Dumb People Town - Rob Huebel - Big Foot Pizza

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

This week Rob Huebel comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a pizza theft that accelerates quickly. The second story is about a couple that gets too hot in the bedroom. The final story is about a man's Endgame goal.

Skypains Avenue Hey, Taddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Hubel. Robert W. Hubel III. How are you, buddy? Hey, guys. Thanks for getting into the intro fast. We don't mess around.

I'm telling you, man. That's one thing you asked for before we started this. You said no bullshit. What did I say? I said no bullshit. Get to the intro ASAP. We like to call it out. We call it out let him take a sip of his whatever he was sipping can't take a sip it's coming up it's coming in hard

stories there's a lot of because there's a lot of podcasts that fuck around you know yeah lucy goosey get into it a lot of times i've been on the show and started to wonder if i was just asked to be in the audience oh yeah before they. We got a 30 minute intro and then we're going to bring you in, but stay there and listen. Okay. We need you to hang out in the green room for the first 45 minutes. Come back for like three minutes and then you're done. So let me ask you this, Rob, do you believe, and we ask all of our guests this, and it's interesting to hear their responses. Do you think the world is getting dumber? Are we getting dumber like every day? Dude, by the minute, by the minute. Yeah. We are getting so dumb. Is this a real question? Like at this point? Yeah. We got plenty of silliness. Oh yeah. We got a big problem of

dumb people. And I'm one of them. I mean, I really am not. I wouldn't call myself a smart person. I'll be honest about that. I've been very upfront with you guys about that. Yeah, you have. You've oftentimes said press releases. Something tells me you're not the problem we're talking about here. No, I think if you really drill down, there are people dumber than myself.

Yeah, man. I think it's just, um, you know, uh, I mean, to be really serious, I think schools are getting worse and worse and worse. So that's by design. I think it's all really, I'm a believer that we're, we're being made to be dumb. Like that's, uh, that's the goal at the top is to keep them dumb, keep them buying control. Yeah. To control easier to you know look at this over here and then we're gonna mess with this over here buy this buy this thing yeah yeah yeah yeah but yeah so it's a it's a big thing and um i would say it's all about

schools you know yeah and education and pointing out this is what we do on this podcast is we find dumb behavior out there we don't just say hey that's dumb we try and understand why why did this happen why what were the 10 decisions that led to this thing that happened at three in the afternoon what was the night of drinking that led to this thing that equals right so that's what we do in art we get awesome stories sent to us by our fans uh they send it to daniel van kirk go ahead what were you gonna say well just that i'm furious that i didn't think of this idea for a pot. This is my favorite. This is my favorite thing in the world. You're perfect for this.

So when these stories pop up in your whatever, like as you're looking at something, you go, you gravitate. I got to send them to you? I got to email them to you? Send them to Dan. Send them to us. I'm starting a new pod. I'm starting a pod called Stupid Guys.

No. I said go for it. Come on over to Stupid Guys. Come on over to Stupid Guys. Stupid Pals. Stupid P it. Come on over to Stupid Guys. Come on over to Stupid Guys. Stupid Pals. Stupid Pals. It's a combination of both. Well, so Dan gets them sent to us, and then we're just going to break down.

Let's jump into a story. Ready? We've got Rob Hubel here, for Christ's sake. This was sent to me. Do not waste him. By a longtime fan of the show. This person has been around since before we even started. Sent in by Randy Sklar at Sklar.

I don't know that person. I don't know sclar person so i'll find stories rob and i'll send him to daniel he sent this to me now before i read you guys the headline my thing is if you are going to break the law like if you're going to steal something yep even if you rob a bank it better be worth it i don't mean we had dan harman on this show the remember those people want the guy cut off his own arm yes for like I think it was like twenty six thousand dollars. Yes, we like yes, it was like you know it's even worse. It might have been like eight thousand dollars. He did it on like a dare. Yes, no, he thought he could say that it was an accident, and then they owed him. He just wanted

seven thousand dollars for what he said was this other person's fall, and we got into a big conversation like what would what was the least amount of money you would lose an arm for like what is the least amount of money you would lose an arm for i think i was in like two million range or something like maybe wow that's a lot i mean i i might well i'm getting sidetracked here but i mean that there's also a certain uh category of things i would do just for internet fame. No money, just an actual viral video. So this person, I'm going to read

the headline. If you're going to break the law, why would this be what you did it for? Let's hear it. Man steals Little Caesar's pizza and breadsticks leading to high-speed chase. That's your bar. Dude, that's it.

That's your threshold for like, is this worth it? The stealing of it is one thing. Then it's the, I'm not going to get caught for this. Right. And then it's really doubling down on like, now I'm in a bad situation. I've fled in my car. I got the law behind me now I could get killed

now I'm putting other people's lives in danger this is like in a TV show when someone says something so when do you do to a not pregnant person and then they start making it worse and they keep going in I have a friend who's pregnant and the person says to her she was pregnant, but the

person goes, are you having twins and she goes no, and then the lady goes triplets. Why I would you bigger and just going to your're a whole litter quintuplets that baby is fertility that baby was born over 11 pounds and

currently like looks like a three-month-old and he's two weeks old oh my god triplets so that is that person just going digging in here's my question if you steal little caesar's pizza and breadsticks do you say you're not

gonna catch me not gonna catch me you get to repeat everything because also don't you think of little caesar's if you get if you walk in close enough to them closing they'd probably give it to you you can get it for sure they would give it to you it's like that even the even the cartoon character doesn't respect their pizzas. He's got them on a stick. He's got them on a spear. On a spear. They're flopping around. They're flopping around at the end of a spear.

Their number one marketing for their food is hot and ready. Hot and ready. That's it. Is it good? Didn't they briefly, am I misremembering? That may not be a word. Am I? I think it is. not be a word am i i think it is it is a word was there a

time where their pizza was shaped like uh a yeti foot a bigfoot foot i don't know but i wish that checks out in my heart there was a time where they had a big a bigfoot shaped uh slice of pizza that was like shaped like a giant if they did not do that i call the rights to that yeah you need i'm gonna open up have a bigfoot pizza yeah bigfoot pizza just try and catch our delivery people you won't catch them wait i think i saw a bigfoot the epic story of bigfoot the dominator and the 1990s giant pizza war is this pizza hut Hut? I don't know. Little Caesars got things started with the big, big cheese pizza. I'm going through this story.

Pizza Hut answered with the Bigfoot. But it was just a big pizza. It wasn't like shape. I think it was just a huge pizza. I love that you remember this. Now, do you guys know in LA, we have that Mama whatever pizza's place that is that it takes up the entire top of the car. You guys have seen it. Yes, they remember this. Now, do you guys know in LA, we have that Mama whatever pizza's place

that is that it takes up the entire top of the car? You guys have seen it. Yes, they do it for birthday parties, for kids' birthday parties. Literally, it's a rack on the top of a car. That's some good pizza. It is the size of a dining room table. Right, and you open up the box, and then every kid gets their piece, and then that's the whole birthday party taken care of.

Right. It's like a 20-foot sub, so like a party. Great idea. Great idea. Doesn't it get very windy on the top of this like that pizza's coming in super cold right yes yeah no way man this pizza's really cold i don't understand why okay here we go this pizza by the way the the caesar little caesar like i don't remember and i did study we did study ancient greece but like were there a lot of spears in ancient Greece? That's ancient Rome. I don't know.

Caesar's Rome. Caesar's Rome. I don't know. I have no idea. Maybe they had spears. I don't know. And little people. Were there little people?

Who knows? Who knows? We should look it up. We'll look it up. An Orem, Utah man is facing a wide range of charges after police say he stole pizza and breadsticks from a Little Caesaresars restaurant. That is some liberty right there.

Calling it a restaurant is really... I don't think he can eat that. Maybe the most egregious thing that's happened. I could go on record as saying I believe I would put my money down that there is no Little Caesars that has a dine-in option. No, you can't dine in at Little Caesars. There's probably one in like Nebraska. You pick it up and you go.

You go. I don't even think i've ever known anyone that worked at little caesars like uh it feels like there's just a i know people in high school who worked at little there was a little caesars in the student union at the university of michigan when we were there and that's the only time i was in high school trevor cole medina drove through the front windows jeez trevor trevor cole medina is that Trevor Cole Medina. Is that his last name is Cole Medina? Yes, Trevor Cole Medina. I know I know it was

funky. No, an Orem Utah man is facing a wide array of charges after police say he stole pizza and breadsticks from Little Caesars restaurant threatened to harm the manager when confronted and then led police on a high speed chase all over the city Wednesday. This is where you just like,

take it, take it, let him go. We have, I'm sure that like in little Caesars daily thing, they're like, make a couple of pizzas that if someone wants to steal, just let them make a couple of pizzas and throw them away just to get the

oven going. Just decoys. Yeah. Decoy piece. Also, where is Orem? You like, that was not, there's not a big city there

no idea i mean did you all go to ogden and did you watch the thing on netflix about the you know what i watched i watched the first one and then my wife said there's too many white people in this movie so we had to turn it off oh wow for a diversity situation yeah there was no diversity i just the document world the the the the mormon document world to me is like they're like i mean this guy's like james bond and then you look at him you're like is he people people that are listening to this that don't know this movie may be confused but it is worth watching because like to to who knew that there was so much money in finding the ancient scrolls of the document world? And they ain't that ancient for this.

No, it's like 100 years old. And the fact that Gary Oldman put on the Winston Churchill makeup again to play that guy's friend was phenomenal. Well, he had one moment in there that Dan, I said, is like the 11-minute mark. When that guy, I don't know why he lost his voice. He lost his vocal cords. I have't know why he lost his voice. He lost his vocal cords. I have no idea why he lost his voice. He talked before and then he had that one moment

where he was like, this guy was unbelievable. He was like Michael Jordan and Ryan Sandberg and some other Chicago guy. I was like, Ryan Sandberg? Nobody has ever said,

you know, like Michael Jordan and Ryan Sandberg. He said, Michael Jordan, Ryan Sandberg, and Brett Favre all rolled up in one. I'm like, so he's like a fucking weird Republican dude who does like English commercials? Well, I first thought he wanted to just name players who wore 23. That's all he was going for.

I thought he was getting emotional for the first like three clips of that guy going, I want to tell you something about when the Mormon, when as a Mormon I can tell you. And my wife was like, he's not emotional. He's like, yes, that's a thing. My favorite part is when he goes this. He does, he negs himself. He goes, I don't, don't make me

do that. I don't want him to be a hero. And he pauses for a minute and he goes, but he was the best at what everybody's ever done in anything in their life. He was the best one ever. I don't want to make a movie. I don't know if we're allowed to make fun

of this man. I'm not sure. We'll Google it. I'm Googling it right now. Okay. The fact that he said Michael Jordan and Ryan Sandberg. I forgot to text you know the big three Michael Jordan and Ryan Sandberg. I forgot to text. You know, the big three, Michael Jordan, Ryan Sandberg. He had a love of 90s

Midwestern athletes. He was like LeBron James, Tommy Herr, and Jim Hart. Literally the biggest names in all of sports. Don the Magic Man, Makowski. Okay, let's keep going. According to police statements, I told my wives, I told my wives i told my wives

get back in the kitchen this pocket watch doesn't even work okay why are we sitting in a real church according to police statements richard pratt heel butt which means his name is dick heel butt which sounds like a karate instruction dick heel buttel, but Dick Heel, but this is your way. You can sell the someone grab you from behind in an alley, but I got kicked in the in the heel, but he cut me square in the heel, but our pH with his deck, he ordered food at the Little Caesars at seventy four South State Street and became angry that he had to wait

because the store was very busy with a line out the door. People in Orem, Utah love Little Caesars. Love their Little Caesars. Also, how long do you... I guess they're hot and ready if they're not ready. But also like who is like so much, I gotta pick this pizza up.

I'm gonna go there and i'm gonna order it there and then i'm gonna wait for them to make it everybody i've ever met is like let's order a pizza they'll deliver it yes or or at worst i'm gonna call ask them how long they think it's gonna be and i'm gonna show up five minutes after that just to be sure that it's waiting for me i mean in his defense maybe orm doesn't have a lot of restaurants that's true you know maybe maybe they were slammed and they weren't picking up the phone and he said i gotta so he's standing in line line out the door pissed off also i've never seen a huge little caesars so line out the door means four people right maybe maybe first three are inside then distancing and after a minutes, how fast did he expect to get his hot and ready?

He you want to talk about hot and ready. This guy is hot and ready. This guy ready to roll after a few minutes. He'll, but walked behind the counter, grab two pepperoni pizzas excuse me, but moving through here, dick, but coming through, he grabbed

them all pepperoni pizzas to bread spit. I'll take these and that and left the store saying quote i'm helping myself he's had enough but to no one said that but this is nobody i think this is part of a larger issue in our society which are if you don't like the rules right now right there's a movement in this country and you want to attribute it to trump you can give it straight to the man. Correct. I don't like the rules.

So you know what? They don't apply to me. They don't apply to me. Everybody's become the daughter from Willy Wonka. I want to know. I can also say Veruca Salt. But daddy, I want a Nupa Lupa now. I want a Little Caesar Pizza now, daddy. What were you going to say, Ralph?

I can tell you, I don't know when this happened. Do we know? Was it recently? Yeah, it's recent. Yeah, yeah okay yeah very recent so i i will say that um i have personally lost all ability to uh to be polite to interact appropriately like uh um yesterday i was driving and someone was going too slow. So I didn't get through the light and I flipped my shit. I went crazy to the point where I had to, I was by myself. Like my child was not with me.

My wife was not, but I scared myself. I was like, but I screamed at this person like, you motherfucker, you don't know how to drive. And then I was like, wow,

I have not been around people. I don't know how to drive and then i was like wow i have not been around people i don't know how to interact i love that you're giving this guy a little bit that's like shooting it into the ground like you you did that so your kid and your wife wouldn't see you doing that so you didn't accidentally do that all into them like you did it onto the to nobody just so you were around this guy i didn't realize me i'm helping myself i hope at little caesars if you walk behind that counter technically you now work here that's right they're like take these other orders with you they're like these have these have to go to ogden to west street that's what i clock in valley yeah and how much can i ask do we know how much a pizza costs i I'm sure there are different deals and stuff.

Two pizzas and two breadsticks is probably. I'm going to look at Jay. Look it up. I think there's like a deal for less than $12. Yeah, I think it's like $9.99. $9.99 for pizza, pizza, two pizzas, two medium pepperonis, and two breadsticks. So did they catch him or we're building up to that? Well, here's what happens. Oh, boy.

The cashier. He stepped into a bear trap. Oh yeah, the cashier told her manager who confronted heel, but outside the store. Now listen, as much as he wants little I want this other guy to understand not worth it. No, you do once

it's out the store license plate. No, right it off. Don't get stabbed. Do not over little Caesars. They have $6.49 for a pizza. Right. Yes. That's $10.99 meal deal.

For a meal deal. Wait, what does it say on that meal deal? Meal deal, you get a thing or less. Pizza in a blender. They blend it up and they pour it into a cup. Yeah, yeah. Crazy combo and a two-liter Pepsi. Crazy combo may be the crazy best.

And I think for ten forty nine you can get vaccinated as a little see that weird no no, sterilize this you can get sterilized for that's a different ninety nine. That's it. So the cashier told the manager who was like just so you know this happened, then like Mr. Caesar's the manager, he wants to go outside and he confronted heel, but outside the store in the parking lot, little Caesars parking lot. You don't want your that's you move through that chapter of your life.

You do not stay there. Go about the food that he took during this time. The terrified cashier locked herself in the bathroom and called 911. Yeah, you do. She's the only person who's doing the right thing. I think she was terrified. She was terrified because he'll, but was so was so inappropriate. I would be like, yeah, he's bringing a gun enough to not go outside. Why is she terrified? She was terrified because he'll, but was so, but was so inappropriate.

I would be like, yeah, he's bringing a gun enough to not go outside. She I'm like, he's bringing a gun in. Well, for sure. Yeah, the heel, but then started screaming at the manager. The manager told heel, but that she would call the police. If he kept threatening her once, once heel, but heard her mentioned police, he immediately took off. What did he think was going to happen?

You're going to really bring the cops into a little Caesar's dispute. Like, can't this be settled here? This guy just keeps escalating it and escalating he took off in a perfect. I imagine mint 2016 silver Chevrolet Malibu. Yeah, it's always a Chevy

Malibu. Every article alert, every Amber alert, Chevy, Chevy, Chevy, Malibu. Every Amber Alert. Every Amber Alert. Silver Chevy Malibu. Or an F10. When you go to buy that car, do you say, give me the only car that's available for rentals when everything else is out at a Hertz Rent-A-Car? What do you have in one of those?

Give me the car I'll forget I own. Yes. What kind of car do you have? I don't know. I can't remember. I just gonna say is it a cruise? No, it's not a cruise. We have a Hyundai right cruise. If I lose it in a parking lot, it doesn't

matter. Right. I'm convinced that all Chevy Malibu keys open every other Chevy Malibu. I think that should happen like Chevy Malibu should be this underground city bike like a zip car. Yeah, you get to a Costco. If you get to it, it's yours. Just take it like a bird.

They're like big bird scooters, bird scooters. Okay, he took off in the Chevrolet Malibu. It says here in the article, which belongs to his father. You didn't need to do him like that. That's a that's a cheap shot. That's a dirty shot. The manager went back into the side of the store and locked the doors.

Heelbutt's already gone. He's out. Guys, Heelbutt was also seen screaming at customers. The more you say Heelbutt, the better the story is. Oh, my God. Heelbutt is. Heelbutt was also seen screaming at customers in the parking lot before taking off. He's mad at everybody.

Get out of his way. There is, on the serious side of this, there is a serious mental illness and stress situation that we're all going to be dealing with. I always veer for that stuff. If they say that, it doesn't end up in here. As far as we know, he just was sick of lying. He's heel butt for the grace of God. Yes.

There you go. There we are. There you are. Put it on the big board. Put Yes. There you go. There we are. There you are. Put it on the big board. Put it on the big board. A while later, an Orem police officer was heading west, noticed heel butt's car pass by.

On fire. Heading east at 800 south. He's just enjoying it. Which marked the first time anyone in history has noticed a Chevy Malibu. That's right. Just noticed it. I just noticed it. I love this detail.

The officer was trying to make out the car's license plate number to make sure it matched the plates of the car Heelbutt was driving. But because Heelbutt was driving so fast, he couldn't make out the last two characters. The first three characters, however, did match up with Heelbutt's plates. How fast are you going in town as a cop, not pulling this guy over, trying to read his license plate number? It's Heelbutt.

Also, like, if there's a car, like, you can make that mistake and pull that guy over. Right. If it's the wrong guy. If it's the wrong guy. In Orem, Utah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You let him go. And also, you know Heelbutt has personalized plates that say Heelbutt. Heelbutt, 100%.

The officer flipped around and followed. Well, they're his dad's plates, so it's an apple's a apple tree. Mr. Heel, but that's my father. Yeah, the officer flipped around and followed heel butts Malibu, which was driving as fast as seventy miles per hour on State Street into the parking lot of the University Mall. The officer turned on the vehicles, lights and sirens and began chasing heel, but who proceeded to speed through the parking lot before jumping a curb as he continued to flee towards State Street. The chase continued along State Street. This is over bread sticks until the officer

turned off the lights and sirens because it was too dangerous to keep following heel, but at that rate of speed, I'm talking about bread sticks or also it's or I'm like you can go find them tomorrow, right? Just as that officer lost side of the Malibu, Another officer saw heel, but speeding by while giving the officer the middle finger. Don't do it. He'll, but just go by rude. Now he's escalating. Yeah, cops love

that because he loves it because of the speeds. He'll, but was traveling. All officers stopped chasing him a few hours later to nineteen amp. This was all because he didn't want to wait in line with little Caesars. I know an officer again spotted heel, but in the Malibu at the intersection of Main Street, the odd officer

said as as the Malibu drove past me, I clearly saw the driver of the vehicle and positively identified him as Richard P. Heel, but he'll, but then fled the P is from me. I mean, dick penis, he'll penis, he'll, but

right, but it is, he'll great but it sounds like four words you would use in mad libs when you just like or it is like the x-rated version of uh head shoulder knees and toes knees and or eat pray love like the porn it sounds like a character you guys would have done on human giant where he's trying to do an ad for himself and they're making him blur out his own name and he's very mad about it. Dick Heelbutt. Right. When I was little, I was obsessed with that old football player,

Dick Butkus. Yes. I just thought it was the funniest name. Ridiculous. Me and my brothers would just laugh for hours at Dick Butkus. Dick Butkus. Dick Butkus was like the Ryan Sandberg of Brentford. Going to do.

Now, what are the odds that Dick Heelbutt, he definitely ate the pizza while while he nearly choked on it, which to him makes it feel like he didn't steal anything because where is it? You can't prove it. Prove it. Empty box is still in the car. Prove it.

Eventually, an officer was able to stop and arrest heel, but after he ran into the Malibu, they went hardcore. Police say after he ran into the Malibu, they went hardcore police say during their search of the Malibu. They did find drugs police asked why he tried to flee heel, but said he was so upset with how police treated him during an incident at his parents house when police were

called a week or two prior and decided to flee from the police in an attempt to get arrested. None of that makes sense. We're going to get out of here on this. It makes about as much sense as ordering breadsticks from Little Caesars. I got to say, the reporting, whoever the reporter is, I mean,

A+. I mean, unless this is all, it sounds like they were really chasing down this story. Oh yeah, this story is. The reporter is like, and then this happened, and the reporter is like and then this happened and then this happened and then this happened and then this happened right but in oram this is the heel butt saga it's like bruce mccullough kids in the hall and then there was a reporter who smoked all right we'll get out of here on this how old is dick dick

heel heel butt and the p stands for pratt all right richard pratt heel but you get to you are i know i already know it i already know how old is he in my bones he's 16 he's got 16 years old dill dickie heel butt 16 j what do you think i think he's 40 i think he's 61 hey judd hey judd apatow this is 40 i think he's 61 in randy's world his dad is 86 and pissed off. Yeah, yeah. Lives at his dad's house. Yeah. Okay, what did you say? 61. 16, 40, and 16. He's 61.

He's 16 going on 61. See, we reversed it. We'll end story one here. Richard P. Heelbutt. Heelbutt. Is 30 years old. Oh, I got him.

You got him. I got him by four years. There you go. All right, that's the first story down in the books rob hubel is with us we got more dumb people town don't go anywhere stick around make a sound there's more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show uh we want to remind people, when is this dropping? Soon-ish. Soon-ish. So we got another live Dumb People Town on May 22nd.

We announced it. The Doughboys are our guests. Oh, he's so fine. And I believe he said yes. He was going to do it. Chris Thiele from Nickel Creek is going to be playing music. It's eventbrite.com. Get your tickets for that. That is a blast and it will be really fun. May 22nd, 6.30 p.m. eventbrite.com. your tickets for that uh that is a blast and it will be really fun may 22nd 6 30 p.m eventbrite.com uh hubel what's going on brother prior to the pandemic were you guys going on the road and doing we were about to yeah we were two weeks away we had six dates booked in theaters around the country to do this show live and then all of them got wiped out a whole bunch more coming yeah coming. So it's been hard. You'll be back, guys.

You'll be back. And Nowhere Comedy Club has been a blast because we get people from New Zealand and Ireland and parts of this country. And great friends of ours that aren't here. And we're like, Ham, you're in Michigan shooting a movie. Just get on Zoom for an hour and a half. For sure. So it's been fun. That part of it has been great and we love doing them. And I don't know how much longer we're going to be doing these like this. So we say get on Zoom for an hour and a half. For sure. For sure, yeah. It's been fun. That part of it has been great, and we love doing them.

And I don't know how much longer we're going to be doing these like this. So we say get on it and enjoy them. Won't it be mind-blowing to perform in front of a live crowd, like walking out and seeing faces of the humans? I mean, you know, I can't wait, too. That's going to be a blast. I do miss that electric sort of give and take the audience and you, there is this, like, there's you, there's the audience.

And then there's the unspoken thing between you. And on any given night, it's just so fun to kind of read that energy and play with it. So I look forward to that big time. What else is going on with you, my friend? Twitch show. Talk about the Twitch show. Yeah. Well, yeah, we just had uh the dough boys were on uh myself and paul sheer do a show on twitch every thursday uh at 5 p.m pacific 8 p.m

eastern and uh it's you know it's just us dicking around literally love it just fucking around and it's so fun and so dumb and uh we are not smart like you guys we don't know how to make money off of anything like we're just like you know it's uh so we don't even you know i don't even i don't even attempt it but uh but yeah we just had the doughboys on and seth rogan was on uh jason schwartzman is coming on pretty soon and yeah just uh these are all dudes by the way there's lots of ladies also sure sure we know it we know but um yeah so how can people follow it what's it called and how can people just you know uh great question if you it's all if you just go twitch is like fucking youtube you know you just go to twitch.tv and search hubel or search which is uh paul is has named it friend

zone so twitch.tv slash friendzone. Awesome. Love it. And yes, we'll come on. Thanks for inviting us. Please come on. Please come on. All three of us. Are you guys ready for a second story?

Yes. It has to be about a dumb person. Yes, it will be. We got it. How about two of them? Good, good, good. Two dumb people. We got two.

Can't wait. You want one? You got two. This was sent in by Benjamin at Benjamin G. Main. Okay, here we go. Benji Main. Yeah, exactly. Benjamin G. Main.

Thanks, Ben, for sending this in. Here's the headline, guys. A couple suffer third-degree burns after trying to spice things up in the bedroom. Damn it. He's got a little hot in a bedroom. That is wild that's why you don't put tomatillo sauce on your dick heel butt okay there are there are i would say 50 of the people listening do not know who you're imitating oh they do by now these two it's a running back quickly we can how quickly we can get to ed ed ed sat in tabasco for a week. Yeah, I was watching.

I was watching. That's so weird. I was watching early Johnny Carson in the early 60s on YouTube last night. Yes. Just curious to see what was he like at the very beginning. Yeah. And he was the same. He was exactly what you're doing.

So comfortable. So comfortable. So relaxed. So comfortable. This is weird. Yeah. Weird. Wild. So comfortable. So comfortable. So relaxed. This is weird. Wild. Third degree burns. Third degree burns. Yes. A daring couple

has revealed that they ended up in the hospital. Is daring the word you would use? Daring is a nice way to put it. I have another D word I would use for him. A daring couple has revealed that they ended up in the hospital after trying to spice things up in the bedroom with food. Josie and Michael have

been a couple for a while and they recently explained that they were quite adventurous in their sex life, but things once went horribly wrong. Speaking on an episode of TLC sex sent me to the ER. Have you ever seen this show? Oh, I know of

another story from that show that I almost sent you really. Yes, sent me to the ER have you ever seen this show oh oh i know of another story from that show that i almost sent you really yes sent me to the er dumbest it's slash most hilarious show guys they do reenactments they almost always get actors for the like victims or the patients but they tend to use the real doctors in the reenactment that That's great. Do they get celebrity reenactors? Oh, my God. I want to see Hubel just pop up on it. I would do it. I mean, I'm not a celebrity, but I would totally do it. Just do one and not tell anyone.

Just when Zach was in the audience at Ellen's, he's like, wait, just don't tell anybody. Hang on a second. Was that Hubel in Sex, Send Me to the ER? What? What's he doing? I mean, he was good. First of all, he was amazing.

He was really good. Why is he... Why did he swallow that? I don't ever ask why did anybody do anything. The couple actually did the reenactment in this one. No! Okay, here we go. What was it?

Take two. Everyone back to one. So my wife and I, just a small detour, my wife and I, in the last detour my wife and i in the last day like two days ago we just watched a ton of uh date lines oh that's all i that's all date line date line date you can jump in anywhere anywhere and it's just insane and then last night we're like let's get really old and let's watch 60 minutes so last night we watched we got so old and we watched 60 minutes and there was one story on 60 minutes about this the real life lord of the flies this group of tongan kids who stole a boat

they were at boarding school and they stole a boat and went 100 miles away from their island and got shipwrecked for 15 months 15 months they lived so you would talk about and very peacefully like they actually said there was no like horror. Right. It was not Lord of the Flies because they were together. And so it's like a fascinating story. But the craziest thing is that

an Australian film crew in like 1960, I want to say, or whatever, whenever this happened, 66 or something like that, made them go back and reenact everything they did. To show them. Imagine you're like, you're traumatized because you stayed on this island did. You're like, you're

traumatized because you stayed on this island. And they're like, yeah, we didn't get that shot. Can you go over there and rip the fish's head off? Hey, what's the line over there? And it's like, can you just rip that fish head off? Can you stop crying, mate? These poor kids. It was just insane, the amount

of stuff that they put them through. But thankful for us, we got all this footage of them from the time. That's crazy. So that was a crazy reenactment. You talk about crazy reenactments. All right, so these guys reenacted their sexcapade. They spoke to TLC, Sex Head Me to the R, and the couple recalled an awkward incident

that involved melting a giant gummy bear into liquid. Yes. Putting it on your nipples. The couple had played with a candle wax in the past, so they were excited to bring hot food into the bedroom. Michael then revealed that he pulled poured. I'm sorry, molten sugar on his partner's chest. Oh my God, I understand things retain heat at different levels.

The chemicals that you're using are not like wax is cold quickly. Wax gets cold. I didn't know this. I didn't know this. This is great info. Gummy bears are chemically based. If you want something to look like the shape of a bear and hold its shape, there's something in it that you can't light on fire. Those aren't natural.

Is that what you're saying? No, it's not a lot of organic. You don't see a lot of gummi bears. By the way, I want to reiterate that TLC stands for the learning channel. I remember. Remember? A&E was arts and entertainment. We haven't even gotten to what happened.

They poured a molten gummy bear all over her chest. He or she got third degree. Josie said, quote, it was hot in my head. I'm comparing it to things like candle wax, and I'm like, it's going to instantly start cooling down. She then added, quote, my chest was on fire. Unfortunately for the couple, the boiling hot gummy sweet was not cooling down, and in an attempt to ease the situation, he poured water

on it. Michael tried to lick the substance off. It's burning hot. These two geniuses. These guys. However, Michael was left reeling in agony and horror after Josie's... Okay, I should put a disclaimer here.

This is a little gross. Let's hear it. So he's trying to lick melted gummy worm off his chest. And he's still trying to stay hard. Of course he's trying to lick melted gummy worm off chest and he's still trying to stay hard. Of course, he's trying to stay trying to stay. You know what he's there to do. Michael was left reeling in agony and then horror

after Josie skin began to peel off and he burned his mouth. I wish everyone could see Rob. Oh, he can't. So This is like you cabin fever where she's like shaving her legs and the skin starts to like, yeah, yeah, idiots,

idiots, fire. Help me. Well, let me make that fire off. This is terrible. This is terrible. I would argue that you don't have to own up to this at the ER. You can say something else happened. We were melted these

we were going to make them into a different shape once they cooled she tripped with a bowl of it and it fell all over her i can't explain why i'm here these guys and i'm assuming they're not on tv a lot like rob when you were on like like i'm sure when you did your wonderful run on transparent you told the people that you loved hey i'm in this really great show on amazon called transparent and i get to play this really cool role and i'm really proud of my acting in this in this thing and it was a great show and it's really cool do these people tell people that they were on the show do they send an email you think they do no pressure what we're hoping to get big numbers watch it if you can watch it i think it doesn't matter i think

if they're healed up and now they're fine, it's like, guys. I think if they're healed, but. Okay, you ready to see a picture of the two of them? This is the two of them. We're going to show you the picture right now. Reenacting. Oh, no.

This is a podcast, but she's. All this will be on social media and the Facebook page. Jump over there and make sure you don't miss it. This is. Maybe the biggest tragedy of all are those pillows. Oh, Jesus. I love her little night chamois. It's a lime green...

It's a 90s lion. That was a lot... That's a bowl full of gummy bears. That is a ladle. This is their reenactment of it. Let's heat up the gummy bear. I mean, they heated up so many gummy bears.

I don't understand. This is probably too personal. I don't understand. This is probably too personal. I don't understand. And you guys are right. I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum or whatever. But I personally don't get food in the bedroom. To me, it just seems like you're going to get an infection. Or there's going to be something.

You're going to get third degree burns. You're going to lick your partner's skin off. Things can go wrong. Things can go sideways very quickly. The horrified couple rushed to the emergency room where they later discovered that Josie had suffered third degree burns because

of their... How many degrees are there? Is that the worst? Three is the worst. So it goes higher, it gets worse, but when the worst. So it goes higher. It gets worse. But when it's murder, it's lower. First degree murder, you don't want. Third degree murder is okay. I'll take a third degree murder and a first degree burn, and I'm good.

Right. These are great tips. This is why I listen to podcasts. Manslaughter sounds worse than murder and is not as bad. Manslaughter is way better. Manslaughter is like whoops, and it's got slaughter. Yeah, what's the daughter while they were in the medical room, a doctor explained to the couple how dangerous it was to use scolding hot sugar and explained that it is very

difficult to remove from skin because it continues to burn. That's how the chemical right. It just keeps burning quote like the love they have for each other. Burns are relatively. I don't know. I think they're still into each other. Hot and ready burns are relatively common in the ER. They're relatively uncommon self inflicted like this said Dr. Jordan Moskov. Sounds like a villain.

I've never seen someone purposely burn themselves with molten gummy candy. Well, you've never been to these people. Look at this other reenactment. You're going to see a background actor that wants to be a part of the show. Ready? That woman. You guys filming something? That woman on the right.

I'm getting in this come hell or high water. Ma'am, you cannot sit up. You have just had a hysterectomy. You cannot sit up like that. I want to be on TV. Our lead actress, I got to say, is kind of phoning it in. Her expression is sort of like, ooh. Yeah, exactly.

Ooh. I'd be like, this hurts. And look at this guy. Have you guys ever, have you ever in your lifetime been friends with a real ER doctor and implied them for stories? Yes. That is amazing. They always have some story about

something in someone's butt. The craziest stories are the things people do to themselves. Put in their own butts. I pulled out 12 Christmas ornaments. Yeah, that's what people say. People say I slipped and fell in this matchbox car and went up my booty. Yeah, you didn't slip

and fall. I believe the guy from the staircase more than I believe that you slipped and fell, following the nasty incident. It took several months before Josie's wounds healed over and turned into a scar. I mean you'll have that forever, just like your love reflecting upon the mortifying experience. A couple pointed out that they what they took from the situation is a new awareness of to research the things they bring into the bedroom. No shit quote for

both of us. It really was humbling to say the least Michael added. We do make sure to do a bit more thorough research into our endeavors. Josie and Michael are not the only couple to have had an unfortunate incident in the whole show about it elsewhere in the shocking series one unlucky lover got

a particularly body part stuck in a door while another lady accidentally got an electric shock. I don't know what that means. I have another one that from that show that I was so okay. We're going to get out of here on this for fun. You know what they wanted to do in the

bedroom. That's right. You know the love that he's willing to lick the skin off of her. How long have josie and michael been a couple at what point in their relationship did they start to start pouring molten sugar on each other and at which dave and busters did they meet rob go ahead i love david busters they met at the dave and busters in orm utah i think for them, you know, look to bring food into the bedroom. I think you've been together for a while.

I don't think this is a new relationship. I feel like into really give it this amount of thought. I think, Oh, I think you've, you're pretty bored with each other. I would say they've been together like at least 10 years. I was going to go high

like 12 years. 12 years. I think they're still trying things out. So I think there, so it could either be in the, we're bored and we need to spice it up

or let's keep trying as I want to see all the things we can do. So I think two and a half years. Two and a half years? Okay. He says 10. That's my favorite

Charlie Sheen show. Two and a half years. Great show. Great show. It just really holds up. He says that's my favorite Charlie Sheen show. Two and a half years. Yes, great show. Great show. Really totally holds up and studio audience allows him to be so subtle. So here we go. Josie and Michael have been a couple. Then we're going to

get out of here. We're going to come back for your Patreon member. You're in luck because we're going to do a little what have you been up to and talk about fun stuff with Rob and then we do our third story. Sign up for the Patreon if you want to know good stuff, but I'll tell you that Josie and Michael have been a couple for three years.

Oh, this is on the edge. This could go either way. Not a good sign. I mean, think of all the stages they've been there. They've been through dressing up in different outfits through, you know, spanking and choking. Let someone watch. They've definitely been through spanking.

She said, I want to be a woman in the streets and a Halloween treat in the sheets. There we go. That's how we do it. Dan, give us a tease on story three. What do we got? I will. We've got a Guinness World Record.

Oh, I love that. I love that i love that rob hubel is with us we'll be back with more dumb people town don't go anywhere stick around daniel take us home brother okay here we go Yeah, it's a dumb little fun story sent in by Quincy Lowry. Thank you. Lowry underscore Quincy. Thanks, buddy. He sent this to a weird name, weird Twitter name, but fine hashtag. Sure, buddy, go for it. Whatever. I feel like I could give you guys the first five words of this and we would just riff enough time on this Florida based personal trainer, Ramiro Alan alanis we got it yeah that's it florida based right personal trainer florida-based personal trainer i know but then it's ramiro

what should where should i base my personal training well i go to florida i mean if you're going to be in florida florida you're kind of freebasing and at that point right that's true uh i feel like your your name being ramiro Alanis is a hat on a hat. If you're a personal trainer, he just broke the Guinness World Record by watching Avengers Endgame in a movie theater more times than any other person. And in a world of pandemic, it had to be Florida.

He's a personal trainer. This is where the training comes in. Right. That's right. Specifically, I miss going to a personal trainer. This is where the training comes in. Right. That's right. Specifically, I miss going to a movie theater. I miss eating a popcorn before the movie

starts. I can't wait. I keep telling you, I just want to and this is a very geocentric joke. I just want to be walking up the huge staircase at the arc light while trying to hold a glass of wine. That's all. That's all I want.

Period, Dan. That is such an inside. It's such an inside. No, but everybody has that theater in your town that you absolutely love. If it's someone like going, I want to go to the. Are movie theaters going to make it? Yeah. Can they do it?

I think it'll be more specialty, but I believe. I think they'll be back in. So, Ramiro. A couple months. Ramiro specifically broke the record for the most cinema productions attended for the same film. That's the official title. Each viewing was in

a movie theater. It's unclear how many movie theaters he watched the film in or if he had to buy private showings because of the COVID-19 pandemic. He did this during COVID. He watched Avengers Endgame how many times? How many times? My question is, why was he doing this? What was his Endgame?

Okay, you two. Ask our brothers for that joke. By the way, I have to say, I haven't seen the movie. No. I'm embarrassed. If you like them, they're very good. My kids and I and my wife, we have watched in chronological order. Not the order that they came out, but in the order of the universe.

We've watched all, we've watched 21 out of 23 movies. So we still have to watch, I think we had to watch Infinity Wars or maybe we don't have to watch it. No, you have to watch Endgame and- And Spider-Man Far From Home. And then we're done.

We've watched them all. I have a tiny little, this is gonna sound like a name drop right here. Please, please. I was shooting tiny little, this is going to sound like a name drop right here. Do it, please. I was shooting a show. I was shooting I Know This Much Is True, which is an HBO thing with Mark Ruffalo. This was a couple years ago. And I was shooting a scene with him where we were in a car all day just sitting there.

And, you know, when you're shooting a scene in a car, you're just sitting there all day. Bring a book. Yeah. And he's such a nice guy and it was the day that uh i think this movie came out and he was just getting text updates on his phone from like his agent all day like it became the biggest movie in the world biggest thing ever so he was so like he was so like like calm and like nonplussed about he was like oh wow oh yeah this one's gonna be big i was like dude it's the biggest time it's like because he's gone and done he did the fox catcher and he was yeah yeah yeah you can count on me you can count yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's just, just,

he made all the movies of like, he's done all of those. He's done all the smart ones. Right. So for him to then have this one. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That was Jim Carrey. Oh,

okay. Wasn't he one of the tech? Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was the tech. Why is everyone messing with him? All right.

So he watched Endgame. How many times? Now, this movie is about three hours long. I think it's actually three hours and 11 minutes. You got to break a record. And this is the moment where you- Can I ask, is it good? Is it a good movie?

Yes, it's very good. It's good. It's really good. If you like those movies, it is very, very good. It's a hard one to watch over and over again. There are certain types of movies that are like, when they come on, you're like, I'm watching that again. When Pulp Fiction comes on, I'm like, I'm watching it.

You haven't seen it yet. I have. I'm just going to say Thor Ragnarok. That's what everyone says. That one's great. Takeaway TT is so funny. He's in it. He's a voice in there. But also, the way James Gunn opens up the Guardians movies. I can watch those over and over.

ELO, ELO, Mr. Sunshine. It's all great. How many times many times world record yes or the american world record even though he's florida-based this is the world in a movie theater most times i saw one movie he chose i'm gonna say in a theater i'm gonna say uh uh 18 times 18 times. Jay, what do you think? 57 times. 57 times. What? I'm going to say 300 times. He watched Endgame

191 times. Oh my god! I'm closest! Part of the record is he did it in how many days? In how many days did he watch a three hour movie 191 times? So how many days did he watch a three-hour movie 191 times?

So how many days do you think? How many viewings? 191. I mean, how many can you watch in a day? I would say he did it in I would say he did it in 50 days.

Jason says 40. I think he did it in 35 days. He watched it in 94 days. That's for just about two a day. A couple times he hit a

three spot. What are you doing today, bud? I think you know, bro. You know what I'm doing. I'm doing lats and bys. The mirror is like I'm doing quads. I'm doing quads and like quads straight over, straight over to end game, straight on, I celebrated the achievement with a tweet saying I'm officially amazing. I have a photo here. He is exactly what you would want to Florida, but I's in a tank top. I'm sure no, he's in some more to some other deal. Oh, you like soccer and then there's a and then there's a picture and I

believe I didn't put it in here, but you could see the picture in the picture. It's also on the website. I think Mark Ruffalo is in that picture on the bottom right. Why want to of course, he's flexing Dan flexing when he's holding. If you want to see the pictures, you Look at all of his ticket stubs on the wall. He's supporting some sort of soccer club, right? I mean, I guess he's doing all of this at like a comedy club because it's a brick wall. Make some noise.

You got the brick wall. I think this would make me so depressed. Oh, my God. I agree. Is this the one where everyone cries because it's sad? Yes, there's some big stuff that happens in it. Alanis told the Guinness World Record that the achievement took a huge toll on his social life and his family and his general well-being. What did you think, dumb dumb?

I can't think. No idea for what the end game is. The most difficult part about this attempt was giving up my social life with my family. Don't don't the gym yeah, because you're a train family. He's got kids. Yeah, not anymore. He says custody. I love shards and a lot of share, supervise share. He says I lost. I lost sixteen pounds of muscle and managing my work hours and screening times at the theaters. A lot went wrong for him. Yeah, dude. Your brain's a muscle. He said, the support I got from family, friends, managers,

and staff from the theaters that I visited and the support from fans helped me see through to the end of this road. We're your family now. I love it that he's talking like it's a hostage situation. Or that he did something great. You didn't. You didn't do anything good. He went out right after this and he robbed a Little Caesars.

Yeah. He could not wait in line anymore. There's no more waiting. He's got no time. So what does he suggest to do if you're trying to make a world record? Well, plan accordingly to your record attempt and prepare yourself as much as you can physically and mentally. All things are possible.

He did not climb like El Capitan. Don't try to inspire me. You know what's not possible? Me being impressed by this. That's what's not possible? Me being impressed by this. That's what's not possible. Totally annoying, too, because you meet this guy, and he opens the conversation with this. Guinness World Record holder.

Guinness World Record holder. I think the person who wrote this started speaking from the first person. All of a sudden, they go, I tried something similar years ago, watching the entire 22 film, now 23, Marvel Cinematic Universe, and one sitting at a movie theater marathon that took sixty one hours. This guy spent five hundred and seventy three hours watching end game. That's essentially nine marvel movie marathons of the same movie in ninety four days. I don't like him and I think he sucks. That's a great way to

end the show. I think he's going to hear this. He's going to hear this and he's very dumb. Come at us, bro. Come at us with end the show. I think he sucks. He's going to hear this. He's going to hear this. He's very dumb. Come at us, bro. Come at us with your... Come at us. I'm happy for people to have their dreams. Come at Hubel on his Twitch show. He's a trainer.

He's a trainer. Don't come at us. Don't come at us. He's lost 16 pounds of muscle, though. I think we can take him. If I'm hearing you correctly, Hubel is saying, come at me on my Twitch show. Come at Hubel on his Twitch show.

Come at me. I love it. That's a show. There you go. Rob Hubel, follow Twitch show. You come at me. I love it. That's a show. There you go. Rob Hubel, follow him. There you go. That was way more fun than I was entitled to have. That was great.

I fully enjoyed that. Dude, you're the best. So do we. I love seeing you out in the world. Hopefully, can't wait to hang with you again sometime soon. I can't wait. I can't wait till we can all perform for people. That's right.

We'll have you on a live one when we do, if we get back to Largo at some point soon, we'll have you on one of those shows. That'd be a blast. We'll be fun. All right, that's it, guys.

That's our show. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum,