Dumb People Town - Rob Corddry - How You Eeling Today?

Episode Date: May 9, 2017

This week, Rob Corddry (of Elizabeth Warren's favorite television show, "Ballers") unicycles all the way down to Dumb People Town! Rob talks about getting a gun pulled on him in Florida, and in Story #1, a member of the Illuminati is arrested after eme...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound On your downies, Dumb People Town Hey there townies, welcome to

Dumb People Town Population U Thank you to everybody Who rated this thing And reviewed it And I love the Population 1 Population 2

Population 3 Population 4 Population a lot It's a weird algorithm Because they don't show you The most ones So just Yeah

Just keep doing it Be whatever you are Here's what I want you to do For this one For anyone who hasn't Reviewed this show Because it's what keeps us On iTunes

On iTunes in the top Like you know We iTunes in the top. We were in the top ten a couple weeks ago for the whole week or last week. And top five, top four. We were four. If you review it, just write the name Jan Flotto. Write your favorite Jan Flotto thing down and then review that and then we're good to go. We have an amazing show today because a really good friend of ours, one of the people we know guys thank you not you dad jesus is with us uh today dad thought you were talking about him no

i did i really did our buddy rob corddry is here hi rob i left so many reviews of this podcast you did most of those are mine that's all you yeah I don't know if you can review you reviewed from different computers oh

different accounts some were negative too which I appreciate no I just want to balance it out you gotta mix it up I don't like everything about the show fair enough

and you know what we recognize that we need to improve some things yeah let me just say quickly thank you to those as well we had the live show that we recorded at the some things. Yeah. Let me just say quickly, thank you to those as well.

We had the live show that we recorded at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival, File Lost, which sucks. Those who were there and saw it live, super fun. But the Mark Norman show was awesome. I loved it. It was so fun.

And we'll say that this Friday, or this week as this comes out, we will be in Kansas City, the 11th through the 13th at the Improv there, so check us out there. Have fun, James. Daniel, we've got stories. Yeah.

Let's jump into a story right away, and we'll talk to Rob. And stories. All right. This was sent in by Stephen Shepard at Pepin Your Step. Hmm. Sebastian? Shit. I don't want to give him notes.

This is me, too, that I sent this in to. You sent this in to him? Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. By the way, I don't want to give him notes on the name, but I think his name is Steve Shepard and his thing is Pep and his step. I think it should be

Pep and your step. Or Pep and your Shep. You want to know what? I read it wrong. It's Pep and your Shep. Thank you very much. It is Pep and your Shep. But actually now,

like Jay's better, Shep and your step. I feel bad I read it wrong because Rob's next review is definitely going to hide it. Dan reads the names wrong. One star. Just try harder.

Okay, first of all, this show is called Dope People Town, so the bar should be low. Right, everything we do kind of fits under that rubric. If your expectation is me to always say things right, you are in for a rude...

Wrong podcast. Wrong expectation. Yes. I failed journalism school that I never went to. Go listen to Pod Saves America. Sebastian, good show, actually. Really good show.

Sebastian, Florida. Rob, I know you spent time there. How much more ballers do you guys shoot down there? We shot the first two seasons there. Wow. You lived it. Yeah, three, three and a half, four months. Just sweating.

Just in an apartment. Did you ever see a naked guy with a machete just cruising the streets? No. No, that would be... Rural Florida. That wouldn't be weird enough. It was... That place is terrible. I feel comfortable saying that now that we're not shooting there anymore.

We're shooting in LA. I don't have to go back. It's just the worst. There's nothing for me in Miami. I'm 46 years old. Right. If you're not 25 or 85, there's nothing.

It's not your place. I literally used to go back to my rental and sit in my underwear and put together jigsaw puzzles and drink wine. And play records. And play records. That's all I did. By the way. Still got arrested four times.

That's unbelievable. Still managed to. I did get a gun pulled on me. Did really serious yeah where um i forget what happened whether my alarm went off or something my house alarm like i set it off by mistake um and it was just you know it's an airbnb sure and um i was watching a movie and then i saw like lights outside what and that's always so freaky yeah that's like a bad night for John Wick. Windows are scary. Yeah.

Yeah. You get down on the floor and crawl to the bedroom. Which, by the way, that's not suspicious at all for someone looking in, a person crawling while an alarm is going on. Wait, so you saw lights and like hit the deck? No, I didn't hit the deck. But I ran to the bedroom to look out a different window to see what was going on. And I didn't see anybody, but I saw a cop car there.

And so I was like, oh, it's the cops, whatever. And I walked in. Typical white man. Typical white response. Oh, it's the cops. Great. I'm fine. Oh, they're fine with me.

Yeah. Good. And I opened the front door, and there was a cop there, and he pulled his gun out. Whoa! And I was like, holy shit. And I had to identify myself and finally... Did you start listing

all your credits? I'm Rod Corddry, Daily Show, Children's Hospital. We did the spinoff Newsreaders, which was great. Hot Tub Time Machine.

Hot Tub Time Machine 1, Hot Tub Time Machine 3. We wanted to call it 3, but they did it 2. We thought it would be funnier if it was 3. He was... He wasn't completely sold until his

partner came around back and recognized me you needed the recognition of the she was a baller he's like she's like put that away no he's good he's good he's good you live here okay along with elizabeth warren you're like elizabeth warren mentioned me in her book i can't believe elizabeth warren and cops ballers has reach elizabeth warren and cops Ballers has reach Elizabeth Warren and cops yeah not the demographic no that's who you want

yes of course and everyone in between I just picture that cop kind of like begrudgingly putting it away like alright alright

you say so I'm still going to look at this guy angrily there was another dude there my liquor delivery guy because I couldn't be bothered to go out

and get my own booze. Liquor delivery guy. He would come, this huge black dude with a gold grill, right? Greatest guy in the world. Greatest guy. Rob opens the door, you do jigsaw puzzles? Get in here, man. He would talk to me forever.

He still texts me sometimes. That's phenomenal. And he showed me, like, took me out to his car to show me the AK-47 he had on the floor of his car. Just hanging out on the floor. That's Florida, man. So that's where this story takes place. Yeah. Wow.

Crazy times. I love that Florida lives up. A woman who reported belonging to the Illuminati. She says she belongs to the Illuminati. She says she belongs to the Illuminati. That's what I'm saying. Hard rule. If you say you're in the Illuminati. You are not in the Illuminati.

It's kind of like the Walter Payton quote. If you're good at something, you tell everybody. If you're great at something, they tell you. You're in the Illuminati. If you tell everyone you're in the Illuminati, you're at best on parole. Like, maybe you'll get in. You're in the Illuminati if two people suspect you're in the Illuminati. Right. That's when you're in the illuminati you're at best on parole like maybe you'll get in you're in the illuminati if two people suspect you're in the illuminati right you're not when you're in if you say you're in the illuminati you do not have custody of your children can we all catch way

too i'm not entirely sure she said something bad to a cop which i'll say in a second which definitely got her arrested but the first part i did not understand what she was doing wrong i'll read the sentence a woman who reported belonging to the Illuminati got arrested after emerging from under a blanket. Whoa. Is that? Whoa, whoa, whoa. In Florida, they're like, we don't want you doing anything under a blanket. We don't want anything happening under blankets.

No, no, no. Not in Florida. No, you can't. It's too hot. They want to know why would you be under there. You have to. There's a law, a local. It's Miami.

Probably Miami or Dade County. Everything's got to be on top of a blanket. You'd have to be on top of a local it's miami probably miami or dade county everything's gotta be you'd have to be on top of a blanket everything on top of a blanket you can't emerge from anything yeah in florida i love too what you said i meant to say this when you like uh what did you say like uh florida is like for 18 year olds or like 68 year olds or whatever even in the show like your character has to play into that. I have to deep, deep, way down to get into everything, because it's not for you. But he wants it to be. That's the difference between me and my character. Your character wants to be down there.

She got arrested after emerging from under a blanket and telling a deputy he would burn. That's the part that gets you. Cops don't love it when you tell them He's gonna burn No that's not their best part of their day I'm gonna show you guys a picture of this woman Does she seem like someone Who would emerge from a blanket

No one's ever looked more like they just came out From under a blanket than this woman Right here Oh yeah She's got blanket head I mean all that hair is's got blanket head. She's got blanket head. I mean, all that hair is just straight blanket head. Just straight blanket head. She looks like she just was chewing her cheek.

Well, she definitely cut her own hair. That's how she does her hair, by just climbing under a blanket and sweeping it around. I like my hair to look blanket messy. Yeah, she prefers, not a down. She doesn't like a down comforter. Also arrested after emerging from a blanket. I don't know if it's the same one., not a down. She doesn't like a down comforter. Also arrested after emerging from a blanket. I don't know if it's the same one. It says a blanket.

A blanket. After emerging from a blanket was a man who yelled with the woman, quote, about Freemasons and their impending music record deal. I don't know if they're saying the Freemasons have a record deal coming up. They're talking about the band, the Freemasons. The Freemasons. Which is the lead guitarist of fog hat yeah started his own prog rock side project yeah the case of kristen morrow 37 and george davis 25 she's dipping a little bit. Look at her.

She's his manager, right? Right, yeah. Definitely like, she pays for his life. He's probably the drummer. The case of Morrow and Davis, great law firm, began March 25th on Indian River Drive in Sebastian when an Indian River County Sheriff's deputy went to a, quote, suspicious person report involving a male under a blanket. So he went to a dude under a blanket party

and a woman came out yelling about the Freemasons. It's not a party. I'm assuming these people are somewhere where they shouldn't be. They're like in a discovery zone jerking off under a blanket. Or like on someone's lawn

under a blanket. But imagine the cops. Quick, get under that blanket. The cops are on someone's lawn, under a blanket. But imagine the cop. Quick, get under that blanket. The cops are coming. They won't see us. Yeah, to them, that's an invisibility cloak.

Yeah. I just imagine the cop who's like, what are we looking for? We're looking for some person under a blanket. And they found him.

Wasn't that a Dave Matthews song? Under a blanket. Yeah, I remember dreaming. It's so good, too. Have you heard the long cut they did 20 minutes under a blanket in dreaming Christ you just need to describe my nightmare Dave Matthews doing 27 minutes of anything I guarantee there's dumb people townies listening right now who are like,

song 41 is actually pretty good. Two steps worth it when it goes that long. That's also the extent of my knowledge. The deputy arrived and saw a blanket. Okay. Yeah, we got a blanket. Yeah. You know, he spoke into his shoulder. Does it have a number like 847?

Yeah, what's the code for it? Because a 187 is a murder. It's a wool L.L. Bean four stripe. He tells her, like, you guys know this L.L. Bean. This is good for life. You return this no matter what. That's just L.L. Bean for you. It's probably an FLA.

That's probably what the code for it is. The W.R.I.F.E. saw the blanket. A woman later identified as Morrow came out from under the blanket. I imagine that was a lot of like, come on. Come on. Come on. Everybody knows you're under there. We can see that you're under the blanket.

I see a foot. Okay, so when you tell the world you're gay, you come out of the closet. Right. When you tell the world you're bi, is that coming out from under the blanket? When you tell the world that you're in the Illuminati. You're underneath the blanket. That's when you reveal to the world that you're part of the blanket. I that coming out from under the blanket? When you tell the world that you're in the Illuminati. You're underneath the blanket. That's when you reveal to the world that you're part of the Illuminati.

I've come out from under the blanket, guys. No longer do I need this blanket to cover up my true identity, which is part of the Illuminati. Quote, this is what she said, she came out of the blanket hot. Out of the blanket hot, guys. By the way, and I don't recommend that.

If you're coming out of the blanket, you want it to be a slow breath. It should be a gradual, like, oh, hey. If you're coming out of the blanket, you want it to be a slow breath. It should be a gradual, like, oh, hey, you don't come out of the blanket hot. Stretch. Yes. You know those days where you either wake up later than you're supposed to, or you wake up thinking it's later than it's supposed to be,

and you come out of the blanket hot, and then you spend the next hour trying to re-catch your breath and not throw up. You can get dizzy. Yeah, don't come out of the blanket hot. This happens if we're on the road and I'm getting one hour sleep before I have to come home. Because for us, it was always like, you've got to take the first flight back. You get a nap. You've got to take the first flight back because you've got to get back to be with the kids. And I'll maybe go to bed at 2 and wake up at 4 to get to the airport.

And the phone rings in the hotel and i've jumped up out of bed and it has made me dizzy for like three days oh my god it's the worst thing ever you came out hot you gotta come slow out of the blanket all right so what'd she say like that's a good rule for life here in dpt quote this is she comes out yelling they wrote not said no yelling screaming i am part of the illuminati and Freemasons. You have no authority and I don't have to leave. No one has said a word to her yet. No one asked her what she's doing.

No one said she had to leave. You know, that's always, if you've ever watched, like, When people start answering questions that weren't asked. When you watch an episode of Cops, or when you show up to, like, even your own family, and, like, the kids are even your own family, and the kids are already in a fight, and they're meeting you in the driveway with everything you haven't asked for. I didn't kick her in.

I didn't kick her once. I did not kick her. I did not kick her. Tells me you accidentally kicked her in the head. You kicked her, and you're trying to get out ahead of her, saying she kicked you. So the cop's like, anybody under that blanket? You have no authority here. I don't have to leave?

I'm part of the Freemasons. Ma'am, we didn't say anything about you having to leave. Nobody's saying anything. Do you believe in the Freemasons? Do you think that's like a thing? Well, yeah. I don't believe that it's a, no. You don't believe they have control in our country?

God, no. Absolutely not. I think all the founding fathers were Freemasons. They were all Freemasons. Everybody was. Right. And think all the founding fathers were Freemasons. They were all Freemasons. Everybody was. And they designed the bill, the dollar bill. I'm sure there is some influence from the way that the Freemasons ran their meetings, ran their government, so to speak, that are similar to the way that we do, and that's just because it worked.

And it was small enough back then where you could have this kind of quiet community. Yeah. You could handle things. I mean, my grandparents, my grandfather, he had a sword. Whoa. Yeah, he was a Freemason. He had a sword.

No way. I used to play with it. I also used to play with a gun. He had his guns. You were destined to shoot a show in Florida Fucking My grandfather had a gun That he would just keep out

Where? It was a shotgun A rusty shotgun What? In his basement And when they would all leave Grape band I would have

Grape band or great sexual thing To do to someone And there were bullets up there And I thought to myself I was just a kid I was like You know what'd be cool no no if I load this thing up and go out in the backyard and just pop one off that thing would

have exploded in your face blown my head off yeah the back the backlash from it or I don't know what they call that it's not even that no way that gun in that condition not having been fired for 50 years would have fired I feel like giving a d having been fired for 50 years, would have fired. I feel like a dumber kid would have tried, and you would have been toast. I think giving someone a rusty shotgun is definitely like a, isn't that like a sexual thing? That's something you do under the blanket. That's peeing under the blanket activity. She gave him a rusty shotgun.

She pees on her hands and then gives him a... That's the Moises Alou. Rob, do you know where that sword is today? That's a rusty shotgun. She pees on her hands and then gives him an agent. That's the Moises Alou. Rob, do you know where that sword is today? That's a good question. No, I don't. I don't. Grandpa's gone. Yeah, he's gone.

He's probably stuck in a rock somewhere. Yeah. Someone's got to check it out. I don't know your stance on swords, but to me personally, I'd want that in my office. That is a cool, like way high up. Way high up. Way high up. Well, no, it's funny amy's my

wife's mom's best friend was a photographer and shot all this stuff with in africa shot a bunch of like beautiful photos spent like a lot of time with an african tribe and they gave her a spear that they had made which is just it's this metal It's so simply put together, but it could definitely, like a sword, it is hanging in our living room. I'm like, what's the difference between that and the sword? You never know. It might come down to it. You have two girls.

That's right. You do not have to worry, my man. I have two girls. I don't think they know how to get it. I don't think they're going to worry. They're not going to go to my son and seek that thing out and be like, start just whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

Yeah, he'd be like, I wonder if I could throw this into the roof that would be my son's first thought and make it stick it's actually a great game but if he did it

you'd be like good job son we need to talk about how to handle a spear it's a sweet toss I mean nice trajectory but don't ever do that I don't know

I could see Georgia I could see Georgia handling a spear like nobody's business yeah I bet she could but still right don't

don't do it don't do it then Don't do it. Then they go into this article. They go down a rabbit hole of the Illuminati and some sort of BuzzFeed article explaining what it is. I'll say this. This is what they say. Opinions differ on whether the Illuminati exists, but it apparently has a website.

So, okay. Is this the paper questioning whether... Okay, fine. The website states the Illuminati is, quote, an elite organization of world leaders, business authorities, innovators, artists, and other influential members of this planet. In my mind, this Illuminati website is definitely running on angel fire. Uh-huh. And they want it that way.

Yeah. Yeah. They're like, look, the worse it is, the more people will discount it. It only works on like the third version of Netscape. That's the only browser it still works on. The more conspiracy theorists look into the Illuminati, the more sad and silly it gets. I know, right?

Because, you know, what was that club up in... Oh, the Owl? The Owl Club or something. Up in San Francisco? Is it San Francisco? I know it's the Northwest somewhere. It's like the Mere Woods or something up there, right? Yeah, they go up to San Francisco.

They go and they have this party and it's crazy. By the way, I know people who've been to that. It's like, you know, right? Yeah, they go up. They go and they have this party and it's crazy. By the way, I know people who've been to that. They do things like, you know, they all get naked and do ceremonies. And then like...

It doesn't seem... It makes it seem so less scary to me that Dick Cheney is doing this dumb thing. You know? And like Dick Cheney... And then they'll bring in

like some crazy person to sing. Yeah. You know, like Bono comes in. And not him, That's why these things get blown out of proportion because they're a weird but it is dumb thing but i think what they're latching on to is like a moment like certainly trump isn't doing it but like a moment where like obama would be like well maybe i should have bruce springsteen over to the white house to talk about like

how to connect with like working class people or something where they're like let me talk to someone who's had 40 years of experience of connecting with an audience and let me talk to these people because they might have ideas of how we can do this better and and it becomes this thing where they are like consulting with people who are successful right but then they like drench themselves in cow's blood and burn a totem. Yeah. Which makes people feel like, oh, no, there's something bigger going on here. True. That's the crazy fringe. I'm talking about like, yeah, okay, there is a cabal of artists and smart people who

maybe weigh in and help the leaders of this country make some choices. It's like a de facto Illuminati. It kind of is. In a way, it's a- Why isn't Corddry a part of that? It smells like a cover-up because it's a they're covering up nothing just embarrassing right exactly weird stuff they've been doing since the 1880s covering up like an old person elephant walk yeah it's uh what is it

yeah walking through occam's razor yeah exactly well the website says that there are, whatever, meanwhile, a deputy, the deputy reported a man later identified as Davis. He then, he also came out from under the blanket. So do they know he was- How big was this blanket? It's a big- Humongous blanket. California King?

California King. Definitely. It's like a clown blanket. Like, you don't know how many people are under that blanket. Or there was a hole underground. There was probably a hole under the blanket. The ground, and then people get emerging from the hole

can I just say what I love about Dumb People Town I guarantee on Twitter someone will tell us exactly what the name of that organization was and we won't even have

to have looked it up we'll let the town it takes a town it does take a town it takes a town that's what Hillary said Morrow she kept yelling

and the deputy told her to lower her voice I guarantee a ma'am was thrown in there at the beginning and end of his sentences ma'am lower your voice ma'am we'll I guarantee you a ma'am was thrown in there at the beginning and end of his sentences. Ma'am, lower your voice, ma'am. We'll not listen to you, ma'am,

unless you lower your voice. And that just made her want to go higher. You're right. The next quote. She continued to yell and rant that she was a famous music talent and she knew judges and her family would have my job,

the cops said. Music judges? Like judges from like American Idol? Randy Jackson. Yeah. Davis began questioning why he was being detained. If I'm the cop, I'm like, I need you guys to hold still

because I want to see how many more people are going to come out. Their whole thing is just come with as much heat as possible. Why are we being detained? My family owns judges. I'm going to get your job. People are screaming, screaming, screaming, hoping that they'll just be like, we're getting away.

Morrow! Shut up! What is it, Davis? When'll just be like, we're getting away. Marl. Shut up. What is it, Davis? When the cop gets here, we come out hot. Just come out firing. Just don't breathe. Give him the old rusty shotgun. The more we say, the more likely he is to forget why he's even here.

Hey, should we come out too? Are we going to stay under the blanket? That's weird. We'll stay under the blanket. Stagger. When we sing the second verse of our hit album, you guys can come out. under the blanket we'll stay under the blanket when we get into when we sing the second verse of our

hit album you guys can come out we come out of the blanket bring the castanets still hot still hot

coming out hot of the blanket Kyle Kyle I need you to reattach that tag cause the cop ain't gonna ring himself for that

either they're here dude they're here there's just a whole there's a community of people in bylaws and like a government system set up under the blanket all in favor the nays have it

that is the rule no matter where you are you gotta whisper under a blanket you can't talk under a blanket you save your yells for the other side of the blanket yeah stored up that's an out of blanket voice so she's yelling about their music deal and the judges are going to take his job while davis i feel like a little less coming in a little less out just wanted to know why are we here why are we here officer why are we here davis and maro kept yelling quote about Freemasons and their impending music record deal and the celebrities, judges, and power their family had. I don't believe them. Quote, I was advised I would lose my job and burn.

I think that's what a cop's like. That's a threat. That's a threat. That's violent. You know what I think is really lovely about this story is when two people who are the same kind of crazy meet each other. Yeah. Yeah. other, yeah. Yeah. It's nice.

It's really nice. Because neither one has to go to a dinner party and make an excuse for the other one. No, their crazy compliments the other's crazy. That's right. The amount of times they've gone to a dinner party, let's pretend it's more than that. Let's pretend they've been to a dinner party. Is them leaving the dinner party being like,

those people, they were weird. They didn't get anything we were saying. It's them against the world. It's us against the world. I had your back in that conversation. Nobody understands us at all. I'm glad we left early. I mean, I felt like they wanted us to go, but it's because they knew it was our choice. They weren't hearing what we were saying.

I just want to get home, get under the blanket. Go back to doing what we do better. So talk about the Illuminati. Instead of burning, so yeah, okay. So they said, we're going to burn. Quote, I'll lose my job and then burn. Instead of burning, the deputy arrested Morrow and Davis, each on disorderly conduct charge. Morrow, that poor girl, she was also arrested on a resist arrest without violence charge.

Of course. Which means, I guess she said no. No, I'm not going. No violence or anything other than her saying don't arrest me. As they're clipping her in. Yes. No. Nope.

They wrap it up like this. Details of their impending music record deal and the celebrity's judges and their power their family had were not listed. What does the best music come out of? Stories of being arrested. Yeah. Stories of coming up against Fuck the Police. These are the songs.

What the cops are doing is gifting them their next album. They're on their way to an outlaw country album. It's theirs to lose. Under the blanket. Under the blanket in Burnham. Morrow and Harris. What are their names? Morrow and Davis. Under the blanket You also

Rob perfectly described Every element of their life It's theirs to lose So here's what I want you It's theirs to lose Morrow and Davis Under the blanket This is what I'm

As we head to break right now I want our fans Who are creative and artistic To design the album cover If you can For Morrow and Davis If anybody's If you can do it Morrow and Davis Under If anybody's... If you can do it.

Morrow and Davis under the blanket, and if they're out there, they'll find it. And no fucking Afghans. Yeah! No. I don't see anything... Keep it real. ...crocheted.

All right, guys, that's the first segment. Rob Corddry is with us. Yes. He's so excited. Dan Van Kirk, Jay Slater. No, we have two more segments to go. We're emerging from this blanket. Great show.

We emerged from the blanket of this show hot, and we're just going to keep getting hotter. I am out of here. No, wait a second, Rob. This is Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. We got Rob Corddry with us. New season of Ballers is on when? Is it... You just finished shooting. July. July.

July something. And luckily shot in LA, which I know is like a nice thing to have you back here. It's amazing. It's such a fun show, man, too. I have a blast doing it. It's great. Can I also tell you, this is probably the tiniest role in any film you've ever had, but my kids go crazy, Liev goes crazy when he sees you because he knows you,

at the very beginning of Muppets Most Wanted. All you say is, all right, that's a wrap. That's a wrap, we're gone, and that's it. That's it, and then he walks off camera. I play the first AD of the first movie, I guess. That's right. It starts right with the first. I play the first AD of the first movie, I guess. That's right. It starts right with the first. I was cut out of the first one.

The Muppets. Yeah, the Muppets. I played a Hollywood Boulevard Superman who just goes to the Muppet Theater and basically goes on stage, leaves the stage, and everybody's wallet's gone. So it was really funny, but it was kind of a long bit. And they called me to tell me like they were like hey man listen we but hey listen Billy Crystal got cut too yeah you're working too hard yeah it's like it happens what

a nice what they made the call though I actually said it on that day shooting this is yeah Jason Segel's like there's no way this is gonna be in the movie They made the call, though. I actually said it on that day, shooting. This is going to go. Yeah, Jason Segel. I was like, there's no way this is going to be in the movie. And Segel's like, you're right. He's like, this is a giant way. Yeah, he just kind of shrugged and smiled. Waste of time. Yep.

Well, speaking of movies, you are in a movie that our friend Ken Marino directed. That's right. Called How to Be a Latin Lover. And that is fascinating. I saw the billboards. I knew he was doing it. And I remember we kind of talked about it when we had seen you and him earlier.

And I knew he was doing it. And then I started seeing all these billboards up about it. Yeah, they really plugged it. And it was this really kind of the most Latin-y dude ever with a rose in his mouth and shirtless and sunglasses on. O'Haniel Derbez. And so this guy, for those who don't know, and most people in America don't know him, he's the biggest movie star really in the world.

Might be. So all Latin countries understand who this guy is. Oh, yeah. Huge. And knows. He just opens movies left and right there. George Clooney of Latin America. Of Latin.

Who's George Clooney? Oh, God damn. So it was a lost reference. I can't help it. I'll go back in the blanket get under the blanket Rosemary Clooney's son yeah

so oh okay so he so and so he's the star of this movie and you're is he trying to cross you're trying to cross him over

well he had a movie that kind of crossed over that was on it was all Spanish language called Instructions Not Included or something

okay and it somehow like seeped into the- American? Yeah. Yeah. There, there. It was on planes and stuff. I don't think it was ever released in the theaters.

But that got people wondering who he was, I think. And then he decided to make the jump. And he made the leap. And our buddy Ken Marino from the state who this was his directorial debut or had he directed anything before this? He had directed

a ton of TV. He directed a lot of Children's Hospital. Oh, cool. Directed Burning Love. Oh, yeah. But he did a bunch of TV. So he had directorial experience

but this is the first feature. Yeah. And it came in, it's released. So if you guys want to go out and see a really cool movie, go see it. But you're in it. Yeah, I'm in it a little bit. You're in, it's released. So if you guys want to go out and see a really cool movie, go see it. But you're in it.

Yeah, I'm in it a little bit. You're in it a little bit. And no, no, no. More than The Muppets. More than The Muppets. Yeah, yeah. But it came in at number two. Yeah.

That's crazy. In the box office. And that's here. It was beaten by The Fast Car Movie. Look, no one's going to beat The Fast and the Furious. No one's going to beat that. Right. It's just driving on ice.

That's what I'll call it. Ice road truckers. Yeah. So I play in this, in this funny story, I play Raquel Welch's bodyguard slash chauffeur. Yeah, love it.

And my whole job in the movie is to keep him away from her. That's hilarious. You know, because she's this rich white woman. And at the end, there's this love connection that sparks between us. You and Raquel Welch.

Yeah. How does she look? Stop. Okay. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Just like the poster. Yeah. Nice. Long pause. Long pause. She goes, Ken was like, and I know it doesn't say it in the script but why don't you guys

like at this moment make out you know it'll be funny and we'll just cut wherever we want and she

I swear to God she looked at me and then looked back and she went no what I was gonna say the same I mean you look beautiful

she didn't want she didn't want it she didn't look beautiful. She didn't want it. She didn't want to piece it. Didn't want it. Her loss. We're like, let's do it. Let's do it right now. Oh, now we're going to do it.

This is called acting. This is called acting. You go hard the other way. What if Jake Gyllenhaal said no in Brokeback Mountain? Then you don't have a movie. Then you don't have a movie. I love that you think Jake gyllenhaal would have a problem with heath ledger what if it's the other way around he ledgers like i can't do it with this

guy he's not good looking enough yeah why was it jake gyllenhaal because or what if he's like he ledger was like i may he was he receiving what if he's he ledger was like look i'm not gay but he is clearly not my type so i can't do this it just doesn't work for the character it doesn't work it doesn't work for who I've created this person for. What if we give him a mustache? Okay.

Now we're talking. I'm at the table. I'm going to unzip my pants. I'm at the table and here we go. That's amazing. Well, anyway, that's out.

You have a bunch of stuff. Did you just finish another movie too or what do you... I got a movie coming out that I have a little bit part in but i did it because um uh bill macy was the director oh fun and yeah he's awesome and um that's what he wants it's called uh the layover i don't know when what the deal with that is oh

and shimmer lake friend of ours um wrote and directed a movie that uh it's coming out in uh june i think right to uh netflix you just need to start working more that's coming out in June I think right to Netflix you just need to start working more that's the only if anybody out there can get Rob all this shit was made at

different times I know but all of it comes out at the same time ever since you came out of the blanket

you've done so well you really have 20 years out of the blanket and every day is a gift I do I praise and I say

thank you for allowing me to be out of the out from under the blanket you guys want to do another story okay here we go this was sent in by N.E.S. Jumpman

N.E.S. Jumpman love this dude yeah love him as well here we go oh I'm going to tell you now all of the puns you're about to hear

were not from the newspaper yeah this is not Dan trying to be funny. So if the next part is the best thing you've ever heard on Dumb People Town, we don't deserve that credit. I wanted to mention that

about the first article. The reporter had a good time writing it. He was subtle. He was subtle. I'm guessing it's not as subtle. This is going to be a little what we call over the blanket. subtle. He was subtle. This, I'm guessing, is not as subtle. Rob, this is gonna be a little what we call over the blanket.

The first sentence, you're gonna know everything we're in for. We're on top of the blanket here. A Texas woman took the plunge into viral infamy when she got her hand stuck in a toilet. I took the plunge. Yes. Also, if you got your hand stuck in a toilet,

I'm sorry, but I feel like whatever happens, you deserve. Wait, do you remember taking the Nesty plunge? That ad campaign? Do you remember that or are you too young for that? Nesty was an iced tea. To raise awareness for cancer? No. It's not like an ice bucket challenge.

No one cared about cancer back then. It was a woman in a bathing suit like diving into a giant glass falling backwards into a pool with a glass of iced tea. What a waste.

A waste of iced tea. Taking a plunge. It looks pretty refreshing to me. So wait, this is how I'm supposed to enjoy Nestea is not to drink it

but just to fall in. Just like Kool-Aid. The Kool-Aid guy busted through walls. Let the actual glass cool my hand and then fall back into a pool.

Take the plunge, man. Yeah. Never heard of it. All right, so this woman took the plunge by getting her hand caught in a toilet. Gracie Henderson

was having a tough time with the move into her new home in New Caney in Texas. Quote, a water pipe busted in the wall the day I moved in. I got my car stuck in the mud in my front yard.

Don't park your car in your front yard. Yards are for playing, not parking. So this is clearly a woman who does not make the right decision. Can't do that. Stuck her hand in the toilet. Can't do that. Her water pipe busted the day she moved in, and my brand new lawnmower stopped working.

So, remember those old, like, 1970s country songs that were just like a story of how the day went bad? Yeah, my dog ran away. She just wrote a country song. Yeah, but one of those, like, and I looked on over to my left. Like, one of those, like, story-driven country songs. The guy who's talking and not yet.

Waylon Jennings. She's going through one of those bad driven country songs. and not yet. It's Waylon Jennings. She's going through one of those bad days. Charlie Daniels. Yes. Then, I apologize in advance for an article

I did not write. Then she got a royal flush of misery. Flush again. Son of a bitch. You have a lot of fucking balls. How dare you?

The part I love most is the three of your regretful sighs was probably matched by everyone else in Dumb People Town. You don't know it, but you all just did that together. Everybody did it the same time they heard the... Jeez. God. Her royal flush of misery on April 12th when her toilet clogged and she didn't have a plunger.

Right. Henderson, that might be a good time to go buy one. Yeah. Nope, not Gracie Henderson. Gracie Henderson thought she might be able to fix the clogged commode by sticking her hand into the pot. Why? Yeah.

Why? That's right. Why do you want to get a handful of shit that bad? Yeah. Like what? You got to do what you got to do. Let's see if I can get down there and figure this out. It's a woman who makes great decisions.

Nothing bad could come out of this. Well, see, that's what I love. Since they listed so many other bad things in her day that happened. You're like, this is on her. This was her, in a dumb way, striking back. Do you know what I mean? She's like, nope, not this. She wanted this.

Yeah, like, part of her was like, you know what? I'm not letting, this is the, I'm handling this. But once she got stuck, you know she played the victim. But if you reach for a handful of shit. Why does this always happen to me? You literally reach for a handful of shit, you deserve what you get. Reach for a handful of shit, you're going to get a handful of shit? Yes.

If you're good at it. You're going to get stuck in the shit, just like your car got stuck in the yard, dummy. Instead, she got herself into a real shit storm. I did not write this no when her watch got stuck and by extension the hand it was on so she didn't even take her watch off to reach down my favorite rebecca day mornay movies the hand that sticks go for it you got it oh man the watch that those could have been so beautiful who didn't get it you diver who didn't get a... You knew they didn't get a good jump,

and you're watching them go towards the water, and you hear, like, something... I just splashed so huge. Just a whisper, like, this is going to be a splash. The hand that... Like your legs. The hand that clocked... The hand that plunged the toilet.

You can give it up. You can give it up. You don't have to die on this sword. You can give it up. The hand that clocked the Babel. You can just say goodbye to this one. The hand that rocked the toilet. You can give it up. You can give it up. You don't have to die on this sword. You can give it up. The hand that clocked the babel. You can just say goodbye to this one. The hand that rocked the baby. That's even worse.

That's farther from it. The hand that clocked the baby. Jason is trying to help Randy. Maybe there's nothing there. And Rob and I are trying to help both of them. Maybe there's nothing there. There's nothing there. Just on the dive, your legs were...

The hand that clocked... Nope, Randy. The crap that robs the hand. The crap that robs the hand. The crap that robs the hand. The hand that rocked the clock. The hand that clocked the crapple. That's the best you've done. Wow.

For the listener at home, Rob left. I'm sorry. So, yeah, she got herself into a shitstorm. Who... She must have... There's no thought given. You don't even take the watch off. I'm sorry so yeah she got herself into a shitstorm who she she must there's no thought given you don't even take the watch off

I've done some stupid things in my life I've looked at a situation said I can handle this and then not handled it and I but sticking your hand

in a toilet I'm now showing everyone this woman wait a minute they have disconnected the toilet carried it outside with her arm attached

to it I feel like they're going to have to destroy everything like she's just cut her arm off at the toilet and carried it outside with her arm attached to it. I feel like they're going to have to destroy everything. Just cut her arm off at the elbow and start over. This is like the best or worst episode of that show, Emergency. Look at the embarrassment. Look at the dog looking on behind her. The dog is definitely licking her under thigh to a point that's really annoying.

I will also say... Chauncey, no! Not at all shocked that she's wearing flip flops. Oh, I was going to say not at all shocked she has a tattoo on the top of her foot. Yeah.

Foot tattoo. This is a great opportunity to say, guys, we're currently talking about the photo we're looking at. Oh, yeah. The Dumb People Town

Facebook page is, we are up over 500 people in the span of like three days when we're recording this. Let's do it. The people are like chiming in. They're saying, people are like, I know where this happened. Great, I love it. Let's do it. People are chiming in. They're saying, I know where this happened.

I love it. It's the best. Dumb People Town walking tours. Let's get into it. It's at Dumb People Town on Facebook. So all these photos will be up. If Dumb People Town

had a Planet Hollywood in it, this destroyed toilet would be right behind the hostess's desk. No, no, yeah. Over the bathroom. So I'm running that page and I love everybody that's shown up.

And I'm going to say this. People are reviewing it on there as well. There'll be sunglasses on that toilet. Oh, Henderson was flushed with embarrassment. No. Fuck you. Stop it. Fuck you.

Stop it right now. No. It's like the writer is a dog that keeps going back to eat his own shit. No. No. No. Bad. She's flushed with embarrassment.

Do you think the person who wrote this was like, Dave, come over here. Can you help me think of any more puns I could work into this story? She's already used flush twice. Yeah. Yeah. Henderson, Gracie was flushed with embarrassment because she works as a medic and knew how ridiculous her call was going to sound to first responders okay hey guys it's gracie what's going on hon well hear me out let me tell you what happened earlier in my

day which put me in a position to make this mistake. I'm listening. I'm listening. You sound like you're in a tunnel or something. What's happening? You know how I told you I got that waterproof watch? Yeah. Well, it is waterproof.

Oh, that's good to know. That's good to know in our line of work. But leaving it on has ruined my day. Okay. I want to hear this story. I want to hear this story. She said, quote, it's not really stuck. I'm not really. This is her talking, quote, it's not really stuck. I'm not really, this is her talking to herself.

It's not really stuck. I'm not really about to call 911 for this. We've all done crazy stuff as medics, but I've never done a hand stuck in a toilet. Okay, stop prefacing. Stop prefacing. Stop everything. She told this too. I usually take this out because I don't matter.

She told all that too, Inside Edition. Inside Edition is the television show of dumb people, Tom. Yep. That is on. Inside Edition is like their nightly news. Access Hollywood with not famous people. Yeah. Yeah.

Inside Edition is just like fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. Hand in a toilet. Dog with three legs. Dog with three legs. Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. Hand in a toilet. Dog with three legs dog with three legs like it's like fear fear fear fear fear hand in a toilet she should like look i understand it's a little bit harsh in some muslim countries that if you caught stealing they cut your hand off right this is a cut your hand off moment

yes this is how you learn this is how other people learn from it i hate to make an example this reporter should get their hands cut off that Both hands. Emergency medical services came to Henderson's home to rescue her. Gracie was probably so happy. The operation required removing the toilet from the bathroom, carrying it outside so that all the neighbors can see. Lay it out on the lawn. With her hands still in it and then breaking it open

with a sledgehammer. Who do you let have the sledgehammer? That's my point. I love our EMS. I have EMS people in my family. But breaking a porcelain toilet with a sledgehammer while a woman's hand is side. With her face crouching down next to it. I mean, you yell mazel, obviously.

Of course you say mazel tov. That's right. Yes. But it just feels a little too, like a little too egregious. My question is, did the people next to her under the blanket wake up when the impact happened? Do we hit it with a sledgehammer?

The yeas have it. So yeah, they hit it with a sledgehammer, broke open the toilet around her hand. Quote, my son was mortified when all the EMGs... Son? Son? It came with the tattoo. This is when you realize your parents are flawed people.

Was mortified when all the EMS and fire showed up. Of course they did. All of them. Everybody. You knew it was all wanted to see this. Hey man, what are you guys doing? Are you doing anything right now? We're going to need backup. You know that they're not taking it seriously when as they're leaving the station.

People are saying to each other, who are you riding with? Are you riding with us? Because we've only got four. Come with me. Come with me. Come with me. Just jump in with us, and then you can ride back with them. Don't even worry about making dinner tonight.

We're going to watch this, and then we're going to go out for dinner. Dave and Busters. Henderson now needs a new toilet for the home. No kidding. She already has something that is almost as perfect. A new plunger donated to her by Inside Edition. Inside Edition needs to step back. That's all Inside Edition could do?

Inside Edition should take care of everything. But Inside Edition should just have tons of plungers because they live in the shit. That's what they do as a TV show. Quote, this is my best friend from now on, Gracie Henderson told the show. I can't believe the author didn't do an inside the toilet edition. I just, the moment, never reach into a pipe. Wait, what's the, what's her best friend? The plunger.

Not her son. Wait, for real? Or her dog. That's what she said. For real. For real. Not aer. Not her son. Wait, for real? Or her dog. That's what she said. For real. Yeah, for real. Not a bit. Not her son or her dog.

There wasn't just like a symbolic metaphor? No, she means it. You're my best friend now. Forever. You're my best friend now. You listen to me. You don't talk back. Do you want to go to the movies?

You fix things. You fix things for me. Do you think the reporter had to refrain from writing, from what I hear, the plunger is a shitty friend? No. That would have been a good one. Pretty good. Crappy situation.

She turned to the plunger and said, sucks to be you, and then laughed. Yeah. I'll tell you this. This is the number two bad thing that's happened to her today. That's going to do it for our second story. Our third one coming up, it's going to be a hard listen's going to do it for our second story. Our third one coming up, it's going to be a hard listen, and I have a disclaimer. Okay, I can't wait to hear it.

That second story really bowled me over. Get under the blanket. Maybe there'll be a new movement to have plungers in every new house. You really reached into the bowels for that last story, Dan. I'm not doing this. I hate to dump all my problems on you, but that's what I do.

Oh, crap. We have one more story left. It's like I lit a fire in here. These guys are like, yeah, we can do it. Oh, yeah. We're allowed to go there? Well, I hope you guys enjoyed our can do it. Oh, yeah. We're allowed to go there? Well, I hope you guys enjoyed. He gave us permission. I hope you guys enjoyed our number two story.

Oh, man. Oh, man. I can't help it. The clock that handled the... All right. We'll be back with more Dumb People Town. Rob Gorgi, Dan Van Kirk, right after this. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Dumb People Town. All right, everybody. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. As we mentioned earlier, come see us in Kansas City this weekend. You have to. Yes, at the Improv from the 11th through the 13th.

And, hey, we're going to be in Tulsa at this comedy festival that's there September 8th and 9th. I think we're going to be doing a live Dumb People Town there. We're going to be in Houston, Texas November 17th, 18th, around there. Whatever that weekend is, we're going to do another. We're going to do another live Dumb People Town there, which we will make sure that gets recorded. So check our website, supersclarge.com. We're about to

update that, and we are literally putting our fall together for the live shows and how we're doing that. One last thing I want to ask you about, Rob, is there going to be a children's spinoff? We're talking about it right now. Nice. That show is so good. That show won Emmys, period. Period.

I know, right? I mean, it's fantastic. To stand up there and hold an Emmy. Yeah. How many times did you thank God in one speech? Oh, God. You gave all the glory to God. And then in one speech you took it back.

To him. I just said to him. To him. I didn't even have to say God. I knew. I was like, look up. I wish you would, in one speech, say, listen, I know a lot of people give glory to God. I'm going to take a little bit back from him.

Yeah. He's had enough. This one, he's had enough. Enough glory enough maybe you can give a little bit what about a little to the to the kid over here okay so the next time you win an emmy i want you to take some glory on god i say the next time because i'm that confident that it's gonna happen well let me just be the first to say that i hope it goes and i'm gonna thank you ahead of time for including us in it already. Thank you. That's so nice of you. Thank you so much for that. Yes. That's really fantastic.

No, we actually had reads. We had some twins read. And we found some great, funny twins. No, really funny twins. Wait a minute. Ouch. That's great. Because we can only do twins.

Yeah. No, you've got to look around. You've got to look around. I mean. It's a lot of great talent out there. Don't stick your hand in the toilet on that one. All right, we have one more story, Dan. Read the disclaimer.

What's the disclaimer? What's the disclaimer on this? Of course, I want to say it was sent in by Eric James Hiltner. Hiltner. Taking it to the Hiltner. Yep. At EJH underscore 3K. Just a short little race.

3K. Yeah. Okay. All right. Here's my disclaimer. I wrote this out for our listeners, for everybody in Dumb People Town. This is going to be tough to hear, and it's important to keep in mind that no one dies. Okay, good.

And most important of all, I checked to see if this was fake, and I don't think it is. I should disclaimer that disclaimer by saying- It could be fake. It's Dumb People Town, so if it's fake, feel free to let me know because we're all in this town together. You know, the story may be fake, but the comedy that we create around it is very real. I don't think it's fake. I tried to find out. Oh, also.

It's like wrestling, man. So you've been forewarned. Wherever you're at, be prepared. Also, this may be the dumbest of the dumbest people to ever reside in our little town holy crap here we go i'm gonna if i'd only read excuse me if i only read the first sentence to you guys we hoping to cure his constipation oh god yeah yeah get her hand up there. A guanzu, guanzao, I can't say it, a man, recently inserted a live eel up his anus. No.

No. That had little to do with constipation. I did not think that's where that was going to go. It is. It is where it went. Unfortunately. I'll never stick unagi up my ass again. Believe it or not, unfortunately, it made his insides worse.

That's called a caterpillar roll. A lot worse. Oh. Well, yeah. Think about the eel. I'm sorry. I'm thinking about the eel. The eel's probably like, what are we doing right now?

I think all parties were hurt by it, including us. Yeah. It's horrible. Yeah, it's horrible to do that to an animal. I mean, the fact that Richard Gere still has to answer questions to them. Leave animals alone, you fucking perverts. Okay, do we believe

that the Richard Gere thing really happened? No. Is it where there's smoke, there's fire? No. But why aren't they coming up with those things about other people? Why would they do? Yeah, it's a great one about Ron Howard. What did Ron Howard do? Oh, no, do not say what did he do say what is the what is the the the the urban myth is what he paid he pays um uh hookers extra so

he can beat them up no now that's becomes a story like that because it's ron how it's the most unlikely sounds unlikely i hope it's I hope it's not happening. Of course it's not happening. I would like to say to Ron Howard, listening, I didn't laugh. No. Jason and Randy definitely laughed. We laughed at how absurd it is. I laughed at the absurdity of the story.

We're doing God's work, Mr. Howard. We're helping you out. Happy to be in anything that you do. By debunking this. Because the idea of Ron Howard punching anybody is crazy. But now let's get back to the story. Richard Gere sticking a gerbil up his ass. Well, which is completely fabricated.

I think that's another thing. Like, he's, you know, at the time was just like the hottest actor around. So handsome. Like, how can we bring him down a peg? He's just the most unlikely person, so that story fits. With a gerbil up the ass. Right. But this guy. i'm a great conspiracy

debunker i actually think you know what i actually think i'm gonna watch your conspiracy debunking show on adult smith people hate it they do i have a theory about why people hate it why well i want you to debunk it once you debunk your theory the why people hate it i think it's just a bunch of people who are trying to or out to get you and trying to take you down. I think the whole Richard Gere- That's exactly right. I think the whole Richard Gere-Gerbil thing was financed by a society for more hamsters in the world.

They're trying to discredit both him and Jim Hamsters. And now we're polluted with the things. They're everywhere. And guinea pigs. Rob, can I also say that if you created like a 1994 A&E Network looking conspiracy

debunking show on Adult Zone where you create the conspiracies that you're also debunking would be hilarious. Why are we doing that? That's actually not a bad idea.

It's a fantastic idea. It's just you playing it so straight and so like Bill Curtis. Dan, mail this idea to yourself and then pitch it to him. I won't pitch it.

And pitch it to him. Wait, Rand, whatever happened with your family? Do you want to run the tape back so you don't have to say that on the air? And the gerbils. We might. Whatever happened to your family and the hamster? Did you not get one?

They want guinea pigs. My kids want guinea pigs so badly. Exactly. Thank you. They want one really bad? Yes, they want them so badly. That's all right. My son wants an Apple Watch.

Do you want me to tell you something cool? Neither of them need it. Look, an Apple Watch doesn't take a shit all over your bedroom. It does in other ways. My kids had an African pygmy hedgehog. Yes. What? Yes.

Why? It's illegal in California. Where did it go? It died. Oh, yeah. Those things are riddled with disease. Tell me you brought it back from Florida. No, even better.

I was in Florida when my wife went she called me and she was like i got a great idea for a pet she's anti-pet and she's like i'm gonna get an african pygmy hedgehog it will die soon and then they'll never want to pet again she's like i'm meeting a guy no in the parking lot of a crispy cream in the city of industry no all of those words that's a dumb people town story or it's like the opening scene to like better call Saul like an episode of that so that's the point at which you call me and you say please go talk to her go talk her down you and Amy go talk to her again I'm at the parking lot his office is under a blanket. No! Yeah. I made her FaceTime me while she was doing it. Oh, yeah.

Because, so I could watch her get raped and murdered. Oh, my Lord. She bought this animal? She bought it. Well, the pygmy hedgehog chose her. Oh, yeah. That's true. That is how that works.

And then it died. It died of wobbly hedgehog disease. No. That's a thing. No! Yeah, they're riddled with genetic diseases. Oh, yeah. And then it died. It died of wobbly hedgehog disease. No. That's a thing. No. Yeah, they're riddled with genetic diseases. Oh, yeah. Can people die of wobbly hedgehog disease?

God, do not think so. I can't believe George Clooney stuffed an African hedgehog up his ass. Yeah. Here we go. And this is how the rumors get started. And I can't get my son to stop playing Sonic the Hedgehog. In L.A., I think it's called Franklin Canyon Park. Okay.

It's the pond where they shot the opening scene to the Andy Griffith show. It's like up in the hills. It's this gorgeous park that I found by accident. The road you go through it is only open when the sun's up. Okay. Wild guinea pigs running all over the place. Just take the girls there and let them see them and then take the girls back home without one. No, my friend's had us.

I can't get into this. Get a betta fish. We have betta fish. Died. One died. One is still working. Shit. We're still betta.

One's still working. One's still working. One's still working. One broke. One's still working. What happened to the fish, Dad? It broke, honey. One broke.

And the other one's still working. It's batteries died. It's batteries died. It died from wobbly hedgehog disease. Stop it. So yeah, the eel makes his insides worse. The 49-year-old man, surnamed Louie. Lou?

I can't. I'm not good, guys. It doesn't matter. He stumbled. Of course he did. That's the most accurate part of this story. You got an eel up your ass. He went into a hospital last week in severe pain from the mother

of all stomach aches i hope that's how he described it doctor i got the mother is this written after the mother of all bombs i know doctors saw that his stomach was swollen up to an abnormal size and immediately rushed him into surgery during the operation they were surprised to find an eel still alive this is like the words i'm about to read that it's true swimming around inside him fuck just those words put together are everything's wrong no matter what has happened this is the moment though where you do like where you you're testing the waters as to whether you're gay or not just just as you're putting it in. Yeah, yeah. You're like, could I do this? You're jumping in the deep end, I think. Could I do this?

He was constipated. Could I do this? He was constipated. You're skipping right over gay and you're in some other way. You're into a fetish. Guys, I said he was constipated. He was constipated. All right.

Fine. Yeah. He was blocked up for sure. Yeah, he was. He's not blocked up now. No. Rob has doubled down on the pun game. Yeah.

Fortunately, doctors were able to extract the eel and save his life. I'm going to ask you guys, how many inches long was the eel? Now, Rob, you are a guest, so you get to decide if you want to go first or you can go last. I'm sure it's a big eel. It's got to be an eel. How many inches? I want to go first. Too big for us to imagine, So I'll say 19 inches.

19 inches. That's the length I think my daughter was when she was born. I think she was 19 inches. I'm going to say 12 inches. A foot. Yeah, a foot long eel. Swimming around inside of it. A queen's foot.

I'm going to go two feet. 24 inches. 24 inch eel. The eel pulled out of his body after swimming around inside him. Still alive. It might have grown a little bit while it was inside of him.

I'm going to tell you right now, listener at home, make your guess how many inches. Thank you. Someone in this room has hit it on the head. Oh, yeah. I think it's Rob.

The eel. I think it's Jason. Is 19. Yeah! Holy shit! Welcome to Dumb People Town, Joey! Nine, Jesus! Good for me!

Now, does the eel... I'm holding my hands up to show you what that is. Guys, hold on. Think about what has happened in this earth for us to celebrate. A guy had to do this to himself for us to have this moment of existence. This moment that, Rob, you got it right. Don't you feel good about it? I'm in the Illuminati.

You're under the blanket on that one. 19 inches. Oh my lord. Oh my god. They have a picture of the eel. Of him taking the eel out of the man. Yeah, look, you can take the eel out of the man, but you can't take the man

out of the eel. Again, you can see on his dismount that he was not going to stick it. That is the clock that eeled the blockle. Look, that's a story that's going to follow this guy probably for the rest of his life. The gear thing wasn't true, and that's following him around.

Yeah. This is going to be... This is unfortunately going to define him. He won't be able to get rid of the eel. He's like our Cadbury egg guy. Yeah, the guy... It's like a small town. Yeah.

You know? Yeah, and they're like... They know him. What up? What up, EEL-S? What up, EEL-S? How you eeling today? You eel good? town yeah you know yeah and they're like there is how you feeling today you feel good what do what do you want to sit on you want to sit on that rocking chair you want to sit on you want to sit in the aquarium you son of a bitch you son of a bitch what else you got up there huh you got a got a bait of fish? But the eel's fine. Later, he told doctors he had heard that a live eel was an effective folk remedy for folk song remedy. From who?

From constipation and decided to give it a shot. Hey, you know what else works with constipation? Prunes. So that's one lesson learned. So many things. Coffee. It's not clear if they also managed to cure his constipation. What's the ruling on that when you put an eel up your ass?

Is it a catch and release situation? You got to put it right back in the wild? No, you got to stick it in someone else's... Depends on how big it is. 19 inches, you can keep it. 19 inches, you can keep it? If you have an eel license, you can keep it. I hope that once his stomach started to hurt

because it was swimming around inside of him, he had an equally dumb relative or friend who was like, you just got to let it work its way through, man. Yeah, man. I think you just got to rub honey. You didn't see it through. You just got to rub honey on your belly

and then just some weird ass. If you cut your stomach with a butter knife, it'll come out and you'll feel better. Look, unlike you, I'm not a quitter. All right. So, listen. Did you run three times in a circle under the moon? Well, then you're not doing it right.

You know what? Seriously, someone's trying to sleep, so get out from under the blanket and deal with yourself out there. This is a good lead-in into our voicemail that we received about because when we heard the story, we put it out there to a guy who I'm assuming has

several remedies like off the grid remedies for constipation. We call them home remedies. Home remedies for constipation and he left us a message giving us all of his basically all of his knowledge and that is of course Chrisopherson, wherever he is. Singer, actor, home remedy champion.

Yeah. And now let's just add Drifter to it. Chris Christopherson. Yeah. Hey, boys. It's me, Chris Christopherson. Hey, while I got you guys on the phone, I just wanted to know if you could possibly refer me to a doctor. I have a very difficult medical issue that I need some help with. need some help with, what's the best way to describe this? I'll describe it like this.

I'm having a hard time going poop. All right. I'm very backed up and, you know, I've used all kinds of herbal teas and Chinese medicine that I use from my shaman, my normal medical shaman who I visit. And none of these are working. And so I spoke to a small cactus just outside of my estate, one of my many estates that I have, but in one of my estates that I have out in Laos, New Mexico, Taos, Taos, T-A-O-S, not Laos. I also do own an estate in Laos, the country of Laos. But anyway, so I'm all backed up and I was talking to a small cactus out there and he told me that if I put there and he told me that if I put any sort of woodland creature up my butt that could help and needless to say I currently have a raccoon a badger and a ferret up in my colon right now and I know you most people would think that's probably a lot of things I have in your colon. But, you know, if you've lived a life like I have, you know,

my colon is basically the size of a small microwave at this point. So if you guys have any doctor referrals, because I traditionally don't go see traditional doctors. Like I said, I mostly use like a shaman, like voodoo people, you know, pretty much anybody except an actual doctor. So if you have any referrals, I would greatly appreciate it. Please refer it to my assistant. His name is Dennis and he is a didgeridoo player that's what he's known

for but he also takes phone calls for me all right you guys be well and enjoy life because this is only the one life that has been given and it is at that point that when there were two footprints in the sand that was when jesus was flying all right yeah i kind of knew that that pretty much makes sense to me everything he said there i can almost listen to him talk about anything thankfully because he'll literally talk about anything by the way now i'm thinking anything he talks about is some in some way shape or form maybe a metaphor for a remedy for constipation also whenever he talks I can feel there's always a song in there somewhere. You can be like, this is why he's so great.

Gotta get rid of that eel. Gotta release the eel. It's a folk song. Alright, Rob Corddry, thank you for joining us on Dumb People Tell Us. So good to have you. Open invite. Open invite. Go see How to Be a Latin Lover. Watch Ballers, new season, you and Elizabeth Warren. Support everything that Rob does.

We have some projects that we're working on with him and hopefully we'll see those to fruition but it's just a joy to have find that sword I'll ask my mom she's probably got it in her garage she might have it in her garage

your brother's going to take it get it before Nate join the Dumb People Town Facebook page. And again, remember to rate and review this podcast just to keep it up in the top things. We appreciate it. We so appreciate it. And we'll see you next week. Dumb, dumb, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.