.

She picks it up. A woman who turned off a vacuum cleaner. This woman, she answers the phone. I can't get my wife to go to the car. I can't even get my wife to answer the phone when it's ringing and I'm in the other room. She just works there. Like her and her husband have a small business where they clean public offices. Yeah. She's like, I'll pick it up.

I got it. A woman who answered the phone at the Orangetown police station Saturday referred to a call, referred a call from the post to the police captain who she said is not on on weekends that's their response so we don't do weekends so we can't deal with this crime usually happens between Monday and Friday I mean you gotta remember this is the

same town where somebody dumped shit and or pissed on a grave every day for seemingly 48 years and no one noticed or cared good luck getting it I don't know this is what he said the quote I don't know. This is what he said, the quote. I don't know if the man owns a dog or is shitting in the bag himself or is getting some dog shit. We do.

Murphy said, all I know is that he's using my mother's grave as a toilet every morning. The man whose name the post is not revealing since he's not been charged did not respond to a call from the post. Oh, my God. Everyone's protecting this guy. Everybody. Everyone is protecting this guy. You get a lot of protection. The pissy man. Come on, post. Oh, my God. Everyone's protecting this guy. Everybody. Everyone is protecting this guy.

You get a lot of protection. The pissy man. The pissy man. Good job. Left Murphy's mother. Listen to this. Left Murphy's mother when she was pregnant and never had anything to do with his biological daughter,

the son claims, except for one time earlier this year. Is this a kid telling this? It wasn't their stepdad. This is their dad. When he ran into the daughter and said he wished she were dead and cursed her and the mother. So this sounds like a good guy. Yeah.

I mean like, this is a guy who deserves to be protected. Let's not protect it. Let's protect his name. He could have been peeing out there for five years and we wouldn't have known it. Murphy said, we only found out because of the feces.

Cause he upped his game. You know why? He got greedy. Got greedy. He could have just gotten away with peeing on the grave, but you got greedy. This doesn't have a resolution. But to me, I think in this scenario,

if the cops aren't listening and if these things aren't happening, you are allowed to hide in the bushes with a baseball bat and beat the shit out of him. Or as he's peeing, knock him right in the old, you know what? At least a slingshot. Hit him in the dick hard with something. A slingshot.

Am I wrong? Trying to think of an eye for an eye. One eye. You knock him on the ground. You kick him a few times. It is there. It is there. You pee on him.

I mean, if I knew for a fact it's him. Yeah. Every morning when he goes out to that car with his wife to drive out to my mom's grave a bad nice nice pile of shit right on the on his car now you're gonna get now you're breaking in but i'm just saying i'm right on the hood of the car on the hood of the car you just leave it there or shit right just throw shit right into the radiator okay i'd break his knees both kneecaps and then you can't go to the cemetery. And then run.

And then run. I don't want you guys to get in trouble. He threatened me. He threatened me. He threatened me. He threatened me by trying to pee on me. There you go. He tried to pee on me.

There you go. I was coming back from a baseball game. And walking through the cemetery, as I do. Swinging through the cemetery. As I'm known to do. I happen to see. And I was not paying attention, and he walked right in front of me. His knee, it was an accident.

I run into a lot of family members at the cemetery. And I'm swinging. I hit him walked right in front of me. His knee, it was an accident. I run into a lot of family members at the cemetery. And I'm swinging. I hit him right there. Alright, there you go. That's story number one down in the books. How do you like this, you guys? If you're watching this on YouTube, we're so happy for listening to it. Yes, subscribe, like and subscribe. Tell people about this. If you're listening on

the regular feed like you normally do, go watch some of this. This is so great. This is going to be at the All Things Comedy on their YouTube page and there'll be a playlist for our stuff we are so happy to be here at all things comedy and uh we got another story dan i believe your story number two i am we'll find out what rob's doing and what we're doing story number two on the other side new york that's what they should have called that's because story number one was story number two there you go and we'll be right back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around.

Make a sound. Punk it down. It's Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. This is coming out in January. We're not sure exactly which week, but if it's before the 18th. It's around.

It's going to be one of the first two weeks. So it's either the 10th or the 8th or the 17th. So this weekend we'll be in Denver at comedy works doing shows, uh, on the 18th through the 20th. And, very excited to do those at the landmark club. One of our favorite clubs in the world to perform Denver,

such a great city. We want to see everybody out there, uh, at the end of the month, uh, beginning of February, it'll be in San Diego at the American comedy company, the second through the fourth,

and then the fifth live dumb people town. What a full weekend. Isn't that great? In San Francisco as part of Sketch Fest. Sunday night. It's the last show on Sketch Fest. You home every year.

Right, 20 years anniversary. We've been there since the beginning. Yeah, you're doing it too? We're closing it out, I believe. So in a sense, you guys are opening for us. We are opening you for you guys.

Oh, are we right before you guys on that Sunday night? I don't know. I hope so. That'd be fun. All right, they're closing it out. I love it. There you go.

Yeah, so that's that. And then for me guys every wednesday at the lyric hyperion theater it's a lyric comedy hour it's irene too and myself hosting just a great local uh la comedy showcase show i love it and then i will be doing stand up the night before uh our dumb people town that's the fourth of february at sketch fest so come out and see my show there and then stick around for Sunday. Let's all hang together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It'll be a real good time. Everything else is up at Daniel van Kirk.com. Cordray. Where can people see you? Like, what are you working on? Well, in the Los Angeles area,

I live, uh, around like the reservoir. You can see him walking. You'll see him walking. I sometimes walk around the reservoir. You can see me, um, dig into old, pretty much in my house. Yeah. Okay. Good. Yeah. I sometimes walk around the reservoir. You can see me.

Dig into old. I'm pretty much in my house. Yeah. Okay. Good. I just went with this terrible, terrible idea. Cause I have nothing to show for myself. No,

no, no. I'm joking. Yeah, no, I have not. No. What do I get?

I have a movie coming out soon. Oh, it's very sclar related. I wish I knew the date. I think it's in January. And yeah, why don't you, hey, look it up. This will be fun. 80 for Brady.

80 for Brady. That true story. Come on. You're in 80 for Brady. 80-year-old women who go on a road trip to go see Tom Brady. Lily Tomlin. 2016 Super Bowl, I believe. Is it Lily Tomlin?

Lily Tomlin, Rita Moreno. Rita Moreno. By the way, someone said they fell in love with Rita Moreno. Fell in love with Rita Moreno. Julian Edelman was like, I think I'm in love with Rita Moreno. Wow. I mean, you've heard your story. Fall in love with Julian Edelman.

There you go. No, we've heard a lot about this movie, and it's going to be super. All right, Rob Corddry's in it, so check that out. That's funny. All right, shall we get into a second story? Let's do it. Let's do it. Number two.

Here we go. I mean, real number two. Raleigh Company. Sent in by who? I'll do it. Don't you dump my ass. How dare you, Randy? He's got a plan.

He's done this for years. Raleigh Company. But never will. Raleigh Company wants to invade your home. What? Oh, wait. This was sent in by Derek Shipley at Derek Shipley. Ready for this?

I hope. I hope. Yeah. Okay. A report claimed a Raleigh based exterminator will pay a family for the chance to release how many cockroaches into their home. No. And we're going to get into this and you're going to learn all the details, but I wanted to start out with that.

Here's all you need to know. There is a company in Raleigh who says, hey, we want to release cockroaches into your home. And then we'll kill them. Deliberately. I believe they are an exterminator. Well, I guess we're going to find out. How many cockroaches do you think they want to put

into your home on purpose? How many is a lot of cockroaches? One. One is a lot. If you're your home on purpose how many is a lot of cockroaches one one is a lot if you're an exterminator how much is a lot of how many is a lot i think 10,000 they want to release 10,000 that's a lot of cockroaches robin you're gonna go last jason i i think it's 500 500 that feels like a lot to me. I'd say a thousand. A thousand? Okay. They would like to release 100 cockroaches into your home. Now, here's the thing. That's still a lot. It's still plenty. Cockroaches, if I'm not mistaken.

I said 10,000. The turnaround on these is like a week, right? Where they die and then. No, no, no. I'm saying more. They're like fucking mogwais. Yes. Really?

Yeah, they start fucking. They have a baby in a day Yes I think that's right So very protracted So a hundred can easily Become a thousand Can easily become ten thousand

You better get in there And solve this in a day Yeah Or two Who would do this What a challenge WRAL Okay first of all

Time out for this We had someone And I'm gonna let you guys decide Because I know what I would like to do. We had someone so beautifully and innocently DM me. And say, what does that mean when you guys? And they said, every time you guys read call letters, you do this weird inflection thing.

And I've gone back through so many episodes to find the origin of it. And I don't notice. Now, there's a part of me that wants to never answer this. You got to, Dan. Do you? Yes, do it. But we know it. WNBC. don't notice now there's a part of me that wants to never answer this yeah you got to do you yeah do it we know w w n b c yeah that's what i was that's 100 what it is do you want to tell or do you just want to say where to go to find out say go watch the movie private parts and then come

back and talk to us okay um wral news we're such a great scene that movie's way better than it ever i have been listening to so much howard stern in my car yeah and i'm same he is so joyfully i was like well if he starts this is when he went on serious radio i'm like he starts cursing part of the beauty was how he would tiptoe up to the line cross it in certain ways and i'm like what's is it he is so great in the ways that like ronnie the limo driver will do like the most just winding the most whining he's complaining he gets into fights with everybody and howard should be like shut the fuck up ronnie simplest no he he's like maybe he's got a point. He's got a point. And then he'll start saying, and then Robin jumps on his.

Okay, hold on. And Robin just doesn't get it. We'll go back. I promise we're going to go back. But I will say, for anybody who doesn't listen to Stern or doesn't like, whatever it is, it's just a simple thing. And you've all experienced in this in your life. God forbid you are this person.

It's one of those things when someone's being wound up and they don't realize all they need to do is go towards it yeah to make it stop like when they're like i don't know i think you got a problem with wearing hoodies and you oh yeah i definitely have a problem i wear it all the time yeah but for the person who goes i don't have a problem it's like the turn and you just want to put your hand on their shoulder and be like this isn't any life acknowledge it just acknowledge. Just acknowledge that this is over. Just go towards it. And this will all stop. Just agree with it.

Nope. They will not agree. Get Gary in here. Gary's so dumb. Get Gary in here. Here we go. I have been laughing so hard at that. Me too.

It's just killing. It's joyous. All right. Have you done the show? Have you guessed? I have. It was. It was.

It's cringeworthy. Really? I got into a long fight with Benji Bronk who at the time was in the studio. And, um, what's this guy talking about? And then, and then on the wrap up show later, the whole wrap up show was Benji and I fighting to the point where I saw red. Oh my God. Almost dove over.

No way. Oh my God. Like which probably made for the greatest radio ever uh it made howard uncomfortable get it for what i was told like that episode was buried for the longest time i heard he got a talking to and i never felt good about it and i've never been asked back but the great thing is the context of that show that could be entirely a reason for you to come back oh my god like that well i would apologize to him honestly if i because i don't like attacking i'm no but it all came out of the celebrity uh super fan round table

where they said somebody's natalie main said who's your least favorite stern show person personality and i and uh i was fourth in line sure yeah i was like well it's i guess it's benji if i had to say and then there was like johnny knoxville benji yeah uh somebody else benji andy richter benji they each had smarter reasons why and then it got to me and i was like i don't know i guess it's benji and then i had to think up a better reason i said because we because we're all in the entertainment business, who would hire him as a writer after the show? Which is a terrible thing to say about a person. He actually called up in that show. I've had three fights with him.

Oh my God. I apologize, Benji Bronk. Sorry, buddy. I do. Sorry, buddy. And if you're watching this- You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve it.

See, he's a good man. I like you. Oh, no, no. All right. All right, Dan. Okay, ready? Releasing 100 cockroaches. W-R-A-L.

This news station, yeah, W-R-A-L. They worked to confirm this information, including calling a phone number provided, reaching out via email, and ringing the bell at an address listed, but was unable to contact the company about this offer. So this is not a real company. They're just people who want to release. It is. But I think that they have faced a lot of backlash over this.

So they're not owning up to it. They're pretending. But we're going to say who they are anyway. The PestInformer.com is taking applications for up to seven homes to participate in a cockroach elimination study. It's a cockfight. Which the company said will be safe for family members and pets. You all have homes. In what world?

None. Zero. Do you go with families and pets? No. bring any rodent into our house you've dealt with rodents in your house so i can tell you in terms of not being able to reach this company they we were we had a problem with our garage door and terminex tried to like put this thing on the bottom that would you know basically seal it up so the rats can't get in on the bottom and they broke our garage door so our garage door wasn't working so now i had to like call this guy to be like look you i i'm not paying for a new garage you gotta do this and i'm calling and calling calling this guy doesn't call me back and then finally i call somebody else they're like

he left the company i'm like no one told me he didn't tell me so now i'm down this other road and i got these other things i'm like like, there's no, you can't. That's how they screw you. By the way, they are like the, the, the companies themselves are like rodents. You try and find them. You sit, you got to lay a trap for them to come out and then you can get them. Let's turn the lights on and run. According to the company website, the pest informer was founded in 1994 with the goal

of keeping pest control safe for humans and animals. The purpose of this study is to determine how effective a new extermination treatment is. So they don't even know if it's effective. It might not work. It might not work. Can you do this on like a test house? Ready for this? How about a house where people are squatting?

Okay, remember, they want to put 100 cockroaches into your house, which is quickly going to turn into 1,000. We take 100 cockroaches. It might work. What we're doing might work. Put them in a house and find out what happens when they stop being cocky. How much money would you let that go for? We're going to get to that.

But first, I'm going to ask you, how many days do you think that you have to live with the cockroaches while they see if the new treatment works? You live with them. They're putting them in your house. And they're putting the treatment down. And they say that they have X amount of days that they want you to live with the cockroaches while they try out this new treatment. This is a horror movie.

Somebody's going to sign up for it. This is the plot of The Ring. I don't watch horror movies. Jason, I would say... How many days do you think they want you to have cockroaches while they try out an experimental... They want you to do it for seven goddamn days. Seven days. Yeah.

I'll say two weeks. Okay. 14 days. Okay. i'll say benji sucks i'll say uh would you say i'll say five days five days five days like a business week right thepestinformer.com wants you to have 100 cockroaches in your house in your house while they try out an experimental new treatment for cockroaches we don't know if it works and you need to have these cockroaches in your house for 30 days i almost changed my answer i almost changed my answer the way you

were reading that i was like it's no it's a month a month 30 days that's more than a month 30 days at the end of the 30-day period, if the new treatment didn't work, the cockroach infestation will be eliminated using traditional methods. The hold they would have on your house in 30 days. Oh, my God. What are they testing? It will be used with traditional methods at no cost to the household, according to Pest Control.

Oh, okay. So no cost. Okay. All right. How about the trauma that I have? We gave it a shot. We gave it a shot. We gave it a shot. What do you get?

We tried. What's the incentive you're getting to that? Applicants must be 21 or older and own their own home or have written approval from the owner. Imagine going to your landlord with that. Hey, I want to run something by you. Hey, Bob. We got a...

Is this weird? If selected, households will not be permitted to use other exterminator services during the study so if you get 16 days in and there is like nothing changing you don't get to call somebody else and there's just like get in here coaches all over everything and you know the whole time they're like give it give us the 30 days 30 trust us you're not gonna trust days i can do you know go sleep at night no we're trying to see if it works. We're going to get out of here on this. Okay. How much money are they offering you to have 100 cockroaches put into your house for 30 days?

Dan, I have the answer. I have the answer, Dan. The answer you want to give me is the answer you think it is. I will tell you what the answer is. You want to go first or third? I'll go first. Ready? Yeah.

Not enough. You got to give me a number. You got to give me a number. I'll give you a number. Actually, there is a number. There is a number. Take $10 million. I'm saying for you to do it. There me a number. No, what is it? I'll give you a number. Actually, there is a number. There is a number. $10 million. I'm saying for you to do it.

There is a number. There is a number for all of us. No, no, no. Zero. I wouldn't. I'm married. You guys know my wife. Not even new house money?

If it was new house money. I could not. Because you have to live in it for 30 days. I would build it. I would do it. I would build. Here's what I would do. I have a number. I would. This is funny. What is the number you would do it for? I would do it for 30 days i would just i would i would do it i would build here's what i would do i have a number i would that is funny what is the number you would do it for i would do

it for 10 i would do it for 10 million dollars i would tell them i'm in i'm staying at my house i would sleep elsewhere so you're telling me i had three million dollars cash to slide across the table you'd say no you're breaking a contract well but the point is not to like the point is can we release them and can we kill them in human ways it's not about you living with them it's more about can does this thing work right my question is why can't they just do that in an abandoned house no because they want to see if it affects pets or kids by the way they're like they may kill your dog they may kill your dog in the process human testing we have to see if this works with pets and dogs i think it had 10 million as well so i'm gonna say they're offering like $20,000,

$20,000, which I think is way high for them. Yeah. Rob, do you want to go next? 10 million is way too low. I agree. It's way too low.

You guys are nuts. Okay. Um, but, um, but you have a, do you have a guess? I said,

I'd do it for $5 million. And then I would, uh, what are they offering? They're offering $2,500. They, that's all they care about. And they're like,

we're going to get people... Because if you offer too much, the people that you gather in to offer too much are going to ask too many questions. But if you offer a certain amount where people are like... Someone's like,

I can't pay for this house. I already have cockroaches in my house. I need $2,500. I'll do it. Then you go, you lowball. $20,000? $2,500?

Yeah. Randy, you're using far too much logic here because so far these guys have offered zero upshot except not even barely for them right and and and i so i'm gonna go really low and say 250 dollars and i would do it for how much for 100 1.4 billion billion billion that's a b 1.4 there's a b at the beginning oh my god oh my god uh if you're watching this on youtube first of all god bless you thank you for joining secondly i want in your comments the amount you would have to be paid i I'm curious to hear what you would accept. It'd get real, too. Like, when I said to Jay, like, he said $10 million,

but if I slid $3 million cash across the table, I don't think you're walking away from it. $3 million, it depends on what kind of bills. If it's hundreds, it's going to look like a smaller thing than what it is. Well, we're going to do half crypto. And I'm with Corddry as a perfectly reasonable answer. I'm with Corddry to get it. Which reminded me of something else you have going on,

which I'll say as we get to the topic. Are you ready for the, ready to end this out? I think the money for me at this point in my life for 30 days, knowing that I've lived with cockroaches at least twice in my life, way longer than I should have had to. Don't call your roommates then. I would probably do it for $500,000. No, you wouldn't.

Which means I would really probably do it for $100,000. Okay. Dan. Okay, ready? How much? Dirty bird. I know. I'm not proud of it, but I got $100,000.

Also, when they find out I didn't even live there for the month, I'm like, I wasn't even there. Okay. Shouldn't have slid that cash across the table at the beginning. The amount of money. I'd be hard. I mean, $100,000 right in front of you. The amount of money

that they are offering to put 100 cockroaches in your house with kids and pets for 30 days is $2,000. Yes! You were right, Randy. And I was right. I can't believe you made sense out of that.

Times seven. They want to do seven homes at 2k a pop so fourteen thousand dollars that's all but you have to know about me i'm smart enough that i'm gonna win anyway does that spark a new podcast game show thing that you're part of yeah it's sort of uh we don't have a date or anything okay but it was really fun that you guys are doing that oh it's great it's for Smartless. We're doing, yeah, it's like a, it's a game show, but it's more of just like a, it's a game show fuck around. Yeah.

Love it. And we're just, we're trying to, I'm going to bring my friends on and see if they can beat Amy Schneider, who's like the 40 time Jeopardy champion. She's great. Second winningest person. She's great. Second winningest person. She's awesome. She's amazing.

And the most recent tournament of champions champion. And the title is? She's amazing. I think she's a Chicago girl. And the title is Amy Always Wins. Amy Always Wins. Yeah. So good luck.

Yeah. Which is also great, too, because you better have fun, because Amy's going to win. Amy's going to win. She's going to win. That is the title of the movie about your marriage, right? Amy's going to win. Amy's going to win. All right, she's gonna win. That is the title of the movie about your marriage, right? Amy's gonna win. All right, guys.

I have a story. That's story number two of the books. I've got a different way to ride in a car. Okay. And I've got that coming up after the break.

Rob Kordjie is with us, so don't go anywhere. It's Dumb People Town. And we love that you guys are watching this. We'll see you right after this break. Stick around.

Make a sound. Punk it down. It's Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. You're gonna take us back. Hey, before you jump into that show, see you right uh after this break stick around make a sound hunger down it's dumb people town hey guys welcome back to you're gonna take us back hey before you jump into that show i want to remind everybody that our patreon is only five bucks and we do your stories so send in personal dumb stories from your own life and if you say to yourself i've never done anything dumb first of all you're a liar for your second of all uh you could send in a dumb story pre-2005 if you really must but we want personal ones.

We've already got a couple. They've, they've probably started dropping as we're recording. Dan, I have a wonderful, I have a friend who wants to send in a story. How would he slash she send it in? I love when you take us into like infomercial.

All of a sudden there's a pitcher of lemonade. That sounds like a great idea. We all have sweaters. Dan, I like the sound of that. How would, how would one of my friends who was asking me about it to send in, send in? I think they just email it, right, Dan?

Is it that simple? If they act right now. Okay, how do they do it? If they act right now. What do they do? They would go to, I believe, and I love that I've never confirmed, but I'm almost sure. It's dptpodcast at gmail.com. And if you want to verify my information. Go to the Patreon. Yeah, just go to the Patreon. It should be posted up there. Patreon.com.mail.com and if you want to verify my information go to the yeah just go to the

patreon it should be posted up there patreon.com hey just put your story in and then we will do it and by the way five bucks and for five it's so much fun because we've laughed five bucks a month years awesome with our townspeople and now we get to laugh at them and we bring you in and here's the deal. You get for five bucks. It's a ad free. Is that correct? Yes.

Also you get that. You get the episodes. You get dumb people telling episodes. All right. You ready for this? Ready for the story? Yeah. The story sent in by Beth.

Thank you, Beth. I hear you calling at, wait, hold on timeout. It's been too many weeks. What? You guys followed a kiss cover band oh yeah oh my

god did you see them post about this so we followed they post a thing like oh yeah i love who booked the order of this which was fun and tongue-in-cheek you weren't being mean but but yeah this is great they're the way you have full reason i know i know but i'm just saying i didn't know who the booker was in the middle of the show in the middle of the show in the middle of the show destroy you would always have them close so obviously but i for booker was and how much they loved the event. In the middle of the show. Destroyer. You would always have them close, obviously. But I, for a second, was like, how big is this gig you guys are doing? It's at the Fillmore. Yes, it was at the Fillmore.

So I thought, did they get Gene to come out? No, it's a Jewish event. He is Israeli. He is Israeli, and so is Paul Stanley. Okay, so it's a Kiss cover band in the middle of the show. Middle of the show. You guys are in the balcony. And we're in the balcony and looking down.

And the best part is that these are just like, we watch these guys, regular dudes, like accountants, put on the makeup and put on the thing. They were crushing it. They sounded like the Gene Simmons guys. A hundred percent. They looked like insanity. So, but the Paul Stanley guy is wearing these giant platform shoes. Seven inch heels. And his heel broke off at the ball of his foot.

And so the sound guy had to come on during his final tap and tape it up as he's performing. And then he took one more step and it fell off again and he had to tape it again. You talked about it on stage. Oh, you did. Of course. At least they gave you. We're like, how Jewish is that? Of course, this is the Jewish kiss.

The guy who won't buy new shoes when his shoes are breaking. You let the platform. I can make these last. Let it fall apart on stage and then you buy a new pair. I love it. I just had to know. And then we did our bit about. Kiss.

The kid that. Like, I want to rock and roll all night and party every day. Every day. That sounds like the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. Did you see those guys on stage right now? I don't think they could. Is that on an album? We're like, yes.

I don't think they could have partied the first day after the first night that they rocked and rolled on my ear. Hipster Ghost. It's on Hipster Ghost. These guys. People need to go listen to Hipster Ghost. Go listen to that. That's a great hour.

That's a great bit. Okay. Thank you. All right. This is Beth at LoveMZU. LoveMZU. And I think she might be a new contributor. I know.

Thank you, Beth. There's a video of this, so we'll post this up as we're doing this. And our wonderful technical man, producer, engineer, Aaron, will help us with this. But man rode on top of car while SUV drove through town. Awesome. Like Teen Wolf style? Like Stiles? Maybe.

Teen Wolf style. Stiles are so good. You might have to show us on a phone. Sandusky, Ohio. Do you have footage of them? Rad people. I think it's time they changed that name of that town. You can change the name of Sandusky, Ohio. Do you have footage of that? Rad people. I think it's time they changed that name. Right, you can change the name.

It'll be in the YouTube. It'll be at the end. It'll be on social media. But somewhere you have to. You don't have to. I don't need it. So man accused of outrageous joyriding. He's accused.

That is a crime. That is a state crime. He's having too much fun, this guy. No, that'll get you. That'll grow. Minimum, like, two weeks. Who's got it? If you're not in your early 20s, what are you going through?

Jay, do you remember when we... What are you going through? Our friends... Sounds fun. Our friends in Kansas City. Jason Court and Brian Steinberg. We visited them in Kansas City when we were in high school. He had the big red, this old red car with the seatbelts.

We brought them up onto the roof and held onto them on the roof of the car and they'd drive the car. I don't have a problem with that. We used to do a thing in Rochelle where you would tie sleds to the back of snow-covered roads and the trucks would drive you around while you slid in there. I did dumber things on top of you. I mean, this is

a amateur. I mean, but road on top of the car. He's too much. All right. So here's the joyride. I would just look at this guy and be like, she's not coming back. It's not going to happen. I can get her. I can get her back.

Let me do this. You're not going to put it in the post. How fast is he going? I guess. Unless you think we need to see it right now. You guys don't need to see it. Anyway, he's up there. Anyway, so here's what happened.

Okay, on top of a UV, early Sunday morning on Columbus Avenue in downtown San Diego. So he's just going through downtown. Where are we? Downtown where? Sandusky. Sandusky, Ohio. So team obtained dash camera video of the man. So we'll show this, okay?

Okay. The officer pulled the vehicle over and charged both the driver and the man with a minor misdemeanor of riding outside the vehicle i didn't know that was a misdemeanor right in that vehicle our tom tom chris does it all the time i just want to say that tom that's how tom gets to work well apparently you ready for this lieutenant scott dalgren i'm like you i know that's your name, but you're misspelling and mispronouncing it. D-A-L-G-R-I-N? D-A-H-L-G-R-E-N.

Dalgren. Dalgren. It's illegal and extremely dangerous. Lieutenant Scott Dalgren said. We're all grateful he wasn't seriously injured. Are you really grateful? I don't know. There's no way he's grateful. Do you think he's grateful that they were seriously injured said, we're all grateful he wasn't seriously injured. Are you really grateful? Come on. I don't know. There's no way he's grateful.

I don't know. Do you think he's grateful that they were seriously injured? So we're all grateful that he was. Local cop script. Right. On the officer's body camera video, you can actually see the car come from around a building that's down there. Down there. Down there.

Where is it? Well, can you be more specific? Well, he came from down there. Oh, he's down there. Down there! Where is it? Can you be more specific? He came from down there. This is one of those local news stories that's written for everyone is already in the know. Well, it's down there. He came from down there. Well, you know how Saturdays are here. Down by the tree.

Over by Fred's? Over there, yeah. These articles tend to start out with, like, it happened again. Like, you know, you already know. You know, Janet again. We don't know Jeff anyway. And then you can see the individual standing on top of the car as he's standing on the roof. He seems to see the officer at that point.

He gets down onto his knees and then goes straight to a straight prone position on his back. Well, that's smart. Yeah. On his knees and then lays back on his back. I didn't do that. He's like a little kid hiding. Exactly. By closing his eyes.

Yeah, and you're like, are you over there? No. So this is when I would like to be driving underneath some bridges. This is, you know, just like. This is my favorite. Give this guy a haircut. This is my favorite. This is going to make you guys love the guy on the car all the more.

This is where this is the point in the article, which I love the guy on the car so much. Shortly after the officer pulled the vehicle over, he asked the man if there was any reason why he was on the roof. The man said no. God bless him. Any reason you're on the roof, sir? You don't need a reason to do that, right? Live in L-I-V-I-N. You don't need no rhyme.

Because it was there. We have not heard if it's some kind of a TikTok challenge or internet challenge. Dalgan said, probably some kind of TikTok challenge. Blame the Chinese. Why? Some sort of dank meme. the chinese why some sort of dank meme but obviously it's out there and this is something people are gonna start trying to do no we say maybe if you're saying so by the way if we were like hey have you heard about this a lot of people on top of cars recently like no this is one dumb

guy also people i guess i already cited teen. People have been doing this forever. It's not nice wolf chicken. This could get somebody hurt. But this fella is inciting a long term riot. By the way, what was the reason why he was up there? No. No reason. And no speed. I was wondering. It can't be that fast. It was not fast. We'll put the video up, but it was not that fast.

But it, to me, is just it's a short story, but it's just really the guy's response is the best. And to me, how funny real. It's a short story, but it's just really the guy's response is the best. And to me, how funny would it be if Dahlgren's description of it, he inspires there now to be a thing on TikTok. Like Dahlgren saying that it was a thing. It's like he's wagging the dog on the TikTok thing. Dahlgren, get in here, you idiot.

You did it again. You inspired a TikTok challenge. You went viral again, you mad man. Dahlgren, you son of a bitch. Dahlgren. Was there any... What if this? This would be the wrap of the whole thing. Dahlgren, was there any reason you brought up a TikTok challenge or some internet challenge

in the middle of being interviewed for this story? And he's like, no. No, there was not. No, there was not. There you go. That's the third story. That's how we do it here. This is the new version of Dumb People Time. It's as easy as that, huh?

It's as easy as that. We're on the set. Look at the new sign. We got Rob Corddry here. Check out everything. The new movie he's going to be in, 80 for Brady. Yeah. And you can check out all of our stuff.

Thank you for supporting us. Like, smash that subscribe button and the like button on this video. And let's just build this thing up. We're so happy to be at all things comedy and oh shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Bunker down.

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